#especially when you already struggle
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it probably wasn't the smartest decision to start an ongoing 1000+ chapter webnovel when i know it'll consume my every waking thought but here we are
open for better quality | no reposts
#turning novel#터닝#kishiar la orr#yuder aile#when i tell you i read the manhwa in one go last night and then started reading the novel today bc commenters said it was good#and my god were they right#i'm 40+ chapters in so i've just passed where the manhwa is at rn and wow#first of all thank god there are high quality and easily accessible translations#second of all kuyu-nim has a way of making all the lines carry weight. the dialogue and body language cues especially#like i'm definitely not that far in but there are already a few lines i can point out that made my heart clench#and the tension between the two leads is so so palpable#kishiar is very enigmatic i'm very interested in finding out what he's really thinking and what his abilities are#and i really appreciate the way yuder's development is focused on him caring about others and relying on them#ok and third the fact that it's a slow burn romance but focuses heavily on the plot and politics and relationships is so good#based on the tags this could have been very tropey but they didn't go that route and i'm glad for it#in other news i'm upset about how yuder came out but i have to post him bc i will not separate them ;;;#thought kishiar would be harder to draw bc he's pretty:tm: and i struggle drawing pretty boys but yuder put me through the wringer fr#anyway!! i love them very much!! going a little insane over them as you can see!!
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sorry but like, as someone who doesn't vibe with fem!sub stuff and always ends up dislking fandom obsession with the man in any relationship being a Dominant Daddy Top containing more macho tendencies than personality . . i do also think that framing people liking violence in their sexual fantasies as worrying is um. worrying in and of itself.
like yeah logan being Like That in 'x reader' Old Man Logan stuff seems very ooc to me, too. but i also like animalism and brutality and violence in sex as well, and these things are not inherently abusive or "near rapist" by themselves in fictional portrayals of kink.
i don't hc logan as the macho dom! a lot of fandom for some reason considers "common consensus fanon" lmfao, but i also think that the fine line of fighting and fucking and violence and animalism is something viscerally satisfying to explore in fiction and especially kink. and characters like logan - who do actually have some solid connections to such themes - are some of the best outlets for that.
#anyways i know i joke about “are the straights okay” stuff because fans like to act like it's somehow common#for people to think about the male characters like that#especially when it's a het ship lol#but also it's not actually worrying to post violent sex in and of itself i'm sorry#like if the “violent animalistic” sex is worrying your poor heart then perhaps consider why. that is#like i can't believe i had to see fictional kink described as 'near rape'#logan howlett#wolverine#old man logan#discourse#negative#yes this is a vaguepost no i don't know who it is#in fact i have already forgotten the blog name and i also don't care#but i see this reflected a lot in the younger generation of fandom and it's like. calm down#this stuff is not actually 'worrying'#you don't need to be worrying for these people because of their wild kinky sex fantasies lmfao#like yeah i don't like logan portrayed that way#but that's because i think it's far more appealing to see that raw violence done to him instead#so 🤷#also fighting as fucking is a classic#and violence as transformation and animalism being representative of personal struggle and self id is also classic#and you know what. sometimes its just hot#- when it's done to the man. that is 😉#anyways my hot to take is that logan is a bottom and a switch#and the only reason people say it's '''''obvious'''''' he's a service top is. suprise surprise. gender profiling and internal bias 🤷#with the addition of fanon interpretations of logan overriding his canon personality#like how people project more macho bullshit onto him than he actually possesses lmfao
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I have a Kenji post coming up, and I just realized that we don’t know if Kenji actually is struggling financially. The only mention of it was from Ben, Darius, and Sammy, when there were making assumptions because he lives in a trailer now.
