#especially when you already struggle
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Broskies, my homies, my guys, fellas, pals, besties, brother in christ, my ride and die, strangers, peeps, my lovelies, ya'll. . . I write fanfic for the fun of it.
For the lil bit that my brain gets hooked on and what's to check out, twist around, make into something a lil different and new. For the source material that just Ahhh I want to enjoy more in dif ways. For the story ideas and tropes and scene ideas that pop up in my head at times where I'm in a rush to write it down or type it out. For the love I have of fanfic written by others.
I'm not a professional, I'm not a genius with words, grammar, rules on how to write stories, and characters, but I try.
I'm just a regular human being who decided to write for fun and share it with other people for the small chance that 'hey maybe someone would enjoy this'
I've got my own problems in life. My own faults and insecurities. I'm not perfect.
So like maybe. . . just be kind.
If you enjoy what I've written, I am super duper to the max ecstatic that you did. Like smiling like a fool and in awe that another person likes something I've made. And if you didn't, then I hope you can find something you do enjoy.
Like I said, I'm not perfect. I have different tastes and a different way of thinking about how I want to handle something in a story or event that happened in the show, etc. I might have made something full of what would be considered mistakes. (You'll probably find a few in this very post)
You might not like it. You might not even understand why I wrote it. You might think it's the stupidest thing someone could have written and that I need to fix it or even just delete it.
You have a right to your opinion.
I know there's fics and prompts and stuff I don't like. But I just keep on looking for something I will like, because I know that a human being made it. Another person out there wanted to write it, and they did and then decided 'hey maybe someone might want to see it' and other people do. Might not have been me, but it was for someone else, so I'll let them enjoy it.
But I didn't go out of my way to tell them I didn't like it. To tell them all the things I thought were wrong or didn't understand. I didn't tell them how I thought they should 'fix it'. I didn't go out of my way to make another person feel bad about something they created for fun and freely shared with others.
I didn't do that because that is not kind and is not the type of person I want to be. Because again, I am a human being.
So look for things you enjoy and make you happy. Be kind to the people who are sharing these things with you. Don't discourage and insult them. Only give criticism if they explicitly asked you to.
You don't know these people. You don't know what going on in their lives. Your words can have huge effects on a person. So make sure that it's a positive one.
Yes, some writing is bad. Yes, some may seem cringy, stupid, nonsensical. But there is no law in the universe that says everything must be perfect. It's OKAY if things are bad, cringy, stupid, nonsensical. Some people are just beginning in writing, some are very young, some may struggle with writing, some may just want to write a dumb fun crazy story. LET THEM.
Let them grow and enjoy what they are doing.
Let them be human!
#i know i dont write perfect and thats fine#but it hurt when ppl go out of their way to bring you down#especially when you already struggle#it can suck the fun and motivation right out of you#just be kind#look for things you enjoy and culitvate that#let others enjoy what they like#fanfic writing#fanfiction#writing fanfiction#vent#im trying really hard to just focus on those who have enjoyed my writing and been supportive#i want to write and actually finish my stories because i like writing them#i want to continue 'liking' to write them plz
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it probably wasn't the smartest decision to start an ongoing 1000+ chapter webnovel when i know it'll consume my every waking thought but here we are
open for better quality | no reposts
#turning novel#터닝#kishiar la orr#yuder aile#when i tell you i read the manhwa in one go last night and then started reading the novel today bc commenters said it was good#and my god were they right#i'm 40+ chapters in so i've just passed where the manhwa is at rn and wow#first of all thank god there are high quality and easily accessible translations#second of all kuyu-nim has a way of making all the lines carry weight. the dialogue and body language cues especially#like i'm definitely not that far in but there are already a few lines i can point out that made my heart clench#and the tension between the two leads is so so palpable#kishiar is very enigmatic i'm very interested in finding out what he's really thinking and what his abilities are#and i really appreciate the way yuder's development is focused on him caring about others and relying on them#ok and third the fact that it's a slow burn romance but focuses heavily on the plot and politics and relationships is so good#based on the tags this could have been very tropey but they didn't go that route and i'm glad for it#in other news i'm upset about how yuder came out but i have to post him bc i will not separate them ;;;#thought kishiar would be harder to draw bc he's pretty:tm: and i struggle drawing pretty boys but yuder put me through the wringer fr#anyway!! i love them very much!! going a little insane over them as you can see!!
