#get away from them and your quality of life will improve SO much

[firstkanaphans]

The end of this episode was heartbreaking enough from Sand’s POV, but from Ray’s? He spent a whole day falling in love, realizing for maybe the first time that he doesn’t need Mew. That he could travel the world with Sand, going to music festivals on every continent, and he could be happy. But then Boston comes along and gives voice to his inner demons, telling him he will never amount to more than this one unrequited crush. That no one will ever want him simply because Mew didn’t. That his crush on Mew will haunt him forever. I’m starting to think Ray’s friends are the sole reason he drinks. Ditch the whole lot of them, babe. You deserve better.

[lua-magic]

Twelfth house and your spiritual powers.

Twelfth house is the house of "letting go", sacrifice, forgiveness, divine, charity and kindness. Wherever, your twelfth Lord goes, you can't expect anything from that house and you have to let go.

If twelfth Lord is in six, eight and twelfth, you need to get rid of all your negative thoughts, beliefs and blocks otherwise it will manifest in the form of physical and mental illness.

You must learn to forgive otherwise, you will suffer materially, mentally and physically..

You have to learn to control your mind and thoughts, otherwise you will keep creating for yourself negative circumstances and situations.

Twelfth Lord first house 🏠 you have to develop kindness and forgiveness.

If you can't forgive and sacrifice then it will become impossible for you to develop or succeed in life. First house is of personality and twelfth house is of let go, you can't be attached to someone or something, if you want to progress spiritually, physically and emotionally then you need to imbibe qualities of twelfth house in your personality like forgiveness, kindness and letting go.

Twelfth Lord in second House .

Don't accumalte things, let it go, more you focus on storing anything either, materially or emotionaly, it will trouble you.

So, detach from your material wealth and learn to give others, you will experience freedom in your life.

"Twelfth Lord in third and eleventh house" natives should not be attached to their desires.

You must learn to let go your attraction and desires.

More you obess over your attractions and desires more you feel suffocated.

Learn to "detach from your desires to manifest it."

If you have twelfth Lord in eleventh house, be mindful of your friends, make only spiritual friends, otherwise, twelfth Lord will take your friends away or push you into isolation.

Twelfth Lord in fourth House 🏠

You will suffer till you don't be spiritual, and let go things. Do meditation and involve in charity.

"Gratitude is the best Attitude" More you work on your mindset and attitude, more free and peaceful your life would become .

Twelfth Lord in fifth house 🏠

Fifth house is of knowledge, and twelfth house is of giving away.

Give your knowledge freely, more you educate, and distribute your knowledge and wisdom, more free you feel

Twelfth Lord in seventh House 🏠

Seventh house is of relationship, twelfth house is of devotion.

Be devoted to your partner, and don't expect instead give to your partner,( as twelfth house is of giving), more you develop patience in relationship, more peaceful your relationship would become.

Twelfth Lord in ninth House 🏠

More you give people, more charity you and more you follow ritousnes in your life, more "Lucky" you get in life.

Develop forgiveness, kindness and letting go, if you want your luck to be with you.

Want to be lucky?

By choosing compassion for yourself and them, you liberate yourself from the chains of resentment and open the door to healing and personal transformation. It's called the freedom of forgiveness; give yourself this precious and priceless gift.

God resides in heart of those where forgiveness resides .

"I love you, I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you."

Above prayer will help you, when you want divine intervention in your life.

Twelfth lord in tenth house 🏠

Learn to work without expectations and give without expectations.

Either you go into spirituality and meditation or wherever, you work, stop expecting, work without any desires and expectations.

Free yourself from the expectations and any rewards, your tenth house will improve.

Focus in your work, and not on results or what and how much you get.

Twelfth house is of divine, when you want divine to guide you, and be with you,

Be thankful, because this pain can be the fuel that propels you toward a life better than you have ever imagined.

Be thankful to your most painful moments, without which you wouldn't have learnt lessons, and without lessons you wouldn't have grown.

Forgiveness frees you from anger and hatred that poisons your soul.

[prettieinpink]

5K SPECIAL | CREATING YOUR OWN GARDEN𝜗𝜚

This is a guide to make your mind like your own garden flourishing with plants, flowers and butterflies. Having a good mental mindset, and being in the right state of mind is essential to being the best version of yourself.

This guide is divided into four sections: mindset, self-care, mental wellness and emotional intelligence. I hope you can take away something useful and take care of yourself! 💖 

MINDSET

Your mindset can easily determine how you go through life. It influences how you feel, act, behave and your thoughts. When you have a poor mindset, it is going to be difficult to go through life, even if your life is easy. 

However, once we grow and improve our minds, it is easier for us to navigate life, improve our well-being and increase our chances of success. 

Before we get into mindset shifts, I want to explain how exactly you can implement them in your life. I feel like there’s so much talk about mindset, but no one exactly explains on how to implement them. 

IMPLEMENTING 

The first thing to implementing mindset shifts is making a conscious effort to be aware of your thoughts. If you want, practice mindful activities to improve your self-awareness of your thoughts. 

You have to be able to catch a thought in its passing and whoosh it away from your mind. If you don’t whoosh it away, those simple thoughts build each time which can soon turn into the way you think.

Secondly, after increasing your awareness, identify what exactly about your thoughts or mindset you’d like to shift, and what you would like to shift to.

Thirdly, is to completely immerse yourself in that mindset shift. The mind learns through repetition, meaning that repeating it enough will make your mind learn it. 

Set your mindset shift as your weekly intention, say affirmations, and prayer, read books on it, put a quote on your phone as your wallpaper, just make it so that mindset shift is constantly on your mind. 

Lastly, do small actionable things that reinforce that mindset shift. I recommend you do at least one habit every day for this. 

This is not the only method to implement mindset shifts, but for me, it’s the one that is highly effective. I recommend doing some research on your own, and making adjustments when needed depending on how you think. 

MINDSET SHIFTS

This whole part we’ll talk about the mindset shifts I think everyone should at least try to implement in their lives if they want to improve themselves. These mindset shifts are my absolute favourites and they improved the quality of my life. 

After each one, I’ll state a small habit you can incorporate that contributes to that shift. 

Live your life with your highest self in mind. 

This is more intentional living than an actual mindset shift, but still as important. Whatever you do throughout the day, consider if it aligns with your highest self. If not? Release it. Your highest self knows what's best for you, trust them. 

At the end of the day, reflect on your daily habits, which include all habits you did today whether they were ideal or not. What habits aligned with your highest self and which didn’t? The ones that didn’t, why? How can you change or remove this habit to get closer to your highest self?

Rejection is just redirection.

As someone who has gotten rejected from the things that they wanted and felt so lost in the pursuit of fulfilment, this mindset shift saved me. You have to stop chasing the things that aren’t meant for you if life has proved it isn’t.

While I’m not saying give up after the first try, but try to step back and assess the situation. If you are qualified and ready for this thing, then why is it still not yours? Because it isn’t meant for you. God is trying to nudge you into a different path, recognise his signs. 

To handle rejection better, look for the lesson(s) you’ve learnt, and the skills you grew and see if there is another area of life that you can apply them to. 

Keep yourself on a pedestal.

I am worthy so much to me. It sounds like a weird sentence, but you should start treating yourself like a treasure and avoid giving out that same treatment to most people because you have your soul, which homes itself in your body. Every day, you are living through this soul and body. 

So, why would you take care of someone else’s soul and body? You are never going to be the soul that lives in their body, or the body which homes their soul. Don’t neglect yourself in the priority of someone else. 

Practice setting boundaries with others and recognising when someone wants more than what you’re willing. 

You choose the life that you want.

You have choices and options every day to do things that will eventually have an outcome. Whether this outcome supports the vision of your dream life or not, all depends on how you choose to live your life now.  

I don’t have a habit with this one but keep in mind that absolutely nothing is controlling you, and your choices are of free will. Circumstances can change, but that is why we have to adapt and be flexible.

Fear is a step to success

If you’re not scared, you’re not doing it right. Fear can hold us back, but that is why we have to twist fear into a source of motivation instead. If we were always in our comfort zone, stepping back when we feel a sliver of fear, we allow fear to dictate our life and its course. 

You can’t be successful unless you do the uncomfortable. For this one, do something each day that scares you or makes you uncomfortable. It doesn’t have to be anything extreme, but simple things like exercising longer than usual or talking to someone who you wouldn’t imagine yourself with. Those little risks are so important. 

Embarrassment is not a real emotion 

This one is a bit controversial, but I do not believe in the concept of embarrassment. Yes, things can sometimes be awkward, but it is fully in your control if you want to feel ashamed or not. Being embarrassed only holds you back, and doesn’t allow you to live life to its fullest. 

I would recommend doing a small risk every day as well, but of things that would usually feel awkward. 

Progress over perfection/completion

Perfectionism which is allowed to be nurtured over time can create an avoidance mindset towards doing harder things in life. While we should strive for excellence in everything we do, we shouldn’t allow it to consume us. 

(the avoidance mindset is when we put off/avoid tasks that we believe to be out of our abilities, and so that completion of the task is poor quality/not done well.) 

This one is less common, but I know a few people who would not do a task if they knew it would not be fully completed in their desired time frame. However, each minute of work contributes to the results or completion of something. 

Every day, do one thing that will add up to the completion of your long-term goals. 

To welcome tomorrow, you have to let go of yesterday. 

Living in the past makes us neglect our present self. I’m not saying forget everything that’s happened, but never allow the past to consume your mind. Acknowledge that you’ve been hurt, you’re longing or you were happier. Then, release it. 

Journaling is the perfect way to stay in touch with the present. You can type it, write it, vlog, draw, or compose to journal. 

Everyone has their beauty.

This one helped me a lot with comparison. I saw beauty, not as a measure or a value of someone, but rather something that everyone has uniquely and it cannot be valued. I have my sense of beauty, and you have your beauty as well. We are two different people with unique features, traits and qualities, so our ‘beauty’ can’t be measured against each other. 

Define your beauty. You could be smart, feminine, book beauty or dark, flowers, creative beauty. You add your details to your beauty and never try to define someone else's. 

To conclude this section, your mindset is very powerful. To achieve your goals, work on your mindset. Also, don’t try to work on more than one mindset shift at a time. Implement one fully then work on the next one. It could be overwhelming if you’re doing more than one. 

SELF-CARE

The next chapter of this guide is about self-care. Self-care is important for maintaining balance in our lives and generally keeping ourselves happy. However, most people don’t understand the concept of self-care, so they just end up doing a bunch of random things and wondering why they don’t feel better.

Yes, you can coddle or pamper yourself when you want, but it is not self-care. While activities from these three things do overlap, do not confuse the terms with each other. 

Self-care is simply what it says. Taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself looks different for everyone. My idea of self-care will be different to yours.

REDEFINING SELF-CARE.

When you imagine what self-care looks like, it’s typically someone else’s definition of self-care which has been reinforced in your mind. You have to redefine your idea of self-care to match your goals, energy levels and circumstances. 

Before you do, self-care is not always about taking a break. It seems that way, however, self-care can also be having the discipline to do the things that you don’t want to, but are good for you. 

Here are some questions to help you redefine your self-care:

What does self-care mean to you? Does that meaning align with your current values and needs? 

Do you have any negative associations or misconceptions of self-care? Why?

How do I feel in all areas of my life? (physically, mentally, spiritually, professionally). What areas need more attention and how can I improve that area(s)?

What activities bring me happiness, fulfilment and a sense of renewal? 

What tasks do I have to do, which are good for me but I hesitate in completing that task?

How would I like to feel after complementing my self-care rituals? 

Envision your life if it had complete balance and self-care incorporated. What habits would you be doing to support that vision? 

My idea of self-care is completing all of my non-negotiables, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, taking somewhat productive breaks and talking to others daily. 

THE SEVEN PILLARS OF SELF-CARE 

Self-care has seven pillars, which you all need to take care of to have a balanced life. However, balanced self-care does not mean equal attention to each pillar. It means that each one is up to the same standard of self-care you’ve put for yourself. So, you need to allocate your attention appropriately. 

MAJOR PILLARS 

Physical - The well-being of your body. 

Mental - The state of your mental health, mind and emotions. 

Spiritual - The strengthening of your relationship with God while nourishing your holy spirit. 

