#college is stressful and life sucks
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
how do I stop feeling so guilty for taking the time my body needs to rest. how do I stop blaming myself for my limitations. why do I struggle so much with the little things? I’ve spent all day in bed for a week now, skipping classes and neglecting chores. the only thing that gets me up is feeding my cats. if it weren’t for them, I don’t know how I’d manage.
#just venting pls ignore#college is stressful and life sucks#I’m broker than broke and fafsa wants their money back cause my bastard history teacher dropped me halfway through last semester
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I HAVE 2 FINAL ORAL EXAMS and I am fucking done with my masters!!!!!! (??????)
And I booked them on the same day, tuesday 🤡
One at 9am, second at 10:30
I think I might die actually
#studying#exams#stress#studyblr#study tips#univesity#college#study inspiration#self esteem#fuck finals#i hate finals#final season#finals suck#finals#finals season#examination#exam season#exam stress#stress studyblr#study#study hard#student life#student#study aesthetic#study blog#study inspo#study motivation#study notes#studyspo#self help
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
yeah, if you're really friends then a confession won't change anything whateverrr but. what if it does.
#it's past nine o'clock don't take any of this seriously#i'm not. relationship material i know that in my heart. though i've been accidentally ghosting people less and less with the reintroduction#of my meds and shit. i don't think anybody would ever actually want to kiss and love and hold me without expectation#it doesn't help that they don't live in my country and that isn't an option ANYWAY 😔 like. who gives a shit even at this point#my last (and only) relationship objectively sucked because we were the most 14 14y/os on the planet and i'm still#emotionally and socially stunted#and educationally too. yes am i starting college BUT i'll be a year late. and fucking stressed about it#i'm not. relationship material and YOU DON'T WANT ME and even if you did we're so far away that it doesn't FUCKING MATTER#and it's only ever really been you. it's only been you. for six years of my fucking life it's been you and i'm. not that good to you#even though i want you so bad it literally makes me stupid#vent#delete later#for the love of fuck delete later#just autistic greyromantic things 🤪
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
goodnight sweet baby :( <3
#I’m having a bad night :/#which is pretty par for the course at this point lol#but I just feel awful#my stomach hurts so bad (I consumed far too much dairy today so that’s on me)#and I’m stressing about going back to school#because I don’t want to do math#I can’t do math#even basic math#why do I need to take math to get a broadcasting/public relations/advertising degree 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲#college is a scam I don’t wanna go back ugh#but I want a job I have a passion for yk :/#life just sucks rn lmao I just want a break but I know I won’t get one#struggling with regret wbk wbk 🥲#on a brighter note I fought for my life to get oogie boogie bash tickets and SUCCEEDED#I waited 7 hours and experienced crazy glitches but I did ittttt#but yeah anyway I feel like shit I hope josh is having a good night tho <3
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Every day I tell myself "all I have to do is make it through today" and I'm realizing that I don't know how I feel about the fact that I feel like I have to tell myself that every single day.
#a lot of times it's because I hate my job and I'm miserable#I literally cried in the car on the way home today because I got so stressed during my shift#never work at a movie theater kids it's awful#I wish I didn't#I wish I could have a real job because I fucking went to college I got my fucking dgree#and yet this was the best I could do because I've never had a job in my life so no one would give me the time of day#I feel humiliated every single day I walk into the building#I feel like such a failure and an embarrassment#and that's not to say everyone who works at the theatre ahould feel that way that's now what I'm saying#but that's how I personally feel about myself and the situation that I am in#and we're entering the busiest week of the year so it sucks even more than usual#but also I'm just so tired from this year it's been a really bad one for me and my family#just abysmal in every way#so I have to remind myself I have to make it through the day every day right now#but you know what it's fine I have a chapter done and ready to go on Christmas and it's been almlst 4 years in the making#so in that case I have a present for some of you and I'm really excited about it#it's gonna be a sad Christmas for us because everyone in my family is broke but I hope you guys all have a better holiday than I will#and as someone who adores Christmas like it's my favorite day of the year type adore I'm just really down in the dumps right now#just feeling very sad#but anyway sorry rant over I have to go to bed#I don't get saturday's off and those are my lingest shifts so 🙃#I get christmas eve and christmas ofd tough 😊#but not the day after 🙃#anyway bedtime for me sorry to rant guys#abby's self deprecation hour#abby after dark
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#im 18 but i don't feel 18 . like ik it was really stupid of me but i assumed that like. i'd feel like an adult and i don't#and it sucks bc i don't want to be like . a child but i feel like one but im NOT one and it's like everyone is older and has their life tog#ther and then theres just me. :)#and even the kids my age have like a plan and their lives together and its like man wow ok then#and idk. it's just stressful ig. like i completely burnt myself out by the endof senior year and was having frequent anxiety attacks and wa#working so so hard and managed to do at least kind of well!! and now im just. lol. like idk what im gonna do with my life and im going to m#community college and im still with my parents and i dont even know if i want to go into pharmacy like i planned for literally my entire hi#h school career and i don't have a job and i screwed up the volunteer thing i was doing a few months ago so all that networking is fucked u#and like im so so ready for it to be 5 years from now where i hopefully have my life together i want to just skip ahead but i CANTTTT and#it's literally the worst thing in the world i freak out every time i thinkabout my future in any level of specificity . like . anyway
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me looking at people losing their shit at my art and my reaction being "WHAT IS BRO TALKING ABOUT🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️"
#not to shit on the parade but like tf you guys on about that shit sucks ass#i barely draw and you can fuckijg tell#for an art student i dont actually do it enough lol#im sitting here looking at people three years younger than me put out actual passionate shit because they took the time to actually care#makes me feel wasteful almost#this is likely the depression talking but im just not feeling good. my art just feels so damn uninspired and dull#works been stressful and busy. i can't even go to college. ive had to move out of my house and dont get me started on my personal life#generally shit feels so fucked the now and it feels like i cant get a fucking break#again this is likely me just being emotional but im just dealing with alot the now and its getting to me#sorry for the ramble#vent#tw vent#cw vent#random rambles#delete later
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i just want my f/os to wrap me up and give me a hug and tell me everything's gonna be okay. is that so much to ask ;_;
#vent tag#hi things are ✨not great✨ currently#I cannot handle this stress from college rn I just fucking can’t#and on top of all that I’m getting fucked over in other ways from the ppl around me and it’s just like…ffs can you not?#can you not add to the immense amount of stress I’m already under right now??#I’m getting majorly screwed by some of my professors rn and you have to make my life even harder??? for real???#so uh anyway fuck everyone bc everyone sucks and is extremely incompetent actually.#this turned into a full on rant in the tags but idgaf. if someone has a problem with it they can go fuck themselves.#I’m not in the mood to play nice or play games with anyone and this is my blog and I can do whatever I damn well please#god my f/os are like the only thing keeping me afloat rn. everything sucks ass#and I know I should be sleeping but I have a stress headache and I’m just… ugh
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm going to delete this later but i need to just. yell.
