#ex traumatized me and nobody cares

[scaredlilghosty]

Yes, but really...no. Rationalization is a lie we are desperate to believe. No offense. My ex is exactly like that. Except they love emotional warfare. I'm done watching the glee from them when I'm suffering.

Mentalhealthceo

[astral-catastrophe]

That moment you realize you never properly got to be a kid and now that you’re a year away from being an adult everything feels wrong

[punkeropercyjackson]

Tim Drake is genuinely such a good character.He's such a positive role model for traumatized teenage boys because he's not idealized or a power fantasy.Tim's dad is rich,sure,but he's neither cartoonishly abusive nor the perfect angel,he's just kinda........there.I firmly believe Jack Drake was a bad parent but that was out of stupidity,not active malice although he was definitely hostile and neglectful often enough that he qualifies as abusive at least passively.Tim's part of the dead moms club and he loves and misses Janet so much.He's got ego problems and no manners or class and is downright mean but he also has so much boundless kindness and optimism and hope and extends his hand and everything he can offer to everyone,everybody,anyone who needs it and he gets so upset when he thinks he could've done more no matter the circumstances.He has troubled taking care of himself to the point he developed narcolepsy and he's skapunk because he's a skateboarder and a Green Day fan and mouths off to authority figures and even commits crimes all the time both heroic and mudane and respects women contrary to what fanon tells you and his favorite food is pizza with canadian bacon and he's a lifelong Nightwing fanboy and he's undiagnosed audhd anxious/teen trans boy-coded and he's bisexual and has pulled so many people without even trying most of the time and was just being a dumbass kid with no idea how to do date but has insane rizz too and he has goth energy without even dressing it and his best friends are a punk trans girl named Wendy with grooming trauma who chose her name after a 90s girl power show protagonist but also after Wendy from Peter Pan,a short kiddy chaos weirdboygirl who's her boyfriend and has a complex family situation and a greek bruh butch dating an ex-child star femme lesbian in their friend group who kissed Tim once out of nowhere back in her comphet phase and he's been sa'd multiple times in ways that're so normilzed they're not recognized as sa so he dosen't even know he's a survivor.He's not flawless by any means but it's not his fault because so many adults in his life screwed him over and treated him like shit and didn't give him what he needed and he's not toxic or abusive or a fuckboy,he's just a normal traumatized 17 year old trying his best and that makes him inherently lovable.Tim Drake you mean so much to me little dude and triffling ass Jaybird uwu fuckers could never make hate you.'Nobody cares about Tim Drake!!!'I CARE ABOUT TIM DRAKE BITCH,I CARE!!!!!HE'S MY LITTLE BROTHER

[axolotlbottle]

❝Like father, like son❞

Art done by my bestie @jester0jpeg !! We both made our own versions / lore of the postal dudes & postal series!!

Postal dude 1 with his son (little kid-postal dude 2! Who we call "the postal kid!").

We actually gave them names, too! (Sorry, they're not P names, but I could care less. Feel free to call them Postal dude and Postal kid if it bothers you that much).

PD1's name is Michael Toddhunter, and his son's (PD2) name is Aster Toddhunter (hehe get it? As in "disaster").

Preface: This takes place AFTER the first postal game. This is an AU of sorts, so just erase the ending of the game + a bunch of other things, and have Michael fuck off somewhere, nobody ever knowing his identity so he gets away with everything. That was a "TLDR" explanation of it. We could maybe explain this better on a different post in the future.

Anyways! Here's some lore we have about them:

Michael is the Command Sergeant Major for U.S army's RI Arsenal. Yes, he did serve in the army before going postal in the first game. Don't ask how he got up to that rank because god knows I don't know either.

He and Aster live in the Quad cities, Illinois, aka some fuck ass midwestern region of cities that only gets some attention from the John deere company that hogs the area. Fuck john deere.

Michael is a single dad. He somehow managed to win all custody over Aster. He doesn't talk about his ex-gf.

They live in a house that's next to a trailer park, so they're not exactly dirt fuckin' poor but they ain't buying branded food either. They're still trailer park trash without living directly in the trailer park though.

Michael has tried to give Aster some sense of normality (sorta) but Aster clearly is not cut out to be a normal child. He's very rowdy, violent, and bullies the neighborhood kids (if you get the reference, you're cool).

Michael calls Aster "My little wild thing" (reference to Aster's favorite book; where the wild things are).

When Aster was 5, for Christmas, Michael gifted him a black cat he bought for $10 at the pet store ( he didn't question it). Michael cruelly didn't think the cat would last long, but that cat might as well outlive him. Aster named the cat "Kostroma" and has shoved his dad's guns up it's ass and used it as a silencer to shoot at beer bottles in their backyard. Kostroma hasn't died (nor appears to be scarred or traumatized), no matter what Aster has put him through. He's like some weird immortal cat (who surprisedly loves Aster as much as Aster loves him). Michael and Aster don't question it.

Aster loves uncrustables. His addiction literaly is grape jelly uncrustables. He has to have one once a day or else he'll start wreaking havoc in the neighborhood.

Michael brings Aster to work sometimes (usually when Aster gets kicked out of school or is being too insufferable for the neighborhood). He can't help it, and it's not like anybody can give him shit for it.

That's all we'll share for now!! Hopefully we'll post more in the future!! Me and my bestie have been working on this since like late May, and we plan to continue to work on it >;). I'll leave ya'll with this doodle I did of Kostroma cat.

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

TSC CHAPTER ELEVEN SPOILERS AHEAD

STARTING OFF THE CHAPTER STRONG AS FUCK DISASTER BISEXUAL JEAN MOREAU AWARENESS

picturing jean in a pair of raybans is good for my mental health

-

“Missed a couple spots. Need a hand?”

jeremy u flirt

-

do the trojans ever realise that jean is NOT IN FACT deaf and standing right in front of them when they are talking about him?

-

oh ok so chapter 11 is in fact worse than chapter 10

if anyone reading this has ever believed that they deserved the abuse, trauma/suffering they’ve experienced, i’m here to tell u right now that nobody deserves that and it is not ever ur fault, no matter what others might say or try to convince u. whatever happened to u is unequivocally not ok. please seek help from a professional if u are worried about urself or others in ur life.

if u have ever felt uncomfortable or violated in certain situations just know that no matter how ‘big’ or ‘small’ the situation may seem (i use these terms loosely because i do not believing in ranking peoples traumas), ur feelings are 100% valid and u always always deserve to be respected and heard.

i hope u know that u are not alone and never will be.

sending lots of love to all of u

-

wtff jenkins is a girl?? did we all know this or have i just read too many fanfics always thought jenkins was a guy?

-

It was sacrilegious even in the privacy of his head, and Jean hunched his shoulders against a blow that never came.

fuck that’s a good line. traumatic as fuck and makes me wanna cry for all these boys have gone through but god as an ex-catholic raised queer person i can tell u this line struck hard even though i cant relate to the specifics of the scene

-

Jean didn’t mind cooking, but he didn’t say that. This was the first time his room truly felt safe and right, and he was content to hold onto it for as long as he could. He closed his eyes again, but now his thoughts were snagged on Jeremy. At length he broke the silence to say, “Two beds would fit in here.”

jean moreau u are so loved

-

“You are not them,” Jean said. “Kevin would not have sent me here if you were.”

THE PARALLELS IN THIS BOOK ARE FUCKING KILLING ME PLS NORA LET ME LIVE IN PEACE THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE

ANDREIL EXISTS IN EVERYTHING

-

Just because he had to meet with this man didn’t mean he had to speak to him.

jean, u diss aaron earlier in the books but really ur just the same as him

-

betsy dobson to the mother fuckibg rescue someone get this bitch a ‘worlds best therapist’ mug

and jean, dude do u know how fucking similar u and neil are, seriously like u guys should be besties like-

“It was not my choice,” he sent back in warning. “I do not need counseling.” He didn’t trust her at all, but there was no point spelling it out.

