#every day is just so fucking uncomfortable and disgusting my customers are disgusting and creepy

[mochapanda]

i think if i dont get a new job soon i am going to kill myself

[slowdiived]

oddly specific kurt kunkle request? reader works in retail and one day they complain to their boyfriend kurt about a regular customer (a creepy old man who keeps hitting on reader and making them super uncomfortable), so kurt kills the creepy dude?

i have a guy at my job that is literally a fucking perv so i had some ideas LMFAO

“it’s just really pissing me off,” you ranted as you paced around the living room. “this dude has to be like 60 years old, i’m telling you… and he wouldn’t stop putting his hand on my back every time he made me bend down to show him the stupid iphone chargers.”

kurt watched you, his head turning every direction you went in. he was sitting on the couch furious, his arms crossed against his chest. he was sick with the thoughts of some creepy old man taking advantage of your store’s customer service policy just to get close to you.

“that’s so messed up,” he sighed, laying his back against the leather cushion. “did you tell anybody?”

“yes!” you threw your arms up in anger. “i told like two of mycoworkers on the registers and they just tried to tell me he was ‘being nice.’ it’s a load of bullshit.”

you hated your retail job. you hated it so much. you worked at a failing business that tended to only attract older people with no clue of social norms. mostly it was just having to deal with out of touch people, mean and grumpy at your explanations, and help. you learned to deal with it, your benefits were nice and you got a decent paycheck, but some days you wanted to just chop your head off in front of the whole store to scar everyone in sight. maybe that would make people start to change.

you just learned to cope the best you could, but today was different.

“maybe bring it up with your general manager?” he tried to propose a solution. “i don’t know, i-i’ve never really worked retail before.”

“i wish it was that simple,” you sat down next to him. “he comes in every week and is normal to everyone else, except me. i just feel gross, like i want to cut off the chunk of skin he kept touching.”

“i’m sorry,” he put an arm around your shoulders, bringing you closer and touching his head to yours. “it will get better, maybe just bring his name up to one of your managers and maybe he will get banned.”

“i guess you are right,” you turned to face him. “thank you for letting me rant to you, i know that was probably annoying and all.”

“no,” he kissed your cheek. “it wasn’t at all, im glad you told me.”

he had so many thoughts racing through his head, he could see this man touching you, your face of pure disgust and worry. it made him so enraged, his fingernails digging into his palm as he tried his best to contain himself. he got pretty good at masking his anger, especially in front of you. he never wanted to scare you off with the dark thoughts and actions that ran through him.

he had a plan though. he knew this guy’s routine from all your stories you had told him the last few weeks. he thought about stalking the store, seeking out the guy, following him home, and then beating the ever living shit out of him. watching the older man’s frail bones break as kurt just broke him into a million pieces.

-

“hey uh, it’s (y/n), was just calling to see if you are okay, it’s been like three hours since you got done driving and you said you were bringing dinner. just call me back when you get the chance, just a little worried.”

it was already eight pm and you hadn’t heard anything from kurt since he got off of spreeing for the day. you texted him a few times, shocked when he wasn’t quick to answer. that boy practically lives on his phone, he texts you a billion times a day checking in on you, but today was different. you tried to just tell yourself that he got caught up in something, maybe his dad needed a ride somewhere. he usually begged kurt to take him to the most outlandish of places so you tried your best to believe your made up story.

you had taken a shower once you got home around four, made yourself look good for your boyfriend. you were gonna eat dinner with him then hope you guys would get to messing around a bit, maybe show off your new underwear you hadn’t had a proper chance to debut to him yet. it was really bothering you that he hadn’t said a word for hours.

before you could worry anymore, kurt had stumbled through the door, slamming it once he got inside. you ran from your room to the living room to see him, happy that he was alive. you were about to report him as missing due to your dramatics.

“hey is everything okay?” you had thrown yourself around him, his arms tightening around you.

“oh yeah,” he spoke into your ear. “just had to take care of something a-and my phone died.”

you pulled away, hands now holding his. he smiled at you, his eyes bright and happy. all your worries went away, his face being enough o make you feel okay.

“did you get dinner?” you asked, starving from not eating since your lunch.

“i was thinking i could take you out,” his grin made your heart flutter. “anywhere you want to go, it’s on me.”

you nodded.

“honestly can we just sit inside taco bell?” you giggled. “i just really want a beefy burrito right now.”

“yeah of course,” he kissed your forehead. “anything for you.”

you told him you would be right back, going to your room to get a pair of shoes on. he sat on the couch for a moment and let out a huff, his mind fuzzy.

he would do anything to make you happy, he loves making you happy. he wants to be your saving grace, your only hope. he looked down at his jacket, smiling at the tiny bloodstain that was left on him. it was all for you, it’s always going to be for you. he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“okay i’m read-“ you stopped for a moment as you noticed a blood smear from the side of his temple down to his ear. “… hey are you bleeding?”

his hand shot to the side of his face that your eyes were fixated on, his fingers grazing the dried blood. he pulled down his hand to look at it and sure enough, there was dried blood that bunch up on his pointer and middle finger.

“oh uh,” he pretended to look as shocked as he possibly could. “i hit my head on the uh… side of my door today w-when getting gas. i was trying to uh… hurry for my next passenger, i didn’t notice i was bleeding.”

he stood up and went to your bathroom, quickly turning in the sink. he pulled out a washcloth from your drawer, soaking it then scrubbing at his temple.

you followed in shortly after, nervous that he had really hurt himself. you tried to get up close to inspect the suspected wound but he pulled away from you.

“oh i-i’m okay,” he finished cleaning it off. “it’s just a tiny scratch on my scalp, nothing major.”

“are you sure?” you tried to reach for him again. “let me check it for you-“

“no it’s fine i promise,” he put the cloth on the counter. “we should get to t-taco bell before they close.”

you nodded and turned around, heading out the restroom door. kurt looked in the mirror one last time, the events of the day playing through his head.

he punched the guy in the face, as hard as he could. the man stumbled to the ground of his front lawn, groaning at the impact. kurt through another hard hitter, the man passing out.

he had put him in his car and drove him to the junkyard, his usual place for his victims. he layer his body against the gravel in front of his car, waiting for the man to wake up again. he was growing impatient, the pocket knife on his key opened and ready to be used. kurt decided to stab him in the side repeatedly, the old man awakening to the pain. he looked at kurt with eyes of terror, his hand reaching for the bloody wound.

“this is what you get m-mother fucker,” he stuttered, stabbing him again.

the man tried to grab kurt with his bloody hand, the liquid smearing against the side of his head.

“are you coming or what?” you asked, breaking him out of his memory.

“y-yeah,” he turned off the light and head to you. “just wanted to say i love you.”

“i love you.” he gave you a kiss on your cheek.

[imaginewarehouse]

Various Males x Fem!ExModel!Reader || Oneshot

Plot: You, a retired model get hired at Cloud 9 and, not-at-all-surprisingly, you get harassed by every allegeable (According to them) bachelor in the place- but god fucking damnit! You’re just here to get a paycheck??!  

“You can’t knock ‘em out, you cant walk away,

Try desperately to think about the politest way to say,

“Just get out of my face,”, “Just leave me alone,”

“And no you cant have my number,”,

“Why?”

“Cuz I lost my phone.”

(Inspired by Lily Allen’s Knock ‘Em Out)

Includes (In order of appearance after the introduction bit): Sal Kazlauskas, Garret McNeil, Tate Staskiewicz, Isaac (And I think my favouritism here definitely bleeds through*Cough*), Elias Greene, Cory, Jonah Simms, and Marcus White.

Warnings: Sal, harassment (They leave after you say no though. Just to be sure) 

🔆  🔆  🔆

“And uh, yeah one last thing before we all hop off to work! We have a new Cloud 9 family member. Y/N! Would you like to stand up?” Glenn, the lovely man who took your interview a week ago and then went out of his way today to look for you out front in the morning to show you around quickly and guide you through clocking in, finds you in the crowd of workers and gestures for you to stand.

Oh, uh- uhh, okay! Up we get, then, you think as you stand up like he said and take a look around at all the judging eyes, which normally wouldn’t phase you but here is a lot scarier than what you’re used to. This an entirely different environment to getting up at a modelling gig- you know nothing about working this kind of job! You’ve never done it, so, you’re afraid they’ll judge you right off the bat and make it difficult for you to ask questions. And you can’t keep bothering Glenn- he has more important things to do.

Oh god, you hear whispering. You peer around. Where is that coming from?-

“This is Y/N L/N! She’ll be working with Go back’s today,” Right, Go Back’s Easy enough; Glenn explained them earlier before the meeting started. “So if you see her in your area- be sure to say hello and see if she needs some help, K? Good. We’re jazzed to have you with us Y/N.”

“Thank you!” You quip quickly, then sit down and focus on Glenn again, hoping dearly at the same time that attention disperses from you immediately.

Glenn smiles, glancing down at his clipboard for any last-minute messages. “Okay! I think that’s it, so- “

The whispering from before suddenly cuts off. “Uh yeah, question?” Glenn stops short when a man in the back kind of rudely cuts him off, but sighs out a ‘Yes, Marcus?’ as the woman beside him - Dina, - rolls her eyes severely. Oh, you let a tiny ghost of a smirk slip over your lips. That’s kind of a reaction, isn’t it? “Yo- new girl.” What- me- w h y- You immediately get awkward again and twist around in your chair, but don’t really know who to look at. Luckily the tall brunette in the warehouse uniform is pointing, so you figure it out pretty quick that that’s who you’re looking for, and calm down. Mostly. 

Yeah? You raise one eyebrow. “Hi?”

He grins back to the right and the left of him, to his equally pleased buddies and pals, before raising a Vogue magazine- and it’s the issue on which you scored the front page. Jeez, that was months ago! “Is this you?”

A chorus of ‘Ohhhhh’ and general excitement travels around the room and for the first time ever, you’re half ashamed to admit that yes that is you. In your usual circle this is something to be proud of… but you get that it isn’t really like that, in non-modelling circles. In fact, it could be something to be embarrassed about.

Especially seeing that oh dude and his gang of Michael Myers fashion wannabes look like a hungry, dim-witted, wolves rather than plainly interested about your modelling career.

But, still, you smile politely and nod. Hopefully it’ll be forgotten before the afternoon, at least. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Nice.”

Hmm… you really, really hope that it’s forgotten soon, at least, as you turn back around to face the front again as Glenn sends everyone off to work. Because if not, then these boys are going to learn the hard way that models take self-defence classes religiously.

