#chaotic dumbass

[sodamnbored]

Jason: Alright, ready to power through this paperwork?

Reyna: Sorry, I have to run. Got a doctors appointment.

Jason, concerned: Oh no. What’s wrong with you?

Reyna: Nothing. It’s just my annual checkup.

Reyna, on second thought: When did you last have one of those?

Jason: Never. I have never been to the doctor.

Reyna: Well that can’t be smart.

Jason, shrugging: Pssh. I am the picture of health.

Jason, grimacing: *every bone in his body popping as he stands up*

[punkrockvalkyrie]

During an RP heavy session...

Y/N, as the DM: Your party has been walking on this path for a good couple of hours. Adam, could you please roll a perception check for me?

Adam, playing as a ranger: Alright. *Rolls dice* I rolled a 14, and with my +2 that makes it a 16.

Y/N: With a 16 you are able to see that the path splits into two different directions with a guard standing in front of each path.

Adam: I relay that to the group.

Y/N: Okay. As you all approach the fork in the road, the two guards stop you. The one on the left speaks, "One path will take you to the citadel, while the other will lead you to the UnderDark. And between the two of us (they gesture to themselves and the guard on the right), one speaks only the truth; the other nothing but lies. You may ask only two questions." So players, what do you do?

Beetlejuice (instantly): I WANT TO SEDUCE THE GUARDS!!

*cue various groans from the Maitlands and giggles from Lydia*

Barbara (out of character): Beetlejuice, please don't.

Y/N: Uh, not so fast Beej. You already seduced the shopkeeper in the last town you were in. Remember our deal?

BJ: Yeah, yeah, yeah. (Mimicking Y/N's voice) ' You can seduce a NPC or villain one time each session, no more, no less. Deal?' You're no fun babes

Y/N: Okay, first of all, rude. I don't sound like that. Second of all, having fun doesn't mean trying to seduce everything with a pulse ALL THE TIME. *clears throat* Anyways, Lydia, Barbara, Adam! Any ideas?

Barbara, playing as a cleric: I'd like to cast Detect Good and Evil to get a sense of which one tells the truth.

Y/N: Interesting. Roll for it please.

Barbara: *rolls dice* Aw, I got an 8; and with my modifier of +1, that means I got a 9.

Y/N: So, with a 9, you get the faintest inkling that the guard on the right is the liar, but you're not entirely certain.

Lydia, as her rogue: I got this. I go up to the guard on the right and slap him across the face.

Barbara & Adam: LYDIA!

Y/N: *blinks* uh, okay. Roll to hit.

Lydia: *rolls dice* HA! Natural 20!

Y/N: That...that definitely hits. The guard's eyes begin to water as he gingerly holds his cheek after your palm cracks against his face.

Lydia: I then ask them, "Did I just slap you?"

Y/N: Still wincing from the slap, the guard mumbles a "...No"

Lydia: *smirks* Alright, I turn to the guard on the left and ask, "Which path leads to the citadel?"

Y/N: The guard looks at their companion, and then turns to you. "The path on the right will take you to the citadel. The road behind me leads to the UnderDark".

Lydia: Okay, let's take the path on the right.

BJ: *grinning* Wow Scarecrow. I didn't know you had it in ya. Well done.

Y/N: ... That wasn't what I had in mind, but good job nonetheless Lyds.

[going-to-superhell]

Sorry I dropped my bag of magical frogs

🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄 🐸𓆏✨🍄

[criminalmindsfanantic]

JJ: Emily, are you high?

Emily *hasn’t slept in 4 days and is running entirely off of caffeine and gummy bears*: Am I what?

JJ: High.

Emily:

Emily: Hi 🙃

[gyubby99]

My case is rested

[clatterbane]

Yet another episode in AuDHD Chaotic Dumbass mode, y'all:

* Reminded yet again that, while they were "just" ridiculously fashionable when I was in elementary school? Legwarmers would address several of my problems now!

Looking all smug with those warm legs. And good for her.

* (Naturally get off on a brief tangent of looking for period pics of kids in legwarmers. With a side trip into Rainbow Brite territory specifically, because I remember those. Nope out of there after seeing some of the Sexy Rainbow Brite-themed tat people have come up with more recently.)

* Yes, I am old as fuck.

* Anyway, my one remaining lower leg has been staying cold as hell except in summer since the big crash in 2020. The circulation is obviously pretty fucked, for whatever reason. I got sent for some torture test over it just earlier this year. My sensory issues won't let me wear leggings or long johns to layer on any kind of regular basis. It's just too bulky, and gets too hot and sweaty higher up when the lower legs are what's freezing.

* So snuggy insulation specifically for the lower leg good, right? I don't recall any particular problems wearing those unless they kept sliding down too much.

* Oh yeah, I did stock up on not-cheap washable wool yarn to make some, didn't I? Around the time we moved into this place? 🤨 There should be a bag full of it. In fact, I had to replace most of my crochet shit after we moved.

* Look for patterns.

* Oh wait, didn't I actually buy one in a really cute cat theme then?

