#even in fake online spaces

[greyeyedmonster-18]

[dalennaugw]

Really appreciate my partner being willing to listen to me while I vented things out about the recent drama here and then provide his own perspective, as a Latino (he's expressed he doesn't like POC as a term - too monolithic) looking in from the outside. Among other things, it reassured me that 1) it indeed wasn't worth getting into the weeds of it from where I've been standing, and 2) I'm nonetheless not being crazy or unreasonable for feeling what I do about this mess and the effect it's having on what should be safe spaces for all of us.

I'm gonna put some of those thoughts under a cut. And I'm considering turning off reactions for this post because while I hope it gets seen, I don't want to restart the discourse if it's dying down like I think (hope?) it is here.

At the end of the day, no one should be alienated for thoughtless mistakes (let alone personal preferences). But, those mistakes still need to be corrected, not just forgotten in the process of defending the one making them against harrassment.

And, by the same token, no one else should be alienated, either, for expressing that someone's stupid mistake is still hurtful. Nor should they be if they point out a lopsided amount of support to the other party involved, despite BOTH having been made to feel unsafe. This applies ESPECIALLY when all the facts of the situation aren't clear or present to everyone.

One person being threatened, and then feeling alienated enough to try to leave, has led to multiple other people then getting harassed, put down, dismissed, and/or alienated enough to also start leaving WHO HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE THREATS MADE AGAINST THE FIRST PERSON. And this is at least partially because all the relevant details surrounding the issue weren't put out at the same time, nor in the same places, and many people not even involved kept piping up in reaction only to what they DID see, rather than looking further into it, or even just waiting and listening first.

And to be just a little less abstract - guys - and by that, I mean to primarily address the other white people for this part - there's something to be said about white fragility here. Even without having spoken with the girl who accidentally kickstarted all of this, even though I can't confirm or deny it's actually the case, I'm still willing to bet money that that fragility had something to do with her initial reactions here being as strong as they were. I'm also willing to bet money that some of the people quickly jumping to her defense might have been feeling it, too.

When you take the anxiety already present from her prior harrassment, add in the pushback she got at the march for her mistake, and add whatever ??? negative messages she might have gotten privately during and after, if she did, that's already a bomb you've got there... and with white fragility on top of that, that magnifies the reaction by a lot.

The thing about that fragility is that it's often bad enough, and results in a strong-enough reaction, that it shuts down any and all conversation related to whatever triggered it. It's that cognitive dissonance that happens when you unwittingly do or say something racist, realize or (more commonly) get called out for it, and can't reconcile those facts with your beliefs that racism is not something good people do and that you can't be a racist, that's not what you're about - and it can lead to shutting down, tears, rage, denial, etc. And if you're engaging in any of those responses, 1) you're already stopping a needed conversation from happening, 2) you're making the other people involved feel unsafe and unimportant to you, and 3) you're encouraging others to come in to defend you and close ranks, allowing you to lick your emotional wounds while making those first two effects even worse.

It's not necessarily intentionally malicious? Given her behavior later, especially her apology... and her apparent disappearance right afterward... I don't think it was intentional on her part. It can certainly be weaponized, but it's also often a subconscious reaction (and that makes it even harder to address). But even though it wasn't intentional - it still caused a lot of damage! You can see that just from looking back through all the discourse and at how many other people are now disappearing or going on hiatus.

Again, not having talked to her personally, I can't confirm if that was also a factor. But it wouldn't surprise me at all. And none of us white folks are immune to it. None of us. If you had a strong reaction to the mention of racism in this discourse, and/or if you had one at the idea of your friend engaging in it... it was affecting you, too.

To step back from that part now.

Look.

Making sure that everyone involved in a community (or watching it) feels safe and welcome and heard is a balancing act, especially when anyone slips up. And guys, we borked that act up big-time.

[roseverdict]

"my adult children are lazy and have no dreams and are perfectly content to leech off of me their entire lives!" no!!! you dipshit!!!!! they're several diagnosed types of mentally ill each, unmedicated for all of them through no choices of their own, unable to go anywhere outside the house without parental permission or assistance*, and have repeatedly been outright mocked by you for expressing joy at things they like and jobs they want to have while you claim to always support them!!!!!!! you cannot treat them as failures of completely fine and fully-autonomous adults when you never even finished teaching them the things you think every teenager should learn!!!!!!!!!

*: and even then they're chafing badly enough that they are pushing for ways to work around you! to escape you!!! once they can pedal a bicycle for further than a mile without going into Goddamn cardiac arrest it's fucking over for you!!!!!

(EDIT BECAUSE I WANT TO HAVE THIS HERE BUT ALSO UM: yall ever feel like you're engaged in a cold war that's never actually been declared? bc the increased aggression in the passive-aggressive texts over the past 24 hours (DESPITE the fact that most stuff from the last batch was in fact addressed in a timely fashion) has me like 👁️👁️. mom, dad, if you're reading this, you know you can talk to me like the 24-year-old human person i am, right? not treat me like an impudent teenager who doesn't deserve to make their own choices and should be grateful to even be living with you, then get frustrated when i'm making angry vent-like posts online?)

[snekdood]

Quite honestly, i think people just dont like to acknowledge how many times i have been victimized bc it doesnt work for their narrative of the Scary Bad Trans Guy With No Regard For Others And Likes To Kick Puppies And Doesnt Know Real Pain Or Trauma

[loverboybrightsideghost]

.

[dcxdpdabbles]

Alley Boyfriends Part 2

It turns out pretending to be a fake boyfriend involved more planning than Danny had realized was necessary.

Personally, he was thinking he would occasionally be asked to hold Tim's hand in semi-public, tell people about maybe three or four fake dates, and be done with it.

Tim, on the other hand, created a backstory that would make any Dungeon Master weep in complicated worldbuilding joy.

"Why would we keep our relationship a secret?It has to be a valid reason for why we meet in a back alley most of the time but still go out in public to eat." Tim asked him, three notebooks spread around him. All three were written in code, but once they finished creating the tale to his preference, Tim planned on burning them.

Cause that was something people in Gotham did. He wasn't even joking. One of his coworkers invited him to a journal-burning just last week. He went to see what it was about, turns out it was this cities verson of a block party. There were a lot of little groups hudled around movaible fire pits, throwing in paper, laughing and drinking and just being merry.

He checked online to ensure he hadn't accidentally joined a cult. He hadn't; Gotham was just like that.

"I'm from the Midwest—a small town in the Midwest. Maybe I'm not out yet?" Danny suggests with a shrug, slumping in his chair to get comfortable.

Tim snaps his fingers at him with a manic light in his eyes. "That's brilliant. We'll have to go through all your social media to screen for any hints of you being in the alphabet mafia. Now, why would you worry about being spotted four states away? Internalized homophobia?"

Danny shrugs, watching Tim consider his notes, flipping between pages on all three notebooks. Apparently, to ensure their cover story worked, Tim needed to have a notebook dedicated to three themes. The first was their Mental choices—such as a profile of their personalities both before and after their "dating," when they fell in love, and how their upbringing affected them in romantic relationships.

Physical choice—such as how many times they held hands and where the dates were, their attraction types in the pshycal sense, and where they met.

Finally, there weres the Narrative choices—these were people outside their couple. Who saw what, when, and how?. Social media was in there.

"No. That doesn't make sense." Tim sighs showing him the Narrative one. On it are a jamble of words, written so tiny, even if they were noraml Danny would not understand them. "See? Your online humor is about thirty percent gay. Not to mention you've been to Pride in Gotham already."

Tim taps the other notebook, where, supposedly, he is gesturing to the proof of Danny being too comfortable in gay spaces to have internalized homophobia. Danny wonders why he needs this much information, and who the hell would look so far into their fake realtionship.

Once again he wonders who Tim is. Oh, he's been making coffee for the other for days now. Always having his travel mug ready to go at seven am sharp for the other to pick up in the Alley, and had texted him for quick meet ups to trade Heart Attak Coffee.

Sometimes they would send funny memes to each other, and ask eachother about their day. They messaged but it waswn't really deep.

It's also been too late to ask Tim for his last name. It would be embarrassing to admit he either forgot when the other told him or he forgot to ask. His mother would be horrified by his manners.

"It would be sense if we were closer to your hometown, but this would barely hold up against my employees, much less the family." Tim sighs taking a long sip of his coffee. At once, Danny watches his whole body relax, and his eyes light up.

He wonders about that too. Tim reacted to Heart Attack coffee like a ghost interacting with their Obsession.

Tim isn't dead or died from what Danny can tell, but he had obvious signs of death around him. Not enough to be liminal like Jazz, so he wasn't ecto-exposed nor haunted.

He has likely just been in many life-threatening situations. Danny had noticed back in Amity that people like firefighters, military, police officers, and the like- those whose entire jobs meant putting themselves at risk- had the sense of Death gently curling around them. Almost like a flirtation.

He seen a lot more people like that in Gotham, though ussally they were on the opposite side of the previous named workers and he realized that Tim had to be involded in something.

Something big, if the nice suits, expensive coats, countless flowers, tips, and free lunches were any indication. Should he be worried about being in a fake relationship with him?

"Oh! We're a secret because this is both of our first boyfriends!" Tim cheers after a moment. "We are both worried about two different things. I don't want to mess things up due unresolved attachment and abandonment issues not to mention my terrible self-worth and communication skills."

That.....is terrifying self-aware. Danny can only stare as Tim nods his head, flipping some pages and writing more notes down. He switches between green and blue ink pens whenever he is writting so he knows which note applies to who.

Danny thinks he's green.

"You, on the other hand, have a mix of fear of your family finding out, terrible self-esteem due to years of bullying, and fear of commitment. I think we both can play off feeling that if we can't be of use to people, they will leave us mentality, so we never set up proper boundaries just to be safe." Tip pauses, tapping the pen to his bottom lip, eyes focused intensely on his work.

There is a hint of....ghost in his eyes, gleaming just behind his humanity.

He is Ghost King, which means he does not control or know when someone dies, as that is out of his jurisdiction. Not everything that dies becomes a ghost, just like not every ghost has ever lived after all.

In fact, not all of his citizens were humans to begin with or came from humans.

He had command of demons, in the same sense that he did concepts like Time (Clockwork) because they were between Realms. The ones that fell between the cracks of the fabric of worlds were Danny's.

Still, he came to recognize that someone had the potential to be one when their time came. Tim was most definatily a ghost in the making.

That left the question. What would be his Obsession once Tim finished forming?

Something directly involved in his death like Box Ghost (Crushed by a box due to his co-workers' careless prank?) Or something he felt he should have been given in life like Young Blood (Too sick to enjoy his childhood like other children and resentful of neglectful parents who ignored his pain?)

Danny tried to picture it, but they could see a glowing figure racing about wanting coffee and being unnecessarily involved with event planning.

Then again, he thinks, watching as Tim takes small glances at him as if making sure he is still there. He might be Obsessed with routines and being needed by people.

It wasn't really about the lack of caffeine. Instead, it was about the fact Heart Attack Coffee had been a comfort since childhood. Tim needed to feel like he was in control. Danny noticed that the second the other had burst into tears after being denied the coffee.

It was like taking Ember's guitar. His soul had dimmed. That's why Danny gave it to him while carefully checking to ensure Tim wasn't being Overshadowed. If he was, then he would kick the ghost's ass in the alley, away from wandering eyes.

He shivers again when a coldness from his chest zips across his limbs. Ever since Danny developed his ice core, he felt that he had been susceptible to the cold. He still remembers the day his core formed, how he was shivering in the summer to Sam's and Tucker's confusion.

He often found himself piling on scarves and sweaters, even when outside of winter.

Gotham wasn't nearly as cold as Amity Park- they would get a lot of snow compare to here- but it didn't seem to matter to his core.

He gets up to drag over the space heater and figures he may as well get some hot chocolate. His stomach growls, reminding him food would be a good idea, too. "You want something to eat Tim?"

There is a grunt that he learned meant "Yeah, I can eat" from Tim's hunched-over form. He smiles, grabbinghe throw blanket to wrap around himself.

His apartment wasn't too bad considering it was close to Crime Alley. It was odd and a bit outdated, but it was enough space for one person, the hot water lasted longer, and there was no mold or break-ins.

It nearly made up for the fact the walls were paper thin, which did nothing to keep the bitter Jack Frost out; his landlord shut off the heat a few weeks ago for "maintenance" and did not turn it back on.

According to his neighbors, he always does so to save funds. It sucked, but none of them could afford to move away, Danny included.

It would be bearable if Danny's insides weren't literally freezing.

He starts to cook a nice warm soup, chopping up some chicken and noodles, mindful of Tim's continued muttering in the background. It's nice, like having his own white noise machine.

A second wave of ice-ice cold races over his body. Danny glances at Tim, but it seems the other had gotten comfortable near his space heater, and it would be rude to take it across the room just because he was cold when his guest was already using it.

Maybe he'll buy a second one at the second-hand store on his next paycheck. He watches his soup boil as he adds some spices for flavoring, curling in on himself as the throw blanket seems to not be warming him fast enough.

He hates when he gets cold fits like this. They don't happen as often now that he pratice with his ice core but they effect his human side the longer he goes without ising his ice powers.

In a anti-meta city like Gotham he just hasn't found a safe place to do that yet.

Danny's hands ache from the trembles running through them- he slips on some gloves, trying to squeeze warmth back into it. He then goes across the room to the hooks by the wall after giving in, there he puts on a scarf, his coat and a beanie so his ears can warm up too.

"Are you cold?" Tim asks as Danny returns to the stove

Danny laughs from where he is stirring the soup. It is such an understatement he can't do anything else. "Freezing."

"Why not turn up the heat?"

"Landlord shut it off." Danny shrugs at Tim's look of disbelief. "It's okay I've gotten used to it. Just need to make a nest of clothes later to warm up. Soup will help too."

"Does he shut off your heat often enough that you've gotten used to it?" Tim's voice is strangely flat. Danny shrugs.

"He shuts off stuff, like the AC and electricity all the time. A month ago, he shut off the water; that was a rough two weeks." Danny jokes, thinking of how often he had to use the public bathrooms at the library to brush his teeth; he showered in the community gym. He tells Tim this. "Thank the Ancients for the Waynes. If it wasn't for them funding the gym, library, and laundry mat I probably would have it worse"

Tim stares at him for a long minute. Without a word, he reaches for his work laptop, which lay close to the side in favor of the notebooks two hours ago.

Danny isn't sure what exactly Tim does for work—he isn't sure it's legal, so he reframes from asking—but he does know that recently, he has been over to Danny's apartment a lot more to hash out the details and doing remote work at the same time.

He boots it up, fingers flying over the keyboard at a speed that still impresses Danny, even after seeing him type for the past few days. Assuming he returned to work, Danny returned to his own task. He carefully pours them both two bowls- mindful of his gloves- and warms up the mild for their hot chocolates.

They are not the healthiest of combinations, but both boys are comfortable with odd food choices. He caries the tray back to the table, blaket dragging behind him.

Tim stares intensely at the screen, nodding thanks to him when he puts a bowl down by his hand. "What do you think of this?"

Danny glances at the screen and sees a really lovely penthouse. It's spacious, overlooking Gotham's diamond district with five rooms, two baths and even a boucany pool and hottub.

It screams money, with its large arched windows, dark carpet, and grey pillars. He even spots a grand piano in the living room. Danny whistles, "Damn, I would love to live there."

"Okay, it's yours," Tim says, clicking the chat box with the realtor. He types out a quick agreement for the purchase and opens another tab with his private banker and lawyers, commanding them to have the place ready for him in two days—all without reaching for his mouse. An agreement comes through before Danny can do anything other than gawk as Tim adds his name to the owner's list.

Tim seems unaware of Danny's flabbergasted look of awe as he taps into a few more tabs, researching cleaning crews and moving companies. "We can move you on your day off. The cleaners can help you pack if you need it while you're at work, and the moving crew can get it over the city for you. I'm also buying this place. It's ridiculous that he just shuts things off. "

Just who in the world is this guy!?

____________________________________________________

Across the city, Babs stares at Tim's online orders. She has been told to keep an eye on himbecause Jasons worries about his suspected drug problem.

Everyone in the family has been somewhat uneasy about the possibility. Babs will admit her heart broke when she found hours and hours of him meeting the same shady looking teenager entering the same back alley over and over again.

He always came out looking flustered and a bit jittery, and she also thought it wasn't a secret lover like Bruce and Dick had hoped. She had always been a least optimistic, and her cameras- even the ones she hacked into to review recorded surveillance for the past three showed her the ugly truth.

Tim was an addict.

She had been working on her letter for the intervention they would be holding for him, typing past her tears, when this popped up. She blinks and takes her glasses off to wipe them before checking to see if she is seeing correctly.

But nope, the words stay the same. She slowly reaches for her headset and clicks it on. At once, her ear overflows with various voices from everyone on the field.

Tim is the only one not out currently, but she can clearly see why.

"Tim just bought a penthouse for Danny Fenton. He also has two sets of cleaning crews, one to Fenton's address and one to his own. Two sets of moving crews have been added to both addresses, each ending at the same penthouse. He's going to be living with him," She announces, silencing everyone at once. "Does that sound like drug dealer behavior?"

"Omg," Dick cries at once. Relief and joy overlap his voice as he screams into the mics "Love wins!"

"Let's not celebrate too soon. We still have to figure out what the hell those alley meetings are about," Jason warns. "If it is a drug dealer, moving in together will be the worst thing possible to T."

"Agree. We prob him but carefully so he doesn't catch on." Bruce comands "Act as ussual to get as much information out of Tim."

"So.....we throw him a house warming/investation on his boyfriend party?" Steph asks the sound of wind accompanies her words. She is likely grappling towards Danny's apparment to check on Tim.

She has gotten the habit of doing so ever since Danny has been flagged by Jason. Steph has reported the same thing evertime. Tim seemed to just been doing work at Danny's table, drinking teas and cuddling together in front of Danny's cheap tv.

She thought it was all very domestic, even when her eyes tracked every movement Danny made. Of course she couldn't get too close least Tim would catch on.

"Exactly."

