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triglycercule · 3 months ago

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Do you have any headcanons for murder trio sexualities and or genders?

hmmm hmm ngl in my head the genders for the trio doesn't matter. like to me they're just living skeletons. a bunch of agender little shits and besides to me the gender doesn't matter much in their stories nor in the stories i imagine in my head or in any of my interpretations so unless otherwise specified (like in jk fashion au. theyre girls there solely because i love women and i want my trio to wear cute clothes that they wouldn't canonically wear. theres just a sweet charm to girls wearing cute clothes loving and laughing with other fellow girls. jk fashion au my beloved) theyre just a bunch of skeleton freaks. they COULD use any pronouns but i only use he him for all three because of sheer convinence. the trio would use any pronouns wear any sort of clothes and do whatever the fuck they want with gender and i would support them like the worlds biggest ally because i simply love them so

amd then sexuality uhhhh i think horror would be bi. because i saw that one horrortale wedding soriel art and even though i dont quite care for soriel SAS art is SAS art. so bi horror it is. also i dont think he'd give two flying fucks about romance and stuff like that. he simply would not look at dust and be like "let's go on a date beautiful". because he just wouldn't thats not who he is. horror would instead drag dust to a shooting range with no warning and they do that with no mentions of it being a date. thats what makes more sense to me. and with the way that his body is probably totally brittle and frail and SOMEHOW skinny for a skeleton (??????) he'd probably take a long ass time to ever warm up to someone to do the do. demisexual because i said so. dust on the other hand is the reverse for me. there is NO WAY in my head i can imagine dust looking at like killer or something (and not just because he hates him) and think smash. he just absolutely would never never never never dust is a hardcore asexual. HARD(like me)core ace. and then like horror with all his bullshit insecurities and fears and mental issues he'd take a long time to ever accept romance from anyone or be romantically interested in anyone. all of the mtt on the ace spectrum because i said so. and killer? you just be killer. just kidding i dont think he would give a shit either way. killer is the most neutral neutral when it comes to romance or intimacy since like. neither of them provide ANYTHING for him. there is no point to him. he just goes with the flow of whatever horror and dust want because he's a follower like that (LOSER!!!!)

anyways my opinions on this topic have not changed in forever. all sanses ngl are agender to me (unless gender plays a big role in their lore or something but i dont think stuff like that does in any of the majorly popular ones) and i blast the mtt with the aroace ray because i can and because i want to and because i feel like they would. all my opinions on this can literally just be taken from the top 1/4 of this one ship chart i filled out like a month or two ago

#BOO triglycercule who knew you were so WOKE #stop being so flexible and neutral on the topic of gender and sexuality and give a genuine answer #i say as i make all of the trio agender asexual and aromantic #this is probably such a boring answer........ i can feel the tomatos being thrown through the screen #IDK i just dont feel the need to give all the trio fancy pronouns like axe/axeself blood/bloodself they/them for horror or something #its just not something im particularly interest in headcanoning the trio about #when there's much more creative potential and ideas focusing more on their relationships and interactions and stuff like that #WHO IS THIS ANON YOUVE SENT ME LIKE 5 ASKS ALREADY OVER TJE PAST TWO DAYS?????#WHO ARE YOU. REVEAL YOURSELF #for all i know you could be batman ahh anon #i am NOT batman #i'm batman #every time i get a new ask im always inspecting the speech patterns and trying to see who it is #WHO in my followers list uses murder trio to describe the mtt instead of murder TIME trio???#this is a mystery yet to be solved because i actually cant be bothered to look through all those profiles and see who #this is probably just me over thinking because i do this but what if this anon changed their speech pattern to be unrecognizable #i do that ngl. when i send asks to people even if im anon i change my talking style #less capital use less exclamation point and comma and period use less everything. sometimes i even capitalize my words #but this person couldnt possibly be doing that.... RIGHT???#whoever this person is i'll give you robux if you reveal yourself and take off your mask #dream face reveal but with this anon. i havent played roblox in months i have a ton of robux saved up #if it genuinely surprises me i might do it. jk. maybe????#who knows #tricule asks

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arsenicflame · 12 days ago

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Izzy Hands can have a little "thinking hes incapable of feeling love" as a treat (for me. the treat is for me)

