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#covert npd culture is
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covert npd culture is the people in your life saying “you’re not a narcissist! you’re so sweet! plus you’re nothing like my abusive dad or ex who is DEFINITELY a narcissist.” it’s so infuriating. npd doesn’t equal abusive. also i literally mask most of my symptoms, even to my therapist because of the fucking stigma around this disorder (and bc i want everyone to like me bc everyone HAS to like me)
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cluster-b-culture · 2 years
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BPD, Covert NPD, and multiple other disorders culture is holy shit what even fucking happened?????????? Fuck???
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mirroringshards · 6 months
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people say that one of the ways narcissists abuse is love bombing, but ive seen more narcissists be the victims of love bombing than the narc abuse advocates
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titan-god-helios · 3 months
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people with npd. i love us. narcissist nation RISE UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyway yeah jokey bits aside every single damn narcissist, you're awesome and i hope you're having a good day filled with supply.
yes that includes overt narcissists. yes that includes narcissists who manipulate others or take advantage of situations (AND ARE WORKING ON IT OR TRYING TO (i do not condone manipulation please don't kill me you tumblrinas with piss poor reading comprehension)). yes that includes narcissists who constantly brag about their achievements or cannot mask their symptoms. yes that includes narcissists who are easily angered. yes that includes narcissists who are the stereotype of narcissism. yes it includes quite literally every single narcissist and not only those who are covert, can mask or use their narcissism to fuel them to do good.
cause quite frankly, thats not the experience of every person with npd, or even the majority. yet all of us are people (or critters !! i see you therians and nonhumans <3) and deserve to get treated with as much respect and care and kindness as one another, no matter if you're trying to get better now or will in the future or don't know if you can, or if you're "one of the good ones" (ew i hate that phrase) or whatever.
yeah go and have a good day <333
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bpdcodone · 11 months
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You ever open up to someone and feel gross afterwards and weak?
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yuraoiking · 4 months
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i feel unvalid cuz i usually dotn act or blow out on anyone. i never expressed my rage openly even if its so overwhelmeing and so hard to hold inside. i hold everything inside and im SOO obsessed with idea of being "good" and nice to society or amy reputation will be ruinrd forever. im paranoid all the time of being exposed and cancelled and all that stuff. so im restricting myself in everything and instead destructingnmyself while feelign hatred towards anyone (and especially myself) i cant even say what i think about anyone right in their face, cuz again im so scared of being an asshole and being shamed in public, even though i hate them all and i wish i wouldnt treat anyone nicelt who didnt even deserve it
please help me out who esle feels the same .?
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the-npd-culture-is · 7 months
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Covert NPD culture is feeling like you don’t deserve positive attention, but wanting it from your FP more than anything else
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cccat-in-a-meat-sack · 7 months
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NPD culture is if I post any sort of thing like "i have NPD, of course people assume I'm going to manipulate them" on tiktok then I'm going to be doxx'd and hated and cancelled and shunned :)
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jelliibeanz · 28 days
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question for my narcs, who have you told about your diagnosis? and has your family been shitty about it?
I'm asking because I'm trying to get diagnosed but I'm worried my family being shitty about it. like "you're manipulating me right now aren't you!!" is something I'm worried about hearing.
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ndcultureis · 8 months
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possible Covert NPD culture is wanting to tell your family about how you're questioning if you have some form of NPD.
Before remembering that most if not all of them believe in narc abuse and use narcissistic as a derogatory word :')
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Covert NPD culture is I am a domesticated animal
I am hidden and remain hidden and restrict my instincts and fangs because I value (want and need) the love, affection, food, shelter, company, supply, etc that people give me because they are familiar with my domesticated presence.