Or at least you are going to have a very uncomfortable day, which is just great. You groan inwardly at the thought, as you gather up your coffee from the table beside you and drop it in the trash can on the way out.

~

You’re just doing your own thing and someone

Comes out of the blue,

They’re like,

“Alright”

But he’s saying

“Yeah can I take your digits?”

And you’re like, “No, not in a million years, you’re nasty.

Please leave me alone.”

There’s already so many Go Back’s! You think excitedly, as you get to work looking for where things should be. You’re glad to have something to do- at your first job with Chuck E Cheese, before you got into the modelling thing, you were basically useless the first day because you weren’t allowed to grill yet, you didn’t know how to assemble, and they didn’t want you out on the floor for the birthday party that was happening, in fear that you would mess up royally. So you just sat around trying not bother anyone, and that felt terrible. So, wandering the aisles of Cloud 9 with a full shopping trolley searching for products and neatening things up? Sounds like a good deal to you. Yes please.

“Uhh, hi.”

You practically jump entirely out of your skin, hearing the voice right beside you and whip your head around to see a balding guy in a blue Cloud 9 jacket. Is this man licking his fingers!?

“Uh,” You step back with your brightest, most polite smile, picking something up from the Go Back’s cart and rounding it to put it between you and the man, before acting like you’re stupid enough to be putting barbecue sauce in the Barbie section, and then… “Oh, oops! Silly me!” You flash the guy a nervous look. “I’m still working things out… “

Well? Better to look like an absolute idiot, then be standing within grabbing radius of the creepy man licking his fingers that you’re all alone in the middle of an empty aisle with. “Um… so, what’s up? Did someone send you to find me, or… am I doing something wrong? You know better than me, after all!”

“No… “His gaze licks up your form and if it weren’t for all your ‘training’ in staying still and not feeling this kind of thing- you absolutely would have wigged out. “You’re doing fine… Just wanted to see you.”

Boy- if anyone else could see your face right at this moment, full of disgust and mild horror, you’re sure you would be YouTubes next hit. Or a meme. “Oh… “You nervously chuckle. “Um, well, I’m gonna… go… “You pull the trolley around so that you can back up out the back of the aisle and escape through stuffed toys, into the open but his hand comes down on the other end of the trolley- stopping it. Before you can stop yourself, verbal diarrhoea spews from your lips. “Glenn has my resume- there’s a photo on there you can have.”

“That’s okay I prefer them to be breathing.” Both his hands are on the end of your trolley now, tight so his knuckles turn white, and he’s breathing unnecessarily heavy. He’s even leaning over the trolley some like his body really can’t handle whatever terrible heat is plaguing it right now. Oh god, oh god oh god oh god… this is so gross.

“Well, that’s… u-understandable...”

He looks up into your eyes, now, and doesn’t blink. Who the hell is this guy?! “Say… “ Oh no, oh no- he’s coming around the trolley-he’s coming around-he’s close-too close-too close-mayday-MAYDAY- Slowly, in your face, he licks up his thumb, makes an ‘Mm,’ sound, and you deeply wince; So much so in fact that one of your eyes completely closes. “Could I take your phone number?”

You absolutely couldn’t have helped what happened next if you had wanted to.

“Eeeeuuuwwwwwwww no not in a million years, your nasty, please leave me alone!!” You exclaim in a high voice before abandoning the trolley and rushing off to customer service.

~

“No you cant have my number,”

“Why?”

“Cuz I lost my phone.”

By the time you got to the front desk, you had basically calmed down and were mostly just stressed that you left the Go Back’s behind- but still must look troubled as the guy manning the front desk makes a confused, half-concerned but mostly intrigued kind of face at you as you stop there. You’re about to explain your appearance - that or just shrug, not too bothered about reporting whatever mess that was. Not on your first day, at least. No way. - when his face relaxes, and he nods. “Ohhh. Damn, Sal got to you?”

Sal? Was that the guy’s name? You didn’t check. “Oh, was that his name? I was a bit too preoccupied by his eyeballs sucking out my soul, to notice his name tag.” Now that you’re thinking about it, though, you glance at this man’s name tag. Garret.

“Yep, that’s Sal. That’s just one of the wonderful things involved in working here that you’ll just have to get used to.” Garret grins, offering you a chill perspective with a side of cynicism. You sigh, truly feeling relieved that you’ve found a normal person and relax your back against the taller part of the desk.

“Brilliant.” The sarcasm drips off the tip of your tongue.

“You’ll have to deal with a lotta that here, though, looking like you do.” You turn your head to the side to look already exhausted just by the idea, at him. He shrugs. “Hey, I don’t make the rules. I just speak the truth.”

“God- I feel sorry for the other women working here.”

“Oh, no. They’re in a completely different wheelhouse to you. Sorry.” Garret leans on his forearms on the desk, and you roll over to lean on your shoulder and pay attention. “See, you’re a model- “

“I was a model,”

“You were a model- which through primitive male thought process makes you prime real estate. Whoever manages to ‘bag’ you, for lack of a better word I apologise, gets some serious bragging rights.” He shrugs, and looks vaguely apologetic but still some how shameless as this utter bullshit slips out of his mouth. “We can’t help it- some of us don’t even know we’re doing that, but we are. Actually, I’m probably the only one who’ll admit it… which… kinda makes me your best option. Self-awareness, and all that.”

Oh. A dry laugh comes out of you as you feel a text come through in your back pocket and pull out your phone. As you see that its not an urgent message, you immediately put the phone back and glance around for any supervisors before returning to your conversation with Garret. “Oh- of course it does.”

“Exactly!” He grins, and you can’t tell through his expression at all whether he’s genuinely this clueless or if he’s just shooting his shot. “So- “

“No, you can’t have my number.”

“Why?”

Deadass, in a very monotone voice, you say: “I lost my phone.”

Then the two of you just have a stare off for a minute. Garret because he just saw you use your phone, and you because you wont back down.

~

“Oh yeah, actually yeah I’m, I’m pregnant. I’m having a baby in like 6 months, so no. Yeah, yeah… “

“You know,” The chemist pipes up from behind the Pharmacy desk as you put back some pill boxes he said were fine to return to the shelves, and you glance over at him to show you’re listening, and check his name tag. “I myself considered a career in modelling, before this. People even say, now, that I could model.”

Oh boy. You think, fighting not roll your eyes. And how old are you? Early 30’s? I don’t think so buddy.

“Oh, well, I wouldn’t recommend it.” You flash him a nervous grin before returning to your shelving. “You’re good for, like, 3 years. But then you hit 22 and unless you look like Victoria Justice shared with you whatever youth fountain she got chucked into, then you have to find something else to do with your life- despite having nothing to fall back on.” Okay… so… I might be a bit bitter.

Tate chuckles - and oh boy, he sounds just like your old manager. Totally fake, -, hiding his hands in his lab coat pockets. “Yeah, you’re probably right… Besides, I got the better end of the deal, anyway. Doctor for the doctors, they call us.” They call Pharmacists that? Who? That’s news to you. “Ahhh, yeah… I’m doing pretty well for myself.”

“Yep.” Forcing a fake smile his way, you leave the shelf you were stocking and get closer to the desk to stock another, as Tate’s eyes follow you waiting for encouragement of some kind. Doesn’t he have a job to do?? “You chose well!”

“Yeah, thanks. I know.” Ffffff-f a r out. This guy! “You know, you and me, we’d make a good couple.”

Oh? Dear god? You pause your shelving in surprise at the bomb this man has just dropped so casually, fish oil tablets paused on their journey to the shelf mid-air. Could Garret’s crazy-pants theory have been right?

“Ohh,” You giggle nervously, returning to work a bit faster now. “I don’t know. I think for a pharmacist like you, I would envision, like… “An actual doctor? No, I can’t say that. “A personal trainer, or something. Keep you both healthy all-round, you know? Now that’s a power team.” As long as that personal trainer has humility enough for the both of them, at least.

“Mergh,” He makes a face, like ‘What the heck are you talking about??’, before shaking his head of the things you just said and leaning over the desk towards you. You keep packing, even faster now. Like the Flash. Go! Go! Go! Death Con 5!! “So, whadaya say? I could pick you up Friday after work, and we could head up to one of my timeshares?” He says that like it’s such a selling point! You think, fighting off the powerful urge to laugh but still feeling the panic deep in the pits of your soul. “Stake it out together for the weekend? Get to know each other?”

“Uhh… “Excuses! What are they? You slowly stop stocking, turning around to face him and crossing your arms. The man deserves to at least be faced as he’s rejected; You’re kind enough to give him that, at least. “I’d love to! But, the thing is… “Chewing your bottom lip, you think hard.

Ding Ding Ding!!

“The thing is, Tate… “You fake some nerves, now. “I’m actually, uh… “You look up, face relaxing. “Pregnant.”

Oh boy, the way that man recoils at that word, like a terrified, disgruntled, blonde hedgehog. You’re going to laugh so hard about it, later!! “Oh.”

“Yeah! Oh, I mean, yeah… I’m gonna be having a baby, in like, 6 months so… yeah… Yep.“ You shrug to him, as if its just so unfortunate. “Shame.”

~

She looks in her bag, takes out a fag, tries to get away from the guy on a blag,

Can’t find a light.

‘’Here, use mine.’’

‘’See the thing is I just don’t have the time.’’

Ahh, lunch. Now you can check your texts! Hmm, you look through your notifications and gradually lose excitement. Mum… mum… mum… phone bill company… friend… mum again…

Ah, the glamorous life of the famous.

You roll your eyes, and get to responding to your mothers texts about dinner and when you’ll be home and how your first day is going, not noticing the not-so-jolly, not-so-green-(unless-you-meant-pot) giant approaching you. When you finally finish responding to both your mum and your friend, you put your phone away and start unwrapping your lunch- a typical ham sandwich that you’re actually pretty excited about. That’s one good thing about your sudden drop in financial status; You can put in your damn sandwich as many pieces of ham and cheese as you like. Grinning excitedly, you pick it up and have it halfway to your mouth before another person - a very heavy, large person, - drops down beside you on the bench you’ve commandeered behind the store. You close your mouth without any delicious lunch inside it and look up, politely to the person who’s joined you.

And all you can think, is wow.

He could put you in a suitcase and walk off with you right now and have no problems.

That’s wow.

“Hi! I’m Y/N,” You introduce yourself, offering a hand for him to shake.

“I know.” Oh, well yeah okay that’s understandable. Glenn did introduce you to everyone this morning. Despite the man’s less-then-excited response, he takes your hand in his and shakes. It makes you all giddy inside, honestly. So b i g. “Names Isaac.”

