#even before my acid reflux issues

[antifathomable-shapeshifter]

health/body image vent in the tags

[rainbowsandwhumperflies]

tw for vomit and tooth whump

Apparently your teeth are kinda easy to erode? If you've never heard of "mountain dew teeth" it's when you drink too much mountain dew and even if you brush teeth really well, your teeth just start wearing away.

Anyway, this can also happen if you have bad acid reflux, or if you vomit a lot. This is because your stomach acid is pretty acidic and will literally wear away your bones if it comes up too much. (mt dew is also pretty acidic, and more common)

So yeah. Does your whumpee get access to the right quality of food? (Different types of food can affect acid reflux a lot. Frequent vomiting is a whole other problem.) And the right quality of dental care?

[feralnumberfive]

Good morning to every organ in my body except my stomach. Get your shit together

[autism-freaks]

I got my top surgery over 2.5.yrs ago and I wanted to share some tips for pre- and post-op care! I got a double mastectomy with free nipple grafts and I'm loving my results.

Pre-Op:

-If you smoke or vape, try to quit for as long as possible before your surgery date, ideally at least a couple months. Don't use nicotine while healing either. Nicotine constricts your blood vessels and this can impede healing. If you're getting nipple grafts like me, it can be the difference between the grafts healing successfully or falling off.

-for the love of all that is holy, FOLLOW YOUR SURGEONS EATING RESRTICTIONS BEFORE SURGERY. Anesthesia can cause you to regurgitate and aspirate, which can lead to pneumonia and be deadly. This is MUCH more likely if you eat food too soon before going under. If you get bad stomach issues like reflux, ask for anti-nausea meds to be given IV before you wake up. I almost aspirated right as I woke up even though I didn't eat beforehand bc of my acid reflux.

-You may want to make a lot of things more easily accessible to prepare for recovery. You'll want to be able to reach things like cups, bowls, silverware, medications, toiletries, clothing, etc easy to reach without having to reach above your shoulders.

-if you can, prep some comfort meals that are easy to reheat in the microwave or oven. This is especially helpful if you plan on being mostly self-sufficient during recovery.

-get plenty of loose-fitting button up shirts. They are by far the easiest thing to put on after top surgery.

Post-Op:

-if you want less visible scars, I HIGHLY recommend using silicone scar tape or silicone scar gel once your surgeon says it's ok. The tape is generally cheaper, reusable and washable by hand with soap and warm water. Two rolls lasted me my whole recovery and my scars are now barely visible. The gel is easier to apply and more sensory friendly, but more expensive. You can get both online.

-your chest will be swollen for up to a few weeks after surgery. This swelling may be assymetrical at first (mine was). Try to be patient and not pass any judgements on the quality of your results during this time. You can always get a revision after 6 months if you're still not happy with it, but don't freak out right away as things will take time to settle.

-your brain is adjusting to a major, sudden change to your body. It's okay if you feel some mixed emotions while you process this. Try to journal or talk about it with someone you trust. I know my brain does not cope well with change and while I never once regretted my surgery, it took a little bit of time to get used to my body looking different even if it's the way I wanted to look.

-make sure you empty your drains on time if you have them and keep your compression vest on. This will help you heal as best you can and reduce swelling.

-don't use heat or ice! Ice will restrict blood flow to areas that need blood flow to heal and heat can amplify swelling and inflammation.

-touch your chest along the length of your scars as much as you tolerably can. You will most likely have nerve damage from surgery and touching/massaging gently will help your nerves know how to re-grow and process sensation properly. I have pretty much full sensation in the center of my chest where I touch very often while the ends of my scars under my armpits (where I don't touch often) still have reduced sensation.

- Gently massaging your scars with two fingers once the scabs are healed can also help prevent knots and bumps in the scar tissue. Don't cause yourself pain, only do it if it's tolerable.

-FOLLOW ALL YOUR SURGEONS INSTRUCTIONS!! If they tell you to do something or not do other things, there is a good reason.

I'm also happy to answer asks and messages about my experience with getting top surgery! Take your time in deciding if this is right for you and know I love you all either way <3

[cascadianights]

Disability community, I have failed for 2 decades to get diagnoses for lifelong (onset at 10) health issues and am now at the point of crowdsourcing internet knowledge. I am looking for potential diagnoses and the tests you know of that found them for:

-Severe gastroporesis (stomach muscles don't work, first/common symptoms are nausea and acid reflux along with IBS like digestive symptoms)

-Orthostatic Hypotension (blood pressure drops on changing position causing fainting/vision loss/numbness - I'm aware of POTS but I'm looking for something that is Causing all of my symptoms)

-Weakened/compromised immune system, especially leading to chronic respiratory illness and "walking" chronic pneumonia and strep

-Muscles very prone to sprain/pulling even with very little action or motion, chronic muscle pain

-Extreme chronic fatigue

-Chronically low vitamin D that doesn't match lifestyle

-Not a symptom but something I know can be involved with chronic issues: I am also AFAB intersex and autistic

Do you have these symptoms and a diagnosis? Do you remember what tests led you to answers? I have had all the regular tests run over and over, I have had all the obvious solutions (diabetes, thyroid, low iron/anemia) thoroughly checked including months long sugar and heart studies. My heart is fine, my blood pressure is NOT. No family history that seems related, beyond the autism and intersex traits being clearly inherited.