Personal - Doing things that bring you enjoyment and fulfilment + embracing your identity.

MINOR PILLARS

Social - Connecting with friends, family or even strangers.

Professional - Your work/school life. 

Environment - Keeping your space clean and extracting anything that holds you back. 

Major and minor do not add or take away the value each category has, it just means that major pillars may need more attention compared to the minor ones which may need less attention. Of course, you may need to focus more on a minor pillar, as self-care is individual to you. 

I would’ve added a list of things that you could do for each category, but I want you to think about what you need for each instead of relying on strangers with different lives for self-care. 

Maybe you need to focus on exercising and doing your hobbies more. Or you need to create a better work/life balance for yourself. It all depends on your values, needs and circumstances. 

MENTAL WELLNESS

Mental wellness is the state of our cognitive, emotional and psychological functioning. When we are mentally well, we can cope better with challenges, develop a habit of having positive thoughts, and greater happiness and improve most areas of our lives overall.

There are a lot of things that contribute to our mental wellness, and I most likely won’t have everything here. Just a little disclaimer as well, it is completely normal to have a fluctuating mental state especially when we are going through unfavourable change. 

DIGITAL MINDFULNESS

Social media is a huge part of our lives but is also the main factor of mental destruction. I’m not going to say delete all of your social media, but I want to introduce to you a few ways to mindfully consume and rules with managing screen time. 

MINDFUL CONSUMPTION

To consume content mindfully, go onto apps intentionally and know what your purpose is when using that app. For example, if you want to find new habits that you can do, you could search on Tumblr or if you want a quick break from something stressful you can watch an episode of something on Netflix. 

It doesn’t matter what the purpose exactly is, but the action of being intentional. 

After you consume what you want, download images, and screenshots, and take notes or any documentation of what you found/learnt. This is more so the information is remembered/used. 

Manage your notifications. You do not need notifications from every app. Except for messages and phones, I do not put notifications on my device. I believe that if something is important enough, I’ll remember to check my phone later without the help of a notification. 

Only consume quality content. It is so easy to consume content that has obviously been reposted or is blatantly spreading misinformation. Only consume from people who you trust and you’ve followed/subscribed to. While yes, you can explore but be very mindful when doing so.

You should be decluttering, organising and deleting on your devices routinely.  This reduces the amount of distractions on your phone and makes it more intentional. Only keep the things that align with your needs, values and goals. 

DIGITAL BOUNDARIES

Have rooms or zones in the house in which you’re not allowed to use any devices or the devices you choose. For example, the bed, bathroom, office, when you’re eating at the dining table, etc. 

An alternative is having a period of a day when device usage is not allowed. It could be right after you wake up, right before you go to sleep or just in the middle of the day. Either, I recommend you have a time or place in which device usage is not allowed.

While I encourage everyone to keep up with socialising with their loved ones and friends, I don’t support dropping everything just to talk to someone. E.g If somebody wants to text while you’re in the middle of a study sesh, just say you’ll talk later. 

MANAGING STRESS

Stress is an unwelcome yet common feeling we all have. No matter what’s on your plate, we tend to stress a lot, especially in a society that is going so fast and makes us feel like we’re falling behind. 

To manage stress, you need to be self-aware of when you feel stressed. A lot of people actually can’t recognise when they feel stressed, and I am one of those people. Instead, I rely on mental or physical signs that tell me I’m feeling stressed out. 

SIGNS OF STRESS

Unusual lack of motivation or discipline

Feeling tired constantly even if haven’t done anything exhausting

Inconvenience impacts you more

Overthinking about small things

Trouble with sleeping

Low appetite

Focusing is harder

Crying or feeling tearful over small things

This is not the complete list of symptoms, but these are the things I feel/do when I feel stressed. Stress will look different for everyone, so you need to be able to create your own list of signs when you feel stressed. 

CREATING A STRESS MANAGEMENT PLAN

Creating a plan helps you to be prepared to effectively address and cope with stress. It allows you to be more productive and improves mental health when you use this plan when needed. 

Here are a few steps to creating your own!

Identify stress triggers. What do you dread the most? What makes you feel drained? What do you overthink about? Answer these questions to figure out what triggers your stress.

Assess your coping strategies. Notice if you have any ways of coping that are self-destructive, as this only contributes to your stress. 

Choose 1-3 activities that are fun to you and are not self-destructive. These activities do not have to be productive or beneficial, but they have to make you feel relaxed and generally feel better

Choose one relaxation technique and one self-care activity. These are up to you, as we tend to neglect self-care relaxation when we’re stressed. 

Optional, but have one person who you can talk to when you’re stressed. When we are stressed, we tend to look at the smaller picture but talking to someone else helps us gain a greater perspective on the matter. 

PRETTIEINPINK’S EXAMPLE PLAN

(If doing something that is my stress trigger, slot a time in the day to do my plan.)

Journal about why I’m stressed 

Make a cup of strawberry and mango tea

Read a nice story while drinking tea

Guided stress meditation

Eat some fruits 

Another thing when creating you plan to not restrict yourself using time. Allow yourself to take as much time as needed to alleviate yourself of stress. 

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE 

Being emotionally intelligent is a skill. It is the ability to understand, process and communicate emotions effectively. 

There are times when we do sometimes let our emotions take over and they dictate our actions, thoughts and words. This is why we need to build this skill, to get that control over our emotions back. 

Thinking before you speak is an oldie but goodie. What we say can drastically influence the current situation for better or for worse. If you think that what you might say is rude, offensive or crude, don’t say it at all. 

Also, stay quiet! I am all for standing up for yourself when being disrespected, but you need to recognise when someone is trying to rile you up... They WANT a reaction out of you. Most likely to use against you. Silently exit the situation instead. 

If you are someone who gets a lot of energy from big emotions like anger, dejection, sadness, and jealousy, try to channel that energy into something that requires you to have a lot of energy and is beneficial to you. Keeping that energy in until you blow up is a no-no.

Not everyone is trying to hold you back with ill intent. People’s previous experiences can influence the advice they give to you because they have your best interest at heart. They know that their method worked, which is why they’re advising it. These types of people don’t understand that there is more than one way, but they still love you.

Avoid prolonging emotions. When you’re sad, don’t listen to depressing music. When you’re angry, don’t consume ragefuel. It’s very easy in this age of consuming to amplify therefore prolonging emotions, but it holds us back. Process it, and move on.

Stop acting on a whim. Go where your heart takes you, but reflect on it and create a plan. When you do, you end up in unfavourable circumstances. The most common one is working so hard to get to a certain point, only to realise that you don’t even like it. This is why reflection is important. 

Be kind even when you’re not receiving it. Kindness is only kind when we do it out of pure love instead of personal gain. Stop expecting people to be kind to you after you’ve been kind to them. Kindness is a debt-free action.

[becomingthatgirl111]

stop comparing yourself

i have been dealing with this for years. somehow i think we are programmed to think that the other person is better than us, in whatever aspect and we end up putting ourselves down and this is due to lack of self-esteem.

the reality is that it's all about perspective. you may think that the other person is much smarter, prettier or whatever better than you, but that person may have a totally different perspective of themselves and see those qualities that you admire in them in others. that's why it's an absurd reason to compare yourself to other people.

another reason why we should stop doing it is because it doesn't help us to improve ourselves because as i have already mentioned it makes us feel inferior to others and if we want to be our best version we have to stop doing it and focus on ourselves.

it is not worth comparing yourself with other people because everyone lives their own life and you don't know what that person has gone through to get to the point where they are now and you are also capable of achieving it. the only thing that prevents you from doing it is yourself and your negative thoughts about yourself.

negative thoughts can be changed by identifying them and not paying attention to them. at the beginning, it seems a complicated task but when your ideas have started to change and you have another mentality it is easier to do it. every time you compare yourself to yourself use the affirmation "i accept and approve of myself" say this repeatedly in your head until those thoughts go away. try it.

it is also important to recognize since when you compare yourself and why you do it. maybe it was a behavior you learned as a child, your parents or someone made you do it, maybe you tend to be very perfectionist with yourself. but all this comes from a lack of love in ourselves and when we identify it, it will be much easier to start the healing process.

it doesn't matter how other people are, if it helps you, take them as inspiration but the important thing here is to focus on yourself.

so my tips would be:

recognize when you feel this way and why.

write down how you would like to feel about this situation, if necessary also write down how it makes you feel every time you compare yourself to someone else and what you think about yourself at these moments.

every time you have a negative thought about yourself repeat the affirmation "i accept and approve of myself".

do activities that make you feel good and help you connect with the best version of yourself.

read, listen to podcasts, watch videos about personal growth. do research, don't just stick to the basics.

put into practice little by little what you are learning from all this new content that your mind is absorbing.

talk to yourself beautifully in front of the mirror, it can be that same affirmation or meditate in front of the mirror with a video of positive affirmations.

stop paying so much attention to other people's lives and focus on your own.

[love-is-patient]

I have religious trauma.

I was raised in a household where my dad wanted to be God, and so characterized Him in a way that left me constantly paranoid.

God was a judge, God was a debt collector, God was a hammer waiting to strike.

My mother was likewise delusional to a point. She used religion as a manner of control, manipulating my egotistical dad and our chaotic little world so she could feel better about herself.

I was abused in the church. I’ve been so many churches since childhood I can’t count them.

I was told I was possessed because I was a child with adhd and couldn’t sit still in a pew. I was told that if I didn’t see visions or speak in tongues, I wasn’t saved. I was told that I must be thinking about God at all times or I wasn’t good enough. That I was lukewarm, unlovable, unworthy.

I was too afraid to take communion. I cried and turned away from the altar multiple times because I was a too dirty to touch the offering.

I was told so many awful things that I grew up with a persistent religious paranoia on top of my already anxiety inducing life.

So… why am I still a Christian, after all of that?

Stockholm syndrome, right?

It would be easy to write it off as that, but I did turn away from religion. In the back of my mind. I stayed cautious in case God was still watching.

It wasn’t until I got rid of the destructive influences in my life that things changed.

My perception of God changed when I left the awful people using His name in vain- or for personal gain.

When I grew up, learned to be discerning about the character of people.

Many people live under the assumption that I did- that God is a tyrant who is waiting for you to mess up so he can smash you and send you to hell. Paradoxically, that almost makes Satan sound preferable.

But that’s not who God is, and he doesn’t want people to go to hell.

Even if you haven’t had good parents, you’ve seen what they’re like. They get excited to share experiences with their children. The first taste of lemon, the first puddles to splash in. First words, first laughs, first steps.

God wanted that for us.

Satan got jealous after his rebellion in heaven. He saw God had something good and wanted it for himself again - even if it was just to spite God.

He offered humanity a choice and we took it.

We can debate why it happened until we’re blue in the face, but what matters most are God’s decisions afterwards.

Everything that has happened since the fall has been God trying to bring his wayward children back without force.

Just like when you see that friend of yours making the same bad decisions day after day, and you know their quality of life would improve if they just stopped. It’s heartbreaking, frustrating. You can give them all the advice in the world but they’ll just keep on doing the thing and complain to you about every headache afterwards.

Now you know a little what God feels like.

Only God is a little more patient than we tend to be.

God doesn’t ask much from us, not as much as people, which is weird to think about.

God doesn’t measure your worth by how good you are at your job, how badly you do in school. He doesn’t equate your value to how rich or poor you are, he doesn’t judge you the same way people do.

The first thing he asks of you is to love him and love each other.

He loves us so much that he opened heaven again if we ask for it.

He came down as flesh and blood in Jesus and took all the punishments we should’ve had. In Jesus death and resurrection, we have a way home.

All he wants for us to do is acknowledge that.

He doesn’t hate you if you can’t pay tithe. He doesn’t talk behind your back if you make a mistake. He doesn’t demean, debase, abuse.

Why am I still a Christian?

Because God was there for me when people weren’t.

God didn’t abuse me as a kid, people did, and used God as a shield.

God didn’t lie to me, call me names, break my things - my parents did.

God didn’t order me to do unbelievable things in order to reach him - my pastors and teachers did.

God didn’t tell me I’m unworthy - people did.

Even if you don’t believe in God, if you’re angry at him, feeling hurt and betrayed.