Do you remember Isaac in the breakroom this morning? You wrack your brain for him, because surely if he was there you noticed him-

Oh. Yep, you remember him. He was one of that Marcus-Dude’s pals chuckling and whispering behind him. He was one of the men that had the magazine with you on the front, and if there’s one thing you know about men who carry Vogue in their locker’s it’s that they fit into only 2 groups- interested in fashion, obviously… and interested in the women. And this man clearly is not interested in fashion. Immediately, on this realisation, you feel disappointed- you really could have liked this man right off the bat…

But it looks like he’s just going to be another of the men at this store you have to get to know, before becoming friendly with.

“So,” He starts, and you fight off a wince. Hopefully, you don’t know what’s coming. But… the likeliness of that is not high. “You wanna go out, some time? I’m a big fan of your work.” He smirks.

“Oh, ha ha.” You laugh sarcastically, shaking your head and returning to your sandwich. You take a bite and- Ahhhhhh, so worth the wait. Oh my god. Food orgasm. “At least you’re honest!”

“Yeah, so is that a yes?” His face brightens a smidgeon, which is a lot seeing as he doesn’t seem to be totally all there, in the first place.

You look up at Isaac, and look apologetic. He was honest with you so its only fair that you’re genuine with him. “Sorry… “

“Ah- actually, I don’t know if this’ll change your mind, but I have 2 weeks to live, so… “

Never mind on that honesty thing, then.

Dull-eyed, you stare up at him. “… Uh-huh.”

“Its true! I have, uh, cancer.” He insists, nodding his head and forcing his eyebrows up his forehead all serious-like.

“Cancer.” Right.

“Yep.”

Right, time to look in the bag... You start to wrap up your lunch again - sadly, as now you’ll have to wait until the end of the day and the bus ride home to eat it, - and plop it back away in your bag, getting up and pulling out a cigarette instead- that should hold you over until the end of the day. “My lunch break is actually over, so I should go- Damn, where’s my light?“

Isaac rifles through his pockets until he pulls out an old looking neon orange lighter, and offers it to you. “Here, use mine.”

Oh, no. You stare at it like a deer in headlights. If you accept that, like you really want to right now because it’s been a month since your last smoke, then you have obligations to sit with him for another couple minutes, at least.

Aghh… You groan and whine on the inside, before making up your mind and flinging the cigarette into a puddle. “See the thing is, I don’t actually have the time-”

~

“Go away now, let me go.”

“Are you stupid? Or just a little slow?”

“Ughhh… “This one has been giving you looks all day, but had no courage until now to speak to you- but the thing is? He didn’t have the smarts, either, to take off his wedding ring at least before he decided to be a bastard and bother you. So you feel absolutely no regret about being exactly as dismissive or plain rude, as you feel. “Elias? Go away now.”

The nervous man, who’s been ringing his hands this whole time and stuttering through failed date requests that you pretended you didn’t understand because of his struggle, gets panicked. “Just let me ask!- Will, will you go out with me?”

“No.” You yawn, dropping a piglet toy into a basket.

“But!- “

Turning away, you start pushing your trolley along to get to the next aisle. “Let me go.”

“We can go wherever you like!”

Sighhhhhhhhh. You turn around and grant him an audience, putting your hands on your hips and raising you brows at the wedding band on his left hand.

“Are you stupid? Or just a little slow?”

~

“Please fuck off.”

Oh good god in heaven, they’re going bigger with their proposals.

“Y/N! Will you go out with me?”

This man, Corey, has grabbed the announcement phone now that you’re walking away, making you freeze like the dad possum in Over The hedge and seriously consider playing dead, too, as you slowly turn around to look at him again.

Oh, if only looks could kill- he would be so dead that even Vlad the Impaler’s victims would laugh.

This is your first day, and the fact that you’re being harassed by multiple stupid men is bad enough but now he’s calling attention to you like this? Glenn’s going to think you’re a troublemaker!! Jesus fucking Christ- you need this job! Corey continues to talk into the speaker phone, even as he looks into your eyes and sees his death.  “And… now… you’re looking at me like that, so uh… I’m just gonna… say please?”

… “’Please’ fuck off.”

“Yes ma’am-“  

~

“Go away now, I’ve made myself clear.

I don’t think so.

Nah its not gonna happen.

Not in a million years.”

Since the run-in with Corey and the following spike in your blood pressure, you’ve calmed down again. But now you’re looking into the two faces of a ‘Mateo’, who you apparently work with, and a ‘Castor’ who does not work here and is not shopping but is still in your face and is t h i s close to feeding that ugly tie to his cousin.

But, still, you’re going to stay graceful, because Castor constantly looks like he’s 3 seconds from pooing himself. “Now please go away, now… I think I’ve made myself clear.” By explaining, politely, that you aren’t looking for a man but thank you for the offer, Castor.

“Oh, but you haven’t heard what Castor does for a living! He’s in insurance,” Mateo explains to you, like this is some huge game changer. When you don’t react, he adds that there’s good money, insurance.

You almost laugh. Does this boy really think you’re such a gold digger? Boy- if I wanted riches then I could’ve easily become a C-Class actor who has no skills in the area, but is pretty so gets praised like she does- like a lotta my model friends.

Instead I’m here, at Cloud 9.

Come to your own conclusions.

But instead of saying that, though, you just shake your head nervously. “I don’t think so… “

“But!- “

“Nah… sorry, its… not gonna happen… “

“But Castor is- “

“Not in a million years… “

~

“Aw, no. I gotta go. My house is on fire.”

Now, at least this one is respectful, you think, listening to him talk about the products you’re shelving together. He had come over and offered to give you a hand when you looked confused, as a ‘Cheyanne’ had handed you a scanner earlier and then promptly ran off, despite your utter incompetence. You were so relieved that this guy turned up!!

“… so, you just punch in reduce .50, and scan! Its pretty easy, if you have it properly explained to you. I- I was actually in the same situation, as you! When I first started here, except I ended up, uh, reducing all the items in electronics to 15 cense rather than discounting it all 15 percent.” A grin spreads across your lips at the story, and thank god that Jonah had turned up before that happened to you and, with your luck, you got fired for it.

“Oh no!”

“Yeah- Amy, our uh, floor supervisor, was pretty cranky with me about that… “He laughs himself, resting his hands on his hips; Still looking nervous at the memory.

You look back down at the scanner you’re holding and shake your head. “Well at least you know, now! And thank you so much for coming to my aid, haha. I was so lost- you’ve been a huge help! A life saver, truly.”

“Yeah… “ He gives a cute little, reserved smile. “So, uh, its basically the end of the day! Hope you’re first day hasn’t been too strenuous. At the end of my first day, I know I was tired. But I got to go out with a couple of the other employees and have a drink, to destress. If-If you were free, we could… do something. Together.” Your eyebrows slowly raise up your forehead at that, and you turn to look up Jonah, sceptical. What was that? You sure have had a long day, and its about to get a lot longer if this boy is asking what you think he is. “Sorry! Sorry, that sounded weird. Um, I guess what I’m really asking, is… would you like to, I dunno, go out with me sometime? I know some great places.”

Oh, noooooo! You cry, on the inside. You thought you found a normal one!

Still, he is being so nice… The least you could do is let him down easily.

“Oh, Jonah, I actually… oh- sorry.” Your phone beeps in your pocket and you take it out quickly to have a glance - its just your mother… again, - … and suddenly get an idea. Feigning shock, you quickly put the phone away and put down the scanner. It’s time to clock out and go home, anyway, thank god. “I have to go! That was my mum, uh- I really have to go!”

“Wow, wow, wow, what’s wrong?? Can I help with anything?”

Oh… he looks so concerned. He’s sweet.

But before you can rethink your words, this living horror slips out. “My-my house is on fire.”

Oh god, you’re a horrible person.

~

“I’ve, I’ve got herpes. No- Syphilis!”

Oh thank god the day is over. Rolling your shoulders back, you kneel down at your bottom locker, open it up and take out your bag. Now you can go home and put on Gotham on Netflix, wear no pants and eat thin mints until you fall asleep.

When you get up, you aren’t watching out for a man to be standing barely half a foot away from you - Your mistake, obviously, - so you jolt right out of your skin when you see him and curse. What is wrong with these men? Does Cloud 9 offer complimentary staff ninja classes along with their lack of health insurance? Man, classy company. “Sorry!” You look up past the coveralls after stepping a safe distance back from him, and immediately feel dread deep in your chest. “Oh, hi. Marcus, was it?”

“That’s me! How was your first day?” He asks, seeming polite enough despite the fact that you’re cornered between tall boy and the lockers. And you’re too tired to try and slip away- this boy will get out of your way.

“It was good! Thanks for asking. I’m ready to go home and collapse, though.” You admit, shoulders dropping and a tired smile on your lips. Mmm… thin mints… bed… blankets… Cory Michael Smith… I can taste it… Marcus just needs to get out of my way.

“I hear that.” Evidently not quite as deeply, though, as he moves on pretty fast. “Listen- I was thinking if you’re into it we could… go out, some time.” He tilts his head forward to clarify, “On a date,”, in case that part hadn’t translated, and chuckles. “We could see a movie or get drinks, or something, I don’t know. How about tonight?”

T-tonight? The word nearly slips from your lips; All disbelief and tears and exhaustion, included. You’re so tired. “Um… you know, tempting offer, but um… “He looks so hopeful. It nearly changes your mind. “Not tonight.”

“OH! So like, tomorrow?” Oh christ- “Cuz I’m supposed to watch Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here with my mum, but… no, I can blow that off! So, tomorrow?”

You take a deep breath, not really knowing what you can say. “Marcus… “He raises his eyebrows, waiting for an answer. “… I have herpes.”

“Wait, what??” He steps back, nearly tripping over a table in his fear that just being near you will cause him to contract the disease, and you let your guard down in relief. Yep, for sure, definitely. If it makes him back off, then yes- you have herpes. You have a raging, festering case of herpes.

“Yeah! Or-“ Squinting, you pretend to sift through your brain. “Was it Syphilis?” This boys eyes basically bulge out of his head and you’re totally going to laugh about it later, but right now you have to get out of there. You waive your hand dismissively and walk on by him towards the door like you don’t have a care in the world. Before you leave though, you turn around a flash Marcus a big smile. “Either way, ew, right? Well, see you tomorrow buddy! Gotta go! Enjoy I’m A Celebrity with your mum.” Then you’re gone.

Tomorrow is going to be a much better day, once that rumour is properly spread.

