#if one good thing comes of my motor disability

[ladentity]

It’s me I can’t write and struggle to tie my shoelaces.

im sick to death of the girlboss phenomenom. appreciate strugglewomen or we'll never get anything done around here

[limpfisted]

Something I think taken for granted for "good and heroic" characters like wyll is

How hard it is to be a hero in settings like this in gen. especially a solo hero.

And then u look at will especially at 17, especially after just losing half of your vision, and now being obligated to hunt devils for mizora, and not being able to tell people who you are or why you have magical powers

Wylls life has been extremely difficult.

Hes not "some rich boy." In fact, he tells you himself, he never really was. His father became grand Duke when he was 17. His father was a Duke before that, but his father was born to a poor blacksmith father and he was the youngest of six, so he worked his way up the ranks. Even as son of a Duke and grandduke---ulder was champion of the poorer "mythical middle class" lower city. All nobles and patriars are from the upper city. There's no way wyll wasn't looked down on by the upper city and then held to a certain untouchable standard as the flaming fist brat by the lower city/outer city people

And yet even at being some "rich boy" he excelled thru hard work and dedication, making things into a competition if nothing else, in which despite his Father's unsurpance to power, he still had PROOF he was the most charming, after all, he held the record for most sarabandes danced in a single evening, much to the exhaustion to the good lords and ladies of the courts.

But even so, with this "cushy life" (where he would get into trouble, mind you! Where his father would encourage him to get into fights, who would train him with a rapier, where he would drink in taverns in the lower city at 14 despite being "a noble rich boy" and hand deliver letters from his father to sharess's caress before he ever knew what went on with the pretty men and handsome ladies behind closed doors.)

Have you ever been camping, like experienced the holy shit, Outside of it all? I dont even like leaving the house without my phone. Wyll, 17, traveled all over the sword coast, with one eye, who knows how many supplies.

While wyll laughs off the trauma of it, losing an eye is a real ass disability that affects your motor skills. It can be difficult to do things like cut food at first, and it can take like 6 months WITH THERAPY for everything to feel "normal" again. Now imagine fending off goblins, and minotaurs, with no therapy, no physical therapy, no doctor. Having to navigate the cold of winter, cursed lands, mountains, all by yourself.

Having to learn to use you sword again, this time without your father. Remembering him every time you pick it up. Remembering the way he looked at you every time you face down a "devil." Spitting the words he would later say to you at them. They stink of avernus, they have brought ruin

Wyll dedicated his life to laboring for the people of the Sword Coast. It's not easy. He makes it look fun, because he's so proud of himself and happy to be helping people

But its actually hard and lonely. And it doesn't come easy, even to Wyll, I think. He had to train himself, it probably took him a long time to figure out what he was doing

I dont think wyll is really as inexperienced and naive as people think. Hes been to avernus, he's fought dragons and minotaurs. He's seen terrible things, he's STOPPED terrible things, and he's going to continue doing so, and choosing to do so, with the full knowledge of what that decision means, and the hard work and sacrifice it requires.

he's fully aware of who he is and what he's capable of, and he's extremely brave and strong and competent

Its good to be good for the sake of being good! And wyll does believe in fairy tales. But his dedication to the blade doesn't come because he's misinformed. Is he as experienced and powerful as he thinks he is? No, he's 24 LOL. But he's still done a lot! Has YOUR muse hunted devils thru avernus? Has ur muse even BEEN to avernus?

Wyll ravengard genuinely is improvising half the time---but more important than simply "being" good and wanting to do good----Wyll has the experience, practice and competence in serving a community to actually BETTER and protect communities.

In fandom spaces we often talk about how certain characters are "just so good" but we like. We forget about the effort it takes to actually commit to acts of doing good, the practice and perservance it takes to competently serve the community.

You can give the people the shirt off ur back but u run out of shirts eventually. Wyll has made himself an important resource on the Sword Coast for its safety. And I think we take that for granted bc its a genre staple, but like. He worked really hard. He dedicated himself to this.

He sold his soul, and he kept living and doing good anyway

[hyperlexichypatia]

What some of y'all call "recovery" and "healing" is just... growing up.

The theme I keep coming back to, the theme I keep writing about over and over, is the inextricability of ableism (specifically neurobigotry) and ageism.

The pathologizing of youth. The infantilizing of disabled adults. The structuring and micromanaging of childhood leading to ever more opportunities for "deviancy" to be classified as "disordered." The "neurological" push to raise the age of majority. The constant framing of disabled parents and caregivers as "unfit" or "bad influences" on children. And on and on.

Ageism and neurobigotry are such an interconnected tangle loop mobius strip that people are using the "healing"/"recovery" framework for basic human maturation.

When you were little, you uncritically accepted the worldview of your parents and other adults in your life, but now that you're older and "recovered," you see it differently?

That's called growing up. You grew up.

When you had less information and experience informing your worldview, you saw things one way, and now that you've "healed," you see things differently?

That's called learning. You learned new information and changed your perspective accordingly.

Look, learning and change and growth and maturation are (or should be) lifelong processes with no endpoint, and one of the cultural factors making people so weird about "maturity" and age of majority issues is the assumption that a "Real Adult" is in their fixed final form. So people think "If I've changed and grown in the past 5 years, that means that 5-years-ago Me was Still A Child and should not have been allowed to make major life-altering decisions," and also think that once they reach An Endpoint, they can or should stop changing. And that's a problem.

But. But. Changes in one's relationship to oneself and one's family of origin are especially common during times of major transition. That's not pathological. That's not even abnormal. If you see the world differently than you did before a major life transition, that does not mean that you went from a diseased state to a nondiseased state ("recovery"), or from an injured state to an uninjured state ("healing"). Time passed. You got older. Everyone else got older. You changed. Other people changed. Your family changed. The social context in which you live changed. The pathology paradigm has no place in this phenomenon.

People are out here saying that "People should heal themselves before they have their own children," and then when asked, what they mean by "heal themselves" is "learn how to effectively communicate with children." That. That is a skill. Learning a skill is not "healing." Lack of a particular skill set is not a disorder you have to "recover" from. You just have to learn the skill.

But that's also why when we say "You don't have to recover from your disabilities, recovery isn't a moral obligation," people say things like "You want to use your disability as an excuse not to change and grow."

My good bitch, what does change and growth have to do with recovery?

And this isn't even a new observation, because people have talked about how parents of developmentally disabled children will credit "therapy" and "recovery" for their children's natural developmental trajectory (if your child gained a skill after a year of intensive therapy, that doesn't mean "the therapy worked," that means they got older and developed the maturation to acquire that skill). A lot of the rhetoric around early childhood education does the same thing (the reason your 6 year old can hold a pencil now and he couldn't last year is because his bones got stronger and his fine motor skills improved, not because his high-quality preschool made him ready to compete).

But this. This is adults doing it to themselves! And it's so very original-sin-coded. You are born Unhealthy, but through continual effort and right practice, you can Recover and Heal.

No! You just grew up!

[decodedlvr]

As long as I’m with You

Steve Harrington x You (short)

Summary: Steve wakes up to another bad night you’ve had this week

Warnings: hurt/comfort, talks of poor physical and mental health, doctors, suicidal ideation, medication use, drug use, chronic health issues, BPD if you squint, disabilities, use of the word “girl” x times, negative self talk, mentions of sex, angst, fluff~~

This is based off my own experiences and inspired by my pal Morgan’s version; feel free to check hers out

Tick tick tick

The clock strikes 12 and then 1, 3, 5am in the morning, no sleep no rest it’s an every day cycle. The same shitty cycle.

It’s a new year, but not a new you.

Sitting in your walker in front of the excruciatingly bright television screen, high as a kite, everything in existence running through your mind 100 mph, sometimes the weed helps the pain. Sometimes it induces it or even makes it worse. Right now it’s doing nothing for you. Looking over at your loved one sound asleep. You don’t want to bother him with your whines or crying. So you just sit there silence, tears rolling down your cheeks; while you watch some bullshit on YouTube.

Sniff Sniff

“Baby?”

Shit.

“..yea?” you say in a whispered tone

“Are you ok? what’s wrong?”

“Ah, you already know”, you’ve used that line probably over a million times

Steve comes along your side expecting a few dried tears, but his eyes widen when he’s sees the collar around your shirt bitten, snot dribbling down your mouth and throat, crouching down, he lies his head onto your thigh looking up at you, “Talk to me sweetheart”

“No.”

