#could be either really but ya know
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Super late, I had this sketch since the end of Secret Life but I didn’t get the motivation to finish it til now, enjoy
#scribble bois#scarian#hermitshipping#trafficblr#trafficshipping#secret life#secret life grian#secret life scar#life series#desert duo#could be either really but ya know#my bestie hasn’t finished yet so no speaking of the winner from me#but ykyk#grian fanart#gtws fanart
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I think there's some irony to the witcher books that while Ciri is the main character - it is all about her - the only reason the books etc have had the success they do is because it's from a man's perspective. If the books were from Yennefer's pov they definitely wouldn't have had the reach they do, and if they were wholly from Ciri's pov I doubt they'd be much more than a beloved but overlooked ya fantasy. I adore the Tamora Pierce books - Ciri's story isn't too far from Alanna's and yet there's not the same audience/ reach for Tamora Pierce.
#they speak#the witcher#the witcher books#im aware that the books had an english translation before the games but the games really made the books the phenomenon that they are#im not saying either that the books would have been better if they were from ciris pov#and that tp's books are ya not adult so ofc there's not the same reach - but most of the characters are adults for most of the books#they could have very easily been for an adult audience but would they have been published?#yes im aware that ciri does have a good chunk of pov in boe and tos is basically her book - but i think that reinforces the point#she gets half the first whole book and only gets her own book when there was an established audience#and yes im aware that tp has big reach but not nearly the same as the witcher#tp is big in the us yes but id never heard of her until one of my friends introduced me and let me read her copies from the us#and i was a huge reader as a kid - she just doesn't have the same international audience#i can't get her books from my local bookshops without ordering them - i know ive tried
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i don't think i'm going to be taking commissions anymore.
#i've thought this for a long while but i keep getting trapped in the cycle of being desperate for money and then overloading myself#i don't really find much enjoyment out of doing commissioned art anymore#90% of the time it just ends up being stressful and i either can't deliver + have to refund or it takes me a super super long time#i just don't want to do it anymore. i'd rather create art for myself whenever i feel like i am inspired to ya know?#of course this could always change but as of right now this is how i feel#personal
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ill just be minding my business and then remember how fucked the experience i had with cps was and just how fucked cps is in general and actively harms the children its supposed to be there to help and get so mad i dig a hole into my skin with my nails so deep it starts drawing blood
#again. if you want the lore on why i fucking hate social workers so much. there ya go.#it makes me wanna fucking throw up everytime i see people felate social workers like theyre any better than cops.#not to be a broken record or anything but truly. the only fucking thing i had a lot of the time when i was like 14 was my stupid littl#e dc hardcore mix cd and i think digging that up and revisiting it has really brought up a lot of hard emotions and memories for me#ptsd fucking sucks so bad and it sucks so bad that ive made no progress since then either#i dont know. i dont know yall.#''you have to process your trauma'' ok well thats too hard and id rather die so. guess im too weak then and im not cut out for it#this is fucking stupid anyways.#too many feelings with nowhere to put them and no idea where to even start#thats not even considering what i currently haveto deal with in the present#um i give up and i was a fucking moron for ever believing life could be better#i dont have any profound conclusion. i was just fucking stupid for ever thinking i could be happy. lol.
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Great googley moogley it’s all going to shit! Every day becomes exponentially more terrifying!
And all perfectly timed to just right at the start of what’s supposed to be my adult life where I get my shit together and be useful and productive!
