#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until theyâre back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didnât used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#itâs still the only place in the world i feel safe. thatâs so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesnât answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if iâm in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly iâll think i hear someone shouting and iâll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here itâs been getting worse. i donât feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place itâs unreal#but then covid and trauma with my motherâs health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now iâm just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#iâm always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i canât handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesnât it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasnât prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. yâknow???#but at the very least iâd love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i donât know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
Smut | Sylus x AFAB!Reader First Impressions
SUMMARY Your first impressions of Sylus and how they translate into the more⊠intimate parts of your relationship.
CONTENT NSFW, smut, hard kinks, BDSM themes, size kink, impact play, spanking, vaginal penetration, doggy, missionary, choking, clit play, creampie, m and f orgasm, I WANT HIS STYLUS đŒ, heâs secretly very in love with you idk, ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+
AUTHOUR NOTE I literally havenât even downloaded the update yet because my phone has no storage LMFAOO so this is literally just my first impressions of him based off my Tumblr and Twitter timelines and the posts Iâve seen about him.
WORD COUNT: 789
Sylus wasnât a man that understood restraint. While he understood how he would go about holding himself back, he always decided on disregarding it, especially when it came to you.
The man was the definition of domineering and he was always absolutely determined to wreck you.
Sadism was almost too light a word to describe him with how much he enjoyed drinking up your fear and uncertainty. You knew he was stronger and he always left you unsure of what heâd do next or if it was going to hurt.
When he tries to bully his thick member into you for the first time, he canât help but let the way you whine âah! H-hurtsâ make him twitch at the entrance of you.
Despite your protests, time and time again your body betrays you, showing him how bad you want him by gushing all over him. Helping him slide into you as he stretches you to his size. Your body genuinely couldnât take his size before but itâs actually gotten easier overtime as if you were genuinely being molded by him. The thought of it made you dizzy.
He absolutely loves fucking you in doggy and spanking you until your skin burns, turning bright red. While you werenât one to shy away from the dull stinging, he always took it a few slaps too far. He knew when it would actually start to hurt for you and when the skin would get too sensitive, and heâd push you past that point with 3 harsh slaps before rubbing his hands over the area to soothe you.
When he fucks you in missionary though, heâs a whole other monster. In this angle he can barely bottom out in you so heâs genuinely bruising your cervix with every rough thrust.
Of course he checks on you after and gives you good aftercare, but in the heat of the moment, he most definitely bullies you. He slaps at your pretty tits, pinching your nipples and pulling up before letting them recoil as you yelp at the pain.
When he chokes you he does it with his left hand so his right hand can slap at your pretty tear stained face while he whispers the nastiest things to you while holding intoxicating eye contact.
âSuch a fucking slut hm?â slap âyâlike it when I slap you donât you,â slap âso fucking filthyâ he says with a chuckle âjust for meâ he adds as he kisses you.
When both of you start to reach your highs, heâs definitely squeezing your neck harder. He presses expertly on your arteries to reduce the blood flow to your brain, starving it of oxygen. It makes your eyes roll back and tongue loll out ever so slightly.
He does it because he knows it fucks with your senses. All you can hear is your heartbeat in your ears as the wet sounds of skin slapping fade out. Your vision gets hazy and spotty, and Sylusâs favorite part: your pussy gets slightly less sensitive. Your brain canât register all the signals while itâs fighting to keep you conscious. He does it often to deny you your orgasm.
But he also does it so he can catch up to you, itâll take a while for him to admit it but he absolutely adores finishing with you. Loves feeling your walls milk him in waves as your body racks with shivers. He also loves hearing your voice and how shameless your moans become when you become undone.
So when heâs close, he fully lets go of your neck and instead sits up to ram straight into your g spot and thumb at your neglected clit.
As you feel blood flow into your brain, you also feel the intensity of your pleasure ramp up over the course of 2 seconds before it crashes down on you and you cum so fucking hard each time he does this.
He loves the way your back arches and how your hands grip the sheets for dear life as you cum. You also have a habit of squeezing your eyes shut when it hits you and he finds it kinda cute. But in the moment, heâs usually too far gone to be thinking about if youâre cute or not. You squeeze him so sinfully when you cum and you gush with arousal, making it feel absolutely amazing for him as he stuffs you with his own release.
When he cums itâs also one of the only times youâll hear him actually moan. Heâll let out grunts and quiet moans but when he finishes in your gummy walls he canât help but let you know how good you feel. Itâs his way of saying âI love youâ as he collapses onto you, holding you and breathing into your ear.
|| MASTERLIST ⥠|| Thank you for reading! ||
#sylus x reader#sylus smut#love and deepspace x reader#love and deepspace smut#l&ds x reader#l&ds smut#lads x reader#lads smut#j's silly ramblings
777 notes
·
View notes
Text
Roommates from Hell, pt.2 (Toji x Fem!Reader)
Chapter 2: 2912
Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 | Story Masterlist | Masterlist
A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and enjoyed the first part of the story! I'll do my best to update every 1-2 weeks and to keep things interesting. Feedback and suggestions are always welcome, and if anyone wants to be notified for updates, drop your name in the comments and I'll gladly tag your @.
Warning: Flashback, mentions of violence, blood, and sex toys (odd combo, I know)
2âŠ9âŠ1âŠ2
Deft fingers punched in the numbers on the doorâs keypad, a practiced crescendo of beeps and bops granting you access to your flat. Hesitant fingers that dropped to the handle, but refused to push forward, instead anchoring you there. Not yet, you mumbled, your eyes squeezing shut as soon as your forehead hit the frame.
Today has been a long day. So long that you barely had a moment to process the line of rapid escalations as it brought you to this very doorstep, with the ghost of your former scarf dangling from your neck. Some people would rather be glued to the little screens of their little phones than discipline their eight-year-old brats who, for some reason, thought playing tug of war with othersâ scarves while they busted their gut to make a leaving to be of utmost entertainment.
Some people ought to keep their genes to themselves, you exasperated, untying the fabric from your neck and then balled it inside your bag, zipping the bunny across the seam.
The bunnyâŠ
TojiâŠ
It was becoming a habit of yours to follow up his name with a sigh. Sometimes a sigh that meant âWhat am I going to do with you?â and others coming from a place of deep longing and frustration, meaning âWhat am I going to do without you?â
He said heâd be home after âsnipping some loose ends,â which in his dictionary either referred to him breaking some poor womanâs heart, or quite literally stabbing some equally unfortunate manâs heart out of his body at his jobâs demand. Depending on the plausibility of each scenario, you were given a minimum of four and a maximum of six hours to try and make sense of his actions and devise a plan to make this cohabitation work.
You licked your lips for the millionth time that day, gnawing at the chapped flesh with the edge of your teeth. No lip balm could aspire to salvage their sorry-ass state, aggravated by the low temperatures and honed by your continuous munching on them. Youâd become so conscious of their existence, that it seemed as if you were trying hard to erase it before he had the chance to realize his goal of kissing themïżœïżœïżœ even when that was a common goal shared by the both of you.
The taste of metal pooled in the hollow of your mouth, your teeth sinking a tad too deep. There wasnât much reason to keep contemplating that which never happened and that which, perhaps, would never come. You wiped your shoes on the crooked doormat (was it always crooked?) and walked inside, your legs nearly giving out at the sight of two knees dangling from your beloved couchâs armrest.
âWoah, keep it down, wonât ya?â
None other than the voice of Toji reprimanded you as you screamed at the top of your lungs. His body was spilled across your couch, the expanse of muscles barely fitting upon the three azure-colored pillows. A soda âyour sodaâ nested in his palm, while a bag of empty potato chips âyour chipsâ lay on the kotatsu.
âWhat the hell are you doing here?!?â A trembling hand reached out to where your heart supposedly was, checking whether it was still in its place.
âWatching some travel show about Chikura,â he answered, unfazed and undisturbed. âYou like abalone, right? Why donât we-â
âIâm asking, how the fuck did you get in here?â
âOh, that,â Toji smirked, lowering the TVâs volume just when the travel host was about to devour a platter full of steaming hot seafoodâmouthwatering enough to divert your attention for a second. âSayaka let me in.â
âSa-yakaâŠ?â
âFlat hair, narrow eyesâ kinda like Izumi Pinko. Walks around with a cane twice her size. Rings a bell?â
âTalking about Ogawa-san?â you asked, a caricature of your crabby landlady taking shape before your very eyes. âShe never lets in anyone without a key, though. Last time I forgot mine, she acted as if she didnât know me and went right past. Had to phone a locksmith,â you sighed, murmuring under your breath about the extravagant sum of money you were forced to pay. âHow did you do it? Convince her to open up?â
âHow else ya think?â His chin rotated leisurely atop his knuckles.
âYou canât be serious! Y-you fucked her?â Your eyes went wide like saucers, the notion sounding both feasible and surreal.
His smirk sharpened into a sly grin as he stood up, a slight slouch on his shoulders carrying him to your eye level. You couldnât exactly look away from this proximity, so you began quietly analyzing him. The tight-fitting black tee and baggy training pants that greatly accentuated his hips and shoulders; his work outfit. The overgrown hair that curtained the dark circles of his eyes; evidence of a sleepless night. The absence of scent, not even of dirt, sweat, or struggle. He mustâve actually been working on a bounty, you deduced, your final thought of rationale as he invaded the last bit of personal space youâd left.
âYou really think the worst of me, huh?â His tongue circled his lips, prompting yours to do the same as you sheepishly shook your head, the sultry sound of his voice as hypnotizing as his hooded green eyes were.
âYou think I go âround spreading the legs of everything that moves?â Toji asked again, his tone growing more condescending by the second. â âfraid that ainât the case, princess. Iâm not into goodwill. Donât do things without merit, either. She asked who I was, got all perky when I said Iâm moving in, and then handed me these,â he paused, throwing a bundle of creased envelopes at your feet.
You kneeled awkwardly, seeking the senderâs origin in each logo seal. Water company. Electricity company. Phone company. Insurance company. Even the bills from that one debit card Hinata issued in your name in case of an emergency.
âCould say I paid my way in,â he scoffed, his eyes searching for an inkling of appreciation that he failed to find in your stubborn squint.
âI couldâve handled these myself.â
âThought youâd say this, thatâs why I saved this one,â he tossed another, smaller yellow-tinted paper onto the pile. âEviction notice. My, you have it quite hard, donâtcha?â
âI donât need classes on financial handling from someone whose living conditions are entirely dependent on âthe bimbo of the weekâ,â you snapped, rising back to your feet with the bills in hand.
Maybe things were a bit tighter these past few months than youâd accounted for, but you werenât like him. Sooner or later, you paid all expenses through sheer work and effortâ a concept foreign to him, whoâd rather be thrown into the streets than save a dime.
You werenât like Toji. Not one bit. You knew that if he hadnât run into your landlady, you would have definitely paid all your debts off in a monthâs time or two, even if that meant devolving your breakfastâs nutritional value to that of instant ramen. You could take care of yourself, just like youâd done for 14 years now. He had no right to interfere because, come next month, youâdâ
But the overdue deadlines at the top of each paper spoke louder than your inner thoughts and bravado did. The next month would never come for you. Not in this house, at least.
Defeated, you unfolded the paper, straightening the creases your fingernails had helped create. You hated feeling this wayâ indebted. The last thing you wanted was for this to turn into just another transactional relationship with an expiration date dependent on the otherâs wage.
âThank you, and,â you mumbled, your stare hiking up his body and stopping at his chest âright about where the difference in your height manifestedâ ââŠ.sorry, I guess. Just thought that with the way you look, and all that-â
âThe way I lookâŠ?â A winsome smile tugged at his dimples, his left hand weaving through his hair as if he were oblivious to how effortlessly attractive he appeared in his work clothes, every single crevice of his body visible under the little piece of fabric.
âN-never mind.â You tore your eyes away, cheeks flushing bright red at thoughts a friend shouldnât be having. âHow was work?â
âPretty dead,â he shrugged, using the same hand to rub some of the tension around the crook of his neck. âDonât see a real challenge rising until that Gojo kid hatches from his egg. Rest die like flies.â
As a regular person with about an average percentage of cursed energy running through your system, you had little understanding of the mystical world of Jujutsu and its sorcerers, all the information you had acquired being bits and pieces that Toji had shared with you over the years. He never went into too much detail about his job but never hid anything either. He killed sorcerers with the same ease he spread butter on his bread.
You really didnât understand much, and perhaps the keywords âkills for a livingâ ought to ring an alarm or two, but an outsider like you who didnât abide by their rules had no right judging those who broke them. Besides, with the way his family had disposed of him as if he were a chewed piece of gum stuck on the back of their sole, things werenât as black and white as one would assume.
âGojo, you say,â the name sounding awfully familiar on your tongue. âIs that one of the three big clans?â
Toji nodded, his arms folding over his chest. âSpecial grade when he ainât grown any pubes yet,â he scoffed, voice twisting in an unnatural way that could have tricked you into thinking he was jealous of the young boy.
âAre you gonna kill him?â
His brows knitted together, clearly not expecting such bluntness. âQuestion is, can I? Answer being, for the right price,â the frown he wore subdued into a crooked smile. âmaybe. Kid should fetch one good wad of cash. Iâm sure many want the six eyes out of the picture.â
Six eyes?
âJust make sure you save some of it,â you mindlessly said, eyes dancing around the room for the first time since youâd entered the house.
There were no real signs of his presence. The duffel bag seemed to be nowhere in sight either. Only his shoes were left by the door right next to yours, a sign youâd completely missed upon entering.
âWhat happened to your things, by the way? Donât see âem.â
âTook the liberty of sorting them out,â Toji said. âYou had a lot more empty space than you made it sound earlier.â
Somehow that statement terrified youâ not because you were some overbearing control freak who didnât want others interfering with their stuff, but because you feared the misplaced items he might have found casually lying around, providing him with all the excuse he needed to tease you to an excruciatingly slow and shameful death.
You went on a parade through the rooms, Toji following in your steps like a well-trained puppy, letting you freely inspect the new âchangesâ.
In the living room, you spotted a pair of dumbbells lying by the window, heavy enough that when you tried to pick one of them up, it resulted in one loud, unintentional shriek as your feet were nearly crushed, much to Tojiâs vile amusement. Then in the bathroom, you found a second toothbrush that shared the exact same color yours did, along with a black fuzzy towel and a menâs deodorant that was missing its lid. Youâd have to get another cup for his toothbrush, you noted, and moved along, eventually making it to your apartmentâs sole bedroom.
âWhere are your clothes?â you asked, Toji nodding in your closetâs direction.
You opened the first door, finding a series of dark-colored shirts, sweaters, and cardigans hanging from the previously vacant racks. You didnât wear much color yourself, but when comparing the disparity between his almost exclusively black side of the space and the creamier pastels that predominated yours, the clash in taste was indisputable.
Absentmindedly, you run your fingers through his clothes, stopping at the dark blue parka youâd gotten him for his 21st birthday. He wasnât the type to keep gifts from women, but seeing heâd preserved yours in mint condition filled you with a strange sense of pride.
âNot bad,â you exclaimed, satisfied with how aptly his clothes were displayed until a new worry surfaced. âWhat about your underwear?â
He glanced toward the bottom drawer, his instep gently kicking against it. You werenât too sure if that was necessary, and under different circumstances, youâd rather avoid such overt embarrassment, but this was your house first and foremost. Your closet, your drawer, andâ
âThe bottom drawerâŠ?â The realization struck like a ton of bricks, your pupils widening and then trembling as a breath hitched up your throat, remaining there.
The bottom drawer is where you kept it, perhaps the only thing in this entire household that youâd rather he didnât see, at the cost of your own life, even. A rabbit, whose little ears tapped in excitement every time it saw you. A rabbit vastly different from the ones that hopped around happily in fields or the one that was weaved through the zipper of your handbag. A rabbit that had kept you company in his place many nights and knew the sound of his name better than Toji himself did.
Sinking to your knees, you felt his shadow loom over you like the shadow of imminent death. You let go of that breath and yanked the drawer open, eyes squinting at the sight of neatly stacked black boxers, their size big enough to make you arch a brow, yet not big enough to completely conceal 6 inches of hot pink. You were safe.
âLooking for this?â A light buzz rang in your ear, your head tilting to meet Tojiâs namesake.
âG-give it back!â You dived forward, gracelessly collapsing at his feet when he pulled it out of reach.
âCome and get it,â Toji retorted, wiggling it before your very eyes.
Piecing a loose strand of hair behind your ear, you pounced at him, fingers locking around the silicone and his hand, while he refused to surrender, his thrilled expression revealing just how much he enjoyed the demand in your tone as you bossed him into handing back the vibrator.
âWhat will I get in return?â
âWhaâ why would you get anything?â You gritted your teeth, stumbling forward as he dragged you to him.
âTsk, tsk, tsk,â he shook his forefinger playfully. âFinders keepers, losers weepers. If ya really want it, better compensate me first. Oh, look, it has multiple speeds, huhâŠ.â he said semi-impressed, revving up the rabbitâs switch to its second and third speeds.
ââŠWhat do you want?â You practically begged, seeking a way out of this humiliation.
âNow we talking,â Toji smirked, barely restraining himself from ruffling the hair of the ferocious, albeit cute, beast that attacked him. â2912. What do the numbers mean? Tried your birthday first, but seems like you do have a few brain cells in there,â he tapped at your temple with his free hand, frustration pooling in your eyes. âThen your momâs death anniversary, your sisâ birthday, that bratâs tooâ even mine, but no good.
âSo, whatâs 2912 to you? Indulge me, and Iâll let you have it.â
2912, or more accurately, 29/12. It didnât surprise you that he didnât remember. After all, it wasnât an important date, just another winterâs day from many, many years ago. A day that was all but erased under the thick blanket of snow as it engulfed your tender memories.
A heavy sigh parted your lips, and at that moment, you knew youâd already lost.
âYou really wanna know?â
It was the 27th of December.
The 27th morning of a month whose sole notable event was the week-long blizzard thatâd condemned the entire nation to a period of absolute and unfaltering inertia. Well, as unfaltering as the in-between downpours let it be, snow washing over the streets in a diluted mixture of ice and mud every two daysâ streets turning into a dangerous minefield, and hospital beds quickly filling up with broken-boned smarty pants who thought wandering out and about in the heart of winter would be as inconsequential as those dull days were.
You were one of those idiots. Not quite, but you were on your way to join their ranks, every step you took across the frozen pavements of Tokyo threatening to leave you with a bad case of a sprained ankle, or worse, a cracked skull. You regretted wearing those worn-out boots today of all days, but then again, your wardrobe choices were limited to whatever clothing youâd grown out of, and the clothes your mother left behind.
This old suede pair was hers, too. A gift from back when your house was still open to crowds and birthday partiesâ when it wasnât just an empty carcass of termite-eaten joists and web-infested corners that could barely welcome, let alone host, the final of its residents: yourself.
Returning to the reason why youâd chosen today as the day to stride across Shibuya âa thermos of soothing Butajiru soup gripped tightly between your mitten-clad palms and a backpack full of advertising fliers for your afternoon job attached to your backâ and consequentially, the reason why you sported your motherâs beloved shoes: you had a job interview. Your first non-canceled interview in over two months since your personal inertia began when you were suddenly and unjustifiably laid off.
Those were tough times. The entire country was dipped in despair over the biggest economic recession theyâd known. Left and right, people had their jobs snatched from within their grasp in the name of meek excuses such as cost reduction, or merging and buyouts, or even staff redundancy, and who could blame those small enterprise owners, really?
In any case, the cost of running your previous employerâs rathole of a convenience store might have been reduced, but your living expenses werenât, and the supplementary funds the state provided were running dry. No one wanted to hire an inexperienced, uninsured high schooler. It was too much of a gamble, especially when the contenders were overqualified college graduates desperate enough to work menial jobs for the same breadcrumbs a part-timer would.
You were at your witâs end. Out of luck and starved for something other than vending machine onigiri. Thirsty for a life youâd probably never be able to obtain. But today wasnât about wallowing in self-pity. No, today was the day youâd take your first step toward normality and dignity. Today, you marched proudly in your motherâs most prized possession, and today you felt her comforting scent linger in the breeze, giving you the much-needed push to achieve what youâd set out to do.
Live. That was the final request that left her lips, and that was exactly what you were planning to do. Youâd live. No matter what, against all odds, you would live.
The headlights at the bustling intersection shone a brilliant green as the herd of sharply dressed businessmen and casually dressed students on their day off pushed forward like a troop of toy soldiers, sweeping you past Shibuya River, where the crystallized waters from below its bridge stilled your grimacing reflection.
