#dc text posts

[happyk44]

[ID: Jason Todd dressed as Red Hood standing in front of a wall of different guns. He is pulling on a pair of gloves. To the left of his head there is an empty, cut off speech bubble leading up to the text above the image. /End ID]

they’re canceling me for the way I deal with grief. Also for all the severed heads and the bombings and the racketeering and the

[dragonpyre]

Au where Jason is under the impression Talia told Bruce Jason was alive and just moves back to Gotham to get back to the life he missed. GED, college, part time job, etc. Runs into one of the bats at a coffee shop one day and is confused why they just fainted

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

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Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰

[bruciemilf]

Batman isn’t a mask; It’s a leash. In this essay I will—

[happyk44]

[Text ID: #jason Todd #actually how Bruce finds out Jason is alive is that. as the overprotective parent he is. stalked Jason's internet usage #as a child #when he gets an email that Jason's AO3 account updated he almost has a heart attack /end ID]

Jason as those AO3 authors who have the worst tragedies happening to them and yet still continues to pump out his new chapter every week

Some poor, unbeknownst Gothamite: “My favorite fanfic writer hasn’t posted or updated any of their fanfic in like four years. I don’t want to bug them but I’m always hoping for them to come back. I hope their okay :( ”

Jason, in between cutting off right hand mens heads and antagonize black mask, like Really Living It Up: “hey, sorry, guys! I know it’s been forever! I literally died and clawed my way back from zombiehood, but I’m back now! Hope you enjoy this new chapter!”

[bluejayscrying]

‘Brucie’ Wayne is the embodiment of ‘what do you mean? My darling son wouldn’t do that :(‘

random reporter/paparazzi: Mr Wayne! what are your thoughts on your son Jason leading gang violence?

Bruce: not so loud! my dear Jason doesn't know what a.. *whispers*..gun... is!

[everwalldigan]

Hear me out: Robin Dick would be the biggest Bruceman supporter and shipper.

This boy hates any of Bruce’s love interest with a passion because then his dad guardian spends less time with him and that’s obviously UNACCEPTABLE, SCANDALOUS even, so when rumours start circulating that Bruce Wayne is in a relationship with the Batman, he jumps right on the wagon.

Reporter, thirsty for a story: Mr Grayson what do you think about the rumours that Bruce Wayne is dating the Batman?

Dick: What do I think about my dads you mean? My very married very taken dads? My very faithful to each other plural dads?

He would fuel the rumours both as Robin and as Dick Grayson, punching criminals for talking bad about Wayne enterprises as Robin (“THAT’S MY STEPDADS COMPANY YOURE TALKING ABOUT!”). He would be on online forums all day talking about how Bruceman is the only Batman ship that makes sense and Doxxing people who disagree.

Bruce is so exasperated because this is happening at a time where only Alfred and Dick know his real identity so he can’t even do anything with ANYONE without making either Bruce Wayne or Batman look unfaithful.

Throw Reporter Clark Kent into the mix who has been sent to scope out the Bruceman story, who Bruce makes the mistake of flirting with at a gala. Both Clark AND dick are scandalised.

Dick, making a scene: HOW COULD YOU! BATMAN IS WAITING FOR YOU AT HOME AND YOURE HERE FLIRTING WITH SOME… SOME REPORTER??

Bruce, sighing: Dick-

Dick, tugging on Bruce’s suit and looking up at him with fake tears in his eyes: Dad, are you and dad getting a divorce? :(

Clark, panicking: NO NO THEYRE NOT GETTING A DIVORCE PLEASE DONT CRY

Meanwhile:

Bruce, crying in the corner: he called me dad

He would even go as far as insisting that Robin is his step sibling

Principal: how do you explain that whenever Robin is injured, Dick fails to show up at school the next day?

Dick: Robin and I are twins :) so when he’s injured I’m injured too and we have to stay home together!!

Bruce, whispering: I’m sorry, they’re not really twins but neither I or Bats have the heart to tell hem

[violent138]

On the role of Alfred, as understood by the JLA:

Robin!Dick: "It's pretty much Alfie that calls all the shots, sets my bed time and Batman's."

