#family of origin

[innervoiceartblog]

Some are put in the position of emotionally caring for an adult early in their lives at a time they themselves need more than anything to have their own inner world mirrored back to them.

To be seen as a subject with an interiority, not merely as a narcissistic reflection of the other.

Until reorganized, this template orients the way we see ourselves and engage in close relationship.

In these early configurations, the little one’s sense of self becomes tangled up in the other’s moods, anxiety, and injured self-esteem.

The job of the little one is shifted from unstructured play and discovery into tending to the unlived life of a caretaker, a task that is not designed for a young nervous system, nor for a tender little heart.

If interested, we can explore how this template might be at play: in our phobias around having/ expressing needs, in the fear around disappointing someone, in the hesitation around allowing another to matter.

In the terror of relationship, on the one hand, and in the painful longing for it on the other. In the existential confusion about where we end and the other begins. In the ancient conclusion that caring for another requires primordial disavowal of our own psyche, body, and heart.

Having come to see our own self-worth through the changing psychic states of those around us, we find ourselves wondering: Have I disappointed them? What can I do to make them feel better? Should I take more responsibility for the unfulfilled longing in their hearts? They are upset, surely that is somehow traceable back to me, right? I’ve failed somehow, right?

As a little one longing for any sort of empathic connection, we’ll do anything to receive even a limited amount of psychic (and physical) holding.

Accessing, illuminating, and untangling the tentacles of this template can go a long way in healing chronic feelings of shame and unworthiness, where we begin to differentiate our worth as a person from the moods, suffering, and unlived life of others.

To withdraw the projection of our own basic goodness from others and locate it inside ourselves. This withdrawal is a great act of kindness – for ourselves, the other, and for the world.

It is by way of this disentangling that we can truly love ourselves and others and act from the radical force of true compassion, not merely re-enact the old pathways of self-abandonment and empathic failure.

- Matt Licata

[ididoktoday]

I was raised in the dark, so the light feels scary.

I was raised in the dark, so the light feels strange.

I was raised in the dark, so the light is sometimes confusing and overwhelming.

I was raised in the dark, so my parents don’t understand the light.

I was raised in the dark, so I had to leave my home behind to be in the light.

I was raised in the dark, but I deserve the light.

[mumatsi]

She got him a six fingered kitten

[demaparbat-hp]

Arsonist's Lullaby

[mftulin]

Video Poem: A Familiar Reflection by Mark Tulin

Video Poem: A Familiar Reflection by Mark Tulin

A Familiar Reflection was first published on Scrittura.

[theleakypen]

Back when I was first agonizing my way through coming out as nonbinary to my family of origin, I kept thinking: it would be so much easier if they were either perfect or terrible. If they were perfect, no problem. If they were terrible, I could just cut them off and not deal with all the trouble of navigating my relationship with them.

I didn't really know how to deal with their acceptance being a process, and it was so hard!

When I was coming out, I used a lot of scripts from sources like Captain Awkward, which were simultaneously useful and counterproductive: useful because they gave me SOMETHING to say, counterproductive because they sometimes presupposed a universe where I would choose not to have a relationship with my family of origin, who, whatever issues we may have (and boy do we have issues), love me without condition or exception & are some of the most welcoming and loving people I know.

It continues to be a work in progress, but nowadays they use my chosen name more often than not, & my mom, at least, calls me her child rather than her [gendered child term]. (Pronouns are a whole different issue bc we're primarily Russian speakers)

My maternal grandmother went from "I think it's a sickness" to "My dear / straight or queer / changing your name / my love is the same." I never really came out to my paternal grandparents because their English was much worse than my maternal grandmother's, and I didn't have the capacity to talk about gender in Russian. I loved them all with my entire heart, regardless.

And at my grandfather's funeral, I allowed the rabbi to call me by my given name, because I was named after my grandfather's parent, and it felt like an important compromise to make. (I also don't have the same relationship to my given name that a lot of trans people have; obviously for others that kind of compromise would be a nonstarter)

Anyway, I don't really have a conclusion to this, but we don't really see these kinds of things in media. Especially the immigrant aspect, I feel like.

I feel like we always see parents who are 100% super supportive allies, or parents who are horrible and cruel.  At least in media or in the most popular stories.  But I feel like that ignores just how many people have parents where you just have no idea?  And even if you think they’ll accept you on a surface level, you don’t know if they have a breaking point.  Especially if you need to go on hrt, or request they change the way they think about and refer to you.  Sure they’re liberal and all, or centrists, or “tolerant”, but how far does that stretch?

I think most closeted LGBT+ kids live like this, wading around in the grey area.  I’d like it of more of us knew that was normal, I’d like if we talked about it more.