Itâd been so long since the last time youâd genuinely smiled that your facial muscles barely remembered how to. It looked awkward and forced. Foreign. Youâd practiced your introduction days ahead, but that damn smile stood in the way. If only there was a âsmiles for dummiesâ playbook, though you doubted itâd help. Those without a reason to smile could only second-guess the happiness of those who were blessed with it.
As if to further test your theory, todayâs misfortune came pedaling right in your direction, a hasty biker knocking the thermos off your hands and onto the water with a faint âsorryâ echoing in his stead. You ducked over the handrail, spotting the silver shine a couple of meters away from the riverâs brink. You sighed in relief, grateful that the impact hadnât shattered the ice and that you still had about 45 minutes to catch your interviewâ more than enough time for you to carry out your flaskâs impromptu rescue operation.
You walked over to the bridgeâs sideline, where, in place of stairs, an overgrown cherry tree cast its shadow. This was far from sensible, but the cliff wasnât steep enough to dissuade you. You looped your scarf around a leaning branch and began your descent, the non-existent friction between your tattered soles and the slippery cement sending you to meet your maker as you tumbled down the slope and hit the ground. Shit.
Once you were done lamenting your sheer idiocy, your faulty shoes, the tree branch, the weather forecast, and every Shinto deityâs name you could remember off the top of your head, you pushed yourself onto your knees, carefully rotating each ankle around itself. Not broken. Thank those aforementioned gods you cursed, or else youâd never be able to afford the medical bills.
You shook the snow off your clothes and stood up, stretching both arms over your head, only to realize your blunder had become a lonesome spectatorâs object of amusement. The man âassuming that the creature behind you was a man and not some wild beast with the way his jacket fluffed over his skullâ was bent in half, knees to his chest, and arms coiled around, the sole distinctive trait that of his sparkling green eyes zeroing in on your plainer orbs.
You could have sworn you heard a chuckle, too, but you werenât about to start a fight with some unhinged bum at the bottom of a bridgeâ not when you were one missed bill away from sharing his fate.
Deciding to temporarily forsake his presence, you located the now broken branch and attempted to fish your bottle out, moving as close to the ice as you could. Desperate lunges pushed the thermos further in, your hold on the wood relaxing with each failed attempt until you barely had a grip.
âExcuse me!â you turned at your last resort. âHi, um⊠could you please help me out here? I dropped this into the water, and itâs really important I get it back, but my arms canât reach and the ice is so thin and slippery I just might fall.â
An uncomfortable chuckle failed to appease its tough crowd, with the man remaining lost in his thoughts, his eyes blinking slower than traffic lights during rush hours. It seemed like youâd found the worst person to exercise your communication skills with.
âHello? Can you hear me?â
âShut up.â
It was your turn to blink in surprise, your jaw dropping at the manâs barking. You were too shocked to be offended and too offended to question if it was you he addressed, but his next sentence left no real room for misunderstanding.
âI said, shut the fuck up and take it elsewhere. You were the one who dropped it. If it was that important to you, then shoulda taken better care of it instead of avalanching your way down here and disturbing my peace.â
Clapping your hands over your agape mouth, you muttered an apology and faced away from him, coming to your senses a minute later when you realized you werenât in the wrong. Sure, he could be dealing with some lachrymose life-shattering situation you knew nothing about, but that wasnât an excuse for him to act like a complete jerk to a fellow stranger in need.
You werenât sure why you held back from flipping him off. Maybe youâd accepted that dealing with douchebags was going to become part of your new reality as a service worker, or maybe it was because you really didnât want any trouble with a guy who looked this intimidating even while seated. Either way, you whipped out your trusty branch again and neared the brink, this time using it as a cane to help you tread the frozen waters and snatch your thermos.
You didnât even get a chance at a victorious cheer when you felt the ice shatter beneath your feet, eager to swallow you into the depths of its bottomless abyss. Or thatâs what would have happened if the river didnât cap at 2 meters, and if a hand didnât yank you by the scruff of your neck, hurling you back to the shore as if you weighed no more than a snowflake.
âThe hell you think you are doing? Got a death wish or something?â the brass voice of your savior accused, belonging to a much more pleasant and youthful face than one would have expected.
The boy was more or less your age, about a head taller with broad shoulders and a toned physique his baggy clothes underminedâ much stronger than your average high-schooler, judging by the sheer strength heâd flung your body with. Messy raven black hair rained down to his ears, sloppily chopped into shape by their owner himself. Eyes as green as a thousand springs gone by, and as fiery as the blazing fury scorching them. The only discord in his features was that of a scar on the right side of his lips, begrudgingly moving with each profanity he spat.
Your second apology came as a knee-jerk reaction to his outburst, encouraged by the temporal trance his good looks had subjected you to. You wouldnât say you had a type, and even if you did, you doubted that a no-good, rude bridge inhabitant was it. However, the only way for you to tear your gaze off of him was to physically force yourself away. The guy murmured something under his breath and moved back to his original spot, arms dangling over his spread thighs.
You were unsure of what to do. The time for your interview was closing in, and no one guaranteed he wouldnât rip the vocal cords off your throat if you tried to verbally thank him. You had a very bad feeling about this guy, and perhaps you should have listened to your gut rather than nullifying the distance with a peace offering.
âHere,â you prodded a spare cup of soup into the empty space between you.
He arched a brow at your gesture, his irritation gradually melting into curiosity and then acceptance as he brought the cup to his lips and took a hesitant sip.
âHmm,â he hummed, gulping down some more after heâd made sure you werenât trying to poison him.
You expected something else to follow, but it seemed like his outburst exhausted his vocabulary. You could always ask what he thought of it, but the thought alone was as scary as going for another suicide dive. So you said nothing, and he did the same. Just two strangers who barely tolerated each other sharing a moment of silence in the snowy landscape.
A short while later, the boy shoved the cup toward you and dug his hand in his jacketâs front pocket, dropping about six crumpled ten-thousand yen bills at your feet.
âFor the soup,â he explained as if the notion of spending such an extravagant sum on half a cup of pork loin soup made sense.
âAre you outta your mind?â You pushed the bills back at him, lest your greed take over. âHow much do you think this cost to make?â
âDunno,â he shrugged, no real hurry to reclaim his cash.
Your initial impression was completely false. No bum would ever wave ten-thousand bills around as if they were nothing. No, this guy ought to at least be some troubled conglomerate heir thatâd run away from his five-bedroom mansion.
âIâm sure you donât know how dangerous this neighborhood is,â you said, placing your hand against your heart. âBut as a born and raised local, allow me to say that if you keep flaunting wads of cash in peopleâs faces so recklessly, it wonât be long before you get mugged. Itâs your lucky day you ran into me and not some sleazy money grabber, but trust me, not every dayâs lucky, and not everyoneâs as nice.â
Something about what you said must have resonated with him, considering his frown cracked into a simper.
âIâd like to see them try,â he spoke in a cocky tone that reeked of confidence. âHow much for seconds then?â
âNot for sale,â you answered, throwing the thermos inside your backpack.
His weight shifted in your direction, chin balancing against his elbow. âWhy not?â
âYou see, Iâm on my way to a job interview. Figured if I donât cut it, then the soup will,â quickly adding, âItâs my trump card.â
âWhat a dumb plan,â he sneered. âIf ya wanna bribe someone, better make an offer they canât refuse. Couple of these work like a charm.â
He waved the money again, successfully drawing your interest when you noticed tiny splotches of red on one of the bills. Blood.
Picking up on the change in your expression, he hurriedly stuffed the cash inside his pocket, his thumbs sticking out in a relaxed grip so as to hide his discomfort. The air grew heavy once more, albeit for a different reason.
Every guess youâd made regarding this guyâs identity clashed with the next one. He was rude, but heâd jumped to your rescue. He looked unkempt yet strikingly handsome. Heâd taken refuge under a bridge but was damn loaded. A walking (more like seated) contradiction of a man that intrigued you in more ways than he repulsed you.
âSo, what are you doing out here? Did you also fall from up there?â You chuckled nervously while pointing upward.
He smiled.
âThatâs a pretty old-school pickup line, if ya ask me.â
âThatâs not what I meant!â Your chest pounded against your fleece jacket, hands quick to dispute him. âDid something happen? Why did you end up here?â
He shook his head.
âDid you run away from home?â
He shook his head again.
âDid you get into a fight with someone?â
He thought about shaking his head a third time, but instead, he opted for a groan and hissed about how he should have let you drown.
Your tongue embarrassed you yet again, as you mumbled an apology and cowered in your corner. For some reason, you couldnât stop apologizing to him, and if that was enough to frustrate you, then it was definitely enough to annoy him. Maybe the time to leave had come. Youâd done your part in thanking him, and it was really none of your business to pry into his sad character backstory.
âWell then. It was nice knowing you, and all. Hope you have a Happy New Yearâs and a nice life, and letâs never see each other again for as long as we-â
âWhat if I told you I just killed someone?â
The blood in your veins froze for a reason separate from the cold. You were left staring at him with wide-open eyes and a wide-open mouth that refused to form anything other than a soundless âWhat?!â
âThought so,â he scoffed as if he expected the outcome, sorrow lingering in his voice. âGo away if ya donât wanna end up the same way. Iâm still getting the hang of it, and Iâm afraid itâd hurt more than drowning.â
But you didnât leave. Even when that little voice of reason thrashed and begged for you to seize the opportunity and get the fuck away from this place, your legs refused to take another step. Instead, you settled back upon the snowy blanket and stilled your gaze on his face, watching a glimmer of something tune in the green of his eyes.
âW-Who was it?â You feigned calmness.
âDoes it matter?â he shrugged.
âWhy did you kill him?â
âDoes it really matter?â he sighed, reconsidering his answer. âDunno. Money, I guess. Not as if I had a personal grudge or anything. Didnât even know the dude up until three days ago. Took him out with a single bullet to his brain. Tâwas instant since he didnât move. Painless, too.â He tried to humanize his actions.
You werenât entirely sold on his story, but on the off chance he was telling the truth, that made him a murderer and you a witness to his crime. Worse, if you didnât rat on him, it made you an accomplice, and as far as you were concerned, neither was less illegal than the other.
Your hands cupped your mouth completely as you pretended to blow hot air, the reality being that you didnât want to spew anything too backhanded before thinking things through. Oddly, it all made sense. The reason he sat down there like a puppy kicked by his owners. His devil-may-care attitude and rude comments that meant to throw you off. The blood on the bills and the stain on the hem of his jacket that youâd previously overlooked.
That was all the incriminating evidence one needed to possibly sentence him, and yet you sensed no real danger in his presence. Only a deep sadness that stemmed from his lifeless eyes, making you believe that his so-called victim was none other than himself. He looked as if he hadnât gotten a wink of sleep in God knows how long, the light in his eyes reduced to a murky shade of jade now that everything was laid bare.
There was so much you didnât know about this boy, his name included. But you knew that look of despair all too well. If it was because of money, then maybe, just this once, you wouldnât mind giving him the benefit of the doubt.
âHow much did you make?â You lowered your palms.
Your question surprised him more than he thought possible, and his stupefied expression was a telltale sign of that. He flipped both pockets inside out and let the money fall onto the snow, revealing twice the amount heâd held beforeâ a total of 120.000 yen.
âMinus a grand. Felt hungry after,â he admitted.
âMust be nice⊠With that amount of money, I could have rice to last me until the end of the year.â
âYouâd kill for riceâŠ?â
Glancing at his face, you couldnât help yourself from snorting. You were both too deep inside the twilight zone to be questioning each otherâs motives.
âWhy act surprised? People like us do all sorts of things to get out of our predicaments, donât we?â you asked, deciding there were more things you had in common than things that divided you. âIs âjust moneyâ a better reason than rice?â
âNah,â he shook his head. âBut if I were you, Iâd get myself a pair of boots that ainât a death trap of its own. Gotta be a special kind of idiot to wear crappy shoes in the snow.â
âThese were my motherâs!â you objected, and he smirked. âWhat about you? Where do you plan on spending all that money?â
âRoppongi probably. Or Kabukicho. Heard the right price fetches you the right type of fun there.â
He couldnât be serious. Those were two of the most renowned bad districts in the history of bad districts. Drugs, gambling, prostitutionâ you name it.
âHow old are you again?â
âOlder than you,â he childishly retorted.
âWhatâs your name?â
âSo you can snitch?â His tongue wet the scar below his bottom lip. âToji.â
âLast name?â
He contemplated his answer for a bit before proudly stating that he didnât have one âthat he didnât need oneâ and then he asked you the same.
âY/N.â You smiled faintly. âI do have a last name, but doubt the one who gave it wants me to have it. Wouldâve asked it back if it had any real value.â
âSo we are two fuck-ups,â heâ Toji, declared.
âI suppose we are.â
The two of you shared a quiet laugh, the kind that wasnât heard but felt through the eyes of two kindred spirits entirely content with each otherâs presence. Ever since your mother passed, you lived in a sphere separate from other people. Your classmates and those who tried to be your friends could afford the luxury of sharing takoyaki on a school day and going karaoke singing the next. They could attend field trips and leave memories on a string of Polaroid frames.
You didnât. You couldnât. There wasnât a single moment in your life when you hadnât thought about the cost of milk and the value of one-plus-one deals you convinced yourself you didnât need. Such were the concerns you had at seventeen. Not boys, no friendships, no university entrance exams, no nothing. You couldnât afford the price tag of a dream, let alone a tomorrow. You lived for today and for making ends meet, so how could someone like you ever aspire to be understood? How could you ever view yourself as something other than the zeros at the bottom of your meager paycheck?
Your self-exile had no room for others, yet somehow, this foul-mouthed stranger had barged his way in and given you a moment that you couldnât price. A moment that neither loan sharks nor the bank could ever steal. A moment of your youth.
The thick fingers of a calloused hand came to tap at your knee softly, making you wonder whether youâd missed something during your short period of contemplation.
âWhenâs the interview?â Toji asked.
âUhm.â You rolled your sleeve to check your watch. âTen minutes? Thereâs still time; the placeâs right around the corner.â
âSomethinâ tells me getting your ass over there will take longer than that.â Suddenly, the hand that was on your leg hovered above your head, prompting you to grab it as Toji towered over you. âLetâs go.â
âYou coming with?â
âYou think Iâd rather sit down here like some bridge troll that reels in defenseless damsels in distress?â
You were tempted to answer âyesâ to see his reaction, but he resumed talking before you could utter a word. âWonât say it again. Letâs go.â
And with that, you followed Toji to the other end of the bridge, where the stairs you previously failed to locate mocked you with every little squeak your heels produced, until you stood back at the top of civilization, finding it, unsurprisingly, the same as youâd left it. Thoroughly white and eerily quiet.
Just as you thought your ways would part, Toji took your hand in his rather forcefully and picked up a steady gait that you were made to keep up with, your shoes leaving deep imprints in the snow.
He held your hand all the way to the diner, and although you were truly curious as to why he did that, you didnât dare ask. You walked side by side in silence, occasional fleeting gazes catching his warm breath clashing with the cold. It was then that you realized how warm his palm felt, despite it being all bare. Warm, strong, and certain. So this is what holding a guyâs hand feels like, you giddily mused.
By the time you reached the front door, you were more reluctant to let go than youâd been to grab his hand, thinking that this was the first and last time the two of you were saying goodbye. Sweat made your fingers slippery. You were anxious. You slid your mittens off your fingers and, on a whim, pressed them tight against his palms, making him the recipient of the first gift youâd ever given. He shot the pink-colored wool a funny look âmaybe because the prospect of him accepting such a girly-looking accessory puzzled himâ and then lingered for a moment or two before he turned around and waved at you over his shoulder.
âArenât you gonna wish me good luck?â You asked when the distance between you began to increase.
âYou wonât need it,â you heard him say. âThe soup will do.â
And with those final words exchanged, you traded the frigid cold for the dinerâs artificial heat and the presence of a prospective friend for that of your boss-to-be.
Just like Toji predicted, you didnât need luck, and you didnât need that lukewarm soup either. The man hired you almost as fast as he saw you, sternly announcing that you start come Monday. You thanked him from the bottom of your heart and ran back outside, searching through the various white-painted buildings for that stubborn hint of black youâd not too long ago parted withâ which you quickly spotted a couple of alleyways ahead.
âI got the job! You hear me, Toji?â You yelled in utter glee, sensibility alone keeping you from springing upward like a jack-in-the-box. âIâm not a fuck-up anymore; I got it! I got the job!â
You werenât even sure whether that shadow really belonged to him and whether heâd actually made sense of all your frantic cries, but maybe if youâd hushed a little, then you could have heard a distant voice chiming, âI knew you would.â
It was the 27th of December when we first met, but it was on the 29th that I fell in love with youâ the scruffy boy with the snow-laced hair and emptied pockets who ordered the cheapest fries off the menu as my companyâs fee.
You had your answer locked and loadedâ a trigger waiting to be pulled. A clear shot. One bullet was all itâd take to end it. One word, and the farce you called friendship would fizzle right then and there. A sadistic impulse uncoiled deep within your stomach, hitching up your throat like a vile serpent of temptation spurring your chaste tongue to commit the greatest sin imaginable.
I hate being your friend. I donât want to do this anymore. Do you have any idea how hard it is?
All synonyms for the same emotion. A gut-wrenching, soul-crushing, and above all, self-destructive unrequited love that made your heart clench at the mere sight of him, pound at the sound of his voice, and hammer at the ghost of his touch. If you could reach deep within your chest and cut that useless thing off the strings that held it in its cavity, you certainly would. Youâd hand it over to him and gladly watch him stomp on it with the biggest smile contorting the final expression on your face. You wanted to rid yourself of this pointless emotion, but you knew very well that to destroy yourself meant to destroy him.
The 18-year-old Toji that held your hand on a cold winterâs day as if it were the most precious thing to him. The 20-year-old Toji that came along to meet the sister and nephew you didnât know you had. The 22-year-old Toji that said he was proud of you when you paid off your parentsâ houseâs mortgage. The 24-year-old Toji that came to your graduation from state college with blood-stained lilies in his hand, again letting slip how proud he was. The 26-year-old Toji that didnât hesitate to knock the teeth right out of a handsy prickâs jaw, spending his first and last night in a holding cell. The Toji from the last ten years of your life that never strayed too far away from your sight and always managed to return in time for lunch.
Standing in front of the 28-year-old Toji, you felt more apologetic than ever, wishing that you wouldnât have let your love for him fester into something so selfish and consuming. Because if Toji left, then youâd still have your sister and her family, but if you left, Toji would have none.
And that was why you could never tell him what that day meant. It was impossible to speak of it with any less fondness than the one depicted in your memories, and as dense as Toji could be at times, he was no idiot. So rather than giving him the answer he thought himself to seek, you retracted your hand and took a step back, forcing the meekest smile your guilty conscience could muster.
âHow about an offer youâd never refuse?â
tags: @absoluteindulgence
#toji x reader#fushiguro toji#zenin toji#toji fushiguro#toji zenin#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk x reader#fushiguro toji x reader#toji fushiguro x reader#toji fanfiction#jjk fanfiction#brainrot is real#toji <3#toji fluff#jujutsu kaisen toji#toji headcanons#jjk toji#toji scenarios#toji smut#not yet but ugh#toji fic#toji x y/n#toji x you#toji x self insert#jjk headcanons#jjk fanfic#jjk smut#jjk fluff#Toji x reader
330 notes
·
View notes
Text
Input You, Output You
(I understand this may be completely redundant as thereâs only so many ways one can describe the very simple and intuitive concept of âjust beâ, but my mind has run in circles with âwhat about the circumstances or sensesâ despite the principle being repeated a million times over, so I thought Iâd put my thoughts down to help myself better understand it, and hopefully help others better understand through this interpretation!)