“Hey, I know you’re hurting”—

“GOOD FOR YOU! Congratulations you know I’m hurting, you know I’ve been hurting for fucking years. I’m glad you’ve acknowledged it unlike some people”you sniffle getting up in a hurry to take a piss as he follows with sad eyes leaning against the door frame

“I’m fucking tired, I’m so goddamn exhausted nobody will ever know what I’m dealing with!”, you say wiping your ass not bothering to wash your hands, “I can’t do anything I can’t run, I can’t jump, can’t go to the stupid, fucking grocery store without one of those motorized carts.. my back hurts, my fucking knees are throbbing, stupid fucking nerves won’t calm down FUCK! It’s not like I can get in the bathtub to calm my muscles down. Nothing is helping! No medication, no PT, no injections, no nothing! Why?? am I just resistant to any source of help or treatment? I-I can’t even lay in the goddamn bed to sleep. That’s all I have left is rest!! What is rest!? I don’t know what the hell that even is”

“I know baby I know”—

“NO YOU DONT STEVE, all you know is what you see. I wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy, my worst enemy to feel what I feel. That’s how bad it all hurts. The most evil, sick and twisted person in this world, I would never wish this upon. I just..”, getting dizzy you collapse on the bed sobbing into your own hands, then eventually into Steve’s shoulder as he rocks you, tears spilling from his own eyes—

“Nobody cares, nobody wants to help me. nobody cares unless I’m rich and can afford to give them any and ALL the things off my back, but I can’t. Even with the money you make it will never be enough to help the poor girl who’s too young to have any kind of issue. It’s “all in my head” I’m just fucking crazy. I could break my own neck and still be told it’s only from anxiety. Nobody cares just”—

“I care” he exhales

“It doesn’t matter if you care, all your care is useless, all your help is worthless to me because it gets me nowhere. Nobody’s love and care gets me nowhere. It’s nothing all but fucking false hope. Don’t you get that? None of you still to this day seems understand that. Stop praying for me to get better. It’s never going to happen. I can’t take it anymore.. I just wanna die! All I wish for is to die but, I can’t even have that. It’s like all of you want me here, to live and suffer for the rest of my life for y’all, it’s not fair, fuck that”, your trembling, body in fight or flight

“Don’t say that, you know I’d do anything to take your pain away”

“It doesn’t matter what you’d do because you’re not a doctor. You’re not a professional, you can’t help me get better.. sucks to hear but it’s the truth Steve..fuck”—

Steve’s really trying not to beat himself up over your words, he knows you’re in pain, it comes from a place of anger, frustration and fear

“I have all these pain medications I could easily take all at once, so I’ll never have to wake up in this position ever again. Why can’t I do it huh? I could end right here right now you never have to suffer again, but I just d-don’t; If anything, I’m the most selfless person for staying alive for YOU just so I can be alive but in pain all over again for YOU!”, your tone getting higher and higher in pitch

“I-I’m sorry.. I wish I knew the right words to say baby”, he’s trying his best to stay strong for you

“You’ve got to be sick of me, tired of me. All I do is cause more money to come out of your pockets, more exhaustion, more burdening, more crying, more everything bad for you. You already deal with your own shit. I do nothing but make your own mentality worse, hell you’re making your own self worse being with a person like me. A broken and useless excuse of a human being. You deserve somebody who can go hiking with you, go to the beach, travel with, who can do the bare minimum. Can’t even fuck you properly—

“STOP! Stop that right now” he shouts

You freeze because he’s never raised his voice at you, atleast not on purpose at such a vulnerable time

“I hate it too. You know it hurts me to know that you hurt and I’m sorry that I can’t take the pain away from you. My sweet, sweet girl I’m so sorry that nobody has given you the chance to hear your voice, to help heal you..but I’m gonna make you the same promise I make you almost every single night. As long as I’m with you, I will try my best with all my power to make it a little bit more bearable for you to be here, and I am so grateful that you are still here and choose to be here with me for us to be together. I know you hurt, but as long as you’re with me, I’m going to do my best to put a smile on your pretty face, beautiful sunshine of a smile because you’re my sunshine.. y-your smile gives me life did you know that?”

You nod. He tells you all the time

“I- I’m tired for wishing to feel ok for my birthdays, every Christmas. All the shirts and posters you got me for Christmas? I haven’t even touched them yet, you know why? Because the selfish person in me doesn’t give a fuck about none of it. The only thing I care about and want and NEED is pain relief and that’s too much to ask for isn’t it? Apparently wanting to be better in the world it’s too much to ask for”

“You deserve to feel better”, he says while his hand travels up your back to rub your tense neck, “You deserve to be free from all of this and I can’t give that to you. You’re not selfish baby you’re hurting. I love you for you. I knew what I was signing up for, and if I didn’t want that I wouldn’t be here right now with you. I know the sacrifices Ill have to make, the tears I’ll have to shed, the strength it’ll take me to pick you up when you’re down, but I fell in love with you, how you are, and who you are”

“Who are you kidding Steve, you don’t even know who I am. The real me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I wish you met me when I wasn’t sick then maybe you wouldn’t be so stressed out a-and.. and,” you start sobbing again, it’s all too overwhelming

“Hey, hey look at me, no. I met you at the right time. You need me just as much as I need you. You may not think you’re worth nothing but you’re worth everything to me. Yeah you have a good and bad days..—

“I’ve had nothing but bad days for the past few months Steve”-

“I know, I see it, I hear it and I witness it, I may not can feel it, but at the end of it all, you still love me. You’re still here. You still want to cook for me. You still get up to brush your teeth and I’m so proud of you for still trying to care for yourself. That’s the biggest job you’ll ever have, and it’s been a very hard job hasn’t it?

You nod, as he nods with you

“Yeah, it has, but you don’t have to do it alone anymore. I want to provide for you. I want to take care of you. You’re my girl, you deserve so much and as long as I’m with you, I will try every day, every hour, every second or minute, to make sure you know how loved, how great and how amazing you are. How great and amazing you’re doing for yourself and for me. How strong you are”—

—“im tired of having being strong all the time”, interrupting him

“I know you are. You are so strong for being on this earth, even when you don’t want to be. I wouldn’t ask for anybody else, you’re it for me always. Will you continue to let me try to make it better for you every day? To take care of you?”, he squats in front of you, cupping your wet cheeks, kissing your forehead

“But Stevie.. you know you’re getting your own hopes up because nothing you do helps either and I feel like a piece of shit for saying that because”—

“I know what you mean, you don’t have to be sorry. I understand you may not have hope but I do. All my Hope goes towards you and it always will. You are the most important thing in my life. I’m not gonna give up on you, on me or on us, ok sunshine?”

..”okay”, you repeat rubbing your temples

“Head hurt, darling?”

“yes”

“From crying too hard?”

You nod, looking away in shame, “It’s okay, I’ll get your Migrane cap from the freezer and i’ll set your pillows up how you like, just sit tight”, he says it standing then pausing at the doorway, looking over his shoulder, “I love you”

“luv you—

“Hmm? What was that, I couldn’t hear you” he exclaims

“I said love you gosh.. shut up”, you barely crack a smile

That was enough to get him through the rest of the night.

[zebulontheplanet]

I am someone who works for a company that provides aacc devices, I am curious what features were most appealing about the device you chose, and what things frustrate you most about your device?

I find a lot of feedback on devices I get in my workplace are from the family member perspective, instead of the users, so I figured I would ask.

Hello anon! I actually currently use a device I’ve bought myself with a little help from donations.

It was about $250-300 all said and done. It was an iPad from Amazon, and I used a variety of apps until I found an app that worked for me (although it still doesn’t fit all my needs)

I use an iPad with a foam case, and proloquo4text on it.

I would like to have a symbol based app, as I do struggle sometimes with words and word forming and motor control, and at times when I’m semi to full catatonic or coming out of a catatonic episode, text to speech doesn’t work for me. However, I only work well with motor planning apps, and I do not have an extra $300 plus dollars to spend on an app at the moment.

For your question, the most appealing of the app I chose was that it was easy to use and HIGHLY customizable. Proloquo4text allows me to form sentences, store them away, make scripts, and more. It is a very good app for me!

But with my disabilities, I think I need a variety of apps, instead of one single app. Which is very common for people with my disabilities.

What frustrates me the most about my device is that it’s just text based. I wish there were more apps out there that did have the option to be both text and symbol based, but weren’t breaking the bank. My app does frustrate me a lot because it doesn’t meet my full needs, but I’m working on it and working with what I got!

Trialing apps can help a lot! So with your clients, let them trial the device. Honestly, a lot of companies only let you trial devices/apps for two weeks, and in my experience, it can take me up to a month to get familiar with a symbol based app. This can vary on so many things, including the persons disability. I wish people did trials based on that person’s individual needs, instead of just what they deem right and “average”.

I hope this answers your questions! Have a lovely day!

[nonspeakingkiku]

what kind of AAC do you use, my son is non speaking and is interested in one, but I have no idea where to start

Kiku uses lots of kinds of AAC!