#delete later#vent in tags#anyway uhhhhh any time i even so much as think in the direction of college i start crying so thats a good sign /s#given that i. almost never cry :)#i am. terrified. in the optimal world i'd just drop out and live under my bed or something because my issues are. frankly overwhelming#at this point. i can barely sleep properly despite trying to keep a proper schedule (i woke up at THREE this morning.)#im constantly flipping between being almost suicidally depressed and feeling nothing at all and it's terrible. i don't have any real#desire to hurt myself and most of my intrusive thoughts go the way of 'you should break stuff/hurt others/etc' but man#sometimes i have to step away from stuff just because i see a knife or a fork and wonder what i can do with it.#college makes me terrified and i know my parents fucking suck because otherwise they'd care a little more about the fact#that i can barely do anything or function but nah. all they want is the perfect little child. and now i'm paralyzed#i don't trust my ability to work because of my exhaustion and i know once i go to uni i can't count on any support from my parents#whatsoever so i'm just... stuck. uni's meant to be less grueling in terms of hours than HS but...#stacking work and school sounds like fucking HELL but i don't have the money or support to NOT work...#so all i can do is stress and stress and stress and stress and struggle to even start my essay and feel everything slipping away#because god? do i even remember half of the days i live through anymore? do i even care about the work i'm doing?#no. i'm dogshit at programming to the point where i've been stuck for a month. i can barely do work without spacing out or ignoring class#entirely just to talk to my brother because at least THERE's a little joy in my life. everything else feels so bleak and pointless#i can't do anything meaningful with this godawful life of mine. but all i can do is keep muddling through. because nothing scares me more#than the idea of dying. so that's off the table. so i'll just keep stressing and crying and wondering if it's even worth it.#ugh... if anyone actually read all this just pretend you didn't...
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yall life is so CRAZYY, I’m going back to school this summer lmaooo
#speech is not my field after all 🥲#deep down I always knew I was never gonna apply to grad school#I knew it in my heart#like I could still apply but I don’t think I would be motivated enough to go through with it#it would be a disservice to me and to the kids I would help#rn I am so stressed with trying my very best to be at least a decent therapist for them but I know I suck#I’m new and I’m struggling a lot#eventually I know I will get better but it’s gonna be an uphill battle#but I don’t think I could do this for the rest of my life#I’m not passionate enough#currently having a mid life crises but not really bc I know what I’m gonna do now :)#I’m finally doing what I’ve been thinking about for years !! since I was in college#but it was always some fleeting thought that i would never actually get to do#but it was always interesting to me#and I know it will be hard but im willing to do it bc it’s genuinely something I want to do#yall I hope everything goes alright cuz it’s gonna be a whole ass new journey#late night rambles
0 notes
Text
.
#gods#im .. in trouble this semester#which sucks bc i was doing so much better last semester#i stopped going to therapy!!#which i think i knew at the time was a Problem#but my therapist suggested it and i didn't want to but i couldn't come up with a better reason than im worried ill nosedive next semester#to be fair to me while i was feeling so much better i knew i wasnt .. stable i guess?#in her defense i can't tell anyone the whole truth even if my life was on the line#and by cant i mean some combination of wont dont want to and its instinctive#but the problem is im failing one of my classes and im at least a little bit suicidal and i havent told anyone really and gods i feel lonely#(and by a little bit suicidal i mean thinking of ways to kill myself 2 days ago. im feeling better now but i don't trust it)#(by feeling better i mean im not Actively thinking of methods but it definitely crosses my mind as a Possibility)#(although i guess its a bit less i want to die and a bit more i want someone to find me before i die and help me)#so anyways this semester might be replacing 10th grade as the worst year of my life#im just.. so tired#i don't want to keep living like this#and im sucking it up and making myself do better but i Hate this#and ive got to think about summer plans bc i don't want to go back to my parents house but i also Really want to bc i can see my brother and#maybe i can see my friends(?) and maybe if i tell my parents everything that's been going on theyll take care of me?#but i Really want to stay here bc i always regret going home and bc ive gotten used to living on my own and i really like all the freedom it#gives me?? but i need to get an internship or a job or something if i want to stay here but its So Late and now that im thinking about it im#worried that ill be so isolated here that ill feel worse? but if i get a therapist here then maybe itll be okay??#i don't know#and im almost done with my junior year and i don't know what i want to do with my future and#i just never thought id get this far yknow? i honestly thought i wasnt going to make it to 18 or college and now im almost 21 and so close#to graduating?? and i don't know how to face the rest of my life#im just tired and stressed and depressed#i just want a hug and a friend that i can tell everything to#ne ways im just tired and whiny and i need to suck it up and get groceries and do my hw
0 notes
Text
does anyone else feel like they’ve never been not stressed out??
