#even if it’s an event from a time where they still used their deadname
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If you “care about trans ppl” but will conveniently not respect the pronouns of (or worse, will deadname) people you don’t like or agree with, I don’t believe you and I think you’re gross.
#if your ‘respect’ for trans people is conditional then you don’t respect trans people. simple.#also bc I have seen genuinely well meaning cis ppl be confused by this: if someone changes their name you still use that when talking about#past events#even if it’s an event from a time where they still used their deadname#I had to explain that one to my mom and I was like no…. regardless of what they went by at the time you do not use someone’s deadname#the only time it makes sense is if someone closeted explicitly tells you ‘please use that name with me here bc I won’t be safe if I’m outed’#which is a very specific scenario and still doesn’t give you permission to use their deadname in general#cape town rambles#idk man just thinking#not precipitated by any specific events but I was just thinking about how many people do this#and ofc this applies to ppl who do this *knowingly* like yeah sometimes you might not know someone transitioned/came out/uses new pronouns#but the SECOND you find out you make that change it is not hard
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Fanfic idea!
So I wanted to share an idea i had for a story that just sorta appeared in my brain fully formed. It will be a while before I have time to write it out, but I wanted to share it with y'all now while it's fresh in my mind.
This was inspired by @puppetwoman17 's story "Batson Family Soap Opera" and conversations I've had with @cerealboxlore as well as some other posts I've seen floating around tumblr but can't find right now.
Title: Signed in Blood
Premise: Ebenezer Batson makes a deal with Lady Blaze to bring his son Sinclair back to life, but there's a catch: after a year and a day either Sinclair must return to the land of the dead or a blood relative must take his place.
When the time comes for Blaze to collect on her contract, the Justice League is recruited to protect the Batsons from the hellhounds and demons she sends after them.
Full details under the cut because this will get long. Like the entire fic is there in bullet point form
Okay bullet points for all the plot beats i know (basically an outline of the story)
We open on Lady Blaze tracking down Ebenezer and offering to grant his greatest wish: bringing his son back to life
Ebenezer jumps at the chance and signs the contract with his blood, even knowing the caveat that someone must die in one year. A further stipulation in the contract is that the soul of whoever dies to fulfill the contract will belong to her
Ebenezer loves his son and won't let him die again, but he's still a selfish bastard, so he doesn't plan on dying either
He justifies it to himself with the thought that Sinclair is smarter, more charismatic, and had a bright future whereas Billy is a troubled runaway who will probably become a petty crook etc.
There is only one other blood relative he knows is still alive: Billy
(Billy is of course trans in this but I'll stick to the name and pronouns we know he uses rather than Ebenezer's misgendering and deadnaming)
Sinclair does not know he's dead: Blaze wiped his memory of the accident and used magic to provide false memories to account for the time he was dead
Ebenezer tracks down Billy to take back custody of him so he'll be able to hand him over to Blaze (he knows that if billy dies and he tells people Billy ran away they'll believe it because of his history thus getting away scott free)
Billy is conflicted about being in Ebenezer's custody again, especially with a cousin he doesn't remember (he died before Billy's parents did) who seems a bit off (because he was resurrected with demonic magic)
Sinclair jumps straight into making a name for himself by running for political office (he has ambitions and plans for his future and zero idea what his father did)
While campaigning for office, exactly a year and a day since he was resurrected, Sinclair attends a major political conference
The conference is attacked by hellhounds sent by blaze to remind Ebenezer of their contract. But it causes a huge scene and the Justice League, including Captain Marvel, gets involved to help protect the political leaders of the conference
But they soon realize the main target is Sinclair so they take him and Ebenezer back to their home and offer their protection while they figure out what's going on
Ebenezer is sweating because he has no idea where Billy is so he can't offer him up like he planned (because Billy is CM at the moment) but he figures the JL can keep him and Sinclair alive
Cap is unusually rude and abrasive. He's distant and avoids certain sections of the house. The JL is worried because he never acts like this and they don't know what happened or why he doesn't seem to like the batsons
As they try to figure out why the Batsons are being targeted, a second attack happens at a charity event where the Bromfields had been in attendance (the demons targeting Mary)
The JL brings the Bromfields and the Batsons together to try to find a link. And after Batman runs a DNA test he finds out that Mary is related to them.
(Billy recognized her the moment he saw her locket and is desperately trying to hold himself back from pulling her into a hug and whisking her away from their uncle)
Ebenezer is gobsmacked that his niece is alive, Mary is ecstatic to learn more about her birth family, and the Bromfields are worried about what this all means.
The story of CC and Marilyn comes out and Sinclair tells the JL about Billy and how he's missing and they need to find him before the demons do
Demons attack the house, gunning for Cap as well which leads to some investigation and the theory that Cap is CC with memory loss which he adamantly denies
(Both Billy and Ebenezer are shaken by just how many "dead" Batsons are in the room)
Blaze appears and tells them all that due to her contract they cannot deny her: she is owed the life and soul of one of the Batsons by midnight. A life for a life.
Everyone is freaking out because what contract? And who is she?
But Billy knows who she is and it takes him no time at all to put the pieces together. He confronts Ebenezer and when he denies it, he convinces wonder woman to use the lasso of truth on him
Ebenezer is forced to tell them he made a deal and why: he wanted his son back.
But Sinclair still has no idea he died so he doesn't understand: he would have come home if his dad needed him so bad.
But Billy remembers an incident from when he was a kid living with Ebenezer: playing in the backyard, digging a hole as little kids do and finding a ring engraved with the name Sinclair Batson (a high school class ring that Sinclair always wears, one that he's wearing right now)
His uncle had been furious and punished Billy for it, but later while drunk he sobbed about how his perfect son was gone, how he'd never see him again.
Billy had (rightly) assumed he was dead but didn't ask any questions about him until he was in Ebenezer's custody again, then he assumed he was just young and misunderstood the situation (after all he'd lost so many people at that age. Lots of people were just gone without explanation)
But now he realizes the truth: Sinclair was brought back from the dead and the strange offputting aura was blazes magic
Ebenezer is forced to tell them what happened: how Sinclair died.
It was an accident. The two of them had been arguing about Sinclair going away for college among other things and things got heated. Sinclair tried to sneak out after the argument, climbing out of his window. Ebenezer caught him and shouted for him to get back inside. The shout startled Sinclair and he fell off the roof and broke his neck
Ebenezer couldn't bring himself to call the police, he was terrified they'd arrest him because the neighbors heard them arguing and Sinclair had bruises on his arm from where Ebenezer had grabbed him
So he buried his son in that backyard, telling everyone who asked that Sinclair was away for college and building up the lie so no one suspected the truth. (Billy found Sinclair's ring because he was playing on top of his unmarked grave)
Billy pushes and Ebenezer admits that he'd been planning on giving Billy up in exchange for Sinclair (airing out his justifications)
Everyone is horrified, especially Sinclair. (Not Billy though, this aligned perfectly with the Ebenezer he knew)
There's a lot of argument about what to do: most are in favor of handing Ebenezer over to Blaze but Sinclair is admant that he was supposed to be dead so it should be him she took.
But Billy knows something no one else knows about this deal, not even Ebenezer: Blaze had always intended to reap Billy's soul as payment
She knew there was no love between Billy and Ebenezer but she also knew that Billy would never let anyone (even someone he hates as much as his uncle) become her slave via owning their soul
But if Billy's soul belonged to her, so would his powers and his connection to Shazam and the Rock of Eternity. The contract would back him into a corner and his pure heart would give her the opening she needed.
So Billy pulls Sinclair and Mary aside. Mary's clinging to Sinclair because even though she just found him she doesn't want to lose him.
The three of them hatch a plan
When Blaze arrives and demands her payment Cap steps forward and offers himself (which makes everyone confused since he's been denying being CC all night)
Blaze is ecstatic because she can taste victory
Sinclair steps up and demands to know how they can trust her not to come after them again once she has cap's soul.
After a bit of back and forth, she agrees to add an addendum to the contract Ebenezer signed ensuring that she would never harm any of the Batsons after collecting what she is owed.
All batsons sign the contract in blood
Last is Billy who she tells to power down so she can collect his soul without divine interference
Billy transforms and literally everyone except Blaze is blindsided by the fact that Cap is Billy who has been missing since before this mess began
Blaze shoves her hand into Billy’s chest to rip out his soul and claim her birthright
But before he dies he gives Mary, who is shell shocked and horrified and quickly realizing that's her twin, a nod
As he falls to the ground she remembers the plan: she shouts out "Shazam" and becomes Mary Marvel
You see the night before Billy officially chose her to become his successor as Champion (Sinclair is too closely tied to blazes magic so it would've been too risky to give him. Plus Mary was always destined for the powers of Shazam but had been hidden from him by black Adam's magic)
Just as Blaze was denied her father's power and the Rock of Eternity because he chose Billy as his champion, so she was denied when Billy transferred his powers to mary
She is furious and attacks mary
But upon landing the first hit, Billy is brought back because she hurt a batson rendering the contract null and void
Together Billy and Mary send her back to hell
The epilogue features the Batsons several months later. Ebenezer is in prison for attempted murder (of both Billy and Sinclair) among other crimes. Sinclair still visits him because despite everything he loves his dad and owes him his second chance at life (it's definitely complicated) Sinclair is billys legal guardian and theyd sold the house where both Billy and Sinclair were abused moving into the same neighborhood as the Bromfields so the twins can be together again. Captain Marvel and Mary are beloved heroes and they've officially endorsed Sinclair's campaign which meant he won in a landslide.
And they lived happily ever after
So thoughts?
I told you the idea was fully formed but I'd love to hear what y'all think!
#ask me whatever you want y'all#shazam#billy batson#dc captain marvel#mary bromfield#mary batson#mary marvel#ebenezer batson#sinclair batson#lady blaze#i told y'all: fully formed#its going to be so good someday#my brain is buzzing with excitement#please tell me what you think#because this is all ive thought about since yesterday when i woke up from my nap#glad i got it all down though#id be devastated if i forgot the details of this before i had time to write it
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@lakewillowmerewraith let me tell you something about boundaries.
I run a confession blog for a different fandom. It's mostly a positive environment, but as with most fandoms, there are also ship wars, people who thirst for "negative" characters, and occasionally rotten takes. Since the first day, I knew I had to set boundaries, but I also knew that I couldn't let those boundaries be about me and my personal preferences and dislikes. It wouldn't be fair if I deleted positive confessions about my notp/criticising my ships/depicting nsfw headcanons/shipping a beloved character with a hated character.
Because that was a blog that I made, but I made it for everybody in my fandom to feel welcome, not just those who I believed shipped/held the "correct, pure, unproblematic" ships/opinion, and it isn't fair to police real people because of fictional characters. What confessions I could reject, were those who actively hated on real people. For example: “This female character whom some people see as a transfem allegory canonically had a brief relationship with a black woman, so people who ship her with this white male character who was mean to her and "deadnamed" her are all racist, homophobic, and abuse apologists”. And “All X shippers are racist/misogynist/homohobic/etc etc” and “people who say [perfectly harmless thing] are gross/cringe. touch grass” and “stop being so damn [ableist slur]”. Those are the things I need to protect and shield my followers from, not the thirst confessions about the villain who manipulated and betrayed the female character. I also have an extensive tag system that allows people to avoid things they don't want to see. I get inbox that I don't like every day and still, as long as they aren't harmful to real people, I publish them all because it's not about what I want from my blog, it's about enriching my fandom and giving a voice to everybody. I've fucked up occasionally, but I am proud to say that mostly I have been praised for keeping a welcoming, safe, and positive space.