Why am I willing to listen to strangers on the internet? Bc I have been waiting 8 months to see a single specialist that May be able to prescribe more tests that May lead to an answer, since they canceled the last appointment the day before. Because I am so sick I cannot work or do the things that used to bring me joy, and am living in abject poverty. Because I didn't find a doctor who didn't dismiss and blame these symptoms on my weight or depression until I was 27, and by the time I got the SYMPTOMS named and diagnosed (not the root causes of them) that doctor had left the practice and I'm back at square 1 with "let's rerun the yearly tests and check your A1c for literally the 19th time in your life." Any answers, any tests you know of and can recommend, I am willing to hear out and research bc I am out of time health and patience with this system.

[citylawns]

Just had the worst experience at the hospital. Basically I’ve been considered underweight my entire life, blah blah fast metabolism family genetics you know the genetic differences human beings have. However, I have struggled with various mental health problems including some binge eating and restrictive eating when I was younger after I got sexually assaulted, but I’m at a place where I’m really healthy and stable. Throughout my life though I’ve had people project the idea that I’m anorexic onto me - during my childhood, and before, during and after I suffered from some disordered eating which really exacerbated the problem because I had to deny it for so long I felt like I had failed and proven these arsehole people right.

I’ve also always had irregular periods and I have a high prolactin level (stress hormone, again potentially because of all the traumatic incidents) but this woman is essentially convinced my period issues are due to me being a low weight. Okay you’re the expect so sure I’m happy to learn how to put on weight. But she wants me to gain 10kg in a few months and I’ve never been that heavy in my entire life. Frankly I feel like I’m being set up to fail here. I don’t even know how that would happen because my diet is already really good - I don’t restrict my food intake and I don’t binge and overeat anymore. She asked if I lift weights and I said no - cos I literally do no exercise at all and I would like to. So if I should put some muscle on and lifting weights would be good for my health I’m keen to do that. So all that would be fine if she listened to what I was saying about my eating habits and this woman without knowing ANY of my mental health history keeps making patronising comments about “thin is so pretty I know but it will kill you” “beautiful thin women get sick” “women in wars lose their periods” What?! I’ve not lost my period it’s just slightly irregular ?! Why are you making that assumption about what I think about thinness? Oh, because you’ve taken one look at my body and think you know my thoughts and feelings and behaviours and attitudes about beauty. Lmfao. She then started scare mongering me saying I’m at risk of death because I could get osteoporosis and break a bone and die really quickly at 26. This is insane. I was in shock because I think if I was actually in danger of death it would have been flagged a bit earlier given all the time I’ve spent having my health checked recently ?!?

I’m sorry but I’m thin but I’m not THAT thin. I’ve got fat and muscle deposits on my body. I’m in shock and I couldn’t defend myself because she’s insinuating I have an ED and if I appear defensive she rolls her eyes at me. This has happened before where I was having a really painful acid reflux and throat issue which meant I couldn’t swallow and was struggling to eat as a result so I went to get it diagnosed and told her I need help because it’s affecting how I eat, the doctor dismissed me. Didn’t listen to what I was saying just told me that I needed to stop being silly and put some food in my belly - and I told her THATS WHAT IM TRYING TO DO.

And every time Vocalise the struggles I have about how people treat my body i get messages saying “no one wants to hear about your problems being skinny you have thin privilege this isn’t important” fucking save it okay? this is my blog and I’m telling you, people like me also get gaslit by medical professionals. Me talking about my experience doesn’t invalidate anyone else’s nor does it mean I’m saying my experience is as much of a social problem. It’s just my life and what I deal with. I personally believe this treatment is to do with misogyny more than anything, because it’s the patronisation and bizarre attitude that I must be a silly shallow girl who just wants to look pretty and doesn’t care about my health when I fucking DO. That’s why I’m HERE.

Whatever I’m getting referred to a psychologist and a dietician and have been told to start lifting weights for weight gain which is sick because they won’t give me help for my trauma and I’ve always wanted to have the money to pay for a dietician because I really enjoy eating healthy food (because of how sick I’ve been and the heart birth defect I have I want to do all I can to optimise my health when it’s in my control).

Absolutely fascinated to see what this dietician and psychologist say, just hope I don’t get kicked out when they discover I don’t have any food issues and want to talk about abuse and sexual assault instead

[basicallyjaywalker]

A Brief History of the Element of Love

Recorded by... (the name is scratched and scrawled. You cannot make out any letters beyond M and T)

Type: Metaphysical

Previous Known Master(s): Elizabeth Chumsworth (née Lamoree)

Current Master(s): Nataly Chumsworth

Abilities: Masters of Love are known for being able to sense emotional connections. Unlike the Element of Peace, they are unable to manipulate or persuade these connections in any direction, only sense them.