#thinking about arospec izzy again #who experiences love in a way thats so fundamentally different to the way everyone says it should be #that he convinces himself that this couldnt possibly be it #and hes never felt anything remotely affectionate for any other person anyway #so surely hes incapable of it #(and actually itd be cool if he was. love that)#(but also itd be cool if someone did come along and he had to contend with the idea that he can love. its just different)#(hes never going to experience the kinds of love that stedes stories are about. hes always going to be sudden & intense & uncontrollable)#(something he never considers until he does and then its all he knows. and he doesnt express it right because its not the same)#(but oh boy he loves. oh does he love)#anyway. arospec izzy hands thank you for coming to my tag talk #nyxtalks #ofmd #our flag means death #izzy hands #israel hands #arospec #aromantic #aromantic izzy hands #i suppose this is not exclusive to arospec headcanons but like. abnormal love dude. its so aro to me #(i am aro)#i think its so cool and fun and sexy when characters love in ways that dont look like a fairytale #when its devotion and loyalty and belonging (to someone) but never holding your hand or tender kissing #but always bringing you a cup of tea. knowing what you need before you do #love can be many things in fact #but when you spend a life being told its one thing #wont you think youre incapable? at least for a bit?

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faaun · 9 months ago

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my research partner and i are huddled in a blanket in paddington waiting for a too-late train i already miss you and you and you

#he keeps falling asleep almost on my shoulder and waking up and readjusting but i want to tell him its ok weve seen a lot #of each other ive seen your brainwaves you called me crying a few nights ago. research partner right now is a potentiality #friend is a certainty. i met a banker passionate about finance. he said his advice made the lives of others better and he likes the numbers #more than he likes anything else. on a high rise near canary wharf the view was wonderful and the people even moreso #he said i loved her but i spent 33 grand on her and i cant do this anymore. his voice cracked talking about her. he did love her.#and she talked softly she grabbed my hand she bought me a pack of Marlborough gold she told me to snap #the russian menthol cigarettes of the tortured polish man near us with my teeth i kept staring at her teeth #bright white and sharp. i couldnt find her heartbeat but i did find warmth and i did find her lips and i did feel #how she felt pressed against a wall. a pretty boy held my hand and i gave him my number. i couldnt stop smiling about her no matter #how many runways youve walked on how many collections youve designed how many students youve taught. senior lecturer teaches me how to do #very unethical things ethically over a double shot of vodka made by the half-persian with broken farsi. she talks softly #and she says her eyes are hazel but they appear a shade of red. pure gold on her hands and leather on her back and her fingers on my lips #(she talks softly sees through me she says something i cant hear but i wont forget the way she flies) she talked to my research partner #about the possibility of moving to sunny dubai with the rest of her family and my heart felt pierced. on her arm i traces a tattoo of a #knife passing through a rose. she told me she thought there was romance in severing so i kissed her some more.#he sat me down and asked me what i loved and i told him and he said no romance no person no tragedy will take that from you.#the room was filled with a collection of people in love with something that wasnt a person and i kept looking at her.#red eyes bitten jawline beautiful hands. it is 3 degrees Celsius my head is on his shoulder i miss my friends #we walked out the lecture hall with arms linked a photo of two years ago and we both said #jesus christ. i miss you all. and i miss logic metatheory lectures. im glad i get to stare at the depth of your eyes #i wish i had met you years ago.#crushposting

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lyriumrain · 4 months ago

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Shout out to everyone who was alone when they came out of surgery

I was going to make this trans-specific, but as I was typing I realised this would suck no matter what you had done. So, to people who wanted someone to be there:

I'm sorry you were alone, or if no one could visit until days later when the scary moments had already passed. I'm sorry no one was there to celebrate you coming out the other side.

You made it, you're alive. I'm hugging you and leaving balloons and stuffed animals (that you may or may not want lol) by your bedside.