This is what I mean when I say that @elainarcheronweek's mods that have pushed for the decision to have certain Elain ships banned are partial, biased, and unfit to run an event that's supposed to belong to all Elain fans, not just the mods, not just the ones who they believe ship her with the correct character. It's not Healthy Elain Week, it's just Elain Week. And it's despicable that they can just decide to reject fanworks on which real people spent time and energy and feelings, just because they don't like the pairing or they make them feel icky. Because it's just that, right? You said it yourself. Not "fans feel uncomfortable about tamlain and beronlain", it's "the mods have the right to lead their event how they want to". And I say no, it's not only their event, it's Elain's event, Elain's fans's event, and no, they don't have the right to lead that event how they want to if that means punishing fans and creators because of a personal dislike. As I said, they didn't like the "icky" ships and decided to make it everyone else's problem. They "eliminated" the threat of big bad "toxic" elain ships, but they've done nothing to silence the people who accuse tamlain and beronlain shippers of being abuse apologists even when those works contain Tamlin and/or Beron redemption. This is not letting darkfic have the right to exist, it's purity culture. Denying those works a place on the platform out of a personal preference is quite literally censorship.
"But fans really have been feeling uncomfortable with tamlain and beronlain! What about them?" So use the fucking tag system. Make a post where you explain there will be works thay might trigger people and tell them to block the tamlain and beronlain tags. Ask people to suggest other potential triggers so you can update the list. Include the list of potential triggering tags in the master post. It's that simple and it would have saved the whole fandom a lot of drama and disappointment. It's always so baffling for me to think that grown ass people refuse to curate their own browsing experience or ignore the things that they dislike.
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BSD Armed detective agency with a 13 year old reader who comes out as transgender,
MTF version
(FTM VERSION NEXT MAYBE)
Warnings: Deadnaming(accidentally), transphobia(you confess how your bio parents kicked you out.)
[NAME POV]
I walked down the streets, shivering against the winter air..
My teeth chattered as I tried to make my way fast towards the armed detective agency, where I work part time..
After awhile, I made it there, slamming open the door, not even surprised that there was no one here considering it was 2am..
My lips turned into a frown as I closed the door, now hurrying towards the couch,
Immediately I cuddled against the warm blanket that sat there, my heart hurting as I thought of the previous events.
Earlier, I had decided to finally come out to my very, VERY religious family,
Born a boy, destined to be a girl, is what I thought.
My body, it just.. I don't feel like a boy, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable to even be identified as a boy in any shape or form,
And so, me, a teenager now sat on the couch of my workplace, at 2am due to being kicked out by my biological parents.
I didn't know how long I stayed there on the couch, as all of a sudden I heard the door open, my gaze glancing up at the president standing there, glancing at me with a slightly confused expression,
"[DEAD.NAME], what are you doing here?"
I grimaced slightly at the mention of my dead name, before I shrugged, burying my face back in the couch as I avoided his gaze, unsure of what to say,,
Fukuzawas eyebrows furrowed as he stared, before he let out a loud sigh, closing the door and deciding to just sit down,
I looked at him as he sat down next to me, and soon enough tears grew in my eyes, and his eyes widened slightly, usually I was always so.. upbeat and happy, never has anyone ever seen me cry,
He pulled me into a hug, hesitantly I hugged back, now quietly sobbing as the events truly began to take a toll on me,
"Shh... Its okay,"
My eyes fluttered open as I glanced around, confused, I laid on a couch in the office, realizing I had fallen asleep,
"Ahh.. [DEAD.NAME], you're finally awake!!"
Dazai waved excitedly at me as I awoke, I once again grimaced as I realized he called me .. that name.
"[DEAD.NAME],"
Fukuzawas deep voice called out for me as I glanced at him, just now realizing everyone was looking at me, my eyebrows furrowed as I now sat up, still staying on the couch,
"Why were you here so early this morning?"
I frowned, unsure of how to respond to fukuzawa, suddenly I felt the couch sink down next to me, glancing at ranpo who now sat next to me,
"I didn't tell them anything, thats your place kid,"
He whispered it to me, and I wasn't even surprised he knew, I furrowed my eyebrows before looking at the others,
Some were giving me comforting smiles, others were just staring at me..
"I---" And without pausing, I suddenly broke down, sharing everything that had happened fastly, not making eye contact with everyone as some had furrowed eyebrows, some angry at my parents, some upset and feeling bad for me,
"..and my names [name.].." I confidently confessed my preferred name,
After hearing your story, yosano decided to let you live with her, deciding since she herself was a girl, she would help you with your transition
Everyone called you by [name] after that, and used your correct pronouns & gender when referring to you!
Sometimes, yosano & naomi alongside you have girl-days out where they help you find the style you feel most comfortable with
Kunikida, who views you as a little sister, decided to buy a whole bunch of books and read about transgender, learning facts and stuff that may help you with your journey
Fukuzawa signed you up for a type of voice therapy specifically for transgender people, to make your voice higher !
Whenever someone misgenders you(outside of the agency), dazai always gives them the most DEADLIEST smile ever, and ranpo gives them that fucking green eyed GLARE that makes everyone die from being to scared
I HC that tanizaki knows how to do hair, so whenever your hair grows longer, he always has hair supplies on him to do your hair
The first time you wore a type of dress, (imagine one of those cute dresses that go down to like between ankles and knees.)
Everyone made sure you felt comfortable in public wearing the dress, and whenever someone gave you a weird look...
Atsushi would bare his teeth at them like.. growling (furry but its okay)
Kyoka would threaten them without using words, she would like slowly grab out a knife until you look over all confused
After you actually told them your parents kicked you out..
Lets just say Dazai called up some people and went to their house
They went missing the next day.
Hope you liked it...‼️
#transgender#trans woman#trans pride#transgirl#teenagers#bsd x reader#teen reader#child reader#meow#bsd atsushi#bungou stray dogs atsushi#atsushi nakajima#bsd dazai#bungou stray dogs dazai#dazai osamu#bungou stray dogs ranpo#ranpo edogawa#bsd ranpo#kunikida doppo#bsd kunikida#bungou stray dogs kunikida#naomi tanizaki#tanizaki junichirou#jun'ichirō tanizaki#bsd tanizaki#bsd fukuzawa#bungou stray dogs fukuzawa#fukuzawa yukichi#bsd kyoka#kyoka bsd
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Hello again~
It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
(I have to confess that I’ve been stalling on getting back to writing and making my posts, but that’s not the point right now…)
Anyway, these are the Leclerc twins, my other precious girls. I ended up keeping the original base (Nina’s model, made by @candysweetposts), but I completely redid the design (I think the only physical thing I kept was the heterochromia, and even that seems like it went from water to wine).
Currently, the twins live in the center of Amoris, as roommates sharing an apartment. But they were born and raised in the countryside, with very traditional and strict parents. And despite that, or maybe because of it, they always attended schools in the city, no matter how long and exhausting the trips were every day. They definitely don’t miss that time at all.
Speaking of nostalgia though… High school was, without a doubt, a very impactful time in their minds, full of drama, discoveries, and teenage hormones. It was at the peak of her 16 years that Lilian discovered and accepted herself as a woman, and also fell in love for the first time. It was at the peak of her 16 years that Louise realized what she wanted to do for the rest of her life as the troublemaker she always was, though secretly.
Going back to the initial train of thought, the two moved back in together after Dante’s life was cut short by that tragic accident. Louise wanted to comfort her sister, to stay as close as possible to help her through her grieving period. Two years later, Lilian discovered, with frustration, that time doesn’t heal any pain, it only softens it. She’s generally doing well, has moved on like anyone else would have, had to piece herself back together, but she’s not thinking of finding someone else to love anytime soon; she still occasionally sees ghosts from the past. They continue to live together because they’ve gotten used to each other’s presence again—it’s fun and makes things lighter.
Lilian Leclerc
She is 30 years old.
She is exactly 7 minutes and 38 seconds older.
She pursues a career as an interior designer at a company that emerged in the field a few years ago called Essence Intérieure (EI).
She is a transgender woman.
She realized she was trans after a prank that happened in high school. It was a themed event where boys had to dress as girls and girls had to dress as boys. In other words, crossdressing. It was something really silly and simple, but after the party, alone in her room while looking at herself in the mirror with a pretty wig and some clothes borrowed from her sister, things started to make sense.
Because they were very traditional, it was a mess when her parents accidentally found out—almost like a war. Louise, who had already talked to her sister after catching her posing in front of the mirror, fought in Lilian’s defense. The two even ran away from home for a week, hiding out in an abandoned building nearby until they were found and dragged back home. Their father, Anton, was so devastated by their disappearance that he realized what was more important, and it didn’t take long for him to try to approach, understand, and accept her, fortunately. Lurdette, their mother, still insists on calling her by her deadname, though. Even though it’s hard to endure, she followed her father’s advice to ignore these slights to avoid big fights until both of them were old enough to leave home properly. In the end, she knows it could have been much worse.
She has a more peaceful, sweeter personality. Sometimes, she spends too much time lost in her own little world, but she’s very dedicated, persistent, and has a good touch with people.
She’s always had a melancholic look, whether before or after her mourning. At the same time, her heterochromia always gave her a different kind of glow. Dante used to call her Lys Stellaire, or Stellar Lily, because it seemed like her eyes held the cold beauty of sideral space, and that was the first thing he fell in love with.
She loves soft, light colors like baby pink and baby blue, egg-yolk yellow, but mostly white.
She does gardening in her free time; in fact, she’s not sure if she loves the flowers or the bees more.
Speaking of animals, when Dante was killed, one of her concerns was who would take care of his two pets, Nova and Nebula. At the time, the couple lived together, so she was already used to the two snakes, although she wasn’t the one responsible for feeding them, cleaning the terrarium, helping with shedding, etc. She had never had much courage for that, being afraid of getting bitten even though she knew they were tame and non-venomous. However, after what happened, she forced herself to learn everything she needed to be a good caretaker. She was sure that if Colette, her sister-in-law, became the new caretaker, she’d do a good job too, but she didn’t want the snakes to go through the stress of a new routine. Honestly, she has no idea how a snake’s emotional state works, or even if they have one, but she likes to think that every now and then, they wonder where their dad is and miss him.
As mentioned before, Lilian and Colette grew much closer after the tragedy. Colette really sees her as an older sister. She makes a point of visiting her practically every weekend, and they always have video calls to gossip about the strange customers she’s dealt with at the record store. Very specific, I know.
Louise Leclerc
She is 30 years old.
She is exactly 7 minutes and 38 seconds younger.
She works doing odd jobs, mostly as a hobby, because she loves trying new things. She’s been a pizza delivery girl, an aspiring doll stylist, a waterslide tester, a fortune cookie writer, a Zumba teacher, a skydiving instructor, and many other exotic jobs like that. But in reality, she’s an ethical hacker by passion. She works within the law, as strange or curious as that might seem. She basically mitigates company vulnerabilities, investigates incidents, and develops secure software for computer systems, networks, and applications. A bit of boring office work sometimes—why not?
