#if one good thing comes of my motor disability

[ladentity]

It’s me I can’t write and struggle to tie my shoelaces.

im sick to death of the girlboss phenomenom. appreciate strugglewomen or we'll never get anything done around here

[limpfisted]

Something I think taken for granted for "good and heroic" characters like wyll is

How hard it is to be a hero in settings like this in gen. especially a solo hero.

And then u look at will especially at 17, especially after just losing half of your vision, and now being obligated to hunt devils for mizora, and not being able to tell people who you are or why you have magical powers

Wylls life has been extremely difficult.

Hes not "some rich boy." In fact, he tells you himself, he never really was. His father became grand Duke when he was 17. His father was a Duke before that, but his father was born to a poor blacksmith father and he was the youngest of six, so he worked his way up the ranks. Even as son of a Duke and grandduke---ulder was champion of the poorer "mythical middle class" lower city. All nobles and patriars are from the upper city. There's no way wyll wasn't looked down on by the upper city and then held to a certain untouchable standard as the flaming fist brat by the lower city/outer city people

And yet even at being some "rich boy" he excelled thru hard work and dedication, making things into a competition if nothing else, in which despite his Father's unsurpance to power, he still had PROOF he was the most charming, after all, he held the record for most sarabandes danced in a single evening, much to the exhaustion to the good lords and ladies of the courts.

But even so, with this "cushy life" (where he would get into trouble, mind you! Where his father would encourage him to get into fights, who would train him with a rapier, where he would drink in taverns in the lower city at 14 despite being "a noble rich boy" and hand deliver letters from his father to sharess's caress before he ever knew what went on with the pretty men and handsome ladies behind closed doors.)

Have you ever been camping, like experienced the holy shit, Outside of it all? I dont even like leaving the house without my phone. Wyll, 17, traveled all over the sword coast, with one eye, who knows how many supplies.

While wyll laughs off the trauma of it, losing an eye is a real ass disability that affects your motor skills. It can be difficult to do things like cut food at first, and it can take like 6 months WITH THERAPY for everything to feel "normal" again. Now imagine fending off goblins, and minotaurs, with no therapy, no physical therapy, no doctor. Having to navigate the cold of winter, cursed lands, mountains, all by yourself.

Having to learn to use you sword again, this time without your father. Remembering him every time you pick it up. Remembering the way he looked at you every time you face down a "devil." Spitting the words he would later say to you at them. They stink of avernus, they have brought ruin

Wyll dedicated his life to laboring for the people of the Sword Coast. It's not easy. He makes it look fun, because he's so proud of himself and happy to be helping people

But its actually hard and lonely. And it doesn't come easy, even to Wyll, I think. He had to train himself, it probably took him a long time to figure out what he was doing

I dont think wyll is really as inexperienced and naive as people think. Hes been to avernus, he's fought dragons and minotaurs. He's seen terrible things, he's STOPPED terrible things, and he's going to continue doing so, and choosing to do so, with the full knowledge of what that decision means, and the hard work and sacrifice it requires.

he's fully aware of who he is and what he's capable of, and he's extremely brave and strong and competent

Its good to be good for the sake of being good! And wyll does believe in fairy tales. But his dedication to the blade doesn't come because he's misinformed. Is he as experienced and powerful as he thinks he is? No, he's 24 LOL. But he's still done a lot! Has YOUR muse hunted devils thru avernus? Has ur muse even BEEN to avernus?

Wyll ravengard genuinely is improvising half the time---but more important than simply "being" good and wanting to do good----Wyll has the experience, practice and competence in serving a community to actually BETTER and protect communities.

In fandom spaces we often talk about how certain characters are "just so good" but we like. We forget about the effort it takes to actually commit to acts of doing good, the practice and perservance it takes to competently serve the community.

You can give the people the shirt off ur back but u run out of shirts eventually. Wyll has made himself an important resource on the Sword Coast for its safety. And I think we take that for granted bc its a genre staple, but like. He worked really hard. He dedicated himself to this.

He sold his soul, and he kept living and doing good anyway

[cripplecharacters]

Hey folks, fully abled writer here! I've got a question about nicknames/descriptive names related to physical differences and abilities. I write a lot of fantasy fiction with differing name and language systems than the real world. I'm also fond of using compound names, such as "Dawnbringer, Hardcutter, Bluemark, Bearhunter, etc." So in a fantasy world where much of this society has given names and clan surnames following a specific theme of strength and durability, I have a character that has both his given name but also a nickname many people call him. This nickname is "Firebrand," and I invented him many years ago when I wasn't very critical of my writing or biases and just wanted a cool-sounding fantasy name. He is is a city guard in a city that is regularly attacked by fantasy animals for plot and environment-related reasons, and as I developed this character more I decided that rather than his original dark edgy backstory where he was called Firebrand because he was tortured, he now gains the name Firebrand because he survived a dragon's fire breath and came out of it with burn scars up his chest neck and arms, particularly on his hands that limits some of his movement and dexterity. I intend to make it clear in the story that it isn't a derogatory name, it's part of their society's theme of having names that signify how people survive things.

He likes the nickname and the meaning it has in his culture, because to him it means he's good at his job and he has survived hard times. Right now, the story is told through third-person P.O.V, and he is primarily referred to in non-dialogue narration as his nickname. In dialogue, he usually introduces himself with his given name and surname, but many people including the rest of the city guards refer to him with the nickname . His family and boyfriend will use either name for him depending on the context and company. At a later point in the story, when he and some others end up in a situation where they are dealing with fairies and the magical rules about giving them your name, his nickname gives him an advantage against the fairy rules.

Is this a reasonable concept at all, or is it all very weird to use an injury and acquired physical difference to identify someone with? Or, if the concept is alright but the name itself is bad, do you have any suggestions for how I might want to come up with a different nickname? I'm thinking if the use of the word "brand" in the nickname has too much of a negative connotation, I could try to replace it with something like "Firehand" or "Firebrave" that might have a clearer positive connotation to readers as well as his in-story society.

And although it's not the purpose of this question, I have been doing research about burn scars and treatment; this blog has been helpful! Since the burns were deep and he has limb tremors and cramps as well as scars, he has exercises and ointments to keep his scarred skin flexible, and he takes care not to take long tasks that will strain his hands with fine motor skills or whatnot. When on duty, his uniform includes gloves and a high collar for protection, but in casual clothing his hands are bare and his clothing doesn't hide his scars unless it's for weather protection. I may come back in the future with more questions about that, but I've determined what I need to start with about the physical effects his injuries have on him.

Thank you, and I hope you're all having a good day!!

Hello!

This sounds fine and pretty cool to me. The most important part is that the name isn't intended to be derogatory and that he actually likes it.

As a different disability-related example, "Wheels" and all its variants is a surprisingly common nickname that wheelchair users use (mostly younger guys). Sometimes you have a few of these dudes in one group and three people look at you when you try to call for one of them, it's just a fun nickname. Could it also be a cartoon-bully level derogatory insult if it was used for a character that hates it? 100%. It's very context dependent.

That's the same sentiment that's crucial here I think. Your character likes it and is proud of it? Go ahead. It makes sense in his cultural background and his nickname falls under a similar naming convention so it fits. I like the mention of how it reminds him that "he has survived hard times", since it's something that I've heard from burn survivors who explain why they choose "survivor" over "victim" to refer to themselves.

To answer your actual question: yes, I think it's a reasonable concept that makes sense in the character's setting. In another context yeah, it could be weird to identify with an acquired physical difference like that, but other people will do it anyway, you could as well make it "yours" and be proud of it, wear it as a positive. I don't think it's something that is an automatic "no" even if kinda weird. I'd go case-by-case and in your character's case it seems great.