#we’re cooked#we’re doomed#idk the end is nigh or whatever god damn#I just wanna be able to live in my own house and draw a guy sometimes without the ever present threat of the horrors is that too much#apparently yeah cause houses aren’t achievable anymore but man#m a n#especially if you didn’t/couldn’t go to college and aren’t capable of working most jobs#doesn’t help there’s the chance some part of my existence might be suddenly illegal or extremely dangerous yippie!#the options are literally 1. people die 2. people die what the hell do you even do man#how the fuck is this the election I’m gonna get forced to be a part of we’re living in hell#and nobody around me believes it’ll get bad yay great oh so wonderful#I can’t wait to lose rights and cause millions of deaths regardless of who gets chosen#I think one of these days I’m literally just gonna die of stress#it’ll either be a stroke or a heart attack or cancer or uh well ya know#we’re fucked#we’re screwed#I wanna have some kind of an actually visible break down but ive suppressed everything so much that I don’t outwardly emote much anymore :)#and the constantly dissociating thing too I guess#if you ever think ‘oh yeah I can just think of guy in a situation that’s so cool’ don’t it’s a trap—#although tbh this would be significantly worse without it so uh law of equivalent exchange I guess#fuck fuck fuck anyway#not putting this in the main tags#definitely deleting this later#if anyone in my house got any hints that I may or may not have different opinions than them well uh I’m financially dependent on them so um#literally wouldn’t have anywhere to go if anything happened#oh we’re really in it now Simon#hell world#there’s like what 7 genocides going on too I hate everything I hate everything I hate everything#I can’t do anything to help anyone either cause I don’t have a job and I could get kicked out or treated badly at home for it#not that anyone thinks very highly of me at home anyway I am kinda family disappointment number 2 I pretty sure
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I mean this in the nicest way possible: I wish I was a better friend.
#delete later#I know I’m not a good friend#but i think it’s trauma related#and I know that’s not an excuse#but a reason#and I’m just… also tired of people leaving me#I don’t strike up conversations anymore cause I was the friend who always did so#I was always the one making the effort to be in other peoples lives#and it sucks. ya know.#and sometimes I say dumb things that then like….. makes people not want to be around me I fear#and like…. yeah…. that’s part of life#but I’m just so tired of being alone#I want friends. I want people to send post cards and letters too#and I wanna hang out with people#and I want them to tell me things I want them to tell me how they are feeling#like. online friends are great!!#don’t get me wrong!!#but I know I’m not a great online friend either.#and when I try to be I fear I come off as flirting. like sometimes I am. don’t get me wrong#but I wish I could just… go to a friends house and sit with them and hold their hand when they are having a bad day and have the same done#for me!!!#I am always giving…. I am always giving parts of myself to people who don’t give themselves back#I still know my ex-best friends favorite color but I doubt she knows what mine was when we where friends#if you read this far just…. ignore it oof.#it’s just a rant#sometimes I rant in a tumblr post cause reading rants back in old journals is. bad. for my mental health#my adhd just picks the emotions right back up and then I go through it again. so it’s best to tumblr rant#I’ve also been having complicated gender emotions again#I don’t hate the idea of being a woman/girl as much as I used to. and it’s throwing me off a bit#I mean it’s right on time really… I have a gender crisis almost every four years…
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Was Anyone But You a good Much Ado About Nothing adaptation? No, not at all, but fuck it was fun!