Unlike her sister, she has a more chaotic and bold personality, always trying out new things. She’s extroverted, communicative, and often quarrelsome.
She loves dressing in things that reference the '80s for some reason. Brighter colors, exaggerated accessories, a much more extravagant fashion, but adapted to modern times. She even likes to say that those who criticize '80s fashion lack a distinctive artistic sense.
She loves summer, loves organizing trips to the beach with the most important people in her life, and enjoys building sandcastles.
She drives a Beetle.
She’s a very free-spirited person and has had several flings, but no serious relationships in recent years. She’s quite happy with that, for now.
She would love to have a dog, specifically a Labrador, but unfortunately, she’s allergic to animal fur.
Out of curiosity, here is the prototype of the twins before the renovation as a bonus.
#my candy love#amor doce#amour sucre#corazon de melón#mcl new gen#my candy love new gen#mcl ng#my oc#headcanon#mcl edit#Lilian Leclerc#Louise Leclerc#Dante Lebarde#Colette Lebarde#lgbt
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Wrapping up today's events
(For full context, refer to today's posts in the #leasebound tag)
Unfortunately, someone pulled up into a Leasebound fan's ask box and decided to submit a rape fantasy scenario between Shez (a butch lesbian) and Brick (a bigender asexual) to basically "screw the asexuality out of them."
My circle of Leasebound anti's still are unaware of any specific individual within our community submitting it, but we know whoever did it won't come forward to admit their bullshit. As a community, we have made it a point to declare that we do not condone the behavior of the person who submitted the ask, regardless of whether or not they were within our circle. Obviously, neither side wants to claim the person and points fingers at the opposition, but at the end of the day, we can't prove "which side" did what unless the person admits it / someone is able to confirm who it was.
While it may have seemed as though we were glossing over what was going on, it wasn't because we agreed with what was happening. It's because what was said in the ask directly mirrors the other asks being sent in about basically "fucking the gendie ideology" out of Blaire and even Eli (both queer-affirming characters). I say queer-affirming because they're accepting of everyone that falls under the LGBTQ+ spectrum.
I won't call out the blogs by name, but it's also not that hard to find their posts.
Something that piqued my interest is how these fantasies only came to an abrupt stop the moment a Butch Lesbian™️ got involved. Aside from Ruth, Blossom, Murphy, and Ari, Shez is one of the more prominent butch characters.
In the following screenshot, I pointed out this particular ask that one Leasebound fan received (the one who ultimately received the horrific ask):
Screenshot 1: Riley (andro/butch[?] lesbian) x Blaire (femme bi) x Jaden (andro/butch[?] lesbian)
[I only put question marks because I personally can't tell whether the two have a tomboy appearance or fall more under butch, but that's not the point]
Anon: "Riley has to keep giving Blaire orgasms to stop her from trying to discuss gender with Jaden."
Fan: "Fucking quick time event threesome at that point" and "The slapstick potential is strong."
I also sent this in direct response to how this mirrored what the fan received later on:
Me: "I don't want to hear anybody defend this line of thinking at all," "This is not okay," and "This has similar energy of corrective rape, if not, outright so."
I then provide the example by reframing the previously shown ask:
-> "Man has to keep giving woman orgasms to stop her from trying to discuss being a lesbian with her male friends."
Directly following this example, I pointed out how that sounds predatory as hell.
I elaborated further:
The fan didn't condemn the fantasy being portrayed, yet I gave the fan the benefit of the doubt that she maybe didn't realize the implications of what was being described. After all, even I'm blind to certain things until they're pointed out to me or after I've sat with things for more than two hours/days. It happens.
I ended by offering the fan the opportunity to explain where I may have misinterpreted things.
"You're also more than welcome to prove me wrong." "Help us understand your point of view."
And no reply was made to this reblog from any Leasebound fan that could defend their positions.
A fellow Leasebound anti provided more screenshots of other similar rape fantasies being submitted without a care to what was being depicted.
Screenshot 2: Eli x Self-Insert
The fans continually deadname, misgender, etc. all trans characters, so that'll explain my pronoun differences.
Anon jokes about Eli's idea of sex, but then the same fan blog from earlier decides to create an... interesting scenario.
Fan: "I ask [him] if either of us is eating pussy that night and [he] tried to hide [their] visible disgust," and "I then ask if either of us is gonna finger blast the other."
This scenario on its own is already acknowledging AND dismissing Eli's discomfort of the topic, but then the fan pushes past an implied boundary (visible signs of discomfort).
Lets put this in perspective of if a man were involved.
"The man asks the woman if either of them were getting head that night, and she tried to hide her visible disgust. He then asks if he was gonna pound her."
I hope I don't need to explain why this is just blatant rape. Pressuring someone into sex is rape. No questions asked.
If you try to force feed someone a hot dog that doesn't want to eat a hot dog, that's violating their bodily autonomy.
This same idea applies to sex. If you don't understand this, please learn about consent, especially in the context of sex.
Screenshot 3: Riley x Blaire x Jaden (again)
Anon: "Having a threesome would solve everything." "[Blaire and Jaden] wouldn't even be able to accidentally discuss gender because they were too tired from all the orgasms." "Problem solved"
Do you see how often the word "solved" is popping up? "Gender" as a concept is so much of a problem that sex will ultimately "solve" the problem of it being brought up?
Example: "A man fucking a woman would solve everything. She wouldn't even be able to accidentally discuss being a lesbian because she was too tired from all the orgasms."
This scenario is describing using sex as a way to control "undesirable" conversations. Strange, isn't it?"
I know the terfs get a kick out of calling Leasebound antis braindead... but have you seen what yall are saying? And yall are the ones showing up anonymous in the ask boxes and receiving no repercussions. You claim these anons and don't have any issues with it.
But it all comes to a screeching halt when you bring in Shez.
Screenshot 4: Shez [butch lesbian] x Brick [bigender asexual]
Anon: "[Shez fucks Brick] to break her out of that stupid aspec bullshit and show her joys of being lesbian" and the odd statement of "Shez manhandling."
I'm not saying the anon was or was not a Leasebound fan. That is not what this post is about.
It's about highlighting how it mirrors what fans have already been discussing during their own self-admitted horny posting.
I'll put it out there that the fan blog immediately shut this anon down. Didn't even entertain the thought of the scenario. Absolutely despicable in her eyes, and frankly, is despicable in my eyes too. No one should have sent this to anyone. This is honestly foul and, as I have repeated many times in the past 24 hours, I do not condone this and anyone like this needs to be barred from shared spaces.
It's also worth pointing out the term "manhandling" in this screenshot. Obviously, butch women are seen as strong, traditionally masculine, and more. However, there's something more nefarious with this term being used in this scenario. Manhandling directly means using force/aggression. This isn't even in a ~ooh, sexy~ way. No, this is straight up evil. I do feel as though the term manhandling was homophobic in nature, whether the anon meant that or not. It's not a good look to associate butch lesbians with being forceful sex pests. Lesbians deserve respect. Period.
I'll continue to put an example to further illustrate my point, but I'm sure you understand what's gonna be said.
Example: "Man fucks woman to break her out of that stupid lesbian bullshit and shows her the joys of being straight."
Now lets put it all together
Fantasy #1: "Riley has to keep giving Blaire orgasms to stop her from trying to discuss gender with Jaden." - Fan endorsed the statement
Fantasy #2: "I ask [him] if either of us is eating pussy that night and [he] tried to hide [their] visible disgust," and "I then ask if either of us is gonna finger blast the other." - Written by the fan
Fantasy #3: "Having a threesome would solve everything." "[Blaire and Jaden] wouldn't even be able to accidentally discuss gender because they were too tired from all the orgasms." "Problem solved" - Fan endorsed the statement
Fantasy #4: "[Shez fucks Brick] to break her out of that stupid aspec bullshit and show her joys of being lesbian" and the odd statement of "Shez manhandling." - No one liked this
And compare them to their associated examples:
Example #1: "Man has to keep giving woman orgasms to stop her from trying to discuss being a lesbian with her male friends."
Example #2: "The man asks the woman if either of them were getting head that night, and she tried to hide her visible disgust. He then asks if he was gonna pound her."
Example #3: "A man fucking a woman would solve everything. She wouldn't even be able to accidentally discuss being a lesbian because she was too tired from all the orgasms."
Example #4: "Man fucks woman to break her out of that stupid lesbian bullshit and shows her the joys of being straight."
All of the examples explicitly describe the woman as a lesbian because the root of the matter is that lesbians are the primary focus of the fandom. It's literally what Leasebound is built off of (aside from rampant queerphobia and even dissing some lesbians for certain traits).
All the examples feature a man because if you were to put a man in any of these scenarios, everyone would easily see how fucked up these scenarios were from the very start. Also, it shows parallels with the "manhandling" comment. If a lesbian manhandles another "woman," it's hot, but if a man decides to manhandle a woman, it's universally understood to be a fucking crime.
And within the fandom: If a lesbian fucks the gender ideology from another "woman," then they'll shut up about it.
Concluding Statement
I don't plan on revisiting today's event because I think everyone said what needs to be said, but I wanted to compile everything in one comprehensive post. I'm not trying to call out specific fans. However, this behavior is clearly being endorsed until a butch lesbian gets involved. Maybe don't excuse shitty rape fantasies and this won't happen again?
If you do end up finding out who these blogs are, DO NOT HARRASS THEM. I don't care if you dislike them. Trust me, I dislike them too. That doesn't give you an excuse to be a piece of shit.
If I catch any of yall doing some foul shit like what I discussed in this post, you're not gonna be welcome anywhere I am. Tbh, I feel as though you're a danger to people as a collective.
Be decent human beings for the love of god.
And please, don't publicize your rape fantasies. Keep them in circles where the average person can easily avoid them.
Thanks
#leasebound#rusty leasebound#leasebound critique#tw terfs#cw terfs#tw rape#cw rape#don't harass anyone istg#please act like adults#and if you aren't an adult please dont enage with the fandom#it's not a kid-friendly space#i don't care that the comic gives itself a 15+ rating#it's not for minors at all
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Trans! Cody fic
There's more than one reason why Morocco isn't welcome on Griffin Rock.
This is a little lead up to the Trans! Cody au that I am writing using one of my favorite tf fanfiction tropes - humans to transformers. It's not necessary to read to understand the fic, so if the tags are triggering for you, feel free to skip. This is just a little thing to show how many times Cody has hidden that he is AFAB from the bots and how his family helps him in that respect.
Tw deadnaming, transphobia
Nobody said anything when Cody went to the pool.
Heatwave noticed that unlike the other boys, Cody wore a t-shirt over a black sports bra? On his chest.
Nobody said a thing when Cody's uncle called him Ce instead of Cody, Cody reintroducing himself and everyone quickly moving on.
Nobody said a thing when Charlie pulled Anna aside for a chat after Frankie invited Cody to a sleepover party at her house.
Why would they ever think that there was anything to miss? Really, it was just an open secret, and honestly, the Burns often forgot that the bots didn't know. That didn't mean that they didn't respect Cody's desire to pass quietly, and they showed their allyship quietly as well.
