#so much lies in my social perception and i am just. not being perceived. at all. darn

[obnoxiousarcade]

I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think

[thearchercore]

I came across these 2 thoughts which really interested me on the blog@tsarinablogs and I found her responses very interesting. (I always like his answers which are very relevant and interesting)

I would also like to know your opinion on this subject because I really like your way of perceiving and analyzing. (if that doesn't bother you of course, it's not at all an obligation)

1)

after having an anon's thought, i realized something. (a personal impression) max is someone who is very easy to read, I have the impression that we know straight away what state of mind he is in, he is very open about his emotions, he is easy to read.

Charles, on the other hand, is very paradoxical. He has a very expressive face, you see everything on his face. But at the same time and despite this I find that he remains someone difficult to read. He is expressive but he still maintains a certain control over his emotions. I think sometimes it's hard to really say what he thinks. I don't know if I'm expressing my thoughts well, sorry 😂 I just find that Charles is much more complex than he seems. People like to call him nice, naive and handsome //

2)

It's fascinating how similar and different Charles and Max are at the same time. In terms of racing, they are identical (even in the way they drive there are similarities). They talk about running as something vital, a need, as if the only time they feel comfortable and at peace is in a car. I have no doubt that it is a passion for all drivers but for them it seems like it is different. It seems like they need things to go well. They compare their car to a member of their body. Their way of talking about racing is different and I have the impression that what binds them is that they are the only ones who understand each other. They find themselves in this way of thinking, in this obsession and this vital need; there is an agreement.

another similarity is their humor and their perception of life; I have the impression that they are similar in this respect.

Their difference mainly lies in the way they act and interact with others. Max is very direct and more awkward, he has less self-confidence and needs some approval (like when he makes jokes). He is a very affectionate and spontaneous person. Charles is more socially comfortable and has more confidence. he has more control over his emotions than Max but at the same time he is a very open person.

thank you for mentioning @tsarinablogs! we're friends, and not to sound like i lack any critical thinking whatsover, but we do have a lot of joint opinions

THAT BEING SAID, what i find most interesting about them is how max generally never pretends, he's extremely straightforward and unless RB pr holds him at gunpoint, he will say what he thinks. charles, on the other hand, knows how to use the public opinion to his advantage and knows how to manipulate the narrative extremely well.

when you put these things together, you end up with what max and charles have going on - max who never cares about pretending to be anything he's not being interested in charles and charles, who's really great at keeping his PR persona up, tends to lose some of his cool around max and just becomes more of a private version of himself, let's say. so it's definitely fun to watch them interact vs other people on the grid just in terms of their persona preference of how they present themselves to the world.

when it comes to racing, i think they are extremely similar in both their mindset, approach, and driving styles. someone recently dug out an instance when drivers on track were complaining about their back in the cars and only him and max didn't mind “I am not here to be comfortable, I am here to drive a fast car” so it definitely helps to find someone who has similar mindset in the industry you work in, no matter what sort of industry it is.

finally, you can just tell both max and charles are there to race and win. it's their hyperfixation basically, and so them talking about racing probably fires up those little insane neurons in their brains and they can't physically shut up. i think we've all been here (when you find joint interest and realise the other person shares the same opinions AND you can nerd out together).

[yesimwriting]

I don't know if you have any thoughts on this one but if so, can I ask for the "directors cut" on the blurb where reader and the boys were fights and they went to her window to basically suck up am she was on phone, I think it was called "Billy and Stu scare away guys" or directors cut on chapter 5 of the final girl fic or both of you'd like to. I love hearing what you have to say about them and it adds so much insight on how you characterize them, thanks :)

omg hi

"Billy and Stu scare away guys" blurb:

okay so i have a lot of thoughts on that blurb bc there were some details i wanted to work in but couldn't bc they didn't fit

so my main one is the gummy thing at the end, where Stu gives reader a bag of gummies, but the gummies are just the ones that are her favorite flavor and he plays it off by saying that he hates that flavor

in my head, he definitely does not hate that flavor of gummy ( i don't think i've ever met anyone that hates red gummies lol) and that's just another way of him being secretly nice to reader

ik stu's pretty openly affectionate and loves getting credit for being nice, but i feel like when it comes to smaller things that show just how much attention he pays to the reader, he plays it off as much as he can

i talk about this in the actual fic but another detail i feel like keeps coming up is that i headcanon stu as being kind of a textbook early psychopath child and not shying away from taking apart small animals just bc/morbid curiosity,

i don't see billy (even as a kid) going out of his way to do those kinds of things, partially bc i feel like he would've been more hyper aware of the adults/general perception of what's perceived as "normal" as a way to cover himself and stu, but i def don't think he was bothered by it

anyways all of that is background to explain that one of my favorite details is billy being aware that y/n would rather watch a person die in a movie than see an animal get hurt and then knowing to edit the story

okay! now onto the biggest part of the story!! billy dropping the background information on his mom, ik that seemed extremely manipulative, and it definitely was on billy's part, but it was also kind of an accidental admission

you know that quote "the best lies have some truth in them",, well it was kind of like that, while billy just doesn't want y/n to talk to guys at all out of general possessiveness/jealousy, that insecurity about losing her the way he lost his mom is real

that's why i also mention stu being surprised, bc billy rarely alludes/mentions the truth of what happened to his mom, and the situation still felt relatively under control so stu was like ?? now? lol and then after thinking about it stu starts worrying a little bc maybe billy is that upset, it's another one of those moments where they just read each other and manage to work through things they can't say in front of other people

Chapter 5 of final girl:

okay so at the beginning, when stu's still asleep and billy's explaining away how touchy and pushy stu was in chapter 4, it's a key example of the way billy likes to 'get ahead' of things

we all know he's a planner, and so even though y/n's complaint was small, billy's already covering all the bases, emphasizing that stu would 'never hurt her' and framing stu's attention as a good thing while also painting him as sympathetic bc of his parents

also i feel like i've implied this but part of the reason they're always pushing that he'd 'never hurt her' narrative is bc it's meant to assure stu as much as it assures y/n, only stu knows that by 'hurt' he means accidentally kill her or something,, and y/n thinks it's more emotional/in a play fighting way lol

i think this is the first chapter that touches on how much y/n relies on them for a social life, like it was so easy for them to exclude her from that part even though all of her other friends where there

omg and y/n briefly thinking billy was ghost face, i feel like if she had had that train of thought while more sober, billy and stu would have had a much harder time getting through that one

i considered adding a scene where billy calls stu and tells stu that he needs to pull out the voice modulator and call y/n's house QUICK bc i thought it'd be fun to write and i still kind of want to write a scene like that at some point, but i felt like it broke up the suspenseful energy i was going for so i decided not to

[katyspersonal]

How did you let Shabiri gaslight you?

Oh, to be honest, gaslight is not a right term here! It specifically means manipulation that makes another doubt their own memories and perception, but I have a bad habit of also using it when the person got a (generally) right idea about something and someone makes them doubt this idea in favor of a way more detrimental one. The idea, not one's own ability to analyze and perceive! With that being said, what I mean is that Shabriri pushed me more to the 'bad' side of permanent existential dilemma. His words, and "philosophy" of Frenzied Flame in general, appeals both to the brand of despair contained within Soulsborne games and to my own despair.

We spend a lot of Elden Ring seeing suffering and oppression, consequences of "all that divides and distinguishes". The world is broken fundamentally. Greater Will doesn't know what it wants to do, but sought mortal plane to allow them to give it purpose and order. But no matter who takes up so much power, it will all just eventually lead to more misery and need to be destroyed and replaced with the new thing.. and that thing will also eventually collapse. And so on, and so on.

Yeah, Shabriri is the bad guy, sure. It is said that the FF sickness started with him, and now the world is cursed with the condition where if you get reasonably depressed you get linked with the mindless power that wants to undo the existence itself. But why Shabriri had the power to slander the Nomads to begin with? Who set the oppressive system that punished the "heretics" with being buried alive in motion? Certainly not Shabriri. His crime is a symptom of "all that divides and distinguishes", not the cause of it. And the world would've still be broken even if FF was never unleashed. Other endings are still questionable. Age of Fracture is just keeping the world broken as it is. Age of Duskborn and Age of Despair are effectively "swinging the pendulum the other side" and we all know it is pretty bad resolution, no matter how justified or expected. Age of Stars and Age of Perfecf Order remove the 'authority' over cosmic horrors that took the form of gold-colored magic in this world: Ranni removes it from anyone's reach and Goldmask makes it accessible to everyone equally. The problem is-

Yes, exactly lol Thank you, Brador! Who is to tell that now in this sort of anarchy, people won't again battle each other until new leader, new oppressive system arises and new kind of suffering and injustice is created? In the end, it didn't solve anything. People suffer under a leader, people suffer without a leader.

As for my personal experience? I am just thinking about this stuff a lot. ALL the time. As a neurodivergent person I've been experiencing the sense of any society I enter trying to remove me like a tumor on an otherwise healthy body early. Children and teens are naturally cruel to the 'odd ones', that's true, but did things really improve in adulthood, or just became more elusive, buried under layers of pretenses and lies? However, is not it reasonable?

Are social animals, ALL of them and not just humans, at fault for trying to preserve definition and customs of their community by excluding those that don't fit in it? We often claim that animals are innocent, but social ones do the same thing: they are not kind to those who are weaker, "useless" or just break the "rules". Nature itself is very ruthless: you are born with something off or lose it for reasons you could not control and you will not survive. Humans developed the ways to help disabled to adapt and survive, but somehow trapped themselves in the system where helping everyone is "not efficient". The opposite way to build the society, on the other hand, leads to stagnation and a different sort of oppression. Both capitalism and communism are built to get rid of those that don't fit into it, just different criteria of not fitting, and yet you can't trust humanity with anarchy.

But are those born different at fault for being this way? But hey, why do we live in the world where if someone could choose what way to be born as, they'd be inclined to fit the norm just to avoid more misery? But how community is preserved if there is no bar for who can belong in it? No matter how you are born - different or normal - both options are bad because you either suffer or cause suffering with your very existence. But don't normies also suffer when we "ruin" their experiences, systems and traditions by existing, but don't we cause suffering with our own existence? Trying to accommodate to everyone leaves world in stagnation and suffering and eventually some people get fed up and off to declare and exterminate the "enemy", NOT trying to do that causes misery, loneliness and deaths. Again, with people trying to overthrow it but all it does is makes pendulum swing. Happiness can only exist atop of neglecting and oppressing others, and if you ARE oppressed, your own way to happiness only lays through committing atrocities and learning TO oppress so is it worth it?

The problem is in how mind and feelings of everyone that lives work. There is some fundamental error in them, because they seek to harm each other and self, because freedom is dangerous but all control becomes too rotten and brings too many victims in the end. No matter who you are, being born into this world is on itself a curse. You'd think that civilisation and education would improve things, but have they? So far most of what I've seen humans do with knowledge about justice, decency, 'red flags' and abuse, bigotry and morality is to distort and misuse it to no end. They just invent new enemies and eat their own, there is never enough victims. Bigotry and evil is not rooted in ignorance, but in nature of life. Idiots do not become smarter when given knowledge, they just become dangerous idiots. So, is not evolving and not seeking knowledge and meaning better? But we already figured that animalistic drives are pretty evil and brutal too.

I respect Soulsborne for having all this, and much more, seen. I don't feel satisfied with the answers to this problem I tend to get from people, and I definitely don't believe that God who cursed humans for slipping under 100% control and threatens people with even more pain if they don't offer him their love is anything good to fall back on. But hey, the guy who rebelled against him doesn't have humanity's best interests in mind either! He is just waiting to pry on us, and humanity got no one. Being oppressed with fear or being a food for demons or wandering aimlessly without purpose? Choose your poison, there is no mercy except for death, and death is the one and only thing that makes everyone equal! Neither side cares for us, and not even we ourselves care for us. I am talking about both the games and real thing here, because Soulsborne is basically a big real world reference x)

I can only laugh it all off as "edgy teenager angst" for so long, but I am thinking about things like this every day. This post is just a tip of the iceberg because I can't spill my whole heart even if I want to, there is just.. too much stuff. More than all words in all languages could encapsulate. "Destroy all that divides and distinguishes, may Chaos take the world" however, is a good way to express the sentiment. It feels cathartic to say. Why not just end it all, if it's fundamentally broken? If the world is just a farm of suffering but deceptive with many beautiful things to hide its true ugly meaning? Although there were other characters delivering meaning of FF, Shabriri felt like the real manifestation of it, and fed that despair I already struggled it into winning.

