#cass: stole them from dick :)

[mamawasatesttube]

kon bart and cass as a trio who have just never had a childhood experience could be so funny. i want to see it

[redsray]

my favourite part of the Wayne Kids being, you know, the Waynes, and popular celebrities is the fact that these are teenagers and young adults who are given ... celebrity powers. and i know they're stupidly petty with them. every time you log onto twitter you'd see 3 of them engaged in a sibling argument, completely uncaring that it's being broadcasted to thousands of people

Dick, tweeting: Tim stole my sandwich today, hey siri how do i un-adopt a sibling?

Tim: ??? I didn't steal your sandwich??

Dick: Then who did??? It was there this morning and you were the only one in the manor the entire morning??

Tim: Dick, my unfortunately kind of favourite brother, I was not in the manor today

Dick: YOU WEREN'T?!?!?

Tim: no, I've been in my apartment all week. did you hallucinate me?? LMFAO

Cass: I was there this morning.

Dick: Oh. No wonder then??? You 2 look too similar, one of you needs to cut your hair

Tim: Not it

Cass: . . .

Tim: on second thought, maybe it's time for a haircut

Cass: :D <3

Tim: Love you too, Cass

Random Twitter User, quote tweeting the last tweet: So did you ever find out who took Dick's sandwich????

Cass: Jay did.

Dick: JAY DID?!?!?

Cass: Oh. Did you not know?

Dick: NO?!????

Cass: Oh. @/jason start running. Sorry.

Steph: Guys Jason might deadass die again Dick is ONTO him

Random Twitter User: ... Again?

Steph: hardly the point rn, jared

Babs: Why did Jason just climb in my window asking me to hide him

Tim: he's running from Dick, lol

Babs: Oh, why?

Tim: he ate his sandwich

Babs: Got it, he's hiding behind my couch now, screeching about Cass betraying him.

Dick: BABS DON'T MOVE. DON'T LET HIM LEAVE.

[incorrectbatfam]

What does Tim say when people ask about his spleen?

Damian: I am updating my blackmail records. Tell me what happened to your spleen in its full hilarity.

Tim: I donated it to a sickly orphan.

Damian: You win this round.

———————

Tim: I have to be careful, I lost my spleen.

Carrie: How?

Tim: Aliens.

———————

Tim: I'm zero percent spleen and fifty-nine percent pizza sauce.

Helena: Zero percent spleen?

Tim: Yep. On the bright side, they named a disease after me.

———————

Luke: I've designed nanotech vitals trackers to be implanted on our spleens.

Tim: Oh, no thanks. I don't have one.

Luke: You don't have a spleen?

Tim: It wasn't paying rent so I evicted it. Lazy freeloader.

———————

Barbara: Why does your chart say you're missing a spleen?

Tim: I made a deal with the devil but I had a discount code so instead of my soul I just needed to sell a non-essential organ.

———————

Steph: What happened to your spleen? Are you okay?

Tim: I'm fine. It's taking an extended gap year.

———————

Harper: So... can I ask about your spleen?

Tim: Yeah, don't worry. I was part of a failed science experiment.

Cullen: What'd they do?

Tim: They injected me with a serum that was supposed to make me indestructible. But instead all I got were a spleen removal and chronic insomnia. And a free T-shirt.

Cullen:

Harper:

Cullen: Was it a nice shirt?

———————

Dick: What do you mean you don't have a spleen?!?

Tim: It was confiscated by airport security.

———————

Tim: Happy Pride! My spleen finally came out of the closet. And by closet I mean my body.

Kate: Diversity win.

———————

Tim and Jason: *arguing*

Jason: At least I still have my spleen!

Tim: It's genetic!

Jason: Sucks to be you.

Tim: We have the same dad. It could happen to you too.

Jason, scoffing: Whatever.

Jason, internally: Oh shit, he's right. I need to see Leslie.

———————

Tim and Bette: *sparring*

Bette: *hits Tim*

Tim: Ow. Time out. That was my spleenhole.

Bette: ...How?

Tim: It took a trip to the Titanic in a soup can with a Playstation controller.

———————

Duke: Since when did you have that scar?

Tim: Since losing my spleen last year.

Duke: How do you lose a spleen?

Tim: You forget to cherish it.

———————

Cass: ?

Tim: I digested it.

———————

Selina: You know I have to tell Bruce about this.

Tim: Okay, fine.

Tim: I had to get it removed as a kid after falling into a well of bats.

———————

Bruce: Tell me what happened to your spleen so Alfred and Leslie can give you the proper treatment.

Tim: What do you mean?

Bruce: Everyone's been telling me you don't have it.

Tim: Well, I do, so...

Bruce: Alright, I'll have a talk with them about bad taste pranks.

———————

Alfred: You can't keep the truth from me, Master Tim.

Tim: Assassins stole it.

Alfred: I wasn't born yesterday. Now what really happened?

Tim: ...

[fmb158581]

Chocolate Chip Cookies

“Did you seriously bring chocolate chip cookies on a mission?”,  Dick scoffed. Jason stayed silent. He really didn't want to give his brother the satisfaction of the answer, so he stayed silent while his older brother ranted.

“I mean, we are literally about to take out Two-Faces men and you are chomping down on cookies. Loudly I will remind you. Are they Alfreds?” Dick reached into the baggie full of the sweet treat when Jason finally snapped. 