[drchucktingle]

reverse call out post

i have noticed that SOMETIMES it really bothers folks to discover i am sincere and not playing a character. that tinglers are deep artistic expression. i think it  because these few buckaroos are often kind and even politically left but had problematic ways just a few years back

these buckaroos are forced to confront their previous assumptions about neurodivergence and queerness, which is bound to happen as time trots on and cultural landscape evolves. but this sudden realization they have about themselves apparently MUST be ignored and pushed away

theres BIG TIME buckaroos on this very platform who publicly made fun of and gatekept my autism. these posts are STILL THERE. folks questioning my bisexuality. and these are buds who at one time worked with chuck and were pretending to ‘like me’ in way that i now see was irony

these are a previous generation of liberal ‘comedy forum’ buds who laugh and laugh at ‘ridiculous bad erotica’ and wrote as a money scheme. those who would later say with concern ‘chuck tingle is homophobic for making fun of queer erotica’. the same THEY might gleefully write

and i think their reaction is a way to deal with truth that THEY were doing these things ironically and have ABSOLUTELY NO CONCEPT that someone else couldve been creating joyful queer neurodivergent art during the same timeline with sincerity instead of irony.

so now as chuck gets taken more seriously they have to confront something. question of ‘wait, was i laughing at a real person the whole time? was i calling someone homophobic when in reality it is much more homophobic to MAKE that accusation, because queerness is not a monolith?’

old posts calling out chuck as fake, dehumanizing me, gatekeeping my place on spectrum of autism AND sexuality are still up. they wont be addressed because these folks cannot ever acknowledge they treated someones very existence as a joke. they will not admit THEY needed to grow

and honestly buckaroos, I FORGIVE THEM. nobody is dang perfect and the internet is swirling with irony poisoning. those folks on old forums were BATHING IN IT DAILY. it does not bother me because it is the past, but pondering on it during moments like this i am compelled to write

i do not bring this up to punish for past, but to hope buckaroos remember lesson in the future: you do not need to gatekeep. you do not need to make yourself the arbiter of others lifestyle and identity. you do not need to score online points as a way of proving your goodness.

proving love is complicated sometimes, and a big part or that complicated journey is accepting there are some unique buckaroos out there, buds who actually ENJOY making neurodivergent art and expressing their queerness in unique ways. who need time to learn THEMSELVES through art

it is my belief and suggestion that buds allow others this space. to accept them as they come. to TROT WITH THEM INTO THE FUTURE. thats a heck of a way to prove love is real. i think we can make this trot of sincerity together and DANG am i looking forward to it. LOVE IS REAL

[biteyoubiteme]

redlightdesign

fem!reader x hyunjin 

synopsis: you get tattooed by your favorite tattoo artist. 

warnings: !!!🔞!!! tattooartist!hyunjin, tattooing, needles, pain, oral (f!rec), use of teeth, overstim, multiple orgasms (f!rec), squirting, fingering, pussydrunkvibes, subspace kinda, prob forgot some sorry 

wc: 5.2k

an: I want a new tattoo </3 feedback appreciated! [m.list] not proof read sorry ;-;

You didn’t think you would ever get a consolation let alone an appointment with redlightdesign. For over three years you have been submitting a request anytime their books were open. You set timers for when the form dropped to make sure you were one of the first to be seen but everyone was doing the exact same thing. 

redlightdesign would make an announcement that the submissions were closed an hour later saying they were booked solid for the next three months. The process repeats itself and every time you pray you get a response. 

Thirteen forms later and you finally got an answer. Your dream tattoo will be underway in a matter of weeks. You made sure to keep the perfect space open for the piece. Not a single artist is the right fit to do your idea justice the way Redlightdesign could. 

Before you read the email you didn’t even think you would ever be picked, your thigh would just always be bare for the possibility that never would come to fruition. But sitting in a coffee shop on a Sunday morning avoiding finishing your homework for Monday's class you jump on the opportunity to check your phone when it dings. Post notifications for redlightdesign on since you started following them. Every time they announced open books or a dropped appointment you jumped to put yourself up for the running. You remember the magazine article Redlightdsign had been featured in that started your obsession. The anonymous tattoo artist is based in Seattle and New York, traveling across the states to get a wider audience. Not that they needed the help, they were globally known, with people submitting forms all around the world, purchasing plane tickets after they confirmed an appointment. 

It was stiff competition and the anonymity of the artist was sacred to each client. There was barely any information about Redlightdesign on the internet besides the finished product, and the address to their studios was only given out just before your appointment. Once the details of the New York studio had been doxxed online and redlightdesign had stopped working for a year, packing up and shutting down in well deserved retaliation. When they came back to their socials they made it clear the next time they wouldn't stop for a year but quit entirely. No one shared any information after, only stating that Redlightdesign was one of the nicest people they have ever been tattooed by and a photo of the beautiful work after. 

But there sipping on an almost empty drink avoiding work that needed to be done you felt your pulse race just like every other time you've submitted a form. Only this time your stomach bottomed out seeing the email that popped up in your inbox a few minutes later. 

h.rldesign/gmail.com Hi, I love your idea and sketches. I think this would transfer perfectly in my style. If we are to do the piece on the thigh at the size you want I think it's best we split the work into two appointments. My open slots for this would be January 9th and 10th. Let me know if these dates work for you and then I can get started on designing and cleaning up your idea. -redlightdesign 

even just knowing their email address was shocking enough, seeing a response could have sent you into a coma. If Redlightdesign needed you on the 9th and 10th you would do everything in your power to be right at their door. You didn't care if you had to call in sick, you would put on the most convincing fake cough known to man; you would sell out stadiums with the performance if need be. 

You couldn't type a response fast enough, needing to send in a confirmation just to know it was solidified. Within seconds you got a link for a deposit to hold the dates and a promise that Redlightdesign would be working on your piece asap. You were too excited to even think about your work anymore, sitting in the coffee shop staring down at your phone in disbelief. 

It was only a few days later when the first drafts of the tattoo you would be getting were sent over for you to approve. You could tell the work had been drawn in a sketchbook and scanned to send in an email, the charcoal lines and highlights showing the detailed work. It was everything you could have hoped for, redlightdesign taking the amateur rendering of your idea and turning it into the masterpiece sitting in your inbox. They promised to have perfected versions ready when you arrived early on the ninth, reminding you that they would transfer it into the stencil and use a pen to finish drawing the finishing touches to make sure it flowed with your body just right. Make sure to eat before the appointment and don't wear any lotions on the tattoo area. Take care to remember we can take as many breaks as you want you have the day booked up with me so no need to rush through just to get it over with. 

You made sure to dress appropriately. A pair of shorts you didn’t mind getting ink on in case any decided to ruin them. It was cold the morning of the ninth, a drizzle setting in as you made your way towards the address you had been sent before you had woken up. Even just seeing the street name and knowing this whole time you’ve been a fifteen-minute walk away from Redlights studio was bizarre. How many times have you driven by the building without ever knowing? 

The email with the address had said the door would be open and to take the stairs up to the loft. The separate space on the ground level was a bakery, the sign flipped to closed. But as you felt the first droplets of rain you pulled on the handle for the door only for it to not budge. You check the address again to make sure it is right, you can see the windows to the studio above but the curtains are pulled shut. You were running over the email you could send to redlightdesign, reading it over once more when someone reached past you making you jump. “holy shit you almost gave me a heart attack,” you breathe your phone pressed to your chest. 

The soft laugh of the person beside you is muffled behind the black medical mask they wear, long dark hair hanging on their brow leaving only smiling eyes glancing over you. “I'm sorry I was running late and didn't make it in time to beat you here,” they push their key into the lock twisting until it clicks, painted nails wrapping around the handle to hold the door open for you. 

You give a weak thanks stepping into the little hallway leading to the stairs waiting for them to step in and follow. 

You're trying hard not to make it seem like you're staring at them but it's almost impossible not to. Right in front of you is the person whose identity has been hidden from the public for years. You've tried to imagine what redlightdesign looked like since you read that magazine article. Now with the early morning mist still stuck to their hair you were seconds away from knowing exactly what they were like. Watching how their long fingers flipped over the keys looking for the one to unlock the loft door, how they used their shoulder to push open the door turning back to give you smiling eyes, waving you in. 

They moved around to pull open the long cream-colored curtains, the gray light pouring in revealing the space. The walls have tacked up charcoal drawings, painted landscapes, and oil pastel flowers. A worn brown leather couch pushed to one side, heavy white blanket pushed back like someone had taken a nap there against the throw pillows. Tattoo bed next to rows of inks and past designs. On another wall a cluster of polaroids, stepping closer you can see its every tattoo that redlightdesign has done here. You're excited to see ones they haven't posted on their socials, so distracted you don't hear a closet door opening and the wheeling of a cart behind you. “I wanted to be set up so we could get started right away but,” when you turn you see them shrug. The view outside of the waterfront off in the distance matches some of the paintings done during different times of the day. 

“It's okay I can wait, we're booked all day right?” 

“yes that's right,” they go through their bag pulling out a large sketchbook, “here take a seat and we can go over some of these together,” 

they sink into the couch pushing back the blanket to make room for you to follow. Your thighs touching before they hand over the sketchbook. You're amazed by the craftsmanship, and the detail put into each variety of the tattoo idea you have given them. No other artist has given you so many possibilities, maybe one of two but a whole spread dedicated to small details was never on the table. redlightdesign had taken time working through this with passion. “Wow,” you breathe not knowing where to look first. 

“do you like it? It's a big thing, a tattoo of this size, and I wanted to make sure it really had all the elements you wanted in it while also not being too chaotic and messy. You see this one has less shading and seems more open but this one is heavy-handed if you're into that kinda style. I see you have other work done on your arms and if you want to go that way style-wise I think this one would be perfect,” they point at the one you've been focused on knowing that it was exactly what you wanted. 

“It's amazing, they all are, I'm so impressed redli-“

“Hyunjin, you can call me Hyunjin,” they chuckle, “I should have introduced myself earlier but I was late and it slipped my mind I'm sorry,” 

“no, it's okay thank you hyunjin,” you try the name in your mouth, “I think this is exactly what I want, better than what I could have imagined,” 

“great I'm happy to impress let me get this printed in a stencil and we can add anything else after we find the right placement,” you watch as they stand moving to the corner with a desk, you can't see their face but know they've taken their mask off as they turn on the printer. “Do you live around here or was it a commute?” 

“oh I live right up the street, I was surprised to see how close it was to my place actually,” you say over the sound of the scanner. 

“that's good, sometimes I have people coming from all over it's fun to finally have a local visit,” 

“I would have come out to New York if that's where you would have been,” you admit. 

“I haven't been out there in a while, they are doing construction on the street the studio is on so I've been located here for a while now,” he states pulling out the stencil sheet. “I did a few different sizes to start with,” 

he turns around and you're shocked at how beautiful Hyunjin is. In all the time you've thought about redlightdesign never did it cross your mind to account for prettiness but if you did your scale would be broken. You're still seated when he comes over and kneels in front of you. 

“Can I?” he asks looking up at you, your hands in your lap covering your thighs.

“oh yeah sure,” you're flustered lifting your hands away. 

“left or right?” he asks, holding two of the stencils over each leg. 

“right,” your hands sinking into the couch as Hyunjin wipes his thumb over your bare thigh. He shows you the three different sizes and you decide on one before he asks you to stand in front of the mirror so he can place the stencil on. 

“Here,” he mutters, being gentle to get the placement right in the first go. “We can always print more if you don't like it here,” he blows cool air over the purple lines traced on to make sure it's dry enough for you to move. He slides his hand behind the pit of your knee tugging your leg. You reach out to steady yourself with his shoulders, the backs of your hands feeling the tickle of his long hair hanging past his ears. He lifts your leg enough so that your foot is resting on his thigh, his hands slipping over your skin checking it looks good. 

You love the way he's found the perfect spot on your thigh so that it flows with your body, “I think you got it first try,” 

“Look in the mirror first just to make sure,” he lets you go, pulling himself to stand behind you so that you can see yourself. 

“yes it's perfect,” and he nods, grabbing a purple pen. 

“finishing touches then,” he gets back down in front of you lifting your foot back to his knee so that he can steady you. The marker is cold on your skin as he draws, adding lines and shading in spots to make the work blend better. When he blows on the wet lines of ink you shiver especially when he draws on your inner thigh, your skin so sensitive you swear you could imagine his fingers tracing shapes instead of the pen. “Perfect,” he states, giving your knee a tap letting you know he's done. “Let me set up and if you need the bathroom before we start I'd go now. I have water and a kettle for coffee over under the desk, and we can stop for lunch around let's say twelve or one-ish?” 

You nod, taking your seat on the tattoo bed. He's set it up so that you're slightly leaned back but still sitting up. You watch him pull on black gloves and get all of the inks and needles ready, following a system you've seen done before. He clicks on a stereo the soft song playing in the background just loud enough for us to talk if we wanted to or just to listen. you adjust in your seat when you hear the sound of the tattoo gun whirring, hyunjins free hand stretching your skin in preparation, “The hard part will be around the knee so let's get that area out of the way,” 

you nod watching as he starts, the familiar burn of the needle digging in but not too painfully. He was right that it was worse than some of your other tattoos but not unbearable. What distracts you is how concentrated he looks leaning over your leg, hair pushed back behind his ears but one strand hangs across his forehead, the corner of his lip between his teeth. 

He starts to ask you small questions about yourself, the conversation leading to learning about him and how he got into tattooing. He talks about his art and the little things he likes. Both of you are so invested in one another that you don't even notice how far you've come in the day, lunch already rolling around before you know it. He's gotten through more than half the outline when he starts the loose wrap to keep it clean while you go out for lunch. The bakery is just downstairs offering lunch deals you can't refuse and when you get back upstairs both of you sit on the couch and continue your conversation. Giggling over nothing much but being comfortable in each other's company more than what you could have asked for. 

redlightdesign could have been a total dick but you were blessed enough to get someone so genuinely kind and talented. And when you got back in the chair to finish the day's session you were sad to know that tomorrow would be the last time you saw Hyunjin unless you somehow got another appointment. The idea in it of itself was making you dread leaving. 

“Could you tie my hair up?” he asks lifting his wrist up to you, a hair band waiting for you to take off. You lean over taking the tie from him and running your fingers through the dark strands. He hums as you brush the hair from his face gathering it all to tie into a ponytail. “thank you,” he nods letting the end bob up and down, a sweet smile teasing his lips before he goes back to the linework. 

When he finally declares you done for the day you sigh, his thumb smoothing over the ends of the tape he's put to hold the wrap he put over your thigh. His finger slips across your inner thigh making you jolt harder than when the needle was to your skin. “sensitive?” he asks and you nod, not wanting to think too much into it. You were definitely sensitive but not from the pain, watching his long fingers work over your skin didn't put the cleanest image in your head. 

He starts to break down his workstation, cleaning up and wiping everything to disinfect. While you put on your coat he asks, “Do you want to get dinner?” you turn to make sure he is not on the phone but he is in fact asking you, “I know this great spot a block over it's not that far a walk if you're up for it?” 

“Sure,” you nod and he rubs the back of his neck. 

“You know if you're not busy or anything I don't usually ask clients out for dinner but we were having a good chat and you know if you don't want to,” he drags on his ears pink, it was cute to watch him flustered. 

“I'd love to go to dinner with you hyunjin,” you smile following him out. 

You share an umbrella as you make your way to the small cafe-style restaurant, outdoor seating covered with a canopy so you won't get hit by any rain. Sitting across from one another, Hyunjin asks to see your other tattoos. You lay one arm down on the table, hyunjins fingertips ghosting over your skin as he traces the lines of all your other work. “I think I've seen this one before, did you get it from Felix? Or what's his username…”

“youg.ink?” you nod, “I actually got it because I saw you mentioned them before and it introduced me to their work. instantly fell in love with this when he offered it up,” 

hyunjins not even paying attention to the tattoos anymore as he lets his fingers glide over your smooth skin. Most times after a client was done for the day in his chair he walked them to the door, waved goodbye, and worked in the studio on the next person's design. Most times he had people who he didn't mind not seeing again but you and your laugh, your gentle conversation, made him want to break his own rules for once. He walks you home after dinner and promises to see you tomorrow at the same time. 

When you show up for your second session you're double fisting two iced coffees; the door is already unlocked as you make your way up the stairs. Hyunjin is sitting at the desk with headphones on sketching away before he sees the movement in the corner of his eye. He gives you a big smile, all teeth and is so cute. He tugs his headphones off letting them hang around his neck, “you got me a coffee?” 

“Maybe or maybe I have a caffeine addiction,” you joke, handing over his cup. You look over to see what he's working on and he leans back to give you a better view. 

“The next client wants their back done, it will be spaced out over the next four months. first sessions tomorrow,” 

“I wouldn't even know where to start on something that big,” 

“the same way I started yours,” he looks down at your legs, the wrap still in place only today you're wearing a skirt instead of shorts. The only other clothing item you felt would give him space to work today. Hyunjin looks back to his sketchbook, shutting it and standing. “let's get you up on the chair and get started,” 

you follow his instructions, sinking back into the chair and letting your skirt bunch between your legs to expose your thigh. Hyunjin starts to set up his station, pulling on his gloves after flipping to the sketch of your design to have to glance at while he works. “might hurt today with all the shading if you need any breaks let me know we can go as slow as you need,” he peels away the tape before cleaning your leg with a towel and watered down soap. “It already looks good,” he nods, pressing around the tattoo. 

“I think I can handle it,” 

“Okay, we can work the bottom to the top again today, get the area closest to the knee and get the most painful bit first,” 

and you think you can handle it and you can for the most part but the dragging of the needle over the still red outline from yesterday is painful today. Your hand bunching in your skirt as you remind yourself to breathe. You let your head roll back in the chair not able to watch anymore, focusing on the music playing, the dull hum of the tattoo gun usually comforting you but now a reminder that you're here for a while. 

hyunjin is trying to concentrate, he's great at what he does, but what's testing him is how you're flashing your panties at him. he was going to say something, bring up a conversation about anything but when he looked up, a simple glance he was face to face with the dark grey fabric, the outline of you silencing him. You didn't even notice, your neck exposed as your free hand not holding your skirt gripped the armrest. 

Tattooing people made nudity and almost nudity normal. It was why Hyunjin preferred his private studio so that he could make people feel comfortable, it was better than having someone who wanted a hip tattoo strip in a shop where anyone could watch. But with you sitting in front of him he forgot that he shouldn't look so close. Because instead of ignoring the view he was imagining ways that he could make your pain more bearable. Imagining how if he reached over and brushed where he knew your clit would be waiting you wouldn't be moaning in pain. 

It's not until lunch that your skirt is let go but it's done the work of keeping Hyunjin hard for the entirety of the progress he's made toward the tattoo. When he sprays the tattoo down with the soapy water beads roll back up your leg because of the way the chairs are angled. The cold water feels great against your hot skin and Hyunjin apologizes for the mess passing you a paper towel to wipe any that got too far. You slightly lift your leg to wipe your inner thighs, the movement flashing Hyunjin again only this time the droplets of water had dampened your panties. The gray fabric was dark where he had been fantasizing they would be. 

He doesn't even want to think about standing from his stool knowing that the second he does he will have to adjust himself only drawing attention to the fact he is very hard. He tries to make a list of things in his head as he wraps your thigh. To think about how it's almost over, that you will be gone in the next hour or two but that only makes it worse. You would be gone when he was this needy? He wanted to make an excuse to have you come back for another session. But it was quite obvious he would be dragging out the appointment when he only needed to do a small section when the two of you were done with lunch. He could have waited and finished, pushed your lunch back, and waved goodbye but no. 

He swiveled his chair away from you, taking a sip from his almost empty cup of coffee as you slid down the bed to stand. Hyunjin takes a breath and prays you don't notice but it's the first thing you see when he turns, the strained outline not very well hidden. You pretend to look out the window, feeling your cheeks get hot. All you can think about is if it was your noises that did it, all the whimpering wasn't usually how you handled tattoos but this one was the biggest piece you've gotten, and didn't know two sessions would make your usually composed self break so easily. it would explain the silence compared to yesterday. So you toy with the idea, how far would he go if you made yourself available? 