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I have a Kenji post coming up, and I just realized that we don’t know if Kenji actually is struggling financially. The only mention of it was from Ben, Darius, and Sammy, when there were making assumptions because he lives in a trailer now.
#the others did him dirty in episode 4#from the assumptions to how they reacted to the school he started#like he’s your friend at least try to pretend to be interested in passions#especially when you already think he’s struggling#god damn#ben pincus#darius bowman#kenji kon#sammy gutierrez#jurassic world chaos theory#jwct#chaos theory#jurassic world camp cretaceous#jwcc#camp cretaceous#jurassic world chaos theory spoilers#I feel like I use realize a lot 🤔
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sorry but like, as someone who doesn't vibe with fem!sub stuff and always ends up dislking fandom obsession with the man in any relationship being a Dominant Daddy Top containing more macho tendencies than personality . . i do also think that framing people liking violence in their sexual fantasies as worrying is um. worrying in and of itself.
like yeah logan being Like That in 'x reader' Old Man Logan stuff seems very ooc to me, too. but i also like animalism and brutality and violence in sex as well, and these things are not inherently abusive or "near rapist" by themselves in fictional portrayals of kink.
i don't hc logan as the macho dom! a lot of fandom for some reason considers "common consensus fanon" lmfao, but i also think that the fine line of fighting and fucking and violence and animalism is something viscerally satisfying to explore in fiction and especially kink. and characters like logan - who do actually have some solid connections to such themes - are some of the best outlets for that.
#anyways i know i joke about “are the straights okay” stuff because fans like to act like it's somehow common#for people to think about the male characters like that#especially when it's a het ship lol#but also it's not actually worrying to post violent sex in and of itself i'm sorry#like if the “violent animalistic” sex is worrying your poor heart then perhaps consider why. that is#like i can't believe i had to see fictional kink described as 'near rape'#logan howlett#wolverine#old man logan#discourse#negative#yes this is a vaguepost no i don't know who it is#in fact i have already forgotten the blog name and i also don't care#but i see this reflected a lot in the younger generation of fandom and it's like. calm down#this stuff is not actually 'worrying'#you don't need to be worrying for these people because of their wild kinky sex fantasies lmfao#like yeah i don't like logan portrayed that way#but that's because i think it's far more appealing to see that raw violence done to him instead#so 🤷#also fighting as fucking is a classic#and violence as transformation and animalism being representative of personal struggle and self id is also classic#and you know what. sometimes its just hot#- when it's done to the man. that is 😉#anyways my hot to take is that logan is a bottom and a switch#and the only reason people say it's '''''obvious'''''' he's a service top is. suprise surprise. gender profiling and internal bias 🤷#with the addition of fanon interpretations of logan overriding his canon personality#like how people project more macho bullshit onto him than he actually possesses lmfao
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I unfortunately picked up Bravely Default 2 again (I bought it back when it released) and then started over since I last played it in June 2021. And. You know what. I like these silly beans. And then I saw concept art for Dag's expressions and I am not the same. Why did they decide to give him huge fangs in it.
(also I'm trying so hard to avoid spoilers less for plot but more for characters so if you know anything that happens to characters shhhhh. also the expression concept is below the read more so you can see what I mean.)