“These are my cookies. My girl made them.” Jason realized his mistake as soon as the words slipped out of his mouth. It is common knowledge among the bat family that y/n’s cookies are to die for. “Gimme Gimme Gimme one! Like today, right now!” Dick tackled Jason, almost pushing him over the ledge of the building. Jason balanced himself and wrestled his sibling back. What both the boys didn't know or even notice while fighting over the beloved sweets was Damian sneaking up behind them. Dick was on top of Jason, but Jason's hand was out so far Dick couldn't reach them, but the small boy sneaking up on them could. As Jason prepared to bite his older brother, he felt a tug on the bag and it slipped out of his grip. Jason yelped and saw Damian running away, jumping from one building to another, slowly getting closer to the ground using fire escapes. Dick continued to wrestle Jason, not realizing the cookies were gone. Jason finally managed to pin him down, showing Nightwing that the cookies had vanished with their youngest brother. Dick pushed Jason off of him and raced after Robin. Two-Face’s men are long forgotten, and the two brothers race after Damian. They checked their trackers to see when the young bat had gone, only to run into Tim and Cass patrolling a nearby area. 

“Why are you two running? Were you not supposed to be ambushing?” Tim asked. 

“We have bigger fish to fry Tim, Damian stole my cookies!” Jason spat out. He looked at Tim and Cass. 

“Just cookies Jason. Why so important?” Cass whispered. Tim slowly realized why they were so important. 

“There Y/N’s aren't they?” His face lit up. He slowly turned and then sprinted in the direction Damian had run. The whole group raced after Tim. They jumped from building to building until they lost their youngest sibling’s tracks. He had turned off his location and there was only one person who could turn it back on. Their father. None of them wanted to put him in the loop, so they played fish in a bowl. 

“Ha, you lose Tim!” Jason shouted! 

“But Grayson’s hand was clearly still out!” Shouted Tim. 

“No, it wasn't! You lose Tim! You have to call Bats!” Dick stated surely. While the boys argued, none of them noticed their only sister slipping into the darkness. She raced from building to building, relying on her senses to find their father. He was on the Wayne Tech. tower. She snuck up behind him, trying to scare him. But before she could, he started to talk. 

“Whats wrong Batgirl?” Batman said darkly. Cass has always wondered how he could do it. Using all of his senses to be aware of his surroundings. Cassandra mustered up her courage and said three simple words.

“Damian. Cookies. Lost.” If it were anyone else, they would be confused but this is her father. He always knew what she wanted even when she couldn't express it fully. He looked at the tracking device on his arm, turned on Damian’s device, and looked at his only daughter. 

“He is at her house.” He said not looking up and the only thing he saw was the city before him. He smirked, knowing his daughter took after him. 

Back at the sight of the argument between brothers, they finally decided that their father would listen better to his daughter rather than the three boys that drove him up a wall. But when they started to look up to talk to Cass, they realized she wasn't there. They all started to freak out, not realizing that their tracking device was working yet again. 

“Where did Bat Girl go?” Tim looked around.

“She must have left,” Dick said. 

“Whose gonna call the bat now?” Jason whispered. He threw his hands above his head, frustrated with his siblings when he saw it, The location on his arm. He slowly started to back up towards the edge of the wall while his brothers argued with each other. He had just gotten to the edge when they realized what he already knew. 

“It's back on!” The two boys shouted racing to beat each other to the address, but Jason was already beating him. They swung from building to building, running on rooftops, trying to get to her house. When they got to the building, they raised down the fire escape to her window. Jason made it there first but got distracted by the sight. It was Y/N cooking while Cass and Damian sat at the table eating cookies and drinking milk. The room had a soft glow to it, highlighting every beautiful feature of her. Before Jason got to bask in her glow, Tim and Dick were opening the window and pushing forward into the apartment. They climbed through the window followed by Jason. 

“Look what the cat dragged in!” Damian laughed, a rarity for the young boy. The girl Jason was staring at in wonder looked up and finally made eye contact with the three boys.

“I was thinking you boys were lost. I am making more cookies if you want some!” She looked at each of them and finally looked at Jason. 

“Hey, hun.” She said, putting the bowl of cookie batter down. She didn't even care that the remaining siblings ran to the bowl to get some cookie dough. She crossed the room to get to him keeping eye contact with him. She finally reached him and he hugged her, wrapping his arms around her. She placed her head under his chin. 

“I’m sorry about the crazies I brought with me.” He said, feeling ashamed. She started to laugh, her body shaking in his arms. She looked up and him and smiled. 

“I don't mind, this place gets a little lonely. My boyfriend works at night. I wonder why?” She giggled. Looking him in the eye. He started to smile. 

“He sounds like a real tool”, He said with a smile, “Mind if I take his place tonight?” She pondered the idea. 

“Jason, I would love for you to stay with me.” She smirked. She went on her tippytoes and finally gave him a kiss. As the group hung out and ate cookies, they didn't realize the person staring at them from a different building. Batman looked upon the dysfunctional crew and he smiled. He thought about how Jason’s girlfriend really brought out a new side of all his kids. Dick gave less worried looks towards Jason. The girl was giving giving decaf coffee to Tim, allowing him to sleep better at night. Cass was learning how to say more words, and feeling more confident with y/n’s help. Damian was smiling and being a kid more often. And finally, Jason was happier, shining every time the girl was mentioned. Batman was happy his son had found his forever person, even if he didn't know it yet.

[confused-wanderer]

..the batfam siblings are randomnly getting teleported through time to the original days of batman and robin, but somehow Bruce is nowhere to be seen. This leads to so many more questions, and each of them has begged the villains to just put them out of their misery at some point.

Exhibit 1

Jason *teleports into Wayne Manor*

Jason: what the actual fuck is happening?

Eight year old Dick:

Jason:

Jason: Ah sh- shoot.. Hey there..