You grabbed lunch together, hyunjin putting a pillow over his lap to steady his plate of food but both of you knew that wasn't the real reason. And when you were back in the chair you intentionally let your skirt roll up this time. It doesn't help that he's now working on the part of the tattoo closest to your center, how he wraps his hand around your thigh, pushing your legs further apart to reach a spot on your inner thigh. Gloved fingers brushing over your panties for the smallest second, your hips sinking into the seat to keep yourself from moving. Hyunjin noticed but needed to get through the rest of the tattoo, if he stopped now he wouldn't know when he would start again. Your lip between your teeth he watched as you tried to close your legs again to block your exposed panties, now wet with your slick and nothing else. He could see the spot and almost ripped his gloves off as soon as he finished his work. But now he was teasing you. Cleaning the tattoo down and wiping it down. He doesn't even bother with the normal photos he would take right away instead putting on the second skin to protect the tattoo. As he smooths the thin film over your inner thigh he lets his fingers slip up brushing against your center to see your reaction. 

Your head rolls to your shoulder watching him through your lashes as he takes off his gloves and tosses them on the cart. He lifts the armrest on the tattoo chair before reaching behind your knees to pull you to the edge of the seat so your legs are dangling off the side. “how is it someone can make the prettiest sounds and sit so still for me?” he leans down and plants a kiss on your tattooless thigh, “because all I could think about was how I wanted to see your legs shaking for me while you whined like that,” 

you tried to draw your knees together but he was in the way, kissing up your inner thigh, nipping at your skin with his teeth. When he reached your skirt he flipped it up with a lazy hand giving you no time before his thumb was over your clit rubbing a harsh circle over the fabric. You felt the shock run up to your stomach, your voice breathy as you whimpered his name. He followed the wet line down the front of your panties before hooking his finger along the seam to pull them back. He wanted one taste, needed one taste but knew he wouldn't stop at just one, not when you looked this edible and ready for him. 

He ravages your clit, your hands shooting to his head burying your fingers in his hair as he sucks. He's careful of your tattoo but your other thigh is fair game for him to wrap his arm around and push you open, fingers bruising with how he spreads you. His free hand prodded your entrance, circling in your wetness before slipping in knuckle deep. “Hyunjin,” you whine, your hips rocking against his lips, feeling the build up of your orgasm. He curls his fingers pressing up into you enough to make your legs jerk from the new angle. 

You're seeing spot before too long, hips stuttering as he gives a final hard suck, fingers still as you clench around them. You're moaning so loud you're sure someone will hear but you don't even care. Hyunjin doesn't stop the flick of his tongue against your clit making you cry out, “I said I wanted to see them shake,” devilish smile covered in your slick before he latches on to your clit again. Fingers pumping in and out of you before he presses deeper into you. You can feel tears at the corners of your eyes, and when he pulls away slightly to let his teeth brush your clit you're done for, legs trembling as you cum. He is persistent and you have to tug his head away, a slight smile stuck on his wet lips as he watches your body shake from the overstimulation. “once more?” 

“I can't- I can't do it,” you shake your head but he drags his fingers out slowly before inching them back in, your hips jumping. 

“I know you can, you've been doing so good for me already, one more time won't hurt,” he hums, dipping his nose down to brush over your nub. Jolting at the feeling he turns his head to kiss your inner thigh, slowly building up speed with his fingers, “can't you do just one more?” it's the way he asks so softly, the heavy gaze under heavier eyelids that makes you nod. 

You're so sensitive that one lick has you shaking, your orgasm feeling so far and yet so close all at once. His tongue laps through your folds circling your clit. Hyunjin is obsessed with the taste of you, completely under the spell of your pussy and how it responds to his touch. He could go all night eating you out, watching as you fell apart again and again before him. Your cries are getting louder and before you know it your back is arching into him almost coming off the seat, your orgasm so intense you don't expect the clear fluid to squirt out of you until it has. 

You're breathing so labored you place a hand over your chest to try and calm yourself. hyunjins pleased grin is the only thing you see before he pulls his fingers out of you and sticks them in his mouth to clean them. Every once in a while your legs jerk from an aftershock, the delight in his eyes worth how tired you feel. Your thighs are sticking to the leather seat under you as Hyunjin pulls your underwear back into place leaning down to leave a ghost of a kiss over your clothed clit. “next time I want you to cry this pretty for my cock okay?”

[cage-of-atonement]

Do things for your system offline.

Being a system affects life more than just online. (contrary to endo beliefs) While having some amazing resources online to help organize and track things, there are a million reasons to have your physical life have resources set up as well.

you'll never know if an alter might not even know what a phone is yet, and gods forbid if for some reason a new alter is alone without help. Trust me, we had a new alter try to just up and leave our fiance on a vacation. We have also had alters who definitely needed a picture guide on how to use the system discord lol.

Here are some ideas we do to help ensure our system is safe, but also helps alters feel more grounded and present with themselves!

Fronting Kandii bracelets, it can really help when you can't use your phone for switches, but also good for systems with significant barriers between alters and memory, so you can see who was here last!

a physical notebook labeled in bold for "if confused/lost read this" and inside keep important information; (what is a system, what the body name is, what your job is, and how to open and use a phone just in case, and also what to do to contact a gatekeeper or what to do if they can't, such as how to call out of work or avoid the family/friends asking what's wrong.)

another notebook might be helpful for alters to have fun decorating an 'about page' but also having your system journal individually as alters is REALLY IMPORTANT TO HAVE IN CASE YOU WANT TO TALK TO A DOCTOR ABOUT GETTING DIAGNOSED. It can really help the doctor see a track of things. We started our first journal in 2017, even outside of doctors, it's good for a physical medium for alters to express in.

these next ones are focused on alters having their own space and grounding in the real world!

having a small box or basket or something like that to keep their favorite or 'personal' items. our system likes having our own individual space and items, and for us it helps not only keep the peace, but also help us ground when we have our own things like clothes, comforts, snacks on hand, personal notebooks, etc.

remember kids, if your system is affecting you irl, when no one is looking then you are not faking! no sys doubting here pookies <3

[evilesbiautism]

The most common argument you'll hear against self diagnosis is that people will fake being [X] for attention. But every disabled person, physical or otherwise, knows this could only work in online spaces - the world was not made for us, and brandishing your disability as a badge of honor that gives you ~special privileges~ is such a funny idea.

Like, honey - that doesn't happen. No one gets anything from being disabled. Maybe extra accommodations if you're lucky - but nothing else. And the internet isn't as important as you seem to think - eventually it just feels hollow.

Ask disabled people how often they had to fight to get diagnosed so their medical needs could be met and their complaints would be heard. Doctors are just hardwired to delay this as much as possible.

I knew I was autistic since late 2018 - I got an official diagnosis 4 months ago. Knowing yourself and how you can make your own life easier is a lifesaver.

And this isn't even going into how many *cons* there are to a professional diagnosis, like being met with disdain at best and denied services at worst.

I don't care if a 16 year old who self diagnosed after taking 1 online quiz about autism is wrong. And honestly I think it's weird people treat this 'issue' with so much hatred.

[maskedbyghost]

Simon Riley:

is surprisingly good at sewing. whether it’s patching up his gear or clothes, he learned to be self-sufficient over the years.

doesn’t sleep much and prefers staying up late. he’s always more focused during the night and feels more at ease in the dark. but ever since you moved in with him, he gets a few good hours of sleep with you on top of him as his favorite weighted blanket.

owns very few personal belongings. most of his space is neatly organized with just the essentials. he doesn't like clutter. still, he doesn't mind your obsession with coffee mugs, he's the one that gets them for you now anyway.

is great at chess and strategy games. when off duty, he occasionally plays with other soldiers but rarely loses. (he let you win once, but only bc you kept using your puppy eyes on him.)

avoids all forms of social media. he doesn’t understand why people want to post their lives online, and he values his privacy too much. he has an ig account, a fake one, just so he can look at your profile when he's away on a long mission.

sometimes sketches in his free time, mostly landscapes or tactical designs, using it as a quiet hobby. no one really knows about it, until you find a sketchbook filled with drawings of yourself. you never mention it to him, especially that one page with an engagement ring he sketched out with your exact measurements right next to it.

is surprisingly good in the kitchen, particularly when it comes to simple, hearty meals. he doesn’t cook often, but when he does, you are always impressed.

his guns and knives are always clean. it's part of his routine, and he finds the process of maintaining them therapeutic.

is awkward when it comes to casual conversations. he’s more comfortable giving orders or discussing tactical plans than engaging in chit-chat. that is why it took you so long to realize that he likes you. thankfully, you love talking and he likes to listen, so it all worked out.

is extremely protective of you, often worrying about your safety. if you’re in danger, his usually calm demeanor fades, and he becomes hyper-focused on ensuring you’re safe.

pays close attention to your habits and needs. he’ll notice when you're feeling down or when something is wrong, even if you don’t say it, and he’ll do whatever he can to fix it or offer comfort.

(if you have any requests pls do submit them, that's it byeee)

[taeghi]

tainted love || (m)

demon!heeseung x reader | SMUT, angst, pwp

➤ summary : heeseung was just trying to do his job, there’s no way a demon could fall in love with a human. it was forbidden. but you summoning him accidentally or not, started the toxic relationship between you two. 

➤ includes : choking, oral, fingering, dirty talk, biting, slapping, spiting, toxic-ness lol

➤ word count : 16.5k

trigger warning : mentions of death

taglist : @yunjardi @beomgyusonlywife @sparklingsjy @sunoosult @deobitifull @nellwoo @poppin46 @snowsmyt @fluerz @miumiuoi @seuomo @hoyeonheeseung @defxciii @seungjiseyo @eunii11 @cha0thicpisces @iamliacamila @luciathcv @skzenhalove @laffatae @mimikittysblog @luvyouchuu @alienqbrain @ramenoil @beomibeom @ajayke-reads @seokseokjinkim @heeswhoree @biggestenhastan @lilmxchis @jungwonieee @4yjwonnn @kimsunoo2003 @lprww @heeverseblog @capri-cuntz @lilriswife4life @seuomo @rizzhee @mimikittysblog @

you were excited when you first moved into your new home. it would be the first time you lived alone in your entire life. you loved the house you bought. it was old, ancestral and just perfect for you, right on the edge of town where it was the perfect mix of loud and quiet. 

once you were all moved in, you were excited for your best friend, mary, to come over and see it. you had spent all day decorating and organizing, so the house felt like ‘home’ to you. the house had felt so welcoming to you, so you wanted it to feel welcoming to mary as well. 

just as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the new neighbourhood. mary arrived at your doorstep, excitement radiating from her whole body. 

you greeted mary with a broad smile, happy to have your best friend over for the first time, “mary! i’m so glad you’re here!” mary’s hair was as long as ever as it stopped right above her hips. The few beauty moles she had around her eyes and cheekbones gleamed out at you. 

mary’s eyes crinkled as she smiled hard at you, “me too, y/n! let me see this house you bought then!” 

you beckoned your friend into your house, wanting her to follow you as you led the way through the new halls adorned with antique furniture and delicate wallpaper that was left behind for decades. you ascended the sweeping staircase, your footsteps bouncing off of the walls. 

“girl, this house is like a time capsule!” mary remarked from behind you, her voice and eyes filled with wonder and curiosity. “where’d you even find it?” 

you shrugged as you showed room by room, “just online. it was cheap– i guess because it’s so old.” 

“how old?” 

“really old.” you both laughed, “so old that i can’t get a door to budge open.” you glanced down to the last door at the end of the long hallway. 

“really?” mary’s head tilted. 

“yeah, the one on the very end there, with the faded floral patterns.” mary walked past you to the door and stopped in front of it. “i’ve tried for a few days now, even one of the movers couldn’t get it to budge. he said something about the hinges being rusted down.”

“let me try,” mary declared, her delicate hand reached out to the ornate brass doorknob you had tried to turn for hours. 

as she turned the doorknob, the door swung open easily. too easily. 

“hey, what?” you exclaimed, moving closer to see it better for yourself, “how did you do that?” 

mary shrugged with a concerned look on her face, “i don’t know. i just opened it.” 

“what the hell, i’ve been trying for days, mary!” 

mary chuckled, “well, let’s see what’s up there then.” she pointed inside the newly opened door which reveals a narrow flight of stairs leading to an attic. “an attic filled with mysteries.” mary said in a fake scary voice. 

mary let you go in first, climbing up the creaky, dusty steps, anticipation building with every reak and moan from the old house. the air grew thick with dust, swirling around them like ethereal spirits. both of your eyes widened at the sight before you at the top of the stairs. the space was illuminated by a single beam of light filtering through a small window. it cast long shadows on the faded wallpaper and illuminated the forgotten items from the previous owners. 

“there is so much shit up here,” mary said beside you; both of you were standing still and taking in the scattered items spread about. she stepped around you, brushing off the layer of dust from an old trunk. she ran her fingers over the tarnished lock, contemplating what lay inside, “shall we see what’s in box number one?” 

your eyes sparkled with anticipation, “absolutely.” 

with a click, mary opened the trunk, revealing a trove of memories. it was full of sepia-toned photographs, delicate lace gloves and a journal with yellowed pages. 

“look at this photograph,” mary showed you, holding up an image of a young couple embracing, looking madly in love. you peered over her shoulder, a wistful smile spreading across your lips as you looked at the pair. 

mary continued to skim through the first box as you stood straight again. your eyes scanned your new attic, and you felt your heart skip when you noticed a dusty, wooden box tucked away in the corner. you walked towards it, your hands starting to tremble for no reason. 

you could hear mary shifting with excitement as she found something new in her box, but you were too interested in the box in the corner in front of you. you knelt on the floor, your hands traced the chest, feeling some magnetic pull to it strangely. 

you carefully opened the box, revealing an ancient wooden board intricately carved with symbols and letters. you realized that it was a ouijia board. its surface adorned with faded letters and a small wooden planchette. 

mary gasped behind you, her eyes widening with awe and caution, “y/n, isn’t that a ouija board?” 

you nodded, your voice filled with wonder and uncertainty, “yeah, i think so. i wonder why it’s been left up here, ya know, because they’re like a window to the other realm, right?” 

the two of you exchanged a nervous glance before mary spoke again, her voice barely audible, “what do you say, y/n? should we use it? break in your new house?” 

you hesitated, your mind starting to understand the fear that this board could evoke, “i don’t know, mary. it’s risky. what if we unleash something?” 

mary placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder, “we’ll be careful. we won’t stay for long. we’ll just ask a few harmless questions, and if things get weird, we’ll stop, okay?” 

you sighed but slowly nod, “alright, we can try it. who knows, it might not even work.”

“probably not, but it’ll be fun to try.” 

you and mary gathered around your kitchen table, the ouija board spread out before you. soft candlelight flickered, casting eerie shadows on the walls. 

you hesitated, your two fingers trembling as they hovered above the planchette, “are you sure about this mary? i have a bad feeling.”

mary’s voice was pure excitement, “we’ll be fine y/n, just a couple of questions, ok?” 

they placed their fingers lightly on the planchette, their anticipation growing with each passing moment. the room seemed to hold its breath, awaiting their next move. 

“is there anyone here with us?” mary asked, her voice confident, waiting for a response from the other side. but as minuted passed by, the ouija board remained still, its surface unyielding to their inquiries. 

“maybe it’s not going to work, mary.” you said with a tinge of disappointment. 

mary sighed, defeated and regretful, “i guess you’re right. i shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up too high.” 

just as you two were about to lift your hands from the planchette, a sudden chill filled the air, causing both of you to shiver. you exchanged a puzzled look with mary as your attention was drawn back to the ouija board. slowly but surely, the planchette began to move, gliding across the board’s surface with an eerie certainty. 

your eyes widened, your heart pounding in your chest, “uh mary, it’s moving.” 

“i know,” mary replied in disbelief as the planchette stopped over “YES”. “oh my god.”

“oh my god,” you repeated, “that wasn’t you?” 

“no! was it you?” 

you shook your head, “definitely not.” with your body scared to the bone, mary let out a laugh, “what’s so funny?” 

“nothing! nothing.” mary waved her free hand, “just, this is going to be so fun.” 

you sighed, “just, be careful, alright? i don’t need my new house to be haunted or something.” 

mary agreed and then asked again in her confident voice, “who are we speaking to?” 

again, your eyes widened in disbelief as the planchette spelled out a name, letter by letter. 

H– E– E– S– E– U– N– G. 

“heeseung?” mary repeated, her voice filled with confusion, “who’s heeseung?” 

your brows furrowed, trying to think if you know anyone by that name, “i don’t know mary, i’ve never heard that name before. it could just be a random spirit trying to communicate with us.”

mary shrugged and continued, “what do you want, heeseung?” 

the planchette moves then, their fingers still atop as it spelled out the next word. 

H– E– L– P.

you exchanged concerned glances with your friend across the table. the atmosphere in the kitchen growing heavy and gold with the unexplained presence. 

“h-how can we help you?” mary asked the board. 

I– N– C– U– B– U– S.

“what the hell’s does incubus mean?” you asked your friend. 

“isn’t that like, a sex demon?” mary said, stifling a laugh. 

“a sex demon?” you repeated, tilting your head in confusion. 

“yeah, seems like someone’s horny in the afterlife.” mary jokes, making you bite your lip to stifle your own laugh. 

before either of you could speak again again, the planchette started moving, dragging your fingers along with it. 

N– A– M– E. 

“name?” mary said out loud, “say your name.” 

“what, why me?” 

“because it’s your house, and we found this thing upstairs.” 

you sighed before stating, “y/n.” 

you expected the planchette to move again so the spirit could reply, but instead the small kitchen window above the sink swung open, letting the wind from outside enter roughly. the cold gust of wind blows out all the candles, plunging your kitchen into darkness besides the lone street lamp outside. a low guttural growl resonated through the air, sending shivers down your spines. 

“jesus!” you jumped up, your hands leaving the board as you get up and close the window that was hitting the wall now. mary followed you, but turns on the kitchen light instead. “what was that?” 

“i don’t know, wind.” mary said with a sarcastic tone, “it’s fine.”

“what? you weren’t scared by that?” you asked your friend curiously. 

mary shrugged again, “i mean, you felt how rough the wind was, and this house is old. it makes sense that the window would open like that.” 

you stared at your friend in disbelief, your hand stayed on your chest as you tried to slow your breathing. mary started grabbing her belongings, slipping her bag over her shoulder, oh so chalantly as you felt petrified from the events that occurred only a minute ago. 

“so are you taking that thing home?” you asked mary, referring to the board that sits still on the table. 

“what, no?” mary replied with a crinkle of her nose. 

“but why not? you’re the one who likes these kinds of things.”

“well yeah, but we found it here. and god knows how long it’s been here, i wouldn’t want to upset it.”

“upset what?��� your eyes widened in fear. 

mary only laughed at your expression as she came over to you, her hands rubbing your shoulders as you face each other. “y/n, calm down, nothing even happened! we spoke to a spirit for five seconds and then the wind blew open the window. just put the board back in the attic and go to bed.” 

you sighed at your friend, dreading to go back up into the attic once she’s gone. 