CHAPTER TWELVEE

dude wtf is it with me and napping while tryna finish this book, literally just accidentally fell asleep for 2.5 hrs when i could’ve been reading

-

“Imagine getting changed so we can practice,” Jean said.

king is fed uppp

-

“It’s not about size, anyway.” ​“Defensive,” Jean said, tugging his glove straps with his teeth. ​Jeremy straightened in indignation. “I don’t have anything to be defensive about.” Jean lost his grip and bit his lip, and Jeremy hurried on before either of them could think too much about that double entendre.

OKKKK JEREMY I SEE U

-

“That’s not—I do care. I want you to play with us, and I want you to have fun again. I want to see what you can do on the court and what you bring to our defense line. I want us to finally win this year after coming so close and failing too many times. But it’s just a game, Jean. Your safety and happiness will always be more important than our season.”

GOOD GOD ITS WHAT U DESERVE JEAN

-

“Every time you say that you take a year off my life. I’d really like to live to ninety, so please knock it off.”

now the trojans understand how the foxes feel when neil whips out his ‘im fine’ line,, also i’m never gonna stop saying that neil and jean should be besties it’s literally just a fact

“I do not believe you when you are drinking such filth,” Jean said, with a disapproving look toward her drink. Laila stared him down as she sucked a long gulp through the straw,

this book is so devastatingly depressing and explores some of the most horrible traumatic things that could happen to a person but it’s interspersed with some of the funniest scenes that it gives me whiplash

-

“Pat and Ananya have wanted to fuck Cody’s brains out for almost a year now. I really thought Cody moving in with them this summer was going to finally get that ball moving, but apparently not. It’s getting kind of pitiful.” ​“Pat and Ananya have been engaged almost as long as Cody has known them,” Laila pointed out as she fit herself against Cat’s side. “You can’t blame Cody for being scared of where they might belong in something like that.”

NORA GIVING US THE POLYAMORY WE DESERVE AFTER CUTTING KANDREIL FROM THE OG BOOKS LETS GO QUEER REP

YK THAT RUNNING JOKE THAT USC IS THE QUEEREST TEAM AND NOBODY HAS AS MANY GAYS AS THEY DO??? IM SO FUCKIBG HAPPY NORA HAS BASICALLY MADE THAT CANNON

-

CHAPTER 13333

jeremy is so hopelessly crushing on jean and that’s real of him

meanwhile jean:

Threat assessment, he told himself, and it was almost the truth.

sureee buddy

-

They’d arrived holding hands and dressed in matching cream-and-teal outfits. Even their gold-rimmed sunglasses and teal sneakers were identical.

well that is definitely an outfit!

-

“Speaking of happy endings, has Laila bought you a sex toy yet?”

EXCUSE ME

this whole scene was so fucking random but jean deserves great friendships

-

ANOTHER TRANS TROJAN LETS FYCKING GOOOOOO CONGRATS ON UR TOP SURGERY XAVIER

-

‘i’m sure the ravens wouldn’t have taken neil in if they’d known he was the son of a mob boss!!’

uhhhhh…

i don’t know how to tell u this buddy

-

dude i just cannot stop think about the whole new world of fanfics we’re gonna get now that tsc has come out like the aftg universe is expanding and becoming more detailed it’s gonna be crazy

chapter 14!!!

-

Jean eyed him. “For what purpose?” ​Jeremy looked to the ceiling for patience. “For fun.” ​Jean sighed as if Jeremy was the one being unreasonable.

oh jean we’ll get there eventually

-

Jean was a starving dog on a short chain who’d learned years ago not to bite back.

OH MY FUCKING GOD GIVE ME PEACE

MY CHEST IS ACHING AT THIS METAPHOR

-

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP THE PARALLELS ARE DESTROYING ME I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE

“You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner. We’re supposed to be doing this together, aren’t we? Stop leaving me behind. Look at me.”

-

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he hurt you, I’m sorry that you’re still afraid to talk about it, and I’m sorry that you think I’ll never understand. I’m sorry that he tricked you into thinking you deserved it. But I’m not sorry he’s gone. I can’t be.”

“Neither am I.”

TEAR MY HEART OUT AND STOMP ON IT NORA JESUS CHRIST

-

everytime one of the trojans says ‘we’re here to listen whenever your ready to talk and open up to us’ and then they go and demand he tell them every secret he’s ever kept

-

kevin and jeans relationship in this book is so fucking well written, it’s tearing me apart and giving me so much life

they have so much shared trauma and the relationship is so complex but they understand eachother so deeply

He is not used to having a voice, and he has never had power. I cannot promise he will ever talk to you.” ​“I will wait as long as it takes,”

“Be careful with it,” Kevin said. “Be careful with him.”

-

“Night practices with Andrew and Neil,” Kevin said. ​“Obsessed,” Jeremy

exy fiend kevin day representation

also

“No, Jean is fine. As fine as he can be, anyway. Yes, I know.” (kevin when talking to someone ‘offscreen’) i just know he was talking to neil

-

She crossed the room and leaned over, catching Jean’s head in her hands so she could plant a kiss to the top of his head.

this is the love jean deserves

chapter 15:

“Your fourth line has a smart mouth, Coach,” Jean said. “I was hoping he would bite his tongue off in the fall and save us both some grief in the long run.”

jean i love u

-

Jean wished he had the common sense to shut up,

he’s so me

-

“And keep Kevin’s name out of your ignorant mouth,”

THEYRE SO IMPORTANT TO ME UR HONOUR

-

i keep forgetting that jean only learnt english after he moved into evermore and that kevin probably taught him but i love the subtle little reminders every now and then when he has to clarify a word, like when he has to ask what a ‘floozy’ is and:

due to egregious injuries.” ​Jean didn’t recognize that word, but since Lucas was already running his mouth, he didn’t get a chance to ask.

it’s such a good detail that just adds so much more depth to his character

-

“Permission to break his face, Coach?” Jean asked. ​“Denied,” White said.

SCREAMING

THIS IS SO NEIL AND WYMACK CODED I LOVE IT

-

JEAN MOREAU ON A MOTHERFUCKING MOTORCYCLE HOLY SHIT

catalina alvarez u wonderful human i love u

-

jean realising how big the world is and the fact that he’s explored more of california than any other place he’s been before is making me tear up he never should’ve been kept trapped inside he deserves to see the world

-

So long as she existed as fractured memories, she was safe and small and sheltered.

oh god don’t do this to me

-

Jean gazed out at the endless horizon, feeling small and infinite from one moment to the next.

beautiful, just beautiful, absolutely immaculate

A cool evening breeze. Rainbows. Open roads.

A COOL EVENING BREEZE. RAINBOWS. OPEN ROADS

-

SECOND LAST CHAPTER!!! LETS GOOO

“He is not going to hit you. Okay? We don’t do that here. You said you’d try to do better and that’s enough for us.”

starting off strong

-

You’re one of my kids now.

don’t mind me i’m just sobbing

-

no no no no no no no no no

holy shit no what the fucking fuck

don’t do this to jean rn oh my fucking god i’m sick to my stomach on the verge of fully crying right now

actually dreading reading on right now

-

um ok yeah so i read it and to anyone who hasn’t finished the book yet beware there is a graphic violent scene followed by an intense panic attack in chapter 16 that’s is very difficult to read

i did cry and all i can say is thank fuck for lisinski’s timing

-

Jeremy’s response was low but unhesitating: “I will not look away.” ​“I do not want you to look.” ​It frightened him how much it sounded like a lie,

-

only redeeming part of this chapter is that neil’s back but i’m still in so much shock over what’s just happened that i cant properly appreciate him

chapter 17 the finale:

feeling incredibly somber as i reach the end of the book

please god destroy anyone who has ever hurt jean moreau

-

nora’s really filling in all the plot holes left from aftg - why did nobody question why neil’s hair was dyed after evermore ????? why did nobody question neil being at evernote in the first place???

