#coy writes

[inscrutable-shadow]

viii. thou shalt not steal.

a/n: Featured in the 2024 2nd edition of the @zineofgid! (Which still has a few physical copies available if I recall correctly, consider supporting charity and receiving a beautiful zine with works from more than twenty incredible creators!)

I think this piece is an excellent capstone to what's been an incredible year for my writing. Over 30k words of original content, two of those stories in print, and a host of snippets and AUs and just so much fun I've been having with all of my friends (and that means you!). I never could have imagined all the things that happened this year and I hope next year has just as much growth and good things waiting for me. :)

contains: blood drinking (consensual and nonconsensual), captivity, vampire whumpee, vampire whumper, restraints, m/m established relationship, intimate whumper, starvation, exhaustion, mild suicidal ideation and self loathing, hypnosis

4.7k, also on ao3!

acknowledgements: special thanks to @crash-bump-bring-the-whump for betaing and letting me both borrow mariano and harass him in his dms constantly, haha

yesyes goodfood warm bright salt yes! foodtime strongsalt hot red yum—

The vampire inhaled sharply, as if surfacing from a deep pool. Pulling himself from the blood-haze was difficult, but he owed it to his companion, the mage, not to take more than he needed. What he needed, really, was a full meal, a kill, but in desperate times, one made do with the resources available to him. His fangs slipped smoothly, if reluctantly, from the narrow punctures they’d made in the mage’s neck, and his tongue flashed out to seal them and lick up the last drops. Finished, but far from satisfied, he leaned back heavily against the stone wall, accompanied by the clink of silver chains.

The mage sighed heavily, freeing himself from his own venom-induced daze. “Get what you needed?”

“Yes, of course. I’m much better.” He didn’t look any better. He looked stretched-thin, exhausted, at the end of his rope, even. The demented scarlet glow in his eyes had dulled back to its usual crimson, but that was the only visible improvement.

“Thanatos.”

The vampire, whose name was Thanatos, mustered the strength to roll his eyes. “I suppose you would prefer the truth.”

The mage evaluated him coolly. “If you could, that’d be great.”

It was annoying how earnest he always was. “Of course I didn’t. I’m hungry, and worn out, and I’d very much like to sleep. Is that answer to your satisfaction?” Thanatos knew he was only being snippy because he was ill, but it made him feel better to imagine the whole thing being Mariano’s fault.

The mage, whose name was Mariano, shook loose waves of hair from his face. “Yes, actually. Thank you. It’s easier for both of us if you tell me the truth, you know. You’re always talking about ‘making conclusions based on an accurate premise.’ Sharing information is a big part of that. We’re on the same side, after all.”

“I should stop teaching you things. How could I have possibly thought giving you access to dialectical technique was a good idea?” His tone was sharp, but his smile was soft. The mage was right, of course, he usually was. It was just easier to ignore that fact when his arguments weren’t couched in Thanatos’s own words. “Let’s leave the debating to me in the—”

A sound from the hallway, filtering through the small grate near the top of the steel door, made both of them look up. Thanatos’s slit pupils contracted and expanded with the increase in light. The lights here were electric, not arcane or chemical, and emitted a soft luminescence that he was very familiar with: nightglow lamps, a vampire invention that illuminated a space without irritating the eyes of the light-sensitive. His and Mariano’s captor, who now appeared in the doorway, was also a vampire, darker than Mariano but with the telltale ashen pallor. His catlike eyes were lit in emerald rather than Thanatos’s crimson and held the faintest jade highlight, indicating a meal wouldn’t go amiss.

“Good evening, gentlemen.” The voice was low and smooth and threaded through one’s ears like an eel, dripping with the arrogance and unctuous command of someone who wielded thrall. Thanatos could feel the pressure of another vampire’s aura against his own, demanding he submit.

“Varro.” He wasn’t in the mood for games of politeness. He was significantly more concerned with suppressing the urge to run.

Tiberius Varro, now House Tenebrus, laughed. “None of your hollow apologies today, Iuventus? Fine, I’ll get straight to the point. You appear to have attempted to circumvent your punishment by committing your crime again.”

“I’m not sure I take your meaning,” Thanatos replied, though an idea was coalescing in his mind.

“I know the new regulations are unfamiliar for all of us, but I believe someone of your age should be able to understand simple concepts such as territory and ownership. On each vampire’s designated lands, all game is theirs to claim. Violating that sovereignty is stealing, is it not?”

“I suppose so.” Thanatos had known hunting on another vampire’s territory would put him in a rather shaky legal position before he’d done it. He’d just hoped not to be caught. He hadn’t even killed the young woman he’d fed on the day before they’d been captured, merely left her dazed and confused outside of the town limits, but Varro had found him and elected to ‘punish’ him anyway. The whole thing was ridiculous in his opinion, pointless grandstanding he had no obligation to indulge. “However, property brought over a border still retains the rights of the original owner. You have no claim on my mage.”

“Perhaps not, though I do have the right to treat a thief how I please. I could just kill you for trespassing, but I don’t want to do that, do I, little Harbinger? What do you think I should do with someone who steals from me?” The one positive that had come out of Thanatos’s decades of military service to the vampire High Council was that the special operations nature of his duties had been quite mythologized by the public. He was fairly confident that Varro and many others thought he could set curses on those who mistreated him. He no longer had the backing of a master assassin, so there would be no following through on that implicit threat, but Varro didn’t have to know that.

Thanatos rolled his eyes. “I’m sure I don’t know. You were close with Rumholt, weren’t you? In the mood to electrocute me until I faint?”

Varro found the thought hilarious, so much so that he spent an uncomfortable several seconds laughing himself into a wheeze over it. Pointless theatrics, in Thanatos’s opinion. It wasn’t as if he needed to breathe. “Oh, I do like you! Rumholt was such a fan of his electrified implements. Or, was, rather, until you killed him.” Had him killed, technically. Ending another vampire himself was quite beyond him.

“Would you like me to apologize? Or do you just want to cut off my hands? Brand me with a ‘T’ for thief? What is this, the tenth century?” Thanatos was growing impatient. He didn’t have time to play Varro’s game. Mariano was here because of him and if he could get his mage out of here by humiliating himself, that was just what would need to be done.

Varro’s smile fell. “I already told you I don’t want your apologies, Iuventus. And I don’t want to risk your curse by roughing you up too much. What I want is for you to learn to keep your filthy hands off that which does not belong to you. I want you to lie on your belly in the dirt like the worm you are. You’re a wretched excuse for a vampire, a traitor to your own kind, and I do not grant you the right to subsistence while on my lands.” He tipped Thanatos’s face up to look contemptuously down into his eyes, and Thanatos found he couldn’t maintain eye contact. “You’ll be released when I’m satisfied you understand your place.”

“You can’t just starve him indefinitely.”

“Quite correct, points for the mage! As amusing as it would be to watch your Shadow rattle the bars of its cage, I don’t want to risk you becoming dangerous. No.” A smirk developed on Varro’s lips and the jade in his eyes glinted a devious hue. “Drink your mage as much as you’d like. An eye for an eye is fair though, no?” He slammed Thanatos backward into the wall of the cell with the hand under his chin transitioning into a choke. The purpose of this was to rile Mariano up, surely, and it worked: the mage moved reflexively, slamming against the end of the chains’ reach, his eyes burning with warning malevolence.

“Know your place, mage. Grown-ups are talking,” Varro taunted, and with the words came the suffocating pressure of his thrall. Unlike Thanatos’s, which was soothing and tender and drew one in with comfort and the promise of security, Varro’s hypnosis was muculent, insidious. It oozed into one’s psyche like animate slime. The wave broke against Thanatos’s mind, vampire as he was, but it took hold of Mariano easily, the defiance dying in his eyes with an immediacy that chilled Thanatos to the bone. “Don’t worry, I won’t damage him. I’m just… taking back what’s mine.”

Thanatos only had a moment to ponder what Varro could have meant by that before twin points of incandescent agony erupted on his neck. He couldn’t help but emit a strangled cry, but his voice died in his throat as the scrambled sensations resolved themselves and he realized what was happening. The wet movements against his neck were lips and tongue, the rush of air was breath, the hands were holding him still. Varro was draining him.

Vampires didn’t feed on each other. The idea was nonsensical: even just after being taken from a victim, the blood’s taste was muddy and muted, it couldn’t satisfy the Thirst, and there was little nutritional value. The only purpose the action could serve was as a power play, and that it certainly was. Varro was taller and stronger than Thanatos, if not by much, and nothing Thanatos could do made any progress toward freeing himself. He was immune to the venom’s effect and therefore got to experience the full force of the pain without the dampening effect of numbing euphoria. The punctures burned and he could feel every moist shift of Varro’s lips and tongue as he swallowed over and over, rhythmically, almost hypnotically.

Thanatos turned his eyes to meet Mariano’s, and what he saw in them made despair pool in his gut. Glazed over under what was most likely a suggestion of apathy, the mage merely watched what went on with a disinterest that bordered on contempt. That was nothing like the Mariano he knew. It went against his training, his personality, everything. The worst thing about it was that Thanatos knew how much his mage dreaded the idea of giving up control of his mind to another, of being compelled to act or stay his hand without his own will. He was being forced into compliance and it looked so utterly wrong on his face, for someone who knew him well enough to see the deep well of emotion under his flat expression to look at him and see truly nothing there… It was all Thanatos’s fault.

He didn’t disagree with Varro exactly. Thanatos had worked out very early in his unnaturally extended life that if he wanted to have his needs met, he’d have to resort to subterfuge. He was a coward, and by necessity, a leech. Apt to compare two bloodsuckers. There was an emptiness inside him, a voracious hunger, and he’d do anything to fill it, but he couldn’t earn anything legitimately. He lied and he cheated and he stole. He tricked others into being kind to him, into loving him, for the barest scrap of gratification. Varro was merely better at it than he was. It had made him feel good to foster a connection with Mariano that inspired such loyalty, just as it appeased Varro to make Thanatos squirm under his heel. He’d brought a human into a situation like this because he relished being worried over. It was hypocritical of Varro to set himself up as some paladin bringing down holy retribution on a sinner, but sinner Thanatos certainly was. He’d just have to take his “punishment for the sin of pride” and hope Varro got bored and threw him away instead of killing him. A reliable strategy. He prayed Mariano wouldn’t be collateral damage.

Thanatos felt distinctly lightheaded by the time he slipped unceremoniously from Varro’s grip and landed in a heap. There really was no reason to take that much. He’d run through what Mariano had donated and then some. Actual vampire blood was tasteless sludge, and Thanatos knew Varro must have felt rather ill, but none of it showed through the satisfied smirk. “The two of you behave now. I’d hate to have to do this again…” Thanatos wagered it was more that he was too full to do it again. Not that he’d put Mariano through that. The mage had lost enough blood and enough of his autonomy. Varro merely wiped the dregs from his lips with a thumb he then put in his mouth to clean. “I’ll leave you to think about your next steps. We’ve got plenty of time for you to learn this lesson.” The heavy door clanked shut behind him, and the two were alone.