Mostly Kiku's phone and ipad with multiple apps on them (LAMP, Prolquo2go, Proloquo4text, Touchchat, Proloquo, and TD Snap), communication boards with words and symbols on them, communication books, letterboards, picture cards, communication cards, emojis, texting and gestures and noises (think that is everything).

A good place to start is to see if you have or could get a tablet to use for AAC or some other form of robust AAC (robust means the user can say anything they want to with it. Robust AAC has all parts of speech, punctuation, a keyboard, and prestored messages.)

Most robust AAC apps are on apple but there are some on android as well.

PODD books are an example of a robust communication book.

Also keep in mind that many AAC users communicate in many ways (multimodal communication) and whatever you start with likely won't be the only way he communicates. Finding what works for a user takes time.

If your son has any other disabilities those should be taken into consideration (visual impairment, motor skill issues, ect) but also know that kids can often adapt pretty well and things like a smaller grid size or hiding a bunch of buttons should be a last resort if the user shows they need it. (Kiku uses multiple grid sizes).

If there aren't any real concerns about vision or motor skills then it's best to go with the largest grid size the user can see and touch.

AAC apps often go on sale twice a year for AAC awareness month and Autism awareness month).

Some info about some aac apps:

Kiku can only talk about apple based apps because those are what Kiku uses. Some offer trials or another way to access vocabulary to try it.

LAMP Words for life: 1 grid size (84 buttons/ 7 by 12 grid). $300 US Lamp is a heavily motor planning based aac app with a associate based organization method. LAMP was designed with autistic people in mind and can be helpful for those with motor disabilities or motor planning disabilities (apraxia). It has a small amount of high contrast symbols. LAMP is unique because it has only one spot for each word and it alerts you if you accidentally try to add a word again. That is because of the method behind LAMP (language accusition through motor planning). Bilingual options

Proloquo2go: multiple grid sizes, including custom grid sizes. $250 US Proloquo2go is a highly customizable aac app. A highly recommend grid size is 7 by 11. Custom grid sizes have to be organized by the user/person setting up the aac device for the user. Of of the more unique features of Proloquo2go is it has a typing feature. It lets you use the system keyboard to type in a large space. You can have it speak or show it to someone. Bilingual options

Touchchat: multiple grid sizes. $300 for Touchchat with Wordpower, a couple other options available. fairly customizable, multiple premade vocabularies. Options to buy multiple symbol sets. Editing is a bit more involved than with some other apps. Wordpower is the best option if going with Touchchat because they are the most robust vocabulary options. Option of high contrast symbols. Bilingual options.

Proloquo: 1 grid size (roughly 6 by 10). Subscription based, 3 options: $9.99 monthly, $99.99 yearly, or 1 to 5 year licenses. Comes with Proloquo Coach which helps parents learn about aac and how to teach aac. Proloquo has so many words. And a lot of room to add more. Might not be the best option for users with visual or motor impairments, but every user is different. Kiku highly recommends Proloquo because so many preprogramed words, with a good grid size, and access to Proloquo Coach.

TD Snap: multiple grid sizes. Subscription based: $9.99 a month. Multiple premade pagesets of varying sizes. Multiple vocabulary options. (Core first, Motor Plan, Aphasia, PODD ($4.99 a month), and Gateway ($4.99 a month). Large amount of high contrast symbols. TD Snap used to be a $50 one time purchase. But it recently became subscription based.

Proloquo4text: Text based with presaved phrases. Fairly customizable.

Speak for Yourself (S4Y): 1 grid size (120 buttons/8 by 15 grid) $300 US. another heavily motor planning based aac app, this one with no word more than 2 taps away. Words can only be added once, similar to LAMP. Unique features include babble (the ability to toggle between having a certian number of buttons showing or all of them), hold that thought (stores messages so you can say something else and then return to the previous message), and a history feature (shows you things that have been said using the app).

Hope this helps!

[defilerwyrm]

I feel so stupid to say this but I'm a trans man, but I have a lot of learning disabilities so I'm trying to understand things better. I was born AFAB but I'm trying to understand how "bio sex" works and if it is even real. I've heard a lot of people say it isn't but that makes me feel sorta as if my transness isn't valid then. I do not agree w trans meds at all, they're terf lites and their "male/female brain" stuff is so wrong. But I'm curious since the brain isn't gendered, what makes us the bio sex we are? I get gender is different and it is WHO we are and how we think and present etc but can you explain bio sex please? :) I also really want phallo and top surgery and it makes me curious how gender which is a social construct has an urge to match up with biology somehow? Like how come my dysphoria feels so bad that I lack a dick..how does my gender want that?

Hoo boy. Biological sex is actually really complex. It’s made up of your sex chromosomes, sex hormones, primary sex characteristics developed as a fetus, secondary sex characteristics developed in puberty, and I think a few other factors I’m forgetting. All of these elements are not binary (meaning there are only two options), but instead bimodal (meaning there are two options that are the most common, but there are others).

So using myself as an example, my chromosomes are unknown because I’ve never been karyotyped (tested for sex chromosomes); my endocrine system is almost completely testosterone-based; I have zero “female” reproductive organs and most of the “male” ones (minus testes); and I have a few “female” sex characteristics (undeveloped hyoid (Adam’s apple), wide hips, narrow shoulders, smallish hands & feet) and many “male” ones (deep voice, broad jaw, flat chest, vascular hands, body hair, facial hair, male pattern alopecia, male fat distribution, lower body temperature, high sex drive). So without knowing what my chromosomes are, by all accounts I’m male.

The whole male brain/female brain thing has been pretty well debunked. There are only subtle differences between the brains of cis men and cis women at the population level, and those physical differences that do exist are most likely caused by differences in socialization for certain skillsets. In other words, if you teach boys and girls that they’re supposed to be good at different things as they’re growing up, their brains will develop to be better at those things that they practice from an early age—be that fine motor skills, or telling colors apart, or interpreting other people’s tone and moods, or being empathetic, etc. Obviously there are disabilities that can stand in the way or complicate matters, but there’s something called the Pygmalion effect where if you consistently tell a child that they’re good at a certain thing, they will BECOME good at it—and if you consistently tell a child they’re bad at a thing, they will do poorly at it.

Something I find really interesting, talking about the link between biological sex and gender identity, is the prevalence of PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) in trans men. The rates shown by studies varies a lot, but taking average rates, about 5% (1 in 20) AFAB people have PCOS, but about 60% (3 in 5) trans men have it. PCOS is an endocrine condition (and, arguably, an intersex condition) that has a slew of effects, and one of those is relatively high levels of androgens like testosterone. The REALLY interesting part is that PCOS medications that decrease testosterone and increase estrogen result in MORE gender dysphoria for trans men and LESS in cis women! I remember before I even figure out I’m trans, my mom told me I needed to get on metformin to decrease testosterone and boost estrogen, and the very thought of it made me nauseous and angry!

A possible interpretation of that is that there is an intrinsic link between our gender identity and our physical sex that opposes our primary sex characteristics. In other words, we’re MEANT to be men and our bodies know it.

(Now, things like this on the trans woman side, I will admit I don’t know offhand; you’d have to ask a trans woman who follows medical science. I would point you to my sister because she fits the bill, but we have an unspoken agreement to keep our online lives separate for privacy. That is to say, I don’t remember her blog name lmao sorry sis)

But yeah. The thing about top and bottom dysphoria is that it isn’t like social dysphoria where it depends on how you’re seen by others. It’s an internal knowledge—a gnosis, if you will—that something is WRONG regardless of what others think, say, or do. Speaking for myself again, sure you can be a man without a dick, fine, whatever, but I, personally, was supposed to have one. It wasn’t the social construction of what masculinity is supposed to entail that made me hate my tits and cooch, it was the fact that they felt horrible and wrong and I knew I was meant to have a flat chest, dick, and balls instead. And that feeling of wrongness started at a very young age, if I’m honest; I just didn’t have the vocabulary and knowledge to identify it until my mid-20s.

How does this relate to my PCOS? We don’t actually know. But don’t you think it’s interesting that the signs that I was trans were there long before my first puberty awakened the PCOS in the first place?

Gender roles are a fluid social construct. What’s considered masculine and feminine change with culture and time. But gender identity is, as far as medical science can figure, hardwired in the brain. For most people, by happy coincidence of sex and gender being bimodal, their physical sex (as complex as it is!) and gender identity more or less align, and they never really have to think about it. For others, there is a natural misalignment between the two—and it can take quite some time to figure it all out, because our cultures try very to force a bimodal spectrum into a binary box.

I think I’ve rambled enough, hey? Let’s see if my dogshit wifi will let me post this without losing everything.

