#feelings of worthlessness

[madame-fear]

long rant about some feelings i had lately because i need to say it somewhere. i should post it on my sideblog but honestly i lack the will to sign out from this and log into the other account. Feel free to ignore.

Quite honestly seeing all the endearing messages you guys send me truly encourages me to keep me going, and in a way, it comforts me. But these days for some reason I’ve had some recurring grim feelings that burden me, and make me feel empty.

I have a loving family I adore, sweet mutuals and friends i also appreciate with all my life, and i’m studying a career i always wanted to study – but i feel disappointed with myself. I feel like I have no clue where to go in life, like I cant rrally achieve anything too important. I feel useless, and weak.

Everyone in my real life remarks how shy and quiet i often am, and my parents say that im a sensible soul but even if they say it in a good way i feel stupid and fragile. I feel like everyone can run past over me because they know im not capable of saying anything against it. I feel worthless, and like i constantly need to be guided to do even the slightest thing. I panic at the most minor of inconveniences because i have no idea how to react and i overly stress, and needless to say the tremors i have worsen and it just makes me feel like shit.

I never find the right time to say what i feel, nor the right situation. And even if i do and express myself in any dumb way i can find at that moment, i just get called an attention seeker and they blame me as a victim that always has everything served and is spoiled, and even if im grateful for all the things i have in my life, i just keep feeling like a heavy weight on the people surrounding me. I feel like nothing i ever do is right, i never know what to say, i feel stupid. Sincerely.

I dont care what anyone says about me, especially if its someone i dont know. But i know some friends and people in real life that made fun of me when talking about my interests, how fragile i seem at everything and reserved i am, i even heard some classmates snickering behind of me when i was explaining specifically what i studied and im tired of not having the will to stand up. I truly despise myself to the point i can barely find the right words, if there is any.

Everyday i feel like im dragging myself through life and i would muh rather keep sleeping and stay in my dreams than have to keep being understanding at stupid people, and the disrespect. Im always embarrassed of expressing how i feel but its even more heavy to carry all my self-worth issues without being able to freely talk about it. You guys have no idea how many fucking times i had the impulse of jumping in front of a car, throwing myself out of the balcony, hanging myself and end myself because i cant STAND not knowing how to guide my life, where to go, and feeling insecure and i dont say this to be dramatic. i cant do anything by myself.

If it werent because even if i sometimes fight with them i know i have a family that cares for me and sweet friends, i wouldnt be here in some time. I feel like an attention whore and a victim but i hate having to keep it all for myself and know no one will do anything, or think im satisfied with how i am. My parents tell me i should be proud of who i am and all the things i earned by myself, but truth is, i wish i werent so fucking useless. I can never remember anything properly, and im too anxious most of the time. I despise myself and i really hope this feeling washes away soon, because i cant tolerate not managing to do anything because i would much rather lay in bed and do nothing due to my own insecurities.

[popcorn-plots]

when your mom forgets to cancel therapy for spring break and you forget to go to said therapy and instead of going, 'yay! day off' all you can think about is being a burden to your therapist because logically, he probably has other stuff to do, but now he has to sit there for an hour and wait for you to show up and then be disappointed in you for not showing up and he's going to ask you about it next week and then you'll feel guilty because it feels like you did something wrong (and he's probably going to relate it back to last week when we started discussing your crippling fear of doing something wrong and letting other people down):

[aspenforest732]

Mortem ad Wrens Chapter 9: It Begins in the Dark

Summary:

tw: bullying, ed behavior, body checking, feelings of worthlessness, ableism, implied child abuse, seizure mention

Notes:

‘text‘ is JSL Text is thoughts

All the first years gathered at the gates as the lights started going out, Present Mic shouting “Start!” as the gates opened. Allowing themself to be jostled by the crowd for a few seconds, Akira positioned themself to be elbowed and warped just above the ground on the other side of the gates. Feeling the drop in temperature, they jumped to the right as Todoroki skated past, soon joined by Bakugo and Yaoyorozu in the lead.