Thanatos took several moments face-down on the floor before he forced himself back into his more upright position leaning against the cell wall. Mariano’s dark eyes, blessedly clear this time, could do little more than watch him struggle. “Are you okay?” The mage’s tone was deliberately even and betrayed no internal turmoil.

Thanatos was huffing quietly, trying to recover. “Yes, yes, I’m… fine. Just need a moment. Quite the singular experience.” He was also shaking all over, which didn’t lend credence to his words.

Predictably, Mariano didn’t believe him. “I’m getting you out of here.” That was his way of saying “I’m burning this place down, consequences be damned,” which Thanatos found adorable, but also misguided.

He laughed. “Your concern is noted and appreciated, mortal mage, but I invite you to consider what happens after the steel door.”

“I’ll manage.”

“As attractive as that is, I can handle a bit of minor manhandling.” Mariano never blamed Thanatos for getting him in trouble like this. He always focused on solutions. Than wasn’t sure he deserved that. He certainly deserved to endure a bit of abuse for the trouble he always put others through. “Save it for when we have a plan, hm?”

The mage clearly didn’t agree. “So, where does that leave us? Back at square one?”

“Not quite. I’m no longer in danger of losing my mind, for one. The blood tithe has been paid, Varro can’t undo that. Starvation is a much less pressing matter.” Mariano stared at him. “Oh, don’t look like that. It would take weeks for me to die of it. That is a much more forgiving timeline.” Weeks of awful conditions, he knew he could endure. He wasn’t sure he could stand Varro draining him again.

“Because you starving to death is the more forgiving option.”

Annoyingly correct as ever. “I’m not suggesting we allow things to escalate that far. There’s no need for theatrics, mortal mage. Relax for once and actually listen. Behold, the crux: time. Assembling our pieces and gathering information.” The dragon was the most significant asset. Even an approximate location would improve any sort of escape plan.

He was about to launch into a more detailed explanation of this, but Mariano shook his head and sighed. “Let’s shelve this and talk about it later.”

Ah. Preparing an argument, of course. Thanatos could respect that. “Fine, then.”

“Fine.”

---

Starvation wasn’t nearly as easy as Thanatos had made it sound, Mariano noted. The vampire had initially tried to keep up with his usual entertaining persona, telling stories and making light of the situation like he always did. It would have been more endearing if it hadn’t been clear that the effort was too much for him as the days went on. He held up well to the taunts of their captor and even being smacked around every few hours until Varro got bored and went away again, but there would also be long periods where he retreated into himself, staring listlessly into space like someone waiting for the end.

He seemed so… tired. Thanatos’s eyes always glowed at least a little in the dark whether or not he was hungry, but now even in the half-gloom of the cell they seemed dull and their crimson color was muddied, as if looking through a dirty window. Mariano had taken to counting the seconds between the vampire’s breaths, usually somewhere around thirty but now often in the hundreds, as if he didn’t have the strength to shift his chest more often. It was awful to watch someone he loved just waste away like this.

There was a spark of good news among the guttering embers of the situation. Though his meager ration of lumpy oatmeal was unappetizing at best and nauseating at worst, whether by its own merit or the guilt of eating while Thanatos starved, he wasn’t getting the familiar heavy feeling of pact dampeners as he spooned it into his mouth this time. It seemed as if someone had neglected to add them. That meant that his pact was slowly reopening, he was getting echoes and ghosts of emotion from the other end, the red of anger and the blue of worry — with a bit of yellow as well, he realized with tempered excitement, when Bastian recognized he could feel him, too. If he focused, he could work out an approximate distance: just over a day away as the dragon flew. He and Thanatos could make that distance up if they had to. It was worth trying. It wasn’t worth letting Than get any weaker.

“Thanatos,” Mariano began, and waited for the vampire’s leaden gaze to sweep over him. The pupils contracted as they focused and gave him the vague feeling of being hunted. “I think I can feel Bastian.”

“Good,” was all Thanatos said. It didn’t look like he had the energy to say much else, though he shifted slightly, one hand tucked protectively against his stomach. He blinked, but maintained the same intense eye contact.

Mariano tried again. “We can just go to him now. I’ll break us out and—”

“You’d have to carry me. Even you couldn’t fight your way out of a place like this with me slung over your shoulder. You are incredible, mortal mage, but you are not a dragon.” Than’s voice was much quieter than usual, and though his words carried their usual pragmatic force, his tone evoked explaining a difficult concept to a child for the seventh time more than discussing an escape from a torture dungeon, even though he’d seen what Mariano could do if he put his mind to it.

“I’ll figure it out,” Mariano pressed back. “I can’t sit here and watch you waste away, Than. I love you too much for that. You said we should wait, we’ve been waiting, I think it’s time to—”

Thanatos snorted humorlessly. “You think I’d enjoy watching you die trying to help me escape the consequences of my actions? I know you have difficulty with that sometimes, but really, Mariano, I thought you were smarter.”

“That’s… unfair, Thanatos. And a little mean.” Mariano frowned. Where was this coming from?

“Isn’t it just? Life is often unfair and mean.” The stare broke as Thanatos rolled his eyes and then averted them. “Go ahead and get yourself killed. Not as if I can stop you.”

For a moment, Mariano wondered if he really was just being dramatic again. If Thanatos really thought he could and should take the abuse, maybe there was just a plan he wasn’t sharing, a detail Mariano wasn’t seeing. Then he decided that was fucking stupid.

He almost told Thanatos so, though in kinder words, but the vampire sighed and spoke again. “No, you’re right. You should go. You have Bastian and… people who care about you. If you leave me here, they oughtn’t chase you. The border of his territory is ten miles to the north. You… deserve to continue your life.”

“And you don’t? I’m not leaving you here. You let him get to you, let him make you think your life is a waste, didn’t you?”

Than blinked at him, then smiled sadly. “I’m being silly again, aren’t I?” A pause. “How far is Bastian? I’ll be strong enough to walk the next time I eat, that would be a good time to—” The door rattled as it unlocked and admitted Varro once again.

“Come, Iuventus. I’ve thought of a most diverting activity for this evening. I got a letter in from Lady Valkayne. She provided some enlightening insights about your time in her care that I think will be quite instructive.” Thanatos blanched as the guards hauled him to his feet. Mariano hadn’t heard him mention this name before, but it clearly meant nothing good.

He almost moved to do something about it, but Thanatos gave him one of his trademark self-deprecating smiles and assured him he’d be all right. Between the chains and the three hostile vampires, the odds weren’t incredible. He’d wait one more time. Just one more time. As soon as they brought Thanatos back to the cell, the two of them would be leaving.

What he didn’t expect was the state Thanatos would be in when he returned. The guards didn’t even bother chaining him up again, they just hurled him bodily onto the floor at Mariano’s feet. The vampire’s previously lifeless crimson eyes had brightened back up into the brilliant scarlet associated with his curse. But instead of the desperate search for blood Mariano would have expected, Thanatos could only groan softly as his head lolled to the side. He was soaking wet, dark hair clinging limply to an ashen-pale forehead. Though he’d never really looked dead to Mariano before, now it was easy to believe he was a walking corpse. He needed blood. Now. Escape would have to wait.

Bound as he was, Mariano had few options. His wrists were encased in the soon to be useless suppressor cuffs, and he didn’t think Thanatos had the strength to feed from the neck like he usually would. The only easily accessible patch of exposed skin was near the elbow, between where his shirt ended — torn near the beginning of it all — and the cuffs began. “Than!” he called out, and the vampire’s eyes meandered upward to meet his own. He saw no recognition in them, only fear, pain, exhaustion. “Than, please, you have to drink, here…” He thrust his arm into the open mouth and was rewarded by a flash of white teeth and black sclera as Thanatos’s fangs plunged deep into the vein.

Without the silver shackles, the vampire’s Shadow was free to use every tool at its disposal to hunt. Mariano felt the heavy warmth of Thanatos’s hypnosis settle over him, but their desires were already aligned, there was nothing to change. “It’s okay, Than. You don’t need to use that on me. Relax and drink.” He carded his fingers slowly through Thanatos’s still-wet hair, the pain of the bite barely registering to him.

The color gradually returned to Thanatos’s face, and between one blink and the next, Mariano could see his personality come back before he pulled his fangs from the punctures and sealed them with his tongue. “Mariano?”

The mage laughed softly with relief. “Yeah, it’s me. You all right?”

He didn’t get a chance to respond. Like clockwork, the heavy door swung open again to admit a swaggering Varro, clearly having enjoyed whatever water-based torment he’d just subjected Thanatos to and itching to come back for more. “Guess who,” he chuckled, an overplayed opener at best, but he didn’t waste time in hauling Thanatos up off of Mariano’s lap and trying to prop him up against the wall to give up the blood again. Thanatos didn’t just let him, though. He summoned his shields, trying to keep hands away from him. Varro merely clucked his tongue and brought his own shadow to bear, beating at what little resistance Thanatos could put up.

It was obvious Thanatos couldn’t hold out against a better fed and much stronger vampire for very long. He was shaking with effort even if his eyes blazed scarlet once again with defiance and the light of his contract. It wasn’t right to just let him fight on his own. Mariano decided that he’d sat on his hands long enough. Time to show what a war mage could do.

---

Even a worm will turn, Thanatos thought. That explained why he was suddenly fighting for his life the instant he got a bit of freedom and some blood in him. The blood haze had barely receded — the drumbeat of hot salt food delicious more still echoed in the back of his head, but he’d felt the primal drive to force foreign hands away from his body, to prevent himself being violated again. Varro was so unperturbed by his resistance he didn’t even bother calling the guards back in, but so focused were the two vampires on each other that they forgot they weren’t the only factors in the equation.

The ultrasonic hum an idling mage constantly emitted was difficult to make out over the sounds of the scuffle, but Thanatos could pick out a distinct upward shift in pitch: Mariano, attempting to force a cast through the restraints. The sound built into a resonating screech like microphone feedback. A flood of relief washed through Thanatos and he redoubled his efforts, now with a focus on keeping Varro’s attention away from the crackles and snaps of each amplified surge of magic slipping out around the ward. The cuffs should have been enough to keep most mortal mages from even attempting something like this. Mariano wasn’t most mages. The screech pitched higher and higher until it strained the limit of even Thanatos’s hearing, an awful hissing whine. Moments later, there was a soft pop as if a lightbulb had burst, and then the roar of igniting plasma.

The stream of blue that erupted from Mariano’s teeth melted through the cuffs in a trice. When he got to his feet, his pact rings glowed more brightly than they had in days and white fire blazed at his palms. There was the avenging angel Thanatos loved so dearly: tall, dark, and ready to turn a vampire into a pile of ash. Varro did turn when he heard the noise, gathering liquid shadow around him with a snarl. “What did I tell you about interfering in the affairs of higher beings?” he growled, or at least, Thanatos guessed that was the end of the sentence. Varro never got to finish, a burning hole through his windpipe quickly followed by one through the chest, obliterating the heart. Mariano wasn’t one for one-liners. Gods, that was hot.