like idk…I’ve been chronically stressed since I became conscious. I grew up in an incredibly stressful environment. ever since I moved out I’ve been stressed about school or work or housing or just finding food . There is always something. I’ve never had a break from stress that lasted longer than a day or two. does anyone else relate? what am I supposed to do about this
#not to trauma dump [voice of a guy who’s abt to trauma dump in the tags] but#growing up under incredible stress has probably fucked me up forever so idk what to do anymore#constant screaming/fighting and like not a lot but sometimes domestic violence#also like. being incredibly poor. and living in a hoarder house#animal hoarding#being incredibly medically and emotionally and otherwiseneglected#alongside neglected animals. dealing with unresolved flea infestations#forcibly enrolled into advanced academic stuff and unable to drop out even when my mental health could not take it#like it literally took an emergency room visit to convince my mom to let me drop out and even then I had to spend months playing catch up b#something they don’t tell you about trying to kys and going to a ward is most of your teachers won’t excuse ur missing work or care at all#also got outed to my mom by the mental hospital#sorry to trauma dump I just idk. my life sucks lol and no therapist I’ve ever gone to has actually cared or listened to everything I’ve bee#thruough#oh and I got groomed. awesomesauce#then graduated hs during 2020 right at the beginning of the pandemic 💔#a couple years go by bc I’m too busy with my coworkers raging psychological warfare on me lol and my ex roommate trying to kick us out#then just starting college while working thank god I was able to move out and my mom moved back to Kentucky#but now I am just starving and I no longer have food stamps and idk I just 💔 working and going to college is so hard and I’m not even full#time if either rn#but I also fell out with literally my only close friend recently so yea.#life just feels like one big test that I keep failing over and over again#like idk how am I supposed to be normal or live a normal life after all I’ve been through. I’ve seen enough!!#the world just has always and continues to look so bleak and cruel to me#idk. idk.#maybe I’m just doomed by the narrative#trauma dumping#vent#.txt#typing it all out and reading it like this makes me idk. it doesn’t look so bad when I reread it like I think I’m just being dramatic idk#ripping out mt hair I just want to be normal
0 notes
Text
.
#Being in vet med is so damn bleak all the time because whenever you get hope there's always some drawback that basically nullifies it.#looking for a clinical pg with rank 183 in the country but whoops can't go to your own state#and other states universities will put you in a college in buttfuck nowhere rather than their best ones#like...I am so fucking tired. Every time I try to fight my depression something comes back and reinforces it harder.#it's things like this that make me want to leave the field and do something less heavy even if the hours are longer#whenever. WHENEVER I talk to a vet it's just bleak. Everything sucks everywhere. It's a matter of choosing your hell.#EVEN THE HAPPIER VETS#And there's no promise that if I try to go abroad I won't get crippling depression there too.#like. why do I try? why didn't I choose to go to NISER when I had the chance?#Why didn't I pick a job where I can just sit at a computer all day and not have to talk to anyone#how much do airport ground staff earn? maybe I could be a tug driver. Maybe I could have done some degree to become a flight mechanic.#why didn't I know when I finished school that my mental health is fragile as fuck and I need a job that doesn't make it this much worse#I'll run a photostat shop. I'll learn to fix laptops. Anything.#People raise families with that kind of income. Surely I can look after myself with it.#Why is everything bleak all over the world all the time in veterinary medicine? why is there no silver lining anywhere?#I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being decent at my job but not being able to handle the reality of how stressful it is.#I'll do any manual labour job day in and day out six and a half days a week for my whole life but this is just killing me#rant#I'm unrealistic and ungrateful and addicted to quick dopamine#but god I wish I wasn't suffering from depression of varying degrees since 2015.#vent#personal
0 notes
Text
If life doesn’t get less stressful than this then what even is the point -_-
#Having a great fun time with being a teenager as you can see#Learning how to drive (I KNOW I should’ve done this two years ago I just hate driving it’s so stressful & I put it off as long as possible)#Applying for colleges & looking for jobs (ew) & IBDP bullshit & having an Eating Disorder#& other assorted disorders & back pain/constant stomachaches/chronic headaches & not being very social or having a lot of friends#and I’m not even old enough to legally smoke or drink to take the edge off -_-#maybe when I’m older & not in high school & live on my own things will be better but who knows. who cares. high school fucking sucks#« best years of your life!! » my ass#as soon as it’s all over I’m blocking 2020-2024 out of my memory completely and moving forward (that’s a lie -_- I won’t be able to forget
1 note
·
View note
Text
tasty (heeseung)
summary: it’s not your week and it doesn’t seem like the semester will ease up on you as time flies by, but your best friend is here to help in more ways than one.
word count: 5.6K
notes: based off of this request. thank you anon! I probably won’t open a taglist at this time but I’ll let you know if I do when I post other fics. XX
warnings: reader touches herself, porn mentions, vibrator mention, phone sex, oral (f. receiving), dirty talking, mentions of heeseung with other girls, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex.
