#glorified disability

[shiningstarr15]

‼️warning: the post I’m about to make has heavy topics pertaining to mental illness and disability. Please view at your own discretion‼️

I want to come on here to talk about something that I don’t feel gets talked about enough. And that is mainly thanks to social media that has advocated to the understanding of mental illness and disability to the point that it is immensely glorified. And while I would rather choose the lesser of the two evils than deal with the ableism and discrimination, I think it needs to be addressed on why glorifying it is also very problematic.

As you know by now, I am on the autism spectrum, and with this came a slew of other mental health conditions that I have suffered from for a long time such as anxiety and depression. One thing I would never want to do is beg for pity. I am still a functioning human being and do not wish to be treated as a charity case. However, I think it is important to showcase the darker side of being diagnosed with such a condition as Autism.

What you see, you may see awkward social interaction, you may see unusual movements of my arms and legs and even my whole body(stimming), you may see high emotional sensitivity, you may see aversion to loud sounds, and so forth. And these are things that, in of itself, are not inherently bad. Yes I am prone to accidental inappropriate social interaction, but there is ways of accommodating and advocating for it while still holding me accountable. Gentle approaches and positive reinforcement go such a long way. And the more people learn and accept that, the better quality of life you make for me and my community.

What you don’t see, is the struggles that come with it.

Being autistic comes with many many processing issues. Auditory, sensory, information, visual, cognitive, etc. And like the disorder itself, they all live on a spectrum and affect us all differently. One of these things that we struggle with due to this processing issue, and the one we usually get the most abuse from, is personal hygiene.

I took a shower tonight, which is something I struggle with due to the task of having to wash myself, having sensory issues such as too strong of smelling soap and the water temperature not being right, but also the transition from being wet to cold is something I hate. I hate drying myself and the water from my hair dripping down my back. I don’t like water on my face. The entire thing is an absolute hellscape.

But it needs to be done, so I got in. And I noticed that my hair felt heavier than usual. After shampoo and conditioner, I ran my fingers through my insanely thick and long locks. And.. it got stuck.

With conditioner, it was stuck.

That is how bad the tangles were. As a result of having not brushed it for weeks. Yes, weeks.

Over the course of the shower, I pulled out probably a dozen knots, all around this size..

I’m tender headed, brushing my hair hurts my neck and my arms. So I wear hats to cover it, it also helps as an impromptu noise buffer so it’s a win win in the moment. However, it just adds on to the ever growing tangles and become more and more prominent until I actually do something about it.

This is something in it of itself, I’ve grown used to.

But as I ran through the tangles, yanking out knot after knot, the hair piled in the drain.

When I looked down and saw the result, I couldn’t believe how much hair was caught in the absolute rats nest that had accumulated for weeks.

And I cried.

I still have plentiful hair, but I didn’t want to lose that much. I hadn’t even realized it had gotten so bad. As I got out I immediately noticed the lightness on my head and panicked, thinking I may have a bald spot (I don’t) bc so much was gone now..

I may be used to it, but I hate it still. Every time. But it happens over and over again, bc I hate brushing my hair.

This.. this is the true dark reality of living with Autism.

I love my hair, and me not liking to brush it does not mean I don’t care. It is a physically daunting task, it fucking HURTS, and it sucks bc I KNOW it’s not supposed to!

Everyday I wake up, the lights are too bright and I can hear every sound like a siren. It takes excess energy just to get out of bed, even more to change clothes, and if I am lucky, even more to brush my hair. I have 30 min to decide before I get to work what my support needs are today bc they change DAILY. Some days I have enormous amounts of anxiety, some days I have sensory overstimulation, some days I feel literally touch starved, some days I can’t find the right words to say, or barely want to say anything. I have to figure out what I need, what will get me through the day, what will allow me to survive. And even now, I am struggling to find my place in the workforce due to the lack of resources and currently on the verge of autistic burnout that I’m desperately trying to avoid.

Every time I brush my hair, there are knots. And when I brush my teeth, there is blood in the sink.

This is my reality.

I am imploring you to PLEASE consider these things when you say things about how hating autism is “internalized ableism” or glorify it to the point that it becomes a trend that everyone wants to have bc it’s “cool.” I do NOT like being autistic. It has caused me immense heartache, trauma, struggle, and being in constant survival mode. It FUCKING SUCKS.