Finally, Thanatos had time to catch his breath. The damage from the repeated drownings, seventeen total, was already fading thanks to Mariano’s gift. And a gift it truly was, freely given, not asked for. Mariano always gave of himself when Thanatos needed it, without hesitation and with no need to be convinced. If he didn’t want to be somewhere, he wouldn’t be, as he had clearly demonstrated. The reason he belonged to Thanatos — and Thanatos to him, he thought with a thrill — was exclusively by his own choice. He was not stolen property; he was a friend, a partner, a lover.

“Are you all right?” Mariano’s hand on his shoulder interrupted his thoughts. “Can you walk or do you need—”

“I’m fine, darling, really,” Thanatos was quick to reassure. “You were incredible.”

“Couldn’t watch it again.” Mariano started working on the door, focused plasma from his hands parting the metal with ease. As it crashed to the floor, footsteps drummed in the hallway. They’d have company soon. “Ready to go home?”

They were both in terrible shape and had less than ten seconds before confronting an army. Escape would be nothing less than a desperate affair of fighting for their lives, even with the head of the snake still smoldering on the ground between them. Still, somehow, the cloud of despair that had filled the tiny cell and hung oppressively over them for days seemed to spill from the open door into the hall and leave them both breathing just that bit more freely. Thanatos almost wanted to laugh. Instead, he focused his blood sense into identifying the strength of the numbers coming toward them. He might as well be useful: no rest for the wicked, after all.

“Indeed, mortal mage. Let’s not keep Bastian waiting.”

taglist: @albatris, @athenswrites

[thatcoyperson]

// SESSION 9 SECRET LIFE SPOILERS [the ending] AND I MEAN MAJOR ONES

-

I got this idea from what Martyn said during his lore stream the other day and it cured me of my writers block, so I wrote this in a few hours after hearing it

[CW for blood, mentions of death, and I feel like the fact that my friend was saying "it all hurts" for like 30 minutes after reading this counts for something]

• -------- • -------- • -------- •

It’s over Scar. She's dead.

Standing in the ravine, Scar stared blankly at the stone ahead of him as those ghostly words echoed in his mind.

It was over.

He’d won.

Despite everything, he’d won.

A breathy laugh escaped him. It didn't feel like a win. Nothing about this did. It felt hollow and empty, meaningless.

A win was supposed to be a grand show to the world that you can make it to the end, a final showing that it can be done despite everything. One last stand against the world. That's what a win was meant to be.

But this wasn't any of that, not when Scar was stuck frozen in place, the faint rhythmic sound of liquid dripping off the rocks somewhere behind him being the only thing he could hear once the blood rushing to his ears subsided. How was any of this meant to feel like a win, like the grand finale to something that had been the last few months of his life when it was the furthest thing from grand? When he felt the furthest thing from victorious? How was he even meant to feel victorious or grand in a situation like this? He'd spent the whole season alone just trying to make friends, only for him to win by shooting the closest person he has to one of those.

Alone…

He never liked being alone.

How did he win while he was alone?

How did the guy with no friends win?

He laughed to himself, bow still held in one hand, and using the other to push his hair back. A pained smile was painted across his face as he laughed, asking himself how? How did he win? How did he make it this far all alone? How did he manage to tell himself that just one more day, one more day and it would be worth it enough times to where he won? It didn't make sense. Not to him at least.

No matter how long he stood there wondering to himself, there was still one thing that was left to be done. Hit the button.

He had succeeded his task after all, right? Scar had won, despite how meaningless this victory truly was.

All he had to do was hit the button and it would all be over. It would finally end. He could go back to Hermitcraft, his home, his friends. He finally wouldn't be alone anymore.

It didn't quite feel like his own movements when he started to climb out of the ravine, disconnected from everything going on. He desperately ignored the hazy sight of a red shawl to the side of his vision, feeling sick if he put any thought into what he knew was laying under it.

He didn't feel nearly as sick passing by a similar black shawl on the ground up on the surface, orange hair catching his eye for a split second as he slowly made his way across the blood stained grass and battle worn landscape of the world. And, shortly after, he reached the statue that stood in the centre of it all.

The Secret Keeper.

The being that doomed him from the very start. Quietly, he wondered to himself, was it proud? Proud that it's favourite player to mess with - proud that the one it moulded into the unwilling villain - had won? Was it proud of everything it had done, all the pain and suffering it caused? Or did it even think at all. Maybe it was just a simple stone statue, designed to have no will or intention, to have the sole purpose of handing out tasks at random, and Scar was just losing it from being alone for so long. He’d likely never get an answer.

It didn't matter though. Not when he was about to leave, not when he was about to finally be free from this hell he was stuck in, not when he was going to finally be able to see his friends again.

Letting out a shaky breath, Scar reached down and pressed the button.

…

A faint click echoed around the area, and then nothing. Nothing happened. It was just silence. No gust of wind to whisk him away back home, no welcoming voices of the hermits congratulating him on his win as they fade into view. No anything. Just silence. Painfully loud silence. Nothing changed. He was still there. Alone.

“Uhm… haha real- real funny there guys,” Scar chuckled awkwardly, his voice filled with unease. Why was he still here? That should’ve worked. Staring up at the Secret Keeper, he waited for a moment to see if it would react at all.

Nothing.

With a level of anxiety he hadn’t felt before, the button was pressed again, and again nothing happened. The world continued to stand still around him.

The feeling of unease began to grow in Scar’s gut, mixing with fear and making him feel sick all over again. “Aha, ok now thats-” The button was pressed again. Nothing. “-that’s enough this isn’t-” Again. Nothing. “-this isn’t funny anymore- oh god no please.”

Scar’s chest tightened the more he pressed on the button, becoming more and more desperate every press. “No no please just- please just take me home please I can’t do this anymore please.”

Tears began to swell in his eyes, panic truly setting in as he pleaded for an escape. Why wasn’t it working- why wasn’t it doing anything?! Was it broken now that the game was over? Was that why he was stuck- why he couldn’t get this stupid button to work?!

Falling to his knees beside the button, his head hit against the corner of the pedestal it was on. Pain slashed across his forehead at the impact, and he could feel the sickeningly familiar warmth of blood begin to well from the cut.

“PLEASE GOD JUST LET ME GO HOME!” he screamed, hitting the button again and again, his hand becoming sore and bruised the more time went on. The more he begged and pleaded and cried for whatever stupid entity was in control of this game to just let him go.

All he wanted was to go home, to see Jellie, to see his friends, to not be alone anymore. He’d been alone for too long, wasn’t that enough?

Loud cries and desperate pleas slowly turned into quiet sobs, and he brought his hand away from the button, resting them both on the edge of the pedestal beside his head.

“Please…” he sobbed, blood running down into his eyes and mixing with his tears. “Please just let me go.” a moment passed for him to catch his breath. Then, quietly: “I can’t do this anymore, please…”

His pleas went unheard. He was alone.

Alone…

He never liked being alone.

[paintedkinzy-88]

(So sorry i feel like im spamkmg yoyr ask box but i just rotate this au around in my brain like microve)

So i was checking out the posts linked through your coi au master post, and this part:

Did this this cut more deep than Donnie intended? Like does Leo still think about this one line even months past? Like does he think, as hes going on his nightly falling/flying sesions how his brothers couldnt even think of leaving april behind but didn't hesitate to leave him behind

Meanwhile donnie and bros dont see it that that. They see leo as equal, even without wings, they never once thought of it as leaving him behind. Because hes their brother, theyd NEVER leave him behind.

But then that got me thinking... did they accidentally like ACTUALLY leave leo behind that first night donnie made his wings. Cause i can see donnie and the ither two being caught up in the joy of flying together for the first time, maybe going too fast for leo to keep up on the rooftops, cementing the idea in his head that his bros dont need him.

This is long winded lol i just got angst on my mind 😭

Spam me all you want!! I may not be able to promise I’ll get to every ask I ever receive, I just don’t have that time, but I CAN promise that I see, read, and overthink everything anyone sends me (ง’̀-‘́)ง So send away!!

As for your question: Absolutely, yes, that moment struck Leo down to his core — but not like. Personally. He knows Donnie didn’t mean it like that! Realistically, he understands that his brothers/sister care just as much about him as he does about them. They’d never purposefully leave him behind!! At the end of the day, he trusts that, should he ever get seriously knocked down, his family would turn right back around to help him get back up.

But he still has a MAJOR barrier that he sees between them. One that Donnie AND April are now able to literally fly over. And now that he’s outnumbered, that wall feels even higher than before. He’s not alone, not ever, but it certainly feels like it sometimes…

And all of that is exactly why he doesn’t want to say anything. He not only feels a little silly to have this impossible dream in the first place (his hoard is literally birds and butterflies and shit, that’s so weird and pathetic, isn’t it???), but he doesn’t WANT them to worry about him. He doesn’t want them to turn tail and come back just to make sure he’s keeping up with them. He can’t hold them back like that!

It’s better to pretend he’s on the same level, train himself into the ground (even literally if that’s what it takes) to prove he’s on the same level, make them focus on his stellar swimming skills that are (to them) on par to their flying, than for them to ever realize that all he’ll ever do is look up at them from below.

Also, yes, after Dee made his first fully functioning flight pack, they all went on a quick flight around the city. April was the one to suggest they move it to the ocean so Leo could at least keep up with them and cheer them on…

[blushblushbear]

Fck it- let’s get some ANGST rolling

All the boys reacting to their S/O dying right in front of them, and they are partially responsible for it.

Doesn’t matter how; freak accident, prank/date gone wrong, ppl who have a personal vendetta against them and want revenge- I want to know how they react and how they move on from that moment onwards (if they do at all)

DO.YOUR.WORST!!!

