#deadnaming mention

[atertiary-culture-is]

afamilial trans culture is just not understanding why allofamilial trans people are willingly visiting their transphobic family over the holidays just to put up with being deadnamed and misgendered, is family really that important for them..?

i can personally sympathise with them and i'm definitely not victim blaming or anything, i'm just baffled how people stay so attached to their family especially when they disrespect them like that

(this obviously excludes situations where they're forced into it like having to rely on their family for money or to stay on the will and stuff)

yeah...

[haunted-rum]

Had a dream that I finally called my family out for constantly misgendering me and deadnaming me, and it did not end well. The doubled down on it in the dream. Don’t know where dream me got the confidence to do that, but I could never. LMAO

[swollenbabyfat]

Quiet now children

[yourpostisonpinterest]

@acybernetickiwi

i found your post on pinterest!

[arcanecalligrapher]

Outrageous and Terrifying

Have you ever had one of those days where the universe just suddenly takes a massive dump on someone you care deeply for who has been struggling through an awful situation?

That was yesterday for us.

Romana is a twenty-one year old computer science student, coming up on two years into her degree. She escaped her abusive, toxic, controlling parents in November 2021 and has been living peacefully, renting on her own for a year now.

Yesterday afternoon, her parents showed up on her doorstep with social workers and a court order for guardianship. They ordered her into their car, and acted like the fact that they hadn't called the cops yet was them being nice. They guilt-tripped her about how much they missed her for the entire ride back to their house, and then the next morning had to be talked down from taking her phone and computer away twice.

That's what guardianship means, y'all, that she's not permitted to make property decisions. She is not permitted to live where she chooses. She is not permitted to talk to who she wishes. If she attempts to make her own decisions, she risks being held in contempt of court.

They did not serve her the required notice, nor did they serve her lawyer notice. Romana and her lawyer were not contacted by mail; were not contacted by email; and were not contacted over the phone, despite all these methods of contact having been given to her parents and their lawyers.

There was no attendable court session, where evidence could presented or witnesses could take the stand. She has not been permitted her right to look a judge in the eye and say "See for yourself. Ask me what you wish. Do I seem like I'm my own person to you?"

This happened because the justice who signed the judgment did so without reading any of it. Justice Smith did not read the application, the responses from Romana's lawyer, the capacity assessment report, or even the text of the draft judgment that was signed. How in the inkstained void does that happen?

Romana is eloquent, intelligent, and a great friend. She's been stripped of nearly every right at a moment's notice due to the selfishness of her parents. Honestly, I don't really feel comfortable referring to them as her parents, as though she were some upstart teenager depending on them for everything.

In the province of Ontario, there are two adults who want to keep a de facto prisoner and discreetly got the state to rubber stamp it. That prisoner is my friend, someone I care about deeply.

Try to imagine how that feels. Please, put yourself in Romana's shoes, trapped in that absurdist nightmare. Please try to imagine a fraction of the frustration dawning on horror, the confusion dawning on fury.

Ontario has given Romana no help to pay legal fees. There's no program that will help cover it, no charity that will pitch in. I should know. I looked. I know that sounds like an insane state of affairs, but we spent weeks looking and found nothing. She's got only the resources of a college student, barely scraping by with the help of friends, her sister, and GoFundMe.

Romana is just a person. And like any person, she just wants to live a life of basic freedom and dignity.

[lefluoritesys]

I was going to answer a post about alters using deadnames a couple days ago, but I lost it, so here's a separate post about it.

It really depends on the circumstances and your unique situation when an alter wants to go by your body's deadname. And it's very nuanced, so there is no, "alters should(n't) go by your deadname."

We have three alters who go by variations of our deadname.

One of them goes by it because they are a little who formed with it during childhood and carried it for decades.

The other formed during a tough time medically and had to deal with one of our worst triggers every day for months. Our DN (deadnam) is not only all they knew of who they are, but since it was our legal name at the time, it's what doctors knew us by.

The third carries our proper DN, though we haven't met them yet and only know about them from gatekeepers.

We still have issues with our DN in English, but we've learned to accept those alters and their names through a bunch of reflection, getting their sides of the story and their reasoning, and learning to see our DN as a legal label to our body rather than something that shapes us.

Our advice is: have a sit-down conversation with the alter(s) who wants to go by your deadname and figure out why they want to use it. See if you can come to a compromise via a nickname, a different spelling of the name, etc. And also look at the factors such as, how long have they had it before, if at all? How old are they? How personal is it to them? Does it help their healing journey? Do y'all have issues with your name that you can solve and/or would benefit from solving, or not? Stuff like this matters. Communication is key.

-host, memory gatekeeper

[hikaaa-bi]

okay but is it confirmed that ink5oul’s government name is their deadname? bc i see a lot of people complaining about “deadnaming ink5oul” and nowhere in the podcast does it say that ink5oul doesn’t go by the name grace. yes, they’re nonbinary but that doesn’t mean they can’t have a typically “feminine” name.

“ink5oul” seems to be the name of their online persona anyway, idk why people think that calling them grace is deadnaming them, when it hasn’t even been confirmed yet.

and before anyone comes at me, i’m genderqueer myself. i just wanted to add in my two cents bc i think people are blowing this way out of proportion.

[cadaverjuices]

scandinavians in hoyoverse. gross

ugh

sampo, he/him, himeko, she/her, and welt, he/him.

below has animal harm mentions! its for a silly joke but. [also this is why it has diluc/kaeya tags]

diluc, he/him, and kaeya, he/him.

[homestuckconfession]

Im a big fan of roxy’s gender being different in each timeline. Meat!roxy being a transman is super cool, it makes total sense he would have a different journey regardless his gender than candy!roxy did. What really annoys me is how quick people are to accept that Vriska is a transgirl bcz of pesterquest, and that June is canon via word of god despite us not yet seeing candy!john develop in that direction on the page, but be so adamantly against meat!roxy’s transmascness. It feels hypocritical , if that makes sense?