#the others did him dirty in episode 4#from the assumptions to how they reacted to the school he started#like he’s your friend at least try to pretend to be interested in passions#especially when you already think he’s struggling#god damn#ben pincus#darius bowman#kenji kon#sammy gutierrez#jurassic world chaos theory#jwct#chaos theory#jurassic world camp cretaceous#jwcc#camp cretaceous#jurassic world chaos theory spoilers#I feel like I use realize a lot 🤔
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#ok just as a followup to my earlier post which i realize no one read which is fine but i gotta just say my piece even if it's in the tags#the truly astounding amount of jayvik biological kid content is frankly getting a bit uncomfortable lmao#look - i'm not trans so please tell me if i'm getting this wrong here. but like...#the fandom obsessing over the (fanon) trans male character being able to get pregnant (multiple times) just hits weird#like. idk the term for it but? forced feminization or smth? if you feel so strongly that he's trans then why push him into a mother role?#isn't that regressive? or fetishizing maybe? like hc'ing him as trans and turning around and having him carry babies srs#just to the extent im seeing it and a bit of the language surrounding it is bordering on excessive#like if i have to hear 'viktor's so fertile' 'fill his womb' etc one more time i might start muting on twitter tbh#i can understand hc'ing him as trans and it can fit well with his existing struggles surrounding identity and bodily autonomy#so like...why jump so gd hard on the chance to have him get pregnant#especially when harry's words were 'four beautiful ADOPTED children' which would work super well with their characters already#i'm not against mpreg lol but if viktor's going to get pregnant i prefer to explore more cosmic eldritch horror options#like where it's in the arcane or when he's the herald or something that's kinda far removed from natural biological pregnancy#and my reasoning for choosing viktor over jayce is purely because he's so enmeshed with the arcane and became nonhuman#im just into weird cool xenobiology stuff. (ah the garashir days)#idk. am i way off base here? like im sure many of the people saying these things are trans themselves and they can do w/e they want#but esp for prominent fandom names to go apeshit over viktor tpreg and then denounce cis fantasy mpreg as being too weird#esp when we're dealing with the 'transmutation into omnipotent god' character in the 'all timelines all possibilities' show#*gestures vaguely* what about poor blitzcrank
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I unfortunately picked up Bravely Default 2 again (I bought it back when it released) and then started over since I last played it in June 2021. And. You know what. I like these silly beans. And then I saw concept art for Dag's expressions and I am not the same. Why did they decide to give him huge fangs in it.
(also I'm trying so hard to avoid spoilers less for plot but more for characters so if you know anything that happens to characters shhhhh. also the expression concept is below the read more so you can see what I mean.)
#bravely default 2#dag rampage#selene noetic#i only just recently reached ch2 in the game and i may have a problem#someone was like wait how have you not gotten farther in 25 hours#and im like im sorry its a problem i have an obsession you dont understand#and then he found out i had three of the four party members with two jobs capped at 12#and then the fourth only had one capped but a bunch high up#and then i told him i was trying to get the gambler asterisk and that meant i had to play a childrens card game#and then i had to do side quests when they popped up#and he was like wait at that point you probably dont need jobs at 12 omg#and im like i know its a problem i cant stop it#so anyway chapter 1 took me forever because i committed to the grind too much#the emotions i feel for silly lil side characters ................ its too real#like even the fact that you beat these two up in the prologue im like teehee funny lil blonde guy#then you dont interact with them in a ch1 quest but they show up again at the same time doing the same quest#and guys i am FEELING EMOTIONS theyre just funny lil mercenaries doin funny lil mercenary things#also please do not tell me anything about the game past ch1 because i want to continue to enjoy experiencing it#which is why i have my ask box closed bc its a game from 2021 and i know im really behind the times#but i managed to not know anything until now and i wanna keep it that way#also i dont really know how to properly draw noses especially when i doodle#but his nose is important and i already struggle with his big jaw so i had to include it somehow#and in the concept art it looks like he has a lil stubble but in game i dont see it so im like ... squinting at he
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I'm so heavily anti-advertising that all pitches sound goofy silly to me/I can never take them seriously, so I have no idea how I'll manage to to advertise my game even if I do finally finish it soon-ish lol...