“i’ll see you later, alright?” mary said as she stands on your porch with a smile, “nothing’s gonna happen so just enjoy your new house.” 

you told your friend to have a goodnight before going around and making sure every door and windowwaslocked for the night, keeping all the lights on as you do so. when the time comes for you to put the board in the attic, you closed your eyes and placed it on the closest box to the stairs before turning and bolting down the stairs, slamming the floral door shut behind you. you wished the door would have never opened in the first place as you slide into bed, scared for the first time in your new house. 

you were only able to sleep for a few hours before you were awoken suddenly. your body jolted awake as you sat up in your bed. your chest heaved heavily as you looked around your bedroom, but ultimately saw nothing. 

you brushed a hand through your wild hair, mentally laughing at how scared you truly were. when you stretch out, ready for bed again you realized how damp your panties were and you wondered if you were having a wet dream of some sort that woke you up, but couldn’t seem to remember anything. 

when you started to lay down again, figuring that it must be around 3am and you needed to go to sleep, you heard a creak from the other side of your room. you instinctively turned your body to face the corner, but again, nothings there. you told yourself that it’s just the old house, but for some reason you couldn’t get rid of the feeling that it’s something more. 

one more time, you started to move your pillows so you could go back to sleep, but you heard a creak again from the same spot in the dark corner of your room. your eyes widened at the spot, suspecting to see something or someone other than the wall and darkness, and were about to go mad when you see nothing again. you smiled to yourself. thinking about how crazy you must truly look if anyone was here with you. 

“looking for me?” a man’s voice spoke from the otherside of you. you could barely see the person before you were screaming, crawling backwards to the other side of your bed to get away from the voice. “hey, hey, it’s okay, shh.” 

“no! who are you!” you cried out, your body shaking with fear. 

“c’mon, y/n.” the man tsked at you, “you know who i am.”

“no! i don’t! please! just leave me alone! please!” you started crying, tears running down your face in an instant from pure fear, not knowing what this man was going to do with you. 

“y/n, say my name.” his voice was stern, but playful as he speaks to you. 

“i don’t know you’re name! and i don’t know how you know me! please! please! don’t hurt me!” 

the man sighed, “fine.” he lifted his pale hand and snapped his fingers. instantly the tears brimming your eyes were gone, but your cheeks were still wet from the previous ones. your breaths calm and your body stopped shaking. your mind went clear, even though the deep, inner voice of yours was still screaming for help. “i didn’t want to have to do that, but you need to listen to me and calm down.” 

your eyes snapped to the man, wanting to scream but can’t from the peacefulness taking over your body. you could actually examine the man now. he was tall and lean, he exudes an otherworldly charm that seemed to fascinate and terrify you. his hair was jet-black and falls over his eyes, yet frames his face that was carved in the moonlight that enters your bedroom. 

your heart was racing, but was slowing down the more deep breaths you take. his eyes were dark brown as they stare back at you. 

“who are you?” you voice was steady when you speak, which surprised yourself. “what did you do to me?” 

his voice was smooth and melodic when he spoke again, “you know who i am.” 

“i don’t.”

“you do,” the man sat on your bed, hands grabbing your shoulders so you look right at him, “think y/n. who am i?” 

you were about to shake your head no, but suddenly there were flashes in your head. the man sitting in front of you, laying in your bed, smirking up at you as you hover a top of him. a flash of him laying shirtless and having abs that make you want to marvel at him for hours. and the final flash of him throwing his head back, letting out a moan of your name. 

“heeseung.” you stated, your eyes widening in realization and fear, but your body refused to act the way you’re feeling deep down, like you’re stuck. 

the man, heeseung, smiled slyly as you say his name, “there you go, good girl.” 

“how- what?” you questioned, wondering how you knew this man in front of you was heeseung, the spirit you contacted earlier through the board and how did you get those, those memories of him. 

his smirk grew deeper on his face, “i gave you a nice dream before i made you wake up, i thought you’d like it.” 

you think more about the dream he must’ve given you, and pushed away the thought that crosses your mind of how you wish the dream would have lasted longer. there’s a whole demon sitting in front of you, and you can’t seem to react the way you want to, just placed frozen on your bed. 

“what do you want, heeseung?” you asked him, your voice almost monotone, but really wanting to scream. 

a tantalizing smile curled onto his heeseung’s lips before he speaks, “you.” 

the voice in the back of your head screamed louder, wishing to get away from him, but yet you stay still, “why me?” 

heeseung grabbed your hand in his, his skin cold against your own. you felt disgusted as he touches you, but lean your hand into his. “because you summoned me and set me free. and now, i need to fulfill my duties.” 

you wanted to scream, but you couldn’t. you were trapped still on your bed with a demon holding your hand. and all you could do was sit there, expressionless. “what- what did you do to me?” 

heeseung retracted his hand, “i’m sorry, i had to so you would listen, i can make it stop.” 

“please.” your begging word came out monotone. 

“i will. but first you need to understand how you’ve summoned me to fulfill my duty as a worker of the underworld. can you listen?” 

you nodded slowly, wanting to understand more about this demon and how the hell he’s ended up beside you. 

“i’m an incubus. and the main part of my duty is to pleasure women, sexually. and i can do that for you, y/n. i can sense that you’ve never properly been pleasured,” heeseung’s hand pushed your hair behind your ear and you struggled to not shiver at the contact, “i can make you feel good.”

you gulped as you dare to look heeseung in the eyes. you noticed the way his dark eyes glint in the moonlight and how his jawwasheld tonight as he smirked at you. you hated yourself for thinking how attractive he would be if he was a human. “how would you know?” 

heeseung almost let out a laugh at how naive you are, but he found it charming at the same time, “because i am a demon y/n. i’m forever trapped between realms for my actions i did as a human. and for that, i’m forever yearning for a taste of the forbidden. and you, y/n, have summoned me and are now my object of fascination. i can make you feel good, i know you want me to.” 

“no, i don’t.” you speak, trying to defend yourself from the demon. 

heeseung tsked, “as an incubus i can appear as anyone that the woman so desires. i’ve appeared as many celebrities, ex-boyfriends, random strangers the woman has seen on the street. but for you, you desire me.” 

you avoided heeseung’s stare now, nervousness wanting to spread all over your body as he calls you out. you’re sure that if you weren’t under this trance of his your breathing would be rapid and you’d be fidgeting. 

you felt heeseung’s hand slither to your jaw, turning to your face gently to look at him, “just say the word y/n, and you can have me.” his melodic voice was in a whisper as he was mere inches away from your face, “just tell me you want me.” 

you could feel your heart pounding in your chest even though the rest of you remained in an unwelcome calm. a magnetic pull between you and heeseung has somehow grown too strong to resist in the few minutes he has sat in front of you. 

with trembling lips, you looked into heeseung’ captivating eyes, swirling with a seductive and darkness glaze, and a surge of boldness coursed through your veins as you give voice to your deepest desire. 

“i want you.” 

heeseung’s enigmatic smirk widened, a flicker of satisfaction danced on his face. it was as if your confession had unlocked a doorway to a realm where pleasure and danger intertwined. 

he leaned closer, his breath caressing your lips before they were pushed onto yours. heeseung’s fingers snap in your ear, and suddenly you’re overcome with so many, too many emotions all at once : fear, lust, nervousness, curiosity. 

in your dimly lit room, with your lips pressed together with a demon’s you know you should’ve pulled away and ran, but there was a dark lust inside of you. curious to see how heeseung could have pulled you in so quick with his words. a surge of electricity coursed through your body, feeling a connection with heeseung deepening. the kiss ignited a fire within you, a flame that seemed to consume all over her overbearing emotions. 

heeseung’s lips were soft, yet demanding, drawing you further into a world where pleasure and danger danced perfectly together. it seemed like both of your desires intertwined, blurring the line between terror and passion. 

time seemed to stand still as you deepened his kiss. your mouths moving in perfect synchrony as if you’ve kissed one million times before. 

as heeseung pulled away, your eyes locked, your heavy breaths mingling in the small space between you. heeseung’s hands came up and roughly pushed you down against your bed, your head landing in your pillow. heeseung’s head delved down, sucking and biting immediately onto the sweet spot on your neck. you gasped, arching your back into his chest, wondering how he found the perfect spot so quick. 

you could feel heeseung smirk against your skin, “i know all your desires y/n, everything that makes you feel good.” he lifts his head to look into your eyes, “everything that you’ve been deprived of, never having the chance to be perfectly pleasured by someone else.”

you gulped harshly because it’s true. every time you’ve had sex it’s always been disappointing and you’ve never been fully satisfied. your last boyfriends would take charge during sex, and would never give you the room to express what makes you feel good. you’ve tried random hookups with guys at bars or ones you’ve meet on tinder, but they never know how to please you and only take care of themselves. 

“i told you,” heeseung pressed a kiss into your cheek, “i’ll make you feel good.” he pressed a kiss into the other, “it’s what you deserve.” 

you nodded gently at heeseung’s statement, allowing yourself to fully trust a demon with your body, wanting to taste the pleasure that you do deserve and should have felt before. and for some reason, you didn’t feel any hesitation giving your body to him. 

heeseung’s hands started to grope your body, trailing down your sides and massaging your thighs at the end. he grabbed your thighs, pulling them so they bend at your knees and wrap around his waist. his lips were meshing against yours roughly, the way that you’ve always wanted to be kissed. your ex boyfriends were always so gently and sweet, which you could appreciate, but sometimes you just wanted to be taken roughly. 

heeseung’s hands pulled up your shirt, letting his flood at your neck as he exposes your breasts to his sight. his hips were grinding into yours as his hands groped your breasts. you could already feel how hard he was in his black pants as he grinded his hips into your core. you could feel your wet panties get wetter with the friction. 

heeseung finally pulled off your shirt, taking a break from your lips. “fuck, such perfect tits.” heeseung groaned before he’s putting his lips over your erect nipple. he switched between your breasts, his tongue circulating the nipple in quick motions. you moaned at the cold air brushing against your skin once he pulled it off. 

heeseung suddenly pulled your legs straight before pulling down your sleeping shorts so you were left in only your panties. he was then spreading your legs wide as he kneels down between your legs. 

“wha-?” your voice was cut off as he pressed his mouth to your wet mound. a moan leaves your lips instantly, never having a man go down on you before. 

“fuck, baby, so sensitive already?” heeseung mumbled as he pushes your panties to the side, exposing your pussy to his eyes. 

you could only moan again in response as he delves down again, his tongue against your bare pussy now. heeseung moaned as he tastes you, his eyes closing for a brief second to take in your taste. your jaw droppedas you watch him in between your legs, his tongue slipping in and out of his mouth and around your lips. 

he made sure to reach every part of your pussy, letting his saliva mix with your own wetness that he’s made. 

“that’s so fucking good.” you told him, not missing the smirk on his face when he heard your words. 

heeseung then slipped a finger inside of you, instantly finding your g spot. you cried out his name, wanting to tell him to not stop, but you could tell he didn’t plan on it. his free hand finds your breast, taking the nipple in between his fingers. 

you felt overwhelmed by him in the best way. his tongue and fingers reaching every pleasure point of your body. you don’t think anyone has ever been able to find everything that makes you feel good before, even your ex boyfriend that you dated for years. 

heeseung groaned into your core, losing himself in your taste and walls as his two fingers massage your g spot in circles, “you love the way i play with your pussy, y/n?” his voice was deep when he speaks to you, and it makes you throw your head back into your pillows. 

suddenly all of the pleasure heeseung’s been giving you stopped, and before you could complain, a sharp slap hits your wet mound, the wet sound echos into your bedroom walls. “heeseung!” 

“i asked you, question.” heeseung dark eyes meet yours through your legs, “answer me or i stop.” 

your chest was heaving from the pleasure and shock, “y-yes, i love it.” 

heeseung smirked at your answer, “good girl.” before he delved back into your pussy, his fingers fucked into you at ease as his tongue switched between sucking and circling your clit. your body relaxed into the pleasure again, grabbing onto his hand that rests by your chest. 

without thinking you pulled his fingers into your mouth, sucking on them instead of letting out the moans you know you can’t control. your actions make heeseung groan against your pussy, the vibration making you suck his fingers harder. your body felt like fire as your tongue circles his fingers like his tongue circles your clit. 

your body started to move against your bed, unable to stay still from the pleasure. his fingers dropped from your mouth and landed on your thighs to keep them open. his tongue started to delve deeper into your pussy as his fingers pick up their pace. heeseung keeps groaning against you, loving the way you started to grind back onto his mouth. 

you could tell heeseung loved having his tongue and fingers in you, and that only adds to the pleasure you were feeling. loving the fact that a man (whether he’s a demon or not) actually wanted to pleasure you, something you’ve never experienced with your past, selfish partners. 

your back arched suddenly off of your bed, the pleasure becoming too much for you to hold back, “fuck, heeseung!” you cried out his name, pushing your pussy farther into his face. 

“you gonna cum, angel?” heeseung’s lips mumbled against your clit, his fingers starting to pound into you, rubbing your g spot every time. 

“y-yes! please don’t stop! please!” your begging this time was so different from how you were begging him just minutes ago. 

“cum for me, y/n. cum all over my fucking face.” heeseung encouraged you, and it was all the took for you to come undone with just a few minutes of him pleasuring you. the feeling was new to you as you had never come undone from someone’s tongue and you wished your high could last longer. a final, high pitch moan left your mouth before you were pushing heeseung away from the sensitivity. 

heeseung grunted but pulled away, licking his lips to vanish your juices off of his lips, “fuck, you taste good.” heeseung leaned down and pressed a kiss onto your lower stomach that was heaving with your chest, trying to catch your breath from the orgasm he just gave you. 

before you could speak again, heeseung’s hands were sliding under your body and flipping you around onto your hand and knees. your body still felt like mush from your orgasm so he could easily handle you. 

you heard heeseung start to unzip his pants, pulling them to reveal his cock. when you turn, wanting to catch sight of it, you gasped. his cock was long and hard. there were veins trailing up the sides that reached the red tip, oozing with precum. his girth will definitely stretch you and you wondered for a second if it’ll even fit inside of you. heeseung caught a glimpse of your concerned face, pressed a hand onto your lower back so your chest and face are against the pillows. 

“don’t worry, angel, i’ll be gentle at first.” heeseung speaks to you, massaging your ass cheeks with his hands, trying to calm you in any way that he knows. 

heeseung spits down onto your pussy, making you squeak as you felt his spit trickle down your pussy. he spits in his hand and smeared it over his cock, lubing up everything as both of you know he’s definitely the biggest you’ve ever and probably will ever take. 

heeseung gave your ass one more smack before he’s pushing his cock into your dripping pussy. your mouth dropped open as you pressed your face into your pillows, feeling your walls stretch so well around him. you were thankful for the orgasm he gave you before, because you’re sure it would’ve hurt more if you weren’t so wet and stretched from his fingers. 

once he’s fully inside he stopped, letting you take deep breaths into your pillow as you adjust to his size, “do i fill you up good, y/n?” heeseung asked, massaging the red hand print he’s left on your ass. 

“mhm,” you mumbled to him in your pillow, “so good.” 

heeseung started to fuck into you then, holding onto your waist as he thrusts from behind. you could feel his hips hit your ass every time his cock was deeply delved into your pussy. you swear you could feel him in your stomach. 

“fuck, it’s so big.” you moaned out, your hands clutching your sheets as his cock stretches you out, feeling every inch of your walls, even the parts that have never been touched before. 

heeseung aimed for your g spot everytime, the rough patch rubbing against his cock so easily. you wondered how no one has been able to find it before since heeseung has seemed to find it so instinctively. 

heeseung’s hands were molding into your ass, grabbing and massaging as he uses it to fuck into you. his own mouth was dropped open as he fucks you, leaning down to kiss your back gently, in complete contrast to how rough he’s fucking your pussy. you felt like you were being ripped open, but you could care less from how good it felt. 

heeseung reached around you, wrapping his large hands around your breasts, pulling and tweaking your nipples. you manage to sit up on your knees, pressing your back into his chest as you turned your head to look at him. his eyes that were once brown were now full on black. you could see your own fucked out reflection in them before you were grabbing his head from behind and pulling his lips onto yours. they mesh so well together and you know it should scare you, but it only leaves you wanting more and more. 

his cock was lodged so deep inside of you as he fucked up into you at the new angle. your ass was jiggling each time he slams his cock back into you. your tongues were exploring each other’s mouth, tasting each other as his hands keep roaming your body. 

at once, you were being pulled away from his lips as he pushed you back down onto the bed. your face in the pillow and your ass up, pussy still gripping onto his cock. he was grabbing your hands from the sheets and pulling them behind your back, locking them in place and using them as a new holder to fuck into you. 

heeseung started pulling his cock all the way out of you, before ramming it back in all the way. you could feel his cock hitting your cervix as you cried out his name. “oh fuck, heeseung!” 

“yeah, that feel good?” heeseung said, his voice relatively calm, “who’s pussy is this then?” 

“yours! fuck, all yours!” you replied instantly, not even thinking about anything else, drunk on the pleasure. 

heeseung kept fucking into you as he reached for the hem of his black shirt, pulling it off his head so now he’s completely bare behind you. you turned and graveled at his body. it was pale, and the moonlight seemed to make it glow. you could see sweat starting to form around his faint abs that blended in with his milky skin. his broad shoulders slink into his small waist perfectly. everything about heeseung seemed to be beautiful, and that’s so, so dangerous. 

heeseung’s suddenly pulled out of you, making you whine. he chuckled darkly as you, before he flipped you back over onto your back. instinctively you spread your legs for him, just wanting him to be back inside of you. heeseung grabbed one of your legs, putting it up on his shoulder while the other leg wraps around his waist. 

he slipped his cock back into you and you both groaned at the new angle. heeseung leaned down and pressed a deep kiss onto your lips briefly. 

“open your mouth, let me see your tongue,” he stated and you do as you were told. 

heeseung spits into your mouth, making you moan as you swallow. you wondered for a second how he knew that you were into that, but then remember that he was not just a normal man on top of you, he was an incubus, and his duty was to know every single one of your desires. the thought gets pushed away by the pleasure before you could think more of it. 

“yeah, you like that? you like being my bitch?” heeseung asked you, his black eyes, almost covered by his eyelids that were closing from his own pleasure. 

“i love it! i love it, please.” you replied truthfully. heeseung smiled devilishly at your obedience. 

heeseung stopped pounding into you, and you watched him reach over to your nightstand, your embarrassment crawled up into you as you sat up, “wait!” you speak, but it’s too late, heeseung had already pulled out your vibrator, and the devilish grin only grew on his face. 

“what?” he tilted your head as he saw the pink on your cheeks, “you don’t think i know how often you use this to pleasure yourself?” 

“i- i,” you tried to speak but were too embarrassed and watched him examine the vibrator. 

“why can’t we let it join our fun?” 

you gulped, new ideas and images of heeseung filling your mind at his suggestion, “we, we can.” 

heeseung smirked at you, and you only fall deeper into him as he turned on the vibrator. the noise filling your room as he pressed it into your clit. 

“fuck!” you cried out instantly, your pussy was still sensitive from the orgasm before. 

it only took a second more before heeseung was shoving his cock back into you, fucking into you so fucking deep as he pressed the vibrator harder and harder against your clit. your hands flied up by your head, pulling at your pillow as you take the pleasure that heeseung was giving you. 

only curses leave your mouth as your body began to rave on the pleasure. heeseung’s free hand reached down to your neck, successfully choking you. your eyes rolled to the back of your head uncontrollably. 

heeseung was biting, licking and kissing your leg that was hooked onto his shoulder, his eyes watching the pleasure take over you. you had never felt so exposed before, but you wouldn’t want anything else in that exact moment. you love the thought of heeseung just wanting to see you come undone on his cock. like it’s the only thing he’d ever want in this world. 