#skip talks #hearing funny or heart-warming stories about things people said to their loved ones immediately after surgery always hurt just a little bit #hearing about how someone waited up into the small hours for their person to come out/wake up #i wish could've been there for me #but due to a few factors it wasnt possible #i was happy! but also felt really alone and uncomfortable and i was in a shared ward so i couldnt even relax #😩😩#then came home to find mum had tried to 'help' by clearing out my room and rearranging things #i was NOT in the right headspace to receive that well or wirh grace #it made me anxious and ruined my return home #but of course i was the one who had to say sorry for not being grateful 😑#there are typos here but i cant do anything about em im using the app lmao

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nomairuins · 3 months ago

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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And #make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not #saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was #going to say #like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so #bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the #winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000 #other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but #i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its #been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody #responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple #muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it #but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like #im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good #solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start #all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the #punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4 #im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but #even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think #avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is #like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they #hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be #the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO #difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15 #minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case #it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel #stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and #tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i #tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction #like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint

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thedrotter · 6 months ago

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I have a gift for y'all today !!! 😊 Ever wanted to find a line in Re:Kinder in a single place for the sake of reference?? How about multiple chunks of lines. how about all the little variations that arise in the text with it's many endings, item descriptions, text that comes from interacting with the enviroment, and character info from the menu without having to boot up the game and go through it at long minutes!!???

well i sure did😊 Since I do a lot of fanart and think up my own silly theories and thoughts that need me to reference the game lines a lot, i have made a transcript for it for convenience's sake. A weirdly thorough transcript handwritten and proofread by me including all character lines available in-game. And I'm sharing it with you all today for anyone that wants it !!! :3 To use as a reference for creative fanworks or a quick search for a line in-game, whatever you wish to use it for!!

It uses the english translation of the game by vgperson. So naturally all credit for the game lines available in here is to her and Parun who made the game.

I did my best to organize it in a way easy to digest. Do note that I'm still human, and there's still the chance for mistake in it no matter how much I've proofread it, since I'm not even an english native speaker ^^. But I hope it serves you well nonetheless if you wish to use it.

That's my gift for today!!! Not the usual art, but still a project I'm proud of. Enjoy!!! 😊

#re:kinder #rekinder #not art #now goofy commentary for those who read my tags #i may have spent at the very minimum around 35 hours on it 😁 because thats what my pomodoro timer got to count in sum #but then again i spent more time without timing it as well so. we'll never know how many hours in total I've put into this #no regrets it was fun because shocking fact of all i enjoy this game🫣 (/s)#you could say but michael there are long playthroughs available on YouTube #couldnt you reference that instead of making a transcript #to that i say... they don't play the game like i do im picky as hell they dont show me every nook and cranny possible #and also i dont like scrubbing through those i thought just pressing ctrlF on a script would be easier. AND IT IS JAJSJSJSJSJS #but thats personal preference all in all #and im used to using transcripts for fanworks coming from earthbound. like there's one for the main game dialogue online and i love it a lot #for this game to not have any felt like some sort of crime considering how cool the story and the lines it has are #its also plenty useful for a game you're writing the spanish wiki for #yes i am doing that apparently my hobby became community work since i got into this game #gotta put that free time before turning 18 and getting a job onto something why not make resources just because i can #anyway fun fact while proofreading i noticed that everytime yuuichi was on scene there was a typo because i got too excited or emotional #either i was laughing because of how evil he is or i was getting unreasonably angry at the treatment he recieved in the past #in section 9 which is true end confrontation i was doing mistakes left and right until the fabled princess line scene #there i was bawling like a baby but THE ERRORS STOPPED ABRUPTLY LIKE I WAS FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE ALL UNTIL THE SCENE ENDED #THEN THERE WERE A BUTLOAD OF MISTAKES ITS INCREDIBLY FUNNY😭 i was fighting for my life holding in all those typos because i couldnt see #so this transcript was made with a lot of emotion laugh and tears and now you know #now i can get bagk to drawing this is the thing i mentioned i was doing fot a while #content feeding schedule crazy rn

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phagodyke · 4 months ago

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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stardustfanfare · 1 year ago