Always beneath the surface is the creature that knows it is set apart from the rest, that it is capable of so much more but cannot survive without supply, so it sleeps and conserves energy…cultivating habits of safety and good manners over the years so that you are not discovered…doing its best to ignore the itch that says “be the worst you can”
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lucy-the-cat · 1 year
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Maven Calore and Mental Illness / Disability
[this was a response to @lilyharvord's ask of what diagnoses Maven has that ballooned into an over 3k thesis oops. please reblog]
Content Warning: BPD, narcissism, sociopathy/psychopathy/ASPD, brief mentions of SA, abuse, discussions of trauma and ableism
As someone preparing to study in this field, I'd say definitely a Cluster B personality disorder. They're defined by symptoms appearing in negative impacts on other people, and while the most common diagnosis is Unspecified Cluster B, I'll take a stab at it. There are four types within this cluster: Borderline, Histrionic, Narcissistic, and Anti Social. Histrionic is being reevaluated in the DSM-5, but it is the one disorder I think he shows no traits for, so that's kinda irrelevant lol
The predominant disorder he exhibits seems to be Anti Social, a condition defined by habitual lies, backstabbing, cruelty, and law breaking without remorse, especially in regards to using others to do so. There are two cluster patterns within this disorder, that of the sociopath, and that of the psychopath. These terms were created long before the diagnosis of ASPD was created, but are useful for delineating a distinction given their pop culture connotations. There are many differences, but the defining one is this: while psychopaths are born, sociopaths are made. They tend to be more impulsive, more prone to lashing out, and have a greater ability to empathize than psychopaths. And Maven is quite impulsive, from his offer to save Mare in the dungeons, to his decision to murder an infant, to taking Mare captive at the expense of his brother's capture. ASPD, like all personality disorders, is a spectrum, and while the defining diagnostic criteria are a lack of empathy and remorse, those criteria are not absolute. Those on the lower end, like sociopaths, can feel some degree of empathy and remorse, as Maven does around Mare. You'll also hear that they don't love in a neurotypical fashion, forming obsessions around their targets of affection.
It is treatable generally only if the patient has other issues that urge them to seek and accept help, which many would otherwise reject. It's not uncommon for ASPD patients to sit in therapy while refusing to talk to the professional. There is, however, a treatment called "cognitive empathy", wherein the patient is trained to manually go through the process of empathy and remorse to moderate success. This point is moot because the only treatment suggested by the narrative is very violent and traumatic, crushed before he can even emotionally process the idea, and his understandably muted reaction to "hey you could've had another lobotomy to try to turn you back into a person you no longer identify with" is held as proof that's he's completely unfixable but that's an can of ableism worms for another post
Back to diagnosis, all ASPDers also have NPD, or Narcisstic Personality Disorder, which manifests in four types: Grandiose, Covert, Vulnerable and Communal. All involve an outer shell, a persona that is better than other people, but they manifest in different ways. They are divided into introverted and extroverted presentations, with Grandiose and Communal being extroverted and Covert and Vulnerable being introverted. Grandiose is your classic narcissist: their shell is that of a god, a genius, a virtuoso that blesses the room with their presence. They are pathological liars who will boast non-existent accomplishments to disguise their (most likely) mediocrity. Maven may be a liar, but he does not boast. His lies are calculated, clever, meant to disguise instead of further delusion. Communal Narcissists express their superiority through charity, moral goodness their shield against all insecurity. Maven's charity has always been self-consciously to further his own power, a self-awareness communal narcissists by definition lack. Vulnerable Narcissists, contrary to those above, tend to not advertise their symptoms, as they originate in a belief that their pain is more meaningful, more sympathetic, more heart-wrenching than anyone else's. Mare actually expressed a lot of symptoms of this in Glass Sword, and is the monster she feared becoming through her arc. If Maven were a vulnerable narcissist, he would've lashed out at Mare for belittling his trauma instead of accepting Mare's judgement. Maven doesn't like to define himself by his trauma because it makes him feel powerless, his agency taken away by forces beyond his control. He would rather think of himself as a monster than a victim.