Like I said, the whole 'picking FF ending to save Melina xD' flew completely over my head. For me it was about being convinced that just returning everything into primordial state of Chaos and singularity was better. And, again, conversation with Melina was so meaningful for this reason. Because there are enough of people that still agree to live in this world, even if wretched, and experience whatever they can. I'd argue that maybe wish to live itself is just something programmed in us to not let us avoid our given purpose to suffer and struggle, or cause suffering and struggle.. Still, I don't know that. Whatever I am looking for is not something logic or heart can help me with, because both comprehension and nature are insidious, fundamentally broken to turn on other humans and yourself. It is something that can't be identified and thus reproduced and shared, but whatever Melina said must have been connected with it if it made me stop believing in FF as the good thing. It could be about finding your own way, that can't be shared with others, but this means everyone else has the capacity to find their own way. In the end, no one has the right to take that chance away from them; not to spite God, not to end endless suffering, not for anything.

[bimbonaparte]

daddy lessons (parenting in spn vs. being human)

I have not been able to stop thinking about this for weeks and it’s making me insane, so apologies to all but here we GO. McNair (Being Human UK) and John Winchester (Supernatural) both raised their sons to be weapons in a secret war and did unforgivable things in the process, but thanks to some key differences in their parenting approach, we get wildly different kids out of the equation. To recap the middle bit of the Venn diagram here, both fathers:

Dragged their kids around the country, raising them like soldiers to fight a supernatural enemy; it’s unclear when anybody’s first kills took place, to my knowledge, but we can safely say that they were at way too young an age

Weaponized the memory of a dead mother as an excuse for their crusade

Moved them around constantly and denied them almost any outside connections; by design, their whole world is wrapped up in each other

Raised their kids (Tom and Dean most successfully*) to have little identity outside of hunting and to be entirely beholden to the cause, leading to a very upsetting self-sacrificial streak

Demanded military-esque obedience; some questions may be allowed here and there, but ultimately dad is the superior officer and it’s his call

Lied repeatedly to their kids “for their own good” and kept them on a need-to-know-basis, even for stuff that they REALLY needed to know

*(I’m generally focusing on Dean & Tom in this analysis, since I think Sam escaped some of this by rebelling against the notion of a “good son”)

Hell, they even had similar deaths (i.e., made the decision to keep their kids in the dark -- rather than, say, explaining anything or asking for help -- and walk into a confrontation with an old enemy that they knew they wouldn’t survive). But despite all this overlap, we end up with two wildly different characters: jaded & emotionally volatile Dean, who drinks & throws punches to cope with feelings and performs toughness as if there’s a panel of judges in the corner at all times; and sincere & emotionally vulnerable Tom, who is also quick to throw a punch but who talks about his feelings, cries easily, and is totally unconcerned with whether or not he’s perceived as tough or masculine. I literally can’t stop thinking about it.

If you ask me, the two diverge thanks to some key differences between the McNair and John Winchester school of parenting. Despite the NUMEROUS mistakes McNair made in Tom’s upbringing, we have to give credit where credit is due:

McNair loved Tom. Unequivocally. Thought he was the best person to ever exist. Told him this daily. Told any given random stranger who stood still long enough in Tom’s general proximity. Reinforced it with physical affection and affirmation. Tom never had cause to doubt this for even a second during his entire upbringing, and it shows.

McNair must have realized at some point that Tom was different, that his take on the world was always going to be a little bit naive. Instead of trying to change this or toughen him up “for his own good” (which I can very much imagine being the John Winchester approach), McNair seems to have thoroughly embraced this aspect of Tom’s nature.

Part of that is expressed through the "code.” McNair raised Tom to live by a strict code geared towards a) survival as nomad werewolf vampire hunters, and b) survival as Tom, specifically, who has incredible physical aptitude but struggles with other kinds of learning & social cues. The code has its downsides (namely the unquestioning obedience bit mentioned above), but otherwise functions as a sort of framework that Tom can follow for navigating the societal rules & interactions he doesn’t fully understand. (There’s also the whole “teaching Tom to respect others” thing, which I could honestly write an entire dissertation on).

Beyond the rules McNair thinks they need to survive, however, McNair seems to delight in Tom simply being Tom. This shines through most with Tom’s disarming sincerity -- which he retains largely because McNair (and society at large) never tried to train or polish it out of him. There are a dozen examples where Tom cuts through layers of conversational propriety and is just genuine, because it doesn’t occur to him to be otherwise. Where other characters (like Hal) can’t help laughing at him at least a little, we see McNair take him seriously, respond with encouragement, and even match his sincerity (see: “You’re perfect”) despite the fact that McNair was raised in a society that would frown on men talking like this to their grown sons.

We therefore end up with a Tom who earnestly says things like “virginity is like a flower” with zero self-consciousness. Who would have come along to tell him men don’t talk about sex like this? McNair certainly wouldn’t have; his top priority throughout is supporting Tom as-is, not molding his personality into some idea of what a man is or should be.

The end result of all this is a very sweet, very straightforward, emotionally vulnerable killing machine. “Always be polite and kind and have the materials to build a bomb,” indeed. Tom is obsessed later on with being “a success” in a very performative way, but -- as all the characters around him repeatedly remind him -- this is not something that McNair ever cared about or put on him.

What I would love to do next is a) also acknowledge the incredibly profound ways that McNair wronged Tom (starting with killing his parents, which cannot be glossed over) and how this fucked him up; b) contrast all this with the John Winchester approach to raising child soldiers (SIGH) to see how it is that we ended up Dean; and c) look at Dean and Tom’s perception of their respective fathers. BUT. I unfortunately have to go do actual work stuff or I am gonna be in big trouble (plus this is getting LONG), so I’m gonna be revisiting this another time. In conclusion tho: Tom McNair fascinates me beyond measure, I cannot get over this, and I do not want to. TBC.

[aglimmerintheriver]

How to mentally keep baneful spirits out - no tools required AKA How Not To Give A F*** About the Uninvited

You can find so much info on here and throughout the web about negative entities and protecting yourself from them. Just as there is so much info, there are all of these different perspectives on how our energies associate with them. In this post I hope to cover a lot of different perspectives, as well as some creative methods for dealing with baneful spirits and your own defense magic tool set.

Introduction

A lot of mythical creatures are based in energetic truth- the vampire is aligned with the energy vampire, the evil and feared witch (like in the Witch movie) is aligned with the early-Christian understanding of the Wise People. The word Witch came from Wic, which means ‘Wisdom’ in Germanic languages. Think of anything given malevolent or benevolent power in the media, and you can likely tie it to misconceptions about the witchcraft and pagan community.

In Shonda Rhimes’ “Grey’s Anatomy” there is an episode where Dr. Miranda Bailey talks about how her OCD creates negative, scary fears within the mind that feel so real that they become real, but she also says that if her mind can think up and believe in these terrible, scary things, she can also think up positive things that make her feel better about those fears- things that help create a buffer, to save her from being so afraid. I’m completely blanking on which episode this was, if you know please let me know and I’ll add it in. By bringing this up, I want to point to something that inspired me to write this post: that elasticity of our perception and of the power we hold within ourselves being dependent on our awareness of our power.

All of this to say that this is not a post created for someone experiencing demonic intrusion. I may or may not have experienced this kind of interaction and if I have, I was simply saved by calling on Jesus (holy freaking heck did not expect the Christian god to help me out but he did) and asking that he save my soul from the attack. If you are under demonic attack or believe that you are, please consult a shaman or a witch who knows how to deal with demonic power. My understanding of demons is that they were the very first spirits here, and so they are the oldest of the old and have a lot of power. That’s not to say your power stands no chance against them, but if you feel overwhelmed by the spirits you’re facing, a lot of the times it is helpful not just for our spiritual protection but also for our perception of how safe we are to call on someone outside of us for help- whether that be a deity or other type of spirit we revere as having badass protective strength or another human we believe can help protect us/banish whatever’s in your sphere.

Perception and Reality

What we believe is what we see. Another way to phrase this is, ‘Where the mind goes, your energy flows”, a very famous phrase within the spiritual community (I believe it has Buddhist origins but not sure of who said it first). This is why a lot of witches are recommended to meet with a therapist or psychologist regularly to ensure our mental health is strong. A lot of people within our community believe that mental health creates spiritual gaps wherein baneful spirits can creep in and target us, but others believe that the cause of mental problems is our spiritual health itself. I’m in the camp of believing mental health is important no matter how you see the correlation- taking care of your brain is just as important as keeping up with the rest of your practice. 

Another aspect of protection and magic is not just ‘what we see’ but how. To bring in a little cognitive function theory, someone with extroverted intuition (or Ne) would likely see a situation and the world from twenty or more different lenses. This is like viewing the world through a multi-faceted crystal and being able to look at all these different crystal-edges and see a different distortion. And that’s really what our view is mostly, because it is nearly impossible to go around living your life and be able to see everything EXACTLY as it is. It’s just not reasonable to think you’re going to be able to have a clear lens every time. If you do and if you’ve developed that, please share how you did and help me figure that out haha, but until then I’m going to work with my understanding that our perception is going to have some type of illusion to it.

And here comes what this post has been leading to- the thing I’m excited about. The Imagining, and the power in that imagining. This is mental craft.

The You-Shaped Perception

In focus meditation you’re told that attention to the breath or to one sensation is important, because you’re narrowing your cannon-sized attention to the size of a pinhole. In much the same way, mental magic is about not just changing your lens, but also how you use that lens.

You       can.         do.            Anything.

It’s true. I mean, within physical means, right? You’re only going to fly if you know how to build mechanical wings, so this isn’t some offhanded promise meant halfheartedly. Nope, I mean this with all of me.

The mind is our friend and our enemy. I’m not even a big fan of meditation and yet I know that. It’s that changeable lens we see things through and how we think of them.

Our mind, my friend, is our power.

In speaking of the mind, I am not just thinking about your brain matter, or your reason, or whatever. I’m talking intention (leading to manifestation) and conscious attention to changing our thoughts.

Think something long enough and you start to believe it. Don’t like your thoughts, or how you feel? What thought or visualization would help you feel better?

There are rabbit holes we fall into where we either can’t control our thoughts and feelings due to mental illness and other times when we just don’t want to control them. Sometimes it feels good to be swept away by our own ocean of emotion and madness. It’s part of being human. The former situation (with the rabbit holes) is likely to be helped by a mental health professional and possibly some anti-depressants. The latter can  a p p a r e n t l y  be helped by meditation. 

(Also, did you know that meditation helps grow the gray matter in your brain? Sitting down and just watching your thoughts pass like clouds, allowing your body to rest, opens you up to expanded compassion, self awareness, contemplation, and helps your memory. If anyone is interested in practicing this, I’m going to be working through this free online MBSR/Mindfulness course in the hopes of helping my depression and my powers of intention- it looks like a great resource especially during this time of political and global tension. I believe our souls are deeply connected to one another and also to the overall soul of the world. Everything that happens in it is something we collectively experience and all of the stress along with this social isolation that the majority of us are experiencing is incredibly traumatizing. I highly recommend checking this out and seeing how it affects you over a few weeks’ time: https://palousemindfulness.com/ )

The point I’m trying to make here is that 98 times out of 100 times, YOU control your perception. And that’s a very empowering and creative thing. Especially when you identify as a witch 😄

gif of Joaquin Phoenix as the joker with a smiling mask on, then pulling up the mask and grinning.

DAMN TABITHA JUST GET TO THE POINT ALREADY

Okay okay. Here’s my point.

You can use creativity in your craft. You know this already. But you don’t need a book of spells (they’re fun to read though) and you don’t need the latest books on psychic magic. You can seriously just use your magical brain.

Intention is everything. Your natural intuitive powers are where your strength lies- I’d say it’s the key to unlocking whatever the heck you want in life. 

Look at your life like it is a children’s story book or movie, alright? It sounds stupid but please stay with me if you made it this far, because I think this is where it gets good. You know how the main character faced this seemingly impossible task or challenge, and they didn’t know how they’d do it but they did it anyway? Things just worked out for them, either because they did some work to help meet their goal and they fought to believe in themselves, or because the writer(s) wanted to throw them some tools that would help them easily get their goal.

You’re the main character and you’re the author of your story. And not only are you the author, but you’ve got all these spirits helping you co-author what unfolds in your life. So it doesn’t matter if there’s a damn fire-breathing knife-throwing monster standing on top of you while you sleep because in your witch brain, all you need to do is say “I am stronger than you will ever be. I am the apex predator” and watch that nasty bugger fucking deflate.

What is the most empowering thing is realizing that you are worth fearing, yourself.

Now this isn’t an excuse to take on a bad-bitch persona and mess your life up. Don’t go around hexing people willy nilly, please. Don’t think you can conjure a demon and be able to control it.

Just know that you can control yourself and the space you’re in. Cause you a badass, bitch.

An actual example from my real life

I have a little known disorder called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Essentially it’s scary AF because I have dislocations on the daily and they’re painful and honestly, it’s the bane of my existence. 

That’s not even exaggerating haha.

