#i would start sobbing if i tried to lmao
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liking and depending on people is so stupid and hard and ive decided im never doing either again
#never venting or talking about feelings again 💪#repressing is easier and less vulnerable#even if it hurts sometimes it's better than being vulnerable with anyone again#just gonna say everything rn#im tired of some of our shitty irl friends and i miss one that we dont talk to much anymore bc no classes and whatever and#im stressing about my bf because we havent seen his system online in a while but we havent talked to them in a month because we feel#unwanted but thats us just being dramatic i guess but now it's like; are we close enough to ask you if you're ok or will you find us#annoying and cut us off and then i never get to see my bf again who i might just break up with because#1) he deserves better#2) if i leave him first i cant be scared of him leaving me#/j#i wont tho#i would start sobbing if i tried to lmao#but anyway our parents dont like me specifically and even if they dont know about osdd whatever they can see our attitude change#so its really great to feel unwanted by my friends and parents rn!!#i miss percy i miss serenity i miss romeo#i also dont believe any of them or anyone likes me and they only tolerate and pity me#i cant even get out of bed to get a book im just stupid and crying here#im done#ep#vent
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whatever you do, don't imagine a young J Corvin waiting every day at the end of their drive, hoping today is the day the mail carrier finally brings a letter from their very best friend
#i'm personally about to start sobbing#how many letters do they try sending#how long does that sweet gentle soul wait - I actually don't want to know#little too close to home frankly lmao#grandpa i don't CARE that something evil lives in fernweh and wants to eat me or control me or whatever - that's my bestie!!#I just did James's route and this part hurt so much worse#fernweh saga#like J is SO scared to ask MC if they can write this time & they're trying to be SO supportive--#--of the fact that the last time they tried MC was going through an incredibly difficult time in their life#but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt so badly#and like it's obviously not MC's fault bc they never even got the letters in the first place#but now I want to cry thinking about how my MC hugs James at the police station when they meet again and how he's probably like ???#my MC missed him and James is like 'weird reaction for someone who couldn't be bothered to write back'#'and shattered my little fifteen year old heart into pieces'#i'm making wild assumptions about the inner workings of J's mind here but anyway#j corvin#all i'm saying is if my best friend was ripped out of my life and I tried writing them I would be religiously checking the mailbox#probably far longer than I should but still trying to hold out hope
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last post ended up deleting my tags so im continuing them here
#but.#even after all the time i had aparti still went back at 16#i traveled across the country just to see her again#and it fucking sucked#she ripped that wound right back open#which . felt so weird because she WANTED me to come#she made all the plans#honestly the train trip there was nice#i got to experience a lot of cool things#but the second i got there. it was . one of the worst times of my life#just nonstop#and now ive finally been away for awhile again#but i still miss her#& i dont know why#but it also doesnt help the only gf i have ever had did the same type of thing LMAO//.... i .. i just cannot win#maybe it's just my roll#say all these nice things n then immediately flip#she would make me hang out w her friends n talk me up n then. cheat on me with them with me there#& then get upset when i cried or tried to break up w her LMAO...#like. she wasnt poly or anything she was actually against it#but the worst part is how openly & loudly she'd love me right before it. so now i never know who is telling the truth. i never feel safe#but anyway. again. i stayed#over n over again id try to break up w her but then i loved her & so when she got upset n threaten to kms id flip n stay#n she'd do it again#until eventually she broke up w me n left me so fuckd up im not gonna lie JHVAJH#she still tried to stay friends after that n i tried#but then i started sobbing mid card game & it was very embarrassing top 10 worst things i have done#but i just. all i want is to be a good person. i want to be someone good & loving but i feel like im such a jealous monster#even if i dont let myself show it n try to ignore it bc i dont want to hurt anyone or be this awful it;s still here. just. permeating.#what if i feel too much what if ill never know when someone is genuine what if im just an evil obsessive freak n everyone i love hates me
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you do not realize how much you take certain body parts for granted until you can't use them anymore hooooly shit
#have yall ever tried to make a cup of tea one handed. there is NO fucking reason for this to be this difficult#like im no stranger to chronic pain but this is something completely different#girl. i fucked up both of my arms so bad. this is excruciating#i woke up this morning rolled over and proceeded to spend an hour crying and shaking (literally)#i have not. been able to do nearly ANYTHING with my left arm from the shoulder to the actual tips of my fingers#my right arm. is better. but i still need 2 be so careful with it rn#this is my fault & because of final shape. to be clear#i did NOT. realize. laying on my stomach in bed for that long would fuck up my biceps at all. much less this bad.#i dont know HOW. this has NEVER happened to me before#bitch ass body is like hey :) we have a suprise for you :) and the surprise is my muscle tissue has starting ripping up#but also what a testament to hyperfixation and quality lmao#literally sobbing in pain while my mom was slathering my arms in magnesium butter and i was STILL like. yeah this is worth it#obviously im not going to do it again. but if that was the price i had to pay for getting to experience final shape for the first time agai#yeah. i would fhgkjhfdkjHADJAGDJS#mine#vent
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i think art is the nerdiest fucker on the planet, maybe im reaching but i don’t know maybe it’s his vibe, i feel like if you were trying to get his attention he just would be so deep into his books that you’d have to physically take away his attention from it… if you know what i mean
nsfw
idk why but i feel like he's so average in school LMAO. like he gets pretty okay grades on his papers and assignments in college, but he's cool w it b/c he's so focused on his tennis career lol.
but ! i can also definitely see him being very studious and having his nose almost always in a book when he's not on the courts. to me he very much seems like he'd be a stem major of some kind. like, he's an overachiever for sure, even if school isn’t really his thing as much as athleticism is. he tries his best! he’s a fairly good student, he’s just better at sports!
i think if he got sucked into his studies too much sometimes, it would be so easy to just crawl under his desk and start to suck him off while he clutches his textbook and whimpers while the pages start to tear..
or you could help him study (not really) by stroking his cock and telling him he can only come if he gets all ten answers right when you verbally quiz him. he really doesn't learn anything through this process, though, b/c he's too focused on not prematurely squirting out over your hand. his brain gets mushy, that’s all; it’s hard to concentrate with your fingers wrapped around him.
"What are the three domains of life?"
"U-Uhm.. Bac—ungh!— bacteria.. arch-archaea.. and.. a-and.. and—!"
you pause your touch as his body tenses up all over.
"And..?"
"Please, please, please.. i've gotta cum, i'm really gonna cum—"
he looks to you with those big, blue puppy eyes and a soft pout.
"Finish," you whisper lowly.
"Wh- Can I really?"
"Your answer, Art."
"Oh.. And, uh, eukarya..?"
you smirk, starting to stroke him again, and he comes not even ten seconds later with a sharp moan and a softly hiccuped sob. he murmurs your name and breathy, tender 'thank you'.
whether he's thanking you for being his study buddy or for letting him release, you don't know. it doesn't really matter. you kiss him anyways as he floats in his afterglow.
—
i <3 him in his stanford spirit wear
#🌸 - ask prompts#🩷 - thirst prompts#sage's asks#art donaldson#art donaldson x reader#art donaldson smut#sub!art donaldson#art donaldson fic#art donaldson x you#mike faist smut#challengers smut#challengers fic#dom!reader#art donaldson thirst
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Dating Daryl Dixon (NSFW and SFW)
Apologies I haven’t made more, I just moved and I’m switching jobs atm. I’m writing a Daryl x Reader fic, it may not be long but I hope you still enjoy when it’s out. For now, enjoy some head canons.
This is both NSFW and SFW , so of course, minors DNI!!!!!
Dating Daryl Dixon would include;
Late night talks, this would be the only time you actually get to have peace, so of course you both take advantage of it
There would be no labels to you’re relationship until he either proposes to you or just randomly calls you his wife one day
Despite not having a label , you know you’re his and he’s yours
There would definitely be nights where you just fuck, he doesn’t care if people hear, he just wants to be with you
Daryl would be stern with you and you both would have arguments, but nothing to the point you are cruel with each other
This man would bring you flowers when you’re sad, dying on this hill!!!
You’d put flowers in his hair as well
You and Daryl’s first time would be kind of shit, much like Maggie and Glenn’s, but of course you find out each others likes and dislikes
Daryl would be rough, but naturally you’d teach him how to be slow, but of course you enjoy his roughness
Constantly grabbing your ass and putting his head on your shoulder as he does it
Daryl would start falling in love with you at the CDC (I’m sobbing)
He would reassure you and go “hey hey” and grab your jaw or waist and look at you
Daryl may not say much sometimes, but you know he’s listening
You would love Daryl and Carols friendship, you actually think it’s cute
Daryl would make sure you have a comfy place to sleep every night
Making sure you eat first is a definite
Daryl would love eating you out, the way this man would go insane over it oh my god
He would grab your hips/hip dips as he’s eating you out 😔🙏 don’t question the messenger
Daryl would love when you sit on his lap
He would be such a girl dad
He would make sure you are priority when you’re pregnant , he would annoy the others sometimes with it, but understandably so
Daryl visiting you while you’re pregnant at Hilltop
Daryl would be mean to you at first , but it’s only because deep down he knows he has a fat crush on you, he would call you all sorts of names and curse you out LMAO
Daryl tries to sass or be mean to you in the early days, but every time he looks into your eyes he falters hard and just yells “never mind!” and brushes you off
The first time yall kiss, Daryl would be the one to initiate it
My head canon for when you first kiss is you tell Andrea off about shooting Daryl in the head, of course yall fight, but you go to Daryl with a plate of food as he’s resting. Naturally you’re upset and crying, and Daryl’s like “hey- I’m alive ain’t I?” as he grabs your cheeks before he kisses you- MY HEART
I hope you enjoyed <33333
#norman reedus#twd daryl#the walking dead daryl#the walking dead#daryl dixon#daryl dixon smut#daryl dixon fanfiction#daryl x reader#daryl dixon headcanon#daryl dixon drabbles#twd#twd fanfiction
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this is the dumbest thing i’ve ever requested LMAO but……can i request a reader with chronic migraines and lewis who knows that if he makes her come it’ll go away 😩 he eats her out (REAL EATER!) and her migraine does go away and he’s like u feel better? 😁 and she’s begrudgingly like ….yes 😔
author’s note: oh god. this got away from me. hope u enjoy!! and migraines suck ass 😔💔 the relationship between lewis + reader are really blurred here. is he ur fuck buddy? is ur bf? ur fiancé? ur husband? u decide 🫡 also this hasn’t been edited and i wrote it in 10 minutes.
────── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ──────
when lewis finds you, you’re lying on the couch with the lights off. it’s eerily silent and he knows you’re having another migraine. he slips in, and gently lifts your legs so he can sit underneath them. he rubs a thumb against your ankle. you look up at him and grin.
“you’re back.”
“wouldn’t leave you for too long,” he hums. “are you okay? need me to get anything for you?”
“a magical cure for migraines?” you huff as press the palms of your hands into your eyes. “i’m so fucking tired with dealing with them. i want them gone.”
“i know sweetheart,” he rubs his hand over your exposed legs. you decided to wear shorts this morning, it was way too hot to wear anything else. you debated just walking around in your underwear but you were terrified your neighbour would see. you loved the smiths but you’d give the old couple a heart attack if they saw you like that. hence the shorts. “i do know of one thing that might help.”
“and what could that possibly be? i’ve tried everything.”
“well, y’know i was getting my hair braided and i was looking through the magazines my braider has available. did you know that orgasms help with migraines?”
“what fucking magazine are you reading?”
“ones about fucking apparently.”
“don’t make me laugh,” you giggle despite yourself. “it hurts.”
“it hurts me to see you in pain.” he frowns. “let me get you off.”
“i’m not in the mood to have sex. i just want to rot here. i won’t be much fun.”
“i don’t need to get off. this is just about you. i want to help you baby. please.”
for a moment, you think about it. it does sound tempting and you can’t say no when he sounds like that. you smile.
“go ahead.” you laugh. “give me head.”
“you think you’re so funny.” lewis gives you the side eye as he starts to let his hands wander.
“absolutely.” you wink.
lewis was very skilled with his hands. well, his job does partially relies on them. gorgeous, and so warm. when he touches you it’s like he leaves your body on fire. he leaned over to kiss your hipbone. positioning himself so that he’s more comfortable. after a moment of teasing, he pulls your shorts and panties down. he huffs a breath against you.
“she still loves me.” he says as he gathers some of your wetness on his fingers. he spreads your legs wider so that they can sit on his shoulders. you reach a hand to stop him.
“you okay yn?” he looks concerned, so you smile to soothe him.
“it’s not that i want you to stop or anything. i just, can you take your shirt off?” you ask sweetly. he rolls his eyes but obliges, pulling his shirt off and throwing it somewhere. “that’s better.”
he gets back to work quickly. pressing a thumb against your already swollen clit. he smiles before he starts to eat you out. allowing you to hump yourself against his face as he stretches you out with one finger, which turns to two and then three.
you didn’t expect to be so desperate for it. is it because you haven’t seen in him in a while? is it because you’re desperate for any relief? but after a while, you’re practically sobbing for it. for him, for your release, for something. you pull him closer to you, pressing him further in between your thighs. he obliges, and moves his tongue and fingers in tandem with each other.
you feel your release coming soon and you know he knows by the way he doesn’t let up. you’re practically gushing at this point. you’re sucking up his fingers when he makes eye contact. you’re burning up on his couch and he fucking winks at you. when you reach your peak, he fingerfucks you through the aftershocks, kissing your thighs.
“you okay?” he asks politely.
“i know you’re begging to ask it. go on.” you say breathlessly.
“did it work?” he asks excitedly as he cleans you up. “the article said it works better than painkillers. i took a photo.”
“it did work. i feel better. thank you.” you lean over to give him a kiss. you look down at him. “do you need me to get you off?”
“no, no baby. this was all about you. don’t worry about me.” he kisses your ankle and switches on the television on a very low brightness. “should we catch up on that show you like?”
────── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ──────
#jayde’s works ☆#18+ mdni#lewis hamilton x reader#lh44 x reader#lewis hamilton smut#lh44 smut#formula one x reader#f1 x reader#formula 1 x reader#f1 imagine#formula 1 imagine#f1 smut#lewis hamilton x you
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we’d still worship this love — e.m.
part two of even if it’s a false god.
pairing: modern!college!fboy eddie x fem!reader
warnings: smut!!!!!!, 18+, MINORS DNI. p in v, cr*ampie, unprotected s*x, angstangstangst, eddie regrets everything!!, jealous eddie, a bit of protective steve, drinking, swearing, praises, nicknames, fluff!!
summary: in which eddie regrets what he said to you. (wc:6.3k+)
a/n: literally the lyrics match up soooo well w the story imo im sorry for the last line ok i rlly tried to hold myself back not to directly write any lyrics lmao. this is CHEESY. i hate THE ENDING. as usual! but im so glad u guys liked pt. one and i didn't want to deprave any of u !!! i did not proof-read so pls ignore any mistakes!! hope u guys enjoy this lmk what u think mwah!!
Eddie sighed as he checked the kitchen, you were still nowhere to be found.
He had fucked up.
So badly.
He grabbed the half-empty red cup sitting on the kitchen stand. A whiff of alcohol hit his senses as soon as he tried to sniff it; it reeked, but Eddie didn’t care at this point, downing it like it was water.
He grabbed the pack of cigarettes sitting in his back pocket, walking miserably toward the backyard as he lit the cigarette sitting between his lips.
“Let’s get you to Steve’s, yeah?” The voice that passed by him was quick to grab his attention.
Robin.
“Robin?” He exclaimed excitedly, causing Robin to mouth “Don’t”.
He took a step to get closer to you but stopped quickly in his tracks; he had caused enough fucking damage.
He made his bed, and now he needed to lie in it.
He watched as you and Robin left, leaving him all alone.
2 HOURS LATER
DON’T ANSWER: im so fuckhjing sorry
DON’T ANSWER: i didnt fuckingmeanit lije that i swear
DON’T ANSWER: pls talk to me
DON’T ANSWER: r u at steve? i can come
DON’T ANSWER: pleaseeeeee we can’t leave things like this.
You heaved a sigh reading his texts, he was drunk again, and you weren’t going to entertain him.
You blocked this contact.
“He’s texting me.” You groaned, chucking your phone away as you plopped yourself onto Steve’s bed.
“What did he say?” Steve asked curiously.
