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#but this person couldnt possibly be doing that.... RIGHT???
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(some-what of) an analysis on patty possom(?)
inspired by this post on the PE-AZ yes this episode is my fave yes i unironically love patty yes i was a fnaf kid yes i am utterly deranged
some of these r incoherent because its midnight and i wanna post this as fast as possible before i go to bed and wake up at the crack at dawn
yayyy patty ^_^
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one of the first things ive noticed post becoming alive like the next frankeinstine is that her eye wasnt fixed by the mechanics, which as ill discuss later imply a sort of negligence (? i think) to the properly, i however dgaf and like to interperate this as her having a lazy eye <3
she seems to be a genuially nice person!!!! um . i dont know how to continue this paragrapth pretend theres something here thats interesting
imagine being born into the world and already having a dreadful fear of being abandoned. crazy, mustve impacted her very hard
though this probably means it gave her fake memories or she was already sorta vaugely away of whats happening?? like psudo sentient?? if that makes sense, how the hell do you know this girl, you havent BEEN to the devils sacrament
the way she goes about it and the ending shows that she has no clue on how to socialize or their cues at all, or just cuz of the pov its intentionally shown as more creepy (which it probably is, you could hear her go "where r u going :(" in a sad tone), shes a massive werido and i love her for that
point is, shes nice but has no idea how to say "nooo dont leave me haha" normally cuz she just appeared 2 seconds ago with no idea of proper communication, does that make sense..... help
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heres the thing i love about this the most, shes at the end of the ep shes seen dragging background character #47 in the same tone of voice and hes seen uncomfortable. PAN TO THE NEXT SLIDE IN WHICH THEY SEEM OK IN THEIR PRESENCE
LIKE . THE GUY JUST ACCEPTS HER HAND TO HOLD WHEN SHES SHOCKED..... THEY R BESTIES AND IM TIRED OF PPL OVERLOOKING IT, and the fact that i dont think we get to see him again (cuz they couldnt fit him anywhere in the background? i think) makes it better for me, balding old guy notices furry twice his size scared of being left alone so he decides to stay here just for her.... MANNN
the general area
lets see, were right off the bat were introduced to a good few places, the fun tunnels, the game zone, a claw machine thats rigged, the place with the signature snack which i wont go over because thats kinda of its own gag but its sticky and probably unhealthy, and the main stage
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i assume the fun tunnels are made with a holograpthic effect inuniverse, and i think theres some LED lights in there to make it glow, i was going to say its polyethylene plastic but i dont think that exists google stock photos lied to me, also not related but it looks like a horrible spray paint job was done on this thing lol
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also acording to the lyrics theres supposed to be 3 more members, a raccoon, cat and turtle . i dont think we see craggle in photo though rip (if theyre not a sphyinx ill be dissapointed), tyrone seems to have a 60's? aesthetic going on, rascal has a punk aesthetic going on and patty has a more modern aesthetic ? i think, the spiked collar is throwing me off
from winns dialouge in the start implying that they havent been here in a good while ("when i was little" ur in 5th grade) and the fact that their instruments are still there, then this was probably a recent desicion, or atleast long enough for a 10 y/o that hasnt been here in awhile to be upset by this and for patty to be immediatly spawned in with abandonment issues
along with a rigged claw machine and the snack i think it implies that the people over there who own this establishment are probably really cheap, and the fact that the PRAMBY snack is really sticky is definatly going to cause some health issues down the line, something something fazbear entertainment
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oh and also, theres like a split second frame where this shows up, obviously its just there as a morbid joke but atleast it shows us this establishment is atleast old enough to have someones decaying body be bone by now, which after writing that makes me sound stupid because skeletonization might not take as long as i thought it would ("3 weeks to several years" depending on the surroundings)
whoever was there seemed to have been stuck for 25 days at least and has gone undetected, which means this place is linked to one unsolved missing persons case and they dont have a clue (most likely), also theres ballpit balls inside this thing i fucking guess?? theres no actual ballpit in the place idk what this kid was doing
i have tried to make up a map of how the place looks but im always bad with rooms ? and i had to take a fewwww small creative liberties with this cuz i couldnt figure out where theyd be but close enough👍👍
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triglycercule · 28 days
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Do you have any headcanons for murder trio sexualities and or genders?