Maybe take a closer look and see if it’s really the people around you making you miserable, instead of an untouchable, invisible hammer.

[lqfiles]

SCORE THAT GOAL! — 21. man up and break it

(wc: 1.701)

“welcome in y/n! make sure to take of your shoes and follow me into the living room. you can hang your jacket up or leave it on the couch if you want.” jaemin blurted out in one go, already moving away from the door he had opened for you only a few seconds ago. appalled, all you could mutter out was a quick ‘hi jaemin’ before following his instructions.

“good to see that you came here safely.” jaemin settled down on the ground next to the coffee table placed in the room, beaming a bright smile your way. you felt awetruck, subconsciously smiling at jaemin. he was a pretty man, you always thought that was the case. “yeah, took me a while but i’m here now.”

“soooo, advertisement?” you took out your laptop and notebook, placing them onto the table before looking back at jaemin and nodding. “i just need you to look at my work and see if i could improve on anything.” jaemin also nodded in return, waiting for you to unpack all your equipment before continuing.

jaemin took out his phone. “would you like to see the work that got me a good grade?” he asked softly, phone still facing him in case you refused. you shook your head in agreement, shuffling closer to him to see his high quality work. you hummed. “you really put a lot of detail into everything, i don’t know if i can do all that..” you groaned, feeling a headache brew in the back of your mind. jaemin chuckled, dragging your laptop his way. “i can show you how i did some of those effects while explaining it at the same time, is that okay with you?”

you sat up more and sent jaemin a small nod. you were grateful that jaemin was willing to help you out on your assignment, you could exaggerate and say you owed him your life but it really did feel like that at the moment. especially with the way his brushed through various techniques and topics so briskly, simplifying it for you too. “is it okay if i get some water?” you whispered, hating that your thirst was breaking the steady process you were working on with jaemin. his kind smile made you feel more at ease, finally standing up and following his given directions.

the kitchen wasn’t that far and was easy to spot. you made your way into the room and went to the cupboard, extracting a glass from it before making your way over to the sink to get some water. “you’re (—).” a voice, all too quiet yet loud enough catch your attention, emerged from behind you. you squealed and almost dropped the cup. turning around, you weren’t sure who you were expecting, but a brown haired boy dressed in an equally brown cardigan who was around your height wasn’t your first thought.

“and you’re the roommate renjun.” you addressed back, remembering the mention of a roommate. the boy who stood in front of you let his gaze wander up and down your figure before nodding. “jisung is upstairs.” he spoke out, moving past you to wash his hands in the sink. you furrowed your brows and turned his way. why would he tell you this, and why was jisung here? “…okay.” was all you managed to respond back.

“i thought you’d want to say hi, apparently you two know each other.” renjun shrugged, moving himself away from the sink and instead to the fridge before rummaging through it. “oh, yeah.. yeah i know him.” you answered back hesitantly. you slowly stepped out of the kitchen, not too sure if this conversation was over but you didn’t care much, it was starting to get awkward.

“did you meet renjun?” jaemin asked as he saw you walk back in with your glass of water. you nodded, looking back into the kitchen. “he’s your roommate?” you didn’t know if you meant it in a positive or negative way, you’d like to believe it was more so out of disbelief. as in, your roommates with someone who seems to be the polar opposite of you? “yeah, renjun and i have been friends for three years now.” jaemin smiled, and you once again looked back at the door you just came out of. maybe opposite attracts?

“actually, i need to ask him something really quickly, can you stay here for a bit?” jaemin abruptly stood up, leaving your work open so you could continue yourself. you let him know that it was alright and went back to sit on the ground jaemin previously sat on. looking through your work, he definitely improved it by a lot. you felt bad, he was doing your coursework for you and all you are paying him back with was a few movie nights. maybe you’ll up your budget for your lunch and buy him some as well.

“hey.” the familiar deep voice that you were still not used to broke the silence you had gotten comfortable in. it made you snap your head up to the side, watching jisung peak his head around the corner of the door. he held a hesitant smile on his face, not sure what to say. you took it as the initiative to wave your hand back at him. “hi jisung.” jisung decided to fully enter the living room, still maintaining close proximity to the door. “what are you doing down here?” you asked.

“renjun kicked me out of his room since jaemin and him are having a private conversation.” jisung rolled his eyes, looking over at your figure seated on the ground. ‘man up and break it’. jeno’s words were practically stuck in jisung’s mind ever since he entered the apartment. he could see where jeno was coming from, they are in the same club, the same year, they even share the same friends. there was no reason for there to be an ‘awkward tension’, like jisung described it. “how long have you been here for?” he asked.

“almost an hour i think?” you checked the time on your phone to confirm your guess. jisung nodded, still leaning against the door. there was a silence that neither of them knew how to break, before jisung swallowed and spoke again. “how’s club practice? are you liking it?” jisung questioned curiously. you thought about it. were you liking it? partially. because of him, but he didn’t need to know that. “it’s alright, i think i’m getting the hang of the game. though i’m not as good as you and jeno are.” you shyly smiled.

“practice makes perfect you know, i’m sure in a few months you’ll be up to par with either one of us.” you could’ve sworn you saw the slightest hint of a smile on his face when you looked back at him. “i guess you’re right… how is sociology?” you decided to ask back, not wanting to take this opportunity of a two sided conversation for granted. jisung thought for a second before answering. “alright too? i’m currently doing my homework in renjun’s room for it.”

as if on cue, both renjun and jaemin had seemingly summoned out of nowhere, entering the room after one another. jaemin held an apologetic smile on his face. “sorry (—), we’ll have to continue this another day since me and renjun have some house stuff to take care of.” jaemin apologised, pouting at you with a genuine expression of guilt. you shook your head. “it’s okay, we already did quite a lot, thank you for your help.” you thanked him, already packing up your stuff.

“and you need to go too.” renjun turned towards jisung, who frowned. “what? but i’m always here.” jisung protested. “well not today, we need both of you out.” renjun rubbed his face. “jisung be a gentleman and take her home, it’s getting dark outside these days.” renjun lastly said before walking back up the stairs. “but-” the sound of a door closing was enough for jisung to realise there was no ‘but’s. jaemin apologised once more before making his way up the stairs himself.

jisung slowly looked over at you who was already staring at him in silence. it took him a few seconds before he let out a sigh. “come on, he’s right. it’s getting late.” jisung sighed before he turned around and took his jacket off the hanger. you were glad his back was facing your way, because that meant he didn’t see the way your jaw had dropped. you shook your head before following him outside, the both of you taking the bus back. jisung’s sudden chatty attitude caught you off guard. he was willingly trying to make conversation with you on the way, breaking the silence every 5 minutes. were you complaining? not one bit.

“i’ll see you next week.” he said, the two of you reaching a point where each could part their own way. you smiled and nodded. “see you next week.” you turned around to walk away, ready to break into a grin.

“oh yeah, (—)?” you heard him call out from behind. you craned your neck to see him hesitate before a small smile formed on his face. “let’s watch where we walk from now on, yeah?”

you went home with the biggest grin on your face.

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notes ; PROGRESS PROGRESS PROGRESS RAAAAAHHHH

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[idyllic-affections]

achilles heel.

summary. the ninth harbinger takes on an... unexpected responsibility.

trigger & content warnings. references to poverty, [name] is a thief (at first), slightly ooc pantalone in some parts.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff, slight angst, hurt/comfort. pantalone & child/young teen!reader, arlecchino & child/young teen!reader. 3.4k words. they/them pronouns for reader. this fic is divided into six drabble-like sections.

author's thoughts. inspired by a silly conversation @aroacenezha and i had. i dad-ify this man a little too much but you know what? i will keep doing it idc he's so dad-able. this post is structured differently than my usual content but i think it's kind of cool!!!

i. an unexpected guest ♡

       Of all the possible unexpected things that could await the Regrator in his Snezhnaya residence—one of them, at least; the amount of properties he owned was certainly more than what one could count on both hands—this was... most definitely among one of the more shocking.

       He was speechless, really.

       "Please do humor me. How did you manage to get in?"

       Of all the unexpected things that could await the Regrator in his his home, in his office of all places... thievery in and of itself wasn't unexpected; rather, it was the fact that standing in front of him was undoubtedly a child no older than fourteen. Not only that, but additionally the fact that they were actually standing in his office. They had not been caught. A child, no older than fourteen, possessed more skill than all of the others in the past who had made poor attempts to steal from him.

       "You need better security"—they shrugged, making him somewhat annoyed at their nonchalance—"I really thought it would be hard to rob the richest man on Teyvat. It was harder to rob Lady Ningguang. I actually had to abandon that job, you know? Couldn't get to the Jade Chamber."

       Again, he was left absolutely speechless.

       Being compared to Ningguang made a bitter taste settle in his mouth. He made a mental note to drastically improve the quality of his security.

       "You..."

       "What? It's not my fault all of your agents are incompetent."

       They weren't wrong, he supposed. His agents surely could do better at their jobs. Their smugness still irritated him, though. "Do you routinely rob the wealthy?"

       They scoffed. "You all are hoarding wealth that should never have been yours in the first place. Archons forbid I steal from wicked people who couldn't possibly care less about anyone but themselves... Get over yourself. Seriously."

       He genuinely couldn't tell if they had no sense of danger or if they simply had that sheer amount of audacity by nature. Though, admittedly, he did have to respect the fact that they managed to sneak in completely undetected. If not for his sudden appearance, they most likely would have gotten away with it. Their audacity did irk him a little, but... that was also something he had to respect. It was impressive in its own right. No average Snezhnayan child would so much as dream of talking to a Harbinger the way they did oh-so effortlessly

       It did occur to him, however, that they did not look well-off; they were not the average Snezhnayan child.

       Their hair looked as if it had been haphazardly and unevenly chopped off so that it was too short to become tangled (he did recall doing such a thing himself—at the lowest point in his life, taking care of his hair was a useless endeavor, solely because it did not help better his chances of survival). They were clothed decently enough in layers adequately thick to keep themselves from freezing which, indeed, was also something he understood on a nauseously personal level.

       Most of the mora he managed to earn in his unfortunate youth was invested in... not freezing to death. Through them, he was forced to once again acknowledge his past, a past he endeavored to forget about because it made him feel pathetic.

       ...Or maybe it made him feel like an impostor in his wealth?

       What kind of sick twist of fate had the Archons cursed him with, forcing him to think about such trivial things?

       He should punish them. He should arrest them. He should send them off to Dottore and never spare them another thought ever again, even, but... somehow, he didn't want to. Much as he may have acted as if he couldn't possibly know why, he did.

       The brat reminded him sickeningly of himself.

       "Where do you think you're going?"

       They were half out of his window when he called out to them, having taken advantage of his pondering.

       "To sell what I've taken?"

       He almost rolled his eyes. Almost, but didn't. That would have been immature and inelegant of him. "Come here."

       They would have just left, but truthfully, it would not have been a smart move on their behalf. The only reason they had not yet been caught and apprehended was simply because no-one had spotted them in the first place. Not a single one of their 'victims' had managed to catch a glimpse of them. Now that a Harbinger had seen them...

       They figured it was in their best interests to avoid being pursued by anyone with that much power, especially by someone like Pantalone. A man with that much political influence was dangerous.

       "Show me what it is that you've taken."

       They did.

       A letter opener, a few picture frames... Nothing significant or extremely expensive (though, to them, anything at all from his office would likely be of high value), which is what left Pantalone completely perplexed. He honestly hadn't even noticed that anything was missing from his office when he had first entered.

       Perhaps that was what made them so skilled, combined with their capacity to avoid being seen.

       "Out of everything you could have taken," he mused, "you chose... these inconsequential items?"

       "They're inconsequential to you, maybe. To me and to my buyers, things like this are worth a ton. Whether I'll actually be given what is owed is... uh. More or less likely. I don't know, I just— can I leave yet?"

       "Not so fast, dear." He smiled, tilting his head slightly. They thought he somewhat resembled a fox.

       "...What? Are you seriously going to arrest me for something so little?"

       "Nothing of the sort. In fact... I have a proposal of sorts for you."

ii. the proposal in question. ♡

       "You know, when someone says something ominous like 'I have a proposal for you'," they began, twirling a defiant strand of their now neat hair—which the Harbinger had... shockingly, taken upon himself to cut properly rather than paying someone else to do it—around their finger, "they generally don't mean... all this."