Eight year old Dick *lip trembles*

Jason *panicking* : uhhhh hey kid please don’t cry-

*WHAM*

Jason’s knees explode in pain as he doubled over and then there’s a continuous tornado of blows coming before he’s down for the count

Eight year old Dick: IM GONNA ROCK YOUR SHIT FUCKER *about to smash a granite statue on Jason’s head if Alfred hadn’t walked in at that moment*

Jason *tasting blood and wheezing* : I- I think my ribs are broken.. also why does this fucking feel like déjà vu?

Exhibit 2

Tim:

Robin!Dick:

Tim: uh- hey Dick?

*villain appears*

Tim *running in front* : Don’t worry I’ll protect yo-

Robin!Dick running out from behind him wielding an electric blowtorch he stole from Tim: MEET YOUR END TODAY!

Tim *panicking* : ROBIN NO

Dick *cackling* : ROBIN YES

Exhibit 3

Damian:

Dick:

Damian: Richard.. you’re- not what I expected.

Dick *scaling the side of the skyscraper to help a cat stuck there*

Damian: .. Compassion is a quality you always-

Damian:

Damian: .. Richard.. where is the rest of your gear?

Robin!Dick *with cats in hand running off the ledge*

Damian: RICHARD WHERE IS YOUR GRAPPLING HOOK?!

Dick ended up doing several gymnastic moves, giving a perfect landing with the cat in tow and not a single scratch on him. Damian has stopped functioning.

Bonus

Cass *smiling warmly*

Dick *smiling and waving* : HI NICE LADY!! Do you want a cookie? Alfred made them!!

Cass *taking the packet Dick is trying to hold upright*

Dick: That ones for you! And this *takes out a small box with a skull drawn on it with crayons* is for your family! I know you don’t like talking about them.. and I think they’re the ones who hurt you. Just give them one cookie and they’ll never bother you again!

Cass: :) . Thanks.. but cookie not solve everything..

Dick: Aww..

Dick:

Dick: If I burn their house down will that work?

Cass: •_•

[corkinavoid]

A list of things I've done that pissed my mother off, but as Batfam + Team Phantom edition

Bruce: got into a verbal fight and held a year-long grudge at my teacher for not giving me a fair grade at an annual competition, and proceeded to go out of my way to win said competition next year

Alfred: refused to eat her food, got told to cook for myself and did so, ending up with both my dad and sister saying my banana bread was the best thing they've eaten

Dick: swung on the bungee rope over the dry riverbed turned into junk yard, fell, miraculously did not die, went to that same bungee rope the next day

Babs: organized a stake out, found out which neighbor had been messing with trash bins when everyone blamed raccoons, called said neighbor a raccoon for the next three weeks

Jason: kept reading books at night with a flashlight, when said flashlight was taken away, lit a candle and accidentally almost set the house on fire

Tim: fled to a different country across the globe without telling anyone except my sister, who's been 7 at the time, and did not respond to any calls or messages for three months

Steph: picked a dress with glitter for a dinner with her relatives after specifically being told not to, was forced to change, but took my revenge by exploding a glitter bomb in the car when we have already arrived at the relatives' house

Cass: responded with 'sorry I didn't quite catch that could you repeat' to her very long rant, over text

Damian: successfully clawed and gnawed at a classmate's face after they destroyed my painting

Duke: was the leader of school rebellion over the 'no wigs allowed in school' rule in sixth grade, managed to convince two teachers to join, ended up with the rule taken down

Danny: accidentally shocked myself with a tazer I stole from her handbag, cried, when she came to ask what happened, showed her by repeating the accidental electrocution

Dan: pushed my maternal aunt into the pool and watched her flounder, knowing very well she is a bad swimmer, when confronted about it later argued it was the kiddie part of the pool and she could not have drowned

Jazz: told her I was in love with a girl she disliked, when she voiced her opinion on it, made a whole argument about how I'm supposed to learn from my own mistakes and not from her experiences

Dani: zoned out while she was yelling at me, came back to her saying 'you're no better than a pig', impulsively told her 'it's because of genetics' and started oinking

Sam: painted my nails and toes on my left hand and left foot black, dyed my hair purple, but only on the left side, as well as got a piercing on the left eyebrow, while the whole right side was left 'natural'

Tucker: learned to change the wi-fi password and held power over the internet every time she took my electronics away by asking a friend that lived nearby to come by my house and using their phone to change the password

Bonus:

Selina: repeatedly stolen antique jewelry from grandma because she, in turn, stole it from my other grandma

Valerie: turned rogue, teamed up with the opponent team in lasertag and helped them win over my own teammates

Talia: threatened a person I will carve their eyeballs out with a spoon if they ever as much as look at my sister funny again, a month later gave them a decorated silver teaspoon as a birthday gift

Jack Fenton: failed my driving license test seven times, three of which were on purpose

Maddie: ruined her plans of my picture-perfect marriage by friendzoning a son of her friend, claiming I'm saving my love only for the important things like mozzarella

Vlad: scared my sister shitless by telling her a scary story about ghosts under her bed and then hiding under her bed and making 'boo' noizes

Clockwork: purposefully made her experience deja vu by wearing the exact same clothes and greeting her the exact same way in the exact same place for three days in a row

[mckinlily]

Imagine a world where Bruce Wayne did not become Batman. Instead, he is just a Normal Dude. Or as normal as a billionaire deeply dedicated philanthropy in a city as insane as Gotham can be.

Because make no mistake: just because Bruce is not Batman does not mean Gotham is not Gotham.

There are a few new players though—on the Rogues side.