hmmm hmm ngl in my head the genders for the trio doesn't matter. like to me they're just living skeletons. a bunch of agender little shits and besides to me the gender doesn't matter much in their stories nor in the stories i imagine in my head or in any of my interpretations so unless otherwise specified (like in jk fashion au. theyre girls there solely because i love women and i want my trio to wear cute clothes that they wouldn't canonically wear. theres just a sweet charm to girls wearing cute clothes loving and laughing with other fellow girls. jk fashion au my beloved) theyre just a bunch of skeleton freaks. they COULD use any pronouns but i only use he him for all three because of sheer convinence. the trio would use any pronouns wear any sort of clothes and do whatever the fuck they want with gender and i would support them like the worlds biggest ally because i simply love them so
amd then sexuality uhhhh i think horror would be bi. because i saw that one horrortale wedding soriel art and even though i dont quite care for soriel SAS art is SAS art. so bi horror it is. also i dont think he'd give two flying fucks about romance and stuff like that. he simply would not look at dust and be like "let's go on a date beautiful". because he just wouldn't thats not who he is. horror would instead drag dust to a shooting range with no warning and they do that with no mentions of it being a date. thats what makes more sense to me. and with the way that his body is probably totally brittle and frail and SOMEHOW skinny for a skeleton (??????) he'd probably take a long ass time to ever warm up to someone to do the do. demisexual because i said so. dust on the other hand is the reverse for me. there is NO WAY in my head i can imagine dust looking at like killer or something (and not just because he hates him) and think smash. he just absolutely would never never never never dust is a hardcore asexual. HARD(like me)core ace. and then like horror with all his bullshit insecurities and fears and mental issues he'd take a long time to ever accept romance from anyone or be romantically interested in anyone. all of the mtt on the ace spectrum because i said so. and killer? you just be killer. just kidding i dont think he would give a shit either way. killer is the most neutral neutral when it comes to romance or intimacy since like. neither of them provide ANYTHING for him. there is no point to him. he just goes with the flow of whatever horror and dust want because he's a follower like that (LOSER!!!!)
anyways my opinions on this topic have not changed in forever. all sanses ngl are agender to me (unless gender plays a big role in their lore or something but i dont think stuff like that does in any of the majorly popular ones) and i blast the mtt with the aroace ray because i can and because i want to and because i feel like they would. all my opinions on this can literally just be taken from the top 1/4 of this one ship chart i filled out like a month or two ago
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#BOO triglycercule who knew you were so WOKE#stop being so flexible and neutral on the topic of gender and sexuality and give a genuine answer#i say as i make all of the trio agender asexual and aromantic#this is probably such a boring answer........ i can feel the tomatos being thrown through the screen#IDK i just dont feel the need to give all the trio fancy pronouns like axe/axeself blood/bloodself they/them for horror or something#its just not something im particularly interest in headcanoning the trio about#when there's much more creative potential and ideas focusing more on their relationships and interactions and stuff like that#WHO IS THIS ANON YOUVE SENT ME LIKE 5 ASKS ALREADY OVER TJE PAST TWO DAYS?????#WHO ARE YOU. REVEAL YOURSELF#for all i know you could be batman ahh anon#i am NOT batman#i'm batman#every time i get a new ask im always inspecting the speech patterns and trying to see who it is#WHO in my followers list uses murder trio to describe the mtt instead of murder TIME trio???#this is a mystery yet to be solved because i actually cant be bothered to look through all those profiles and see who#this is probably just me over thinking because i do this but what if this anon changed their speech pattern to be unrecognizable#i do that ngl. when i send asks to people even if im anon i change my talking style#less capital use less exclamation point and comma and period use less everything. sometimes i even capitalize my words#but this person couldnt possibly be doing that.... RIGHT???#whoever this person is i'll give you robux if you reveal yourself and take off your mask#dream face reveal but with this anon. i havent played roblox in months i have a ton of robux saved up#if it genuinely surprises me i might do it. jk. maybe????#who knows#tricule asks
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faaun · 7 months
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my research partner and i are huddled in a blanket in paddington waiting for a too-late train i already miss you and you and you
#he keeps falling asleep almost on my shoulder and waking up and readjusting but i want to tell him its ok weve seen a lot#of each other ive seen your brainwaves you called me crying a few nights ago. research partner right now is a potentiality#friend is a certainty. i met a banker passionate about finance. he said his advice made the lives of others better and he likes the numbers#more than he likes anything else. on a high rise near canary wharf the view was wonderful and the people even moreso#he said i loved her but i spent 33 grand on her and i cant do this anymore. his voice cracked talking about her. he did love her.#and she talked softly she grabbed my hand she bought me a pack of Marlborough gold she told me to snap#the russian menthol cigarettes of the tortured polish man near us with my teeth i kept staring at her teeth#bright white and sharp. i couldnt find her heartbeat but i did find warmth and i did find her lips and i did feel#how she felt pressed against a wall. a pretty boy held my hand and i gave him my number. i couldnt stop smiling about her no matter#how many runways youve walked on how many collections youve designed how many students youve taught. senior lecturer teaches me how to do#very unethical things ethically over a double shot of vodka made by the half-persian with broken farsi. she talks softly#and she says her eyes are hazel but they appear a shade of red. pure gold on her hands and leather on her back and her fingers on my lips#(she talks softly sees through me she says something i cant hear but i wont forget the way she flies) she talked to my research partner#about the possibility of moving to sunny dubai with the rest of her family and my heart felt pierced. on her arm i traces a tattoo of a#knife passing through a rose. she told me she thought there was romance in severing so i kissed her some more.#he sat me down and asked me what i loved and i told him and he said no romance no person no tragedy will take that from you.#the room was filled with a collection of people in love with something that wasnt a person and i kept looking at her.#red eyes bitten jawline beautiful hands. it is 3 degrees Celsius my head is on his shoulder i miss my friends#we walked out the lecture hall with arms linked a photo of two years ago and we both said#jesus christ. i miss you all. and i miss logic metatheory lectures. im glad i get to stare at the depth of your eyes#i wish i had met you years ago.#crushposting
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lyriumrain · 2 months
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Shout out to everyone who was alone when they came out of surgery
I was going to make this trans-specific, but as I was typing I realised this would suck no matter what you had done. So, to people who wanted someone to be there:
I'm sorry you were alone, or if no one could visit until days later when the scary moments had already passed. I'm sorry no one was there to celebrate you coming out the other side.