Akira settled into a jog, maintaining a solid 5th place as they watched a group of zero pointers storm up to the first barrier, as Present Mic called it. Akira charged forward, warping just as a hand would’ve crushed them and landing in a roll still within the dust cloud. Waiting for the tell-tale crackling of Todoroki’s ice, they picked up second place as Todoroki shot them a frown.

Akira just grinned and waved, dodging to the left as Bakugo easily pulled ahead with Todoroki. It wouldn’t do to stick too close anyway, the frigid air already causing their old injuries and joints to ache. They could hear Kirishima and Tetsutetsu from class B behind them as well as Sero and a familiar staticky voice.

Akira pulled up with Todoroki and Bakugo, scanning the pit with ropes and pillars for distances and weak points as the other students pulled up behind them. Akira was about to start warping when a pink-haired support course girl started showing off her inventions. Clever, I should see if she has ideas for my braces.

Shaking out of their thoughts, Akira took a running start before warping, much like in the quirk assessment the drop dispelling their clone as they landed at the closer edge of a cluster of platforms. Slipping into a familiar roof hopping rhythm, they practically glided across the pit, only falling a few places as support girl, Tsu, and Uraraka had passed them.

Right, this is where you want to be. High enough to be noticed, but not high enough to be remembered. Akira watched the first few mines go off and paused at the entrance, calculating the distance. Hitting a mine would be to their benefit since it would dispel the clone, and with a stretch, two 20-meter warps should do the trick. Shit, that means I need to just start moving and warp when three have passed.

Shaking their head, Akira lightly stepped between mines, keeping an eye on the finish line as Todoroki and Bakugo struggled neck and neck. From the back, Akira could just make out Midoriya muttering and digging but barely spared him a glance. As they reached the midway point, deftly avoiding vine girl’s attempts to throw them off balance, a massive explosion sounded from the back. With a grin, Akira deliberately stepped on a mine and accidentally warped straight into another explosion, warping again in shock and landing just behind Midoriya. Shit.

As Present Mic hyped up Midoriya, Akira started jogging again, head spinning and ears ringing from the disorientation of two warps in a row. Bakugo and Todoroki quickly overtook them to Akira’s relief, securing 4th place as they picked up pace. Vine girl finished shortly after, and Akira watched from the side for the rest of Mad Banquet to finish. Shinso placed the lowest of their group at 27th, but they could only rely so much on other’s more physically suited quirks without his capture weapon.

As the cavalry battle was announced, Akira grinned at their group. ‘With weight distribution, it probably makes the most sense for me or Raven to be the rider. Since I can warp, I can probably touch down on other teams as long as I’m not on the ground. Animal Whisper, are your birds ready?’

Koda nodded eagerly, grinning.

‘Great! Then I think our strategy can still work out. Blank, remember to let us know when you’re about to get a nosebleed, and we can shift gears with Dark Shadow on the offensive.’

Glancing around, Midoriya was the only one not making a team out of just his classmates, rather grabbing Uraraka, the pink-haired support girl, and Aoyama.

When the fifteen minutes were up, Mad Banquet had their targets picked out and settled into position, band secured around Akira’s neck. At the start, while half the teams rushed Midoriya, Mad Banquet went after 2-3 person teams, Koda calling flocks of birds to disorient them and snatch a headband.  When the birds were too scared or were ineffective, Shinso briefly activated their quirk with a variety of false triggers so other teams would hand their headbands to him. Tokoyami ran defense with Dark Shadow snapping at anyone who got a little too close. Hearing the quiet footfalls of another 4-person group, Akira shifted left, the group darting to the side as Monoma barely brushed their arm.

The blonde gasped, doubling over in pain. ‘Shit, what’s his quirk?’ Akira asked, Koda interpreting. His team looked at them, conflicted. ‘What’s his quirk?’ Akira signed more emphatically.

“Copy,” the blonde gasped.

Akira sucked in a breath, signing to the camera that he’d need medical attention. ‘Do you have a way to release a quirk? How long has it been since you ate and how many calories was it?’

“He ate an omelet this morning, and he can’t, it’s just gone after a few minutes.” The shadow kid supplied.