#Especially how so much modern media advertising is like... getting people excited about random tropes and stuff like#''Do you love enemies to lovers? Do you love sad stories that make you do a heckin CRY? Do you love big stupid dumbo muffin cake#sinnamon roll babies who are too good for this world? Have you ever wanted to read a blah blach blah" whatever stuff and it's like#... i cannot type that... I couldnt do it.. I couldn't even think of how to do it ghbjhbjh#I am such a literal person... Like I love when an advertisement is just like 'This product works well. Look at it. Buy it if you want. Ok'#You know what makes me want to read a book or watch a show or play a game? Reading a detailed plot synopsis or the full wiki page#for it and then deciding 'yeah I wouldnt mind sitting through seeing the events I just read about happen in more detail' lol#OR aesthetics. since I do often watch things JUST for the set/costume design. Sometimes I will watch stuff literally#just because I saw a picture of a costume in it that looked really cool and I want to sketch costume looks whilst watching#But aside from appearance like... little bullet point break downs of things that are in a story just ... do not do anything to me at all.#And i just hate 'selling' things to begin with. I don't want to have to convince people to like something.. they should just... like it...#LOL.. like.. just be born liking it. just like it automatically please. Dont make me beg to you like a weird little freak. So many commerci#als seem weirdly desperate and manipulative. Like those Truck/Car commercials that will have like a freaking dog crying and#a war vet in a wheelchair with the american flag in the background and a family hugging around a christmas tree or some shint and its#just like oh my GODDD... shut UPP.. you could literally not be MORE blantant about just trying to prey on peoples emotions to build#some sort of fabricated positive association with your product/brand.. begone.. Or brands having their own twitters where they post#~~relatable content~~ as a means of shallow audience endearment GGGRR..... ANYWAY.. hhrgh...................#Maybe that's something I can ask playtesters I guess like.. I feel like I don't know my own audience very well because I am not#much of a media person?? ironically.. Like I do enjoy MAKING media. But I've never been in a fandom. I've never read fanfiction. I've never#spent much time in those spaces. I've just never really had the inclination and don't personally derive much joy out of stuff like that#(since I'm already so focused on my OWN world and projects its like.. hard for me to even find the time and mental energy to expend on#others). Even when I finish a movie or game and really like it.. I just kind of like...move on? and don't really dwell on it much? At most#I will get into the worldbuilding of a piece of media and read the wiki for a while or watch Lore info or critical analysis videos. But I#never really care for or attach to the characters or the plot itself very much. So I feel like.. the way my brain works. I'm just not as#good at approaching things from that angle? Kind of like how if you're a lifelong vegetarian whos never eaten meat - you might#struggle to write an ad for fancy brand of steaks bc you'd be like... idk what meat eaters are even looking for? whats the selling point??#Which I'm not saying that I wouldn't play my own game. i AM definitely the audience for it. But it's more like.. I would play it for my own#very niche specific reasons that I think are different from what MOST people might want to play it for. So I need to somehow#tap into the minds of the Majority who play things for Normal Reasons than pure lore collection or whatever lol.
