nwarrior777

[nwarrior777]

saw this post and, can't not to bring up the classic of mine!

mp100 disabled!reigen au!

very proud of it. it was my first, but very not last, disability au! now i have it in almost every fandom i go

disabled characters are cool!!!

Say it with me! Wheelchairs aren’t sad! Mobility aids aren’t sad! Mobility aids are instruments of freedom!

[nwarrior777]

Sir,

Read your hospital notes. Sorry to hear that you were overwhelmed at first and that your room was not comfortable. I am glad that they seem to have moved you to a better one.

The realization of not having your own space is a difficult one to contend with, especially with no quick solution in sight. It's completely understandable to desire privacy and your own place where you can set things up just as you like them. I am sorry that you do not have that now, but I hope that the future you are working towards meets you faster than expected and that you can rejoice in making the space your own. Maybe think of that future as a motivating reward, like your waking up comic? Thinking things like, "When I have my own flat, I'll hang curtains like this" or, "Someday I will keep a set of dishes like these in my kitchen and they'll be my favorites." I am not in my own space right now either, but the idea of a better future comforts me somewhat, so I hope that maybe it could help you, too.

I hope that you continue to have good moments while you are resting and that any surprises when you leave are the good and pleasant kind.

Wishing you well on your journey.

i am sorry i know its all around now in text and this blog is a mess atm but

that bird-bringed letter brings me so much happiness, i can't explain why it can't be just my love for dandy aesthetic vibes right???

its just.. its like i often think, how i will stay in history. i think about that poets which letters and diary now in museums. about artists, who are on conversation even after decades.

and its such a... cute heartwarming feeling to get those Sir, messages yk?? i feel like i am in history, i am some poet some artist. laying sick'ish in renesanse pose on bed with light flickering on face yeah but there is something other

like. its just. some person, anonymously, making it for me. maybe not one even, i can't say cause its anon letters. So much effort of styling this message in such poetic form. So much care. For many times! It just touches my heart so deep

also the bit about me-now getting closer to me from future? like. that is literally poetic. it is a poem itself its such poetic image.

i love it so much and it calms me, it makes me happy and i feel so many emotions, but they are all calm and poetic. Incredible

Thank you so much, thank you. I mean, i have a lot others asks in ask box with support, which i love too so much, but its just so. I mean you get it, just read this i want to print it in old type and on wall i mean, that thing about menow getting closer to future one really got me

Thank you a lot, Dear gentelman Bird Letter Sender

With Love Love Love, Kris! 🖤

[nwarrior777]

hospital note, quick, neutral

i actually feel a bit ashamed for rant about not having rest here, this place is good i just had a bit sad moment back then with that "i have no place to rest" realization.

i want to write about this hospital good parts which are A LOT but after i go out ahah i mean idk maybe i will have some surprises (surprises pls no happen lol)

[nwarrior777]

oh i meant smth different i think

i have like timers time, mostly for cooking (3, 5, 10, 15 and 20 minutes)

but i also have 1 hour and 2

and i use it like, then i go, okay, i need to work on this for hour

and for me it helps not distracting because if you have hour timer and you started, went for reference... pinterest... and then you looking shreck meme you like ba! i am actually working! how much did i miss??

and if you have just deadline its hard to count. but if its hour, and you watched and it was 50 minutes left, and you watch and you see 40 you be like oh! i spent 10 on memes! i can make it after, i just need to go back and focus till timer end

also yeah maybe its my thing and i don't think i have adhd (but i am having some mental things happening for sure), i focus mostly * too much *

but! i hope some of my messy advices helps

adhd paralysis sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like

YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME

no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all

[nwarrior777]

this is that helps me

then i need to go out of bed i don't scream on myself in my head i am like, doing it as pet to myself, trying to get out of place with a treat

like pst pst pst get out heeere good boiiii

it also works with not screaming on yourself about procrastination, but pst pst pst-ing myself again for "just 5 minutes!" for art work which i loose flaming vibes for, like long projects; or "here! timer! for one hour!" and literally setting timer for a thing

i don't know who said that volume in head is on same level always, its a very lie

upd: oh i also remembered that i probably got this thought, about being gentle for yourself in this way, from some of vise words instagram videos by @ suchalovelyred on insta

adhd paralysis sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like

YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME

no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all

[nwarrior777]

hospital note, tw sad

it's like i have nowhere to hide from stress

everyday life is hell with wild things happening and i need also think about money and shit and i decided to take a break and go to hospital

so i went to hospital trying to make things on pause. helped a bit but then i got a bit better, to normal mood, i realized i am in worst room and need to fight with personal for room where will be no awful smell, and i am afraid to do anything relaxing - watching and listening music, videos, because i am afraid it will stick in my mind to these events and smell. i do listen some music and watch some things, but in always "ouuugh what if this smell will come again" in mind fear

there is no calm in hospital, there is no calm at home cause i don't have home, or even house, i don't have job i don't have place to go and lay all day long, - i mean i have a kind of roof, but it is friend let me in. i wish, i * need * my place, alone. i feel lonely, same time too much everything around same time the unbelievable need of personal space which i think i never had

and i don't have money to afford that place of rest. my flat with my bed where i can just lay and breath untill i will want to get up and go. i never had money for that, and i will need to work so hard to get this, and it will be long, and i need it now-

i need rest, more than rest, i need * place * to rest but i just can't imagine where to find it. oh god it is just. exausting