‘You need to see Recovery Girl immediately after this. Tell her you need Akira Mori’s emergency shake and their quirk exhaustion checkup.’

“What the hell is your quirk?” the brunette asked.

‘That’s just the drawback,’ Akira signed as Dark Shadow snatched his three headbands.

“It seems Team Monoma is having some trouble! Akira Mori’s quirk is warping, quite rare but with a quite painful drawback one of the listeners is now experiencing,” Present Mic announced over the loudspeaker.

“That is a risk anyone with a copy quirk takes when they don’t know the person they’re copying. Some drawbacks are minor while others take a lot to manage,” Eraser Head said.

As the clock ticked down, Mad Banquet kept an eye out for teams trying to steal back points, and the flock of birds took a more defensive position, forming a tornado around them.

Teams Bakugo and Todoroki were relentlessly going after Team Midoriya for the ten million points, but Team Mori had already secured a minimum of 4th place. With 30 seconds left, Dark Shadow let out a screech as they couldn’t fully block a cluster of vines heading their way that took out some of the birds. Akira warped just as the vines would’ve hit their arm, landing on top of vine girl’s head. They waited for the vines to rapidly retract and almost collide as they warped back to their team, face scrunching as some of the thorns had lodged in their shoes.

The ground softened, Mad Banquet sinking under the weight as vine girl lashed out again.

“Time’s about up! Start the countdown,” Present Mic shouted as Akira warped on top of Shoji’s arms, abruptly being thrown forward as he stopped a charge towards their group. Warping again, Akira was slightly off as their group had to dodge and lost their balance.

Just as Koda caught them, the timer sounded, ending the cavalry battle. Slumping back, Akira gave a tired smile. ‘Let’s not do that again, okay?’ They abruptly jumped up, remembering Monoma. ‘Go ahead, I want to make sure he’s okay.’

As they passed the ice walls Todoroki made, they caught sight of Kaminari seizing again and waved a medic bot over. Turning on Todoroki, Akira raised their hands to start signing only to see the look of absolute horror and disgust on Todoroki’s face as he looked at his left arm. Later, need to check on Monoma they thought. Akira caught Todoroki’s eyes and signed ‘Talk later,’ hoping he got the gist.

Ducking into Recovery Girl’s tent, Akira saw Monoma looking much thinner than he did while they were fighting. ‘Did they say what happened?’ As Recovery Girl shook her head, Akira quickly signed what the boy needed.

“How the hell are you alive right now?” Monoma spat. “That was the worst passive drawback I’ve felt.”

‘Do you know JSL? Nurse can interpret then. My quirk is fueled by my metabolism, that’s why it felt like you were burning alive from the inside. If I have enough fat reserves, it just burns that instead of muscle, but if your quirk lasted much longer without you eating, the muscle atrophy would be a lot worse.’

“Why are you telling me this?”

‘If you’d asked, I would’ve warned you. Normally, I carry snacks on me for emergency boosts, but the festival wouldn’t allow them outside the rest areas. Speaking of which, I need to go refuel. Just, be careful whose quirk you copy.’

On their way back, they paused at Midoriya and Todoroki’s voices coming from the student and faculty entrance. Acknowledging Bakugo with a nod, they listened with growing frustration as Todoroki talked about his parents. Biting back their anger at the flame hero, Akira stalked into the cafeteria, glad to see Mad Banquet already there.

‘Blank, what would Eraser do if he found out one of his students was being abused by a pro hero?’ Akira seethed.

The group startled and Shinso slowly replied, “He’d beat the crap out of the hero and build a case against them. Why?”

‘Good to know,’ Akira signed and sat down to eat as the others stared. ‘And if they’re one of the Top 10?’

“He’d probably have to build a case before he could beat them up,” Shinso said slowly. “You going to explain?”

‘Not right now.’

“Are you in danger?” Tokoyami asked.

‘Not actively, no,’ Akira signed distractedly. ‘Oh, this isn’t about me.’

Mad Banquet stared at them for a long moment before exchanging glances and returning to their food. “Are you going to participate in the Recreational Games?” Tokoyami asked, pushing around his food.