Iâve recently been spending more time on my phone that Iâd like on brain-numbing, meaningless stuff
Not just social media, but mindless mobile games
Just being inundated with excessive visual and aural stimulation that says nothing, means nothing once the app is closed
I feel drained and disconnected afterwards
I canât engage with family or friends as much as I like, my thoughts drift back even when Iâm not actively scrolling or playing, itâs like my mind becomes a jumbled pile of brainrot mush that doesnât even make me happy
Yet I find myself going back again and again for that comfortable, predictable stimulation
But I recently came across an ig reel by Adam / etymologynerd thatâs lingered in my mind since first watching: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C_VnTi2Pjg8/?igsh=djFuYnNtZnY0c290
If you donât feel like watching heâs discussing how ai generated contentâs ability to make comprehensible⊠anything is solely due to the massive amounts of human-created data itâs trained on
It doesnât actually understand or create like a person does because itâs a pattern predictor, not a soul or individual being
Once it starts training on itself it loses that conscious discerner and so the outputs get less coherent until it eventually eats its own tail and just makes nonsense
Same thing can be applied to you because the human mind-body is itself a pattern predictor that spits out whatever itâs fed - think solving an equation, drawing from past experience, a mediocre song stuck in your head because you were fed it against your will by spotifyâs stupid algorithm and now youâre singing the lyrics, your internal clock being fucked up because you kept sleeping at 3am lol
The mind-body is not its own conscious entity, it canât do anything by itself
But even with all these seemingly automatic thoughts and actions, you always have the ability to consciously step out and change the scene
You as the observer bring it into existence and continue to keep it alive through your awareness of it
If you allow your awareness to follow or focus on a certain belief or habit, your world will naturally adjust to output that initial belief again and again and again
This doesnât necessarily have to be inherently good or bad; itâs up to you to continuously check on the data you choose to input
Are you content with what you are observing? If not, why have you not already tweaked your dataset?
As you continue to submit your power to the primitive, lifeless machine of the mind-body with manufactured fears and desires and identities, does your life feel like itâs losing meaning? Do you want enough to escape that comfort of familiarity in order to go beyond?
Is the reward of loving yourself, of returning to yourself enough for you to step out of the cycle into the vastness of infinity, even with initial resistance and garbage outputs from the pattern predictor?
Remind yourself of your autonomy again and again
Your inner foundation trains your âAIâ to imitate the input of your focused attention and your being
Take time to take a step back from the generated illusion and focus on what speaks to you :) as the dataset consolidates, the output will naturally reflect it
Donât worry about the how or when
You donât need to source, blueprint, or assemble the parts of the machine in order to install it and reap the rewards
Know itâs part of you and let the magic happen
Input ____, output ____
Thatâs all :)
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
can you share some of those social anxiety strategies some tips&tricks perhaps
People's memory aren't that great. They can hardly recall the face of a perpetrator of a crime when it is vitally important, very few people will recall, what you look or sound like. So if you did something super embarrassing in front of a stranger/customer, you will just be anonymous woman to them, not Jessica Jones, age 22, from 21st street New York.
Practice what you are going to say. For my job, I got put on phones, I literally wrote down a script of most asked questions, and read it off, and then eventually I could adlib the rest. This works for most phone convos, like ordering things online or reporting a problem to the light/water company.
Be nice and polite to people, and they will be nice to you, especially if you fuck up, they will forgive the mistakes of a person who was kind to them, then someone who was standoffish. Social anxiety can be view as standoffish/rude, so try to always greet people, acknowledge people, say their names, even when you feel like you're bothering them, or you're trembling.
Go to places, theatre, restaurant, bar, ALONE, anxious people often like to rely on friends or family to interact with the world, just using people as a crutch, and start being people okay with yourself exist. Start by putting in headphones, but work your way up to eating a meal in silence, by yourself, in public.
Force yourself to interact with people in a controlled environment at first before branching out. Volunteer, join a club, go to event, something you are interested in. PICK a single place. One day a week you do to a book club or old folks home, or a bar, and strike up a conversation with ONE person on the bus. Just a minimum of one. That last three minutes or more. Throw up afterwards if you have to, but GRIT AND BEAR IT!
Admit to people you're anxious, "I never do stuff like this, i'm anxious, if I say something wrong please tell me."
STOP FOCUSING ON YOURSELF, anxiety is often the result of self absorption, it sounds mean, but for me, when I am feeling most anxious, I am worried about how I look, how I sound, and making myself an exception from others in my head, "Damn I sound stupider than everyone else." Humans are very predictable, you're more alike people than you are different, if you are scared, chances are the person you are interacting with might be too. You're two terrified mammals in an interaction trying to come out alive, you are not alone.
Dress comfortably and practically, if you are wearing anything that makes you feel physically uncomfortable and self conscious, it will cause anxiety in everything you do, if you're at work, don't overdo it with the accessories, you're there to collect a checque, not wow people. Create a uniform if you must, a generic comfortable things that are WORK CLOTHES, check your appearance once before you leave the house, and never again until you are home. Stop looking at yourself and just be.
You have to become methodical of interaction before it is natural. In my head, I had a step by step plan for approaching a stranger. 1. GREETING. (hey) 2. Asking how they are? (if someone I see frequently/coworker) 3. Compliment (That is a really nice watch/earring/anything non-physical) (italicized is option but nice) 4. The objective. ( Are you busy? I don't know how to work the fax machine, can you please show me). (Do you know where I can get lunch?) (I didn't understand that instruction) (Is that your blue honda in that parking spot, It's my spot, and I don't want to get in trouble by parking in someone else's). 5. Closer. (Thanks for all your help) (do you have any suggestions for me?) (I hope that is okay) (sorry for the trouble,) (I have to go, I have to (insert tasks) bye!) Soon or later you'll find yourself sounding more natural, but you must push through the cringe of robotic rehearsed conversations.
Ask yourself: Why am I scared? Why am I anxious when talking to my coworkers? Reason it out: - I am afraid of saying the wrong thing. - I am afraid they will laugh at me - I am afraid they will dislike me. Find the root of anxiety about various tasks. And tackle things at the root. I hated being laughed at because of bullying at school, and at home, I had to become okay with that. I didn't care if people didn't like me, but I did not want to be a joke, which made me realize I was taken myself too serious.
CBT - I am not a big fan of therapy, but I believe in CBT for anxiety, it is practical, and stuff you can do at home. You will find a lot of resources online. CBT anxiety worksheets, toolkit, self aids key words. https://psychcentral.com/anxiety/cbt-for-anxiety#cbt-worksheets
SELF HELP BOOKS: I also hate bullshit self help books, but I will admit, I read this book cover to cover:
How to Win Friends & Influence People (Dale Carnegie Books)Â Paperback â October 1, 1998
(it's an old book so you can find PDFs online) https://www.pdfdrive.com/
Set various missions with goals.
I have more advice in me, but I just got off a long shift and I am exhausted.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Diet Pepsi
(CM Punk x OC)
Hi! This is fun and new and exciting for me.
Consider this the prologue to a story I've had brewing in the ole noodle.
Nothing much to warn about other than depictions of a panic attack.
Description: she's got no job, but gets a job as an assistant to who....? uhoh couldn't beeeeee
(Truth be told I couldn't (can't) decide if I want this to be a Damien or Punk fic)
Anyhoozles, story after the jump. Ciao!
Attic Apartment, 1:30 p.m
Buzz.
Buuuzz.
Buuuuuzz.
Amelia sat on the precipice of her chipped wooden chair. She watched as her phone danced across her desk. MEGAN â JOB INTERVIEW flashed on the screen. Sheâd forgotten she saved the number after her phone interview. Her ear hot after the half an hour glued to it, afraid her wireless headphones would spontaneously die or disconnect or some other fiasco.
She took a shuddering breath in and put on her most cheerful voice.
 âHello?â, she said with a toothy smile. She read that people can hear it when you smile when youâre talking.
"Hi Amelia, it's Megan from your interview yesterday. I'm happy to say we'd love to have you on our team and offer you the position of Personal Assistant t...â, ringing filled her head and the echoes of her interviewersâ voice drifted across her ears. The edges of her vision blurred in tune to the thumping of her heart.
"Congratulations. We think you'll be excellent. I'll email you the details shortly after I end the call."
Through the din of her rising panic attack Amelia heard herself thanking Megan, feigning exhilaration, and telling her she was "excited to join the team" and "jump into the ring*". Megan laughed at that, and said Amelia would fit right in.
*She later stayed up until 4 a.m. thinking about that joke and wondered if she would even make it to orientation or if she'd die of embarrassment first.
#
Blog: Amelia's Feelias
dear diary, i suppose this isn't a diary, but i don't know how to start. i got a job! I GOT A JOB! finally but the thing is it's with the wwe?? that's insane, right? oh my god? what am i going to do? i don't know anything about wrestling. i think my cousin does? i researched enough to understand the company, the main players, googled some buzz words, read the wikipedia, and checked out their socials. i must have tricked them into thinking i knew what i was doing. maybe they saw i'm a people pleaser and that's what they need in an assistant? what if they throw a cellphone at me?!
#
Attic Apartment, 1:50 p.m.
Amelia pushed the laptop away from herself, sighed and dropped her head to her hands. After she got the call that she had the job, she opened her laptop and began typing but didn't get far. Her therapist had encouraged her to start writing when she got overwhelmed. The words she was spilling out felt forced and self conscious. She was so scared, so nervous, curious and excited. Not to mention relieved to finally have a job, but at what price? Where was this even taking her?
Swirling sensations zapping through her body, thoughts racing. Prickles of heat on her hairline made her hyper aware of her body. She was getting sweaty. Heart racing. A personal assistant? To a wrestler?? What the hell was she thinking? How do you assist a wrestler? Do they practice moves on you. Do you actually have to get in the ring?! She heard the last words cry hysterical on her mind.
"Deep breaths Amelia" She muttered shakily to herself.
In through the nose,
out through the mouth.
Slowly.
Slowly.
Feel the air fill your belly.
Amelia could hear the low, soothing tones of her therapist in her head, guiding her through her panic attack. With each breath she felt herself become clearer.
Finally, Amelia came back to reality. The rhythm of her breathing centering her focus, she was no longer consumed by the images of her dressed in a giant feather boa or being tossed through a table. That didn't even make sense from an OSHA stand point. And HR would have a field day. Plus, they asked if she could do heavy lifting up to 50 lbs. That's a pack of water, not a person.
She chuckled to herself now. She'd seen wrestling matches. The idea was so preposterous. Giggles escaped her between little alleviated sobs. The kind you didn't know you'd been holding in until you finally let them out. She felt silly. She felt relief.
She had a job; she was going to get out of this apartment.
Now it was just time to google who or what the fuck a CM Punk is.
#damien priest#wwe raw#monday night raw#wwe#wwe fanfiction#wwe fic#wwe damian priest#wwe cm punk#cm punk
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Scarlet Lady: Gorizilla
Directory | The Mime
Plagg wasn't sure what to make of Adrien wearing sunglasses and a completely unusual set of clothing (not that he cared much about that), but he still felt curious about what he was doing.
âSo, we're just sneaking out?â he asked.
Adrien gave him a side glance.
âWell, you saw what happeend when I tried asking directly.â
----
âNathalie will let you know when I'm available to talk,â Gabriel had said, not even bothering to look away from his large computer.
âWuhâ?!â Adrien babbled, but to no avail.
âI'm busy right now.â
Adrien couldn't see it, but he would have certainly become quite worried if he had seen what his father's computer was showing: a photograph of his hand, wearing a ring... next to a photograph of Chat Noir's hand, wearing a ring.
âYes... busy...â Gabriel mumbled as he looked between both images.
âUh, pĂšre?â Adrien asked, trying to catch the man's attention.
âWhy are you still here?â
Adrien just rolled his eyes and left.
----
âHere's the perfume you wanted, mon trĂ©sor!â AndrĂ© Bourgeois said, as ChloĂ© happily opened the door.
âAdrien's new scent!â she proclaimed, and she immediately told Jean-Charles to carry the boxes to her bathroom.
âMa chĂ©rie, a special screening of Daddy's movie is playing today,â AndrĂ© said, even though ChloĂ© was clearly ignoring him. âShall we go watch together ââ
âNope!â she replied, slamming the door on his face before rushing to the bathroom... to throw all the bottles into the bathtub and then jump in right behind them. âRadiant... carefree... dreamy... Adrienââ
âSingle handedly financing the business, are you?â Tikki asked, not even surprised.
----
Her Queen was getting ready to have fun, but unfortunately there was something she had yet to realize.
âSo this swimsuit is in case something happens to the first swimsuit in the wave pool,â she said, showing a striped swimsuit, âand this swimsuit is in case someone spills ice cream on themselves,â she continued, pulling one with spots, âand this swimsuit is in case someone is self-conscious of the swimsuit they brought and want to change...â
My Queen is so prepared and so going to be late, Pollen thought.
----
Adrien looked around the corner, hood and sunglasses in place, to check for any potential dangers, and saw none apparent as he stepped ahead.
âCoast is clear...â
âGASP! ADRIEN AGRESTE?!â
COME ON!
âAw, poop,â he mumbled, as he was suddenly manhandled.
âRemember me?! It's Wayhem! We met at the buddy competition! I can't believe we ran into each other, say cheese! Aaand POST!â
It all went so fast, he barely had a chance to react â but hearing that last word was enough to set off the alarms in his mind.
âWaiââ
But it was too late.
And, of course, this guy's complete lack of volume control ruined his plan.
âOver there!â
âIt's Adrien!â
âAdrien Agreste?!â
There were many things he wanted to say. Some of them enough to turn the air blue. But the shock was so large that none of it made it out.
âOh no.â
----
Tikki didn't even bother saying anything. Why would she? It just led to further disappointment with the girl that had taken the Earrings.
Instead, she just watched her spritz that overrated perfume everywhere around the room.
âAnd this will smell like Adrien, and this, and thisââ
DING!
âHm?â ChloĂ© said as her cellphone sounded out an alert, and she thankfully stopped her contamination to check her phone, and she gasped. âAdrien's outside! I must grace him with my presence!â
Tikki didn't even bother pointing out that Adrien didn't consider her a friend anymore. Why would she? Chloé had never cared for anything but her own little universe where everything revolved around her.
Unfortunately, she wasn't fast enough to dodge the spritz of that kwami-awful liquid Chloé threw in her face.
âReady to go!â
âNow that you smell like teenage boy and cheese?!â
----
Marinette did her best to run with her flip-flops on, while carrying her bags... and talking with her friend on the phone.
âI'm so sorry, Alya! I lost track of time!â
Alya just laughed, the traitor.
âLet me guess: you tried packing backup swimsuits 'just in case'?â
âHRK!â she grumbled. She wasn't about to admit that to Alya.
Unfortunately, that kept her from looking ahead... and she crashed into a rather tough obstacle.
BAM!
âOW!â
âAH!â
âMARINETTE!â
âADRIEN?!â
What were the chances?
----
âADRIEN?!â Alya shouted, as she heard her best friend and her boyfriend's best friend talk.
âPlease, hide me!â she head Adrien beg, and she could almost figure how flustered Marinette would be.
âO-okay!â
That sounded very, very interesting to her reporter ears.
----
Fortunately, they had had enough of a headstart that Marinette had managed to pull him into a fountain that had been running dry for a few weeks, and it was deep enough that they could duck inside without being seen.
âHe went that way!â they heard some of Adrien's persecutors shout, and both of them were suddenly acutely aware of how close they were to each other.
âThanks for saving me,â Adrien managed to say. âPeople are going crazy because of the ad.â
Marinette had a bit of trouble knowing what that meant, but she realized soon.
âOh right, your cologne,â she replied. âIs it okay to be out then?â
âI don't know, but I have something that I have to do today and today only,â he whispered back.
âOh... well, whatever it is, I'll help you!â
Adrien rewarded her with a smile, as they held hands.
âThanks, Marineââ
He was interrupted by a flash, and they both turned to see someone had managed to catch up to them...
âAdrien and his girlfriend in the fountain! Cute!â
⊠and they were publishing it on the social network!
âHuh?!â
----
âGIRLFRIEND?! I won't stand for this! Tikki, spots on!â
Tikki didn't bother to point out that Adrien couldn't be more obvious about how he liked Marinette.
Good grief.
----
âDoes that say girlfriend?â Rose asked, surprised at the photo, while Kagami shot into Alix's back with her water gun (something that they had wondered but had chosen not to ask questions about) as Ondine looked with shock.
âI thought she was into Chat Noir?â MylĂšne pointed out.
âC'mon, you saw how she couldn't stop staring at him at your dad's show last night!â Alya said, cheering at the idea of her friends getting together.
âSo cute!â Rose squeed.
----
âSorry I dragged you into this, Marinette,â Adrien said as they laid hands and knees in the first metro station they managed to find after getting away from the crowd. âNow everyone thinks you're my girlfriend.â
(Yes, he was happy about it, but he wasn't going to tell her. Yet.)
âAhâ!â she exclaimed as she recovered her breath, and held onto her bag as she bashfully looked at her friend. âUh, do you think you'll be alright with your father?â
He winked at her, and pulled out the one thing he carried everywhere with him (apart from his Ring).
âNothing can happen to me thanks to your lucky charm!â
Marinette felt like an arrow hit her in her feelings, as she pulled out the one thing she carried everywhere with her (apart from her Comb).
âIâI have mine too!â she replied.
âReally?!â Adrien happily asked... and yet again he was interrupted.
At the other side of the rails, a large crowd had formed.
âIt's Adrien from the ad!â
âHe and his girlfriend have matching bracelets! Adorable!â
As they looked to the stairs out of the station, and a train entered from their right, they found, on one side...
âAdrienâ!â
Wayhem, the boy that had ruined Adrien's attempted subterfuge.
And, on the other side...
*grumble*
Adrien's mute bodyguard.
âWe're surrounded!â Marinette exclaimed, as a train entered the station. âWhat do we do?!â
âHERE!â Adrien exclaimed, pulling Marinette through the closest door.
âAIYAHâ!â she screamed, as the doors closed right behind them... and the lucky charms they so treasured on the other side.
----
âAw, they're gone,â one of the stalkers Adrien's fans complained, but then they turned to look at the large man that had arrived.
âAdrien's bodyguard!â
âYay! Get his phone!â
Before he knew what to do, Adrien's bodyguard was mobbed by the crowd, and trying to get away without hurting anyone...
----
âWhat the heck, Adrikins, stop hiding in poor places so I can rescue you already!â Scarlet Lady complained. âThe public park?! The subway?! Didn't your daddy raise you better?!â
Had Tikki been there, she'd have said that (a) Adrien didn't need to be rescued, and (b) based on available evidence, Adrien's daddy didn't raise him at all. But, alas, she wasn't available for comments.
----
For Adrien's bodyguard, nicknamed 'The Gorilla' because of his body size and form (not that he minded it much â he wasn't ashamed of his looks), the day had suddenly started to go for bad when Mr. Agreste sent him to retrieve young Adrien from wherever he had gone to. He had been forced to run around in the car, following the hints left by careless people on the Internet. He had managed to track Adrien to the metro station (forcing him to park in a rather uncomfortable place) â but then Adrien had jumped into a train car with his friend, leaving him unable to retrieve him and to the mercies of Adrien's fans.
He had been fortunate that he was able to fend them off without losing his belongings as he retrieved what the two teenagers had dropped and then made his way out.
âThis your car, sir?â a police officer asked, looking quite irritated.
He nodded. He wasn't about to lie, when it was clear it was the family car.
âDo you think you can park wherever you want?!â
Oh, that didn't sound good.
----
âMaster, you really think Adrien is Chat Noir?â Nooroo asked, really hoping that he wasn't, or at least that he would be able to prove otherwise.
âI know he's hiding something from me,â Gabriel replied, his eyes closed.
âHiding something...?â Nooroo muttered... while trying very hard not to point out that that was Gabriel's usual modus operandi.
âNow I have one thing to do to find out his secret,â he said, pulling out his cellphone and transforming so he could send an Akuma after the bodyguard.
----
âWhat are you doing?! Where's Adrien?! How do you lose a 14-year-old boy?! I expected too much from you?!â
He was angry. The man couldn't even bother to remember that he was unable to speak! He wasn't a babysitter! Why did he have to do three jobs at the same time?!
âGorizilla, I am Hawkmoth...â
----
The time in the train car had been enough to garnish a pair of disguises out of the stuff she had in her bags (along with grabbing a perfectly serviceable motorcycle helmet someone had thrown away â what were the chances that it would happen twice in a few months?), good enough for them to sneak into Adrien's planned objective.
âThis is the thing you needed to do?â she asked, somewhat stunned, as they sat at the middle row in a small cinema.
âYeah, it's...â Adrien began, doubtful, before he finished. âA screening of 'Solitude'. My mĂšre is the lead actress.â
Marinette turned to look at her friend, shocked.
âYou... can't go to the movies? Not even your mother's movie?â she asked. She did remember how he was able to go with them back during Siren's attack, but...
âOâOh, I can! With Nathalie or my bodyguard,â he said. âPĂšre seems to have something against this specific movie. He even hid the DVD copy we had. And when I asked about it, he told me to go through Nathalie...â
Adrien stopped himself, as he realized Marinette seemed... tense.