[seat-safety-switch]

I’ve always been obsessed with street sweepers. Not the people, although I’m sure they have interesting stories, but the machines themselves. Street sweepers come out of the city’s industrial-equipment harem every spring, and capture my imagination immediately with their rotary-buffing antics. They’re trucks, but not as we know them. In fact, they likely have more overlap with my favourite tool of all time, the angle grinder.

Few other vehicles are as dedicated to the act of sweeping: even a plow truck can be used to make a Rotten Ronnies’ run, but good luck stuffing one of these babies inside a medium-size drivethrough. Even with the brushes disabled, it’ll sound like a helicopter, smell like week-old diapers dropped from said helicopter, and everyone involved will wish you hadn’t existed.

These trucks are truly beneficial: you can argue if a fire truck really helps people, or just teaches them to become lazy about fire safety and therefore dependent on the fire department. And they make unnecessarily loud siren noises – never proven by science to actually help – which anger the neighbourhood. Nobody is mad when they’re crawling under a decrepit mid-1970s General Motors product and finds that the curb lane is not covered in gravel, bits of safety glass, and old roofing nails, because the big ol’ Elgin just came through the night before.

And there’s something new and fascinating to learn about them. You might have a pretty good idea how a semi-truck operates from exposure to it in mass media. Chances are good that you can guess how a cement truck works. Maybe you can even draw a crude representation of a dump truck’s hydraulic actuator, and bore the shit out of neighbourhood toddlers who just want you to make the noise. A street sweeper, though: that thing has all kinds of systems. It’s got the thing that sprays water. It’s got the thing that holds water. It’s got those big-ass brushes, and the lifts, and the beepy thing.

The whole package, that’s what a street sweeper is. You could tear one of these bad boys down – although with the stench, maybe they just set them on fire after four or five years of use – and never stop finding cool new electromechanical gadgets to geek out over. That, to me, is good value for my tax money. If you find a used one, just make sure to run it through the car wash a bit.

[fandomshatepeoplewdisabilities]

So a plot in one of my fanfics is that a disease spreads through the land that affects only magical people (it eats away at their magic and messes with pretty much everything about them. Several characters become ill and at least one is permanently disabled and one dies. Note that this is just counting the canon characters.) The permanently disabled character ends up with walking difficulties and spends the rest of the fic series as an ambulatory wheelchair user (he was murdered in canon so he's way better off. Also I'm not going to lie i saw an incredible piece of fanart that showed him in a wheelchair and I was INSPIRED!) He gets to still practice magic and fight, just needs to adjust for his new wheels! And of course he also gets to be a political figure, husband and father.

Thing is, it's low-key hard to find information about walking issues that stem from illness that isn't like...polio or rickets. Do you or any of your followers know of any I can look up so I can make this fictional magic disease more realistic (does it affect his nerves? Cause pain? Fatigue? Balance? I'm still unsure)

ok so I'm gonna need the name of the media because this all sounds very vague lol.

As to walking issues it could even be something like multiple sclerosis or arthritis (a friend of mine has MS and my dad has arthritis in his legs/hips). (they're not really comparable it's just that I'm talking to my friend with MS today and he's been my friend since college).

Also for walking issues there's loads of wheelchair users/walker users that are just well old. Like ok my grandma didn't start using a cane until her late 70's but now she because of macular degeneration she's got a cane, a walker and a wheelchair.

For example my mom has arthritis in her hands but her balance is getting worse as she gets older and she like needs the motorized cart at walmart and target and costco. Like her specific issue is actually cirrhosis of the liver and her energy is very low and she can't stay on her feet for very long without getting cramps.

Like I'd suggest watching Night Sky for example its on netflix I think?

it's got sissy spacek and her character and her husband come in contact with this like alien life form that like... cures them kinda? A lot of their disabilities and limitations were simply age related. I didn't watch the whole show tho so sorry if its not good representation but I remember my mom watched the whole thing and wished for there to be a second season.

Followers please let me know if Night Sky was good representation!!! Also any suggestions for this ask would be appreciated!

mod ali

[maxisanangrywell]

back on my simon riley with rheumatoid arthritis shit.

so im getting checked out for juvenile RA, (cause if ur under 28 it's considered juvenile i believe) and its making a lot of things really difficult, so imma project on ghostie here for a bit.

TW: Stress, Stress Vomiting

Part One; Lightning

Ghost has good and bad days. On the good days, he gets to take his N-SAID, probably Celebrex, and it actually works. He doesn't get stiff much, and it doesn't feel like his hands are stuck in a really touch slime and he's trying to move them around.

On the bad days? God it sucks.

He cannot do paperwork. Holding the pen in the way he needs to sign off documents or write his own is genuinely painful. He has to force his hand open with the other when he has no choice but to sign the paperwork. (Or sometimes take his glove off and stick his hand under hot water until he can feel the stiffness recede enough to move it.)

He can still use his weapons, but it's a chore on the bad days. It's too dangerous, and so he's benched until he gets an all clear from medical as they're reviewing his x-rays to see how bad it's gotten.

He can't open soda cans anymore. Can't lift the tabs on soups or bean cans. He can't operate a can opener either. He has to get these things called Tab Buddies for the cans, and then if he has to use a can opener, he angrily passes it to Soap. (At that point, his pride is screaming at him to not eat anymore, but he needs to eat.)

They're still waiting on X-rays and he gets more imaging done, just to see truly how bad it's gotten. The positions they make him put his hands in are painful, and he feels tears prickle in his eyes as he clenches his jaw and grinds his teeth.

It keeps getting worse, and Simon quickly finds himself getting angry and depressed. Why him? Why now? He was on the top of his game, he had finally felt just a smidge of happiness, and now he had to dig up the birth certificate he never used and show it to the world the death certificate was simply for his job. To operate safely.

Now he doesn't have a job. His family is a bunch of soldiers who love their job and can continue doing it. He can't do what he loves, bringing terrorists to their knees and making them beg for the mercy they never gave others. The mercy he wouldn't give. Now, he has to confront his trauma and become a civilian. Figure out how to live with such a disability, he cannot preform basic fucking functions anymore.

How the fuck is he going to do this? If it's this bad within three years, and getting worse fast, how fucking bad is it going to be in the next year? Or next eight?

Was he even going to be able to use his hands in the next coming ten years?

Medical comes back with devastating news he knew from the get-go.

"Sorry Lieutenant, you're going to have to be honorably discharged. There's nothing we can do."

He doesn't get angry, he just feels resigned.

So, he gets discharged, and he's holding his head in his hands hyperventilating at 1 in the morning in his flat in Manchester. Crying, sobbing, beside his toilet with his mask across the tiled floor somewhere. The occasional sickness poured from his mouth into the toilet.

Fuck.

He's become everything he didn't want to be. Soon to be homeless, disabled, and how the fuck was he going to find work when fine motor skills is all he knows?

"Fuck me."

Comment on this Post if you want to be tagged whenever I post this AU!!

Pls like & reblog if you want to see more of this au. :) im really excited about this one, as the 141 are all going to have different chronic ailments. it's a story about hope and perseverance, with a little touch of romance and a shit ton of drama. Also.... Tommy, Beth and Joseph survived the Christmas Massacre, because I said so.

[umemiyan]

ROBIN!!! im absolutely in LOVE with postmortem/postpartum, its such a good fic and its so refreshing honestly to see such a creative, interesting concept be explored especially with so much care and love. i said this in my tags but thats rly what fanfic is all about, EXPLORING!!! exploring canon, exploring characters, putting them in new situations and seeing what happens. i love love love it. and seeing gojo in such a brand new, vulnerable light, with both him and reader navigating life as a disabled-coded person following his death and resurrection, is so fascinating. and when he did the divine dogs hand motion to megumi i literally almost cried. if its ok with u, i had a couple questions!!!

what was reader before the incident? a teacher at jujutsu high? just a friend to satoru? im interested in what role they played prior to everything that happened. obviously megumi knew reader, but im curious what that relationship is!!

how with it is satoru? reader had to pick out his outfit and bathe and feed him, we’ve seen that much, but is he able to dress himself? how well does he move - walking and such? does reader always have to help feed him or was that just a one time occurrence to encourage him to eat?