That didn't mean that everyone was so respectful.
"Carly? Carly Burns, that's enough of that. Be a proper young lady now, that's enough!" Morocco said, pulling a panicking Cody in front of the cameras.
"Carly? My cousin? She left when I was four! My name is Cody. You got the wrong kid!" Cody twisted out of Morocco's grip and ran out of the lab with a copy of his files, smashing the camera as he went.
He was crying, God was that embarrassing. Usually, he had three big siblings and his dad to stand in the way of people like him, but he just felt exposed, vulnerable in every way, and so, so uncomfortable.
He crossed his arms over his chest. He had worn his coat today, so he just wore a comfy sports bra instead of a proper binder or binding tape. He knew it wasn't what he wore, Morocco was around before he was born, but it still ached to know that Morocco had recognized him so quickly. Uncle Woodrow had left around the same time he had changed his name, and even though he wasn't the biggest fan of Ce, he could at least tell that Woodrow was coming from a place of caution.
Being off grid meant he wasn't always clued into name changes and little life events, so he tended to default to generic nicknames until he and Kade's names came up naturally in conversation. (Kade's mom was a piece of work, and his name was changed when he was an infant and a toddler for his own protection.)
He made it to a waiting Chase and hugged Charlie tight. His father returned his hug and had Chase gun it. They made it to city hall, where Morocco was racing with the footage of Cody reacting to his deadname. Open secret or no, outing a minor is incredibly dangerous, and the fear of Cody being killed over Morocco's petty greed was a stomach turning thought in Charlie's mind.
They made it, and Barney had already arrested Morocco for child endangerment. Apparently, chasing two children with dangerous robots was illegal. Imagine that.
Charlie ceised the camera footage, more than happy to make sure it got misplaced. No one threatened his kids and got away with it.
"Chief, I wasn't aware that you once had five children in the house." Chase said back at the house. "Is there a possibility that Carly could be an issue in the future?"
"Chase, I have always had four children. Carly visited for a little while, but Cody has been through a lot today, and I would rather like to go upstairs and make sure he is doing alright. End of discussion." Charlie had to force himself to calm down. The more defensive he got, the more the bots might push, and he REALLY didn't want to hear his son's deadname today anymore than he had to.
The bots were quiet after that, and he met his youngest in the kitchen, eating a bowl of ice cream and nearly swimming in one of the hoodies he had stolen from the boxes of merchandise that was sold at fundraisers before they got the bots, and Optimus's checkbook, available to them. Now, they were just spare clothes to hand out to anyone who needed them.
Kade gave him a bowl of his own. His personal bucket of ice cream was tucked under his arm and already had a giant spoon stuck in it.
"It's that kinda night, dad. Cody's probably gonna finish his ice cream, He already took his sleep medicine and head off to bed. I will have him keep his door open just in case."
Charlie smiled as the meds hit bottom as Cody stopped scraping the bottom of the empty bowl and toddered off to bed, hearing his drop onto his bed with a thud.
#tfrb cody#transformers rescue bots#maccadam#tw misgendering#Morocco is a bitch and Charlie is corrupt in a good way#trans!Cody
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(tags from @wounded-hands on my post about spn backing down from god as an abusive father. hope you don't mind me using this as a jumping off point.)
BUT YEAH! YEAH EXACTLY!
This (among other reasons) is exactly why I fully have not finished the Lucifer tv show, despite the fact that I loved the first few seasons so much. But those first few seasons were not pulling their punches about this fact! They looked you in the eye and went "Lucifer is severely fucked up because of what God did to him" and for a while, they didn't back down from that!
Whether I ever go back and watch the show again or not, I know that two scenes are always going to stick in my head forever. The scene of Chloe seeing the wing scars for the first time (we the audience know that the scars are self-inflicted (but given how he cut his wings off specifically to separate himself from God, it's still connected to his abuse) but Chloe assumes that his dad did that to him. And the way Lucifer reacts, immediately defensive and trying to get attention away from them...!!!), and the scene of Linda, prompted by Amenadiel, cornering Lucifer in a therapy session, telling him that God actually loved him. (And for me specifically, the very trans-coded subtext of that scene being that she's! She's literally deadnaming him! And he reacts Violently!!!! Before just fleeing!!!!)
Not to mention, later, the extreme distress he feels at the idea that his dad forced his wings back on him against his will, or how Chloe was literally created to fill a love interest role for him. Lucifer loses more and more autonomy as the show goes on, and it's almost like we're just meant to?? ignore that??? accept that he's not in control of what's happening to him and that his dad meddled with his life and love just because he'll be happy if he's with Chloe. (This is a horror story!!!!!!!!!!)
(His wings, if I remember correctly, turned out to be His Own Fault Actually. which. I think that was the turning point for when the show started placing the blame on Lucifer (for overreacting. for not shutting up and accepting these gifts. etc. etc.) rather than actually exploring God's role as an abusive father.)
(Sidenote here, I'm focusing on Lucifer, but this problem obviously began to affect Amenadiel, too, as the show went on. Like, he's clearly suffering under the weight of the same abuse + expectations of God in the earlier seasons, but. I'd probably have to rewatch the show to break down his part in it. Which I don't want to do. Because the show turned on me >:(. )
And then when God does show up on the show.
I can't even.
My problems with this can roughly be summed up in one scene. During that episode where God is following Lucifer around, and I can't remember exactly, they run into some people, and God starts reminiscing about the past. And he describes Lucifer's rebellion (the thing that got him thrown into Hell! the thing that has been a source of trauma for seasons! a very very serious fucking thing!) as Lucifer basically throwing a tantrum.
And this could be so good. This could be so good, if the show was using this moment to portray how God has twisted up the events, even to himself, to make all of this Lucifer's fault, to make it seem like Lucifer's trauma isn't actually that bad. But I really don't feel like that was the point of that moment. It felt like the show was siding with him. Telling us that Lucifer's issues with God weren't actually that bad. Should be forgiven and not thought of any longer.
The worst part is that this could have gotten even more interesting. Lucifer assumes the role of God and his first act as God? Cutting his brother's wings off and casting him into Hell. HE FELL INTO THE CYCLE!!!! HE DID THE THING!!!! HE BECAME HIS FATHER!!!!! but then the show just doesn't ever bring Michael up again and I guess we were supposed to cheer when Lucifer turned his vengeance on him and cast him down. (Despite us having multiple seasons before this and the whole point of the seasons after it being that punitive justice is Bad, Actually, and Lucifer shouldn't be Judge, Jury, and Executioner, for his sake and those he hurts.)
Sorry for rambling. I, uh. have a few issues with the Lucifer tv show.
(It's almost worse than Supernatural in my eyes for this reason. Supernatural's decline was slow and predictable. Lucifer veered right off a cliff into being so much worse and never recovered. It set up so many things and then backed down completely from all of them. At least Supernatural had the guts to go "Yeah, God's a dick, and we're going to beat the shit out of him", even if the weight of that had mostly gone by the time they did it.)
#yeah so. thoughts. about this show.#lucifer tv#lucifer morningstar#like to be clear? i still love the first few seasons of this show. they aren't perfect. but god i want to chew on them.#lucifer and how he reacts to things relating to his past/abuse at god's hands is soooo. soooooooo.
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Candor
Pspsps Bronte and Tiergan fans, new fic about them-
Title: Candor
Wordcount: 5219
Summary:
noun: candor
the free expression of one's true feelings and opinions
-
“It-“ under Bronte’s icy stare, Tiergan finds his usual lies slip away. “Fine, it’s not fine. What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing in particular. I just wanted your honesty.”
Tiergan considers snapping at him and finds that he has no energy left to do so. He sighs. “It should be better now that Sophie’s better, shouldn’t it?”
“I regret to inform you that that is not how elven minds work.”
-
Or, Bronte and Tiergan talk in the aftermath of Sophie's shattering and subsequent healing.
(Sequel to Ancillary)
Warnings: death mention, mentions of injury, referenced deadnaming, discussion of homophobia and transphobia
-
It's a Tuesday.
It’s a Tuesday, and Tiergan should probably be grading assignments or talking to the rest of the Collective about their next move against the Neverseen or any of the infinitely many other things he has to do, but all he can think is that he should be at Foxfire, in one of the cramped rooms they use for telepathy sessions, two prodigies sat in front of him.
No one wants to make Sophie go back to Foxfire after the events of last week. And no one can muster the energy to argue with Sophie’s friends, who are insistent on spending as much time with her as possible. So Fitz and Sophie are both home this morning, and Tiergan, for all that he’s always hated working for the Council, finds himself lost without the obligation of mentorship.
His imparter dings, and he scrambles to grab it, expecting to see Prentice or Wylie’s name.
Instead, displayed on the screen is
Councillor Bronte:
Do you want to go to lunch today? I find myself (against my better judgement) almost missing your tendency to snark at me. Besides, I think we should discuss some of what happened last week.
Lunch with Bronte would normally sound horrible in all ways. Today, it’s a blessed distraction.
Tiergan Alenefar:
Where and when?
Councillor Bronte:
12:00 in Eternalia, Arty’s Café (24 Favriel Way, in the historic district). It’s a nice place. Run by a friend of Oralie’s from a while back.
Tiergan Alenefar:
I can’t believe I’m saying yes to this.
Councillor Bronte:
Trust me, I can hardly believe I’m asking this.
Tiergan sets his imparter down and debates if it’s acceptable to go to lunch with a Councillor in his pajamas. Probably not, though, as Livvy would say, it would be funny.
Ultimately, he does pick out a decently nice (but comfortable) tunic and even manages to pull his hair back before he sets out. Though he’s never been to this particular café before, the historic area of Eternalia is the part he feels most comfortable navigating, at least. Not that that’s a high bar. Tiergan generally avoids crowds and loud places to the best of his ability, which consequently means he doesn’t spend a lot of time in any of the elven cities. Combine that with a below-average sense of direction, and you get the incredible ability to get lost approximately thirty seconds after leaping just about anywhere.
It's fine. He has time before he has to meet Bronte, and wandering Eternalia is better than sitting at Solreef and trying not to remember how the vacant expression in Sophie’s eyes was a perfect mirror of Prentice’s.
He should feel better. By all rights, he should be okay now. He got Prentice back. He got Sophie back, against all odds, against all that they had known to be possible. But once the initial relief faded, he just felt…. empty. Tired. Exhausted, even. There’s so much still to be done, so many battles to be fought and wars to be won. It all feels like too much.
He knows he’s been avoiding people. There are three unanswered hails on his imparter from Livvy, and he counts himself lucky she hasn’t run out of patience and showed up at his door yet. Wylie hasn’t found the time to yell at him over the events of last week yet, and for that too, he’s grateful. Prentice, as well, has been a victim of Tiergan’s unwillingness to interact with people; though he made such sweet promises and held Tiergan so softly in those fragile moments after the healing, there’s still a part of Tiergan that screams at him to run and hide from the raw vulnerability of Cognatedom. He’s almost ashamed to find himself still afraid after all these years.