(I’m new to this fandom btw. Hi!! 👋🏼 I rly like your writing :)

AHHHH THANK YOU! I try weirdly hard to do a decent job

but yeah okay *cracks knuckles* let's get into it B)

SHIT'S UNDER THE CUT CAUSE IT'S A LOT AND IT'S DEPRESSING

tw: character death, death in general, violence, gun violence, depression, grief, guilt, heartbreak

Nimh

So I think Nimh's is a freak accident

I think you two are just walking along the side walk together and it's nice and normal and peaceful

and then a car swerves off the road and right towards you two

let's sad for added against you pushed him out of the way on instinct

I think his vision is actually blurred at first when he looks up from his spot in a bush

he does have a heart condition so that amount of shock is gonna make him legitimately dizzy

he almost dies right there when he looks over and sees you unconscious on the ground surrounded by blood

he is full on having a panic attack and can't breath and honestly everything is a dizzy blur for the next few hours

he falls over again just running over to you and is lost to the world as the rest of the scene unfolds around him

he's full on not seeing or hearing anything as he holds you bleeding in his arms

he doesn't even notice how badly he's hyperventilating

you actually don't die right there on the spot

you're put in an ambulance and rushed to the er and then to the icu and Nimh is in the hospital with you

They're also taking care of him as well since he is actually pretty banged up and is clearly having a serve panic attack and might legit pass out if not tended to

when you finally get to the hospital and start to wheel you away to the icu as other er staff are looking over him as a patient he pretty much starts loosing his shit

he wants to go with you but they need to make sure he's okay too

he's sobbing as they take his vitals

you last a few days and he never leaves your side

his parents come by to bring him food and clean clothes and a blanket but he's not leaving you once he's found you again in the icu

it's terrifying to him how still and hurt you look

he talks to you while you're out

honestly for all 3 of those days, he still had hope

no matter what the doctors said

but when he woke up on the morning of the 4th day to the sound of your flat line he watched all his hopes and dreams crumble in front of him

his happy future he saw for himself died with you

he's honestly a depressive mess and his body has not taken to the stress well at all (heart condition and panic attacks)

it's made even worse by the fact that he keeps having dreams about you

that always turn into nightmares where he relives holding you lifeless and bleeding in his arms

I'm going to be honest

I think due to the mix of the stress this puts on his already frail body

and the fact that he's sort of lost his will to live

he actually only lasts a few months after the accident

he was already lucky enough to make it this fair into his life, lucky enough to find the strength to always keep trying and make his body better, lucky enough to find you

but I guess his luck ran out

for what it's worth, I do think he goes peacefully in his sleep

dreaming about you

but a good dream this time

it's just tragic all around

poor Nimh

Volks

Volks' is another nice day turned tragic

You guys had gone out hiking, and he had helped you climb a tree because he really wanted to show you the view

it was taller than you had ever climbed but he promised that he wouldn't let anything happen to you

and as you too are looking at the view--- well, YOU are looking at the view, Volks is looking at you pretty much the whole time (like he always does)

but for a brief moment he took his eyes off you to also look at the view with you

and in that moment a strong wind shook the branch and made you loose your balance

your security tie failed and you went tumbling

that split second moment went by like an hour to Volks

the sudden realization that you weren't there

then looking down and seeing you falling

it took all of his will power to not instinctively jump after you

but when he saw you hit the ground he never scrambled down a tree so quickly

every part of him was shaking and his heart was pounding in his ears

he came up to you and you were still alive, but badly hurt

he gently cradled you in his arms and noticed you had blood coming out of your head

he pulled you onto his back panicking

calling 911 with his shaking hand

he met them on the side of the road and rode with you in the back of the ambulance

the whole time he was just staring wide eyed and pale at you

you were alive and moving but you were so out of it

the ems said you had definitely hit your head on something on the fall (probably a rock) and that you had several broken bones

you got none of that

Volks heard every word of it loud and clear like the worst was being confirmed for him

and he was responding to none of it

just staring at you

when you got to the hospital, his mom was already rushing out to meet the paramedics

you had met her a few times, she really liked you a lot, and especially liked how happy you made her son

she was taking charge since you were already like family to her

when they wheeled you back she told Volks to follow

your vitals were starting to tank and you've lost too much blood

the er room was a panicked frenzy that you were too out of it to comprehend

and the whole time Volks just kept staring at you

in your state, you were trying to make anything out

then you looked over at Volks

and when you looked at him there was this look of recognition and almost like relief

he stared back at your eyes, dull and distant but fully seeing him, the blood running down your forehead ruining the tenderness this look would've otherwise brought him

he didn't realize it yet, but he was tearing up

you reached out your hand to him weakly

he practically jumped forward, walking to you and taking your hand

your grip was weak and there was dirt and blood on your palms

you squeezed his hand as best you could manage

and you smiled at him

gazing lovingly into his eyes

and as he gazed back into yours

he watched as your bright eyes went dark

and then unfocused

he heard the single note of you leaving

and felt a panic he'd never known before as your hand slipped from his

his vision blurred as he just stood there shaking in disbelief

he couldn't find any words or form any thoughts as tears streamed down his cheeks

in a distance he heard his mom's voice

he heard his name

she was saying something

she felt her hand numb on his back

but he couldn't take any of it in

he just stared at you

for maybe the last time

you were just here and now you were gone

he

his contact finally broke when his mom pulled him away into a hug

she was crying on his shoulder, and holding her baby boy so tight

Volks blinked and it all hit him at once

and he broke down in his mothers arms as they crumpled to the floor together and sobbed

months went by

and he barely left the house

he went back and forth between staring at the wall and looking back over pictures you took together and texts you had sent

then crying

then back to the wall

his mom checked in on him a lot

but he's barely there anymore

on one visit she brings him food and notices a rose in a vase with fresh water

it's one he brought home from your funeral

it's long dead but he keeps watering it

for the millionth time Volks' mom preaches the helpfulness of grief counseling and invites him to join her this week at the group meeting

he refuses and she goes back to unloading the food she brought him into his fridge

he's not eating much though

on her way out she kisses his forehead and tells him she loves him

she stops at the door

and looks back at the rose

then her son

'you know.... they would've wanted you to be happy... that's all they ever wanted...'

Volks is silent for a while

his mom sighs and gets ready to leave again

'hey mom....'

she turns

'...what time is the therapy group?'

Kelby

Ya know, weirdly enough, I think Kelby actually handles all this the healthiest of all the boys??

also before I give an actual death lemme just say it's really hard for me to think of something for Kelby that's not Final Destination levels of insane lol

but no, okay okay

ahem

I think with Kelby it's just a regular ol' run of the mill daily tragedy

You're driving together, he's at the wheel, you guys are probably headed to a nice day at the beach

or back from a nice day at the beach

it's late but he's careful

but the sad truth is careful doesn't matter when other people drink and drive

your car is hit head on by someone going twice the speed limit, and your side of the car takes the main impact

I think unlike the previous two guys, you don't get a hospital goodbye

you are most likely dead on impact

and Kelby's not looking too hot either

I think he passes out in an ambulance and wakes up a few hours later to a few new injuries and the shocking news that you didn't make it

pretty sure everyone can hear his wails from down the hall

He's actually basically crying off an on for the next few years

he spends time with family

time with friends

looks at pictures

reads old texts

cries and cries and cries

he goes to therapy and goes through the moitons

but no matter what he can't fight this new hole he feels

the one where all his love for you went

I think he actually becomes an advocate for safe driving

and joins a lot of support groups

He actually helps a lot of people work through their pain

and that helps him work through his

the sad truth about this kind of thing is that it really is a mundane tragedy

that feels like an oxymoron but this sudden heartbreak happens everyday

but through the proper channels, Kelby has found ways to cope

though every now and then the loneliness does get him

how can it not

but if he can't spend the rest of his life with you

then he'll dedicate the rest of it in your memory

and help others do the same

also he keeps your picture by his bedside and talks to it frequently

telling you good morning and good night and such

He never stops missing you

Eli

I feel like with Eli, it really is something outlandish

Like he convinced you to go romantically dancing in the rain and you got struck by lightening

and to other people he laughs it off

'ain't life a bitch, at least they went out in a blaze of glory, they always were electrifying,' etc etc etc

but the truth of the matter is he's deeply and unbelievably upset about this

at his core, he's inconsolable

and he probably jokes about that too

'haha I'm dead inside actually! :)'

he has started seeing a therapist

he's got a lot to unpack

also I know there's not super explicit alcohol mentions in the game

but we know Eli is a party boy

and he's def developed a drinking problem over this

he doesn't know how to handle his feelings so he stays out all night partying like he would do with you

tearing shit up and drinking his feelings away

all so he can stumble home alone and pass out immediately so he doesn't have to contemplate how utterly empty and pointless his big fancy apartment feels

or how empty and pointless he feels

he's also dabbled in some drugs but he's trying to be real careful about that since he doesn't wanna wake up in an alley way (at least not cause of drugs-- he might a few times over booze though)

I think there was a time Eli had a lot of self hatred growing up followed by full self acceptance and self celebration

but he doesn't feel like celebration himself right now

he's pretty sure you'd be disguised with what he's become in your absence

hence the going to therapy

he hasn't found the right therapist just yet but he's going to keep trying

he liked the good things about himself, he liked the good things about you, and all the good things you saw in him, even the stuff he didn't always see as good himself

he wants to like himself again

the way he did when he had you loving him

he truly felt the happiest with you around

but now

he lives in the club

and drinks till dawn

he wakes up in a haze

feeling sick as shit

slowly gets himself together-ish

and ends up wondering what his life has become without you

has a coffee

and a headache

reads some poetry or listens to a song that reminds him of you

ulgy cries for a bit until his headache is worse

calms down enough to eat (well, less calm and more too burnt out)

rinse, repeat.

He doesn't plan to do this forever

he doesn't want to do this forever

someday he's gonna find a way to be happy again without you

though nothing will ever compare to the great love of his life that surprised him out of nowhere

Anon

okay here me out this might be a little too real BUT

bitch I think he got swatted

he messed around with the wrong dude and he got swatted

it got messy

you were there when it happened

he is pressing SO MANY CHARGES

he is a wreck

there's a movement online to try and help and support him through this trying time but honestly

he sees very little of it

he's sort of logged off for a while

actually a long while

he moved houses cause he was just too scared and traumatized

he couldn't stay in the house he watched you get shot in

he's going to so much therapy but it's not helping much

well, it is actually

just not in ways he's seeing or feeling

normally he'd get his revenge asap but like

that sort of thing is what got him into this mess

he is still taking all the legal action he can though

got the best lawyers on his side

SOMEONE is going to jail hell or high water

but it doesn't help fill the hole

he spends a lot of time lying in silence

or going outside

or staring at a blank screen that isn't turned on

he's actually not sure he'll ever get out of this whole

he looks at his phone from time to time but only to look at pictures of you

it's not connected to the internet or anything

eventually he finally feels up to trying to be online for an afternoon

maybe check his socials a bit and play a game

that's when he finally sees the out pour of condolences people have left for him

it actually makes him feel better

you know that bit in that lil nas song 'strangers make you feel so loved, ya know?'

that's him right now

he will never get over this

not even a little bit

and I think he's done using his powers to fuck around

I think eventually he will get to something resembling his old self but

you're still his desktop background

and he's never not going to feel that void you left

or the crushing guilt that flows

Garret

oh man

what to do with Garret

GEEZ uhhhh

I think with Garret, he just wakes up one morning with you in his arms and you're pale and unmoving