You made it, you're alive. I'm hugging you and leaving balloons and stuffed animals (that you may or may not want lol) by your bedside.
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thedrotter · 4 months
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I have a gift for y'all today !!! 😊 Ever wanted to find a line in Re:Kinder in a single place for the sake of reference?? How about multiple chunks of lines. how about all the little variations that arise in the text with it's many endings, item descriptions, text that comes from interacting with the enviroment, and character info from the menu without having to boot up the game and go through it at long minutes!!???
well i sure did😊 Since I do a lot of fanart and think up my own silly theories and thoughts that need me to reference the game lines a lot, i have made a transcript for it for convenience's sake. A weirdly thorough transcript handwritten and proofread by me including all character lines available in-game. And I'm sharing it with you all today for anyone that wants it !!! :3 To use as a reference for creative fanworks or a quick search for a line in-game, whatever you wish to use it for!!
It uses the english translation of the game by vgperson. So naturally all credit for the game lines available in here is to her and Parun who made the game.
I did my best to organize it in a way easy to digest. Do note that I'm still human, and there's still the chance for mistake in it no matter how much I've proofread it, since I'm not even an english native speaker ^^. But I hope it serves you well nonetheless if you wish to use it.
That's my gift for today!!! Not the usual art, but still a project I'm proud of. Enjoy!!! 😊
#re:kinder#rekinder#not art#now goofy commentary for those who read my tags#i may have spent at the very minimum around 35 hours on it 😁 because thats what my pomodoro timer got to count in sum#but then again i spent more time without timing it as well so. we'll never know how many hours in total I've put into this#no regrets it was fun because shocking fact of all i enjoy this game🫣 (/s)#you could say but michael there are long playthroughs available on YouTube#couldnt you reference that instead of making a transcript#to that i say... they don't play the game like i do im picky as hell they dont show me every nook and cranny possible#and also i dont like scrubbing through those i thought just pressing ctrlF on a script would be easier. AND IT IS JAJSJSJSJSJS#but thats personal preference all in all#and im used to using transcripts for fanworks coming from earthbound. like there's one for the main game dialogue online and i love it a lot#for this game to not have any felt like some sort of crime considering how cool the story and the lines it has are#its also plenty useful for a game you're writing the spanish wiki for#yes i am doing that apparently my hobby became community work since i got into this game#gotta put that free time before turning 18 and getting a job onto something why not make resources just because i can#anyway fun fact while proofreading i noticed that everytime yuuichi was on scene there was a typo because i got too excited or emotional#either i was laughing because of how evil he is or i was getting unreasonably angry at the treatment he recieved in the past#in section 9 which is true end confrontation i was doing mistakes left and right until the fabled princess line scene#there i was bawling like a baby but THE ERRORS STOPPED ABRUPTLY LIKE I WAS FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE ALL UNTIL THE SCENE ENDED#THEN THERE WERE A BUTLOAD OF MISTAKES ITS INCREDIBLY FUNNY😭 i was fighting for my life holding in all those typos because i couldnt see#so this transcript was made with a lot of emotion laugh and tears and now you know#now i can get bagk to drawing this is the thing i mentioned i was doing fot a while#content feeding schedule crazy rn
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nomairuins · 22 days
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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toastsnaffler · 2 months
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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stardustfanfare · 11 months
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#mom says that the reason she didnt comfort me while i was having one of the biggest meltdowns of my life was cus i wouldnt tell her what was#wrong and i clearly was capable#like i hate to tell you but just because im technically capable doesnt mean i can communicate easily#im too upset to be able to communicate my thoughts to you about why im upset#she literally told me that its annoying when i cry and scream without telling her whats wrong#she said and i quote I could ask anyone in the world and all of them would be annoyed by this#she said if i just said Sorry i cant calm down i cant talk right now that would be fine like hello? is that not fucking obvious?#i said wouldnt this (being a more concerning thing) make you more sympathetic and she said no it just makes me more annoyed and this is the#normal response#she said even when normal people are throwing up and retching they can communicate whats wrong#that im just pretending to not be able to talk to her to manipulate her and that im being disrespectful by intentionally getting louder and#more disruptive#my parents are convinced i do things on purpose to guilt trip them all the time and i dont understand it because theyve known me for#my whole life and thats the most out of character thing i could ever possibly do but they wont even consider that im not doing that#i asked her why she didnt believe me when i said i wasnt manipulating her and she said I do believe you! when did i ever say i didnt#i dont understand. shes convinced that every normal person behaves like her#and the worst of it is i know shes trying her best and yet still refuses to acknowledge the fact that#I DONT FUCKING MAKE MYSELF MORE MISERABLE ON PURPOSE!#she doesnt seem to understand that overreaction can be conscious and still unavoidable#like yes its not like if i tried i absolutely couldnt calm down and talk to you#but thats not helpful! i dont WANT to try because i am screaming so hard that mythroat will be sore for an entire day!#because i am upset!#i am too upset to care that i can tecxhnically stop#i just dont understand why its so hard to believe im not manipulating her when im genuinely upset#i dont understand why she looks at me like a loose screw. something annoying but not something worth fixing#its always bad enough to warrant anger and never bad enough to warrant a solution#because im crazy but im fine and im not disabled at all
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orcelito · 1 year
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But. Yeah. i finished reading trigun maximum.