“You sure you don’t want to go out with us?”
Your co-workers stare at you while you try to push down any simmer irritation. They’re not to blame, but pestering you to go out to a bar and get drunk when all you want to do is go home, is making you even more irritated. They mean no harm and look at you with sorry eyes.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” you tell them. Luckily for you, they nod and accept your decline. “Thanks for the invite though.”
“Well if you change your mind, you know where to find us.”
In typical twenty-something-year-old fashion, certain days feel longer than most. Today is no exception. It’s hard to navigate the woes of landing on your feet when you’re wrapped up in midterm projects and trying to have a social life without throwing yourself off balance. When the semester started, you were nothing other than a happy-go-lucky, fourth-year university student who was excited to finish college and take the first step towards “real life.” Unfortunately for you, your days would get tough before you’d see it to the finish line.
The ride back to your apartment isn’t long by any means but the traffic from your job at a convenience store was met with rush hour. The bus took much longer than usual but you always anticipate that when you’re scheduled until 5pm. Everybody’s going home at the same time and even public transportation falls victim to the hustle and bustle of corporate life.
On your way home, you can’t help but linger on the inconveniences of the recent past. Midterms have snuck up on you like they do every year and no amount of studying into the night could ever prepare you for the stress that comes with obsessing over good grades for five separate classes. It kills you that no two tests weigh the same and preparing for projects feels like you’re signing a death sentence. You’ve barely seen your friends aside from in passing and haven’t had any time to take care of yourself and have fun.
It feels as though you’ve lost all motivation because school and work has sucked the energy right out of you. Even your best friend, Lee Heeseung, has started to soften up around you because he can tell how stressed you are. If anything, the amount of unread texts from him and your absence in his physical life is a telltale sign that school is kicking your ass, but he knows you always bounce back. You know you will too, but right now it feels like it’ll take too long to get there.
The first thing you do is take all of your clothes off and settle them in the dirty hamper and take a shower, cleaning off the grime from a long day outside of your bedroom. Your hair is clean and your skin feels silk to the touch when you step out and dry yourself. It takes a great deal of effort to follow through on your skincare routine and tidy up your room so that it doesn’t feel like an overwhelming mess the more you look at it. Today sucked. There’s no doubt about that.
Eventually, the clock turns into a late hour after you’ve had dinner and a sweet treat to make up for the awfully long and boring day you had. The week drains on you and you’re looking forward to the weekend because that means you don’t have to work. After settling in bed with the television on, you try your best to let your worries escape you and focus on what’s in front of you.
Whether the show is too boring or you’re too worked up, you don’t know. The TV is long forgotten as you aimlessly scroll through your phone and start pushing your thighs together and clench around absolutely nothing when you log into a Twitter account you don’t post on. It must be out of habit to act like this when you see the familiar username because it’s where you keep your porn stash for when you need to get off. There’s everything you could ever want–short videos, photos, and links to other websites that always gets you off. The long day has made you think about how you need at least a single win in order for this week to not completely suck. Bringing yourself to orgasm might be the way to do it.
You spread your legs underneath the covers and take a finger to tease up your slit that’s covered by your panties and hold your phone in your free hand, using your thumb to scroll past the plethora of videos that turn you on. It’s all about finding the right one, and seeing big dicks and wet pussies makes you worked up. You start to forget about the week and consider that a good start.
Moving your finger against your covered pussy always makes you wet. You imagine it’s someone else teasing you the way you like it and pretend you don’t need to move a muscle to get off. Swiping the tips of your fingers back and forth makes you soak through the pathetic fabric anyway, and the excitement of your arousal makes you gush right onto your panties.
You scroll through them one by one and pull your panties to the side to feel just how wet you’ve become and moan quietly as the feeling of your slicked up walls. Pushing a finger inside, the welcomed sensation is exactly what you needed after a hard week. You add two, then three, and pump them in and out of you with your legs bent towards your chest. It should be an easy orgasm.
Except, it isn’t. Three of your own fingers isn’t enough.
At this rate, you don’t know how long you’ve been rutting your hips but what you do know is that you can’t seem to get yourself off with just your fingers. Pulling them out makes you wince at the loss and you force yourself off of your bed to find your trusty vibrator that has always served you when you need to get off quickly. You dig for it in the depths of your drawers but, to your dismay, the device is uncharged. You’re far too worked up to wait for it to become usable. You crawl into your bed again and angrily look through your phone at the porn in your bookmarks and try to get yourself back to that state of euphoria when you started touching yourself, but knowing too much is bothering you is preventing you from letting go.
Your room echoes as you groan in frustration when your eyes land on a photo on your desk. It’s a picture of you and Heeseung that Jay took when the three of you hung out together after you first moved into this apartment. The two of them helped move boxes and furniture, and you rewarded them with a free meal from the noodle shop across the street. Heeseung sits next to you with his thighs pressed against yours because of the small table but neither of you really cared.
