#every turn and now i’m here
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i did everything wrong i guess
#i genuinely don’t think i’ve ever made a good major decision in my life. like somehow against all statistical probabilities i chose wrong at#every turn and now i’m here#like where did it all go wrong lol. it feels like it was too late for me from the day i was born
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I can’t stand that TikTok trend that’s like “just saw Hadestown and my boyfriend is walking the entire way back to the hotel without looking back at me to prove Orpheus was a chump” because not only do they not get the whole point of the Orpheus and Eurydice myth they also Were Not Paying Attention to the musical they just saw.
Hate people who see WSS as “just a Romeo and Juliet retelling”. Hate people who see Hadestown as “Just an Orpheus and Eurydice retelling”.
Hate people who watch a musical that takes a classic story everyone knows and uses it to explore/critique our modern society and only see it as a funky retelling.
Not Getting The Point of WSS is one thing because it’s more subtle and it can be really easy to just see it as a modern R&J, especially if you don’t really know R&J.
How the fuck do you watch Hadestown and see it as just an O&E retelling? It is one of the most heavy-handed political musicals out there how are so many people missing the point?
Orpheus has to fail. Not because that’s how the Greek myth ends but because that’s the whole point of the message of Hadestown.
Social reform is hard. Changing the world is one of the most challenging things you can try to do. So often we see people try to make a difference in society, to change some kind of injustice in the world. And so often we see those people fail. It can feel so impossible to actually do some good in this fucked up world because we see these people who are smarter and stronger and more qualified than us fail over and over again.
Why do we even keep trying?
Because we have to.
Because one day, someone will try and they’ll succeed.
One day Orpheus won’t turn around.
One day the people of Hadestown will get to see someone escape and they’ll know they can escape too. Only then does the world get to change.
So we have to try. We have to keep singing the sad song, no matter how many times Orpheus turns around, because one day he won’t.
In the Greek myth, Orpheus fails because he loves Eurydice.
In Hadestown, Orpheus fails because we fail.
We try and we fail to make a difference. We try and we fail to change the world for the better. We try to see the world for what it could be and it keeps letting us down.
But we don’t give up. We don’t stop singing.
Hadestown is genuinely one of the best musicals ever. Full stop. This musical is one of the reasons i wish I was smarter because I would love to be able to do an entire thesis on this show and all the themes and messages in it. Some of them are subtle. Some of them aren’t.
It is not just an Orpheus and Eurydice retelling. I am begging people to hear the real message.
Never stop trying to change the world.
One day we’ll make it out of Hadestown.
We just have to keep singing the song.
#i’m sure someone has already said this but i simply Must get my thoughts out into the world#listened to the soundrack on a whim at midnight and started Feeling Things#and now we’re here.#not every musical has a deep underlying message and i understand that the average person won’t always pick up on the ones that do#but how do you watch HADESTOWN and come away only thinking ‘orpheus should have just not turned around’#i am constantly furious about the lack of media literacy running rampant in our world#hadestown#orpheus#eurydice#orpheus and eurydice#greek mythology#musicals#Broadway#saframbles
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fitzconte but make it belle époque for @strangebabushka
#some ppl here make every ship lesbian and I’m their weird cousin who turn everything into het#now they are very into symbolism & fin de siècle occultism and going through russian revolution#this has so little to do with canon#im almost sorry#transfem jfj as always since im like this hehe ❤️#the terror amc#the terror#fitzconte#henry le vesconte#james fitzjames#fitzgirl#dundy le vesconte#art tag
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so crazy that we are getting dogpiled on twitter again for simply (scrolls back through our blog) agreeing that we were treated unfairly. which was brought up by someone whose friends treated us unfairly. got it!
#‘on acswytwitter if you suggest mike listens to chappell the writers kill you’#actually on acswy twitter if you as the writers don’t agree with every headcanon someone makes about your fic bc they are projecting onto#your iterations of the characters all of twitter turns on you. that’s Actually the situation.#and our original point was that he doesn’t stan chappell. that he likes her! well enough! would enjoy her music even! but not Stan#and this was said after WE WERE ASKED IF HE WAS A CHAPPELL STAN. so don’t ask if the only answer you’ll accept is yes. lol#anyway we have continued to own up to our contributions to this situation it would be nice if everyone else did the same#but we all know you are only talking about it now and having a dogpile party 2.0 because you were rightfully called out for your behavior#anyway. enjoy recycling your jokes while tweeting from acswy users#funny how everyone wants to talk and work this out privately but cannot stop tweeting long enough to do so#okay i’m done 😊#eta we are done talking about this on here so please don’t send any more asks thanks!
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“Sing, let your heart soar! Sing forever!