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#mom says that the reason she didnt comfort me while i was having one of the biggest meltdowns of my life was cus i wouldnt tell her what was #wrong and i clearly was capable #like i hate to tell you but just because im technically capable doesnt mean i can communicate easily #im too upset to be able to communicate my thoughts to you about why im upset #she literally told me that its annoying when i cry and scream without telling her whats wrong #she said and i quote I could ask anyone in the world and all of them would be annoyed by this #she said if i just said Sorry i cant calm down i cant talk right now that would be fine like hello? is that not fucking obvious?#i said wouldnt this (being a more concerning thing) make you more sympathetic and she said no it just makes me more annoyed and this is the #normal response #she said even when normal people are throwing up and retching they can communicate whats wrong #that im just pretending to not be able to talk to her to manipulate her and that im being disrespectful by intentionally getting louder and #more disruptive #my parents are convinced i do things on purpose to guilt trip them all the time and i dont understand it because theyve known me for #my whole life and thats the most out of character thing i could ever possibly do but they wont even consider that im not doing that #i asked her why she didnt believe me when i said i wasnt manipulating her and she said I do believe you! when did i ever say i didnt #i dont understand. shes convinced that every normal person behaves like her #and the worst of it is i know shes trying her best and yet still refuses to acknowledge the fact that #I DONT FUCKING MAKE MYSELF MORE MISERABLE ON PURPOSE!#she doesnt seem to understand that overreaction can be conscious and still unavoidable #like yes its not like if i tried i absolutely couldnt calm down and talk to you #but thats not helpful! i dont WANT to try because i am screaming so hard that mythroat will be sore for an entire day!#because i am upset!#i am too upset to care that i can tecxhnically stop #i just dont understand why its so hard to believe im not manipulating her when im genuinely upset #i dont understand why she looks at me like a loose screw. something annoying but not something worth fixing #its always bad enough to warrant anger and never bad enough to warrant a solution #because im crazy but im fine and im not disabled at all

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orcelito · 2 years ago

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But. Yeah. i finished reading trigun maximum.

this manga ripped me apart limb from limb, then put me back together again. never have i felt a catharsis this deep before. a manga that made me cry seven times, as opposed to the previous record holders of two times each.

it really is something special. and i love it so, so, SO much.

#speculation nation #fanny reads trigun #gonna have to retire that tag maybe #unless i wanna post some dumb screenshots of subsequent read throughs #i do plan on grabbing icons of both wolfwood and vash #probably only them tbh. MAYBE elendira if for nothing else than i LOVE the expressions she makes #and livio. what a big lovable doofus.#elendira and livio tho r around MUCH less often than vash and wolfwood lol. So.#i have some more solid ideas for what i wanna do for my trigun longfic #i know the Exact moment that would work for my purposes.#and right now it feels a little cheap to do. bc it gets rid of that ending. which really was such a satisfying ending.#but get this. i want wolfwood back. SO.#i will do my gay little time manipulations to put wolfwood back into the story. as is my right as a fanfic writer.#(if u missed my last post about it i wanna do a time travel fic for vash lol. a la NG+ for persona games.)#(NG+ is of course very common in persona fandoms & i love the concept. havent seen it in trigun yet so i wanna do one myself)#so. yea. anyways. i love trigun maximum and i could not POSSIBLY recommend it more #yes it made the person who cried only like 4 times TOTAL last year cry seven times by itself #beefed this year's count from 3 to 10 in LESS than a day. jeeeeze #it's so good tho. soooo fucking good. the Tragedy. the Angst. im so in love with it it's unreal.#if you guys thought i couldnt be more obnoxious about trigun WELL you have only seen the beginning #i dont get into new interests easily. not genuinely. once smth reaches this status it is fucking Staying #in the same way that ive been a persona fan since 2014 & show no signs of stopping #i just know that trigun is here to stay in my heart.#which is good for the people who have followed me for trigun!!! hiiiiiiiii #trigun spoilers/

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

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...