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fanart is so hard to draw. stupid characters having stupid details that are out of my stupid comfort zone AAAAAGH
#ITS A STRUGGLE#at least pretty much everything is stuff i already wanted to learn but had just been putting off for whatever reason (procrastination) but#first cotl making me draw furries. and then animal crossing making them more complicated (tom nook's nose confused me)#then gravity falls making me draw old people. and now in dbh i am facing the struggle of Markus's subtle facial hair because i cant get away#with just doing a gradient that goes halfway up the face like i did with gravity falls. because it wouldn't look right trust me ive already#tried out of sheer desperation it was horrible#AGH#and then theres the whole thing of translating other styles into yours. especially when thise styles have vastly different levels of detail#compared to yours so you have to decide what kind of details to add and what kind of details to get rid of and AAAAGHHGHHH#also dbh characters having no bangs. most of them anyway#PLEASE bangs are the only thing that can hide how bad i am at hairlines!!!!!!!!#but at least that part is easy to learn. i can draw connor. hes the easiest dbh character to draw probably#hank seems like he'll have easier facial hair than Markus considering hes got an actual beard and also the fact that i will be a lot less#scared if making him look old because well. he is old#i mean hes only the same age as my dad but like..#he looks old. all his hair is gray. unlike my dad. only half my dads hair is gray#anyways point is im grateful for how much drawing characters that are Not Mine has improved my art but its so difficult#i need to draw my ocs...... and then I'll get back to Markus#i say that as if i haven't been drawimg my ocs all day anyways#rambling in the tags#artist
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watching 'when life gives you tangerines' the way God intended (resenting my fate feeling a deep ache in my heart looking at these characters having the kind of love/relationship/family that i dreamed of--was even convinced i had at some point in my childhood (which was never true) and crying at every episode and still somehow feeling fulfilled in such a tragic way i want to laugh and laugh and laugh until i cry/die)
#when life gives you tangerines#im so. so. like. idek#i have so many thoughts. not many feelings bc theres nothing to feel except envy and resentment but#the way its made is so you would feel this way#ae-sun's whole life and then her daughter's life is the ideal everyone hopes for no matter if they have everything or not.#yes they're struggling and poor and it creates so many problems but the kind of love they have (ae-sun and her daughter) invokes envy#and everyone else in the show feels that and so does the audience#i'm so fucking sad that i'm even more mad#at the same time iam so happy a show like this was made#a show like this exists#and that i watched it#that i got to watch it and experience it the ideal way--the way it was supposed to be#something in me is so settled already i havent even finished it yet but i dont think its much about the ending for this show#i keep crying but i know its no use. i know it can't be so. and that has finally made me be at peace. its just this way now.#this is just how it has always been and how it will always be#i could choose better for myself but#i won't#i wont choose anything at all#theres nothing to fight for--no one who faught for me. i only have myself. and choosing myself is to choose nothing.#bc when you choose yourself you have no external choices to make. you can only build new options. you can only make new outcomes#bring them into existence at great costs especially with nothing backing you and that. i feel like ive been fighting for that all this time#and idk#idk.
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I'm trying to read more this year but every time I'm at the bookstore and pick up a book with an interesting title or cover, the blurb is always something like this:
"Girl is special because of reasons but then one day something tragic happens and she has to go to this deadly place and fight for her life.
But there she meets a boy who's super mysterious and helps her and now they have to get out together without his super mysterious secret destroying everything they've built."
And I just sigh and put the book back on the shelf.
#I hate romance B-plots in Fantasy novels#especially when the blurb already makes it obvious that there's gonna be one without TELLING you there is gonna be one#and why does suddenly everything try to kill the protagonists?#why the hell are there deadly schools and deadly ruins and deadly games?#it's getting to a point where I struggle reading queer fantasy because they ALSO have the same plot#at least the love interests are actually. you know. interesting.#alright wow that turned into a bit of a rant#anyways#if anyone has good (fantasy or sci-fi prefereably) book recs I am all ears#and if anyone is looking for fantasy book recs that don't do that (or do it well): Brandon Sanderson#books
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hey can random fucking strangers on the internet please stop recommending me ways to kill my own rats every time I have to put one to sleep