Timothy Drake is the teen business tycoon of Drake Industries. Absent of the inspiration of Batman and the socialization and warmth of Dick Grayson, he is ruthless and logical to a fault in pursuit of his goals and just as viciously chaotic as the disaster little brother Jason knows.

In other words, he’s Gotham’s youngest supervillian. The only good news is his chosen nemesis is Lex Luthor. Maybe. Timothy doesn’t care much about collateral damage. It’s not his goal to harm civilians, but he certainly doesn’t include their safety as a priority in his convoluted schemes to mess with Luthor.

Talon is an undead murderer who slaughtered a huge swath the Gotham’s 1% five years ago and, despite being spotted many times since, has never been apprehended. He appears when he wants and disappears just as readily, and Gotham just has to accept there’s a killer stalking their streets and there’s nothing they can do about it. Sometimes Talon has been known to rescue people, especially, but it’s never clear how or why exactly Talon chooses who is victim verses aggressor. And the end is always brutal and bloody for those Talon deems aggressor.

Damian is still Bruce’s biological son and raised by Talia in the League of Assassins. But when he was left in Gotham and met his father, this Bruce was so baffled and thrown by a child assassin that Damian immediately takes as rejection and runs away. (He doesn’t even stay long enough for Bruce to be sure it wasn’t a hallucination or very strange dream).

Damian is almost immediately found and adopted by Talon, so now Gotham has TWO bird-themed killers liable to jump down on you from nowhere and for any reason.

Oh, and god help you if you so much as make Talon’s baby Owlet sad. If you’re lucky, it will be the last thing you do.

Barbara is an ordinary librarian…who can be hired as a mercenary hacker for the right price. The public isn’t afraid of her because they don’t know she exists. More than one politician or public figure has been ruined because of the blackmail she unearthed on them. But what side exactly is the police commissioner’s daughter on? And how much of Gotham does she have under thumb?

(Is she a secret ally and accessory to Timothy Drake’s many plots?)

Steph, thank god, is actually NOT a villain, super or otherwise. She’s the one vigilante attempting to help Gotham. Spoiler has connections among some of the caped community like Supergirl or Wonder Girl. But without Bat training or the police cooperation forged years ago by Batman, she’s mostly just striving to survive while taking on Gotham’s many, many gang. Make no mistake, she’s impressive. But desperate. Spoiler comes with guns and explosions. So. Many. Explosions. Gotham has never heard of the “no kill” rule. And likely never will.

(Cass also lives in Gotham. But no one will ever see her or even know she’s there.)

Jason….well. Baby Jason never stole any Batmobile tires and never was adopted by a strange but kind billionaire. He was never killed at 15.

He died in the winter before he turned 13.

And then one day, Adult Canon Jason gets thrown into this dimension. And somehow Gothan is WORSE?! How is that even possible? Also his siblings are running around being super villains and killing people? Bruce! Control your children!!

But this Bruce does not have children (he’s still mostly convinced Damian was a prank or hallucination). He is horrified by the idea of children fighting crime. He has absolutely no idea how to handle exceptionally talented chaos machines with too much passion and no sense of self preservation. And he’s frankly a little disturbed by Jason himself and his guns and refusal to “work within the system” and Jason nopes out of there so freaking fast.

Jason also, slowly, has to become okay with the realization that his siblings are not insane because they were made Robin. They became Robin because they were already insane. There was no way to create a normal human being out of any of them.

(Jason does not want to look too closely at what that says about him.)

In the end, Jason teams up with Steph. He connects her with Dick/Talon, who is more than happy to have a new Owlet to train and preen, and Damian only slightly stabs her. They manage to persuade/threaten Tim into caring enough to help get Jason back to his dimension with misuse of Drake Industry research equipment. Damian very much does stab Tim. Tim retaliates by locking Damian in an industrial freezer. Dick thinks they’re bonding. Jason introduces them to Babs, but frankly he has no idea what he’s hoping to achieve from this. Probably nothing good because Dick, despite being an under-socialized undead assassin with some weird mannerisms and ways of speaking, still manages to pull a woman way out his league like Barbie. And Babs seems to have no problem with the “murder” part that description.

Jason never realized how much Bruce’s strict moral code and “the Mission” were key to the rest of them becoming remotely positive influences in society. Or how little Bruce has to do with his siblings getting into dangerous, violent situation. He doesn’t like anything about it.

They work out how send Jason back, and he returns to his dimension with the feeling he’s just left Alternate Gotham to a gang of supervillains.

…at least they’re together?

And Talon Dick won’t let any of his new Owlets die and will rain bloody vengeance on anyone who tries. So that’s good. For them at least.

(Jason feels absurdly like he should be apologizing to this universe’s Bruce. Or. Someone. He doesn’t. But he feels like he should.)

Back at in his dimension and at the Batcave, Jason pauses and just stares at Batman for a very, very long time. Finally, he takes a deep breath and solemnly nods just once before taking off into the Manor for Alfred’s cookies.

Bruce has no idea what the fuck just happened.

[justsomestuffreally]

I think the Batfamily's protocol for truth serums/ truth artifacts/ etc. is to talk faster than the other party can ask questions. Just them trying to derail the conversation enough that the attackers forget what they originally wanted to ask. Here's what I think they would say when kidnapped and dosed with a truth serum:

Bruce: Usually says in a really deadpan voice "I had an orgy with Green Arrow once". Whoever used the truth serum on him immediately assumes that of course, it doesn't work on Batman, why did I bother. Bruce then only has to keep up with the appearance that the serum did not work on him.