this manga ripped me apart limb from limb, then put me back together again. never have i felt a catharsis this deep before. a manga that made me cry seven times, as opposed to the previous record holders of two times each.
it really is something special. and i love it so, so, SO much.
#speculation nation#fanny reads trigun#gonna have to retire that tag maybe#unless i wanna post some dumb screenshots of subsequent read throughs#i do plan on grabbing icons of both wolfwood and vash#probably only them tbh. MAYBE elendira if for nothing else than i LOVE the expressions she makes#and livio. what a big lovable doofus.#elendira and livio tho r around MUCH less often than vash and wolfwood lol. So.#i have some more solid ideas for what i wanna do for my trigun longfic#i know the Exact moment that would work for my purposes.#and right now it feels a little cheap to do. bc it gets rid of that ending. which really was such a satisfying ending.#but get this. i want wolfwood back. SO.#i will do my gay little time manipulations to put wolfwood back into the story. as is my right as a fanfic writer.#(if u missed my last post about it i wanna do a time travel fic for vash lol. a la NG+ for persona games.)#(NG+ is of course very common in persona fandoms & i love the concept. havent seen it in trigun yet so i wanna do one myself)#so. yea. anyways. i love trigun maximum and i could not POSSIBLY recommend it more#yes it made the person who cried only like 4 times TOTAL last year cry seven times by itself#beefed this year's count from 3 to 10 in LESS than a day. jeeeeze#it's so good tho. soooo fucking good. the Tragedy. the Angst. im so in love with it it's unreal.#if you guys thought i couldnt be more obnoxious about trigun WELL you have only seen the beginning#i dont get into new interests easily. not genuinely. once smth reaches this status it is fucking Staying#in the same way that ive been a persona fan since 2014 & show no signs of stopping#i just know that trigun is here to stay in my heart.#which is good for the people who have followed me for trigun!!! hiiiiiiiii#trigun spoilers/
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wowitsverycool · 2 years
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every time i see a post thats complaining about like a well-intentioned-but-annoying-and-sorta-harmful person in a screenshot with their name cut out i get like an irrational fear that it was me somehow. like even if i have no recollection of the topic at all. like what if i said a dumb thing and stopped thinking about it and now i and everyone else hate me now. like my cheeks actually start to flush and i start sweating even though the chances of me actually having written it are VERY low. i just get so worried for no goddamn reason. it gets to the point where i convince myself that YES, i did indeed write it and i should feel very bad and stupid for doing so. im normal about the idea of making mistakes im so normal about it
#even now im like 'oh my god maybe i actually did write it... everyones gonna see this post and be like omg is she trying to pretend she#didnt write it? whats wrong with her what an asshole"#what if i actually did though oh my god#im fuckign. convincing myself again. im genuinely thinking that i definitely wrote it even though theres no evidence to support it#im crafting memories of a writing style#BUT WHAT IF IM NOT#what if they actually are REAL memories and im just being weird about it and trying to pretend i didnt do it#subconsciously or something#perhaps this may stem from anxieties ive developed as a result of my Shitty Fucking Memory and Inattentiveness#maybe im just a strange cringe person.#i dont know.#and like#even if i did write something like that it should be fine right? because if it makes me upset now that means ive changed?? but its DIFFERENT#ITS DIFFERENT OKAY#because if i DID write it that just means im pretending to be a good person now. obviously.#this is dumb. this is so stupid. i should stop#and yet#EDIT: HA NEVERMIND THE SCREENSHOT HAS A LETTER THAT SEEPS INTO THE MESSAGE WHICH COULDNT POSSIBLY BE FROM MY USERNAME#HA! HA!#HA!#THEREFORE I CAN IGNORE THIS GOING FORWARD. CLEARLY I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THIS CONCERNING REACTION TO A RANDOM INTERNET POST.#you know actually now that i think about it this isn't just with internet posts ive been like this for a while#i remember in middle school a science teacher was giving examples of what not to write for an answer#and i think they EXPLICITLY said the answers were from a previous year#but i was actually getting tears in my eyes like oh my god.... i wrote that.. that was me... my teacher hates me.. even though if i#remember correctly i well on the test before then#so maybe. i should work that stuff out. perhaps.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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#weird day. really weird day#i couldnt sleep v well bc my brain was fucked up and i was prob dehydrated so im like extremely out of focus#i did go to the health and wellness center and am now back in therapy which is why my day was so fucking wild. like im too tired so im not#opperating correctly but it was real weird. like last time i got assessed by someone who basically sorted me to a therapist according to my#problems. this time i just kinda stumbled into a 1st session with someone and i dont kno how to feel abt how it went. it was odd#like we didnt go thru like an entire thing of like what r all ur problems? it was more i started talking abt things and he got stuck on#some specific things i said and we talked abt that. which im of 2 minds abt bc he did instantly latch onto the root of some of my issues#which is that i feel fucking dumb all the time bc my brain works a little different but it also wasnt helpful bc like theres a stereotypic#verson of my experience and then theres what i actually went thru and those things dont align in the way he was talking abt it. like i#think were were just talking past eachother a bit. like he wasn't exactly wrong but i do feel a bit like i walked in with an open wound and#and he decided the best course of action was to pat me on the head and tell me im v smart