“yes, that’s a good girl, take my fucking cock.” heeseung grunted out to you, his grip on your neck not releasing. 

he kept pounding into your, your body began to twitch again, not being able to stay still from all the pleasure and adrenaline running through your body. 

heeseung pressed the vibrator into your clit harder, stopping his thrusts with his cock deep inside of you as he bended over and kissed you. his tongue swirling around your mouth. you can’t kiss him back properly as moans just keep falling out of your mouth. so, he sucked one of your fingers into his mouth. 

“oh my god,” you let out, watching the handsome man lick and suck around your thumb as he made deep eye contact with you, his cock seeming to hit every inch of your pussy, the veins dragging so perfectly against your wet walls. 

“no one’s ever made you feel so good before, right angel?” heeseung asked you, a smirk on his face that dropped quickly when you don’t, when you can’t answer. his hand left your waist and slapped you across your face, “answer me.” 

“no! never! only you!” you replied, liking the way the sting felt on your face. the pain just mixed with the pleasure. 

heeseung’s hand wrapped around your neck again, squeezing tight as you took his cock. suddenly you can’t take the pleasure anymore, “cum, gonna cum.” you told him. 

he released your neck and slapped your face again, slapping both of your cheeks as you started to grind down on his cock as his hips meet your own. the vibrator makes wet squelching noises as it pressed between your pussy lips and clit. 

“cum for me, angel, cum all over my cock,” heeseung nodded at you, “wanna feel how tight you get around me when you cum.” 

his words set you off again, and your body convulsed as you felt the coil in your stomach snap. all the pleasure taking over your body as you tensed and untensed your limbs, feeling the high make your body and mind melt away. you could do nothing as heeseung continued to pound into you, letting you ride out your high with his cock constantly hitting your g spot. 

“that’s it, that’s my good girl.” heeseung groaned out, your tight, wet walls affecting him just as much as he’s affecting you. there was a sense of pride in you as you come down from your high as you watched heeseung struggle to keep his own composure. 

he turned off the vibrator and threw it to the side of the bed, almost completely forgotten as he grabbed your legs and pushed them down onto your chest. heeseung was then hovering over top of you, his cock still plunged deep inside. 

“fuck,” you let out, his hands gripping the back of your thighs, “you fuck me so well.” 

“i know, angel, i told-, told you I would.” heeseung’s voice was getting breathy as he was reaching closer to his high, “want you to cum one more time for me, y/n, please.” his begging voice and eye contact made anything feel possible to you. 

heeseung’s fingers slipped down to your sensitive clit, rubbing small circles into it as his pace of his thrusts didn’t slow down. 

it only took a few more thrusts before you were hitting your third and final orgasm of the night, the most you had came before. your body felt like it was on a sensitive overdrive as heeseung fucked you through your high. your jaw dropped in a silent scream as your walls tightened around heeseung’s cock for the last time. you could hear heeseung’s groans as he was getting closer and closer to his own orgasm. 

“please cum, heeseung, please. wanna see you cum for me,” you begged him, eyes pleading as he held onto your thighs tighter. 

“fuck, fuck,” heeseung let out before he ripped his cock out of you. his hand started jerking his hard cock, slippery with your cum and juices. his eyes switched between your swollen pussy and your fucked out face. “y/n, yes!”

you could feel heeseung’s warm cum land on your lower stomach, his grunts mixed with the mentions of your name. you had never thought your name sounded pretty before, but it slipping off of his lips made it seem ethereal. 

both of your chests were breathing heavily as heeseung leaned down, meshing his lips onto yours in a messy, but almost passionate way. the passion delved in the kiss stirs something in you, scaring you when you remembered that he’s a demon you’ve accidentally summoned. 

you shoot your eyes open at the thought, sitting up in your bed, reality consuming you that you’ve just had sex with a demon. 

but when you looked around your room, feeling your lips still tingle from the kiss that was happening just a second ago, you find yourself alone. no one in your room except for you and the moonlight. 

then, an almost instantaneous need for sleep started to consume you, and even when you tried to fight it just mere seconds before you pass out, head falling back on the pillow, you fail. your body lays on your bed in a peaceful, innocent manner, so much different than how it was interacting minutes before. 

when you awake again, it’s morning, the moonlight filling your room has changed into midday sunlight. your head felt like it was pounding when you sat up, placing your hand over it for some comfort. you felt confused when you tried to piece together what’s going on. 

suddenly, painful quick images flash in your brain. images of heeseung, his mocha eyes turning black, his cold lips against yours, his hands roaming over your body. 

you rip off your blanket that has been covering you. you were wearing your pajamas and it makes you question yourself on how you went to bed. you have no memory of getting dressed or putting the blanket over top of you. or even how you wiped up heeseung’s cum off of your stomach. 

you briskly get out of bed, making your way across the hall to the bathroom. you turned on the cold water, needing some sort of relief from this awakening. you lean against the counter with your hands on your cold, wet face, soaking in the water as you try to recall more memories from the night before. trying to distinguish if it was all a nightmare or real life. 

you walk yourself through everything you could remember. it’s too detailed to just be a nightmare, but you don’t remember anything after heeseung pressed a final kiss to your lips. his lips, they were perfect, they knew everything that could make you feel good. 

then, the memory comes back. you stand up straight, looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror as you pull your hair back, desperate to see your neck. 

and there it is, a bright, purple hickey right below your ear. 

your breath started to pick up pace as your fingers run over the bruise. fear and astonishment filling your body as you realize that everything you think happened last night, did in fact happen. 

you had sex with a demon. 

and you liked it. 

there was no doubt in your mind that it wasn’t the best sex you’ve ever had. that you wouldn’t kill to have it again, to see heeseung one more time. feel his lips trail over your body, utilizing every part of his and your body to make you feel good. 

and that thought terrified you. 

there was no way you were craving sex with a demon, wishing that you could see him again. you sounded crazy. 

so you told yourself that it was all a trick, and that after this exact moment you would never think of the demon with the cherry lips and soft black hair again. it was over and done with as what happened was part of his ‘duties’ or whatever. it meant nothing and never will, heeseung the incubus was out of your life for good. 

it didn’t take long for heeseung to start corrupting your dreams, blurring the line of what a dream and a nightmare is. in the depths of the night, your slumber was disturbed by images. 

always finding yourself in a desolate dreamscape that you wander through, listening to whispers of your name in the air. the voices draw you towards a figure standing in the shadows. the closer you get, the more you could realize that it was heeseung, his presence both captivating and terrifying. 

you could feel fear clenching your heart, your instincts wanting you to flee. yet, a part of you secretly relishes these dreams, these encounters with the enigmatic demon who holds a power over you whether he knows or not. 

in the nightmare, heeseung steps forward, his eyes gleaming with his charm. “angel,” he murmured, his voice a seductive melody that you remember it has. “you’re mine, right?” 

conflicting emotions surge within you. you know you should be frightened by him, to resist his demonic presence. but a part of you craved his attention, relish in the intrigue and danger that pulsed through your veins. 

as he moves closer in the nightmare, reaching out and placing his cold hands on your bare arms, it sends electric currents surging through your body. making you feel a sort of high heeseung has only ever been able to give you. 

despite the initial fear of your nightmares, your secret longing intensified the more you dreamt of him. it was a twisted dance between fear and desire. you yearned for the darkness that consumed your dreams, drawn to heeseung like a moth to a flame. 

you started seeing flashes of what could only be heeseung during the day when you were awake. seeing him in the reflection of the window when you were washing dishes, only to turn around and to find no one. 

when you went out to a cafe with mary, you swore you saw heeseung standing across the street through the cafe’s window, but he was gone when you turned your head completely to look at him. 

finally, feeling insane from seeing him in your dreams and while you were awake, you had enough. you needed to talk to heeseung. you needed to see him for more than a second again. 

knowing the only way you reached him before was thrown on a dusty box in the attack, you started to march your way to the attic, just wanting peace from this hellish reality you’ve been living in for weeks. 

as soon as your hand was about to turn the copper door knob on the faded floral door, you heard his voice behind you. “and what do you think you’re doing?”

you squeak and turned around, facing the demon you were looking for, “i wanted to talk to you, again.”

heeseung scoffed from his position of leaning on the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, “right, but you and a ouija board don’t go so good together- especially since you summoned me last time,” heeseung started to walk closer to you, “who knows who you could’ve summoned this time.” 

you gulped as you stared up at the demon who had been in your dreams for the past month, “well, i didn’t know how else to contact you! you- you keep showing up in my dreams and i know, i’ve seen you.” 

“y/n,” heeseung glanced into your eyes, and you saw his hand start to move by his side but ultimately stopped and dropped back, “you can’t contact me again, that’s part of the whole incubus thing. we should never speak again.” 

“w-what? but what about my dreams and i saw y-!” heeseung’s finger pressed against your lips, stopping you with a quick “shh!”. 

“those should stay between us, i shouldn’t be doing those things. i could get in serious trouble.” 

heeseung’s eyes were serious as you look into them, trying to get every detail to truly remember them in their mocha form. his finger dropped from your lips and hesitantly puts his hand back to his side, like he wanted to touch you but he can’t. 

“then why were you doing those things?” 

heeseung shrugged as he scanned your confused and frustrated face, “i don’t know. i shouldn’t have though. i won’t anymore.” 

you scoffed, not being able to comprehend the turn of events, “so, this will be the last time i see you?” heeseung’s lips fell into a frown and his eyes hold sadness with your question. you take his expression as the answer you didn’t want to hear and looked away from him, to the floor. 

“i’m sorry, angel.” heeseung’s whispered words reached your ear as he steps closer to you, only an inch away from your face. his hand reached up to grab your chin, pulling your face so you looked at him instead of the oak floor. your eyes have nowhere to look except for him. you take in every detail of his face, his moles by his lips– the one on his forehead that you catch a glimpse of through his bangs, his thin nose that you just want to kiss. 

“this’ll be it.” are his last words before he’s leaning in and pressing his lips to yours. you stood on your toes to kiss him back, wanting him to feel all your emotions in the kiss. the kiss felt like a collision of souls, a culmination of desires that transcended into his and your realm. 

your hands leave from your sides to wrap around his neck, but they ultimately fall back down to your body. you open your eyes and that’s when you see heeseung was no longer in front of you, his lips have left yours, his final, lingering touch. 

you stood alone in your hallway now, your heart heavy. you knew this connection with heeseung could’ve ended with a heartbreak, but you wish it would’ve lasted longer. you wish you could’ve talked to him more before the final kiss. 

with tears streaming down your face, you whispered a final goodbye to him before going to bed, hoping and wishing that he would visit your dreams again. 

there were no more dreams of heeseung. no more sightings of him. just, nothing. 

it made you question if he was even real and wasn’t some part of your imagination. 

the more you questioned yourself and heeseung’s intentions, the more you could feel yourself grow into the dark pit your mind had made for you. your inner self was battling too many fights at once that your physical self felt weak and tired. everyday went by at the same slow pace with the same boring routine. each day seems to fade into one, unable to tell the difference between them as you fight the internal battle you’ve created for yourself. 

on one side, you knew that heeseung was dangerous. just a few months ago you didn’t even think demons were real. but now that you were aware, you should know all of the scary movies and stories and myths you had heard about them were real. you knew that heeseung had a power that could harm people. the thought of him hurting someone jabbed at your heart and made you feel ill. 

on the other side you felt a strong connection to him. the way he was gentle with you and watched over you even though he knew he shouldn’t have. it lets you know that he must also feel the same connection that you do. he’s alluring and different and makes you feel like you’re special. no one has ever been able to make you feel as good as him. 

so now that he’s gone, you struggle to really know your worth all because of a demon. 

at work, mary seemed to notice you were struggling, well everyone could tell. but your friend confronted you one evening as you were leaving work. “hey, y/n!” 

you turned at the voice of your friend, watching her chase after you in your work building. you hold the door for her and watch as her smiling face approaches you. usually you would be happy to see your friend, but you’re just so exhausted that you struggle to smile back at her. 

“you going home now?” mary asked once she’s reached you. 

“yeah,” you replied, starting walk outside now with mary beside you. 

“right, well can we talk for a second?” 

you stop and nod at your friend, wanting her to continue. 

“y/n, i’ve noticed a change in you. you seem, i don’t know, depressed. you can tell me what’s going on.” 

you tense at her words, not knowing what to say. “nothing’s wrong, mary. thanks though.” you turned away from her, hoping to get to your car quickly. 

“wait, y/n!” mary’s arm grabbedyou to turn you around. “please, i know something’s wrong. you haven’t been the same since you moved into that house.” 

you hesitated, torn between keeping your secret and the need to confide in someone. finally, you spoke in a hush tone incase someone walked by, “mary, remember heeseung, that demon we spoke to on the ouija board.” 

“yeah…” mary’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. 

“well, we accidentally summoned him, so now he’s, he’s visited me in my dreams. i hear him whispering and i see him. we’ve, spoken before.”

mary’s eyes widened with shock and concern, her voice filled with urgency, “what do you mean you’ve spoken?”

you shrugged, not wanting to tell her that you’ve had sex with him, “not much, and i can’t seem to resist him. but, he’s gone now.” 

“what do you mean ‘gone’?” 

‘he said that he shouldn’t still be in contact with me, and that it’s no good, so he’s left.” 

mary grabbed onto your shoulders so you could only look at her. “listen to me y/n, you have to fight this. whatever going on with you now. heeseung is manipulating you. he’s a demon! you must break free from him, from this, whatever you have with him!” 

but even as your friend warned you and told you the same things you’ve told yourself, your heart raced with longing for heeseung. you yearned to see him and talk to him at least one more time. heeseung was just too strong to resist. 

“i, i can’t mar,” you admitted. “there’s just, something about him. i know it’s wrong, but i can’t help myself.” 

mar tried to hide the disgust that was filling up with her when a genuine smile spread across your face for the first time in weeks, and it was because of a demon. an evil demon that she thought was only doing harm to her friend. 

as mary reached out to hold your trembling hands she spoke, “y/n, this isn’t good for you. maybe you should stay at my house, and get away from him.”

“no!” you ripped your hands out of your best friends, “i don’t want to! i don’t want to do any of that. heeseung, he. he’s different.” 

“he’s a demon!” 

you scoff, “you don’t think i know that? i’m connected to him! more connected than i’ve been to anyone. he understands me. and you’ll never understand that.” 

“right, i’ll never understand how my friend turned out to be such a freak! you need help!” 

you jaw droppedat your friend’s words, pure anger and guilt taking over you, “yeah fuck you, mary! you’re the one that wanted to play the ouija board in the first place! so it’s your fault!” your words snap at her and you see her face fall at them before you turned on your heel and beeline it to your car. not looking back as you pull out onto the street, ready to go home. 

that was the last time you went to work or saw mary. 

your days from then on consisted of laying in bed and sleeping. it felt like there was a part of you that was being torn apart and you didn’t know how to fix it besides having heeseung next to you. you were sure nothing or no one else could complete you again. 

your eyes felt soulless and your cheeks were stained with tears. after you lost count of how many days you layed in bed you seemed to have lost the reason why you were even crying. 

heeseung wasn’t coming back. and that should be good, all he does is bring darkness around him. but then the thought of never seeing him again made you feel worse. 

your body began to subtly shake as you began to cried quietly. your pillow being drenched in tears again before you fell asleep once again. the mid afternoon and tears lulling you to sleep so quickly, but the last conscious thought on your mind was of heeseung, yet again. 

since heeseung left, you’ve had no dreams of him, but this time, you could feel him creeping around your mind. you were calling out to him in the woods that weren’t recognizable to you, begging him to step forward because you knew he was there. the forest was dark and every tree looked the same. 

suddenly, a light was glowing behind a tree, so bright that it was almost blinding. you knew you should go towards it, having no fear in the dark forest now because of this light. 

your hand reached out and touched the dark oak as you peer around it. there, surrounded by the bright light, like it was his aura, was heeseung, leaning against the other side of the tree with his pretty smirk on his face that you missed so much. 

his name sounded foreign on your tongue when you said his name, and when he speaks back you realized you almost forgot what his voice sounded like completely. you were telling him how much you miss him, and then he’s pinning you up against the tree so you can’t move, his lips dangerously close to yours as he tells you he missed you, too. 

just when your lips were about to touch, you jolted awake in your bed. 

your room was pitch black now that it was midnight. your chest was heaving from the intense dream you were just having. you turned around to grab the glass of water on your bedside, bringing it to your lips just as you heard his voice– and you think you were dreaming again. 

“i didn’t even have to infiltrate your brain that time– that dream was all yours.” 

you drop the glass out of your hand, hearing it smash against your floor as you turned around again in bed, your legs coming up to your chest as you looked at your window. 

there, leaning against your window sill like he was against the tree in your dream– is heeseung. 

nothing about him was different from the last time you saw him. his hair, his eyes, and his cherry lips were the exact same. though, he’s wearing a plain t shirt with his black pants this time. he lookedalmost innocent in the moonlight that’s radiating off of his pale skin, but you know it’s the last thing he is. 

“heeseung!” your voice was hoarse when it comes out– it being the first time you’ve spoken in weeks. “wha- what’re you doing here?” 

heeseung chuckles as he pushes himself off the sill, “what? you don’t want me here?” 

“no! i do!” you speak quickly, sitting up on your knees to look at him better. he’s standing on the side of your bed, right in front of you on your knees. 

“i know,” he nodded, “ and i shouldn’t be here, but i saw you dreaming about me so i just had to come.” 

your hand jutted out and grabbed his wrist that’s dangling at his side, “please, stay, just a bit longer. i missed you.” 

you see heeseung’s eyes fill with hesitation as he looked down at you. your hand droppedfrom his wrist as he moves his hand up to your face and grabbeda hold of your jaw. his thumb started to gently trace over your bottom lip. 

“i missed you, too, angel.” his nickname for you falls easily off his lips as he speaks, and it makes you want to close your eyes to take in the moment but don’t just in case when you open them again he’ll be gone. “it’s late though, you should be sleeping.” 

“no, heeseung! please, i don’t need to sleep. just stay.” 

heeseung tsked but nodded to your pillow behind you, “let’s lay down, then.” 

you fell back into your bed, watching as heeseung lifted your blanket and crawled in beside you. you were laying on your back as he was laying on his side facing you. he reached up and pushed your hair behind your ear so he could look at you better. 

“i really missed you,” you toldhim with sorrow in your eyes. 

“i know, and it upset me to see you that way everyday– you were just so– so sad,” he responds, you feel his hand slip under the sheets to meet your hand, linking your fingers together. 

“i just, can’t forget how you made me feel. i’m so happy when i’m with you,” 

heeseung’s hand went limp in yours at your words, “you shouldn’t feel that way with me, y/n– you know what i am,” heeseung own eyes were filled with sorrow and guilt as he looked at you. your room stayed silent as you take in his words, hearing from him what you’ve been telling yourself the entire time. “but, you’ve changed me forever. you’ve shown me that even in this demon form i still have feelings.” 

your gazes locked, in that moment both of you realized that you were both trapped in a blessing and curse. a force that defied the rules of the mortal and death realm. but, despite the risks, both of you couldn’t deny your feelings for each other. 

