nwarrior777

[nwarrior777]

and also

Vampire Lord and his Guard, who is madly in love with the Lord, becoming most effective protective love machine, who noone can defeat

[nwarrior777]

Red Chains

little poem about Prince who sold his soul to the devil, to bring back Knight from the death, who he was in love with. Accept he didn't, and he loosed his mind after knight death, being in psychosis agony, healing painfully slowly. And all that written from the point of view of The Servant, who know everything that happens in castle, but noone knows that he knows. And noone knows that Servant in love with Prince

shadow shadow shiny glass shadow shadow pass that pass shadow shadow i am just a servant nothing i am everythere and everyone see me but noone knows what i am hiding

...love ......love .........love

i am just a servant and you are so high i am near you all the time but it feels like i am on earth and you are flying in the sky and i look at you at your majestic wings which are now broken and you fall and fall and i stand on the ground with my open arms

if somebody make you  ever feel any worse i will be so fucking rude-

no, 

i will shut my mouth i know myself  i am just a servant i am not capable of that all i want is you, i want your hug and kiss

but there is no need of me to you

there is other one who you miss

even if that one gone long ago

i know its hard to be alone but is my hand and heart is worse than nothing at all???

i know i know it's just that thing of health it's like that love of yours with sudden end  broke every bones of yours but same with mind

i can't imagine how painful to feel the pain of this kind pain not in body but of your whole existence how it feels to loose control my whole life was under i don't know any other role

honestly  if to think this way i am scared now  to open the door soul of mine have, i think so much more maybe better stay  on the role i play maybe it's too late to be something more

...but

but i feel it

in my heart i feel this More

oooo- ooo... oh.... all i want... is....  your love.....

i am just a servant i am just a stroke on background landscape leaf of foliage even artist doesn't pay attention what a tension tension what a tension in my heart i am nothing but i feel every feeling and it's tearing me apart

i am just a servant but i don't want to be it i want to be Your Lover i want i want to be

i want to sit with you on flower grass drinking orange juice from the fancy glass i want you to teach me grammar i saw you writing poems i heard you read some of it you are so gentle poet i want to hug and kiss you melt in softness of your body

but then i am coming to you bed you don't even let me touch your hand

your mind out of control and it is painfull to me i am a servant and my order is  to make your happy

this order it is given to me by myself

and i will do it

everything has end

and even if  even IF i will be next my time will be someday over too and your, my dear love, too hell, we all die but we have a bit of time to be alive

and i will do my best to bring you back to life

i am not a doctor

just a servant

but i will be faithful  to my selfmade order

[nwarrior777]

so.... you guys wanted ocs........ i think i kinda will deliver quite Something

[nwarrior777]

probably will have some time of rest to draw for myself soon

any wishes?

[nwarrior777]

was trying to sleep and then thought about that last post of mine was pretty well yeah the post indeed and i hope i will not be shadowbanned or smth

so this is a check post on it

bip boop

[nwarrior777]

tw vent; tw sad thoughts

i feel myself very lonely in my situation

usually if you hear about some celebrity artist who was in dangerous life situation or in deep poverty, you hear it at late night show interview, and this artist * was * in the situation, and telling wild life things as wild youth stories, but now they comfy and stable in their finance life

if artist didn't survive all that wild stories, we just can't hear these ones. so we have only first

and i am in the middle. i * am * dealing with wild life situations * right now * and being artist at same time. not usa late night show but, i just got interview of my dreams.

i am giving interview of all my life dream, and at same time i dream about to buy shampoo and toothbrush, cause i don't have money to buy it

i draw smiling characters for job i barely managed to find and it doesn't even cover my super cheep bills even if i give it aaa lot of time, and at same time i am in depression and my mouth start to forget how smile feels again cause it have tics on sides if i smile more than few seconds

i want to be big and slay but only reason i am still thin - cause i don't have money for food, took charity food boxes twice and stopped only cause they closed program. cheese which costs 2,5 $ is a holiday dish for me

i am in that stage of wild life stories but at same time i am already artist who have audience and kind of public life. and i don't know what to do with this cause

i open commissions and donations a lot, and it emergency a lot of times, and i just feel like i asked too much to ask more. but thing is my life is still emergency all the time. and yes cool things happens, well, happend, nowadays it is goes worse and worse - like, yes, cool thing could happen but base is not exist, no roof (i don't have my own place), no food, no feeling of life comfort.