“He wants to see me and talk, he’s drunk again.” You replied curtly, head still filled with the words he uttered to you.
“I just… I can’t believe he’d say that.” Robin chimed in, shaking her head.
“I could. He’s an asshole.” You rolled your eyes.
“Yeah… but I always thought he had a soft spot for you.” Robin muttered.
You chuckled dryly. “He has a soft spot for my body.” You crinkled with disgust.
Robin shook her head as she spoke. “No, I mean it, Y/N… I really don’t believe he meant it like—”
Steve was quick to interrupt. “Jesus, Robin, stop making excuses for him. I know he’s your friend and all, but he fucked up. And there’s nothing he can do now to ever take back the things he did to her!” He exclaimed, the two of them started bickering back and forth.
You wanted to sink into the bed; you so badly wanted to believe Robin, believe that Eddie’s words were all just a lie, just something he made up on the spot just because he was afraid.
But Steve was right—even if it was a lie, even if it was all a huge misunderstanding, nothing he could do would undo the amount of pain he caused you. The nights you spent sobbing—nothing could change that.
But a part of you also knew that, if Eddie ever caught you in a moment of weakness again, you’d do it all over again; you’d let him ruin you all over again, just to have him complete you for the mere seconds he made you feel loved.
The bickering and the storm in your mind stopped with a sudden knock on Steve’s door.
The three of you looked at each other in unison.
Shit.
Did that stupid bastard really have the audacity to come here?
You looked over at Steve with pity, about to open your mouth and beg, plead with him to do something, and he was quick to understand your train of thought. “I got this.” He muttered, hand squeezing your knee for comfort before he attended the door.
As soon as the door swung open, there he was, blood-shot eyes and messy hair framing his face. He was shitfaced and could barely stand against the door frame. “Munson.” Steve affirmed sternly.
“W—where is she?” Eddie slurred, barely even letting Steve speak.
“She’s not here.” Steve said without letting Eddie take a look.
“Look, man… I know she is, please—” He tried to push past him, but Steve stood his ground, blocking his way before his face turned cold.
“She doesn’t want to see you.” Steve almost hissed, the intensity of his gaze taking Eddie back.
“Don’t make this any harder and just leave, yeah?” Steve muttered, almost shutting the door before Eddie’s heavy boots interfered.
“Please.” Eddie pleaded, making Steve huff as he threw a quick glance your way, and you quickly shook your head, mouthing ‘no’s.
But that was it; Eddie barged in as he used Steve’s distraction to his advantage, you gasped when the door swung open, revealing Eddie.
He couldn't tear his eyes away from you, his gaze held guilt and relief. Guilty because of the fact that he uttered those words to you. But, relieved that he saw you, relieved that he could finally explain himself to you.
Yet you looked at him with such disgust that it ached his heart, putting on a heavy ache on his chest. Every breath he took now felt like a struggle.
“Don’t!” You seethed when he took a step toward you, Steve was quick to jump to your defence, but you waved him off.
“Leave.” You could feel your face grow hotter with rage each time you spoke, you didn’t want him here, you wanted him to disappear from the face of the earth.
“I’m so fucking sorry.” That was all that left his lips, his eyes were glinting with sadness, and his bottom lip trembled with guilt.
“You have the nerve… You have the fucking nerve.” You chuckled dryly, tongue rolling inside your cheek in anger.
“Please... Let me just explain,” He slurred.
His drunkenness made you more angry.
“I don’t want you to!” You hissed.
“I told you, I’m fucking done, Munson.” You spoke calmly, tears were threatening to spill, but you held your ground.
“One fucking minute, I swear—” You heaved a sigh, and another angry chuckle escaped from your throat as you looked at Steve, as if to tell him to kick him out, signaling for help.
“Alright,” Steve muttered. “She doesn’t wanna talk, Munson.” He spoke calmly as he held Eddie’s arm, trying to drag him out. Eddie’s protests fell deaf on your ear as you plopped yourself on the bed again, crying into Steve’s sheets as Robin played with your hair to reassure you.
1 MONTH LATER:
Thirty fucking days.
Eddie was going to lose his mind.
Blocked from everywhere, and you avoided him like the plague.
He knew he deserved to be shut out; he knew he didn’t deserve you. But even crumbs of information from you would have eased him.
Steve and Robin had been useless, except for today. Except for that cryptic message Robin sent him about you being at the party today. And he praised his lucky stars for that.
Until he made it to the party.
Until he finally saw you.
With Mr. Jock pinning you against the wall as you giggled at his unfunny jokes.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Don’t make a scene, Eddie. Don’t fucking make a scene—
His lips pressed together, jaw quick to clench as he couldn’t help the way he almost sprinted toward you. He didn’t know if it was out of pure jealousy, or the fact that he had missed you so goddamn much that he couldn’t stray away from you anymore.
“Hi, honey.” Eddie said sarcastically and chirpily, jealousy dripped from his tone, and he couldn’t help the intense gaze he had on the asshole.
You froze in your place as soon as you recognized the voice. What the fuck was he doing?
Standing between the two of you, “Who’s this?” Eddie spat, his hand aggressively pointing toward him.
You rolled your eyes before you turned to him. “Don’t,” You warned, your brows shooting up and a fiery flash apparent in your eyes.
“Who are you?” He narrowed his eyes at Eddie, and as if Eddie had been waiting for him to provoke him further, he gave a smug smirk. Body turning to face the asshole.
You panicked, and the ever-so apparent tension in the air grew thicker “No one.” You replied quickly, avoiding Eddie’s lingering gaze.
“Really? You’re gonna play that card, princess?” He gave you a dry chuckle, jealousy gnawed at his insides.
You squeezed your eyes shut to save yourself from embarrassment, but he wasn’t going to stop until this jerk wasn’t at your side.
“That’s not what you were saying the last time I saw you—” You were quick to cut him off with a warning gaze, your eyes widening.
“Eddie… This—this is Ethan.” You said through gritted teeth.
Eddie mocked a realization face, and you wanted to punch that smirk off of his stupid smug face. “Oh…” He laughed all-knowingly.
“That Ethan? The jock?” You narrowed your eyes, annoyance setting over your face, and you couldn’t handle the heat growing in your cheeks.
This asshole.
“I’m sorry, man.” He chuckled, giving Ethan a harsh slap on the shoulder, a slap that wasn’t friendly in the slightest bit—and you were sure now that the tension in the space the three of you shared could be cut through with a knife.
You cleared your throat to speak up, but Ethan did it before you. “What the fuck are you talkin’ about?”
This was the provocation Eddie needed, and you knew it; you saw that mischievous glint glimmer in his eyes. “Oh, just that she was telling me all about how fucking horrible you—”
You interrupted Eddie with a nervous giggle. “Sooo sorry! He’s just a bit drunk!” You gave Ethan a panicked smile.
“I’ll see you around!” You called out, walking off while dragging Eddie as far away from him as possible with a harsh grip on his arm.
You probably didn’t know what you were getting yourself into when you dragged him toward the closest empty room.
“What the fuck?!?” You yelled into his face.
He ignored your distress. “What are you doing with him?”
“None of your business.” You hissed.
“It is my business if you get with Mr Jock again.”
“I’m not getting with—” You lowered your voice mid-sentence, annoyance taking over.
“What part of ‘I don’t want to fucking see you ever again’ don’t you understand?” You let out through gritted teeth, your face heating from anger.
“Did you know…” He said, completely ignoring you, and you looked at him with the same angry expression, getting tired of his antics.
“When you get angry like that, a line crinkles on your forehead, and those sweet lips pout into a frown? You look so fuckin’ cute like that.” He murmured, leaning against the wall you trapped him into.
You let out an exasperated sigh, eyes rolling into the back of your head. “What the fuck is your problem?” You asked, brows furrowing.
“What the hell do you want from me?”
“You? I mean, eventually, I want to wake up with you every morning and fall asleep with you every night.” He smirked.
Fucking jerk.
You chuckled with an audible scoff. "Is this some kind of a joke?" You muttered under your breath, voice laced with irritation.
“You are so fucking irritating.” You spat, eyes narrowing.
“Just… just—Leave me alone.” Your voice lowered, your face was coming closer to his, and all Eddie could think about was how nice it was to have you this close to him again, to feel your warmth again.
You could see it, the emotions his gaze held, but you didn’t want to fall for his antics again, so you turned quickly to leave.
“Please.” His pleading and his hold on your arm were what made you stop in your tracks. The way his voice cracked, you could hear the desperation. If only you didn’t care about him this fucking much…
“Please��just, hear me out.” He was almost begging, and you knew you should be running, you knew you shouldn’t care, not even to spit the venom inside of you that had been building since that night.
But you can’t help it.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” You asked, words coming out in a sharp and biting tone as your anger escalated.
“After what you said to me...” You looked at him with a piercing stare, your eyes practically emitting flashes of irritation.
“Do you have any fucking idea how much I can’t even stomach being around you?” Your nostrils flared with every breath you took.
“In fact, I hate you.” You spat.
“You hate me?” He asked, inching closer toward you.
“Yes!” You snapped.
“Then show me.” He challenged.
“W—what?” You stuttered, your confidence dissipating in a second as the room felt so fucking small when he was standing this close to you.
Your guard was so thinly veiled that one fucking word from him was enough to shatter it.
And you knew, with one or two more pushes from him, you’d give in. You’d give in, regardless; you had missed him more than you would ever let him know.
And you shouldn’t. You fucking shouldn’t.
“Take it out on me.” He whispered, gaze intentionally fixated on your lips.
“You hate me, fine! One last time. Get me out of your system.” He’s so close to your face that when he leans in to whisper in your ear, you can feel his hot breath on your neck.
He’s intoxicating—his endearing words, the jealousy, and the possessiveness—and you shouldn’t fucking fall for it.
But it feels different this time; something is so fucking different about him that it’s throwing you off. The way his pretty lips frame the words is convincing.
Making you believe that this would be the last time, making you believe that you could come clean off him if you had him just one more fucking time.
You don’t say anything when you give in, your gaze lingering on his lips.
His eyes are quick to trace your face, admiring all of your features in awe, regret filling every vein in his body, knowing that this would be the last time.
“You’re fucking beautiful,” he says roughly. He doesn’t let you respond, lets the petty comments die down your throat when he kisses you.
Oh, Jesus, Fucking Christ.
Your heart was pounding against your ribcage. There was something so bittersweet about the way he kissed you, knowing it was going to be the last. He twirled his tongue with yours, so needy and so fucking promising.
Eddie knew you better than the back of his hand, so when you started whimpering against his lips, your knees giving out, he knew you didn’t want to waste any time.
He guided you toward the bed, gentle as he had never been before. The two of you were slow to undress each other, savoring every fucking moment.
He let you lead everything, going only at your pace and making sure everything was up to your desires, purely catering to you.
You could sense it, see the difference in how intimate this was, compared to others where it was just senselessly fucking, this was passionate, and it was killing the two of you.
Rather than just pushing into it, he kept his gaze on you, admiring the way your chest rose up and down as his calloused hands slid further down your body, nipples hardening when his hands stopped to ghost over your thighs.
His other hand rested on your breasts, and he didn’t hesitate to latch his tongue on it, sucking while his other fingers toyed with your entrance.
You mewled; you weren’t going to hold back. “Moremoremore.”
But he didn’t move an inch.
That greedy bastard.
“More,” You pleaded louder this time, growing impatient.
Eddie looked at you with such hunger in his eyes that it had your core throbbing. “I’m gonna give you every fucking thing you need, honey.” He promised.
“But I need… this. I need this memory of you engraved into my brain, forever.” He groaned, giving all of his attention to every part of your body.
You were quick to nod, quick to oblige him, especially when he made you feel this fucking good.
But you couldn’t help it, you needed him. Especially when he was everywhere, hands gliding all over your body, making you whimper with just his touch.
And the way you looked at him was so fucking tempting that he was almost going to explode, you were pleading with your gaze, telling him to take you… fully. To make you his, one last fucking time.
He could recognize the weight your gaze held, almost as if he understood your train of thought, he pressed his thumb further into your clit, circling around it as your core clenched on nothing.
“Please,” You begged.
“Such an impatient, baby,” He muttered into your skin, pushing past your folds as he earned a low groan from you.
“Missed those sweet noises,” He hummed, doing everything in his power to not pound into you right away, the way your cunt was gushing for him, the way you pleaded, Eddie was sure he’d burst if he had to wait more.
With a tender touch, he tucked your hair back. “You have no clue how fuckin’ insane you make me.” He pressed a sloppy kiss, his hands were still working their way through your folds.
“Each time I’m around you… it’s like I lose all my fuckin’ senses.” He slurred into your ear, his cock was straining his boxers, and you looked so fucking perfect beneath him, looking all fucked when he had barely touched.
But you ignored it. Ignored every one of his words, you didn’t need his sappy shit; you didn’t need another reason to stay.
You just needed to feel good.
“Please, fuck, baby, please,” You whimpered softly, your nails digging harshly into his back, making his cock twitch more and more.
Baby.
He doesn’t even remember the last time you called him that, and it shouldn’t bring a stupid, childish grin to his face, but it does.
He’s ready to put everything behind him, start over, and do whatever you say.
But he’s sure you will never let him.
“I need you, Eds.” You murmured, eyes gazing into his; a mixture of tenderness and longing overtaking your features, speaking to him without uttering a single word.
That was all it took for him to free his hard cock from his boxers, his pink-tip burning with desire as it faced you, beads of pre-cum dripping from it as you smeared it all over, giving it a few pumps before you placed it into your entrance.
The low groans that escaped Eddie’s lips were so fucking loud, filling the room, and you loved it. You loved the strained sounds he made with one touch from you.
He didn’t hesitate to push himself deep inside of you without a warning, the space now being filled with both of your contented groans.
“Holy fuck,” He breathed, head tilted back as he grinned at the sight in front of him.
You with your mouth hung open, murmuring his name as you took his cock like the good fucking girl that you were.
“Takin’ me so well, angel,” He praised, “Baby, so fuckin’ tight, mhmm.” He placed sloppy kisses between your jaw and the line of your neck, grunting as he pounded his cock in and out of you with a speed that had your eyes rolling to the back of your head.
You were lost in him now, lost in the pure passion and affection Eddie provided you. You never felt this fucking good; you never felt this fucking close to him, breathing heavily as you struggled to keep your eyes open.
Everything was so fucking intense that you could barely breathe.
“Look at how well your sweet cunt is takin’ me in.” Eddie moaned, watching the way his cock disappeared into you, nuzzling him with your warmth.
“Fuckfuckfuck. S’fuckin’ warm, honey.” He muttered the deeper he pushed into you, and your walls were quick to clench around his throbbing cock.
You arched your back into him as you rocked your hips toward him.
You wanted him deeper and deeper, faster and faster, his every moment was euphoric, and you needed him, more and more.
He was making you greedy.
God, you wanted to hate him so fucking bad.
He groaned at your impatience, relished in the way you grunted your hips more into his cock, he chuckled smugly. “Greedy baby,” He muttered.
You ignored his taunting while you begged for more.
“Shut up,” You murmured, teasing him back.
And it was a huge mistake.
He cursed as he pulled out of you, and you whined at the emptiness, “Shit, shit, ‘m sorry” You whispered, but he ignored you, continuing his teasing while all you could do was thrash beneath him.
“Pleasepleaseplease,” You begged, causing him to smirk down at you.
And even though your pleas were heavenly, Eddie was in no mood to stray away from you, he needed to be inside of you.
He needed to feel your walls hugging his cock, he needed to be as close to you as he possibly could.
“I would never say no to you, doll.” He mocked, rocking his hips into you with such force that the whimper that slipped past your lips was sinful.
“All fuckin’ mine, yea?” He whimpered needily, and you nodded without hesitation, even though you both knew that wasn’t true.
You shuddered underneath him; he was filling you to the brim, and you cherished every fucking second of it.
“Eddie…” You barely let out a breath; the pleasure and sensation of each of his movements overwhelmed you.
He cooed, “S’stuffed with my cock that you can barely speak, doll?” He asked mockingly.
You nodded without hesitation, eyes squeezed shut. “I—Fuck…” Your head was dizzy, incoherent babbles were the only thing that escaped your lips, and Eddie knew, he knew you were close by the way your legs trembled.
“Fuck… honey—I know.” He purred cockily, his hips pushing further into you with a glorious thrust. “I feel the same, baby.” He groaned when you clenched around him again.