As for the actual name, I agree that "brand" does have a negative connotation in English, all the criminal/cattle/label associations are less than ideal. I don't think it's detrimental to the concept like some other potential nicknames could be (looking at all the No-Faces and Half-Faces, which I do think are strictly derogatory) but if changing it to something less loaded wouldn't be an issue I'd probably do that. Both -hand and -brave are pretty awesome (the latter kinda reminds me of a warrior cat name but that's definitely a me problem), since they're either neutral or very positive in their connections.

Personally I care more about the fact that you're researching your character thoroughly, don't think that him being a burn survivor comes with some intrinsic negative traits, nor seem to put him in one of the Four Boxes. That's more important than terminology and vice versa - one could use the most up-to-date correct terms to refer to their OC and still make them into an offensive nightmare with bad execution. It doesn't mean that specific words aren't important but they (generally) aren't what breaks or makes representation that people want to see.

You seem to be doing good: my advice is to rethink the -brand part due to its connotations, and just keep researching as you write him.

Hope this helps,

mod Sasza

[hyperlexichypatia]

What some of y'all call "recovery" and "healing" is just... growing up.

The theme I keep coming back to, the theme I keep writing about over and over, is the inextricability of ableism (specifically neurobigotry) and ageism.

The pathologizing of youth. The infantilizing of disabled adults. The structuring and micromanaging of childhood leading to ever more opportunities for "deviancy" to be classified as "disordered." The "neurological" push to raise the age of majority. The constant framing of disabled parents and caregivers as "unfit" or "bad influences" on children. And on and on.

Ageism and neurobigotry are such an interconnected tangle loop mobius strip that people are using the "healing"/"recovery" framework for basic human maturation.

When you were little, you uncritically accepted the worldview of your parents and other adults in your life, but now that you're older and "recovered," you see it differently?

That's called growing up. You grew up.

When you had less information and experience informing your worldview, you saw things one way, and now that you've "healed," you see things differently?

That's called learning. You learned new information and changed your perspective accordingly.

Look, learning and change and growth and maturation are (or should be) lifelong processes with no endpoint, and one of the cultural factors making people so weird about "maturity" and age of majority issues is the assumption that a "Real Adult" is in their fixed final form. So people think "If I've changed and grown in the past 5 years, that means that 5-years-ago Me was Still A Child and should not have been allowed to make major life-altering decisions," and also think that once they reach An Endpoint, they can or should stop changing. And that's a problem.

But. But. Changes in one's relationship to oneself and one's family of origin are especially common during times of major transition. That's not pathological. That's not even abnormal. If you see the world differently than you did before a major life transition, that does not mean that you went from a diseased state to a nondiseased state ("recovery"), or from an injured state to an uninjured state ("healing"). Time passed. You got older. Everyone else got older. You changed. Other people changed. Your family changed. The social context in which you live changed. The pathology paradigm has no place in this phenomenon.

People are out here saying that "People should heal themselves before they have their own children," and then when asked, what they mean by "heal themselves" is "learn how to effectively communicate with children." That. That is a skill. Learning a skill is not "healing." Lack of a particular skill set is not a disorder you have to "recover" from. You just have to learn the skill.

But that's also why when we say "You don't have to recover from your disabilities, recovery isn't a moral obligation," people say things like "You want to use your disability as an excuse not to change and grow."

My good bitch, what does change and growth have to do with recovery?

And this isn't even a new observation, because people have talked about how parents of developmentally disabled children will credit "therapy" and "recovery" for their children's natural developmental trajectory (if your child gained a skill after a year of intensive therapy, that doesn't mean "the therapy worked," that means they got older and developed the maturation to acquire that skill). A lot of the rhetoric around early childhood education does the same thing (the reason your 6 year old can hold a pencil now and he couldn't last year is because his bones got stronger and his fine motor skills improved, not because his high-quality preschool made him ready to compete).

But this. This is adults doing it to themselves! And it's so very original-sin-coded. You are born Unhealthy, but through continual effort and right practice, you can Recover and Heal.

No! You just grew up!

[nwarrior777]

"MainSpring Rays: The Power" Little game which play Big. Dev Team Open Call announce!

Can't believe i am saying this, but, it's actually happening! I am looking for people who would like to join to the dev team of my game!

What's even this game?

MainSpring Rays: The Power based on life of a russian immigrant [the author], wrapped in surreal metaphors on a fantasy-like word building base. Little melancholic story about everyday life horrors, with hopeful message

MSRTP is a little indie visual novel. However, it has not popular core solutions, which I, as author, wish game industry and media in general a very Right Now

The game has 3 main principles:

Accessibility Focus Disabled players are included in audience and every aspect of the game is treated with "is this accessible? yes - go, no - fix" mindset. The goal is to create the game which will be accessible by default to all known disability types - vision, hearing, motoric, with no need of extra menu options slapped on already made gameplay. To make this goal come true a lot of techniques used: not using epilepsy triggering video effects, default big fount size of game interface, Special Balance Rule, and many more (more details about it in next promo posts) I assume that there will be mistakes on that, cause i am new at coding but if to make games - only like this, so that's why one of Open Call roles is Accessibility Consultant/Tester, who needs to be of course, disabled

Representation focus Characters with various appearance features, medical conditions, all fat - all shown gorgeous and respectful even if i draw representative art for about a decade, there is Open Call role for Representation Writing Consultant because i am white and don't want to write black character badly, don't have face burn, etc it's not surprise for my audience to see these designs, but apparently the thing that characters needs to have more body types and appearance than one model for million character in one game is discovery to be made in game industry

The game is free I want to give all people chance to play no matter of their income, including income of people who can't buy even one cofee cup by month

Ok, some more important info about the game?

A little about the plot: In the game you - player (the main hero), lead small group of refugees to Light, through world which falls to darkness. You go through hells of life guiding by Light Dots on Sky, keeping warmth inside and helping each other in hard times. The ending is the only one. The Good one

It's little visual novel. It's already has working rough prototype with full written story, most of graphic is ready, text written but not edited.

So this is why we here - Open Call!

People Needed:

Voice actors (details - on castingcall.club project page, link below)

Accessibility consultants and testers (if you know coding - cool, but you can be just disabled person)

Testers (coding, bugs)

Representation Consultants

Grammar editor (my eng is my second, help)

may add more in dev process

! Unfortunatelly, it's volunteer (unpaid) work. But, if you have enough free time and passion for project of such values, it can be interesting

Contacts, if you interested:

Email: krisvolyk777@gmail.com Write with the theme "The Game"

Also, i created the page on CASTINGCALL.CLUB - you can apply there, especially on voice actors roles

So excited to post this announce! Will wait for your letters

[psshaw]

disabled person here!! im a big fan of the tech behind genAI, it's the mass use that really upsets me.

that said, i'm multiply physically disabled, and recently had a seizure that left me with some fine motor function issues im still recovering from. (sorry in advance forany typos)

for me a lot of the issue with AI art comes from people wanting to see a picture, asking the AI to make it, and then insisting it has the same value as something someone put hours of work into on the insistence of "well theyre both art". like yeah, sure, but one was made by a person as a cumulation of years of skill and practice and passion, and one was numbers. they both look pretty, sure, but they aren't the same at all.

that said, a lot of my art comes from seeing something amazing and going "i wonder if i could make something like that. it's a beautiful process of inspiration and trial and error and working and the amazing feeling of success.

and i've played with AI before, and even made some images that looked Nice, but it never felt the same. it wasn't nearly as gratifying, even if the images looked better than what i could create by hand.

computers, as of this moment, cannot think or feel. they can't put any of the work or effort or time or emotion into the work that a human artist can. they can recreate the effects of it, sure, but a shitty drawing made with passion is so much better than a technically perfect image with none of that behind it imo.

also like... it's just not really a helpful tool in its current state :( i could see it being good for analyzing images and helping with guidelines or filling in work assistively, but it's being manufacturesd to replace us , not assist us.