It's something a lot like shame as well that he can’t bring himself to talk to the people who love him yet is happy to meet with a grouchy Councillor who he absolutely detests. Maybe it’s the freedom of knowing that he doesn’t have to measure his words carefully around Bronte- he can be raw and cruel and honest, and Bronte will still come back the next week to be bitter and blunt and honest right back.
Tiergan slows to a stop, realizing that, lost in thought, he walked straight past the café he’s supposed to be meeting Bronte at.
By the time he winds his way back, Bronte is already standing by the entrance. It’s strange to see him so dressed down in a simple dark grey tunic and cloak, clasped with a silver pin. No circlet, no glimmering jewels. Just Bronte, as unbreakable and unyielding as steel.
The knot in Tiergan’s chest loosens a bit.
“You’re late,” Bronte says dryly.
“I got lost.”
“Of course you did.”
“Asshole,” Tiergan huffs, because he can, because he’s not afraid of Bronte, much as neither of them likes the other.
Bronte snorts, very undignified for a supposedly perfect Councillor. “Rude.”
“As if you’ve ever known me to be anything but rude to you.”
“True that. Let’s go in, shall we?”
“Sounds good to me.”
The door makes a gentle clinking noise when Bronte pushes it open. Inside, though he’s never been before, the interior appears intimately familiar. Cozy armchairs and booths, the scent of fresh mallowmelt, and elves with balefire jewelry glinting from their ears and wrists, phoenixes shining from around their necks, long hair and beards, short hair and dresses.
Oh. The sense of safety creeps in slowly at first, then all at once, and Tiergan lets out a long breath. “You would take me here, of all places.”
“It can be nice to be among others who are alike us.”
He can’t argue with that. “I didn’t know this place existed.” “There’s not a lot in Eternalia, but there’s this, and a few ballrooms. You get to know the scene well when you live in a city for a few thousand years.”
“I wasn’t aware Councillors were supposed to sneak around so,” Tiergan says, raising an eyebrow.
“And I wasn’t aware that Foxfire mentors were supposed to join rebellions or pine for their best friends,” Bronte snipes back. “Yet here we are.”
The words stir emotions Tiergan has been trying very hard to forget about, the ache that steals his breath when Prentice’s hands brush his. “Careful, Bronte.”
“Would you ask me to pull my punches with you now, after all that?”
“As if you and I have ever pulled punches with each other.” His own words echo in his mind. He was right, he knows, but…he’s tired. “Fine, you’re right. I’d be a hypocrite to ask for your kindness.”
Bronte halts abruptly and turns to him. “Are you alright?”
“What?” “I could have sworn I just heard the words ‘you’re right’ pass your lips.”
“Oh, fuck off.”
Bronte doesn’t quite grin, but the edges of his lips curl up with undeniable smug amusement.
The person in front of them in line gives them a very odd look but is just as soon distracted by ordering their pastries.
Then, it’s their turn. Bronte orders mallowmelt and strong coffee for himself, and then glances back at Tiergan. “You want anything?”
“I-“ deciding sounds like far too much energy. “I’m fine.”
“Three strawberry ripplefluffs and some mint tea,” Bronte tells the employee, who grins at him.
“Coming right up!” She punches in the order, grinning. “How are you doing?”
“Well enough, all things considered. Yourself?”
“Oh, same old, same old, you know how it is. Who’s this, by the way?” She gestures at Tiergan with her free hand.
“A-“ Bronte looks at Tiergan, who shrugs back at him. “A coworker of mine from Foxfire. His name is Tiergan. Tiergan, this is Zelda. She and her husband are old friends of Oralie’s.”
“Pleased to meet you,” Zelda chirps brightly. “I hope this old grouch has been nice to you.”
“Well- he’s been grouchy,” Tiergan settles for, not really sure how to reply.
Zelda laughs. “As always!” She takes Bronte’s birth fund cube and swipes it, handing it back to him. “You two are good to go sit down. I’ll have El bring out your order in just a moment.”
“Thank you, Zelda.”
“No problem. Next!”
They go find a seat in a warm, cozy corner. Tiergan sinks gratefully into the softness of the chair, marveling at how this odd little café is just the right kind of quiet and dim. There’s a faint hum of background chatter, but the abundance of fabric is enough to absorb some of the noise, and the gauzy curtains filter the light into soft shades of purple, pink, and blue. Across from him, Bronte is lit in a gentle rose, softening out his harsh features and making his dark hair gleam like copper.
For once, Tiergan finds himself without anything to say.
“So. How has your life been going? Better than mine, I hope,” Bronte says dryly.
“It’s been…fine.”
“That makes me think it has not been fine.”
“It-“ under Bronte’s icy stare, Tiergan finds his usual lies slip away. “Fine, it’s not fine. What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing in particular. I just wanted your honesty.”
Tiergan considers snapping at him and finds that he has no energy left to do so. He sighs. “It should be better now that Sophie’s better, shouldn’t it?”
“I regret to inform you that that is not how elven minds work.”
“I know.” He knows better than anyone. Nightmares of Cyrah’s death and Prentice’s shattering still haunt him, even to this day.
Bronte sighs as well. “I have to admit that I find myself not unaffected by it as well. Even with all the millennia I have seen, there are some things that are impossible to forget.”
“Such as?”
“Seeing your brother’s mind broken, how a burn from Everblaze feels, the sting of an ogre’s rusted blade, your prodigy collapsed and vacant-eyed.”
Tiergan shudders. He’s never going to get that image out of his mind either.
“You-“ Bronte starts, and then looks away.
“What?”
“There were… several minutes between you losing your connection with me and Prentice’s arrival.”
Oh. Was that…worry in Bronte’s voice? “I was unaware.”
“You were essentially dead to the world, I’m not surprised. But yes, there were several minutes where you were not responsive, and I was unable to act effectively.”
“You did help,” Tiergan tells him. “Your inflicting was part of why I was able to hold on as long as I did.” It rankles his pride to have been so reliant on Bronte, but not nearly as much as it would have before.
A glimmer of surprise flickers through those icy eyes. “Were it anyone else saying that, I would be confident it was a reassuring lie.”
“But you believe me?” “I don’t believe you of all people would ever lie to spare my feelings.”
A small laugh spills from Tiergan’s lips before he’s hardly aware of it. “True, I wouldn’t.”
“Exactly.” Bronte’s lips quirk in a wry smile. “I suppose I should have known that I was capable of positive inflicting when even you believed I was. I just assumed you were in denial about the reality of our situation.”
He doesn’t like to admit this, but- “I was, to some degree. I was right, in the end. But I had no real reason to believe you could, only that you had to be able to or all was lost.”
“Desperation is a powerful motivator.” “It is.” He has to swallow the sudden lump in his throat, recalling those horrible, desperate hours when he thought Sophie was gone forever. The grief, the rage, the dreadful, agonizing guilt. She was gone, and it wasn’t fair, and he should have protected her.
Tiergan knows better than most the fragility of the elven mind and consequently, the danger of allowing yourself to dwell on the past. Yet some days it seems like looking backward is all he can do. Ever since Prentice’s mind break, the future has seemed too daunting, too terrifying and exhausting, to even consider. Even now, even with Prentice back, there’s the Neverseen to fight and a cognate bond he’s been avoiding and a thousand worries about Sophie, her friends, Wylie, Tam, Linh, Leto, Prentice- the list goes on. It’s easier to look at the past, whether with yearning or regret, than confront how the lingering fear that all he’s gained is only temporary has carved itself into his very bones. Will he ever be able to look at Prentice without fearing he’ll break apart before his eyes? Will he ever not see Cyrah in the curve of Wylie’s jaw and the quirk of his brow? Will he ever look at Sophie without seeing a mirror of his own, younger self and how he saw no way to go on, no happiness in his future? He could drown in those aches, those fears, hearing Wylie’s pacing on sleepless nights and Sophie struggling in the throes of the same despair that once took him.
He only realizes that he’s been staring at the worn wood table for far too long when a cheerful elf with a wide, easy smile comes to give them their drinks and sweets. “Mallowmelt and strong coffee for you, Bronte?”
“As ever.”
The elf beams and sets the plates down before levitating two more around to set in front of Tiergan with a flick of their wrist. “And mint tea and strawberry ripplefluffs for you?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“No problem. I hope you two are having a good time.” They pair that with a slight wink.
Bronte sighs. “It’s not like that, El.”
“Ah, sorry for the assumption.” El cracks another easy grin. He reminds Tiergan a little bit of Prentice before the mind break, all warmth and smile lines.
“Easy mistake to make.”
“Do you make a habit of taking guys you’re flirting with here?” Tiergan has to ask.
“Not in particular.”
El laughs. “This café just generally sees a lot of that sort of thing.”
“Indeed, and not the least from myself and my friends over the years,” Bronte says dryly.
“True that. You’re our best customer,” El jokes.
“Please, that title absolutely goes to Albert.”
“Oh, true that. Speaking of which, I need to get goin’. It’s busy today.”
“We won’t keep you any longer, then,” Bronte agrees.
El beams once more before turning to take another table’s dirty dishes.
Meanwhile, Tiergan blinks at Bronte, baffled by how comfortable he seems around this near-stranger, particularly when it comes to secrets so large and life-ruining as what they are.
“El is one of us,” Bronte explains, seemingly anticipating his questions. “I’ve known him for many years.”
“You’re very open here.”
“I am.” He pauses to take a sip of his coffee, setting the cup down again with a gentle clink. “Em- someone I know once asked me how I could stand knowing that there were so many people who knew what I am. I gave him the same explanation I’ll give you: there are numerous things that I am forced to hide, and numerous elves who would depict me as things I am not. I have played this part for too many years to deny myself the opportunity to be seen for even a small part of who I truly am.”
“Does it not scare you to be seen?” It scares Tiergan. He never wanted Bronte to know the truth of him, shies away from even Prentice’s kind gaze.
“Of course it does. I simply find that when one grows accustomed to perpetually playing the part of a perfect Councillor, being seen more truly becomes more a relief than a burden. I suppose that’s part of what Oralie and I see in each other: someone who can look past all our facades.”
Tiergan watches Bronte’s slim hand curl around the cup and tries to breathe. “You think it’s worth it, then?”
“I like to think so. Though I’ll admit that it can be…difficult.”
“It can be.”
“It’s easy to grow so accustomed to hiding parts of yourself in order to survive that secrecy begins to feel like safety. It is, I suppose, for elves like you and me.”
It’s like Bronte’s struck him, head reeling with the unpleasant feeling of his longest-buried griefs being brought to light. “It is,” he manages to rasp.
“It is,” Bronte agrees. “Yet I find that it can be a hindrance as well. The fear of that secrecy being overturned follows us even in places of safety; it prevents us from finding one another.”
Tiergan can’t breathe. His heart is stripped bare, fears and pains laid out under Bronte’s discerning gaze. “You’re not an expert on my fears.”
“No, I wouldn’t imagine I am.” He says nothing more than that, allowing the quiet chatter and clink of dishes to fill the silence instead.
Tiergan takes a sip of his tea. It’s still warm, sharp and fresh and minty. The band around his chest loosens a little.
“I knew someone who would swear by mint tea as a cure for any emotion, you know.” Bronte’s tone is strangely melancholy, eyes focused somewhere behind Tiergan’s head.
“Oh?”
“Anxiety over school? Mint tea. Angry at your brother? Mint tea. Heartache? Mint tea.”