Personally, I have sometimes questioned the use of Love as this element's name, as it goes beyond the realms of platonic and romantic affections into those of hate.

At the start of--and according to Elizabeth Chumsworth's personal account, even before--training, Masters of Love are attuned to three types of affection: Romantic, Platonic, and Malicious.

Romantic

Described as feeling like one's heart is on fire and/or feeling like they're "floating."

Platonic

Described as feeling like "sparklers" in one's mind, also compared to "eating an entire bag of pop rocks."

Malicious

Described as feeling a bottomless pit in one's stomach or throat. Hollowness.

According to some personal correspondence with Nataly Chumsworth, multiple of these feelings can be present at once. Additionally, there are "sibling" feelings that appear under the umbrellas.

Familial affection is understood as falling under platonic, but has a feeling more akin to the "crackle of a hearth," comforting as opposed to zealous.

Additionally, Nataly Chumsworth has described a type of "Toxic" love that is a mix of the romantic and malicious categories. She's said the two combine to create extreme nausea, almost like an acid reflux response. She says she's only had the experience twice, but both times she felt physically ill.

"It was like being trapped in vengestone, complete disconnection from my element..." - From personal correspondence with Nataly Chumsworth.

Some evidence suggests Masters of Love have strong emotional capacities and tend toward aiding others in emotional strife, both personal and interpersonal. It is unclear whether this is a product of their elemental powers or not.

Currently, there are no other known abilities tied to being a Master of Love.

First Appearance: Secondary, appeared after the initial share of powers by the First Master and within the second generation, led by his sons. First known Master was Elizabeth Chumsworth

This Element could have spawned as a way to manage the passing of Elemental Powers to mortals, or could have been made in the wake of interpersonal conflicts between the first generation of Elemental Masters. It seems to work with the Element of Peace, acting as its passive counterpart. With Love sensing animosity or affection, it can correspond with Peace to help with mediation. The tendency of Masters of Love to help alleviate personal issues could also be connected. Further research and possible historical analysis needed.

[cocklessboy]

Conditional Male Privilege

Not long ago I wrote up a long post about my newfound male privilege when it comes to health care which uh. Kind of broke containment.

This past week I had an experience which reminded me that no matter how much progress I make, my male privilege is still extremely conditional.

There are the obvious points like, I'm gay, and soft, and gentle, and chubby, and short, so a lot of people see me as "not a real man" even if they don't realize I'm trans.

But even in the very situation I used as an example of my privilege before (health care), that privilege can be stripped away in an instant if you get the wrong doctor.

Last week I had to see my GP for an urgent problem: I had covid. (They insisted I had to come in person, though obviously I wore a mask.) I have a lot of chronic health issues, and I wanted to try antivirals to reduce my odds of getting long covid (even though my symptoms weren't too severe). Because it was urgent, I didn't get a choice of which doctor at my clinic I would get to see. And the one they sent me to was a woman with a history of dismissing my chronic health problems and pain as "just anxiety."

I had not seen this doctor since my transition. But as I wrote in my previous post, any female-presenting readers will know what I mean when I say she "talked to me like a girl."

First off, she called me in by my deadname. She is the only doctor at this clinic who does this. Everyone else knows to call me by my real name even though it's not officially changed yet. There's a big obvious note on my file. But she called me in by my deadname (in front of the entire waiting room) and when she saw me, she didn't quickly apologize or correct herself.

I explained the issue: I have covid (they tested me and confirmed it) and I want to try antivirals because my chronic health problems (still in the process of being formally diagnosed) put me at greater risk of long covid.

And suddenly I was a child again, facing a mean lady doctor who wanted to lecture me about how I was wasting her time. She didn't scold me, didn't get angry. She just laughed. She chuckled at every concern I brought up. She raised her eyebrow. She rolled her eyes several times.

She refused to check my file. She refused to take my temperature. She kept telling me to "stop worrying so much."

I explained, calmly, rationally, that I would like to try antivirals to reduce my risk of long covid. She explained, holding back laughter, that I "wasn't that sick" and "it's not like you're at risk." She specified, "It's not like you have an autoimmune disorder or something." I countered, calmly, rationally, that in fact I was at risk, or at least there was a strong chance of me being at risk. That I had a lot of chronic health problems that have been documented for years, that one of my doctors suspects and autoimmune disorder such as MCAS (given that I have bad allergic-seeming reactions to almost everything including most medications, even antihistamines, and severe acid reflux that prevents me from taking most meds that might help me), and that while the process of getting a diagnosis might take a very long time, my symptoms ought to make it clear that I am at a higher risk than a typical person. What's more, it's the middle of summer, in a heat wave, the infection rate being reported is extremely low, and there should be no shortage of antivirals for those who want them.

Refused to check my file. Rolled her eyes. Scoffed. Repeated that I'm not that sick. That I'm not at risk. Put on her "okay, sweetie" voice and insisted that I was fine, that I just needed to "stop worrying", that "covid is mild now," that I just needed "vitamin c and a bit of rest," and that she "wasn't worried."