YEAHHHHHHHHH I know a huge chafe came from the hustle culture-type guys trotting out stuff that only they believed, like "but a computer "steals" the same as a brain, stop knowing the context that makes them different" and "I made this :)".

THANKFULLY I don't see those guys much anymore, I think a lot of them got laughed at and their attitudes have settled into either "yeah it's a responsive slot machine, I just like seeing what comes out" (honesty!) or the evil mindset of "turns out I can actually swindle people out of money with this!" that's making it hard for me to shop for books or wallpaper printed after 2021.

Ya gotta drop the "a computer has no emotions" thing, though. This is not a conversation about something as abstract as a soul. Pro-AI is laughing at that, and they're mostly right to.

[nonspeakingkiku]

Intro time!

Name: Kiku (also other names because its complicated)

Gender: FTM, nonbinary, genderqueer

Orientation: Aroacespec, queer

Pronouns: He/Fae

Kiku is part of a DID system, and that makes things like names and figuring out who you are hard. Doesn't help that all of us hosts respond to Kiku and Kiku and another alter have been blurring together a lot.

We are a nonverbal higher support needs autistic person with multiple other disabilities. We are a full time AAC user for multiple reason.

We have apraxia, several learning disabilities, aphasia, adhd, hEDS, POTs, mcas, fibromyalgia, and are pretty sure we have spastic dipelegic cerebral palsy.

We are a mobility aid user (currently forearm crutches, a rollator, wheelchair and white cane) but we really need different ones (a different kind of walker, crutches that fit us properly, and a wheelchair that we own, the one we use belongs to our partner and they let us use it sometimes).

We were born and raised in Appalachia (North Carolina to be specific) and we have come to remember that that is a huge part of who we are. You can take the boy out of the mountains, but you can't take the mountains out of the boy, (once we get our hands on a print copy of Compound Fracture by Andrew Joseph White we'll put a quote here). We currently live in Tennessee, which is closer but not quite close enough.

We are pagan, raised christian, and havf religious trauma. This makes interacting with some communities hard.

We are a speller, and hope to soon have at least a few sessions of S2C to help with unreliable speech and motor loops. A speller is someone who points to letters on a letterboard or types on a keyboard to communicate. We call ourselves nonverbal mostly, but also use other terms, nonspeaking, minimally speaking, unreliably speaking and we have taken to saying "it's compilated" because it is. We call ourselves nonverbal because we are unreliably speaking, what comes our of mouth isn't what we want to say and often does more harm than good, but we can't just turn it off. We grew up, seeming to be speaking, but we couldn't communicate what we needed or wanted to and what we could say often got us in trouble.

Kiku thinks that is enough of a ramble.

Thank to those who read this.

Please don't send us asks to post fundraiser, we don't have enough followers for it to get shared a lot and we can't determine what is bots and what isn't and they stress us out because of that.

We are posting our amazon wishlist here, if anyone ever wants to get us anything off it, feel free but there is no expectation to do so.

Amazon wishlist!

[decodedlvr]

As long as I’m with You

Steve Harrington x You (short)

Summary: Steve wakes up to another bad night you’ve had this week

Warnings: hurt/comfort, talks of poor physical and mental health, doctors, suicidal ideation, medication use, drug use, chronic health issues, BPD if you squint, disabilities, use of the word “girl” x times, negative self talk, mentions of sex, angst, fluff~~

This is based off my own experiences and inspired by my pal Morgan’s version; feel free to check hers out

Tick tick tick

The clock strikes 12 and then 1, 3, 5am in the morning, no sleep no rest it’s an every day cycle. The same shitty cycle.

It’s a new year, but not a new you.

Sitting in your walker in front of the excruciatingly bright television screen, high as a kite, everything in existence running through your mind 100 mph, sometimes the weed helps the pain. Sometimes it induces it or even makes it worse. Right now it’s doing nothing for you. Looking over at your loved one sound asleep. You don’t want to bother him with your whines or crying. So you just sit there silence, tears rolling down your cheeks; while you watch some bullshit on YouTube.

Sniff Sniff

“Baby?”

Shit.

“..yea?” you say in a whispered tone

“Are you ok? what’s wrong?”

“Ah, you already know”, you’ve used that line probably over a million times

Steve comes along your side expecting a few dried tears, but his eyes widen when he’s sees the collar around your shirt bitten, snot dribbling down your mouth and throat, crouching down, he lies his head onto your thigh looking up at you, “Talk to me sweetheart”

“No.”

“Hey, I know you’re hurting”—

“GOOD FOR YOU! Congratulations you know I’m hurting, you know I’ve been hurting for fucking years. I’m glad you’ve acknowledged it unlike some people”you sniffle getting up in a hurry to take a piss as he follows with sad eyes leaning against the door frame

“I’m fucking tired, I’m so goddamn exhausted nobody will ever know what I’m dealing with!”, you say wiping your ass not bothering to wash your hands, “I can’t do anything I can’t run, I can’t jump, can’t go to the stupid, fucking grocery store without one of those motorized carts.. my back hurts, my fucking knees are throbbing, stupid fucking nerves won’t calm down FUCK! It’s not like I can get in the bathtub to calm my muscles down. Nothing is helping! No medication, no PT, no injections, no nothing! Why?? am I just resistant to any source of help or treatment? I-I can’t even lay in the goddamn bed to sleep. That’s all I have left is rest!! What is rest!? I don’t know what the hell that even is”

“I know baby I know”—

“NO YOU DONT STEVE, all you know is what you see. I wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy, my worst enemy to feel what I feel. That’s how bad it all hurts. The most evil, sick and twisted person in this world, I would never wish this upon. I just..”, getting dizzy you collapse on the bed sobbing into your own hands, then eventually into Steve’s shoulder as he rocks you, tears spilling from his own eyes—

“Nobody cares, nobody wants to help me. nobody cares unless I’m rich and can afford to give them any and ALL the things off my back, but I can’t. Even with the money you make it will never be enough to help the poor girl who’s too young to have any kind of issue. It’s “all in my head” I’m just fucking crazy. I could break my own neck and still be told it’s only from anxiety. Nobody cares just”—

“I care” he exhales

“It doesn’t matter if you care, all your care is useless, all your help is worthless to me because it gets me nowhere. Nobody’s love and care gets me nowhere. It’s nothing all but fucking false hope. Don’t you get that? None of you still to this day seems understand that. Stop praying for me to get better. It’s never going to happen. I can’t take it anymore.. I just wanna die! All I wish for is to die but, I can’t even have that. It’s like all of you want me here, to live and suffer for the rest of my life for y’all, it’s not fair, fuck that”, your trembling, body in fight or flight

“Don’t say that, you know I’d do anything to take your pain away”

“It doesn’t matter what you’d do because you’re not a doctor. You’re not a professional, you can’t help me get better.. sucks to hear but it’s the truth Steve..fuck”—

Steve’s really trying not to beat himself up over your words, he knows you’re in pain, it comes from a place of anger, frustration and fear

“I have all these pain medications I could easily take all at once, so I’ll never have to wake up in this position ever again. Why can’t I do it huh? I could end right here right now you never have to suffer again, but I just d-don’t; If anything, I’m the most selfless person for staying alive for YOU just so I can be alive but in pain all over again for YOU!”, your tone getting higher and higher in pitch

“I-I’m sorry.. I wish I knew the right words to say baby”, he’s trying his best to stay strong for you

“You’ve got to be sick of me, tired of me. All I do is cause more money to come out of your pockets, more exhaustion, more burdening, more crying, more everything bad for you. You already deal with your own shit. I do nothing but make your own mentality worse, hell you’re making your own self worse being with a person like me. A broken and useless excuse of a human being. You deserve somebody who can go hiking with you, go to the beach, travel with, who can do the bare minimum. Can’t even fuck you properly—

“STOP! Stop that right now” he shouts

You freeze because he’s never raised his voice at you, atleast not on purpose at such a vulnerable time

“I hate it too. You know it hurts me to know that you hurt and I’m sorry that I can’t take the pain away from you. My sweet, sweet girl I’m so sorry that nobody has given you the chance to hear your voice, to help heal you..but I’m gonna make you the same promise I make you almost every single night. As long as I’m with you, I will try my best with all my power to make it a little bit more bearable for you to be here, and I am so grateful that you are still here and choose to be here with me for us to be together. I know you hurt, but as long as you’re with me, I’m going to do my best to put a smile on your pretty face, beautiful sunshine of a smile because you’re my sunshine.. y-your smile gives me life did you know that?”

