#dont mind me im just. venting
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oh boy im stressed. gonna vent if you dont mind
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
im stressed about money again
everything seems to be going wrong financially at the worst possible time, all at once
our rent was raised by two hundred bucks. we’re barely scraping by as it is, and this drained what little we had in the bank. there’s no money for food or gas for two weeks. we’ll be lucky to be able to afford next month. my graphics card is dying and i get blue screen errors DAILY. when it does kick the bucket, I wont be able to draw so theres no chance of even earning anything to get a new one, which is like another $200+ at best. I have a doctor’s appointment next week that costs $160 out of pocket, which again we don’t have gas money to get to, but if I don’t get to it I can’t get my hormones. not to mention i’m losing my EBT benefits until mid september because of an error in paperwork, so we dont even have that to fall back on.
im. ugh. ugh dude. its like $600. between the replacement part and gas and bills and medication and food for the family for two weeks. i don’t even have SIX dollars to spare, let alone six hundred!!!
fuck man. im so tired of this
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A wilting flower is not always beyond healing. It'll just take time.
#a small doodle! Just a little one! Wanted to draw but also didnt want to draw but also needed to draw#you know? idk if that makes any sense#dont mind me-#if anyone is worried I am okay please dont take this as some big vent or anything!#just art I needed to get out of my head. Ya kno??? nothin crazy!!!#anyway anyway im gonna go play a game or something!!! Drink water. Eat a snack! Sit down in some quiet for a moment#Yall should do that too! You! Drink water! Eat something! Sit and be calm for a moment.#welcome home oc#dandy leon#I always feel bad tagging my art of dandy alone with the welcome home tags??? uh-#my art#sketches
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(Crying sfx) sir........ there was a spider............
#why bugs#spider arachnid not insect but. is bug insect#bugs. they make me go scream#o(-(#they make new places scarier dbsjnf#aka vent#dont mind me im just#🐜👈😢#in spirit i am that 'respectfully i am in tears' email
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maybe its just me but i cant stand when people are like "it just doesn't sit right with me how teruhashi thought about aiura 🥺" like yes... its not supposed to ??? because her thinking badly of other girls and prioritizing male validation over everything is one of her main flaws ??? can we talk about that WITHOUT making it seem like shes not allowed to have a single actual flaw without suddenly becoming an awful person? nobody can handle complex female characters at all and its so fucking annoying
#you guys all missed the point of her development AND her and saiki's relationship development#like did you miss the parts where the only times he genuinely seems to not like something she does is when shes mean to other girls#and he still understands that she isnt a bad person for having bad thoughts in the private comfort of her mind#and besides... in this case she was literally just being a dramatic and insecure teenage girl LMAO#like dont fucking lie to me and tell me when you were her age you didnt have similar thoughts#youre worse than her if you lie about it while judging her for it#sorryyyy#she shouldve been MORE unhinged youre all just cowards#AND ALSO ? how can something even be 'mean' if its just a thought#thats like if u opened ur friends private diary without permission and then unfriended them over something they said in a random upset vent#and in this specific situation if u found out ur friend called someone a bitch because they liked the same person as her ??#LIKE THATS ?? its bad but its not as crazy as you guys make it out to be#shes allowed to be angry and insecure in the privacy of HER OWN MIND#idk if this makes sense but i just feel that her thoughts are more of a concern about her wellbeing than anything else#like she canonically is extremely kind to others even when she doesnt want to be so why are we worried about how she treats others.#theyre fine. im worried about HER.#and WHY her mindset is so negative... but u guys dont give a shit because u cant handle even a spec of complexity#sorry ive said all this before i just like to rant#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#teruhashi kokomi#meows post
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Not to be too corny but the new year has got me thinking and I really appreciate this blog because this is pretty much the only site/community/fandom where I don't stress out over posting every single thing I post, afraid I'll be shit on for... something (my brain is very good at coming up with hypotheticals). I know, I know I'm way too sensitive and i shouldn't care about what others think and the internet isn't real so it doesn't matter etc. etc. but unfortunately I just don't know how to get my brain to work like that. I mean, I'm still too afraid of being cringe to draw/write/yap about everything I'd hypothetically like to, but I've been way more social and open to posting my thoughts on here than I've ever been before, and it's made me more confident online overall. So thank you all for being so welcoming and chill!