#weird day. really weird day #i couldnt sleep v well bc my brain was fucked up and i was prob dehydrated so im like extremely out of focus #i did go to the health and wellness center and am now back in therapy which is why my day was so fucking wild. like im too tired so im not #opperating correctly but it was real weird. like last time i got assessed by someone who basically sorted me to a therapist according to my #problems. this time i just kinda stumbled into a 1st session with someone and i dont kno how to feel abt how it went. it was odd #like we didnt go thru like an entire thing of like what r all ur problems? it was more i started talking abt things and he got stuck on #some specific things i said and we talked abt that. which im of 2 minds abt bc he did instantly latch onto the root of some of my issues #which is that i feel fucking dumb all the time bc my brain works a little different but it also wasnt helpful bc like theres a stereotypic #verson of my experience and then theres what i actually went thru and those things dont align in the way he was talking abt it. like i #think were were just talking past eachother a bit. like he wasn't exactly wrong but i do feel a bit like i walked in with an open wound and #and he decided the best course of action was to pat me on the head and tell me im v smart so i walked out still bleeding. but i dont think #its was all bad bc it got under my skin so much. i react like a cat thrown in a bath if u try to call me smart. like fuck off. yes ok im #smart. i have a certified document saying that i have above average intelligence. big fucking whoop. im too fucking dyslexic to do anything #right and my brain is constantly trying to strangle me to death. he called me a gifted kid. fuck u i was too fucking dyslexic to b a gifted #kid. stop talking abt the positive aspects of the compulsive way i live my life when its literally strangling me to death and i want it to #stop. acknowledge my pain old man. also i hate thst therapists hate the word weird. its not a bad word i like that word. i disagree #fundamental with the assertion that its bad. also he pointed out that i talk like a freak. like a person with high intelligence. fuck u i #like words. i will peel my own skin off if u call me smart one more time. lol i was so mad. i argued with him like the whole time. also he #mentioned horoscopes which was weird but whatever. we'll see how the next one goes. i told him to his face i i didnt kno if what we talked #abt was helpful. possibly the rudest ive ever been to a stranger lol. well see how the next session goes. at least it was interesting #god. im fucking so tired and wrung out.#unrelated

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autism-corner · 2 months ago

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erm

#that last post is not good for mee #im already sobbing and then the voices go 'why don't you think youre allowed to be loved?'#love is such an interesting thing as someone aromantic and autistic imo. (thats what im 'blaming' it on at least)#i think somewhere in my brain the recognition that i can be loved is missing.#sillyposting #TECHNICALLY. i know my parents love me. in principle.#but i cant say that. i love them back. that doesnt FEEL right to me. so the only conclusion i can determine is that i dont.#its the same with the one partner ive ever had.#they were the closest ive ever been to a person in every single way.#they told me they loved me and. i couldnt say it back. i still cant say it.#if i cant comfortably say i love the closest person ive ever had is it possible for me at all?#is there something inherently wrong about me? something i cant change?#because i do APPRECIATE the people im supposed to love. i truly have deep feelings for them.#but they will possibly never reach love. and that isn't something i can change or do anything about.#which in turn results into me not being comfortable when someone makes clear they love me #if i cant reciprocate their feelings am i even worthy of them at all?#can you love something that cant love you back? i know that answer is 'yes'.#but is it right to put your love into something that can't return it? are you not putting a burden on both you and it?#isn't it easier to let it go? to leave? this thing will never do the same as you when there is plenty around that is better than it.#this thing has created a burden on itself when loved. feels guilty about it not returning feelings. feels uncomfortable at any expression.#doesnt that mean love is unkind to it? that love hurts? that it'd be better off without love at all?#is it possible to desire love when receiving it is my worst nightmare?#.#anyway shoutout to me realizing i cant imagine a future where im loved. while pissing.#o7 #its literally past 10pm i should NOT be listing to whatever the voices say =w=b will that stop me? nahh #“guy isnt depressed enough” okayyyy #its literally fine tho were chillingg #<3 #also very important distinction to me: none of this is limited to romantic love. familial love sucks too!!

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shitpostdevil · 6 months ago

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Wishing everyone else a happy and safe pride, and for your floats not to get vandalized like ours did (we were unfortunately not able to walk inthe parade because of it and proceeded to sob because pride is supposed to be happy and I am anything but that right now)

#yapping #i literally had to leave i was so upset #i know the right thing for anyone to do is stay and keep the energy up but thats just not how im built #and like you have to pay to get into the festival so if i couldnt volunteer then i cant get into the rest of the celebration #which is on god why i never bothered going before because paying to get into pride is uncalled for #man i was so excited i hope the person who chose to vandalize ours and anyone elses float d!es in a h!t and tun with no one around to help #i mean that in the rudest way possible because actually fuck you and whatever you were trying to accomplish

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lucretiasnightmares · 6 months ago

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Current Cringe Gremlin Level: Using the lip of my shit to hold pistachios and their discarded shells while I watch TV. My bedtime rapidly approaches.