I think for him we're gonna say brain aneurysm

you just had one in your sleep overnight and there was nothing anyone could do

he was a panicking sobbing mess the whole time he waited for emergency services with you in his arms

and he wasn't much better while riding in the ambulance with you (he refused to leave your side)

you were barely breathing the whole ride and stopped breathing before you even made it to the hospital

despite the fact that literally none of this was his fault and absolutely there was nothing anyone could do he still blames himself

you died in his arms

he should've been able to do something

I think after a few years of group therapy he finally manages to get back to something like his old self

but he still breaks down in a sobbing wreck every now and then over this all

and he misses you every day

I think he constantly goes back and forth on whether to get rid of the bed you two shared on the night you died

on the one hand you died in that bed (sort of)

but on the other that's the last place you were together

either way he still hasn't gotten rid of it

and he has a locket with your picture in it that he never takes off

Dmitri

I'm running out of way for you to die guys

I think let's go with you were visiting him at the coffee shop and one of the espresso machines exploded, injuring 3 and killing 1 (that's you) (.....shut up I'm trying)

a coffee bean was launched right into your heart

so tragic

he like all the others go into a depressive state but he does very melo-drama about it

lots of tears and wilted roses and sobbing while draped across a sofa holding a framed photo of you

love poems, robe, tissues, ice cream, empty bottles of wine

his sister comes to visit him every day but it doesn't help

I honestly think he never lets this go

he wears this sorrow on his sleeve like a memorium to you

he vows he will never love again and he keeps it

there's a lot of talking to his main framed picture of you (he has a lot) and telling you about his day or his family or how much he misses you

that last bit usually comes up

he's definitely drinking more wine than before

he's not full Eli binging but he definitely gets it down

If he had a ring he was going to propose with (and he probably did let's be real), he wears it now around his neck

a reminder of the happy ending with you he will never get to see

Ichiban

I think this one actually is a prank gone wrong

or at least a video gone wrong

he actually quits his channel for a while out of guilt

he just can't stand running it

he eventually comes back for the fans but it takes like a full year before they hear from him

he spends a lot of time being depressed in the dark

playing games and sometimes talking to himself like he's talking to you

he has a really great therapist that helps him a lot with the guilt and grief

when he does eventually come back, he has a much greater boundary between his online life and his personal life

he also doesn't do stunts/pranks EVER

he actually only updates here and there cause he's putting his focus into more artist projects

the first one is an exploration of grief and how it can change a person

he's got a lot of guests from all over the internet who are here to share their stories of loss that were going on behind the camera

it's very soul bearing all around and it actually is seen as an over all good

it made a lot of people feel seen and less alone

including him

nothing will ever replace you

but he's using his fame now to let people know they aren't alone, so hopefully that's something

William

I think with William you were at the clinic visiting him and something venomous bit you

most likely a snake

you were rushed to the hospital and given anti-venom, but it was too late, the damage was already done

I think he is actually the most functional of all the dudes after the fact

like he's very much Not Okay, but he's trying his best to get through his day

the moment he gets home though he enters into the most mournful slump

he puts a record on and drinks a glass of wine and stares at your picture and just

mourns

he finds himself missing you throughout his day but the second he gets home it's a little all consuming

he's honestly kind of resigned to spending the rest of his life alone mourning you

maybe in a few years from now, he'll try for love again

but he already knows it's not going to be the same

he's always going to feel the weight of your loss on his heart

Myx

I think with Myx it's probably a very sudden yet terminal diease

he puts everything on pause to be with you for as long as he can

he gets about a few months (it's still not enough)

after another few months away from everything spent mourning he finally returns to the stage

he has basically a whole new albums worth of songs

each one of them was him working through his loss and pain

you know those albums you listen to from an artist, and you're just like 'who hurt you???'

yeah, this one is his

except the answer is life

or more specifically death

the amount of times he cries on stage performing some of these songs is unsurprising

a lot of fans send him letters of encouragement and condolences

and flowers

so many flowers

your funeral was actually a sea of flowers

some from friends and family

some from Myx's fans

but honestly mostly from Myx

his next album isn't quite so consumed with grief but honestly-- the subject always comes back up

there's also a few songs for you in there that are really sweet

it's not all tears and heartache

a few happy memories immortalized in song

though a lot of fans and critics consider the ones he wrote during that first year without you some of his most compelling and heartfelt bits of work

and it only cost him everything...

Stirling

Let us pretend my previous post about the reader gaining immortality does not exist

Stirling loses you to time

like so many things before you

and many things after

your loss stings the most though

he stayed with you until the end of your life

loving you every moment he could find

and even making some himself

but he's learned the hard way that all good things must come to an end

and frankly you were the best thing, so your end left the biggest shadow

he misses you every moment of his eternity

so many paintings and portraits of you throughout your years hang in his walls

but none of them ever did do you justice

he's found ways, like this, to surround himself with some version of your presence

though it never fully chases away the loneliness

he embraces the end gracefully

though every so often, when the night is clear and the stars are bright

he can't help but look into the heavens

think of you

and weep

Scale

Scale lost you to an enemy assassin

He doesn't know if they were going for him and just missed

or if they meant to target you just to get at him

but either way he watched in horror as a dart flew into your neck, and you fell to the ground motionless

He never stops blaming himself

He knew he was no good for you and he stuck around anyways

and look where that got you

he spends months hunting down and killing the assassin that did you in

but even bringing justice to your end doesn't make him feel any better

okay, maybe it helps a little, but it's still not enough

he sort of slinks into solitude for several years following your death

he also takes a vow of silence (for some reason--- he won't say why)

he frequently visits your grave and mourns you

he also reads over your old text convos

and he cries

a lot

he kind of lost his heart on that day

and it's truly doubtful he'll ever get it back

not with you gone

Sven

I think this one is another car

I know it's very sudden at the least

he doesn't really know how to process it at all

he's actually in quite the downward spiral for the next few months

going back and forth between trying to remain positive and being a sobbing wreck

bruh, I think your loss kinda broke him

he's seeing like 3 different therapists

they're helping a little

he still sobs uncontrollably at least once a day

honestly, I don't think he ever truly gets back to his old self

he just can't anymore

Cole

heheheheh *CRACKS KNUCKLES*

He's not sure how it happened

all he knows is that he came to on the floor next to you

He was holding you

and there was a lot of blood

you were already cold, your warmth long gone

and his head was spinning

everything was a fog

what had he...

he remembers feeling jealous

and helpless

and angry

he sort of blacked out in a spiral

there's vague flashes

you pinned behind him as

no.

no no no no no no no.

he couldn't have.

he wouldn't have.

h-he didn't mean to.

you can't be.

he staring down at your still body, limp and lifeless in his arms.

all the pieces are coming back together.

it's all coming back to him.

he let's out a nervous laugh as he shakes you gently and says your name.

It all had to be a bad dream.

That was all a dream.

He could never have...

please wake up...

he's so sorry...

please wake up...

...just be a bad dream...

Poe

I think for Mr. Poet we're gonna have to go Byronic on his ass

that's right, it's Consumption baby! Aka tuberculosis!

basically meaning you get real sick

and he's with you every step of the way

staying by your side as your body gives out

documenting ever turn with a new bit of writing or poem

he's never been so prolific

nor so heartbroken

he doesn't share any of the poems about you

He actually might pull a Dickinson and never share them

only to have them found and published after his death

he doesn't know how many pages he filled sitting by your bed side as you slept

he keeps a book of pressed flowers from throughout your decline

flowers he brought you, or ones given by the hospital or friends, a few flowers from your funeral

He probably spends the rest of his life even more listless than before

definitely more heart broken

he moves on in his writing (at least for the stuff he shares publicly)

but he never moves on in his heart

Cashew

I'm unsure how this one happens, but the follow up is the same

I think after a month or so, he tries to go back to his usual life

tries to get up, go to classes, go about his life

but he can't really care anymore

he's just going through the motions

he reads a lot of books where there's a character death to cope

also a lot of romance

and a lot of crying

he's kind of a shut in off and on for about a year

he slowly but surely bounces back

learns to be happy again

be he always knows he would be happier with you

there's a lot of pictures of you and him still floating around

he likes to try and remember you always

even if it hurts, seeing your face still makes him feel a little better

he's also def a member of the talks to your picture a lot squad

one of your pictures is his good luck charm

he got it laminated and uses it as a book mark so you can still kinda 'read with him'

Seth

OH BOY

he thought he wasn't going to care much since he deals with souls all the time

but he truly forgot what this was and now he's pissed

cocky fucker legit forgot that he lives in hell

and that's not where you end up

he doesn't really mourn like the rest of them cause you're not really gone

but he does still miss you

and is trying to tug at every string he can to try and either get himself up there or you down here

it's his new main goal, but it's gonna be a tough one

he keeps trying to trade your soul for others but the folks upstairs ain't buying it

this honestly feels like more of a set up for a rom com manga than anything else lol what is this even doing here IT'S NOT SAD ENOUGH

Logan

oh okay his can get very sad

I think his is going to be learning the hard way that you can't save everyone

and that no matter how hard to plan for something, things can still go wrong

(maybe he should be spider-man...)

but yeah, he was definitely one of the emergency services that responds to yours

he heard your address and got there so fast

but it wasn't fast enough

this loss legit takes him the majority of his life to get over

he was honestly planning to spend the rest of his life with you and that future went up in smoke

he goes to a lot of therapy, both group and one on one

and it helps

but not by much

he's definitely a different person after this all

a little less cheerful, a lot more serious

and hard to believe it but a little better at his job

he went from eye wide newbie with a hero complex to grizzled vet who knows how bad it can really get

and hey look another member of the pictures of you everywhere and he also talks to them squad

keeps a picture of you in the pocket of his fire jacket, near his chest

I mean, he already did that but now it hits different

also wears the ring he had gotten for you around his neck

(though not while working, fire fighters tend to not wear jewelry on the job cause metal hot)

lots of tears

lots of cuddle puddles with the rescue animals

occasionally names one after you

you were the love of his life

still are

Reece

Reece's is definitely a wacky space adventure gone wrong

he's shaken by the loss of you

I don't know how it happened but I know it was very sudden

spends a while in his ship just staring into the middle distance

he can't believe your gone

he spends a lot of time traveling around licking his wounds

also marshaling his forces to go face down whatever entity took you from this universe

tried to go back and save you but it always ends the same

after his last attempt he actually goes back in time to before you two even met and watches you from a distance

you look so happy, you have no idea what's about to happen to your life

he doesn't regret meeting you but he wonders often if things would've been better for YOU if he hadn't

flies solo for a few centuries

every now and then stops by and visits you in a time where you two still hadn't met

admittedly he's stalking you a bit but just in small bursts

it hurts a lot, but it also makes him feel better

try as he might, there's just some things he can never change

and the closer to home it hits, the more it hurts

Aki

WHOO BOY another immortal/semi-immortal character!