#y’all know I have many thoughts about this play and these characters#but even though the movie didn’t completely live up to my expectations as an adaptation#I still really enjoyed it!#and I really despise all those people making posts about how sydney sweeney can’t act#idk it seems a little rude#my main problem is how they messed up the benedick and beatrice characterization and dynamic#I love that they played up the ex lovers thing (which is left up to interpretation in the play)#and i love love queer Hero and Claudio!!!#but their hatred of each other didn’t really pack the same punch as in the original#I suppose I wish they weren’t afraid to make the characters bigger assholes?#ya know- give them more flaws?#because right now the enemies part doesn’t really feel believable for big parts of the movie#They really could have leaned more into making Bea a bit of a cold and snappy mess (as she is in the original)#and Ben more of…ya know…actual human disaster who can’t commit#both of their characters in the play are driven by their desire never to marry and their distrust for the opposite sex#They included this a bit with Bea (her not believing in true love and all that)#but her break up with Jonathan (because he was too nice???) didn’t really convince me of it#They also keep insisting that Ben is a fuckboy but we never really see it demonstrated?#I personally don’t mind the fact that they changed up the whole ‘convincing them that the other secretly loves them’ bit#especially considering this is only loosely based on much ado#but I do think they made it a bit messy considering they included the gulling scenes but only as a joke#I wish they’d either leaned fully into the much ado plot or ditched it#I think what a lot of adaptations get wrong is that they’re either too afraid of leaning into their og media#or too afraid of seperating themselves from the og media#oh god I’ve reached the tag limit help#anyways- rant over#anyone but you#maria talks about things#much ado about nothing#beatrice x benedick
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#personal#i think that like... the dam's broken. for lack of a better term#or i guess the ice ???? idk man#either way. been messaging back n forth with him like crazy for the past few days#i just decided that like.... whatever. if i feel like saying something i should just say it to him !!!#and i think me being open has led to him being open....#god its so hard when both ppl only really talk when they have something to say JFJDJDJDJDJDJDJDJJD#like... i cant even make up a reason to talk to him. i cant pretend to be dumb n not understand anything. he'll know its bullshit NDJDJDJDN#n e way...... defs met my match here lmao. but really its been so nice just being able to talk to him when i want. bc waiting until being i#person was getting so !!@@@ long !!! like god. i didnt know i could miss someone so bad...... its so !!@@@@@@#gah !!!!!!!!!!!!#n e way. things are goin in the right direction#and hahaha !!!!!!@ i have a game plan to make sure we stay in touch too !!!!! me n one of my other friends promised to keep in touch with#each other and i was like oh should we invite everyone else. and she was like oh !! maybe ____ so i was like !!!!!!!!#so true !!!!!!!!!!@#gosh im so excited i really like them both so much we're all similar temperaments so ya..... ive wanted to make sure i keep them JFJFJFJD#n e way. we still havent asked him but hopefully he says yes !!!! bc he always sits behind us n im just like !!!! ik you wanna sit with us#so just sit beside us istg !!!! but ah ... i think hes shy#god hes so cute#and shes like not competition btw. like..... she has a bf. she knows i like this guy now (i spilled. i couldnt hold it in 💀💀💀). and ya !!#hopefully exciting things coming!!!
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I think someone put the brain of a mouse or maybe a squirrel inside my head at some point because all winter I was like “I crave nuts and seeds” and now that it’s getting warmer and brighter out my brain keeps going “it’s fruit time”
Like, modern transportation has made it possible to move many fruits all over the world (in theory) all the time! But the primal early plesiadapiform part of my brain is like “you must eat what is available this season”
#I was going to go with euarchonta or plesiadapiform brain but I think the early members of both of those groups were from a tropical#ecosystem. if I’m wrong though and either are from more seasonal environments I could change what I used#actually. wait. plesiadapis is from the late Paleocene. yes. but tropical plants have reproductive cycles too#do they generally vary by season or are they just doing it all at their own pace by species#I am from a very cold seasonal climate that gets hot af in summer but is pretty cold for a good five-ish months#not all equally cold#it’s bad for our environment if it doesn’t get cold as balls for a bit every winter#and we didn’t really get that this winter. but that’s not my point!#I mean to say I can’t remember how it works in tropical environments#if the plants just time their reproduction whenever in the year or if there are seasons for most plants at the same time#does that make sense? I’m using the primate-like-mammal. if it’s wrong then whatever#fuck it we ball#maybe I should have gone with a group further back in time but I couldn’t find climate info easily about things that far back and fuzzier#i am not the most familiar with primate evolution. especially early evolution of the group. I’m open to learning more#i just tend to fixate on certain other things like early mammals and horse and cat evolution#paleontology#emma posts#I like juice all year though#one day I want to try many varieties of fruits that I cannot access easily where I live because they can’t be shipped here#or they just aren’t as popular a variety on an industrial scale#maybe one day i will have a big greenhouse and i will be able to grow the banana varieties I want to try#I can see why some plant varieties aren’t grown on a large scale. some of these bitches are SUPPOSED to be able to grow in zone four but#they refuse to work with me! blueberries make sense. the soil here is nowhere near acidic enough and they would need to be in a pot or#whatever. ya know? but some plants just won’t! or I get them and then the weather here which would NORMALLY work is different that season
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I really hate politics, man...