“so then stay with me, at least just for tonight.” you suggested, hoping and praying that he said yes. 

heeseung nodded, the weight of your choices on both of your shoulders, “of course.” 

with a tender smile, heeseung leaned in, making your lips meet each other in a soft lingering kiss. he pulled away for a moment, taking in your reaction, which is full of longing and neediness, that he leaned in again, longer this time. 

instantly, you feel in a big burst just how much you need him. and he could sense it too. you feel him smile into the kiss, almost teasing you about your desperate need for him. 

“you want me, y/n?” he mumbled into your lips, not wanting to pull away. you whimper a yes into his mouth, his tongue exploring yours as they mesh together in a more feverish kiss. “‘m gonna make you feel good, angel.” he pressed a quick kiss on the tip of your nose. “why don’t you take your shorts off for me?” 

“okay,” you whispered to him. you lay your head further into your pillow as you reach down, untie and then slip off your short– just what heeseung had asked you to do. 

heeseung didn’t hesitate to place his hand on your pussy, the part that he didn’t know he’s been missing so much until now. his two fingers started to find your clit, rubbing circles around it. it was a light pressure at first but it already started to feel so good since it was heeseung there with you. his mocha eyes had already turned full black when you looked up at him again, his gaze on you intent as he watched you respond to his touch. 

your back started to arch when heeseung picked up his fingers’ pace and pressure. he leaned on his side, holding himself up on his arm as he watched you with a smirk on his face. you were about to tell him to go faster when he suddenly pushed his fingers inside of you, making you gasp out. 

“hee– please,” the nickname falling from your lips sent a shiver down his spine, not having heard that name since he was a mortal. 

heeseung’s fingers were so much longer than your own, him being able to reach places no one has before. your wet walls took him in so well that it was hard for him to move his fingers. 

“tell me how good you’re feeling,” heeseung practically whispered into your ear. 

“feels so good, heeseung, please don’t stop.” you begged him, his fingers slowing down their pace for a second so you could respond to him. 

“who’s making you feel so good,” heeseung’s voice was stern, “tell me.” 

“y-you, heeseung. only you can make me feel so good.” 

heeseung chickles at your obedience, “that’s my good angel.” 

heeseung didn’t hesitate to then curl his digits, immediately brushing your g-spot, making your toes curl in from the pleasure. you could feel the tension building in your body– growing in your stomach. heeseung loved watching you begin to unfold just from his fingers, but it scared him that he liked it so much. 

heeseung had made multiple women feel good in his time as a mortal and as a demon, but he’s never truly cared to make them feel good except for you. with you, he only wants you to feel good again and again and again. 

as the pleasure continued, your brain stopped functioning properly, only being able to focus on heeseung and his actions. you were so close to your high that you felt like you could climax at any moment. 

heeseung bent his head down and kissed your clit, making your hips arch into his face, causing him to chuckle into your wet folds, “so close are we? feel like you can cum?” 

you whimper a yes, “s-so close, please hee.” you just kept begging him tonight. not wanting him out of your reach ever again. 

heeseung’s tongue wrapped around your clit, sucking it into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it. a loud gasp escaped your lips as your hand fell down into his black hair, pulling on it for support. heeseung only continued to finger fuck you and suck your clit. his tongue seemingly hitting everywhere that made you feel good. 

“right there! please! right there!” you cried out to him, your eyes threatening to shut. 

“cum on my fingers, y/n, cum all over like the good angel i know you are.” heeseung’s words were muffled in your wet pussy. your thighs were closing around his hand. the pleasure from his fingers, tongue and words becoming too much for you. 

a final wave of pleasure pushed you over the edge, making your body tense and numb as you rocked out your high. your whiny moans and calls of heeseung’s name were the only sounds in the room as heeseung let you ride out your high on his tongue. 

when your body finally came down and crashed back down onto your bed you sighed, feeling too weak and happy o push heeseung away from you. he placed a final kiss on your clit and gently pulled his soaked fingers out of you before popping them into his mouth. 

you were about to protest before he was humming around them and speaking, “god, you taste so good, i don’t know how i could ever leave you.” you placed your hands over your face, too embarrassed at his statement to look at him. “stop, lemme see your face– i missed it so much.” heeseung pulled your hands away from your face. 

“i missed you a lot, too, hee.” you toldhim seriously again. having no idea that heeseung’s spine shivered at the nickname once more. 

heeseung pulled the blanket over you both, laying down beside you again. he wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his cold chest. you didn’t mind his lack of body warmth, finding it easier to fall asleep on in your hot bedroom. your fingers interlocked with his as your bodies suctioned together, neither one of you wanting the other to go. 

“go to sleep now, angel.” heeseung whispered into your hair, pressing a kiss onto your head. 

“i don’t want to.” you toldhim honestly, scared that when you wake up he won’t be here. 

“y/n, go to sleep. i promise you i’ll be here when you wake up.” 

“promise?” 

“i promise. there’s nowhere else i’d wanna be.” 

a soft smile spreads on your face as you nestle into his chest, eyes finally closing. you felt his chest rise and fall with every breath he took, even though there was no sound of a heartbeat coming from it. 

but as heeseung’s fingers caressed your hair, you allowed yourself to let go of the worries that plagued you. in his embrace you found solace, a refuge from the chaotic reality that awaited you outside of this moment, outside of this house. 

your bedroom, in that serene moment, the world slumbered around you two. you finally surrendered to the peace that eluded you for so long. with your heart steadily beating and breaths slowing, you drifted off into a deep slumber. you know that within the confines of this shared embrace, you would find strength to face whatever the future held, united with heeseung that seemed to defy all odds.

when you awakened to the gentle rays of dawn, your eyes fluttered open, instantly shifting to the space beside you. you felt your heart skip a beat when you see that heeseung was still there, his presence warm and comforting against his cold skin. 

heeseung was already awake, glancing down at you softly as you fully wake up. 

“you’re still here,” you whispered, your voice mixed with surprise and relief. 

heeseung’s lips form a tender smile as he speaks, “of course. i’ve been watching you sleep.” he confesses, his words carrying a sense of vulnerability. 

a red blush colours your cheeks as you sit up beside him. “and i slept so peacefully. it’s been awhile since i’ve slept this good.” 

heeseung’s eyes change with your words to ones of regret, “i know you’ve been so sad,” remorse fills his words, “it feels like all i can do to bring sorrow or fleeting pleasure to people.” 

you shook your head, your eyes sincere as you reach out to touch his cheek gently, “you make me happy, hee. just having you here for more than an hour means more than you’ll ever know.” 

a graceful smile joins heeseung’s lips, hopefulness in his eyes, “i promise, y/n. i’ll stay by your side forever.” 

with his words you realize how isolated and alone you have been feeling with your struggles. but now, with heeseung by your side, you felt like you could do anything in this sanctuary with him. even if he was surrounded with darkness that threatens to consume you. 

you quickly push the last thought away, leaning in to brush your lips against his in a gentle, soft kiss. a kiss that both of you find a sense of belonging in. the promise of his presence and unwavering devotion filled your core with happiness. 

one evening, as halloween approached, you two found yourselves cozying up on the couch, spending the entire day showing heeseung some popular horror movies. it had been weeks of living in isolation with heeseung, the flickering glow of the screen filled up the living room you’ve been spending the most time in. your fingers were intertwined with his as you both were watching ‘Paranormal Activity’. 

heeseung let out an amused huff from beside you as another jumpscare happened on the screen. “i still don’t understand how people can find these movies scary.” he states in bewilderment. 

you chuckle softly, putting your head on his shoulder as you do. “well it’s a way to feel scared without any real consequences. like you aren’t actually getting chased by a ghost woman.” 

heeseungs laugh fills the room, the tension of your unique situation momentarily forgotten as you absorb the movie. when the credits started to fill the tv, the room fell into a comfortable silence, and your fingers continued to trace random, gentle patterns onto heeseung’s thigh. 

“can i ask you something, hee?” you askedhim as he started to find another horror movie to laugh at. 

“mhm,” he mumbled a yes, eyes trained on the tv. 

you took a deep breath, your fingers stilling on his thigh. “how did you become a demon?” 

the question hung in the air, and for a moment you thought he hadn’t heard you. but heeseung slowly put down the remote he was holding and looked over to you. his eyes held a hint of melancholy, as if your question had flashed multiple memories through his mind all at once. 

“it’s nothing special of a story, really.” he shrugged and sits back into the couch, attention only on you now. 

“okay, but i want to hear it.” you told him and he rolls his eyes playfully, “please.” you whine only for him to laugh. 

“fine, but really, it’s nothing special, i was selfish, i let my desires control me– which made me hurt the people that i cared for. i betrayed their trust, and let my own pleasure overshadow everything else.” 

“like what?” 

heeseung sighs, “i use to be a musician, and i was in a band.” 

“a band?” you exclaim in excitement. 

“yes, and we were somewhat popular. a couple of people came to our gigs. mostly women.” you elbow him and he chuckles but continues, “it’s funny, but i’m serious. i used a lot of the women that came to our shows for sex, and then i wouldn’t talk to them again. i didn’t care if they had boyfriends or husbands or girlfriends or– whatever– because i knew i’d be gone the next day to another city.” 

“okay, but i don’t know how that would make you a demon, a lot of men are fuck boys.” you interject with confusion. 

heeseung hesitated, “well, i had a friend– he was my best friend– jake. he played guitar in our band. and he had this girlfriend– and i- i don’t know.” 

you place your hand ontop of his, “it’s okay heeseung, you can tell me. please.” 

heeseung sighedagain, but continues, “i was drunk or high a lot and one night, after a show, her and i were in my dressing room, and we– we hooked up.” you take in a sharp inhale at his words, “and jake, he walked in.” 

“what did you do then?” 

“i- i wanted to chase after him, but minjeong– his girlfriend– told me to stay and that she’d talk to him. and then i didn’t hear anything from them until the next morning and, and–” heeseung sits up, putting his head in his cold hands. 

“and what?” you askedhim, your hand instinctively coming to rest on his back. 

“they told me– the cops told me, that jake had died in a car crash. he was speeding and he was drunk and he died.” 

“i’m so sorry, heeseung i-.” 

“no, don’t be.” heeseung sits up and lookedat you, your hand falling from his body. “i don’t deserve to have any sympathy. he’s dead because of me.” 

“no, he died because he was speeding and drunk.” 

“yeah because he caught me with minjeong. god– and he loved her so much. i don’t know why i did it.” 

“well you said it yourself, you were high or drunk. it’s not completely your fault. minjeong also was a part of it.” 

ok trigger warning frfr.

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-

-

heeseung sighs, his eyes closing as he placing his hand over his eyes, “yeah and thats why she took her own life.” 

a small gasp left your mouth. 

heeseung lookedat you with remorse in his eyes, “i’m sorry, maybe i shouldn’t have told you this.” 

“no,” you sit back into the couch’s arm rest, “it’s alright. i just wasn’t expecting it.” 

heeseung scoffs, “well you don’t become a demon for no little accident, angel.” 

the room feel hoarse and dry as you take in what heeseung has told you. you know he’s a demon, and he’s done awful things. but you just could never imagine the heeseung that you know to cause such awful things to happen to others. 

“so,” your voice was small when it comes out, “how did you die?” 

heeseung cracks a sinister smile in the corner of his mouth, “an overdose. a month after jake passed.”

“oh my god,” your hand covers your mouth. 

“it was an accident. i just needed something to cope with the loss of them both– and the guilt.” 

 “i’m so, so sorry, hee.” 

“no!” heeseung turns to you, almost anger in his eyes as he speaks, “i told you. dont feel sorry for me. i don’t deserve it. jake and minjeong didn’t deserve what i did. and i can’t make up for it– but maybe being a demon– sent to hell for eternity can somehow make up for at least 1 percent of it.” 

you swallowed harshly, trying to ignore the self-rage in his eyes, “heeseung,” you began, moving towards him on the couch so you were next to him, holding his hand. somehow in his story you two had separated. “i know that what you’ve done in your past has caused a lot of pain, and guilt. but you’re not alone with this anymore. you have me, and i believe that someone– anyone can change and have redemption.” 

heeseung’s eyes changed from anger to gratitude and disbelief, “you don’t hate me for what i’ve done?” 

you shook your head no, your heart aching for the demon that you love. “no, hee. i can see that you feel so guilty, and have remorse. we all make mistakes. it’s important that you grow from them, even if it is in an unwanted location.” 

heeseung lets out a heavy sigh and finally gives in to your touch. “i’ve carried this burden with me for so long. not a day goes by that i don’t think of them, and how if i had the chance, i would take it all back. i would bring them back to life in an instant.” 

you give him a kiss on the cheek, “we all deserve a chance to change and to heal. i believe in you heeseung– im sure not all demons are as loving and guilt ridden as you. i’m here for you.”

heeseung’s eyes soften as he lookedat you. his expression filled with love and relief. he nodded to the couch cushion behind you, wanting you to lay down with him. you do so with no hesitation. your face pressed into his chest, breathing in his scent. 

the last words you hear before you fall asleep, wrapped together with heeseung on your couch are,

“you’ll always be an angel.” 

the weeks had started to stretch into months, and the isolation, the secrecy and the shadowy nature of your relationship with heeseung was beginning to take it’s toll. the love you shared was undeniable, but it was also tangled in such darkness. 

your phone calls with your parents, once filled with excitement, had turned into strained conversations. it seemed like every time the phone rang with their caller id, you found yourself rolling your eyes and snapping at them once you answered. soon, the phone calls stopped happening. 

your dreams and aspirations, once a beacon of light for yourself, now seemed like distant fantasies that you could never reach. that you never wanted to reach. you found yourself becoming increasingly negative about everything except for your relationship with heeseung. 

after the last phone call from your parents, heeseung’s concern became palpable. he had been watching your calls with your parents overtime, and had seen how dark and mean they had become. his gaze continuously filled with more and more worry. bitterness seemed to have filled you everytime you spoke to your parents, your friends or about your future or interests. 

one day, heeseung had caught you staring at the picture of your parents sitting on the window sill in the living room. your eyes were glazed over, but he could tell you were hurting and confused. heeseung prepared himself before walking over to you. his touch gentle as he brushed your hair behind your ear. his cold heart tinged as he watched a beautiful smile spread across your face. the smile he only ever sees when you were talking to him. 

“y/n, i need to talk to you.” 

“sure, about what?” your smile never left your face as you looked at him so lovingly in the eyes. 

heeseung sighed before he speaks, “i’ve noticed your anger, your negativity– you’ve not been who you truly are, for a while now.” 

your smile dropped at his words, “what’re you talking about?” 

“i’m talking about, how you apparently hate your parents now, and how you don’t want to go to work, or hang out with friends. you just want to stay in this house.” 

“well of course i want to stay in this house, “ your hand jutted out and grabbed his arm, “that’s where you are. where you and i can be together.” 

heeseung suddenly wants to shake you and hope that it’s enough to wake you up from whatever trance you’ve been in for weeks. but he knows that’s not the solution. 

“y/n, angel,” he sits you back down on the couch with him. “i knew this would happen, but i hoped it wouldn’t. but it has.”

“what’s happened?” you asked him confused, feeling your heart pick up its pace at his seriousness. 

“when a human interacts with a demon or spirit for too long, it starts to affect them, change them in a way.” you pout as you looked up at him, trying to understand what he’s saying. “i’ve changed you, y/n. i’ve turned you into someone you’re not.”

“no you haven’t!” you argued, ripping your arms away from his grasp. 

heeseung sighs, “c’mon angel. you know that you’ve never been such a bitter, negative person. that’s not you! you’re sweet, and kind, and- and an angel!” 

heeseungs words seem to break a small bit of ignorance in your brain. tears start brimming your eyes as you looked at him. “i- i don’t know whats happening to me, heeseung. i can’t control it. i feel lost.” 

heeseung’s expression turned to pained as he took your hands into his. “y/n, our love is special, but there’s darkness. i’m the darkness. you deserve a life full of light, hope and true love. i’m afraid that i’ve been dragging you down into my shadows, losing you.” 

your heart ached at his words, realization setting in. “what do we do, hee? how can we stop it?” 

heeseung looked into your eyes, hesitation and regret covering his face before he speaks, “well, there’s two choice, angel. it’s not an easy one, but it’ll make you feel better.” 

you nodded, “tell me, heeseung. i’ll do whatever it takes.” 

his voice was soft and filled with anguish when he speaks again, “you either come with me to the dark world, where our love can exist with no secrecy, or i leave, and eventually your goodness, your light, yourself, will return.” 

your tears started to spill down your cheeks as the gravity of his words sunk in, but you knew what you wanted to do. “i choose you. i’ll come with you.” 

but heeseung shook his head, “i won’t let you make that sacrifice, y/n. you deserve a life filled with great things. i can see it ahead of you– i always have been. and i won’t be the one to extinguish your light and life.” 

“no! i can’t imagine being without you, heeseung.” 

heeseung gripped your hands tighter in his, “i know it feels like that now, but i promise you, you’ll feel so much better without me. you’ll feel love from everyone that cares about you. your family, your friends– the life and people you have in the future.” 

“hee, please.” 

“i can see your children, y/n. your daughter looks so much like you.” 

you burst into tears at his words, your body falling forwards onto his. “heeseung, i- i can’t.” 

“you can. and you will. i’m sorry for the pain i’ve caused you. i didn’t want this to happen, but i’m so selfish.”

you take his face into your hands, examining every part of his face, scared that it’ll be the last time you see him, “you aren’t selfish heeseung. you’ve showed me what real love is like– real love is when you love someone no matter their mistakes, you love someone even when others tell you not to. i’m so grateful for you, i can’t let you go.” tears started to fill heeseung’s eyes as well, your warm hands on his cold skin making his dead heart ache. “please, don’t leave, heeseung.” 

his voicewasraspy when he speaks, “i have to, angel.” 

you shook your head, not wanting to believe it, but knowing deep down it has to happen. you have to get back to your old self. you could not live in isolation with a man who’s not alive anymore. “then please, stay one more night.” 

heeseung bit his lip, knowing he shouldn’t, but also knowing he could never say no to you. “okay, angel. i will.” 

you instantly press your lips to his. the ever so familiarity of them engulfs both of you. 

“i love you.” you told him sincerely. 

“i love you, too angel.” his breath fanned over your lips before he’s grabbing the back of your neck with his palm lightly, pulling you closer to him. his tongue entered your mouth, wanting to taste everything from you for what he knows will be the last time. 

your hands started to slip down his chest to his black jeans. his own cold hands were keeping your lips locked with his. he ignored your attempts at undoing his jeans by pushing back onto the couch, your lips and tongues still meshing together. 

heeseung talented hands pushed aside your shorts and panties, finding your clit so easily now after months spent together. you moaned into his mouth, his fingers adding just the right amount of pressure. 

suddenly, heeseung pulled away from your lips. your chests were heaving from the lack of oxygen. he pressed a final, quick kiss to your lips before he delves into your pussy. his fingers keeping your shorts and panties pushed to the side. your juices coat his lower half of his face. his eyes closing as he tastes you, wanting to remember the way the sweetness tingles on his tongue. 

two of his fingers slip inside of you, heading straight for your gspot. a gasp of his name left your mouth, and your hand shot to tangle with his soft, black hair. 