You nod. He tells you all the time

“I- I’m tired for wishing to feel ok for my birthdays, every Christmas. All the shirts and posters you got me for Christmas? I haven’t even touched them yet, you know why? Because the selfish person in me doesn’t give a fuck about none of it. The only thing I care about and want and NEED is pain relief and that’s too much to ask for isn’t it? Apparently wanting to be better in the world it’s too much to ask for”

“You deserve to feel better”, he says while his hand travels up your back to rub your tense neck, “You deserve to be free from all of this and I can’t give that to you. You’re not selfish baby you’re hurting. I love you for you. I knew what I was signing up for, and if I didn’t want that I wouldn’t be here right now with you. I know the sacrifices Ill have to make, the tears I’ll have to shed, the strength it’ll take me to pick you up when you’re down, but I fell in love with you, how you are, and who you are”

“Who are you kidding Steve, you don’t even know who I am. The real me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I wish you met me when I wasn’t sick then maybe you wouldn’t be so stressed out a-and.. and,” you start sobbing again, it’s all too overwhelming

“Hey, hey look at me, no. I met you at the right time. You need me just as much as I need you. You may not think you’re worth nothing but you’re worth everything to me. Yeah you have a good and bad days..—

“I’ve had nothing but bad days for the past few months Steve”-

“I know, I see it, I hear it and I witness it, I may not can feel it, but at the end of it all, you still love me. You’re still here. You still want to cook for me. You still get up to brush your teeth and I’m so proud of you for still trying to care for yourself. That’s the biggest job you’ll ever have, and it’s been a very hard job hasn’t it?

You nod, as he nods with you

“Yeah, it has, but you don’t have to do it alone anymore. I want to provide for you. I want to take care of you. You’re my girl, you deserve so much and as long as I’m with you, I will try every day, every hour, every second or minute, to make sure you know how loved, how great and how amazing you are. How great and amazing you’re doing for yourself and for me. How strong you are”—

—“im tired of having being strong all the time”, interrupting him

“I know you are. You are so strong for being on this earth, even when you don’t want to be. I wouldn’t ask for anybody else, you’re it for me always. Will you continue to let me try to make it better for you every day? To take care of you?”, he squats in front of you, cupping your wet cheeks, kissing your forehead

“But Stevie.. you know you’re getting your own hopes up because nothing you do helps either and I feel like a piece of shit for saying that because”—

“I know what you mean, you don’t have to be sorry. I understand you may not have hope but I do. All my Hope goes towards you and it always will. You are the most important thing in my life. I’m not gonna give up on you, on me or on us, ok sunshine?”

..”okay”, you repeat rubbing your temples

“Head hurt, darling?”

“yes”

“From crying too hard?”

You nod, looking away in shame, “It’s okay, I’ll get your Migrane cap from the freezer and i’ll set your pillows up how you like, just sit tight”, he says it standing then pausing at the doorway, looking over his shoulder, “I love you”

“luv you—

“Hmm? What was that, I couldn’t hear you” he exclaims

“I said love you gosh.. shut up”, you barely crack a smile

That was enough to get him through the rest of the night.

[zebulontheplanet]

I am someone who works for a company that provides aacc devices, I am curious what features were most appealing about the device you chose, and what things frustrate you most about your device?

I find a lot of feedback on devices I get in my workplace are from the family member perspective, instead of the users, so I figured I would ask.

Hello anon! I actually currently use a device I’ve bought myself with a little help from donations.

It was about $250-300 all said and done. It was an iPad from Amazon, and I used a variety of apps until I found an app that worked for me (although it still doesn’t fit all my needs)

I use an iPad with a foam case, and proloquo4text on it.

I would like to have a symbol based app, as I do struggle sometimes with words and word forming and motor control, and at times when I’m semi to full catatonic or coming out of a catatonic episode, text to speech doesn’t work for me. However, I only work well with motor planning apps, and I do not have an extra $300 plus dollars to spend on an app at the moment.

For your question, the most appealing of the app I chose was that it was easy to use and HIGHLY customizable. Proloquo4text allows me to form sentences, store them away, make scripts, and more. It is a very good app for me!

But with my disabilities, I think I need a variety of apps, instead of one single app. Which is very common for people with my disabilities.

What frustrates me the most about my device is that it’s just text based. I wish there were more apps out there that did have the option to be both text and symbol based, but weren’t breaking the bank. My app does frustrate me a lot because it doesn’t meet my full needs, but I’m working on it and working with what I got!

Trialing apps can help a lot! So with your clients, let them trial the device. Honestly, a lot of companies only let you trial devices/apps for two weeks, and in my experience, it can take me up to a month to get familiar with a symbol based app. This can vary on so many things, including the persons disability. I wish people did trials based on that person’s individual needs, instead of just what they deem right and “average”.

I hope this answers your questions! Have a lovely day!

[defilerwyrm]

I feel so stupid to say this but I'm a trans man, but I have a lot of learning disabilities so I'm trying to understand things better. I was born AFAB but I'm trying to understand how "bio sex" works and if it is even real. I've heard a lot of people say it isn't but that makes me feel sorta as if my transness isn't valid then. I do not agree w trans meds at all, they're terf lites and their "male/female brain" stuff is so wrong. But I'm curious since the brain isn't gendered, what makes us the bio sex we are? I get gender is different and it is WHO we are and how we think and present etc but can you explain bio sex please? :) I also really want phallo and top surgery and it makes me curious how gender which is a social construct has an urge to match up with biology somehow? Like how come my dysphoria feels so bad that I lack a dick..how does my gender want that?

Hoo boy. Biological sex is actually really complex. It’s made up of your sex chromosomes, sex hormones, primary sex characteristics developed as a fetus, secondary sex characteristics developed in puberty, and I think a few other factors I’m forgetting. All of these elements are not binary (meaning there are only two options), but instead bimodal (meaning there are two options that are the most common, but there are others).

So using myself as an example, my chromosomes are unknown because I’ve never been karyotyped (tested for sex chromosomes); my endocrine system is almost completely testosterone-based; I have zero “female” reproductive organs and most of the “male” ones (minus testes); and I have a few “female” sex characteristics (undeveloped hyoid (Adam’s apple), wide hips, narrow shoulders, smallish hands & feet) and many “male” ones (deep voice, broad jaw, flat chest, vascular hands, body hair, facial hair, male pattern alopecia, male fat distribution, lower body temperature, high sex drive). So without knowing what my chromosomes are, by all accounts I’m male.

The whole male brain/female brain thing has been pretty well debunked. There are only subtle differences between the brains of cis men and cis women at the population level, and those physical differences that do exist are most likely caused by differences in socialization for certain skillsets. In other words, if you teach boys and girls that they’re supposed to be good at different things as they’re growing up, their brains will develop to be better at those things that they practice from an early age—be that fine motor skills, or telling colors apart, or interpreting other people’s tone and moods, or being empathetic, etc. Obviously there are disabilities that can stand in the way or complicate matters, but there’s something called the Pygmalion effect where if you consistently tell a child that they’re good at a certain thing, they will BECOME good at it—and if you consistently tell a child they’re bad at a thing, they will do poorly at it.