SORRY if im bombarding you with too many questions, i just love this concept so much and im so fascinated with it 🤍🤍🤍

AH HELLO!!!!!!! omg i saw your wonderful tags earlier while i was working and i was just so giddy to read them!!!! thank you so much 💕 i really am enjoying exploring this story and am happy that others are as well 🥹 i felt like maybe the whole thing would just be something only i would be interested in LOL which would’ve been totally fine tbh but i’m thrilled to see it resonating with other people!!

no worries about asking questions at all! thank you for doing so! i realize some things have been rather vague thus far and probably have a few people wondering what the deal is lol

more details will be revealed somewhat soon in the story i suppose, but so far my intention has been for reader to be a sorcerer—not necessarily a teacher, but many sorcerers do of course tend to engage with the school and its students, so that’s where the familiarity comes from. it will also be implied that they and gojo were either classmates or otherwise very close in age during school (that’s a specific detail i haven’t exactly landed on yet lol)

as for satoru, i’ve honestly been playing it a little loose when it comes to his condition thus far, though i would like to perhaps refine some of these details in my mind. however, it’s purposefully meant to come across a bit wishy-washy since it’s truly something that everyone is learning as they go along. in my mind, the time since satoru’s revival/awakening has really not been long at all—maybe two weeks at the most. new things are being unearthed every day.

however!! he is very much inspired by brain injury patients as well as autistic individuals with higher support needs (somewhere in between levels 2 and 3). it’s a bit of a concoction of both (as well as tidbits of other things) based on my own observations and research rather than something that’s more clearly defined as being coded as one or the other, especially since what happened to him was… not normal LMAO so there are some supernatural aspects as well that sort of make it its own /thing/

his motor functions are pretty normal for the most part aside from perhaps the occasional coordination issue, though i almost imagine that his six eyes/powers are automatically trying to overcompensate for such things?? which would in turn cause extra fatigue at the end of the day. but tbh that’s something i’m going to put more thought into!!

one of his biggest issues is with executive function/initiating tasks and making decisions. the cognitive impairments are what require reader’s prompting and assistance a lot of the time. however, reader is also potentially overcompensating (or lacking) in some areas as well simply because they haven’t been able to accurately gauge all of satoru’s capabilities yet and are overall not used to caring for someone at this level.

so while he is actually physically able to perform most tasks, the cognitive function isn’t quite there, nor are the memories on how to engage in certain tasks (probably mostly those with more steps/complications) without prompting and reminders. it can take his brain a little bit longer to calculate and process several things.

i just have this image in my head of reader pulling underwear over their pants or something while trying to demonstrate to him how to get dressed without having to fully intervene LMFAO since they are trying to maintain some modesty/distance at the moment. which… probably won’t last for long tbh because it’s not quite practical at this stage.

but there is maybe a little room for neurological improvement on his end! however, it is not my goal for the story to see that he is “fixed” or anything of the sort, nor do i want it to diminish his person. it’s a balancing act!

sorry i just rambled a lot skdjsjsnshdudidie but once again, thank you so much for reading and asking!!! discussions like these really help me understand my thoughts a lot better and i really enjoy hearing yours as well! it certainly helps keep the inspiration flowing rather than all of these little things getting trapped up in my mind lol 💖

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Okay, I know I said I don’t give one fuck about any Taskmaster s18 contestants who aren't Andy Zaltzman, but I do want to post a bit more about Rosie Jones and representation (if you swapped out Andy Zaltzman for someone I cared about less, then the big story that I'd be really excitedly posting about this week would be that I can't wait to see Rosie Jones on there). And I wanted to put it in a separate post from the stuff about these people as comedians, because I don’t want everything I have to say about Rosie Jones to come back to disability representation. There are so many reasons why her style of humour is a perfect fit for Taskmaster, reasons that have nothing to do with disability. So here’s a post to talk about the disability stuff, from an able-bodied person who isn’t really qualified to talk about that, and outside this post I’ll try to keep the focus on her comedy.

I’m interested to see how much of this season has tasks tailored to things Rosie Jones can do (avoiding running, fine motor skills with hands, complicated or fast speech), versus tasks that do have things she can’t do but Rosie Jones gets accommodations (ie. everyone else paints freehand but Rosie gets something guided). I assume it’ll be some mix of both, and both are good! Both are good models for how real life should work, accessibility-wise, weaving accommodation into all the different aspects.

I expect the Taskmaster lineup announcement will provoke some comments disagreeing with that, and I assume that’s why Rosie decided to get off social media before it. However, in this post I really want to respond to one particular YouTube comment I once read on a Rosie Jones video, by someone who said you shouldn’t do stand-up comedy with a speech impediment for the same reason why people don’t play professional basketball if they’re five feet tall, comedy doesn't work when people can't understand your speech, and this is why you saw comedians from lots of different minority groups working 20 years ago, but there were no comedians with speech impairments twenty years ago, because they didn’t have “diversity & inclusion” policies twenty years ago and only a diversity & inclusion policy could cause people to pretend they understand Rosie Jones.

First of all, I’m feeling the need to reply to that comment because: Francesca Martinez. It’s objectively untrue to say there weren’t stand-up comedians with cerebral palsy (and an associated speech impairment) twenty years ago, there was Francesca Martinez. I’m sure there have been other comedians with cerebral palsy from 20 years ago that I don’t know about and I apologize to whomever I’m leaving out, but I knew at least one off the top of my head, because they’re not that rare.

Now. About the other thing. I see a lot of people in YouTube comments saying they think it’s silly that all these people are pretending find Rosie Jones funny, just because they want to be nice to the disabled girl. Obviously that’s an awful thing to say, but I can kind of see why people would think that’s happening, if they genuinely don’t understand the words Rosie is saying, and they think everyone else must be similarly unable to understand her. Someone might truly think that, if it hasn’t occurred to them that other people have put in the fairly small amount of effort it takes to understand a style of speech they're not used to.

Because there’s no point in pretending it’s automatic for everyone. Some people are better at auditory processing than others, and some people will understand Rosie Jones easily on the first try. But personally, I did find it hard at first. And that’s exactly why it’s good that I kept listening to her until I found it easier. Because Rosie Jones is funny enough to be worth listening to even if it's slightly difficult. But more importantly, it mattered because people who talk like Rosie Jones exist in all parts of life and it’s nice if the people around them can comprehend their speech.

In 2016, I worked for a few years as a PSW for disabled people. A bunch of the clients had cerebral palsy, and almost all of them could speak at the same pace as I did and were easy to understand. But one of them spoke similarly to Rosie Jones. I got him breakfast every morning, he didn’t talk much, and when he did, I found it very hard to understand him. I tried my best, of course, because I hated making him repeat himself. But sometimes I had to, to make sure I knew what he was saying.

In 2020, I got really really into panel shows. Rosie Jones turned up on some of them, and I struggled to understand her speech. I used some of the tricks that I’d learned when working with the man in my PSW job, the most helpful one being to look at her lips when she was talking.

Over time, however, it got easier. The big change came when I watched The Last Leg, and they had her on a lot, a frequent guest for several years in a row. They also had on a lot of other disabled people (athletes and comedians), and some of those people had speech impairments, so I got used to hearing that style of speech even more. After a while, it was so familiar to me that I realized I'd stopped having to strain to understand it. I barely noticed that Rosie Jones was talking any differently from anyone else. I mean, I knew she was, but my brain processed it as easily as it did with any other speech. Like a regional accent. I didn’t need to turn on subtitles or look at her lips or run the video back to catch words that I’d missed anymore.

It's weird that this happened from watching a TV show, but didn’t happen when I had to interact in real life with a disabled person for my job. But I was only with that client for half an hour every morning, and he spoke for maybe two minutes. That just wasn’t enough exposure to the speaking style for me to get used to it enough to find it easy to understand. What I needed was a lockdown where I could spend all day every day for months watching hours and hours and hours of TV shows that frequently featured Rosie Jones.

Looking back, I realize it’s terrible that my client didn’t get care from PSWs who knew how to understand his speech easily. It should have been on me to work on that, to find videos on the internet of people who talked like him, watch them to practice understanding. On the other hand, I was working midnight to 8:30 AM five nights a week for a dollar over minimum wage and was exhausted all the time. The people who ran the agency where I worked hadn’t put any effort into training their staff on how to interact with people have different speaking styles (the stuff about looking at his lips when he talked was something I found by Googling on my own), and I'd argue that it should have been on them too.

In 2023, I worked for a few months as a facilitator in a day program for people with various disabilities. One of them had cerebral palsy, and spoke a bit like Rosie Jones, though with a more significant impairment (speech slower and more slurred). All the other staff in the program had a lot of trouble understanding him when he spoke; I was the only person who found it pretty easy. So most times, when he had something to say, the staff would direct him to me. It helped that I also know the sign language alphabet, something I memorized as a kid and just never forgot. He didn’t speak much sign language but he knew the alphabet and so did I, so when he really couldn’t enunciate well he’d just show me the first letter of the word he wanted and I could get it from context. I worked closely with him and got to know him pretty well because of this, which is cool because he was a great guy, and that was an awesome experience in an otherwise horrifically bad job (bad as in, after I left I helped a co-worker successfully sue the company for human trafficking). I still think about him often, I hope he’s doing okay with getting care from a terrible company that doesn’t bother making sure staff can understand him (like with the other job, I don’t think this should be on individual underpaid and overworked and occasionally human trafficked staff members, I think it should be on management to train, which this company did not).