If I found myself with a bad cough or a fever, I could come back to her (she specified) in a few days for a check-up. I told her I already had those symptoms. I'd been suppressing the cough with menthol candies to avoid frightening the other patients and spewing germs everywhere, but I'd been kept up all night hacking up phlegm.

She raised her eyebrow and told me to take some Robitussin.

I told her I already had a fever, which was going up and down, but at its highest was high enough that adults are advised to seek medical assistance. She rolled her eyes and refused to even check my temperature.

She gave me two prescriptions for the symptoms and sent me on my way. I grabbed them at the pharmacy and looked at them closely when I got home.

One was a nasal spray. I can't use nasal sprays because of sensitivity in my nose, so that one was out immediately.

The other was pseudoephedrine (good, that's good stuff and not available OTC in this country)... combined with Loratadine. A fucking. Antihistamine.

She prescribed this to me less than five minutes after I finished explaining to her that I can't take most antihistamines.

Despite my increased confidence now that I'm on HRT, I still freeze up when faced with a hostile doctor. I have too many years of trauma (and too many autism gremlins) to be able to stand up for myself the way I should. I've tried memorizing the scripts - please write down in my file that you refused to give me this treatment and your reason why, and I would like a printed copy of that when I leave - I feel like you are treating me differently because I am transgender or because you perceive me as female and I would like that reflected in the notes for this visit - etc. But in the moment, all I can think of to say is "but... but.... but....... but I really am sick....."

And I've been masking my autistic traits and hiding my pain and illness for so long that a doctor who has already decided I'm a hypochondriac will always reply, simply: you don't look sick to me.

I wrote to the clinic asking for a written explanation for her refusal to give me antivirals, as well as a request for a different prescription because, "As I mentioned during my visit today," I couldn't take the antihistamine.

She replied by apologizing for the medication error and sending me a new prescription (pseudoephedrine + ibuprofen - you can't get pseudoephedrine on its own in this country). She did not respond to the part about refusing me antivirals.

I have booked an appointment later this week with the good doctor at this clinic, the one who takes me seriously and actually wants to help me. The one who gave me a referral for a pain doctor (something I'm still trying to get an appointment for - there's a shortage of specialists in this country). This time I'm going in prepared. I will follow up with him on my current state, and I will bring notes. I will tell him what happened with his colleague, how it made me feel, and how frustrated I am. I will ask him if there is any avenue for me to lodge a formal complaint. I may not have been able to stand up for myself in the moment, but I will not simply let this slide. It's too late for antivirals, but I will ask him to at least make sure the visit I had last week is recorded accurately in my file.

Fortunately my covid symptoms are mostly gone already and it seems I was lucky. Still, it will be some time before I am 100% sure I haven't gotten any long covid symptoms. And the fact that there was a medication readily available that could have increased my odds and I was refused it for no reason other than misogyny (doubly frustrating when directed at a trans man!) is utterly infuriating to me.

I am still better off than I once was. Most doctors DO take me more seriously now.

But my doctors will always know I'm trans, even when I get my paperwork updated.

And there will always be doctors who treat me like a woman.

And there will always be doctors who treat women like shit.

They shouldn't have talked to me that way. They should never talk to anyone that way.

[takayukimitsukitoshiba]

Trying to remember past experiences #2

Health.

I was quite weak when I was younger. My mother wouldn’t let me pick up my bag and other things at kinder ’til 5th grade—lasted about 8 years because I stopped attending school for two. I was very little back then. About 4 feet and two? Typical asian kid height. She wouldn’t let me be involved in any activities that has to do with lifting and exerting too much energy—goes with both household chores, i.e laundry, mopping, etc., and outdoor activities—since my back would hurt like crazy. Practically exhausted at the next ten minutes. Walking too long was an issue as well.

We have a hunch it’s scoliosis—still have that lower back pain until now. Thought it was because of jumping off a monkey bar the wrong way at 11, remembered it was there ever since I was kinder. The bars just made it worse.

I wasn’t skinny back then, really. My mother always fed us mountains of rice each lunch and dinner, sometimes breakfast as well. Not even exaggerating (it’s 3 times of what I usually eat nowadays). It was so dry that my throat would close up at the third swallow. It always takes me 2-3 hours to finish— even when it’s paired with soup. The next thing I knew, it’s dinner time and my mother would shout at how slow I am at things.

I didn’t want to finish it. Every after-meals feels like I’m throwing up. Shouldn’t do it since it’ll be a waste and a switch for anger, but when I did, it was my mother who would go haywire. There was one time she slammed my face on my plate of food when I couldn’t finish it on time. I remember it not just because of that, but also because my seasoned porkchop vanished in thin air. (Kind of still disappointed since it was the only thing that kept me going. A huge loss.) What can I do, though? That was too much for me to take in.