-

i’m laughing at neil’s map print-outs he’s so uncool, also i keep forgetting this is still meant to be 2007

-

jean-yves moreau oh my fucking god

-

“says who?” Stuart asked. “The dead kid?

stuart hatford u are so funny, is this where neil inherited is sarcasm from?

stuart hatford says fuck riko and so do i

-

Neil shrugged. “Do you have anyone who can take on local work?”

NEIL JOSTEN U ARE MY HERO I LOVE U U BADASS MOTHER FUCKER

-

Neil offered her a disarming smile that would never sit quite right on his face.

devouring these scraps about my boy

-

YOOOO WTF NORA RLLY JUST WANTED TO GIVE JEAN THE WORST FUCKING DAY HE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE HUH?? JUST DROPPED THE FACT THAT HIS SISTER IS DEAD MY POOR BOY

-

Neil filled in the finer details with an ease that would have been impressive to listen to any other day

- yes neil is incredibly smart, thank u jean for confirming to us

-

The only thing left to ask for was something he barely understood: “I want to go home.”

oh the complicated nature of home and one’s sense of belonging that persists throughout these books will never fail to make me feel absolutely everything. nora knows exactly what i want in a book

-

“I can see the kitchen. There should be a door out to where the dumpsters are. We can make it back to the garage from there.”

to be loved by neil josten is to be offered a way to evade the fbi together

-

“Tedious,” Neil said. “I’m trying to eat.”

my hero

Neil waited until he was done before deciding he wanted to finish his drink. Neither agent was impressed with their absolute lack of urgency,

i love u neil josten pls give me ur autograph

Neil, being the person he was, pointed at the fire hydrant adjacent to its front bumper and said, “That’s illegal, just so you know.” ​“Shut up and get in the car.”

i wish neil josten was real

-

He couldn’t fear a government who was so easily infiltrated and manipulated

FUCK THE GOVERNMENT

-

Neil flipped his takeout box open and started eating. “I’m allowed to visit people.”

he’s everything to me 🥰

-

“You’re one to accuse others of intolerable attitudes,” Browning said, and Neil only shrugged indifference.

and—for once—without any of your usual bullshit.”

- browning u love him just like the rest of us don’t lie rn

-

ngl i’m never getting over the fact that jean and neil are the same age like this is crazy to me nora whyd u have to do this i cant cope

-

“The more people I hold onto, the less of a threat I am, because I won’t want to endanger them by acting out.”

oh neil look how far uve come, i’m so proud

-

“Lock your door tonight if it will help, but Grayson will never bother you again.”

THANK U LORD FOR THE BRILLIANT NEIL JOSTEN HES ANSWERED MY PRAYERS U BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL HUMAN IM SO THANKFUL FOR UR PRESENCE

all my favourite bamf! neil fics have him taking out a hit on someone for the benefit of the people he loves and i’m so glad that’s canon

-

i’m going fucjing crazy i didnt think it was possible to love neil anymore than i already do

best friends ❤️

-

jean tearing up and throwing away the notebooks and realising he trusts the trojans and the four of them going to eat one of cats new recipes after they waited up last midnight for him

A COOL EVENING BREEZE RAINBOWS OPEN ROADS AND FRIENDS

!!!!!

I CSNT BELIEVE ITS OVERRRRR I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS HOLY FUCK

[transpersian]

Zena and Poppy: Abusive Hypocrites - Master Post

For legal purposes, all testimonies and commentary on this page or any of the documents linked from it are allegations. The screenshots, however, are evidence. Any edits will be very obvious and for the purpose of respecting confidentiality. (click here to skip to the Hub Doc)

~~~~~~~~~~

Hi there! I'm Milena, Poppy Diabolique's "psychotic ex" and the alleged head of what she dubbed her "League of Evil Exes." While we're more of a co-op, that doesn't have the same ring to it as "League," does it?

This is mostly to track my own I'll be updating this post with additional content as it's published, so please check back to my page for the most up-to-date version, which I'll leave pinned.

Please be sure to also check out @poppyandzena's page (not actually run by Poppy and Zena), as they've been diligently collecting and cataloguing evidence and other testimonies for months.

Please take your time reading through these. It's emotionally difficult content and there's a lot of it, so please prioritize taking care of yourself. It gets worse than you think and I've put plenty of headers in these so it's easy to find your place again.

Feel free to reach out with any asks. Barring confidentiality agreements, I'm an open book.

Also, I've got a searchable index of everything they've ever said on stream. Tell me what you're looking for; I'll let you know where it pops up (with timestamps!) and potentially maybe telling you where to find the video itself.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Documentation

To save space here, I've moved the list of documents and their descriptions to the Abusive Hypocrites Hub Doc. If you're new to this and want to get right into the big stuff, start with Abusive Hypocrites 2.

My goal with these posts and documents is to provide as much context and evidence as possible, so please remember to take care of yourself if you need to and take a break. It's a wild ride full of deeply upsetting behavior. All of the abuse-related CWs, short of flat-out physical violence.

Please also check out @poppyandzena for more testimonies linked in their pinned. There are a lot.

Other significant posts:

Deep Cover - How I navigated going undercover with Poppy for over two and a half months.

Doc 3 is about PZ's kid - My initial announcement that I was in touch with Spawn and that I was planning on releasing a doc for them. The catalyst for Poppy reaching back out to me in January.

Zena's PMDD does not excuse their behavior

Why are you doing this?

@zenaandpoppyonyoutube are an engaged pair of content creators who have positioned themselves and their community as a safe place for neurodivergent, traumatized, emotionally vulnerable, and queer people, including specifically being a safe place for Lily Orchard's victims and fans to escape to. Poppy is a professional licensed therapist. Zena is... there.

Unfortunately, while they say some of the right things, what they do is a completely different matter.

If you're here, you want to know more.

The goal of our documentation and callout campaign is twofold:

to protect online communities from them

to provide a space for other survivors of their abuse to feel understood and heard

Why are you waging a hate campaign against a fellow trans woman?

Because this is not a hate campaign; it's a callout of PZ's patterns of harmful and dangerous behavior. It tends to start small and then turn into something genuinely horrifying. Nobody who treats people the way that they do in private should be in any position to tell anyone what's best for their mental health, much less be regarded as authorities, role models, and community leaders.

Poppy is charismatic, quick on her feet with responses, and weirdly mean-spirited sometimes; somewhat of a perfect combination for the leftist political space. Even now, I know people with friends on their server who've said that those friends have been slowly getting more bitter, judgmental, and cruel.

Despite their channel numbers falling, they still have the potential to gain some real momentum if they recover, and PZ aren't just abusers; I firmly believe that they're a toxic influence that will spread their genuinely harmful ideas about how relationships and boundaries work, particularly to younger people.

If they're not going to recognize, acknowledge, or change the ways in which they have, do, and will hurt people, we need to make sure people know to stay away from them and why.

~~~~~~~~~~

Why are you still doing this? Don't you think you've done enough?

At this point, our evidence has spoken for itself and literally over a million people are aware of the situation, but for one, these need to stay up for posterity. They need to be available as a resource for people looking to find out more about Poppy and Zena.

But beyond that, it's not over. Not by a long shot.

Since our last major doc drop in March, things have only expanded and escalated. We are currently pursuing litigation because their group's crimes now include doxxing my legal name, photo, and place of work, along with months of harassment smearing the names of other trans women for daring to not giving in to their emotional demands (including what has now inextricably linked one of them to the false accusation of "rapist" when you search her legal name).

On top of that, more victims are still coming to us. We need to make sure that they have a place to go.