“My perfect girl.” He muttered as he continued his pace, his cock rocking into you further and faster—as if it were possible—earning low pleads from you in return.
“I never—I never thought being with someone could ever feel this way,” He whispered into your ear.
Don’t let him get to you; don’t fucking let his words get to you.
But fuck—does everything with him feel so fucking good.
“But, shit, you’re so different…” He muttered, his pace continuing as he grunted between his sentences.
“You’re so fucking different.” You avoided his gaze, the emotion it held was too fucking much for you to handle.
You tried to ignore it, tried to ignore the way you felt the hot tears streaming down your cheeks. Your emotions were a mess.
It felt good, and he felt good; his words, his fucking cock inside of you, everything felt so fucking good. It was the temporary fix you needed.
“Don’t do this to me, Munson.” You barely let out, he could feel your thighs trembling.
“I…I never felt this way before… Jesus—Fuck.” The rocking motion of his hips became rougher each time he spoke; you were clenching around him, getting tighter and tighter, driving the both of you into insane heights of pleasure.
“I think I lo—” You snapped from your hazy state of pleasure; each of his words was like a stab at your fresh wound, the one he fucking created.
“Don’t,” You warned him sternly, interrupting before he could get another vowel out.
"Don’t fucking finish that sentence. Don’t do that with me.”
“I know you. It's not working on me." You whispered.
“But—” He pleaded, and you interrupted again.
“Don’t say things you don’t mean, don’t ruin this.” The words were harsh as they left your lips.
“Don’t say things to make me doubt this, to make it harder for me to leave.” There was such a vulnerability in your voice that he couldn't help but want to protest.
He wanted to tell you that it was all fucking true. That he was so fucking in love with you that he was sure he lost his mind.
Yet, you don’t let him speak, you don’t let his words fool you, not again.
You kiss him in a dizzyingly rough motion just to shut him up.
His skin slaps against yours, rough, as if he’s trying to take his frustrations out, and you let him, you let him pound into you senselessly. You let his cock drive into you further, not stopping until he’s sure he’s stuffed you to the brim.
“Eddie, fuck!” You mumble into his lips; your brows are drawn together, and he knows—he knows you are close.
“Are you gonna cum, baby?” He cooed, and you nodded quickly. “Cum for me, honey.” He encouraged, not stopping his pace as he roughly thrusted his cock inside of your throbbing cunt one last time.
A gush of wetness pulsed out of you when you released around him, the strength of your orgasm was enough to choke you out, and white-hot flashes blurred your vision as he watched you in awe.
He wasn’t far behind, as the strained moans that escaped your throat drove him closer to the edge.
“Shitshit—s’fuckin’ perfect.” He grunted. The way your cunt convulsed around him was too much for him to handle. He slammed inside of you one last time.
“Fuckfuckfuckfuck—” He growled against your hair as he came, his cock shrivelled inside your cunt, pulsing as he coated your walls with his warm cum, fucking his release inside of you.
The two of you stayed like that for a hot minute, bodies tangled to each other, both minds fuzzy as both of you tried to catch your breath.
You could feel tears brimming your eyes again when the realization hit you.
This was the last time.
And you needed to leave.
As soon as possible.
And that’s exactly what he’s afraid of, afraid of you leaving, forever.
You are quick to shake your thoughts off, quickly getting up to get dressed.
“Don’t,” He mutters, it’s barely audible.
You turn to him with a quizzed look. “Please… Just, please don’t leave.” He begs, it’s the last sight you expect, and the last thing you expect to hear.
And it should feel so fucking satisfying, to know he’s wrapped around your finger, to know he is practically pleading for you. But it doesn’t, it feels so fucking sentimental, and you hate it.
“You knew.” You muttered, putting on the clothes you so carelessly discarded.
“You wanted this to be the last time.” You whispered, not daring to look at him.
“I lied,” He was quick to reply.
“Eddie…” You heaved a sigh.
“Please, just fucking listen to me for once.” He breathed; you’re sure you’ve never heard him this determined.
“I’m a fucking idiot, and I’m the biggest coward in the whole fucking universe, okay?” You turn around to meet his gaze, it’s pitiful and heavy with guilt, and you wish you never cared about him.
You wish you could just throw your feelings away and leave him behind.
“I don’t deserve you!” He exclaimed, causing you to roll your eyes.
“Stop… just stop with the bullshit of making me pity you—” You replied angrily.
But he doesn’t let you finish.
“Look, Y/N. I want that with you, I want something real with you… Shit—more than anything.”
You chuckled, baffled. “Too fucking late for that.” You replied coldly.
“I—it doesn’t have to be!” He spoke, grasping at straws to get you to give him one more chance.
Just one more fucking chance.
“What good will it do?” You whispered.
“You know what I realized?” You asked, putting on your shirt as Eddie gazed at you with need.
“We’re both so beyond fucked up that...” You squeezed your eyes shut.
“Us—” You pointed toward the two of you. “We would never work!” You spat.
“I’m the last fucking girl for a relationship, and you’re the last fucking guy for a relationship.”
“That’s why it would be perfect!” He tried to reason, but you shook your head.
“No—no, it wouldn’t! We’d eat each other alive!” You exclaimed, but Eddie refused.
“So?” He shrugged.
“So? We’d just fight all the time! You really want a relationship that hard?”
“When did you become so fucking afraid to take a risk? A little challenge?” You narrowed your eyes.
He read you like a fucking book. You knew you weren’t afraid of a challenge.
You were afraid of getting hurt.
You were afraid of being more attached to him than you already were.
You were afraid of him running out once you decided to fully commit.
You knew it wasn’t all him; you were messed up in your own fucking way. Avoiding everything that felt too real was your specialty, because you’d rather be aching now than in the near future when he broke your heart again.
If you didn’t leave now, you never could.
“Goodbye, Eddie.” You muttered, shutting out whatever he was saying as you closed the door.
Eddie sat on the bed, alone with himself, and his mind that was spinning with thoughts and his own voice telling him that he fucked up.
He chucked his jacket to the ground as he rubbed his hands along his face in frustration.
He had truly done it this time, he had lost you.
Forever.
But did he have to?
Did he need to be a fucking coward again?
Why would he give up this fucking fast when he didn’t tell you how he even felt?
Eddie got up in a hurry, sprinting toward the party like a man possessed, spinning around each girl he saw in the hopes that it might be you.
“Have you seen, Y/N?” He asked, and the blonde girl pointed toward the porch.
He muttered a quick ‘Thanks’ as he slipped through the bodies in his way as fast as he could, making his way onto the porch with anticipation, eyes glistening the second he spotted you.
You were sat on the cold wooden floor with your face buried into your hands, quiet sniffling was all Eddie heard. And he felt it again—that familiar ache—the same ache he felt the past month, when he couldn’t see you, talk to you, or know how you were doing. It returned instantly when he heard your sobs.
“Hey… hey…” He murmured, causing you to jump as you turned to him with swollen eyes and your mascara was quick to run down your cheeks.
“You’re gonna get cold, honey. Let’s get you up, yea?” He had never been this fucking caring, nor did he ever pine after you this much; he always held back, no matter what storms brewed in his mind.
He extended his arm for you to take, but you glared at him coldly. “What are you doing here, Eddie?”
“I need to talk to you.” He said.
“Jesus fucking Christ.” You muttered, “How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want to—” Your rant was interrupted by his pleas.
“Please—just don’t say anything and just listen, please.” You sighed.
“Please, Y/N.”
“Fine.” You crossed your arms against your chest, your eyes still glistening with tears.
He inched closer to you. “These thirty fucking days I’ve spent away from you… It’s been torture, Y/N.” He shook his head.
“You—you have no fucking idea the things I did... The things I’ve tried to forget about us... Forget you.” His voice almost cracked, distress overtaking his features. He was sincere, so fucking honest that it was starting to make you afraid.
You couldn’t decide if it was him or the chilly breeze that sent shivers down your spine. “And no matter what I did, I still found myself itching for you. A part of me that I couldn’t fucking kill craved for you… to see you, to call you.”
You’d never seen him like this before.
Eddie was always guarded, all fun and teasing. Always turning serious shit into jokes.
And this was real. The only thing you wanted from him, the only thing you begged that he made a mockery of. The hypocrisy was appalling to you.
You opened your mouth, your brows had already furrowed, and he could tell you were going to curse him out, so he didn’t let you.
“I know… I’m a fucking hypocrite, I get it.” He whispered, and your eyes almost widened.
How the fuck did he read you that easily?
“And I’m so fucking sorry for everything I said.” He ran his hands through his curls, almost tugging them out for being an idiot.
“I was afraid, okay?” He heaved a sigh, hand ruffling through his messy hair.
You didn’t want to ask him what he was afraid of because you knew—because you were afraid of the same thing.
Your lips trembled with need; no words dared to come out of them.
“I was so fucking scared because I did the first thing we promised not to do.” He squeezed his eyes shut. You knew how bad he was with his feelings; you couldn’t even believe that he had made it this far.
“I think—No, I know.” He shook his head.
“I really fell for you.” He was ripping open your chest now, holding your heart out. Telling you he felt the same. A gasping, quiet noise escaped your lips; this was all you wanted—needed.
You’ve been this close to Eddie countless times before; hell, he probably fucked you at a much closer distance countless times before, but this was intimate.
“And I realized... I could lose everything in this fucked up world.” He took a deep breath, his face so close to yours that you could sense it. Sense every emotion radiating from his body—the vulnerability, the pain.
Each beat of your heart was like a drumroll against your chest; everything you longed for was there, a breath away from you.
“But not you. Oh god, not you.” His brows knitted together in a painful expression, and his voice was barely audible as he looked at you with a gaze that held you as the center of his universe.
You wanted to kiss him; you wanted his soft lips to graze against yours; you wanted to sob into him, melt into him, and become complete with him.
“W—what are you saying?” You asked, and you knew the answer, but you needed that confirmation, you needed those three words to leave his lips.
“I love you.” He said without hesitation, and you couldn’t help the childish grin that formed on your face, mirroring Eddie’s.
“I—You do?” You stuttered.
“Yeah… I love you so fucking much that it’s embarrassing, really.” He chuckled, still not able to comprehend your expressions; you looked… frozen.
“You, uh, you don’t have to say it back.” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, all of this was so fucking new to him. What was he supposed to do now? Kiss you? No, no, no... He couldn’t do that because you didn’t say it back.
“I’m sorry, shit, uhm—I honestly have no fucking clue what I’m doing,” He stuttered.
You gave him a warm smile. “I’d say you are doing well,” You whispered, scrunching your nose.
“Yeah?” He returned the smile—that goddamn smile that brought out his dimples.
God, you wanted to kiss him.
“You’re making it so hard for me to leave.” You muttered, turning around to take a breath as you shook your head.
Eddie sighed, hands quick to find yours as he turned you to face him. “Then don’t leave. Stay.”
His past words didn’t matter, and how your relationship started didn’t matter. None of it mattered now because Eddie was ready, ready to give himself fully to you. And he looked at you like you were the only thing that mattered.
It was now or never. You heaved a sigh of breath as you looked into his eyes; you couldn’t help yourself. How could you not utter those words back to him?
“Jesus…When I told Robin that I was ready to fall in love again, I didn’t mean with you.”
You barely gave him any time to process your words as you smashed your lips with his.
It was as if passion was dripping from every move; it felt so fucking different to have this many emotions carrying your actions.
Before you could further it, taste him fully, Eddie pulled back slightly. You whined at the loss of contact. “Wait, wait, wait.” The words slipped past his lips quickly, eyes widening at your words.
“You—you? You are…?” He asked, baffled. He didn’t expect you to say it back.
He expected you to hate him forever. The thought of someone loving him was unfamiliar to him, especially to the extent that you did. Healing his fears without realizing it.
Your lips quirked into a smile. Why was he so idiotically cute?
You nodded, affirming him.
“Say it, please,” He pleaded, hands gentle as they cupped your cheeks. The look he gave you was mellow and your face tilted as you melted into his tender touch.
“I love you,” You muttered, eyes glinting with all the unspoken feelings you’ve been containing.
“Again.” A grin overtook his lips, and his widened eyes didn’t falter, shock and pure bliss apparent was written all over his face.
“Please,” He implored, brows softening each time you gave him that pretty smile.
“Soooo needy.” You narrowed your eyes jokingly.
“I love you,” You repeated, your gaze lingering on his honey-glazed eyes.
“Aren’t you a fucking dream?” You giggled, the dimples on his left cheek were pretty, he was so pretty.
“I love you more, honey.” He whispered, smashing his soft lips against yours.
And you invite him in to patch up the wounds he made, to give you the world, to love you fully; knowing that the blind faith transcended into something real, something worth worshiping.
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson smut#eddie munson angst#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson oneshot#eddie munson x you#fuckboy!eddie munson#fuckboy!eddie munson imagine#eddie munson#modern!eddie munson
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Not my fault
pairing: sub!Felix x dom!fem!Reader
tw: jealousy ; smut ; mutual masturbation (m!rec) ; mommy kink ; cock slapping ; orgasm denial ; begging ; overstimulation ; there are safe-words between Felix and reader but they don’t use them
w/c: 922
a/n: this is just a thought I had about Felix a couple of days ago remembering those smut audios of whiny lixie that make me damn hot. and wanted to share it with you. This is literally just pure smut, so I had no idea how to title it lmao. You’ll understand the title reading one of the paragraphs; literally, it’s just one paragraph (not that the whole thing is that long lol), the rest is smut, but it makes sense anyways, so.
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT Felix didn’t think it would end like this. With him sitting on the edge of your bed and you kneeling between his legs, your hand moving skilfully up and down his length.
His eyes are filled with tears that haven’t yet fallen. They’re tears of pleasure, or perhaps irritation. He doesn’t even know.
His cock is hot, wet, and it feels almost swollen. Pre-cum drips from its tip, which you occasionally collect and spread along its length.
“S-sweetheart…” his voice is low and trembling, but he doesn’t use his deep voice —it wouldn’t come out as sexy and dominant as he’d like, only desperate.
You interrupt him immediately, “Oh no, don’t try to sweet-talk me now,” you tighten your grip around his cock, and he whines at both the gesture and your words. “You won’t come until I let you.”
A sob escapes his throat, and he feels tears might start streaming from his eyes any moment.
His moans become louder as he feels that immense pleasure building up in his abdomen, only to be taken away just before it completely takes over. You remove your hand from his cock, and he cries out, pushing his hips up into the air instinctively with heavy breaths, feeling his release slipping away.
His mascara is ruined because of his eyes that had been closed too tightly, and now there are black dots on his cheeks above his freckles.
As soon as he lowers his hips onto the bed, you reattach your hand to his cock, and he moans obscenely and thrusts up into your palm, but you detach it after a few strokes.
“P-please,” he whimpers looking at you, “Please, mommy please,” he chokes on a sob.
You give his dick a light slap, making him gasp, “Stop talking and take it,” you start fisting his cock vigorously again, and Felix throws his head back, closing his eyes and feeling small tears forming at the outer corners of his eyes.
Breathy moans leave his throat. His face contorts from the slight pain that the tight grip of your hand causes on his sensitive cock.
When he feels his climax approaching, he expects you to remove your hand, but that doesn’t happen. Instead, you warn him.
“You won’t come until I allow you, understood? And stop being whiny.” Felix feels like crying. He squirms to escape your touch and tries everything to hold it in. But it’s difficult after all the times he’s been denied to come.
“Y/n— mommy please I can’t, please stop—” he wants to be good, he really wants to; in fact, he keeps his hands in place without moving them to stop you or, earlier, to touch himself, just as you told him; but it’s too hard for him right now. His hands clench into fists, gripping the sheets in his palms, and he takes deep breaths, trying to resist as much as possible and hoping that you’ll allow him to come soon.
Because he promised you he would be a good boy for you, after you two got home and you got angry because he talked to a girl who was hitting on him. “I didn’t realise, I promise you.” he said, but that didn’t sweep away your jealousy, so you forced him to stay still where he is and take what you give him because next time he needs to pay more attention to the people he talks to.
But it’s too much for him.
“Fuck…” he breathes, “I’m… I’m so sorry, I can’t,” the tight knot in his stomach grows tighter as pre-cum oozes from his tip, caught by your palm and used as lube, your hand not stopping its movements. “Fuck, fuck, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I can’t hold it, please mommy—” he cries and his hips begin to move back and forth, thrusting into your palm.