       "Don't be difficult." He pinched their cheek like a scolding (or affectionate, but the nature of his gesture was debatable, given the fact that he tended to hide his thoughts behind a skilled mask of eerie calmness that they could only imagine took years to perfect) grandparent might. "Let the tailor take your measurements."

       "Ugh... fine. I don't even see why I'm doing this," they murmured, gingerly raising their arms when the tailor politely prompted them to.

       "Oh? Did I not say? My apologies. I intend for you to become a permanent resident of my household."

       Silence.

       "...So you're adopting me."

       "That is one way to look at it, yes."

       "Oh. I was... um." They paused, blinking a few times as if in an attempt to dispel the bewilderment they felt. "I was kidding. I didn't expect that response."

       He only smiled.

       They wondered if they would ever learn to understand that ambiguous smile.

iii. another unexpected guest ♡

       Between teaching the newest member of his house noble etiquette, conversational skills, and other important skills they would need to master, Pantalone had grown unexpectedly fond of the little orphan he took in.

       He should have been annoyed by how often they questioned his authority, by how unruly they were...

       Of course, he wasn't. It was endearing and even refreshing in its own way—when was the last time anyone had dared to speak so freely and honestly and daringly to him? The respect rooted in fear that his status as a Harbinger gave him became dull after a while.

       It really shouldn't have surprised him that he had become so fond of the little one who did not fear speaking in the most unfiltered way to him.

       However... he did wonder if his fondness was causing him to spoil them just a little too much.

       "...What is that?"

       They grinned brightly. In their arms, a small arctic fox sat contentedly, strangely unbothered by the fact that a random child decided to pick it up and bring it home. It seemed to snuggle further into them and their warmth, in fact.

       "It's an arctic fox!"

       "My dear, that is a wild animal."

       "And?"

       Silence. Pantalone was the first to break it:

       "I have the ability to acquire any animal you so desire of only the highest pedigree," he began, "the best available on the market—of course, assuming it could survive in an extreme climate such as this one—and yet, you chose to bring home a little street fox?"

       They pouted, lower lip jutting out in an exceedingly childish way that he would have chided them for had it not just been himself, them, and the various Fatui guards stationed around (who all knew far better than to say anything about whatever they saw or heard within their Lord's residence) present. "Don't be mean. I came from the street too, you know... look at her! Look at this little creature! Say hi."

       If it had been anyone else demanding such childish things of him, he would be appalled... but he supposed since it was them, he could tolerate it. He leaned down slightly.

       "Hello."

       Much to his apparent surprise, the fox barked back at him, to which they giggled.

       "Soo, can I keep her?"

       The silence returned for a brief second. Then, the Harbinger sighed deeply—it was undoubtedly comparable to the kind of sigh an exasperated parent might let out. As if he wasn't already going grey enough without this child around...

       He caved to their whims regardless.

       He was encouraging a bad habit, yes, but they looked so happy with that little fox. He could only hope that, in the future, they would not bring home any other wild animals.

       "Very well, but I expect you to learn how to take care of her properly, otherwise I will be forced to let her go."

iv. old habits die hard.

       The first event they ever had to attend with the Regrator was an annual event hosted by the Tsaritsa herself.

       Much as they weren't exactly... keen on going, Pantalone insisted—he had claimed it was for publicity's sake. The public would favor him more if he was seen as the caretaker of a child. They supposed they couldn't really argue with that, but the thought of being used as a device to build public rapport was uncomfortable at best and nauseating at worst.

       (He was very adamant on reassuring them that he didn't take them in solely for such a shallow reason. Though... he still did not tell them why exactly it was that he chose to take them in, which admittedly did make them doubt the sincerity of his words.

       They decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, given how kind he tended to be with them.)

       They absolutely hated being surrounded by so many pompous rich people who only ever turned a blind eye to the struggling of every low-income family in Snezhnaya. How these people could live with themselves, hoarding the majority of the wealth of an entire nation, they would never know nor understand.

       (What made Pantalone any different, they sometimes wondered?)

       However...

       They were all viable targets, even including the other Harbingers present.

       Columbina... there was nothing they could steal off of her without getting caught, and the idea of making a scene, especially one involving the third Harbinger herself, made their stomach churn anxiously. She was not an option.

       Dottore... stealing off of him was unwise. They wondered if Pantalone would lose favor in them if they did. The Doctor, like the Damselette, was not an option, despite the many things they could take off his person without him ever knowing that something was missing (probably; they weren't truly sure if they'd like to test that theory).

       Arlecchino... her silver hairclip was awfully pretty. Surely she wouldn't miss it? She didn't like the Regrator much anyways, so—

       "Dear."

       "Oh. Um." They cleared their throat, embarrassedly looking anywhere but at him. They tried their best not to pick at the threads of their sleeves. "Sorry. Force of habit."

       He hummed, gloved hand raising up to rub reassuring circles on their back. The bubbling anxiety and discomfort in their chest subsided slightly.

       "Come along. There is nothing to be afraid of, and please... do not take anything off of anyone. Leave the Knave and the other Harbingers be."

       Of course, upon passing Arlecchino, they did end up stealing her hairclip regardless.

       Though annoyed, she said nothing of it, because even though their audacity to steal something from a Harbinger at an event such as that one agitated her beyond belief...

       It seemed to make them happy, and she didn't see them take anything from anyone else the entire night. She decided that she would let it slide just this one time.

       (She also took it upon herself to secure it in their hair—which had grown longer and healthier ever since the Ninth took them in—after the event, claiming that it was a gift from her...

       ...And that, if they knew what was good for them, they would not dare to pull another foolish stunt like that ever again.)

v. achilles heel.

       "What is it that plagues your mind?"

       "Huh?" They blinked, sitting up a little straighter in their place on one of the soft sofas in the Ninth's personal library. Most of their time was spent in there, absorbing all the knowledge that they didn't have access to earlier on in their life. "What do you mean?"

       "You've been withdrawn lately," Pantalone said, approaching them slowly as if they were some kind of skittish animal. He tenderly caressed their cheek upon seeing no signs of discomfort. "Have I done something to drive you away?"

       "...No," they admitted quietly, looking outside of the large window and watching the snow fall. It looked... peaceful, but they knew from experience what it was really like out there. They gnawed on their lower lip, searching for a way to word their concerns without sounding ungrateful. "I just... ugh, it's nothing. I don't know. I don't know how to say it without it sounding... bad."

       He raised an eyebrow. His hand moved away from their face, now stroking their hair calmingly. "You speak to me so freely all the time. Why the sudden change of heart, hm?"

       He did have a point there. They never once thought twice about the way they spoke to him up until that point.

       A sigh left their lips, and they shifted their gaze to meet his.

       The way their eyes glistened with the sheen of unshed, frustrated tears made Pantalone feel a sort of fatherly protectiveness that he wasn't sure he should have been able to feel, and yet... their expression flipped some kind of switch in him.

       "Why did you take me in?"

       "I—"

       "Wait, I'm not done," they interrupted. He went quiet. "What benefit do I provide to you? What kind of rich guy sees a random orphaned thief and decides to take them in? Who does that? No rich person I've met before you, that's for sure. People like you don't care about those of us barely scraping by in poor conditions, so why—"

       If it were anyone else Pantalone was speaking to, his tone would have been harsh and commanding, but... that was how it always had been with them. They could get away with things that others could not. They were always shown a side of him that others were not. Perhaps that made them the Regrator's one single Achilles heel, and if that were the case? So be it.

       "Stop. Listen."

       His tone came out very gently. It was more akin to a comforting hush than a demand. He kneeled down to their height—never once had they seen him voluntarily get so close to the ground. Most nobles didn't, and yet, here he was. With his ungloved knuckles, he wiped away the tears that they hadn't even noticed were beginning to fall.

       "I was you once, little one."

       "I don't believe you," they sniffled.

       "You should. I was not born into this life. My bloodline is not noble and my birth name holds no significance," he mused, tucking a stray strand of hair behind their ear. "I also used to steal from people, you know."

       Their hair fell over their shoulders, to which they quickly raised a hand to the back of their head. The clip—once belonging to Arlecchino—was gone, now settled in their caretaker's open palm.

       "H— huh?!"

       "Admittedly, I haven't done so in quite some time, so what you saw just then was moreso the skills I've learned as a Harbinger than my thievery skills."

       He kindly secured their hair back once again.

       "Ah... I never would have guessed."

       "That is the point." He nodded, going on to tease: "You do very much remind me of the younger version of myself... you have quite the awful amount of attitude, though. I was never so difficult."

       They huffed, patting their face dry with their palms, to which he chuckled.

       "Hmph, I doubt that. I'll bet you were worse than I am."

       "Whatever you say, dearest."

       He was, but he had no plans of telling them that, of course.

vi. enrollment.

       "My orphans seem to like you, [Name]."

       They smiled up at Arlecchino from their place on the ground, one of the much younger children sleeping against their thigh. Their hand absently toyed with the child's hair in a manner that seemed akin to that of a loving older sibling. "I like to think they do. They're lucky, then, because I happen to quite like them, too!"

       The ghost of a smile graced her lips at that.

       "You know," she mused calmly, placing a firm hand on their head. They squeaked slightly at the force behind her display of affection. "You are publicly viewed as the Regrator's child."

       "What?!" they gasped, a mix between shocked and embarrassed. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but... "Wait, people are saying that? Actually?"

       "They are," she confirmed, "but I mention this for one very particular reason: do you know how to defend yourself, [Name]?"

       "Somewhat, but not entirely," they admitted. "I learned a lot in my time... um, wandering, shall we call it..? Anyway. I can defend myself, but not really well. Not at all well enough for the place I've found myself in, I think."

       She nodded in understanding at that.

       "Have you considered enrolling in the House of Hearth?"

       "I've thought about it. Would I even qualify, though..? I'm technically not an orphan..."

       "No, but consider it a favor from me. You would get an education of equal rigor to Snezhnayan private schools, as well as learning how to protect yourself."

       "...You would do that for me, Arle?"

       Her cheeks tinted red at that, and she groaned, lightly pushing them away by the head. They giggled at her annoyance.

       "Don't call me that"—she coughed into her fist, trying her best to mask the good-natured embarrassment such a nickname caused her—"but... I would. You need to learn how to handle yourself."

       She then got on one knee, meeting their gaze with intensity that made them a bit nervous. Both her hands sat firmly on their shoulders.

       "What you need to understand, however, is that you will automatically be drafted into the Fatui at your graduation. I do not believe that the Regrator would let you out of his sight at your young age, so you needn't worry about being separated from him, but... you will be exposed to wicked things."

       "...But I need to do this for my safety, right?"

       "You don't 'need' to do anything," she clarified. "I would advise it, though. You are an annoying little brat, but I—as well as the Ninth—would loathe to see anything happen to you."

       "Well... I don't mind enrolling."

       "Oh?"

       "I really don't mind," they repeated, offering her a pensive smile. "I've already seen pretty rough things, and, I mean... I know what you all do for a living. I'm not oblivious, Arlecchino. Any kid born and raised in Snezhnaya would know."

       "I didn't think so," she assured. "No, I never once believed you to be oblivious... that much, I agree with. Childhood innocence does not thrive in this nation."

       "You're right. It doesn't."

       A comfortable silence settled for a moment. Arlecchino's battle-hardened hands were a calming force upon their shoulders.

       "...Soo, how exactly are we planning on convincing Pantalone to let this happen?"

       "Ah." She went quiet. "...That is the question."