#this happens every time I have to and comment on how expensive it is#I know these people are just trying to be helpful/aren't trying to be malicious but it's so fucking insensitive#oh your beloved pet is sick and dying and in so much pain the humane thing to do is to kill them?#don't be an idiot and spend money just kill them yourself! I've never spoken or interacted with you in my life btw#like its so WEIRD fuck OFF#esp like after the pet has died. why don't you lock yourself in a tarrarium filled with nitrogen gas and kill yourself#also sorry but like. why would I believe a stranger on the internet that it's painless over years of veterinary research 😭#I am often distrustful of vets Especially with my rats because most don't fuckin know anything about them#but I do know that when they gave spica the sedative I got to hold her#that she just fell asleep#and her breathing slowed#and when it was time they gave her the shot#and she wasn't scared#that I didn't have to fucking lock her in a bucket alone with deadly gas to suffocate while she was already sick and scared#just because I wannted to save some money#also like if you can put your own pet to sleep there is no judgement from me I admire your strength#but I could not kill my own animal#and its frankly crazy for a stranger on the internet to suggest that I do#while I'm struggling with their sickness/death#when rats have to be put down so much of the time its because they are horribly and traumatically sick#and its just so fucked to look at someone going through that#now struck w the financial burden of a vet bill#and being like uhm just do it yourself at home?#this has happened More Than Once btw#ghost posts#text#animal death
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Sometimes I really wish the second half of KiraKira PreCure just didn't exist
#It gets worse the more I think about it#It's so sad#Such great potential and great characters wasted in favor of a bland newcomer and a plot that wastes every theme the show could've had#The coma plotline is definitely one of the worst things especially because Ichika could've related to Rio in terms of having important fami#That they struggle to live up to#But man. That finale is just so bad#I like pekorin but she should not have been a Cure#You already know what I'm going to say so let's just. Yeah#I just. I really hate the ultimate message that it's fine to have a world without negative emotions#A world without hate or frustration#That it's fine to have a world made of only positives#Sure that could be seen as uplifting but I see it as hollow#Especially when the show treats Rio's jealousy as some big sin and not a natural emotion for a 13 year old#There's just something so shallow and hollow and honestly kind of depressing about the finale#Like legit I felt bad when I finished Kirakira#It's just. It's sad#I want to like the season#I wish the second half didn't exist#precure#mango rambles#kirakira precure a la mode
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just reached my favourite point of translation where the subtext is so deep i have no idea how the FUCK to even start with getting the intended joke across/s
#gu6chan's musings#basically it's a rubbing salt in the wound situation where MC is ANGUISHED and seere keeps saying things that make it worse but#he says something among the lines of 'No matter how much your struggle is met with despair; keep going till the end!' (paraphrased)#and after doing some digging i found that the JOKE is the original phrase 'どうあがいても絶望でも、最後まで抗おう' came from SIREN (the ps2 horror game)#and basically became sorta synonymous with games with all/mostly bad endings#(Notably DOD and ESPECIALLY the E ending is used a LOT with this phrase; fitting into Onaplus... being DOD lmao)#so the joke in this case is that the phrase commonly linked in 'all routes lead to doom' scenarios is NOT something you wanna hear when#you're feeling down about yourself lmao. essentially; seere is saying she's fucked lmao#BUT HOW DO I EVEN START TO GIVE CONTEXT TO ALL THAT??????????#ive had hard lines to tl before but im really just kinda sitting here baffled bc like what do i do....#ALSO ANON WHO SENT ME THAT ASK I DUNNO IF YOULL SEE THIS BUT I LOVE YOUUUU#i REALLY wanna finish the ask i already have (in regards to my little boy!!) otherwise i fear i may lose all standards if i dont 😭 but!!!#rest assured I WILL get it!!! eventually...... ougaahhhh.... ITS SO GOOD THOUGH I WAS SO FUCKING ! !!B! JEWGFHSAKGF!!! WHEN I SAW IT AAAAA#YOU MADE MY WHOLE DAY I STILL HAVENT STOPPED THINKIN ABOUT IT OUGHHHH...
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People hating on a literal child because she doesn’t physically look like a character in a book who we only ever saw in concept art and fanart vs me who was kinda sad when I realized book Percy wasn’t black because the description of a young boy living in New York who’s close with his single mother parent who is constantly seen as stupid troublemaker by both peers and teachers and his moms awful boyfriend and who’s only friend is the only other Outcast (non white) classmate who’s only ally is the literature teacher who then he finds also has doubts about him felt very if not fully black then at least mixed coded.