Maybe it’s one of the factors for my early acidity issues? (Too full = more acid. Not full = amount of acid still the same as full.) Along with drinking coke and coffee almost everyday. I was 7 when I was admitted, I think. It was shit. Everyone said it was “usog,” until the second or third day came and it was still painful. The doc figured it was something like stomach ulcer? Or was it the stage before appendicitis? Can’t remember, just the fact that there’s a wound inside an internal organ.

After that, I never touched a single cup of coffee or softdrinks for two straight years. Though, I’d still get acid refluxes every other month. It was especially hell during the pandemic—aftermath of drinking ginger tea, the only natural drink that alleviated my headaches and overall health, except my guts. My father and I had the same illness, though his was more often and extreme. It first occured to him when I was 9/10. Least I had someone who relates, painfully relate.

My memory’s still a bit foggy, can’t remember much anymore. But I know that something did happen, just couldn’t exactly point it out. These journals kind of help trace it all back step-by-step. My mind had erased these because of a past issue. These aren’t even that long ago—about a decade? Still, I once had the sharpest memory about five years ago. Now it feels like I’m missing things.

How do I know it was five years ago? Counted how old my little brother is. He’s 6 right now. At his age of one, I think I was doing alright. I was still attending private school then so that’s a hint for when the foggy memory gist first occured.

[thethingything]

once again woke up in severe pain and drenched in sweat despite taking pain meds. we'd started getting more pain again yesterday so I think the abscess came back for the 3rd time. I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

I still have an hour before I need to get up and start getting ready so I'm gonna try to sleep more I guess but like each time I've woken up I've felt worse and physically I feel like when we'd try to sleep at night and wake up at like 4am to get ready for college and end up triggering a flare up of a bunch of stuff. on the plus side I feel more confident about my ability to predict what'll make us feel like absolute shit physically because I feel exactly as bad as I expected (actually I feel worse because I have the tooth pain but yeah).

oh and I'm being reminded that going too long without eating triggers our acid reflux. awesome /s

I've been complaining a lot on here but I have been trying to be like "okay maybe it'll all be fine and I'll actually cope really well and it won't be that bad" and then I get hit with the exact shit I was worried would happen, plus other shit I'd forgotten would even be an issue, and this is why shit like CBT usually doesn't work for us, because a lot of the time the stuff we're freaking out over is in fact stuff that we know will happen from experience of it happening over and over again. like oh look I said our body would flip its shit if I did the thing that repeatedly made it flip its shit on an almost daily basis and sure enough this had the exact results I predicted. who could have guessed...

[notsocheezy]

V-Day - The End of the Beginning

Yesterday I woke up from another night of little sleep and much acid. I took Pepto Bismol just about as fast as they'd let me - hourly - throughout the night, and it only barely took the edge off enough to "sleep" sitting up with my head at a bizarre angle. Eventually the nurse got the go-ahead to give me Prevacid, which I'd never taken before but I was willing to try anything.

To its credit, it did reduce the acid in my stomach. But it did so by flushing it out the other way, so I woke up with a tummy ache. Great.

Listen, you really don't want to experience a tummy ache while your tummy is literally riddled with slices. There are glued-together incisions all over my abdomen, some of which certainly go straight through the abs. That explains why it hurts so bad to cough, and to vomit for that matter. Or laugh. Wasn't doing much of that last one, though.

Anyway, I spent the morning in and out of the bathroom, but it wasn't loose like before, so I was confident I could go home. The doctors came in, removed the catheter (OUCH! FUCK!) and offered to remove the packing and teach me dilation right away or some back later. I said "come back later" - my urethra was on fucking fire!

I took that time to pack and try to remember how to pee. I didn't have to pee yet, so it was purely academic, but I did go for a bit of a walk by myself - not something I was inclined to do while holding a bag of piss. But moving around was good for me, and I finally peed in the toilet. It was a damn mess. I was warned, I suppose, I just hope it stops doing that when the swelling goes down.

At this point I knew my indigestion would only get worse if I didn't eat something, but I also knew I desperately needed safe foods. I ate some of what the hospital gave me that day, but it did nothing for me. I needed my black bean crunchwrap. I would not be able to properly rest without it. Granola made a poor substitute.

Honestly, tangent here, but what the hell did that hospital kitchen have against beans? They had green beans, but other than that? Forget it. They had goddamn cheesesteaks but I couldn't get a comforting and nutritious burrito even if I asked. Disgraceful.

Another disgrace was that hospital bed. It was tilted to the right. If you have GI issues, you might immediately recognize the problem here, but I'll explain anyway: Sleeping on your left side reduces acid reflux symptoms, but I was unable to do so since I had a catheter. I had to sleep on my back. But you see, while I slept on my back I was sleeping in the worst orientation for my esophagus. I never had a chance.

The surgery team came back, un-slurped my packing gauze, and taught me how to dilate a little bit too aggressively. It as fucking painful. But at least that meant I'd done everything I had to do to go home. It was just a waiting game at this point. I used some of my remaining time to try dilating again in private, and it was still awful but at least I managed to hold the smallest one about halfway in for ten minutes. A decent slow start.