‘No, I don’t want to overextend myself. Animal Whisper, it’d be a great way to show off your animal reconnaissance, especially with the scavenger hunt.’

“Hey, why don’t you save some food for the rest of us.” Akira tensed as some of the Gen Ed students walked past, echoing the sentiment of a brunette girl. “Wouldn’t want one of the precious ‘hero’ students to end up like Fat Gum.”

Akira bristled even as their food tasted like ash, ‘Fat Gum is one of the best-’

“Aw, it can’t even talk properly. What, you need-” the girl screeched as Dark Shadow rounded on her.

“The Mad Banquet protect our own. Bother one of us again, and we won’t hold the dark spirits back,” Tokoyami growled.

“Come on, Togeiki, they’re not worth it.”

“Yeah, let the freaks wallow on their own.”

Akira stared at their food a moment, appetite gone as they couldn’t help but think about the kids at base. Were they taking too much food? Other kids like Uraraka definitely needed more, and they actually had potential.

“-ri. Akira!” Dark Shadow chirped in their lap, and Akira realized they had zoned out and started rubbing their arm.

‘Sorry, thanks.’ Akira started petting Dark Shadow, grateful for the distraction. With some gentle prodding from the others, Akira finished the rest of their food as the group lapsed into silence. Maybe I should bring it up to Inui.

Notes:

Akira: already juggling c-ptsd, anxiety, chronic pain, homelessness, and villain attacks Me: eating disorder! Akira: …why

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

[nagitosstolenhand]

i don't like the growing opinion that people are being 'too hard' on deku for his failing to save shigaraki.

i've seen quite a few people complaining that a lot of the bnha-critical crowd are being too mean to deku for getting tomura killed, arguing that it isn't really his fault, and that hes a 16 year old child soldier who's been failed by almost every adult in his life, why should we be putting all of this on his shoulders? hes just a kid after all?

and the truth is, they're right. deku IS a 16 year old boy whos had the fate of the world thrust on his shoulders. but the story itself just plainly refuses to acknowledge this.

the narrative doesn't acknowledge how fucked up having a school that trains literal children how to be combo cop-celebrities is. it only tentatively acknowledges the fact that a universe having combo cop-celebrities is fucked up, and even then the only people who ever point this out are antagonists, who are portrayed and treated in-universe as untrustworthy. the narrative doesn't care how fucked up dekus circumstances are. the narrative treats deku like hes a fucking messiah here to touch the hearts of the evil depressed villains with his magical empathetic heart of gold before they get blown up or just sent to fucking superhell for daring to challenge the status quote.

deku isn't a person. he's barely even a fucking character at this point. he's a plot device, and a mouth piece for the objectively shitty themes bnha is trying to spout. the themes that tell you that if you're mistreated by society and want to do something about it, you're a villain. that disrupting the status quote and refusing to repent to some random teenage boy spouting empty platitudes at you means you deserve to get sent to fucking superhell. the themes that portray people fighting for civil change as mass murdering supervillains. the themes that look the audience dead in the eye and can call deku the greatest hero to ever live.

deku, who barely spared a second thought to lady nagant telling him the truth about the hero commission. who spouts meaningless platitudes about heroism and morality at nagant, and aoyama, and toga and shigaraki, when even the thought that he should question the world around him comes up. who's constantly talked about as this truly kind, empathetic person, but hasn't spared an empathetic thought to literally anyone who is classified as a villain. who listened to every authority figure around him except the ones who asked him to question his worldview. who saw la bravas tears, shigarakis various breakdowns, himikos plead for understanding, chisakis catatonic state, lady nagants truth, and barley batted a fucking eye. deku, who killed tomura shigaraki.

people don't criticize deku for failing shigaraki because they just hate deku. people criticize deku because of what he represents. because hes a mouthpiece for the atrocious morals and themes of this ideologically rotten manga. because any character he had was chopped up to bits in favor of the incomplete husk we have now. people criticize deku because hes the main character of my hero academia. theres nothing more damning then that.