PZ are not going to get better. We've tried. They don't even see the problem with their behavior in the first place.

And if they don't stop, we don't stop.

[codename-adler]

My AFTG take is that I'm actually baffled by how little people see the Riko/Kevin dynamic as having a sexual undertone. Like they were romantically involved in previous drafts of the story and for me it shows? And I don't even mean as they necessarily being exes or even an unrequited love situation, I just think Riko comes off as someone who feels entitled to ALL of Kevin. They are sooooo toxic codependent teen girl friendship to me.

(prefacing this by, again, admitting to not reading the EC. it's starting to feel a lil shameful in here... but i'm stubborn like my mama (she's actually not, that's just what the father says) so i'm still putting that off for as long as i can)

you is absolutely right. it's not a coincidence AFTG's antagonist is a man who has no concept of boundaries whatsoever, and that the main characters, and main couple, are people who have been severely hurt and traumatized by others disregarding their boundaries. it's the whole goddamn shtick of the story.

Riko knows no limits. i don't even believe he knows he can, and should, have his own. "no," "stop," "too much," "wrong," and "boundaries" are simply not part of his vocabulary, and i mean that. these words mean nothing, represent nothing; they're completely foreign, because he hasn't been taught, hasn't been shown, what their meaning is. nobody ever told him no, but nobody ever heard his no either. nobody ever told him to stop, but nobody ever stopped when he told them either. so when you give him a team, when you give him a toy, a pet, a companion, it's only natural he does unto them what he's only ever known. and i'm not saying that to take away his responsibility, to pity him. i'm trying to articulate how genuinely he believes he has access to another person. Riko is terrifying because he truly knows no limits. he cannot be taught. he cannot be changed, persuaded, helped. not in the short time the story unfolds. everything is happening so fast, Riko is so unrelenting, the threats are coming from everywhere and taking Riko in, helping him and undoing his toxic psyche is just not a viable option.

and so with Kevin... Kevin being the only remnant of normalcy and good Riko has been allowed to keep from his childhood? but Kevin refusing to be the way Riko is? it's an exposed, raw nerve begging to be pulled. does Riko keep digging deeper into his monstrous self in the hopes to corrupt Kevin? or is to force Kevin to watch and hope, despite all, that he'll still stand by his side and love him? Kevin does not know how deep his claws are buried into Riko. he doesn't even know he has claws, and much less powerful enough to grip the entity that is Riko. but Riko knows. imagine being a limitless man whose one thing holding him back isn't even aware it's doing so. imagine having the one thing you could consider your other half not giving his all like you do in everything. you go mad. and you don't care. you go all the way, because it's the only way you know how to do anything.

the lines from psychological violence and manipulation to physical violence to sexual violence are only lines to us. to Riko it's all a blur of the same thing. to Riko it's not even violence, it's the natural way things go. they're not "new" methods of torture; if one goes, anything goes, it's only a matter of what is available to him in the moment. everything is dark, everything is toxic, everything is pain.

"Riko comes off as someone who feels entitled to ALL of Kevin."

yes. that's exactly it. you cannot reason with him why certain things he is not allowed to have when Kevin has given him other parts of himself. why couldn't he touch Kevin like this when Kevin has given him his game? why couldn't he be allowed to have Kevin like this when they share a locker room and public showers? why could Thea kiss him just so and make him moan like that and not him? Riko does not know the difference. does not understand the intricacies, does not see the nuances. his world is divided in this is mine and this isn't mine yet.

and Kevin. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. a childhood with Riko and a passion for the game is not enough to justify the tension he's got with Riko. but that's the Nest for you. it's not called a cult for nothing. the tension tumbling into sex or sexual is inevitable. Riko managed to break Kevin's mind, break his game, his body. all that Kevin can get back with the Foxes. but a broken heart? a broken intimacy? only Riko has that powerful hold on Kevin. only him could potentially heal Kevin. but the thing is, he doesn't see those things as broken. they're simply done, and his.

Andrew's promise to Kevin wasn't to physically take on the Moriyamas. it was to push Riko out of his head when things got hard. Riko is so deeply embedded into Kevin's being, his veins, his stomach, his back, his tighs, his hands, his eyes, his neck, his chest. Riko is so much part of Kevin that Kevin himself starts to fade, and when his feet take him back towards Evermore, it's not because Riko's voice convinced him to, it's because Riko is in Kevin, and Riko belongs in the Nest. that is what Andrew has to protect Kevin against. that is the job he's been dealt: untangle Riko from Kevin.

[girlashfur]

half the time callout docs fucking suck idk. i understand wanting to warn people about a dangerous person in your community and ive seen some in genuine good faith, but some of them are just stupid fucking miniscule shit nobody cares about. when i was 14 (14!!!!) i had my life ruined by a callout made against me by my groomer and some ex friends that caused so much harassment and online stalking towards me that it was genuinely traumatic. people were deadnaming and misgendering me left and right, sending me anonymous threats, accusing me of faking my race, gender identity, trauma history, disabilities and disorders, etcetera. some of these grown ass adults had a group chat where they would save pictures of my face to pick apart my features and discuss how i "looked white". after a point, most of the people spreading the document were adults that i had never even spoken to; complete strangers. i had people who would make alternative accounts with the sole purpose of trying to befriend me so they could get info out of me. things like my sexual interests, vents and insecurities were spread around just so i could be made fun of.

the doc is still up to this day, and none of the people behind it have ever apologized. it sucks, you know? like i said it's okay to make people aware of harmful behavior others have committed, especially influencers, but sometimes you have to stop and think : is this a serious issue or do i just have a grudge against this person?

[imsparky2002]

Barbie as the Island Princess: First Thoughts

The intro gives me Little Mermaid vibes for some reason.

Man I know this is only five years from Rapunzel, but they really improved in the cgi! The designs look really pleasant!

Ok, the dolphins look a bit plasticy but still!

I’m glad they also have enough confidence to let the tale stand on it’s own without having to establish this is Barbie telling a story to her little sister.

Is it wrong that I’m shipping the peacock and panda? They feel like a middle aged/eldery gay couple and I love it.

Aww! Weeby was right! They totally are Barbie’s gay dads!

Yeesh… I do NOT like the elephant’s design. Why can I see her realistic human teeth? And those eyes!

Overall a very pleasant opening musical number that shows off the island.

Pleasant scene of Ro comforting Tikka during a nightmare.

This goodnight song is making my brain feel weepy.

I love how this is a male love interest who is full of life and isn’t afraid to be in touch with his feminine side. Love the bow on his ponytail.

I love how Antonio’s first instinct when approached by a crocodile is to risk reaching for a branch to put in its mouth.

OMIGOD SHE KNOWS THE ALLIGATORS NAMES!

I love how they go "aww" because they're sad they can't munch on him.

Wait a minute... one of the crocodiles is called Fang. Holy crap, this is the origin story of Jagged Stone’s pet!

I love how Azul found out he’s a prince and is immediately like “fuck this island, come on Sagi, let’s take Tikka and live it up!”

I'm loving the lyrics in this song about Ro being befuddled by Antonio's tech and clothes.

Gerard is a zaddy, not gonna lie.

I’m giggling like a fool at hearing Azul ranting and raving in peacockese.

I wonder if Barbie will try speaking to any of the land’s animals.

WTF is that thing the queen is holding? Is that a monkey or a very unfortunate looking baby?

The king looks pretty young, more like his late 20s instead of 40s. Honestly though, he’s really hot.

Aww, the royal monkey has a posh accent!

Queen Ariana is honestly not that bad looking at all. If I wasn’t gay, I’d find her kinda cute.

It’s nice that the rival love interest is actually a sweet girl. A good subversion of expectations.

The vocals of the villain song reminds me of ABBA. Which is always a good sign.

Great contrast between Ariana’s powerful belting and Luciana’s quiet tone.