#idk hopefully this makes sense. might delete in the morning lol#mine#not tes#vent#(mostly positive one)#im working on an animation rn and im really excited about the idea and storyboard#and while i enjoy sharing my stuff on yt and to an extent im a little sad i dont do it as often there#something about posting t/es stuff on there makes me kinda dread it in a minor way#90% of the comments i get on my tes stuff have been honestly wonderful (and the 10% that hasnt has been from having an argonian nerevarine)#but also some of the things i want to do in the future are more headcanon or canon-divergent heavy and i stress out a little thinking about#potential not so kind comments relating to that. elsewhere people can just be so weird about it#and that sort of thing can take a hit to my motivation to work on animated stuff (despite being far and away my best stuff)#but everyone here is so friendly and generally open minded and it makes me less stressed about it and gives me more motivation#idk the internet has always been pretty mean and critical but i feel like its gotten so much worse in the past few years#and im too sensitive for it. and lonely. and internet addicted i think.#which sucks but this blog/community has made fandom posting genuinely enjoyable again#ok sincerity over back to scrolling
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I suppose at the end of the day all I really hope for is that what I do makes an impact on someone's life, big or small. That people think of my art after they see it, maybe feel inspired or touched. That they notice the details I put in it and perhaps piece together the intent of why they're there. That they feel encouraged to draw themselves, to improve and in turn to inspire others. I try to draw for myself, but there are days where I feel like I'm not worth the effort. It would be comforting to know that my work is more than just a self-indulgent thing that looks nice
#i'm not counting this as a vent post#just tired and rambling about something that's been on my mind a lot#im fine dont worry#and im aware that there are people who get inspired by my art#and that makes me so happy#i just hope that it continues to do so and it doesn't just fall into obscurity and get forgotten#gekko.txt
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my monthly "men shouldn't be in girl group fandoms many of them are misogynistic sex pests who pretend to be girls online to enter fanbases where there are mostly girls and young women and they make female idols uncomfortable and i wish they weren't allowed in concerts either your ugly ass doesn't deserve it" post
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Want to perish but hanging on 👍
#Ronkey posts#venting#Still dealing with a mind breaking headache ontop of my heart telling me every single reason im better off fading away#Just a constant barrage of physical VS mental and i#fall inbetween#It feels like im actively fighting to stay happy and it feels so unfair with everything going around#id be angry. id lash out. id cry - but theres so little in me from how exhausted i feel. on an existential level#the world doesnt stop#time keeps moving#i fall behind and i miss out and im overwhelmed#no matter how much i have myself figured out its still there#perhaps fading wouldnt be so bad#im sorry if i dwindle socially#im still working on things - i resumed commission work so at least my customers dont suffer through whatever this is im going through agai#ill email everyones completed pieces soon
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💜💜💜💖💖🎶
I want to make otherkin/therian (or alterhuman/nonhuman, whatever term y'all prefer) friends, but interacting with people is so scary and half the time I barely have the motivation to function, let alone socialize.
So...uh.........