So along with it comes a lot of second guessing self worth, because of how it’s perceived and how I’m perceived because I’m a lady with EDS. The questions I’ve fielded, the conversations I’ve had, the experiences I’ve had to deal with as a result of it are utterly ridiculous (sometimes, downright despicable). 

One day I was talking to my therapist about self-perception and not feeling strong enough to face life with my handicap, and she asked me to point out the strengths it’s encouraged in me. I was able to point to a few things and while I did, I could see Brigid beside me and this oak shield forming around my body, and I imagined that every word I spoke, every good quality I have grown from having my disorder, made that shield stronger.

There are the times when I rabbit hole and I forget what that armor means and looks like. I forget that it’s there. But inevitably, something happens that would normally feel like it was undermining me and instead, I remember that oak shield and Brigid’s protective, loving energy, and I remember how expansive it feels to see myself as being worth this life and as having valuable traits to offer to the world. That’s when I see that shield again.

As you can see this isn’t only for spirits, but it applies even in those situations too. I’ll detail my channeling session that ended with calling on Jesus another time haha as this is getting quite long. To wrap this up:

TL;DR: “How not to give a f*** about unwanted spirits”

- Decide not to give a f***

- Decide what you will give a f*** about

- Find a couple practices for protection that you like and stick with them

- Know what clairs you have that are strongest (and if none feel that strong right now, that’s perfectly normal. Don’t put pressure on yourself, just enjoy exploring how your intuition works and pay attention without obsessing (or try not to obsess anyways). You have time to experiment with intuition, I’ll try to find some good sources for this and write something for those of you frustrated with figuring out where your skills lie or how to use them.

- Know that they’re working, that you’re a freaking badass witch, and that nothing can come into your space without earning your wrath (which can just be a GTFO and a call on your fave deity if you like)

A lot of the time, spirits who show up don’t actually have any dominion to stay. You have the power. You own the space, you own YOUR space (the space of your body). So own that you own it and do it with certainty. Feel the POWAH haha.

Sources mentioned:

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2011/01/eight-weeks-to-a-better-brain/

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

6 Weird Tracks of IPKKND

Version: What were the creatives thinking? - wait - poor guys and women knew what was happening and with the way ITV (Indian Television) works, we know who might have stuck their nose and ruined things #ilovenandsupportwritersandcreators #letIndiantvcomeinseasonsandworkwonders

TL;DR The Taming of Lavanya Kashyap

- Why dress up as Khushi 2.0? Why forget that Lavanya is a damn suave working woman? (Saved by Lavanya & Khushi’s friendship).

The Whole Arnav-Is-Murderer, Suicide, Arnav’s Misunderstanding Reveal Track

- Arnav, an atheist, would murder his wife because of astrological implications in his birth chart? 

- If a woman is convinced that her husband can kill her, it’s not funny. 

- Suicide is NOT funny. 

The Kidnapping Track

- Khushi as Bond? Replacing petrol with water (no... I know she can save him but no...)? The hut? Masala Mama? Private Detective?

Let’s do Rasam & Suhaagraat Attempt 1.2

- When logic was missing in both of their heads. 

- Also, there’s a DIFFERENCE between DISCOMFORT and being BASHFUL.

Aarav - Arnav 2.0

- When the whole family thinks it’s cute to tell a woman how her husband’s ex’s child looks similar to her husband. Aww. 

The Mrs. India ‘Contest’

- The dresses, ‘rounds’ and Khushi’s amazing disbelief in herself. Wasn’t this the same woman who once said that life is not measured by a mere challenging win and loss to Lavanya, Sim & Pam? Was this not the same woman who was proud to be the way she was? The curious case of Khushi losing her intelligence *cry* And every 4 Lions show post this has had fantastic fashion sense... why? 

The Taming of Lavanya Kashyap

Alright, before anyone gawks at me let me put it out that I know this was Indian television and this was the time when the poor writers were kind of forced to make this show more family friendly as this romantic (and initially dark) show was aired on Star Plus and not Star One.

So I don’t have a problem with the idea per se. In fact it’s a fantastic, clever and ingenious way of getting Khushi into Shantivan. What I have a problem with is with the values they impart on what being a woman is.

Anjali, for me, is the quintessential sanskaari yet lovable character. She smiles and is elated at the thought of tradition. Although she complains and pushes her brother to follow rituals - it’s all done in light humor. When things get serious, she is more concerned about the grey aspects of his life and is painfully aware that her brother is still haunted by the shadows of his past. 

So perhaps after crafting a character who can be adorably traditional yet sensible, it puzzled me to no end as to what crap in the world was Khushi teaching Lavanya; tea bags v/s tea leaves, marry if you want the man to stick with you, marriage is the only important social marker of a woman (?), no man wants to marry a modern woman so dress up like a bride to be seen as a bride (wtf).  And alright, we can excuse Khushi on the fact that she has been raised in a highly conservative society, it’s extremely troubling when ASR tells Lavanya to chose between being at home or working in the office (if I am wrong, please correct me).  All of this could have just been more... appropriate. Yes, Lavanya turning out as this lovable, slightly goofy yet terribly honest and perceptive woman stole my heart. I loved that part from the bottom of my heart. But the journey to being there - not too much. 

- I would have loved a scene where Khushi would get to know Lavanya. About her boundaries. Her lifestyle and upbringing in London (? - she gives NRI vibes). The way her family isn’t connected (the gasp everyone has when Lavanya says she isn’t connected to her cousin is NORMAL, people don’t keep connections), Lavanya’s own struggle to rise in the fashion industry and her eventual friendship and love to ASR. This scene would give growth to Khushi to not judge a woman by the length of her skirt and Lavanya too that just because Khushi came from a conservative household does not mean she’ll keep her judgements. 

- ONE scene where Khushi would have asked the family to change Arnav, just as Lavanya is changing for Arnav. It would be nice to see the Lavanya and Khushi growing protective towards each other over time as this is the first time either would be making honest friends. And a nice mirror to the society’s refusal of changing their boys (we had Balika Vadhu at the same time so this wouldn’t be too difficult. If going religious then men too should idolize Shri Ram and be virtuous if they expect all the women to be Sitas).

- Lastly, a mature conversation about Arnav’s reluctance to marry (not the weird Shivanya Sharanya - marriage does not guarantee character or fidelity - *cough* Shyam Manohar Jha *cough* Arnav’s dad?). Lavanya’s worry should have stemmed from Arnav’s reluctance to marry her. [One wonderful scene to throwback is when Anjali quickly perceives that her brother is not so much against marriage as he is against marrying Lavanya - the first time Tu Hi Bata Mere Maula plays].

#thissectionrantisover

The Whole Arnav-Is-Murderer, Suicide, Arnav’s Misunderstanding Reveal Track

What in the Lord’s name was that? I... I don’t have words. First of all Khushi believing that a clearly atheist Arnav married her because of astrological errors in his birth chart? Just because she saw it on news? There’s one thing about Khushi being cute and other being idiotic. 

Also... I did not crack a single smile when she imagined Arnav to have poisoned her tea or smother her in her sleep. The belief that your husband can murder you for his own benefit is VERY TROUBLING. This is what a lot of spouses fear in a relationship where there’s constant domestic abuse. Maybe I’m being picky because I’ve seen a lot of victims terrified, truly, because of how their partners could kill them and it is far away from being hilarious. 

Nobody in a marriage should be convinced that their spouse can kill them - if they are convinced then this is RED FLAG for something serious. It’s never funny. 

And oh dear, Khushi trying to attempt suicide. WHO THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY? I refuse to believe the writers weren’t intelligent because from whatever little I’ve read from Gautam’s thoughts and interviews - he’s an amazing intellectual with the sharpest of minds and someone who knows and is sensitive about mental health among other things. And in fact as what phati-sari (a fantastic IPKKND blogger) said, writers are paid and trained to bring great things on the table.

So yes, for whatever reasons they know best, this scene was off the hook. I could not laugh and felt like there was a stone lodged in my throat for all of the episodes. A person attempting suicide is NOT funny. 

And honestly it didn’t make sense that in front of Arnav’s eyes Khushi was going to commit suicide because she believed Arnav loved someone else and then he thought that of course, she totally does not have feelings for him. 

The fight - independently - is fine. I get it that something explosive had to have happened for Arnav to spill why he married her and I so sorely wish it was something else. 

The Kidnapping Track

So by now you know that I don’t blame the people for how they handled the track because unlike Western content Indian television shoots for 12-16 hours daily, hats off! So the writers, actors, production - all did their best. 

Again, NO problem with the idea of getting Arnav kidnapped - AMAZING. And may I say I was a little happy to see him get into such a big trouble because she told him to believe her and he didn't. Sorry, I am evil. 

The biggest problem is everything else. While it’s amazing to see Khushi and Manorama unite in this crisis, it was a cringe fest with Khushi and Manorama all going Detective James Bond over this. On top of that Masala Mama and the Babli hangover was... pointless? 

If anything, I think this would be a great time for Khushi to realize all the lies that could have been fed to Arnav. Like of course Arnav saw them on the terrace, but how could he have been so sure that Khushi loved Shyam passionately, was ready to have an affair until these vile thoughts were supplemented by Shyam? 

A good time to fester Khushi’s hatred for Shyam to an extent that she doesn’t follow the typical Indian code of avoid-your-molester-and-keep-quiet-of-his-harrassment. Also, instead of having Akash and Payal as separate components to this story, it would have been great if Akash and Payal started having doubts on Khushi’s marriage on the first place.

It would be great if Akash already got a sense of Payal hiding something and he would keep on reassuring her with the belief she could tell him anything and then when the Shyam thing blew up it would have explained that Akash would have supported Payal and Khushi had Payal trusted him.

Anyways, it was wonderful to see Khushi rescuing Arnav - a nice knight in distress and damsel in shining armor. I liked the dreams they shared - the Teri Meri was stunning and hot and I was in no hurry to see an awkwardly executed consummation sequence where honestly the tension fizzed and both looked like they were drunk to perform near rapey scene (honestly the closeups were weird, the ones where you can see both of them kinda looks hot). Also, the logic to keep your wife buried in hay in the middle of nowhere and not attempt to keep running - ? 

And I wish she once told Arnav that she knew he was in trouble because if everything was normal, he would have not said it. He preferred to not see her face in most occasions. *angst*

I honestly loved the initial things that Khushi was doing - her fear, inability to not think of anything except Arnav, logging London hours and times of his meetings, suspicion on the one man who hates them both - everything a woman can do when everything seems ‘normal’. The desperation totally built to a full blown making out session whenever they would meet. 

I am pro Arnav Khushi consummation - duh - like if they literally did it in the boxes after that nose touch and intense eye sex while hiding from all the goons - yup, do it in those boxes!

Let’s do Rasam & Suhaagraat Attempt 1.2

There are many ways to propose to your husband to marry again. Telling him their marriage is invalid because they didn’t do rituals and hence might end up being inappropriate to the society - talk about a turn off. 

This also happens after they’ve shared a bed, shy moments, and consummation attempt 1.1 (ugh, the hut). Also I think Arnav is experienced, at least more knowledgable than Khushi when it comes to sex so I think he would get consent? 

There is, again, NOTHING FUNNY about teasing your spouse to have sex when they’ve NEVER had it and are VISUALLY TERRIFIED about it. 

Arnav, you know foreplay - the dancing, Diwali, nose brushing by boxes while goons run around, the passion dancing at your *weird* Honeymoon (bang worthy moments) - SO WHY FREAK HER OUT! 

It hurts because Khushi looks so damn gorgeous in those curls and red/pink ensemble. It’s also weird because just for those moments Khushi turns into a passionless, freaked out woman. 

It’s very natural. I just so wish it was mutual attraction and Khushi putting a pause to the consummation despite her body’s desire to do so because she wants to marry him and wants to have some beautiful memories associated and probably knows what’s her status in his life cause he does interchange “you’re my wife” and “you’re nothing” often. 

Also, never got the Radha Krishna reference. They’re the paramount of love. So... the topic of remarriage could’ve been stronger with Akash getting Payal a marriage gift for their six month anniversary and Khushi getting afraid of that because we all know what’s going to happen at the end of six months. 

Also this episode hurts because both Arnav and Khushi look so hot. He’s in his black best with the perfect amount of gel to let a few stray hair strands flicker and Khushi is *dreamy sigh*

Aarav - Arnav 2.0

I, for the life of me, could not understand this track at all. Khushi’s fears were made so dramatic and illogical that I honestly cringed the way she approached this. Like honestly she was panicking for nothing and ready to set her bags. (The moment where Arnav hugged her and told her not to leave was very sweet, but apart from that everything was very weird).

The revelation was like one weird sudden fact build up and I’m like... ok? And infantilizing Khushi in front of Aarav was very weird. I felt bad for Arnav over here. The way Khushi confuses him, confuses me to no end! Also what’s with the double standard of Sheetal being all modern and there’s no problem and Khushi looking very weird, dated and honestly immature as hell in front of her (I’m not going to talk about the embarrassing basketball scene, nor of Khushi being a peon).