“Lix…” you try to get his attention but he’s too lost in pleasure to really pay attention or answer you.
“Mmmmh fuck I’m cumming, fuckfuckfuck oh my god— fuck mommy, I’m cumming—” he whimpers openly, his voice breaking. His head is thrown back while his hips keep moving and you milk him dry. Ropes of cum spurt in your hand and shirt —the only thing you’re wearing—, and a little also finishes on your chin
Lewd moans leave his lips, and he would be embarrassed if he weren’t fucking coming after being denied for so long. Other people probably heard it, but he couldn’t care less at the moment.
His body trembles as he comes down from his high.
You detach your hand and wipe it on the sheets.
“You can’t even follow a simple rule, can you?” you scold him. He tries to steady his breathing, but you don’t give him the chance. You climb onto his lap, and he looks at you with wet eyes.
"Do you think I’ll let you get away with it? You need to be punished for not following the rules."
When your words sink into his head, he looks at you with alarmed eyes, “Y-Y/n…”
Suddenly, you grasp his cock in your hand again, making him flinch and gasp from the overstimulation. You align him with your warm and wet entrance, then sink down on it, moaning as you’re finally filled. Felix groans in pain and grips your hips tightly, as if trying to keep you in place and not let you move.
“Now I’ll ride you, and you won’t move or let a word out of your mouth, understood?”.
#stray kids#lee felix#felix x reader#felix x reader smut#sub skz#sub felix#stray kids smut#felix smut#felix hard hours
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I FINISHED THEM. I DID IT. WOOHOO (crying)
design notes:
Yaira: nothing changed
Estrella: dead mom ponytail gone </3 i only did it in the og drawing of her bc its funny
Robin: ROBINNNN. IM SO SORRY I FORGOT THE PUFF BUNS UUEHEHHHHH- anyway, when i was planning out the designs for the other named npcs, i was like "why the hell are there so many gingers" so i made her have blue hair :3 to match with her confidence stat :3 also gave her yellow/orange eyes instead of green bc there were also a lot of green eyed npcs
Sydney: SKUNK HAIR. I DUNNO HOW I FORGOT ABOUT THAT YUMMY DYE STYLE. SYDNEY IM SORRY. i completely forgot i wanted to still have her natural hair (also just made pink bc teehee i like whimsy) to show
Whitney: not much changed besides the hair style. completely forgot i wanted her to be super gyaru OTL. gave her cheek piercings bc they're cute :3
Kylar: i lowkey started to not like how i did her hair originally and then came across all the sketches i made for the LIs and was like FLUFFY KY :3 ofc had to keep the emo bangs :3
Avery: nothing changed LMAOAOA
Great Hawk: FEATHER HAIR. I FORGOT I MADE A SKETCH FOR FEATHER-LIKE HAIR FOR HER. IM MAD AT MYSELF.
Black Wolf: not much changed, just made her hair longer bc why not
Alex: not much changed, just made he hair more of a red red, darkened her skin, altered her bangs, and changed the color of her bandana. still wanted to keep her looking like a cutie patootie
Eden: I ACCIDENTALLY GAVE HER A GIANT FOREHEAD THE FIRST TIME AND I DIDN'T MEAN TO SOBBING. not much changed though, just made her hair darker and have a green tint to it. look im trying to make my designs have lots of whimsy
Quinn: you can tell with Quinn LMAO. i just felt like she needed to have a distinct look since she's a special npc n all :3 classic purple and green color scheme for a shady character
Bailey: i'm gonna be honest, i was originally gonna go with a mean asian mom look for Bailey but then i was like "....what if muscle mommy"
Remy: i wanted her to look like a little shit. that's all
Briar: tried to go for a bit of a Jessica Rabbit and Rarity type aura. i really like her design and she could put me in the underground brothel any day :3 /j
Leighton: just an old hag, nothing special
Harper: wanted to make her look a little inhuman??? i think i got it with how dead her skin looks idk. also wanted her to look like a little shit
Landry: here's where the asian mom look went. i like her and Mickey's dynamic and they both just look like regular people (better for crime)
Sirris: Sydney if she was older. idk what else i should've done lol
River: old lady :3 hot old lady :3c (pt 1)
Doren: i wanted her hair to look fluffy as hell
Winter: old lady :3 hot old lady :3c (pt 2)
Mason: SEAWEED HAIR. that's all
Charlie: wanted to embody :3c
Darryl: she's very cutie patootie to me so i made her a cute patootie
Sam: wanted her to look like candy kinda. idk :3
Niki: i only made her hair a little longer and no weird two layer thing for the short portion
Zephyr: wanted her to look smug and also kinda cute???? idk, i didn't really have a vision for her
Jordan: also didn't really have a vision for her, but it did want her to gave similar eyes to Quinn
Gwylan: her i did have a vision for :3c she's a cutie patootie, that's all :3
Wren: thought a side shave would make her look cooler
Mickey: hairstyle changed a little. other than that, not much changed
Morgan: still a wet rat
Ivory Wraith: nothing changed (they have special eyes tho)
#dolgl#dol#degrees of lewdity#silly billy kitty draws#yaira the beloved#estrella the dead mom#robin the orphan#sydney the fallen#whitney the bully#kylar the loner#avery the businessperson#great hawk the terror#black wolf the alpha#alex the farmhand#eden the huntress#the ivory wraith#jordan the priestess#bailey the caretaker#harper the doctor#briar the brothel owner#remy the farmer#leighton the headteacher#landry the criminal#quinn the mayor#wren the smuggler#mickey the hacker#morgan the sewer dweller#niki the photographer#sirris the science teacher#river the maths teacher
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Cat claws
Day 2: Scarred.
Summary: Maybe he can forgive Nuts.
•○●⛦●○•
Word Count: 1177
Warnings: cat being mean to hazel :(
A/n: azzie just loses his mind in tis lmao nd you cant blame him hazel's the most adorable little thing ever 🥹 yall just wait till she begins talking azs going to sob his eyes out (subtle foreshadowing 🎀)
@azrielappreciationweek
ANYWAY ENJOYYYY 🥳
°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°
Azriel watched, amused, as Hazel attempted to crawl towards the black furry creature that sat in the corner licking its paw.
Hazel had only started crawling a week or so ago, and Azriel absolutely loved watching her drag herself around. It was often amusing to see her get angry when the carpet slowed down her movements when it caught on her clothes, or when she bumped into the couch and glared at it.
She would always turn to search for Azriel when that happened, letting out the loudest yell her tiny body could muster as if ordering him to get rid of the offending item.
Even barely eight months old, Y/n always said Hazel had her father’s ability to glare and grumble.
Azriel always scoffed in return to that statement before forcing himself to stop and realise him being grumpy only proved his mate’s words to be true.
Hazel was currently looking at her father with her brows furrowed, and Azriel blinked, coming back to the present as he realised she was trying to move over the carpet. He grinned at the anger on her face and stood, bending down once he was close enough to pick her up.
He set her down closer to the cat Y/n had insisted on getting after Hazel’s birth, her reasoning being that their daughter needed a friend and then named him Nuts.
Hazel and her best friend Nuts.
‘Get it? Hazel-Nuts’ She had giggled.
It made Azriel laugh back when she had suggested it, but soon enough he’d realised she was not joking. At all.
Azriel watched on with a smile as Hazel reached Nuts and tried to grab his fur. Nuts walked away without a look in her direction, which always pissed Azriel off. Who did the creature think it was?
"Azriel, that’s a cat. He does not understand how to act with a baby-" Y/n called out from the kitchen, having peeked into the living room to see what had caused her mate to get so mad that his emotions reached her through the bond.
"Well how long does it take to learn? I swear to the mother one day I'm kicking him out if he continues to bully my daughter."
Azriel heard Y/n sigh and walk closer to him as Hazel crawled towards Nut again. He now sat closer to the hearth, where a fire burned red to ward off the winter chill that was beginning to set over Velaris.
"Az-"
But Azriel did not hear the rest of Y/n’s sentence.
His ears began ringing as he stepped forward as if in a daze, eyes sharp on the raised paw of Nuts, who, having seen Hazel get close to him again, tried to hit her.
The firelight glinted off his claws.
And then Hazel’s loud cries filled the room as her head reared back, eyes clenched shut in pain.
She had a habit of flopping on her back when she was mad. Azriel had never really worried too much about that particular habit of Hazel’s until now, when she was too close to the fire and the tiniest movement would end up with her-
No, Azriel did not want to complete the thought.
In that moment of panic, Azriel did not care that there was a glass covering separating the fire from the room, and that no matter what Hazel did, she would not be able to be burned.
In that moment all that mattered to Azriel was that the fucking cat living in his house had the audacity to hurt his daughter.
Azriel grabbed Hazel, frantically looking over her to check for her injuries. There weren’t any big claw marks, but the tiny scratch on the chubby flesh of her upper arm connecting it to her shoulder made Azriel see red.
He turned to glare at Y/n as he pulled Haze close.
"I am telling you Y/n. If by the time I return, that bastard is not out of this house, I will drop him into the sidra myself."
Y/n’s eyes were helpless, but Azriel did not wait for a moment longer as he walked out of the main door and took flight, his only mission to find Madja and get his daughter healed.
He did not want her to be scarred like the hands cradling her.
°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°
Flying back home, Azriel decided that he needed some time alone to figure out why he had reacted so harshly.
He knew Y/n had been right. Nuts was an animal. He did not understand how to treat babies. But Azriel did not want to admit that.
The stars were out, so clearly visible as Azriel flew his daughter back home. It had been over an hour since he’d left the house in such a hurry, wishing he could strangle the cat.
He had taken to the skies after Madja had assured him that Hazel would be fine, and had his emotions not been so high and panicked, maybe Hazel wouldn’t have cried at all. After long moments of being assured by Madja, Azrie finally calmed down and left.
"I’m sorry baby. Did I scare you?" Azriel mumbled, glancing down at his daughter who stared up at the sky with wide eyes. She only giggled back in answer.
The innocence in the sound made Azriel smile.
The smile faded just as quick as it had come when his eyes fell on his hands cradling her head and back.
They once were soft and smooth like Hazel’s. They once had grabbed his own parents hand with as much love as he now grasped his daughters. Only now, they were uglier.
If Y/n heard his thoughts, she would have yelled at him and forced him to say they were beautiful. But Azriel knew better. They weren’t, and they never would be.
The only thing he liked even a little about his hands was the fact that their texture was so different from other’s hands, Hazel always immediately figured out she was in her father’s arms.
Y/n always talked about how the same scarred hands he despised were the reason she and Hazel felt safe. Those words echoed back to Azriel when he began doubting himself. It always made him feel better.
Hazel squealed loudly when Azriel dipped lower, air pushing gently against her back.
She was so pure, so innocent. She did not even know of the cruel world she was born in.
And Azriel swore to keep it that way. He had hoped the world outside his father’s dungeon would be better, once, and quickly realised that there were people in the world that would pounce at the chance to scar innocent souls just for the sadistic pleasure of ruining their lives.
He did not want her soul to turn out as scarred as his too.
As he finally landed on the front porch of his home and heard loud meow’s coming from inside, he contemplated letting the cat stay.
Maybe a cat’s claw scratch was not that bad.
°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°
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#acotar#azriel x reader#azriel acotar#azriel spymaster#azriel shadowsinger#shadowsinger x reader#Acotar fanfic#mating bond#a court of thorns and roses#azriel fluff#acotar fandom#acotar series#Shadowsinger#spymaster#fluff#azriel fic#azriel fanfic#sarah j maas#acotar headcanon#acotar smut#Acotar writing#acotar fluff#acotar x reader#reader insert#azriel#pro azriel#azrielweek#azrielappreciationweek2024#azriel appreciation week
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𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 ❞ 𓄼˚ ▍ K.M.
❛ 𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 ━━ kate liked to think of herself as level headed but there were times where she couldn’t cope with the stress. luckily for her, you’re always there to aid her with much needed stress relief ❜
❛ 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 ━━ kinda rough sex ig but it’s pretty tame tbh ❜
❛ 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 ━━ 1.3k! ❜
❛ 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 ━━ i’ve been wanting to write for kate but the series i have planned is kicking my ass so here’s this instead, lmao ❜
kate talked things out. she doesn’t like to go to bed angry or be short with you (and for damn sure hates it when you’re short with her). kate told you when something was bothering her and encouraged you to do the same. she doesn't keep things in. she didn’t let things get to her. she is a force of nature.
or at least she tried to be.
but like anyone, kate had her limits. she had a tendency to overcommit and that led her to getting very stressed sometimes. and she knows she could tell you, that you would be right here to rectify her tense shoulders and still her beating heart. however, there were times where it seemed like all she could do was keep it all buried in her. she never wanted to feel like a burden or put more on your plate. so after a particularly stressful week like this one…of course she wanted nothing more than to crawl into your arms and just sink into you.
but she doesn’t.
everyday when she comes home she’s less like herself. it’s really starting to get to her.
she knew you’d help her if she just asked but she often found your help hard to accept –– always too prideful, too private, too desperate to be so put together and keep her walls up. she fiercely protected your sanity at the expense of your own. kate liked to keep things in until they bubbled over. she hated that part though, when she’d collapse into your arms because the stress just filled up until it poured down her cheeks. it embarrassed her though she knew you never minded holding her, that you’d always be there to rub her back until her sobbing subdued.
you were waiting for her to get home, she had a busy day and you had missed her. when she walked through the door, you could immediately tell something was off. you knew this week was more demanding than usual but you could tell she had reached her limit today. you could hear it in the way she shut the door, you could feel it in her footsteps.
you walked over to her, whispering her name and wrapping your arms around her. normally, she’d pull away but she just couldn’t. not when she needed you this much. she ran her eyes over you, her gaze appreciative and inviting. she sighs, shoulders relaxing at the sight of you as she returns your hug. her arms wrapping around you and her face finding home within the crease of your neck. you smelled like her.
“hey, baby…” her voice is so tired it makes you frown.
“hi.” you rub her back, unknowingly making her day just with your touch. something was wrong and you knew it. you go to pull back, to get a good look at her…but she doesn’t let you pull away. strong arms tighten around you, keeping your body pressed against hers.
“...kate?”
“hm?”
“are you okay?”
she sighs, it tickles against the flesh of your neck where her nose is currently pressed against. “i’m fine as long as i’m with you.”
and of course you smile, she always knew exactly what to say to make you smile. “that’s sweet…but you seem a little tense…”
“just a long week is all…” she whispers, hands rubbing up and down your waist slowly. “i missed you.”
and then you get the idea. a way to relax her. you clear your throat, trying to keep your voice even but still suggestive when you say.
“i missed you too…” you chuckle. “is there any way i can help you de-stress?”
she finally pulls back, hands still firm on your hips, just to look at your face. you’re smirking, giving her that look that says ‘i’ll let you do whatever you want to me right now’. and she’d be damned if she didn’t take you up on your offer.
which is how you ended up here. a familiar position that doesn’t happen too often. there was a certain point within your girl's stress where all she wanted was a source of distraction, something new to focus on. and you, always her angel, were there to greedily gladly provide aid.
she was obsessed with it all –– how you moaned her name, how your thighs stretched to make room for her…how pretty you looked when she made you come over and over and over again.
you fucking love it when she gets like this.
she knows your body so well, always able to put you at her mercy with a few words or light touches. she is always so good to you when you need her…so you were glad to do the same for her. afterall, she’d make it up to you later. probably put herself on her knees to worship you like you deserved. but for now, she needs this to be the opposite of that. kate wasn’t focused on making you feel good like she normally did, she was trying to relieve herself from the pressure of the intense week she had.
she always starts off slow, making you come with her face buried between her legs. then she pulls the rest of your clothes off, rougher than usual but still gently. then she tugs her own pants off, not bothering to remove her shirt, as she slides her boxers down to her ankles. she crawls above you again, slotting herself between your thighs so her pussy hovers right above yours, not touching, but close enough to feel the heat that gathers between you two.
she stares at you expectantly. you don’t need her to tell you that she wants you to beg for it. for her. your eyes shut as you whine.
