#disorganism

[weisskalt]

Some of our releases from Tropical Sludge, Ap Ducal and Mosaic Runes are featured on Grey Clay Radio, curated by musician and sound designer Thébru Čelet / Disorganism. Link below to check out their radio, news, affiliates and cool sonic obscurities.

[frownyalfred]

Dick is probably the nicest civilian ever when he’s in Bludhaven and all the little old ladies who bring him baked goods and his coworkers at the station have no idea he spends the night beating criminals half to death with his escrima sticks, has the kind of insane family & family loyalty you can’t buy, and would have the entire Justice League at his side with just one phone call.

[bloominglegumes]

another abandoned wip/sketch dump

[coolhumanoidbeing]

Shout out to people with Complex Dissociative Disorders (parents edition):

If your parents genuinely changed and improved overtime

If your parents were absent when you were a kid because they were sick / ill / working / otherwise indisposed

If your parents were not your abusers

If your parents would have acted differently if they knew you were being abused

If your parents didn't have the resources or knowledge to help / understand you

If your parents were loving and yet still neglectful

If your parents inadvertently invalidated / didn't believe you, but now do

If your parents weren't your primary caregivers when the abuse happend

If you weren't abused at all and your trauma was medical / environmental / etc

Had emotionally and physically present parents but you still had disorganized attachment with them as a kid because of your delusions / paranoia / etc.

If your parents regret how they treated you

If your parents loved and love you but acted the way they did because of substances / mental illness

If your parents are not completely bad people, or bad people at all

If you still get along with your parents regardless of what they did

If you ever invalidated your own traumatic childhood experiences because your parents were "too nice"

Your trauma is not less valid if you get along with your parents today. Sure, you needed disorganized attachment to your primary caregivers as a kid to develop a CDD. But that can take plenty of formes, and they don't all include your parents being monsters.

Edit: any other emotions regarding your parents are also valid and okay, and I couldn't mean that more. Childhood trauma survivors go through so many rough emotions, and self-invalidation is sadly way too common. Your feelings are a direct result of what happened and that makes them normal.

[oversnow]

Telling you that I need affection and reassurance feels like a death sentence

[hyydraworks]

All the year of the dragon dragons that will be in this week's etsy drop!

[remxedmoon]

(you worked yourself to death.)

yeah i wasn’t kidding when i said these would be coming soon. <- haha funny joke marshall. so!! remember when i said that this post would be coming out last weekend? guess whose tablet broke a few days after saying that! so sorry for the delay!! this is long overdue. here’s a link to the drive, as always! everything in this part of the update should be in the miscellaneous folder (outside of the menu icons, which are in the menu folder. wauaua).

unedited versions below the cut, plus some notes. fair warning 90% of this is just ui stuff lol

so! all of this was already done by the time i posted the enemies. the delay isn’t *entirely* because of the tablet issues, i just managed to get distracted by making: even more redraws! i’d say new update soon but after what happened last time i shouldn’t jinx myself. but! almost All of the art for the initial mod release is done!!!! exciting!!!!!!

please be nice to me (silly) this is my first time doing frame by frame animation in… give or take 5 years? i followed the original animations pretty closely, so they don’t look Awful but i am Aware of the jank. i’m not an animator!!! they’re Good Enough for my purposes.

hey did you know that the original teleport map is slightly off center. did you know that. that’s not the case for the redraw for the record but it did make things a little harder. despite that, i think you can tell i was having fun with the dormont part of the map. i would’ve put more detail into the house, but we never really get a more detailed look at it??? and i didn’t want to make assumptions. so that part’s just traced from the original 👍. anyways shoutout to the clocktower being Curved for whatever reason

outside of those, all of the added art is actually just spritework. i didn’t know this at first, but there’s a TON of copies of sprites from the icon set. Basically Everywhere. so those are added now! and should work properly! also added a few sprites that were Missing from my original batch. not going to put them all here, but a few Important ones (which i actually had to make new art for) are the rock paper scissors cheatsheet, the Larger versions of the craft signs (used in the calamité fight and. probably somewhere else idk), and the craft signs for the tutorial kid fight!

aaaand i think that’s it! for stuff from this update. yeah no there’s more coming buddy. my tablet already broke one time this week there’s no way it’s happening twice. i’m not working on portraits Just Yet (though the temptation has been There), but i’ve got the title screens, a few backgrounds, and the ending cgs done! along with a few other assorted cgs sketched out. because im out of my fucking mind. so, uh, see you soon!! enjoy!!

[neuropathyfordpines]

If you have speech issues due to brain fog or psychosis or schizophrenia spectrum or intellectual disability or aphasia or whatever reason love you forever. We are not stupid, we are not freaks, we are disabled (if you identify that way) and deserve to be normalized. Speak "strange" forever

-schizophrenic with somewhat constant disorganized speech and writing

[inkskinned]

there's a video on instagram of a man kicking his partner's door in. the top comment is (with over 4 thousand likes): "how about you tell us what you did to make him that angry?"

barring emergency, nobody should be kicking anybody's door in. many of us lived in houses where it was always, somehow, an emergency. there is a strange, almost hysterical calm that comes over you in that moment - everything feels muted, and you almost feel, however incongruently, like you should be laughing. you are living inside of "the emergency." oh my god, you think. i am now a fucking statistic.

there is another comment with 2.8 thousand likes: "if this was a woman doing it to a man, nobody would give a shit."

do people give a shit now, though?

barring emergency, the door should remain standing. the emergency should be panicked, desperate - "i'm coming in there to protect you." many of us know what it feels like when the emergency is instead "i'm coming in there to get you."

