#just venting pls ignore

[rainbowcrowley]

nope'd out of school today bc i just wasn't feeling it. yay for setting boundaries i guess..?

i'm overworked and this 👌🏻 close to another burnout. i need vacation.....

2 weeks left......

[phoenxxcat]

how do I stop feeling so guilty for taking the time my body needs to rest. how do I stop blaming myself for my limitations. why do I struggle so much with the little things? I’ve spent all day in bed for a week now, skipping classes and neglecting chores. the only thing that gets me up is feeding my cats. if it weren’t for them, I don’t know how I’d manage.

[fangirlwithasweettooth]

so much annoying but very insignificant stuff has happened since I left work and I’m fighting off a meltdown about it hahhahaha this is so fun

[weirdmeal]

i got a cpap machine ages ago and finally set it up but i hate it so much i feel like a science project like in a bad way

like there’s all this shit wrong with me and i find something new every day and i can’t even fucking Sleep normal

can i just have a break. like can i just wake up healthy or something. i think i would give almost anything to just have a normal fucking body again even for a day

like no pain no dizzy spells or weakness or fatigue. functioning correctly for the first time in years. could you imagine. if i didn’t need a fucking Breathing Machine to even sleep or a cane or 700000000 medications. if i didn’t have to fear my inevitable physical decline years before all my friends because my body is made of fucking wet paper

and i’ll be fine i’ve managed so far. but i see how my mom and sister are doing and i know what’s coming for me sooner rather than later

just. some days it’s enough to make me slip backwards a little bit

[chanafehs]

I’m still going to do dragon age art for sure (I fought for the Cullen Rutherford fan badge okay I’ve been in the trenches for him since I was 16) I just don’t really 100% know for sure what I feel about the series anymore. I’m upset for everyone laid off, I’m disappointed having bought a game I didn’t like and it being the last DA game in the series so it ended on a bad note for me, it’s all just wow this all around sucks.

[animation-by-jam]

[Vent]. My thoughts. I'm not indigenous, so I can not relay the experience as if I could, and their voices matter more than mine. My heart goes out to the people of the letter. I'm writing as a fan who wants to just let out my feelings.

I don't know if it's just me. But I don't know if I can watch another rtvs stream with the whole crew until the rest of them issued their apologies over what happened or actually do something about the hurt they caused. It's obvious by the fan reaction that they're not just friends on the internet anymore and can't just shield themselves to be awful with criticism. Especially over fucking racial discrimination critique.

Especially Mike. Like everyone's initial responses and apologies at the time were bad, but man, that one was just REALLY BAD. Like if it wasn't limited to a discord server, the average rtvs viewer would have just been appalled by the comment and done worse reputation wise level bad. Not even the most dedicated sweep under the rug fans could argue that wasn't good. (Though I did scroll to read the entire situation, and few people tried). But, nope. It was bad. I still don't understand how he could go immediately to a 100 with that. I could give him the benefit of the doubt and say he probably had a shitty day (gamer moment level of exuse. I can't defend that), or idk he was just too aggressive with wanting to defend his friends. But, at the end of the day, that's an excuse, and the words were still typed and caused hurt. The action was still taken, and unfortunately, even *if* he feels terrible over it, he can't take it back. What's done is done, and just make up for it now.

But like I said, even with other mods and members doing the work behind the scenes. And I really hope to god that they do actually address this shit publicly. The longer it could go on, the more people will feel so betrayed (rightfully), and the more fans it will reach to demand something. Like this isn't the hlvrai days anymore rtvs, they have fans that can donate thousands to charity and sell out merchandise within hours. They want to unify the brand together? so they have to GET IT TOGETHER. Act maturely next time. If they aren't able to properly rectify a situation with a problematic sponsor or collaboration in time, then just apologize and listen to people's suggestions. God damn. How hard was it to read a letter that wasn't attacking them. And if anything, they tried really hard to give them so much benefit since it was from Fans. And even if not from fans, still don't treat indigenous people like this (common sense, no?). I know some of the crew are white and, or at this point, privileged to do what they can and probably never had to deal with the unique oppression indigenous people do as most humans never will. But, still. They have to get over it. Read the letter and understand it, and stop trying to act like any criticism is the end of your world/jobs. It will be if most of them don't learn from this incident.

[angelpuns]

Me looking at the super long definitely TMI diary-type vent post in my drafts: haha yeah you're gonna live there forever until I delete you <3

[mushed-kid]

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[fyodior]

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[fuckyeah-bears]

whhhhyyyyyyyyy is everything sooooo motherfucking expensive????? don’t they know I can’t afford all this shit???

[kaiserkisser]

can someone nice (!!) please please please adopt me im begging you im requesting you (huge word vomit and vent in tags, pls dont read if u dont want to!! and if you don't want this stuff on this blog PLS lmk!! i dont wanna make anyone uncomfy! )

[wolfchans]

I hate you sudden waves of sadness!!! We were doing soo good today!! What is it that sets you off every time 😞

Just feeling like curling up in bed and never waking up again but i have so much to do

[weaselishmcdiesel]

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[madolecence]

Listen 99% of the time I’m fine being single bc there’s nothing wrong with it and relationships don’t always bring you peace but that 1% of the time I am FUCKING PISSED I’M SINGLE bc I feel so alone like c’mon. Logically it’s nothing about me but what is it about me why haven’t I even met anyone I’ve actually liked in years

[forcebook]

relating a little too hard to aioon on this gloomy day

i’ve always been the ugly/boring cousin, i didn’t have siblings while growing up but my father has a baby girl now who’s obviously the favorite, i’m just the older loser daughter which caught me completely off guard akdjskdjs i was never really included in friend groups but that didn’t bother me all that much cuz i don’t like groups. i had a very fulfilling friendship for more than ten years tho and now we don’t talk anymore which hurts me daily but i can’t even blame the other person

so where does all that grief go? where do i put it? or should i just let it live in my house like a roommate?

but i know i also don’t make things easier. people try to include me in their circles sometimes yet i still feel like an outsider no matter where i go. no i don’t have kids, no i will NOT marry a man and women don’t want me so i’ll die alone, no i can’t keep a job anymore cuz i’m too depressed and my therapist thinks i’m a danger to myself. what’s that? oh you don’t believe i’m autistic? typical

and you know what, it’s fine. it’s all fine. except that i’m so touch starved, love starved, attention starved that sometimes i don’t even feel human. like i’m losing touch with humanity, with reality and then i feel so fucking empty

feeling emotions can be hella uncomfortable but nothing’s worse than just feeling completely empty. like a massive void, like i’m going to swallow myself and everything else around me at any given moment.

it feels so all consuming it scares me sometimes, the thought that maybe i’m doomed to only cause harm. but i don’t want to, i don’t want to be a bad presence in people’s lives but maybe i’ve always been

maybe that’s why i’m alone. it’s safer for everyone this way

[fic-dumpster]

The problem when you think you won’t be writing anymore so you left your WIPs everywhere and your memory equals to Dory is that you depend so much on notes and documents. AND WHEN YOU CANT FIND NEITHER AND YOUR LIFE ENDS? WHAT THEN?

I have searched through all my drives and notes apps and old phones and computers… why am I so messy 🧍🏻‍♀️.

So…

This is all I could compile. Notion is so much better😫🤲🏻. Aaaaamd I’ll get one or two chapters posted this weekend (tomorrow and Sunday).

Then I might re-read TR and the fanbook and wikis hahahahaahjaa gosh… I’m invested. I hate leaving unfinished projects… but it’s a curse that I carry.