What irked me the most was the whole family suddenly clinging to Sheetal and Aarav FOR NO REASON.

It’s like Sheetal became a part of the house FOR NO REASON. EVERYONE LOVES AARAV BECAUSE HE’S JUST LIKE ARNAV and Aarav has done nothing to be remotely attached to anyone so I’m just lost here.

Aarav is honestly very mean to Khushi and really disrespects her and I find it weird that his temper is praised - which can all evolve to problematic behaviors as an adult.

Aarav doesn’t know how to take no. Has issues in dealing with obedience, respect and is pretty disrespectful to women (except his mother) and nowhere is it even showed that things get better as he feels more acclimatized in the house but no he just has a sudden bout of ‘oh she’s my mum’. 

I find this troubling because all in all Arnav was always immensely respectful of his family and especially the women in his family and we can say that true Aarav is also scarred on learning his ‘mother’ utilized him against a man he considers his father - who is not his dad... but, to stop rambling, Aarav had a lot of potential of growth too. 

To think about it, Lavanya’s rudeness with the househelp (even after she was drenched in water) was immediately taken as that she’s a terrible human being and Aarav’s temper is taken as a great attitude. 

Anyways, according to my head cannon I think Aarav grows up to be a sweet, fun boy who is highly intelligent, slightly naughty, introvert but internally loves his family to bits and pieces - like young Arnav. 

The Mrs. India ‘Contest’

What happened here? What’s with all the ‘models’ and ‘trainers’ and Khushi’s self confidence? The way she keeps on repeating “I am no way close to the other women,” wait... when did she lose her self confidence or esteem?

*sigh*

Also Khushi was very blind over here, so much so that it felt like Khushi never worked in his company and never had a taste of working in a fashion house. Phati-Sari wrote an amazing alternative to this - you should check her Tumblr!

Notable qualifier: 

Mr. I Will Bulldoze Your House Singh Raizada

Why did he think that threatening her paralyzed father, aged aunt and mother to face the fact that she was forced to elope to a six month marriage and basically now getting divorced which can cause her only family to suffer a heart attack romantic? I don’t know how she goes back home and is ok with it. The power play over here is kind of dirty and sad. ‘Cause the 24 hour track was fantastic, a pity to end it in this humiliating conversation - I wish another important one took place as well where they could sort out their things. It’s not romantic to coerce a woman to go home you know... *sigh*

P.S: I have the most love for this show and writers and creators! If you have some thoughts feel free to share. <3. 

[eduards-stuff]

Welcome to eduard 1 am ramblings

I was recently watching videos on YouTube and seeing a video of a couple meeting through vr and all the struggles they been through and just meeting people in vr.

I started to thin the line between reality and virtuality is cuz as technology progresses and people have like full body tracking with haptic feedback so you can feel peoples touching you and who poked your back the line really starts to blur.

You meet all of these people you interacts with them and some you may start to connect and start a bond with or a date as some do.

And the more you spend time the morr you get attached to things.

At some point I could see people get possibly more attached to the avatar than the real life if there are maybe huge differences because we start associating that imagine or avatar as the person we are everyday and see laugh and act and speak so i could totally see someone get attached that way.

If you have a tiny stylised girl with like ears of a fox and a tail in a specific outfit like a leotard or something aesthetically pleasing and after like months of speaking to her like that you transition to the real life or on a discord call and she's not the "image" you imagined I can kind of see a sort of disconnect between perceived desire of what youd like she to look like and the reality as there is no way the certain avatars to exist so there could definitely be anxiety about it and confusion.

The more vr becomes morr used in gaming and hanging out especially in quarantine I could totally see how it will be used as escapism cuz you can touch people in vr without having to worry about distancing and so much more especially bond intimally.

There are people Who post as girls and try to make it as realistically as possible even with voice modulators it seems.

Imagine the hurt if you had someone you were very interested in and it turned out not only they lied to you but also played along and could maybe discard it all once the facade is up.

Especially in the times of corona losing that type of deep emotional connection in times of need can really mess someone up.

As on the virtual reality it seems we are somehow more vulnerable as some of the social bariers are down as we aren't exactly at shame and at risk with some anonymity but somehow the connection people do are a lot deeper

Been single for a while and wirh the quarantine had been a lot of things that I though of . Soft things, things to do to experience and share wirh someone I really liked and do all sorts of cheesy things too.

I would actually enjoy a candle lit and full moon dinner or something cuz I'm that kind of soft weak bitch whose thst extra

Or something simple or special at home as I also enjoy cooking but and if it makes someone feeling happy would feel like the effort is worth it.

Another thing that would be really nice to do is go to the bitch and have a picnic there bring some food some blankets and pillows in a rent pick up truck

And see the sea/ocean have some food and some drink if the situation call for it and have a projector and warch a movie or some pictures collage that can be set up between the 2 of them.

And then look for a star shower or some kind of cosmic event cuz space is cool!!

While writing like stories and role-playing as specific characters I definitely thought of and found out a lot of these amazing scenarios that I could totally make if the right opportunity arises all in a notebook for like date ideas but thise never really came to be used as I never found someone interested to share these in real life so there' are just bubbles of hope that is like one day to materialise

Maybe some of these some peoppe can do in the virtual reality but then the parting becomes even more painful and the disconnect between reality and fiction becomes even more as we spend more time and are engaged in vr

So would it be worth it ?

To see it possibly be ruined?

What is reality more than just a lot if facts and observations we do for ourselves

I know right I'm 14 and this is deep shit but it does feel kind of true

As at some point you will be able to have full dive vr and actually live 2 totally different lives and possibly love the ability to differentials it anymore

As you start to wonder does your love for someone connected to them or the avatar thay they are acting as ?

As avatars don't really have flaws or imperfections and can be meticulously designed to look like the person you wanna appear as.

You still made those choices and hard work to appear as that thing and the choices of designs you did are yours but the imagine may not always correlate to you when someone looks at them.

Really odd thing how the human psychology does that thing of bonding to ideas an perceptions.

I sure hope a lot of people got what they deserved and wished for cuz it seems like the level of deep hurt not a lot of places can reach

I think this is it for now quite a long ramblings that I've been doing by myself or just spewing to a friend about and left it in the ether but I thought would be maybe healthier to try to find another way of channelling my thought

Or some kind of fixation right now through this writing and sort some of process what i am thinking right now cuz sometimes it is a mistery to me even what i am about to type next as it Jus r flows one word after another without much in mind .

My mind being very empty right now but yeah I should end my ramblings here and scream them into he good and find a different kind of coping mechanics and not rely on someone listening and Just continue screaming into the anonymous void and hope someone understands what I'm saying and I'm not try my insane as I think I am.

Sometimes I have the feeling I really am just predictable and the 1 note but sometimes I surprise myself with emotions being complex and not knowing what to do but to just I guess pine for someone to do amazing things wirh but I know that may or may not come and I'll just have to accept that as it is or try to change that myself in some way

But as far as I'm aware there are a lot of way to do that and find a way to find comfort on someone as social standards and pressure don't let you just walk up to people and say hi or much.

If someone's reading this as I'm screaming into the void you can always reach put and talk and have actual deep conversation.

I think what i may be feeling is what a lot of people have been feeling but more accentuated as I didn't had a place to go in my town as there literally not much to do than go to my library and read a book or take a walk but now not even being able to go there even the rare times I went still affects me and feeling isolated and alone on an island with no one next to them.

I think we all felt like that over the course of 2020 which really sucks the more it goes especially with school starting

I really hate that corona csme exactly when I has hope and plans to go in exchange wirh another person in uni and life somewhere else and meet new people tried so hard at exams to be sure I will be able to go only to be slowly crushed ad corona changed it all and into rejected by then and not being able to join to other places so i just lost the train.

These are the moments I overfixated on things and can talk about them for like 20.000 words before crashing and ssying words like they are knives of sharp air going out of my throat for the next 8 hours after this extensive monologue.

Monologue which seemed to go for ages but we all need a place and a way to express whatever you feeling cuz we all need therapy in 2020 I needed way before that in 2012 but only realised like 2 years ago .

So there we go we all need help and it's okay to just talk about it and just get lost in the sea of posts that hopefully somehow won't end up biting me in the ass somehow back.

If someone was interested enough to psychoanalyse this sheet of had the patience please tell me cuz I'm also dieing to know what made you so bored to do this and what you can interpret from this rambling at what guess what now I've been typing for like 15 minutes quite a feat .

I wonder if Tumblr posts have a limit in character usage I don't know I guess will find out soon shouldn't we at some point well reach it . I should probably go to bed now my moms keep nagging me to go to bed I should finish this and go good night thank you if you somehow got to this 10 k word essay rambling and go to the end I don't know how you had the patience to read though my possibly adhd and hyperfixation ass you're a dsmn legend.

Well see ya good night

[light-of-being]

a very fkin long and incomplete exposition of my flaws as a human being

I've not really spoken about the probably most consequential event in my recent life (the ending of a long term relationship), and that's because I haven't really thought about it very much. At least, not in a clear-headed space not entirely filled with rage, fear, or initially, longing. So, I've mostly just been waiting for the intensity of those responses to wear out before I can go back and make sense of things in a sorta 'safe' way.

(These days it's mostly anger and/or hurt. Sometimes twinges of hatred, but those fizzle quickly. I know that attitude isn't 'true'. I tried to hate him, I really did. Things would be so much simpler that way — an obvious villain of pure evil, a mistake worthy of contempt. Put him behind me as someone I regret meeting and consider everything only as a flashing warning sign of what to avoid next time. But real life never is that easy, is it.)

Regardless, reading about miscellaneous psychological ~stuff, I realised that I know for sure now that there are sides of me that only come out in a close relationship, as they postulate. It's unfortunate that my exposure to this was only in such a toxic environment, and I'm not sure if or when closeness has any chance of happening again.

I suspect, based on what I have/haven't felt with him vs others, that I can (at least at this stage of my development) only really feel 'seen' by an antisocial/narcissist/schizoid (or something in that general direction), just hope to god it's a mature one next time. I might want to interrogate and possibly change that fact, I'm not sure it's at all a healthily arrived preference. But...

there is a degree of normalcy and social belonging in others that becomes a wall

I can relate superficially, cognitively and even 'deeply personally' (tho is all y'all's deeply personal shit necessarily relational?), have a good time and even feel 'connection' but there are parts that seem simply insurmountable.

The lack of relating to many things is the unifying factor between me and the specified groups: the shared experience of not having shared experiences

But yet, a more acute awareness of superficiality, and the drives and mechanics of human interactions, attitudes, identity and constructs, not taken for granted as default but built from the ground up (Most often out of either necessity or a desire to manipulate them, but still).

Actually, most straightforwardly, the shared experience of experiencing oneself as an outsider to society — whether people personally, accepted norms or expected attitudes towards self and other.*

Anyway, that was a whole semi-tangent I went off on (useful and relevant to the initial thought but not the point I was planning on).

Important point was...ah yes, insights!

...into how I behave under genuine relational circumstances. Due to aforementioned toxicity, I'm not sure how generalisable they are to relationships overall, but they should generalise to feeling-states.

1.

(a) Fear. Defensiveness.

Switches off my brain. Obvious? No. I have been actively strategic while having a gun pointed at me. I thought I had that down. Turns out, I cannot dissociate myself out of an argument most of the time.

Turns out, just the fact or even prospect of arguing activates panic and brain goes out the window. Which is really fucking stupid as an occurrence because how many of these could be prevented with a bit of mindfulness and thoughtful responding. But getting emotions to chill out for long enough to do that is tough.

(b) I am a stubborn dumbass. Kid me argued until they were attacked so harshly that they absolutely could not continue. The alternative presented was to just keep silent, one I did not then and do not now accept. Discussion where both parties partake in good faith have generally been fruitful, only neither of these situations were that. Both involved one person trying to dominate at all costs. To which I suppose keeping silent for the moment and then running tf away is an appropriate response. Idk. I'm not sure if this is a 'normal situation' to which I respond unhealthily, or an 'abnormal situation' in which you just do your best to survive. Arguments are normal. Idk if other people have a less aggressive approach that is less outright terrifying, in which I can modulate, but it does seem like people want to prove you wrong and get angry, which I perceive as aggression.

2. 

Which brings me to boundaries. Can I shut things down when I'm overwhelmed. In the present case, the answer was no. They both didn't stop and the fact that I asked for this was interpreted as admission of defeat.Oftentimes, getting out of the situation was more of an ordeal than dealing with it. [We stayed at a hotel the one time and he did things that made me very uncomfortable (in like a “things that I shudder at thinking about even now” kind of way; not sexual btw which this has made it sound). I thought I was as clear as I could’ve been by saying, “I’m going to legit have a breakdown if you keep doing that” but apparently it came across as a joke (gotta improve on communication as well). He stopped and apologised when he realised I was crying, but later blamed me for not being more assertive and laughed at my ‘exaggerated’ response and “meltdown”. At this point I wanted to leave and go home, but he withheld [my copy of] the key. He insisted and manipulated and coerced for discussion, said I could have the key if I “really wanted it, but do I actually want that”, until it was just easier to give in. The helplessness and feeling trapped of that evening haunts me to this day, and I want to be very sure to never be in any situation where that is even a possibility again no matter what.]