* Where the fuck is that PDF? On my old phone, maybe? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Should have it backed up to a hard drive, so at least that search won't require messing with the infuriatingly busted screen.something

* Now, where the fuck did I even stash that sack of yarn AND new crochet hooks, etc.? I know I put it somewhere "safe" and out of the way...

* I DO know where one big skein of black wool blend worsted weight is. And I think I may know where in a still-not-unpacked moving box in our damn living room the previous set of hooks might be. Pretty sure I saw them when I was rummaging for something else...last year?!

* We have, indeed, been living in this place for almost 3 years now.

* Which also means I should probably check exactly when La Migra has me down as eligible for citizenship. It is supposed to be 3 years for spouses of citizens, but they're not counting from the date I entered the country...

* Oh fuck, my currently expired passport. Really need to do something about that, though it may take a road trip to Stockholm at this point. At least we do have the car now.

* Ah, I still haven't taken my stupid "morning" meds, have I? (For nocturnal person values of morning.)

* Probably time to look for more yarn! In another language, with less familiar terminology!

(And this is, in fact, a slightly pared-down version. Because I exhaust myself enough, and nobody else needs that.)

[jellisdraws]

She got 99 problems but gravity just ain’t one.

Mochi Mochi the Soul knife rogue

[darkmagenugget]

Next up on the Wake Up and Start Archives:

Wake Up and Start: Still a Woman.

Originally posted here on webtoons.

Catch up on the entire series HERE.

[saturnneedsspace]

Peak friendship is going to the br and ur bsf walking up to the door and playing a stupid video as loud as possible so you can hear it

[dawnthefox24]

Listen Ashe and Cole were besties to one another they have that weird friendship dynamic together

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Ashe and Cole are in there little hide out together as everyone falls asleep but Cole who is outside watching the stars in the desert night.*

Ashe: Cole I’ve got a question for ya 

Cole: hmm what is it Ashe?

Ashe: Why did you join deadlock? You had many jobs 

Cole: Ashe I was broke and abused while workin on a ranch ya know, also bonus points I ran from home

Ashe: Yeah but still you were gettin payed.

Cole: I had a stick of butter for breakfast once, so yeah I tailed out of there stealing what I can and then met you 

Ashe: hold up, you ate a stick of butter!?

Cole: yeah! Honestly it wasn't even the good kind

Ashe: let me guess unsalted?

Cole: ...Vegan

Ashe: *gags a bit* Thats even worse!

Cole:*snickers a bit * yeah it sucked

[androiddhd]

Lobsters are like strawberries :)

[sodamnbored]

Reyna, entering the room: Alright Octavian, what do you want?

Octavian: I’ve asked you here today to further discuss your appointment of Percy Jackson as co-Praetor.

Reyna, sighing: We’ve already discussed it. Do we have a problem here?

Octavian, diplomatically: Let’s not call it a problem. Let’s call it an opportunity.

Octavian: To discuss a serious problem.

[punkrockvalkyrie]

While trying to explain the 'Alignment Chart'...

Y/N: So, yeah, your alignment basically represents how you address interactions and conflict.

Barbara: Oh! It's like a moral compass then?

Y/N: I never thought about it like that, but you're absolutely right Barbara!

Adam: You're brilliant Honey! *pecks Barbara on the cheek*

Barbara: Thanks guys

Lydia: Right, so what does being Chaotic Good mean exactly?

Y/N: Good question Lyds. The characters I play tend to fall under Chaotic Good. What it means is that you, or your character, believe in doing what they think is right, no matter what the rules say.

Lydia: Gotcha. That sounds fun. And by that logic, Chaotic Evil would be something along the lines of... *subtly points to Beetlejuice messing with Y/N's miniatures*

Y/N: *snorts* Actually Lyds, that is an example of the newest alignment: Chaotic Dumbass

Lydia: *laughing* Well, you're not wrong!

BJ: *Looks up with a NPC mini up his nose* What's up?

Y/N, Barbara, Lydia, Adam: *various noises of disgust*

Y/N: *grossed out* Aw, c'mon man! First my dice, now my minis? Why?!

BJ: I was bored! It's not my fault your toys can fit up my nose

Barbara, Y/N, Adam, Lydia: *facepalm*

Adam: I'll get the Kleenex and tweezers.

Y/N & Barbara: Don't forget the Clorox!

[going-to-superhell]

Reblog if you also regularly harass lemonade stand owners about grapes

[i-said-give-your-sushi]

This child is becoming more and more unhinged by the second.

Lords help us all

They are coming….

[clatterbane]

Oh yeah, I did find a decent brick-and-mortar source in town selling a suitable replacement charger. And it looks like Mr. C will most likely be helping with the cleanup from my dumbassery again tomorrow, by popping over there after work to pick one up. 😎

Also, not too surprisingly, I've now got a massive headache centered around my sinuses, after those fumes and all the adrenaline. It'll hopefully be fine by tomorrow. Same with the throat and breathing passages not feeling awesome in general. It could be a lot worse now.