Tiergan manages to smile. “Did it work?”
“Unfairly often.”
“Is that why you bought it for me?”
“It was the first thing that came to mind.”
He sips at his tea again and decides that whoever this person of Bronte’s was, they were at least a little bit right. It doesn’t quite wash away the fears that are carved into him or the ache that’s nestled in his chest, but it soothes the sharp edges a little bit.
Across from him, Bronte takes a bite of mallowmelt. Tiergan is struck by how similar and yet how different this feels to their time at Foxfire; instead of the uncomfortable chairs and gleaming light of the mentor’s cafeteria, there’s the soft glow of blue through the drapes and plush fabric on his seat, but the core of it remains unchanged. Him and Bronte, Bronte and him. Forever opposite one another, even as, on some fundamental level, they’re a little bit the same.
Which reminds him-
“I’ve been meaning to ask you something, actually.”
“Do tell.”
“The one day at Foxfire that I snapped at you and told you that you were worse than a monster. You didn’t sit with me that Thursday, but the next week you came back. Why?” It’s a bold question, but here, in the little café where Bronte is so open, almost unguarded, seems like the right time for bold questions.
“I didn’t lie to you, if that’s what you’re asking. That Thursday I did genuinely have a Council meeting that ran over into lunch. As for why I came back… I will repeat what I told you before. I have hidden for too long to deny myself the opportunity to be seen truly.” He sighs, setting down his fork. “You have to understand that I have been spoken of as a monster for longer than you have been living, Tiergan. From the moment I manifested as an inflictor, those whispers have followed me, and I am ashamed to say that I’ve proven them right, at times. Though I am not proud of it, there comes a point when even you start to believe yourself a monster, incapable of being anything else. You saw through that. Though you have ample reason to hate me, you still saw me for an elf capable of good or evil as opposed to the monster I’ve so often been said to be. That is worth more than you can imagine.”
“Even if that meant I hated you more because I knew you could have acted differently?”
“Even then. Your hatred matters less than the truth of your perception.”
“That cannot be a healthy way to handle that,” Tiergan informs him.
“I’m well aware.”
For once, Tiergan doesn’t understand. He’s grown used to seeing a mirror of his own pain, not just in Sophie but in Bronte as well. Twin reflections of the trauma of a life lived in forced secrecy. This, though, is something completely different. “I don’t understand you sometimes.”
“I would be concerned if you always understood me, honestly.”
“I understand how you can be open about some things. That’s the point of signaling. What I don’t get is-“ the words stick in his throat.
“Is?” Bronte prompts.
Tiergan lets out a breath. “It doesn’t scare you to have someone look at you and see the truth- not just a piece, but all of it?”
Bronte’s eyes are, in that moment, unimaginably ancient. “You ask that as if anyone has ever looked at me and seen the entire truth.”
“Has no one?”
“Oralie comes close, some days. Fintan was closer.”
Another breath. He can taste mint at the back of his mouth. “I shouldn’t be afraid of him. He loves me.”
Bronte is silent.
“Secrecy has always meant survival for me. For us. How do I unlearn that?”
“In my experience, you don’t.”
“You don’t, but-“ But he’s given Prentice everything he was ever able to give, save for one thing: himself. “But I owe him more than secrecy and avoidance.”
“Do you?”
Tiergan can’t answer that. “I love him. I want to trust him.”
“Love doesn’t always mean trust. I’ve certainly loved men who I couldn’t trust as far as I could throw them, or however the saying goes.” Bronte takes a long drink of his coffee.
“That sounds…”
“Like a bad idea? It was.” Tiergan must look startled, as Bronte snorts. “Don’t look so surprised. Even I was young and foolish once. And I find we are all often proven fools when it comes to love.”
If the brief curiosity of wondering just who Bronte loved had banished the ache in his chest, now Bronte’s words return it tenfold. A fool is certainly what Tiergan is, to hope and grieve and rage and yearn all these long years, and yet to run from Prentice now that he’s finally returned.
The edges of his fork are digging into his hand, and he makes an effort to relax his grip. “And if someone deserves your trust but you can’t seem to give it to them? Does that make you a fool?”
“Not a fool. Cautious, perhaps. If I were more poetic, I might call it scarred.”
“Like a solider coming home.”
“Exactly.” Bronte’s gaze is far away, eyes watching something no one else can see, as he says “You’ve been at war for so long that you don’t remember what peace felt like.”
“You can’t be the same as you were. Not even elven medicine can erase some scars.”
“You’ve become what you needed in order to survive. But there is no coming back from that.” Bronte’s balefire earring flashes in the light when he turns his gaze away from the window.
Tiergan’s breath rasps in his throat. “How can you be soft again after you’ve been asked to be brave for so long?”
“I don’t know if you can. Not entirely.”
“No. Not entirely.”
“You’ll never be the same as you were.” The twist of his mouth says that he speaks from bitter experience.
“How could you be?”
“You couldn’t.”
“You can’t,” Tiergan agrees. He’s no longer sure if he’s talking about Prentice’s mind break or Cyrah’s death or Sophie’s shattering or the war against the Neverseen or even just growing up as himself in this world where he cannot be anything but brave. He carries so many losses and scars, the sharp edges of his heartache pricking at his soft skin like so many thorns.
The lines of Bronte’s face and the scars on his hands as he lifts his cup tell a tale of his own silent griefs, wars waged and won under the cover of darkness and closed doors. “I suppose I should have faith that any struggle can be overcome, given sufficient time. However, I doubt that certain things can ever be undone.”
He’s right. He’s right, and that makes it even worse that he’s done all that he has. “You can’t undo some things. Even if you reverse it, the damage is done.”
“The damage is done,” Bronte repeats. His face should be shadowed with regret, twisted by guilt. Instead, he just looks tired.
Tiergan’s grief burns like hot tea in the back of his throat, aches like a broken rib above his heart. “He’s still gone in my head. I’m still at war.” It should be euphoric to have Prentice beside him again and Sophie healed, to be surrounded by people he knows he can trust with the truest, most fragile parts of himself. But he can’t seem to stop running.
“Some days, I’m still sixteen and called by a name that was never mine,” Bronte answers. A grief for a grief, vulnerability laid out on the table between them like a quilt.
Here, in this quiet little bakery, they are both utterly exposed; if he takes this chance to strike Bronte where it hurts, Bronte will find the chink in his armor just as easily. Mutually assured destruction. Maybe that’s why Tiergan says “We once said Sophie was just like you and I at fifteen.”
“Scared and alone in a world that wasn’t built for us. I remember.”
“I sometimes wonder if we’re like that even now.” Sometimes it feels like the shadow of that fifteen-year-old follows him still, overlays his every word and action.
“Not exactly like that. For one thing, neither you nor I are entirely alone.”
“True.”
“Still, you may be right- though don’t tell anyone I said that.” He sets his cup down with a soft clink. “Once you’ve been that child, you will never quite let go of that part of you. I’d imagine you know that better than anyone.”
He bristles at the assumption, balks even more at the fact that it’s correct. “Don’t act like you know that about me.”
“I’m only extrapolating from what you’ve told me.”
Tiergan lets out a breath. “Then I’d imagine you also know that very well.”
“I was just like you were at fifteen,” Bronte reminds.
“And Sophie is just like I was at fifteen.”
“And even I was like how you are now, once.”
Tiergan doesn’t want to be alike Bronte. But he is tired of denial, of fear. “I wonder if I’ll end up how you are now.”
“I hope not.”
“Me too.”
“Like my brother, I am the way I am because the world has written me into this role. I hope that you won’t allow yourself to be twisted into bitterness the same way.”
“I would argue you haven’t let yourself be twisted as much as he has.”
“No, perhaps not.” Bronte sighs. “Still, I have become more bitter and resigned than I ever wanted to be. There was a day when I struggled against the world like you; now, I find I have become the person you and others like you struggle against.”
“That’s not the end of it, you know,” Tiergan tells him. “You could choose differently. Even now.”
“Some things cannot be undone. But yes, I can do differently today, and tomorrow, and all the days that will come after.”
“Some things can’t be undone,” he agrees. “But it’s worth trying to do better the next time.”
“I suppose so. And I will remind you of the same- whatever regrets you carry, you can always start afresh.”
It’s a marvel, really, Bronte’s ability to tell what Tiergan needs without it ever being spoken aloud. The words can’t quite put together the fractured glass of his soul, but they soothe the jagged edges just a little. “I know. I should…I should talk to him.”
“Probably.”
“You don’t even know who I’m talking about.”
“I could guess. And besides, Emery insists communication is important to any relationship. Admittedly, I don’t usually listen to Emery, but he might have a point about that.”
“It is, as I’m always telling Fitz and Sophie.” It’s ironic, really, that he’s teaching the teenagers how to handle their Cognate bond while his own is something he’d been avoiding for years even before Prentice’s mind break. Still, he’s been given a second chance, something he never really let himself believe that he would be able to have. He would be a fool to waste it, he knows. He’s going to get it right this time.
Bronte’s dry voice breaks him from his thoughts. “Ah, yes, the young Cognate pair.”
“They’ve struggled with communication at points. And I doubt my advice has been the best, given…everything. Teenagers can sense a hypocrite from miles away.” He realizes his ripplefluffs have been laying abandoned for most of the conversation, stabbing one idly with his fork.
“Oh, certainly. As Sophie is happy to let me know when I attempt to advise her on handling her emotions.”
Tiergan can’t help a small laugh at the idea of Bronte giving advice on emotions to anyone. “I have to agree with her there.”
“Of course you do. At least you listen to my advice on other things occasionally,” Bronte sighs.
“When you have a decent thought, so very occasionally.”
That earns him a glare.
He takes a bite of his ripplefluff, resisting a smile. It would be a lie to say that the lingering grief of Sophie’s shattering doesn’t still lay heavy on his shoulders, that he won’t still fear the intimacy of a Cognate bond, that the shadow of that wounded fifteen-year-old doesn’t still follow him. But all those burdens seem less for having been spoken aloud, the air in his lungs less like shattered glass.
He's going to try again. He and Prentice are going to try again, and Tiergan is going to whisper softly to that wounded child that’s curled up in his heart, it’s okay, it’s alright, we’re safe here. We’re safe with him.
They finish their food, and he thanks Bronte for taking him to lunch. Bronte stares at him like he’s grown a second head, and Tiergan laughs again at his startled expression. “I can be nice, you know.” “Yes, but the fact that you’re choosing to be nice to me makes me wonder who you are and where the real Tiergan has gone,” Bronte deadpans back. “This is a nice place. And there are some things you understand better than anyone else.”
“True, I suppose. Well, thank you for coming to meet with me. I’m sure the rest of the Council have managed to cause at least three crises while I’ve been gone, so I should be off, but our conversation was…enlightening.”
“The same for me. I’m sure Wylie and the other kids have broken at least one of my nice vases,” Tiergan jokes, though now that he thinks about it, that has definitely happened before. “I’ll see you at Foxfire, then?”
“Sooner or later, I’m sure.”
Tiergan walks out into the bright sunlight of Eternalia, pulling out his imparter as he does so.
Tiergan Alenefar:
Do you want to talk about Cognate stuff + a few other things this week?