That leaves Covert Narcissism, defined by an introverted form of Grandiose Narcissism. They think they deserve much better than the average person, crave status and elevation, but do so quietly, simmering in their own frustration of their lack of recognition. And Maven DOES think he's better than you: he just won't say it out loud. He doesn't advertise his cold calculation, his master plans, only sharing with a select few (Mare, mostly).
The final disorder I'd like to explore is Borderline Personality Disorder, characterized by emotional instability, desperate attempts to avoid rejection and abandonment, and fierce anger at those who do them wrong, whether those slights be real or imagined. A lot of Borderlines identify with Maven, thinking of themselves as monsters for the horrible things they often do out of fear and anger. It's worth noting that fierce anger is a symptom of all Cluster B disorders, as they are deeply insecure and a threat to their outer shells is a threat to their entire being. While I think the ASPD and NPD coding is intentional, I highly doubt the BPD elements are, and most Borderlines are quite upset that Maven didn't get a redemption arc. BPD IS the most treatable of the Cluster B disorders, and I highly suggest those writing redemption arcs lean on that coding as I often do. There's a tension between Victoria's clear intent to vindicate victims of narcissistic and anti-social abuse and the judgement Borderlines see themselves facing on a daily basis. That's why I don't like how heavily Maven's condemnation relies on the horrible things he's done rather than lack of self-awareness and rejection of REASONABLE treatments for his own monsterhood and misery. Mare doesn't have to forgive him. She doesn't have to absolve him. But it's worth noting that Borderlines will do horrible, often abusive things, to the people close to them and still find treatment and redemption in support circles away from the people they've hurt and abused. Not all Borderlines are treatable: there are some who express externalized symptoms, or are have co-morbid narcissism that prevent them from internal self awareness. This is expressed somewhat in the text, but not (in my opinion) to a satisfactory degree. You kind of have to be more direct and nuanced on subjects like this, especially for a younger audience, because all people, including neurodivergents, have some nugget of internalized ableism born from the belief we have complete control over our own actions because the alternative is existentially hard to deal with. There's also a practical reason for ableism that suggests we'll never truly get rid of it in that the mind is the decision-making organ, and decisions have consequences that affect other people and society at large. We should help who can be helped, because that is a) compassionate, and b) more productive for society as a whole. But it's a waste of finite resources to argue with those who stubbornly insist there is nothing wrong with them, and that is, on some level, a form of ableism. It's not their fault their brain is wired in a way that makes them unable to reckon their ego with the need for change, but it's emotionally draining to live with such people. Moral judgement of them is a bit of a necessity to summon the emotion needed to cut them from your life. It also prevents lashing in, the self doubt and internal hatred that can come from internalizing abuse. Think of how Mare decides that she is selfish and a coward for not giving in to Maven's murderous attempts to bully her into coming back to him.
There's also two political angles to this, in that Maven's a white guy, Mare's a brown girl, and the brand can kinda be seen as an SA metaphor? Not exclusively, it's more a generalized act of severe abuse, but the coding's definitely there in that it's done for possession and control of a subject of desire. A lot of abuse and SA by white men (or just men in general) to POC women (or women in general) tends to not get justice, and the burden is often put on women to quietly deal with it or actively try to "fix" their abusers. I'm not advocating for that. I think VA's motivation for doubling down on the insistence that Maven is un-fixable stems from an opposition to this norm, which she's said in interviews she got a lot of requests for Mare to do. An admirable theme, one I found catharsis in on first reading, but it unintentionally raises a question on BPD and men.