Omigod I am loving Ariana’s lyrics in this song, diabolical and hilarious.

LOL AND HER RATS ARE DOING BACKUP CHOREOGRAPHY

Aww, the girls dressed Tikka up!

They really captured the awkward yet respectful dialogue between enforced couples with Antonio and Luciana.

The backing score for the ballroom dance is divine.

Get yourself a man who would abdicate from the throne just to be with you.

Ah, I see Tikka hid the letter, I assume due to attachment issues.

I feel like the Cheese song is kinda unneccessary. A few lines of dialogue would have got the message across.

I do find it kinda ridiculous that nobody can pick up on Ariana’s evil vibe.

Seems that traumatic events are the key to regaining Ro’s memories.

Dolphin ex Machina has arrived.

So this new queen is obviously Ro’s mom, right?

I feel like Ariana would’ve been smarter to not attempt poisoning Antonio and his family so that she can remain in her daughter’s good graces.

Luiciana saving Ro and proving her mother’s the criminal warms my heart.

Ok, I’m happy Ro and Antonio are together, but isn’t marriage rather quick?

Huh… the sudden reveal of Rosella being a princess all along kinda ruins the message of “Love doesn’t care about status”.

Overall, a massive step up from the previous films. The first two were decent flicks, but this one takes time to flesh out each and every character. Also the score was wonderful and I found the animation to be a pleasant upgrade. The ending was a bit of an ass-pull but a enjoyable film nonetheless. @artzychic27 @msweebyness @nerd-chocolate

[thedepressedweasel]

Earlier this morning, my egg donor screamed at me after I tried to escape her: "IF YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN, I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU AND THEN MAKE SURE NO ONE WILL EVER FIND YOUR BODY!!!!11111!!!!!!!!!11111111111one!!11"

Then some time later, I was crying in my room (which, sadly, isn't always a safe space for me), she barged into my room and screamed at me to "stop being such a baby", after which my sperm donor screamed at me and told me to kill myself in addition to calling me names. Then my egg donor found some boxes lying around in my room and when I tried to explain that I didn't have time to do anything about them, she said "No, you're a liar!" before screaming and cussing in my face, calling me names (including "fuckwhore" and "bitch") and screaming at me that I'm nobody and that I'm "lower than dirt".

Then later this evening, she broke the news to me that my sperm donor got fired last Friday (maybe this serves him right for his piss-poor attitude) before spreading lies about his now ex-boss, my grandma and my uncle and when I decided not to believe those lies anymore, she started accusing me of backstabbing her and even screamed at me that if I wasn't with her, then I was her enemy. At that point, I couldn't take it anymore, so I fled again while figuring that the only person who would care about that at all would be my grandma...then half an hour after I left, my egg donor suddenly called me and demanded where I was and when I was coming home; then as soon as I came back, she then screamed horrible things about my uncle to my face while still traumatizing me with her stupid sob stories about her stupid childhood and I could not tell her to stop using me as her therapist because she didn't want to. That was when I ended up slashing my arm, but not before dinner.

When my DNA contributors will move out, I will never go with them again! I am done with them and I can't wait to never see them again anymore!

[lemyvents]

⚠️ Trigger Warning⚠️: Heavy venting/Mentions of Suicide/Aggressive Ranting/Abuse/Mentions of Self-Harm

⚠️Viewer Discretion is Advise!⚠️

Hello everyone, Nicole here, and this is something that I that I need to get off my chest. This is a vent post before I go on hiatus. If you are willing to listen please keep reading this post carefully and actually listen. I would greatly appreciate it a lot! ❤️

I am NOT doing this for attention or to gain sympathy, I don't want so much attention on this post and I don't want to get overwhelmed by countless people trying to support me. I'm just Genuinely venting out my true feelings about what I’ve been through and saying what I have to say. It's not organized so be patient with me, please, and thanks. ❤️

Read at your own risk!

As an actual Autistic person with ADHD and other disorders that I am not undiagnosed for, I would usually never post vents on here or anywhere else due to my trust issues with my followers and audience but…For the past months, Maybe even Years, I started feeling less motivated to do things I am passionate about such as drawing and making fan art or characters or for people that I care about. I would feel like my art is shit and did not receive the attention it needs, and I would struggle to try to improve my art every time I receive a comment about my art, I would get high anxiety and have a triggering episode of something traumatic such as being bullied and tormented from school in the real world.

Throughout my Elementary (5th grade) and Middle School days as a child, I was always tormented and harassed by other students and I would cry every time they made a threat to me, made fun of me for jokes that I didn't understand, and physically hit me and the teachers would usually do nothing about it. Nobody gave a shit that if I had Autism, ADHD, or Anxiety whatsoever, I felt like hell throughout school. I hated just about everything around me, I felt like an outcast, and I felt like I was not worth living for. Not to mention, I was dealing with my Ex Boyfriend cheating on me as well which made shit worst for me and made me Self-Harm myself and I cut myself with a Razor, trying to k*ll myself by cutting through my veins and letting myself bleed to death to the point where I lose oxygen and consciousness.

My mother started to be extremely concerned and worried about the cuts on my arm, so she took me to a therapist to get some help the therapist helped for a little bit until a new therapist arrived when I had another appointment with a Mental Health Clinic. The new therapist wasn't much help, to be honest, so we stopped seeing that therapist and then. After I moved from my old home to a new home, I transferred to a new school in the neighborhood where I live. The school wasn't very far, it didn't take long to get there by car, but never mind that! After I was transferred I felt more comfortable and open toward new people, but then, I started to get harassed there too at times, and made my mental health worsen more. Although…

During my high school years at my New High School, I discovered something that actually made me feel lots of joy in my heart. I started watching Roary The Racing Car. The show changed a lot in me. when I heard Maxi’s voice for the first time. I felt an instant connection with the Maxi. The more I watched Roary The Racing Car the more of a connection towards both the show and Maxi grew more and more. The show made me feel very safe and I would stim and get excited quite often Especially when Maxi was on screen and talking or whenever there was fan art of Maxi. I couldn’t help my autistic stimming whenever I see stuff like that or things that I am very interested in. I became so obsessed with the show that I collected some of the merch. I would ramble about how down bad I am for Maxi but….That’s the topic for another day and I don't feel comfortable talking about it at the moment.

So after graduating and still having love for the Roary show, My mom and I went out at night to pick up a friend of ours from work while my mom and I were sitting in the parking lot chilling then after so many people from around the public came around and started parking in spots that they weren’t supposed to be, it would trigger me and I started to go on a 2-hour rant about how much I hate the world and the people within this world. Then I started to think a lot about suicide, venting to her about how I wanted to k*ll myself. Then the next morning I still felt like shit, which then lead to my mom calling the Suicide Hotline then next morning because I felt like shit. After talking to my family and relatives, a team of mental professionals showed up at our home and asked me some questions about my trauma. After talking with the mental professionals, and LOOTTSSS of venting. I felt a lot of stress come off of me.

But…That doesn’t stop there. Even after some some emotional support, It would all come back to me like a boomerang just by getting jealous of others who are talented and gain more attention than me. One of my dreams is to become talented like them and show the world that I am just as talented as they are.

I would feel dehumanized by certain people, and sometimes those people would remove me from groups and unfollow me without me even knowing or without a given reason and possibly talking shit behind my back EVEN IF I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG TO THEM!

I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE THIS WORLD RIGHT NOW, I GENUINELY FEEL LIKE I AM SECRETLY HATED…AND POSSIBLY EVEN SHADOW BANNED ANYWHERE ONLINE.