#bravely default 2#dag rampage#selene noetic#i only just recently reached ch2 in the game and i may have a problem#someone was like wait how have you not gotten farther in 25 hours#and im like im sorry its a problem i have an obsession you dont understand#and then he found out i had three of the four party members with two jobs capped at 12#and then the fourth only had one capped but a bunch high up#and then i told him i was trying to get the gambler asterisk and that meant i had to play a childrens card game#and then i had to do side quests when they popped up#and he was like wait at that point you probably dont need jobs at 12 omg#and im like i know its a problem i cant stop it#so anyway chapter 1 took me forever because i committed to the grind too much#the emotions i feel for silly lil side characters ................ its too real#like even the fact that you beat these two up in the prologue im like teehee funny lil blonde guy#then you dont interact with them in a ch1 quest but they show up again at the same time doing the same quest#and guys i am FEELING EMOTIONS theyre just funny lil mercenaries doin funny lil mercenary things#also please do not tell me anything about the game past ch1 because i want to continue to enjoy experiencing it#which is why i have my ask box closed bc its a game from 2021 and i know im really behind the times#but i managed to not know anything until now and i wanna keep it that way#also i dont really know how to properly draw noses especially when i doodle#but his nose is important and i already struggle with his big jaw so i had to include it somehow#and in the concept art it looks like he has a lil stubble but in game i dont see it so im like ... squinting at he
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fanart is so hard to draw. stupid characters having stupid details that are out of my stupid comfort zone AAAAAGH
#ITS A STRUGGLE#at least pretty much everything is stuff i already wanted to learn but had just been putting off for whatever reason (procrastination) but#first cotl making me draw furries. and then animal crossing making them more complicated (tom nook's nose confused me)#then gravity falls making me draw old people. and now in dbh i am facing the struggle of Markus's subtle facial hair because i cant get away#with just doing a gradient that goes halfway up the face like i did with gravity falls. because it wouldn't look right trust me ive already#tried out of sheer desperation it was horrible#AGH#and then theres the whole thing of translating other styles into yours. especially when thise styles have vastly different levels of detail#compared to yours so you have to decide what kind of details to add and what kind of details to get rid of and AAAAGHHGHHH#also dbh characters having no bangs. most of them anyway#PLEASE bangs are the only thing that can hide how bad i am at hairlines!!!!!!!!#but at least that part is easy to learn. i can draw connor. hes the easiest dbh character to draw probably#hank seems like he'll have easier facial hair than Markus considering hes got an actual beard and also the fact that i will be a lot less#scared if making him look old because well. he is old#i mean hes only the same age as my dad but like..#he looks old. all his hair is gray. unlike my dad. only half my dads hair is gray#anyways point is im grateful for how much drawing characters that are Not Mine has improved my art but its so difficult#i need to draw my ocs...... and then I'll get back to Markus#i say that as if i haven't been drawimg my ocs all day anyways#rambling in the tags#artist
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No one:
Me whenever I see yet another blog I respect and admire make/reblog a post on how the lesbian/comphet masterdoc is biphobic/inaccurate:
#lesbian#lesbophobia#comphet#lesbian masterdoc#comphet masterdoc#it's like aww c'mon not you too!#but it's like idk what is with people's obsession with trying to invalidate lesbians' experiences and saying that we are biphobic just for#our relation to the patriarchy#and saying that a tool that has helped many lesbians come to terms with our sexualities must secretly be some evil biphobic scheme#to force bisexual women back into the closet/eliminate and invalidate their attraction to men#i promise you that that is not what we're doing#it feels like they're just trying to say that the comphet masterdoc is wrong and that any lesbian who relates to it is really just bi and i#the closet#and as a lesbian who already suffers from comphet/intrusive thoughts about being sexually involved with men posts like these just make my#comphet go through the roof#they make me wonder even more if maybe my intrusive thoughts are my real feelings and i'm just repressing my attraction to men because the#lesbian masterdoc made me realize i was a lesbian and not attracted to men like i previously thought#and in addition they love to say that the creator of the doc came out as bi when it was only one of the editors of the doc#but ofc people just focus on that because they want so badly to prove that the comphet masterdoc doesn't exist and that it's simply#forcing bi girls to have denial#and then they love to say 'it was written by a bunch of teenagers' as if that invalidates it#or as if teenagers' experiences with comphet aren't real or trustworthy or worth listening to as if we are all simply irrational or naive#like atp people should just say the quiet part out loud that they think every lesbian who struggles with comphet is faking it and that we#are secretly bi and just think we're lesbians because we're traumatized by men but that eventually we will realize that we need a man in#fr it's just saddening#it's especially treacherous when other lesbians make posts like these#like come on now are you for real#i thought we were in this together#anyway that's all i'm done ranting lol