[nwarrior777]

the terror 2018 season 1 fandom is on so fuckin thin ice all the time between epic historical art reinvention and miku binder situation

upd: and i love it

[nwarrior777]

If you live in the USA and you're pleading for donations to pay your rent, bills, or get food then dial 211! Please dial 211 before the last minute!

It's a toll free service with people who will help you find programs in your community to pay those bills, find food, and find housing! They will give you numbers to call so you can get help.

It is not 100% foolproof. Their job is to direct you to a program they believe will help your current issue, but it's still a step up from praying random strangers online will give you enough cash before a deadline! The added benefit of these community programs, which get funded by the local government most of the time, is if there are more people using them then they can get more money to help more people.

You're not taking resources from other people if you use your community services. Your taxes pay for them. Use them.

Dial 211 first to see if they can help, and if for some reason they can't, then make your donation posts!

https://www.211.org/

[nwarrior777]

i can't hold it anymore - behold, The Terror fixed au, focused on GoodCollins, and, specifically on fact of Collins keeping his canon Damage Situation, but saved and healed, so he has scars on tummy and Stoma

so yeah, Collins with Stoma au, where Goodsir helps him in recovery and stays for a bit too longer and a bit too closer than just a willing personal assistant to a friend of misfortune

presented by poorly made in my phone notes app doodle, this au deserve more but it's all i have atm. this au helps me so much in my own hospital recovery (in it rn ✌) and i am so proud of idea so i decided to share

[nwarrior777]

some notes from hospital again, cute one

> yesterday, laying sad, thinking that no irl visitors for me

lovely guy coming to me in day he knew after few hours, bringing snacks and needed things i asked??? 🥺🥺🥺 and he not only who can visit..

cried about it yesterday with happy tears 😭

[nwarrior777]

Sir, glad to hear that you are getting help and are now able to rest. Hope that chores and other day-to-day tasks feel easier for you soon and wishing you a gentle recovery. Congratulations on gathering the strength to help yourself.

Sending well-wishes and if you celebrate winter holidays, then may you be feeling better in time to enjoy your favorites. If not, then may you enjoy the secular winter activities doubly.

i don't know who keep putting this poetic 1700 brought by bird letters in my ask but thank you so much

i am sure i will not have irl visitors, but this thing feels very. idk,.. real? like literally having bird letter. it was very very nice feeling to get it in the morning.

also i don't know how but i will make Sir my pronounce, it's the only one which truly fit. Also very lmao about it is fact that i call women "madam" like, all the time

[nwarrior777]

i am in hospital bed (posts below with details; in short - i got overstressed to the point i felt need of hospitalization)

thank you for all support again

i will maybe update sometimes. but idk. it's late evening here, going to sleep now. idk about a-ny-thing now

i really needed to make things on pause. it was insane year long ride, i don't know how i was on my legs that long honestly. i needed deep rest long long time ago

so will be on pause for a while

Love, Thank you

🥲❤

[nwarrior777]

with unimaginable force took myself out of bed, finished important chore, went out from home

will go buy some shit like food snacks, socks, sketchbook for entartaining, will go eat aaand

yeah, will go ride a car to hospitalization

i was honestly very afraid and not sure about my hospitalization decision but with your support i feel almost fine about all of that, not very nervous even. i don't do my art with Love spreading goal to get love boomerang or smth but it is very hearwarming surprise then things like that happen.

Love you, Thank you. ❤❤❤

[nwarrior777]

Hey there, fellow brain with problems here!

Mental health isn't a straight line to recovery! There's a lot of ups and downs, and sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. I know it really sucks right now, but you do have people willing to listen, even through texts.

You've recovered from having a broken leg before. That doesn't make it hurt less now, but you have the strength in you.