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot! taglist: @m1shapanda, @kaichuuu, @zeldadou, @aroacenezha (aka the beloved moot who inspired this fic. say "thank you maji" everyone 🫶🫶🫶🫶 /hj /lh)

[xdjville]

wayv and their own love languages

pairing: wayv x gn!reader

cw: mentions of sex in winwin's (only in words, no descriptions), yangyang (half)jokingly being a hater in xiaojun's, proof read but i'm tired

author's note: i had to physically stop myself from getting carried away with kun's so it wouldn't end up twice as long as the others man i love him

#kun

quality time

if it wasn't for kun being so busy, he would literally be glued to you at the hip. only with you around he's able to truly relax, you're like a power outlet that he can use to charge his battery. what you're doing doesn't really matter to him that much, he will enjoy anything as long as you're there, but the slow, quiet moments when you're both in your own worlds have to be the ones he cherishes the most. of course, he loves going out with you and having a blast too, but something about those occasions brings him a sense of domesticity and really lets him unwind. like when you're both in his studio - him at the desk, composing or working on lyrics, while you're on the couch in the back with your laptop, focused on your own tasks, the silence being broken only the few times that kun asks about your opinion on whatever he came up with, or when you stand up to get a drink and place a kiss on his cheek as you walk by. or it could be him cooking dinner for the two of you, showing off his skills as you sit on the counter, humming quietly to his playlist playing in the background. every now and then he'd turn around to give you a piece of the food he's making for a taste test, repaying each good idea of how to improve the dish with a kiss.

#ten

thinking about you

ten is pretty much thinking about you every second that he's awake (and sometimes in his dreams, too), he's never not thinking about you. he often gets reminded of you by random things, whether because he thinks there's a visual resemblance (he then usually sends you a photo and a "you lol"), because it's something you like, or because it's somehow connected to a shared memory of yours. he brings you up in conversations a lot too, to the point where some of his friends seem to know you quite well without having actually met you. when he's travelling, he always takes many photos to send you along with voice messages about how his day went, and buys souvenirs or little trinkets to gift you when he's back. on the rare occasion when he's grocery shopping on his own, he makes it his mission to find all of your favorite snacks, which more often than not gets him distracted from the list you had put together for him, so you end up with a bunch of candy and no dinner (which is exactly why him shopping alone is a rare occurance). he also really likes putting together playlists with songs that remind him of you, some of them he'll send and give you access to, but there's also a few he made private which he listens to on days when the longing feels worse than usual.

#winwin

"i love you"

to most, it might seem like not that big of a deal, but to winwin those three words hold more meaning than all other existing ones combined. a meaning that's so important and valuable, binding even, that he uses them carefully and scarcelly in order to not abuse them. for most of his life they were reserved only for the closest family members, then, although in a different sense, also for his fans. saying them romantically for the first time was a whole new sesantion to him, and to be honest it still feels a bit foreign and uncomfortable. not because he doesn't love you, that he sure does and he makes sure to show that in other ways, but actually saying it out loud just makes him feel so bare and out in the open. hence his "i love you"s are usually muttered into the crook of your neck when you're pressed together after making love, breathed against your lips when he breaks the kiss only for a second so you can't see his face gaining more color than it already had, or whispered into your ear as he gently strokes the back of your head, your tears soaking into his sweater.

#xiaojun

sharing

xiaojun doesn't really do this purposefully, as a way to show his affection, it's just that the concept of "mine" and "yours" genuinely doesn't exist in his mind when it comes to you. want a bite of his food? it's yours as much as it's his. out of moisturiser? you probably use the same brand anyways. really like that one hoodie of his? might as well have been yours in the first place. he never expects the same behavior in return, he's totally fine if you value your privacy and he makes sure that you understand each other's boundaries, but he never lets go of that "what's mine is yours" mindset either way. xiaojun really enjoys showing you off ("shoving your relationship into people's faces", as one german boy likes to call it), so you wearing his clothes or jewelry is his absolute favorite thing ever. he then stares at you with heart-shaped, sparkly eyes, a wide, lovesick grin on his face, and the tips of his ears burning red (to the german boy's disgust).

#hendery

being vulnerable with you

very few people get to see the other side of hendery than the cheerful, quirky self that he usually is. the side that's exhausted and afraid, that pains and ugly cries. a lot of doors have to opened to reach it, but he trusts you more than anything and anyone, ever. he doesn't think he could be any more real and unfiltered as he is with you, it's almost like it's more comfortable than when he's all alone. when you're there, he can just let everything go and express his feelings in a way that's most true to himself, without faking or conceiling anything. all those nights he spent crying because of his past, present, and future, because of his fears and scars and sorrows, you've been there for him. and although in the morning when you're tangled in your sheets with puffy faces and dry skin either of you knows better than to mention whatever was said that night, he's truly, deeply grateful, and each time he makes a promise to himself that one day he'll tell you that.

#yangyang

kissing

yangyang's nothing if not a kiss person. it's his favorite thing in the whole world, to be able to just connect your lips until he forgets his own name because yours is all he can think about. little pecks, french kisses, make out sessions, spiderman kisses - you name it, he loves all of them and they're all his favorites, as long as it's you who's on the other end. you often try to push him away because you just ate something with garlic, or because you have yet to brush your teeth in the morning, but none of that really matters to him. in fact, he cherishes every sensation that comes with it, be it a taste of what you ate, the feeling of your dry lips when you forget to put on chapstick, or a string of saliva that keeps you connected after you pull away - god, that one makes him go weak in the knees. he especially likes when you take the initiative, it makes him feel loved and all warm inside (he would never admit that though). and if you lead the kiss, maybe a bit riled up from something happening at work or because you've missed him? oh, he's a goner.

#taglist ➼♡ @bambisnc

©xdjville

[spiderfreedom]

my suffering is profound and legitimate, yours is frivolous nonsense

Just reading a blogger I like but I had to laugh because she was talking about how beauty practices are bad for women's mental health, and she left a note saying "unlike gender affirming care! gender affirming care improves people's mental health and it's nothing at all like cosmetic practices."

TIL, when an older woman gets botox to remove her wrinkles and avoid facing the inevitability of decline and death, her problem is spiritual/structural and she needs to Do The Work to deprogram her ageism, unlike people with dysphoria, who of course have legitimate claims to cosmetic alteration.

And it is cosmetic - no part of the body that is altered by HRT or SRS or any of the feminization/masculinization surgeries is failing to function or functioning poorly. The problem is with the brain, which perceives the body parts as foreign or undesirable. We may sympathize with someone struggling with such a condition, but that does not change that the body parts being altered were already healthy and the alterations are cosmetic, and the relief being brought about is mental.

But plenty of trans people openly admit that separating body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria is a losing game. Contrapoints's video on "Beauty" (transcript) has the observation that she feels least dysphoric when she is meeting feminine beauty norms:

But I also think that trans people often talk like gender dysphoria is this intrinsic, personal experience that's always 100% valid and never has anything at all to do with the external pressure of beauty standards. But in fact, gender dysphoria is not sealed away in a vacuum away from the influence of societal ideals and norms.  [...] When I try to psychoanalyze myself, I find that my desires to look female, to look feminine, and to look beautiful are not exactly the same, but they're woven together so tightly that it's kind of difficult to untangle them. And the opposite is also true, that for me feeling mannish or dysphoric usually goes along with feeling ugly. I don't have a lot of days where I walk out the house thinking "well, I'm giving femme queen realness, but apart from that I look like absolute shit". 

Max Robinson's book "Detransition," from an FTM perspective, points out how the prospective trans man views his suffering as unique from and distinct from women's, even as the surgeries they seek are not especially different:

The stereotypical cosmetic surgery patient is seeking to become closer to being perfectly feminine - she wants to be beautiful. Transitional cosmetic surgery, on the other hand, is widely understood to mark the patient as ex-female and therefore unfemale; this is part of the meaning FTMs seek to create through surgery. FTM desire for cosmetic surgery is positioned as something totally different than the stereotype of a woman who 'merely' seeks beauty at her frivolous leisure. FTMs are deemed to have a rare affliction that needs urgent, life-saving treatment. Conversely, there is nothing more common than for a woman to become obsessed with her socially-deemed 'unsatisfactory' looks and desperately seek to change them, believing that such a change is the only thing that can restore her quality of life. This comparison will feel like an insult to the FTM. It will feel that way because we believe other women's suffering doesn't matter, and recognize how much ours does. Women's suffering is ordinary but ours is extraordinary. For us to matter, we must be differentiated from the silly little woman who wants to be pretty so badly she'll pay thousands of dollars (now billable to credit cards and loan programs designed to pay for elective surgeries!) to risk her life and health. These women don't need to be fixed; we do. FTMs know that we don't deserve a woman's fate but have not yet realized that no woman does.

I have more to write on the topic of the relationship between gender identity and beauty culture, but I'll end this one here. It makes sense that somebody who is identified with the opposite sex would also be affected by the standards of beauty expected of that sex. (Non-binary identification is more complicated and requires separate treatment.)

[chronicbeans]

Wally and a Puppeteer Reader (part 3)

My brain has gone on with this idea and I love where it is going. Yippee!

TW: Obsessive Behavior, Stalking, Scopophobia/Eye Imagery, Idol Worshipping

🎥 This has gone on long enough! In just a few weeks since that interview, the letters and pictures have increased tenfold! You keep finding Wally in the oddest of places, like on your desk, in the lounge, or even next to your locker. It constantly feels like eyes are watching you.

🎥 Even the contents of the letters are getting stranger. They were always odd and creepy, but at least before they had lighthearted words in them. Now they're saying things like "You're the air I breathe and all I see. You make my days better or worse. You keep me warm and keep this neighborhood bright! Please, never abandon me!" It's all written in that messy crayon writing, too, which makes an eerie contrast to the words that makes you sick. It seems so childishly unaware of how disturbing the words are when thought about for too long.

🎥 The drawings aren't much better. Nine out of ten times, they include you in some way. From the pictures just including you, including you and the characters from Welcome Home, to - worst of all, in your opinion - you in real life places. You sitting at your desk. You sleeping in the lounge. You getting a cookie at the snack stand during the interview. There's even one of you putting on your coat at the lockers. The drawings may not be the highest quality, but they are detailed enough to both be recognizable places and to alarm you.

🎥 You have an idea of who it might be. It's gotta be Wally's voice actor. They were his puppeteer before their arthritis kicked in. They just couldn't move their hands enough to properly puppet him anymore, always complaining that it hurt, despite the medications they took. But, the producer did decide to keep them as Wally's voice actor, saying that nobody could replicate his distinct laughter, tone of speech, and voice pitch. Despite this, Wally's voice actor was properly ticked and hated the fact they were replaced. They're always acting passive aggressive towards you. It must be them, probably to try to scare you away.

🎥 Today, you have decided to confront them. Marching over to their recording booth, you knock on the door. When they open it, they have that signature glare that would put even Frank's to shame. Before they can even ask what you want, you tell them all about what has been going on and how you know they have been doing it. They have to be behind it. All of these drawings and letters have Wally's signature writing and art style. The only person that knows Wally more than you is his voice actor. It HAS to be them!

🎥 They grow silent, before looking at the pictures and letters. Then, they look up at you and say, in the most matter of fact tone "I haven't been able to draw or write anything in character for a YEAR, (Y/N). What makes you think I would put myself through the pain of trying to replicate it after all this time, with my horrible joints, just to frighten YOU, of all people? You aren't worth my time, much less my comfort. You got any other evidence to accuse me of this... Whatever this is?"

🎥 You grow silent. To be honest, thinking back on it, it really is a stupid idea that they would do all of this to scare you. If they couldn't even muster up the energy to go out of their way to verbally confront you, then it would be shocking for them to put the effort to write and draw things to do so. You still have one more question, though...

🎥"What about the voice I've been hearing? It sounds just like Wally. You are his voice actor. You have gotta know something."

🎥 Their eyes grow wide. Then, they shrug "The one that has been saying things about... well, something. It's always a bit too muffled to hear exactly what it is. I thought you somehow improved your Wally impression and were practicing in order to replace me completely. Your impression may be off enough for the producers to care, but it was always the best one here. You're telling me you aren't the one making that voice?"

[turbulentscrawl]

Sfw/ nsfw para norton por favor!!! 👁👄👁

I'll take any excuse to write for my favorite man ;)

These are relationship-focused. Spicy stuff under the cut. Enjoy <3

Norton Campbell

SFW

-Norton didn’t start to bulk up until he came to the manor. That is, he’s always been tall, and working the mines made him strong, but at home he never got the nutrition he needed to actually pack on muscle. The manor provides food constantly, so his body has been playing catchup and he’s had to let out his clothes a few times. (Strong man give good hug, make feel safe.)

-Norton has minimal experience with romance or anything related to it. He’s had interest in people a few times over the years, but his long work hours, financial situation, and trust issues weren’t really conducive to serious relationships.