I think for all the fox boys we're going to just have you go of natural causes, no immortality for you

it's both hard for him to be sad about this and equally as impossible to not be devastated

on the one hand, you two had a beautiful life together

and having you in each others lives made them so full

but Aki's learning for the first time that part of being a kistune is seeing all good things end while you have to keep going

honestly I think all Kistune to some degree are like Aki, then Haru, then Fuyu as time goes on

like they all start to some degree young and wild and mischievous, then eventually calm a bit more and chill as they mature, and then being a live for so long matures them to such a level they're almost un-reacting cause they've seen it all

everyone's a little different but it's always roughly the same path

and this is Aki's first

you're Aki's first

his first everything

his first great love

his first great life mate

his first great loss

like all kistune before him, this is an aging mark

he's going to be a different person on the other side of this

he's still going to be Aki, just a different version of Aki

one that knows what it means to hurt on this level

he takes about a century to get over it--- well as over it as he's ever gonna get

he may one day have another mate or take another lover

but it will never be like how it was with you

I'm actually not sure if he ever pairs off with someone else for good (I'm honestly not sure any of them do)

and no matter how much time and experience changes him

or how many years pass

he still thinks back on his time with you often and gets all warm again

Haru

SO!

Natural causes, no immortality for you, you just get old and die

so they way I was talking with Aki and how all kistune probably have a similar life path as they age visa vee experiences and firsts

Haru actually is the way he is cause he was trying to AVOID that at all costs

he ran through life trying his damnest to not let anyone get too close cause he doesn't wanna deal

ESPECIALLY humans

sad, pathetic, emotional, short lived little humans

but then you actually managed to break through

and he kind of like--- got it then

like he gets it now

he understands how a connection can be worth the risk of pain

though I will say he does start the relationship fully in denial about the inevitable

he doesn't want to talk about loss, he doesn't want to think of you dying, he doesn't want to have to figure out what a world without you would be like

I think the biggest slap to the face Haru has ever gotten is when he gave you one of his 'I'm gonna spend the rest of my life pleasing you' and you kinda gently threw out 'well.... the rest of MY life anyway...'

I think hearing it from you made him actually like--- hear it ya know???

he generally doesn't loose his cool much but he def looses it then

or anytime someone brings up that you're mortal

I think all of the kitsune do at some point try and find a way to make you immortal but with Haru it's low key a thing he never gave up on

he's not always actively searching, but he's searching on the down low

weirdly I think the person that helps him cope the most with your death is you

YOU knew what you were getting into

and you're not afraid to talk about it with him

especially cause he has a hard time staying mad at you so you can kinda say whatever

he takes a lot of solace in the fact that he made your life very happy

and he enjoys the fuck out of every moment you two have together

he tries so hard not to dwell on it

but once it actually comes and is in front of him

he has a hard time processing

he's not good at processing big feelings okay

I think he might become a drunk for a while

just a grumpy depressed drunk

he actually goes back and forth between a picture of you being the last thing he wants to see and the only thing he wants to see

he's another person whose going to come out different on the other side of the loss

I think he tried at one point to take another lover but he ended up getting upset, and kicked them out before anything could happen cause he just wanted you

and now he's alone and drunk and crying, look what you've done to him

ngl I think he becomes that like--- emotionally wounded, grizzled, often drunk samurai type (like Yasuo back at the star of his story)

he went from fuck boy to lover boy to grumpy older dude whose a little stand off-ish but honestly he's actually very sweet he just has a lot of pain to work through

also even though your face is sometimes the last thing he wants to see (partly cause he's ashamed at what a wreck he's become without you), he still keeps a picture of you near his heart

Fuyu

I'm so tempted to have your end be violent with Fuyu cause he's mr. war crimes but honestly

I think growing to trust again and learning the lesson that violence was never the answer is not only Fuyu's character arch, but low key all of the kistune boys character archs????

but yeah, so no, despite my temptations

natural causes, old age, no immortality for you

so Fuyu is no stranger to death or loss

and he has seen people he cared about die (fandom headcanons, one of them WAS Natsu and I am behind the idea that he didn't wanna do it)

but you just hit differently

he truly never met anyone like you

nor has he loved anyone as deeply

nor will he again for that matter

he tries his best to mourn your death with grace

but behind closed doors he's a sobbing wreck

I think the full time line of Fuyu at least for the parts that we see him are as follows

Angy, deep down Very Sad and Lonely, Uptight, RAWR -> Learns to chill and love and repent and be more open and is just generally still kinda stuffy and stiff but a lot more warm and happy -> still not the monster he once allowed himself to become, still a bit stuffy but also still chill, very solemn, very sad

so he didn't loose his gentleness that his time with you taught him

but he did get back his sad and lonely

He thinks about you everyday

and talks to your spirit in his moments alone

( not actually your--- you're not a ghost, making that clear--- more your memory)

you honestly made him a much better dude

and your company lead to him being able to open himself to more people

but none of them are you

and they never can be

he still writes you poetry

[leviiackrman]

"I don't feel in control sometimes. After all... I have someone else's thoughts in my head."

more edits || character page || x.x

Tag list (ask to be added or removed): @carrionsflower @statichvm @risingsh0t @simonxriley @tommyarashikage @sevikagf @confidentandgood @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraeshh @faerune @tekehu @jackiesarch @minaharkers @sergeiravenov @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @nokstella @queennymeria @heroofpenamstan @tethrras @viktorgf @d-esmond @solasan @bigbywlf @delzinrowe @fenharel @imogenkol

[thedevoutvampi]

Circle of Inevitability Chapter 1011 Spoilers

Madam Justice looked at them and said with a smile, "Now that we've discussed the important matters, I'll give you a general account of Mr. Fool's experiences, starting with Klein Moretti…" The relevant events had actually been mentioned in the previous document, but not in enough detail. This time, Madam Justice spoke as if she had seen and heard it personally, starting from the Antigonus family notes and continuing all the way to the end of the Tingen story.

After a moment of silence, Lumian asked slowly, "Captain Dunn and Klein Moretti died just like that at the Blackthorn Security Company, to prevent the descent of the True Creator's spawn?"

"Yes," Madam Magician said with a self-deprecating smile. "Now I understand why Klein Moretti could be resurrected." Loki's multiple resurrections were a good example.

Lumian fell silent.

Jenna said with some emotion, "No wonder Officer Deng is also a person who maintains order in the dream city."

After expressing her feelings, she asked curiously, "The final events are so detailed, were they narrated by a survivor at the time?" "Yes." Madam Justice nodded.

Jenna had a flash of inspiration. "Mr. Star?" The Major Arcana card holder—Mr. Star—was indeed a Nighthawk of the Church of Evernight! Madam Justice smiled lightly but didn't give a clear answer.

Madam Magician changed the subject. "The real-world Rozanne also said that as much as she hates others becoming Beyonders, she admires the Nighthawks."

Jenna made a sound of agreement and said with some emotion, "No wonder the Luo Shan in the dream city has always wanted to become a qualified guardian…"

After a brief silence, Madam Justice and Madam Magician took turns talking about the different identities of Mr. Fool, such as Sherlock Moriarty and Gehrman Sparrow.

They didn't dare to go into too much detail, only picking key points to narrate, fearing it would delay matters in the dream city.

aww they started reading LotM to them

[tubborucho]

Piso is so right and based. Watching Tubbo did result in me being sexy, having a headache and boyish wonder

[neixins]

[ID: a panel from chapter 35 of “yona of the dawn”, showing gija speaking excitedly to jaeha, who looks weary. the original dialogue has been removed, except jaeha’s remark “gosh, you all love me so much.” which is placed outside the speech bubble. a text post by aspharah has been added into the corner, partially over gija’s speech bubble to imply that he’s the one saying the contents of the post; it reads: “hey bro can we like adopt paralleling themes and symbolize opposites but in a two sides of the same coin kind of way? it doesn't have to be weird. wait what do you mean thats gay”. end ID.]

this is how this conversation went, right?

[sasukimimochi]

“Shijie?” Wei Wuxian spoke quietly, watching her as she scraped along the bottom of the bowl in her attempt to pick up some of the small pieces of food she hoped he could swallow. “Yes, A-Xian?” She replied gently, pausing in her movements to look up at him with an attention that almost would seem odd if he was in his right mind. “Do you think…there is a life after this one?”

-

Combo prompt for my fall writing/drawing challenge: 14&17, "Mourning" & "Depression"

I wanted to try drawing pre-death COI wwx (Chapter one: part 2); I couldn't get it right though so I don't like it too much BUT I've been told I'm full of it, so here it is. These are meant to be quick and painless anyway, so I hope you guys like it despite the sad!

Check out other prompts in the first hyperlink! You can see other MDZS projects in my masterpost here. ❤

[cabinofimagines]

Happy (birth)day

This is my first writing since I wrote my school deadlines and I hope it doesn't suck entirely. Also!! Happy Birthday Danny (and Jason Grace of course!) Specific request I allowed is also by Danny :) Pairing: Platonic Jason, Piper, and more! Romantic Leo Valdez x reader :) Request: Can I request camp shenanigans where Jason and reader have their birthdays on the same week (like me and Jason!) So Piper and Leo throw us a surprise party in the bunker? Obvsly Leo and reader are dating 🥺 but you can choose whether Piper is just there for platonic support to her besties or of it's still Jasper era Warnings: none! Word count: 2.2k -Asnyox

You were suspicious already when, as you had breakfast, Leo did not greet you excitedly. Even worse, you did not see your boyfriend at the Hephaestus table at all. He wouldn’t have forgotten about your and Jason’s birthday’s, right? Leo must be planning something, and as you didn’t manage to spot Piper, who arrived at camp a few days ago, you figured they must have made a plan together. Your suspicions were correct, as when you met with Jason to ask him if he had any ideas, you both were approached by Harley. 

“Big bro Leo told me to deliver this,” he handed you a small device, saluted, and ran off. “Thanks…?” you said, looking at his disappearing figure. Jason carefully took the device off your hands. “He must be planning something,” Jason examined the device closely, “I’m guessing with Piper as she wasn’t at breakfast either,” he sighed, “I just hope they didn’t entirely skip breakfast.” “I am sure they had something to eat, Leo loves food after all.” You noticed something on the device and quickly grabbed it, “Is this a button…?” you pressed it, and almost dropped the device as a small, hologram Leo came out. 

“Sure hope the timer works on this thing, right Pipes?” Leo laughed, before stepping away and holding his hands behind his back, as if they were bound together. Off camera you could hear Piper laugh. “Would be awkward if it didn’t,” her voice sounded, “otherwise the whole ruse might fall through. 3.. 2.. 1.. go!”

“Ah! I’ve been captured!” Leo looked around frantically, “I’m not sure where I am but I sure hope this lil thing will get out-” he coughed as he cowered, “Please, whoever finds this- I need help-” Leo pretended to think and shook his head, “All I remember is this name- Nona and something about a vault?” he looked straight into the camera, “please find me, and bring all your friends! I can’t die on my lover’s and my best friend's birthdays. It would ruin their lives! Please-” A loud rumble sounded from somewhere behind the camera, and Leo looked up before loudly exclaiming “FUCK” as the hologram stopped. 

“Nona?” you asked and Jason laughed. “It’s a Latin prefix for nine, he’s in Bunker 9,” he explained. “Leo’s a nerd,” you said affectionately, “Well, let’s round up all our friends before Leo fakes his death again.” 