But for the time I was there, that guy got better care than he would have otherwise, because I have watched hundreds of hours of The Last Leg. That is a very literal example of “representation matters”. There are all kinds of reasons why Rosie Jones being on TV is good disability representation, a big one that it’s great for people with cerebral palsy to see someone like themselves out there, but also, it’s good for an able-bodied person like me to hear the speech of a person with cerebral palsy for long enough to get used to it and find it easy to understand. That is good for the world in general, because if the world becomes more full of able-bodied people who can understand that kind of speech, then people with speech impediments are more likely to encounter people in real life who can understand them when they talk. A literal, tangible benefit to disability representation on TV.

I think some people in YouTube comments who ask “Why are all those people pretending to find Rosie Jones funny when they clearly can’t even understand what she’s saying?” are not necessarily being disingenuous, they may actually be unable to understand her and not have considered that it just takes a bit of effort and then gets easier. But it does get easier, and it doesn’t even take that long (I’m quite bad at auditory processing, so if I can do it then most people can, I bet it takes most people less time/effort than it took me).

Therefore, having Rosie Jones on Taskmaster is a good thing because a very large number of people all over the world watch that show, so that's lots of people who will spend lots of time listening to her talk and get used to the speaking style. That is of course not the main reason why it's good to have Rosie Jones on Taskmaster, the main reason is that she's funny. And it's definitely not the main reason why she is on Taskmaster. If it were all diversity and inclusion, then people with cerebral palsy would be proportionately represented on TV, which they're definitely not. The world is full of people with cerebral palsy who are not on Taskmaster, because they are not as funny as Rosie Jones, and/or because they did not get lucky enough to get around the many disability-related and non-disability-related barriers to entry in showbuisness. Rosie Jones is on Taskmaster because she's funny enough, and because she got lucky enough to get around the barriers to entry. That is the exactly same reason why every non-disabled Taskmaster contestant got on the show as well. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

(I wrote this post before the news was official and left it in my drafts to post after, but now that the news has broken, I'd like to add that I've read some YouTube comments on the lineup announcement, and I feel like my (possibly unfair) view of Jack Dee as someone who is not a favourite of the feminists - that view is certainly not dis-couraged by the fact that a whole lot of the predictable "Rosie Jones will ruin Taskmaster" comments are followed by the same person saying "But at least Jack Dee will be great".)

[amandamgsblog]

Chapter 3 - Getting to know eachother better and Snacks

Previously…

— Did you hurt yourself, Amanda? - The blond comes running towards me and asks worriedly, crouching down while I'm still sitting.

He whispers:

— Let me stay close to you, please…

Now…

Narrator's POV

Neither of our two protagonists really understood what was going on. They stared at each other, trying to figure out if the other had also felt an electric shock.

— Ross, can you sit here with me for a moment? - Amanda said a little dazed, because she didn't quite understand what was happening.

— Sure.

— Uh… I really messed up with you last week and I want to apologize. I saw how upset you were. I have serious problems and making friends isn't my strong point. I've had very few real friendships, because people have always judged me or laughed at me in front of me, so I'm afraid to approach anyone without knowing for sure if they're going to do something similar or not.

Amanda said facing the young man. Ross smiled at her and said:

— As sad as those reasons are, I understand it, really. - She also gave a small smile. — And who doesn't have problems in life? I'm your real friend, Amandita. One more for the exclusive list.

They both laugh. — And if you think I'm going to do the same thing to you that the bitch-mother and her gang are doing to you, you're very mistaken… I don't understand why you haven't gone to the Languages coordinator, who is the same as the Humanities coordinator. I can go with you!

— Awwn, how cute… - She squeezes one of his cheeks, without hurting him, and they laugh again. - Bitch-mom, I love it! But it's the second week of school and if the ridiculous troupe gets called in afterwards, it's going to be hell. I'll wait a bit longer and see if this situation continues.

— Okay. I'll support you and we'll do almost everything together: study, go to each other's houses to watch movies and chat, make fun of each other's faces, comfort each other. I'm not going to leave your side and you're going to be pissed at me, wanting personal space.

They smile and the young woman already has tears of happiness threatening to come out, so she hugs Ross, thanking him for his support, his friendship and his cute personality.

— I'm also going to be the best friend I can, even if 50% of the time you don't understand what I'm saying, haha.

— Your tone of voice is normal for me, it's just lower and that's no problem… and I think it's really cute. - Ross spoke without thinking and blushed, while Amanda felt her heart racing without her wanting it to. All she could do was smile genuinely and thank him.

— Err… I think we'd better go into the classroom. - She says.

— Yes. I'll help you up. - Ross takes both her hands and, with a little strength, lifts her up without any problems. — Can you walk now?

— Yes. I just had a muscle spasm at the time. Nothing serious.

— Come here. - He hugs her from the side and pulls her close to him, and the two of them walk together, smiling. Classes went slowly that day, but nothing that a chat back and forth couldn't improve their mood.

The next day…

Amanda's POV

I spent last night and into the night thinking about Ross. No, I'm not in love. I'm just happy to have a friend as good as him… I hope our friendship grows. I confess I was startled by the way my heart raced at that moment.

Well, through sheer spontaneous pressure from my mother, today, just before the first class started, I had to go to Inclusion Support, an organization within the college that makes furniture and helps students with hearing impairments, mental disabilities, motor impairments, who have some limitations, and for the visually impaired. They're going to make a bigger table, with a footrest and a chair, all adapted for me. I'm rushing to get to the classroom on time, but I'm worried because my mother didn't have enough money at home. So I don't have a penny to buy food at break times.

— Hey, where are you going? - I thought it was Alice, but when I looked, it was Ariana.

— I was going to the cafeteria.

— Look, we got off on the wrong foot and I want to make amends with you. I'll buy you a snack, come on.

Did I believe her? Not at all, but desperation spoke louder.

— Okay, let's go. - There was no conversation as we walked past the building and up to the other snack bar around building 6. — Good afternoon, I'll have a potato bun with ricot-.

— Give her a well-filled coxinha. (coxinha or 'drumstick' is a Brazilian fried round snack filled with chicken and ricotta)

I can't bear to eat a huge coxinha! Of course I couldn't say that to Ariana, so I just thanked her and smiled. I ate some of the coxinha until we reached the classroom. When we opened the door, we found a bizarre scene: the teacher was slamming a large pile of sheets on her desk, while at the same time saying that she didn't need anyone from the first year, since everyone was talking, because there are much better students in other years.

Isn't that grounds for dismissal? What an impractical situation…

Ariana and I walked in saying “excuse me” and I sat down at my table, which in this situation is unfortunately the first one, facing the woman.

A few minutes pass and while I'm in between eating, because I didn't want much of the lunch, and paying attention, I hear:

— You're late and you're still eating! - The teacher comes within centimeters of my face, angrily. — YOU CAN'T EAT IN MY CLASS, THAT'S AN ABSURD!

I just throw my head back, my ears burning from the scream, and I'm ashamed.

— But I was in a meeting and I don't have any money at home for a snack today! Someone else bought me that… - I spoke angrily as I heard people laughing, so my voice rose considerably. She didn't move, making me uncomfortable, and continued:

— You're expelled from class today. You can leave now!

— WHAT? YOU CAN'T SHOUT IN HER FACE FOR A REASON LIKE THAT AND STILL GET HER EXPELLED! - I turn around and Ross is red with anger. I just hold his shoulder and give it a gentle squeeze, asking him to calm down. As soon as she'd shouted at me, my hunger turned to nausea, so I got up to leave the room and threw the coxinha in the garbage can. There are so many hungry people in the world, but I couldn't bear to eat with this heavy nausea.

— Who are you to tell me what I should or shouldn't do?! - She's still arguing with Ross as soon as I walk through the door. I lean on the windowsill and breathe.

Ross' POV

Amanda is expelled, but the ridiculous argument continues:

— Your student, unfortunately! But I'm much more her friend, who cares about her! And clearly I'm a much better person than you are!

— SO YOU CAN LEAVE TOO!

— I'd be delighted to! - I smile and walk to the door, not before whispering “fucking witch”. She bragged that her doctorate was all in French, that she didn't understand it and that she hated English.

Ross: 3-0 mad woman.

— Honey, are you all right?

— AHH! ROSS, DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT! - Amanda jumps up with her hand on her heart and her eyes wide. — And why did you come out to see me?

— Hahaha… Oh, I got kicked out too. - I shrug.

— What? Are you an idiot? Why did you do that?