That’s the thing, though. Heeseung isn’t shy about physical touch with you or anyone else. He’s the kind of guy girls feel comfortable around with just a few words spoken and you’ve always envied the way Heeseung can talk his way through anything. People love him, girls want to fuck him, and guys want to be like him. There’s a part of you that wishes you could exude the same aura that your best friend does but, unlike him, you cower at any chance of interaction and can’t seem to get anyone to be interested in you the way you’re interested in them. Heeseung has heard your fair share of love debacles whereas it seems like romance is presented to him with the snap of a finger.
It isn’t that you haven’t had experiences with sex and dating, but they haven’t been worthwhile. So far, nobody has been memorable enough to keep in your backpocket for days like this, when you need a hot and erotic memory to come in an instant. It feels impossible to find guys who know what they’re doing when a woman is presented in front of them. Guys are so lucky because it takes next to nothing to get them hard and get them off.
And like, your best friend has had his fair share of hookup stories that leave you wetter than a goddamn fountain. He’s not shy about skimping the details because he’s seen you cry snot since kindergarten and you’ve seen him eat shit on bicycles since elementary school. Sex isn’t off the table. You just don’t have anything to contribute and he doesn’t judge you for it. You aren’t really keen on telling him about all of the bad experiences you’ve had when he talks about how mind blowing sex for him is. Part of you is envious that your best friend has never had one bad day of sex in his life. Allegedly.
Still, this frustration bubbles up and there’s nothing you can do to quell the way you feel. Perhaps it’s a mix of general life stress and the events leading up to this very moment. The entire day felt like a test to your patience as minor inconveniences piled up on top of one another before your breaking point. You thought your vibrator sitting uncharged was your last straw but it seems like your mind isn’t clear enough to focus on getting off. You recall a few unread text messages from Heeseung and open your shared text thread with him and watch all of the funny TikTok videos and tweets he sends you. You’re missing him right now.
Heeseung answers after one ring.
“Back from the dead, I see. What’s up?”
You huff. “Nothing.” You hear him laughing from the other line. The faint sound of his keyboard clicking echoes in your ears.
“Can’t be nothing. You always call me when you need to tell me something.”
“Not true.”
“Y/N, you and I both know you prefer to talk on the phone when you have something important you need to say so neither of us ends up sending long voice memos.” Okay, he’s got you there. “So begs the question: What’s up?”
“Well I called you because I’m bored. Happy?”
Heeseung laughs again. You’re sure he can hear your disdain. “It’s a good thing I know how to deal with your attitude, huh? Since you’re bored, I’ll have you know you’re calling me while I’m playing with the guys.”
“What, no girl to hook up with?”
“Not tonight, princess.”
“How sad.”
“If you must know why, I had a pretty long day at work but I’m fine now. Jake’s ass keeps dying so that’s pretty funny.” You don’t say anything, not right away. Not when you realize you called him in a haste and that you’re naked except for a tank stop and dainty white socks. The realization makes your cheeks heat up as you think about it, even though Heeseung can’t see what you’re wearing. “You good? You’re unusually quiet, especially when you give me attitude.” That makes you roll your eyes.
“You know, it’s unfair that all you have to do to get off is brush your hand against your dick.”
“Where’s this coming from? You don’t really talk about sex. Is everything alright?”
“It’s unfair!” He hears you groan in frustration. You’re somewhat annoyed he’s still typing away on his gaming keyboard.
“Y/N…Are you okay? What’s gotten into you?”
That question alone seems to ease your mind a little as your irritation bubbles over the surface. You couldn’t stop yourself from talking even if you tried. You tell Heeseung everything, good and bad, and he won’t relent until he knows you’re okay. But even this is treading into new territory. It isn’t that you haven’t noticed just how attractive your best friend has gotten since you met him for the first time as kids, but it’s the first time you’ve ever acknowledged it while talking to him.
“I can’t get myself off.”
Your voice is barely above a whisper. You don’t hear the sound of his keyboard anymore.
“What?”
“Heeseung…”
“No, say it again.”
Suddenly, you’re starting to regret calling him to complain about something like this. You feel like you might as well be diving into the depths of your secrets.
“I can’t get myself off.” He hears you whisper it into the phone.
“Did I hear you correct? You can’t get yourself off?” Heeseung curses under his breath and his hands have stopped typing on his keyboard completely. Frustration pushes tears to the rim of your eyes.
“I can’t.” Your voice wavers like you’re about to choke a sob. “I just want to cum, Heeseung.”
You don’t see it, but he disconnects his video game connection without consulting his friends. He sits back in his seat and brings the phone off speaker mode and pushes it to his ear. “Y/N…Have you been touching yourself?”
“Yes. I don’t know why but I’m in this mental block and I can’t focus on anything. Nothing is helping.”
He chokes. “What do you mean?”
“My vibrator is dead and I’ve been using three fingers but it’s not helping!”
Heeseung sits quietly on the other line. “Are you touching yourself now?”
“No,” you sigh. “I’ve been at it for an hour and I can’t finish.”
“Fuck,” he mutters. “You must be so wet.”
“Not anymore.” You say it through your teeth, too upset that your high has ebbed away.
“You should start touching yourself again.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Touch yourself and make your pussy all wet.” It’s concerning how much you like hearing your best friend talk to you like this. But you do, putting your phone on speaker and putting it on the mattress beneath you with your hand caressing your pussy. You don’t know if it’s you, Heeseung, or the notion that you’re crossing a bridge, but your spine starts to tingle. Your touch is as light as a feather.
“Are you doing it?”
“Yeah,” you admit.
“How does it feel?”
“Really good…”
“How good?”
“Feels like someone else is touching me,” you tell Heeseung. “If I close my eyes, I can pretend it’s someone else.”