───────────

Unsurprisingly, all your friends were really easy to find. As in, most of them were already talking, not suspiciously at all, in a circle, right outside the dining hall. Even more not suspicious behavior was when Jason and you approached them Percy very loudly went, “Hey guys! I sure hope Leo is okay, ah-” Annabeth elbowed him. “Happy birthdays!” she smiled, “Anything fun planned?” 

“Funny that you mention Leo, Percy,” you sighed, pretending to be worried “seems like he’s in a bit of a pickle right now.” “(Y/n), we both know he’s come out of worse situations,” Jason said next to you, and he put a hand on your shoulder, “The things he said was so cryptic, I think it’s for the best if we just let him figure it out on his own.” 

“Oh?” Nico feigned interest, “I love cryptic hints, what are they?” You could see Will hide a smile as he looked at his lover. 

“Something about a Nona-” you gasped, “Wait, Jason! Do you think it’s an ex?” Jason huffed, to conceal his laugh. “Maybe, or it’s Latin for nine, but Leo doesn’t know much Latin so that’s unlikely.” Jason sighed, “I’m sorry (Y/n), I guess we’ll have to travel around the U.S. to find Leo.” 

“Perhaps a monster is forcing him to learn Latin,” you looked at Jason, “and we both know how that changes people,”  “What do you mean, ‘how Latin changes people’?” Jason hit your arm. “They get all serious, Jason,” you gave him a look of pity, “and for Leo that might be deadly.” 

Jason gave your statement a moment of thought before nodding sadly. “Who wants to hold a funeral?” he asked, “That way from this year on we can celebrate three things on this day.” 

“How about we hold the funeral in Bunker 9?” Annabeth suggested, “It’s a place he loved most.” Before you could react, Nico started walking away. “I’m getting a coffin, be right back.” 

“Where will he get a coffin from?” Percy muttered and Will smiled. “He still has some left over from refurbishing cabin 13.” 

“Why?” Percy whispered, not expecting an answer. 

───────────

As your little progression moved closer to Bunker 9, you had trouble keeping it all together. Nico had six skeletons carry an empty coffin up front. Meg and Grover caught up to you with a bunch of flowers, all potted, which each person carried one of. Except for Jason, who was carrying a torch to light the pyre with that was yet to be built. 

The entire Hephaustus cabin was following you, holding up their banner, and Harley excitedly kept running around. Of course, you were certain everyone was aware that this was all a joke, especially when Chiron stopped you to ask what was happening and you simply went; “Oh, Leo got killed by Latin,” 

Chiron was confused, but did not ask further questions about the funeral progression. In the end, it made sense as Leo probably got permission to do something in Bunker 9. As you approached the bunker, you noticed that the door was opened, and as the skeletons with the coffin entered first you only heard a muffled “SUPRISE!” from inside. As you entered, most of the progression gave up the pretense, but Jason and you had a goal. So, fully ignoring Leo, Piper, and all the other people that were in the bunker, you both stepped onto the nearest empty table. You noticed Leo standing on the front row, but quickly looked away. 

“Today,” Jason’s voice boomed over the crowd, which was being rowdy, “we lost our dear friend Leonidas Valdez,” The crowd was silent except-

“HEY! I am not dead!” Leo’s said loudly. “Sometimes-” you sniffed, “I can still hear his voice. Gone too soon, rest in peace my love.” 

“What the fuck happened-” Leo exclaimed. 

“If I understand correctly,” Everyone suddenly looked at the entrance, seeing Chiron standing there, “You became Latin, a dead language.” Chiron’s scrutinizing gaze went over the party, “But as you seem rather alive, I think instead you shall be having stable duty for the next month, starting tomorrow, as you did not request to hold a party.” 

“Aw man,” Leo sighed, “Can we at least hold it now?” he looked with a hopeful gaze to Chiron who sighed. “As long as I do not perceive anything more to do with this activity. Happy Birthday (Y/n), Jason,” and he galloped away. 

Jason and you burst out laughing, as Leo pouted at you two. After you calmed down, you slowly made your way off the table. 

“Your timer didn’t work,” you said as you softly gave your boyfriend his device, and a kiss on the cheek. He fidgeted with the device for a little bit before he sighed. “So you made it more dramatic?” he asked, after which he sighed, “I love you. Happy Birthday, my love.” he smiled, “Oh, and (Y/n) of course-” 

“Hey!” you gasped and Jason laughed. “Love you too, Leo.” he said as he put his hand on Leo’s head, petting him “Pisada Carinosa” he muttered. 

“That’s it I am finding Nona and dating her-” you turned around, only to be met with Piper. “You could date me if you’re done with Leo.” she smiled and you grinned, before hugging her. “I just might,” you joked as you let her go. Leo quickly grabbed your hand, and pulled you towards him and pressed a kiss on your lips. “Nuhuh- you are not getting rid of me that easily corazoncito,” 

───────────

After a while, Piper said it was time for the main activity of the day. She led everyone into a “room” that was hidden behind curtains. As you walked in, you saw a gigantic screen and piles of pillows on the floor. 

She instructed everyone to sit down, as Leo and her handed out buckets of popcorn and other snacks. You sat next to Jason, who was holding a letter. 

“What’s that?” you asked, and Jason looked up. “Thalia couldn’t make it to camp, but she left a letter.” He showed you a picture of her and Reyna, standing at the Grand Canyon, “it’s weird how that’s where it started,” he smiled sadly, “how far we’ve all come since meeting each other.” “Hug?” you asked and he nodded. 

Engulfed in your presence, Jason began to relax. Certainly, losing his memories was hard and he often doubted whether he deserved Leo and Piper as friends, or if they even wanted to be his friend. But nowadays, he couldn’t be more certain that what he had was his. You, Leo, Piper, Frank, Hazel, Reyna, Bobby, his sister Thalia. All these friendly faces, that mean so much to him. He thanked the gods for his spot in both camps, and for allowing him to be happy and alive. As he let you go again, he had to blink away his tears. 

“Thanks,” he whispered, and he leaned back against the pillows. Shortly after, the big screen started playing. Before the movie even got to its proper beginning, Leo squeezed himself between you and Jason, leaning mostly on Jason. Piper sat on your other side, and cuddled up on your shoulder, as you leaned a bit against Leo. 

The Barbie opening sequence started playing, to great delight of the people in the room. 

“How?” you whispered, “This movie has barely been out for a week-” “My dad pulled some strings,” Piper smiled, “got us a private release.” “That’s awesome.” you grabbed her hand, and looked her in the eye, “Piper I love you-” she laughed. “Anything for my friends.” 

───────────

After the movie was done, Leo asked the real question. 

“So who are the Barbie and Ken of Camp Half-Blood?” Out of nowhere he got out prisoner signs, one with Barbie on it and one with Ken on it. 

“Jason is Ken, right?” Piper stated, “I mean look at him, it’s like he’s made for the ‘beach’ job description-” unanimous sounds of agreement came from the crowd, and Leo gave Jason the Ken sign. 

“I fully agree.” Leo said, before he got interrupted by the laughter of Nico.

“Sorry-” the son of Hades wheezed, “Will’s pouty because he thinks Piper used charmspeak to convince people Jason is Ken-” Nico grinned as his boyfriend tried to forcefully shut him up by smothering him.

“Barbie is a doctor though,” you grinned, “I think Will makes a perfect Barbie.” 

“Oh! I was going to suggest our local Barbie, Pip-” before Leo could finish the sentence Piper harshly stepped on his toe, before ripping the Barbie sign out of his hands. 

“And our local Barbie!” she grinned evily, “Will Solace!” she handed the son of Apollo his sign, and he hesitantly accepted it, and he stood up. 

“Well, as I am Barbie I guess I will go to my Ken now. I hate you for this Di Angelo,” Will walked towards Jason, and sat down next to him, slightly awkwardly. As you looked at Nico, you saw that the smile of sheer delight had not yet left his face, “Love you too, Barbie.” he called from across the room, eliciting some laughter from the audience. 

───────────

As the party was slowly calming down, you had a moment of calm with your friends. Leo was softly holding you from behind, as you were conversing with Piper and Jason. 

“Thanks for organizing this guys,” you said looking at Piper and Leo. 

“It’s nothing,” Piper smiled, “I’m happy we got this many people here in the end.” 

“Yeah, you’re welcome! Too bad I have stable duty now though.” Leo looked sulky. “I might try to talk him out of it,” Piper said, “After all, your birthday is in like two days too.” 

“That’s true, hey Jason,” you turned your gaze to the son of Jupiter. “Yes?” he returned your gaze. “Wanna fake our deaths for Leo’s birthday party.” “Of course,” Jason grinned. 

“Please don’t” Leo pleaded. “I’ll help!” Piper smiled. After a second of silence, everyone broke out in laughter. 

It was indeed a happy (birth)day.

[inscrutable-shadow]

Whumptober 2024 Day 1 - l'esprit de corps

No. 1: RACE AGAINST THE CLOCK

Search Party | Panic Attack | "If only we could hold on.” (Icysami x Renegaderr, Strangers.)

Mariano and Luis (who is. not here. lol) belong to @crash-bump-bring-the-whump. Finally made a banner for the shared military AU! Thanatos is.... well adjusted, surely.

contains: post-traumatic stress disorder, flashback, water phobia, grounding techniques

also available on ao3!

One of the most important parts of therapy, in Thanatos's opinion, was remaining in tune with one's own emotional state. Allowing oneself to be buffeted about by the client's emotions and your own issues led to dysregulation, which was a slippery slope to all kinds of emotional fallout. He made a habit of regular check-ins with himself during a session to ensure he didn't have anything going on that would impair his judgement, which is why when he noticed his attention had drifted away from the words his client was saying, it immediately sent up red flags.

Than's pen had stopped moving over the paper several minutes ago, and he couldn't quite get his eyes to focus. With some clients, it was a battle not to fall asleep in his chair, so mundane were their problems or so well-trodden the topic, but not with this one. He'd never in his life been bored during a session with Mariano. Ortiz was one of his favorite puzzles, Thanatos was always laser focused during their sessions, taking reams of notes and running through what literature he's been through lately on post-traumatic stress, searching for a path forward. He'd been doing the same today, his handwriting at the top of the page was immaculate, flowing cursive, as usual, but as he'd proceeded further down "I had deteriorated into a barely-legible scrawl. His hands were… shaking. That wasn't good. What were they even talking about? He couldn't… he couldn't hear anything but the blood rushing in his ears.

Oh. Yes. Panic attack. He got them on occasion, sometimes without an identifiable trigger. In this case, Mariano had been discussing his early days in the war mage program. Thanatos had thought he'd be fine hearing about it, he'd never have taken on the mage as a client if he hadn't. Must just be an off day, something else getting to him, making him vulnerable. He was fairly confident the dripping water he was hearing was not a leaky pipe, nor was his sweater vest actually kevlar. It was getting worse.