Men are far less likely to be diagnosed with BPD, in part because the presentation tends to be different, but also because of our own biases. To paraphrase the book Stop Walking on Eggshells, if a woman discovers her partner is cheating is on her, kills the cheating parties, then herself, psychoanalysts will often conclude she had BPD. If a man does the same thing, he will often be dismissed as just an abuser, with little regard paid to his suicide afterwards. This stems from our perception of men as more violent and dangerous, which is often true, but can be disproportionately amplified, as can be seen with POC men, especially black men. There's a tendency for negative stereotypes about dominant power groups to trickle down to overlapping, but far more vulnerable groups. And mentally ill men ARE a more vulnerable group than neurotypical men, and the burden falling on women to take care of them is generally a response to their lack of resources and societal acceptance of their vulnerability. I don't think you can properly reject the idea of women having to "fix" their current or former partners without tackling the root, and it speaks to a wider contradiction that while the series understands systemic issues and dismantling them in the context of political power, it individualizes mental illness and poses the addressing thereof as philosophical and a matter of personal responsibility. This is true to some extent: the tug between genes and environment is a prominent and ultimately philosophic debate in psychology, and often introduced as early as 101 classes. And, as we've discussed, you cannot improve yourself if you abdicate agency for all your actions and resign yourself to your fate. But there's a problem with this approach, in that the brain is not often designed to handle this process without systemic structures to support it. This is why we have therapy, this is why we have medication, and the lack of this presence is a bit disappointing. Montfort is presented as a beacon, an imperfect beacon, of systemic justice and hope, and the modern-ish, though dystopian setting somewhat resolves the fantasy problem of healing often being medieval or magical. Characters are forced to deal with their trauma alone, and while this lessens throughout the series as Mare learns to open up, there's a level to which she needs a therapist to help her to properly process what she's been through. She never talks about her time as a prisoner besides what is useful to the cause, and processes Maven's misguided attempts to seek help from her as not mattering because she can't personally fix him. It is a response to protect herself that should not be dismissed, but deconstructed, as she sees the worst aspects of herself in him. It would enrich her arc to accept those parts of herself non-judgmentally without enabling them, which she does somewhat in the text without truly tackling the root of it. Maven must die, just not by her hand, because that will corrupt her beyond repair. He is unfixable because he is morally condemned, not because his ego can't handle the concept of change.
A neutral party, such as Davidson, would be the best avenue to truly offer him a chance he can either accept or reject. I don't think Cal is a great option to try to help Maven, as while, as a man, he doesn't have the political baggage of gender roles, he is still a victim of Maven's abuse and he has a tendency to split Maven into either a monster, or a brother stolen from him. This is likely a result of Maven's turn being so sudden for him, but it has an air of . . . I don't wanna say condescension, but something adjacent to it. It's an inability to truly understand Maven as a person who still exists, who could still use the comfort and validation of someone who cares enough to confront what he truly is. That's part of why he prefers Mare: she gives him agency over his actions, forces him to confront what he is, and while that is far from kind or healthy, it is a form of comfort by reinforcing the role he has chosen for himself. In a way, Mare DOES enable him by accepting his framing of himself, even as she rejects his framing of her and Cal. I would understand the objection that this requires an emotional maturity from both of them that they don't owe him, which is why I abdicate the responsibility to Davidson as a detached adult with plenty of political cause to offer Maven help in exchange for abdication.
I also REALLY don't like how the decision to execute Maven was handled. It's a mock trial where Cal is treated as having no choice but to go through with it, because otherwise he will seem weak to his allies. Maven's rejection of the offer to spare his life is treated as the final nail in the coffin of his damnation to execution, but, like . . . he had no reason to accept it? It's bad foreshadowing to Cal's emotional turmoil. Because, at the core . . . Cal doesn't HAVE to execute him. He can give him a proper trial. He can give him the option of not guilty by reason of insanity. This option can still be rejected by Maven, but like, imagine how much more emotionally powerful and resonant it would be for Cal to go, what happened to you wasn't right. I know you're a monster, but you still deserve justice and mercy. Maybe you'll still die. Maybe you can't be healed. But you deserve a chance. Because execution of the mentally ill is a real problem. There's a reason we have not guilty by reason of insanity, and if the philosophical questions raised by Maven's trauma are meant to have any meaning, this should at least be a moral quandary. There are political reasons to execute Maven: it might be a necessity for securing Cal's reign, but that has nothing to do with his crimes or whether he deserved it. Maven can be offered abdication of all claims in exchange for a fair trial after he is captured, which he can still reject out of a pride but would be an offer that makes sense and show Cal had done all he could. Without this rejection, there's no reason Montfort shouldn't execute Cal, Evangeline, and Ptolemus on the same political basis. I know this was likely done because grief for the misconception you often have of your abuser can be hard to face, but in doing so, the narrative makes Maven's execution all about Cal, and I think that could've be handled with more grace and nuance.