-That said, I think after he decides that no one is ever escaping the manor, he’d be pretty open to starting a relationship if someone genuinely caught his eye. In some ways, it’s not the worst situation to be in. He’s in good health (aside from the ever-looming threat of gruesome not-death in the games), has stability, food, shelter….why not also let himself have love if it feels right?

-He’s a bit awkward with romance at the start. The other men at the mines set poor examples for how to love and appreciate a partner. Of course, Norton hated most of them and wouldn’t trust their advice if his life depended on it anyway…but he doesn’t have much else to go on.

-He does, however, strongly prefer to show love through Acts of Service. He’s a provider at heart. He also gives Quality Time in the sense that he spends his spare time as your shadow. He expects to sit next to you at meals, stand near you during meetings, guard you during matches. He’s not huge on PDA in most circumstances, but he likes to be within arm’s reach. (It’s also close enough to hear any snarky comments he mutters under his breath, and he enjoys hearing you giggle over them.)

-He has a possessive streak. It typically shows itself during his personality flips, which he tries to stay away from you during, but he will have slipups that are usually just him pulling you away from someone standing too close or throwing another person’s hand off you. He feels rotten after the fact if he does anything more drastic.

NS/FW

-Norton has as little bedroom experience as romantic…but he is both very familiar with his own body and pragmatic enough to not be too awkward in the learning phase. Having been a laborer most of his life, he takes instruction and critique well.

-His endurance is not amazing in the beginning. He’s fit enough that it will improve quickly (and he can go several rounds if you give him a short break), but in the meantime he’s also pretty good with his hands. He’s got thick, calloused fingers and a firm grip

-Norton strongly prefers to top. He could be convinced to change it up once in a blue moon, but being submissive just doesn’t feel right for him. He’s been an underdog for too much of his life; he wants to have the power.

-He’s a considerate top and isn’t cheeky enough to try pushing any boundaries. …but please let him be a little rough. He wants to manhandle you.

-He’s on the quiet side during sex. If someone is gonna get loud, he wants it to be you. The noise he makes is generally limited to soft grunts and heavy breathing, but he’ll also growl as a special treat if you tease him just right. Run your nails against his scalp. Run your nails against his scalp.

-His avoidance of PDA extends to sexy times. Norton would not agree to being intimate somewhere you’re likely to be caught, and he won’t make a move on you when other people are around. I do think he might pick up a very subtle way to tell you that he’s hoping for some hanky panky later (something like winking at you. he is NOT a winker otherwise), but don’t expect him to say something suggestive or dirty when other people can hear it.

[bonefall]

i'm ngl depicting thunder's prosthetic as a burden is pretty uncomfortable even if it is something some amputees experience because like. there's a huge stigma around prosthetics already you know? it's like having a parent forcibly strap a child into a wheelchair when they don't need it and having a horrible experience with it and that being your only character in a wheelchair. some full-time wheelchair users do resent their wheelchairs but when that's the only time you're bringing it up at all it feels like you're playing into our society's perception of wheelchairs and mobility aids in general as useless and best and divine punishment at worst. idk do let me know if i'm wording this wrong because i really do love better bones! it's just that this detail is... strange.

I mean, I'm open to feedback if that's not something I should do-- but I do actually have other characters in prosthetics and mobility aids! A lot of them! Thunderstar's actually the only one who ends up rejecting his own, because I also wanted to depict that it's bad to force a device onto someone who does not want one.

Especially in circumstances like Thunder Storm's, where that sort of device would be actively unhelpful for his lifestyle. It might help in open field environments like moorland, but then I got more feedback and realized that it would just make a lot of unwanted noise in a forest (since cats have carpal whiskers to help them figure out where to place their paws). Then I figured it was a good way to show how BB!Clear Sky doesn't actually listen to his son's needs and acts differently when he's not "grateful" enough for his gift.

But he's far and away from the only one with a mobility aid or prosthetic!

I haven't figured out Frog entirely yet, but he's going to be the first cat with a "wheelchair" type device, to set up a long line of cats through the generations improving on it (Probably not much more than a reinforced canvas or durable leather, as this was the age of very early flax processing)

Wildfur's the next in the big advancements, even making the Great Journey in his own and getting a side story based around Littlecloud and Cinderpelt collaborating over this

The device is then improved upon by Jessy for Briarlight, giving her a level of independence and confidence that she needs to finally cut her mom out until she learns how to behave

Deadfoot has a brace for his front paw because the joint is loose (it was based on a friend's carpel tunnel bracelet) which is affectionately referred to as The Bonker; his name is also now an Honor Title (Old name: Hoprunner) for inventing a battle move by distracting with his good paw, and then SLAMMING his other limb down hard on his opponent. It's called "deadfooting."

I think mobility devices are super important, usually massively improve quality of life, and I just enjoy designing them, so the choice to portray Thunder Storm's as negative was a very deliberate one that I did in response to what I thought was a desire in representation. Even the fact it's a hind-leg prosthetic was thought out, since those have a much higher satisfaction rate in humans than hand prosthetics, but in a cat would probably be the opposite.

Still, I'm not missing a limb, so now with all of that context presented, do you still think the same thing? Should I just add even more limb prosthetics to make the ratio of satisfied prosthetic users vs Thunder Storm even steeper?

Sunlit Frost is actually going to have a bite on his good paw go septic (the other side has permanent damage from the fire). I could have that paw get amputated and have Thunderstar "return the favor" for how Sunlit Frost created the prosthetic he rejected by helping him build his own. A pawsthetic, if you will

OR would it be better to just remove the subplot of Thunder Storm grappling with/rejecting a prosthetic that is unfitting for him entirely, and have all prosthetics be 100% treated as positive in the narrative?

[prettieinpink]

IMPROVING YOUR LIFE ASPECTS: THE LITTLE HABITS

Hello girlies and genitals, I am aware that my posts haven’t been up to my standard lately but thank you so much for 220+ followers. I’m so grateful for each and every one of you to be apart of this blog and I wish for us to grow into the best versions of ourselves.

Today, I have something special to celebrate: a collaboration with everyone’s favourite, honey! ( @honeytonedhottie )Thank you honey for this idea of a collab, which has been so fun talking and it’s been a pleasure working with you, I hope we do another one in the future. If you haven’t already, go and follow honey(the best decision trust)!

her part of this collab is here ! go read it and follow her yall

GENERAL

habits that are uncategorised or improve multiple aspects of your life <3

Prioritising yourself. Put yourself over anyone else, even if it effects them. I know it’s harsh, but put on your oxygen mask before helping others.

Establishing routines in your daily life. Morning, evening, study, workout etc, we humans thrive on routines.

Start implementing small things to look forward to during the day. Whether it’s drinking a hot beverage before bed, or going out on a walk in the sun, just having these things makes it easier for us to get through the day.

Curate your social media, ensure what you are feeding your mind is nourishing it, not destroying it. + avoid any mental clutter from your feed

Saying positive affirmations to yourself before the day! It’s an nice way to pump yourself up.

Set boundaries. Not only with others, but yourself. Don’t allow yourself to sleep late constantly or have over 8 hours of screen time.

Learn how to say no. Saying no is now considered a powerful tool for someone to have because we then allow the things we do want to come in our lives and guard ourselves from things we don’t want in our lives.

Setting one daily goal! It doesn’t have to be a difficult or challenging one, but preferably something you feel uncomfortable about doing.

EDUCATION

Being educated is the most powerful asset nowadays, besides, learning is the best beauty regimen!

Reading a few news articles a day, being updated with the latest news in your country and community is a great advantage in general and a way to stimulate your mind

Reading paperback/hard copy books is another great way to stimulate your mind without scrolling endlessly. You learn new experiences and ideas, and gain more empathy for others.

Learning another language! This is extremely useful because when we learn it, we stimulate another part of our brain that is usually inactive + a great thing to put on resumes or applications.

Having high quality sleep actually helps with long term memory and sustaining everything you’ve learnt in the day. 6-8 hours in an ideal number of sleep.

Taking regular breaks which are productive,this is so important for sustaining your motivation and avoiding burnout. E.g going out for a walk, meditation, Journalling

Spending a few hours a day without relying on electronic devices. Social media and more will put so much mental clutter in your head, being away from it allows for mental clarity.

Doing focus meditations before doing any deep work. This allows you to stay on task for much longer and rids of any mental clutter.

Talking to others who have more expertise than you and listening, but you do not have to agree with them, it’s just valuable to have another person’s perspective and experience.

Challenge yourself daily and start being comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. Research about topics you dislike, do things you struggle at at least once a week.

PERSONALITY

Being charming, but still being down to earth to yourself while maintaining good relationships with others allows for happiness + harmony within you.

Sharpen up your vocabulary and learn to pronounce words that are difficult. People who are clear and concise speakers are automatically magnetic.

Learning how to use more advanced words in daily conversations, it gives off a more sophisticated and educated vibe to others.

Be passionate about the things and people you love, even if looked down upon by others. Trust, because everything that you love will come in abundance.

Making an effort to truly listen and understand someone. Engage with them, ask open ended questions and maintaining open body language. People will be so much more interested about who you are as a person.

Be genuine. Not only to others, but also yourself. People naturally gravitate to those who know themselves and their values.

Being truly kind to others. Always lend out a helping hand, even if you know they wouldn’t have done the same for you. Whatever you put out, will come back.

Relating to the previous point, don’t be afraid to ask for help from others. While you should strive to be independent, allow yourself to receive and be provided for.

Work towards being confident. Not only in your physical appearance but also your abilities, your standing in life and your environment. The only validation you should get is from you!

Smile, even if you’re not in the mood for it, smiling actually boosts our mood and the moods of others + it gives off more approachable vibes.

Start complimenting others, even if you do not believe that compliment yourself. We make ourselves more approachable and kinder to others, but it also will change our mind to be more positive and accepting.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Keep up with that beautiful, sexy, cute, perfect face babes. Make looking yourself in the mirror your favourite pastime and bless others with the privilege of seeing you.

Your smile is the best part about yourself. Brush those pearly whites, use mouthwash and floss. If really nesscessary use a teeth serum.

Do yoga and stretches to improve your posture. You’ll notice different parts of your body improving, like your jaw, hump neck etc.

Start nose breathing. A small one for sure, but it can make or break you in the long run.

Sleep on your back, your mouth is closed so you don’t breath through it and it helps with symmetry of your face.

Create a beauty planner. Plan what you want to do for yourself, whether it’s at home or done professionally, plan on what days you do it, the products you use, the vibe you’re going for etc

Create a closet you feel confident in. The l rarest and expensive thing you can wear is confidence in yourself.

Start sanitising your hands regularly. Even if we try, we still touch our face during the day. Instead of trying to fight against it, just make sure your hands are clean.

Smell good, there’s tons of tutorials out there that outline how to be smelling good all day. It makes you feel good and others moods will boost around you.

Change pillowcases like once a week, it can easily get dirty and can affect your skin and hair.

Keep track of your beauty products and when they expire, but if anything of that substance changes even mildly, throw it!

[nohoney]

briefly back on my hunger games au

you’re expected to attend a banquet to meet fellow victors from the past hunger games, but you’ve yet to leave the tub. the water is lukewarm, your hair is slightly damp, and you keep your knees hugged to your chest.

the capitol had the most lavish washrooms you had ever been in. the new house you occupy in the victor’s village is much less opulent, but it’s a huge different from the small cottage that you had grown up in. the water from the faucet is instantly warm when you turn it on and although the resource of it is endless for a victor who has taken residency in the village, there’s still the habit of being conservative that you can’t shake off.

your quality of life has improved but your mental well being had deteriorated.

when you used to play in the lake as a child, you loved swimming underneath the surface and trying to test how long you could hold your breathe. now since the near death experience in the hunger games, impulsively jumping in after bakugou when he tried to make you the victor, you could barely stand to dunk your head in the bathwater.

there’s too much space around you, the ceilings too high, and you miss the creaky wooden floors of your cottage. it felt unfamiliar to walk on gorgeous wooden floors that made no sound and it was chilly to walk on the marble of certain rooms.

you hadn’t felt like yourself since returning from the games, though part of that could be contributed to the tranquilizers you were prescribed. the doctors had put you through hell trying to find the right one that kept you the least agitated and able to function, but without bad side effects like losing your appetite or having crying fits out of nowhere.

there’s a knock on the door that startles you, your reaction at least much calmer since you have gotten used to the new medication. you feel like you know who is on the other side, you know why they’re coming to fetch you, and you know that you should be getting ready.

hugging your knees tighter to your chest, you muster up your voice to allow the person on the other side to enter.

keigo enters the room but lifts a hand upon still seeing you in the claw foot tub, turning his head away so that he catches no glimpse of you. “(name), we need to get going soon. there’s a lot of things that we need to do and very little time to do them.” he informs you, blindly searching for one of the neatly folded towels on the countertop. “we gotta head to the capitol.”