#I wish my mom would answer me as to why she likes Trump?#Seriously every time I bring up what he'll do... like what he do to LGBTQIA+ people after we were at PRIDE CELEBRATION!!!#She dismisses me and basically said: I've been around longer to understand politics#REALLY!? I'm half your age and I understand enough to know#You won't even tell me why you don't like Biden#I don't like either but one of them won't ya know... make it insufferable to exist#What if I do get that top surgery that you'd be okay with? Well if you bite for carrot guy that might be difficult!#I wanna keep pestering as to why but clearly she doesn't know either#I don't wanna live here with her but hey what can I do#vote not bite I mean#I wish I could leave and quietly disown her BUT I CAN'T!#My anxiety...#el speaks
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Christians will see a group of stressed college students and ask if anyone else is gonna make their stress worse and not wait for an answer
#Bro people are studying for finals and you're yelling about fuckin hell and repentance#like they really do target people in their most vulnerable state#one dude chased people down and asked if he could pray over them#if a fairly large man ran at me Id think 'please let this man kill me before I have to take this statistics final' not 'Pray for me'#also I find it funny they're like 'Jesus can heal you' like buddy I started using the cane while I was still a christian ya boy ain't shit#I use a cane walker and wheelchair depending on the occasion#And they either avoid me like the plague or rush to see who can trigger my religious trauma first#I had to walk directly next to the yelling dude to get to my car and the running dude ran past me this time#But he did start yelling about healing when he wasn't before so who knows#A college campus during finals is a pvp zone there is no holy protection here#also I taught my therapist about Kellogg's origins and he is horrified yet amused#ex christian#religious trauma
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do we think this means one week or two weeks? like. week of jan 8th and also week of jan 15th or is it jan 8th — jan 15th
#ya girl is spiraling :-)#also considering sending an email just to restate my interest and open a line of dialogue should they have any q’s regarding my application#like the way i’m much older than probably most applicants and also the huge gap in my resume#and would hate to just be passive about it#like just let it pass by without giving myself every chance#but don’t know if that would be super weird#surely it can’t hurt right? like they either don’t want me#do want me or were a little concerned#so i figure sending an email and being proactive can’t negatively sway it#like if they do want me this won’t look bad and if they don’t this won’t change that but if they were unsure this could swing it my way#i really could use this win#it’s not even about actually getting the position#which i’m desperate for#i just need the win of at least getting an interview#anyways. life is great everything is great definitely did not cry at the doctor’s office for literally no reason yesterday#personal
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I don't have the time nor money to start an etsy (or something similar) shop just yet. And idk if anyone would buy either. So that doubly sucks
#the cake doth speak#i should ask my cousin if she still has hers open and if i can design things and if they buy my designs i get the pay#gosh. i just want MONEY#im so close to making a d○n○ post either here or someplace where those are commonly posted#and i REALLY dont wanna make a d○n○ post#last time i needed money and said i needed donations no one really did them. which like. yeah i can understand. everyone here is broke#but it still made me a lil upset#ahh#what do i know then#hey yall if ya dont mind could i make a don○ post?