#i need to sleep #my sleep schedule has bedn fucked ever since i got back from visiting my mom #she lives 6 hours behind me 💀#i also couldnt be bothered to get a bowl for my nuts like a normal person bc my kitchen is a war zone rn #i need to deal with that soon #i also did not purchase these pistachios #i do not have pistachio money #my mother bought them and left me the rest of the bag when she visited and ive been trying to savor them #im on my last 20 or so nuts and then ill be sad and without pistachios #i hate capitalism #tag journal #i also have 2 books i need to read to return to the library snd one book i need to read and take notes on for a home project #and the home project is purging my shit and cleaning it finally #and that has to be done before my guest arrives in a week #its not a big home so it should be possible #i have like 550ish sq ft of living space to deal with so thats doable right??#oh look i remembered this account exists #decided this was too weird and pointless for main

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nomairuins · 1 month ago

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whining hours . sry

#like idk i try to like. imagine a future where i have like. friends. you know. Bare mimimum i have People i talk to. who arent lamp. and i #just cant imagine it happening again #like. i genuinely feel like i cant connect to ppl anymore and idk how id like. i dont see a way for me to do that ever again since i cant g #to school and like. sny job im able to get wouldnt be the kind where i like. meet people or make friends. and last year when i eent out wit #the express purpose of Making friends i literally couldnt. speak to anyone. like i just sat alone with my headphones on until it was time t #go home ... i dont know how to like. initiate casual conversation #+ like. i worry i get way too invested in any potential friendships bc i want so badly to be Normal and have friends and then i freak out #rly badly over something trivial. and thats entirely my fault like I need to work on not letting my freakouts effect the person im freaking #out abt. yk. like its my stupid brain that just gets rly rly overly defensive and weird abt everything its not like. I need to work on that #and thats another reason i dont knowif ill ever be able to make friends again is bc i genuinely dont trust myself not to get overly attache #way too quickly and then explode or something. idk #i also think maybe im just not meant to have actual lasting relationships with anybody ever. yk. like maybe im not meant to ever have roots #and maybe i just wont ever get to have stability and my life will always be entirely transient. Perhaps thats for the best so that i dont #have t like. lose ppl. and ppl dont have to deal with me #+ if i make bad decisions there r less ppl to care abt it. you know. which is a plus. idk #theres like. some parts of me r like desperate for friends and for love and to just . feel like i exist and Talk to people and like. have #stability. and then the rest r like No this is good bc we cant hurt as many ppl like this and also we dont deserve any of that so this is #for the best. and i just have to sit here like ok ! bc if i seek out friendships that part shuts it all down and if i dont the other part #makes me feel miserable and lonely. like damn i am destined for misery. but whatever. it doesnt rly matter DHRNFJFN im just being whiny #it just feels like i need like. ok this is my abdicating responsibility and is the reason i dont have friends disclaimer. i know that. very #aware. but i like. i need somebody to be the one to reach out to Me bc i like. i cant reach out to ppl like. i cant Try to initiate #conversations . but i think if there was a person who like. initiated conversations w me and started a friendship with me i like. i think #itd help me get used to Having a friend again and then id like. id be better at maintaining it and eventually id be able to pick up th #weight. but Obviously nobody wants to like. put in all that effort for somebody whos incapable of returning the favor possibly ever. yk #i need to just bite the bullet and humiliate myself and reach out even if its embarassing and even if it makes me have to throw up #<- happened one time when i tried to talk to someone new. which is so. oh my god. there r ppl who have avtual fucking issues and then im #just like boohoo i tried to think abt a conversation starter and got so anxious i fucking threw up. GOD. i hateit i hate it i hate it. but #wtvr. ik i cant actually expect that from anybody basically like. ik its a stupid wish. idk. i just wish i had somebody who could help me #like. remember how to mask and how to socialize Like a real person. and wouldnt mind that im like. weird right now. and would be willing to #talk to me until i got normal and stuff. wtvr. idk ... 10000 lashings

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malkaviian · 2 years ago

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now that i've developed maverick a bit more, i have to think about how he was before the whole incident with zachary.