âAâAre you okay?â
âTOTES.â
That did not sound okay.
----
Will Adrien mind if I put Gabriel Agreste two meters underground?
Such was Marinette thinking as she realized that Adrien's father was even worse than she had thought. Maybe she could plan something out with Nino to bring him down in a subtleâ
The projection began, and as she saw the quite familiar scene on the screen, her plans laid temporarily forgotten as her lips involuntarily spread into a grin.
âRadiant... Carefree... Dreamy...â
âAdrien, the fragrance,â Marinette completed, struggling not to burst out laughing as Adrien groaned and lowered the helmet visor.
She wasn't going to tease him.
Much.
----
Fortunately for Adrien's dignity, it wasn't long before the movie finally started, as the screen finally began to show a woman holding an umbrella â a woman Adrien knew was his mother.
Unfortunately, that was the moment he heard a cellphone taking a photo to his left.
âAhâ!â
âAdrien's at the movies with a helmet!â
âHey!â Why couldn't this people get that there was a reason for that?
âAnd his girlfriend who just got out of the shower!â
âAw, c'mon!â Marinette complained.
And, right behind them, the biggest nightmare came.
âI found you, Mon Prince!â
âS-Scarlet Lady?!â Marinette let out, and Adrien agreed with her tone. He had enough of having to deal with her as a hero, why did she have to mess with his normal life?
âAdrien!â
âHe's at the movies!â
âI watch movies!â
âGah!â
If it weren't for the fact that theones shouting were a large crowd that were clearly not interested in watching his mother's movie, he would have laughed a bit at seeing Scar getting run over.
It wasn't enough to put her down, though, because, as he struggled to hold off the crowd, she managed to slink through and walk up to Marinette.
âHow dare you pretend to be my Prince's girlfriend?â
What did it take for her to get that she was as unattractive as a patch of mold?
âIs this what you do in your free time?â he heard Marinette reply, but everything else was drowned out by a large rumble â followed by a large hand crashing through the cinema roof.
âAâAh!â
âAâAkuma!â
Before he could jump away, the large hand had grabbed him and pulled him out of the cinema â which was when he saw that the hand belonged to a building-sized gorilla that didn't look happy at the sight. A gorilla that looked extremely familiar...
âYâYou'reâ! My bodyguard?!â
âŠ
Maybe he could have been a bit smarter about this...
----
âHe got Adrien! Someone do something!â she heard Scarlet Lady yell, as she waited for everyone else to evacuate the cinema theater, so she could transform. She rolled her eyes.
âIsn't that what you're here for?â someone else asked. She would have laughed if the situation wasn't serious.
Still, people were smart, and left for safer pastures... save for one person.
âAdrien, I'm coming to save yoooooou!â
Welp, couldn't be helped.
âBuzz on!â
----
âI'll save you Mon Prince!â Scarlet Lady shouted.
âI won't hold my breath,â Adrien replied from his place in the Akuma's closed fist.
(She ignored him)
âJust stay calm, Adrien!â Marigold said, arriving to the building roof and readying her weapon. âThis'll be easy with my Venââ
âI'm saving him Marimold!â Scarlet Lady yelled, slapping her top away... making it fall off the roof.
Marigold briefly considered the irony of wanting to throttle Scarlet with the rope she no longer had in hand, but soon they were met with other troubles â such as the Akuma reaching down and grabbing Scarlet Lady herself.
âHey, let go!â she shouted, pounding her fists against the Akuma's large finger.
âScarlet Lady!â Marigold shouted, grabbing the yo-yo that, fortunately, the 'heroine' had dropped when she got grabbed.
âGood job, idiot,â Adrien threw out, completely unsurprised by her regular demonstration of incompetence.
Seeing an opening, Marigold tossed the yo-yo â and tied the rope around the Akuma's right hand's thumb, pulling to force the hand open and free Adrien.
âJUMP!â she yelled, as Adrien realized he had a way out â although he was so high he definitely wouldn't enjoy reaching the ground. âYou have to trust me!â
Adrien smiled. Of course he did.
âAlways.â And he jumped. âDon't let me die, 'kay?â
âI'll do my best,â she replied, pulling the rope to free the yo-yo and get ready to jump after him â only for the empty hand to suddenly grab her. âAw, FUâ!â
----
As he began to fall, Plagg surreptitiously snuck out to have a conversation with his holder.
âMaybe you should transform before you become runny Camembert,â he suggested.
âNot in the open, Plagg. Besides, I believe in Marigold!â
----
Hawkmoth watched for a second, before sighing.
âFine, fine, let Marigold go, he's not Chat Noir. Can't make ads with a pancake son.â
Yes, that 'Father of the Year' cup had been well earned.
----
When the Akuma's hand suddenly opened, Marigold didn't hesitate to jump after Adrien. Hooking the yo-yo around the nearest extended point, she quickly grabbed her friend in a hug, smiling at him as they slowly dropped down to the ground, hanging from the rope, and... well, he was quite close and looked quite nice...
âShe did it!â
âMarigold saved Adrien!â
âOur hero forever!â
The people were quite enthusiastic as they finally touched ground. Marigold pulled from the rope to unhook it, and she slightly stepped away from Adrien, giving him space, but he didn't seem to have minded the closeness.
âI knew you'd save me, Honâ uh, Marigold!â he said, thankful. There was something there that really stood out, but...
â'Hon'?â she heard someone whisper.
SLAM!
Oh, right, the Akuma was still there.
âMarigold, your trompo!â the boy from earlier in the cinema yelled, tossing her weapon at her.
âThanks!â she replied, dropping the yo-yo and quickly running towards the Akuma. âVenom!â
As the tip of her top touched the Akuma, he was paralyzed. Marigold sighed in relief, knowing that they now could deal with the Akuma without a problem.
âThanks for the assist!â he told the boy, who blushed a bit.
âAnything to protect Adrien!â
âHEY! I'm stuck you idiots!â Scarlet Lady yelled â still held in the Akuma's left hand.
âYour arms are free, aren't they?â Adrien shouted at her, before he turned to the boy.
----
âThanks for helping Marigold, Wayhem!â he told his fan-slash-stalker.
âIt's the least I can do after posting your location... and your photo... and following you. What was I thinking?â Wayhem muttered, having realized (a tad too late) that maybe he could have gone about this all in a smarter way. But Adrien... felt a bit of pity for him. So he pulled out a pen and Wayhem's hand, where he began to write.
âThat'sâ! Your email address?!â Wayhem exclaimed, shocked. âBut whyâ?!â
âI liked meeting you at the contest too,â he replied. âAnd now, if you want to hang out, you don't have to chase me all over Paris.â
âAdrien...â Wayhem added, surprised.
That was when Adrien gave him a stern look.
âBut it's only for you. I better not find it on Reddit or something.â
Wayhem nodded, slightly scared.
âFâFair.â
âAdrien!â Marinette said, coming from wherever she had been during the attack (or maybe...).
âOh, it's your girlfriend, Adrien!â Wayhem said.
âYeah...â Adrien followed, before he realized what Wayhem had just said and felt his face flushing. âWâWait, noâ!â
The Gorilla suddenly stepped in, halting Marinette's movement and incidentally keeping them from the rest of the crowd.
âHuh?â Marinette mumbled, as the Gorilla silently extended a hand...
âOh, our lucky charms!â Adrien said, having forgotten about them in the chaos of the persecution and the Akuma attack. He quickly grabbed his and let Marinette grab hers.
âThank you!â Marinette exclaimed, before looking at him with a smile, and turning to the Gorilla. âCan we have one more teensy little favor pleeeease?â
Adrien turned on the puppy dog eyes. They normally didn't work... but this time, they had to!
----
They did.
The theater was full of people, eager to watch 'Solitude'. Adrien happily explained to Marinette a few things about the movie that most people didn't know.
The Gorilla sobbed at the scenes. He may not have said much about it, but he did miss Mme. Agreste.
Everyone else simply enjoyed the movie...
âAdrien's mother!â
âWe're at the movies with Adrien!â
⊠even if it wasn't for some actual reason related to the movie.
All but one, that is.
âHey, I'm no where near Adrien!â ChloĂ© yelled from the last row.
âSHHHH!â
Nobody cared.
----
Gabriel finally acquiesced to release the family's copy of 'Solitude' from whatever dark recess of the mansion he had thrown it in, and, for once in his life, decided that maybe, perhaps, it could be a moment he could have with his son.
Adrien didn't count on this ever happening again, so he'd do the best he could with it.
âYou just had to ask, Adrien,â Gabriel admonished him, but Adrien wasn't going to take it easily.
âI tried, you told me to make an appointment,â he shot back.
âYou should have trusted me.â
âBut you've never given me a reason to?â Adrien asked.
Perhaps Gabriel should have taken that as a warning sign.
Of course, to anyone that had met him and his son, it was obvious what was going to happen.
âIf you start hiding things from me, I'll imagine all kinds of things,â he said, completely missing the point.
âNo? What kind of things?â Adrien asked.
âUh, nevermind,â Gabriel finished, deciding his breath was best spend watching the movie.
----
Marinette finally arrived to the water park after the longest afternoon in her life, and was slightly surprised to see everyone was still waiting for her.
âHeeeeeyââ
âGirl!â Alya exclaimed, quickly standing up from her sun bed and catching everyone's attention. âWe've been following your adventure online, give us the deets!â
Before Marinette could even react, all the girls were surrounding her, eager for answers she didn't know if she could actually provide.
âSo, are you, like, Adrien's girlfriend now?â Alya continued, smirking.
âNâNo!â she stumbled, embarrassed.
âBut do you want to be?â Rose asked, eager.
That left Marinette in a quandary. Her heart belonged to Chat Noir... but Adrien was so nice... so cute... so... amazing... (and maybe...)
â... I don't know,â she replied, shyly.
âWRONG ANSWER!â Kagami yelled and--
SPLASH! COLD!
âGAH!!!â
----
Sandboy
----
535 pages, 213791 words, 1153636 characters. Oh my god, this keeps growing! Pity that I didn't manage to reach the end of the season before the Epilogue finished!
Fret not, I'll continue to write! (Just wish that @zoe-oneesama's amazing work hadn't just left us without knowing whether the heroes would recover the Peacock Miraculous, how long Gabriel Agreste would have to stay in prison, or how long before Emilie just exploded as she became unable to reconcile her Main Character Syndrome (TM) and her Control Freakiness. Maybe I could write extra epilogues about those matters...
#scarlet lady the novel#fanfiction#milarqui#long post#adrien agreste#marinette dupain cheng#marigold#adrienette#scarlet lady is better than canon#gorizilla#the gorilla
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
DAY 10: difficulty breathing
@febuwhump
When Faoâs phone rang in the middle of the night, he startled awake, fumbling for it in the dark. Heâd been out for dinner that night, definitely wasnât sober, but the adrenaline was already doing a pretty good job of fixing that. They didnât give him much information over the phone, just that theyâd got a GSW and their rough location, in code so theyâd be safe if anyone else happened to be listening. They were too far out to get back to the basement, and Fao would need to meet them halfway to treat.Â
He woke Ely, gave her a quick update, and pulled on some clothes, the first thing he found on the floor, his shirt and trousers from the evening. He didnât have time to go looking for anything else, and bolted out of the house. There was kit in his car, and he knew there was kit in the van. He wasnât sure what heâd need, but between both heâd probably have everything he needed. He sped through the streets to the meet location heâd been given, ditched his car somewhere safe, and scrambled into the van.Â
âWhat am I doing? Talk to me.â He asked breathlessly.Â
Harrison had become combative as he deteriorated, struggling between conscious and not. It scared the men, and they'd all taken a step back, too uncomfortable to help.
Fao was a welcome sight, his reputation preceding him.Â
"Uh, Harrison got shot. He won't let us near him, so we haven't."
Faoâs heart sank. Of course it was Harrison. âOh, good. Just him bleed out all over the van, then.â He snapped, quickly throwing his hair up into a bun. âI need proper light, one of you sort that.â His voice was cold, commanding, rolling his sleeves up and quickly looking Harrison over. It wasnât hard to see where the blood was coming from, and he shifted his weight to brace himself as he grabbed gauze and put as much pressure on it as he dared. âYou. Come here, take over the pressure.â
âI, uh, IâŠâÂ
âShut up, I donât want to hear it. Cover my hands with yours and hold the pressure until I say otherwise. Unless you want to start an IV? No? Didnât think so.â He snapped, as the other man took over. He wiped his bloody hands off on his shirt, and shifted over slightly to Harrisonâs arm, eyes looking critically for a vein as he rifled through the kit.Â
The pain somehow got worse. Harrison wasn't sure how, but it did. He cried out through gritted teeth, trying to arch away. It took a moment to coordinate, but he started swinging, trying to get away.Â
Fao ducked out of the way, catching Harrisonâs fist and gently forcing his arm back down. âHarrison? Itâs okay, youâre okay. Itâs Fao, Iâve got you. Try and relax, youâre safe now. Iâm helping, alright? Let me help.â
"He's going to hit me!"
âHeâs half unconscious, try harder to dodge him.â Fao shot back. âIâm working as fast as I can.â He gritted his teeth as he tried desperately to get a vein, struggling with poor light and Harrisonâs struggling. He got one eventually, shouting triumphantly. It wasnât enough, and he wanted more access, but he could at least get some pain relief in, hopefully settle him.Â
Harrison twisted as Fao shouted, whining as he tried to get away. His chest heaved as he struggled to get his breath, the feeling he was drowning all too much.Â
âSorry, sorry.â Fao soothed. âYouâre okay, Iâve got you. Itâs gonna be okay, Hars. Just focus on doing that breathing, let me to do the rest. Giving you something for the pain, now, gonna make it easier.â He told him, quickly checking the drug before he gave it.Â
His shouts died down into cries, quiet whimpering softly to himself. The pain had started to ease slightly, making it easier to focus. It made breathing more difficult, though, and he couldn't stop the panic coursing through him.Â
âYouâre okay, thatâs it. Well done, keep breathing for me.â
He turned his head, looking towards Fao's voice. "Help."
âIâm helping, I promise.â
"It hurts." He managed, finally managing to focus on him.Â
âI know, I know. Iâve given you some painkillers, theyâll work soon.âÂ
"'m dying."
âNo youâre not. Just focus on your breathing for me, let me sort the rest.â
"I am."Â
âThatâs it, good.â Fao reassured. There was so much blood, and he was really struggling to properly control it. The van went over a bump and jolted, and Fao tried to brace himself on his knees. âFucking hell.â
Harrison whined, trying to pull away from the pain. It was everywhere, though, and there was nothing he could do.
âWell done, thatâs it.â He soothed. âIâve got you.â He stretched for his kit, rifling through to try and find what he needed. He needed a trained someone, anyone who he could trust. Not Harrisonâs little team.Â
Frustrated and tired, he started fighting against the other man. He got a solid elbow in their ribs, the relief of pressure against his side just bliss.Â
âI know, I know.â Fao murmured, moving to try and pack the wound.Â
He twisted again, curling away from Fao. His scream died on his tongue, his hands pushing against Fao's.Â
âIâm sorry, I know it hurts.â Fao muttered. He was happy enough with the packing, and moved to try and get a listen to Harrisonâs chest. It was loud on the van, and he struggled to keep his balance as he listened, swearing to himself.Â
Harrison could feel himself slipping, the ceiling of the van swimming in and out of focus. Even the pain couldn't keep him conscious, his head lolling.
Faoâs stomach twisted as Hars lost consciousness, but he was relieved in a way. At least he wasnât in pain. He didnât like what he was hearing at all from his chest, and dug in his kit to find what he needed for a chest drain. It certainly wouldnât be perfect, but it would do. He didnât even bother talking to the other men as he grabbed a scalpel, found his landmark, and made the cut.Â
He definitely felt that, and he cried out again, but he wasn't with it any more. The men beside Fao retched, especially as blood quickly poured from the drain.
Fao rolled his eyes as the men retched. What he wouldnât give for Steve or Finn or someone. Trying to manage this completely on his own wasnât working. He took a set of obs as best he could, blood soaking his trousers and making them cling to him. The numbers he got back were more than a bit concerning, despite his interventions, and they werenât getting any better. Fuck.Â
Harrison coughed and choked, spots of blood on his lips. His resps were through the roof, his heart rate doing its best to compensate for his blood pressure circling, for his blood volume pooling on the floor. He managed to catch Fao's eye, and he met his gaze with panic and fear in his eyes.Â
Fao locked eyes with Harrison. âIâve got you, Tomcat. Youâre gonna be okay.â He told him firmly. Things were just consistently getting worse, though, and Fao felt considerably out of control. He gave as much TXA as he felt he could, but it wasnât close to enough to help the bleeding.Â
âHow far out are we?â He snapped, asking whoever cared to listen.Â
"We've still got at least fifteen minutes."
âFuckâs sake.âÂ
Hars could feel himself slipping again, missing parts of the conversation. He grabbed for Fao's top, his hand leaving more bloodied streaks across it.Â
"I want Steve."
âWeâre gonna be with him really soon, Hars.â Fao murmured. âHeâs gonna be waiting for us at home.â
He shook his head. "I'm not gonna make it."
âAs if Iâm giving up on you. Iâm gonna make sure youâre okay, alright? Hold on for me.â
He knew Fao was trying his best, and heâd continue to do nothing but. He trusted Fao with his life, and they unfortunately kept ending up in situations where it was tested. It didnât take a genius to know he wasnât okay, and the small bit or working brain he had left had worked out it probably wasn't going to end well.Â
He forced his eyes open again, though he didn't remember closing them. "It's okay."
Faoâs repeat set of obs were no better. In fact, they were worse. He swallowed thickly, digging around in his pocket for his phone. He needed to talk to Steve, needed someone medical he could talk to, to reassure him he wasnât completely out of his mind.Â
He chucked it on the floor of the van on speaker as it rang, and he prayed heâd answer.Â
"Fao, talk to me. I heard the call for medical."
âItâs Hars, and itâs bad. Weâre still miles out, in the back of a shitty van, and all I have is my kit.â
Hars stirred again. "Steve?"
"Hey, Hars. You causing problems for Fao, eh?" He tried to sound light for him, but even he could hear the waver in his tone. He cleared his throat. "What's happened with him? Head to toe, obs, and what kit do you have?"
âGSW, itâs gone just under his vest, entry is the abdo but exit is further up into the chest. Haemothorax on the right. Iâve got a drain in but itâs putting out so much fucking blood. Pulse 138, BP 76/50, SpO2 94 on high flow, Resps sitting at 36, he's still not getting chest rise on the right. He's with it enough, but he's starting to pass out and stay out. I've given the TXA but it's just not stopping. The floor is covered, I'm covered. Itâs my kit, itâs decent. Airway kit, ket, paralytics, TXA. Iâm just out of my fucking depth here, nobody else knows a fucking thing and I feel like Iâm going insane.â
Steve took a moment. Well, fuck. "Right. Take a breath. Reassess, keep going ABCs. You need to get on top of that bleeding. He's not going to be able to compensate forever. Have you got anything to give? Will they follow instructions?"
âI know he wonât compensate forever.â Fao snapped. âIâve got saline but no blood. Theyâre fucking useless, hadnât touched him at all when I showed up. Not even put pressure on.â
"Fucking hell. Okay. Fluid bolus, see if that helps his pressure at all. He's not going to hold his airway by himself if he goes, so just be careful."
Fao quickly set up the fluids, wiping his hands on his trousers as he struggled with the connectors. Fluids running, he forced himself to breathe. âAlright. Fluids in. I want to sort his airway before it becomes a problem.â
"If you're thinking RSI, you need to trust they can help."Â
"Steve." Harrison interrupted again, apparently unaware of the conversation.Â
âI donât think Iâm going to have a choice, Steve. Iâm watching him deteriorate in front of me, and weâre still miles out.â
"You can see him, not me. Do what you think is best."
Unimpressed by Steve's lack of response, he shoved at Fao with a frustrated grunt. "Steve."
Fao huffed. âThank you, Hars.â He muttered under his breath. âHeâs very insistent that he wants you, Steve.â
"Hars, we're just trying to help you."