“please…” you reach for her hand, staring up at her as you refrain from grinding your hips up into her. whatever she wants. “i need to feel you.”
you’d given her what she wanted so she does the same for you. she’s fair like that, lowering her wet pussy onto yours. you open your eyes to peek up at her, her eyes are drawn to where your bodies meet. her mouth practically waters at how wet you are (never mind the fact that she was probably more wet than you), chest swelling in pride cause she did that to you.
she grabs your thigh, pressing herself further against you. she can’t help but dig her nail into your thigh as she rubs her clit against yours. you moan as she gradually sets a fixed rhythm, your hands flying to her hips to help her rock faster against you. you stare at her, how far gone she is…how pure instinct seems to take over when she grabs your leg even tighter (nearly hard enough to bruise) desperately bucking against you. “fuck, i’m so close…” she gasps, almost collapsing due to the pure intensity of it all.
and you are too, the feeling is overwhelming. almost too much. “fuck, i can’t come again..” you whimper.
her face resting against your chest (which was coated in dark marks that she’d kiss later when she apologized for being so rough with you. you’d dismiss her, of course. how you loved being her little work of art.)
“yeah, you can honey. one more, you can take one more for me. come on.” she mutters words of encouragement, never once slowing her pace. and you shake your head and whine. she’s all cheek kisses and devotional until she’s not –– until she loses her patience with you. “what? you don’t like what i give you?” she whispers almost harshly into your flesh, but the room is so quiet that it sounds like it echos.
it’s embarrassing how much her words turn you on. her groans of pleasure, her tone, the fact that she was making you feel so good. she scoffed at you so casually, like what she was doing wasn’t so goddamn filthy.
“no, no, i’m sorry. i love it, i’m sorry.” you rush, a sewage of apologies flowing from your lips like it was the only language you could speak. she hums like she’s in thought but you can look in her eyes and tell her mind is made up.
“so lie there and take it.”
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you said angst so... jj x kook!reader JJs starts pushing pogues and reader away and when reader tries to get through to JJ, he says awful things to reader hitting her/them below the belt by bringing up her trauma and the fact she/they are a kook. maybe she completly ices him and the pogues out(bc the pogues forgave him) and start hanging out with kooks. maybe the topper/rafe/kelce trio to really drive home she doesn't care about them anymore. maybe she's even there when pope and jj get beat up? IDK i thought this up off the top of my head. i don't reader crying in the shower heartbreaking sob fest angst. also i left what her supposed trauma up to you bc i don't know how far you're willing to go with that.
-💐
okay i lied. i’m doing this one bc it intrigued me.. lol. but also hi 💐 anon !! ur not overwhelming me i love all the asks, it’s just a matter of energy lol. but love u !!
also prepare for this to be lengthy due to the thick plot, lol
i actually am proud of this and how i wrote it, i rlly like it 🥹.
i will get out more posts today, likely 2-3. 4 if i get drink an alani lmao.
mean!jj x sensitive!kook!reader.
you had always known jj, due to the small size of the island. however, you just started getting closer with him the past few weeks.
you had always seen into him more then others did, even from afar.
you noticed the bruises on his cheeks, and how they’d fade over the next few days. you noticed when he’d gotten a haircut, likely from john b. you didn’t know why, but you found him interesting.
you probably shouldn’t have, considering your brother — rafe, absolutely hated him. he was a bad kid, you always saw him getting arrested with the rest of the pogues.
the reason you two started getting closer, was due to a drunken hookup you had a misunderstanding on. clearly, he looked at it as any other girl he would hook up with, no feelings and not a thought about it again.
you however, looked at it way different. you really genuinely liked him, truly. you didn’t care about any of the bad rumors about him, you didn’t see him as just the bad. you saw the good too.
a few days ago, you went to the chateau to see jj. you hadn’t talked to him since the hookup, expect for minor greetings. you wanted to get to know him more. understand him, fully and completely.
it’s safe to say it didn’t go well. you sat him down, explaining how you really did like him. he listened at first, but as soon as you started trying to open him up, he immediately tensed.
you asked him about how come he always has those bruises on him, and where they’re from. he stood up immediately, scoffing at your attempt.
“you’re fuckin’ serious? you just came here to make fun of me?”
you shook your head quickly at his misunderstanding, explaining how that’s not what you meant at all.
“y’know, it’s not shit you would understand at all. you’re too much of a dumb pretty little ‘kook princess’ with no thoughts in her head to figure it out.”
you swallowed at his harsh words, tears filling your eyes. you opened your mouth to speak, but he just kept spewing more words out.
“ever think that’s why i didn’t talk to you after we hooked up? because we couldn’t ever be anything. i could never be with somebody like you.”
tears fell from your eyes at his words, trying to take deep breaths. you attempted to speak again, before he interrupted you.
“just save it, okay? go back to figure 8 where you belong.”
you let more tears fall, listening to him and gathering your stuff and leaving the chateau.
you walked home with tears down your face the whole time, thoughts stirring. was that really all he thought about you? just a kook who never had to worry about anything?
your tears eventually faded, feelings going numb from exhaustion.
when you got home, you pushed your way past your family, going upstairs to shower.
when you got in, you immediately broke down again. tears filling your eyes and streaming down your face.
you wanted jj to like you, you really did. but if he really had those thoughts of you, you needed to let him go. you couldn’t go on thinking about him, worrying, if your feelings weren’t reciprocated.
over the next few days, you left jj and every pogue alone. you noticed him around, though. you didn’t see the pogues around him, either. it seemed like he was avoiding them, just like you were avoiding him. he looked almost upset, everywhere he went too.
after a while, he got over whatever little mood he was in and you saw him laughing, running around with his friends again.
you however, were not over it. his words really hurt, and you couldn’t get them out of your head. but you knew you needed to give him the same treatment back.
so you decided to start hanging out with your friends too. you started going to the boneyard with topper, kelce, and rafe. you knew jj hated them, but you couldn’t bring yourself to show any care if you weren’t receiving any.
you left him alone for a while after that, silently thinking and worrying about him in your head instead.
you opted for watching from afar, both of you making awkward eye contact at times.
you still wondered where those bruises came from, and if you would ever know at all.
#obx#jj maybank#jj obx fic#jj mayback imagine#jj angst#jj obx imagine#jj obx#jj maybank prompt#jj maybank x reader#jj outer banks#obx au#obx fanfiction#obx fic#jj#angst#sensitive!reader#mean!jj
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Superglue.
Pairing: Mostly Swiss x Fem!Reader but it’s a poly!ghoul situation lol
Warnings: Angst, comfort, touch-starved reader
A/N: This is incredibly self-indulgent because I’m ridiculously touch-starved lmao.
Swiss had only recently noticed the way Y/N seemed to react to touch. Even little touches here and there- at first, she would flinch; then eventually leaned into the touch. She looked on with a look of what appeared to be envy and sadness when she saw the affection the others gave and received.
The ghouls very rarely touched her; her initial flinch response had made them wary; they didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. It hit Swiss the other day when he watched Mountain cleaning up a cut that Y/N had. Mountain touched her with such gentleness and sincerity; she leaned into it, her eyes glossy and almost desperate. That hit Swiss like a ton of bricks.
Y/N never really got upset to the point of tears in front of the ghouls, she seemed to just display anger. Despite that, Swiss could detect a hint of fear, sadness and longing whenever she would lash out at anyone; she’d storm off after, tears in her eyes. If anyone tried to follow her, they’d get immediately shut down and shut out.
-
Swiss watched intently from the table as Y/N washed up from dinner. The others had gone back to the den, but he had decided to stay and keep her company. She had seemed slightly snappy at dinner tonight, her responses to everyone were short and sharp. Despite this, Swiss had noticed that her hands were shaking anytime she picked anything up, her legs anxiously bouncing under the table.
“Fuck! Ow, shit.”
Swiss was bought out of his thoughts by Y/N’s string of curse words. He stood up, walking over to her as he noticed her wrapping a hand towel around her now bleeding finger.
“You okay? Let me see-”
“It’s fine. I’m fine.” She snapped, not even looking at him.
“Y/N-” He started as he put his hand up to her back.
She quickly flinched, moving away as she practically glared at him.
Swiss frowned, looking down at her as he stepped back a little; his features laced with concern.
“I’m just trying to help.” He said, studying her face. He watched as her expression changed from irritated to a strange mixture of regret and sadness. He gently reached out, resting his hand on her shoulder. Y/N flinched, but didn’t move away from him.
“I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean to-” She started, her voice no longer snappy, instead it seemed… fearful? Swiss took a step closer, his hand still gently on her shoulder as he studied her face.
“You’re okay, Y/N. Don’t apologise.” He said, his tone was sincere and caring. Taking another step closer, he looked down at her as he felt her starting to lean into him; she had tears in her eyes.
Slowly, Swiss gently wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a comfortable, but not suffocating embrace. He felt Y/N relax into him slightly, her breathing ragged and shaky. The ghoul brought his hand up to her head, securing her in the hug.
“You’re okay, sweetheart.” He mumbled as he heard a raspy sob come from her as she started shaking. Y/N pressed her face into Swiss’ neck, her hands clinging to his shirt for dear life. He stroked her hair softly, holding her close to him, he felt his heart break as she sobbed into his chest.
“Y/N, honey, listen to me. Breathe in… And out… In… and out.” His voice was almost pleading with her, but it didn’t work. She clung so tightly to him, almost like she was afraid that he would disappear. He kept stroking her hair and holding her, just letting her get it out of her system. After a little while, she began to calm down; she still had tears running down her face but she was breathing more evenly.
“Good job, sweetheart. I’ve got you, okay? You’re alright.” Swiss soothed, rubbing gentle circles on her back. Y/N finally pulled her face away from his neck, looking up at him with watery eyes and tear stained cheeks. She didn’t let go of his shirt, the fabric was still balled up in her fists. Swiss moved his hands to gently rest on her waist as he studied her; he brought one hand up to gently wipe away her tears with his sleeve.
“What happened, love?” He asked, his voice gentle and soft.
“I- I don’t really know.” She mumbled, looking up at him with a desperate, sad look in her eyes.
Swiss nodded in response as he stroked a stray hair behind her ear.
“Y/N… Whatever happened to you before, it will never ever happen here, okay? We will take care of you. All I want is for you to trust us enough to be honest when you’re struggling, okay sweetheart?” He said, his eyes sincere. She nodded as tears started to well up in her eyes again. Swiss pulled her back into a tight hug, quietly shushing her as he rubbed her back whilst she cried.
In one swift motion, he pick Y/N up- her arms wrapped around his neck. The ghoul had one arm under her thighs, supporting her as her legs wrapped around his waist. His other hand was soothingly rubbing her back in small, comforting circles.
“I’m gonna take you to the den, okay? You’re going to be okay.” Swiss said as he started walking, carrying her. She didn’t say anything, just letting out a quiet sob into his shoulder, gripping him ever so slightly tighter.
Once at the ghoul’s den, Y/N was practically swarmed by them.
“Hey! Give her some space, would you?” Swiss said, a slight edge to his voice. She nuzzled her face into his neck, almost embarrassed for the others to see her like this. He slowly let her down, her feet now back on the ground; she was hesitant to let go at first, but she felt a large hand resting on her back, and she slowly unwrapped herself from Swiss, turning around to see Mountain offering a small smile.
“We’ve got just the thing that will help, buttercup.” Mountain said, his voice soft and warm. The tall ghoul led Y/N to the couch; he sat down and patted the space next to him. Once she sat down, they were quickly joined by the others; Swiss sat the other side of her, wrapping an arm around her, Sodo just sat himself right on top of her, snuggling in closely as he started softly purring; Rain sat on the floor below, using Swiss’ legs as a pillow, whilst he wrapped himself around her legs, gently rubbing her knee with his thumb, and Phantom sat down on Mountain’s lap, squishing close to both him and Y/N.
She was surrounded by the comfort of her ghouls, all of them touching her in some shape or form; all of them showing her sweet affection and nothing else. She breathed out a sigh, glancing around before letting her eyes flutter shut.
#ghost#the band ghost#nameless ghouls#nameless ghouls x reader#nameless ghouls angst#dewdrop#dewdrop ghoul#sodo#sodo ghoul#swiss#swissmade#swiss army ghoul#swiss x reader#swiss ghoul x reader#mountain ghoul#mountain#phantom ghoul#rain ghoul#nameless ghouls comfort#nameless ghoul comfort
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the road not taken 03 | myg
part three: four seconds
Summary: If you wanted to stop thinking about Yoongi, the first step was as easy as stop seeing him, but why it seemed like he was following everywhere you went?
<part two | part four>
—pairing: lawyer!yoongi x actress!oc
—rating: +18
—genre: brother's best friend, one sided pinning (or both?)
—warnings/tags: slow burn,angst, fluff, eventual smut, angst, sexual tension!!!!! flashbacks, ANGST!! Btw english is not my first language !!
—words: 11k
—a/note: HERE IT ISSSSSSSS!!! I'm sosososos sorry for taking so long, but it is finally here!! I swear I will try and update monthly from now on, but enjoy this for now!! It has a lot of backstory so I hope you enjoy it. btw these last months I've been going to a poetry workshop so I was on fire writing this (ok maybe not since I took so long to finish it lmao). As always feedback is always welcomed, and if you want to discuss this part in the asks you're welcomed as well!! ilyyyy
series masterlist | teaser | playlist
Present
When Yoongi turned thirteen, your mother promised to bake a Batman cake as a gift for his birthday party. You had a clear memory of sitting at the counter the day before the party as she decorated the cake with yellow icing that tasted like just like bananas, and the next day when Yoongi gave you the first piece of cake you remembered thinking it was the best thing you’ve ever tasted. A few years ago, when Yoongi turned twenty three, you asked him if he remembered the taste of that cake, and, as he smoked what he swore it would be the last cigarette of his life, he said that he did not. At that time you asked him how it was possible that he didn’t remember the taste of some cake your mom made ten years ago, how was it possible that information of such importance had gone unnoticed? Looking back, you could say that it was not Yoongi’s fault, maybe you were the only one holding onto memories and he was as forgetful as everyone else. After all, Yoongi forgot he promised he would quit smoking that very same night, he would smoke his last cigarette only a year later, but even to this day you couldn’t forget the taste of that cake.
You were just beginning to realize you were condemned to be one of those people who just remembered. Like your aunt, who knew all the birthdays and all the deathdays, all your cousins’ first words, including yours, and was often caught reminiscing every detail of the day she met her husband thirty springs ago. Maybe it was in the family, and it was only a matter of time until you started speaking memories instead of words, so you tried to stop it, but they lived in your mind regardless if you decided to stop mentioning them out loud or not.
Like the perfume of your granddad that he only wore on Christmas, or the way blood and tears tasted the day you broke your teeth when you were eight and tried to play basketball with Yoongi and Simon but tripped. You sobbed like a baby, but Yoongi hugged you so tight that you forgot you were going to be toothless for the following month.
You collected the memories, the words, the smell and the taste, you held them close to your heart, stuck in your chest with a stake, forced to remember everything while everyone around you just forgot. And you didn’t complain, you couldn’t, why would you? Life was like that, happening in front of you as you stood in front of the body length mirror in your mother’s room, as you closed your eyes and tried to remember the yellow icing in Yoongi’s birthday cake, it happened in front of you as you tried to avoid it. You knew you had to stop lingering in the past when all those details, all those colors, and all those memories began to turn against you. Like every January, when your mind reminded you that your body was still stuck in the freezing cold of the morning you decided to leave home four years ago.
That morning, when you decided to go see Yoongi five days into the new year because he had barely texted you since the last day you saw him, January 2nd, when he received the news from his aunt that his mother had an accident during their trip. You walked to his apartment instead of driving because you didn’t think it was that cold, but you were immediately proven wrong when your hands started to get frozen and your feet began to hurt as you walked in the snow, but that didn’t stop you. He said he was going to be home for a second to grab some stuff and then come back to the hospital, where his mom was, so you were expecting the look of surprise on his face when he saw you at the door, what you weren’t expecting was the way he was hesitating to let you in. You remembered the things he did and the things he said that day like they were engraved in your memory, but mostly the way he was looking at you, like he wanted to run away, from you? from his life? You still didn’t know, all you knew is that after that you had no other option than to turn around and walk away.
When you thought about it for too long you could still feel the way the snow lingered all the way home in your clothes and hair, how it stayed on the sole of your shoes for the following years, how your tears froze in your cheeks because you refused to wipe them away. Sometimes you woke up in the middle of the night and could still feel the snow running down your back, making you wonder if winter was still chasing you.
Inside your body it had been winter for so long that your heart seemed to be completely frozen ever since you left home, only now that you were back you realized that perhaps autumn was not warm enough to heal your heart.