I have accepted that I am autistic. But I do not enjoy it. It is still, in its own right, a DISABILITY. It is not something to be glorified and praised. It is not something that is “trendy” and something you WANT to have.

Wanting answers is one thing, I understand that. That’s how I got my diagnosis. But I am begging and pleading, DO NOT ASK FOR IT. If you have it, learn to accept what is and learn what you need to do in order to live your best quality of life. It is not something to be taken as a joke, it is not a “gift” and it is not a trend.

It is a disability. It is a disorder. A brain disorder. A processing disorder. And it fucking sucks.

[aggro-my-beloved]

yeah non-hetero redacted characters are cool and everything but…

autistic!david?!?

adhd!asher?

chronicpain!milo??

deaf/hoh!huxley?!

ocd!lasko???

bipolar!damien?

schizophrenic!gavin?!

it’s pride disability month for crying out loud, don’t let the inclusivity stop at sexuality!

[lunathewafflelord]

when you realize that every single character you’ve ever written and probably ever will write shows just about every sign of autism and you didn’t even write them with that in mind

[cryptid-writer]

The ada just triggered his fight or flight response

And chuuya is a flightless bird >:)

[6ebe]

trying to get a job with disabilities is so hard bc everywhere wants to say they’re ‘disability friendly employers’ but that means they’ll give you ‘reasonable accommodations’ once you’re already through the door. It’s not considered in hiring practises. like not even interviewing people with disabilities bc they don’t have an internship is such a hilarious manifestation of ableism bc like. the reason I didn’t do an internship was bc of my disability ..

[atalantasfatgock]

So I read hdg

[anendtopursuit]

i don't often describe things as mid but i must confess there's a shop on my way home from college that sells the most mid boba i've ever tasted

[ladentity]

It’s me I can’t write and struggle to tie my shoelaces.

im sick to death of the girlboss phenomenom. appreciate strugglewomen or we'll never get anything done around here

[neuropathyfordpines]

Anyone got any writing prompts? I need to start writing again, even if it's bad

[jkriordanverse]

kaz, whose disability could've easily been sth that was disregarded and only brought up when necessary actually suffers from his condition. He can't always run that well, and his leg hurts when he climbs up the stairs. Kaz, who could've easily been casted as the morally grey i would die for you typical y/a fictional men type does actively try to overcome his ghosts to make way for a future with inej.

Inej, whose trauma and suffering could've easily been disregarded and paved only to glorify and shape her character as the Wraith, Ketterdam's most cunning pirate actually is still afraid of her abusers when met face to face. Although she doesn't show it, she's still that small frightened girl on the inside. Inej, who could've easily been casted as the typical fmc love interest insteads has actual dreams and aspirations beside her friends and her loves. She has religous beliefs, morals that she actively tries to follow and reason with. Ones that don't always have to revolve around her love interest.

[renthony]

Too many leftists are still glorifying work for work's sake. Too many leftists have equated "performing labor" with "moral fortitude."

If your ideal society has no place for people who genuinely, fully, 100% do not want to work, or who can't work, your ideal society is not as ideal as you think. There has to be space for people who don't "contribute," there has to be space for people who don't fulfill some greater "purpose," there has to be space for people who cannot and will not ever be a part of the labor force.

I am a firm believer that laziness does not exist, and if someone is flat-out refusing to do something, there's a good reason for it. That reason could be disability, it could be fear, it could be a lack of education, it could be that they're confused or lost and don't fully understand what they're supposed to do, it could be that they don't have the skills, it could be that they're at their limit and need a break, it could be that the task is uninteresting or not relatable to them and they don't understand why it's necessary, it could be countless other reasons. "They're just lazy" is a cruel assumption that doesn't solve any problems or accomplish any tasks.

But even if I'm wrong, and laziness is real, you can't penalize "laziness" without hitting a lot of disabled or otherwise vulnerable people in the crossfire. You cannot and will not ever create a society in which everyone is a perfect worker. There has to be a way for someone to contribute absolutely nothing to the labor force, but still be taken care of instead of left to needlessly suffer.