Dick: Gossip. He'll take talk about the Titans or JL stuff that happened years ago while obfuscating the timeline and events ("Oh yeah, Arsenal (back then Speedy) absolutely stole (a sandwich) from Flash (back then Kidflash), he was livid").

Jason: Information on rivals of the kidnappers. He doesn't care if they use the info to kill enemy gang members, so he can lay their plans wide open. Where they stash their drugs, where the guns are, how they transfer money, etc. He's a goldmine of information and it's a win-win for him. If they fight each other they don't bother him and his people.

Tim: Conspiracy theories. He'll start talking about how the earth was flat for 3 minutes and about various shadow governments. Either his kidnappers think he's crazy and his information meaningless or they are very sacred because what.

Cass: She usually tells them in detail how she could kill them. If they readjust their stance she'll explain all the ways it leaves them open. Most are too freaked out to ask any more questions.

Damian: Tries to tell people how many people he murdered. However either they assume the truth serum didn't work or they still can't take him seriously. He found out that if he talks about Jerry most of the kidnappers are too confused why this angry twelve-year-old has a turkey as a pet, managed to convince Batman he can have a turkey as a pet and now tells them how to care for said turkey. They forget what they originally wanted to asks him.

Duke: He'll tell them stories about Gotham and how sometimes when you open a dumpster, you can't stop laughing even though there is a decapitated head in there (Joker gas got trapped in the dumpster). He'll talk about how Gotham used to be haunted by a demon (Barbatos) or various other campfire horror stories (using his powers for added creepy lighting) to scare the kidnappers enough to leave.

[gaywineauntsstuff]

Things I think about late at night

-discowing was Dicks dads costume

-the mullet everyone cracks jokes about (same) was given to him my mirage

- the OG Robin costume was based on his parents and his circus costumes and now it’s black, gray and orange

- Jason Todd’s biggest fear is not living up to Dick Grayson (in Bruce’s eyes)

- Damian Wayne’s biggest fear is disappointing Dick Grayson

- DC tried to make Dick and Donna a thing (no..just no)

-Dick and Damian both have a compulsive need to pick up strays (is this Bruce’s fault or did they bond over this?)

- Tim Drake is so cool in the comics and I wasted so many years hating him cuz fanon Tim is a lil bitch boy

-Jason Todd is such a loser in canon but it works so well on him god damn

-I’m actually rlly annoyed that Steph is never a contender for nightwing I think she’d do rlly well tbh

- Steph’s backstory is way sadder than Tim’s we should absolutely talk about it more

-Lian Harper :(

-Tim is so funny when he’s just some dude who ADHD hyperfixationed his way into a “I got adopted by my favorite band” y/n self insert fic except the band was a collection of deeply unstable people who fight crime and also happens to have an IQ of 180

-

This image

- the fact that Bruce and Dick/Damian/Tim have a deeply dysfunctional relationship and I need them in family therapy

- Cass isn’t actually Bruce’s favorite she’s just the one that should be.

- the fact that Jason Todd canonically likes Dick Grayson and doesn’t like Nightwing

- the fact that Donna and Stephanie Brown aren’t friends and have never had a run together in canon (they should be- give me mentor-mentee vibes fr ong)

- Damian wants to become a doctor like his grandfathers and his mom <3

-the fact that Dick missed a solid portion of Damian’s development if you consider both spryal and the Ric arc to have happened in the same timeline

- Dick stole Bruce,babs and Damian’s super

- Garth, Dick and Donna are a sliding scale of blue to black costumes (they come in a set!!!)

- the fact I don’t have enough Dick and Garth fanon and canon content

- Jason/ Red hood needs an iconic establishing story like Nightwing year 1. I feel like Dixons Grayson is so easy to reference as like the “standard Grayson” before you add all the other (imo better) stuff from other future runs and tbh I don’t think Jason has any (if you disagree gimmie some recs)

- the fab 5 are called that in canon

- Garth didn’t have any friends pre joining the OG titans

- nightwing is on every Pride cover every damn year and he hasn’t kissed Roy or Wally yet? Sir? Plz

- Wally lost his wife and children multiple times in canon

- young Roy was bitter and wanted to compete with Robin!Dick but adult Roy wants to punch Bruce in the face bc he realizes bby Grayson was so abnormal

[im-not-buying-it-ether]

The many offers to one Billy Batson, curtesy of many a BatFam, and his answers

Jason offered to “strongly inconvenience” his scumbag uncle Ebenezer, he said sure and Jason planted a lot of illegal material in his house and got him arrested till he’s very very dead. The family home he stole is now property of a bank that Wayne enterprises just so happens to have recently bought

Damian offered a friendly alliance for information on the daily talks and goings on within the justice league, Billy said sure as long as Damian teaches him how to sword fight. Damian now has many files on the hilarious inside jokes, embarrassing moments of many justice league members, and lots of footage of Batman rambling on about how proud he is of Damian

Bruce offered to adopt him to get him off the streets, Billy said no. “I’m not going to give up being Billy Batson and be William Wayne-son Bats.”

Jason offered to let Billy be his sidekick for the week Batman told him he was benched from League business, Billy said yes and thus Hoodlum was born.

Stephanie offered him a twenty if he tried to use a phrase of her choosing as a spell on a thug next time they patrolled, he said yes. Turns out the Champion of Magic can bend a lot of rules with spell casting, so saying “skedaddle skidoodle your dick is now a noodle” apparently works as an actual hex (Bruce was not happy with either of them, the rest of the bat fam are not writing lists of phrase ideas to test and building a “Magic Test” fund. Absolutely not, no way)

Cass offered him some ASL lessons so he could remember how to do it without the Wisdom of Solomon, hopped right into being taught by her since it is a good skill to have.