Something I find really interesting, talking about the link between biological sex and gender identity, is the prevalence of PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) in trans men. The rates shown by studies varies a lot, but taking average rates, about 5% (1 in 20) AFAB people have PCOS, but about 60% (3 in 5) trans men have it. PCOS is an endocrine condition (and, arguably, an intersex condition) that has a slew of effects, and one of those is relatively high levels of androgens like testosterone. The REALLY interesting part is that PCOS medications that decrease testosterone and increase estrogen result in MORE gender dysphoria for trans men and LESS in cis women! I remember before I even figure out I’m trans, my mom told me I needed to get on metformin to decrease testosterone and boost estrogen, and the very thought of it made me nauseous and angry!

A possible interpretation of that is that there is an intrinsic link between our gender identity and our physical sex that opposes our primary sex characteristics. In other words, we’re MEANT to be men and our bodies know it.

(Now, things like this on the trans woman side, I will admit I don’t know offhand; you’d have to ask a trans woman who follows medical science. I would point you to my sister because she fits the bill, but we have an unspoken agreement to keep our online lives separate for privacy. That is to say, I don’t remember her blog name lmao sorry sis)

But yeah. The thing about top and bottom dysphoria is that it isn’t like social dysphoria where it depends on how you’re seen by others. It’s an internal knowledge—a gnosis, if you will—that something is WRONG regardless of what others think, say, or do. Speaking for myself again, sure you can be a man without a dick, fine, whatever, but I, personally, was supposed to have one. It wasn’t the social construction of what masculinity is supposed to entail that made me hate my tits and cooch, it was the fact that they felt horrible and wrong and I knew I was meant to have a flat chest, dick, and balls instead. And that feeling of wrongness started at a very young age, if I’m honest; I just didn’t have the vocabulary and knowledge to identify it until my mid-20s.

How does this relate to my PCOS? We don’t actually know. But don’t you think it’s interesting that the signs that I was trans were there long before my first puberty awakened the PCOS in the first place?

Gender roles are a fluid social construct. What’s considered masculine and feminine change with culture and time. But gender identity is, as far as medical science can figure, hardwired in the brain. For most people, by happy coincidence of sex and gender being bimodal, their physical sex (as complex as it is!) and gender identity more or less align, and they never really have to think about it. For others, there is a natural misalignment between the two—and it can take quite some time to figure it all out, because our cultures try very to force a bimodal spectrum into a binary box.

I think I’ve rambled enough, hey? Let’s see if my dogshit wifi will let me post this without losing everything.

[seat-safety-switch]

I’ve always been obsessed with street sweepers. Not the people, although I’m sure they have interesting stories, but the machines themselves. Street sweepers come out of the city’s industrial-equipment harem every spring, and capture my imagination immediately with their rotary-buffing antics. They’re trucks, but not as we know them. In fact, they likely have more overlap with my favourite tool of all time, the angle grinder.

Few other vehicles are as dedicated to the act of sweeping: even a plow truck can be used to make a Rotten Ronnies’ run, but good luck stuffing one of these babies inside a medium-size drivethrough. Even with the brushes disabled, it’ll sound like a helicopter, smell like week-old diapers dropped from said helicopter, and everyone involved will wish you hadn’t existed.

These trucks are truly beneficial: you can argue if a fire truck really helps people, or just teaches them to become lazy about fire safety and therefore dependent on the fire department. And they make unnecessarily loud siren noises – never proven by science to actually help – which anger the neighbourhood. Nobody is mad when they’re crawling under a decrepit mid-1970s General Motors product and finds that the curb lane is not covered in gravel, bits of safety glass, and old roofing nails, because the big ol’ Elgin just came through the night before.

And there’s something new and fascinating to learn about them. You might have a pretty good idea how a semi-truck operates from exposure to it in mass media. Chances are good that you can guess how a cement truck works. Maybe you can even draw a crude representation of a dump truck’s hydraulic actuator, and bore the shit out of neighbourhood toddlers who just want you to make the noise. A street sweeper, though: that thing has all kinds of systems. It’s got the thing that sprays water. It’s got the thing that holds water. It’s got those big-ass brushes, and the lifts, and the beepy thing.

The whole package, that’s what a street sweeper is. You could tear one of these bad boys down – although with the stench, maybe they just set them on fire after four or five years of use – and never stop finding cool new electromechanical gadgets to geek out over. That, to me, is good value for my tax money. If you find a used one, just make sure to run it through the car wash a bit.

[fandomshatepeoplewdisabilities]

So a plot in one of my fanfics is that a disease spreads through the land that affects only magical people (it eats away at their magic and messes with pretty much everything about them. Several characters become ill and at least one is permanently disabled and one dies. Note that this is just counting the canon characters.) The permanently disabled character ends up with walking difficulties and spends the rest of the fic series as an ambulatory wheelchair user (he was murdered in canon so he's way better off. Also I'm not going to lie i saw an incredible piece of fanart that showed him in a wheelchair and I was INSPIRED!) He gets to still practice magic and fight, just needs to adjust for his new wheels! And of course he also gets to be a political figure, husband and father.

Thing is, it's low-key hard to find information about walking issues that stem from illness that isn't like...polio or rickets. Do you or any of your followers know of any I can look up so I can make this fictional magic disease more realistic (does it affect his nerves? Cause pain? Fatigue? Balance? I'm still unsure)

ok so I'm gonna need the name of the media because this all sounds very vague lol.

As to walking issues it could even be something like multiple sclerosis or arthritis (a friend of mine has MS and my dad has arthritis in his legs/hips). (they're not really comparable it's just that I'm talking to my friend with MS today and he's been my friend since college).

Also for walking issues there's loads of wheelchair users/walker users that are just well old. Like ok my grandma didn't start using a cane until her late 70's but now she because of macular degeneration she's got a cane, a walker and a wheelchair.

For example my mom has arthritis in her hands but her balance is getting worse as she gets older and she like needs the motorized cart at walmart and target and costco. Like her specific issue is actually cirrhosis of the liver and her energy is very low and she can't stay on her feet for very long without getting cramps.

Like I'd suggest watching Night Sky for example its on netflix I think?

it's got sissy spacek and her character and her husband come in contact with this like alien life form that like... cures them kinda? A lot of their disabilities and limitations were simply age related. I didn't watch the whole show tho so sorry if its not good representation but I remember my mom watched the whole thing and wished for there to be a second season.

Followers please let me know if Night Sky was good representation!!! Also any suggestions for this ask would be appreciated!

mod ali

[maxisanangrywell]

back on my simon riley with rheumatoid arthritis shit.

so im getting checked out for juvenile RA, (cause if ur under 28 it's considered juvenile i believe) and its making a lot of things really difficult, so imma project on ghostie here for a bit.

TW: Stress, Stress Vomiting

Part One; Lightning

Ghost has good and bad days. On the good days, he gets to take his N-SAID, probably Celebrex, and it actually works. He doesn't get stiff much, and it doesn't feel like his hands are stuck in a really touch slime and he's trying to move them around.

On the bad days? God it sucks.

He cannot do paperwork. Holding the pen in the way he needs to sign off documents or write his own is genuinely painful. He has to force his hand open with the other when he has no choice but to sign the paperwork. (Or sometimes take his glove off and stick his hand under hot water until he can feel the stiffness recede enough to move it.)

He can still use his weapons, but it's a chore on the bad days. It's too dangerous, and so he's benched until he gets an all clear from medical as they're reviewing his x-rays to see how bad it's gotten.

He can't open soda cans anymore. Can't lift the tabs on soups or bean cans. He can't operate a can opener either. He has to get these things called Tab Buddies for the cans, and then if he has to use a can opener, he angrily passes it to Soap. (At that point, his pride is screaming at him to not eat anymore, but he needs to eat.)