"No." He shook his head, though Steve couldn't see, and Fao wasn't sure he didn't realise that.Â
âWe are, Iâm doing my best right now Hars. Focus on breathing like I said.âÂ
He sniffed, setting himself off coughing again. The pain exploded again, despite the morphine, and, once more, slipped under.Â
God, it was just getting worse. He hated watching Harrison slip into unconsciousness again, powerless to stop it.Â
"Fao, talk to me." Steve's tone was tense, and Fao could hear him pacing.Â
âUnconscious again, Iâm repeating obs.â Fao replied, his own tone similarly tense.Â
"Come on, Hars. Don't do this." Steve murmured, wishing he was there with them.Â
The blood pressure cycled, protesting at the numbers. It continued tightening, way into the two hundreds, and Harrison gave a whine. He tried to pull away from it, panicked.Â
âHey, hey, itâs okay. Just give it a minute, I know itâs uncomfy.â Fao murmured, but it wasnât a good sign. He knew full well it wasnât high enough to need that kind of pressure - it was just struggling for a read full stop.Â
Harrison, of course, didn't listen. He twisted away, an unintelligible shout in both pain and frustration.Â
"Hars, listen to Fao. He's looking after you."
âItâs alright, itâs okay.â Fao tried vainly to soothe. But sure enough the blood pressure gave up, failing to get a read, and Faoâs stomach dropped. âFluids havenât done shit. It wonât even read, just cycles until it gives up.â
"You're going to have to give more, you can't RSI that low. Has he got a radial?"
It took Fao a moment. âNo. Nothing.âÂ
"Give him fluids."
âI might as well just pour them on the fucking floor.â Fao muttered, but swapped the bag over to give more.Â
"Just try."
âYeah, theyâre running.â
Harrison screwed his face up, managing to squint at Fao. He was sure he'd heard Steve too, but the huddle of men behind Fao were too small to be him.Â
âThatâs it Hars, youâre alright.â Fao said softly, half as reassurance for himself.Â
"Where's Steve?" He slurred, more of a mumble than anything.Â
âOn the phone with me.â Fao replied.Â
"Right here, Hars."
âBoth of us are looking after you.â
"Sorry."
âDonât apologise.â Fao said firmly.Â
Harrison lapsed back into silence, somewhere between conscious and not. As the blood pressure started again, he whined once more, but didn't pull away.Â
Harrisonâs blood was drying on his hands, as Fao waited for the machine to read, praying it would give him something. Just a number would be better than the endless cycling.Â
Harrison's breath caught in his throat again, and his frown deepened. He knew Fao was looking after him, and Steve was there too, somewhere. He could see Fao leaning over him, doing things in slow motion. Which left Steve..
"Dad?"
Faoâs stomach twisted, and the noise Steve made over the crackled phone line was less than dignified.Â
âIâm right here, Hars. Iâm right here, Iâve got you.â He replied, his voice wavering. âYouâre going to be okay.â
He seemed to have a sudden rush of energy, though his observations were still terrible, and his prognosis even worse.Â
"Thank you." He muttered softly.
Fao sucked in another deep breath, forcing himself to re-focus. He had to keep doing this. âBlood pressure is a little less shit. Iâve at least got a number.â
"That's good." Steve managed.Â
Harrison reached for Faoâs hand, for a moment of comfort in his desperation.Â
Fao squeezed his fingers. âIâve got you.â He murmured. He laid out his airway kit with the other hand, leaving smears of blood all over it, though he didnât notice. He needed the blood pressure up a bit more before he could fully RSI, but it never hurt to prepare.Â
The squeeze managed to help, a tiny hint of a smile gracing Harrison's blood-splattered lips. He tried his best, his fingers twitching in Fao's before his eyes rolled. It didnât take long for things to go south, as Hars took a breath and then stopped.Â
âFuck.â Fao muttered, snatching up his kit. He couldnât put this off any longer now, he needed control of his airway. Unsure just how conscious he was, having watched him flick in and out, Fao chatted away to him as he sorted it, half to keep himself from losing it. âAlright Hars. Thatâs you finding your limit, hmm? Itâs okay, Iâll take over from here. Got some meds to get you off to sleep now, so you can have a nap whilst I do the hard work.â He quickly pushed the ket, watching him carefully. There were men clustered around Harrisonâs head, and Fao snapped at them to move, which they did. Happy with his sedation, he pushed his roc, bagged until he was happy with it, and snatched up his tube and laryngoscope. He was rusty with his intubations, of course, so what better time to practice than in a dark, moving van covered in blood? But Harrison, for all he made Faoâs life difficult, apparently wasnât a difficult airway, and Fao got it first time. He shouted triumphantly, checked his placement, and then secured it.Â
âTubeâs in, airwayâs secure.â
Steve let out a shaky breath. "Good. Well done."
Fao couldnât breathe for Harrison forever, not if he was going to continue to manage the bleeding. âWhich one of you lot is the most competent here? Whoâs not a complete idiot?â He asked.Â
They were all quiet, slightly afraid of Harrison and definitely afraid of Fao. After a moment, one of them stepped forward.
"I can help. What do you need?"
Fao looked up. âAre you capable of breathing?âÂ
"For him?"
Fao huffed. âEssentially, yes. Every time you take a breath, I want you to squeeze this to breathe for him, too. Can you do that?â He asked, demonstrating. âI canât sit here and do it, Iâve got other stuff to do.â
Panic flashed across his face. "Okay. Yeah." He swallowed, taking a moment. It was Harrison. He'd got him out of shit so many times before, it was only fair to return the favour. "I can do that."
âJust whenever you breathe, breathe for him too. Just got to think about breathing. Okay?â
"Okay." He moved to take Fao's place. "I can do that."
âShout if you get stuck.â Fao murmured, and moved away, to carefully take yet another set of obs, praying they were better than before.Â
Steve hated being so far away, so unable to do anything. "Fao, talk to me."
âIâm taking obs.â Fao shot back. âIâll tell you stuff when I know it.â
"You just went silent. I need to know what's happening."
âIâm trying to concentrate!â
"Fine, hurry up."
âGoing as fast as I can.â He muttered. For once, Harrisonâs obs had trended slightly upwards, and Fao was glad of it. âA bit better. SpO2 has come up, as has his BP.â
"Good. The tube will be helping with his sats."
âYeah, thatâs why I did it.â Fao said flatly.Â
"I just mean that he's not going to be resping at fifty or some shite."
âYeah.â
"How's the bleeding doing?"
âStill fucking bleeding.â
"I've put a call out for more blood, you just need to get back."
âIâll need the whole trauma setup.â Fao muttered, doing his best to manage the bleeding. âCan you go up and wake Ely? Iâm going to need her.â
"Everyone's up. They're just sorting the basement out."
âGood.â Fao was relieved he had a team waiting for him.Â
"If the second lot of fluids helped, you can give him another 500 bolus."
âItâs helped, but I donât know for how much longer. Iâve got no pressors, and limited fluids.â
"You just need to get him back. If he's still got pressure, give it."
âGiving it now.â He muttered, trying to push his hair out of his face.Â
"Give me a run down of his obs once you've done that."
He finally got it connected and running, discarding the spent bag. His âassistantâ was doing well ventilating, surprisingly, and so he quickly started on obs. He hated having to do this in such an old fashioned manner, he missed his hospital conveniences and continuous monitoring.Â
But as he started, he just knew it was wrong, and when he didnât find a pulse, his stomach twisted. âOh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.â
#febuwhump2023#febuwhumpday10#difficulty breathing#whump writing#whump prompt#crime au#Harrison Cunningham#Faolan Blackwood#Elyana Lozier#gunshot wound#field medicine#medicine in the back of a van#intubation#cardiac arrest#blood loss#the wolf and the ghost#respiratory arrest#trauma situation#poor hars#it gets worse too lol
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
Social media detox...
Recently, I found myself once again uninstalling social media apps from my phone. All that remains now are Reddit and Tumblr. It's funny how these things sneak up on you, isn't it?
You wake up one day and realize that scrolling through social media has become an integral part of your daily routine. Without even noticing, you're suddenly caught up in the lives and issues of people you don't even know personally. It's the same story before bed - phone in hand, mindlessly scrolling, despite knowing it's never a good idea to do so right before sleep.
It's alarming how quickly social media can become an unconscious habit. You reach for your phone without thinking, and before you know it, you're deep in a rabbit hole of posts, comments, and debates. It's as if your fingers have a mind of their own, automatically opening these apps and scrolling through endless feeds.
We've all heard about the negative effects of blue light on our sleep patterns, yet how many of us still find ourselves scrolling through our phones right before bed? It's a hard habit to break, but one that's crucial for our well-being. The constant stream of information, emotions, and stimuli from social media can leave our minds racing when we should be winding down.
Recognizing the need for change is the first step, but are we actually implementing that change? That's where the real challenge lies. It takes a conscious effort to put down the phone, to resist the urge to check "just one more notification." But remember, you have the power to make this change. You are your own best ally in this journey.
For me, uninstalling most of my social media apps was a necessary step. It creates a barrier, a moment of pause before I can access these platforms. This small obstacle can often be enough to make me reconsider whether I really need to check social media at that moment.
As I continue on this digital detox, I'm learning to be more mindful of my online habits. It's not about completely cutting off social media - after all, platforms like Reddit and Tumblr can be valuable sources of information and community. Instead, it's about finding a balance and regaining control over my digital consumption.
It's always okay to remember to take a step back. It's okay to prioritize your mental health and well-being over staying constantly connected. At the end of the day, the most important connection you need to nurture is the one with yourself. It's in moments like these that you realize the importance of self-control, and you're the only one who can help yourself break free from these habits.
What about you? Have you ever felt the need to detox from social media? How did you go about it?
0 notes
Text
146
8/11/24
I could not decide where to put this writing specifically because of the context of the day. My one goal for right now is to get writing on the computer because I am feeling aimless and bizarre and I am wondering about not being on my phone. I am also having trouble deciding how to spend my downtime because it feels so sacred. Or limited. Because some limited things do not become more valuable, they become worthless, when there is one of them, like the last person of a culture. What is making it difficult to write is how I am checking Grindr every 5 seconds because my want is mobilizing and I feel alone and it drowns the loneliness when something sharper. I do not know. Beautiful thoughts people want to listen to aren't around for me right now. And the lack of organization within what I am writing also feels not worth forgiving. Imagine squandering everything just to be who you are - it doesn't feel like there is anything more laughable. But I will maybe remember some of what has happened to me the last couple of days because I actually have the time to think today.
Last night, I stayed up one whole extra hour so that I could be on Grindr and I was waiting for someone to come to want me but nobody came to want me. I was so frustrated that it was hard to function and even this morning, the first thing I did was check the app to see if anybody had been wanting to me. What is fun about human reasoning is that sometimes you are not loved enough or sometimes you are not hungry and both things can gouge you. Right now, I am making effort to focus on what I am writing because I have decided to turn off my phone for 10 minutes. I felt surprised last night that I could not get anyone to come to see me because I think I am attractive.
Today Ananya and I went to Metuchen Diner with her dad and she explained her current living situation to him. He had initially reacted by saying she hadn't done enough and I told him that he was not listening, even if he thinks he was giving her respect. It was interesting to disagree with him and to observe his miscommunication with her in real time. I felt glad to be there to defend her and that I also provided structure to the conversation itself because Ananya feared that the conversation would go awkward otherwise. I was talking about growing older with your parents and how one must do things despite and for the exhaustion. That motions gives way to more motion, more motion. And that being expert in transition is being God. We all remember as children when we were not tired every single day. Now we are tired every single day. Her dad reminds me of Dad, because of how they are both hardworking and intelligent. I am hoping she finds a way to fix her housing situation because she deserves peace. She loves me so much and I am absolutely saved by that. It makes me the most me I have ever been.
I am also thinking that many if not most of my friendships feel on mute because of the infrastructure adulthood. Noname said that happiness is a lonely road and I might want to finish that sentence. No one got me birthday cards or gifts. This afternoon, I was going through my old things in the basement because I have like 9 boxes and I was finding old birthday and graduation cards. It was making me sad.
While I remember, there are few things I would like to do before I go to sleep tonight and wake up at 6:00am in order to go to Tarrytown for work. I need to pack my suitcase and fold my clothes, get my bags and toiletries together (including the skincare that I forgot) and I want to tidy up my room a little bit. If I gather these things tonight, my morning will be easier.
While I was writing that paragraph, I was feeling upset that I have not been planning more conscious and intelligent writing because while it is useful to journal, to become 'better' requires genuine arbitration, thought, and tact. Writing freestyle reminds me I have a voice but adult writers suck and only listen to beautiful people. Imagine me singing out-of-tune because it is mine and people love me not because I am out-of-tune but because I am me. So this is me announcing that I will be even more radically accepting of myself because I am sitting here typing this what feels to be quite consciously. And that this exists just to silently pay homage to this exact person typing who is unfortunately equally as important as every other infinite iteration.
While I was going through my old things in the basement, I was remarking at all of the random notebooks and worksheets that served such a small, miniscule purpose that I feel inclined to save. I remember other students throwing out whole notebooks and folders at the end of the school year and I just could not understand that for the life of me. I have things about the Ottoman Empire, and your learning style, and the Guidance Award that I won. The senator signed it, or they put the Senator's signature on it.
I was remembering High School. I won a trip to Ecuador and felt huge. I ran the second best Freshman time in Cross Country in my school's history. I was at several School Board Meetings for accolades. I was in the school orchestra and I wrote poetry and have copious notes of writing other languages and thinking at length about the construction of meeting. I was remembering college and saw a Rutgers Honors Program folder and felt glimpses of that long hope you feel at the beginning of something. In reconciling that with the present, I feel resigned and let down by my apparent lack of engagement with Rutgers. I was asked to be in the Honors Program and I do remember how absolutely huge that felt- trying to understand what requirements meant and looked like. I was quite terrified of the Capstone and it was fine. I moved to Spain and came back and it was fine. I am quite stunned and perplexed by the temporality of everything and the extreme amount of experiences that I hold within me. And I wish that more experiences did not devalue the experiencing of newnesses but it just does. This is just mathematics. I remember all of that hope and how arresting it was. I am glad that I am in the after of that because of the hugeness of everything. I had a lot of potential and now I am an expert lover who will be a poet.
It is kind of insane that I write that last sentence as I contemplate going to give some random dude head because of Grindr. I am trying to ask myself not what it means, but what happened. Poets who are adults write poems for each other.
I'm More Alive Than I Am Afraid
"To alchemize atrocious times into poems to help metabolize us..."
"Trying to be a death worker..."
"To be buoyed..."
To Ananya; I'm More Alive Than I Am Afraid
I just decided to write a poem or try to write a poem which is what writing a poem is with the title of the above. It is not that good but at least I did something instead of consume.
This is the third time that I downloaded Grindr in the hour because I am still wanting. Or my wanting wants to want. I am bored of saying that too. At least I know I am very exhausted. I have tried to do anything. Imagine that.
I added this after the original posting but I did want to mention that I saw Murod Saturday morning on Grindr and immediately messaged him and I got his nudes and he told me that I induced anxiety in him and that he was in the mood to bottom and then he drove away from Metuchen (I do not know why he was there) to Philadelphia (which is information that I do not know the reason that I have) and that was that. He said that my body made him horny. That was cool. I do not care about this so much that I only write about it now. I wonder what I could be doing if I did not devote myself to missing the missing.
0 notes
Text
{ why would anyone think that? } | jai self para
What was I even doing last night?
The first conscious thought Jai had all morning as he jumped out of bed and hopped onto the exercise bike in the corner of his bedroom. Nothing ever made sense to him until he had gotten his AM cardio completed. The faster he rode, the easier it became to handle the constant stream of thoughts. It wasn't as though he was on some type of high or had a hangover, but something had changed overnight, without his permission.
Eventually, after 45 minutes of pushing his heartrate to a smooth 110 beats per minute, Jai finally decided to check the bane of his professional existence, his phone. His manager had tried to convince him to use two phones, like every other actor, however Jai had refused - that's what his team was there to handle. This singular brick was dedicated to his personal life, the one he never wanted to lose. The only non-personal thing he checked though was social media, mainly to understand what type of trouble the media was brewing this time.
But first, he had to speak to his stepmother.
As he dialled her number, Jai also began putting together his daily smoothie that he refused to let anyone else make for him. "Maa, what on earth are you doing?" Her laughter was like bells to his ears, a soothing sound compared to what the rest of his day looked like. He never expected to become as close as he had to his father's second wife, but it worked for the both of them. His own mother had disappeared into the Mediterranean a few years back, and as much as it had hurt at the time, Jai was grateful for the way his life had travelled since then.
Listening to his maa's chatter as she was preparing for an afternoon meeting with her business partners in Sydney, Jai settled on his couch, face turned towards the smog filled sky, with sunrays inching towards his apartment. What he wouldn't give to be able to enjoy this everyday, just him & the way he wanted to exist.
"Hang on maa, there's no one here but me. What do you mean a new kudi? Maa, come on, you're always the first person I tell when I get roped into these things. Na jaane kya bakwaas media ab phelar raha hai. I'll have to talk to Tanvi, I'm sure she knows.
"...nahi meri maa, please do not involve your daughter. Neena madam is still upset with me for pushing Advait her way. -okay, okay, I'll behave. Don't I always?
"...Maa, my lovely mother, you do not need to come to Mumbai. Stay in Sydney; I'm coming to see you next month right? Toh you don't have to be so stressed. Who's going to handle all your clients if you're here? Besides dad is still in Singapore, you know you don't like being in Mumbai by yourself.
"-you make me laugh. If the tabloids get worse, I'll make up with them, just to make you happy. ...oh maa, why would anyone think that? My fans know I'm happy being single, I think they'd all die of heartbreak if I said I was dating someone. Have to keep them happy ya know..."
Her laughter filled the apartment, and he realised how much he missed hanging out with her. He opened his MacBook to check his calendar, and was pleased to see he wasn't needed until the 20th of the current month.
"-hey maa, what would you say if I came down to Sydney this weekend? We could go to that place in Bondi you love so much for brunch, and make dad jealous. Might force him back from Singapore quicker. Okay, I'll book & let you know the flight details. Need to shower now, Tanvi would be on her way by now; and yes maa, I'll be a good boy. Just for you. Okay, love you, say hi to Rohit uncle for me. Bye maa."
The conversation ending there, Jai felt a lot more energised and ready to find out just what type of nonsense his favourite paps were spewing now. He messaged his manager Tanvi to let her know he'd be expecting a lot of answers, but otherwise he didn't care.
-except that niggling feeling hadn't left, and he wondered if this news would end up becoming something bigger than he was ready for.
1 note
·
View note
Text
Dear Internet and How to... Lean Too performed at Hair Antics Micro-cinema
I preformed Dear Internet for the first time in Canberra early in 2023 at Hair Antics micro-cinema. It seems a little ironic to write this up for consumption of the internet but in a commitment to writing up my practice for Time of Objects. I place it here.
Affordance of development
 Early development of the work began with paying attention to my fatigue in living a digital life. This feeling bubbled up in bits of scribbled writing on paper, in my personal smart phone notes and in typed word documents. Some of the writing I remembered doing could not be found. Collating this in a single document and trying to visualise what it might be, the idea got complicated. After seeing the Teaching and Learning Cinema perform the Mc Grice work at Hair Antics I became convinced the work needed to be simplified. Simplification came when I took the idea from theory to practice and started piecing it together with 16mm materials and the apparatus which was not only central to the theme but necessary as a design feature to help create and mould the work. It was the affordance of making it real that helped me make something concrete at all.
I attempted to document the process by filming it sometimes with a head worn action camera or with a digital camera rolling on a tripod. This I new made me more self conscious but perhaps also made me pay attention to the performance side of what was to become Dear Internet. It made me conscious of the body interacting with the apparatus and how I might put this on show and into the audiences mind when they watch it.
The affordance of working with the 16mm apparatus showed its hand when my minds eyes moved from page to the physical materials and objects. The materials allowed for creative decisions to be made because they provided boundaries to be traversed or avoided in the physical world. I also consciously took a stance of openness and attention to allow thoughts and responses to occur. Instead of focusing on a finished product my approach was to see what would happen by doing.Â
The process roughly took shape by:
1. Writing, reflecting and re-writing
2. Recording and editing the soundtrack digitally. I often check my grammar by using speech to text. When I heard the computer reading the text I decided this was better than my voice which I initially thought I would use.
3. Organising and breaking down the footage on the winding bench in searching and assessing mode
4. Assembling 16mm found footage and original shot material on the Steenbeck while playing it against the edited sound track. Experimenting with different speeds and direction.
5. Testing screen sizes and different screen material to project onto
6. Gathering objects at home to construct a portable winding platform with a screen that would feature as a kind of performance object.