so i walked out still bleeding. but i dont think#its was all bad bc it got under my skin so much. i react like a cat thrown in a bath if u try to call me smart. like fuck off. yes ok im#smart. i have a certified document saying that i have above average intelligence. big fucking whoop. im too fucking dyslexic to do anything#right and my brain is constantly trying to strangle me to death. he called me a gifted kid. fuck u i was too fucking dyslexic to b a gifted#kid. stop talking abt the positive aspects of the compulsive way i live my life when its literally strangling me to death and i want it to#stop. acknowledge my pain old man. also i hate thst therapists hate the word weird. its not a bad word i like that word. i disagree#fundamental with the assertion that its bad. also he pointed out that i talk like a freak. like a person with high intelligence. fuck u i#like words. i will peel my own skin off if u call me smart one more time. lol i was so mad. i argued with him like the whole time. also he#mentioned horoscopes which was weird but whatever. we'll see how the next one goes. i told him to his face i i didnt kno if what we talked#abt was helpful. possibly the rudest ive ever been to a stranger lol. well see how the next session goes. at least it was interesting#god. im fucking so tired and wrung out.#unrelated
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shitpostdevil · 4 months
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Wishing everyone else a happy and safe pride, and for your floats not to get vandalized like ours did (we were unfortunately not able to walk inthe parade because of it and proceeded to sob because pride is supposed to be happy and I am anything but that right now)
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lucretiasnightmares · 4 months
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Current Cringe Gremlin Level: Using the lip of my shit to hold pistachios and their discarded shells while I watch TV. My bedtime rapidly approaches.
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malkaviian · 2 years
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now that i've developed maverick a bit more, i have to think about how he was before the whole incident with zachary.
#as i said his brain did a complete change to deal with everything that happened; including killing zachary#after having his dead body in his house for hours he started to connect the dots of the situation he was in for months. he couldnt believe#it truly was zachary; the cheerful; perfect student everyone loved; who stalked him to the point he was terrified for his life#and that made him stop going to college because he was too scared to leave his house. but at the same he was scared to stay in his house#since his stalker knew where he lived; and they could just attack at any moment. man he wasnt even that close to zachary#he doesnt understand what happened for him to get that obsessed over him. but it was over. he killed him after he tried to murder him first#so that was it. but before he started to freak out over the possibility of going to prison for murdering someone#he just... changed. he turned into a totally different person; with his old personality completely dying and... well#replacing it with no actual personality besides someone obsessive who adapts to whatever his current beloved likes the most#and likes to pretend 'innocence' so his beloved would be quick to trust him. he wouldnt hurt a fly :)#and while the whole stalking was happening he turned into an anxious mess who would break down very easily and was generally very fragile#so... before that; i think he was probably trusting of people; maybe a bit too trusting. he was very shy#which made it difficult to make friends; but tried his best to be social and do it anyway. so it turned into trusting people easily#and anything slightly weird was assumed to be his mind playing tricks... which is why probably he didnt notice sooner who his stalker was#i mean; zachary was great at pretending; but he did started to get more 'protective' when the stalking started; when they werent that close#but it must have been because he was worried like the rest of their classmates! and after all he was the definition of a perfect person.#it would make sense for someone as good and caring as him to feel the need to protect a sort-of-friend; right? nothing bad; really.#he would also try his best to help someone if they were in that horrible situation anyway#i imagine he also had a slightly low self-esteem; but not to the worrying point. mostly because of his own shyness#alongside friendships; he didnt really that much luck with love in the past. but tried to stay positive and think he would find someone#and yeah; he was someone who tried to see the bright side of things; in a healthy amount. but that didnt really worked while being stalked#if someone left him gifts on his desk in college; that would be one thing. he may as well thought it was sweet in a 'secret admirer' way#but this person literally started to leave gifts on the door of his fucking house; when he never told anyone on college where he lived#and he was already out of touch with the few friends he had in high school + they were no longer his friends. so yeah#even he couldnt ignore that wasnt good or sweet; it was a real problem regardless of how much he couldve liked the gifts in another context#let alone when the goddamn love letters started. he could receive multiple in a day; he even got 15 in a single day#it couldnt be justified at all; and it made his already growing fear even worse.#so basically: he was a person who tried his best to do better; but someone had to ruin it. thanks; zachary /j#oc talk
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hannieehaee · 10 months
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18+ / mdi
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content: idol!mingyu x idol!reader, 97 liner reader, best friends to lovers, jealousy, possessiveness, reader's got bitches, afab reader, smut, dry humping, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, very ambiguous description of what position they're in so pls go crazy with ur imagination, etc.