But eh…WHATEVER…People come and go I guess…

I would feel like the entire world is against me. I see the entire world as a threat to me and I feel hurt by the evil people. I am genuinely SICK of people seeing me as an attention seeker when I literally vent about something that bothers EVEN IF ITS THE SMALLEST THING EVER! People would say “I aM So tiRED Of yOuR vEnTinG It’S getting oN My NeRvEs aNd OLd !1!1!1 🙄😒” or “YouR just aN aTTentiOn seeker who FaKes mEnTal diSorDers foR aTTentiOn, You're noT AuTistic, ADHD, or have PTSD aNd DePressiOn!1!1!1 🙄🙄🙄 😒😒🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️” or “It’S noT mY fAult yoUR suffering!1!!1 😒😒😒”

SORRY THAT I CAN’T HELP MY FUCKING EMOTIONS, MY MENTAL STATE, AND MY MENTAL DISORDERS. SORRY THAT I HAVE FUCKING EMOTIONS. SORRY THAT I AM AN ACTUAL FUCKING HUMAN BEING THAT IS TRYING TO LIVE LIFE. SORRY THAT I HAVE MENTAL DISORDERS THAT I CAN’T HELP. SORRY THAT I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!! THAT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU’RE SHITTY FUCKING PERSON AND DESERVE TO GO TO HELL FOR DEHUMANIZATION, ABLEST SHIT, AND ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR!!

I CAN’T FUCKING STAND GASLIGHTERS AND VICTIM BLAMERS WHO THINK THEY HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG!! WELL GUESS WHAT HERE’S A REALITY CHECK FOR YA! 😃

NOBODY HERE IS PERFECT AND NOBODY HERE IS A FUCKING SAINT! FUCKING WAKE UP!

WE…ARE…HUMAN!!!

YOU HEAR ME….

HUMAN!!!

I am SOOOOO ready to die right now, it’s not even fucking funny. I can’t help but feel like shit total shit for what I do. I would isolate myself from things that bother me and try to cope with them and learn how to deal with situations I am in. It’s VERY VERY HARD to control. I am always desperate for emotional support and need of comfort, but I just can't bring myself to trust people in this big wide world…

Sometimes I wish I had never been born…Never existed…maybe the entire world would be happy if I never existed…

If anything I rather be hated for being myself rather than just faking a smile and bottling up my emotions! I rather express my feelings and be myself and make innocent people happy and be their emotional support instead of people tossing my kindness and compliments in the trash like it is nothing. If you do toss my kindness and compliments in the trash, Then FUCK YOU!!

Say all mean Shit all you want, but I don’t care, you’re just wasting time harassing me and others anyway!!

To People who have done me wrong in life such as my bullies, my former computer middle school teacher, my ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, and others who harassed me online and treated me like shit….

FUCK YOU!! Just…FUCK YOU!! BURN IN HELL!! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!! STOP HARASSING ME AND MAKING ME FEEL MISERABLE. I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT AND THE BAD TASTE THAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR MOUTH!! STAY OUT OF MY LIFE AND GO MOVE ON IN LIFE GOD DAMMIT!! STOP WASTING YOUR TIME ON HARASSING OTHERS AND MAKING OTHERS FEEL LIKE SHIT. YOU’RE BEING A PIECE OF SHIT!! WAKE UP AND REALIZED THE DAMAGE YOU CAUSED!!! I HOPE YOU REGRET IT FOR ETERNITY!!

I…HAVE…HAD…ENOUGH…

Ughh…That was the cringest, cheesiest, and most tough thing to vent about. Anyway, that’s enough venting I said what I needed to say.

To people who listened and read this post and ACTUALLY appreciate me.

Thank you VERY VERY much and I appreciate you for listening to me, really and truly. ❤️❤️❤️

Now for my announcement. I am currently going into therapy and of course, I am starting college soon. I am mostly going to be on Hiatus and very busy because I am going to be focused on my goals in life such as becoming a successful artist, animator, storyboard artist, graphic designer, and game developer. I am going to step away from social media and spend more time with my family as well. I am going to explore the world and meet new people along the way. I am going to make my dreams come true and spread my wings. I want to come out of my introverted shell.

But, yeah, now that you have read this post, Again…Thank you for listening and I appreciate your support very much. ❤️

Thank you and I’ll see you guys when I feel ready to come back, I promise! I love you all that support me! ❤️

Goodbye for now! 👋

-Sincerely, Nicole ❤️

[antirqpuppy]

I am not radqueer in any way whatsoever but I genuinely think blogs dedicated to hating or being against an entire group of people (especially if they are calling people names like “radshits”) is wrong and disgusting.

Real people exist behind screens. Maybe think about who your blog hurts. Put yourself in their shoes.

Ehrm okay I dont care? What do you want me to do now? Delete my blog? Change my whole theme? Just because you think smth is weird? 😭

The radqueer community is a community that lets abusers, harmful paraphiles (that r acting on it) and so many more awful people into their spaces. Endangering (mostly) traumatized young and vulnerable kids. They let people encourage others to selfharm and often support it too or even idolize it. Especially younger people and victims have to realize that this "community" isnt a good place to be. If no one talks about them being bad they wont realize it. (no shame in that btw)

I do not care if the abusers behind the screen get hurt by an anti radqueer blog.

I made this blog partially because I wanted to make a space for radqueers to go to if they want to leave the community. (got too lazy so its now mostly an idea IF ANY WANTING TO LEAVE RQS READ THIS ID STILL BE OPEN TO TALK!) Thats why I dont go around saying RQS GO KYS!!!! Its why I stated in my intro that I will treat everyone w kindness.

If you dont like my blog, dont look at it and dont interact with me. Is it that hard?

Anyway did I ever tell why I actually have this blog? Its not mainly because I hate radqueers. Its because I am an ex radqueer and I'm trying my best to get out of that community. This blog is my "tool" to stay away from them, to remind myself I dont have to be like them, to remind myself I will be accepted into other spaces. I barely post on this blog anyway, stop telling me what to do, nobody cares about your opinion. You're just a little person in my screen, I dont know you, youre on anon, I barely know what kinda person you are GET OUT OF MY BUSINESS!!!!

Do you wanna see the first ever ask I got on this blog? From a radqueer. I will never not hate on them because those are exactly the people they support. And I will never care for anyone that supports people like this and genuinely doesn't see anything wrong with it and dont want to get better.

TW DETAILED RAPE AND MURDER MENTION

I'm a minor btw.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

if i tell you you are not ready for this interview.

my translation. my commentary is highlighted.

interviewee: ilan stephani who has her own website describing her as a “best selling author”. she worked as a prostitute for 2 years in a brothel and successfully finished her college education. she is a “body coach” now.

„Men are doing terrible sexually”

Ilan Stephani worked in a Berlin brothel for two years. She describes her experiences in her new book.

Miss Stephani, you walked to the prostitution organization Hydra with some friends for a consultation: You wanted to become a prostitute. What did you hope for with this profession?

IS: I didn’t want to become a boring college student. I wanted intense contact. I didn’t have good experiences: My first boyfriend cheated on me with such self-confidence it made me feel the question of power in sex. I wanted to gain social and sexual sovereignty. As a daughter from a good home, I learned how to fluently deal with different people. Those are qualities that were suddenly honored in prostitution. That totally flashed me.

she was emotionally traumatized from her cheating ex-partner and thought prostitution was a fun new adventure. this gave her some wicked sense of control. you can hear the classism from this privileged and educated woman when she calls herself a “daughter from a good home”. off to a good start.

Is that a hunger for life?

IS: Yes. And this is the thing for all men who go to a brothel: I’m hungry for life. And they think a man needs sex for that, which is of course bullshit. Men just learn that they have to experience life like this now. But contact with a smiling person is what enlivens us.

yes girl im sure these men come to you for your smile and because they are “hungry for life” and not because they want to get off in a woman. be for real.

Even though it’s a paid and fake smile?

IS: Yes, people can ignore that really easily.

she admits here that sex buyers know any joy and enthusiasm is fake and simply ignore it to proceed with sex acts. and yet she feels sorry for them.