Sad and so happy! Feelings flow over
Now our world is full of all kinds of colors
Closing my eyes, I still can see the stars…”
Overmorrow -FIN-
[start from the beginning]
[link for better image quality]
[link to fun supplementary info for the fic]
[buy me a ko-fi 🍓]
#khux#ephemer#overmorrow#my fics#my art#no joke#I bawled like 7 times drawing this#overmorrow is such a special project to me and I’m so sad the main part is finished#it’s been such a wonderful journey…I’ll have more to say in another post bc I genuinely have been touched by it#btw even if you haven’t read overmorrow I do hope you can enjoy this piece anyway; it was a lot of work but I really like how it turned out#khux kids my beloveds 😭💗#shifting gears now to talk about THE SONG!!!!!!#I found it by accident and got completely destroyed upon realizing how PERFECT it is for eph#every single word is like an uppercut punch to my gut#it’s overmorrow’s theme song. it’s overmorrow in 8 minutes#8 entire minutes of pure blorbo madness. /8 whole perfect minutes./ the universe was so kind to me#okay that’s it I’m done here <3#my posts#dandy kids#timeless child#overmorrow tfs
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HOT DOCTOR HOT DOCTOR HOT DOCTOR HOT DOCTOR
#Was at my desk doing data entry when out of the office next to me walks a man who’s so tall so beautiful so gorgeous I am in shambles#My head literally TURNED I had to refocus on what the girl was instructing me to do w the stuff I was working on#I literally tried to see if he had a ring on his way back to his office but this man walks FAST . He walks so fast#I had to write this and get it out of my system bc I’m literally filling important patient information rn#Whoever this man is he has beautiful hair . And a lean stature. And a beautiful prefix (doctor)#Omg and his facial hair is perfect it’s so over for me#I can’t be over here obsessing over him every day OK expunging the thought NOW#I needed (in the past tense bc we don’t identify w these thought patterns) him to rail me ok I’m done for real goodbye
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But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs The smell of smoke would hang around this long 'Cause I knew everything when I was young Cardigan, Taylor Swift
For @sketchbookweek Day 5 - Teenagers
#sketchbookweek#my art#*uses anime style reference* UGH why did this turn out looking like anime???#anyway. this exists. my morning classes got moved to online so now h th is exists#*this#at this point I’m just challenging myself to see if I can post every day LMAO#it’s kinda funny. my angst day submission was going to be a Taylor swift inspired fic#but that didn’t happen#and I was sad I didn’t get to inflict white woman music upon you all. but lo and behold! life finds a way#this easy going to be based on august instead of cardigan and feature more ‘Johanna leaves Kaisa for Anders’ angst#*was#but y’all voted for whimsy. so here. take your whimsy#and when she felt like she was an old cardigan under someone’s bed. she put her own and said she was her favorite. if you even care#sketchbook ship#sketchbook ship hilda#kaisa hilda#johanna hilda
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms – I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsun’s death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldn’t want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofa’s latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You can’t prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if you’re wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. it’s clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet there’s now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#that’s what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if she’s the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasn’t even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight… she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldn’t be heard. and just softly cries#because it’s too much. because she doesn’t want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasn’t the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesn’t feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mama’s touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#‘Avatar Yangchen?’. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as she’s shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. she’s not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. she’s… human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#I’m not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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Sorry I’ve been kinda quiet btw 😭 I’ve been super art blocked so I haven’t really been able to sit down and draw much…
I’m really active on Bluesky tho, I try to post older art at least once a day over there lol
#Shameless self plug you should go follow me there. Tee hee.#Shima speaks#But YEAH idk why I just. Haven’t been up to arting lately…#I’ve been very tired like. Consistently. I think it might be my meds?#I recently upped the dosage and I’m tired on a near constant level#So I might. Need to talk to my doctor about that.#I get plenty of sleep! So idk what else it could be!#I want to go to bed right now but it’s only 6:30 here. Lmao. I’m turning into my mom she goes to bed at like 7 PM every night#Trying my best…but I’m in the trenches out here lads…
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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nobody is gonna see this but like two years ago i read a fanfic and in it badboyhalo was the daycare worker and every day i wonder if that person still watches mcyt and knows that they were so right cause here we are w qsmp and bbh is basically the daycare guy mf watches those kids
#qsmp#i know they’re missing rn#i like watched at the beginning#and then occasionally i watched stuff#but not as religiously as i used to watch other stuff#but recently w tubbo joining ive gotten back into more#idk i hope i get to a point where i’m having as much fun w it as i was dsmp#cause dsmp memories are kinda soured since that was a dumpster fire#but while it was ongoing i had so much fun#it prolly helps that i don’t interact w fandom spaces to be fair so i wasnt partaking in any drama i just watched from afar and shook my hea#but i used to draw so much dsmp just for me and i miss drawing that much#qsmp is so cool i just don’t have the same level w it as i did w dsmp and i feel like i accidentally got so behind#IVE SEEN EVERY SLIMECICLE STREAM THO LOL#i love how i watched the first day streams and i’m still way behind on lore compared to people who joined later#not in a grrr i was here first way cause gatekeeping is lame#just as a huh that’s kinda wild how that turned out#i’ve been watching tubbo streams as background noise tho#i never chat tho i have chat closed and i’ve done that for like the three years i’ve been watching twitch#so i also have trouble getting into streamers who solo stream cause they talk to chat and i ignore chat chat stresses me out#lol when dsmp exploded and the whole thing was that youtube viewers were on twitch now#that’s me#except like not in a these youtube people don’t know etiquette way just in a i treated it like youtube and avoided the twitch features way#i watch it like youtube i never look at chat i never type in chat i just watch the video#idk not interacting w social media is a curse and a blessing
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just started act 2
#WHY IS EVERYONE SO BABYGIRL FLIRTY WITH ME *EXCEPT* GALE LIKE AJDJSJFJKDKF GOD DAMMIT#hardest was turning down halsin like 🥵 next play thru i promise#also i cheated i got mods to help me now i pass every roll check and i’m op in combat#i’m not here for the challenge i’m here for the lore and story!#marie.txt#i need to finish before monday when classes begin skfjskjfmd
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I don’t get why people feel like the Duolingo owl is threatening, if I ever feel like he is I just get mad at him. I could fight an owl. I don’t know if I’d win, but I don’t think I’d lose (two things that can apparently coexist). I think I’d survive at least and that’s not really winning but also not losing.