This is running long, so I'll gloss over the rest. I got carted out in a wheelchair, enjoyed the cool breeze, and took a bite of that black bean crunchwrap. I knew then that I'd be alright.

I got home, showered, and properly slept for the first time in days. I'm alive again. I'm back.

[shego1142]

Okay so… can someone explain doctors to me like I’m a very small very scared and very hurt child?

So like… I was 11 or 12 when my family lost what I would call our “good insurance” and we had to switch to the “doctors suddenly don’t care about you” insurance due to my dad becoming disabled and us no longer having a two person income household.

We switched from me seeing a group of caring children’s doctors to me seeing an adult’s general practitioner that only saw me about once a year or less, and largely dismissed every issue I had.

I began getting migraines at 10 that increased in frequency and severity and I was told it was “because I’d start my period soon”

I had an eye test done that came back with concerning spots of missing vision in my peripheral when I was about 13 or so and I was entirely dismissed, but the doctor did ask me if I wanted to be institutionalised when I tried to quietly and privately ask about depression symptoms.

To which I began crying btw, you know, because I was a 13 year old undiagnosed autistic child.

I saw this group of doctors for things like school vaccinations, about once a year or less, ans largely I didn’t see them for anything else and I got used to hiding my symptoms and illnesses.

When I was 16 my stomach began hurting so bad in a radial pain, I went to them 3 times in the span of two weeks, telling them that I swore my stomach was hurting horribly, like real pain not just acid reflux. They prescribed omeprazole, an acid reflux medicine, and nothing else. They refused to order any tests.

I got to where I was in so much pain, crying and pulling my hair out, I felt like i couldn’t breathe and I woke my mom up and begged her to take me to the hospital because I thought I was dying at 16. And I probably would’ve, because my gallbladder would have ruptured. I ended up having to have emergency surgery, also I threw up on the hospital nurse and was so apologetic for being sick that she almost cried.

When I was 20 something I wanted to talk to those same doctors about my migraines, they’d gotten even worse than before and that is saying a lot. The same doctor who didn’t bother to check if I was having a medical emergency when my gallbladder was shutting down straight up just told me I was lying for medicine, without even looking at any of my tests prior, and yelled at me and tried to take my cane, which had become something I found really helped with all the pain I felt, away from me.

I didn’t even ask about a pain medication, I was asking about migraine preventatives.

I left that doctor’s office that I had gone to since I was 12 and never went back.

Anyway, nowadays, the closest doctor’s clinic keeps telling me that I can’t have a physical check up if there’s something specific I want the doctor to see me about?

And I have multiple chronic conditions, so there’s literally always something specific that needs to be addressed, but then it’s like they only want to focus on one thing, when it’s multiple issues that need attention?

Like… how tf do you find a doctor that can really help? How do you even start?

Also, the doctor’s office closest to me refuses to let anyone go with me, which is terrifying given that I’ve been yelled at by doctors for asking questions??

They basically always try to convince me that it’ll be just fine but then, due to my slow processing process speed because you know, autism, a day or two after the fact ill realise that them saying:

“Idk, you might have pcos, call us in four months!”

Is probably not the best way to talk to a patient…

I just… I don’t know what to do or how to get a good doctor, and I thought your general practitioner was the one who was supposed to have a general idea regarding everything that’s going on with your health, like you know, be informed of it, and then they would be able to recommend other doctors who can help you with the specific issues.

It seems to me that general practitioner means that you shouldn’t bring up anything worse than a cough or a sore throat or they get mad at you.

Idk… I just woke up today with a lot of pain and I think what is neuropathy (my arms keep going numb I’m assuming that’s what is causing it) and I just… wish I could find a doctor who actually understands what is happening and gives a damn…

I live in North Georgia, and I’m more than willing to travel… if anyone out there knows of a doctor or something… let me know

[obstinatecondolement]

Update from the GI bullshit mines (cw weight loss, illness, fatphobia, non-graphic discussion of bowel issues)

So I haven't been weighing myself, but my family has said that it looks like I am losing weight, which is kind of worrying as it might mean that food is just going straight through me without my body being able to wring much out of it. I do have a long way to go before I'd be in any danger of becoming underweight, which is good, but it's still not a great sign to be losing weight from illness for fat people even if it doesn't have all the same risks that people who don't have any kind of a buffer who get sick and lose weight face.

It also has the potential risk of not being taken seriously because people providing my medical care might think it's fine, nay good, for fat people to lose weight for any reason, of course, but I don't think my usual GP is like that. He's never done the "well, you're fat" thing about any health problems I've had and has always been good about referring me for tests and stuff proactively to rule things out without me having to be up on all this stuff and hold him to ransom to give me adequate healthcare, and has never told me to lose weight, or even brought my weight up if I didn't first. So, from that point of view, I don't think that's something I have to worry about at least from my primary care provider and that is reassuring.