Prentice Endal:
Of course <3
Wednesday, maybe?
Tiergan Alenefar:
That works for me
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Blacked out saw cult in an oc lore post slammed the anon button so fast I'm here i wanna hear abt OCs and cults (< made a fictional one to toss my guy into so I can stretch and knead him like thinking putty)
HEHEHE HIIIII !! cult ocs r sooo fun :3
the ocs are named Guide and Runaway :3 they were both raised in a cult where runaway, who was called 'Vessel' during this time, was prophesized to inherit a great power and,,, destroy and recreate the world to be without pain (which would kill everyone and herself in the process)? something like that, i havent fleshed it out fully. guide was raised to be vessel's, well, guide. she was meant to ensure that vessel would follow her destiny and fulfill her role as a martyr for the cult. guide was only a year or two older than vessel/runaway.
vessel is like,, her deadname. both metaphorically and literally (shes mtf and transitioned after running away from the cult). im gonna refer to her kid self with she/her even though she didnt use those at that time.
for many years they were both very loyal to the cult for a while, even despite the odd teachings. they thought it was normal for vessel to be worshiped like she was. im not sure exactly how, but at some point in their preteens(?) vessel realizes something is wrong. guide also notices that its wrong, and truthfully has felt like something's been off for a long time, but still chooses to feign ignorance.
sometime in their teens, probably not even a year before vessel is supposed to use her power to reach into the weavings of reality, she wakes guide up in the middle of the night and tells her she's leaving. she holds her hand out to guide and guide really, truly, wants to take it but she cant. she tells runaway to leave before she alerts some of the other people in the house and runaway leaves. she's not happy about it, though.
runaway manages to find her way to someone that takes her in and teaches her how to properly control her power and just keeps her safe from people trying to take her back. for years, runaway and guide end up on opposing sides of missions and sometimes battlefields. as time goes on its clearer and clearer to runaway and the cult's trying to recreate her power into guide. and they're partially working; but not without severe consequences.
at some point, im not sure when but its likely post-some kind of big battle, the cult is disbanded and guide and runaway are reunited. they start living in the same apartment and are officially together. guide starts going to therapy (runaway's been going for a little while), and things just start looking up. until the events of the Extra Story happen but they're mostly jn the background (well, runaway's at the forefront of things but guide's chilling at home).
and so there's a brief overview of some of the major things about my longing cult yuri ocs! i love them dearly and really need to draw them soon,,,,
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can i ask for some Jono Starsmore headcanons 👀
OHHH MY GOD ANON. GRABS YOU WITH MY TEETH BARED. OF COURSE YOU CAN.
ill get the obvious ones out of the way first. i think hes transmasc and bi and somewhere on the ace spectrum. and also autistic.
jonos family was fucking ecstatic when he was born because all his cousins are boys so he was the only 'girl' and he kind of felt an obligation to not come out because of that. though it just began to hurt so he came out and nothing really changed but he was glad to at least have it out there. even if only to his parents.
jono has a weird relationship to gender at best. he is transmasc and uses he/him exclusively but there is something going on with it where its slightly to the left. his parents 'accept' he is trans but dont really acknowledge it. they still call him by his deadname and misgender him and he honestly has given up on trying to correct them. he never really tried to begin with. they do support trans people and him by extension but they just dont really understand hes not a girl .
since he left for america he has cut contact with his parents entirely. his father being tiring for apocalypse reasons and his mother being tiring for a myriad of other reasons. he kind of hates his dad and his fathers side of the family and its this whole thing- since his father explained to him he was related to someone that wanted to essentially end the world and how hes expected to help that guy hes been kinda fucking pissed at him.
in an annual he was bitten by dracula, so i think he still has a scar from the bite as it was hinted that there would be a ongoing thing with that (there wasn't, unless you consider apocalypse/dracula to be an aknowledgement of the event as it featured jono's ancestors) and if he wasn't already so (gestures to him) he'd have more obvious side-effects from that. it may have strengthened how he communicates- making his voice a lot clearer in others heads. this is attributed to him just practicing, though.
sometimes he doesn't 'talk' for extended periods of times. this can be spurred on by him getting overhwelmed or sometimes just because. and i think communicating in the way he does can be really fucking tiring
hes kind of extremely blunt. its hard for him to actually not be as relearning how to express tact and tone mentally is difficult and (honestly) quite draining.
the thing with sugar kane fucked him up a bit more than he lets on. he began to mask more afterwards and kind of just avoided talking to anyone about it at all.
on krakoa he is avoiding the shit out of apocalypse he does not want to talk to peepaw (theyre related and no one fucking remembers when that was established and it makes me a little insane.)
before the explosion he was in a really shitty punk band. he may have sung but he played guitar mainly.
#anon#jono starsmore#headcanons#HI ANON. IM STIMMING SO FUCKING MUCH TY#if u want me to like elaborate on anything pleasee feel free to send another ask or even dm.#also sorry this took so long i was chatting with my friends when this came in.
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Oohhh mama I've got the Adam Murray fankid (Cain) on the brain again. Have some thoughts (he's still a massive WIP that is trying to go along with whatever the canon decks at my face next, but here's the recents):
Okay, so, he IS now Evelin's kid too. Idk, it's symbolic and shit, and makes the most sense. They are the only couple in the series among the main characters, I believe, so...
This one's my fave. Making his parents pretty heavy duty Christians. But not like Carrie Christians, and more "We asked God to give us the perfect child and then we adopted you... What do you mean you want to be a boy, that isn't God's way??" Yeah, that. So, obviously having his Biblical knowledge, hating his parents, and not knowing what name to go by, he slaps on Cain for the time being. It's just to piss off his parents by naming himself after a murderer from the bible, because hey he's not getting it permanently, legally changed or anything. Though, he does turn out to really, really like it, unfortunately for his folks. (Also the fact that Cain killed Abel, his brother, and his deadname, Annabelle, has Abel basically in the middle... 👀 layersssss-)
He's basically the type of guy who would literally cry over spilled milk but then go through the most traumatising event known to man and just go "well, that sure was... a day."
I've also given him friends!! (Even though, with the way tmc seems to be going, the alternates might as well kill off all humanity by 2023, when this takes place, BUT–) I haven't thought of names. I considered biblical ones, but I'm not sure about finding ones that really fit deeper than just being from the good ol' bibble. One of them is your typical basic blonde white girl (who, admittedly, kind of starts off as one of those annoying allies. "I want a gay best friend!!" type of thing), the other one's a chubby video game nerd. They're an odd bunch, who somehow bonded over a shared chemistry project :)
This may change with the tmc plot or other stuff, but rn I've decided what makes the most sense is that Cain isn't technically an alternate and is actually just some guy. However, he is immune to alternates, as they can sense SOMETHING off about his vibes.
Mention of (entirely SFW) mpreg under the cut (I mean, any thing I do for any fandom ever is nearly guaranteed to include it, and I apologise for that but it will happen again lol). Don't tap if it ain't your thing.
(I may or may not have started a oneshot based on the latter half of this idea lol...)
So, he was originally starting to develop before Catalyst came out, and I got the whole "he was found in a rubbish bin off the street" thing from a Jacqueline Wilson book I never even read (sue me, okay 💀). But, no, recently I had a better idea: lil Cain was born DURING Catalyst. Essentially, Adam had no idea he was pregnant, his alt transformation triggered labour, he was already in so much pain from said transformation the labour also went completely missed, baby comes out, Adam has no idea what to think or feel. And, this all kinda depends on what Alex is gonna do next, but main idea for now is Adam gives bby to Thatcher and tells him to make sure he's (well, he'd say she because Cain was literally a newborn, but I'll say he because I feel that's right? Idk trans people can confirm or otherwise on that lol) cared for. Thatcher takes him to the hospital where he can be looked over and given to a new family (,:
#tmc#the mandela catelogue#adam murray#evelin miller#thatcher davis#tmc oc#should i give him his own tag?#eh why not#cain morgan#fankid#tw mpreg#cw mpreg#tw birth#cw birth#also been thinking about normal childhood cain#with little to no alternates#and adam and evelin raise him as separated coparents (and sarah and jonah help)#and it's just cute and silly#but that's a post for another time...#anyways him <3
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Blessed Yule, Happy Solstice, Merry Christmas
I was not expecting to have taken as long a break as I did from posting, but I also do not exactly post frequently. The holidays, for me, are simultaneously extremely difficult and my favorite time of year. From September through New Year's, it is all about spending time with the people you love.
Last year, the circle of people that I can spend time with shrank tremendously. This year, that was incredibly sad. Christmas Eve I sat at home, wrapping gifts for those I am going to see, having a Prosecco Cider (thanks, Bold Rock), and crying. I texted a friend who knows all the details of last Christmas Eve, we talked a bit about that, spirituality, where we're going on our journeys, I suddenly felt compelled to offer Baldur one of my favorite bottles of primitivo (which I did), and was then compelled to drink the beer I had offered to Thor a while ago (the intuition had been to leave it on the altar until I needed to feel protected), and by the time George arrived I felt a lot better.
If I really think about it, I started getting antsy around early November. That is when the anxiety started, probably because I normally spend Thanksgiving with one of my dad's brothers and his family ; that is, unfortunately, no more, given that one of his daughters was the cousin involved in the events of last Christmas Eve. Thanksgiving for me, instead of the usual happy family gathering, was a tense visit to see my mom at Aunt Ellen's (her sister), where my sister and her partner came. It's mother's last chance to be involved in Abi's life at all. This Christmas, rather than the Feast of the Seven Fishes at one of dad's sister's, as was the previous tradition, I was at Aunt Ellen's with mom and George.
I probably freaked out about that meeting a lot more than I should have. Mom was on her best behavior, which was nice. But she still made me uncomfortable. She refuses to call me by my name consistently, preferring to deadname me, pet my arms a bunch at dinner (I had a mesh shirt as a part of my outfit that had velvet on the sleeves), and at one point said if George was older she would want to date him. My sister was also deadnamed repeatedly, and even though she was not present, it was still uncomfortable - I thought the visit was about to go to Hell when I called my mom out on her behavior and she, per her usual, got defensive and acted like it was not her fault.
But, I digress.
If anything, this holiday season has showed me that next year is the time to make my own holiday traditions. I had already talked to George about how I think I want us to do Thanksgiving next year - a party with all our friends, with a spread of everyone's favorite foods instead of a traditional turkey - and he is on board with it. George does not come from "holiday people", as he says, but he supports that the season is important to me and thinks it will be fun to have our own traditions.
But Christmas Eve, I needed to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to let out all the pain that I have felt for a whole year. Because from Thanksgiving to Christmas Eve, I kept re-living last Christmas Eve. I was anxious driving at night, I was jittery, and I would suddenly want to break down sobbing at work and not know why. By the time I was getting ready to go to bed, one of my astrology apps had given me a notification for a meditation specifically to release energy from past events, call back energy, and reset the emotional connection to those events. (And people say astrology and these apps are fake). I did the meditation, and I feel much lighter than I did.
When talking to my friends and co-workers, I realized that the holidays are both fun and sad for a lot of people. Sometimes, it can be difficult to focus on the joy. But by leaning on joy, it lessens the sting of the hurt. By focusing on what we have to be happy about, and treating ourselves gently, we can keep the spirit of peace, compassion, and kindness. For me, the holidays are becoming a heavy reminder of those things. I cannot wait to see what they look like for me next year.