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hey can random fucking strangers on the internet please stop recommending me ways to kill my own rats every time I have to put one to sleep
#this happens every time I have to and comment on how expensive it is#I know these people are just trying to be helpful/aren't trying to be malicious but it's so fucking insensitive#oh your beloved pet is sick and dying and in so much pain the humane thing to do is to kill them?#don't be an idiot and spend money just kill them yourself! I've never spoken or interacted with you in my life btw#like its so WEIRD fuck OFF#esp like after the pet has died. why don't you lock yourself in a tarrarium filled with nitrogen gas and kill yourself#also sorry but like. why would I believe a stranger on the internet that it's painless over years of veterinary research 😭#I am often distrustful of vets Especially with my rats because most don't fuckin know anything about them#but I do know that when they gave spica the sedative I got to hold her#that she just fell asleep#and her breathing slowed#and when it was time they gave her the shot#and she wasn't scared#that I didn't have to fucking lock her in a bucket alone with deadly gas to suffocate while she was already sick and scared#just because I wannted to save some money#also like if you can put your own pet to sleep there is no judgement from me I admire your strength#but I could not kill my own animal#and its frankly crazy for a stranger on the internet to suggest that I do#while I'm struggling with their sickness/death#when rats have to be put down so much of the time its because they are horribly and traumatically sick#and its just so fucked to look at someone going through that#now struck w the financial burden of a vet bill#and being like uhm just do it yourself at home?#this has happened More Than Once btw#ghost posts#text#animal death
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Sometimes I really wish the second half of KiraKira PreCure just didn't exist
#It gets worse the more I think about it#It's so sad#Such great potential and great characters wasted in favor of a bland newcomer and a plot that wastes every theme the show could've had#The coma plotline is definitely one of the worst things especially because Ichika could've related to Rio in terms of having important fami#That they struggle to live up to#But man. That finale is just so bad#I like pekorin but she should not have been a Cure#You already know what I'm going to say so let's just. Yeah#I just. I really hate the ultimate message that it's fine to have a world without negative emotions#A world without hate or frustration#That it's fine to have a world made of only positives#Sure that could be seen as uplifting but I see it as hollow#Especially when the show treats Rio's jealousy as some big sin and not a natural emotion for a 13 year old#There's just something so shallow and hollow and honestly kind of depressing about the finale#Like legit I felt bad when I finished Kirakira#It's just. It's sad#I want to like the season#I wish the second half didn't exist#precure#mango rambles#kirakira precure a la mode
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I don’t think I’m gonna end up including it, but there is a version of Mt. Gilboa University where Sha’ul tries to kiss/fuck Daveed and then hits him because he’s rejected. This is def partly inspired by Beloved King (plus other interpretations where Saul sexually desires David) but I also think it would be especially good in MGU because it would create a parallel between that and Sha’ul having sex with Rizpah when she was a student. Like, this guy has a certain taste, and it’s not a good one!
It would also be foreshadowed by Yonatan overhearing Daveed about to say that Sha’ul only pays attention to the students when he’s trying to fuck them (I actually don’t know if anyone understood this is what Daveed was about to say LOL but that was the intention). I mean ofc that’s a reference to Rizpah first and foremost, but it could also be foreshadowing.
By now tho, if I did include this point then it would have to be canon that Daveed hid Sha’ul’s advances from Yonatan even when he was telling him that Sha’ul was the one who hurt him… and I don’t know if that makes sense. Honestly I think Yonatan’s revelation from Rizpah (and his accusation of her conspiring with Daveed) could be even more poignant if Daveed had told him that Sha’ul came on to him, but I’m definitely not going to go back and edit that now LOL
#the curse of publishing a longer work serially is that if you come up with a new plot point you can’t go back and change the earlier chapter#honestly when I finish writing MGU I think it would be fun to go back and edit/rewrite parts of it#especially the parts that I wrote several years that really don’t hold up anymore lmaoooo#I just don’t know if I’ll ever really have the time or energy#but I’ll reevaluate how I’m feeling once this version is done#four more chapters I think……. hehehehe#I am struggling with the current chapter a little but mostly because a) it’s the climax of the story#and b) it’s ending up soooo much longer than I was expecting#I usually shoot for around 3000-4000 per chapter but this is already at 4000 and maybe halfway done#but I swear to gosh there is no good stopping point#and if I tried to cut it up yall would be so angry with me LOL#I mean this chapter will also have a cliffhanger and yall will be angry anyways hahahaha#anyways…….
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Someday I'll make setting people actually like and find worth engaging in even if its just going Cool! Once and never again but until that day I'm just kind of stuck getting really sad when I think of something cool enough that I get confident sharing it and then its just. Crickets.