I need to get better at knowing what is and isn't okay and being strong enough to enforce that.

3.

(a) Attachment is a bitch. Utterly unfamiliar sensation, one I don't know my way around at all. The rarity of relation makes it seem so fucking precious, so fucking necessary to protect even to my detriment and his. Dare I tip the boat or will it sink. Should I be the dancing monkey to keep it from sinking. Should he.

(b) The feeling of giving a damn what someone thinks of me is also foreign and difficult. It also seems hella intensified by virtue of not existing elsewhere. Disapproval feels devastating. Criticism becomes attack. Everything feels like a continuous effort to establish worth. I'd imagined acceptance could be taken for granted, but I questioned it the whole way (obviously doesn't help when he demands changes).

(c) I have trouble distinguishing between personal issues and insecurities and legitimate reason to be upset. I think this is typical. But with trial and error, one can probably pick up on what you carry with you across differing people and circumstances. I don't have that data. I have nothing to compare against. I also suspect some parts of this is him treating legitimate reasons as being my distorted perceptions, which I'm pretty sure did happen for a few things that I believe are 'objectively' shitty.

5. 

I trust. Too. Fucking. Much. I take shit at face value. This is very often dumb and...bad in literally every sense, but I don’t yet know how to identify preemptively when that's the case. I also fail to be adequately 'suspicious' I guess to be alert to minor inconsistencies later on. Lies are especially devastating. I built my reality around you using that fundamental premise. Now you tell me it was false all along. Where does that leave me? I go back to substitute and nothing makes sense. I don't know if the initial statement was a lie or the claim that it's false was. I don't know if everything I remember is just distorted somehow. I don't know what to do. (aside: gaslighting? I’m inclined to say “effectively, yes”. The best explanation I have is that for many things he rewrote the narrative in his own mind and does not remember the things that blatantly contradict it. For other things, I cannot see that being possible and am forced to think it’s just pure lies). All of this could have been prevented if I accounted for people being dishonest.

6. 

(a) I lose sympathy. Genuinely did not ever expect this to happen. Enough hurt, enough deception and I stop trying to understand why. I assume malice. I expect malice in future interactions and misread situations as a result. In the beginning I made fucktons of effort to be understanding of things far from my typical range (hello, admissions of past violence and present homicidal ideation. Hello, talking someone out of real intention of ruining a person's life over a minor slight). Honestly, I think I overreached. Some of these things were not things I should have tolerated, accepted even. When I started walking on eggshells to not have him ruin my life, too, that was probably when I should've gotten out. He claimed that the people he cares about are exceptions. That's probably true, otherwise I would currently be in a ton of shit. But at some point I did stop believing it.

(b) I don't really think that most of the things that happened were malicious. Some, he admits, were. But mostly he wasn't out with the intention to hurt me, but he also didn't make the effort...not to. Even with me repeatedly complaining about things, he was defensive or dismissive, considering me talking about an issue to be me creating issues in his life. This is super shitty, his damage is caused by a stubborn ego fixation and sheer passivity, thoughtlessness (he has agreed to all of this in our final conversation), but it isn't exactly intentionally malicious. If he genuinely didn't believe there was a problem, that is an issue, and the fact that he utterly failed until the end to even consider the possibility of a valid complaint, is a very real flaw. He is bad insofar as "he is lazy and incompetent at being good". Which I can understand but nevertheless protect myself from. Ideally, sooner. At the point where I start feeling like someone is being shitty more often than not, something needs to happen. A discussion, a reconsideration, a run-as-fast-as-you-can... Something.

Idk. This isn't everything. But yeah.

.

.

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* These 3 PDs are often used in illustrating the idea of pathologising difference: few of the criteria are about subjective distress and many about extrinsic value judgements of what a person should be like (lol, my clinical psych final had an essay question on this). I don't necessarily agree but it does speak to a shared thread of...something. That said, this characterisation is tbh still too broad for my liking. Importantly, it is definitively applicable to autistic people but I do not in general relate to that in the same way. Some specific manifestations of it, yes, but I have seen far too many excessively... 'human' autistic people to include the whole category. There are probably folks in the PD categories who are also like that but I think much less common.

[the-nysh]

I find myself unable to think of Bakugou in any way more positive than "dislike", because he reminds me too much of the people who made my life miserable when I was growing up. (Not that it makes him bad; it's just my emotions.) Do you've any advice on how to bend my mind around that? I don't need to LOVE him, just mentally separate "him" and "the people who make grade school suck for me" so I won't irrationally hate him, because I don't LIKE hating characters.

Hi there! I’m glad to see you come forward, especially tosomeone who’s a big fan of him, after happening to see how far you’veventured through my tags already (whoa dedication!) to seek possible answers or further clarity about this,especially if it’s something that’s still bothering you, oraffecting/preventing you from fully enjoying the series. Because of that, I cantell how serious and genuine you feel about this, so I will take this seriouslyas well. 

(Below, 1800+ words)

Another thing is that it’s okay to feel this way, your personal experiences are still valid,and there’s no obligation to force your feelings otherwise, or subject yourselfto content that may be uncomfortable for you. Please continue to take all theprecautions needed (blocking/blacklisting) for an enjoyable and productivefandom experience. But understanding that even if the characters may havecoincidental similarities to our pasts, they are not direct projections of us, the people in our lives, or our realities.Their world is not ours. So this awareness is another good step to have, tobegin seeing the story (and characters) more openly, objectively and closer tohow Hori originally intended.

Since you’re willing to learn more, and as you may have already seenfrom my content here, Bakugou (Kacchan)became my definitive fav character of the series, but not for thoselingering resentments mentioned. The compelling character I see is so much morebeyond that first ch’s established baseline, which was narratively placed and designedto contrast against who he becomes later on. As a means to gauge and appreciatehis growth and the journey of how far he’s changed into becoming a proper,well-rounded, better person and inspirationalhero. The kind of emotional narrativefocus that always gains my interest and priority to see develop. Already, theperson he is now at 215+ chs is not the same as who he was at ch1 (neither ishe the flanderized, fanon stereotype many have been misled or indoctrinated tofirmly believe he is), and he will keepon developing as the story marches on. I am fully on board to witness thathappen. 

The challenge now, is not letting his initial baseline impression(or the feelings from your own separate –but equally valid– experiences, oreven the vitriol from others) stain or cloud that entire slow-burn progressionof the story going forward. Otherwise the important milestones and insightsinto his character that Hori leaves along the way (which can sometimes bedifficult to see from Deku’s limited pov) end up getting obscured, ignored, oroutright rejected from an internalized feeling of ‘hatred’ that tends to blockout anything newly introduced that would challenge that preconceived perceptionof him. However, to mentally reject such change and prevent the valuedimprovement of a growing person (a learning child in his formative years, forinstance), to otherwise keep the status quo static and unmoving, to permanentlystay rooted exactly the same way as thestart…would in fact be a much more toxic/harmful mindset to have, and actuallydefeats the purpose of telling a proper story as well. 

Setbacks to that challenge unfortunately include thewidespread availability of biased mistranslations (even from official sources),poor/oversimplified characterizations from non-canon content(movies/novels/merch, etc) that’s not written directly by Hori, because all thesethings just reinforce and exacerbate the problem of inflating fanon stereotypesand those preconceived notions that people have already solidified in theirminds as true (when they often aren’t). It gets even worse, and ironicallyhypocritical, when those same people start feeling justified they can go out oftheir way to attack others (includingthe author) for how to ‘properly’ enjoy and interpret the series (for beingdifferent or ‘incorrect’ from the perceptions they believe to be right). Butwhat’s happened is they’ve begun to blindly act on feelings multiple levels sofar removed from what actually is (whatexists as presented within canon, vs what they believe in fanon, vs what exists separately that may beplaguing these people’s real lives), that by then, that kind of maladjustedsocial behavior is inexcusable. Stepping back and realizing when things start crossinglines irrationally out of hand, to prevent that kind of behavior from happeningin the first place, (and again, by taking measures to block/blacklist stuff thataggravates or makes you feel uncomfortable), is the much wiser approach toparticipating and enjoying fandom. So that no matter what happens or what otherssay, they can’t impact or ruin what you love about the series.

Which in my case, includes Kacchan’s character. Basedon what Hori has consistently presented in canon, I can conclude and freely admithe’s the only character I can fully trust. Amazing, right? Because he hasabsolutely nothing to hide. Everything he does (not through his harshwords/temperament, but through his genuine actions),is extremely forthright and honest. He does not half-ass things or hide anyother ulterior motives or malicious intent beyond his dedication to become the best hero. And he takes that goal very seriously. Striving for and expectingexcellence from himself (and all themental pressure that self-imposed perfectionism brings) and others. Currently in the manga that includes Deku now too, whomhe willingly goads (showing support in his own way) and checks in on for hisprogress too.

Remember his fights in the sports tournament, how he takesall challengers with equal commitment/opportunity (gender does not matter),provided they give him their best inturn as well, because to do otherwise –to go easy on them or hold back– wouldbe disrespectful and underestimating an opponent. There’s a very just and admirablehonor in that. Remember how he can’tstand anyone looking down on him, which includes how he misinterpreted Deku’sfeelings of admiration for disdain(he could not accurately read Deku’s intentions, and became so perplexed by himthat he assumed the worst: that Deku looked down on him instead). Considering the level of seriousness and effort he alwaysputs forth, to be confronted with the opposite would be personally insulting.

Remember when the villains invited him to join their ranks(because they misread and shallowly judged his character), he stuck to his idealsand outright refused their offer.(Boldly exploding villains in the face~) Risking death over playing it safe andlying to pretend to follow along totheir whims. (How brave and badass is that?!) Kacchan does not lie, cheat theeasy way out, or do things he’s not feeling or doesn’t agree with. Again, honesty. Becoming a villain, a traitor,or betraying those who’ve earned his trust? Absolutely no chance. Afterlearning AM’s secret and finally understanding/rectifying everything that didn’tadd up about Deku, would he go behind their backs by breaking promises? No way.Again, most trustworthy character. 

Rereading the story a second time over, but from his perspective, practically doubled myappreciation and enjoyment of the series. Thinking about how the foundations oftheir society impacted his world views at such a young age, to the very betrayal he must have felt thinking achildhood friend lied to him aboutsomething as important/vital as a quirk. (And if we already know how he feelsabout cheating liars…hmm, faithful loyaltynow feels like a valued trait.) Other factors include his relatable giftedchild syndrome, all the complexes born from that, and for how extremely intelligent,competent, and much more calmly calculating he is than his short temper may lead one to believe. How he was oncea ‘big fish in a small pond’, now thrust into the ocean to compete among evenother bigger fish, with the pressure to both succeed and prove himself…all whilehis previous world views are checked and challenged every step of the way.

For years he’d been valued and praised for only the promisingpotential and primary trait of his strong quirk. (The reinforcement for his badbehavior on the other hand? Not valued with the same proper attention.) Alreadythat’s an unfortunate consequence of their quirk-filled, hero-commodified society. Think of justhow shallow/fake groupies would be, or how annoying and hollow it would feel tohave people cling to him just for that (for talent and skills over his meritsas a person), and just how difficult forming genuine, natural bonds would be… (Becomingself-reliant now becomes another added pressure he has to juggle on his own.) Beforequirks had ever entered the picture and complicated things further, Deku was probablyconsidered the closest friend he had. Until…misunderstandings happened, andthen the only thing he wanted was for Deku to stay away from him. (A misconception is that Kacchan actively soughtDeku out, when it’s actually the opposite: Kacchan only reacted if Dekuencroached on him too closely.) Because he feared how Deku made him feel,forcing him to face his own shortcomings, and address perceptions of reality hedid not want to face. Because for someone he perceived as the weakest, to boldly goagainst that and do what Deku did (help him out of concern/kindness, but thatintent only read as pitying to him),made him feel even below that. And what’slower than the low of the weakest/most useless? Pretty ouch, so stop followingand stay back. Yet Deku just kept on coming back no matter what, for reasons hecouldn’t yet understand. (Deku felt genuine care and admiration for him, whichKacchan hadn’t realized, so gah, dramatic irony.) His changing feelings, correctinghis attitude, and clarifying his relationship to Deku, who continually challengesand defies his very worldview and perception of weakness, brings a whole otherfascinating draw to the series, which would take a whole other essay to fully analyze(but which many other fans have thoroughly done so already). 