Be my friend? Please? 🥹
(No pressure of course)
(Also, I've realized that I forgot to mention that I'm 19 since it was never relevant to this blog. So, keep that in mind before dming. <3)
#i dont mind how yall want to communicate (dms/comments/reblogs/asks) i dont care#i just want friends#otherkin#alterhuman#otherkin community#alterhuman community#nonhuman#nonhuman community#otherkin stuff#otherlink#otherhearted#otherhuman#otherkin struggles#otherkin things#come interact with me#pwease#:)#<3#no pressure#probably better if im ignored#im annoying and socially akward/anxious#and im low enough in the tags on this post to easily get away with being self deprecating#so ill just say i suck and am annoying and inconvenient so you should probably ignore me and save your time#i doubt ill actually respond#dont mind me just casually hating myself in tags#god i hope no one actually reads these tags#im such a pick me attention seeker :(#venting in the tags is fun#cuz no one will see them#geez how many tags do i have left
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i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed
#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant#its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things#we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt?#i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an#me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could#feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly#accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore#what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back#with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other??#why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used#to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this??#i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting#for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our#bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us??#im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70#yapping#vent
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#tw vent#tw suicide#this is my diary#i cant stop crying its so annoying i start tearing up every other minute#nothing in my life is the way i want it to be#and i cant fix any of it#and i just feel horrible all of the time#i wish i would just die already#like.#im done here. ive nothing more to do#i wouldn’t really mind#i think i might be doing way worse than i have ever before because i cant stop or ignore things anymore#like i cant stop myself from saying it i cant bottle it up like before#i mean. i didnt even mean to admit to it but i fucking slipped up and said it earlier todsy#and suddenly the words ‘im doing bad’ slipped out of my mouth. which is crazy because i would never admit to anything like that.#its so scary to think about that im doing bad because that means im doing bad#wdym i would just give up wdym wdym wdym im. like thats not me its not me. its not me its not me thats not me#i feel like theres two uh idk brains inside me and the one that wants to live is being completely overstepped by the other one#i have so many feelings all the time and i still do but its also like. i dont care. like theyre somehwat muted or number now#and i dont think thats a good thing#also i feel horrible for admitting im doing bad because i know myself and i would never do that so im not me i cant be because me woulndt#and i feel bad that that worries people because as much as i feel like dying i wont do that and i know it sounds like i will but i wont#but i feel bad about making people worry#so pls dont worry because i Am doing fine. well. enough to live but like#i sound mentally ill
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he didn't want to be a half-blood..
#dont mind me just venting some feelings into art#im not in a very good place rip#percy jackson#pjo#vent art#this isnt supposed to be walker percy btw#ive always imagined him with curly hair#hes latino in my head#also if you have angsty pjo/hoo fic recs feel free to send those to me
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ugh look i love childe too but please for the love of god stop clogging the neuvili tag-
#ao3 is a hell storm#at times he appears untagged too#im not hating on the shippers some are a friendly lot but damn#disregarding the friendly shippers with what im bout to say but#that specific poly ship doesnt fit imk#imo#thats just my tastes but#it always looks like someone is third wheeling and not actually part of the pairing plus#i get the appeal of chode being the clash or whatever to both neuvi and zhong's personalities in the pairing but#ehhh it doesnt feel like the good clash to me BUT THATS JUST MY OPINION ALR#neuvili#zhonglette#dont mind me just venting my frustration of trying to find specifically neuvili content and instead i find childe#do note my annoyance mostly stems from people tagging neuvili as a duo ship in a fic that is ONLY a POLY SHIP fic#its like#you dont see people shoving kahzuha in the wr1ol3te tag
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(certain genshin ships w ajax brief negativity lmao like this is gonna b real controversial im sorry. not an attack at anyone just my opinion here be gentle)
obviously disclaimer that if u like the pairings in question im not like canceling or attacking you personally or saying ur wrong for liking it or for not considering the more uhh iffy angle im abt to bring up in terms of how i personally always felt abt these ships, i have mutuals who rb stuff for these sometimes and its just a tag i have blocked its life it happens, im more so just overall commenting on the existence of the pairings to begin w, its not worth the drama its my opinionnn please keep that in mind but yeah
anyway ugh now w like capitano model preload stuff and some of the model comparisons being made (hes slightly bigger than the usual tall male apparently n childes model was used for the comparison) and the shippy comments being made abt it im gonna be honest chief. i do not. like. a single ajax x harbinger pairing like im sorry just how exactly is the age gap (and seniority. and experience. and power imbalance) not processing with ppl when it comes to these at all ??? 😭😭 hes the youngest appointed harbinger canonically and w perueres story we now know that was like. Literally 16 at most for him. and even if that wasnt the case and before it was confirmed. hes still been around the harbingers since he was a teenager bc of being pulcinellas protege idc if its like this convoluted argument of well he wouldnt really interact w them on an interpersonal relationship level before hes a bit older its just still so weird to me i just dont understand how any of these pairings became a thing 💀 like you think not being around him that frequently would stop the usual shipping suspects ppl favor with childe from seeing him as a literal kid either way???