#I know you should make stuff for yourself but how am I not supposed to find it discouraging#When whenever I try to share something I'm proud of no one really cares#Especially since I already struggle feeling confident enough in my work to share it#So the fact I usually only get the same one person hyping me up just makes me feel like I sound silly/annoying for being so passionate over#something that no one else really likes since it seems I've lost the ability to#I think thats what hurts the worst I used to make things people actually liked and thought were fun#and I don't know what changed and where I went wrong where what I make is just like whatever now#I don't blame other people for this I know its my own fault for not making something worth paying attention to#But I don't know how to make myself better
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just reached my favourite point of translation where the subtext is so deep i have no idea how the FUCK to even start with getting the intended joke across/s
#gu6chan's musings#basically it's a rubbing salt in the wound situation where MC is ANGUISHED and seere keeps saying things that make it worse but#he says something among the lines of 'No matter how much your struggle is met with despair; keep going till the end!' (paraphrased)#and after doing some digging i found that the JOKE is the original phrase 'どうあがいても絶望でも、最後まで抗おう' came from SIREN (the ps2 horror game)#and basically became sorta synonymous with games with all/mostly bad endings#(Notably DOD and ESPECIALLY the E ending is used a LOT with this phrase; fitting into Onaplus... being DOD lmao)#so the joke in this case is that the phrase commonly linked in 'all routes lead to doom' scenarios is NOT something you wanna hear when#you're feeling down about yourself lmao. essentially; seere is saying she's fucked lmao#BUT HOW DO I EVEN START TO GIVE CONTEXT TO ALL THAT??????????#ive had hard lines to tl before but im really just kinda sitting here baffled bc like what do i do....#ALSO ANON WHO SENT ME THAT ASK I DUNNO IF YOULL SEE THIS BUT I LOVE YOUUUU#i REALLY wanna finish the ask i already have (in regards to my little boy!!) otherwise i fear i may lose all standards if i dont 😭 but!!!#rest assured I WILL get it!!! eventually...... ougaahhhh.... ITS SO GOOD THOUGH I WAS SO FUCKING ! !!B! JEWGFHSAKGF!!! WHEN I SAW IT AAAAA#YOU MADE MY WHOLE DAY I STILL HAVENT STOPPED THINKIN ABOUT IT OUGHHHH...
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People hating on a literal child because she doesn’t physically look like a character in a book who we only ever saw in concept art and fanart vs me who was kinda sad when I realized book Percy wasn’t black because the description of a young boy living in New York who’s close with his single mother parent who is constantly seen as stupid troublemaker by both peers and teachers and his moms awful boyfriend and who’s only friend is the only other Outcast (non white) classmate who’s only ally is the literature teacher who then he finds also has doubts about him felt very if not fully black then at least mixed coded.
But then I moved on and enjoyed the story for what it gave me, can some of these people say the same 🤔
#I have not yet watched the show I’ll probably wait for more episodes bc I canceled D+ like two months ago#but idk many of yall are not 12 anymore and saying Leah won’t do a good job or it won’t be as good#we only saw any of these characters in our minds eye#or concept art#im not saying you can’t be disappointed when things aren’t 100% a match bc you want to see a good adaptation of the Book#and I need to do a reread but I would think Annabeth’s whole other shit aka running away cross country at 7 always being nosy and wanting#a quest being ready for battle but learning to have fun too#is more integral to her character ESPECIALLY IN MARK OF ATHENA#the blond hair in the books is a trait from Athena so it’s not a unique hurdle other girls in the cabin wouldn’t also face#it mattered bc she was a main character#But taking the core struggle of not being taken seriously works pretty damn well for any girl but especially black girls AT ALL TIMES#and not to be funny but saying the other characters are already diverse feels like a side step#like look Hazel in her eyes and say not being taken seriously BECAUSE of your HAIR COLOR is on the same level#as not being taken seriously because you’re a black girl#and if this breaches containment#yes the show would have been fine even if a picture perfect accurate cast had been hired#but if we want to move past people being cast bc of how they look vs how they act#you can’t hold the gospel of a book series against literal children who are probably having the time of their life#or would be if grown ass adults were attacking them bc SOMEONE ELSE HITED THEM#if the show is bad it’s not bc Annabeth is black or Percy is blonde#hell in good omens both leads are older in the book they’re described as looking 25 and 30#can you imagine good omens as it is now with book accurate casting bc I can’t
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Sometimes it feels like my mom punishes me for things I can't control and it's actually kinda really upsetting.