That was not the last time you saw Yoongi, but you believed it was the last time you decided to talk to him, the last time you allowed yourself to even lay eyes on him.
You wished you could find peace for at least a moment, but it seemed that you had to work hard for it, it was getting tiring to remember that you were the one who caused the chaos that was your life, and now you were the one who had to fix it: your mother, your brother, Ian and Sally, and even your public image. Doing the last button of your white shirt you asked the universe: why couldn’t those be all your problems? You swore to the man in the sky that if he sent you all your problems in the form of a giant monster you were willing to fight it, only if he could stop you from seeing Yoongi tonight.
Perhaps you should stay in your mom’s room tonight, not attending dinner was okay, your mom made that clear, but at the same time you were twenty five years old now, you couldn’t keep acting like an angry teenager who decided to skip dinner. You knew that it wasn’t going to make things better, but at least seeing your brother was going to make you feel normal, and that was the only reason you decided to set foot outside the room when you heard the bell ring.
Four years ago.
Two weeks before New Year’s Eve.
You should’ve known that it would be useless to stop thinking about what happened a week ago the minute you woke up in the same bed as Yoongi, but you still tried. You tried, and tried, and tried in countless ways, like for example, when you tried to watch a whole season of The Office in one sitting, or when you listened your mom rant about some turkish drama she was watching, or when Minnie texted a few days ago and you let her talk about that job she mentioned that night until you fell asleep. And then, you agreed to meet her for a coffee and she talked non stop about the same open audition four hours away in the city.
You were not sure if she was beginning to convince you or you were just desperately trying to stop thinking about Yoongi, you thought the only logical explanation for both theories was that you were about to go crazy.
But if you were being honest to yourself, you couldn’t help but be interested in it. Minnie pitched the job like a gothic dramatic love story, which sounded just like something you would love. She also said it wasn’t a super big play, but it wasn’t small either, and it was pretty well paid. Minnie mentioned she knew the producers and the director and could put on a good word for you.
“Why don’t you do it, then?” You had asked her, not being sure if you would do the same thing for someone who didn’t talk to you in years. “And why me?”
“Oh, well, I don’t know if it’s my style and… I’m not sure if I’m ready to leave home yet.” She replied with a nostalgic tone in her voice. “And why not you? I don’t know anyone who can pull it off, and you appeared in front of my eyes. Must be a sign.”
You couldn’t understand the first thing, how adamant she was to stay here, as much as you tried to see the world through her eyes, you couldn’t, a few years ago you took the first chance to get out of here and didn’t look back. But sitting there, at the small table next to the window, it wasn’t difficult to tell which one of you two looked more happy (hint: it wasn’t you). Minnie was different, she was still working at The Alley, she loved it there and wasn’t willing to let it go yet.
The second thing, you couldn’t understand either, but it made sense for her to do it. Being kind was natural for Minnie, she didn’t hold grudges, and you weren’t sure if you deserved that kindness. She waved away all your concerns, your whens and whys and hows, she kept repeating the same words; “it must be a sign”, “it’s clearly meant to be”, and you just laughed and tried to not to think about Yoongi. And it worked for a while, because on the way home you allowed yourself to fantasize about it for at least ten minutes. Moving to the city and working there for weeks and weeks and maybe months or years, and not having to pretend you were someone else. But the minute you entered your house you were reminded of what you were trying to forget.
The memory kept sneaking in your mind, just like Yoongi sneaked in your bed that night. The image of his hooded eyes, his pink lips and the reminder that nothing really happened kept wandering inside your head.
That night you entered the house giggling like babies and when both of you were changed and ready to sleep you got under the covers, not thinking whether it was right or wrong. And yes, your bed was big enough for you and him, but your arms and legs still slightly touched during the whole night, and when you woke up your feet where tangled with each other, leaving you wondering if you were stupid for thinking something had changed between the two of you, or maybe the way he looked at you when he opened his eyes was just your twisted imagination.
Yes, you were probably crazy when you thought he was looking at you differently when you made him breakfast, like you promised. You were crazy for thinking it felt like you were in a different universe when you sat in the kitchen island the whole morning and then found Nightmare Before Christmas on tv and discussed if it was a Christmas or a Hallowen movie on the couch.
And then, of course, he left, bringing you back to reality. But then during the week he came back, and then left again, and came back again. You knew you had to kick him out, you knew it was for the best to make up an excuse and say you were busy, but this time he promised to get your car repaired, so you let him take you to his uncle’s garage.
Yoongi’s uncle was nowhere to be found today, but Namjoon, Yoongi’s friend, was in charge, although he wasn’t very happy with people being loud while he was working. By the time Namjoon established he didn’t want any of you there at the garage, you had already decided you were staying.
You knew Namjoon ever since he started working with Yoongi’s uncle, he was a tall and big guy with a shy smile, he wore glasses and read books, he was funny and smart and you knew that he had more more than one girl waiting for him to text them back, and for some reason, despite being really handsome, and really cute, and really tall… he was still single. Not that you cared, of course, you were interested in… other people…You still allowed yourself to admire him, like when you watched that Turkish drama with your mom because you were trying not to think of Yoongi and the lead actor helped a lot with it.
Now you were there, sitting on top of some dirty table next to a bunch of tools you couldn’t name, trying to keep silent when Namjoon scolded you again.
Yoongi was very good at ignoring him, he pretended he didn’t listen to his friend as he leaned towards you, talking really close to your ear. “Should I give your grandma a Christmas present?” He asked, half joking, half serious. “You know, so she’s in a good mood.”
You turned to him, raising an eyebrow. “A bottle of klonopin, maybe.” You said, making Namjoon scoff loudly.
He turned around, now interested in the conversation, looking at you both. “Why do you want to give her grandma a Christmas present?” He asked, confused. One of the reasons why Namjoon didn’t like people talking while he was working was because he was easily distracted, when he was interested in the topic he didn’t seem too annoyed.
Yoongi turned around to face him, deciding his friend was there all of a sudden. “I’m spending Christmas with her family next week.” He explained, being kind enough to forget that Namjoon explicitly told him to shut the fuck up about twenty minutes ago. “But she’s a bit moody.”
That was one way to describe your grandmother, the other one was to say she was a complete witch.
“Yeah, Yoongi invited himself.” You teased him, instantly feeling one of his fingers digging into your rib, making you jump.
Namjoon quietly observed the scene like something he wasn’t supposed to watch, with his mouth hung open ready to say something, but his mind was still searching for words. You suspected that Yoongi’s answer left him with more doubts that he had to begin with.
“Really?” He managed to say, curious. “I didn’t know you two were… like that.” Namjoon cautiously started the sentence, but didn’t dare to finish it in case he was wrong, although the scene you were making was clearly making him believe he was right.
You jumped in your seat, opening your eyes widely as you understood what he was implying. “Oh, no.” You rushed to say, waving your hands in the air.
“No, not like that.” Yoongi talked at the same time as you, crossing looks as if you were reassuring each other of it. His eyes were as open as yours, shaking his head trying to deny the accusation. “My mom is not here until the first week of January.” He explained, making Namjoon nod, still confused at your nervous reactions. “So I’m alone at Christmas.”
Yoongi looked at you, giving a look that meant “it makes sense, right?” and yes, of course it made sense. You and Yoongi had spent Christmas together before, he knew your whole family since he was a kid, he grew up with Simon, he was family too, it made sense, but Namjoon’s implication made both of you jump in your seats, talking over each other as you laughed nervously.
“So all of you three are spending Christmas together?” Namjoon continued to ask, trying to understand the conversation again. “You two and Simon?”
There was a beat of silence in the room, but you were quick to answer. “Simon is spending Christmas with his girlfriend, so we're on our own.”
Namjoon nodded again, trying not to think too much about it. “So Simon is okay with you keeping all his gifts?” He tried to joke, but the answer only sounded worse.
You looked at Yoongi, but he was looking at his shoes, avoiding Namjoon’s eyes. Neither of you bothered to mention to Simon that you were spending Christmas together, was it really necessary? Why was Namjoon making it sound like it was necessary for him to know? Why did you feel the need to explain to him that it wasn’t weird at all that you were spending Christmas together alone? You weren’t alone after all, there was your mom, and your grandmother, your aunt and some of your cousins too, I mean, you’ll have to share the room, of course, but- wait… You had to share the room. You forgot about that.
Oh my God… Simon couldn’t find out about that.
You were quick to suppress the thought, agreeing with yourself to handle that matter later, but right now Namjoon was looking at you like he expected an answer. You quickly realized that Namjoon was just as noisy as you.
“Oh, he doesn’t need to know.” You said, brushing it off, but your mind was already in chaos.
Present
You were never really interested in astrology, you tried to get into it a few years ago only to understand what Minnie was saying since she talked about it most of the time, but you ended up being too skeptical to believe in anything. You didn’t believe in God, or in astrology and you weren’t even sure if you could call yourself an atheist completely, but you were still curious. Early in life you realized you were agnostic, (you were aware that you sounded like a pretentious man on a first date when you said it out loud), but you still asked every person you met their star signs in case they matched with their personalities, as if you were still trying to prove yourself wrong.
You didn’t know if the universe was right or wrong, but if you were sure about something, it was that Simon was a Leo. Not only because he was born on the first of August, but because he fitted in every category of a Leo. He was charming and confident, outgoing, he was a natural leader and people always felt drawn to him, making him a little bit… self centered.
Like every other Leo, Simon loved his birthday, that was the only reason why you were thinking about it. Two months ago, the first of August, you called him on his birthday like every sister calls her brother on his birthday. You could’ve just sent a message like the past year, but your life was already beginning to feel suffocating. Talking to Simon seemed to ease your heart for a while. He wanted to talk to you about his job at the firm and his girlfriend, the cat they adopted, how they were planning to move to a bigger apartment the following year and asked when you thought it was a great time to propose. You needed to feel like something was in place, like your relationship with Simon was normal, like he could tell you anything and you could listen and just laugh. It worked for the first ten minutes, until he inevitably brought up the topic of his birthday party, and he inevitably invited you, and you inevitably had to say no.
You missed Simon, you missed your mom, you missed your bed and your home, but you weren’t ready to come back, you weren’t ready to see the thousand faces you left behind, you were still hesitant to come back. Now you were there, tense at the end of the stairs because the disappointed tone on his voice lingered in your mind to this day.
Some voice in your head was telling you that it was what adults do, take responsibility for their actions, seeing people even if you preferred not to see them because that was what grown ups do. You were supposed to be an adult of twenty five years old, even if you felt like you never grew out of that bitter phase only teenagers go through, you were still an adult, so why did you feel like a kid at the end of the stairs, waiting for Simon to lay eyes on you?
Your mom hugged him tightly like she hadn’t seen him in months, and when he pulled away from her grip he noticed you, coming down the stairs as you realized that he, like your mom, wasn’t expecting to see you today.
Simon frowned, surprised, but just a second later a smile took over his face “Hey, you.” He said, opening his wide arms, offering you a hug. “What are you doing here?”
You took a deep breath, almost turning around to check if he was talking to another person behind you, but no, he was talking to you. He grabbed your wrists, pulling you closer to hug you the same way your mom was hugging him a moment ago. “Is this not my house?” You murmured against the fabric of his blue sweater, feeling your heart hammering against your ribcage as you tried to make a joke.
“Of course it is.” He just said, leaving a kiss on your hair.
Four years ago.
Two weeks before New Year’s Eve.
If you wanted to stop thinking about Yoongi, the first step was as easy as stop seeing him, because your mind was not helping at all.
After leaving his uncle’s garage you should’ve gone home to start thinking a way of telling Yoongi that he couldn’t sleep in the same bedroom as you on Christmas, you needed to think of an excuse for why he should sleep in your grandma’s one thousand year old couch instead of Simon’s empty bed, which was casually right next to yours.
The following step should be to watch some romcom with Heath Ledger and try to forget the way Yoongi rolled up his sleeves when he was pretending to help Namjoon with your car, or at least the way you stared like an idiot for a good moment before snapping out of it.
He should’ve gone home too, he had no business walking in the same direction as you if his apartment was towards the other end of the street. It didn’t take you long to realize he was following you “for some coffee, since we’re cold”, as he said, already assuming that you didn’t have any plans (he wasn’t wrong).
You didn’t want to chase him away, you were still working on that thing of not being a bitch, and while there was a rational part of you that knew that you were better off not seeing Yoongi, there also was a part of you who couldn’t get enough of him. A better explanation was that you might be a masochist.
The garage wasn’t far from home, but you were walking fast as if you were trying to lose him in the way.
“Is Namjoon still single?” You wondered out loud, trying to redirect your thoughts somewhere far away from him. At least for now it didn’t seem that difficult, you remembered the sweet smile of Yoongi’s friend and the way he lifted his glasses with his finger up to the bridge of his nose. Was he really shy or was he just faking it so girls thought he was cute? Either way, it was working.
“What?” Yoongi raised his voice, frowning at you.
You frowned back at him “I asked if Namjoon is still single.” You repeated, but you were sure he heard it right. “How come he’s still single?”
The wind hit your face, so you made yourself small in your jacket, scanning the street for any cars before crossing in the middle of the street. Yoongi followed you without hesitation, running to the other side of the street before you left him behind.
“Why…?” He yelled, trying to catch up with you, but when he was next to you he lowered his voice “Why do you care?”
The question sounded strange coming out of his lips, but you ignored his tone, turning your head. “I’m curious.” You just said, but he still couldn't shake the strange look on his face. “What?” You pushed his shoulder “Don’t look at me that way.”
“I’m not looking at you in any way.” He defended himself.
He was clearly looking at you in some way, you just didn’t know which. You winced, trying to brush it off “I’m just asking…” You murmured “He’s really cute, don’t you think? He works at the garage, he wears glasses, he’s got cute dimples. How is he still single?”
“It seems like you gave him a good look.” He mumbled under his breath, taking his eyes off you.
“I’m just a very observant girl.” You argued. “C’mon, you didn’t think about it? I’ve never seen Namjoon with a girl…” You kept wondering, staying silent as Yoongi, for some reason, refused to keep this conversation going. You still didn’t know how Simon and Yoongi were such good friends, Simon always knew everything about everyone, how was it possible that Yoongi refused to even discuss the reason for Namjoon's long singleness? Or maybe Yoongi was keeping the reason as a secret, maybe it was something no one was supposed to know. Suddenly, you connected two and two together, interpreting Yoongi’s reluctance in the most logical way. You gasped “Oh! Or is he…?”
Yoongi rolled his eyes, making a sound of annoyance when he realized you were still talking about the same thing. “No, he’s not gay, Pinky.” He sighed “He’s just not into dating.”
You turned the corner of the street, making Yoongi follow you. “Like my brother?” You asked, remember how everyone said the same thing about Simon.
He snorted “No, not like your brother.” He said “Simon was a mess… Namjoon is just a shy guy.”
You arched an eyebrow. That was the lamest excuse ever, it wasn’t enough explanation for you. Maybe Yoongi was right and Namjoon was just-a-shy-guy, or maybe Yoongi didn’t know the real reason why he has been single for years because men never communicate their feelings with each other, maybe Namjoon was dating his first love for years until she broke her heart, making him never want to date again, or maybe…
“Stop.” He said, interrupting your train of thought. Now it was his turn to push your shoulder “Don’t even think about it.”
He gave you a warning look, which made you confused for a moment… Wait, what was he thinking? Did Yoongi confuse your nosiness for something else? Did something that you said made him think your intentions were different? … Was he really thinking you were interested in Namjoon?
You pursed your lips, trying to contain your laugh. You could explain to Yoongi that he misunderstood you and deny every accusation, but something inside you told you that the current scenario was more fun.
“I’m not thinking about anything.” You said, faking innocence, and even if you really weren't he looked at you like he didn’t believe you.
“Yeah, right.” He huffed “Didn’t sound like that.”
“Really? How did it sound, then?” You teased him “Enlighten me.”
Yoongi did not say another word after that, refusing to follow your game. You've known him for longer than you could remember —literally, he said he remembered meeting you when he was four and Simon invited him into the house so he could meet his new baby sister, but you had no recall of it—, even so, you had no memory of him ever being mad at you, not even slightly annoyed, so you were a bit confused when his expression remained serious for the rest of the walk home. Was it so bad to show interest in Namjoon?
“Don’t even think about it.” What did that even mean?