[jesuistrestriste]

cw (18+): sub!art, afab + femme!character, age gap, crying/dacryphilia, art being a sad and lonely hot guy in his forties, tashi and art never really got together, creampie

˚ ﹒⟢ ˚ ﹒⟢ ˚ ﹒⟢ ˚ ﹒⟢ ˚ ﹒⟢ ˚ ﹒⟢ ˚ ﹒⟢

dilf!art getting with a pretty young thing from down the block. . .

he always admired her effortless confidence and the way her body moved when she walked down the street to the corner store every weekend.

always watched her return from his brownstone apartment window; a pack of cinnamon gum and a case of peach seltzer in her hands.

she’s beautiful and bouncy and everything he didn’t get to have in his youth when he was too sucked into tennis to let himself live a little. he lost tashi to patrick. that was that. and he never tried dating again until about ten or so years ago.

they were all flings that crashed and burned their way through his thirties. meaningless moments where all he was left with was a wet dick and a heaviness in his chest. he hated it. he was done with it.

until her.

she was different.

she sparked a conversation with him one day when they ran into each other outside his doorstep. she was cracking jokes that only made her seem more intriguing because art didn’t understand the social context behind them— he was no longer hip and cool, he’d accepted it. but that, combined with the pop of her hip she did when she was making him laugh (not to mention the way she smacked her gum + batted her lashes when she smiled; all pearly whites) made him feel like even more of a creep.

but now she’s bouncing on his cock and gazing down at him while he gasps and squirms like a livewire underneath her.

they’ve only really known each other for a week and a half.

“say thank you, Artie,” she purrs, her hand tracing the spattered flush on his chest, “say it.”

he bucks his hips up as much as he can to meet her movements, and bites his lip hard enough to taste metal when his tip bumps her cervix.

“thank you, oh my god, thank you— thank you, thank you—! ha-aah-!”

he babbles; a broken record of whines and shaky moans. his throat hurts from all of the sounds being pulled from him when the most he’s talked all month has come from just a couple of boring, remote interviews about his athletic career.

and her, of course.

god, it’s all her..

he swallows and keens, and then his eyes are watering.

and then he’s sobbing. he’s choking on his tears and yet he’s still feeling the tight coil of warmth tense further and further and further-

“don’t cry,” she whispers, leaning down to kiss the wetness from his cheeks, her hips swiveling to ride him harder just as the first slimy blurt of his orgasm spills inside, “you’re a good boy, okay? you’re perfect… a total catch…”

she smells like candy. she’s wiping his tears now.

“oh fuck, thank you-uu—hnghh!”

art lifts his hips, his face crumpling with pleasure and sadness, before he yelps and his climax wipes him out. his whole body trembles as he feels his cock pulse and coat her pussy with gooey clots of his spend. he’s practically wheezing.

he grips onto her hips fiercely; like if he doesn’t squeeze hard enough she’ll just go *poof*, and then he’ll be alone again.

“.. ungh, ‘m sorry, im cumming inside you, im cumming, im so sorry,” he whimpers, the aftershocks leaving him feeling bare and weak. stripped of all of his armor. if he even had any left to begin with.

she kisses his shoulder gently, and then she’s dipping her glossy lips down to whisper right next to his ear. her dainty necklace chills his skin when it dangles from her body and meets his collarbone. she’s so close to him.

“don’t worry, Mr. Donaldson…

you’ll be a great daddy.”

[ramssby]

I love snarry fics set in 8 year were Snape survived but he feels wretched and lost by the fact of having to continue living and then some shit with Potter happens and he is like:

[cupidsncheerios]

i hate most of those 'vox owns alastor's soul' aus because alastor is unphotographable, asexual, and wouldn't know a jpeg file from a usb drive. he would be USELESS in vtower.

however, yknow who would be a good thrall? vox is already pr-trained, would know a transatlantic accent, and is technologically gifted enough that running a radio show would be easy as pie for him.

the main problem is how annoying he'd be about it.

"and now to my costar vox with stocks updates!"

"yeah hi. vox here. tv guy vox. the guy with the tv for a head. i'm a tv, if you forgot. yesterday the stocks for radio went down by 2% because radio is irrelevant and bad. tv stocks went up by 11% though. hey did you know my head is a tv by the w-"

[bpdohwhatajoy]

It’s hard to believe I deserve anything good when I’ve been subjected to so much cruelty.