Further considerations include his struggles facing other relatablefeelings. How he confronts the pain and weight of experiencing loss, survivor’sguilt, and assessing powerlessness and the inability to save situations beyondhis control. Internalizing self-doubt, hatred, failure, and inferiority…because‘if only he were stronger.’ What Isee is a child overburdened by expectations and responsibilities beyond hisyears…who has to learn to process and overcome many of those same feelings I’vealready gone through and had to come to terms with growing up. (The very reasonhe’s often and endearingly referred to as a ‘son.’) The majority of adults inhis life assumed he was already ‘strong enough’ and ‘fine’ on his own, theyneglected to give him proper mental guidance going forward (AM even admitsthis). And we unfortunately see the tragic consequences of that. But fortunately,things are getting better, and Hori’s story for him still isn’t over yet.   

Overall, what I see is the chance for an excellent,multi-layered, and well-written character to become even better. And that’s why his narrative is so particularly engaging. Doeshe remind me of the kids that once made certain social aspects of grade schoolinsufferable? No, because that’s not who he is; he’s so far removed and beyond them, that they’ve become extras whono longer matter anymore. Instead of lingering on such negatives, it’s insteadthe positive aspects about him that shine through even stronger. The fact heisn’t perfect, but deeply flawed and learning to address his shortcomings in nowmore productive ways. This progression and growth makes him interesting, and combinedwith the many other traits I’ve mentioned above, favored and loved bymany. Although ultimately I can’t change your opinion about him (that’s stillup to you to decide, and it’s ok to still dislike characters), hopefully I’veintroduced new ways of perceiving and appreciating his character for you. Tohelp see some of the positives that Deku always valued in him as a drivingsource of inspiration too: to strive hard despite life’s setbacks, and win. ‘He may be a jerk, but he’s amazing.’

[spidey2k19-blog]

Fandom - The Kingdom of Fans

For this week’s topic, we will be taking a look into Fandom, the general perception that our media has for Fans as well as the impact that these fandoms leave, whether or not it empowers fans to join in the cause for fan activism.

Fandom

“Fandom as a whole is a subculture that celebrates a mutual bond formed between people over a book series, TV show, movie, band, or other forms of pop culture” (Morrison, 2016).

Here are a few questions that you may ask yourself. Do you enjoy watching certain television series or movie series? Do you like a certain brand or is loyal to a certain brand? Chances are, you are also a fan of something yourself. What does this mean? It means that you have a personal ticket to the Kingdom of Fandom! In simpler term, you get fandom when a group of individuals who shares the common interest gathers and forms a group or community. Using some of the most notable fandoms, we can see that there are a handful of fan communities for certain television series or movies such as Lord of The Ring, Harry Potter, or better yet, Game of Thrones. Oh, by the way, have you heard the latest uproar that fans caused which led to a petition being made for the final season of Game Of Thrones to be remade? That is among the many few movements that you will see coming out from Fandom.

(Look at the number of people that has signed the petition, over 1.4 million people, that is crazy!)

Apart from fan communities, there are also other forms of fandom such as the offline extension which comes in the form of Comic Cons and fan community gathering. Fan Wikipedia is also another form of fandom whereas a Wiki page for a certain series/movie/brand is made and fans from all around the globe can re-edit the page based on the latest information. This serves as a platform for those that wish to seek for more information regarding a certain TV series or characters.

(I myself am a fan of the anime series One Punch Man so I consider myself as a frequent visitor to this fan Wiki. I have to say, this is also one of the many few benefits that our general community can reap from the presence of Fandom.)

Media’s Perception of Fandom; are they weird people and do they benefit our community?

With the existence of Fandom, it brings us to the question of whether Fandom is good or bad and what are the perception and view that our media today has for fandom and fans? Are they nothing more than people who are overly-obsessed on their favorite TV series, character or movies? Or are most fans jobless, in their mid 30′s and has a weird sense of fashion as shown in the image above? You see, the answer is simply none of the above. Fandom can be so much more than how the media today may perceive them to be. 

“The hit Adult Swim show “Rick and Morty” is a good example of fandoms gone wrong. Fans of the show run the gamut of people who casually enjoy the show to mindless reference-slingers to elite fans who hold all others in disdain” (Richoux, 2018).

In this case, there are also cases of some fans who bear the nature of being overly-obsessed on their favorite TV shows which may also prove to be toxic to the general fan community, also seen from the statement made by Richoux (2018). Richoux (2018) also argues that “financially backing the series, discussing it with friends and sharing the franchise with your kids is a healthy and reasonable way to enjoy the product while obsessing over and judging people for their Harry Potter house is not.” I personally agree with this statement as I believe that as a fan of something, we shouldn’t be comparing how superior our favorite tv series is to others, or intentionally insulting other fan communities just for the fun of it. Trust me, it really isn’t that hard to just sit with your fellow friends and talk about your favorite show, why the need to drag others into it?

Apart from all that, another way that fandom may benefit our community is the self-healing power that it may carry along with. “Belonging to a fandom group helps adolescents connect to other like-minded youths on social media throughout the year, as well as at concert events. Feeling like you are part of a group can help one define his/her identity and give a sense of purpose to what might be an otherwise routine lifestyle” (Wiest, 2017). With this statement being laid out, one thing for sure is that being in fandom may also help an individual to further improve and fix their communication skills. 

Also previously stated on how fan Wiki is part of Fandom (One Punch Man), one benefit that this brings is that it actually refreshes your intellect and adds on to your research skills are you would need to do proper research before editing or even coming up with a fan wiki page. To keep your mind active and to be ready to receive new information while enjoying your favorite TV Show or Movie at the same time is truly a wonderful thing to do.

So, am I a FAN?

I can say that I definitely am a fan of something myself! There are just too many movies and TV shows that we can sit back and enjoy and I really do believe that there is no need to make fun of other fanbases just because you may think that your favorite series or movies are more superior. The beauty of fandom lies in the harmony interaction that fans have with each other, be it in the form of information sharing or gathering of fan communities. With my experience, all I can say is that Fandom and Fan Communities can truly bring people from around the globe together.

References

Richoux, K. (2018). Opinion: Online fandoms toxic to fans, poorly influence media perception. [online] Reveille. Available at: http://www.lsureveille.com/daily/opinion-online-fandoms-toxic-to-fans-poorly-influence-media-perception/article_af5c3b10-1590-11e8-b9f8-730b87ad390f.html [Accessed 19 May 2019].

Morrison, M. (2016). What Is Fandom And Why Is It Important?. [online] The Odyssey Online. Available at: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/what-is-fandom-and-why-is-it-important [Accessed 19 May 2019].

Wiest, B. (2017). Psychologists Say That Belonging To a Fandom Is Amazing For Your Mental Health. [online] Teen Vogue. Available at: https://www.teenvogue.com/story/psychologists-say-fandoms-are-amazing-for-your-mental-health [Accessed 19 May 2019].

[minenhlembatha]

COVID-19 TRICK OR TREAT

Covid-19 has been an invisible monster with no certainty of where or when it will attack. The virus left a trace wherever it made contact and took the lives of rich and poor, old and young, it wasn’t discriminating. It left families in terror of the unknown, separated one from their loved ones, and caused children lose out on school as it implemented that everyone should stay indoors for safety.

It was in 2020 March, when this alien invaded my life, and it was an extreme change that screamed for my outmost attention. Life was difficult back then, I had just got into varsity and trying to adjust to the life there, and this alien decided it was time it introduced itself without an invite and leave me no choice but to adhere to it. As much as it was invisible but it actions were visible and had a lot of us living in fear. People were losing their lives, left, right, and centre; jobs were lost; and a lot was lost which can’t be regained. Rules and regulations were introduced and without any choice, everyone was expected to obey. And life has never been the same since then.

DOWHILL OF MY MENTAL HEALTH

Mental health encompasses emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It influences cognition, perception, and behaviour. It also determines how an individual handles stress, interpersonal relationships, and decision-making. Mental health includes subjective well-being, perceived self-efficacy, autonomy, competence, intergenerational dependence, and self-actualization of one's intellectual and emotional potential, among others. From the perspectives of positive psychology or holism, mental health may include an individual's ability to enjoy life and to create a balance between life activities and efforts to achieve psychological resilience. Cultural differences, subjective assessments, and competing professional theories all affect how one defines "mental health" (https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=a86269e5e696fde9JmltdHM9MTY2MjE2MzIwMCZpZ3VpZD0yN2NiMGU3NS1lZmE0LTYxYjItMTM0Yy0xZTkxZWVkYzYwZjYmaW5zaWQ9NTU2NA&ptn=3&hsh=3&fclid=27cb0e75-efa4-61b2-134c-1e91eedc60f6&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly9lbi53aWtpcGVkaWEub3JnL3dpa2kvTWVudGFsX2hlYWx0aA&ntb=1).

In March 2020, we unexpectedly were told to leave varsity residences and go home which is where my mental health went downhill. I am not a person who can easily adjust to change as it causes me anxiety at first but what choice did I have? Little did I know it was only the beginning of a turmoil which was there to live scars that cease to fade, ‘scar one for life’. The world felt like a jail where we were locked in and had no rights but were controlled as puppets; limited movements with soldiers to reprimand us. I started experiencing anxiety which later formed another long lost friend which was depression whom they worked together with an aim only to destroy every little confidence, self-esteem and positive mindset in me, only to replace it with fear.  The occupational imbalance in my life made my life unbearable, ‘a living hell’. Due to covid-19, we had to do online learning which was also a challenge to me. Technology has always been my weakness, but external factors also made it worse to cope with the online learning (network/connectivity and load-shedding) but in due time one had to make means of balancing everything as the onus lied upon me to do so.

“Slow, deep breathing is important… It’s like an anchor in the midst of an emotional storm: the anchor won’t get rid of the storm, but it will hold you steady until it passes.” ~Russ Harris, 2008

As bad as this experience was on my mental health, I gained new skills (technology and coping skills). I learned how to prioritize and value some things in life as change is unpredictable, and I should use the time to do the utmost best that I can.

"Every rose has its thorn"

Well, since the Covid-19 rules and regulations have been dropped (not entirely), I feel a bit of freedom. Things aren’t the same as they were before covid-19 though, due to living for quite a long period with restrictions, now it’s hard to let out my wings and fly out freely. As much as we try, I doubt things will ever be normal again. But a wise man once said, “There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t”, (John Green, 2019) thus I will hold on to the hope that maybe one day we’ll recover from the traumatic experience we got exposed to. After all, healing doesn't happen overnight, it is a journey that requires patience.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

(1) Hi, I’m not asking this question to offend anyone, this is a genuine question I have. If I offend anyone for being insensitive I am very sorry. So I've been thinking a lot of the differences between transracial vs. transgender and the more research and opinions I find on it the more I get confused. The main argument against being transracial is that a transracial person hasn't gotten the full experience of the specific gender they are identifying due to them living as birth gender. continued

(2) Like Rachel Dolezal being told she is not allowed to identify as black because she hasn’t gotten the true experience of being a black woman in America due to her living the her life as a white woman. However, can’t the same thing be said, for example, a MTF transgender person? It is undeniable that there is a specific woman experience. And for people (especially who realize they are trans late) live their lives passing as a man and don’t get this experience. (continued)(3) Being a woman is being catcalled, is being objectified, and is being paid less than their male counterparts. A MTF trans person doesn’t experience those for most of their life until they begin to live their lives true to their real selves. Why does this ‘experience’ argument work to discount transracial but doesn’t discount transgender? Again I’m very sorry for this question, I will admit myself it is very ignorant. But I just really want an answer to this and I hope I can get that.Harper says:Hi there, I’m going to assume you are asking this in good faith but to be quite honest the phrasing of some of your questions seriously makes me doubt that. Before I start, I want to clarify as Kii does in this ask that transracial is a term that actually describes someone who has been adopted by someone to a family of a different race, rather than the racist stuff Dolezal is doing.First off I’m going to address some assumptions about being a woman that you make in your question: “there is a specific woman experience” and that that experience “is being catcalled, is being objectified, and is being paid less than their male counterparts.” It’s curious to me that you claim there is an “undeniable… specific woman experience” and then only cite moments that we can see other people who are not women experience. For example, homophobic catcalling, i.e. verbal sexual harassment can and does happen to effeminate gay men on the streets; black men are a site of sexual objectification in much of media, consider pornography for example; gay men, men of colour are also paid less than their male counterparts and have been for some time historically. If you base your understanding of what makes a woman entirely on something like misogyny, you have to be open to the fact that other oppressive forces will coalesce in the same way to recreate similar experiences in similar liberation groups. You should also acknowledge that gendered discrimination doesn’t operate on a basis purely targeting women. I think you should broaden your understanding on how such forces work. I recommend reading Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl:

While often different in practice, cissexism, transphobia, and homophobia are all rooted in oppositional sexism, which is the belief that female and male are rigid, mutually exclusive categories, each possessing a unique and non overlapping set of attributes, aptitudes, abilities, and desires. Oppositional sexists attempt to punish or dismiss those of us who fall outside of gender or sexual norms because our existence threatens the idea that women and men are “opposite” sexes. This explains why bisexuals, lesbians, gays, transsexuals, and other transgender people — who may experience their genders and sexualities in very different ways — are so often confused or lumped into the same category (i.e., queer) by society at large. Our natural inclinations to be attracted to the same sex, to identify as the other sex, and/or to express ourselves in ways typically associated with the other sex blur the boundaries required to maintain the male-centered gender hierarchy that exists in our culture today.In addition to the rigid, mutually exclusive gender categories established by oppositional sexism, the other requirement for maintaining a male-centered gender hierarchy is to enforce traditional sexism — the belief that maleness and masculinity are superior to femaleness and femininity. Traditional and oppositional sexism work hand in hand to ensure that those who are masculine have power over those who are feminine, and that only those born male will be seen as authentically masculine. For the purposes of this manifesto, the word misogyny will be used to describe this tendency to dismiss and deride femaleness and femininity.