[haveihitanerve]

Bruce makes it in time to get to Jason. But… is it enough to save him?

“Master Bruce-“ “I’m almost there Alfred.” Bruce bites back, almost breaking his wrist by how hard he twists the motorcycle accelerator. And he is. He can see the warehouse. Bruce lands, not even bothering to slow, leaping off the bike as it crashes into the trees and he sprints for the doors, terrified he’ll make it too late, that he won’t be fast enough for his son. The door slams open, Bruce not even bothering to check if it’s locked or not, just plowing it down, and hurries inside, spotting his son within a moment. Jason opens his eyes in surprise, mouth curving to form a perfect O. “Br- Batman.” He whispers, voice hoarse with disbelief. Bruce rushes to his side, cupping his cheek, cradling the boy- his boy, to his chest. “Jay. Jay bird. Jaylad. Hey firecracker. Hey bud.” Jason’s eyes fill with tears and Bruce does his best to wipe them away, to press a kiss to his son's forehead. “You came.” Jason whispers, tears clogging his throat. “Of course baby.” Bruce murmurs, rocking back and forth. “Of course I came, baby. I will always come for you. Always.” He presses another kiss to Jason’s head. “I love you son. I love you, I love you, I love you.” “I love you too-“ Jason rasps, but his eyes catch something on the wall behind him. “Dad, wait- the bomb-“ the explosion shakes the very earth, and Gotham seems to curl in on herself, screaming with a pain and rage that is unimaginable. In a basement cave in the middle of Gotham, a butler's hands go cold. A man, wearing a blue mask a city over, suddenly feels a chill sweep over him, and something inside him, probably his heart, feels like it’s been torn in two.

Their bodies are found, or at least what’s left of them, two days later, the larger man wrapped almost completely around the smaller, cradling his boy to his chest. Nightwing almost beats Joker to death and is only stopped by three others, all of which seem just as inclined to kill him, but resist. Gotham mourns, earthquakes shaking the ground, warehouses crumbling to dust, and Joker is found drowned in the harbor, the fishes whisper of a presence so old and strong even the biggest fish feared her, and Aquaman shudders. Gothamites mourn their fallen Prince and his adopted son, but Gotham mourns her prodigal sons, her children, her oldest and youngest, and cradles the last survivor to her chest, cloaking him in shadows and gifting him all the things she did not give the others, the things she thought they wouldn’t need so long as they had each other, the things she had not yet granted them ready for. She drapes them over the young, jaded hero, gifting him sight and smell and sound, allowing him to control her shadows and her streets and most of all… gifting him flight, the way his namesake first claimed, the way her firstborn child and her youngest were never able to. The Vulture takes to the Gotham skyline like a moth to open flames, perhaps a little less withdrawn with his punches, perhaps a little more protective of young boys, but belonging to Gotham all the same. The Joker stole something from her, and she will never allow it to happen again. The Vulture gains followers, friends, the Starling, the Goldfinch, the Owl, the Crow, the Cardinal, and Robin, all under Gothams protection, and she has him watch, from his watery prison, as they protect her, defend their city from the ilk like him, not giving in to their rage and revenge, but helping, rebuilding Gotham in his image. Their image. The man who saw hope, and his son. Batman and Robin.

(In case it was unclear, the three people pulling dick away from Joker are Babs, Kate and Luke, and then the Vulture is dick, and his friends, in order as listed, are Stephanie, Duke, Babs, Cass, Tim, and Damian. Also Gotham does kill Joker because she knows dick cannot but she also keeps him half alive, suspended in time, destined to drown for all eternity and watch as the bats succeed in honor of Batman the man he fought against.)

[avayarising]

Deaths of Dick Grayson

Part of the Batfam Death Project.

Dick has died four times and travelled to a world of the dead twice. Total time dead: up to several weeks.

Verifiable deaths

1. Killed by the Joker (Emperor Joker, 2000)

Dick was killed by the Joker after Joker stole reality-altering powers from Mxyzptlk and remade the universe to his liking.

It’s unclear exactly how he died, but Joker kept Nightwing’s dead and rotting corpse alongside Tim’s and Jason’s.

Dick was brought back to life when the universe was restored by Mxyzptlk and Hal Jordan (as the Spectre) after Superman defeated Joker.

Time dead: unclear, but it appears to be multiple days and theoretically could be several weeks.

2. Briefly killed by Mr Fun (Batman: Family 2:7, 2003)

Dick was killed by Mr Fun, a skilled assassin working for a gang boss calling herself Athena (who was also CEO of Wayne Enterprises and trying to bring it down from the inside). Mr Fun crept up on Nightwing, hit him in the head with a golf club and then, while he was concussed and disoriented, used pressure points to stop his breathing and heart.

Cass fought Mr Fun off Nightwing, but Mr Fun shot her off the roof with one of dead Nightwing’s wrist rockets. When Cass recovered, Mr Fun had left (to kill the person they were supposed to be guarding). She returned to Nightwing and resuscitated him using CPR, which apparently cured his head injury too.

Time dead: long enough for Cass to fight off Mr Fun (which wasn’t easy) and recover from being shot down, and then give Dick CPR, so probably a good few minutes.

3. Killed and raised by Lex Luthor (Forever Evil 6–7, 2014)

Dick was hooked up to a murder machine involving a bomb wired to his heart, such that it could only be disarmed by killing Dick. Lex Luthor stopped his heart by making him swallow a pill.

Batman of course then started going feral on Lex until Lex persuaded him that he could bring Dick back, which he did with a shot of adrenaline to the heart.