[dreamaboutwhathappens]

the are few lyrics that make me sadder than “familiarity breeds contempt” because uhm. no it doesn’t? irritation sometimes maybe. but there is something so sinister about the idea that the more people got to know her, the more they disliked her. and the way she talks about it in bejeweled is accepting that as fact and saying “but here’s why i can still be worthy of your love.” and it’s DEVASTATING.

i mean think about it. the old quilt your grandma made. your stuffed animal you’ve hugged countless times. the relief you feel when you finally get to see the person who understands you best. how nice it is to be in your home town after being away for too long. familiarity doesn’t breed contempt. it breeds peace. but someone made her feel like getting to know her made her seem worse

[underratedgrapeju1ce]

didnt see anyone else point out how Norris got a case about a mother who gave everything to take care of her child

[annabelle--cane]

I'm telling ya if you want people to get better then you have to be nice to them. you have to make an effort to understand why they currently act the way they do and give them compassionate encouragement, it's both way nicer and a million times more effective than trying to slap a bad behaviour out of someone's hands and scream at them about why they were holding it in the first place. maybe you're not up to making that effort, fine, but in that case just do nothing instead of being a dick.

[bruciemilf]

One thing I wanna do more is include Battinson's complete lack of filter.

That scene at the funeral where Falcone tried to push that 'your father saved me for a reason' fantasy, which Bruce ended very quickly with his '' He took the Hippocratic oath" line

It can sure read as snarky, and in some parts, it was, -- Falcone's antourage surely saw it as that, -- but Bruce was completely serious.

It wasn't a diplomatic move on his part, but that's why it works. 'No filter' doesn't generally entail being rude and bold, it's your thoughts being faster than your mouth without considering how it'd sound out loud

Not to mention, Bruce wouldn't process sarcasm the same as everyone else. He's good at dishing it, for sure, but we've seen he's completely oblivious to obvious social ques,

If somebody were to be like, " haha maybe YOU'RE batman" him, the go to reaction would be " haha good one"

Bruce? Would start shaking on the spot. It's raining nerves out here. " No I'm not." With a blank face, " I'm not. I'm scared of bats. I hate bats. I wish bats never existed. I wish YOU never existed. Im sorry. Goodbye." Before taking off in a hurry.

[yardsards]

hot take but you all NEED to stop telling people to kill themselves.

yes, even *those* people. i don't care if you're talking to some monster who puts live puppies into a wood chipper for fun, don't say that shit.

because mx. puppychipper isn't gonna be affected by your words.

but you know who might be affected? some innocent third party reading the words you said on a public website.

because telling people to kill themselves says "suicide is a punishment for being a bad person. bad people, upon realizing they're bad, should simply commit suicide instead of working to atone for their actions."

and that is NOT a message you wanna be normalizing to anyone, but ESPECIALLY people with depression (who, let's be real, make up a higher than average chunk of this site's userbase). whose mental illness is already telling them that 1: they're an inherently terrible worthless person no matter what they do 2: death is an appealing option.

is reading "kill yourself" once or twice gonna make them do it? nah, probably not. but reading it multiple times a day every day is gonna make their mental health worse. it's probably not good for your mental health to be saying that kind of thing, either.

just knock that shit off. the world is already so hostile to people with mental illness, and managing mental illness and unlearning unhealthy thought patterns is already so difficult. you don't need to be out here making it worse.

[greywardenmonkey]

rook and solas...narrative foils? rook? a narrative foil? to SOLAS? rook? to solas? ROOK? ROOK????

[kittyandco]

does anyone else get so upset when you think about all the things that happened to your f/o... all the things they went through? all the things they haven't healed from? the pain that they may still be enduring? how you can do your best to help them but you can't protect them from everything. so you just love them the ways they needed before, how they deserved. and you see them happy because they finally accept, at least in some ways, that they do deserve it. they deserve love like all beings do

[callmegaith]

Hi Killer7 fandom 👋 🥰

I love Garcian Smith and Christopher Mills but not as much as they love each other