But then I moved on and enjoyed the story for what it gave me, can some of these people say the same 🤔
#I have not yet watched the show I’ll probably wait for more episodes bc I canceled D+ like two months ago#but idk many of yall are not 12 anymore and saying Leah won’t do a good job or it won’t be as good#we only saw any of these characters in our minds eye#or concept art#im not saying you can’t be disappointed when things aren’t 100% a match bc you want to see a good adaptation of the Book#and I need to do a reread but I would think Annabeth’s whole other shit aka running away cross country at 7 always being nosy and wanting#a quest being ready for battle but learning to have fun too#is more integral to her character ESPECIALLY IN MARK OF ATHENA#the blond hair in the books is a trait from Athena so it’s not a unique hurdle other girls in the cabin wouldn’t also face#it mattered bc she was a main character#But taking the core struggle of not being taken seriously works pretty damn well for any girl but especially black girls AT ALL TIMES#and not to be funny but saying the other characters are already diverse feels like a side step#like look Hazel in her eyes and say not being taken seriously BECAUSE of your HAIR COLOR is on the same level#as not being taken seriously because you’re a black girl#and if this breaches containment#yes the show would have been fine even if a picture perfect accurate cast had been hired#but if we want to move past people being cast bc of how they look vs how they act#you can’t hold the gospel of a book series against literal children who are probably having the time of their life#or would be if grown ass adults were attacking them bc SOMEONE ELSE HITED THEM#if the show is bad it’s not bc Annabeth is black or Percy is blonde#hell in good omens both leads are older in the book they’re described as looking 25 and 30#can you imagine good omens as it is now with book accurate casting bc I can’t
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Sometimes it feels like my mom punishes me for things I can't control and it's actually kinda really upsetting.
#i fell asleep yesterday after work as i mentioned before and that means i wasn't able to wash up after dinner#she said to me today that if i fell asleeo again before dinner she'd be pissed off at me#and usually a comment like that wouldn't bother me#but I'm the only one working full time/ with two jobs in my house#especially when my brothers don't do anything around the house#even though they don't have jobs/ do anything full time. and yet the responsibility of housekeeping is always left to me#even if I'm tired. The reason i can't fo to sleep early ia because cleaning the downstairs before i go takes a while#ofc it would when you have a family of 9 and you're the only person doing it#she never asks them either#and then she gets upset at me if like yesterday i don't do these things#and it's like#everyone keeps telling me fo stop treating myself as a machine#but it's kinda hard when everyone else does the same#today/ this week when work has been really tough and im struggling already because im having a hard time#it's the last thing you wanna hear that someone's upset at you for doing something that could have been shared between others#i don't know it just feels like a sledgehammer fo the chest every time#i just feel I'm constantly disappointing someone because im not able to do what they say#ans no matter how much i say it's unfair nothing ever changes.
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screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags
#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO#i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe#n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th#ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a#utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai#ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell#like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc#then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no#food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it#harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats#fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY#SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf#the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther#es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the#bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and#no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh#it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression#i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point#i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT#everything has gone to shit#vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.
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#extremely discouraged#I was getting help with insurance navigator person#and she was super helpful#we finished the application and I asked if there’s a way to see my info before I get my card#she asked if I want to see a doctor soon and I’m like I mean yeah but I’m waiting to start my case management#she pauses#and then tells me that the medical assistance I signed up for doesn’t include case management?????????????#lol okie dokie got it#and then she tells me all these websites and organizations I can go to file a disability#and telling me about these long applications I have to fill out#girl I can barely get out of my bed do you really think I’m able to sit down and fill out a 200 page form#seriously feel like the only option I have to actually get HELP is going to the emergency room#fun fact I almost went last night - SI thoughts were hitting me hard#but what always always stops me is the money…. my parents are already struggling#and me not working is not helping them at all#dad sent me this full time position literally at the place I’m going for day treatment and I was so confused#first of all I don’t think they’d let a patient work the front desk?? also how am I going to fit full time and this program in#especially when I barely can function and do basic shit (he doesn’t know how bad my SI thoughts were or have been but still)#I’m just bitching now I’m sorry#I need to do my laundry but now I have no energy or motivation to do anything#want to lay on the couch and through on a show and just chill there the entire day#wrapping myself up in my tortilla blankie so I’ll be a sad burrito :(#shut up rosie
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