and i just. i don't know. i look for job, i try, but once i have minimum money i need to give it away for roof, for food, for pills, and it goes again and again and i just so so tired. i never have enough money since last year end to jump into stability from going down down down

and i am ashamed to ask for donations cause even if i will have some, it will probably will go to roof and food and it will be still not enough to pay for my own place and i will give it all for that i have, and that i have is just killing me mentally. and i don't know how to get from it

taking commissions - i tried but fucking pay system lagging, taking emergency donations - i tried for too much times and i feel like i am over limits of asking that, looking for job - in process but it is hard and i don't have phone to speak for job interviews (my is shitty on calls sound) and also i've got paralyzed on new year and just now can walk feeling ok to near places, and place i has as temporary option is very far away from town, charity - tried tried tried

it feels like i tried everything

i don't know what to do and i dont have examples on eye to relate and learn on

upd: removed the sad thing cause its impossible to use words in internet nowadays

[nwarrior777]

tbh the fact u draw astarion fat makes me so happy. like ENDLESSLY happy. As soon as I saw him I was like "hwuh!! he should so be chubby" and ur one of the dear few artists that draw him that way which I was very happy to discover!! thank u for drawing characters fat. It's always fun and good and makes me feel happier abt myself :]

^ and that's exactly why i draw characters fat and build all my art around that

there is no more powerfull impact of art, than being able to make people happy and bringing Love to mirrors

[nwarrior777]

"hm strange why nwarrior777 draw astarion fat but don't draw bear guy from bg3 fat" you can ask

" only reason is i watched like 2 scenes with astarion and got his base story, fucked 2 minites around and found out, but with Gale idk if he has story able to simplified to one sentence (enough to understand character and draw i mean) " i can answer

long story short: pls can someone help understand Gale Bear Guy, like give some (short) Bear Guy Core Scene compilations vid or smth.

also whats that with him can be romanced with astarion and astarion/gale/tav polycule

then the bear will be Bear

upd: uh oh i messsed up lol gale and bear guy are 2 different guys. whatever, bring them both, we will make everyone fat here

[nwarrior777]

just lost 2 subscribers after posting about my decision to gain weight which shows exactly how posts like that is needed

imagine people getting "ewww, unfollow" from before after gym pic posts

[funny end post joke place holder which i can't make up]

[nwarrior777]

also, decided to share: i started intentional weight gain path✌

imagined myself bigger and thought, damn, that would be powerful beautiful and slay 😎

just a bit of refreshing thing in all that weight loss path posts which appear sometimes even in my insta feed 🙄 like i look as person who want to see that lol

honestly want to make progression photoes and vids which will looks like that gym proud photoes but fat proud, tasting new cool tasty places and having new joys of life✌

not to make haters furious (don't care baut em) but showing that alternative exist and it feels nice✌

so yep lol ✌

[nwarrior777]

life goes wild and i used forgotten coping mechanism of mine - drawing random gay erotiсism

[nwarrior777]

what if i say martin snapping on everything and everyone, knifing That Eye Guy Boss I Forgot The Name Lol and going to Lonely cause "honestly - i am tired of all this sht, fck all of u" to just chill and look on the ocean

and Lonely now becomes the Apocalyptic Entity, and John goes, alone through all The Path cause its, well, lonely, to Martin to try to tell him that he loves him and to try to take all back

what if i say that m. m m

[nwarrior777]

"MainSpring Rays: The Power" Little game which play Big. Dev Team Open Call announce!

Can't believe i am saying this, but, it's actually happening! I am looking for people who would like to join to the dev team of my game!

What's even this game?

MainSpring Rays: The Power based on life of a russian immigrant [the author], wrapped in surreal metaphors on a fantasy-like word building base. Little melancholic story about everyday life horrors, with hopeful message

MSRTP is a little indie visual novel. However, it has not popular core solutions, which I, as author, wish game industry and media in general a very Right Now

The game has 3 main principles:

Accessibility Focus Disabled players are included in audience and every aspect of the game is treated with "is this accessible? yes - go, no - fix" mindset. The goal is to create the game which will be accessible by default to all known disability types - vision, hearing, motoric, with no need of extra menu options slapped on already made gameplay. To make this goal come true a lot of techniques used: not using epilepsy triggering video effects, default big fount size of game interface, Special Balance Rule, and many more (more details about it in next promo posts) I assume that there will be mistakes on that, cause i am new at coding but if to make games - only like this, so that's why one of Open Call roles is Accessibility Consultant/Tester, who needs to be of course, disabled

Representation focus Characters with various appearance features, medical conditions, all fat - all shown gorgeous and respectful even if i draw representative art for about a decade, there is Open Call role for Representation Writing Consultant because i am white and don't want to write black character badly, don't have face burn, etc it's not surprise for my audience to see these designs, but apparently the thing that characters needs to have more body types and appearance than one model for million character in one game is discovery to be made in game industry

The game is free I want to give all people chance to play no matter of their income, including income of people who can't buy even one cofee cup by month

Ok, some more important info about the game?