“It’s not enough, is it?”
“No, Hee. I just…I’m so frustrated.”
“Yeah, baby?” He’ll address that nickname later. “Why are you frustrated?”
“School and work are stressing me out and nobody in my group projects lifts a finger. I feel so alone in this.”
“But you aren’t alone. You have me, remember?” You get wetter the more he talks. It feels wrong to be turned on by Heeseung’s voice but you can't help it. He’s talking to you like he hears the way your voice quivers and how badly you need somebody to take away all of your pain, and perhaps you feel comforted because you know Heesueng will do just that and always had. Your fingers rub your wetness around your bare mound the more you think about it, pushing aside any guilt or awkwardness you initially felt.
“When have I ever not been there for you? Never, baby. Including this.”
“This?”
He chuckles. “Yeah. Helping you cum.”
“Hee, don’t say that.”
“Why? It’s true. Best friends help each other cum.”
“How are you gonna help me do that?”
It’s silent on the other line for a long pause and your heart starts to sink when you think you might’ve crossed a line. Is he uncomfortable? Does he want to hang up and forget about this? Will he ever look at you the same way after tonight?
“Keep touching yourself. I’m coming over.”
Your eyes widen. “N-Now?”
“Yes, now. I live five minutes from you. I’ll be over soon.”
The thought of Heeseung coming over makes you impossibly wet. It’s been so long since you’ve let anybody touch you the way you’d like after failed hook ups that left you unsatisfied. Your bedroom suddenly feels warmer and your arousal keeps your fingers slick the more you rub against your pussy. It makes your toes clench and you’re starting to get excited again.
“Please hurry, Hee. My fingers are starting to get sore.”
“I’ll be there in two. Don’t hang up.”
“F-Fuck,” you whimper silently. Heeseung’s phone picks up your moan and you hear him let out a low groan when he turns his engine on.
“You have the sexiest moans. I wanna hear them while you get yourself off, okay? Can you do that for me?”
You rub your pussy faster. “Yes, Hee. Fuck, I’m so wet. This feels so good.”
“Be a good baby and play with your clit a little for me, hm? Get her all nice and prepped.”
You do as he says, moving the pads of your fingers in circular motions around your engorged nub when he tells you. Your eyes close shut when that jolt of pleasure makes your body jerk and arch off of the bed and that loud sound emitting from the back of your throat makes Heeseung hum in approval.
“Juuust like that. Fuck, you sounds even better than I imagined. You’re a vocal one, huh?”
“Only when it feels really good.”
“Yeah? Do you feel really good?”
You lick your lips. “It would feel better if you were here.” Heeseung laughs.
“I’m here and I’ve got your spare key. Keep fucking yourself for me.”
The call ends there. You hear the door opening and part of you considers using your blanket to cover yourself up because in all of the years you’ve been friends with Heeseung, he has never seen you this indecent. It feels a bit humiliating to know your best friend will find you with your fingers rubbing against yourself while your hips chase that delicious pleasure but ultimately, you can’t find it in yourself to care too deeply about that.
Heeseung’s footsteps alert you to his presence and you’re pleasantly surprised to see him standing in the threshold of your bedroom after he’s opened your doorknob. His black hair covers his eyes as he catches his breath, and it looks like he ran up the two floors just to get to your apartment quicker than an elevator could take him. He’s hesitant when he walks inside until his eyes lock with yours. Your next moan comes from deep within your chest and Heeseung wastes absolutely no time.
He lands on his knees and pulls your body towards the edge of the bed. Your scent invades his olfactory senses as he looks down below you, pushing your feeble hand away to admire the mess you’ve made of yourself. It should feel embarrassing to have your best friend look at you like this, but it doesn’t. Your heart beats faster the more Heeseung’s eyes scan your wet pussy and before you know it, his mouth latches onto you.
The feeling of someone’s tongue shoved deep within you is a feeling you haven’t experienced in a long time. Heeseung kneads your thighs with his hands as he keeps you in place and the pace he sets makes your body feel like it might as well be up in space.
You hear stories all the time about Heeseung hooking up with other girls whether it be from himself or others. Girls love to pretend to be your friend to get close to him and love to talk about these kinds of things with you because they assume you’re getting in on the action too, only to leave the conversation perplexed when you tell them you and Heeseung have never gotten involved like that. But now, with every bit of information about how he slurps pussy like he needs it to live, you’re starting to wonder why you never asked him to do this before tonight.
“Tasty,” he mutters after a beat of silence. Your hand comes to grip his hair for stability when he pulls your clit into his mouth and sucks on it while rubbing his tongue against your pleasure point. “How come you never told me you taste so good?”
“You never asked.”
He laughs against your pussy. “Still got some attitude, huh?”
“What are you gonna do about it?” He looks up at you like he’s weighing a challenge.
“If you were any other girl, I’d pull out every time you’re about to cum. I’d have you begging for that shit. If you were somebody else, I’d stuff your mouth with my cock until you learn how to obey.” He licks up your pussy once more before adding two of his fingers inside, moaning at your smooth and wet walls as he pumps them inside of you. “But you’re my best friend and you’ve had a hard week. I’m gonna make you cum.”
If a thousand suns exploding feels like Heeseung’s tongue and fingers working in tandem with each other, then this is a feeling you never want to forget. They work separately but it feels like he’s pushing you closer and closer to the finish line the more he pays attention to your clit and g-spot at the same time, pressing on that little button the more you whine and aimlessly beg for him to let you cum. You can barely register your own voice moaning because the pressure is too much against your ears. Heeseung’s fingers plunge in and out of you at a pace that is somewhere between gentle and brutal, giving you enough force to take your mind off of the stress from the week to focus on your pussy being pleasured.