I’d also like to turn your attention to Jacob Hale’s essay Are Lesbians Women? in which he lays out a list of factors of what makes a woman. He does so in such a way where each individual item on the list is not necessary nor sufficient in order to be a woman. For example, although he lists ‘presence of breasts’ as one such condition that is often correlated with being a woman, there are plenty of women without breasts in the world: trans women without breasts, cis women who have had double mastectomies, and so on. Hale also notes that his list is not entirely exhaustive: there’s always the possibility that this list will be added to in future. I’d highly recommend you look at it if you’re after your “undeniable” “woman’s experience”.Next I’m going to look at your claim that “an MTF trans person doesn’t experience those for most of their life.” This entirely constructs a similar narrative for trans women and entirely disregards the possibility that such a person was raised by understanding and supportive parents from a young age and grew up as a girl from an early age. Whatever your argument about ‘transracial’, it’s clear that you already have a reductive understanding of womanhood and a transgender experience. Such forces and experiences that play into gender interact in ways far more complex than what you’ve detailed above. I also want to point out here that you’ve failed to describe how the arguments above apply to trans men: that is to say a trans man who transitions in his late twenties in the western world will probably experience all of what you label as the “woman experience”, and yet they are men. The argument you present is typical of the considerations ‘transracial’ arguments operate with. They are often circulated by people with a vested transmisogynistic interest as a “gotcha!” designed to portray trans women as either dangerous or ridiculous. As a result they are designed to eliminate any shred of transgender voices. What is implicit in the argument you’ve laid out is that 1. trans women aren’t women and 2. trans men are. The argument fails completely to consider how a trans person articulates their own understandings which often run contrary to the line of argument. I urge you to consider how this argument is made and what purposes it serves. Is it an honest exploration of the workings of gender and race or is there a bias or a motive driving the ‘logic’ of the argument.On to the ‘transracial’ aspect of your argument. I hope so far I have managed to draw your attention to the implicit biases given in the argument, as well as the levels of complexities you have yet to acknowledge. Much of the same can be said about how you present race in the argument.First of all, I’d like to draw your attention that considerations of being perceived as a different race is a reality faced by many white-passing people of colour and many mixed-race people who live through this daily. It is a consideration that has been often articulated and is still often articulated. If the argument was an earnest exploration of the shifting and transitory nature of the perception of people of colour in a racist society, would it not rather look at this aspect? If the argument was an honest exploration of the similarities and differences a construction of both racialised and gendered experiences, would it not center trans women of colour’s voices as they are best situated at this intersection of race and gender to experience this? Is it not suspicious that such an argument doesn’t do this? In fact, go read Franchesca Ramsey’s article on this for a black trans woman talking about it, and Riley’s arcticle, a black non-binary person who highlights:

Rachel Dolezal flat out lied about her life and her experiences, and not to protect herself, but to protect the benefits she received and the space she acquired through those lies. She lied to protect her privilege, a trait of white people and all privileged groups. Her life could have been the same had she merely remained the white woman she was. White people already devour space in Black communities as a bonus of their whiteness, but she chose to take her farce further, becoming a “Black” woman who happened to be indistinguishable from the party in power.There is no benefit to being transgender, and there is no harm, but there is every benefit and harm to a white person picking a less privileged race to join because white features are privileged in every race and identification has no effect on that.

(my emphasis added.)In addition to the points raised by Riley and Ramsey, I’d point out that the move to make a blind comparison between race and gender on the basis of “they are both experienced by people” or “they are both social constructs” “so why can’t x” is just so materially and historically off. There is no consideration in your given argument over the differences between race and gender. There is no consideration that racism was founded by a white ruling colonial class to dominate a colonised and enslaved population. Such a population had within it differently gendered and transgendered people. There is no consideration that this domination was a product of hundreds of years of a capitalism that needed a large white working class to carry out a sustained colonial project: a colonial project that is still in action across the world today. There is no consideration of the formation of gender and the nuclear family as a product of the division of labour enforced by capitalism and the ruling classes on the working classes.In effect, gender and race are two different things. They of course intersect, but the ways in which they operate are distinct and different. Reducing both down to a level that strips them of their actual effects and lived realities in order to further either a justification for a racist white woman exploiting black people or to further a ridicule and strawmanning of the transgender community is a shameful act of bigotry posing under a guise of logic and inquiry.

Check out our /tagged/transracial for more commentary. 

[thedepressedweasel]

Am I in an abusive relationship/friendship? Checklist. Bold the ones that happened to you, italicize if you’re not sure. Originally written for relationships, later realized most points are applicable to friendships as well. (some are relationship specific, so you can ignore them if you’re checking for friendship, also this works for marriage as well)

Physical abuse

they sometimes push me, kick me, and/or intimidate me physically

they’ve hit me before, and I’m scared they might do it again

they make it clear that they want to hit me

they’ve been hitting walls, throwing things around me and at me, kicking objects or furniture, making it clear they’re barely controlling themselves not to hit me

they sometimes corner me/trap me with their body so I can’t escape (during arguments or otherwise)

they left painful marks on my body (from gripping my body too tight in anger, from pushing me to fall down, from rough treatment, dragging)

they sometimes hurt me but it’s only because they have short temper/alcohol problem/tough day at work/other things they deal with

they sometimes hurt me but they make it clear it’s only because of something I’ve done/said or something I failed to do or say

they’ve choked me, restrained my movements, pinned me down and refused to let me go even though I was struggling/paralyzed

they’ve ignored my cries of pain and kept hurting me

I’ve been in hospital before due to the injuries they’ve caused me

they sometimes make me feel like my life is in danger

Social abuse

they hate my friends, and want me to spend less time with them, or completely cut them out of my life

they’ve affected me to drop more than one friend from my life

they’ve managed to isolate me from family members, friends, acquaintances and people I used to enjoy spending my time with

they get angry if I enjoy my time out with friends/family, and call my socializing derogatory names, as if hanging out with people was a luxury I’m not supposed to enjoy

they lie about what people have said about me/think about me, in a way that makes me feel humiliated and hated by everyone

their behaviour towards me changes drastically based on who we’re with, they’re completely different when we’re alone compared to when we are in someone else’s company

they lie about our relationship to others, in front of me, and I feel I’m not allowed to challenge them

they threaten me in private to how I’m supposed to act when in public

they humiliate me in public and in front of their friends

they tell people to “just ignore me” and teach them how to dismiss me and my feelings

they talk badly about me to their friends and family and/or mine

they lie to others about what I’ve said and done, making sure I look awful

they make decisions for me and relay them to others without my permission, making sure I look selfish/rude/inconsistent/cruel if I don’t follow through

they mock my talk, walk, behaviour, opinions and features in front of others

they allow others to insult and humiliate me, and they dismiss it all as jokes

they allow others to say offensive, triggering and cruel things to me and they encourage it

they use my reactions to prove to others how I’m overemotional, too sensitive, hysterical or crazy

Emotional abuse

they yell at me even when I’m already crying

they make me feel as if no matter how much I try, I’m never good enough

they call me ugly/lazy/worthless/miserable/toxic, and act like they’re allowed to because it’s the “truth”

when I really need their help/support/comfort, they’re emotionally unavailable, or show no interest in helping me

they make me feel guilty and ashamed if I’m not there for them at any moment, and accuse me of caring too much about other people and activities, when I should make it all about them

they use every opportunity to talk about themselves and ignore whatever I say as if I only said it to offer them a chance to talk about their own issues, even if their issues are much smaller

they intentionally leave out some vital details about their life and feelings, only to use them later to prove how neglectful and ignorant I am of their issues, regardless of how much I listen to them

they make me participate in activities I don’t enjoy, benefit, or feel comfortable doing

they exclude me on purpose from activities I would have enjoyed doing

they get angry if I don’t readily quit my own activities for the sake of accompanying them on theirs

when planning, they always assume and take for granted I’ll do all the heavy and unpleasant work

they refuse to do a same favour for me that I’ve done for them in the past

they purposely do their part of the work badly so I would never ask them to do it again

they purposely manage activities so that I end up doing more unpleasant and draining work

it’s always assumed I’ll sacrifice my goals and needs for the sake of theirs

they seem to forget I have need for attention, affection and support, and no matter how much of it I give to them, I rarely or never get any in return

they don’t do anything for me, to the point where I feel neglected, lonely and sad as if I’m not in a relationship at all

if I point out they neglect me, they get angry and act as if I’m expecting the impossible from them, and accuse me of neglecting them instead

they’ve cheated on me before

they’ve cheated on me and decided it was my fault, because I wasn’t doing enough for them

they’ve cheated on me and demand forgiveness

they flirt with others when they know it makes me insecure and scared

they lie about the time they spend with others and make me feel guilty for doubting their lies

they go over my stuff, look thru my phone/computer/other private device, and make arguments to why they have the right to do it, and why I’m not to be trusted

they accuse me of cheating, flirting, and wanting to have relationships with others, to the point where I’m not allowed to look or talk to another person without getting punished for it

they feel they have the right to punish me, and often let me know they’re deciding just how dire of a punishment i have deserved

they insist on keeping the relationship secret to everyone, and I’m not allowed to let anyone know I’m even talking to them

they lied to me about having other relationships or being married

they make me feel like I’m hard to love

they frequently remind me of how much I am to deal with, and how much they have to sacrifice because of me

they frequently remind me of my every bad feature to remind me that I’m a burden to them, and that I should be grateful they still tolerate me

they keep promising they will never hurt me again, but they still keep repeating it

I always have to be reminded of how tough they had it and all the reasons they have for acting hurtful the way they do

I always have to focus on their problems, and push mine under the surface, theirs just seem to be more important

I always have to be considerate and hide my pain in order to not make them feel guilty

I always have to forgive them and keep acting like nothing bad happened when they hurt me

I’m sometimes scared of them, but I push it down and remind myself of the nice things they did

I’m sometimes worried they’re going to hurt me, but I remind myself of their potential to love me

I often feel used and exploited by them, and like they’re only with me to get something out of it

I keep waiting for them to return my love and act more supportive towards me for a long time

I sometimes want to break up but every time I start feeling this way they do something to make me feel too guilty to leave, or give me more hope that things will get better if I stay.

I feel if I leave them I’ll be doing the same thing everyone else has done to them, and I don’t want to be that person.

I feel obligated to stay because they’ll have nobody without me.

I feel like I owe them too much to leave them.

I feel like I’m here to prove to them that not everyone is awful, and that they can get what they need in life, and to restore their faith in humanity, and for this I’ve been enduring everything they did to me.

I feel like nobody will ever love me again if I leave.

I feel like I wouldn’t be able to survive without them.

I’m scared they’ll hurt me if I leave.

I’m scared they’ll hurt themselves if I leave.

they’ve threatened to hurt me, or hurt themselves if I leave

Psychological abuse

they insult me and/or call me names and slurs, and play it off as a joke a moment afterwards

they insist i don’t have a real reason for getting upset/offended/hurt

they humiliate and blame me for having problems and struggling with life

they insist that I caused all the problems for myself and I wouldn’t have them if I wasn’t so stupid/incapable/slow/mentally ill/lazy/problematic

they insist my problems are “made up” or just me dramatizing my situation

they question my choices until I start doubting them myself

they claim I’m too emotional and irrational to be making any choices

they call me “too difficult” or “too complicated” to deal with, and to love

they make me responsible for their feelings and actions towards me (if they do something it’s because “I made them do it”, if they feel angry it’s because I “provoked” them, if they feel unsatisfied it’s because I haven’t done enough for them)

they use my chronic illness/mental illness/psychological issues against me, to prove that I’m not a full person worthy of love, and that they’re supposed to be praised and rewarded for dealing with me

they use my past trauma/past experiences to explain why I’m distrustful and why I perceive them the way I do (implying that my perception is wrong and it’s my fault I don’t trust them)

they demand to decide how I should perceive their actions (they insist I should find their hurtful actions funny, charming, acts of good intentions)

they minimize and dismiss my feelings, concern, worry, anxiety, fear (you’re exaggerating, you’re dramatizing, get over it, get over yourself, people have it worse, you’re lucky, you should be grateful)

I can’t openly tell them when they’ve hurt me, I know it will make them angry/sad/upset

they make me comfort them when they hurt me

they get angry at mere implication that they did something wrong, and will fight to prove me otherwise, and punish me for making such accusation

they use my lack of knowledge in certain areas to make me look extremely dumb and ignorant

they belittle and put down my ideas, opinions, experiences and thoughts

they sometimes act like they don’t remember something they said or did to me that was really hurtful

they sometimes act like i did things they did (they will smash a vase and then ask me who smashed it, or why did I smash it the next day)

they insist they didn’t do or say things I can clearly remember them doing or saying, they demand my memory is wrong and that I must be imagining things (I would never do/say that!)