Time dead: long enough for Batman to get in a good couple of punches on Luthor, plus time for Luthor to detach Dick from the machine, so probably up to two minutes.

4. Beaten to death by groblins (Dark Nights: Death Metal 7, 2021)

Dick, along with other members of the Batfamily, was overwhelmed by a swarm of ‘groblins’: mindless evil Jokerised Robins invading from the Dark Multiverse, led by the Robin King (an evil child Bruce Robin). His death happens off-panel but we see his corpse lying on the ground.

(Then Bruce, who was already dead and a Black Lantern, raised his dead family members as zombies.)

Dick was restored to proper life when Wonder Woman, powered by the determination of her friends, defeated the evil Batman Who Laughs and persuaded the gods to remake the multiverse as it was before the evil universes invaded the good ones.

Time dead: somewhere from quarter of an hour to an hour? Or perhaps a lot longer, if it took longer to rebuild the world. It’s always a little tricky to be sure when world remakes are involved.

Afterlife visits

A trip to Dis (Titans 1:4, 1999)

Dick, along with the rest of the Titans, signed a magic book created by a demon called Goth that summoned them to Dis, a region of Hell. Goth had positioned himself as an actor and superstar and got his fans to sign the book, then led them in a chant to transport them to Dis.

Kory was amongst those who had signed the book and was transported, so Dick and the rest of the Titans went after her.

They discover that the way to get out is to find things to care about, and spend some time individually persuading people to care one at a time, but they start to lose hope, infected by the aura of apathy in Dis. Kory, who is less affected, attacks Goth and throws him down from a height, causing his fans to return to the mortal world because they are worried about Goth and the Titans to return because they are worried about Kory.

Time in afterlife: looks like several hours.

Hell heist (Nightwing 4:103, 2023)

Raven created a portal to bring Nightwing, along with Beast Boy and Cyborg, to Hell to find Blockbuster’s contract with the demon Neron, wherein Blockbuster sold the soul of his firstborn daughter, a nine-year-old called Olivia.

They found the contract and returned to the mortal realm, also courtesy of Raven. (Turned out Neron’s contract was easy to thwart: Dick just had to become a foster parent and assume legal guardianship of Olivia. Neron tried to tempt Dick with super powers, but while Dick very much enjoyed the free sample he was not even briefly tempted to give up Olivia for them.)

Time in afterlife: probably a few hours of travel, fighting, and research.

Batfam Death Project Masterpost

[mysticlael]

Here. More Inco Quotes With The Bats. Have Fun

Jason, after watching Dick get shot by someone: You’re dead. You are very dead. When you are a corpse I will hack away at your flesh and eat you raw. Dick: Wha- Jay, I’m not dead yet! Jason: Let me have my moment of rage to avenge you. Dick: I’d prefer it if you didn’t let me die.

Tim: How do tall people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you? Jason: Bitch, it's four o'clock in the morning. Tim: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?

Dick: “I miss you” is the nicest text you can receive. Duke: “I bought a monster truck.” Jason: You’re both wrong, it’s “I have too much money, you can have some.” Tim: “I got you pizza.” Steph: Fools! I present to you this: “Cass is driving to your house right now.” Duke: “Cass had too much money so she's driving to your house in a monster truck with a pizza that she got for you.” Dick: “…Because she missed you.”

Steph: Did you bring Jason? Dick, gesturing to Tim: No, but I brought the next best thing. Steph: Tim? The next best thing would be Cass. Tim: I would be offended, but Cass is freakishly talented.

Cass: Everything will be ok. You can not stop it. Cass: Everything will be fine. You have no choice. Steph: What the fuck kind of pep talk is that? Cass: Ominous positivity.

Bruce: Why is there blood everywhere? Jason: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife. Bruce: You stabbed someone? Jason: No, no. I aggressively poked someone with a knife.

Duke: How would you guys deal with a toxic friend? Barbara: Tell them how you really feel. Dick: Slowly distance yourself from them. Damian: Engage in a 1v1 sword battle and if they lose, they have to stop being toxic or pay the price. Duke, being handed a sword: …well heck.

Jason, at the slightest provocation: I came into this earth screaming and covered in someone else's blood and I'm not afraid to leave the same way.

Bruce: So, you lied to me? Jason: That depends on how you define lying. Bruce: Well, I define it as not telling the truth. How do you define it? Jason: Um, reclining your body in a horizontal position?

Steph: So, what’s Cass' type? Tim: Brown eyes, kind, oblivious, good sense of humor, purple lover. Steph: Sounds kind of like me. Too bad we’re just friends. Tim: Did I mention oblivious? Steph: Yeah, why? Tim: Okay, just making sure.

Jason: Is there a cactus where your heart should be? 'Cause you're a real fucking prick. Tim: What’s up your ass this morning! Roy: *walks in* ...Hey. Tim: Hmm… nevermind. Jason: WAIT NO!

Dick: So you’re dating Roy? Jason: What? No! I’m just buying him an accessory since he has terrible fashion sense. Dick: That’s literally a wedding ring.

Selina: Bruce is playing hard to get. Selina: Little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Bruce: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart. Selina: But I'm a kleptomaniac, so that doesn't mean anything.

Dick: If I fall… Kori: I’ll be there to catch you. Tim: *looks at Bernard* What if I fall? Bernard: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side. Roy: *watches these two interactions* Roy, to Jason: And if I fall? Jason: I’ll be the one who pushed you.

Roy: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt. Jason: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks, I don't want to hear shit.