#as i said his brain did a complete change to deal with everything that happened; including killing zachary #after having his dead body in his house for hours he started to connect the dots of the situation he was in for months. he couldnt believe #it truly was zachary; the cheerful; perfect student everyone loved; who stalked him to the point he was terrified for his life #and that made him stop going to college because he was too scared to leave his house. but at the same he was scared to stay in his house #since his stalker knew where he lived; and they could just attack at any moment. man he wasnt even that close to zachary #he doesnt understand what happened for him to get that obsessed over him. but it was over. he killed him after he tried to murder him first #so that was it. but before he started to freak out over the possibility of going to prison for murdering someone #he just... changed. he turned into a totally different person; with his old personality completely dying and... well #replacing it with no actual personality besides someone obsessive who adapts to whatever his current beloved likes the most #and likes to pretend 'innocence' so his beloved would be quick to trust him. he wouldnt hurt a fly :)#and while the whole stalking was happening he turned into an anxious mess who would break down very easily and was generally very fragile #so... before that; i think he was probably trusting of people; maybe a bit too trusting. he was very shy #which made it difficult to make friends; but tried his best to be social and do it anyway. so it turned into trusting people easily #and anything slightly weird was assumed to be his mind playing tricks... which is why probably he didnt notice sooner who his stalker was #i mean; zachary was great at pretending; but he did started to get more 'protective' when the stalking started; when they werent that close #but it must have been because he was worried like the rest of their classmates! and after all he was the definition of a perfect person.#it would make sense for someone as good and caring as him to feel the need to protect a sort-of-friend; right? nothing bad; really.#he would also try his best to help someone if they were in that horrible situation anyway #i imagine he also had a slightly low self-esteem; but not to the worrying point. mostly because of his own shyness #alongside friendships; he didnt really that much luck with love in the past. but tried to stay positive and think he would find someone #and yeah; he was someone who tried to see the bright side of things; in a healthy amount. but that didnt really worked while being stalked #if someone left him gifts on his desk in college; that would be one thing. he may as well thought it was sweet in a 'secret admirer' way #but this person literally started to leave gifts on the door of his fucking house; when he never told anyone on college where he lived #and he was already out of touch with the few friends he had in high school + they were no longer his friends. so yeah #even he couldnt ignore that wasnt good or sweet; it was a real problem regardless of how much he couldve liked the gifts in another context #let alone when the goddamn love letters started. he could receive multiple in a day; he even got 15 in a single day #it couldnt be justified at all; and it made his already growing fear even worse.#so basically: he was a person who tried his best to do better; but someone had to ruin it. thanks; zachary /j #oc talk

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moonchild033 · 2 months ago

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Moon in the Houses (Part 1)💃💝

This is primarily based on how Moon is related to CHANGES and what possible changes moon placements can bring over time. I've included some other random points too.💛

(These observations are based on the whole sign system, sidereal charts and all obs are subject to change with other aspects in the chart, so don't conclude anything with a single placement, take whatever that resonates and leave the rest,hope you enjoy giving it a read, take it lightly!) ❤

Moon in 1st house- Your overall personality might easily change from time to time. You could also make frequent changes in your appearance. The way you express yourself, whether you are in your confident era or low self esteem era can be easily noticed. You could've been someone who cared a lot for others and emotionally highly expressive but suddenly don't give a fu*k anymore and more closed off. In younger years you could've been more short tempered and take everything personal or straight to the heart, after sometime you find yourself easily moving on and not bothering too much. You are that person whose fashion sense improved a lot and had a mad glow up, people from your school could be amazed by seeing your recent Instagram photos lol. People could say, Oh i almost couldnt recognize you, especially around and after the age of 22. No matter the ascendant, your eyes could be very expressive and frequently blinking or distracted. You can experience significant weight gain or loss, sometimes you feel fat and sometimes lean, your weight could also fluctuate a lot but anyways pretty AF.💅🤩