.

[the-laws-of-physics-were-harmed]

Why you should read Frances Hardinge's books:

Most of them have little to no romance (I hate amatonormativity)

She is really good with words? Like idk how to explain it but the way she uses them is... idk how to describe it

A lot of her protagonists can be seen as autistic or having ADHD if you autism hard enough /hj

The book covers are always absolutely gorgeous

Some of my story Under a Golden Moon's worldbuilding originated because of Deeplight (I will not elaborate for reasons of Spoilers)

Her social media is full of things like this:

which is just. Relatable.

I occasionally make references to her books. I don't think I've made any here but there's a first time for everything :)

Her worldbuilding is so cool like seriously

The first book of hers I read was A Face Like Glass when I was about eight or so (I think?) I got it for Christmas last year, and it's somehow better than I remember?

She's definitely influenced my writing style a lot because her writing is just ridiculously good???

I think I've read most of her books, if not all

[rypnami]

tysm for all you guys who gave me the green light on infodumping tee hee!! this is a scene from a bit later in the fic, but one that i enjoyed writing immensely. i have also just missed posting about this whole au in general- i hope you like ❤️ proper au lore dumps to come!

No, it doesn’t mean anything that he finds Leander’s laugh cute, nor that he’s committed his top 5 favourite beasts to memory. And so what if he finds the fact that he’s memorised all 1001 magical herbs and fungi endearing? It is! He can’t help but politely nod along when he starts lecturing about them, even though Sebastian has all but memorised them himself. These are all perfectly normal, platonic, good friend things that everyone thinks. Seriously, who doesn’t think it’s adorable when Leander hums to his plants as he tends them?

Sebastian watches as Leander re-pots his Mallowsweet bush and trims some of the dying leaves off. He glances over, looking at the plant Sebastian is caring for. By comparison, it’s much more pitiful.

“I think your dittany could use some fertiliser,” Leander says, reaching over and feeling the soil. “If it gets too dry, it can stunt the plant’s growth, and can also weaken its restorative properties.” He digs around his own potting station and pulls out a pouch. “You can borrow some of mine!”

“Oh. Thanks.”

It’s hard not to think back on the few interactions they’d had before fifth year. He remembers just how shy Louise was. She would have been terrified to even look someone else’s direction, much less offer them help with a class.

Leander is still shy, sure, but he’s grown to be a bit more confident. Less anxious about talking to people. That, Sebastian thinks, must be due in part to him finally feeling like he belongs in his body. Like he’s himself.

[cassyapper]

hello. i was reading back on your blog a little bit and i have transman joot and noritaro thoughts and shit. so heres a dump

-joot is completely in the dark about relationships. noriaki is his first real relationship and he has no idea what hes doing

-noriaki however has dated a small amount, and has a small amount of knowledge

-what little binding jotaro does, its very unhealthy. he probably goes for days without taking off his binder

-when he finds out, noriaki immediately starts enforcing a proper schedule for his saftey

-nori has horrible circulation and will use his cold ass hands on jotaro at random points to piss him off

-they are t4t4t4t (tism 4 tism 4 trans 4 trans [noriaki being amab/nb is one of my favorite hcs ever])

-not really trans joot related, but he has to mouth words when he reads

-joot's deadname is erina!!

-noriaki has braces. jotaro Will complain about them when they kiss

thats all <3 hope this makes you happy :DDD

UGH NO THESE R SO CUTE thank u sm for sharing. there's not much for me to add rlly jsut wahh THANK U. i hadnt ever thought about jotaro's deadname before but it being erina is really interesting... also 100 percent agree with kakyoin braces and jotaro complaining about them, noritaro being t4t4t4t, kakyoin's shit circulation and his evil tendency to put his cold hands on jotaro, and jotaro mouthing words when he reads like that's so real

[gummywurm-gaming]

Little bittergiggle meme bc I love him and toadster so much

Also I found out from the wiki that bittergiggle was originally called something else and it sounded kinda feminine to me so my first thought was "canonical deadname????" And I found it so funny that that was my first thought and not "oh cool beta name for bittergiggle" that I made this

[the-kestrels-feather]

Donna Noble is out here threatening homicidal maniac aliens because they were disrespectful to her daughter, meanwhile my mom won't even change my contact in her phone to my proper name.

[thecouncilofidiots]

Ah

Nothing like being away from home and finally able to introduce yourself by your preferred name and getting used to being seen as your preferred gender/gender presentation

...

Then having your deadname exposed because your home life is merging (?) with your current life

[aita-blorbos]

Am I The Asshole for using my dad to wield a powerful sword after he deadnamed me?

So in my room is a powerful sword with the ability to poison things. It was stuck in the floor and could only be removed by its guardians.

At some point of being around it I started hearing voices that prophesied great tragedy and downfall. They foretold the only way to stop it was for me to wield the sword. They also told me that my dad, the mayor of the local town, was one of the swords guardians and could remove it.

I haven't been on speaking terms with my dad in a while, and he keeps deadnaming me and refusing to use my chosen name so I don't see the need to respect him. He barely cared about me and doesn't seem to respect my choices or listen to me ever. So I dragged him to my room and got him to pull the sword out of the ground. Then some prick came around and fought me for it.

I was losing so I stabbed myself in the leg and used the swords power to turn me into a monstrous plant to try and win the fight. I lost but afterwards my dad stuck around and got doctors to reverse the transformation. He said sorry and looked really guilty but still deadnamed me? Should I feel bad?

He thinks my chosen name is "immature" and "not like me" and that it was just the voices influence over me and I've told him to not call me my dead name multiple times