[willowaudreykeyes]

Prompt: myths and chaos with Logan with the line “so apparently microwaving this ancient manuscript isn’t a good way to find out its secrets.”

Remus’ Puzzle Temple Of Friendship And Chaos

Warnings: Baby eldritch thing, tentacles, one eye, vague sexual reference that’s from a song

Platonic Logince, brotherly-and-on-good-terms Creativitwins and Intrulogical of whatever relationship interpretation that you want.

------------------------------------------------------

Roman

“Remind me to thank your brother at dinner tonight.”

“That’s if we make it to dinner. And you all call me extra; he made an entire temple for us to explore within a week!” He spent a lot of energy on it too. I still remember the shaky finger he pointed at me after the second day of working on this Incan-like temple; slurring tiredly about not going into the space between our Kingdoms and ruining the surprise. He also forced me to carry him to his room as he dangerously swayed on his feet. I’ll have to thank him by working just as hard for his and Logan’s adventure after the two of us finish this one.

“I know; yet I’ve yet to thank him for doing so. And I must ask how long it took to make this language.” Taking my first glance at said language, I recognise it immediately as the first language that Remus and I had known. We had known it better than English at one point, until Patton insisted that we make English our main language so that we wouldn’t confuse Thomas. 

“Oh, we’ve always known it. We used to speak it in front of Patton as kids to confuse him and we still use it occasionally whenever we send a letter, or in his case a slab of mysterious leather, between our Kingdoms.”

“So you can translate this?”

“Of course!” I hold the slightly chipped black and red tablet out at arms length, quickly noticing that everything on the tablet makes no sense. No wonder he was so tired after every day in the Imagination; he even made us a puzzle. “It’s encrypted though, so we have to figure out what the cypher is first. And knowing Remus, it could be anything.”

He takes it from my hands and adjusts his glasses for the fiftieth time today before tapping his chin. I doubt Logan realises that he has so many visual tells when he becomes passionate and interested. “He would leave a clue somewhere where we could find it. He’s chaotic, not unfair.”

“Aha!” In a spark of inspiration, I rough up my hair and gain a huff of defeat from the neighbourhood nerd as I do the same to his own. It had dust from the temple in it anyway. “We just have to think like Remus! Now what’s the most logical place to put a cypher for this thing?”

“Where we found it.”

“Okay. Now what’s the opposite of that?”

His eyebrows do that cute thing where they pinch down a bit when he’s confused. I don’t bother hiding my smile as his eyes shift around, taking in invisible words as he tries to find my line of thinking. “I’m… not following. The opposite of where we found it is every room that we didn’t find it in, and we went through forty-three rooms and eight hallways; perhaps half or less of the entire temple judging by the size and spacing between each room.”

“And only twelve not-too-tough traps, which is less then his usual quota…” Probably because of the exhaustion, but I should have figured that out earlier. I’ll up the level of hazards in his next one as a double thank you for his hard work. “Anyway, we must think chaotically if we are to beat the chaotic one!”

With a silent nod, he attempts to fix his hair as I take in our camp and the temple before us. It’s very reminiscent of an Incan temple in design yet is mainly made out of pitch black obsidian; with intricate wall carvings engraved with pure ruby, emerald, moonstone and diamond; and a whole lot of animal and human skulls that are packed tightly into every ceiling. And I must say, adding the creatures from both of our Kingdoms as the wall carvings is a nice touch. 

Except I won’t say it out loud because the majority of them are of naked people, naked cannibals and of naked murders. 

At least our camp has some more class to it! Logan wished for something realistic, but was soon swayed by my enchanted Harry Potter tent that’s magically large enough to have a working bathroom and still look like a ‘regular’ camping tent from the outside. I do like regular camping, but I prefer to have a shower after a tub of Thomas-knows-what is dropped over us and getting into every uncomfortable crevasse. Just thinking about that disgusting concoction makes me shudder.

“... Perhaps our microwave?”

I snap my gaze back to him, beaming at his rather shy sounding remark. He always sounds shy when he says something that deviates from his path of logic. At least he’s opening up a little more. “Perfect! I knew you’d think of something!”

“It was the first usable thing that I saw. Were you daydreaming again?”

“Nope- Using the microwave to solve a cypher sounds like something Remus’ mind would think up. He did mix sardines, lettuce and one of your ties in the blender before drinking it once.” I mumble the last half -I probably shouldn’t out Remus just yet for drinking Logan’s tie a few months ago- and put the tablet in the microwave and set it to three minutes. Three is the magic number after all.

“Did you say something?” 

“Mumbling ideas to myself is all!”

The microwave suddenly glows a bright purple and I manage to drag Logan in close before blocking something from hitting the both of us with my summoned shield. With a pop, crackle, fizz and several loud noises that sound like tearing metal; I risk peeking over it in perfect sync with Logan. The sight of three large tentacles wiggling out of the new holes in the camp's microwave brings out a sigh from me. A very loud sigh. Remus could probably hear it and currently giggling to himself from the comfort of his bedroom.

“It may be best not to touch those. Or the microwave.”

“But the tablet!” Logan pushes by my shield and barely escapes my reach before I am able to pull him away. With a straight posture and a quick slick back of his hair, he opens it and nearly jumps into my arms Scooby-Doo style from the loud pop that occurs. I’m in front of him again within a moment, but the usual feeling of hostility that Remus puts on his dangerous creatures as a warning is lacking. At least this thing won’t try and face-hug me like that faceless chicken that guarded the temple did.

Inside was a brown-black-blue ball of tentacles, with three longer than the others that retract out of the newly-made holes in the microwave. My heart stutters as a singular, goat-like, boysenberry coloured eye opens from one of the many seams in the creature; just to quickly dart it’s vision between the two of us before landing it’s creepy gaze on Logan. “Huh. So apparently, microwaving the ancient manuscript isn’t a good way to find it’s secrets- but a great way to hatch an eldritch abomination.”

“If you’d hand me a blanket, perhaps bringing it with us would be advantageous in future explorations.” Of course he wants to bring the nightmare creature; he always does. I hand him the nearby dish towel instead as I don’t feel like leaving this thing alone with Logan would end nicely.

“As long as you're carrying it.”

“Of course; you’re the one with the sword and shield.” I’m rather sure that that means that he would make me carry the disgusting creature if I wasn’t the one with our only ways of defending ourselves; and I don’t know if I should dramatically put my hand to my chest in horror or just pout.

I go for the pout.

Only for it to be rather rudely ignored as he cradles the little beast in its new home, wrapping it’s longer tentacles around Logan’s hands and attempting to remove his watch for a moment before I manage to grab it before they do. Logan’s too busy holding it in one hand and going through his cue cards to notice though. “And I shall name it as randomly as I can; since Remus seems to name all of his creations.” 

“Why?”

“It’s only polite to follow custom; and the custom for Remus is to name his creatures.” I hate everything about this -plus the tablet is just full on missing or destroyed now too- but Logan seems enraptured by the little thing. I roll my eyes and put on my backpack as Logan already begins walking up the temple steps. We just had lunch, so we have a chance of leaving before dinner, but I highly doubt it.

Despite not being able to see, the creature manages to grab out one of the cue cards from Logan’s hand before letting him snatch it back. With a quick smile after reading it, he pockets them all again before getting a better hold of the thing before it runs away and eats a whole deer or something. “It’s name shall be Anaconda-Do-Not.”

God-fucking-dammit Remus. I frown at the thing as we enter the fire-lit entrance, glad that its eye is hidden under the dish towel. Sheep eyes have always kind of creeped me out; especially on things that aren’t sheep. “You’re not allowed to hang out with Remus, Virgil or Janus anymore if they keep giving you those weirder cue cards.”

“This one’s from Remus. It’s a metaphor about-”

“I KNOW WHAT IT IS!” A light pain follows my facepalm, but I ignore it and march onwards. Hoping to get rid of this thing as quickly as possible. “Let’s just… go shove it into a keyhole or something already.”

------------------------------------------------------ 

By the way, I really hate that stupid Anaconda song and so I know that it’d be perfect for Remus. Hopefully the ending is alright because it was the only bit I really had issues with ^^’

Oh and Remus definitely fell in love with the new Eldritch creatures name.

@ladyedwina @5am-the-foxing-hour @sparrowofsong

[inkedstarlight]

Alrighty we got jealous Nesta now can we get a jealous Cassian?