#i fell asleep yesterday after work as i mentioned before and that means i wasn't able to wash up after dinner#she said to me today that if i fell asleeo again before dinner she'd be pissed off at me#and usually a comment like that wouldn't bother me#but I'm the only one working full time/ with two jobs in my house#especially when my brothers don't do anything around the house#even though they don't have jobs/ do anything full time. and yet the responsibility of housekeeping is always left to me#even if I'm tired. The reason i can't fo to sleep early ia because cleaning the downstairs before i go takes a while#ofc it would when you have a family of 9 and you're the only person doing it#she never asks them either#and then she gets upset at me if like yesterday i don't do these things#and it's like#everyone keeps telling me fo stop treating myself as a machine#but it's kinda hard when everyone else does the same#today/ this week when work has been really tough and im struggling already because im having a hard time#it's the last thing you wanna hear that someone's upset at you for doing something that could have been shared between others#i don't know it just feels like a sledgehammer fo the chest every time#i just feel I'm constantly disappointing someone because im not able to do what they say#ans no matter how much i say it's unfair nothing ever changes.
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#extremely discouraged#I was getting help with insurance navigator person#and she was super helpful#we finished the application and I asked if there’s a way to see my info before I get my card#she asked if I want to see a doctor soon and I’m like I mean yeah but I’m waiting to start my case management#she pauses#and then tells me that the medical assistance I signed up for doesn’t include case management?????????????#lol okie dokie got it#and then she tells me all these websites and organizations I can go to file a disability#and telling me about these long applications I have to fill out#girl I can barely get out of my bed do you really think I’m able to sit down and fill out a 200 page form#seriously feel like the only option I have to actually get HELP is going to the emergency room#fun fact I almost went last night - SI thoughts were hitting me hard#but what always always stops me is the money…. my parents are already struggling#and me not working is not helping them at all#dad sent me this full time position literally at the place I’m going for day treatment and I was so confused#first of all I don’t think they’d let a patient work the front desk?? also how am I going to fit full time and this program in#especially when I barely can function and do basic shit (he doesn’t know how bad my SI thoughts were or have been but still)#I’m just bitching now I’m sorry#I need to do my laundry but now I have no energy or motivation to do anything#want to lay on the couch and through on a show and just chill there the entire day#wrapping myself up in my tortilla blankie so I’ll be a sad burrito :(#shut up rosie
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actually so funny (it isn't) that everytime i struggle to do something and i tell my parents about it they just respond with "you just have to do it." like. guys. if i could "just do it" i would NOT be complaining about not being able to do it!!
#this has happened so many times. why is that their default response#during online school 'i have 87 missing assignments and i cant concentrate on them. help.' 'just do them?' 'wow why didnt i think of that..#or my dad trying to imply that i had that many missing assignments on purpose??? buddy i am the same kid that would've rather died than-#-miss school. do you seriously think i would be behind on that shit on purpose??? in what world#every single time i struggle to do something and want advice they just tell me to do it. as if i couldn't have thought of that#especially when i realized part of why online school didnt work for me is because school and home were no longer separate#whenever i was at school (or just a general separate place where im Supposed to work on stuff) i could do it just fine#outside of school i would procrastinate so bad and have no motivation or concentration for anything#i told my mom i needed a separate place to work that wasnt my room and my personal computer. she told me to 'just do it'#and suddenly when i have a separate room and computer to work on (especially in a room i already had to work in before that)#suddenly i was able to concentrate! and get shit done!#and yet this same situation will probably happen again lol. bc my parents dont like listening and taking my mental problems seriously#but like. getting my own space allowed me to finish like 5 tarot cards in quick succession. in the previous MONTHS i only finished 3.#'hm i wonder why i could finish so many cards within a week. surely its not because of what my child said would help.'#like it mustve just been that i locked in somehow. not that i got accommodations.#anyway holy fucking essay i just typed out. i need to shower rn anyways. enough rambling from me for now
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