1.5k likes: "and yet you post this for notes. glad to see being the victim has become your whole personality."

hysteria is a word connected to womb, from greek. what you're experiencing is so senseless and inhumane that you (a rational creature) try to find any ground within what is irrational and cannot be explained. one of the most frustrating things about staying in bad situations is that we also lie to ourselves. we also ask ourselves - wow. what did i do?

women can be, and often are, also abusers. abuse is not gendered. abuse is not just a "straight person" problem. abuse does not have a face or figure or sexuality. you cannot pick an abuser out of a crowd. an abuser could be actually anybody.

and then so many people rally behind the man kicking the door in. here is something nobody should be doing, right? you want to ask every person that liked that first comment: do you ask this because you side with him? do you ask this because it helps you feel safe from this ever happening?

in some ways, you're weirdly sympathetic to the top comment, because it is the same logic you see frequently. the idea is that the average, normal, sane person doesn't just break down a door. doesn't just shoot up a school. doesn't stalk and kill women. doesn't threaten sexual assault. doesn't run over protesters. doesn't shoot an unarmed black person. doesn't scream at underpaid walmart employees. doesn't just "lose it". something had to have happened, right? because the default (white. straight. cis.) - that is someone who is always, you know. "sane."

(right?)

on a podcast, you hear a sane, normal, rational person. "if you piss me off, i'm going to need to hit something. sorry but i'm not apologizing. that's just who i am that's how it is." his voice almost sounds like he's laughing.

you think of the door, and how you were almost laughing behind it, too. ironically, every real emergency in your life has almost felt peaceful in comparison. fire, car accident, flash flooding - these felt quiet, covenant to you. you'd stood in all of them, feeling them pass over and up to your chin, never actually overwhelming.

but when the door was coming down, you had felt - is there a word for that? there has to be, a word, right.

surely one of us has figured out the word for that, i mean. it's such a large fucking statistic.

[only-bones-left]

I hide the part of me that needs to be loved the most and then crave to be loved as a whole.

[phosphenemoth]

I'm so tired of hurting myself and everyone else in the act of trying to avoid hurting myself and everyone else.

[almondpiglet]

wip of a request im trying to finish i’m gonna die painting this!!

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

Arcane and the myth of the silver bullet

I've heard quite a few reviewers talk about the fantasy elements of Arcane as though they're an intrusion. Even though the show is named Arcane and centers around the impact of magic as technology, some feel these elements take away from the grounded class conflict. (I would argue class conflict is secondary to character conflict, but that's another post.) Why does a story about a class war end in fighting a person trying to impose their ideology on the entire city by force using magic, as opposed to previous people trying to do so using mundane violence?

There's two levels of fantasy in Arcane. There's the obvious level, the Arcane, hextech, magic itself. But there's another form of fantasy that Arcane struggles with, and it's the myth of the silver bullet.

Jayce and Viktor's hextech is the silver bullet's original form: technology that transforms society for the better just by existing. Viktor's belief in the silver bullet is so complete that he asks Jayce why he's wasting his time with politics when they could be helping people through science, and Jayce isn't too far behind. But the other characters aren't far behind them. Silco's Shimmer is the most obvious silver bullet analogue, but the indirect and most pervasive one is violence. Just direct violence at the right person and society is solved. Kill Silco and Powder comes back. Kill Caitlyn and Powder comes back. Blow up the Council tower. Enact a fascist regime. Blow up a factory. The glorious revolution of Zaun. Three hex crystals. Shoot the Hexcore out of Viktor's chest. One big act of violence and the problem stops, right? Right? The ends justify the means.

The silver bullet of Arcane isn't Hextech. The silver bullet of Arcane is violence. Viktor's Glorious Evolution is magical, yes, but the magic is only a vessel for the true goal, the goal every character has been working towards: the end to the class conflict through the base violence for necessary change. See, the problem with the previous violence was that it wasn't big enough, wasn't thorough enough. We need to commit it against every person in Piltover and Zaun, and then, finally, it will be enough. The ends justify the means.

Except, they don't. Because the ends are the means and the means are violence and death. Three hex crystals and your family is dead. Isha blows herself up to save Jinx and Jinx almost kills herself over it. Blow up the Council and you get a fascist regime. Enact a fascist regime and you get Noxians. Shoot your best friend to avert the bad future and you cause it. It's no surprise that Viktor's one final act of violence ends the same way, a dead world. The silver bullet doesn't work. Killing is a cycle.

The magical aspects of Viktor's Glorious Evolution are fantasy. The belief behind it is not. The belief that we can force the world to be fixed, if we are strong enough, smart enough, brave enough, has been the ideal driving the entire class conflict, and the Glorious Evolution is merely its ultimate expression. Of course no amount of violence does anything to it. Of course it requires perspective and then forgiveness. And of course its defeat is the beginning of the long, slow social change that is Sevika on the Council. There is no silver bullet, no final evolution. Only the endless march of progress.

[deoidesign]

Sorry I havent stopped thinking about them since I saw this post

[oversnow]

I'm so replaceable

[spacerune]

Vox really thought his revenge against Alastor was assured, but well...