You screw your eyes shut when you can feel that coil unraveling. Heeseung seems to notice that too because of the string of moans you let out when he pushes his fingers against your sweet spot. His mouth licks and licks as his hand pushes your wetness right against his tongue and it doesn’t take very long for him to taste your cum.
Heeseung’s head disappears between your legs and he’s barely able to move his hand because of how tight your thighs are against his ears. He’s always loved your thighs and legs, and loves them even more now that he knows what it feels like when you suffocate him as he licks up your delicious cum. You ease up on him when he pries them away to free his hand from the uncomfortable position and uses both hands to keep your legs apart as he licks up the remnants of your cum and helps you ride out your orgasm until your chest falls against the mattress.
He wipes the back of his hands before giving your slit a gentle kiss. “You’re so sexy when you cum.”
“I can’t believe I let you do that.”
“Why?”
You watch him crawl up your body between your spread legs. “Because…”
“Because?”
“You’re my best friend and we’ve seen each other through everything. Don’t you think this is a little, I don’t know, weird?”
“No.” Heeseung shakes his head and dips below to kiss the corner of your mouth. “Not weird. In fact, I’d argue we should do this more often.”
You frown. “I don’t intend to be somebody you keep on a roster, Lee. You can keep that shit to yourself, but thank you for helping me cum.” Heeseung laughs against your mouth until you feel his lips ghost right over yours.
“There won’t be other girls involved if we fuck, Y/N. I’m not heartless like that. Everybody else knows I’m in it for sex and nothing else, but it’s like you said. You’re my best friend. I won’t make you feel like you’re just somebody I can hit up.”
“So this would be like…friends with benefits?”
“We can work out the semantics later.” He lets his lips touch yours and when you don’t object, Heeseung opens your mouth with his own and you taste the saltiness of your cum on his lips. You clench around nothing when you hear your mouths smacking together in the quiet of your bedroom.
It feels…good. It doesn’t feel out of place, even though this is the first time you’ve kissed Heeseung. You haven’t thought about it much either, but somehow his lips fit perfectly in yours and his soft hands holding your body in his adds to your arousal. You feel safe with him at this moment and it’s the first time you’ve ever had sex with somebody who hasn’t made you feel like an afterthought. Your mind feels a bit foggy but you know you like this feeling and don’t want him to stop. Still, you have your worries.
“This won’t be weird, will it?”
“No, baby. In fact, all you had to do was ask me to drop the other girls and I would’ve.” You roll your eyes.
“Sounds like you’re in love with me, or something.”
Heeseung pulls away and smiles down at you. “Yeah. Or something.” You ignore the way your heart flutters and realize his bulge is poking your bare pussy.
“You’re hard.”
“So you’ve noticed.”
You pinch his bicep. “You get hard eating pussy?”
“Well yeah because it’s pussy, but it’s also you.” You start to talk but Heeseung silences you with a kiss. “Are you satisfied now that I’ve made you cum?”
His vulgar words make you shy underneath his gaze all of a sudden. It’s a new feeling and you’re not quite sure how to navigate it, especially with the way he’s staring down at you with a raised eyebrow. Heeseung is still your best friend who gives you shit for everything. You suppose you’re grateful that he’s not changing who he is just because he knows what you look like naked.
“You know what? Actually, I don’t think I’m satisfied.”
Heeseung grins wickedly and pulls his body off of your chest to take his shirt off, his chiseled muscles on display for you to look at. He grabs your hand and places it on his abdomen. “Oh yeah? What else can I do for you, princess?”
You take your fingernails on his skin and feel his abs move beneath you. “I think I need you inside me too.”
“Were my mouth and fingers not enough?” You shake your head. Heeseung tuts as he gets off of the bed to step out of his pants and boxers, revealing a long and thick cock you’ve only ever heard about. It’s dripping with precum and you can’t stop your pussy from clenching or your mouth from drooling.
You watch him get back on the bed one knee at a time before he’s hovering over you again, pulling your body to the position he wants as your legs spread before him. He looks down at his cock and tugs on it twice before letting his tip rest against your clit.
“Need some of my cock?”
“Yes, yes!”
“Who knew my best friend has such a tight pussy. Makes me wonder why I even bothered with other girls in the first place.” You seem to like hearing that. He brings his fingers to push the head of his cock inside of you before sinking halfway in, allowing you to adjust to his size as you squeeze him. “Oh yeah, honey. This pussy���s gonna make me cum hard, I already know that.”
Heeseung holds your legs open and pushes his hips into you slowly. The drag feels so good with how warm he’s made you and you can feel him throbbing with every pass. You hold onto your breasts for stability, which seems to turn him on even more because he’s pushing your legs towards your chest and pushing into you with all of his might.
You’re able to see him from where you lie. His eyebrows concentrate as he squeezes his eyes shut and sweat lines his forehead the more he thrusts inside of you. He sits up on his knees to angle his dick inside of you better and moans when you let out a strangled groan. The clench is so tight and amazing, and Heeseung can’t fathom why he’s never fucked you before tonight.
“Sexy pussy,” he grunts, looking down at your abused hole as he thrusts into it. He brings his thumb to your clit and you yelp when he starts to rub it. “So wet and fuckable.”