part 2
wc: 2730
a/n: thank u to the person that requested this i live for idol ausshsks also this isnt connected to my other idol!mingyu fics just fyi <3
masterlist
mingyu couldnt stand the sight in front of him anymore. he knew jungkook was charming, but for him to blatantly flirt with you in front of him was just going too far for his liking.
admittedly, mingyu knew that most of the other 97 liners had a bit of a thing for you, but it was common knowledge that mingyu had been pining for you for the longest time. there was an unspoken agreement; you were his. you'd been best friends basically since debuting, it was only fair that he got to have you over all your other friends.
except you were blissfully unaware of his feelings. you'd known each other for so long that you now chalked up his flirting to just a silly inside joke between the two of you. no matter how many advancements he made, you'd act none the wiser and keep him on a tight hold in the friend zone. yes, mingyu knew the friend zone wasn't a real thing. he understood women! but there was no better way to describe his current predicament. now he had to watch one of his best friends flirt with the love of his life. the only silver lining in all this was that you never flirted back. whether it be jaehyun paying for your meal, or yugyeom bringing you a drink in the morning, you never took it as anything further than friendship.
except right now you seemed to be ... reciprocating? was that your hand on jungkook's chest? what was happening right now? you never showed interest in jungkook. why were you now dangling a flirtatious smile right in front of mingyu's face? and not directed at him?
he could only sit there and watch you for so long until he grew tired of it. he wasn't ready to drag you away and profess his feelings for you just yet, but his emotions got the best of him, marching towards you as he grabbed your arm and walked you to a more secluded area, leaving jungkook to lightheartedly chuckle at his friend's possessive nature over you.
yes, jungkook might've had a thing for you before, but truly all he had wanted was to just provoke mingyu. he knew you werent actually flirting back but just playing along with him - as a friend, of course. and it seemed to have worked, as mingyu was now dragging a very unsuspecting you away as you followed with no questions asked.
mingyu only let go of you when you were finally alone, with a closed door to separate you from any possible intruders. he didn't say anything at first, wanting to calm himself down from his exasperated state before speaking up. he also had to think of an excuse as to why he took you away from jungkook just now.
"mingyu? what the hell was that?", okay, seemed like you didn't have the patience to wait for him. understandable.
"i- just ... why-why were you flirting with him?"
"what? i wasnt flirting. thats just how we talk to each other, you know that. you're the same way!"
"oh yeah? with your hand on his chest?", he chuckled bitterly. okay, he was taking this a little too personal. but how couldnt he? he'd been waiting for you to look his way all this years and instead you turn to his friend? any time he flirted with you you scolded him or just brushed him off, but you reciprocated his friend? this was nothing short of unfair in mingyu's eyes.
"mingyu. don't be so dramatic. it doesnt mean anything."
"okay, but what if it means something to me?"
"what? what do you mean?"
you were confused. and with good reason. despite what everyone else believed, he had been quite good at hiding his feelings from you. yeah, sure, he flirted with you and acted overly affectionate, but that was his just his personality. as you had just said, he was the same way with everyone. but what you hadnt known was that he always meant it when it came to you. his flirtatious advances? his words of affection? the longing gazes? they were all purposeful and completely sincere. and now he was just too fed up. he had waited too long, had watched from the sidelines as you went through any and every relationship and situationship that headed your way. seeing you blatantly flirt with jungkook had been more than enough to make him finally snap into action.
"do you really not see it?"
"see what?"
he gave you a sad smile, "the way i look at you. the way i touch you. the way i can never stay away for too long ... how much i like you."
"gyu, what? i-" you stared dumbfounded at him, attempting to question him, but he interrupted you in order to continue the speech that his heart was demanding him to deliver.
"its been so many years since- ive liked you since the moment we met. i thought it was obvious. i mean, all the guys know about it," he chuckled sadly before continuing, "i guess its hard to tell with all the other boys chasing after you. you have your options open. i'm sorry. i don't mean to push this on you. just seeing you with jungkook made me so- god. i just couldnt watch it. not with him. ive seen you through all your boyfriends, but i just cant stand the sight of you with someone else anymore, i-"
thats as far as he got when you tackled him. or, well, tried to. he was pretty big after all.
you jumped him, pulling his face to yours to plant a kiss on him, refusing to separate even when he yelped in surprise. it only took a few seconds for him to catch up, holding you in his arms as he returned the kiss enthusiastically, moaning against your mouth at the feeling.
the two of you kissed for a bit, up until you pulled away from him, chuckling against him when he whined and followed your lips with his, only for you to pat him away as you giggled at him.