They're still waiting on X-rays and he gets more imaging done, just to see truly how bad it's gotten. The positions they make him put his hands in are painful, and he feels tears prickle in his eyes as he clenches his jaw and grinds his teeth.

It keeps getting worse, and Simon quickly finds himself getting angry and depressed. Why him? Why now? He was on the top of his game, he had finally felt just a smidge of happiness, and now he had to dig up the birth certificate he never used and show it to the world the death certificate was simply for his job. To operate safely.

Now he doesn't have a job. His family is a bunch of soldiers who love their job and can continue doing it. He can't do what he loves, bringing terrorists to their knees and making them beg for the mercy they never gave others. The mercy he wouldn't give. Now, he has to confront his trauma and become a civilian. Figure out how to live with such a disability, he cannot preform basic fucking functions anymore.

How the fuck is he going to do this? If it's this bad within three years, and getting worse fast, how fucking bad is it going to be in the next year? Or next eight?

Was he even going to be able to use his hands in the next coming ten years?

Medical comes back with devastating news he knew from the get-go.

"Sorry Lieutenant, you're going to have to be honorably discharged. There's nothing we can do."

He doesn't get angry, he just feels resigned.

So, he gets discharged, and he's holding his head in his hands hyperventilating at 1 in the morning in his flat in Manchester. Crying, sobbing, beside his toilet with his mask across the tiled floor somewhere. The occasional sickness poured from his mouth into the toilet.

Fuck.

He's become everything he didn't want to be. Soon to be homeless, disabled, and how the fuck was he going to find work when fine motor skills is all he knows?

"Fuck me."

Comment on this Post if you want to be tagged whenever I post this AU!!

Pls like & reblog if you want to see more of this au. :) im really excited about this one, as the 141 are all going to have different chronic ailments. it's a story about hope and perseverance, with a little touch of romance and a shit ton of drama. Also.... Tommy, Beth and Joseph survived the Christmas Massacre, because I said so.

[umemiyan]

ROBIN!!! im absolutely in LOVE with postmortem/postpartum, its such a good fic and its so refreshing honestly to see such a creative, interesting concept be explored especially with so much care and love. i said this in my tags but thats rly what fanfic is all about, EXPLORING!!! exploring canon, exploring characters, putting them in new situations and seeing what happens. i love love love it. and seeing gojo in such a brand new, vulnerable light, with both him and reader navigating life as a disabled-coded person following his death and resurrection, is so fascinating. and when he did the divine dogs hand motion to megumi i literally almost cried. if its ok with u, i had a couple questions!!!

what was reader before the incident? a teacher at jujutsu high? just a friend to satoru? im interested in what role they played prior to everything that happened. obviously megumi knew reader, but im curious what that relationship is!!

how with it is satoru? reader had to pick out his outfit and bathe and feed him, we’ve seen that much, but is he able to dress himself? how well does he move - walking and such? does reader always have to help feed him or was that just a one time occurrence to encourage him to eat?

SORRY if im bombarding you with too many questions, i just love this concept so much and im so fascinated with it 🤍🤍🤍

AH HELLO!!!!!!! omg i saw your wonderful tags earlier while i was working and i was just so giddy to read them!!!! thank you so much 💕 i really am enjoying exploring this story and am happy that others are as well 🥹 i felt like maybe the whole thing would just be something only i would be interested in LOL which would’ve been totally fine tbh but i’m thrilled to see it resonating with other people!!

no worries about asking questions at all! thank you for doing so! i realize some things have been rather vague thus far and probably have a few people wondering what the deal is lol

more details will be revealed somewhat soon in the story i suppose, but so far my intention has been for reader to be a sorcerer—not necessarily a teacher, but many sorcerers do of course tend to engage with the school and its students, so that’s where the familiarity comes from. it will also be implied that they and gojo were either classmates or otherwise very close in age during school (that’s a specific detail i haven’t exactly landed on yet lol)

as for satoru, i’ve honestly been playing it a little loose when it comes to his condition thus far, though i would like to perhaps refine some of these details in my mind. however, it’s purposefully meant to come across a bit wishy-washy since it’s truly something that everyone is learning as they go along. in my mind, the time since satoru’s revival/awakening has really not been long at all—maybe two weeks at the most. new things are being unearthed every day.

however!! he is very much inspired by brain injury patients as well as autistic individuals with higher support needs (somewhere in between levels 2 and 3). it’s a bit of a concoction of both (as well as tidbits of other things) based on my own observations and research rather than something that’s more clearly defined as being coded as one or the other, especially since what happened to him was… not normal LMAO so there are some supernatural aspects as well that sort of make it its own /thing/

his motor functions are pretty normal for the most part aside from perhaps the occasional coordination issue, though i almost imagine that his six eyes/powers are automatically trying to overcompensate for such things?? which would in turn cause extra fatigue at the end of the day. but tbh that’s something i’m going to put more thought into!!

one of his biggest issues is with executive function/initiating tasks and making decisions. the cognitive impairments are what require reader’s prompting and assistance a lot of the time. however, reader is also potentially overcompensating (or lacking) in some areas as well simply because they haven’t been able to accurately gauge all of satoru’s capabilities yet and are overall not used to caring for someone at this level.

so while he is actually physically able to perform most tasks, the cognitive function isn’t quite there, nor are the memories on how to engage in certain tasks (probably mostly those with more steps/complications) without prompting and reminders. it can take his brain a little bit longer to calculate and process several things.

i just have this image in my head of reader pulling underwear over their pants or something while trying to demonstrate to him how to get dressed without having to fully intervene LMFAO since they are trying to maintain some modesty/distance at the moment. which… probably won’t last for long tbh because it’s not quite practical at this stage.

but there is maybe a little room for neurological improvement on his end! however, it is not my goal for the story to see that he is “fixed” or anything of the sort, nor do i want it to diminish his person. it’s a balancing act!

sorry i just rambled a lot skdjsjsnshdudidie but once again, thank you so much for reading and asking!!! discussions like these really help me understand my thoughts a lot better and i really enjoy hearing yours as well! it certainly helps keep the inspiration flowing rather than all of these little things getting trapped up in my mind lol 💖

[amandamgsblog]

Chapter 3 - Getting to know eachother better and Snacks

Previously…

— Did you hurt yourself, Amanda? - The blond comes running towards me and asks worriedly, crouching down while I'm still sitting.

He whispers:

— Let me stay close to you, please…

Now…

Narrator's POV

Neither of our two protagonists really understood what was going on. They stared at each other, trying to figure out if the other had also felt an electric shock.

— Ross, can you sit here with me for a moment? - Amanda said a little dazed, because she didn't quite understand what was happening.

— Sure.

— Uh… I really messed up with you last week and I want to apologize. I saw how upset you were. I have serious problems and making friends isn't my strong point. I've had very few real friendships, because people have always judged me or laughed at me in front of me, so I'm afraid to approach anyone without knowing for sure if they're going to do something similar or not.

Amanda said facing the young man. Ross smiled at her and said:

— As sad as those reasons are, I understand it, really. - She also gave a small smile. — And who doesn't have problems in life? I'm your real friend, Amandita. One more for the exclusive list.

They both laugh. — And if you think I'm going to do the same thing to you that the bitch-mother and her gang are doing to you, you're very mistaken… I don't understand why you haven't gone to the Languages coordinator, who is the same as the Humanities coordinator. I can go with you!

— Awwn, how cute… - She squeezes one of his cheeks, without hurting him, and they laugh again. - Bitch-mom, I love it! But it's the second week of school and if the ridiculous troupe gets called in afterwards, it's going to be hell. I'll wait a bit longer and see if this situation continues.