“Fuck me,” you manage to choke.
And truthfully, you like Heeseung plowing into you at the pace he’s set. He’s not too fast but not too slow and you can feel him hit your cervix every single time. It’s no wonder girls were always lining up to have sex with him. Heeseung knows what he’s doing with his dick and you’re finding that out now.
“You want me to fuck you?”
You nod pathetically. “Please fuck me.”
“How hard?” You bite your lip and shake your head at the humiliation of begging for him but Heeseung tuts and smacks your clit with his hand. “I said, how hard?”
“So hard that I feel you in my stomach!”
“Atta girl. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Heeseung slips out of you and pulls you up on your hands and knees, beckoning your back in a deep arch. He plants both of his feet on the mattress and bends until he’s sinking his cock back down inside of your pussy, letting your mixed wetness coat him again.
He thrusts himself as his mouth hangs open. Heeseung grips your waist with both hands and squeezes you hard to balance himself as he throws his head back at the phenomenal sensation of your walls pulling him in every time he tries to pull out. Your eyes roll to the back of your head when you feel his balls against you and clutch into your bedsheets.
“Your balls are slapping against my pussy and it feels really good,” you manage to get out without stuttering. Heeseung feels you clench around him again and emphasizes his thrusts until the sound of his balls makes your ears vibrate.
“Feels good when it hits your clit, doesn’t it?”
“So good, fuck!”
Heeseung speeds his thrusts and relishes in your string of moans the more his tip nudges your g-spot. “Can you cum, baby? Cum around my cock like I know you want to. You’ve earned it after this week. Cum for me. Won’t you let me feel that?”
“Fuck, fuck, I’m cumming, Hee! I’m fucking cumming!”
“Yeahhh. Oh your cum is so good. Doing so well, making your pussy creamy all over me like that. Cum for me.”
And it feels so good that you follow his command. The orgasm Heeseung’s cock brings you feels like a physical manifestation of letting go of your worries and enjoying the present moment. Despite your legs and pussy aching, this feels an awful lot like freedom because your own mind isn’t caged by the inability to get yourself off.
You don’t think, you can’t think. You’ve reached a point of nirvana that’s made your mind completely blank with the exception of your orgasm and the feeling of your best friend fucking right inside of you. His cock, so hard and warm, somehow feels so perfect lodged inside of you.
Heeseung cock twitches and you feel it the more he pounds into you. He looks down and moans at the sight of his cock becoming white with your cum with every pointed thrust and doesn’t remember the last time he truly enjoyed himself to the point of being able to forget about everything except the person he’s with. Sex with other girls is incredible but there comes a point where he realizes that they’re using him just as much as he’s using them. But you, his best friend since he can remember, give him some kind of peace that he’s never felt before. This is more than just a quick fuck, even if neither of you address it.
“Your pussy’s gonna make me cum,” he moans through a choked grunt. “You feel so good baby, fuck.”
Heeseung pulls out of your hole just enough to rest his tip against you. His warm cum floods against your folds and your body jerks at the way he twitches against you, but his hands keep hold of your hips to place you exactly where he wants you. He looks down to watch his cum spill from his slit and paint your pussy like the artwork that it is.
When he’s finished cumming, Heeseung leans back against his knees to spread you apart by gripping your asscheeks. “Would you look at that?”
“Stop looking…”
He chuckles. “Why, baby? Your pussy’s so pretty with my cum on it.”
You look back at him. “Yeah?”
“Oh yeah.” He nods at you before pulling away to scour your room until he finds a box of tissues on your nightstand and grabs a few to clean you up to the best of his ability before cleaning himself up too.
Overcome with a wave of tiredness, your body feels much more relaxed once you’ve slipped underneath the covers as Heeseung throws away the dirty tissues. He turns around when he hears the blankets ruffling and resists the urge to coo at you when you’ve tucked it underneath your chin.
“Looks like you needed one good fuck to relax, hm?”
You blush. “Shut up.”
“No can do, Y/N.”
“I…”
Heeseung leans down towards you and tilts his head. “You what?”
You avert his gaze. “I liked it when you called me baby.”
“Yeah?” He pushes some of your hair back as you yawn. “I can do that.”
“Are you gonna go home?”
“Not if you let me stay the night.” You don't have it in you to talk back to him after all he’s done for you. Instead, you open the covers as Heeseung puts his boxers back on and watch him smile before climbing in next to you. “Come here.” He tucks your body on his chest and you’re too tired to argue with him.
His heartbeat puts you to sleep.
tagging: @zara2318 @markmato @heechwe @horijiro @ggumjilgeong-yjn @porunarefuu @leov3rse. :)
#enhypen smut#heeseung smut#lee heeseung smut#enha smut#heeseung x reader#enhypen x reader#enhypen hard thoughts#enha hard hours#enhypen hard hours#enha hard thoughts#lee heeseung x reader#heeseung#tasty
1K notes
·
View notes
Note
Ooo what are you studying?!
I am studying journalism/New Media stuff like that at a community college. I want to become a sports journalist or broadcaster! I’m going to be registering for fall soon but I got to go through all of this other shit before I register! I need to get a loan since I can barely afford to take more than one class so I’m so behind since I’ve only been able to go during fall. I love my major but everything else it so fucking stressful! Gotta love college life!😞
#answered#anonymous#college life sucks#gotta love college😞#college#gosh i hate college#stressed because of college#college = anxiety#college is so expensive#anon answered#anon#anon ask#anon <3
0 notes