I believe in you!

hi!

i posted the hospital post like, what, minutes ago [i started it as draft earlier a bit], and i already have so much supporting people write so kind important words, i am melting

thank you thank you

also it hurt less! and less and less...

first my hospitalization was manipulative and in denial, i was said i am in just for check, i was a teen

second - i was hospitalized with psychosis [i am choosing to be open about my status. i wanted to make some videos even inspired by open mentally disabled bloggers. but its another story]. i was said back then i was actually could end up in a coma. 3 months.

after that i was starting taking meds seriously. before - doctors were failing at attempts (not actually trying tho) to explain to teen, which only life passion was art, that meds which "takes my imagination away!!!", as i said to them, was not making it in fact, but calmed that imagination from mania level to normal.

medicated, felt on one mood mostly, going to (very shitty one) free hospital, which have benefits from putting people at something inbetwen hospitalization and being at home (u suppose to come, getting free meds. some activities, like group therapy, but it was made very poorly so i always skipped). first it was nice, cause i had intrusive thoughts problems and sense of control gave me calm, but then they sent me almost everytime i say smth out of "i am fine" on doctors appointment, so it was not very good times. not very well being, but. not as bad as before psychosis

but, something still went wrong anyway. strange strokes, which i couldn't describe even then i tryied to many doctors, * wanting * some pill to get rid of that horrific in it's not-able-to-understand thing.

third time hospitalized. to not-free clinic (very not free, sucked all my savings... but worth it), after strokes go unbearable, finally getting treatment and explanation (it was "epilepsy aura". yes it's medical term and i hate that, i would never find it myself cause of that naming decision). 1 month in hospital. and finally remission for years, where i go to doctors mostly for paper to get meds

and now i feel very stressed and go by my will, just to get rest, but it's just more deep rest then my surroundings and current meds can give me. i want back on the road. just. need rest. a bit pause.. in a year of me, going to new country, with no plan, but making it. through year.

seems like actually i am having progress even...

i thought it's so sucks that my anniversary of year being it is like that. but now i think it's actually... good. it's miracle that i am still alive. i came through so. much. i deserve a rest and a bit of pause. for going on

i love you so much people, thank you, thank you for giving me care to understand this

[nwarrior777]

Sir, I am sorry that you are feeling unwell. For the record, I believe that going to the hospital and asking for help is a very brave thing to do. It is a difficult thing to learn to ask for help. Thank you for being brave enough to ask for help and for the reminder that it is okay to need help. I hope that the days are kinder to you soon. The way you draw faces and people holding each other is beautiful.

I love this ask so much, the way it's written so poetic...

it's written in a manner like it's 1700, and i am in my dandy era so it is very very lovely and heartwarming. I feel like i am a melanholic looking guy resting in puffy bed of renaissance painting, suddenly getting letter brought by bird, getting on my window

Being called Sir awoken something in me, i like it very much

/unironically

thank you, very poetic stranger

also thank you others people who writing support words, it makes me feel so better about my decision to go to hospital and i am getting more sure about it. thank you all. i love you so much, and i am so happy that my goal of spreading love and care put me around so lovely and caring people

[nwarrior777]

soo i am preparing for mental hospital hospitalization

i mean i got * very * stressed to the point i am not really able to talk verbally, like i couldn't for three days, communicating through text with roommates. now i can talk but it feels like i have limit of words in like 10, and if topic went juuuust a bit not positive i am loosing words and start shivering

and it's super obvious that i need help and i need to go to clinic. but like. it feels like i am a looser

like, i was so proud that i wasn't in need of hospital for years. i was in remission. and going to hospital, i mean not doctor appointment, but like, in hospital bed, feels like i lost

i just can feel that mother's "oooh i knew it, [] will not make it by []r own, going to other country, what was [] thinking! brainless psycho, [] needs 24/7 watch under my eye! it's a forever kid!". she will not know (i fucking hope, i burned bridges) but i just feel this. presense of that attitude in my head. and i hate this.

i know that it is okay to go to hospital if you feel bad. and world gives so much reasons to lost mind, especially last years and now. and it is honestly surprise how i survived till now. without being transported to hospital unconscious. and it is surprise for me that i have option to go to hospital by myself, not on emergency car. and i have option not to go. but i just understand that i will not be able to get back on road by myself.

and i know that it is super okay to be hospitalized multiple time. i mean in term of not shaming. if you broke your leg years ago, and broke again, you * need * to go to hospital. it's not a question. yeah its sucks but. if i would break leg multiple times i would think "damn, why surroundings hitting me so hard and so often. but, okay, time to go to hospital again as fast i can, get rest, and go on"

why i feel. this "i am looser i lost at this" thing. like its a game which you can win - not being in hospitals, you need hospital you loose. it's not a choice if this wild word broke your mental legs many times. yeah, feeling good feels like a win. but like, if you have win situation it's not necessary to have looser position. like, idk, some art event and it can have a bit of element of choosing most cool piece, but i wouldn't feel myself a looser at smth like that if i wouldn't get prize, but could spent nice time with nice people and eat tasty fancy snacks

so yeah, i know i need it but.

i am afraid