Present
You were trying to avoid the memory of Ian’s proposal for weeks now. It was painted in your mind, the excited look on his face, his mom’s ring on his hand, the flowers, the cool white lights, the ringing in your ears that warned you something was wrong. You remembered wondering if he knew that you read all those texts he sent to other women, if he knew how ridiculous everything looked. It still made you cringe when you accidently thought about it. Did he really think you were the same as him?… Weren’t you different?
Despite being the most embarrassing moment of your life to date, you weren’t trying to hide it, you were planning to tell your family about it when the time was right. Like tonight, for example. You thought you could talk to them about it, that you could have time to explain everything, to apologize for not saying anything, maybe for a couple other things too… But your plan was ruined the moment your mom told you she had planned a dinner in your absence on the same day you arrived.
Now Simon was looking at you like you were thirteen and you got your heart broken for the first time. He rested his elbows on the table you and him just set, sighing. You were aware that the rest of the guests were on their way, but you tried to ignore it. It wasn’t that difficult since Simon’s thoughts were echoing in the room, making you shift in your seat. Of course Simon already knew about it, you were sure he already read it in some tabloid before you got the chance to tell him first.
“Stop doing that.” You said, breaking the silence. He didn’t seem surprised, but still narrowed his eyes, trying to play dumb.
“Doing what?”
You weren’t sure what he was doing exactly, maybe you were just imagining the way he was looking at you: with pity, but it was annoying you, and he knew that, perhaps it was the reaction he was expecting from you. He was laughing five minutes ago, making fun of you when he saw you trip on the step of the entrance to the kitchen like nothing changed between the two of you, but now he was sitting in silence as if he was preparing you to ask you the question.
You wished Florence, Simon’s girlfriend, were here. She would fill the uncomfortable silences with gossip about the neighbors and ignore the elephant in the room. She was away visiting her family, so instead you were there with him as he tried to play the big brother role, but failed terribly.
“Are you going to ask me about it?” You asked, not hesitating.
Simon let your question linger in the air, pretending you didn’t just read his mind. There were only a few people you could say you knew like the palm of your hand, one of them was your brother. Even if you spent years separated, you’ve always been as thick as thieves, you still saw right through Simon, and the only problem with that was that he saw right through you as well.
“Are you going to tell the truth?” He calmly asked, enjoying the look on your face when he heard you gasp, offended.
It hurt to know how implicit it was that you hadn’t been honest these past years, it was easy to catch you off guard. While you were out in the world, away from your family, Simon stayed here and visited your mom every sunday and tried to ignore the fact that you didn’t answer any of their messages that week, saying that you were busy working when you really were trying to avoid invitations for the next weekend. It was obvious that Simon was the one that spent more time with your mom, you thought about that the second he used the same tone as her when she was scolding you.
You crossed your arms over your chest, frowning “Maybe, I can think about it.” You said in the same tone as him. Simon just scoffed, shaking his head.
“Fine. That was too much to ask for, I guess.” He snarked, mocking you “I have a simpler question… are you okay?”
Despite his attempt to appear casual and keep bickering, his concern was evident. That question could have felt like a caress to the soul, a sigh of relief, the feeling of home, but instead it felt like Simon had punched you in the stomach, leaving you without air. How easy it was to fight with Simon, how easy would’ve been for you if he didn’t hug you when he saw you thirty minutes ago. It would’ve been less difficult than witnessing his blue eyes showing you mercy. It was clear that he cared for you, but you weren't sure if you deserved it, not from him of all people.
“Simon…” You murmured, shaking your head. It was an easy question, but difficult to answer knowing this wasn’t the right moment, this wasn’t how you planned things.
“What?” He questioned, reading your mind “I’m not asking you just because I have to, I’m not waiting for you to lie to me and tell me that you’re alright so I can forget about it, I care.”
“I know you care.” You breathed out “It’s just…” You sighed, vacillating “Listen… I haven’t- I’m not okay, really… But I can manage. I just feel like this is not the right moment to talk about it.” You looked at the entrance of the door and his sorry eyes followed, understanding what you meant. Simon nodded, but he didn’t stop looking at you like you were a wounded animal.
“That’s fine, I understand.” He murmured “That’s what I wanted to know. I was just wondering if you were going to be okay tonight.”
“I’ll be fine, as long as I don’t have to talk about myself. We’ll have time for that” You assured him.
“Are you sure?” He continued to question, doubting you.
You squinted your eyes “Yes, I'm sure, Simon.” You said, annoyed, even if you couldn’t blame him for not trusting your word. “I’m not planning to run away.”
“Not again?” He tried to joke, but you didn’t dare to laugh.
“I assure you, not again.” You rolled your eyes, hating that that was the image your brother had of you, hating to know that he was right. “You can stop looking at me like I’m a lost puppy now, I’m not a lost puppy.”
He scoffed “Are you not a lost puppy?” He asked “Where are you sleeping tonight?”
You frowned, offended “Here, of course… I mean, on the couch probably, but here.” You tried to defend yourself, but you immediately realized that your room was still a mess, and instead of cleaning a bit before dinner, you spent the whole afternoon sleeping.
His lips curved into a mocking smile, knowing that there wasn’t much difference between you and a lost puppy. “You can sleep at mine.” He offered.
“I wasn’t asking” You resisted, too proud to say yes right away.
“I know.” He said, and he shushed you to stop you from talking, pretending that it was the end of the discussion.
You shook your head, trying to reject those kind gestures you didn’t deserve. You opened your mouth, willing to keep arguing with your brother until you heard the bell ringing for the second time this evening, making you almost jump in your seat.
Your mom yelled from the kitchen, announcing that she was getting the door followed by the sound of her noisy shoes making their way to the door. It happened in a matter of seconds, you heard your mom rushing to the hall and opening the door, you heard muffled sounds, mixed voices, your mom greeting the guests while you waited on your chair as Simon turned his head over his shoulder, expectantly observing the entrance of the dining room.
Then, you heard steps approaching, laughter and chatter, but something else was happening in your head, something that was restricting you from hearing clearly —from thinking clearly—.
You fixed your eyes on the door, wishing no one appeared for as long as they could delay the arrival, but soon your field of vision was occupied by a short woman with curly hair and pearls in her ears. Nari, Yoongi’s mom, watched her step while she supported herself with a cane as she entered the room. Nari was just a few years older than your mom, but since the accident four years ago it has been difficult for her to walk without help, that’s why you and your brother both stood up at the same time to help her get to a seat faster.
The sound of both of your chairs being pushed back and your brother’s rushed steps filled the room. Simon was quicker than you, he approached Nari, smiling and saying hello as he grabbed one of her hands to help her find a seat.
You were not hearing anything clearly, but you were sure that Nari was complaining and telling Simon that she did not need any help, but he ignored her as he asked for her coat so he could hang it on the coat rack next to the door.
You felt clumsy, awkwardly standing in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do with yourself for the next four seconds. Four seconds that could’ve been four years, because when you lifted your gaze you realized you were standing face to face with Yoongi. An older Yoongi, a Yoongi you haven’t seen before, even if you didn’t remember when was the last time you dared to look him in the eyes, you were sure that back then he looked very different than tonight. His hair was longer, it was pushed back like he ran his finger through it, he was dressed like he just got home from work, a white dress shirt, slacks and a long black winter coat. He was dressed like an adult, a version of him that you never met and maybe never will. His gaze met yours the same way everything met you: by accident. He was not expecting to see you tonight, you knew that, now he was looking at you the same way you were looking at him, like he saw a ghost, maybe you were, maybe he was.
Yoongi opened his mouth to say something, and you had exactly one second to prepare for what he was about to say next, but you didn’t.
“Oh, Pinky.” Two words escaped his lips, tripping over each other as surprise and regret took over his features. He immediately realized he said something he wasn’t supposed to, but you still couldn’t hear clearly, you weren’t sure if you heard that right.
The nickname sent a chill down your spine, you couldn’t answer to it, and he knew it. It was like he said some forbidden word to make you freeze in your place. You couldn’t help but feel like the dumbest person on earth.
You had been thinking the whole afternoon about it, trying to think of ways of looking unbothered when Yoongi showed up tonight, but it took one stupid word for you to stop functioning normally. You wanted to say something, say hi to him and forget that he even dared to call you like that, but you refused to do it.
“Sweetheart! What are you doing here?” Suddenly, your ears were working again. Nari’s high pitched voice snapped you out of your trance, making you look away from her son’s face. It was like she didn’t notice your presence until Yoongi called you by that stupid nickname “I didn’t know you were coming!”
She attempted to stand up again, but you rushed to meet her so she wouldn’t move from her chair to let her pull you into a tight embrace. You took advantage of it, there were no more places to hide in this house, not your mom’s room or behind your brother, so you closed your eyes, hugging her back.
It was only then when you realized how much you missed being hugged like that, you remembered how much you missed such affection. Especially from her, who was always so loving to you, it was a shame that you couldn’t look her son in the eyes.
You shook those thoughts away, acting like his presence didn’t affect you. “I told my mom!” You explained “But she forgot, can you believe it?”
“She should've told me.” She said, pulling away to cup your face in her hands “I haven’t seen you in so long, angel, you look beautiful!”
“Not as much as you do, Nari, are you wearing makeup?” You tried to joke, making her giggle.
“No, darling, I don’t need that stuff.” She shook her head. “C’mon, sit next to me, we have to catch up!”
Four years ago
Seven days before New Year’s Eve.
There definitely was a logical reason why you and Yoongi were locked in the tiniest closet of your Grandma's enormous house.
The answer was somewhere in your mind, somewhere deep where your brain functioned just fine, somewhere where you weren’t trapped between Yoongi’s body and some shelf that was digging on your shoulder blade.
You were looking at each other in silence while you heard your name being called from downstairs. The palm of your hand was covering his mouth, preventing him from saying another word and his fist was clenched around your shirt to maintain his balance. You were trying to ignore how his knuckles were digging on the skin of your stomach, or how his chest was pressed against yours or the way his knee was digging in your inner thigh to keep you from crashing against the shelves full of cleaning products.
You looked at him through your eyelashes, quietly observing how his hair fell on his eyes like a curtain. You took a deep breath, thinking of the reason why you were there in the first place, which was… uhm… uh…
Oh yes! You were hiding. Yes, you were hiding from your grandmother, that was why.
This morning Yoongi showed up at your house to pick you and your mother up in his car. He was wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap with the name of his college on it. He smiled cheekily as he helped you put your bags in the trunk and you rolled your eyes when he opened the door of the passenger seat for you. Your mother was delighted, not only because she didn’t have to drive for two hours to your grandmother’s house, but also because Yoongi had that effect on everyone… including you.
Of course your grandmother loved Yoongi as well. Through her eyes, he was like another version of Simon; he was studying the same thing, he was about to graduate just like him, of course she was delighted to welcome Yoongi with open arms. You weren’t saying that you were not welcomed, or that your grandmother didn’t love you, but you were never received the same way. Yes, she hugged you and kissed you and told you she missed you, but that didn’t mean that later on she would not make comments on the way you dressed, or the way you laughed, or whether you should eat another gingerbread cookie or not.
You could endure all those things, you always did, it was nothing new to you. What you could not endure, howerever, was another second in the presence of your grandmother talking about her neighbor’s daughter. You hardly knew Aria, —the tall and blonde girl with gorgeous blue eyes that was sitting in the living room next to your grandmother— but you knew pretty much everything about her since your grandmother insisted on comparing you to her.
Ever since you were a kid your grandmother liked to compare you to every other girl of your age. You were sure Aria was a nice girl, it wasn’t her fault your grandmother was such a bitch, but you weren’t in the mood to face her today, especially when Simon wasn’t around. You knew she was coming with her family, since your grandma loved to invite the whole neighborhood when the holidays arrived, so when you heard your name being called from downstairs so you would come down and greet the guests, you hid in the nearest room of the house, the cleaning closet towards the end of the hall on the second floor.
After a few seconds you stopped hearing your mother calling for you, but then you started hearing Yoongi, approaching in the hallway as he was looking for you in the room you were staying in. You quickly opened the door, grabbed him by his arms and dragged him into the room with you.
You resolved that problem, the next step was figuring out how you would get out of the current situation.
Yoongi gently grabbed your wrist, removing the hand you were using to cover his mouth. “Aren’t you a little dramatic?” He whispered, completely ignoring the short distance that separated your face from his.
Yoongi’s breath smelled like the red wine he was drinking during lunch, and that should send some alert to your mind to warn you that he shouldn't be this close to you, but your brain seemed to be functioning on a different astral plane, and it was pretty much only focused on Yoongi’s lips.
You felt his hand opening to let go of your crumpled shirt, but then he slowly slid it back to your waist, grabbing you gently.
You gulped.
That seemed completely normal.
“Of course I am.” You whispered back, and you congratulated yourself for being able to speak. “That’s why I am hiding in a closet.”
“And you dragged me with you.” He remarked.
“You were screaming my name, you were going to give me away.” You accused him, digging a finger on his chest.
He nodded, pretending that what you just said made sense “Right, I get it. So… why are you hiding here instead of your room?” He said, emphasizing his words.
You took a quick look around the tiny dark room that wasn’t made to have two people in it. It smelled like bleach and it was full of brooms and dust. It wasn’t the most comfortable place to hide but it seemed like no one opened this room for the last four weeks, so it was safe. You returned your eyes to his face, biting your bottom lip. “My room wasn’t safe.” You explained, dead serious. “Do you think they stopped looking for me already?”
Yoongi rolled his eyes “You sound like someone is trying to kill you.”
Well, no. No one was trying to kill you, but why did you feel the need to run away as if someone was?
“No, it’s worse. If they find me I would have to tell everybody that I dropped out of college.” You effused, making him shake his head in disbelief “You are supposed to be here to support me, aren’t you?” You tried to remind him.
“I am here to support you.” He emphasized. “I am hiding in a closet with you, aren’t I?” You kept silent, knowing he was right. “But you can’t run away from everything, especially if it’s not worth the run, we’ll leave eventually and you’ll forget about your grandma for the rest of the year.”
You sighed, defeated. “I still don’t want to see fucking Aria.”
He scoffed, biting his lip to contain a laugh. “We don’t have to talk to her, we can just say hello and leave.” He said “I mean, but first we have to get out of here.”
He looked around, signaling the room you were squeezed in. He was right, again, he always was. You knew that it was absurd that you were hiding here in the first place, but something inside you urged you to stay there for a few seconds longer. Now you didn’t know if you wanted to stay there to avoid the guests or because you were getting too comfortable in his arms (you already knew the answer).
You had no idea what was happening in Yoongi’s mind, but you were too busy swimming in the warm brown of his eyes to even care, you were too busy dreaming to be interested in what this meant.
You must’ve been long gone for a few seconds, because you were only made aware that you’ve been silent for a while when you heard his soft voice.
“Pinky,” He called for you, pulling you out of the haze of your mind, but the thing that finally snapped you out of it was when you were suddenly caught off guard when you, out of nowhere, felt his hand touching your face, squeezing your cheeks between his fingers “are we going to stop hiding or not?” He calmly asked, making your heart skip a beat.
You blinked, feeling your knees getting weak. If you were speechless before, now you have become completely mute.
What. Was. He. Doing.
And what was he playing?
You couldn’t miss the way his eyes shined in the dark and how your heart swirled in your chest, becoming small the second you watched a flash of a smirk tugging at the corner of his pink lips. Was he fucking laughing at you?
And why were you standing there with your mouth hung open, racking your brain for something to say? Your mind couldn’t process if he was just playing with you, not right now, not ever. You didn’t know what game he was playing, but you decided you were not letting him win regardless. You grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand away from your face.
“Don’t treat me like a baby…” You said in a low voice, but you didn’t know what you were talking about anymore. Everything stopped making sense the moment you dragged him into this room.
He squeezed your waist, digging his fingers on your skin over your cotton shirt. “But you sound like a baby.” He murmured, leaning over you just enough to make your noses brush with each other.
Your heart dropped to your stomach, leaving you without air. God, you felt sick. This wasn’t real, this was a product of your imagination, like every single second you spent with Yoongi these last weeks. “Yoongi…” You whispered, trying to warn him, but instead it sounded like you were pleading. You might as well have done both; warning him because if he didn’t stop you would start believing whatever he was doing, and pleading because you were not sure if you could take it.
He freed himself from your grasp, grazing his thumb along your jaw bone. You couldn’t recall a time, not even in your darkest dreams, where he touched you like that.
“What?” He whispered back, his voice hoarse. “What are you going to do?”