And that you have sex with men who you don’t desire at all, that didn’t make you hesitate?

IS: It did. But you often have sex in a loving relationship without loving or wanting the other in that moment. That’s more about a feeling of obligation. There is a smaller difference to prostitution than you think. I’ve been working as a body therapist with women for seven years, and they all basically did for free what I was paid for. I had already experimented with anonymous sex. I went to a swinger club and already knew this normalcy and openness. And I was excited for this new social challenge.

so the two options for women are to have sex out of obligation or for payment? girl. also you are generally attracted to your partner, just don't want sex sometimes. in a healthy relationship you would not feel obligated. this was an experiment to her – she is making a mockery out of women who are in prostitution out of financial necessity. i wish she had just stuck to anonymous sex in swinger clubs.

What social challenge do you mean?

IS: All this performance art: For example, you take the money very discreetly, so nobody realizes that a payment has been made. I play that I have to moan exactly now and at the same time I take care that the towel doesn’t move from underneath me. And randomly, after half an hour, our wonderful encounter takes a natural end – and maybe the people also told me some secrets. They talk to prostitutes as if we signed a non-disclosure agreement. I had control the whole time. And usually, the world does not wait for little female students. But these men waited for me.

very normal for a supposed service to pay secretly to keep up an illusion of not actually being a service. it’s true, playing sexual pleasure is a challenge. not something that should be expected of women but okay i guess we’re admitting that prostitution is reproducing misogyny. the last two sentences make it very obvious that her self-esteem is completely dependent on men. another thing i noticed is that she says “people” when in the rest she talks about men. this is a common tactic to obfuscate the reality that prostitution is mostly women serving men.

You worked in a small, female-led brothel, with excellent working conditions. Still: You told the boys they are amazing at satisfying women, even when many can’t really. If I’m being strict here, you supported phallic culture.

calling sex buyers “boys”. nice infantilization to make them seem harmless. otherwise good question that makes it clear that prostitution is inherently anti-feminist.

IS: Yes. Prostitution stabilizes this culture. But as a prostitute, I don’t participate in the patriarchal elevation of the erection. Men fail in phallic culture, that is their problem. They are supposed to have an erect penis, and then it’s flaccid. What do you think, how nervous they often are, when they think they have to bring it now. I hear: “Please release me from the pressure to have to meet these standards.” And I say: “It doesn’t matter whether you have an erection or not. It’s not important. You are alright.” But of course in the end you are right: Women have always validated men under patriarchy and made them feel good.

“yes prostitution supports the patriarchy but -” not interested in what you have to say. take the L. the way she extends so much empathy to sex buyers. i guarantee you they don’t give a fuck and don't think about women and especially prostituted women any further than how fuckable we are. way to reproduce traditional gender roles: the woman as caring, empathetic, taking men’s feelings into account and defending them whatever they do. women telling men they are good enough when they really aren’t. women putting their own desires aside to help and teach men. and yet they will go home and still not know how to satisfy a woman because they pay you to lie to them. but hey she is sooooo self-aware.

That didn’t bother you?

IS: Little. I felt sorry for them. Men are doing terrible sexually in this society. Worse than women, because unlike women they don’t know what they lack. If cumming in women who pretend for them is the highlight of their sex life – how sad is that? The brothel is just one symptom of this poor sex we have.

men are doing so terribly sexually that they can legally buy sex. what is this woman on. this is almost bordering on men’s rights activism. poor men who have orgasms all the time while women have to pretend. maybe the sex wouldn’t be “poor” if men didn’t see women as a means to an end, their own orgasm. but sure you can frame it like her i guess.

What is poor sex – and what is rich sex?

IS: The poverty is that we desperately yearn to touch each other and make each other happy. And we don’t succeed. Women fake orgasms, that is not just a funny topic for the boulevard press. That is a failed communication every time. And men say: The things you like are so boring they make me fall asleep, I need something better. There are so many false expectations. The penis has to enter the vagina, that is such a strict idea about sexuality. And all this in a romantic relationship between two people. Hollywood and the porn industry have commercialized this. And these false pictures cause sexual abuse, sexual trauma for women. And that’s all the fault of the sex we have.

wow, they managed to talk about poverty – but not the impoverished women who are the majority in prostitution and don’t have the privilege to make intellectual considerations about poor little sex buyer meow meows because they have to deal with the abuse. men yearn to make women happy? i have to laugh. and prostitution is helping here how? by teaching men healthy boundaries and communication? again, i have to laugh. she extends no empathy to women or these men’s partners, only to the men who probably cheated on them with her – most sex buyers are not single. and “the penis has to enter the vagina” is literally 90% of prostitution. again, what is she on. so hollywood and the porn industry are evil but prostitution is not? god, please let brains fall from the sky. some people need them.

Now you could say: Kismet [destiny], our sex has become like this, now we have to work through it. You think something else is possible. What would that be?

IS: Good sex has to be freed from definitions that stress us. Thoughts like “sex is only good with an erection”, that’s stressful. We don’t know how to protect our sexuality from these definitions. For example, I discovered slow sex. We laid together for hours, a relaxed and unerected penis in a relaxed vagina. Nothing happened for a long time – except my leg went numb and my boyfriend’s back hurt. But after a few tries, something happened, and it was better than anything we ever experienced. We sensitized our genitalia again. I had my first vaginal orgasm. Yes, dear previous sex partners, the first!

not her talking about “protecting our sexuality”. i don’t even know what to say anymore. prostitution is all about penetration and defining sex to make it a service. she experiments with her partner but sex buyers can’t do that? and she proudly proclaims that none of her sexual partners had made her cum before (at least vaginally). this is such a mess. and now this banger:

Was that the point where you exited prostitution?

IS: Yes. I got bored before that though. And then I went to a workshop, where a group of women was supposed to find our G spot. I was pretty numb vaginally. At first it was funny because we were fingering around in each other with latex gloves, at some point your fingers start to cramp. Well, in the end we found it, and it was such a fluent and ecstatic experience! After that I stayed in the brothel for three weeks. And then I opened my eyes one day and thought: I’m not going there anymore. I was finished with it.

she never even experienced an orgasm before entering prostitution... literally completely unexperienced. and when she realized she could actually feel pleasure and wasn’t merely there to satisfy men she used her privilege to exit prostitution. and because she got “bored”. again, this is a fucking mess. and now she is some sort of body therapist for other women and profits from having been prostituted because everyone fucking loves these stories no matter what the background is. these narratives are extremely harmful to marginalized women in prostitution and play right into men’s hands. why are we not talking more about how a vaginally numb and sexually repressed woman whose partners never bothered enough to make her orgasm entered prostitution and how this is not a good thing? i fucking hate this newspaper because they are so uncritical.

Your bad experiences did not play a role?

IS: Not directly. I only realized later on that prostitution traumatized me. I had one customer who violently had sex with me. He was a smart sadist. A polite, friendly man. But then suddenly he just did what he wanted, touched me brutally and fucked me violently. He didn’t want consent. It was rape, even though it was not rape legally, because I did not say no. He showed me how I’m not able to set boundaries, because I was not prepared for something like this. I think that no woman is prepared for that because we are raised to be these smiling, nice girls.

how is she so aware but so wilfully ignorant at the same time. the cognitive dissonance is insane.

The infamous “she didn’t defend herself”.

IS: Yes. I work a lot with women who say: No, that was not rape, it was in my relationship and I didn’t say no. And I know exactly why she didn’t say no.

Why?

IS: Because we are the smiling girls. Because we are cuter when we cry silently than when we are angry. Our instinct that could prevent traumatization is repressed. The protective instinct: Set boundaries, say no, defend your boundaries. And there is no Yes if you are not able to say No. If we taught girls to say no, before we teach them to wear G-strings, we would reach sexual paradise. Because men would have to progress.

no words.

Don’t we try already?