A little about the plot: In the game you - player (the main hero), lead small group of refugees to Light, through world which falls to darkness. You go through hells of life guiding by Light Dots on Sky, keeping warmth inside and helping each other in hard times. The ending is the only one. The Good one

It's little visual novel. It's already has working rough prototype with full written story, most of graphic is ready, text written but not edited.

So this is why we here - Open Call!

People Needed:

Voice actors (details - on castingcall.club project page, link below)

Accessibility consultants and testers (if you know coding - cool, but you can be just disabled person)

Testers (coding, bugs)

Representation Consultants

Grammar editor (my eng is my second, help)

may add more in dev process

! Unfortunatelly, it's volunteer (unpaid) work. But, if you have enough free time and passion for project of such values, it can be interesting

Contacts, if you interested:

Email: krisvolyk777@gmail.com Write with the theme "The Game"

Also, i created the page on CASTINGCALL.CLUB - you can apply there, especially on voice actors roles

So excited to post this announce! Will wait for your letters

[nwarrior777]

*hugs*

The most important thing to do when you get a new disability is to be kind and patient with yourself. I got a back a while ago and wasn't able to move for some time and it gets really annoying after a while when you want to do a thing that you remember being able to do before but can't anymore. You need to find friends who will be patient with you and help you find your new limits in a safe way

Second most important thing is to find a kind of sport or physical activity that you're still able to do safely. For me it was swimming, it depends on your situation what works best for you. It feels safer at the beginning to do as little as possible to make sure things don't get worse, but it's important to find a way to keep moving to help keep the other parts of your body functioning.

*hugs you and hands you a warm bowl of soup or stew*

aww. thank you!

yes, i noticed i am like... like, almost angry about it? on myself and on the guy who said it's short road to go

and i am surrounded by people who never met disabled people in life, not just in sad commercials. so it's annoying to explain myself and see "oooh i am so sorry" eyes, bitch, don't make me explain third time to you that i can't go to your place cause it's too far, it's far more usefull than that "ooh i am so sorry its such tragedy"

oh we really in disability guys, i already have to explain myself to people and getting fucked up attitude from people irl

but the most important. i have alternative!!! i am so happy that i am, here, surrounded by people who are in this, who can help, who Understand.

i am not like, mad, at my irl friends, they just mostly not taught anything about it, didn't met disabled in life and they don't really know english. and in my first language, used by my friends in our talk, "i****d" word is still used term and activism discussion about such thing is not exist. i mean we have one semi popular amputee blogger who talk on same language but um. kinda not enough for 1/4 word map country yk

i am just saying that i am so gratefull for having you around. every time you give me your support and knowledge in things like that, i become so happy and think about that how right i choose my art path and path of my life

and! we need more god damn cool representation of disabilities in media

i need to finish my god damn poem and game, there are such characters about it there

okay, gotta go! thank you! love you! and, i promise to love myself in my disability

❤

[nwarrior777]

also, i guess i am physically disabled now?.. kinda? idk??

i mean, on new year night i was so tired and had to walk so much + 3 fckin very long street stairs, so i just fell paralyzed on december road in few steps before house we went to. well, it was like i had 1% of charging of my energy and brain just turned everything off accept speach - i could move and felt legs and arms but it was feeling like if i even do one step i will faint, i barelly hold myself to not to even by just sitting on ground

and now my legs are not so flexible, i feel a bit of numb in legs every time i go on street, and i feel this god damn % limit of leg energy. like i know now that i can't go all day, or long walk+stairs, i know it can happen again. not a best feeling to feel lets say

ummm any advices on early disabilityyy or smth. hugs could be nice too

[nwarrior777]

commission! open, btw - info in pinned post

[nwarrior777]

oh me, we really in making old men yaoi ocs phase i have fanarts on disco elysium and TheTerrorAmc here so you've been prepared

they even have story which is if describe in short "normis guy live his normis life and he is asshole but after Plot Events happening he finds himself in gay bar, where he meet The Gentleman; and then the plot actually starts and its about normis guy opens step by step joy of life and dealing with his shit with the help of Gentleman.

and well, of course they get in love in the end and The Guy sings Very "Poorly" But He Puts All Soul In It country song to the Gentleman about his feelings to him in that bar they met"