Significant parts of the performance came from mistakes and failures which then become features and positive agents of affordance. For example I shot the opening title sequence upside down by mistake. This then led me to considering back projection, keeping this title reel separate, hanging it to were the audience could see it, and using the winders in both directions. All things that became significant features of the performance.
Before the show
Driving down to Canberra on a 30 degree day with cumbersome gear I really wondered if it was at all worth the expense and time. I was nervous not knowing if it would connect with an audience. I wondered if the combination of ideas I put together might have no meaning for other people or that I have muddied the water too much.Â
My judgment of the work was that is was a âwork-in-progressâ. That it was not complete. I expected that the work might change after the screening. That learning from this first performance would reduce or expand it. That technical problems might need to be incorporated or adapted. The three risks I saw where:
1. The globe might fail I had no back up as the projector viewer is not a common device.
2. The image be too dim for an audience to see.Â
3. My performance nerves might reduce my ability to adapt or fix the shutter effect that can turn the image into a blur and make it not easy to see.
I have heard Richard Touhy speak of priming an audience for expanded works. That how the audience enter the performance space is part of this priming. I thought a short introduction for the work would also help it to land. I planned to tell the audience Dear Internet is about digital fatigue of our times, beyond a frustration of password management, it is about how the materials we live with change our perception to our environment and change our behaviour and attitudes. It is a critic of technology that explores process through action. How what we do with our bodies changes our we are in our environment. I also wanted to incorporate that early projectionist hand wound the projector and that this art form changed with the automation of projection that came with sync sound.
An article (see below) about ChatGPT days before I screened Dear Internet made me feel I was expressing an ever growing concern for where technology was heading and the need to keep it in check. A reminder to be attuned to how technology corals our experience and how we are in the world. I made a note that GPT stands for Generative Pre-trained Transformer. What a strange name and something for future exploration.Â
Setting up
The three of us, Louise Curham. Carolyn Huf and I arranged to meet for half an hour or so the night before to be in the space and work out, where things where to go and in what order. I was a lot to do in a short time. I was fascinated that Lou hadnât quite settled on what she would show. She seemingly comfortable, on the forward edge of creating to performing. I wanted to be as prepared as possible. I tested the strength of the globe on the winder for Dear Internet. I tested my projector and lens on which I would screen a contract work print I had made of How toâŠLean Too. My short throw lens produced a bigger picture than fitted on the wall. I decided I would change lens during the film as an extension of preforming projection.Â
To borrow the Arthur Cantril term, Event Packages takes into account equally the event and the package. The event is a time based thing, that occurs with a kind of underling of a moment. Package, suggest themes but also the environment. How will people be welcomed, what does the space suggest? The three of us decided to select our own material with little consultation. Interesting links can emerge on their own. In deciding what work to show I settled on How To⊠Lean too to accompany Dear Internet not because they are similar in theme but because they have a similar approach. They both have a soundtrack with text that holds the shape of the overall effect. The text is a collage of material on the same subject. Their is a subtle shape to the structure of the text which creates a beginning, middle and end. Another approach to curation is I could have shown work such as Window which has no text to create a contrast.Â
Performing Dear Internet and How to⊠Lean too.
While performing the piece I felt the quite attention of the audience. It was special to share this moment with the room of 20 or more people. It felt worth it. I also felt a wave of emotion, something like grief, that underpinned making the work for me. A loss of connection to nature and our environment. A loss of choice in how one interacts with the world through the things we live our daily life with. Film making for me is a cathartic experience and I felt lucky to share that with a room of people that must bring so many different perspectives and stories to what they where observing.Â
Changing lens and speed during the projection of How to⊠Lean Too didnât quite go to plan. The contact print I have made is quite dark in places, also when I changed speeds the brightness noticeably changed which impacted the readability of the image. I may have over complicated the screening of it but trying speed changes and lens changes. It was an experiment in context and performance. Perviously I have showed the work on a loop in a gallery setting wear audience members wear headphone and watch it on a small monitor. An intimate context. With the micro-cinema experience, it was to be shown larger than life and in a group setting. My partner who had seen it on a small screen before suggested that she missed the intimacy of the smaller screen. I want to make a better print of it and try it again.
Reflections after the event
Louise Curham and I discussed the event the next day. Of Dear Internet and How to âŠLean Too she commented that both pieces have strong sound track but that I might get them mixed so the volumes and equalisation is better. A technical note I would like to improve. She also said that she was interested in it as the work said something. It appeared to present a position. To have an opinion. In contrast she said many experimental works from the history of the canon appear mute or seem reluctant to take a position. When comparing structure films against narrative films they can appear mute however there is a reflexiveness quality to structural films that in focusing on the material qualities of film. My approach of structural or formal design when incorporating the apparatus is to explore how things work. To bring the audience in to the process so they can be aware of all these things at play. It is like the rabbit and the duck image. I am attempting to have them see both at the same time. To look through the material and have its magic work on you and to step out of it and look at it from an discerning and critical point of view which questions the magic too. It is in engaging with story this way that spectators bring themselves to the work. It is the unknown part of what I am doing and the part that makes me feel most uncertain. This to me feels like the dangerous part when I attempt to see how far I can take an idea before it falls over.Â
We also discussed our mistake in not doing an acknowledgment of country. This was a big learning and a failure in rushing the set up and not discussing how we would introduce the show. Louise did the introduction. I was politely waiting to a moment to speak. In retrospect I should have politely interrupted. The good side of this mistake is we entered into a broader discussion about working with Indigenous people. Indigenous poet she recently interview suggested these goal posts:
1. Remember the historyÂ
2. Starts with one
3. Be consistentÂ
4. Make it visible
5. Show people are welcome
6. Hold an event that is specific
I think the words âbe consistentâ is really helpful here. Some of my thoughts about not interrupting Louise are really excuses for not being consistent. Being consistent will now be my guide because it helps navigate, nerves and uncertainty.Â
References:
0 notes
Text
CH. 14 YOUR TURN FIELDWORK
Making the State Real
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
Food
I ate my first meal of the day at 1:20 pm on November 28th and I was eating leftovers from thanksgiving dinner. So, they didnât have any presence from the state but Iâm sure the ingredients were prepared a certain way because of the state regulations. Like the turkey I ate you have to refrigerate it and canât leave it sitting out all day and become warm. Or with canned goods the state adds preservatives into them to make them last longer. I also work in a restaurant so I know that the state has codes/rules on how things are supposed to be run. Like you have to have a clean environment and have to pass a test of how the restaurant is run. And the state doesnât have many rules from what I know on how trash is exposed. They just come pick it up for us using the trash people.Â
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
People
 When I go to a store I notice that the employees are wearing uniforms and act a certain professional way because of where they work. And because of that they provide a service of helping me out and checking out any items I need. And I would say I really donât know how many employees I expected when shopping or going anywhere but I would say there were a lot of helpful employees that were very kind and helpful.
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
Transportation
 At around 9:30 am on Monday November 28th I left the house for school and drove there in a car. When riding around you tend to notice that you have to follow many laws and rules to be able to drive that the state makes. Iâve also seen that the state had put up more cameras in certain areas to regulate drivers to follow the law. There's also this one intersection where I live that is either having the roads redone or they are fixing a problem, but it's taking forever. But itâs nice to know that our tax money is going to something useful.Â
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
School
 I had class at 2:00 pm today November 28th, and I started to think about why I came to this school, and because itâs the only school that has my program for a bachelor degree. And because of that it will be a lot of money, and even though I have a grant that still wonât be enough money. So, I applied for financial aid and unfortunately I donât know if I will qualify for aid. And I'm pretty sure the state provides many scholarships, grants, and loans for the students who qualify at Morgan.Â
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
Environment
 I was on my phone sometime in the afternoon and saw that South Korea tends to have bad air pollution sometimes. And that made me think about the environment in which I live, and how Iâm blessed to have purified water and decent air quality. And some things the state does by regulating the people to be more conscious of the environment is by getting rid of plastic bags at grocery stores. But they also donât do enough sometimes because they are still not regulating how much pollution is being put into the air and how we are disposing of things and creating too many landfills.
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
Infrastructure
The state supports my needs by providing safe drinking water for me in the area I live in and for that I do have to pay money and the same with energy/ electricity. The state provides safety by using police officers and the military to protect us and come to us if there is a problem, and also by having that accessible to almost everyone for most of the time. They also provide ways to get rid of our trash which is either going to a dumpster and getting picked up by them or them coming directly to our house to get it. They also clean the roads for us by using our tax dollars, and one example of that is during the winter they come and get rid of the roads of snow when it snows a lot.Â
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
Public Agencies
 The grocery store is a public agency that helps me provide food for myself and my family. The police department and fire department provides safety and useful help when in a bad situation and itâs a state agency. And a federal agency that also protects me from real bigger issues is the military.Â
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
Social Life
The state does regulate marriages, for example the act of same sex marriages just became legal not to long ago. We also had a regulation on interracial marriages/relationships in America. Some other things the state regulates is that you have to be 21 or older to drink alcohol and you have to be like 15 and 9 months to be able to start driving. And because of these age restrictions I'm not allowed to do some things even though Iâm legally an adult, like drinking and smoking.
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
Media
The state does regulate what is shown on the media but itâs not too extreme like in some other countries. Like you canât have inappropriate things on some media platform, for example when theyâre cussing on award show performances they have to bleep them out or use a different word.
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
Absence
I feel like the state is absent on how they treat black people in this country. And because they treat us so terribly it can be detrimental to our existence in this country. And if they could strengthen their laws, regulations, and punishments, me and other fellow black people would feel a lot more safer than before. This can shape a better and safer world if we were treated equally with others.
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
âĄâ
âąâąâ
âĄâ
âąâ
0 notes
Text
Please Me: Oikawa's Oasis Part 3
â ïžThis Fic is 18+, Minors DNIâ ïž
Welcome to week 4 of the Please Me Series! Â A collaboration with @axoxtxhxh! This weeks theme is Virginity Loss featuring Oikawa and Goshiki! Â This weeks fics are broken into 3 parts! Parts 1 and 2 are linked in the master list below! Please check out Joeyâs fic, Guiding Goshiki! Â I will also link it in the Please Me master list! Â
Warnings: swearing, slight angst, fluffy ending, virginity loss, kissing, male oral receiving, thigh riding, masturbation, locker room sex, shower sex, unprotected sex, creampie, guided female masturbation, sub! oikawa, fem dom reader, petnames, one hell of a safewordÂ
Word Count: 5,000
Staring at the wall, you heard your alarm sound the following morning as you slowly arose from your bed.  You hadnât slept at all since you had arrived home last night.  You couldnât shake the feeling of shame and guilt for running away from TorĆ«.
Youâre feelings were valid, you knew that. But you knew it wasnât right to run away from him like you did. You should have talked to him. Â In a way, you probably made him feel more self conscious then you had your first time. Â
You sighed as you got up to shower and head to the gym. You knew you needed to talk with TorĆ«.  You needed to explain to him that none of this was his fault. Â
Locking your door, you headed to the gym as you mentally prepared yourself for the conversation that would follow. Â You wanted to tell him about how you were afraid you would ruin his first time. Â How your first time failed miserably and that you didnât want him to regret anything. Â
TorĆ« had become very special to you as both a teammate and a friend. You didnât want to make his time with the team awkward in anyway.  You knew the conversation would be a difficult one but you had to do it. Â
Arriving at gym you saw several of the other players nursing hangovers and you began setting up for the days practice. Â You yawned as you went to the bench, to grab your notes as the teams captain approached.
âYou must have really worn TorĆ« out YNâ he said nudging your side as you looked at him confused âhe texted me this morning telling me he was too âworn outâ to come to practiceâ he said throwing up air quotes âIâm actually surprised youâre here today.â
Hearing the TorĆ« wasnât coming to practice hit your like a ton of bricks, the feeling guilty washing over you as you felt the urge to cry.  You turned away from the captain as he watched you walk away in silence, going to fill the teams water bottles. Â
Stepping from the gym, you felt the tears flow as the guilt and shame of your actions washed over you. How could you act so immature? Â How could you just run away? Â
You cried as you went to fill the teams water bottles. God I probably made him feel so insecure. Iâm such an idiot you thought to yourself as you tried to calm down enough to finish your task and excuse yourself to your office. Â You could camp out there the rest of the practice, telling the coach you had some work to catch up on. Â At least then you could cry in peace.
TorĆ« groaned as he woke up from his small nap. He hadnât been able to sleep because of what had transpired between YN and himself.  He felt so shamed, so inadequate.  These were feelings he didnât often have, causing chaos in his mind as he jolted hearing the sudden ring of his phone.
He answered the FaceTime call to a smiling Iwaizumi as he tried to bring a smile to his glum face.
âShittykawa whatâs the matter with you? Â I didnât expect you to pick up. Donât you have practice? Iwaizumi says as Oikawa just stared at him.
Iwaizumi was confused. He had known Oikawa for many years and this was the first time he had ever seen the former high school captain so gloomy. Even losing their 3rd year volleyball tournament hadnât made the captain as sad as he was now.
âI messed up Hajimeâ TorĆ« said as Iwaizumi reeled back.  Oikawa never used his full name.
âWhat happened? Are you ok?â He said as TorĆ« tried to hold his composure in. His emotions were all over the place, he had never felt so vulnerable, so destroyed âHey TorĆ«, are you ok?â
That did it. Iwaizumi saying his name caused TorĆ« to cry like he had never cried before. He wasnât even embarrassed, not one bit. He didnât have time to feel embarrassed. He felt too ashamed.
âHajimeâ TorĆ« said finally calming down âshe- YN doesnât want me.â
Iwaizumi was stunned.  Never had this ever happened. A girl didnât want the TorĆ« Oikawa?  What kind of alternative dimension was he living in?
Iwaizumi watched as his friend wiped his face with his palms, trying to figure out what to say.
âUhh- well umm what happenedâ he managed to muster up as he tried hard to still comprehend the previous statement made by his friend.
âLast night, I went out with the team. Â Things with YN got heated. Â We came back to my place. Â Everything was going so well. Â Then I told her I was a virgin and she freaked out and ranâ he said as he looked down, unable to make eye contact with his friend.
Iwaizumi couldnât help but chuckle to himself and try as he might, he was unable to hold a straight face.  He laughed loudly as TorĆ«âs head whipped up into view, sending glares at him.
âDude, I'm sorryâ he laughed âbut please tell me that you just didnât say âYN Iâm a virginâ and expect her to be like ready to rip your v-card from your grasp.â
Iwaizumi laughed loudly as TorĆ« just continued to stare at his friend âI donât think itâs very funny Iwa-chanâ he said he  scuffed at his friends laughter.
âBoy, you really are lame shittykawaâ he said chuckling âare you sure you really are good with women? Â I mean I donât blame her one bit! Â Taking a guyâs virginity would suck! Â I mean men really donât know shit about pleasuring women so whatâs in it for her?â
TorĆ« thought hard while his friend talked. Maybe he had approached it wrong to begin with. Not that he thinks about it, his method of delivery was a bit hasty. Â
âDude, I think you need to just talk to her You donât really know why she turned you down. Â I mean it sounds like she likes you from the way things went last night. Maybe you just made her nervous.â
TorĆ« knew his friend was right. You had never given him any indication that you didnât like him and he knew that, last night you felt something just like he did.
TorĆ« looked at his friend as he smiled âyouâre right Iwa-chan Iâll talk to her tomorrow.â Iwaizumi laughed as he watched the light stream back into his friendâs face. Â
âGood luck idiotkawaâ he said hanging up as TorĆ« laid his phone down.  It was getting late, well after practice had ended. He knew he should try and get to the gym to practice some before tomorrow. He gathered his gear as he made his way to the gym, hoping someone was still there so he could practice.
You had managed to avoid the team for the entire practice. The coach had bought your excuse and you stayed cooped up in your small office until after practice. Â
You signed as you stood up from your chair, tired from sulking and crying the entire afternoon. Â You grabbed your bag and locked the office door. Â Thankfully it was Friday and you could spend the weekend sleeping. Â You were exhausted but yet somehow found the strength to cry for hours on end. Â
You approached the gym doors as the all too familiar sounds of volleyball slamming into the floor radiated into your ears.  You checked your phone, nothing that it was 7pm and well past practice time.  You approached the gym doors as you quietly peaked in to see a sweating TorĆ« setting up a serve, smashing it straight into the net Â
âUGH DAMMITâ he said shouting as he prepared the throw another one up, once again managing to net the ball. Â He leaned over, placing his hands on his knees and he grabbed his towel and headed to the locker rooms. Â He had only been practicing for an hour but he was just unable to get into it. Â
You watched as he made his way into the locker rooms, following to the doors as you slowly opened them, hearing him shout from inside.
âTorĆ«,you idiot!â he shouted as you winced at his words.  You felt awful. You knew he was like this because of what had transpired between the two of you the previous night. Â
You walked in the doors, standing for a moment as you see Oikawa sitting on the bench, a towel placed over his head and his elbows rested on his knees.
You knew you had to say something. Â You couldnât let him think any of this was his fault. Â This was all your doing and it was time you owned up to it Â
âHey TorĆ«â you said softly as the locker room door closed behind you and TorĆ«âs head snapped up to meet yours. He looked at you as you walked over to him, sitting directly in across from him on the other bench.
âWe need to talkâ you said as he put his head down, trying not to cry again.
âItâs ok YN. Â Thereâs nothing to talk aboutâ he said he went to stand up, stopping when you grabbed his forearm.
âNo TorĆ«â you said as you sniffles lightly âI need to apologize.â
Torƫ was confused as he sag back done the bench, removing the towel from his head.  He stared at you questioningly.  What were you apologizing for?
You played with your fingers for a moment as you tried hard to muster up the courage to talk. Â You knew what you wanted to say, rather what you needed to say. Â
âTorĆ«, Iâm sorry I ran out on you.  I shouldnât have done that.  I- I just got really nervousâ you say, still looking down at the floor as you took a deep breath and tried hard not to cry.
âWhen you told me you were a virgin, it made me nervous.  I remember my first time all too well and I- well I just donât want your first time to be like mine wasâ you speak as TorĆ« looks at you, still confused.
The whole time the issue hadnât been that he was a virgin, it had been that you wanted him to have a good experience? Â He was shocked. Â Here he though the issue was him, when in reality the issue was your own self doubts. He listened as you continued to talk.
âMy first time wasnât good TorĆ«.  I didnât know what I was doing and I thought I had feelings for the guy but like he didnât have feelings for me.  And I really like you TorĆ« and I just donât want you to regret anything.  The fact that you trusted me with something so special made me nervous and scaresâ you said as your eyes went up to meet TorĆ«. Â
He looked at you, staring into your eyes as he tried hard to comprehend everything you had just said. He felt awful that your first experience wasnât good but he also knew his feelings for you were valid and now he knew you had feelings for him too. He continued to stare as he worked his way thought the issues in his mind. Â
You frowned as you took his silence as a bad sign, sighing as you stood up. Â
âThanks for letting me explain myself TorĆ«.  You are so amazing and you deserve someone specialâ you said as you went to leave the locker rooms.
Torƫ snapped from his thoughts as he quickly grabbed your hand, pulling you back into his as he placed a light kiss on your lips. He smiled as you looked at him, very confused as to what had just happened.
TorĆ« put his forehead on yours as you smiled softly. Â
âYN, you donât get it. Â I want you to be my first because of how I feel about youâ he said as he looked at you softly. You had become an oasis for him. An escape from reality and daily life. You had loved volleyball as much as him and you had always been genuine with him. Â
You smiled as you grabbed his neck, kissing him softly again as he pulled your body flush against his as he deepened the kiss. Â He placed his hands on your soft waist as he moved his hand up and down your back as you grabbed at his hair pulling him in closer to you.
You break from the kiss, staring at each other as your lips hovered over his. Â Your body hearing up as you could feel his erection forming against your thigh. Â You kissed his chin to his neck as he pulled your pelvis in closer, grinding where he could, trying hard to gather any amount of friction to ease his aching cock.
He backed away from him as he watched in confusion as you approached the locker room door.
Not again he thought as he heard the lock click, watching you stroll back to him, pulling him back into a full embrace. Â He needed you and bad. Â He couldnât stand this pain in his cock anymore. He needed relief and the only medicine was you.
You push him back to the bench as he sits down looking up at you as you smirk down at him.
âTorĆ« do you really want this?â You said as he groans, looking up at your gorgeous figure. Â
He nodded frantically as you took his chin in your hand âI need a verbal response TorĆ«â you said as his eyes widened.