arles literally the one exception here since theyre actually around the same age but those 2 have the ship chemistry of two noble gases JSKSKSLDOSOSKFL (= literally no reaction) . arle is a whole dyke that much is obvious.
like obviously its not like much can be done since pairings like scara are way too popular to be somehow halted on their tracks and the cap stuff will prolly have a resurgence as well now that hes getting a more tangible characterization in natlan but ughhhh. it also sucks bc i think ajax 100% has a crush on cap and its such a peak concept (the guy Absolutely played a part in childes bisexual awakening) but the idea of it being reciprocated on any level whatsoever just feels nasty to me im sorry 😭 my cap would Never its literally on the level of pairing him w skirk to me
also scara always felt strange to me solely based on the fact that he genuinely dislikes ajax lmao like. it feels ooc on principle afshsjsksidk but whens that ever stopped anyone i suppose. it lowkey feels like ppl just wanted a m/m harbinger pairing at any cost 💀 and i suppose scara being an immortal puppet wasnt like known early on so i suppose the ship becoming a thing in like 1.1 is fair enough? but still my current feelings wrt ajax age gap w the harbingers do stand
#and like. seriously when i say dont take this as a personal condemnation if u like these#i do mean it#as much chagrin as the ships themselves give me its not worth drama#ik im on that hater energy when it comes to fanon ooc w ajax but believe me that isnt whats happening here 😭#im just venting abt a view ik is highly unpopular when it comes to ajax ships on my wee blog pls be mindful#delete later#mby#rambles#genshin
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this is really stupid but like.
... is there anyone else in this fandom whose twin has died? am i the only one?
#i just had the thought and its#bizarre to me idk#its tripping me out#on one hand im like surely not i cant be the only person in the vast reaches of the world im not SPECIAL#but then im also like#idk its#pretty niche#i am losing my mind thinking about this and i dont know why#why isnt my trauma RELATABLE what the FUCK ://////#how am i supposed to be a lovable protagonist like this#i hate how this shit makes me so jaded and angry and cynical its really silly#bluh bluh bluhhhhh#cw sibling death#tw sibling death#sibling death#family death#cw family death#tw family death#vent#personal#txt posts#im gonna go draw some disaster twins or smth so i stop being such a bummer#my therapist told me beig sad on main is okay
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okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it
#unfortunately there are moments where i am forced back into reality#and i remember that i cannot actually spend my life creating and hiding away forever!!! crazy#honestly a lot of it has also been the fact that i am just tired everytime i get home#and my health issues that have been steadily building up#they're really catching up on me and ive been having to visit the clinic more than im happy with#theres just a constant sense of fatigue nowadays#also uh#admittedly my interesting in Alien Stage has been waning#not replaced by any other media in particular. just started focusing on irl life stuff more often#which is why i barely post on shakingparadigm anymore/dont really post anything of substance#its really mostly this alnst oc thing that makes me want to stay because i genuinely enjoy and adore what we've created here#im pretty invested in this even though im not as invested in the source material anymore#not to say i dont like alnst anymore! i still do. i just don't dedicate all my attention to it anymore#which is for the best actually. because admittedly the things and time i have sacrificed for alnst did create a few consequences#sometimes i forget how bad a hyperfixation can fuck me up#again I'm really sorry for everything I've missed#and for being late to apris birthday#and the solauri round#and more#amazing stuff that you guys have made#me bones just dont work like they used to i fear. please give me time#im.sorry again#sorry this post might seem kind of depressing#just dont mind it if you want#thanks for your time#misc#rant#(?)#vent
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