Nesta touched up her winged eyeliner as she prepared herself for yet another night of creepy men and shitty music.  A delicate hand rested on her shoulder. She looked up at the mirror to see Amren’s reflection standing behind her in their work uniform. It consisted of a black crop top with the words “Teasers” stretched along the chest, the thin fabric barely covering their tits. Match that with a mini skirt and wedged heels, and you had yourself a waitress who worked at a shitty bar. Amren flashed her signature smirk. “You ready?” Nesta’s lips turned up into an obnoxiously fake smile, the one she reserved for her lucky customers.  “Cauldron, that’s unnerving.” Amren pretended to shudder. Nesta’s gaze traveled to the clock. It was eleven o’clock. Their shift officially started. She groaned. “Cheer up, buttercup,” Amren tugged her out of her seat and together they waltzed into the bar area. She scanned the musty room. Circular tables were set up in front of the stage area. She saw old men leering at the dancers and frat boys demeaning the women who gave them lap dances. She hated it here. Alas, she was desperate to get into graduate school. She still needed a couple grand, and working at a grocery store wasn’t going to cut it. When Amren mentioned an opening at her job, Nesta couldn’t resist. She knew the tips were amazing, and it was only for the summer. Just a couple months, and then she would leave this dingy place behind. The first hour passed by in a flash. Friday nights were always crowded, which kept her on her feet. By midnight, she already had five phone numbers and several requests for a private room with her. Nearly every customer flirted with her, and she reciprocated. She hated it, but she got a shit ton of tips. Luckily, the management here wasn’t horrendous. Their boss set clear boundaries. When Nesta applied, she made it clear that she wasn’t interested in being a dancer. He quickly reassured her that waitresses simply manned the bar and served food. Nothing more.  She was behind the bar making drinks with her coworker, Lucien. He had flirted with her mercilessly since the day she got hired. He was sweet, and she would always flirt back. It was all in good fun, as he clearly did not bat for her team.  “Someday, Nesta. Someday,” he mused, amusement glinting in his eye. She rolled her eyes. “In your dreams.” He pretended to be hurt as he plastered a sloppy kiss to her cheek. She squealed in disgust, wiping her face from his kiss.  “Nesta!” She heard a familiar voice shout her name over the booming music. She scanned the crowd and her eyes found the person who yelled. Feyre was waving at her from a corner table opposite the bar. Sitting with her was Rhys, who seemed to be avoiding eye contact with anyone scantily clad; Azriel, who looked very uncomfortable; Mor, who was eagerly waving several one dollar bills in the air; and lastly, Cassian, who was staring her down with anger gleaming in his eyes. Fuck.  They’ve never visited me or Amren at work. What the hell are they doing here? And why did Cassian look like he was going to kill someone? Nesta waved at them feebly and mustered up the courage to walk over to her friends. “Nesta, this place is awesome! Where’s Amren?” Mor asked eagerly. “I think she’s on her break,” she replied, pausing for a moment. “What are you guys doing here?” “Supporting you guys!” Feyre exclaimed. She nudged Rhys, who nodded his head in agreement. He was still avoiding looking at the stage.  God, he was so whipped. Feyre’s grin disappeared when she looked over at Cassian. He was looking at Nesta, something unreadable swirling in his dark eyes.  “Hi, Cassian,” Nesta offered. She had never seen him so quiet. At this point, the two of them were typically arguing about something mundane. “Who’s that?” he gestured his head to where Lucien was wiping down the bar. Nesta followed his gaze. “Lucien...” she told him, confusion lacing her voice. “He’s my coworker.” Cassian scoffed like he didn’t believe her. “You guys look good together.” Feyre shot him a look of disbelief.  “We’re not together. Even if we were, why should you care?” Nesta retorted, crossing her arms and jutting out her hip. “I don’t,” he seethed. “You can fuck whoever you please.” Looks of shock came from everyone at the table. Nesta hissed, hardly able to control herself. “You’re a prick, did you know that?” She didn’t wait for him to respond as she swiveled on her heel and sashayed her way back to the bar, not daring to glance back.  I’ll show him. She strutted up to Lucien and before he could ask her what the hell she was doing, she crushed her lips to his. He went still, but quickly recovered when he cupped her cheek. She stepped back breathlessly, Lucien grinning down at her. “Let me guess. That has something to do with the hot piece of ass that just stormed out of the building.” Her eyes widened and she turned to where Cassian had been sitting. Everyone at the table stared at her, jaws wide open, pointing to the direction Cassian went. “Lucien, I’m sorry. He was being an ass -” “Shut up.” He grinned and pushed me away. “Go get ‘em.” Nesta thanked him before running out the same door Cassian exited. The night was warm with a summer breeze. Nesta scanned the parking lot. “What the fuck was that?” Cassian rumbled from behind her. He turned her around to face him. She looked up at his devastatingly handsome face and stood her ground. “I never took you for the jealous type.” “You think I’m jealous? Oh, sweetheart, don’t flatter yourself,” Cassian fumed. Their faces were just inches apart. “I know you’re jealous,” Nesta corrected. She leaned closer to whisper in his ear, “You don’t like me kissing other men because they’re not you.” “Fuck,” she heard him whisper before he grabbed her into his arms and kissed her so hard that her knees nearly gave out. “Admit it,” Nesta said between kisses. “You’re jealous.” He growled, capturing her mouth with his. His hands ran down her body, slowly caressing every curve he touched. “No.”  He was so damn stubborn. She pushed him away. Cassian stumbled back, his eyes glossed over with desire. He licked his lips. “What do you think you’re doing?” “Declaring war,” Nesta said. And she walked back inside the strip club, leaving Cassian to plot his next move.

[digressfromreality]

The Future Is Upon Us

All For One asked for a favor that only this villain can provide for his successor. 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6...Part 8

PART SEVEN

“Fucking gag on it.” He shuddered, feeling her clench and struggle when he was buried deep into her mouth, thrusting hard against her throat.

He rocked back harshly, holding her still until everything was spent. “Drink every last drop, princess.”

She wheezed, when he allowed her to collapse. Panting, she stared up at Tomura with such lustful eyes. Perhaps he could return the favor, he had some time before Kurogiri would be back with Mira.

He yanked her from the floor to have her sit on his lap, he could feel her arousal slipping down her thighs. He hadn’t even touch her yet and she was this excited?

“Persuasion,” he tested her name as she made quick work of unzipping his hoodie. “Why were those heroes questioning you?”

With a whiny grunt of annoyance, she replied, “Are you stalking me now?”

He growled, particularly ticked with her snappish response. He had concerns of what the heroes knew by targeting her. “Becoming a mother did little for your compliance.”

She paused her aggressive pawing to lean from him, she threw her slip off in one swoop. His eyes rightfully taking in her nude skin, while she batted her own. “Compliant enough for you?”

“Fine.” She rolled her eyes, although the distraction had been welcomed, Tomura was not going to let go of the subject. “To ask me about your barber, of course.” She anticipated getting toss from his lap but he released an irritated growl instead.

She held his face between her palms, trying to soothe him with the tender caress of her fingers. “They were interested in the league, and my relationship with it. If only, Eraserhead could see me now, snuggling with its leader after he face fucked me.”

“Such lewd language, you nasty slut.” He sounded annoyed, but his face glowed with pride. He was the one to reduce this beautiful villainess into a simpering mess. Cooing left and right for scrap of his attention. She’d do anything if he asked for it, her loyalty was unwavering. “Persuasion?”

“Yes Tomura?” He gulped, her tone was low and sweet.

“I need a favor.”

——

It had been strange that Tomura asked her to make appearances with all of her clients. It would take at least several days to a week to fit them all in her schedule. Perhaps he wanted to test the strength of her network, now that they didn’t have master to rely on.

She knew, this organization, whether it was dying or not, was one to keep friendly terms with.

“Overhaul, sir. There is some woman waiting on the doorstep.” Kai’s eyes narrowed, few knew the compound’s street entrance, let alone would make it to the front doorway.

And even fewer women would have the moxy to enter the lion’s den, “what is she wearing?”

Mimic turned toward the hallway shouting, “you heard him, what is she wearing!”

“Something red?” The subordinate answered uncertain. Overhaul pinched the skin between his eyes, an impending headache coming. The woman was a dirty and vulgar, but she did have valuable connections. He couldn’t ignore that, “Take her to the drawing room.”

Persuasion’s brows quirked upward in surprise, had the Yazuka taken a liking to birds? Or some kind of dread doctors? “Is the boss around?”

Without a word, they gestured her to follow. Which was off putting, but she could overtake them if needed.

She sighed, sitting on the sofa they directed her to. The creepy one, Chisaki or whatever must have taken over as acting boss. Something about his germophobia and intense mannerisms made her skin crawl. She had heavily avoided being left alone with him in prior meetings for those reasons. Besides his quirk was insanely powerful.

“I have been out of the game for a bit, and I see things have changed. I wanted to reach out to my contacts and see if I could be any service.” She batted her lashes, while folding over legs. Not that she was trying to appease them with her looks, but it didn’t hurt to flaunt what she had.

“We don’t need anything from the likes of you,” Mimic shouted, she raised a questioning brow at the mini bird.

“Is that from a place of insecurity, because of all the handsome men in the room?” She winked at Overhaul, “everyone who is a subordinate, remove your mask.”

Overhaul sighed in frustration, this woman had the indecency to—he didn’t understand the appeal of tolerating her games.

“You have some handsome followers,” she recognized, Hari and Nemoto. What surprised her the most was the giant head peeking out of the tiny body? What was going on with that?

“I don’t miss your mischief, Persuasion. Frankly, I’d appreciate you not...amusing yourself while inside our facility.”

She pouted, still seeming playful, although uncomfortable, “fine. You were always to the point.” She pulled out a flash drive and plugged it into her phone, pulling records from late last year. “Last year, I have orders for custom hardware. Also noted, wanting information about proxy dealers outside of Yazuka turf willing to sell quirk enhancers.” She looked back at Chisaki, whose face was still chillingly blank.

“No longer needed.” She nodded, tapping away a note on her phone.

“Is there anything you are in need of? I specialize in a variety industries. Nothing you want should shock me, so don’t be afraid to ask. Worst I’ll say is no.”

The little guy had stepped up to Persuasion rather flustered once again, “you watch your words missy. The tone of your voice commands a lack of respect toward our leader. It appears you understand little of—“

“Mimic, she understands.” Persuasion gnawed at her bottom lip trying not to sneer, these assholes acted so arrogant. She was a former ally, not a meathead capo who needed to be disciplined. “At the moment, we have no need for your services.”

She sighed, tapping one final note. A bust but at least she knew she wouldn’t have to come to this creepy clubhouse anytime soon. “Well that’s disappointing, but I have other clients I can prioritize instead.”

She began shuffling her coat back over her shoulders, and stuffing her phone into her pocket. Almost causally Overhaul spoke up again, “What of your other clients? I assume after All For One’s incarceration your business took a huge hit.” 

She paused, her gaze catching his own. “My…my Overhaul,” she winked at him, followed by a devious grin, “it’s bad for business to kiss and tell.”

“It sounds like you want information.” She held up two fingers to emphasize her point, “one, I don’t usually give something up for free, and two, some information is not for sale.” He chuckled.

“Does the same apply for your lovers?” She giggled, Chisaki was hinting at something. Perhaps he knew, or perhaps he was fishing, so she would sidestep either way.

She sauntered toward him, close enough to lean but not touch, “pillow talk? Not even then, but,” her voice lowered, trying to sound sultry, “you can be my lover anytime. Just need to cross a few other names off my list first.”

“Disgusting.” He muttered, he waved his hand toward the door, “Get out.” She blew him a kiss, strutting out of the room with a pair of his cronies on her tail.

---

She snapped a picture before he could even protest about it. Tomura was sitting on the couch intently playing something on a console, while he had basically tied Mira with his hoodie to stay sitting on his lap. Her baby, whose eyes were previously glued to the television started cooing and grabbing for her.

Tomura grunted, pausing the game, letting her scoop up Mira from him. “Delete that picture.” She shook her head plopping down on the couch beside him. It had been a long week without him or Mira. But seeing him wearing cut out gloves made her heart melt, Tomura hardly ever took precautions with his quirk. If something was destroyed on accident, apparently it wasn’t worth keeping. Mira was important to him.

“Is it just you two?” She played with Mira’s hands, making her laugh. She really missed this.

“Kurogiri’s busy.” Tomura grumbled, “Did you meet with any Yazuka?”

She paused, seeing the ends of his chapped lips curl. He was smirking.

She leaned back on the couch, still playing with Mira.

“You are stalking me. I don’t know if I should be flattered, or frustrated with my lack of privacy.” He leaned in close, taking one of Mira’s hands from her grasp. His smirk ever increasing.