âYes- yes YN I want thisâ he said as you step back, removing your shirt and leggings, watching him ogle at your nearly naked form. Â
âOk TorĆ«, I want you to pick a safe word just incase things get to be too much for youâ you said as he gawked at you in your bra and panties. He was having a hard time concentrating on the task at hand with you standing tall in front of him.
âTorĆ«!â you repeated as you snapped your fingers in front of his eyes, trying to get his attention turned back.
âOh shit- yeah a safe word, umm how about âKageyamaâ?â He said as you stared strangely at the word.
âIâve never heard of âKageyamaâ? Â What does that mean?â You said as he stood up from his spot approaching you as he grabbed at your scantily clad hips.
âDonât worry about it. Itâs just something will definitely snap me out of the moodâ he said as you chuckled lightly embracing TorĆ« in a heated kiss. Â
Your tongue licked his lips lightly as he granted you access, opening his mouth to your wet muscle as you massaged your tongue against his, pulling light groans from his pretty head.
You tugged on his shirt as he lifted his arms up, letting you pull the shirt from his body as your fingers and palms run up his sculpted chest. Â
Your fingers graze lightly over his nipples as he shutters and groans.  His body was so reactive to every touch, every movement. The fact that you were about to engage in intercourse with the setter still made you a bit nervous but you tried hard to cast the self doubt aside, wanting to make the experience memorable for both you and Torƫ.
As if on queue, TorĆ« looked at you sweetly as he brushed the tip of your nose with his. âyou know YN, we could just count this as your virginity loss too.  I mean clearly you are as nervous as I amâ he said chuckling as you laughed loudly throwing your head back. Â
âThatâs a good idea TorĆ« but I am experienced in pleasuring a partnerâ you said as you push him down to the bench âjust be a good boy for me and let me take the lead, ok?â
Torƫ gulped as he eyes widened at as your form sunk to your knees in front of him.  This was really happening and in the team locker room.  Not an ideal place to lose your virginity but he was not about to interrupt you.
âUmm YNâ he said as he looked at you , kneeling before him with your hands placed on your plush thighs âdonât you umm, donât you want me to make you feel good too?â Â
You chuckled lightly as you reached up pulling him into a heated kiss as he gently rubbed his hands along your soft arms.
âHow about I show you what I like while I make you feel good, then you can try?â You say as he nods quickly watching your hands go to his gym shorts, pulling his erection free as he shifts his hips upwards, helping you to remove his pesky shorts.
Your eyes widen at his size as you think about all the possible ways his cock will pleasure your wet cunt.  You felt your core heat up as you looked up to TorĆ«. Â
He was completely blissed out. Lost in translation between here and fantasy. Â Heâs eyes sparkled with excitement as you tested the waters, lightly kicking the tips of his hard cock.
Groaning he threw his head back in pleasure as you smirked to yourself, going in for another lick. Â Your tongue laying more and more on his stiffened cock as he writhed in pleasure under your control.
Your body headed as you watched his abs contract in the moment, his mouth hanging open as his tongue lolled out in ecstasy. Â He watched as your fingers traced lightly from his legs to your own, peering down at your chest as your fingers danced lightly over your clothed clit.
âFuck YNâ he moaned as he tried his hardest not to come from the sensation of your tongue on his cock.
Taking one final lick, you stand up as you slowly remove your panties from your body, revealing your cunt to him as he stares at the wetness coating your inner thighs. Â
âDid you- did Iâ he said staring at you as you laugh, pushing him back on the hard bench, placing one leg on each side as you rub your clit with your fingers.
âYes TorĆ« you made me this wetâ you say as you widen his legs on the bench, his cock standing tall as you bend down, grinding your cunt on his lower thigh. Â
âHoly shit-â he groans as you moan throwing your head back as his leg rubs your clit perfect. Â He grabs his cock as he slowly begins to stroke himself, trying hard to concentrate on your moments and pleasure as he feels the wetness pool on his legs. Â
You lean over, placing two of your wet fingers in his mouth as he sucks violently, causing you to grind faster and harder. Â Your orgasm builds as moans and groans fill the air
 Your body heats up rapidly as the cord in your stomach tightens. Your pace quickens as does TorĆ«âs as you feel the cord begin to loosen.
âOh fuck TorĆ«â you moan as Toru groans deeply, letting go of his aching cock to watch as you tip over the edge. Â
âCome on baby, come for meâ he says as the pet name tips you over the edge, your cunt pulsing on his thigh as he watches your face contort into pleasure. Â
âThat was so hot YNâ he says he has gently caressed your arm and leg as his cock aches painfully beside you.
âWe are just getting started TorĆ«â you say as you adjust yourself over his pelvis, pushing his cock between your wet folds as your grind back and forth, trying hard to ensure your good and ready to take his cock.
âFuck YN- I, Iâm not going to last longâ you say as you shush him, halting your movements.
âHey its OK.  I already came so now we need you to come. How do you want to come TorĆ«?â You say as he bites his lower lip, watching your pussy settle above his cock.
âPlease YN- please put it in. I need to be inside of you princessâ he squeaks out as you smirk at his request. You knew he wouldnât last long inside of you.  One thing you prided yourself on sexually was your ability to ride a cock and boy was TorĆ« in for a treat. Â
You line his cock up with your wet cunt, slowly bending your knees down as you impaled yourself in his cock.
The stretch was delicious as TorĆ«âs mouth fell open as he groaned and panted beneath you.  You knew he could feel the tightness you felt as you waited for him to adjust to being inside of you.
TorĆ«âs hands flew to your hips as he tried his hardest to remain calm.  Your cunt was so tight and so warm around his cock. The pleasure was unimaginable.  All he wanted was to feel the release.
âTorĆ« are you ok?â You said as you steadied your hands on his chest watching to make sure the man below you was still coherent.
âItâs so tight YN, pleaseâ he moaned as his hands went to your hips and you ground a little down on him as his core shuttered, causing his dick to jolt inside you.
âIâm going to go slow okâ you said as he nodded. Â Your feet planted firmly on the ground, you pushed lightly on his chest as you propelled your hips up and down, impaling yourself on his cock over and cover again. Â
The pace was agonizing for TorĆ« as whimper and moans fell from his mouth.  You could feel your orgasm building and you knew TorĆ« couldnât hold on much longer.  You needed to go faster.
âTorĆ«â you groan from above him as you continue your leisurely pace âIâm close can I go-â
âGOD PLEASE BABY FUCK MEâ he shouts as your hips speed up, jerking his cock as you felt the familiar knot began to unwind âfuck YN I canât hold out-â
âAlmost babyâ you moan as you feel the cord snap inside your stomach as your cunt pulses on Toru's cock causing him to groan and grunt.
âFUCK FUCK FUCK-â he shouts as his hips still into you, painting your walls white as he grips your hips firmly, whimpering below you as he tried his hardest to come down from his high.
He felt absolutely spectacular, like his body was floating on air. Â He couldnât believe how amazing his first time had been. He never imagined it would happen the way it did but he wasnât complaining. Â His body and mind were in complete bliss.
Coming down from your high, you laugh as you look at TorĆ«âs blissed out state.  He smiles at you as he opens his eyes slowly caressing your cheek. Â
âThat was amazing YNâ he said, breath shaking as he came down from his high, breathing steadily.
Your chest filled with pride as you felt sheer happiness fluid your body.  You had redeemed yourself and you had made TorĆ«âs first time amazing.
Standing up slowly, Torƫ watched as his cum leaked down your thigh as you stood in front of him.  His eyes traced your form as he felt his cock jolt to life again, ready for another round.
Standing up, he quickly grabbed you in a bridal carry, running towards the shower as your screamed and laughed as he set you down, turning the water on and pressing your body against the shower wall.
âeww TorĆ«, this wall is grossâ you groan as his lips attach to your neck as you feel his erection growing against your pelvis.
âItâs fine YN, Iâll clean you up afterwardsâ he says as he kisses you deeply, pulling your body against his as he pulls you under the warm water. Â
You break the kiss as you smile softly up at his tall form, water cascading down his body as you feel his hardened chest under your hands.
âI need youâ he says as you smirk at him, turning around to face the wall. Â You grind your ass into his already hard member as he grabs your hips, pulling you firmly into him.
âThen fuck me TorĆ«â you say as you peer over your shoulders, watching TorĆ«âs face fill with excitement as he lines up his cock with your still damp cunt, slowly pushing in as he slowly sinks deep into your hole.
âfuck YN- your pussy is just amazingâ he says as he slowly pulls his cock back out, moving at a snails pace in and out of you.
âTorĆ«â you moan as you mouth falls open  âgive me your handâ you say as TorĆ«âs hand appears in front of you as you place it between your legs on your hardened clit.  TorĆ« moans when his fingers hit your clit as you rotate his wrist, showing him exactly how you like to be pleasured.  You let go of his hand as he continues to rub tiny fast circles into your clit as you propel yourself faster onto his cock, meeting his thrusts half way.
The air feels with the smell of sex and the sound of skin slapping as your ass meets his hips over and over. Â
âFuck babyâ he groans
âI know TorĆ«, just a little moreâ you squeak out as he picks up his speed, meeting your ass fast and harshly as his fingers speed up on your clit.
âTORĆȘ FUCK-â You scream as his hips still on your ass as he presses hard, his head falling to your shoulder as he tries to gain control of his breathing.
âAhhh fucking hell- FUCKâ he shouts as he chest heaves in relief as you both come down from your highs as he releases you and you turn to face him, kissing him softly as he grabs you, pulling you into a tight embrace. Â
âThank you YNâ he says whispering into your neck as you smile softly.
After cleaning up and getting dressed, Torƫ helps you clean up the gym as you get ready to leave for the night.  Locking the gym doors, Torƫ grabs your hand as he pulls you along with him.
âTorĆ«â you say laughing as the brunette pulls you hastily out of the building âmy apartment is the other way!â
âWho said the night was over YN-chan? Â I need to practice pleasuring youâ he smirks as you gulp, following behind him quickly.
You sure were in for a long night ahead.
taglist: @chaotic-nick @yep-seeyalaterbranflakes @serostapesweat @lovelyzabrak-meadowâ
#please me#Please Me series#virginity loss#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#haikyƫ!!#haikyu x reader#seijoh#aoba johsai#oikawa#oikawa toru#oikawa torƫ#oikawa toru x reader#oikawa toru x you#oikawa toru x y/n#oikawa x reader#oikawa x y/n#oikawa x you#haikyuu oikawa
174 notes
·
View notes
Text
â JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE SEVENTEEN || KYOTO SISTER SCHOOL EXCHANGE EVENT - GROUP BATTLE 3
âł featuring : basically everyone at this point from jujutsu kaisen
âł warnings :Â mention of killing + mention of explosion + EXTREME grammar issues
âł form : story
âł published : 02 april
âł pronouns : she/her
âł word count : 2.5k
âł synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but....
âł previous episode : kyoto sister school exchange event - group battle 2
âł next episode : sage
âł baristaâs notes : hehe you guys really donât trust me anymore Ê ê€ áŽ„ ê€Ê...but here is the real episode everyone âČÊ·ᎄ·ăâČÊ i hope you enjoy it with all your hearts and donât worry about anymore pranks, i am not that type of person unless itâs april 01Â Ê â ᎄ â Ê
BEFORE READING, I NEED YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS:
1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only.
2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the âKidosâ being used on the manga and anime âBleachâ - but none is mentioned in this chapter.
2.5. for the âcursed spellsâ/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/Nâs cursed technique : hopefully this video is slightly better...
no cursed spells used this episode..
crescent moon shape cursed energy swing : here
3. if you are confused on anything, please donât hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing.
âYou want to become the head of the Zenin clan?!â you questioned in a surprised tone before turning your head to the side to face the weapon specialist sorcerer, only for your upperclassmen to continue to take a swing from the water bottle that you had brought her.
âItâs to spite them. What? Donât you believe in me?â Maki responded to you once she twisted the lid of the water bottle closed before turning to look at you with a small smile.
âNo, itâs not that...itâs just the process is just a whole drag, you know the paperwork, the connections with the other clans as well as your own family, itâs draining,â you commented before slowly laying down on your back leading your head to land on your track top that you had placed as a pillow.
âIâm surprised that you didnât mention anything about the criticism,â Maki mentioned, leading you to stare up to the sky for a second before shifting your eyes to her direction, only to peer at a face that didnât show any hesitation nor worries but rather confidence.
âI donât care about criticism at all, itâs just a whole drag ass of a process, especially when you have to deal with two other male clan leaders,â you muttered under your breath since you didnât want to mess up by saying three since you were technically the head of the L/N clan unofficially.
âI guess so, but I canât wait to see the look on my familyâs face when I become a hotshot sorcerer though,â Maki mentioned as she took her glasses off to give you another smile causing you to fully turn your head to the side to gain a proper clear view of your upperclassmen before giving her a soft smile back.
âIf itâs you, then I wouldnât mind at all Maki-san,â you declared causing the sorcerer to giggle lightly at your comment leading you to follow on since the laughter of Maki became really contagious for some odd reason.
âIf itâs you, then I wouldnât have to hide anymoreâŠâ
âBy the way, where is that idiot taking you this week?â Maki suddenly questioned, causing you to look at her with a slightly perplexed expression on your face before you came to the sudden realisation that she was talking about the strongest sorcerer that became your adoptive father.
âHeâs taking me somewhere this week?â you asked confusingly as you quickly sat straight up only to find the mentioned man wearing a pair of black tinted glasses with the classic outfit of a simple white button-up shirt with black suit-like pants waving at you.
âLooks like he is, have fun on your daddy-daughter date,â Maki teased before standing up to continue training with the other second years as well as your classmates that gave their teacher a glare since they wanted to train with you a little longer.
                      ê„
âWhy does Maki-san have to suffer because of that stupid clan?â Nobara shouted loudly causing you to jump slightly because you didnât expect her to be yelling in the middle of Starbuck with her chocolate Frappuccino in hand before you started to look around to make sure no one was looking in your direction since people werenât supposed to know about the existent of sorcerer as of right now.
âWhatâs wrong?â you asked in a concerned tone since you didnât really want to cause a scene right now as you moved your vanilla cream Frappuccino straw away from your lips.Â
âI donât get why the Zenin clan are halting Maki-sanâs promotion, itâs stupid!â Kugisaki declared as she waved her arms around to exaggerate her statement nearly making you giggle at the sight since she looked like a sea creature right now.
âWell, it is quite common for families to do that when one of their members do not have cursed energy within them, they donât even take the Heavenly Restriction into consideration,â you answered before taking another sip of your sugary drink.
âBut why, isnât superhuman physical prowess a good thing?â Kugisaki asked, before beginning to scroll through her phone to look up other places that you and she needed to visit before you both left to go back to Jujutsu Tech.
âWell, once they reject someone, they wonât take someone back, it saves them from the embarrassment of taking someone back,â you answered before looking to the side where there was a window, showcasing the roaming crowd in the city of Shibuya as some students were roaming around with books in their hand to head off to the library and some office workers, who were rushing back to their workplace from their lunch break.
âTo be honest, itâs quite pathetic, itâs better to have someone that has superhuman strength and speed than a pure jujutsu sorcerer sometimes,â you commented, causing your classmate to look at you with confusion on her face.
âWhy do you think that?â Kugisaki questioned as she was becoming intrigued by what was going on in your mind right now.
âSometimes they survive things that other sorcerers canât, itâs like a cheat code from certain death,â you answered as you turned to look at your friend before taking another sip of the vanilla drink that was right in front of you. âBesides, the Zenin clan are just full of weak men that are scared that they have to bow down to a woman, it would be funny to see them shocked,â you stated with a smile on your face leading Kugisaki to look at you with a surprised expression before seeing the slight hint of amusement in your eyes once that statement left your mouth to which caused a small smirk to appear on her face as well.
âThereâs a reason why the queen is the most important chess piece on the board,â you comment before taking another sip of your vanilla Frappuccino letting the sweet flavour fall onto the tip of your tongue as if you could already taste your victory if you ever went against the Zenin clan in your lifetime.
                    ê„
âDo you get it?âÂ
Snapping out of her thoughts, Kugisaki quickly looked up to discover her opponent in an extremely irritated expression, who was currently in the air as she was sitting upon her broom that just minutes ago slammed across the face.
âThey donât demand strength from female jujutsu sorcerers, they demand perfection! And on top of that, Mai-chan is also fighting against even more outrageous demands,â Nishimiya declared as she stared down at Kugisaki while trying to explain the disadvantages of being a female within the sorcery world that they were both currently in while trying to make Kugisaki conscious about the situation of her lower classmen and somewhat make her feel some sympathy towards her.
âI get that youâre a pain in the ass!â Kugisaki declared as she used her cursed energy to raise up three nails before swinging towards them Nishmiya leading her to dodge with her broom effortlessly before using a huge gush of wind towards the first-year, only to her surprise that Kugisaki was still standing with a smirk on her face, just like the one she showed you back when you both went on that Starbucks date.
âIâm used to getting knocked around and that attack isnât even enough to compare to what Iâve been through,â Kugisaki mentioned while lifting her bangs away from her face as she began to recall the amount of time you had made her lose her footing as well as violently hitting her to the point where Panda had to save her a few times before she could even hit the tree she was going to crash into during the two months of training that everyone had.
âAll done with your lecture?!â Kugisaki rhetorically asked as she raised up more of her nails before violently smashing them with her hammer towards Nishimiya again leading the sorcerer to dodge them once again while continuing on with her speech.
âPerfection is easy compared to whatâs demanded of Mai-chan! Sheâs from the Zenin-can, one of the three major clans of elite jujutsu sorcerers. Perfection is expected as a matter of course there,â Nishimiya commented as she continued to ride her broom before stabilising herself once the attack had finished.Â
ââInherit the Zenin clanâs hereditary technique.â Anywho donât meet that demand, start their sorcerer lives as failures. Among those, women arenât even allowed to stand at the starting line. Without the Zenin clan lineage, theyâre not considered jujutsu sorcerers and if theyâre not jujutsu sorcerers, theyâre not considered people,â Nishimiya yelled out as if it was her own story that she was reciting to Kugisaki, leading to the first-year to somewhat zone out as she began to remember something that you had mentioned to her one time.
âGender should not matter at the end of the day, if you can beat or exorcise them...why should you care what gender they are? You won the chess game, right?â
âSheâs lived her entire life with such scorn in a family without a shred of affection. Can you imagine how much Mai-chan and others suffered just to obtain what we enjoy as a matter of course? Why donât you try thinking over with that brain of yours that confuses curses for friends?â the blonde-haired sorcerer questioned, before swiftly dodging a nail that was thrown at her suddenly.
âShut up. Do you think misfortune is a free pass to do anything? What, then? Youâre satisfied with those who are blessed getting trash-talked behind their back? Thatâs how Saori-chanâŠ,â Kugisaki questioned in a low and threatening tone as she began to reminisce about her childhood friend that was run out of her countryside town just because she was from the city.
âI canât stand her, regardless of her upbringing and I love Maki-san, who endured the same upbringing. Have you all even bothered to think about what kind of person the idiot youâre trying to curse is?â Kugisaki asked once again, only to get a silent and annoyed expression as her answer. âWhat makes us obligated to meet such perfection or such absurd demands? Gojo...she doesnât even strive for perfection as a special-grade sorcerer. Is your entire life just a job?!â the first-year yelled out before lifting her hand as she angrily activated her curse technique leading to multitudes of large explosions of cursed energy to surround the entire forest, forcing Nishimiya to fly around the area in a panic towards getting hit by any of the blasts.
Suddenly, as Nishimiya tried to, once again, stabilise herself on her broom, another nail was thrown causing it to land on a tree trunk only for a sudden foot to make its way on top of it as a stepping platform leading Kugisaki to jump up with full strength to reach up towards her opponent. However, it only led her to grab a few bristles of the flying divide.
âYou might have brought me down, but you still wonât reach me!â Nishimiya declared as she released another gust of wind to push Kugisaki back down to the ground only for your classmate to land roughly on her feet as she took out one of her straw dolls from her school jacket.
âNo, I reached you. This is plenty,â Kugisaki mentioned as she stuck one of the straw bristles on the doll as she continued with âI donât give a damn about âmenâ this and âwomenâ that! You can keep that shit to yourselves! I love myself when Iâm pretty and all dressed up! And I love myself when Iâm being strong!â
âI am... Kugisaki Nobara!â Kugisaki proudly declared before slamming her hammer down on her doll letting her cursed energy flow into her equipment, suddenly causing Nishimiyaâs broom to malfunction as she began to drop.