“you’re so good for me angel, always taste so good.” he mumbled into your wet lips. the vibration of his words rumble through your body and straight back down to your core. your hips found it hard to stay still as heeseung’s implementing pleasure continues through your body. your mind started to become hazy the faster your high approached. 

“i’m gonna cum, hee, please, please let me,” you begged him out of habit. 

“yes angel, do it for me, let me taste you cum one last time.” 

you reached your high with a heavy heart, but pleasure still coursing through your veins as you wanted more of him. you whimper at the loss of contact as he pulled away from your core. only for you to be flipped over onto your stomach. you feel his hands started to pull down your shorts and panties before he discarded them across the living room. 

“wanna fuck you from the back, know you love it when i do.” heeseung’s voice spoke, his hands coming down to roughly grab your ass. 

“please, sir, want it so bad.” 

his hand slapped down on your ass cheek hard, causing your body to rock forward into the couch arm rest. a cry escaped your lips but the pleasure from the slap rippled right down to your gaping core. 

“that’s my good girl, beg for this cock.” 

“i want your cock deep inside of me, wanna feel it touch my cervix, please sir.” 

you heard heeseung’s dark chuckle before he slapped your ass once more as he slipped his hard cock into your wet core. he slipped in so easily and filled you right up. “fuck,” he groaned once he’s balls deep, “like this pussy was made for me.” 

you whimper at his words, agreeing with him. 

heeseung’s thrusts started out quick and rough, just how you know you both like it. just like how you both know no one else will be able to make each of you feel this good ever again. you know only heeseung could make you feel this high with just his cock. 

your nails started to dig into the couch cushion underneath you as heeseung’s thrusts started to get sloppier. your orgasms starting to ignite from the pleasure. grunts, curses and whimpers of each other’s names fill the living room as you both cum at the same time. 

your breaths were heavy as heeseung’s sweaty core lays ontop of your back, still wanting to be as close as you as possible before he could never be again. he pressed a kiss into your temple before he slowly pulled out, wincing at your soft whimpers from the overstimulation. 

your breaths were steady when you felt something warm and wet start to clean inbetween your thighs. you look and see heeseung fully dressed, wiping the mess you had both made in between your thighs with a cloth. you watched him as he so carefully gets every sticky substance off of you, before he pressed a soft, delicate kiss onto your bare thigh.

when he was done, he placed the cloth on the coffee table and sighed as he meets your eyes and offered you his hand, “come, let’s get you into some clean clothes.” 

it was silent between the two of you as heeseung picked out some grey sweatpants and a sweater for you to wear. when you dressed, he layed you down into your bed, pulling the blankets up to your chin and tucked you in. you couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down your face, and you didn’t mention the tears threatening to leave heeseung’s eyes as he sat on your bed, looking down at you for the last time. 

“i love you, y/n.” heeseung spoke quietly, as if anyone could hear him. 

“i love you, too, hee.”

heeseung’s hand reached out and brushed a fallen piece of hair behind your ear, “you know you’ll always be my angel, right?” 

a sad, whimper of a yes escaped your mouth, then heeseung leaned down, pressing his lips into yours. your eyes closed, wanting to take in his presence as much as you could, so you could remember everything in perfect detail. 

you’re about to object to him leaving, but when you open your eyes, heeseung was gone. 

you sit up in your bed on your elbows, looking around your room frantically. tears were blurring your vision as you tried to find his silhouette in the shadows. but you know it’s no use. heeseung is gone, and you will never see him again. 

the days after heeseung left were agnoizingly slow. each moment weighed down by a sense of loss and regret. you wish you could’ve went with him. but the other part of you knows that this was for the best. but his absence felt like a gaping void that seemed like it would never be filled or satisfied. the sunrises no longer held the same excitement for the day ahead of you spent with him, and the nights were now filled with loneliness instead of your shared laughter. 

but as the weeks passed, a subtle shift occurred. a shift so subtle that you didn’t realize it had happened until weeks after. the painful hole in your heart started to fill with light that you thought you had lost forever. the world, once shrouded in comfortable, dark shadows, started to regain it’s bright, welcoming colours. 

you called your parents. 

you dialed their number with a sense of hope, knowing that your past conversations had been filled with anger and resentment. but as your mothers voice greeted you on the other end of the line, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. tears started streaming down yoru face as you began to apologize. 

your parents’ voices were filled with love and understanding. they forgave you, and for the first time in a long while, you felt the warmth that came with love and care. it was the first step of healing for you. the first step to rediscovering your brightness that life could offer you. 

you began to rebuild your life. working towards finding a journalism job, fixing your relationship with yoru parents, and resetting goals you had lost for months. 

you reached out to mary, wanted to make amends for how distant and unkind you were to her. you met at your favourite cafe, the familiar scent of coffee and baked goods creating a comforting atmosphere for your nerves. 

mary looked at you with curiosity and concern as she sat down in front of you. you took a deep breath as you both said hello. your voice already filled with sincerity and apologetic. 

“i’m so sorry, mary. for the way i’ve acted and how we ended it. i shouldn’t have pushed you away or treated you so poorly. i know you were just trying to help me– and you know, you mean the world to me. so i hope you can forgive me. if not now, then in the future.”

mary’s eyes softened instantly, and offered you a forgiving smile. “of course, i forgive you. it was kinda my fault you met heeseung in the first place.” 

his name makes your heart ache, “what do you mean?” 

“i’m the one who wanted to use the oujia board remember.” 

a smile cracks on your lips, “right, i guess so.” mary laughed for a second, before her eyes widened suddenly. 

“so what did ever happen with him? is he, gone?” 

you gulpped before you speak, “it’s a long story, but yes, he’s gone.” 

mary nodded in understanding, “so what’re you going to do now?” 

your shoulders perk up at her question, “well i’m almost done selling the house– and i’ve got a job in new york at a newspaper reporting job.” 

mary’s eyes expand in surprise, “that’s great, y/n! but you love that house!” 

you shrugged, “i loved that house. i’ve had a change of heart. i want something new, with no memories attached to it– or oujia boards in the attic.” 

mary laughed, and offers her coffee mug in the air for you to clink yours together, “here’s to fresh starts– and having no oujia boards in attics.” you smile at meet your mug with her’s, welcoming the new beginning of your life. 

as you sipped your coffees together and caught up on each other’s lives, you felt a renewed sense of hope. the future was filled with uncertainty, and the pain of your separation from heeseung always lingered, but you knew the memory of him will only help guide your future. 

you were determined to shape a future that would be defined by your newfound strength and resilience, and a life enriched by the lessons you learnt with heeseung. 

years have passed, and your time in new york has brought you nothing but amazing opportunities. your life has taken a new, vibrant direction. 

now, you stand proudly with your family, beaming with joy as you showed them the very first house you have ever bought. their laughter and excitement filled the air as they explored the town their mother and wife had grown up in. 

as the day was soon to be ending, your daughter’s voice chimes up at you, “c’mon mom, let’s go to grandma and grandpa’s for ice cream!” 

“yeah! i want chocolate ice cream, mom!” your son jumps up at his sister’s idea. 

you agree with a warm smile, following your family back towards your car. but, just before leaving, you cast one last look back at your old home. 

there, in your old bedroom window, where the moonlight shined in so beautifully, stands heeseung. his presence is fleeting, but the same playful smirk adorns his face, the very expression that had drawn you to him from the beginning. in that moment, your eyes interlock, and you feel the unspoken connection that had transcended realms. 

the certainty settles within your heart that someday, your love will bridge the divide between the mortal and otherwordly, between an angel and a demon.

as you walk away, hand in hand with your husband, you knew that the tapestry of your love with heeseung is far from complete, and the promise of your reunion lingers in the air, like a whisper that only you and heeseung can hear.  

@ taeghi, 2023. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY, AS LIKES MAKE IT HARD FOR WORK TO BE SPREAD AND ENJOYED BY OTHERS :)

stay safe everyone :)

[girlokwhatever]

⚘⋆.ೃ࿔✧*ੈ˚ ༘♡⋆❀ she loves me, she loves me not,,

part 2 ; discover me and reality

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paige bueckers x fem!reader (fake dating trope)

the gravity of your situation didn’t sink in until the next morning. a few of your friends messaged you during the night, some of them including girls from the basketball team. apparently bianca had posted all about it on her finsta, dissing you and paige and claiming you were a ‘cheating slut.’

you also noted quite a few missed calls and texts from bianca. you couldn’t help but read them, noticing her text demeanor is much different than how she is online. she’s practically begging you to talk to her, pleading with you to answer the phone.

you didn’t really think it all through and as soon as you read all of those messages, it hit you like a fucking bus. were you and paige going to keep this up? or was it a dumb drunk decision she made and was now regretting it?

there was only one way to find out. you didn’t want to confront her about it though, embarrassment seeping through you along with last night’s memories. you couldn’t even believe yourself, asking your best friend to be your fake girlfriend. let alone a girl you knew you had been avoiding for two months.

you groan into your pillow, letting your poor decisions rack over your head. you couldn’t deny the way your pace quickened at the thought of paige being your girlfriend, even if it wasn’t real. everyone thought it was. you push the thought away, immediately feeling quilty for thinking of your best friend that way.

you lift your head when you feel a gentle knock on your half-opened bedroom door. you see paige, standing in all her glory. she has a sweat set on, long blonde hair down and wavy, adorning her shoulders. if your heart wasn’t skipping beats before, it certainly was now.

“paige! hi!” your speech is breathless and short, shocked to see her in your apartment. you hope she didn’t catch you in your little moment, unaware of how long she’s been here. you remember that you’re half-naked under the covers, making note to keep them up and above your chest. it’s nothing she hasn’t seen before probably, but it’s different now.

“hey, i didn’t mean to wake you up or anything. jus wanted to check on you.”

“oh um, i’m good. yeah, good.” you struggle to find your words between the way she takes your breath away and how nervous you are. get it together. “how are you?”

“oh y’know, i’m good. hey i wanted to ask you something, i don’t know if you’ll really remember but.. last night bianca said something about how you and me-” she’s cut off by the sound of your phone ringing, bianca’s name flashing across your screen. paige shamelessly looks, mood immediately dropping.

much like bianca never liked paige, paige never liked bianca. your best friend always felt as if you were too good for her and deserved better. she still believes that. she believes she can be your better.

your eyes linger a little longer than paige would’ve hoped, taking note of your conflicted and angered expression.

“hey, since i woke you up you should let me buy you some coffee. i can get you breakfast too.”

you ended up accepting her offer, the two of you spending a few hours together getting coffee and walking around in town. as soon as you got back to your apartment, paige’s phone started going crazy with calls from her teammates, kk in particular.

she answered, leaning against your kitchen counter and propping her phone up. it didn’t go unnoticed how she filled your space so naturally. you were really glad the new situation you found yourselves in didn’t make anything awkward between the two of you.

not yet at least.

“PAIGE- it’s real right? the news?”

“what news?”

“girl boo don’t play right now- you and princess!”

while you and paige were out, you came up with a few rules for your ‘relationship.’ one of those was that it was a sworn secret between only the two of you, no one else. it meant you’d both have to lie to your friends, even those closest to you, but you couldn’t risk a slip up. the thought of everyone finding out you plotted an entire fake relationship just to make your ex jealous horrified you— you couldn’t let her win.

“oh yeah, real stuff.” she angled her phone towards you as you packed away some minimal groceries. kk caught glimpse of you and screamed, cheering about how her ‘two favorite people are together!’

“ok so boom- you guys should come over to the team dorm tonight. we’re throwing you a couples welcoming party!”

“a what?!”

“paige girl just come. and bring your new cute girlfriend with you. we love you princess!”

“i love you kk!”

after the call ended you and paige decided to lounge around, watching a couple of movies and catching up on the latest trends. it made you happy to just have her around, finding yourself falling back into your close bond with her.

she was happy too, esthetic really. after two months of you distancing yourself and pushing her away, she was finally back to normal with you. as close to normal as you can get with your best-friend-turned-fake-girlfriend. she missed being in your apartment, rummaging through all your dvd movies she’s seen a million times already. she missed your soft blankets and the signature scent of your home that she couldn’t find anywhere else. it was everything that made you, you.

eventually the two of you had to get ready. your process was a bit longer than hers, but she still got up when you did. you tossed her a slightly nicer, more presentable outfit she left at your place after a group sleepover once. you disappeared after that, starting your own routine.

“i’m bored,” she walks into your bathroom, leaning against the counter as she watches you. you sneak a glance at her, noticing her expression.

“you can leave before me, s’not a big deal.”

“i think it’d be weird if we didn’t show up together for our inauguration party.”

“oh, right. you’re right.”

she goes silent again, watching as you put the finishing touches on your makeup and adjust your clothes. she shamelessly admires you while you’re not paying attention, entranced by the way you look. even by the way your chest rises with each breath.

“are we going to talk about it?”

“i thought we went over everything this morning?”

“no not that. i’m talking about what bianca said last night. about you and me sneaking around.” you pause, staring your own reflection in the eye. you can’t make eye contact with her out of fear you’ll give yourself away so you just pretend to touch up a spot on your chin.

“it’s nothing really. she was just paranoid. she said that about all my friends,” it wasn’t a complete lie, bianca had suspicions of each of your friends. paige though, she garnered the majority of bianca’s accusations. you couldn’t tell her she’s the reason you and bianca broke up. paige feels her heart sink a bit and she knows it’s wrong. it’s wrong to want bianca be jealous and insecure of the relationship you have with paige, at least while you two were together. but you’re not together anymore. you’re with paige now. in a sense.

“oh, alright. makes sense i guess.”

as soon as paige pushes you through the door of her dorm, party confetti and party horns are in your face. it’s loud, everyone either blowing some whistle or simply cheering. you didn’t think your new public status with paige would excite them so much.

“happy one day anniversary yall!! that we know of..” kk flashes both of you dirty looks, her way of scolding you for not telling everyone sooner. they’re oblivious to the fact that it would’ve been impossible to let this know, considering it was completely new for you and paige as well.

balloons adorn the walls and ceiling, a small cake rests on the counter, neon lights everywhere, they really went all out. there’s even a banner with your and paige’s ship name on it.

“guys..”

“our fav couple deserves nothing but the best,” azzi smiles and pats your shoulder, pulling you with her as everyone floods the kitchen. she serves you your favorite at home drink, liquid swishing as you take a swig. you were gonna need it.

“i don’t know who asked who, but one of yall just won me fifty bucks,” nika grins, showing her venmo to everyone. kk rolls her eyes, clueing that she was probably the one on the other end of that bet.

“you guys made a bet on when we’d get together?” you ask, completely unaware of why this was even a thing.

“months ago.”

paige is frozen, face red as she stands statue still. every once in awhile she’d drop a hint at her admiration for you and she really hopes no one says anything, all completely unaware you don’t actually know paige has real feelings for you. she was stressed, positive she was going to break out in a sweat.

“ok enough of that. let’s eat some cake!” she tries to avert the conversation, giving kk a warning glare and nudging nika with her elbow. she couldn’t have anything going wrong tonight. or ever, really.

amari cuts the cake, serving everyone an equal slice. everyone found a spot in the living room, you cozying up next to paige on the couch. you were sitting between her legs, back to her chest as everyone gathered.

“so how’d it happen?”

“probably during sex or something-”

“no kk, bad.” ice scolds, watching kk give her best puppy dog eyes. you couldn’t believe how over the moon everyone was about it, never having heard any romantic innuendoes connecting you to paige.

“we were just hanging out, like usual. it kinda just happened.”

“how long ago?”

“uh, a few weeks ago.”

you’re glad paige decided to take the lead on answering the questions. they came up with them like rapid fire, some of them completely random. most of those came from kk and ice though.

“well, we’re glad it finally happened. we were beginning to think paige would never do it.”

that shocks you and stills paige, both of your breaths hitching, you didn’t want to jump to conclusions about what caroline was saying but it was hard not to, it was an outright insinuation of paige having romantic feelings for you. she knew it too, not sure on how she was going to get herself out of it. nika notices paige’s expression, narrowing her eyes in her direction.

“well, it’s a shame what bianca is saying about you online. you didn’t actually cheat on her right?”

“of course she didn’t. bianca’s just a bitch.” paige’s tone is filled with malice, mood swinging at the mention of your ex. you didn’t expect such a vulgar response from her, eyebrows furrowing in mixed emotions.

“paige-”

“bianca’s an insecure person that deserves to rot alone.”

you immediately nudge her, silencing her unfiltered thoughts. you didn’t know why she was acting like this, having very seldom seen this side of her.

everyone becomes distracted quickly, giving you the opportunity to address her hostility.

“okay, chill. what’s wrong with you?”

“nothing. jus defending you. is that a problem?”

“defending me from what, paige? the ghost of christmas past?”

at that she’s silent, fully aware that you’re right. bianca isn’t here and yet she’s still saying all these things. part of paige, the irrational part, gets upset at the way you still defend bianca. the more rational side empathizes with you, understanding that you’re probably still healing.

“yeah, alright. fine. my bad.”

you figure that’s the best apology you’ll get from her so you take it. phasing back to reality around you, you notice everyone has dispersed into groups, each one louder than the next. you and paige mingle, sticking together. eventually after an hour you find yourselves alone, paige creating an invisible protective barrier around you. her aura surrounds you and you swear you can almost feel it.

“enjoying the party?” the gives you flashbacks to last night when she asked nearly the same question, when things were simple.

“it’s good. never thought i’d go to a party celebrating something i made up though. i feel bad, lying to all of them.”

“they’ll be okay.”

it’s in this moment you realize eventually this will have to end. the reality of paige’s breath fanning your face, her pulse against your own, eyes locked with yours, makes you want to sink in on yourself. this can’t last forever, eventually it’ll end. you’ll ‘break up’ and possibly lose your close friendship with all the women in the room, all the women you’ve grown to love like family.

the thought itself makes you want to pull away, you can hardly stand to look paige in the eye. you already feel the barrier she’s built around you breaking, shattering to the ground in a million pieces. you want to run and never look back, never check to see if she’s following. but you don’t, you can’t. your heart sinks, stomach dropping and you feel sick.

you realize, truthfully and honestly, that you made the wrong decision.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

UMMMM PLOT PROGRSS IDK??!!!!!

i love you guys

make good decisions!!! (cough cough celeste)

[mixingpumpkins]

Man, we really lost when we decided that the best way to feel safe or to try to prevent bad things from happening is to assume malicious intent from everyone and police every little fucking thing about existing.

Want to go shopping? You'll be treated like a thief. Security cameras, anti-theft sensors by the door, and a staff that may or may not follow you around isn't enough; we're also putting security tags on every single piece of $4 underwear in the bargain bin and keeping everything on the shelves under lock and key, so you can't even look at it without staff assistance/supervision. No, cameras and staff monitoring checkouts isn't enough. We also need someone else searching your bags and verifying your receipts at the door. (And god help you if a security sensor somewhere didn't get deactivated properly and the door alarm goes off.)