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Every now and then I replay the first episode of VLD and I wonder why I thought it be a good show lol
#mostly just the part where Allura is assigning pilots to lions#why lol. the first five people who show up are just perfect fits?? hate it lol#i have no au plot ideas but itd have made more sense to draw out the forming of voltron. like for a longer time. like its the s1 finale#and to be traveling looking for appropriate pilots#or the s2 finale? like what if the original gang somehow stayed in contact despite not being Voltron paladins and they proved being the best#team despite not piloting immediately. i feel like a stronger plot of their forming teamwork outside of being Voltron would have also made#their friendships seem more real too lmao#like what if Lance IS Blue's pilot bit hes the only one for a long time. the other lions couldn't actually *just be* located#*but. not bit. and what if Pidge runs off in a stolen vessel to find her dad and brother. what if Shiro isnt.. so flat as a character and is#desperate to find his old team and runs off with them to help out and free others#Keith could somehow get involved with The Blades a lot sooner#and Hunk finds his footing as a leader in rebellion organization. i hate that he was just the funny guy allll the way thru#also (still not a plot bc my brain is unorganized lol) Allura doesnt die. Shiro actually gets to be gay with a husband. and we either need#to not make Lotor a villain or just go all out on making him the worst. i personally dont want him to be a villain bc it was stupid lol#also PULEEEAASE Lance is bi. Lance “I'm just getting a feel for the stick” *obsessed with his rival who doesnt even know he exists* McClain#i want to see him get over his crush on Allura within like 6 episodes and then see him making out with the mermaids then Keith when everyone#starts reuniting lol. my bicon Lance deserves to kiss mermaids like we all do and then get on when the otp lol#now im nostalgic for s1 VLD vibes. ya know. before hell lol#it really just gets worse after ... s3? everyone feels different. i usually tolerate up to about the end of s3 before i feel like its donezo#aunt posting#vld#voltron: legendary defender
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I'm so fucking excited to get all this outstanding work done, and for tax season to fuck off. I cannot wait to have more time to play games with pals, go out with friends whom I haven't seen in a few months....go to some random meetups to meet new ppl and create new connections (and perhaps snag me a new person wink wonk LMAO).
And just...have more time to live. To stop feeling as lonely as I am feeling rn. CAUSE HOO BOY, it's been hitting me hard. And I can't do too much about it CAUSE of the deadlines I need to meet!
#I have learned my lesson: no more zines. or rather. no more modding zines#as much as I love you grizz zine. the amount of work you have placed on my shoulders is too much. heck. the other mods have it worse#I dont enjoy doing overtime and coming home to work on the art for the zine that I really should have had help with :')#27 spots...thats way too much for me at least. my hands are struggling and I am getting flare ups again. and I am not including the notes#I legit havent drawn anything for me in months because of this and I just wanna draw abby n pilos cuddling!!!!!! LMAO#and I so badly want to reach out to ppl to play games with and I cant cause Im either WORKING or WORKING#I really want to stream games again too.....I REALLY want to play 999 with someone :'))))))))))) would be a fun game to share......#and the cube escape game too#AUGH I HATE BEING SO BUSY AND ALONE SOMETIMES LMAO. IDM being single but this is an instance where a partner would be nice to have to blab#but ye I am so excited for may. most things will be done and work will still be rough but more manageable!#so ye. IM so sorry if you read all this I just like talking. and I dont really have anyone to talk to rn except myself XD#(ye ye I could reach out to ppl but hm. well I am tbh LOL. but ya know. busy. haha)#also typing has been really painful lately. the only reason why these tags are ending is cause my hands are numb from typing. :')))))))))))#ok goodnight
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slightly wanna change my layout at some point, but i don’t know what to 🤔
#kinda go for a 911 theme but i could probably do with catching up first#also i’d have to decide who to have as my icon and it’s so tough!!#i’m leaning towards buck but also eddie! but also maddie! but also! and so on for like every character imao#idk i need to work out a cute layout watch this space#but like if anyone can send me ideas#like specifically s1/2 buck or s2 eddie maybe?#bc i can’t really go digging for myself#or i’ll wait until i catch up either way 🤷🏻♀️#idk i’m just getting bored of looking at this one#like it’s cute but i’ve seen it too many times ya know?#i need a change!#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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