[tuesziday]

I wish there was more discussion on the standards people hold art to (and potentially how that relates to capitalism and commodification).

Proponents of AI art makes it seem like a tragedy that some people are unable to draw like SamDoesArt. As much as I enjoy his art style, why is he the benchmark of what constitutes good art? Why do they think pretty anime Disney girls are what everyone should be trying to strive for? Is there no value in a sloppy cartoon drawing? Or something completely abstract? A stick figure?

And why must we assign moral value to being physically capable of doing things? Why is not being able to draw seen as a shortcoming? I'm godawful at sports, but I have no interest in using prosthetics that make me the next Babe Ruth because I've accepted that I'm not an athlete. It's one thing if you desperately want to be an artist...but a lot of AI art people genuinely seem like they wouldn't be interested in art if they couldn't just type up a prompt and receive instant gratification.

ai art is really giving some people a chance to go full-bore on some of the most ostentatious and vitriolic ableism i've ever seen

[euniexenoblade]

Sex as an act is only ever glorified by society when said sex is cis straight white abled etc. Gay people, trans people, poc, the disabled, women, get their sex lives mocked, made illegal, banned from literature and cinema, you can literally get killed for being one of these things and expressing a sexuality. At the same time, rape is used as a punishment for existing as these things, weaponizing sex against us. This is similarly why ace people are treated like shit, abstaining from this is treated as a nasty aberration worthy of mockery and corrective rape. Things like "public" sex laws in the USA don't exist for some betterment of mankind, they existed as a way to arrest the gays having sex in a hotel room, they exist to harass the homeless who have no private spaces, they exist to harass trans people for simply existing. It's important to remember when talking about the act of sex, yes society pushes having sex as this important thing you should be doing, but only for men having sex as defined by Christian conservatives.

[blackfilmmakers]

Hello! I was wondering if it was Okay to ask for some tips on how to write a black horror antagonist respectfully? I’m a horror author and I realized that my horror villains are not very diverse, but I’m afraid of falling into stereotypes.

Things to consider when making a Black Horror Antagonist:

-Who is the protagonist in relation to this Black antagonist? Is it a White kid? A group of people with fairer skin compared to the Black antagonist? If you aim to make diverse stories, you can't just make the antagonists poc and call it a day. Society already use the narrative that Black ppl are out to terrorize White neighborhoods with malicious intent, to justify killing us. Birth of a Nation glorified the Klan so well(cinema-wise) it literally brought back the Klan. We also have this ongoing rise of anti-Haitian crimes(AntiBlackness overall) because some White woman wanted to make a meme of Haitians eating cats

-If they are a magical antagonist, is the magic they used based on Black or Brown cultures that are already demonized enough? The recent rise of anti-haitian propaganda does stem from the stereotype that Haitians practice cannibalism for their "satanic" ritualsm. Which the word, "cannibal" was a slur that refers to islanders apparently. Anyways you can have your magical Black antagonist, but if they start writing in vodun symbols and wear feather headdresses, reconsider that it's just "if it's a vague Black/Brown religion it's automatically scary"

-What is their personality like? Are they cunning and creative and clever? Or are they a simple-minded beast? In The Promised Neverland we see two caretakers(they are antagonists): Isabella and Krone. Isabella is a fair-skinned woman who is presented as intelligent and cunning with her villainy. Whereas Krone's villainy depicts her as a monstrous beast. We already have enough Black antagonists that are essentially the main villain's attack dog, with very little focus on their motivations. If you wanted to write about a monster/beast that has no intelligence you could always write that instead. But if you have a Black human being, well humans can be written in so many different ways, do use that opportunity

-Consider whether or not your Black Horror antagonists are ableist narratives. Ableism is already a problem in horror stories already. But when it comes to Black neurodivergent/disabled people, you have to be extra careful with that. Sonya Massey's disability (and aave) made those cops murder her because at the end of the day, she's a Black woman they didn't bother to hear out, and needed an excuse to shoot her. What you write as a "scary" trait for your Black antagonist, could support ableist narratives that disabilities/neurodivergency are inherently dangerous

-Colorism can be an issue here as well. Even if you do have a Black protagonist, are they someone who is lighter than the villain? Dark=/=Inherently Bad, and Light=/=Inherently Good

-Horror is all about exploring a fear (societal or individual). So this is when you have to ask yourself, what do you fear? What do you think your readers' fears are when they read about this Black villain character? You can't control your readers' perception, sure, but fiction doesn't exist in a vacuum. It can challenge societal expectations or support them. So with all the points I listed down above and whatever points I didn't say, this could all attribute to the "horrors" or the "thing you need to fear" in the story. Do your readers find the Black antagonist scary because they are a well written antagonist with proper motivations? Or are they conditioned to see Black people as scary?