"gyu ... i had no idea. you shouldve told me. ive liked you too. since we met, i mean," you flashed him a shy smile at your revelation.
"y-you have?!"
"yes, gyu. how can i not? you're so ... you," you neared him once more as you said this, your eyes never leaving his. he felt butterflies in his stomach at the way you were looking at him. there was so much adoration in your eyes. it was reminiscent of the way he looked at you whenever you werent watching.
he closed the gap between you again, this time simply holding you in his arms, caressing you softly as he laughed at the situation. he wasnt sure how to proceed now that he had this new information, but he felt himself being drawn closer to you as you both smiled fondly at each other. it was a very tender moment, really. not many words needed to be exchanged to convey how you two were feeling.
~
the juxtaposition was funny, really. you had just been tenderly exchanging words of affirmation as you revealed your crushes to each other, and now you were, well, not being quite as tender anymore.
it was only to be expected, specially for mingyu. he insisted that even if you had liked him back, he had pined after you even more. even after a back and forth about it, he wouldnt let go, saying he lived day and night thinking about you, and he had to compete with all his friends who also liked you (but not as much as him, of course).
the only moment in which you conceded was when mingyu had trapped you under his arms, only letting go to get on his knees in front of you, lifting the skirt of your dress in order to caress your thighs and pepper kisses on them before getting to work.
"g-gyu ..." the desperate swipes of his tongue had you lightheaded, your body limp against the wall while he knelt in front of you.
"always wanted to taste you ... fuck. you have no idea how long i waited for this," he could tell his words were affecting you as he felt you shove his head even closer to your cunt.
"yes ... fuck. ride my face, baby. want you to gush on my tongue," he was feeding off your cries and whines above him. even if he couldnt see you due to his head being quite literally hidden under your skirt, he could feel and hear all the effects he had on your body. it made an animalistic side of his come out.
he was beginning to feel lightheaded, growing extremely aroused at the sound of your voice and the feel of your hands burying themselves in his hair as you pushed up the skirt to get it out of the way, wanting direct contact with him. when he finally looked up, he truly lost his mind. the beautiful girl he had pined over for years; the girl of his dreams, had her head thrown back against the wall, practically crying at the feeling of his tongue licking at your folds. his favorite, however, was the way you mewled his name once he decided to play with your swollen bud, lightly tugging it between his teeth while he sucked and sucked.
"oh ... gyu ... please. you feel so .. ah! you're gonna make me come ..."
"'n im gonna lick it all up, baby. gonna lick it up and then im gonna bend you over the table and fill you up. yeah? gotta be fair, ba-fuck, gotta give you something too," mingyu adored how his threats to pound into you had your walls pulse against his tongue, growing drunk on the thought that you wanted him just as bad as he did you.
nothing compared to the sound of your cries as you came, with your hands desperately shoving his face into your cunt as you ground against him, no shame in the depravity of your actions. he adored how badly you wanted him, having no control of your movements as you cried and cried at the feeling of his tongue continuing to probe at you even through your orgasm.
when he got up, he knew his face mustve been a complete mess; hair pulled at all angles and chin dripping with your juices. you didn't seem to care, though, as your doe eyes looked into his own before pulling him towards you for a deep kiss. he couldnt help but groan into your mouth at the thought of you tasting yourself in his tongue. your pretty mewls of pleasure at him did not help in the least. without knowing, he had begun to grind his hardened length against your clothed core, making you become even louder in the process.
"y-you're so big. fuck ..." god, the simple thought of impaling you with his cock had him thanking all the gods for whatever it was that got him to this point.
he had thought about you every lonely night. every time he found himself alone in his various hotel rooms, dick in hand as he touched himself to completion. he'd felt bad about it at first, when you had barely become friends, but over the years he'd found he just wasnt able to help himself. he'd conjure up a pretty image in his head. you in a pretty little number just for him, lace covering your skin as he caressed every curve of your body, making you sigh against him with that pretty voice of yours. other times, however, his mind would be plagued with darker thoughts; thoughts of throwing you on the bed as he hammered his length into your cunt, not stopping even as you cried over the stimulation. and now he was here, with your beautiful eyes staring up at him, waiting for him to finally be proactive and make you his.
"gunna fuck you now, baby. okay? shit. been wanting you so fucking bad, you have no idea," he knew he wasnt being too coherent, but he just needed to get the point across. he could worry about tender love-making later into the relationship (because yes, he was going to make you officially his after finally getting his load deeply settled in your cunt), but now all he wanted was your tight walls around him, allowing him no room to breathe as you strangled his cock.
and strangle him you did. there had been no greater pleasure in mingyu's life than the moment his cock finally made its way through the tightness of your pussy. he was pretty sure anyone in the near vicinity couldve heard his loud groan of pleasure at the feeling of his dick being asphyxiated by your cunt, not even allowing him to move. the sight before him was one to behold. your pretty face in the most pleasurable state imaginable. your soft lips open while your eyes remained closed, brows furrowed at the feeling of his dick breaking through your walls.
"baby ... you're so fucking tight, my fucking god ..." he was completely out of breath, barely able to think as he pounded into you.