#yule#solstice#christmas#holidays#holiday season#be kind to yourself#kindness#compassion#joy#peace#family#mental health#friends#meditation#astrology#baldur#thor
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adds to this as well with my tips since i'm in my last year. i'm an art major so some of these are very specific to art classes
CHECK YOUR EMAIL BEFORE YOU LEAVE FOR ANY IN-PERSON CLASS it's only happened a handful of times but i've literally had professors cancel 30 minutes to an hour before class and reach out by email
i'm sure if you've had a lifelong disability this is the first thing you do anyways, but always check with your disability center what they can do to help you!!! mine offers note-taking services where someone will go into class to take notes for you, it also helps if you need longer testing times and excused tardiness
IF YOU'RE TRANS AND OUT BUT HAVEN'T HAD YOUR NAME CHANGED: CHECK ALL THE ONLINE RESOURCES TO SEE IF YOU CAN'T JUST AUTOMATICALLY MAKE EVERYTHING YOUR PREFERRED NAME!!! i did digging on mine very early on and found a place to put a preferred name and have not had to deal with any deadnaming outside of more official matters (paperwork and such) since.
most professors are chill just talk to them if you need anything. when i caught covid last year it took me out of my classes for a week and my painting professor allowed me almost a whole extra week to finish my paintings simply bc i asked. had a power outage that lasted like 12 hours last semester and had to ask the teacher to extend the due date for the assignment due that night bc i just literally couldn't get online.
do not buy ANY BOOKS until you see that syllabus and the professor TELLS YOU TO BUY IT I'M SERIOUS. THE BOOKSTORE WILL STILL HAVE IT AND IF IT DOESN'T U CAN FIND IT ONLINE TRUST ME
unless the professor tells you not to, you can eat in class so long as you're not a nuisance
don't take morning classes unless you have to and if you do take only ONE per semester
art students: do NOT overwork yourself and pace yourself based on your projects in other classes. ask around what studio classes would be awful to stack (my painting professor had me convince another student to not do three studio classes where one of those classes was intro to ceramics bc that workload would've been BAD)
if u struggle with socializing and can't seem to make friends in class, join a club! clubs often also throw events and stuff you can go to outside of them that you can also make friends at.
check your email at LEAST 3 times a day you never know WHAT could happen genuinely
to reiterate an earlier point in the post, drop out of a class as soon as you realize you don't like it, i really wish i did this first semester when i took an english class that had everything due on wednesday at 10am. like the whole week.
i go to a state university and not a specific art school so it's not the same but unless your professor is super anti-fanart it's fine lol. i love doing fanart for class, i try to keep it minimal but if it works it works
oh feel free to bring shit to do with your hands for lecture classes. you can draw in them. you can crochet/knit. bring a fidget toy that doesn't make noise. never had a single professor who cared. bring stuffed animals who gives a shit.
if you ahve class on halloween go to class dressed up it's fun :( last year i only saw people from the art department dressed up it was so sad
if the weather is bad don't risk it honestly, even professors will cancel class if the school won't in those conditions.
uhhh just find out the fun things you can do around campus :) go to ur college's events they're fun,
OH LAST POINT find out what resources your campus has. for artists see what the campus print shop has and their prices, see what the craft shop has if your's has one. my print shop does stickers and magnets and transparencies all for really cheap, the craft shop has a kiln that is literally available for anyone to use so long as you have a membership or pay the day fee (or go on a free day for students). see if your campus has free counseling for students. does it have an on-campus clinic? use that too.
have fun and if shit sucks, hit da bricks! (drop that class! change your major to something easier for you!! drop out altogether if it's just not working!)
Actual good first-time college student advice:
Wear jeans/pants that “breathe” and bring a sweater, even if it’s scorching hot out, until you know which building blasts the AC to 60 degrees F and which feels like a sauna
Backpacks with thick straps are your friend! Messenger bags are cool and all but if you’re commuting with a lot of stuff, symmetrically styled backpacks are better for your back
You are your own person and you can walk out whenever you need to or want to, so long as you’re not disrupting the class. Meaning you can go to the bathroom without permission, take a breather if you’re anxious, answer an important phone call, etc.
If you don’t like the class on the first day, if you can- DROP THAT CLASS AND TAKE ANOTHER ONE! It’ll only get worse from there!
If you can, take a class outside your major; it’s a good break from your expected studies.
You are in charge of your schedule. Your adviser and guidance counselor is there to ‘advise and guide’ but if you don’t like certain classes and you can substitute for others, that’s your choice.
Consequently, if you are changing anything drastic in your plan, talk with your adviser and instructors.
Pay attention to your credit hours and grades. Never leave this to the last week of school, you will be sorry and stressed beyond belief!
Unless it’s a lab book or otherwise specified, go to the class for a week or so before buying an expensive textbook. Some classes, while having it on their required list, do not actually use the textbook a whole lot and you might find some of it scanned online. Rent if you can or buy used online (schools actually don’t give discounts). Use your best judgement on what you think you need.
Tell the people who go up to you selling or advertising things you are not interested in that you are in a rush to class and don’t have time to listen to them. It’s less rude and they’ll leave you alone.
The smaller the class, the better it is to have some sort of acquaintanceship with a couple classmates. They might save your ass if you are absent one day or need to study. And talking with them makes the time go by faster without it being so insufferable.
You don’t need to join a club or sport, but internships are cool and useful!
If you can afford it, take a day off once or twice each semester if you’re too exhausted. Just be aware of what you missed and if it was worth missing!
Your health is the most important, this goes for mental health too!! Note: College-age/upper teens is when mental disorders like depression and anxiety are most commonly diagnosed. Most schools have therapy services, especially during exam time. Look into it if you need to!
Communicate with your professor if you are having trouble with something. Anything.
Eat and stay hydrated. Bring a water bottle and snack to class.
All-nighters will happen but never go over 36 hours without sleep.
It’s going to be hard and there will be times you might think about giving up. This WILL happen. You just have to make sure what you’re doing isn’t making you absolutely miserable and/or there is something rewarding and positive to look forward to at the end!
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My first B L O G entry -1-
Soooo... as it turns out, I am probably - T R A N S - and as any good new age, independent, creative, non-binary soul would do, I decided to write a blog about it. Terrific.
Hmmm... I have so many things running in my head (thanks ADHD, love you) that it’s kind of hard to pick out the subject for my first entry. How about I keep it straightforward and just talk about my day? Well, today was my niece’s 3rd birthday party, and let me tell you right now that family gatherings have always made me really uncomfortable. As opposed to most of the people I know, I never really felt a strong sense of familiarity or attachment with my own family. I have always felt uneasy and detached from them with the exception of a few family members like my cousin, who has gone through some pretty severe things herself, which in turn makes for some trauma sharing bonding sessions. Maybe I just don’t vibe with people who’s lives are too stable, too perfect, but that is something that we will dive deeper into at a later time. Anyway, as I was saying, I was not particularly looking forward to today’s event, but I also wanted to show that I care (even if sometimes I’m not convinced about that myself). The party was fine, as far as kid B-day party’s go, but being introduced to everyone with my deadname was really exhausting... I still need to have that talk with my dad and the rest of my family, however, the thought of it fills me with apprehension. There’s so much to think about, and having to deal with this stupid shit everyday is wearing me out... I am tired.
I don’t want to end my first entry on a negative note though!! Did you know that Raccoons are called Mapache in Spanish? I also found this new app called LEX where you can talk to people inside the LGBTQ+ community. It’s pretty dope so far and I have manage to speak to some really nice people. Maybe if the word gets out and more people start using the app it could turn into something really great.
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What’s wrong with stranger things and umbrella academy? /gen
Okay. I knew I was gonna get this and here it is.
Stranger Things:
One of the motifs in stranger things is number tattoos on the wrists of the characters imprisoned and tortured by the bad guys. And now actual real life fans of stranger things are getting tattoos similar to these and the show’s accounts on social media have even been supporting and promoting this. Because number tattoos on wrists/arms definitely have no deep historical context that this show is copying and fans making light of. /s
Also in case that wasn’t bad enough for stranger things, s4 was shot at a nazi prison in Lithuania. Let me repeat: Stranger Things season 4 was shot at a Nazi. Prison. They used it as a film site. And if that somehow wasn’t bad enough, oh yeah by the way they’re turning it into a Stranger Things themed AirBnB where you get to your the prison and eat waffles like the characters in the show! (Yes actually.) And yeah obviously they really haven’t done anything to at least pretend that they were sorry for any of this and I know for a fact that many fans do know this but continue to watch the show anyway.
Some sources on this:
The Umbrella Academy:
This one is a lot simpler to explain but it’s very easy to miss if you don’t know the context. The antagonists of tua are a secret organization of Yiddish speaking lizard people controlling the worlds events from behind the scenes. Now if you don’t know about the antisemetic origins of like. Most conspiracy theories, then the only bad thing here seems to be the antagonists speaking Yiddish. But there’s context to this that a lot of people don’t know despite Jews having spoken about it A Lot.
Here’s the part that gets harder to explain but the short of it is there is a very famous forged document from 1903 called “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion” basically ‘detailing’ how we Jews secretly control the banks and the government and the media and history and basically the whole world because we’re evil. Starting to sound familiar?
This is also where the whole lizard people conspiracy comes from. The “lizard people” are just stand-ins for Jews, and that is while not as explicitly antisemetic as “the evil Jews are controlling the world” that is where the conspiracy theory comes from.
Last but not least, the Yiddish part. They could have had the handler speak literally any language on earth and they chose it to be Yiddish. That was an active choice made by the writers, this is a piece of media on an extremely popular platform with a very high budget. They could have had her just, you know, not speak Yiddish, but they did. A minority language associated with this same group of people that MANY PEOPLE STILL DO believe runs the world in a similar manner.
Sources for this part:
https://www.jewishexponent.com/2020/08/06/critics-say-scene-in-netflix-series-the-umbrella-academy-promotes-anti-semitic-stereotype/
(Forgive that this article deadnames Eliot Page because it was written before he came out as trans, that should not be the takeaway you get from it.)
I will say next time you have a question like this, remember that you are on tumblr, there is a search bar, you can look up “[insert piece of media here] problematic” and find stuff. I wrote this because I know people don’t generally look stuff up because it’s easier to just ask but generally the people who are pointing it out are the ones affected and these kinds of explanations are labor we do because we know no one false will. I don’t mean to sound mean about this but I stand by it.
Am I telling you to stop watching these shows? Well in my personal opinion yes, but I don’t control you, do with this information what you will. And last thing, to anyone reading this who’s thinking “but they have good queer representation!” Representation for one group should not come at the cost of harm to another.
#yeah#god that was exhausting but you’re welcome!#I know you mean no harm but google is free and I I’ve had to explain this to a lot of people#I’m sorry if I sound mean I’m not pissed at you I’m pissed at these shows and the fans who ignore the antisemetism in them.#antisemitism#antisemetism tw#tw antisemetism#jewish#the umbrella academy#tua#stranger things#st#stranger things season 4#ask#the heir speaks
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