“It’s only fair to know what you’re getting into Persuasion. You’re always on my mind.”

[lovedeluxe92]

okay so i started working at jimmy johns in early febuary of this year. i needed a job rlly bad and money desperately, just something to keep me afloat and to afford food. what i experienced...i was not at all prepared for lmao. i was sexually harassed, verbally harassed, had my hours fucked with, had management and even the owners of the company who could give a fuck less about their employees, had to deal with my fellow coworkers AND managers being on k2 and other drugs, and the final fucking straw which was getting my tip money stolen from me OUT OF THE SAFE BY A MANAGER. i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

traffic, pedestrians NOT LOOKING WHERE THE FUCK THEY WERE GOING DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PPL I ALMOST KILLED CAUSE /THEY/ DID NOT LOOK, we have ‘parking police’ and i legit got about 15-20 tickets during my time there bc that asshole was out for blood and anytime he saw my car, even if i wasnt parked illegally (oh did i mention we had like 3 parking spots all on the street and all with a 2 hour limit (: ) or hadnt been parked in a spot for the full 2 hours. so there was that. 

see when i first started everything was fine. we had good employees who worked hard and did what they had to do. they were all stoners, but whatever i could care less about that. SO. our assistant manager, he was a mess. racist, homophobic, rude, loud. the worst. we would do dabs out in his car (yeah i know but i worked at a fucking jimmy johns) and he would just say the most questionable shit. i remember this one time he saw my phone background was a pic of me and my bf and was like ‘oh you like black guys? what’s your sex like? i bet it’s really good’ and im not gonna go into too much detail here, bc it upset me and its racist,  but he kept going and said some REALLY creepy shit i was like wtf and told him to never speak to me like that again or i would report him for sexual harassment (side note: one time he thought i did report him for sexual harassment and was like “who are you gonna buy weed from now?” LITERALLY ANYONE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.) he would always be like “DAMN THICK’ whenever i would bend over and do everything. I TOLD MY MANAGER AT THE TIME. she  didn’t do anything. AND the owners of the franchise definitely knew bc like...there’s cameras and they can hear everything we say? but no one did fucking anything. and i needed the money bad so i had to stay. of course i told him off constantly. he was white and always saying the n word. just a piece of fucking shit. 

i think the happiest day of my life was when he FINALLY got fired. my manager had to go to another city for a week and help out that jimmy johns bc i guess ALL the employees and managers did a walk out (yeah this happens at all the jimmy johns owned locally in my area i wish i was kidding) and left his inept ass in charge. it took him 5 mins to make sandwiches (FREAKY FAST hello????) he was just a poor manager. but THEN he started using k2 again. and he was a zombie. there was no point of him even being there bc like he would just go to the back of the store and just stand in front of the freezer door staring for like 10-15 mins at a time.i was a driver and didnt know how to make sandwiches yet and this bitch seriously was just standing there cracked out of his mind on k2 in FRONT of customers (and i will say our customers were SO nice at least) takking phone calls slurring his words. it was embarrassing. i rememeber i had 2 customers who had waited almost a HALF HOUR for ONE sandwich bc i was having a panic attack and losing my fucking mind trying to make their sandwiches while he was in his truck getting high and refusing to come in. one of the customers actually gave me a tip and told me i was doing great and the other one was like ‘im so sorry this is happening to you, that guy is  fucked up’. anyway, he passed out on k2 in his truck one night and got the cops called on him and got banned from the property :) i still saw him from time to time and he looked disgusting & miserable and it made me so happy. 

mostly we just had grown ass employees, fucking 30 year olds, just acting like children. always on drugs. i had one coworker pretend to slap my ass and i called him out and he was like ‘it’s a joke im not apologizing’. people would try to take deliveries from me. AND LET ME JUST SAY, not even to fucking brag even slighly but i was the best worker there my entire time there bc regardless of where im working i am giving my 100% every day and no one else there would. but ppl always tried to step over me and did not respect me. we had one coworker who had 3 felonies and one day like 4-5 cops came to our store to tell us to call the cops the next time he showed up for work (surprise surprise he fled bc they took an hour to get to the store despite the fact we were literally like not even 4 blocks from the police station) and he was always high on k2. forever late. day after day no call no show. he had his friend get hired on who would go down to subway and talk shit about subway in his uniform??? lmao and subway called us one day and was like ‘can yall not?’ he also threatened to burn down the store and then my manager (who was always on a power trip if we’re being honest) purposefully withheld his paycheck to fuck with him, because he was fucking with her, so we dealt with him WAY longer than we should have? 

then this one bitch that became manager, SOMEHOW, we were seriously always that desperate for staff and we hire anyone bc the managers are overworked af and just want to take the load off. anyway, SHE was always high on k2 as well. and she would always overshare rlly traumatic personal things from her life to me and all the customers and its like....girl we dont wanna hear that pls try and get some help. she was not currently being abused, i wanna specify. she was talking about things from her past. i sympathized with her but like im a victim of dv too lmao i dont wanna see your bruises without being asked first. and then i remember one day i left my money bag there (i kept my tips in it and had like $37 in there or something) and this bitch who was making MORE MONEY THAN ME seriously fucking went into the safe (we caught her on camera lmao) and stole that money out of my bag and left a few bills to make it seem less suspicious i guess??? lied about it to my face? then quit bc she ‘wasnt gonna sit there and be accused of something i didnt do’ like ok lmao

then to top it all off at one point my old manager just stopped giving a fuck and the store went to shit and we got complaint after complaint and she started being so rude to all of her staff, including myself (and we were like besties so i was devastated) and she cut my hours when she was submitting our work times for the checks because i would clock in early to help out....LIKE SHE ASKED? and it was just everything i said to her...her response was just the most rude and hateful voice and just....it was so rude. i cried every single day after work. she eventually got replaced and then quit 

but then this new manager, whom i loved, was very depressed and just had a lot wrong with him mentally but he was still very....drama starting and attention seeking. he would talk about suicide nonstop 24/7 and not to be callous but it just made me so uncomfortable and triggered me so much? they did overwork him and i will attest and agree to that and he had a lot on his shoulders but he couldve gone to mcdonalds literally any day and gotten a job with better hours, better pay, and better benefits. i kept telling him over and over to leave bc he had so much managerial experience he couldve been hired anywhere! all resteraunts down here are perpetually hiring, especially for managers! i would know bc i was looking for another job lmao. but he’d text me every night saying things like ‘well lets hope i drink myself to death’ ‘suicide is painless’ etc. and it was just......VERY uncomfortable for me, as someone who has attempted suicide and still struggles with ideation from time to time lmao it was just the most triggering environment ever 

like idk how i lasted that long but i worked my ass off, saved up my money, have a good paying job and im trying my best to forget this entire experience (honestly i did have some good times) but i really dont....think i can lmao 

ON A POSTIVE NOTE: we had some of the kindest and most caring customers ive ever had in my life. i was shocked. but the amount of times i had a shitty customer in my entire time there i can count on one hand lmao like....even when they were shitty they were like ‘im sorry i know yall work hard and everything’ like i miss my customers SO MUCH because we actually had relationships with them and shit and ugh god. if the customers were shitty tho i would never have kept this job lmfao 

i stayed at this job simply bc i made enough money for rent and my bills perfectly and it was one of the few jobs where i was paid an hourly wage + tips. and i wanted my next job to be a job in my field. that’s why i stuck around so long, it took some time to do that.

so yeah theres my mess i love anyone who read this and you can have my first born and be the beneficiary to my life insurance when i die

[spacegate]

Okay, I’m going to finally talk about the reasons why I quit my last job. It’s, quite a list. But know that I really did enjoy making the drinks and food and I LOVED my customers. However, when they say you quit bosses, not jobs, it’s the truth. I do miss the dog they had. Bruno was a sweet pea and I loved him. Weh.

A list of the shit fuckery. under a cut so it doesn’t break people’s dashes.

> The mop broke and was in constant state of falling apart, but the bosses never bought a new one. We were forced to mop with a BROKEN MOP up until the time I quit. It made cleaning SO MUCH HARDER than what it needed to be and they literally only needed to just pick up a 10 dollar mop at wally world.

>I would work 11 hour shifts and not have a single break. Lunch breaks were determined by the boss’s whims. If she wanted to go to the gym, no lunch for me. She also counted sitting down to wrap bars as ‘breaks’, but they require a lot of mental concentration to do so. So it wasn’t a break.

>The boss LOVED talking shit about my other coworkers. She constantly complained about them to ME, WHILE I’M TRYING TO WORK, saying horrible things about them and making me uncomfortable. I’m sure she bitched about me to my coworkers too. You literally could do nothing right for her.

>Not only that but she micromanaged constantly. There were several times I set out supplies to begin wrapping sweets for the cold case. I’d turn around for one second and she’d swoop down to clean up all my supplies so I would have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN. Her excuse, “Oh I just have high standards!”

>She would chew you out in front of customers, which wasn’t cool at all.

>She was super anal about chores. She wanted them done, one at a time, going down a list. She didn’t like people multitasking, so there would be times we’d run out of cups and dishes cause she didn’t want me putting in a load to wash while I wiped down the counters. She wanted me to wipe down the counters FIRST and THEN put in the wash. It’s like??? What??? 

> I was lied to about the promotion I was SUPPOSE to get. It was literally twice the work with the same amount of pay. I didn’t even get to learn how to make anything.

> I had to work along a LOT, WHICH SCARED ME. We were right next to a BAR, and there was a BAR just down the street, and people get stabbed a lot in that neighborhood. So I would be by myself, for 6-13 hours, at night. I kept a bigass knife under the counter. The only times I felt safe was when the other baker in the back would be doing some catch up work in the back at night. Where were my bosses? Out at the gym or somewhere else.

>We had such a barebones crew that I literally did the work of two people daily and only got paid for one. I originally only wanted part time, but was forced into ‘full time’ (i was an hour short of working 40 hours.) to make up for lack of people.

>Sometimes the drawer would run out of small bills and change, and instead of GOING TO THE BANK, JUST DOWN THE ROAD, boss would encourage us to put OUR OWN MONEY IN THE DRAWER to make sure the customers got their change. WHAT.

>They had cameras everywhere and would listen to us talk. If they didn’t like anything we said they’d come over and grill us. I found it VERY creepy. 

>We weren’t allowed to keep lunchboxes in the back because of ‘FDA Standards’ but would fill the work fridge with their own food???

>They would pick out good berries from the moldy ones and use them for food for customers. 