The room laid in profound silence for a moment, the weight of your heart suffocated you and the urge to answer him, to smack him in the face, to run away, increased in your chest. You held your breath, watching him open his mouth about to say something, but then the room shook when someone knocked on the door like they were about to knock it down, being followed by the strong sound of your mom’s voice, making you jump away from him.
“Dear, don’t tell me you’re there again.” She yelled loud enough for the whole block to hear, knocking again for good measure.
Yoongi’s arms fell on each side of his body, and you couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He lifted an eyebrow, ignoring what just happened. “Again, huh?”
You rolled your eyes, pushing his chest to keep a proper distance between your body and his “Shut up.” You gritted your teeth, refusing to acknowledge the warm temperature of your face. You hated to see that there was no trace of embarrassment on his features, just pure amusement. Meanwhile, you didn’t need a mirror to know how red your cheeks were.
Three more knocks. “C’mon, get out there already!” Your mother kept yelling.
When you finally turned around and opened the door, your mother’s gaze fell upon you, looking at you with everything but surprise. It wasn’t the first time you hid there, you did it a couple times when you were a kid and fought with Simon. Your mother was well aware of your hiding place, you just expected her to think you were too old to be found here again.
The surprise came after, when her eyes caught a sigh of another face in the dark. She knew you were going to be hidden here, what she didn’t expect was to find Yoongi right next to you, maybe way too close to each other.
Her eyes widened, out of words “Oh, dear,... Yoongi… Uh, I didn’t- I didn’t know you were both here...” The sentence died in your mother’s lips, but you ignored her reaction, you stepped out of the room, fanning yourself with your hand to cool down and storming out of the situation.
“Sorry, I was dragged into this, Lila.” Yoongi explained, sounding way more composed than you, but the situation didn’t look good for either of you.
“Well, I can only imagine…” She said, but you did not miss her undertone.
You walked back to what was supposed to be your room (and Yoongi’s), leaving both of them behind.
“Your daughter can be very persuasive.” He continued to explain, his voice following you.
A low hum of your mom finished the conversation, she left trying to put together what she just saw, and you hurried your pace so you could lock yourself in the room and leave him outside.
“Pinky!” He exclaimed, stopping you at the door frame.
You needed a second alone, but he was not willing to give it to you.
You turned around, exasperated “What!?” You snapped, but he didn’t care one bit.
“Didn’t you want to get out of here?”
Present
The day Ian came to your apartment to pick up the last box with his things, you finally called your mother to tell her you and him had broken up. You had only told Minnie by then, but it got stuck in your throat for two weeks, ready to be vomited at any moment.
Your mother always said that it was important to grieve things, to be mad about them, to be sad, to cry about them, otherwise you were going to carry that weight while pretending to be okay until, someday, it would explode in your face in the worst possible way. When you broke up with Ian you patiently waited for the tears, for the pain in your chest, for the sad memories of three years with him to arrive one night at three am. You waited for the grief in your car when some sappy love song started playing, or when you went for the groceries and came face to face with the huge advertisement with his face on it, but it never came.
You had an affection for Ian that was not easy to understand, but you liked his company, you liked his unconventional jokes, that he was politically incorrect, that he laughed in the worst moments, but you were never sure you loved him, were you a horrible person for that? For not feeling bad, for not crying for him?
When your mom picked up the phone and you told her why you called, you broke down crying before finishing the sentence, you felt all the emotions stacking up your throat as you sobbed uncontrollably. You soon realized you weren’t crying for Ian, you weren’t crying because you missed him, not even for the proposal, you were crying because you needed a hug from your mom and she was four hours away.
“Women grieve during the relationship.” Minnie theorized when you told her that you didn’t feel bad for Ian “It’s normal if you don’t miss him.”
Maybe she was right, but maybe you were not grieving your relationship with Ian, but the person you were before leaving home.
Now that you were there, sitting at the table with the people that have always been your family, you knew that you were supposed to feel at ease, but the anxiety you felt at the thought of someone mentioning the big break up, as Minnie called it, was stronger. You knew everyone knew, and you knew everyone was thinking about it. Everyone but you, because you were a bit too distracted with a certain someone sitting across the table, just in front of you. A certain someone who couldn’t stop crossing looks with you.
“Aren’t they planning to make a movie about that?” You heard Simon ask, shaking off your thoughts.
As much as you wished not to be the center of attention, you should’ve known that none of your wishes would come true tonight, because every topic, every question, every comment was being redirected at you and your life in the city.
You weren’t paying much attention to the conversation, but you were sure they were talking about a play you starred in two years ago, which contained one of your most acclaimed performances. You remembered those days with pure contentment and pride, but you had numerous reasons for not wanting to talk about it.
“So I’ve heard.” You just said, looking at the half eaten portion of lasagna on your plate.
“Shouldn’t you be in it?” Nari asked this time “You were wonderful in that.”
You smiled, shrugging. “Thanks, but if they don’t offer it to me beforehand I would have to audition again. It’s a different process of casting I suppose.”
You heard almost everyone humming in response, and felt a pair of eyes fixed on the side of your face that you were still trying to ignore. In that moment you decided you would not concede said eyes another single glance tonight, as if you could ever keep your promises.
“But wouldn’t you like to be in it?” Your mom nonchalantly asked “If it were the same casting, I mean.”
You looked at her for a moment, expecting her to realize what she was asking, but she didn’t. You knew she had no business remembering every play you’ve been in, or every casting, or every detail of the life you decided to never share, but you still waited for a moment, expecting her to remember that in that very same play you ended up killing Ian’s character by stabbing him in the heart.
Nothing like reality, you thought.
“Not really.” You chuckled, bitterly “Some things are made to be done just once, it might wear off.”
You breathed out, thinking that you successfully avoided the topic without having to give any explanations.
But of course, once again, you were wrong.
“Oh, sorry, baby.” Your mother backtracked “I forgot you were there with…”
The name died on her throat, immediately knowing that the comment was unnecessary.
You pursed your lips, shaking your head “It’s fine…”
The conversation could have followed its course then, you could have changed the topic yourself, you could have perfectly saved the conversation by making something up, but Nari was quicker.
“Oh, darling, I’m sorry about that, I just heard about it this morning.” She followed your mom, giving you the condolences as if someone just died. “I had no idea.”
“Mom…” You heard Yoongi’s voice echoing in the room as a warning, and without noticing, your gaze landed on him again for a brief moment, immediately breaking your promise. You mentally cursed yourself, taking your eyes off him when he offered an apologetic smile.
Nari looked at him, annoyed at him for scolding her, “I’m just saying, I hope you’re okay, I know it’s not easy.”
“Mom.” Yoongi spoke again, this time more insistent, but his mother paid it no mind.
“It’s okay.” You said without looking at him “I’m okay, things like this happen.”
You didn’t know what things you were referring to, if the break up, the proposal, the leaked pictures, the fact that your ex boyfriend stabbed you in the back. Things like that did not happened everyday, you weren’t supposed to get used to them, but you acted like you already were.
She nodded, looking at you with eyes full of concern. “I was so surprised, honestly. Didn’t you want to get married?”
The directness of the question caught you off guard, so you couldn’t help but chuckle nervously. Everyone could sense how invasive and personal was the question, but the fact that she wasn’t trying to tip-toe around you made you smile softly. You loved Nari, and you knew she meant no harm, so, only for now, you decided to answer with the truth.
“Well, yes, someday.” You quietly professed, the words leaving your mouth like a sigh “But with the right person.”
That was enough to end the conversation, she smiled at you the same way you smiled at her and you could swear she could sense the pain in your heart, not because of Ian, but because of everything else.
Then, Phil began talking about something else and everyone joined the conversation, too scared of saying something wrong and making you cry, but you were still stuck in the moment. After some minutes, when you felt the ache in your chest increasing, you excused yourself and left the table to exit the house through the back door in the kitchen.
You took a deep breath, letting the cold air fill your lungs as you closed the door behind you. You sat at the bench next to Phil’s plants, trying to catch your breath. You were sure you were about to find a home somewhere, you found yourself surrounded by everything that used to feel like it, but you still felt like a foreign person, you still felt like a stranger, a traitor. You couldn’t find the person you were, or the fragments that you didn’t make disappear.
You weren’t strong enough yet, you understood that now. The wind in your hair reminded you that you still tried, but the lack of air in your lungs just told you how immature you still were. Still, you were mindful none of this would be easy, but you just needed a few seconds to compose yourself and then you could come back to the dining room to finish your lasagna. That sounded just fine.
When you were about to get up from your seat, you heard it. The creaking sound of the back door opening, you observed the trace of warm light that came from inside, and then, you heard that voice again.
Inevitably, your eyes met him again, whose head was peeking to verify if you were outside, and when he saw that you were, in fact, there, he closed the door behind him, leaving the two of you alone in the cold darkness of the night. What was he doing?
“You’re here.” Yoongi’s words were accompanied by some misty breath, lingering in the air before disappearing. You lowered your gaze, nervously looking at your feet. ‘You’re here’, he said, and for some reason he sounded relieved.
You were confused, you didn’t understand why he chose to follow you to the backyard, but he invited himself to stay there, leaning on the wall far enough from you.
“It’s cold here.” He announced, trying to dissipate the tension you were creating by staying silent.
You nodded your head, agreeing, but you believed you shouldn’t even grant him that.
Yoongi sighed, “I’m sorry about my mom,” He finally said “I’m sure it wasn’t her intention to put you in an uncomfortable situation.” You tried not to roll your eyes. Was that was he doing? Playing the role of an advocate? “She didn’t mean to sound rude or anything, she just has no filter.”
“It’s okay, I know.” You murmured under your breath. “It wasn’t her fault, it’s just me.”
He kept quiet, he didn’t seem too content with that answer but what could he do about it? You both knew it was the only thing you were going to tell him.
“Fine, but… you shouldn’t be out here… without a coat.” He awkwardly said, making you frown “It’s cold.”
You suppress the urge to punch him in the face, instead, you put your hands between your thighs because he was right, it was cold and you didn’t have a coat on, if you stayed too long outside you were going to get sick.
“I know it’s cold.” You acknowledged “I’m going inside in a second.”
You waited patiently for him to leave, expecting those words to be enough for him to leave you alone for a few more seconds, but he didn’t. He stood there, in the other corner of the porch looking at you like he had something else to say. You didn’t care, you wanted to not care, it was meaningless.
“Are you… I just, uhm… Are you okay?” He stumbled over his words, but you dismissed the way your heart clenched in response.
“Yoongi…” You groaned, intending to sound annoyed at him, but the name came out of your voice like something intimate, something like a secret, it echoed in the air, resonating with the same tenderness that he pronounced your nickname upon seeing you tonight.
“What? I mean-”
“I’m okay, I’ll be there in an instant.” You interrupted him. He didn’t have another option but to agree.
He made his way to the door, but lingered in there for a moment. With one hand on the doorknob, he glanced longingly at you as if he was expecting you to stop him. “You can go now.” You rushed him.
“I know, I know, sorry.” He said, knowing he was caught. “I’m just glad to see you, that's all.”
Before you even got the chance to curse him, he disappeared through the door like nothing happened, once again.
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And now on to my first request 🙈
The dream I had was very vague and context was nonexistent so this is me trying to piece it together and make it make sense for a fic
Arranged marriage with Danny ricc😍 I guess mafia would work best with this? But either way is fine. not too long after the marriage so they’re still pretty awkward and shy with each other. Perhaps they’ve got slight googly eyes for each other but not obvious and he’s a sweetheart not trying to force anything.
Randomly one day she realizes she almost out of pads and it’s the heaviest day of her period😳 if it’s mafia I guess she could have asked one of the workers to buy some but she felt awkward so asked him to pick up some on the way home and he’s super nice and gets a whole goody basket filled with a bunch of stuff😩 and then cuz her cramps are so bad they cuddle for the first time🙉🙉 maybe him rubbing her belly and back are too fast but idk I’m just in need of some hardcore fluff rn😭😭 (the way I got off my period a few days ago and yet still can’t get this out of my head) (I had another idea as a continuation of this but forgot 😭😭) (sorry if this makes no sense 💀)
-🤠
cowboy, my love, i'm so sorry this took me so damn long. I was gonna save it for a potential series but I can't commit to another series rn lmao
Warnings: Period
Daniel Ricciardo didn't love his wife. That was upsetting, wasn't it? He had a wife and he didn't love her.
It wasn't that he married a girl he once loved and then fell out of love with her. No, he was never in love with her. He didn't even have a chance to fall in love before he was placing that ring on her finger.
Things were awkward between the two of them. That was bound to happen, though. As much as they wanted to, it was so damn difficult. Daniel was a busy man, being Max Verstappen's lackey.
So, they tried to make life work. There were a few short conversations before he was rushing off to do whatever work Max needed him to do.
There was one night where he walked into the house they shared. Daniel expected her to be asleep in the room she had to herself. She didn't know that Daniel often checked on her when he came back late from work, taking comfort in the fact that she was still there, was still okay.
This time, though, she was asleep on the sofa. The television had turned off after a couple of hours of inactivity and she was holding a cushion close to her chest.
Daniel put his things down. He shrugged off his jacket and carefully walked closer to her. He brushed some hair away from her forehead and scooped her into his arms.
She stayed asleep, face pressed against his chest as Daniel carried her to bed. He laid her down and pulled the blankets up to her chin before he backed out of the room. Sparing one last glance at her, he left her there.
They never addressed this little moment. If she was even aware of it, Daniel wasn't sure.
But then her period came around. It wasn't her first period since they'd been married. But this time, she had nothing. No pads, no tampons, no painkillers. (No sweet treats to ease her hormonal woes.)
There were staff in the house that she could have asked, but they hadn't spoken two words to her since the wedding. Well, that wasn't true. Mrs Mulch had marched into her room on several occasions to shout at her while giving her dinner.
That left one person she could call. Holding her cramping abdomen, she held her phone up to her ear as it rang.
"Hey," said Daniel when he picked up. "Are you okay?" She hadn't called him before; he'd started to wonder if he'd even given her his number. This was actually quite a relief.
"Daniel," she whispered, voice pained.
Panic flooded him. "What's wrong, honey?" He asked quickly, voice hushed just in case she was in danger.
She let out another cry, and it was like being stabbed in the heart. "I... my period," she sobbed.
He released a breath. She wasn't in danger; she was just on her period. Fuck, that was such a damn relief.
"Talk to me, honey."
Honey, when had he started calling her that? And why did it make her insides feel all gooey? "Danny, I-I used all of my pads last month and I've got nothing in the house and I've got no painkillers and I'm really craving chocolate."
She said it all so quickly that Daniel had a hard time keeping up. But he had it, and he was going to do what he could for his wife.
Apologising to Max, he left work and jumped into his car. Daniel sped through traffic with little regard for the law (something he didn't have to worry about when they were in Max's pocket). Daniel parked himself outside of the store, climbed out of the car and grabbed a basket as he headed inside.
Daniel bought enough pads to stock her up for a year (he thought, at least) and snacks. Chocolate and junk food, anything she could want while she was on her period.
But he forgot the damned painkillers.
Paying and rushing back to the car, Daniel made his way back to the house.
He walked towards her, laying on the leather couch as she put pressure on her abdomen. But it was doing so little to ease the pain. "Oh, honey," Daniel whispered as he walked over to her and dropped to his knees in front of her. He brushed her hair away from her sweaty forehead and brushed away the tears staining her cheeks.
He took her hand and helped her up. "Come on," He said gently, picking up the shopping bag and pulling her towards the bathroom.
Handing her the pads, Daniel left her in the bathroom. He put the snacks away in their respective cupboards and emptied a packet of chocolates into a bowl.
"Daniel," she began as she walked towards him. She seemed a lot more comfortable now that she wasn't... free flowing. "Did you get the painkillers?"
His face dropped. "Shit, honey, I'm so sorry," he said. "I completely forgot."
He went to move through the house, to get his keys and drive out to get some for her. But, before he could, she grabbed his arm. "Please stay," she squeaked.
Daniel gave a nod. He opened his arms and she fell against him. This was the closest they'd ever been, and Daniel loved it. He kissed the top of her head and walked her towards the couch.
He sat down and she sat with him. Taking one of his hands, she placed it on her abdomen and let out a sigh. They were big and warm and the way he moved his thumb over her skin was so damn soothing. "Thank you, Danny," she whispered and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
He ran his free hand through her hair. "No problem, honey."
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