Body control

they make comments about my appearance that lowers my confidence

they make blatant requests and demands about how I should look/dress/take care of myself

they make demands and requests to what I should do with my own body

they talk as if it would be stupid for me to make my own decisions

they insult my body features, criticize my appearance, my weight, my dress choices

they insult features I feel really insecure about, and it makes me feel worse

they laugh at my appearance in front of others, and try to get others to notice a flaw

they compare me to others to show me how I should look, act and behave (why aren’t you more like x?)

Financial abuse (relationship/marriage specific)

they decided I spend too much and used it to take control of finances

they insist on controlling the finances and income, and dismiss me as too incapable to deal with such things

they don’t like me having a source of income and insist I should become financially dependent on them (maybe they framed it like “you don’t have to work, I’ll take care of you”)

they’ve managed to make me financially dependent on them, and they’re using it against me

they demand I don’t have equal rights to decide and manage our finances since they’re the only one bringing the income

they withhold money from me unless I do everything they want and expect of me to do

they make priorities to spend on luxury for themselves, while dismissing my necessities (basic clothing, food, hygiene items, healthcare needs, current project needs)

they decide how much I’m allowed to spend and I have to show proof of it

they lie to me about finances and our current standing

they spend large amounts of money secretly (on gambling, prostitution, alcohol, drugs)

I was forced to pay off their debts/credits/payments for their own belongings

I was forced to save them from financial trouble, and they only made more financial trouble

I’m forced to support them due to their unwillingness to work/losing a job on purpose

they emotionally/psychologically abuse me if I don’t give them full rights to my finances

Sexual abuse (tw rape)

they sexualize my behaviour, take my words and actions sexually when they’re not meant to be, and accuse me of “provoking them”

they get upset and angry if I refuse them for sex, or if I refuse to do a certain act

they punish me for refusing, withhold affection, care, resources from me

they don’t accept me saying “no” to sex, and will keep pressuring me

I don’t always feel like I can easily say no to them, they make me feel like I owe them sex

they’ve told me I’m ungrateful, cruel, selfish and withholding for refusing

if I said yes to something they assume it’s a yes for every time they want it, I’m not allowed to change my mind afterwards

I’m forced to give them sexual favours for holidays/birthdays that I don’t enjoy or want to do

they pressure and coerce me into sex acts I’m not sure I want to do, or I’m sure I don’t want to do them

they’ve been pressuring me to include other people in our sexual life, when I don’t want to

they’ve physically forced me into sex without my consent before

they touch me when I don’t feel comfortable with them doing so

they don’t stop touching me when I tense up/freeze

they’re rough and inconsiderate during sex, and don’t seem to care if they’re hurting me

they don’t stop when I’m hurt, overwhelmed, in pain, crying, making pained noises, paralyzing

they use sex to lash out their anger, and end up hurting me

they humiliate, insult, call me derogatory names and slurs, and emotionally abuse me during sex

they’ve inflicted injuries onto me during sex

they’ve done things I specifically told them not to during sex

they’ve done things to me during sex that I mentioned before to be uncomfortable with

they’ve put me in position where I couldn’t refuse to do a sexual act

they control me during sex, and will get angry or forceful if I don’t obey

they refuse to offer any gentleness and physical care during sex

they refuse to be gentle and considerate to me except after they’ve already hurt me sexually

they demand a lot of  sexual attention but refuse to give any to me

they demand a lot of touch and physical affection but refuse to look at me or touch me the same way

they will call me disgusting/undesirable/ugly/unlovable and refuse to touch me, at the same time demanding that I give them what they want sexually

they’ve done things to me without my knowledge (while incapacitated, asleep, unconscious)

they’ve filmed our sexual contact without my knowledge, and/or shared it with others

*even if you seek out or derive pleasure from sexual abuse it will still inflict psychological injuries, and any person who would harm you during intimacy is not safe for your well being

If you bolded more than 7 items on this list, you are dealing with an abusive partner/friend. This is not a complete list of abusive behaviour, but it’s as extensive as I was able to make it. If you can think of more abusive behaviour not listed here, add it to the list! Also, if you have confirmed you’re in an abusive relationship with a man, your next reading should be “Why does he do that”, download it here.

[philozhaiphy]

PHILO BLOG ENTRY #7 ASKING A PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION... As we all know, our government system is now in turmoil because of people who are part of the said system itself. And we cannot deny the fact that even though we are under a democratic form of governance, there are still a lot of issues that needed to be resolved but in fact, are being covered with lies of different politicians who are been trusted by many Filipinos. In this, we cannot put the blame on the people because of the simple reason that they are the ones who put those people to the Malacañang palace or Senate because in the first place they have not been properly informed of what should be the right thing to do and what are really the prospects of those whom they see as heroes but the reality is killers of their dreams for having a peaceful, economically and educationally arising country. That is why in this situation we could really see that the idea of democracy is only for those who are in the upper-class system of the social hierarchy that we have right now.

Even though for us commoners who just enjoy the little things that life offers and consider this as democracy already, it is not morally right to let us be blinded from the other important rights that we should be having. Actually, it is their work the people who have heavenly lives in the government to guide us to think what more we could have as a Filipino and be with us to every action that we should be all doing toward the overall growth of the citizens of our country. But that is not happening. And it will not be happening if we continue to let them cover us from the bitter truths of our society. That is why it is really important indeed to tackle with the people of the nation especially the students so they should know the purpose of their learning to our nation, about how we can develop more of our current state. And most importantly, how we could give voices to the marginalized people and stop the oppressors from giving dirt to our identity as a nation of the Philippines.

Here is one of the philosophical perceptions of democracy which is Derrida’s Democracy to Come. But even though we have not mentioned nor learned it in our class, I was fascinated by its concepts now it sees the concept on how to develop democracy. Upon researching about it, honestly, it was not still one hundred percent clear to me but what I have understood is that the process of self-preserving and self-defense of the idea of democracy is also a way of destructing itself. And since it was compared to the work of antibodies in our body as autoimmune substances, it suggests that democracy as being autoimmune is also threatening itself by its very own logic. So, in this, I could say that my idea of having a misconception of democracy nowadays is somehow related to this in a way that people are valuing so much of their own democracy but they did not know that the way on how they perceive with preserving it which is settling for less is also their way of destructing it since they are letting themselves to be trap in the imposed idea of democracy of the elites to them. And that is how hard to understand what processes must have in order to develop our democracy this time where we are on the verge of hell-like lives. Well, what important thing to do first this time is, to let the people realize that we are not in the right state of governance, be socially aware always, and of course never be quiet until there are still oppressed citizens of the Philippine nation. O bayan ‘kong Pilipinas, Ika’y aming ililigtas!

[intuitivesoul1]

Failure and Responsibility

This month’s inspiration came again from Emmanuel Dagher and my beginning work with Peace Mother Geeta Sacred Song. I think about many concepts in my mind as I grow on this journey. Last month I touched on Failure in Feelings vs Emotions. Since then the Fear of Failure has become a theme in my work. This is always a sign about the importance of something entering my life. And I pride myself on being a Leader by Example. When I go through something I know I can assist others. So the Fear of Failure is one of our deep core fears that can be responsible for blocking us from Thriving in this life. Plus: Responsibility is something I have examined many times – as I knew that this term “responsibility” carried a heavy weight. Emmanuel in our last Healing Session from Club Miracles shared that Lack of Prosperity often is because we feel too much “responsibility” in our lives and this ‘heaviness’ is closely related to our Fear of Failure.

Fear of Failure is one of our deep core fears that can be responsible for blocking us from Thriving in this life.

Let’s look at this concept of responsibility. When we feel a responsibility towards something or someone we feel obligated and can feel guilty or shame when we don’t measure up or perceive ourselves as a ‘failure’! I remember working at the Government and feeling the heavy weight of ‘responsibility’ towards colleagues, staff, clients and society as a whole. Then I would examine my anxiety around the responsibilities toward family obligations and even cleaning (as I have allergies with dust so cleaning would create other problems). This concept I had over ‘responsibility’ was way too dense and heavy energetically. I would begin to feel anxious at any hint of responsibility … until I figured it out and then I began to understand that it was my perceptions of responsibility that was to blame and not my work, family and home that was the problem. And I thought I had shifted it; clarified my relationship with responsibility. However, when Emmanuel was sharing our perceptions around financial freedom and that it is our fear of responsibility that is causing the blocks – I remembered my earlier understandings and realized that responsibility still plays a HUGE role in my fear around financial freedom. I look at Income Tax and specifically HST as a block – which is a responsibility that I don’t want.  However I also feel responsible to my clients, my listeners and the audience of my website. When something goes wrong I feel responsible for it.

Responsibility is a heavy burden that blocks us from living a stress free life. Emmanuel suggests that the only responsibility we have is to our Soul/Heart/I Am Presence and making our Sacred Self happy and expressing what It wants. Everything else is just irrelevant and noise in our life that blocks us from experiencing Unconditional Love and Acceptance. Now bring in our ‘Fear of Failure’ and ‘Responsibility’ and we see that they play a BIG role. Responsibility pushes us to DO what society or our own guilt and shame believes is ‘right’ and when that doesn’t happen or because we want to be ‘socially acceptable’ this triggers Fear of Failure. As a core fear, Failure/Success or Right/Wrong are intricately ingrained in Fear of Failure. This Fear of Failure is also ingrained in our Ego and in our mind’s attempt to control us, it pushes us to ‘do’ things – to fix, heal or manipulate our environment – it’s a fear we create where we perceive we aren’t successful or fear our own success as it all culminates in Fear of Failure. It is an interesting slide into propagating a core fear – Failure.

We perceive so many things – including relationships – as Failures yet nothing is a failure from our Highest Perspective. Our Higher Self knows that everything is perfect – that there is nothing to Do and all we need is to BE our Sacred Self. Yet how do we get to the place where we can understand how our fears wiggle into our minds and block us from expressing the Essence of Who we Are? We often don’t even see how core fears impact us. When I thought about failure I would not see that I feared failure because I felt successful in what I do. I feel so blessed that I can do what I love and no longer fear basic survival needs being met. However, if I look at ‘responsibility’ along with ‘Failure’, I can see that Fear of Failure is alive and well. It lies underneath where I haven’t allowed access consciously. Yet now I see it everywhere and showing up where it is unexpected. They say you are never given anything you can’t deal with but what happens when you don’t see it? Unfortunately the fears don’t go away because you don’t see them. And of course if we are serious about Growing Up then when we are ready teachers or teachings come into our lives to help us understand ourselves better and uncover our fears.

Our Higher Self knows that everything is perfect – that there is nothing to Do and all we need is to BE our Sacred Self.

I invite you to begin to recognize when you may have a fear hidden in your unconscious waiting to become conscious so that you can work with it. Peace Mother offered a wonderful tool when helping us observe our fears – by making lists of people or situations that still hold energy that is unloved within us. For as long as I can remember I get upset when things don’t go the way I wanted, my fear of Responsibility showing up, and this is because I have felt betrayed by teachers and anyone who should provide reliable service. It was my fear of being betrayed and disappointed due to my own fears around Responsibility. Peace Mother suggested creating lists of people and situations that still hold some energy and pray, bless and find forgiveness for each one. I believe part of the dilemma we have is that we don’t always know what fears we have and how the core fears – Fear of being alone, Fear of Failure, Fear of losing something (death), and Fear of the Unknown – are underlying our thoughts and feelings and are unconscious within us. I invite you to find a way to check in with your Sacred Self and ask what our Higher Self/Soul really wants instead of what our ego wants. My Heart to Yours.

This entry was posted in Blog and tagged Core Fears, Emmanuel Dagher, Failure and Responsibility, Fear and Ego, Laurie Huston, love vs fear, Peace Mother, Peace Mother Geeta Sacred Song, Tom Campbell.

Content Source- https://www.intuitivesoul.com/failure-and-responsibility