----

Red Hood: "It's like a Charlie's angels situation."

----

Red Robin, before going against League orders: "The boss? You mean like, Alfred? No I haven't asked him yet."

----

Spoiler: "You really want to be late for the dinner? Alfred won't be happy."

Bruce: *closes computer* "We'll finish this up some other time."

JLA: *confused*

----

Clark, after Bruce gets severely injured: "Oh God, Alfred’s going to kill me."

Hal: "Relax, what's he even going to do? You're bullet proof."

Clark, groaning and sitting down, head in hands: "That's not going to stop him."

Oliver: "Say the word, and I'll get you on an island not found on any map."

Hal: ???

[happyk44]

[Text ID: #damian wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #batfamily #Tim and Damian bonding over confusing their brothers #Dick is getting too old for this #and Jason's only like 2 years older than Tim but he missed like 3 years of slang development #Tim: if I was a Rouge I'd be Rizzler #Damian: wait let him cook #not pictured: Bruce crying in the corner because he's so confused /end ID]

I think more people need to play around with Damian's speech. Don't get me wrong, I love the antiquated Victorian child style of speech, but also he's a teenager that swears plenty in the comics. We really need more scenes like:

Damian: Father, I regret to inform you that I have been assigned in-school suspension for the next three days.

Bruce: What, why?!

Damian: My classmate Kevin was disparaging a female classmate for turning him down, so I called him 'a rizz-less, basic-ass neckbeard bitch' and said I was going to fuck his mom and give her a son she'd actually love.

Bruce: *is completely speechless*

Damian: That is all I needed to tell you. If you will excuse me, I have homework to complete before dinner and patrol.

[superbat-love]

Dick: [flaunting his Halloween costume] Ta-da! Guess what I’m supposed to be?

Cass: Fun Batman.

Jason: Batman having a midlife crisis.

Duke: Rainbow Batman?

Damian: Father with a fruit hat.

Tim: Fruity Batman.

Barbara: Batman finally being honest with himself.

Steph: Batman’s ‘Date night with Superman’ outfit.

Dick: …What? I’m supposed to be a Devil Fruit, guys! [points at his fruit stem headband]

Jason: I like my interpretation better.

Bruce: Thanks a lot, kids.

Dick: Well, what are you going to be wearing for Halloween, Bruce?

Bruce: This.

Barbara: You're going as Batman?

Bruce: No, I'm going as Bruce Wayne going as Batmaaan~~~

Tim: Omg, an even fruitier Batman.

[oh23]

[ It's Halloween, the bell rings at the Wayne Manor, Bruce Wayne goes to open the door. ]

Jason, dressed in a $5 Batman costume: trick or treat

Bruce:

Bruce: Why are you dressed like that.

Jason: Because it's my costume?? All you gotta do is go to the costume store and say make me look STUPID- [strikes a Batman pose]

Bruce, groaning: Don't stand like that!! That's not-

Jason: That's how you stand!

Bruce: That's not how I stand. I stand like-

Jason: This is exactly what you look like.

[dragonpyre]

Red Hood au where Jason has amnesia (thanks to being beaten upside the head before being blown up), but still wants to do his insane revenge plan against Batman. He has no idea why he's beefing with this random ass dude. He just knows he has unresolved daddy issues and pointed it at the most dramatic looking bitch on the East Coast

[happyk44]

[ID: First is a screenshot of tags from @/panakina reading, "We need to give him more credit for his insane ambition. He took over Gotham in like a month. He's the Elle Woods 'what like it's hard' meme"

Second is a gif of Taylor Swift from the music video of her song "22". While there is obviously no sound, she appears to be singing the word "twenty-two" while using her left hand to imitate the same number by holding up two fingers, closing them into her fist, then raising them again. /end ID]

Thinking about the newer bats (Duke, Cass, Steph, Tim) speculating on Jason's age because he looks like a recently divorced 30 y/o but he's younger than Dick, and he acts like a 50 year old man (he still has a Nokia, out of the loop on Internet and pop culture, primarily listens to dad rock), and after they've exhausted all their guesses Dick breezes in, informs them he's like 24, and then leaves.