[incorrectbatfam]

It's graduation season and you know imma ask for batfam grad hcs

• Alfred missed his graduation because he was called to the military and didn't celebrate until after he moved to Gotham

• Bruce's name was somehow the only one the announcer goofed

• Kate celebrated leaving West Point by sticking a really big knife in a cake

• Selina crashed a lot of grad parties of people who didn't like her

• Luke had so many honor cords he had to wear some as belts

• Bette was valedictorian and snuck a Bruce Wayne Is Batman joke into her speech

• Barbara's graduation party witnessed the first and only time the Commissioner tried to breakdance

• Helena celebrated getting her teaching license with the kids she tutored

• Dick did a backflip across the stage

• Steph ordered catering from Waffle House

• Harper dropped out but set up fireworks anyway for the hell of it

• Cullen went from the unconfident freshman trying to be invisible to openly wearing a rainbow stole as he got his diploma

• Tim also dropped out but took people's grad photos in exchange for free food

• Duke decorated multiple caps and kept switching them out during the ceremony

• Carrie covered her robe with enamel pins that jangled when she walked

• Damian only RSVPed for the pets

• Cass graduated an online course and the family surprised her with her favorite midnight patrol breakfast

• Jason secretly finished school and is waiting for the day he can go "well actually…" and pull out his degree knowledge

[imthenextrobin]

got a bit too angsty last post, so here’s a fun one to make it up!

a few years ago, when Damian was brand new to the manor and stressed out at everything.

Nobody knew how to help him calm down, and while Tim and Steph kept their distance, with the occasional annoying older sibling acts, Cass and Dick worried for Damian.

So, Cass left the manor around 3:16 PM and came back a few minutes later, a bag of chocolates in hand.

Dick, not wanting to know where she got them in such a short time, quickly appreciated her idea as he could see Damian tilt his head in curiosity.

(And if he could hear a little kid crying to his dad that a shadow stole his candy, he would just make a mental note to drop off more in the kids bedroom)

As such, Damian initially refused the chocolate, but later grew accustomed to it. As time went on, Damian ate chocolate exclusively from a well known vegan brand, which didn’t usually appeal others.

Which is why Damian was so confused on who would steal his chocolates??? Like??? Nobody even likes them??? This had to be a crime against him.

However, when he asked around, nobody had a clue to who stole it. Everyone denies stealing the chocolate, (obviously) but weirdly, not a single person had an idea of who it could’ve been

Dick asked if Jason was at the manor, because if so it probably would have been him, but when interrogated, Jason refused and said he had dropped by, but hadn’t stayed for long and didn’t even know he had chocolates. “And.” he added, “I hate those damn things. Can’t even call the chocolates.”

Damian then went to Tim, who simply stated that he was working on an annoying case. He had gotten frustrated and went to bed a few hours before the chocolates had been eaten. (Damian didn’t bother to point out he had found the chocolates eaten at 5 in the afternoon)

After asking Cass, Steph, and Duke all together; they reasoned that maybe he had eaten them in his sleep????? Which Damian doubted was even possible in the first place, leading him to be suspicious, however the three had alibis as they had all spent the day hangout out with their friends. “Our teenage friends, you know, going outside instead of staying indoors all day?”

Annoyed, Damian went back to his father, who could only offer to help him solve the ‘case’ really quickly before heading to a meeting.

The duo sat in the couch together a few hours later, both equally stumped as not a single clue had popped up. One by one, all members of the bat family step into the investigation, until everyone is in one of the living rooms, arguing with one another about who stole the damn cookies, friendships are broken, new ties are made, promises are destroyed.

Bruce has to break up a fistfight between Tim and Jason.

Damian rubs his hands against his head as he tries to soothe his headache. Whatever, at least it would last only today.

(and if years later, when Damian is a teen and grown up, the topic is brought up again by Dick and everyone starts fighting about it, Damian would just rub his forehead again)

[eggfriedricedwasian]

The batfam owning pets each

Alfred- a senior basset hound named Pugsley that uses a wheel chair(Like Pops from the secret life of pets)

Bruce- a german shepherd named Ace(We know this already)

Dick- he already has Haley aka bitewing, but he also has an illegal monkey Damian got for him as a birthday gift and he brings it to gymnastics when he teaches classes. It's a girl as well and her name is Penelope

Babs- 3 squirrels she named after Velma, Simon, and Donny and, somehow someway, she has a trained red tailed hawk named Dexter

Jason- A Burmese mountain dog and his name is Rex

Cass- She has a persian cat named Sofi whom she takes to ballet practice and learns how to step even more lightly than she already steps and also how to land lightly when jumping by watching Sofi play

Steph- She has a yellow and bright blue macaw named Astrid. She got Astrid after watching HTTYD and now Astrid knows how to fetch things from even the fridge(She sometimes helps on patrol when Bruce isn't out)

Tim- If you asked him if he has a pet he'd tell you he has 4 dogs and 2 cats which is understandable bc he's rich. He technically isn't lying but in actuality he owns 4 wolves, a snow leopard, and a tiger. No his family doesn't know about his precious babies, he tends to keep it that way because he doesn't want damian stealing them. He uses his money to advantage

Duke- He has a sugar glider he sometimes takes on patrol who he named Apollight. Dont ask him how he got that name, he's embarrassed to admit he mixed the name Apolli with the word light.

Damian- He has alfred the female tuxedo cat and titus the black great dane

Kate- Don't ask how she owns and tamed a bat, she just stole one from the bat cave and named it Luna

Selina- you know she has and picks up every stray cat she sees

Harley- She has her two hyenas named bud and lou

Ivy- she has a tarantula name Sweetie