I am still not sure if I have a viral or bacterial gastic infection, or if this is a worsening of the ongoing gut issues I've been having for most of this year that might be IBS or some other underlying undiagnosed issue that I need to have investigated, but I have been so sick for so long now. It is really impacting my quality of life and ability to like... do anything. Including leave the house, because there are multiple several hour periods a day where I have to urgently get to a bathroom every five minutes right now.

I need to go back to the doctor, because I do have an appointment in two weeks to follow up about the acid reflux, but I don't think that I can go on that long like this without any kind of medical intervention. The idea last time was that if I hadn't improved enough on the medication I was on I might need a diagnostic endoscope, but I think I may also need to be referred for a colonoscopy at this point. I don't know if this is a holistic problem that's causing issues on both ends, or if I have stomach problems that are separate from issues with my intestines and/or colon, but... this is so unsustainable. At the very least a doctor needs to be Aware of what's going on with me right now.

I didn't mention the IBS(?) stuff much last time I saw the GP, because I was mostly seeing him about respiratory symptoms and I only just remembered to mention the reflux and then that became the main focus of the appointment. But like... yeah. If I have fucking Crohn's or something I need to know that.

[timeoverload]

Today felt like it was never going to end. It didn't start very well. I woke up at 2:30 again this morning because I was having another coughing fit. I drank too much water before bed last night and I didn't prop myself up. I should know better by now but laying flat is a lot more comfortable. It's so hard to get comfortable in this bed as it is. I really need to get my acid reflux under control but that's probably not going to happen until I start eating a more balanced diet. It took me 45 minutes to stop coughing so that was annoying. I was so mad because I was sleeping really well until that happened. I think I fell back asleep around 3:30. I had some weird dreams about being at work in the dark again. I woke up at 5:30 which is later than I like to get up. I only had 20 minutes to lay in bed before I had to start moving so that sucked. I don't like having to move right away so that made me grumpy.

Unfortunately I felt like a zombie all day. I wanted to go home so bad. I felt disoriented and hungover but I haven't had alcohol in a long time. Caffeine didn't help at all. I was trying to avoid having lengthy conversations with people because my brain wasn't working. I am still feeling out of it but I feel better than I did this morning.

I also wanted to go home because my rib is bothering me and my back hurts. I have nothing to relieve my pain and I should be used to it by now. My rib was clicking more today and I think I irritated it when I was coughing this morning. It is feeling more tender in that area. It's hard to tell exactly where the popping sensation is coming from. I know it is most likely somewhere between my 8th and 12th rib. Ribs 8-10 are more susceptible to damage because they aren't connected to the sternum. They are connected to each other by cartilage. I don't think my rib got messed up initially by coughing because I don't remember having this issue after my last asthma attack. I think it's from lifting heavy pans and pushing and pulling carts all day. I also remember I was carrying a pan in decontam one day and accidentally running into the sink with it and jabbing myself in the side of my gut so maybe that has something to with it. I felt like I got the wind knocked out of me when I did that. I also have arthritis and I probably have vitamin deficiencies and that's taking a toll on my body so I'm more prone to injury. I just feel so beat up and sometimes I feel like I am rotting. I am glad I'm not having any other breathing issues so I don't feel like this is an emergency. I know that it's not dislocated completely otherwise I would be in a lot more pain. I don't notice it as much when I am resting. I am still planning on getting it checked out and I hope I can wait until Friday.

I still don't think I should be working but I am afraid to call in for some reason. I might tomorrow if I feel bad still. I always feel so guilty about it and I'm afraid I am going to get in trouble or something. I hate that I have more health issues than everyone else because it's embarrassing. I don't want to use my PTO. I know that I won't have enough left to cover my day off on the 25th if I do that because I would want to take more than 1 sick day. I don't want to use FMLA because it makes me feel trapped there. I don't know what to do. I just want to take care of myself. I don't want to be tough anymore.

It was a really busy day for me as usual. I don't even remember how many cases I had. I haven't been paying attention to that as much because I just expect there to be a lot to do all the time now. The days just blend together. Nothing too crazy happened. I had to stay 20 minutes late so I wasn't thrilled about that.

I ate breakfast but I didn't eat lunch because the cafeteria smelled like cat food since they were serving salmon. I picked up food on my way home but I got way more than I should have and I couldn't finish it. I feel so gross now.

The heat is also unbearable. My car didn't start to cool down until I was almost home. I hate this weather and I don't want to be outside at all.

I don't have much else to talk about. I am so sleepy and I need to relax now. I already got ready for bed so I don't have anything else I need to do so that's good. I'm going to try not to stay up late. I hope I feel more alive tomorrow and that it's a better day.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow. Thanks for listening. 💖💖💖

[sentient-cloud]

Slaps this under a readmore, I’m fine I’m feeling pretty dandy all things considered I’m just griping about past suicide attempts

Ohhh the staff in the hospitals were all oh nooo you’ll have scars you’ll be uglyyyy blah blah blah. No one mentioned the real thing that blows me up which is after taking every single pill in the house 3-4 times in the past. I never had stomach issues before and I’m writing this mad about my acid reflux bc I hate it. At least it’s not causing bad bad chest pain rn but it’s just deeply uncomfortable.