âIf I hit here with my hammer, I might kill her,â Kugisaki thought as she remembered what you told her leading her to smirk, yet she knew she couldnât break the rules causing her to reach behind her back to reveal a red and yellow hammer that suddenly expanded to which lead the Kyoto sorcerer to identify it as a squeaky hammer only to be violently smacked with it across her face.
âOne more time!â Kugisaki yelled out. However, before the hammer could even connect to Nishimiyaâs face again, a sudden small but large impact was felt on her temple causing Kugisakiâs body to be flung over to the side leading Nishimiya to look surprised before facing forward as she wondered who was the person responsible for saving her.
                     ê„
âHello? Momo?â Mai greeted as she placed her phone on her ear trying to communicate with her teammate. âDonât worry, it was a rubber bullet,â she then reassured Nishimiya as she knew that the third-year already sympathised her and now she was worried that she might have killed someone during the Exchange Event.
âMost importantly, that light was Ultimate Cannon, right? But I canât get in touch with Mechamaru. If he was cornered enough to use such a powerful technique, and now this, he most likely lost,â Mai informed her schoolmate as she was trying to relay information that she could assume since it was important to know the status of the Kyoto team right now.
âPanda will likely be returning, you should leave that spot and support everyone from the air. Weâre all in trouble without you,â the Zenin member mentioned leading to the other person on the line to agree before she slowly uttered her name.
âItâs all right, Momo, I know,â Mai mentioned in a soft tone, trying to convey to her friend that it was alright before hanging up once Nishimiya got the message.
âWhat? Not going to call your friends?â someone yelled out as they stood on a branch, directly opposite to Mai at this current moment in time. âI donât mind going two-on-one,â the second-year confidently stated with a smile on her face.
âThere are many ways to enjoy this, right?â Mai asked before processing to stand up on her feet. âI could have everyone beat you together, but Iâd like to enjoy you...by myself,â Mai declared as she raised her gun with a vexed expression displayed on her face as she faced her twin sister.
âCall me âOnee-chan,â little sister,â Maki stated as she raised her katana.
However, before they could even start a fight another deafening explosion was heard causing them to turn in the direction to where it was heard, only to see a similar crescent-shaped wave of cursed energy flung into the air leading Mai to took at the scene with widening eyes as she slowly came to the realisation who was the cause of it.
âI think you should call Kamo and tell him to stop fighting with Gojo...it might lead him going to the hospital,â Maki mentioned before pushing herself forward to attack her sister.
âIf itâs you, then I wouldnât mind at all Maki-sanâ
© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jujutsu kaisen imagines#jujutsu kaisen imagine#jjk imagines#jjk imagine#gojo satoru#zenin maki#fushiguro megumi x reader#nishimiya momo#kugisaki nobara#zenin mai#kamo noritoshi#gojo satoru imagines#gojo satoru imagine#kugisaki nobara imagines#kugisaki nobara imagine#fushiguro megumi imagines#fushiguro megumi imagine#zenin maki imagines#zenin maki imagine#gojo satoru x reader#kugisaki nobara x reader#zenin maki x reader
597 notes
·
View notes
Text
Chapter Two
A rough start we get off too
Series Masterlist
Katsuki B. X Reader
Rated M
â ïžWarnings: SMUT, improper use/depiction of certain kinks, abusive, manipulative, toxic behavior, unreal ideals of sex, use of daddy, ddlg themes, hard Dom, etc.
Let the SMUT commence
The way each pair of lips fit so perfectly together was absolutely enthralling: Passion was raw, ferocity was made so obviously evident from the growl he emitted at each attempt you made at sucking his tounge into your mouth. Only separating to take in a few large gulps of much needed oxygen, before diving back in to repeat the process over again.
âPleaseâŠ.P-PleaseeeâŠKat..SukiâŠI-â he presses a finger to your lips. That brief period of oxygen deprivation seemed to of induced a delirium of sorts. Assessing your thoughts has become similar to sifting through wet sand; Try as you might, you just canât seem to comprehend what exactly youâd been attempting to beg him for in the first place. This look of empty headed confusion is also something Bakugou commits to memory, a first glimpse of his dumb little girl. He surveys you with bemused interest, looking as composed as ever.
âDown that bad for me hah? All I did was kiss ya a little and youâre already falling to pieces on meâ the finger on your lips slides down to tilt your chin up, while he dips his head down to whisper in your ear. âCant even imagine what kinda mess youâll become once I finally split cha open with this big cock, such a stupid little girlâ.
You suck in a deep shuddering breath as your legs suddenly give out beneath you, leaving you helplessly sliding down the wall. Bakugou laughs in such a condescending baritone as he effortlessly picks you up and deposits you on his bed. Picking his chair back up, he moves it beside the bed to take a seat in front of you.
âListen real close to what Iâm about to tell ya cause its important, open those fuckinâ ears princess cause if I end up havinâ to constantly keep repeatinâ myselfâŠâ he leaves the implicated threat hanging in the air between you two. Swallowing what remains of your now virtually non existent pride: You sit up straight and lean forward slightly, making sure to hold eye contact while he spoke. As the one sided conversation progresses and you inevitably begin to feel the need to either scoff or mouth off, you lightly bite your tounge. When the need to roll your eyes seems irresistible you make sure to blink a few times.
Bakugou and his ego always seem to have a way of destroying any sort of illusion that he is anything other than a self-righteous narcissist. Well, now heâs YOUR self-righteous narcissistâŠCORRECTION; You cant think like that anymoreâŠ.from now on heâsâŠ.daddy.
The thought accompanies a brief pang in your metaphorical gut, is it regret? Maybe guilt? You arenât sure.
â-Last ones, your still paying attention right princess?â.
Hearing his question has your eyes immediately snapping back into focus. You take in the handsome (but grumpy) face in front of you, nervously wondering when exactly heâd invaded your personal space.
âY-Yes daddy, Iâm listening to youâ you stutter slightly, now noticing heâs actually kneeling on the mattress with you.
âSo every day I expect you to do your absolute bestâ now with each statement he leans further into you, âYouâre always going to remember how much daddy cares about youâ. He presses a large hand against your chest, forcing your back down against the pillows behind you. âRealize that daddy always knows whatâs best for youâ both hands now rest on either side of you, effectively caging you in.
âYouâll always know that you can rely on daddy, and will trust him one hundred percent of the timeâ.
The intensity of his crimson stare has your face burning up, and heart rapidly pounding in your chest. Itâs now taking a serious amount of conscious effort to keep your eyes locked with his. âAny questions? Comments?âŠ..concerns?â he puts an emphasis on that last word, wolffish grin firmly in place.
Shaking your head apparently wasnât a good enough answer because its followed with a stern; âUse your words princess, you either say: Yes daddy or No daddyâŠ.understood?â.
âI understand daddyâŠ.Iâll follow your rules daddyâ you reply, embarrassment evident at having to repeat the unfamiliar word.
âYou sure? Itâs not like you to have absolutely nothing to sayâ heâs testing you, youâll play into it this time.
âWell if you insistâŠ..I do have a question, just oneâ at this his eyes instantly narrow and you could have sworn youâd seen a few stray sparks emit from his palms.
âWould it be too much to ask daddy if he wouldnât mind kissing me again?â
đ
Euphie checks her phone for the eigth time since sheâd last texted you over forty-five minutes ago. Why werenât you responding? Maybe she really had pushed you too far this timeâŠ.A large hand comes to rest over her much smaller one, at this she finally sets her phone facedown on the table with a sigh.
âShe wont stay angry with you forever, her and Bakubro might be having such a good time together that sheâs forgotten all about her phoneâ Kirishima tries his best to reassure with his usual smile. The sudden wide eyed, dead pan stare he gets in return whipes that smile from his now reddening face. Heâs realized far too late at what his words seem to of implied.
âI didnât mean it like that! Really! I promise I didnât! Mâsorryâ. Seeing the red head this flustered is so adorable, his companion cant help but giggle.
âI know Eji, dont worry about itâ.
Entrusting your care to Bakugou was fine: He cares about you almost as much as she herself does. If she wasnât certain how genuine the boyâs feelings toward you were, none of this would ever have happened.
Yeah, everything is going to be just fineâŠ.Youâll thank her one day.
đ„
Bakugouâs crimson gaze is way too intense while roaming over the female laying down on his bed. Having her completely bare, and spread out before him is an accomplishment he shamelessly contragulates himself for. Sheâs getting self conscious now: Delicate hands come up to cover her chest, and plush thighs press together in an attempt to hide the drooling mess kept between them. Itâs all or naught though as her legs are suddenly wrenched apart, and each wrist is now pinned above her head, held in just a single one of his hands.
âNu-uh princess, no hidingâŠ.keep those legs openâŠwanna see all of youâ condescending words only seem to widen his feral grin.
Seeing his cock now freed from its previously strained confinements as its looms above you, standing tall, has your leaky little hole twitching. The smooth inner walls inside repeatedly clenching in anticipation. Bakugou trails a finger from clit to slit as he hums in approval.
âWhatâs this hah? Such a fuckinâ mess your makinâ down hereâ
âS-Sorry daddyâŠI cant help itâŠJust want you so badâŠdont wanna wait any longerâŠPlease dont make me wait moreâ a soft roll of your hips accompanies your pleading whines. Your continuous begging for his cock has that monster stirring in him again, he has to forcibly push the dark thoughts away before addressing you again.
âIf I dont prep you then-â you interrupt him.
âItâs fine! I can take it, please just take meâŠâ he notices your moment of hesitation before you lock eyes with him while adding âmake it hurtâ.
Youâre just so fucking bold!
Trying to make demands, disguised as requests! Its so cute he cant help but caress your cheek before bestowing upon you the last gentle kiss youâll get until heâs throughly DESTROYED you for anyone else.
âDont ever fucking tell me what to do againâ he growls before slamming his hips forward.
Heâs buried balls deep inside you: Your initial gasp at the sudden intrusion, now morphs into a silent scream that has a you arching up off the mattress.
âGot that you greedy little slut? See what happens?â He taunts through gritted teeth.
Your cunt squeezing and spasming around his cock feels incredible, to the point he has to busy himself with sucking harshly on your neck to keep from releasing desperate whimpers of his own.
âI can take itâŠplease moveâŠ.mâsorry daddyâŠplease donâ be mad aâmeâŠ.â
âMânot mad at you babyâŠ.sâokayâ He manages to reassure you through his clenched jaw. He finally starts to move inside of you, desperately trying so hard to take it easy on you. All precedent falls apart when your legs wrap around his waist, now heâs digging you out.
âYâokay?â He rasps while continuously ravaging your tight cunt.
âM-mm-more than okayâ you stutter.
âTaking my cock so well baby girlâŠ.Fucking hell!â His lewd compliment causing your insides to involuntarily clench.
âDeeper! Deeper!â You plead.
Katsuki thought youâd preferred his shallow thrusts, but if you really wanted your guts rearranged heâd be pleased to make it happen. He grabs one of your legs, placing it up on his broad shoulder, while the other remains curled around his hip. Straightening up he smirks down at you, before delivering a harsh slap to your clit. Now beginning to rapidly piston his hips while taunting you: âWhat did I tell you earlier hah? Answer me dammit!â.
His hot hand comes down on your inner thigh and you cry out: âN-Not supposed t-to tell y-you what to d-do!â. It shouldnât be possible for you to be squeezing him even tighter, but somehow you do. That can mean only one thing⊠âGonna cum arenât you princess? I can feel ya choking the life outta my cockâ.
A pathetic whine accompanies your vigorous head nods and he growls in response: âYou.better.fucking.notâ a thrust accompanying each word, âYâdont fuckinâ listen, shouldnât let ya cum at all with how you keep misbehavinâ, better start fuckinâ begginâ.
Horrified at the thought, you fight through the fog permeating your brain and force movement out of your lolling tounge.
âP-please daddy, Iâll b-be good from now on if y-youâll just let me c-cum! Y-youâre just making me feel so good daddy, no oneâs ever made me feel this i-incredible beforeâ your panting breaths making it too difficult to continue speaking. Even if he doesnât believe it, your words are entirely true, this is the first time you can ever recall feeling like this during sex. A foreign sensation is making its way into your gut, your limbs are moving of their own accord, you cant think straight when you manage to speak next: âIts too much! Too big, Too deep, Too intense! I c-cant take anymore please make it stop!â.
âStop? Oh fuck no princess, after all this lip youâve been giving me, you think Iâm gonna let you tap out like a little bitch? Think againâ his thumb begins to rub harsh circles against your clit. âWeâre not stopping until you cream all over my cock like a nasty girl like you is supposed to, then youâre gonna do it again when I blow my load inside this tight fucking cunt and youâll scream my name while I fucking do it because this pussy is all mine! Got all that you fucking whore?â.
âYes daddyâ you whimper, face screwed up in tight concentration as he finally pushes you over the edge. Your eyes fly open as you blindly search for his hand, gripping it tightly in attempts to anchor yourself in reality as a sudden rush of dopamine floods your brain. White hot pleasure seemingly overwhelming every single nerve in your body, making your legs shiver as you faintly hear yourself calling out his name repeatedly. Katsuki is the only thing you know in this strange foreign place: This comforting warmth suddenly invades your tummy, continuously being pumped inside you while you moan at the newfound sensation.
A pair of strong arms wind themselves around you, pulling you closer, making you feel safe, at ease, loved?
âComeâŠbackâŠ..come back to meâ heâs calling for you. Your soul had to of vacated your body; You feel Weightless, youâre floating, âDaddy?â. Suddenly you start sinking, and without warning your body jolts, âKatsuki?!â.
âMâright here princess, daddyâs got youâŠ.Disappeared on me for a lil whileâ his familiar voice is grounding. His fingers card gently through your hair, and for the very first time youâre seeing a âSoftâ side to this so easily angered man. Sighing contentedly you snuggle into his chest, letting his caramel scented sweat overwhelm your senses.
âI really like thisâ
âHah?! Thatâs all you have to say?!â
Ah there he goes, moment ruined, illusion shattered.
âIâm sorry. But Iâm not entirely coherent just yetâŠyou uhâŠyou kinda did a number on me thereâ you mutter sheepishly, making an attempt to escape his embrace. Its immediately thwarted, and your pulled right back against his chest. âAh fuckâŠknew I shoulda just made you wait and prepped you properlyâŠ.Sorry about that, guess I just got caught up in everythingâ. Surely hell has frozen over: Katsuki Bakugou just not only admitted a possible wrong doing, but APOLGIZED for it as well!
âIve wanted to do this with you for so long: Fuck you, hold you, be with you, and I fucked it up! Just like I always seem to fucking do, I-â
âDaddyâ your voice effectively silences his self-depreciating rant. His hand begins to gently run up and down your back as he mumbles a âYes princess?â.
You lean back slightly, tilting your head up so those cute doe eyes can stare up into his, the smile your wearing makes his chest tighten.
âMânot hurt, sore but not damagedâŠ.I wasnât referring to my body, I meant you did a number on my mindâŠBesides I asked for it remember? Iâve wanted this for a long time too, so I got impatientâŠPlease dont berate yourself, lets just enjoy this moment as the first of many nowâŠKay?â.
Thatâs right, youâre his now; Along with the opportunity to care for and make sure to correct youâŠheâll be able to do this with you again. You had given yourself to him after all, so he can have you as many times as he wants, whenever he wants! Heâs far too occupied with his lewd thoughts to care about the foreboding darkness thats begun to emerge from its confines within his skull.
You donât remember falling asleep but Katsuki gently prods you awake: âBabyâŠwake up, Its dinner timeâŠI made food for usâŠcâmon princess you need to eatâ.
You whine, attempting to burrow further beneath the blankets, âNot hungryyyy...wanna sleep more!â.
âDont make daddy ask you again, you wont like what happensâ.
Not interested in ruining such a wonderful night, you begrudgingly sit up. Noticing heâs seated at his desk, with a large steaming bowl set infront of him. You slide out of bed, standing up and realizing youâre naked, but strangely not embarrassed by it.
âHereâ he tosses you a shirt, âNow câmere, hurry up before it gets cold!â. Pulling his shirt over your head as you pad over to him and take a seat on his lap. Noticing the single spoon and bowl has you looking at him with genuine curiosity. âSince you like actin like a damn baby so much, figured Iâd continue treatinâ you like oneâ his words make you grin sheepishly again, and you hold out your hand expectantly waiting for him to hand you the spoonâŠ.he doesnât.
Taking an impressive spoonful of the steaming food he then proceeds to blow on it before bringing it up to your lips.
âSay ahh, bratâ.
âWha-?â
Taking advantage of the opportunity, he shoves the spoon into your open mouth. Of course it tastes amazing, but he doesnât plan on keeping this up right? WRONG!
Repeating the pattern of giving you a bite and then taking one himself.
âI can feed myself yâknowâŠâ you mutter growing increasingly flustered at the insulting action but more so the fact that its making you feelâŠ.excited?
âI dont think you can princessâŠ.I always hear Euphie bitchin at ya for skipping breakfast or to hurry up and come eat dinnerâ pausing to feed himself, then repositioning the now loaded spoon back infront of you before continuing.
âThat shit ends today, gonna teach ya how important it is to take care of yourself, and if you wont? Then I guess daddy will have to do it for yaâ.
Youâre squirming in his lap by the time you accept the last bite,swallowing thickly before making an attempt at vaulting off his lap. Large hands immediately snag you around the middle before your feet even touch the ground.
âNo, No, thats not how we do things around here, where the fuck are your manners?â he slips a hand between your clenched thighs to move them apart, and then brings a slap down to the inside of each. You dont even know why heâd done that and the shock is evident on your face. âYou like when I baby ya, dont lie to me LITTLE girlâ.
âNo I-â
âWhatâs this then?â he quickly interupts while holding up the palm heâd previously slapped you with. Glimmering in the low light is your sticky arousal coating his palm.
âSorryâ your voice is barely audible as you hang your head in shame.
âMhm sure you areâŠHere I am being a good care taker to you and what did you do? Sat there thinking all kinds of nasty things while I spoon feed you, you really are a fuckin depraved slut arenât you princess?â
You bite your lip as your eyes start to water,still refusing to look up and far too embarrassed to respond. A finger beneath your chin forces your head up and his breath hitches when he notices tears getting ready to fall. A malicious smile now turns his lips upward as he cups your cheek, âLook at thatâŠshes about to start crying and all because of what? Cuz you just exposed yourself for being the depraved little slut you are?â.
âNO! No im not I-â.
âYou areâ his grip tightens painfully on your jaw, pulling your face forward so its now just an inch away from his own, âAnd I fuckinâ love itâ. Then heâs surging forward pressing his lips against yours; Forcing his tongue into your mouth, hand coming around to grip the back of your head. Your lungs are on fire while his hand slips under your shirt to harshly grope at your chest. Clawing his forearms is finally enough to get his attention and he reluctantly pulls away. Youâve just barely began catching your breath when he suddenly stands up, keeping a firm grip on your ass to carry you, before dropping you onto the bed.
âTake that off and-â
*knock knock knock*
The sudden knocking followed abruptly by Kirishimaâs muffled shouting, startles both you and Katsuki, and the rattling door knob has you immediately springing into action.
âHey we brought back desert to share with you guys! So just meet us at my room whenever you feel like it, Euphieâs changing her clothes and then sheâll be there too, weâre gonna watch a movie if you two wanna join us!â.
He must have heard Bakugouâs standard non-committal grunt in response, because you hear his retreating footsteps trail off down the hall.
Grabbing your skirt out from underneath the bed, you stand back up.
Just as youâd gotten to your feet your immediately pushed face first onto the mattress. A sweaty hand takes hold of your hip in a bruising grip, while the other delivers a sharp pinch to your ass cheek. Yelping in response to the sudden harsh yank of your hair that proceeds a whisper of:
âYou didnât really think I would let you off that easy did you? Your fuckinâ cake can wait brat, weâre done when I fuckin say we are, got it?â.
âš
A/N: I hope this chapter was to everyoneâs liking, Iâm actually kind of nervous to post it but đ€·đŒââïž Chapter 3 has a fair amount of smut in it as well so look forward to that. Iâm hoping to get another one shot up for âA man of his wordâ this week, if you like extreme Yandere Bakugou check that out. I have one penned but it needs to be typed up.
#bakugou katsuki smut#katsuki bakugo x reader#daddy bakugou#bakugo smut#bakugou x reader#bnha smut#katsuki bakugo#Katsuki bakugou#dom bakugou
160 notes
·
View notes