There's also the newblood whisper thing, where Cal is treated by Mare and Julian as naive for trying at all, rather than naive for looking for a quick fix solution. Any treatment is going to take a long time, with incremental improvement, and is going to involve Maven's consent and cooperation, which you will never get if you start mentioning the word "whisper." Maven will not be able to be released to the general public, and likely will not for a long time, but that should be evaluated as a cost benefit analysis of dubious morality rather than an impossibility.
Looping back to Borderline Personality Disorder, I would still characterize him as having Borderline traits rather than a pure expression of the disorder. The main reason is the lack of splitting, a categorization of people as devils and angels with no in between. Borderlines in general have a hard time with moderation, which makes them difficult to please even with narratives that sympathize with them. This is not absolute, as many are in therapy and working on this symptom, but it would be dishonest not to include. It's also part of the reason I don't entirely trust this fandom to handle this discussion with maturity. Two examples: a) a user once proclaimed Maven as bad bi representation because he was "bat-shit crazy", which is not . . . tasteful and is pretty ableist on the face of it, but it's the kind of ableism that's understandable and would likely be resolved with a thirty minute patient conversation. Maven stans did not take this route, calling OP neurotypical when they weren't, and generally being very hateful towards a minor about their opinion on a fictional character. A lot of neurodivergent folks will performatively distance themselves from less stable and more volatile members of their community in an attempt to protect themselves from being characterized in a similar way. It's also worth noting that OP's neurodivergence was a mood disorder, which may have contributed to the extreme nature of the post and thus should have given those concerned with ableism a reason to extend understanding and forgiveness. b) A year or so ago VA was bombarded with asks declaring Maven's death ableist and problematic for VERY shaky reasons, including one user who insisted it promoted stigma against schizophrenia, which, uh, no. Just no. I'm not dignifying that with an explanation. VA responded to these accusations by simultaneously claiming that she wrote Maven the way she did to represent how there are people we can't save, but that she doesn't think he's un-savable actually what are you talking about. I abruptly stabbed myself in the chest forty two times and died.
Anyway, this was supposed to half an essay and turned into a thesis oops
Tl;DR: Maven is ASPD, specifically a sociopath, NPD, specifically a Covert Narcissist, and has BPD tendencies. I had a long ramble about how this is handled in the narrative that I will not summarize because condensing it leaves me open to misinterpretation. Do not, under any circumstance, spam this at VA. If you do, I will skin you, sell your organs on the black market, turn your hair into a wig and cackle on a mountaintop covered in blood. Have a nice day, and please reblog!
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mirroringshards · 7 months
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i had a dream last night that there was a video called "every type of narcissist IN ORDER" and there were 136 different types of narcissists
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bpdcodone · 5 months
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I hate when people act like there better than me like no your not. Sit the fuck down
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Cluster B culture is "Oh, this npd post is really relatable! I don't have npd, though. What do you mean it comes in overt and covert? What do you mean I meet most of the covert criteria??" And now you don't know who you are anymore.
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syscultureis · 10 months
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plural npd(covert) culture is feeling like the absolute biggest mistake in the universe AND being a negative emotion holder and just constantly feeling miserable :( i hate constantly feeling like shit but i guess it's my role. it's worse given i'm the "original host" and junk and i have severe rsd and just
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-💗🎭 (🌌)
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I'm sorry, that sounds awful. Hopefully you guys are able to heal enough that you don't have to always feel like shit
-Tweek
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