Also the actual biggest downfall for me is I do think in a way it’s why i struggle keeping medicated. Taking my meds makes me gag. I won’t get into it but specifically capsule pills I can’t even look at w out feeling like I’ll vom they get my gag reflex so bad.

Anyway nyeah I know I’m lucky I just have thsi n not more serious like. Liver damage or anything. ahhh

Idk I just wanted to complain about this overall minor annoyance peace and love

[deconstructivesurgery]

this is stupid and normally i don't believe much that posting about your personal life could be useful to other people but fuck it, i want to talk about what happened to me this year as i both somehow started feeling the celiac i've probably had for years and was diagnosed with it. two important lists! don't use this to diagnose yourself, i'm not an armchair doc, but this was my experience with this funny disease.

THINGS I THOUGHT CELIAC DISEASE WAS AS I GOT PROGRESSIVELY WORSE AND SICKER OVER TIME:

lingering stomach issues/ a sensitive stomach combined with a caffeine/lactose intolerance that i took an excess amount of pepto-bismol for. i ate fucking cream of wheat a lot because i thought it was a "simple food" that would calm my stomach. how was i to know?

a bad hangover, because after one specific day drinking out with friends it just seemed to get worse and so much worse. (i had had pizza that day and even alcohol with gluten in it, i know now). this spiralled, as i continued to get worse and worse. i feared liver failure, kidney damage, thought somehow i'd managed to drink enough to permanently harm myself despite being very careful about my alcohol intake due to family history.

see previous. kidney damage/failure. liver damage/failure. SIBO (small intestine bacterial overload) or other such small intestine/large intestine issues. ulcers. i feared every single stomach/small intestine/large intestine condition with vaguely overlapping symptoms that seemed accurate to what i was experiencing. it was at this point that i wound up in the ER for the first of several times.

a viral stomach infection, because that's what the people at the ER told me it was the first time i went before sending me home :) nevermind the fact i told them i'd been sick for a long time. long enough that even if it had been a viral illness, something would have been Really Wrong.

endometriosis/ovarian cysts/ some kind of uterus/hormonal-related misery that had somehow gotten bad enough to affect other parts of my body. irrational thought? probably, but i was panicking. people want answers when they're panicking and feel like they're getting weaker and sicker by the week with no end in sight.

dehydration alone. no other issue here, you just don't drink enough water. you're also strangely losing weight and suffering some kind of malnutrition? maybe you need to eat better. this was after going to the ER a second time, and being dismissed as dehydrated because i didn't drink enough water. i was confused. i drank water- enough of it that i should have been fine. i had never let it go to the point of suffering ill effects, but i didn't want to question anyone- you say it's my fault and don't question whether or not my gut is even fucking absorbing the food, electrolytes, and water i'm giving it? sure thing boss. my bad.

at some point i genuinely just assumed i was dying of something, not even going to lie. call me dramatic if you will but people do not take being incredibly sick constantly for eight months nonstop with grace. i was paranoid i had some kind of cancer no one was recognizing, or permanent intestinal damage of some kind.

THINGS I EXPERIENCED WITH CELIAC WHILE UNWELL:

Gas, bloating, a constant strange sense of discomfort in my guts, etc- a lot of gastrointestinal symptoms you'd equate with having some kind of stomach flu or stomach ulcers.

Bad acid reflux.

Constant nausea to some degree. Sometimes bad enough that it left me retching for half an hour, sometimes just a vague queasiness that drove me insane. I never threw up once over the span of this eight months, but I gagged and retched and felt like I was Going To constantly over this span of time. This was the worst to me personally, despite the pain and discomfort of everything else. I am still prone to anxiety attacks whenever I feel myself possibly getting even slightly nauseous now. Funnily, thought, I am not afraid of the concept of throwing up.

Bad stomach cramping, internal pains.

Awful fatigue. Like, BAD fatigue. Keep in mind, I already live with arthritis and mental illness, so I'm used to managing fatigue- but up until I started feeling Celiac symptoms, I had it firmly under control with medicine. I could barely feel awake at any time of day, I would sleep for 18-20 hours straight at times, all too often I couldn't even muster up the energy to move when I wanted to. I'd just lie there and feel like I was about to shut down and fall asleep again.

Brain fog, exacerbations of all the other symptoms of my other conditions. etc. Any mental health condition I had that I had previously had under control? Nope. You are the pinnacle of misery now.

Perpetual dehydration and malnutrition despite my best attempts at vitamins/hydration/electrolyte consumption and so on and so forth. None of that can do much for you when your body isn't absorbing anything. I also dropped weight like a stone.

No appetite whatsoever, of course.

When it got really bad, the insomnia I already had became so much worse. I suddenly couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried, sometimes even with the application of my insomnia medication. I would be stuck awake until I physically could no longer handle that, and then I'd be out again for up to 18-19 hours or more.