Are you a student taking an exam? We've already decided you're a cheater. Of course you are — all students cheat. So you get assigned, spaced out seats in the testing room, surrounded by cameras. Show us your photo ID at the door. Nothing goes in the room with you but your pencil. Leave your phone, wallet, water, and anything else in a locker outside. All your jewelry, too. No long sleeves. Let us check your hair/headbands/pockets/ears/religious garb in case you're smuggling something in. Need to leave for the restroom? No, you don't, or your exam is done. Emergency? You can choose between literally shitting yourself or failing your course and risking expulsion for cheating.

Online exam? Prepare to be subject to literal spyware. Your eyes better not waver a fraction out of the "acceptable" gaze window. Don't press any button you're not supposed to or mis-click anything; that's proof you're trying to cheat. Don't even think about shifting in your seat, even if your test is two hours long.

Do you work? It'd better be at top speed and no errors at all times. We have security cameras trained on you every moment, sensitive enough to read the text of any paper you handle. We're tracking exactly what you do and how fast. Did your metrics slip for even a second? Unacceptable, even if your rate is otherwise within our "acceptable" range, because we know you can work faster. Yawn? How dare you — we don't pay you to be tired. You're not working hard enough. You must not have enough to do — your requirements have now tripled and we've cut your pay as an incentive not to waste time again. Make a mistake? You must have done it on purpose. You must be trying to steal or sabotage. We'll be evaluating to see how quickly we can fire you and if we can press charges or sue you for damages.

Need to travel via plane? It doesn't matter if you're paying through the nose to do so; you're clearly a criminal who's only not committing a crime at this very moment because you're outnumbered by security officers. We need to question you excessively if you don't look exactly like your ID picture taken three years ago. Take off half your clothes and walk through our scanners that will basically show you without them. (Then prepare to be wanded, and possibly groped — maybe even by more than one person — and if we really feel like it, taken to another room to be stripped and questioned further.) You can't take some necessities with you. Your belongings will be x-rayed and pawed through and commented upon, and they're maybe even a reason to detain and question you further. Why does your purse have suspicious organic matter in it? No, that can't possibly be a bag of fruit snacks you bought from the kiosk 20 feet away; you're trying to hide explosives.

Need medication? You're lying. You're faking. You're just trying to get drugs. You're an addict. You're a dealer. No, you don't have a condition that really requires medication; if you just slept more/lost weight/did yoga/were a better person, you wouldn't have to feel like you need to use drugs. We don't care if your doctor says you need this medication — your insurance company says you don't. Oh, you can afford it anyway? At that price? You must be reselling. We need to investigate and put notes on your file.

Communicating via message? God forbid you take even a fraction of a second too long to respond. You must be trying to hide something. You're slacking off your work. You must be cheating on your partner. You must have a problem with the sender and are leaving them out of something. You left them on read; you're being a bitch. You edited a response or took too long to type something — you're actually being mean and manipulative by not just saying what was on your mind first. Company policy is we get to see everything on your devices. You shouldn't have a problem sharing your personal location/passwords/etc. with your partner if you're not up to no good.

Want to simply exist where a stranger might see you? That's suspicious. What are you doing out here? We don't recognize you. You must be stealing. You must be casing the houses or stores in this neighborhood. You must be looking for someone to rob/assault/harass/etc. You must be part of that rabble claiming they're protesting to cover up the nuisances and criminals they are. Why did you hold a door for me — are you trying to get behind me? Why have I seen you more than once while I'm shopping here — are you following me? Why did you smile at me — do you have a problem? Why are you walking down the street? Why are you sitting on a bench? Why are you visiting the library? Why are you eating alone at the cafe? You don't look like you belong here. You look like a creep. You need the police to come handle you. (If they use force, that just shows you were up to something and totally deserve it.)

Want to exist online? We need to know everything about you — your real name, address, email, age — to ensure you're not a criminal. But you're probably also lying. We need to spy on everything you do, too: every site you visit (and how long you spend there), every purchase you make, every message you send, every search you do. We will take everything you say in bad faith, so be careful about what you post. But it's also extremely suspicious if you don't post — who doesn't have an extensive social media presence these days? What are you trying to hide? You need to indicate that you think the right way. You aren't posting about this — you must not care; you must be a bad person. You deleted an old post — you must be trying to hide your awful views. You can't possibly just be removing things from your profile that no longer reflect who you are. You posted something that I don't like — I knew there was something off about you. It's not a leap to think you're also into worse things. You're probably a pervert. You're actually a criminal of the worst sort and this is an early warning sign for those of us who are smart enough to see it. We're only accusing you of these things NOW so you don't have an opportunity to do them.

Didn't you know? You need to be constantly watched and humiliated and inconvenienced and sometimes even attacked because that's the only thing standing in the way of bad things happening. If you find all this demeaning, there's something wrong with you. Only criminals would rather trade this for being less safe. You don't want us to go from thinking you're a criminal to knowing you're a criminal, do you?

...

Like, fuck. Aren't you tired of living like this???

Some of this stuff has been around for a long time, and it obviously isn't applied evenly across all demographics. But a lot of it has also gotten exponentially worse within the past few decades. Please don't ever accept any of this as normal or necessary or good, because it's not. I'm going insane watching people shrugging off the increasing infantilization and dehumanization of everyone just because this is all they can remember.

It doesn't have to be this way. Don't ever take this shit as a given — it wasn't that long ago that some of this would have been unthinkable. And the instant someone starts talking about doing things a certain way/supporting certain things because of "safety" or "security," be very careful about blindly agreeing with them. We lose very real, important things in pursuit of the nebulous concept of "safety."

[purplephloxpress]

Another year, another Fanfiction Writers Appreciation Day!!!! If you are a writer of fanfic, please know just how appreciated you are!! Fandom would be such a different space without your creativity and labors of love. 💜

Holidays are all about making traditions, and the bookbinding friends with @renegadeguild once again came together to bind copies of fics for their authors as a show of our appreciation. This year I had the absolute joy of binding Emergency Help Wanted by the wonderful @piyo-13 and even got to collaborate with her on some of the design elements! It's a Modern AU Jiang Cheng/Lan Xichen fic that starts with a "help wanted" ad.

EMERGENCY HELP WANTED

I lied when I got my job. I told them I had a kid so I could leave early from work to pick him up from daycare, take him to doctor's appointments, and occasionally miss a day when he's sick. Long story short, I'm in too deep. I didn't think it through. Looking to rent a kid for bring your child to work day. Must be a boy ages four to six, longish dark hair, likes soccer. Must also be artistic as the macaroni noodle paintings I made seem a little advanced for his age. Also, I will pay extra for someone willing to play the role of husband when dropping him off. He's a prosecuting attorney who often brings his work home. Message me for further details. Serious inquiries only.

Ok. So. I may have gone a little feral with this one. Online "help wanted" ad spiraled into loading wheel scene dividers, spiraled into fake Google search result headers, spiraled into FULLY committing to those authentic looking text messages. In full color. (There are so many. I typeset in MS Word. It was SO worth it, but god what a struggle at some points.) And don't forget the "recent searches" title page! Or the computer cutout on the cover! (It's bluescreening, just like Lan Xichen through this entire fic!) Also that cover/title page image that I just kept adding details to. (It's supposed to be Lan Xichen's desk, so it simply didn't feel right until it had sticky notes on the computer, #1 dad on the mug, scissors and measuring tape, scribbles on the sticky notes) Did I have a ton of fun designing this one? Perhaps. Couldn't say. Maybe just a tad. (This is a lie I had an ABSOLUTE BLAST!)

Historically, I've waited until I finish at least the typeset before reaching out to the author, but not so with this one! I got the idea for the fake google search results from Piyo's authors notes, teasing the contents of the next chapter. But! Those didn't start until about chapter 4! So I reached out and asked if we could collaborate and I'm forever glad I did! Not only does this have teasers for each chapter, I also got to bounce design ideas off of her, including what shade of blue and purple for the text messages. Because my friends, that is a serious matter and changed SEVERAL times throughout the process.

Also shoutout to all my Renegade friends who gave input and encouragement over the past year while I worked on this (what endpages to use? how to make this shade of green perfectly Nie Huaisang? how do we feel about this text message design? or how about this one?) - I love you all dearly and appreciate you so much for putting up with my nonsense at all times.

Binding details below the cut!

Fandom: The Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi

Pairing: Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin / Lan Huan | Lan Xichen

Bookcloth: Aqua/Purple Dubletta from Colophon Book Arts

Endpapers: Craft Consortium Ink Drops - Ocean pack

Textblock paper: short grain cream from Church Paper

Titling: We R Memory Keepers foil quill

Endbands: leather cording core, DMC embroidery floss for the bands

Body Font: EB Garamond

Title Font: Berlin Sans FB

Text Messages: Roboto

Additional fonts: Times New Roman, Kunstler Script, Magis Authentic

Title page image from Rawpixel and designed in Canva

Various computer graphics from The Noun Project

Tumblr insists on eating and doubling text in this section at its own whim, so if there's something missing that you're curious about, feel free to DM me an ask!

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Come Out and Play 1

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as non/dubcon, age gap, cheating, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your mom welcomes an old friend back into her life that brings chaos with him.

Characters: Thor, Loki

Note: Two silverfoxes for the price of one

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. Thanks to everyone who reads this one and thank you for all your energy.<3

Love you all like Thor loves thunder. Take care. 💖

Your mother’s singing along to her favourite Donna Summer classic as you come through the front door. She doesn’t hear you as you drop your bag and your boots at the door. You cluck and shake your head as you tiptoe down the hallway and peer into the kitchen. All this just because you’re staying the night? 

You tilt your head and squint at her diligent fingers. She roles the filo around the filling and places each little pocket on a pan. The warmth of the stove radiates through the space and beckons you in. After the frigid chill of your apartment, it’s a relief. 

You waft over to the counter with the smell of baking pastry and chopped peppers. You stand beside your mom quietly and smile at her work. Her arm collides with yours and she looks down at you. She squeals and tosses one of the uncooked hors d’oevres. It sticks to the wall before falling apart. 

“Oh, my!” She puts her hand to her chest and raises her voice, “Alexa, lower volume.” The music recedes and you back up with an apologetic bow. “Hon, I didn’t know you were here. Oh, I hate when you sneak up on me like that.” 

It’s not intentional, more a bad habit. You’re a bit too quiet for your own good sometimes. And hers.  

“Sorry,” you mutter and turn your attention back to the pan, “...lotta food...” 

“Yes, I—I'm so sorry, I didn’t mention. I forgot.” She rambles as she does. Where you’re quiet and reserved, she often talks in streams of nervousness. “When you called, I was so busy and I had so much going on in my head. Sometimes it feels like there’s a hamster in there running on its wheel.” She throws her hands up in emphasis, “anywho, I’m so sorry to hear about the building, did the landlord say when the heat will be fixed?” 

“...dunno,” you shrug and sway. “...the food?” 

“Oh, right, yes! I was saying, dear, I have an old friend coming over. He’s just moved to town and I was so excited to hear from him. We went to college together! I last saw him when I was probably your age. He’s so nice, you know? And we kinda found each other online when I was looking up fake flowers for the new door wreath. I was thinking pinecones would be seasonal but then it occured to me I could get some real ones from the part--” 

“Mom,” you rein her in with a dulcet drone. 

“Ah, my friend, I know! He’s so lovely. You’ll like him. I figure, we can have dinner and some drinks. You’re welcome to join.” 

You nod and peek over skeptically at the bottle of wine, “wouldn’t wanna invade. Should’ve said something.” 

“You know you’re always welcome here,” she reaches for you and you catch her wrists, keeping her sticky hand from touching your cheeks. “Oops!” She giggles and recoils. She turns and rinses her hands off. “Sorry, hon.” 

“I’ll stay out of the way,” you assure her. 

“Don’t be shy. Oh, and make sure you at least get some food.” She flutters around and dries off with a hand towel. “You’ll like him. Thor is super nice! He knew your dad too.” 

You nod and don’t comment on the last part. You never really knew your father yourself. He left when you were young. He didn’t go very far but you see your half-sibling in passing at the mall or even a few times at college. Thankfully, you’re all done with classes. 

“Alright,” you agree. “I’ll put my stuff away.” 

She hums and tells the smart speaker to turn it back up. You leave in the blare of disco music and grab your bag from the entryway. You wish you’d known she was having company. You would have just made do with some extra blankets. 

As if to blow away that thought, the wind whistles and shakes the windows. You go upstairs and put your knapsack on the wooden chair by the narrow desk against the wall. You stretch your arms and yawn as you pace around. Your stomach growls as the aromas in the kitchen follow you up. 

You go back down, hoping to assuage your appetite with some water, and as you get the bottom step, the doorbell chimes. You stop and wait, staring at the door. You mom sings along to Lipps, Inc and you sigh. 

You hop down and shuffle to the door. You pull it open, hiding behind it shyly. The man on the other side searches over your head before he thinks to look down. As you peek around wood, he smiles.

He’s tall. Very tall. And his shoulders are as wide as the large oak in the front yard. His hair shines beneath the light hung beside the door as his eyes sparkle. 

He holds a cone of flowers, the petals bristling in the fall wind, as shadow dims their colour.  

“Hm, I must have the wrong address,” he leans back on his heel and reads the numbers on the siding. “You wouldn’t happen to know where Selina lives?” 

“Here,” you squawk awkwardly. 

“Oh? You’ve shrunk... but you’ve aged well.” He tilts his head but his lips suggest he’s joking. 

“She’s in the kitchen. Wait.” 

You close the door in his face. It’s only as you go to get your mom, that you realise how rude you must have seemed. You didn’t invite him in or introduce yourself. Well, he isn’t here for you, is he? 

You go to the smart speaker and tap the button to pause the music, “he’s here.” 

“Oh!” She squeals and bounces, “already?” 

“Mmhmm,” you nod and back out of her way as she hurries to the door.  

She sweeps through and swings the door open. A gust of wind blows in and you peer around the door frame. The man’s deep voice booms out. 

“Selina! You look just as young as the day we met!” 

“Oh you!” She chirps. “You always were the worst liar.” 

“Mm, I am very honest, Seli,” he rumbles. “And who was that little mouse that was scurrying around? She fled so fast, I did not get a name.” 

“Oh, that’s my daughter,” she explains. “I told you about her. Her radiator broke so she’s here for the night. Always nice to have a full nest!” 

“Of course, of course,” he agrees. “Well, I wish I’d known. I’d have brought two bouquets.” 

“These are so lovely. When did you get so sweet, Thor?” 

“I’ve always been sweet, you were just too distracted to notice,” he retorts. 

She laughs and titters around, “I need a vase. Oh, these are beautiful! Ooh, and a much needed pop of colour. I do hate the winter and it’s coming so fast. Please, come in, come in! You must be freezing.” 

He chuckles, amused by her chatter, “you know I always liked the cold.” 

“Mm, you would. Well, not all of us can bear it. Honey! Oh, there you are,” she pokes her head out from the dining room. “Come, meet my friend.” 

You reluctantly come forward. You fold your hands together and drag your feet. You should’ve stayed upstairs. 

“This is Thor. We both took architecture together!” 

You nod and look at her wide-eyed. You can’t bring yourself to meet his gaze but you know he’s watching you. You rock and twine your fingers between each other. 

“She just finished her own degree. She took literature! Isn’t that so lovely?” 

“Literature? Ah, my brother was always a fan,” he muses. “I do like some good story telling but I could never pick up much on the symbolism.” 

You slant your lips, “oh, cool.” 

“Anyway, I have some wine, why don’t you have a glass while I finish dinner? Hon, you want some too?” She stops beside you with the cluster of flowers. You shake your head. 

You flit up around the staircase, crowded by Thor as he lurks there, and you quickly flee. You don’t look back as you turn down the hall and barrel into his room. You can’t make out your mother’s words as she speaks but his laughter thunders up after you. 

You hide in your room and harrumph. You don’t know why you’re like this. Even at work, you can’t help but try to blend into the wall. It’s not hard to do in the stock room. 

You take out your laptop and resign yourself to a night of Netflix. You’re a bit disappointed. You were hoping to spend some time with your mom but she deserves a life of your own. For all the years she spent making sure you got this far, she’s earned it. 

You turn the speakers up until they hurt your ears. You can still hear their voices below. The savoury scent of your mother’s cooking rise with their conversation. You didn’t realise how much you missed her dinners until now. Those frozen dinners and fast-food deliveries can’t compare with the real thing. 

You hunker down in bed and try not to think of your growling stomach. You’ll wait to reheat some once that guy leaves. You sink down further and further, basking in the warmth of blasting from the vents. You dread going back to your apartment, even after the heat is fixed. 

Your eyelids begin to itch but before you can drift off, there’s a knock on your door. You get up and open it for your mom. The plate in her hands has your mouth watering as you get another whiff of her handwork. 

“Here ya go, hon,” she holds it out. “I’m sorry it’s a full house.” 

“It’s okay. Didn’t have to.” 

“You need to eat,” she insists. You take the plate. “We’ll try to be quiet. You know he’s so loud. He always has been. He makes me seem tame, doesn’t he?” 

You smile at her yapping. She’s so vibrant and chatty. You never could be even when you try. You envy how bright she can be. You feel so dull next to her. Sometimes you feel like you’ve disappointed her. 

“Thanks," you murmur.

“No problem! Love you.” 

“Love you too.” 

You wait for her to go before you close the door. You might not have a dad but you’re lucky to have her. You put the plate on your desk and move your laptop. You eat as you watch the show that isn’t as good as the internet suggested. 

The food is delicious. The little stuffed pastries are a bit spicy and you regret not grabbing a glass of water earlier. You got so distracted by that man. You think of sneaking down but you can just drink from the bathroom sink when you finish. A little tap water won’t hurt. 

You clear your plate quicker than you mean to and go back to the bed. The moonlight wavers outside your window as the night ware on. You yawn and make yourself get up. You can’t leave your dirty plate in here. 

You don’t notice the quiet in the house until you open the door. You listen at the top of the stairs before you descend. Slowly and silently, you make your way to the bottom and curve around to the kitchen. You rinse your plate off and grab some water while you have the chance. 

Your pulse builds as the house remains still. Strange. How did you not realise earlier? Well, you had your laptop cranked up. You can hear it from down there. 

You head back upstairs, balancing the glass in the dark, and as you pass your mom’s door, it opens. You yipe as a large figure collides with you. It’s him. Thor. 

You spill the water down your front and whip around to face him. He steadies you with his hand on your shoulder, “so sorry, mouse. I didn’t mean to--” 

His flannel shirt is undone and the soft glow of a lamp limns him from behind. Oh no! You pull away from him and skirt down the hall. Embarrassment nips at your ears and cheeks. You knew you were intruding on your mom’s night. 

You try not to think of what you interrupted as you dip into the spare room and snap the door shut with a kick of your foot. You stay near the door, breathless, until you hear the bathroom door squeak on its hinges. You shake your head and growl. 

You hope you didn’t ruin it. As awkward as it is to think of your mom in a relationship, she’s been alone for so long and you know you’re part of the reason why. Next time, you won’t go running back to mommy. It’s best for both of you that you grow up.