>The quota system. Oh lord, the quota system. They expected us to wrap two bars of chocolate every minute but yet we had to put everything down and serve customers the second they get through the door. There’s no way that anyone could wrap 60 goddamn bars in three hours while serving customers at the same time. By the time I quit, nobody could meet their quotas. They expected us to stay late and wrap our quotas if we couldn’t meet it during the day.

>The most disgusting thing is that I told my boss that I wanted to go to part time again. Why? My bf wasn’t feeling good so I wanted to be home more to take him to the doctor and be there in case he needed to go to the ER. This bitch tried to convince me that I shouldn’t ‘smother’ my boyfriend and continue working my hours because ‘time away makes the heart grow fonder.’ MY BOYFRIEND HAS CANCER, YOU FUCKING INHUMAN PIECE OF GARBAGE.

>Critique was treated like personal attacks. Hell, it wasn’t even serious critique. It was things like ‘working in pairs would be really nice.’ or ‘it would be great to have an UNBROKEN MOP’.

>We were responsible for washing the dishes in the backroom AND keep an eye on the register at the same time. I would be washing dishes in the back as fast as I could but still get chewed out for not being in the front. Do they??? Expect us to be in two places at once???? THEY DID.

>You could never be proactive and just clean or do something because it needed to be done. You had to ask to do things before hand and here, we were all adults. 

>Boss told us all the time how ‘lucky’ we were to work there because sometimes we get the stale leftovers and we get 50% off the products. Like that will pay for my medication and stuff lol. 

>There were times I worked weeks without a single day off. Since I worked mostly nights, she thought that it ‘counted’ as days off since I could ‘get stuff done during the day’. w h a  t

SO YES. THAT IS WHY I QUIT. ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH. I may have burned that bridge but it’s a bridge I never want to cross again anyway.

No wonder why people don’t last long there lol.

[izaya-is-life]

What a cat-astrophy ch. 1/?

Also on ao3

Shizaya au where they never met and Shizuo gets a job at a cat cafe and Izaya is a regular customer. Inspired by @allshewhispers​ <3

Shizuo couldn’t stop staring. The man across the small room wasn’t that extraordinary but he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away. He had black hair, a fur coat, and tired eyes. The man was seated at one of the small tables in the corner of the room and even the many cats surrounding him didn’t seem to make this man any happier. He was absentmindedly petting a black cat while he read aloud, his soft, smooth voice lulling the cats around him into a peaceful state. Shizuo couldn’t make out many of the words but it seemed to be some romance novel.

Shizuo had only started working at Purrfect Catacombs, a small cat café near his apartment, a week ago but he was already aware that this man was a very regular customer. So much so that the other workers knew him, and what he would order, on sight. Shizuo was a new waiter and he often heard the girl staff whispering and giggling over the other man

 “He’s so nice to the cats but he always looks so sad!”

 “I heard a rumor that he works for the yakuza!”

 “He has the same name as that info-broker but there’s no way that they’re the same person! How unfortunate for such a kind person to be associated with somebody so shady.”

 “Ahh the other day he was reading the cutest book to the cats, I had to turn to hide my blush! I wish my boyfriend would read to me.”

And that was just one of the conversations he’d overheard in his short time here. The other men who worked here seemed much less biased.

 “I don’t have anything against him… but the girls seem all over him.”

 “He is very good with the cats though, even Bixby warmed up to him. That’s talent.”

 “I wish he would read different books to the cats, all he reads are romance or those old-timey works, like Shakespeare or something.”

Shizuo hadn’t worked here long enough to have any sort of real opinion on the other man, who apparently was called Izaya. He hadn’t even had any chances to interact with the man yet.

He was startled out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder, he looked to his left and one of his co-workers, Chiho Kasuna, smiled.

“Is something wrong Heiwajima-kun?”

Shizuo forced a smile and nodded.

“Ah yeah, I just got a little carried away.”

Chiho nodded

“Were you looking at Orihara-san? He’s reading a new book today! The cats seem to love it.”

Shizuo shrugged his shoulders and looked to the side, uncomfortably.

“I guess I’m just curious about what kind of person he is.”

Chiho bobbed on her feet a few times with a wide smile.

“Ahh why don’t I introduce you two! Orihara-san is really very nice! I’m sure you two will make great friends!”

Shizuo flinched slightly and coughed. He felt awkward under her sudden excitement but… he couldn’t think of any reason not to agree.

“If he won’t mind being interrupted…”

Chiho hummed lightly at that, thinking it over.

“I don’t think he will, when’s your break?”

Shizuo shot a glance at the clock on the east wall.

“In about 10 minutes.”

Chiho nodded, looking determined.

“Mine lasts till then! I’ll have just enough time to introduce you two. Maybe you can find out why he always looks so lonely.”

Shizuo gave Chiho a slightly helpless smile.

“Maybe.”

The ten minutes till his break seemed to crawl by at a snail’s pace as he took orders and brought out food. As he served he got closer to Izaya’s table and could finally here his reading. He’d read a while then make some insightful or sarcastic comment about the book to the cats. Holy shit Izaya was providing commentary on the book for the cats and whoever might be listening. That was honestly the nerdiest thing Shizuo had ever heard of.

He took a couple of orders and casually listened.

 “Ahh honestly, if the lack of communication was any worse there wouldn’t be a single line of dialog in the whole book. If he wants to date her he should just say so.”

Out of the corner of his eye Shizuo saw Izaya plant a kiss on the top of a particularly cuddly kitten’s head.

 “Of course, he really doesn’t deserve her, you recognize that right Felix? She should give up on him for her friend. Jason is much better for her than Mr. ‘too stupid to recognize when a girl likes him’.

Those long fingers scratched behind the ear of a calico cat perched on his shoulder.

 “Misty here is such a lady she’d probably give this idiot a chance. Remember all of you are worth more than that, you are all much better than any humans I’ve ever met.”

Shizuo finally walked away, he wasn’t sure if Izaya’s commentary was adorable or sad but…. it’s not like it was his place to judge. People came to see the cats and Izaya seemed to really love the cats here. (He’s memorized their fucking names, was that cute or creepy???) As long as the man didn’t cause any trouble and stayed respectful of the cats and workers then it didn’t really matter. Shizuo could never really get mad at somebody who clearly loved animals that much anyway.

Finally, his break came and Chiho jogged up to him with a winning smile.

“Ready?”

Shizuo shrugged but nodded.

“I guess.”

Chiho did an excited bob on her toes again and led him over. Izaya stopped reading as they approached and the calico on his shoulders, Misty, gave them a weary blink.

“Can I help you?”

Chiho’s smile turned slightly nervous and Shizuo hunched his shoulders.

“Ahh Orihara-san I don’t mean to disturb you but our newest worker wanted to meet you.”

Izaya gave Shizuo a curious look and set his book aside after carefully marking his place. He held out his hand with a relaxed smile.

“Orihara Izaya, pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

Shizuo shook hands, feeling slightly awkward.

“I’m Heiwajima Shizuo.”

Chiho gave him a thumbs up and scratched behind one of the cat’s ears before going back to work leaving the two men alone. There was a moment of awkward silence before Izaya hummed in amusement.

“You can sit down you know.”

Shizuo blushed slightly and nodded, god he probably looked like an idiot. Izaya shot him a small smile.

“What would you like to know?”

Shizuo resisted the urge to shrug, he hadn’t really thought this through. One of the cats around Izaya crawled into Shizuo’s lap for warmth, purring as Shizuo stroked its fur with gentle hands. He took a calming breath.

“I guess I was just curious since you’re a regular. I see you in here reading to the cats nearly every day.”

Izaya tilted his head, bushing some hair out of his eye.

“Yes, I enjoy coming here. I have a pretty stressful job but when I come here I can relax. I can’t keep an animal at home because my job would keep me away too much.”

Shizuo nodded at that, it made sense.

“Why read to them though?”

Izaya’s smile softened somehow and Shizuo’s heart did a funny flip. Fuck.

“I’ve always enjoyed reading out loud, or maybe I just like sharing my thoughts with something. I had only planned to do it once, for one of the waitresses here but the cats seemed to flock to me when I did. They really enjoy hearing me read so I keep doing it.”

Shizuo held in a smile at that. Fuck, he couldn’t handle how obviously in love with animals Izaya was. He could feel the beginning of a crush starting to form and he crushed it as hard as he could. He didn’t need to ruin this job with heartache.

“I’m glad you enjoy being here, it’s good business for the café after all. What do you do for work?”

Izaya’s smile turned mysterious and he winked.

“Wouldn’t you like to know~”

Shizuo couldn’t help but laugh at that, genuine amusement filling him. He hadn’t expected to enjoy this man’s company.

“So, what? Do you work for the government or something?”

Izaya’s eyes lit with something that Shizuo couldn’t decipher.

“It’s a secret!”

Shizuo leaned in slightly as he remembered the over-heard conversations from earlier this week.

“Are you actually that one information broker?”

Izaya laughed, sweeping a kitten up in his arms.

“Really? You think that an info broker would read to cats every day?”

Shizuo hunched slightly with embarrassment but… that hadn’t been an answer… he took a bet. He looked Izaya dead in the eye and nodded.

“Yeah, I think he would.”

Izaya’s eyes widened and a giddy smile lit up his face. (shitshitshit he was fucked, this was officially a crush)

“Shizu-chan~ You’re the first person who’s ever gotten it right.”

Shizuo almost didn’t register the rest of the sentence through the annoyance at the nickname but then it hit him.

“Don’t call me that… Wait seriously??!!”

Izaya gave him a smirk and rested his cheek on his hand.

“I never lie. You’re the only one who’s ever called me out on it. Don’t spread it around okay? I’d hate for some of my enemies to find this place… it wouldn’t be pleasant.”

Shizuo blinked, dazed at the understatement. Holy shit one of the most feared and hated men in all of Ikebukuro regularly came to read to cats. The reality of it was surreal and Shizuo should be disgusted but… his crush remained. Fuck.

He watched the powerful informant coo over a pure white kitten and wondered what he’d done to deserve this. His peace had been ruined.

[5hfanfiction]

I ain't all bad

saw this prompt on tumblr and just yeah

wattpad is longerr_hours check out my other stuff

Camila’s very strict with her schedule. Not that she like, freaks out if she doesn’t get something done as she would like to, but she’s set in her ways. 

She wakes up at the same time, gets coffee at the same place with the same bagel and the same amount of sugar every single morning and has done her mornings this way for almost five years straight. 

Then she takes the same backroads and stops to wave to the same old lady on her porch and later orders the same sub for lunch and you can get that she has a distinct day planned out for, well, all of the days to come. 