-In terms of how these characters speak or their motivations, that I have to advise getting several Black beta readers(that aren't just your friends) to have review your work. If your character is a disabled Black person, get a disabled Black reader. If they are Jamaican character, get a Jamaican reader. Hell, ask these readers if they even find your Black villain intimidating or compelling.

All in all, if you write about a Black character you really need to write them as you do for your White characters. The problem I think most nonblack writers have with this advice though is that they read that as "write Black characters as White(the default)". That won't work. You always have to consider a Black character's Blackness and how that interacts with the world you created

@/writingwithcolor and @/creatingblackcharacters would probably have more input

TLDR: Make the final girl a darkskinned Black woman

[asses-to-ashes]

Pedophiles don't belong in the proship community. Zoophiles don't belong in the furry community. Can we stop conflating these communities.

If you're recovering from a paraphilic disorder, great! Can't afford a psychologist but are anti-contact and anti-enabling? Also great! I wish you the best.

My problem comes from the normalization and celebration of paraphilic disorders on this site specifically under the disguise of disability or queer activism. A psychologist will NEVER, EVER recommend that you post about it or engage in an online community of enablers. Paraphilic disorders are not kink. Embracing paraphilic disorders is not disability activism.

You can be anti-contact and anti-enabling without being hateful or making assumptions about people who have a disorder, but people who run Para Blogs are not anti-enabling. The ProPara community has turned into a cesspool of enablers and legitimate pro-contact pedophiles who hide behind the fact that people have empathy for those with disorders they can't control. They've created a space where people brag about being pedophiles and celebrate attraction to children. This is the opposite of how the disorder is treated by professionals.

Stay away from fiction & communities that could cause you to relapse or backslide. Proshippers are not attracted to minors, our stories don't exist for pedophiles to displace their attraction onto.

The reasons paraphilic disorders are different from fetishes is because:

1. They include unwilling people or people who cannot consent, such as voyeurism or pedophilia

2. They cause the participant or others harm that is potentially lifelong

3. They prevent a person from functioning or adjusting in society

I'm going to address a post I saw earlier. EXTREME TW for the defense of pro-contact "big 3" paraphilias

START QUOTE --------------------

END QUOTE --------------------

Being gay harms nobody. It is an attraction between two consenting adults.

PARAPHILIC DISORDERS are not normal attraction. Comparing being a pedophile to being homosexual is not the #WOKE PEDOPHILE WIN that you think it is. It's insanely regressive and harmful.

To reiterate, you are not evil for having a paraphilic disorder.

You are not a bad person. You are a bad person for glorifying it, enabling yourself and others, fighting for your right to harm other people without consent, and engaging in an online community of pedophiles.

[fake-married-my-dead-fiance]

When it comes to Wen Xiao as a character, she is very weak, obviously, but she explicitly has a disability (Baize token definicency) and yet instead of giving up she still tries to do whatever she can to help with demon/human relations. She also had an interesting emotional journey, though it wasn't as emphasized as ZYC's.

I think it might have helped people like her character more if we knew that the Baize Goddess was a glorified border officer from the beginning. You hear that she's some powerful goddess so you have expectations but then that scene where you see the job and it's giving demons hand stamps so they can visit the mortal world (like at the club!). She can also do imprisonment but it's pretty clear this is not a fighting sort of power.

Wen Xiao does a much less steep enemies to lovers arc than ZYC because she begins her journey far more sympathetic to demons and less vengeful, but if ZYC experiences ZYZ'S loss of control, Wen Xiao experiences his suicidal despair. In the ice cave, she doesn't think it's possible to go on anymore having lost so much.

Anyway, I liked her as a character and I didn't think she was superfluous because she was important to the found family aspect of the drama.