The bats then have to come to terms with the fact that Jason NINETEEN when he took over the criminal underground.

[fanaticalthings]

next thing you're gonna tell me is that the butts match 🙄

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[bruciemilf]

Scary boyfriend privilege? No. Scary sons privilege.

Bruce who can’t go anywhere without his newly adopted ward. He follows Bruce like a sunny shadow, grin always in place.

“Dick, can I hold your hand when we cross the street?”

Dick, very sweetly, “No.”

Bruce sighs, but accepts easily. Some guy scoffs at that and asks Bruce if he’ll let his kid just talk to him like that. His kid. His heart hurts in a very good way.

He’s about to say something, but Dick interrupts him, his teeth bared full, “Weren’t you on the news for hitting an old lady with your car?”

Bruce freezing. Dick goes back to his gameboy. They hold hands when they cross the street.

It’s both scary and comforting how little he changes when he’s an adult.

Jason, on the other hand.

Although he refuses to admit it, he does follow Bruce around, too, when his dad actually has to leave the manor. It’s when Alfred says he needs sun.

“You signed a contract, sir.”

Bruce sighing, “I signed it when I was 4. In black crayon. Those don’t count.”

Damian gasped, as if discovering a vile fact, sending an accusing glare Bruce’s way. “They don’t?”

Bruce needs an excuse to haul ass fast and that’s how Jason ends up chaperoning his socially awkward, disaster of a father in his quest to pick up food.

He’s a titanic presence next to Bruce, glaring off whoever stares a little too long or too appreciatively, strong arms crossed and his eyes hard and sharp.

Bruce gently taps his bicep and he hates the way he melts. “Do you want the chicken nuggets with or without apple slices?”

“Without.”

“Jay.”

“FINE.”

Give Jason his “he asked for No pickles” moment. It has to embarrass Bruce enough to jump in traffic, thought.

Damian has his own league and none of them can really compete with it. I think, during parent’s night, he drags Bruce off to proudly showcase his gallery of portraits.

Bruce is very moved when he realizes they’re almost all him.

There’s portraits of Dick, too, and Alfred, and a comically bad one of Tim. “Damian, they’re very beautiful. Thank you.”

“I painted them with the blood of your enemies.”

“…Thank you.”

[bluejayscrying]

[A video starts, Red Robins face incredibly close to the camera as he whispers into the microphone.

Red Robin, in what we can assume is the Batcave, lying down in an army-crawl position: *whispers* okay, so i know were technically not allowed to record in the cave but- were playing cops and robbers and-

*There's a clattering noise in the distance and his head whips towards the sound*

Red Robin, sounding equally gleeful and terrified: shit shit shit, i think someones in here? i gotta go free Signal- FUCK!

*Another noise, this one louder and accompanied by the sound of boots hitting the floor in a run, a flash of red is seen in the corner of the camera*

Red Robin, scrambling to his feet, the camera is shaky, and all you can hear is his feet running and the sounds of yells: ohmygod im gonna die who the fuck made RED HOOD A COP JESUS CHRIST!

Another voice, deeper and followed by cackling: IM GONNA GET YOU! ITS FUCKING OVER REPLACEMENT! COUNT YOUR DAYS YOU SHIT!

Red Robin is full sprinting now, and he turns sharply into a ballroom (??) where Nightwing is seen next to The daytime hero Signal, both of them waving aggressively*

Red Robin, panting: SIGNAL! i'm- shit, I'm on my way!

*The sound of boots gets closer as the camera blurs fully, only audio being heard*

Red Robin, screaming: FUCK NO- NIGHTWING SAVE ME-

*The video cuts off the the frozen image of Red Robin on the floor, a Red metal-plated boot planted on their back- if you look closely you can see Signal and Nightwing in the corner, Nightwing dramatically on his knees as Signal is fake-crying*]