— Okay. I'll support you and we'll do almost everything together: study, go to each other's houses to watch movies and chat, make fun of each other's faces, comfort each other. I'm not going to leave your side and you're going to be pissed at me, wanting personal space.

They smile and the young woman already has tears of happiness threatening to come out, so she hugs Ross, thanking him for his support, his friendship and his cute personality.

— I'm also going to be the best friend I can, even if 50% of the time you don't understand what I'm saying, haha.

— Your tone of voice is normal for me, it's just lower and that's no problem… and I think it's really cute. - Ross spoke without thinking and blushed, while Amanda felt her heart racing without her wanting it to. All she could do was smile genuinely and thank him.

— Err… I think we'd better go into the classroom. - She says.

— Yes. I'll help you up. - Ross takes both her hands and, with a little strength, lifts her up without any problems. — Can you walk now?

— Yes. I just had a muscle spasm at the time. Nothing serious.

— Come here. - He hugs her from the side and pulls her close to him, and the two of them walk together, smiling. Classes went slowly that day, but nothing that a chat back and forth couldn't improve their mood.

The next day…

Amanda's POV

I spent last night and into the night thinking about Ross. No, I'm not in love. I'm just happy to have a friend as good as him… I hope our friendship grows. I confess I was startled by the way my heart raced at that moment.

Well, through sheer spontaneous pressure from my mother, today, just before the first class started, I had to go to Inclusion Support, an organization within the college that makes furniture and helps students with hearing impairments, mental disabilities, motor impairments, who have some limitations, and for the visually impaired. They're going to make a bigger table, with a footrest and a chair, all adapted for me. I'm rushing to get to the classroom on time, but I'm worried because my mother didn't have enough money at home. So I don't have a penny to buy food at break times.

— Hey, where are you going? - I thought it was Alice, but when I looked, it was Ariana.

— I was going to the cafeteria.

— Look, we got off on the wrong foot and I want to make amends with you. I'll buy you a snack, come on.

Did I believe her? Not at all, but desperation spoke louder.

— Okay, let's go. - There was no conversation as we walked past the building and up to the other snack bar around building 6. — Good afternoon, I'll have a potato bun with ricot-.

�� Give her a well-filled coxinha. (coxinha or 'drumstick' is a Brazilian fried round snack filled with chicken and ricotta)

I can't bear to eat a huge coxinha! Of course I couldn't say that to Ariana, so I just thanked her and smiled. I ate some of the coxinha until we reached the classroom. When we opened the door, we found a bizarre scene: the teacher was slamming a large pile of sheets on her desk, while at the same time saying that she didn't need anyone from the first year, since everyone was talking, because there are much better students in other years.

Isn't that grounds for dismissal? What an impractical situation…

Ariana and I walked in saying “excuse me” and I sat down at my table, which in this situation is unfortunately the first one, facing the woman.

A few minutes pass and while I'm in between eating, because I didn't want much of the lunch, and paying attention, I hear:

— You're late and you're still eating! - The teacher comes within centimeters of my face, angrily. — YOU CAN'T EAT IN MY CLASS, THAT'S AN ABSURD!

I just throw my head back, my ears burning from the scream, and I'm ashamed.

— But I was in a meeting and I don't have any money at home for a snack today! Someone else bought me that… - I spoke angrily as I heard people laughing, so my voice rose considerably. She didn't move, making me uncomfortable, and continued:

— You're expelled from class today. You can leave now!

— WHAT? YOU CAN'T SHOUT IN HER FACE FOR A REASON LIKE THAT AND STILL GET HER EXPELLED! - I turn around and Ross is red with anger. I just hold his shoulder and give it a gentle squeeze, asking him to calm down. As soon as she'd shouted at me, my hunger turned to nausea, so I got up to leave the room and threw the coxinha in the garbage can. There are so many hungry people in the world, but I couldn't bear to eat with this heavy nausea.

— Who are you to tell me what I should or shouldn't do?! - She's still arguing with Ross as soon as I walk through the door. I lean on the windowsill and breathe.

Ross' POV

Amanda is expelled, but the ridiculous argument continues:

— Your student, unfortunately! But I'm much more her friend, who cares about her! And clearly I'm a much better person than you are!

— SO YOU CAN LEAVE TOO!

— I'd be delighted to! - I smile and walk to the door, not before whispering “fucking witch”. She bragged that her doctorate was all in French, that she didn't understand it and that she hated English.

Ross: 3-0 mad woman.

— Honey, are you all right?

— AHH! ROSS, DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT! - Amanda jumps up with her hand on her heart and her eyes wide. — And why did you come out to see me?

— Hahaha… Oh, I got kicked out too. - I shrug.

— What? Are you an idiot? Why did you do that?

— Because you're more important than an unbalanced woman shouting in other people's faces. She could never have shouted at you like that… How are you? - I ask and hold one of her hands. She looks at me and smiles a little.

— Just a bit nauseous… I don't know, hunger combined with panic.

I let go of her hand and speak:

— The college is huge, I'm sure we'll find something fun to do. We have three hours and twenty minutes to spare. Do you want to go to that café in the middle of the garden?

— Yes. The network is very good. - She says as we walk.

— (…) The crazy woman asked who I was to tell her what she should or shouldn't do. So I replied that unfortunately I was her student, but that I cared much more about you, which would make me a better person than her. Then she kicked me out and I whispered a fucking witch. It was so funny!

— Do you have shit for brains?!

— Not that I know of. - I laughed.

— She'll report you and you'll be kicked out of here! It'll be terrible for you and I can't be without friends!

— Relax, she doesn't understand a word of English. If I'd spoken in Portuguese, then yes, but since her doctorate was in French, because it's a beautiful language and she loves it, she never learned English.

— You're VERY dimwitted, but I admire you even more after today. That was epic!

— I know, I'm a nice guy… - I say and Amanda elbows me playfully. We went into the cafeteria laughing and went to choose our orders. — What will you have?

— I'll have a pão de queijo filled with ham. (pão de queijo or chesse roll is another Brazilian snack. From Minas Gerais - my state -, it's a type of biscuit made primarily from polvilho (tapioca starch), cheese, eggs, and oil).

— I'll have a roast hot dog.

— Drink? - The cashier asks.

— A soda each? - My friend asks and I nod.

— Would you like dessert? We have ordinary brigadeiro in a pot and pies in various flavors. (Brigadeiro is a Brazilian sweet made with condensed milk, cocoa powder, and butter. It's rolled into small balls and often coated in sprinkles).

We looked at the pies and there were strawberry, chocolate with Nutella, lemon, red fruit, WHITE CHOCOLATE PIECES!!!

— White chocolate piece. - Amanda and I spoke at the same time and laughed. We saw the beauty of the large piece of chocolate tart, moist, with a generous filling of white chocolate and bonbons on top. That's the one!

— 21,00 reais. - The girl replies and I take out my card, while Amanda complains that she can't pay half. Her being angry is funny.

— I won't have to eat for the rest of the day and I love white chocolate!

— Anyone who doesn't love white chocolate has a problem.

We ate the snacks and went on to the cake. I started laughing through my nose because an idea had crossed my mind, but I'd have to adapt it. I picked up a bonbon and pushed it slowly with my fork, like “Lady and the Tramp”, apart from the dogs and the spaghetti.

— What's that? - Amanda asks curiously.

— The scene from Lady and the Tramp. Of course I'm not going to stick my nose in the cake.

— Hahaha, seriously, where have you been all my life? I have a lot of fun with you! - She laughs, shaking her head. I feel strange. Am I falling in love? I've been blushing ever since I saw her for the first time, but it's been such a short time and we've known each other so little. It's probably just an affectionate thing. — Ross, is everything all right? You were still for a few seconds. Didn't you like the cake or the hot dog?

— Yes, they're delicious. I was just wondering what was going on in class. - I partially lied. — We've been here for half an hour, they'll kick us out soon.