[olailamajnoon]

Headcanon: Jason, after coming back from the dead, decides to fuck with Bruce for revenge and also because it slaps, but mostly for revenge ykwim

Bruce blames coffee and lack of sleep for the fact that the pizza delivery boy looks like Jason, the club bouncer looks like Jason, the clerk in Damian's school looks like Jason

Jason: here's your pizza, mister *shoves it into Bruce's face*

Bruce: 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 can I ask your name

Jason: Percy, but everyone just calls me Purse. Like in "cut purse"

Bruce: *under his breath* jesus, you even SOUND like him

Jason, wide innocent eyes popping out of his chiseled man face: you okay dude?

Bruce, convinced he's finally lost his mind, but still holding on to the "illusion": Do you want to come inside?

Jason, deadpan: dude you're rich white and famous, you really think imma let you take me inside your gargantuan Gothic mansion? Being killed one time's enough

Bruce, turning around: *wHaT dId YoU sAy*

[ashioksdaydream]

Sometimes family is just a suicidal terrorist, a tired henchman and a kid with a funny hat

[nyctosaurid]

don bluth films occupy a weird space because he's both inarguably an auteur who directs very strange, earnest, often "ugly" films but also a guy who near exclusively made movies for 8 year olds in the home video era. so basically everything he's ever done is a grimy, dreamy rumination on death and spirituality and has a direct to video sequel called something like secret of nimh 2: mrs. brisby's holiday adventure

[shyjusticewarrior]

Duke: Would you slap your favorite brother for a million dollars?

Damian: Yes.

Tim: Yeah. Sorry, Dick.

Jason: I would slap Dick for free.

[deedsandcreeds]

When we look at our lives in light of scripture and the call of God, we realize that we have learned many things from our families of origin, from our schools and classmates, from our associates at work and from the omnipresent media that have shaped us - mis-shaped us, really - in the image of human brokenness rather than the image of divine fullness. The new birth [promised in baptism] provides us with the gift of making a break from the effects of that mis-shaping process and its hold on our lives… We are children once again, sitting with and learning to imitate the character and mannerisms of our heavenly Parent, who is present to us through his Holy Spirit: “all of us, with unveiled faces, seeing the glory of the Lord as though reflected in a mirror, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another�� (2 Cor. 3:18).

David A. DeSilva, Sacramental Life: Spiritual Formation through the Book of Common Prayer

[tizzymcwizzy]

for anyone that doesn't know, i recently started school again! (that's why ive been so mia) so ill be posting class projects whenever i finish them,,, this was a figure drawing assignment :)

you can get a print of this here!

[lackadaisycal-art]

Family Recipe

[bixels]

Now that Ghibli's new movie is coming out soon, I've been thinking about anime films and wanna talk about my favorite animated movie ever, Tokyo Godfathers.

TG is a 2003 tragicomedy by Satoshi Kon, following three unhoused people––an alcoholic, a runaway girl, an a trans woman––who find a baby in a dumpster and set off across Tokyo to reunite her with her parents.

If you like the sound of that, go watch it because the rest of this post is spoilers and I have FEELINGS about this movie.

URGHH, the fact that only two moments of true kindness, generosity, and care given to the three protagonists without any expectation of reciprocity are given by a Latin-American immigrant couple and a drag club full of queens and trans women. The fact that, despite her loud and dramatic personality, Hana is the glue that holds the team together and the heart of the whole movie. The fact that this movie pulls no punches at showing the violence and inhumanity committed by "civilized Japanese society" against the unhoused. The fact that Miyuki craves to be loved by her parents and ends up seeing Hana as her true mother. The fact that Miyuki starts off accidentally using transphobic language against Hana, but slowly begins calling her "Miss Hana" out of respect. The fact that, according to Kon, Hana's role in the story is as a mythological trickster god and "disturb the morality and order of society, but also play a role in revitalizing culture." The fact that Hana so desperately wants to be part of a true family, yet is willing to sacrifice her found family so they can be with their own, and is rewarded for her good deeds in the end by becoming a godmother. The fact that, throughout the movie, wind and light have been used to signify the presence of god's hand/influence (this movie's about nondenominational faith––faith in yourself, faith in others, faith in a higher power. Lots of religious are referenced, such as Buddhism/Hinduism, Christianity, and Shintoism), and in the climax of the film, as Hana jumps off a building to save a baby that isn't hers, a gust of wind and a shower of light save her from death. The fact that god saves a trans woman's life because she proved herself a mother, and that shit makes me CRY.

[getooine]

POV: you just interrupted the Skywalker twins at the space gala

Just a little post to say thank you for a 1000 followers!! I never thought that posting my little pictures on tumblr would get so much love 💕