— Because you're more important than an unbalanced woman shouting in other people's faces. She could never have shouted at you like that… How are you? - I ask and hold one of her hands. She looks at me and smiles a little.

— Just a bit nauseous… I don't know, hunger combined with panic.

I let go of her hand and speak:

— The college is huge, I'm sure we'll find something fun to do. We have three hours and twenty minutes to spare. Do you want to go to that café in the middle of the garden?

— Yes. The network is very good. - She says as we walk.

— (…) The crazy woman asked who I was to tell her what she should or shouldn't do. So I replied that unfortunately I was her student, but that I cared much more about you, which would make me a better person than her. Then she kicked me out and I whispered a fucking witch. It was so funny!

— Do you have shit for brains?!

— Not that I know of. - I laughed.

— She'll report you and you'll be kicked out of here! It'll be terrible for you and I can't be without friends!

— Relax, she doesn't understand a word of English. If I'd spoken in Portuguese, then yes, but since her doctorate was in French, because it's a beautiful language and she loves it, she never learned English.

— You're VERY dimwitted, but I admire you even more after today. That was epic!

— I know, I'm a nice guy… - I say and Amanda elbows me playfully. We went into the cafeteria laughing and went to choose our orders. — What will you have?

— I'll have a pão de queijo filled with ham. (pão de queijo or chesse roll is another Brazilian snack. From Minas Gerais - my state -, it's a type of biscuit made primarily from polvilho (tapioca starch), cheese, eggs, and oil).

— I'll have a roast hot dog.

— Drink? - The cashier asks.

— A soda each? - My friend asks and I nod.

— Would you like dessert? We have ordinary brigadeiro in a pot and pies in various flavors. (Brigadeiro is a Brazilian sweet made with condensed milk, cocoa powder, and butter. It's rolled into small balls and often coated in sprinkles).

We looked at the pies and there were strawberry, chocolate with Nutella, lemon, red fruit, WHITE CHOCOLATE PIECES!!!

— White chocolate piece. - Amanda and I spoke at the same time and laughed. We saw the beauty of the large piece of chocolate tart, moist, with a generous filling of white chocolate and bonbons on top. That's the one!

— 21,00 reais. - The girl replies and I take out my card, while Amanda complains that she can't pay half. Her being angry is funny.

— I won't have to eat for the rest of the day and I love white chocolate!

— Anyone who doesn't love white chocolate has a problem.

We ate the snacks and went on to the cake. I started laughing through my nose because an idea had crossed my mind, but I'd have to adapt it. I picked up a bonbon and pushed it slowly with my fork, like “Lady and the Tramp”, apart from the dogs and the spaghetti.

— What's that? - Amanda asks curiously.

— The scene from Lady and the Tramp. Of course I'm not going to stick my nose in the cake.

— Hahaha, seriously, where have you been all my life? I have a lot of fun with you! - She laughs, shaking her head. I feel strange. Am I falling in love? I've been blushing ever since I saw her for the first time, but it's been such a short time and we've known each other so little. It's probably just an affectionate thing. — Ross, is everything all right? You were still for a few seconds. Didn't you like the cake or the hot dog?

— Yes, they're delicious. I was just wondering what was going on in class. - I partially lied. — We've been here for half an hour, they'll kick us out soon.

— Again. - We laughed.

— Yeah, again.

— Ah, let's sit under a tree and talk.

We chose a yellow Ipê tree right in the center of the garden. There was a bench, but we sat on the grass. There weren't many people around, as a lot of students were in class.

— So. - I said. — When's your birthday?

— It's January.

— Really? I'm from December. It's the 29th.

— Wow, my birthday is the 7th. It wasn't the right date, but I'm on the 7th. It's very close to yours… I've finally got another friend to come to my party, haha. Relatives and friends always travel at this time of year.

— Yeah, it sucks. Only two friends who don't travel in December come to mine. Maybe next year, after New Year's Eve, we'll pick a day and have a party for the two of us? - I laugh happily.

— I'd love to, I'll bill you later. - She smiles too.

— Favorite color?

— Yellow. - She smiles. — I like purple a lot too.

— No way yours is yellow too! My second favorite is orange.

— Okay, a regret?

— Difficult, but certainly what happened when I was twelve. I was playing a game of ice hockey with my cousins, then the oldest, Riker, bumped into me hard, I fell on my hand and twisted it. - Amanda makes a pained face. — Wait, look: I was so angry and in so much pain that I punched him when we got home. He's four years older, but we're the same height. He fell unconscious, so I took off his clothes except his underwear, because I don't have to see everything, and dragged him out of the door and left him there.

— You wanted to kill your cousin with hypothermia?!

— In my head at the time, I just wanted him to have worse pain than me. But after thirty seconds, I saw how fucked up it was going to be and pulled him back. He was shaking and woke up instantly, so I had to tell my parents.

— What was the punishment?

— Fifteen days doing whatever he wanted, from tidying his filthy room to making food.

— HAHAHA!

— I just want to see you tell a worse story.

Amanda's POV

(A/N: it really happened)

— But we've just eaten and there's something disgusting in the middle of it… It's 100% real.

— What guy doesn't like disgusting things?

I let out a breath before I start.

— Oh my God… So, I was about three, four years old and I'd just got out of diapers and started doing everything in the toilet. Until I did my first number two without anyone seeing me. I just remember being happy, like, “I did it!”, and I literally PULLED it out and went to show my mom-

— ARE YOU KIDDING?! HAHAHA!

— You have no idea what's coming next: I called her happily, she didn't realize it, then I asked her to get down and I PUT the poop in her hair…

— AMANDA, HAHAHA… No way! - He had fallen on the grass from laughing and he was red.

— In my defense, I discovered years later that children at this stage of their growth have pleasure in these… physiological things… I wasn't 100% to blame, hahaha. - I laugh. — I don't know why I've never forgotten that. I just remember crying because she was screaming in despair and the maid was laughing herself to death, just like you.

— That made my day. Thanks, expulsion!

We talked for a while until he said something. — Can I ask you something, but promise you won't get angry?

— Yes, I promise I'll try not to get angry… - I say worried.

— Did someone beat you up in your family? Or a boyfriend? You have bruises on your arm… I swear, if some bastard is hitting you, he'll have his nose cut off before he's arrested.

Shit, he saw them!

— I can explain. - I tried to calm him down, because he kept his eyes lowered, looking at the medium-sized spots and, with every second, he became more distressed. — Nobody hits me, I swear! It's psychosomatic, my body produces it.

He just turns his face around, confused. — All the sadness, anger, anguish, frustration that I can't get out by crying, screaming, gets internalized, and then these small or large spots appear… I-I have them all over my body, especially my arms and legs. My mom has the same reaction. She suffered a lot of humiliation from my dad.

My eyes fill with water and Ross comes up to me, hugging me.

We talk for a while until he speaks:

— I didn't know, I was just very worried. - We lay down on the grass and I rested my head on his chest.

— I know. - I force him to look at me. - After that story with the bitch-mother, the spots came back. I hadn't seen them on my arm for a few weeks.

— Let's go to the coordination. Any day, please… - I just nod. We're silent and I feel a kiss on my head.

— I promise there's no one hitting me. No mother, nor boyfriend. Haha, how could someone invisible hit me? - I joke to ease the tension. — I don't even have a boyfriend.

— My last relationship was a while ago, but we've been best friends since we were babies. She's in Colorado.

— How cute.

We ended up dozing off, I don't know for how long. I just remember hearing my name.

— Stop it, Tião, Mom's coming. Don't shout.

— The last class is about to start.

Philosophy, I forgot!

— I'd stay here. Sorry, I thought it was my parrot calling my mother. He always does that.

— Hahaha, I love that. Hey, can this tree be “our” place? - I'm going to blow up of happiness!

— Sure, I was thinking the same thing. Shall we take a photo to make it official?

We were still hugging, so we took it like this and it was fine. We each went to our classrooms.

— This sorting by letter of the name is a real pain. There are some crazy junkies in my classroom. - Ross complains as soon as we meet at the end of the last class.

— Hahaha, would you want a classroom to have a hundred and twenty students?

— Never.

— Thanks for today. It's been so long since I've had this much fun. It was really worth it.

— It really was, the poop… Ouch. - Another elbow, a strong one this time. He hugs me, laughing. — I'll give you our photo. You have to go, princess. Good night.

— Not in a million years am I like that. Good night, blondie. See you tomorrow.

— You'll still be able to see this.