"did you know? all these years? how badly i wanted you? how i thought of you every single night?" he needed you to know. needed you to understand how much he'd longed for you, "my beautiful girl ... all mine now. none of them can have you .. never letting y-shit .. never letting you go."
"please ... want you so bad gyu ..." you didnt need to say much to get him spiraling, grabbing more tightly onto your hips as he pushed himself even deeper, wanting to increase the volume of your cries for me.
"yeah? made me wait so long for you, baby. couldve had you in bed every night. couldve kept you warm n taken care of you. couldve filled you up with cock every day," but the wasted time didnt matter now that he had you to his full disposition, knowing no one else would ever have you in the way he did now.
he fucked you with so much passion that you were unable to produce any words other than cries of his name. this filled him with pride, knowing your mind was empty of any thoughts that were not of him. none of your mutual friends could ever have you now. not jaehyun, not yugyeom, not dongmin. and not jungkook. you were now mingyu's, and he'd let everyone know.
once he finally filled you up with his load, marking you as his, he picked you up, taking you to the nearest bathroom in order to help clean up between your thighs. you both chuckled shyly at the situation, with the intensity having now died down a bit. he was a bit embarrassed by his possessive display now, but was also thankful of his jealous tendencies since they'd finally led him into your arms.
"gyu-"
"i love you," he interrupted you, eyes glued to yours with adoration behind them, "sorry, i just ... ive been in love with you since we met. just need you to know that. this wasnt some fluke or stupid jealousy. well, maybe some jealousy, but i truly do love you. be mine? please?," he hoped you'd take some pity on him. i mean, you did say that you liked him back, but he wanted love. he wanted you to feel emotions as strong as his. he needed you to be in love with him, to never look at another man, specially not jungk-
"i love you too," you responded, interrupting his internal rambling as you held onto his hands, "i wish you told me earlier. i thought i was going insane."
"you?! i had to watch all the guys flirt with you on the daily!"
"then you shouldve done something about it!"
"oh?", was that a challenge?, "want me to do something about it, baby? i'll show you," and with that, he picked you back up, taking you with him as he explained in detail how you'd have to go on a short hiatus while he made you his over and over again, refusing to let you leave his side for even one second. he had too much time to make up for.
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johannestevans · 1 year
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i've been listening to a lot more fat liberationist stuff recently and like...
so obvs i already had some backing in a lot of the basic theory, stuff like institutional anti-fatness in medicine, fashion, travel, etc, but like
so as a really thin guy who's always found it impossible to gain weight, its been unbelievably emotionally and mentally liberating to hear people talking really casually about the disability that's associated with thinness
so like being really thin, you lack additional joint and bone support - if you fall, you have less padding and less STRUCTURE to protect your bones from breaks and fractures, right?
obvs theres plenty of fat people that do have issues with bones and joints, im not saying thsres not, its just that normally i feel like im the lone person saying "being this thin is bad for me and is part of various health problems i also have"
and idk its just like. my whole life i was such a sickly child lmao
like i couldnt stand for long periods except "long period" would often be like. any period. i didnt understand how my peers were just standing for so long and just weathering that, bc to me it wasnt possible at all - i breathed badly, my joints were fucked etc
and looking back and realising as i get more disabled like the extent to which i was similarly disabled in my youth, and how i lacked the language to verbalise or sometimes even recognise my own pain and struggle
but also like
the treatment of me as so evil and lazy because i wasn't exercising, or because like. a PE teacher would pick me out as an example because i was so thin, and then be furious that i wasn't remotely physically fit, and that i was disabled
i remember multiple times esp from cis female teachers just. frothing rage at my diet and the things i ate, or when i wrinkled my nose at talk about diets, bc i was so thin so i had to be doing The Right Things, and if i was that thin and doing bad things i had to be punished
and its bc a lot of these ppl thought of fatness and being fat as a punishment, a target for abuse that people deserved, and bc i was a young disabled trans guy like. i deserved punishment for my laziness and nonconformity, and it became a lot about my weight
like expressing that i wanted to gain weight, that i was cold all the time, that i had no energy etc, that eating was hard but that i enjoyed food, all of that was met with such fuckin aggression and really sharp policing, esp from PE teachers and esp from women
and obvs all that is to do with the way that diet culture particularly targets women and those perceived as women, and the desire to engage in lateral violence to police others into complying with gender roles etc as they were upholding them
but idk like. fat liberationist politics is imo inherently tied up with disability liberation, because of the way that "health" is weaponised as a symbol of being good or deserving, and how fatness and disability are both used as targets and symbols of evil and punishment
MOST OF ALL for fat & disabled people
but for nondisabled fat people disability is often threatened as punishment - if you don't become less fat, you'll (deserve to) become disabled
and for disabled thin people, if you don't act less disabled, you'll (deserve to) become fat
and its not a punishment to be fat or disabled or sick. its just how some people are. its not BAD to be this way - and what makes things hard for us is not something inherent to the badness of our bodies, but instead the lack of kindness and accommodation anybody is willing to extend to them
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