“do i have to? can’t you just keep on saying that i’m not used to the meds yet?” your voice is so small, becoming shaky at the thought of having to step foot out of the tub. to step foot out of his unfamiliar home into an even more unfamiliar life that you don’t think you will get used to. “please?”

keigo unfolds the towel, holding it up so that it acts as a barrier between you and him. “i’m sorry, i did try. but we’re no longer in a position to hold off the festivities, they’re waiting for you and bakugou.”

your heart jumps upon hearing his name. at the arena, when it was just you and him, you could still remember how vividly your fellow tribute had looked at you. the childhood friend you had known forever, speaking so softly and reassuring you that keigo would take care of you. bakugou had never give you such a tender look before until that moment.

since the two of you had become victors, he had only gotten colder. not to you, but to everything around him. unlike you being uncomfortable to the new life given to you, he seemed to be resentful.

“we already did the interviews and the parades after we won, why do we have to do more?” you question with more bitterness than you intend to.

“i’m sorry,” keigo knows that there’s not much he can offer but a gentle tone to comfort you, “but you’re not alone in this. c’mon, get dressed.”

your body moves as if you’ve got weights attached to your limbs, standing up from the tub, water trickling down your body that you’ve inspected too many times since returning. the towel is wrapped around your body and keigo is quick to turn his back so give you your privacy. he leaves you alone rather quickly.

when you dress in the clothes set up by your mother, you step into the dining room to find keigo and bakugou waiting for you. your fellow victors, both of whom you feel very confused about now.

keigo looks at you the same way he always does, with a soft affection that had always made you feel safe.

bakugou is a little more shy, the public unveiling of the feelings he has for you has made him a bit more stand-offish.

the capitol had labeled the three of you in a love triangle, demanding to define what you feel to who. it was hard enough breaking the rules of the games, ending with two victors instead of one, but this new dynamic added a more complicated layer of how to navigate your new life.

“um… i guess i’m ready to go.” you announce awkwardly, unsure who to look at, “there’s a lot to do right?”

“there is, but remember that all of us have to stick together.” keigo approaches you, pulling out your medication bottle from his pocket and only taking out one pill for you, “remember to take this with food, okay? don’t take it on an empty stomach like you did last time.”

as much as the meds kept you calm, you also didn’t like how they made you feel. you recognize how sensitive you had become since returning home and although they were helping you, you also no longer felt like yourself.

you look at keigo, admiring how he always looked so sweet before, always handsome that the girls in the district were fond of. and when he was chosen as a tribute for his games, he was a favorite from just his looks alone. pretty blond hair swept back with even prettier eyes, you wondered why he wouldn’t settle down with another beautiful girl.

he kisses your forehead gently, a gesture that was done back then even as kids, one that you never thought twice of until people were whispering around you that he had romantic feelings for you. it was always innocent before, it was comforting, and it still was in a way but now it loomed over you with a deeper implication that the older victor had not bothered to define.

truthfully, you’d rather not know… at least for now.

when you glance over at bakugou, he looks away quickly and your cheeks burn. you could swear that he looked a little jealous but you also know that he wouldn’t admit it out loud, probably not even if he had a knife to his throat. but he was there with you, he was in the bed next to you when you woke up from almost drowning in the rushing waters. you remember how he was still passed out with his hand hanging off the bed, and you had reached for him hoping to confirm that he was alive with you.

keigo leaves first to ensure that everything is on track for the newest event to attend, already seasoned from his past few years of attending. this year was different since they were accommodating two new victors instead of one, so he was playing the vigilant eye for you and bakugou.

“how are you feeling?” you ask him, choosing to stand a respectable space away, “i’m… kinda nervous.”

“yeah, me too.” bakugou agrees, shoving his hand into his pants pocket, “not looking forward to this.”

“you never look forward to anything.” it’s a poor attempt to lighten the mood, but it does manage to crack out a small amused noise from him. the small moment is gone quickly though. before when you were nervous, you used to hang onto bakugou’s arm and use him to anchor you.

you felt reluctant to rely on that old method.

but as you board the train to go to the capitol, you desire to have both of them close. to have some semblance of the old dynamic of life before the games. your anxiety rises and you take the pill, forgetting the reminder keigo gave you to take it with food.

[actuallyadhd]

Why do my ADHD meds only help in making me able to get up every morning, instead of actually doing something for my ADHD symptoms?

After Ritalin didn't work at all, my psychiatrist put me on Vyvanse (50mg). I've been taking it for at least two years now, and it helped me beyond belief. But not in a 'aiding in concentration' way, instead, the only thing they do is not letting me go into a catatonic state all day.

Whenever I'm off my meds, I return to the same condition I was in before starting them: I can barely get up. It's a fatigue so intense I literally cannot do anything but the very basic, let alone study. I honestly cannot tell you how I survived so many years without it.

Yet, no matter how much they improve my quality of life (and though my sensory issues got more manageable), they don't do anything to aid in my studies. I still cannot focus on tasks, nor manage my hyperactivity (be it in a physical or mental level). I still get executive dysfunction, talk too much and too loud, can't sit still, have no restraint or self-control and am basically still the same inattentive, agitated person I always was. Am I just in a too-low dose, or there's something else wrong with me?

(Crossposted from Reddit. Sorry if this is too long, and feel free to take as long as you need to answer this!)

Sent December 8, 2023

There are a lot of different reasons this may be happening, and the first one that comes to mind is that your dose may be too low.

There is another aspect that's important, and that is the need to manage your expectations.

Medication doesn't make all of your ADHD symptoms go away. It doesn't make you neurotypical. It doesn't magically give you the skills you never learned due to ADHD stuff.

It sounds like you have quite severe ADHD (hi! Same here!), which makes every single little thing harder. But here's the Really Simplified Explanation about how meds help.

Let's say that a person's overall functioning can be rated on a scale of 1-10, where 1 is "completely neurotypical" and 10 is "completely non-functional".

Given this, your unmedicated ADHD is at a 7 or 8, and it sounds like your medication is pulling you to around a 5, or maybe a 4. This sounds awful, but what it does is give you the ability to actually learn the skills you need so that you stand a chance of being slightly more functional when you're off your meds.

The other part of this is that the Big Four (sleep, diet, exercise, & stress) also affect your functioning, and if any of them is out of whack then your medication won't be able to help as much. So having something screwing with you may put you at a 9, and then your meds will only be able to get you to a 6.

Things that may help with the issues you've listed here include active breaks, fidget toys, and lots of routines. We have lots of information about all of these here, but if you want specific information about any of it please feel free to ask.

Followers, what do you think about this situation? Do you have any advice?

-J

[pomegranate-pen]

If requests are open, could i ask for a part 2 fro that one Rocky x reader you did? I just read it and I am AOUYWVDOUWGD I love it.

It ended with him essentially taking himself out of y/n's life right? just disappearing and ghosting them? What if, and hear me out: reader did a little snooping and finds a way into the speakeasy- maybe they know Wick or someone else who agrees to help them out, and they just. go. OFF on Rocky(affectionately. Like they're angry but they're more hurt than anything and they don't care what he does, they just want him to come back because they love him and they miss him and they just hate worrying whether or not he's alive and okay because they don't see him anymore.)

Hope that's enough to get something going, and if requests aren't open, you can totally ignore this! I just love some good hurt/comfort with a dash of good communication. Have a wonderful day/night and thank you so much!

A/N: oh my god?!! so many people wanted a part two to this!! I'm so glad you guys loved it that much!!!!! GAHHHH THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR KIND WORDS!!! one warning though!!! I have written this way before a few asks, so I might not have exceeded everyone's requests here, and I unfortunately do not have the time to completely rewrite this- since finals month have just begun-

Part two of the rocky rickaby angst!

warnings: these are obvious, mentions of alcohol and whatnot. this is pure fluff btw

It has been two months. two, dreadful, heartwrenching, and painful months.

‘Have you gone mad?’ is the question that always echoes in your mind. Especially when no one seems to even speak of the name Rocky Rickaby around you.

The café feels empty without him around. Ivy and Freckle keep acting like nothing is wrong, but their acting is so horrible under your intense gaze, it was like a group of people who accidentally found themselves in improv class instead of their intended one. 

And f you have to hear Ivy say ‘Rocky? Who's that?” and Freckle shaking his head saying his cousin is in the circus, you will scream.

 It was like Rocky truly has died. That night he peacefully passed away and now it is what you feared would happen. There are no more poems, no more chaos, no more silliness of the cat you have grown to love. It’s just quiet, so dreadfully quiet you feel like you’re stuck in a café themed asylum. You miss him and his horrible syrup-filled teas. The ones whose bitterness is completely overtaken by the sugary sweetness so powerful it leaves you craving water.

And as you lay on your bed, with the same drops of rain clanking through your window just like the certain night, you feel yourself getting mad. You’re enraged by his actions. Since when does he decide what you will do with your life? Since when did he want to be the good guy? Who said this is the decision best for you?

With gritted teeth and a lack of sleep, you frantically twist and turn and start running the gears in your brain. You kept thinking, stuck with ideas of what to do to get his attention. Though your half-sleepy mind was making up a very half-assed plan, you were so desperate at this point, you couldn’t handle not seeing him anymore. You couldn’t handle worrying for him through the sidelines no longer. You will get to see him tomorrow, whether he likes it or not.

----

“I’m not allowed to speak a word.”

Frustrating. That is the word you’d use for this situation. Horribly frustrating. Who knew that Freckle Mcmurray could be this stubborn? Perhaps since it was a request from the one closest to him, he follows through with his loyalty till the bitter end.

You’d admire this quality of his if it wasn’t a huge block to you.

“oh come on Freckle, I’m just curious!” Freckle tried to do minimal tasks around the café to throw you off. For a moment he was cleaning the already spotless tables, in another, he was sweeping the dustless floors. “ don’t you think you owe me one after I helped you guys that night?”

Suddenly, he stops sweeping and looks at the ground with silent guilt. his hand having a strong grip on the broom. “ If I paid more attention Rocky wouldn’t have gotten shot in the first place.” His ears lowered a bit and his brow furrowed. His tail slightly shifted from place to place behind him as he started sweeping again.

Oh. it seems like the situation is a bit more complicated than you thought. “Freckle…” you put a hand on his shoulder, making him stop and look at you after avoiding your gaze for a long time. “ it wasn’t your fault— I’m sure Rocky was being…well…” you huffed. “Rocky. You know? No one expected you to know he’ll get shot.”

His ears lowered even more and he looks away. Shit. You made it worse. Now a bit of guilt seeped into you. “ that’s not what happened.” He mumbled, palms holding the broom at different angles and not even cleaning anymore. “ I was the one who was about to get shot. He blocked for me.”

“oh…”

He sighs and leans the broom on the table next to you. he sits down with a look of stress mixed within his guilty eyes now. “if-if it wasn’t for my clumsiness we wouldn’t have been forced to come to you for help!” his hands were now grabbing his head in distress as his tail wagged frivolously more than before.

“Woah woah— calm down, Freckle.” You place your hands on his shoulders, leaning down to meet his level and stopping him from almost ripping his eyebrows off. “ don’t freak yourself out so much. No one is to blame for this situation.”

His eyes squint at you and you cough. “ook— maybe there is— but it’s way too complicated to be just one person’s fault, don’t you think?”

He’s silent for a bit, but his breathing calms down and his eyebrows aren’t as furrowed as before. “I-I guess you’re right.” He sighs. He then went into silence- one where judging from his face, was one of constant conflict. That is until he finally sighs and grumbles out a ‘fine’ as he digs through his pockets and brings out a pretty pin, with a shape of a club on it. He brings you closer as he whispers in your ear.