[illnessfaker]

"go ahead and use that mobility aid if you think it'll help you" as encouragement towards ambulatory physically disabled people who would benefit from it being a pervasive mentality among physically disabled communities on social media is a very good thing, don't get me wrong, but the experience of being an ambulatory physically disabled person whose quality of life would improve greatly from the use of a cane, crutches, rollater, wheelchair, etc. but doesn't use them (or use them as much as we should) due to the fact that doing so very obviously marks us as a potential target for discrimination or even violence (whether physical or social) when we're out in public and so we choose to suffer the consequences, especially for those of us who are already marked in other ways for discrimination, violence, and stigma (e.g. black people, other poc, being visibly trans, queer, or gnc, and visible physical disabilities or bodily differences that don't affect mobility in any sense.)

like personally i might get marked as physically disabled by others regardless, depending on how visible some of my symptoms are in the moment, and some of me not using mobility aids very much at all anymore comes from an internal sense of shame and internalized ableism, but a more significant factor i would say is acute awareness of the stigma associated with it. which makes the fact that other people will in fact notice i'm using a cane, crutch, etc. when in public feel pretty scary! especially on top of the fact i already get noticed and singled out in public spaces for other reasons (i've been called slurs + microaggressions that otherwise signal i'm not doing gender correctly since elementary school, loud speech due to lack of appropriate volume modulation associated with autism/adhd, my speech otherwise being "weird" due to coordination/motor impairments, etc.) as a result, people recognizing that i'm using a mobility aid in public even if it's an entirely positive or neutral observation makes me want to shrink into a ball and disappear. this is despite the fact that one of my most impairing symptoms is orthostatic intolerance + my muscles don't support me properly so being as mobile as able-bodied people in my age range inevitably causes me a lot of pain and can make me very sick/a faint risk or put me at risk for head injury if things get bad enough (though that only happens sometimes.)

this is very anecdotal but i don't want to be noticed, i just want to be left alone. while i can't always hide the fact that i have stuff physically wrong with me because some things like my coordination/motor skill issues can sometimes become obvious to strangers, using a mobility aid sure kicks physical disability right up to being a master status in terms of things i suffer marginalization for in my particular situation (the same may not apply to other groups because, for example, i'm white.) and these circumstances are obviously very different from physically disabled people who aren't ambulatory or who otherwise may not have a choice in the matter when it comes to using mobility aids (some physically disabled people who are ambulatory still might not have any real choice because walking without aid, while they're technically capable of the action, is still unsafe if done for extended period of time, or maybe they can only walk for a few minutes at most before it becomes dangerous, etc.)

[molluskmirage]

tips and tricks I have learned in my 9 years of being mostly bedridden from ME/CFS

the first 5 years of illness was a battle and hellscape I physically dont have the capacity to process emotionally and if thats were your at as well your incredible friend, I have finally managed to get security payments and a place to live (much to be desired but its way way away from the dire circumstances I was under for years. my heart goes out to those in situations I was in)

Tip number 1:

-reframing and restructuring my goals and expectations

I was able to do this by saying that sick me is different then able bodied me. Sick me is accomplished for each day they make it to the next day. It also comes from recognizing the ‘idols’ or those that came before me in my same position and looking up to them and gleaning their knowledge. Jessica Kellegren-Fozard has been this idol for me. She goes about life with grace, love and wonder and has taught me alot on how to navigate a disabled life and to love it and have fun with it.

tip 2:

-discovering what limits my body has and keeping within those parameters (no matter how pitiful or limited it may feel) staying inside the limits means I can do more overall and refrain from boom and bust crashes

tip 3:

-REST DAYS. what an abled bodied person can accomplish in a day I might be able to do in a week. Do something one day then the next day rest. Rinse and repeat.

tip 4:

-if you ignored rest days or simply find yourself in a crash the adrenaline kick you get that makes you feel like you have energy and should do something is a trap, rest. Rest day for you! If you’ve rested and rested and rested and feel the worst youve ever felt and so hopeless that youll never return to even your base line that is the day before you are actually getting better, keep resting and cheer yourself on and comfort yourself your doing amazing.

tip 5:

-get any aid device you feel you need, (even if you feel like well maybe I dont need it maybe im just exaggerating. No. If it’s reasonably priced or you can get it through other means do. Aids are great) I love my cane. I love my rollater. Love my eyemask. Love my eyepatch. Love my shower stool. Love my sunglasses. Love my stand that holds my phone. Love my medicine bag. Love my trays that hold my miscellaneous aid tools. Love my humidifier and heater. Love my weighted blanket. Love my fidget toys and my kalimba. Would love to see if an oxygen tank might help not sure on how to go about that yet and would love a wheelchair but would need a motorized one and cant afford it (also for me I wouldn’t be able to use it much because i cant sit up for long)

tip 6:

-drinking electrolytes after my roughly weekly shower. This was a game changer for me really helped recovery rest day. Coconut water, lemon juice, gatorade, salt water, all good choices.

tip 7:

-celebrating my accomplishments. I choose to do this on the ‘birth’ of my sick self. The date of my illness was very clear and its a date I wont forget so why not make it a party to celebrate what Ive done throughout the year. Always when I approach this day I feel so down on myself because it often feels like I do literally nothing but lay in bed but when I actively go through the months and things I did on top of the victory of surviving another year I find Ive done much more then I give credit for and im so proud of myself.

tip 8:

-my weighted blanket is the greatest thing in the world. (This one may not apply for others as it can be rough to manage the heft but for me whose been an insomniac my entire life this absolutely changed my life and I can not sleep any other way, I feel like a door to door ((floor to floor)) salesman because all I want to do is share the good news)

tip 9:

-gaming has made a big impact for my social and emotional health and im very pleased and surprised by how much it has a positive effect. Very fortunately I was able to buy a device for a form fitting keypad and mouse its really great and made gaming possible with less pain.

tip 10:

-Keep a few food bars/snacks by bed.

this concludes my list off the top of my head. my eyes are getting tired now so I shall rest. Rest well other chronically ill friends!

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

Do you use any discredited communication method such as Facilitated Communication??

(RPM is not “better than FC.” It is FC rebranded. The individual holding the letterboard still holds the letterboard and moves it, whether subconsciously due to ideomotor effect or on purpose. Victims are not allowed to resist verbally and are not encouraged to develop the verbal speech they already have. It’s taken as “meaningless unreliable speech” and ignored. Autism is NOT primarily a motor control disorder, which is one of the biggest lies of FC, and “impulsive speech” has NOT been backed by tje scientific autism literature. It is invented by “FC users” and their facilitators as a post hog rationalization of why verbal FCed people can say things that contradict their FCed or RPMed words. )

It is also very suspicious how most notorious FC users and those paraded as “success stories”, have since “disappeared” from the public eye entirely. https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/mysterious-disappearances-in-the-world-of-fc-what-does-it-take-to-sustain-the-illusion I suspect this will also be the case with new “tumblr generation” and more to come with the new variant, S2C. The author of this piece is a former facilitator who was involved in the infamous Betsy Wheatson case, in which she made her victim falsely allege abuse against a parent and tore her family apart. We only know the fate of two in the article, Tito M. and Amy Sequenzia. The former his mother still parades around, the latter she’s living in a facility after her facilitator (father) abused her. Organizations like ASAN had those like Amy on their board when her words are not her own so she could not have been called a “self advocate.” We shouldn’t even know these profoundly autistic people, if it wasn’t that their facilitators made it their mission to advertise them as FC role models and marketing purposes. They were used, now nowhere to be seen.

Others who are paraded as “success stories” within FC have a trajectory that I’m beginning to suspect may be the case with you. Amanda Baggs, for example, claimed to use FC, but was really a malingering schizophrenic who went to early college program perfectly typical with no issues. She may have had a late regression as many on Tumblr like “five thousand loaves of bread” claim to have. She claimed to have catatonia which many on this platform claim as well. Either way that didn’t matter in the end, because she was still subject to the practice of FC and she too mysteriously disappeared as of 2020 alleging medical abuse and no one knows where she is to this day. She is still cited as a “foundational neurodiversity advocate” and so is Amy S. , Carly F, Naomi H and Sharisa K. So is Donna Williams, a multiple personality case with an autistic “alter” who later claimed to be a severely autistic person. All these people are either abused and exploited or greatly exaggerated their disabilities. I suspect this may be the case with you and those like you.

If we are supposed to feel bad about not presuming competence of these folks, why are we supposed to feel good about Amy dumped and mistreated, about Carly (who notoriously went missing after a molestation accusation?) And why are we supposed to listen to these Tumblr users who are consigned to similar fates? Why should we listen?

post this for archive

.

now that block them so talk little (overwhelm w stuff so short)

1. interesting i not get the “are you really nonverbal” bc think this person inherent not believe me & regress (judge by mention my url & “suspect this may be case for you/those like you”)

2. not do good job proof read before copy paste send because “as many on tumblr like (my url) claim have” when send ask to me