— Again. - We laughed.

— Yeah, again.

— Ah, let's sit under a tree and talk.

We chose a yellow Ipê tree right in the center of the garden. There was a bench, but we sat on the grass. There weren't many people around, as a lot of students were in class.

— So. - I said. — When's your birthday?

— It's January.

— Really? I'm from December. It's the 29th.

— Wow, my birthday is the 7th. It wasn't the right date, but I'm on the 7th. It's very close to yours… I've finally got another friend to come to my party, haha. Relatives and friends always travel at this time of year.

— Yeah, it sucks. Only two friends who don't travel in December come to mine. Maybe next year, after New Year's Eve, we'll pick a day and have a party for the two of us? - I laugh happily.

— I'd love to, I'll bill you later. - She smiles too.

— Favorite color?

— Yellow. - She smiles. — I like purple a lot too.

— No way yours is yellow too! My second favorite is orange.

— Okay, a regret?

— Difficult, but certainly what happened when I was twelve. I was playing a game of ice hockey with my cousins, then the oldest, Riker, bumped into me hard, I fell on my hand and twisted it. - Amanda makes a pained face. — Wait, look: I was so angry and in so much pain that I punched him when we got home. He's four years older, but we're the same height. He fell unconscious, so I took off his clothes except his underwear, because I don't have to see everything, and dragged him out of the door and left him there.

— You wanted to kill your cousin with hypothermia?!

— In my head at the time, I just wanted him to have worse pain than me. But after thirty seconds, I saw how fucked up it was going to be and pulled him back. He was shaking and woke up instantly, so I had to tell my parents.

— What was the punishment?

— Fifteen days doing whatever he wanted, from tidying his filthy room to making food.

— HAHAHA!

— I just want to see you tell a worse story.

Amanda's POV

(A/N: it really happened)

— But we've just eaten and there's something disgusting in the middle of it… It's 100% real.

— What guy doesn't like disgusting things?

I let out a breath before I start.

— Oh my God… So, I was about three, four years old and I'd just got out of diapers and started doing everything in the toilet. Until I did my first number two without anyone seeing me. I just remember being happy, like, “I did it!”, and I literally PULLED it out and went to show my mom-

— ARE YOU KIDDING?! HAHAHA!

— You have no idea what's coming next: I called her happily, she didn't realize it, then I asked her to get down and I PUT the poop in her hair…

— AMANDA, HAHAHA… No way! - He had fallen on the grass from laughing and he was red.

— In my defense, I discovered years later that children at this stage of their growth have pleasure in these… physiological things… I wasn't 100% to blame, hahaha. - I laugh. — I don't know why I've never forgotten that. I just remember crying because she was screaming in despair and the maid was laughing herself to death, just like you.

— That made my day. Thanks, expulsion!

We talked for a while until he said something. — Can I ask you something, but promise you won't get angry?

— Yes, I promise I'll try not to get angry… - I say worried.

— Did someone beat you up in your family? Or a boyfriend? You have bruises on your arm… I swear, if some bastard is hitting you, he'll have his nose cut off before he's arrested.

Shit, he saw them!

— I can explain. - I tried to calm him down, because he kept his eyes lowered, looking at the medium-sized spots and, with every second, he became more distressed. — Nobody hits me, I swear! It's psychosomatic, my body produces it.

He just turns his face around, confused. — All the sadness, anger, anguish, frustration that I can't get out by crying, screaming, gets internalized, and then these small or large spots appear… I-I have them all over my body, especially my arms and legs. My mom has the same reaction. She suffered a lot of humiliation from my dad.

My eyes fill with water and Ross comes up to me, hugging me.

We talk for a while until he speaks:

— I didn't know, I was just very worried. - We lay down on the grass and I rested my head on his chest.

— I know. - I force him to look at me. - After that story with the bitch-mother, the spots came back. I hadn't seen them on my arm for a few weeks.

— Let's go to the coordination. Any day, please… - I just nod. We're silent and I feel a kiss on my head.

— I promise there's no one hitting me. No mother, nor boyfriend. Haha, how could someone invisible hit me? - I joke to ease the tension. — I don't even have a boyfriend.

— My last relationship was a while ago, but we've been best friends since we were babies. She's in Colorado.

— How cute.

We ended up dozing off, I don't know for how long. I just remember hearing my name.

— Stop it, Tião, Mom's coming. Don't shout.

— The last class is about to start.

Philosophy, I forgot!

— I'd stay here. Sorry, I thought it was my parrot calling my mother. He always does that.

— Hahaha, I love that. Hey, can this tree be “our” place? - I'm going to blow up of happiness!

— Sure, I was thinking the same thing. Shall we take a photo to make it official?

We were still hugging, so we took it like this and it was fine. We each went to our classrooms.

— This sorting by letter of the name is a real pain. There are some crazy junkies in my classroom. - Ross complains as soon as we meet at the end of the last class.

— Hahaha, would you want a classroom to have a hundred and twenty students?

— Never.

— Thanks for today. It's been so long since I've had this much fun. It was really worth it.

— It really was, the poop… Ouch. - Another elbow, a strong one this time. He hugs me, laughing. — I'll give you our photo. You have to go, princess. Good night.

— Not in a million years am I like that. Good night, blondie. See you tomorrow.

— You'll still be able to see this.

[illnessfaker]

"go ahead and use that mobility aid if you think it'll help you" as encouragement towards ambulatory physically disabled people who would benefit from it being a pervasive mentality among physically disabled communities on social media is a very good thing, don't get me wrong, but the experience of being an ambulatory physically disabled person whose quality of life would improve greatly from the use of a cane, crutches, rollater, wheelchair, etc. but doesn't use them (or use them as much as we should) due to the fact that doing so very obviously marks us as a potential target for discrimination or even violence (whether physical or social) when we're out in public and so we choose to suffer the consequences, especially for those of us who are already marked in other ways for discrimination, violence, and stigma (e.g. black people, other poc, being visibly trans, queer, or gnc, and visible physical disabilities or bodily differences that don't affect mobility in any sense.)

like personally i might get marked as physically disabled by others regardless, depending on how visible some of my symptoms are in the moment, and some of me not using mobility aids very much at all anymore comes from an internal sense of shame and internalized ableism, but a more significant factor i would say is acute awareness of the stigma associated with it. which makes the fact that other people will in fact notice i'm using a cane, crutch, etc. when in public feel pretty scary! especially on top of the fact i already get noticed and singled out in public spaces for other reasons (i've been called slurs + microaggressions that otherwise signal i'm not doing gender correctly since elementary school, loud speech due to lack of appropriate volume modulation associated with autism/adhd, my speech otherwise being "weird" due to coordination/motor impairments, etc.) as a result, people recognizing that i'm using a mobility aid in public even if it's an entirely positive or neutral observation makes me want to shrink into a ball and disappear. this is despite the fact that one of my most impairing symptoms is orthostatic intolerance + my muscles don't support me properly so being as mobile as able-bodied people in my age range inevitably causes me a lot of pain and can make me very sick/a faint risk or put me at risk for head injury if things get bad enough (though that only happens sometimes.)

this is very anecdotal but i don't want to be noticed, i just want to be left alone. while i can't always hide the fact that i have stuff physically wrong with me because some things like my coordination/motor skill issues can sometimes become obvious to strangers, using a mobility aid sure kicks physical disability right up to being a master status in terms of things i suffer marginalization for in my particular situation (the same may not apply to other groups because, for example, i'm white.) and these circumstances are obviously very different from physically disabled people who aren't ambulatory or who otherwise may not have a choice in the matter when it comes to using mobility aids (some physically disabled people who are ambulatory still might not have any real choice because walking without aid, while they're technically capable of the action, is still unsafe if done for extended period of time, or maybe they can only walk for a few minutes at most before it becomes dangerous, etc.)