Moon in 2nd house- You could be an extreme saver, then could think life is to live why am I saving all this if I can't be happy NOW?! So u start to spend, then regret ur decision and go back to saving. You can face difficulty in differentiating between a hobby skill and technical skill you want to improve and pursue, especially can think about making your extracurricular skills as a main source of income. Ex.:You could be doing nail art for fun, then suddenly decides to make it a main career, not satisfied with the outcome and back to keeping it as hobby, this cycle can be noticed. You like to learn many languages or can easily adopt to different accents/slangs in speaking same language. Your stamina could've evolved from being great to lowest or vice versa. Your voice and tone might change, you can experience dry throat or have a husky voice. Food can be your comfort zone, eating good food can easily lighten up your mood instantaneously. You can be emotionally attached to your things, during childhood you could be that kid who had a fancy pencil that you don't give to anyone because you love and value it too much.💸⚡

Moon in 3rd house- You could love your younger siblings or sometimes can't stand their presence, there is no inbetween. Your hearing capacity can reduce due to over usage of earphones, you could be someone who calms down by hearing music continuously. You could've been timid or scared to voice out your feelings or thoughts during young age but turn out to be more vocal about things you care about, striking them hard with your words boldly over time. You can just play music and go on a short trip or at least to the market or neighborhood places often to lighten up your mood quickly. You can find it hard to stay determined for a long time, the cycle of starting something enthusiastically, then feel bored, then rethinking whether it's right, then again feeling dedicated to start again can be seen. When compared with 2H in the same sense, 2H is more about feeling confused and 3H is more about feeling bored or distracted easily. You could write a daily life diary or a secret diary from childhood and maintain it. You just write out your emotions, whether it be just writing your life incidents in a diary or turning it into a poetry.🤠☺

Moon in 4th house- The main theme here is how much of a homebody you are, then suddenly wanting to run away from home, then missing home so much, wanting to come back, again pissed off about staying in home for longer periods, then wanting to leave can be observed. Also the number of times you could've changed your house can be more than other placements, it doesn't have to be residing in different cities everytime, it could be just going to different neighborhood but the changing of houses can be there. Either you love your mother so much or have emotional scars from her, no inbetween but in both cases, the person can have a lot of sympathy and protective of mom. Incase of good placement, you can inherit maternal property easily, incase of neutral or bad placement, maternal properties could be in dispute. These people yearn a lot for comfort zone, they secretly want people around them to pamper and help them be comfortable. Afflicted moon can cause breaks in primary education, strong moon placement can give change of schools.💞💫

Moon in 5th house- For some people, this can give major fluctuations in their mood, like they can go from being extremely bubbly to cussing at somebody in a microseconds. Can give interest in astrology. They could be curious to know what others will think about them and pay attention to it a lot. Incase of strong placement, you could've been the role model kid in your family, a star in whatever you did whether it be studies or extracurricular, this is that cousin we don't want to have lol. You can express your thoughts very clear and loud, you can be opinionated in various topics and tend to stick to it. Your intelligence is not limited to only the course you study, you expand your knowledge to different topics, especially can like politics or just a person who likes to stay up to date with everyday news and happenings. For some people, this can give a major love relationship earlier in life, if other placements support too then this is a potential placement that can attract a young, beautiful spouse and end up marrying the same person.😍🌟

Moon in 6th house- You could feel choked with 9-5 jobs, can feel like it sucks out your joy and damages your mental health. You could've been someone who lived a structured life and entered a fine corporate job but it makes you rethink whether you have to continue doing this, you could've resigned from a hectic routine job atleast once or desperately wanting to do so. Your mental state can directly affect your health (happens for everyone but more easily for this placement). You could overthink a lot about something someone said eons ago. You are a conflict avoider, you don't get into anyone's issues or like to be a mediator, you yourself tend to gravitate away from conflicts even if it's directed towards you. Your friends can complain about this how you are not standing up for them but the issue is you can find it hard to stand up for yourself. Overtime this could flip off and you can burst out with a co worker or someone who's been pissing you off, gaining a shocked reaction from everyone. You can change from avoiding conflicts to slamming into the center of it by mentality fluctuations you could gain over time.😌💣

Let's Learn and Grow Together!💋💅

With Love-Yashi ❤⚡

(Here's a GIF I liked sm lol 😭😂)

Moon in houses part 2 here! ✨

MASTERLIST💖

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