You wanna be so threatening? Da bør du drepe meg!
#emma posts#I used google translate for help because they haven’t taught me the phrase ‘kill me’ yet#taught me the word for beer øle but not the more important words like ‘kill’#as far as I can tell everything else in that sentence checks out so I figured the translation was good enough#not sure if it’s in the right order or if you use better that way in Norwegian. but good enough for a tumblr flop post#Emma’s adventures in using Duolingo#I should honestly use that as a tag for it#I post enough venting about that app#until I find out if I’m dyslexic for sure and there’s a way to help that with other languages. I’m not going to pay for Babbel yet#Babbel has Icelandic lessons too I think and that is my final boss tbh#I’ve been going from easiest for English speakers to hardest as my plan#and it turns out that I forgot how much some of my issues affect learning new languages#last time I learned another language it was Spanish and I’m not fluent but I’ve had classes and been around it for so long#that i kinda forgot what it’s like to start from scratch#I didn’t start trying to learn Norwegian until I was 26#or was it my 27th birthday? I could check my streak#I was like ‘psh. it will be harder with my disabilities. but I should be able to read. my top priority with this language’#and then I realized I had been somehow adapting to the other two languages since childhood and forgot how much I had to work around#I mean. I knew I was worse at language arts in school than I was in literature and writing. but still#I also already knew I was worse at making new sentences in other languages than I was figuring out ones that someone else made#but I thought that was just because I hadn’t used Spanish much for several years now#every time I try to re-learn Spanish it just ends up with me being able to figure out what someone said to me but not how to answer#if i brushed up on it again i could probably have a conversation with someone who understood English but better spoke Spanish#someone with the same problem as me but reversed language wise#please don’t take this as me saying I could currently have an entire conversation with someone speaking Spanish#I’m better than someone who never learned it and didn’t encounter it’s use a lot. but I really don’t think I could have a real conversation#not at the moment at least#I have been meaning to brush up on Spanish again too. there are at least real classes in my area for it and not just an app#the last time there were Norwegian classes around here my dad was in college and old people still spoke it#no one around here speaks it anymore
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i will go to sleep NOW 🫵 (pointing at myself)
#just can’t sleep lately. but#i’m sort of. my mental health hasn’t been getting better but also not worse.#just perpetually stuck in a hole in the ground recently#can’t find footing and climb up but the earth isn’t crumbling away even more for now#like i am alone always nobody likes my creations or me i am a monster yeah yeah yeah it’s getting boring brain#the hypochondria panic about throat cancer is new but i thought we were getting better at handling our health anxiety you wretched creature#and even then it’s recycled. we’ve done cancer so many times#no creativity 🙄🙄#me going over my throat every 5 minutes: i will die in 8 months#i guess with all this loneliness it’s like. it really amplifies my fear of death. my thoughts are all i have ultimately. just the thought of#absolutely nothing… i can’t think about it for too long or else i will start crying#and losing it even more. idk.#you know those characters who hate being immortal n shit. fun trope and i get it but that would also never be me#i would legit do anything for something like that. even just like. 100 more years. ideally a lot more but#yeah. and then my anxiety brain crashes in with ‘you won’t even turn 30 lol’#anyways. bullshit yap time over here i guess. sending good vibes to whoever read this brain fart
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.
#it’s 11pm on the third thanksgiving night since I lost my dad#and I’m 5 drinks deep and thankful that my partner and I are on the last episode of S3 of Ted Lasso so I can pretend that that’s where all#my tears are coming from#even though that’s silly because we both know the truth#all holidays are hard for the same reason#they always will be#it wasn’t even a bad day#I just really miss dad#i keep hoping it’ll get easier#but at this point I don’t think it does#i think we as humans just keep collecting lost loved ones in our hearts until we know it’s our turn next#and maybe then we can finally feel peace#if you’re reading this right now please know that I care about you and you’re not alone#I’m happy we get to exist at the same time on this planet if only for a little while#I think you’re wonderful and I’m thankful that you’re brave enough to choose to exist today too#not every day is an easy one to wake up to#I’m glad you’re here
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