He needed… needed to get himself under control. Needed a break, needed to stop. Move, Thanatos. " H-Hey, Mariano. This is all— It's all great stuff, yeah? We're… we're making e-excellent progress." Inhale. Exhale. Steady yourself. "I really would like to pick up right where we left off next time, but I think— ahem! I think I need to wrap up for to day, if that's all right. I… I'm suddenly not feeling very well." As cliché as it was, Thanatos had always gotten good results from concentrating on his breath. Deep inhale after deep exhale, counting his heartbeats as they slowed. He was okay, really. He just needed a minute.

"Oh, that's okay… Are you alright? Do you want me to get you some water?" Mariano was already on his feet and moving to the cooler.

Water was the last thing he needed. Gods, he could feel it on his face. "No! I'm… fine, Mariano. I just need some time to myself, really. We can re-reschedule… for tomorrow, or some other day, or you can come in early next week! Whatever works best for your schedule." In Hermes' name just leave…

Fuck. He was dripping wet, and so cold. Shivering, leaning heavily on the desk from where he'd stood to show Mariano out. You're losing control. Get a grip, Booker. Inhale. Exhale. If it's obvious you're cracking under the strain, the abuse only gets worse. They're looking for your limit. Don't let them find it. He just needed to wait for this to pass somewhere he could be alone. Just needed it to pass. It would, he knew it would. Inhale. Exhale.

A hand on his shoulder nearly made him break. "I… don't think I can do it this time, Luis. I think it's too much…" The words came out slowly, mechanically. It was always too much. And he always kept going. Luis would tell him he could do one more, one more bucket, one more dunk, one more minute, and Thanatos would shake and shudder and cry but he would. He always would. Had to. The alternative was unthinkable.

"Oh. That's okay. You… you don't have to do anything."

That was… a surprise. Letting him off early? "I'm… almost done?" He didn't want to be dismissed from training, he could do it, he could be better—

"I think it's okay to stop for today. Come on, here, take a seat. You don't have to do anything anymore."

It didn't make sense, but Thanatos wouldn't ignore a direct order. He could deal with the consequences if it turned out to be a trap, weasel his way out of it then. He'd always been a smooth talker. He accepted being led to his chair and put his head on his knees, forcing his breath through his nose. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. It was working, he was calming down. The edges of the world didn't feel as fuzzy. "No, it's… I'm okay. I'm sorry. I can do it, I just need a second," he tried again.

Luis held Thanatos's hands between his. "You're okay. No need to go again. No more water, Thanatos."

Really? He was done? No more? Relief crashed through him like a wave, and when he lifted his head, his vision no longer crackled with static. He… recognized those scarred hands though. A war mage's, but not Luis's. "M-Mariano?" Why was Mariano here? Had he been… He'd been in a session, hadn't he?

He looked up into the young mage's face, at the relief reflected there, and felt his own drain away into a pool of dread. He'd just had a panic attack in front of a client. He'd have to weave words very delicately to salvage this. Either that, or show vulnerability. He wasn't sure which idea scared him more.

taglist: @athens-writes, @albatris, @thethistlegirlwrites

[thatcoyperson]

So this was originally written off of a prompt and also to bully my friend [hi Jonah if you're seeing this :3] but I figured Tumblr could have it. Not the best thing I've written but f it we ball

Anyways enjoy this short little bit of Last Life Scar angst!

• -------- • -------- • -------- •

“Why?” Scar asked, voice quiet, burn scars still stinging.

Grian raised an eyebrow, locking his yellow eyes to Scar’s newly red from his place in the doorway. “Why what?”

A breath left Scar as he searched for the words. “Why’d you leave me alone?”

As soon as the words left Scar’s mouth, Grian’s entire demeanor changed to something much more closed off. Defensive. “I didn’t leave-”

“No you did leave me.” Scar didn’t even let the man finish his sentence, cutting him off with harsh words. “We were fine, Grian, everything was fine. We talked, we were still friends, it was fine,” Scar could feel the pain in his chest being twisted into anger by his newly red life. “But then- oh but then we get here and suddenly you’re against me. You take my life, take my friends, kill my horse who was the only friend I had left on this god forsaken server-”

“Now we both know that you stole that horse from me-”

“YOU DON'T GET A SAY IN THIS!” Scar snapped. Grian’s wings noticeably tensed at the sudden raise of volume, and Scar felt a shot of pride run through him, masking away the pain that made his heart hurt. “You don’t get a say in any of this after you’re the reason I’m alone,” saying that outloud made him realize the irony of it all. He scoffed, standing up and turning to face Grian fully, “Its funny, y’know, that you’re the reason I’m alone up here. Of all people on this server, it had to be you.”

Grian let out a sigh. “Scar it’s not only my fault-”

He barely got his sentence out before Scar started talking again. “After everything on Third Life, after everything where you swore your life to me-”

“Scar-”

“-after you stayed by my side even when I was red-”

“Scar.”

“-and after you told me you wouldn’t leave me even after you went yellow-”

“SCAR.”

Grian's rising volume finally made Scar stop.

“You told me you wouldn’t leave me,” he looked at Grian, the walls of artificial anger beginning to crack and the pain starting to show through again. The pain of being alone, left behind, forgotten. “Why did you lie?”

A response didn’t come from Grian for what felt like hours, choosing instead to look at Scar with an unreadable expression that gave away nothing. Something was swirling in the back of his eyes though, and one part of Scar - the part that longed for warmth, longed for the desert, for his friend - wanted to believe it was guilt, remorse. But he knew better than that. At least now he did.

And a response never truly came from him. The pair stood there in silence, Scar just barely holding onto the few strings keeping the walls around his heart held together, until Grian silently turned and left.

“What's left of your stuff is in the chest,” were his final words.

The strings snapped.

And Scar stood frozen in the middle of the room as his vision blurred with tears.

[gammaraydeath]

not even joking i should get an extension on this upcoming project for bereavement :( due on monday afternoon and i haven't even started

[coycorry]

Sinedd’s redesign tw: HUGE OOC (canon sucks)

we all should agree that Sinned’s character is a huge waste of potential and, oh lord, I have so much to say that I don’t even know where to begin…

first of all why his writing is so poor? almost random I must say. he’s a person who just happens to be in all places at all times, making a conflicts happen for no particular reason EVEN WHEN THEY DOES NOT MAKE SENSE FOR HIS CHARACTER. for example in season 2 he runs “the sphere” himself (he obviously shouldn’t have a basic knowledge of how to do that) and writers just saying that his interest in it is money?.. like wtf why should HE care? why should he wants a dirty money like that, if he’s a freaking football SUPERSTAR. he have a reputation to destroy, you know. apart from that, he never appeared to care that much about his finances, even in 1st season when he steals m-ice’s football tickets they never let us know why he does that. if he wanted some easy cash, why wouldn’t steal some cash? so this thing must’ve been something personal, isn’t it? instead he steals those tickets, that are obviously shit and everybody knows that. sinedd could never manage to sold them, because even m-ice (mr. social butterfly who managed to bring tons of people to try Aarches football simulator) couldn’t do that. my point is that sinedd could never risk that much doing something obviously illegal like running a freaking fight club without strong motivation. and if he needed money THAT bad, then why they didn’t show us WHY.

all his 3rd season arc is a complete nonsense: why they ended up with mei? how did they started to date? for what reason? hating d’jok? is that even a reason? I wish I could forget this poorly written “family reunion arc” who just happened to not know that their son is a freaking football SUPERSTAR. and then he all suddenly changes for the “good guys” and becomes besties with d’jok who was bullying him for years (they were bullying each other). unbelievable. also, can you please remind me why they became enemies in the first place? ah, you can’t! because they never showed us WHY. how can I give a single fck about their cute little make up, if I don’t know how and why it went wrong?

I would absolutely love if he just makes a bit more sense in the show, and stop being stupid (not)evil dude for no reason. In season 1 I LOVED how he had a break down because his parents died in a war, and it’s very painful for him, even after so many years. that’s a very important message that writers could put in this character: some things just can’t be undone, but you need to let it go, so you can move on your life…

but sinned can’t, and this is his real conflict. not some stupid money.

he can’t live with his past, but can’t accept it, and as a result he can’t accept himself and how great he’s doing. he’s an orphan that become a football freaking SUPERSTAR. he’s a talented player, a genius in some way, that have mastered 2 fluxes in record time. he made it to final and semi-final of GF. but no matter what he achieves - that’s not enough because he still hates himsel. he’s worst than d’jock. he have no family or friends. he can’t get this freakin cup. and he can’t even destroy it, because he’s a coward… and then pirates strikes Shadows planet and he loses his flux and gets trauma in the sphere, so he can’t even play anymore. imagine HOW MUCH of a damage he got at this moment. like man he should’ve been mentally destroyed.

and I wish we could’ve seen that.

2nd season was the perfect time to show us sinned at the lowest point in his life. he was damaged by his loss in the end of 1st season so got depression. maybe he met a bad company, and he started to run “the sphere” with someone who claims to be his friend. they obviously using him, but he’s following them anyway, because he can’t stay alone with his thoughts anymore. he trying to fill this emptiness in a different ways, and that’s doesn’t help. obviously. until he meets rokket. not like they never met before, but in a new context, where they started spending lots of time together, both depressed and having good/bad time together. they get to know each other and open from a new side. they gain some sort of connection because they are compatible, they understand each others trauma and for the first time in his life, sinedd faces true understanding. then rokket quits, and it feels like betrayal, but the true betrayal only comes when he realises the truth about his “new friend” and “the sphere”

then he loses cup again and guys this is the real drama here, he should’ve been perished by that…

but.

instead he understands that he NEEDS to change. he NEEDS to get some help, because he can’t live like this anymore, and really, he doesn’t want to. that’s why he’s coming back to rokket after final, to congratulate him with his victory and apologise. for the first time in his entire life. if he can change it, it means that sinedd can too! (and rokket is literally the best person to help him with that, because how much empathy and patience he has). and then all the 3rd season sinedd, step by step, trying to change from what he was, but not everyone believes in that, because how much bad he did. but he will do it, by working hard on himself and his mental health. yes he won’t get his family back all sudden, but who knows, maybe after he change he will find a new one?

I changed his hair colour not only because it looks more cyber-y2k-ish, but to the show how unnatural he is in the beginning, and how he’s doing all this way to who he really is, accepting himself. no friendship with d’jok tho, NOW ROKKET IS OUR BEST FRIEND. I don’t want him to make up with d’jok, I want him to let go this childish rivalry and understand that he’s not worse or better, he’s just another. that’s it.

updated uniform for “the shadows”

[elle-oh-ell3]

i’m still not over coy randomly dropping ‘Life spoilers: everyone dies trying’ in the middle of the tubbathon btw

[gaslightgallows]

Writing is: sending a finished outline to your editor, and then ten minutes later, listening to your wife/enabler propose an incredible idea that will deepen the main character and fix a bunch of plot holes, and deciding to rewrite the back 2/5s of your outline to incorporate that idea.

@meldanya44 I love you. @rivendellrose I am so sorry.