“did you get all that?” he finally leans back and you get up. you nod your head, the information running in your head on repeat. “good.” He gives out a breath of relief, yet his shoulders tense up again in worry. “d-don’t do anything brash! I promised Rocky you’d stay out of trouble.”

Yet here he is helping you jump into one. You couldn’t help but give a giddy grin. After giving him a playful punch on the shoulder and profusely thanking him, you walk out of the café with a worried Freckle looking back.

-----

Dim, red lights bore the entire cave, pillars clean as a whistle overtaking some of the view and tables as far as the eye could see, yet, emptier than the café is, which is saying a lot considering how quiet that place could get.

Honestly, you didn’t expect to find this place so easily with no trouble. You expected to go over some guards or whatnot for inspection before being let in- but then again—you never were one to associate yourself with danger, you’re quite the newcomer to such things.

You only hoped that your attire was the right one for such a situation, and that you don’t leave this place getting chased by some hitman of sorts. Of which, you don’t think they have, unless you count the trio and the very scary-looking bartender. You swear you saw him glaring at you at some point. Still, you sat down a few seats away from his station and ordered a drink to not seem fishy.

you look around, no sign of Rocky, which now that you think of it, there is a huge chance Freckle told on you and Rocky stayed away. Dammnit! You should’ve expected this— as you try to drink your sorrows away, one sip of the illicit beverage has had the ends of your hair stand in horror. bitter, tasteless, and pure garbage. Oh god— is this what Rocky has been risking his life for?!

“Well well well, do my eyes deceive me, or do we really have a new customer here?” before you could mull over your new discovery, a sly, lazy voice grabs your attention. You turn around and the very first thing you sense is the high smell of his smoke. It invaded your lungs for a moment- and you couldn’t help but scrunch your nose a bit and cough.

“oh, sorry. Forgot not many people can't handle the smell.” He takes out the cigarette from his mouth and sits right next to you, burning down the roll on the counter. He leans on the counter, his shoulders holding his weight. “you new here?”

“whose asking?”

He laughs. “ the leader of the jazz band up there if you’re that scared.”

“the band?” you perked up. “ wait- uh- “You look back at the stage a few feet away from you, yet you see no violin. Perhaps he took it with him like he always does? “…do you perhaps have a violinist playing for you there?”

Zib now perks up a bit as well, giving you a confused glare as he answered. “yeah…but he’s got some new business he does here too.” He takes your glass and drinks it before you could rebuttal. And to your surprise, he doesn’t gag when he drinks it.

“I could’ve had a cold, you know.”

“I didn’t see you sniffling nor sneezin’.”

“what if I had meningitis or mumps that you’ll get now?”

He shrugged. “I’ve been through worse.”

You huffed and rolled your eyes. Best to just ignore his actions for now. “ so…this violinist-is he uh-“Oh god you probably sound suspicious now. You’re seriously way too out of your comfort zone here. “ is he perhaps the same guy who's a waiter up in the café?”

Silence takes over the space, and you're left with an awkward piano playing in the background as the stranger stares you up and down. You freeze for a moment, hoping to whatever celestial being that truly rules this world to let you live another day. Yet, the messy-looking man suddenly starts snickering, then full-blown cackling and at some point- coughing due to his weak lungs- yet still bravely laughing through it. safe to say you're embarrassed as you can ever be.

“you- hahah- you’re the-cough-lil’ cute nurse he keeps talking about?!”

“he— he thinks I’m cute?”

“No wonder you talked about mumps- err- whatever that is.” His laugh dies down and he looks at you with a look of horror and small amusement. “and you actually like him back? He wasn’t lying?”

“he talks about me?”

 “it’s Rocky. Of course he’s talking about you, every day to be precise.” He fiddles with his pocket and takes out another cigarette. You squint at him before he mumbles out a ‘relax, it’s a weaker one’ before lighting it up. “though…he’s been awfully quiet these few days.” He glances back at you. “I’m guessing that involves you coming here?”

You look away from him. “I guess you could say that.” You tap the counter, now remembering Rocky’s face that night- tired and bruised up, a face that makes your heart ache. “ will he be coming back? or is he avoiding me again?”

“I’ll be honest with you newbie,” he lets out a puff of smoke. “he’s in the backstage avoiding you. his cousin warned him.”

“I knew it!” you grumbled as he continued.

“ now usually, I’d advise you to stay away from the kid. But…” he shrugs. “I’ll admit that with your presence in his life, he suddenly got a bit more excited than usual- normally this would be a bad thing- but it does boost his performances on stage.” He then started to mumble a bit. “…although on bootlegging he’ll always be a lost cause…he still tries his best.”

“ but how do I get to him? won’t he run off?”

And with that, the cat gives a sly smirk. Okay…not the most trustworthy look, you thought. He beckons with his hand for you to come closer, and just like with Freckle, he whispers to you a strategy you didn’t expect.

---

A backstage, though more so a greenroom than anything else- since it doesn’t even lead to the stage- the band likes to call it a backstage since they hang out here when there’s nothing to do in the front. However, over the years, it has also become a place for extra storage, for things such as empty barrels and whatnot. And now, it is a hideout for Rocky, who surprisingly, isn’t hiding from an assassin or another angry farmer out to get him- rather a worried nurse whom he likes too much.

“…you sure you don’t want to talk to them?” his cousin, Calvin Mcmurray- though he likes to call Freckle, a habit that has been spread to everyone much to his cousin’s dismay- is staying with him for the time being. Since he doesn’t have much to do anyway, not unless Rocky comes up with a new unneeded task. “they've probably gone through a lot of trouble to get here.”

Rocky, to Freckle’s surprise, is silent. Shifting around and thinking of a solution. “I made the right choice,” he spoke to himself. Now staring at his shoulder which was once shot at. “ they couldn’t have handled this anyway.”  

“…are you okay?” Calvin was confused and no matter what he asks, for weeks Rocky hasn’t told him what happened that fateful night. “ you know if you don’t see them they'll just force you to, right?” he reasoned. “ they're not one to easily give up.”

“there you go questioning my logic again,” Rocky sighs and holds his finger up in a scolding manner. “ what did I say? The plan is simple.” He smiles, then gives a sheepish expression. “ avoid Y/n at all costs until they finally gives up, gets so mad at me that they avoid me themselves all together! Then boom! They're safe and sound and I can easily take risks again.”

“…but…they don't easily give up-“

“nonsense Freckle!” Rocky huffs. “what’s the worse they could do? join the lackadaisy?“

A loud bang erupts in the room as a familiar face barges in.

Your eyes light up when you see him again. After two long months, you can finally see the silly cat whose been on your mind for so long. after two months of constantly wondering if his wounds have opened up or not- and praying that he hasn’t gone to the Dr.Quackenbush guy he spoke about- you finally see him. yet, your expression is frustrated.

“Rickaby,”

Zib whistled. “ last name used, means big trouble buddy.”

You decided to ignore that comment and walk closer to him. Rocky being seated gave you a more domineering look in his perspective, and your determined energy was radiating through the roof. “you can’t avoid me any longer.” You grumble. “especially since it’s not even for your sake- you’re choosing for me. which by the way- is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever done.” Probably not the most, but you were too mad to think properly. “ if you keep avoiding me like this, then I’ll have no choice but to just get a job here.” you then shrugged. “ from what I’ve seen, they could use a nurse here anyway- or rather anyone who even knows a thing about aid kits.”

“told you they wouldn’t give up,” Freckle squeaked, though he was hiding behind his hat with lowered ears and a scrunched-up face.

Rocky clears his throat as he gets up, grabbing your shoulders and turning you around the other way. “Y/n…an unexepcted pleasure to see you again!” he laughs nervously while looking at the others. “How about we take this conversation somewhere else?”

You cross your arms and pout. “if you don’t run away then sure.”

“don’t worry, we’ll keep guard." Zib spoke as he pats Freckle’s shoulder. You made a note to yourself to thank him later.

“..shall we?” Rocky’s tone has become a bit nervous and sheepish.

With a nod to your head, you speak. “ lead the way.”

----

“alright— now I know there might be some issues when change happens-“

The place he chose, was just a top attic that lead to the surface, where a beaten-up car sat. and to your shock, some dried-up spills of blood on the floor. Rocky sat down on a crate box and motioned you to sit on the other next to him.

“Change? What, am I a kid now?” you sat down. “ what you did was absolutely mindbogglingly-“

“-I did it for your own good.” He cuts you off. “ think of it this way— “ he sits up straight. “your life is normal, it’s peaceful and has a good future ahead of it. though yes someone could argue mundane is boring, you seem to like the mundane from what I've seen- mine though? It isn't like that in the slightest. I work in a ….” He hisses a bit in concentration. “…very dubiously legal place doing odd jobs. You won’t like it.”

“Who said you could make these decisions for me?” you huffed, deciding to now spill your guts before he runs away again. You held his hands, making sure he was looking at you as you spoke, as stressful as it is to have someone stare at you. “ you’re right about one thing. All my life has been normal.” You give his hands an affectionate squeeze. “ but that doesn’t mean I was happy in it. I was sick of normal, of mundane day-in and day-out lifestyle. And then- then I met you.” god, you could feel your cheeks burning up. “you’re fun. Sure you can get too crazy but I like that about you. it’s so easy to talk to you and I just- I just love spending time with you because-..” Your heart was going to beat out of your chest.”… you’re my favorite person.” You huffed out. “I like your presence in my life- you make it worth living. I like how you have this weird obsession with pancakes- I love all the expressions you make while you're debating about something- I like you, idiot.”

Silence took over the room , and you couldn’t help but move your gaze away from embarrassment. Shit— you shouldn’t have said the last part- that was too much- will he ignore you forever now?—

“…so you..wouldn’t mind the injuries?”

You look up at him and shrugged. “ I mean…I’ll certainly get worried, there’s no stopping that. But if you promise to be a little more alert, then I promise I won’t freak out as much. “ you gave him a playful smile.”Just remember to visit me if you get hurt. Not the guy who uses a lot of chloral hydrate.”

“consider it done darling.”

“darling? Really?”

“would you like me to call you ‘Doc’ instead? Or perhaps something more romantic? Sweetheart? Honeydough? Love?—“

“okay Stop-“

“ Why I can go all day!— Sunshine, Honeybun, Lovebug, Hot Stuff—“

“alright alright I get it!” you couldn’t help but give out a giddy laugh. “darling is fine.”

“Anything for you, darling."Rocky gets up and gives a small bow, which the response from you was a small chuckle. “ say,” he gets up. “ how did you meet Zib?”

“Who?”

“the guy you came in with.”

“oh— his name is Zib? Huh, weird name.”

“It’s his nickname, though I’m not sure what his birth name is.”

“was yours always Rocky?”

He grumbles. “you don’t want to know what my actual name was.”

You grinned and tilted your head in curiosity. “oh, don’t be like that! I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

“it is.”

“I’ll be the judge of that. Now spill.”

He stays quiet for a moment, then fiddles with his tie as he answers. “it’s Roark.”

You desperately tried to hide your snort, yet a small bit was let out. Rocky shook his head dramatically. “ridiculous, isn’t it? only my aunt calls me by that name.” he then gives a worried smile. “though usually her tone is always scolding too. So that checks out.”

“no-no- “ you stopped your laugh. “I think it’s a very nice name. but I do like Rocky more.”

“Perhaps you should give me a nickname, darling?”

A small smile tugs at your lips. “perhaps I should.”

You stand up as well. Lean to his level and give a small kiss on his forehead.

“I’ll see you later, my favorite bard.”

“That’s the best you could come up with?” yet, when he says that, his grin is bigger than ever, as much giddy as yours is.

“Is this a way to treat your number one fan?" you rolled your eyes. " And anyway, I’m a nurse, not a poet.”

He gives a soft smile, and for once, you realize how much his smile was always full of energy and chaos, yet this one was different. This one felt calm. He gives a peck on your forehead, and you were certain your heartbeat was loud.

“I’m honored to be your favorite bard.”

you give a soft smile back, and for a moment, there was a sincere quiet glance between you two. that is before Rocky broke it. "by the way..." he gives his common grin. "...did you just confess your love to me?