Do we? I see women who are extremely scared. They’re scared that they won’t have sex anymore if they say no. That the man leaves. And they think, their only turn-on is to be “fucked hard”, to be a vessel. Women don’t know their own strength. Women’s bodies are not inferior to men’s bodies. That is a patriarchal lie. I’m pro sexual feminism. And that’s why I don’t work in prostitution anymore. I can do a lot better things with my sexual power than to say: “I’m your vessel today”.

the only thing that i can get behind in this whole mess. she is not even wrong about some things but the way she frames everything completely releases men from any accountability and she doesn't attack the system prostitution at all, she says the brothel is a symptom of boring sex and not like, woman-hate. and these are the voices that are the loudest in the german debate on prostitution.

[notesfrompanihida]

list of things in my life in chronological order that left permanent scarring in my character:

father (ongoing) - physical, psychological, emotional, and verbal abuse. neglect

pascal - groomed me into a sexual relationship when i was 15 and he was 21

ex of a year and a half - extremely toxic turbulent relationship at the height of my bpd becoming apparent. defined how i perceive myself and others

^ ex dumps me a day after my cat of 8 years dies and does it in the worst cruelest way possible - made me enter a state of psychosis for several months after. permanently altered my mind and attachment style

***, pseudo friendship of almost a year - *** was the first person who i felt genuine love for after becoming numb to any emotion as a result of the breakup. cluster b + cluster b did not cancel out and made the relationship extremely upsetting and triggering. i felt like i was constantly fighting for his attention and only got it from him when i was ignoring his messages. i stopped texting him for a month because i gave up. he blocked me everywhere

***** (ongoing) - abuser (me) x victim (him). horrible relationship. he doesnt understand me i dont understand him. he refuses to leave despite the aggressive pushing from me

caydence - sexually assaulted me

jacob - used me while lying to my face that he loves me and will be by my side despite my disorders. abandoned me after my disorders flared up

how it affected me:

doesnt trust anybody

extremely hostile aggressive and violent if feeling threatened

not hypersexual but always trying to be sexually appealing so i can give people a reason to stay if they bite the bait

overcompensating with buying others gifts, doing action services (i forgot the term), pretending to give a shit way more than i actually do just so they dont see who i actually am and leave

love isnt real

unshakeable beliefs about being worthless, unlovable, and disgusting. i believe everyone is out to get me. i believe NOBODY actually means their love and care because someone like me cannot be genuinely loved and cared about

constantly putting up an act in front of others and micromanaging every single thing i do down to little body movements

self esteem doesnt exist. i hate myself and want myself dead more than anyone else

severe jealousy issues that consistently ruin my day

i cant establish boundaries

i get my consent constantly violated because i cant say no. i would rather suffer than tell someone to stop because their pleasure is more important than my urge to kill myself

puts everyone and everything above myself

constant health issues physical and mental, im in and out of hospitals

severe depression that affects my life and makes me attempt at least once a month + frequent $h

god doesnt love me

always tells others what they want to hear so i can keep them in my life. means 10-20% of it

obsessive, possessive (internally)

theres more but i think it stems from when i was born and not because im traumatized

idk what possessed me to write this maybe someone will see this and relate. alisa play life eternal by ghost

[ruminate88]

Forgiving someone who hurt you, especially if you loved them, that is not saying you don’t hurt or you won’t feel upset anymore. (I was ghosted)

It’s freeing yourself from this box you get put in. This prison you live in when you won’t forgive that person or you hold their sins over their heads. 😬😬😬

I KNOW when you are ghosted and brutally discarded by a ex partner, you go through a season of “being shocked” and “going numb”. You feel so worthless and stupid. (I felt like a zombie walking around for 3/4 months. NO FEELINGS OF BEING ALIVE) The way they throw you away like you’re not even a person.🥺😨😓 It’s a very selfish thing to do and yet, that person had their feelings and reasons for ghosting you. Not saying it doesn’t hurt you or that it’s a healthy or an ok way to push people away but I do realize sometimes that person is struggling with their own issues and that’s how they chose to handle you. 😕 sorry about it. It happens.

WITH THAT SAID, the impact from it is real. It’s traumatizing because you get no goodbye or closure. Plus once they’ve done it to you, it’s gotta be hard for them to face you and ask for forgiveness. It’s gotta be shameful feeling and the guilt alone is enough to keep them on the run. I also pushed a friend away when I was 23 but I did write her a letter cuz even though I felt like I couldn’t face her because she didn’t want to listen to me, I didn’t wanna leave her without answers. I did write her a 3 page letter explaining how I felt. Cody sent me NOTHING and yet, I chose to let him go and I did not try to contact him EVER again. I felt Cody wanted nothing to do with me 🙃 (his loss. I tried to be good to him even when he was breaking my heart, I tried to continue to care about him.)

Having to create your OWN apology and closure without the person, is ssoooo hard. Accepting he’s human annnnnndddd despite if he’s sorry or not, THAT is between him and God ❤️‍🩹 I am constantly torn between “I want to still love him” and “I should hate how he treated me.” But who am I??? I’m no better than Cody. Maybe I feel bad to hurt people, maybe he does too and can’t express it? OR he doesn’t feel bad at all… I will never know, only God knows Cody’s true feelings and maybe I don’t even want to know 😳 🙃❤️‍🩹

The healing, forgiveness and closure does not happen over night (not for me, anyway) I feel deep in my heart I physically set Cody free but mentally and emotionally, it’s been hard not to think about him and decide how I even feel about him. I’ve had many mixed emotions cuz I wanted to care about what he was going through but once he ghosted me, I lost all trust with him and yet, I eventually over time, felt sorry for him. I know that sounds twisted but it’s the person I am. I don’t just discard people. When I ended my friendship with Lori, that was after like 20 years of being together ❤️‍🩹 it’s not like I used her friendship and then abandoned her. Over the MANY years, I started to slowly feel trapped and suffocated by her… that was my reason. No clue what Cody felt when he chose to block me. 😕 I know it’s NOT my fault. I don’t hate Lori, Cody or anybody from my past. I feel bad for all of it but I can’t control it or change it 🙏🏻

[hanjnah]

When I was in first grade we had “what do you want to be when you grow up” thing where we dressed as career we wanted. I came dressed as a zookeeper, i still feel kind of stupid when I say this but as a child I was a psychopath, I was headed in that direction in life that gets you in potentially awful situations, I was “saved” by my ever growing tendency to mask.

But I felt nothing about being a zookeeper, I thought something about the animal aspect was cool, uhmm but that was just the therian part of me speaking I think, because I didn’t care about taking care of animals at all. In fact my first experience of animals was mild disgust (when I first saw a puppy), and then fear, like when you approach a weird bug, then detached curiosity, which evolved into torture, which happened alongside a growing motherly affection. I took care of the same baby chicks I tortured for a bit, and my love was genuine. I just was also always curious about the limits of other beings, and would poke n prod and run experiments on others to see what they’d do. It’s so weird how nothing came of me being this way as a kid, my mother was oblivious to me, she didn’t care what I did or didn’t do, didn’t care what I needed, and there were no other adults around me, so there was no one to notice what I was becoming. It only stopped because I kept masking to the point I disappeared from myself.

When I was 4 I had a teacher in pre-k named Miss Monica who was the only adult in my entire life who gave a shit about me and saw me. She noticed that I had selective mutism (even thou didn’t have word for it) and would keep an eye on me, she was the only person I’d whisper to, the only adult I felt safe with. I trusted her.

I never trusted anyone ever again after her. Until my ex, and that ended badly. Of course there’s context that I am very traumatized, and that sometimes makes it hard to let people in, but. I don’t know..

I wish could be treated the way miss Monica treated me. How is it that no one is able to see me the way she did? I don’t think it’s particularly hard, I see everyone. But nobody does that for me. Nobody after her has.