She goes to her same evil laboratory everyday and walks in to greet her evil dog assistant every single day at the same exact time down to the minute (sometimes second if she’s feeling lucky and extremely cool). 

She fights with the same annoying super hero every night on the tracks of her least favorite, favorite city, and she usually (not really intentionally but it is part of her schedule at this point) gets her ass kicked back to her cosy apartment in the rough side of New York City. 

One of her favorite parts of her week though, is her friday night plan. 

Now, don’t think that she doesn’t like planning evil things to do in good cities. She prides herself in her abilities as a super villain and wouldn’t exactly say that her friday plans surpass the feeling of joy when she sees terror in the general public caused by her, but to Camila going to the diner is peaceful and a perfect way to end a usually perfect week. 

So yeah, she went to a diner right outside of her neighborhood named Dorothy’s, the sign bold and bright and kind of annoying probably to neighboring condo owners because Camila is sure the lights never go off, but she doesn’t mind, it’s actually what had drawn her towards the place in the first place. 

The first night she went in she ordered what anyone would order at an old fashioned restaurant, a burger and fries and chocolate milkshake and, guess what she still gets every single friday night? Damn right it’s a burger and fries and a chocolate milkshake. 

That’s what keeps her coming too. The delicious taste is something she hasn’t been able to find in all of her twenty five years of existing and she’ll be damned if she - that’s not true actually, like yeah it tastes fine as fuck but that’s not what keeps her coming, it’s kind of -and not to sound sappy or lovestruck or stupid of anything that Camila claims she isn’t - but it’s kind of a girl. 

Lauren was her name, and that’s about all Camila knew about the girl other than the fact that she looked like an angel and smiled and laughed like one too. She’d been serving Camila for the three years she’d been going into the diner in the same back booth (Camila was afraid of falling off bar stools which in her defense is understandable) every single friday night, until finally she knew the villain’s order, but they’d yet to make any small talk. 

Camila had made occasional jokes, some small chit chat about the weather or some shared laughs about another customer, and there was a clear connection since Camila was there so often she basically worked there, but there was nothing direct about their relationship. 

But yeah, in case the whole, “she’s the reason I come every friday” thing didn’t make it clear enough, Camila kind of - totally really has a crush on this girl. 

In her defense, she’s pretty sure everybody would have a crush on this girl though if they saw her and everybody else who goes into the diner is obviously fond of her. Like, she’s pretty but she’s also charming and cute and hot as fuck and like all the good in the world, and Camila can’t figure out why she loves that since she herself is so so evil (don’t fight her on it, she’s the evilest), but she does. 

She wouldn’t go as far as to say she loves Lauren since whoa slow down, they’ve never talked like real talk, chill, but she’s definitely in love with the thought of her, and she definitely has the biggest, most powerful crush in the world. (when you’re super evil you get used to describing everything as powerful soo).

But still, even if it wasn’t love per say she went into that diner every week to see her favorite waitress for an hour, to watch her (in the least creepy way possible) and to enjoy whatever small time she spent in simply giving Lauren her order, which the girl had down already but checked every time just in case it changed. 

This friday was much like every other one too. She’d just been defeated by Mr. Moseby, New York’s favorite super when she stumbled into Dorothy’s. She had a slight limp from being thrown a few blocks, but besides that she was in, well she was in a better mood than every other day of the week.  

Because the pretty waitress was serving an older couple near the door and smiled at her through the window when she saw her approaching. So now, she’s sat in her normal booth, looking at the menu as she does every week despite only ever getting the same thing, and trying not to get caught in her fleeting glances over to her waitress floating about just as charming as ever with a smile to each customer. 

That’s one thing Camila’s always loved about her presence. As you can maybe infer, Camila isn’t the most… positive person in the world. She’s a super villain, meaning she’s mastered evil and beyond, but every super villain has a super villain story and Camila is evil because she resents her awkwardness. Her ability to seem like a weirdo in every conversation she’s ever had.  (don’t say that’s not a good cause throw your h8 elsewhere.)

She resented people like Lauren in most circumstances. Their ability to charm their way out of any awkward encounter. The ability to make anybody laugh, or feel better, or anything other than uncomfortable. She hated people svn more when they were understanding of the awkward. The type of people who were so fricken charming that they would know when to change the topic, know when to take the weight of conversation off of someone else’s back. 

She thinks maybe she just doesn’t hate Lauren because she has a cute laugh. A cute everything else too. Lauren is too cute to hate. (And the first night she came Lauren gave her a free chocolate milkshake so yeah.)

It’s just, okay so Camila isn’t necessarily a bad super villain, but her name is Lady Terrordrome so yeah she’s kind of a bad villain. (she got it off of one of those websites that creates a super villain name for you when she was fourteen and okay it’s not good but dumb ass fucken Mr. Moseby won’t stop making fun of her for it so it stuck.)

(AN i totally just used one of those to give Camila a name and fight me if you don’t like it)

But so Lauren cheers her up, and as she approaches the table with a smile and little wave that’s so cute it hurts, Camila forgets all about the defeat that tasted so bitter tonight. 

“Good evening Camz,” Lauren grins, reaching for the menu which Camila hands her with a grin right back. “What can I get you tonight? Would you like to hear our specials?” she teases, a familiar glint in her eyes since she has been teasing for a while now after picking up on Camila’s tendencies to follow a strict schedule. 

“I would,” Camila agrees easily just because she likes hearing Lauren talk, and Lauren doesn’t hesitate to talk. “That all sounds lovely, but after thinking it over I’d like to have the usual please,” Camila smiles after a few moments of listening to Lauren list off their “specials”. (Really it’s just the funniest named meal combos they have, she’s been doing it for three months now, every week with a new one). 

And so yeah, it’s a good way to end the night, the week for Camila and she enjoys a nice meal and complimentary shake with it, not watching Lauren but keeping an eye for her favorite girl, lighting up a little more whenever she comes to ask Camila how her meal is going. 

Watching Lauren is usually just a thing she does cause she’s low-key creepy and also Lauren is Lauren. But tonight something different happens. 

So, like, there’s a biker gang type group that comes in every now and again. Not as much as Camila, but she’ll see them at least once a month and usually she’ll think nothing of it. It’s not really a biker gang, Camila is just childish and calls any gang a biker one since yeah. 

But the point is it’s a group of six thirty ish year old guys who come in and spend the whole night, and not in the peaceful way that Camila does, but they’re rowdy. They’re usually obnoxious in a way that has Camila cringing, but she’s never had to step in. 

Tonight is different. 

You see, they’re usually served by Ellen, a forty seven year old mom who’s been here long enough to know how to deal with guys like that and keep them on a leash. 

Ellen isn’t here tonight though, since she’s gone Lauren is on their table. 

Now Camila isn’t deaf, she actually has absurdly good hearing since she created a device to help with that years ago so she could enjoy the quieter cries of her enemies more, but she’s been hearing the cat calls all night and keeps wanting to step in but Lauren shoots her a look and she doesn’t because she doesn’t want to be too overbearing. 

“Gentlemen, if that’s what you want me to keep calling you I’m going to have to ask you to quiet down, there’s not a lot here but it’s been a long week, I don’t need this right now,” Lauren asks, after half an hour of having tot ell them to quiet down. 

“I can think of a few ways for you to get us to quiet down baby, you’ll just have to ask a little bit nicer,” one of the guys pipes up and, yeah those have been their disgusting responses for a while now but Camila is trying to let it go. 

“I’m going to have to kick you out if I have to come back one more time, and for good you hear?” Lauren threatens, spinning on her heal to make her way to the back. 

One of them smacks her ass on the way out though and Camila is on her feet before Lauren can send her the look of panic that she does. 

“I believe the lady asked for you to quiet down,” Camila pipes up, voice strong and stance stronger, leaning against the side of the booth behind the group of men and Lauren, who all startle at the voice and turn to face her. 

“Oh yeah? I think you misheard buddy,” one of them smirks, rolling his eyes as his friends chuckles at the seemingly weak girl trying to step in. 

Lauren sends her a look, pleading for help or to stop, but Camila doesn’t listen as she moves one hand slowly to her waistband. 

“I don’t think I did actually,” Camila replies, tone flat and hand ready to go if one of them moves. “And I think you owe her an apology for being so fowl with her as if you have any right.”

“Oh do you now?” one of the bigger ones asks, standing up and leaning forward, “I’d like to see you do something to try and stop me from-” as he’s saying this he’s reaching for the waitress, who easily slides away and towards Camila, but she doesn’t pay her mind as she pulls out her weapon and shoots at the group of men, quickly taking out one of them until there are six ice sculptures sitting at the table, eyes wide like Mr. Krabs’ eyes were when he was frozen by King Titus for stealing his crown. 

It’s silent then. Since they’re the ones who were making all the noise and the chefs in the back haven’t noticed the commotion out front yet. It’s just her and Lauren and the room, space they’re in is a little bit colder now. 

“That was umm… that was my freeze ray,” Camila supplies, hoping Lauren won’t freak out and call the cops or something. The raven haired girl is leaning against one of the tables, eyes wide still and pointed at Camila’s face now instead of the gun but she doesn’t really look scared, more shocked. Nows your time to shine Terrordrome. “I’d umm, I’d try it on you, but I figure you’re too hot for it’s effect to really-" 

"Holy shit,” Lauren cuts her off and Camila is kinda of shocked that instead of panic it’s laughter coming out of the girls mouth along with the swears, “Please tell me you’re Lady Terrordrome, please holy fuck nothing could possibly make my night better,” she continues and Camila would like, she’d kind of be offended, maybe, if Lauren wasn’t chuckling so cutely. Like, Lauren is so cute and she’s not teasing, she’s just laughing and Camila is laughing too now and. 

“I am,” she replies with a chuckle, “I’m hoping the fact that you’re laughing means you aren’t going to rule out giving a super villain a shot?” she continues, moving in a little closer and meeting Lauren’s smiling eyes with a raised eyebrow. 

“Well,” Lauren starts, still red with laughter and a hint in her eyes that Camila has seen and never quite placed but always found amazing, “I’ve always thought you were pretty super so I guess it makes sense now,” she smirks and Camila lets out a sigh of relief before Lauren continues, “and after the blow you suffered at Moseby’s feet tonight for running in the lobby, I wouldn’t want to add to it." 

Well like it’s kinda a soft spot bringing up the fresh defeat, but Camila doesn’t really care because it’s Lauren and she’s smiling. "That sounded like a yes to me,” Camila smiles and yeah, being evil has it’s perks sometimes.