#the express purpose of Making friends i literally couldnt. speak to anyone. like i just sat alone with my headphones on until it was time t

[itsalwaysdark]

whining hours . sry

[greatcomettexting2]

the thing about the mod steph and mod nero of greatcomettexting is that i never got to parse out how icky they made me feel whenever i drew boundaries but i really want to because i still feel icky about it so ill warm myself some cawfee and do it now

nero talks a lot about how “none of us what REAL callout worthy things hes done!!” but i figure so long as my skins crawling about how obsessed they both were with me then i can risk his constant talk in every new server he joined about how he “has attempted literal actual murder” even if it was just him having an episode in high school and lobbing a brick

mod steph’s already had a huge history of not knowing when to draw boundaries with people and theres a dozen fucking people who can vouch for this because they all stopped talking to her once she started this weird shit. whether it was suicide baiting people into pitying her and listening to her for like all of 2017 or copy pasting other peoples vents to send herself(wild?) in the Vent Channel. clara talks a lot every one or two years about how much shes “changed” but she continually tests these boundaries to fuck around with people and nero isnt better in this respect at all. it felt like sometimes theyd realize something was a boundary for someone and then trigger it on purpose 

like. the first and biggest and weirdest thing is that nero and clara would take entire conversations i’d had years ago and roleplay them out WORD FOR WORD in text or on call. sometimes id get uncomfortable with how clearly they remembered each word in the conversation. this wasnt a one off thing, this went on from 2018 to today, and it really really disturbed me, but i had no idea how to talk to either of them about it, because when i did clara would act like she had no clue what i was talking about, and say shit like ““listen jules, i feel like this is one of those instances where you think somethings happening, but it isnt.” the excuse nero used for this was that “ive always thought jules was so cool” but that doesnt explain copying out entire conversations i had that he shouldnt really remember from as early as 2017. it did feel at times like he enjoyed taking on the role of me in these conversations and saying the things i said out loud. this got very very creepy very very fast

that brings me to the next thing which was this. weird obsessive fascination mod steph had with my approval. there is just so much shit.  she picked up her other name “clara” from a friend i have named kai who used to go by clara--the reason steph picked this name was because i would gush a lot about kai to her (which made me really happy because clara would have borderline suicidal breakdowns when i talked about my other friends.) she got really really fucking uncomfortable whenever i gave approval to anyone else too and would act like. a petulant child if i couldnt give her compliments she wanted. the most recent example of this was that i complimented someones selfie that wasnt hers she stayed cold to me for two days. i finally decided to ask her what was wrong and she admitted she had felt “kind of bad” when i ignored her selfie and when i asked her why she didnt communicate this to me, she explained she gets kind of “mean when shes high” (she doesnt, she has a bpd break for julesyboy’s approval when shes high.) she would also get super uncomfortable when i expressed attraction to Anyone, (romantic OR platonic) and begin comparing herself to them (why do this) on text and on call. a most memorable recent experience of this was when i explained to her in detail about a guy i like who’d bit his knuckle, and then she posted selfies everywhere of her blushing profusely and. biting her knuckle (and it really really wasnt the same, poor thing, she really did try.) theres dozens upon dozens of examples of this

and i realise that whole paragraph is wild and kind of funny if you think about it in the context of... like, a kid who admires the attention of their friend. but clara and nero would try their hardest all the time to test everyones boundaries to the point where it got way too weird. if nero knew something was specific to someones abuse he’d make sure to push them about it or make posts about how “weak!” it was for people to deal with “x and x.” or if someone were to expressed a self harming behaviour he would jump in w “OMG! LISTEN! I DO THIS TOO!!.” or he would make jokes about him “selling pics! this is just a reminder! :3 happy valentines day!” (same post, all platforms) before three of my friends who were sex workers approached me asking if this was a weird little joke. it really did feel like at times he said things he knew would shock people the most. and it really did feel like at times every time someone said something out of the ordinary he would. go out of his way trying to say he did that too, it wasnt a big deal. “it doesnt matter if youve self harmed yourself a lot, have i talked about how i once attempted murder yet. does that sound too edgy? i know people are scared of me... omg... omg omg.” and like this is all fine because if you hear his tinkly baby voice on call none of this shit is all that scary, no matter how much he talks about “how his friends think hes really really tough” (where are his friends.) but it does get a little weird when you think about how much of my trauma i confided in both of these two only to have nero blow it off, and how much they enjoyed doing that thing where they would roleplay out my conversations  from 2017 with nero in the role of saying the things i responded with.

the reason ive typed out this long ass post is bc it literally just made my skin itch a little. it still does. when nero and clara would Do The Thing where they played out jules’ old conversations and . when they would post a lot of selfies with captions like “ahhh i love myself! i promise!” only to see my pictures from 2017 and go “ughh... i was REALLY ugly back then, but i promise im pretty now! clara/nero was ugly too, not gonna lie!” before venting about how they were never satsified w their reflections in the mirror it was weird. when clara would vent every night i didnt compliment like. a fucking selfie of hers. about how Unloved She Truly Was it was weird. like bros i am an abused neet living at home and after im done college im fucking out of here forever... u have nothing to be weirdly obsessed about, and copying out conversations i had with you and things i said to years ago won’t make u love yourself any more

tldr: mods neroratio and stephclara were very microobsessed with my attention and with attention in general to the point where they would literally roleplay being me and act like i was “making things up in my head” when i asked them wtf was wrong. and if you remember them from greatcomettexting and admired them for speaking their truth then like. this is what they were like

[trueslove]

✧･ﾟ: * (  park jiwon  ,  cis  female ,  she / her  )  have  you  seen  violet  hwang  around  ?   i  hear  the  twenty-one  year  old  is  working  as  an  art  director  .  did  you  know  they  have  97  love  alarm  points  ?  if  they  ever  want  to  be  truly  loved  someday  they  should  ease  up  on  being  temperamental  &  enigmatic  .  at  least  you  can  say  they’re  disarming  &  convivial,  too.  /  love alarm blocked

                     hello  !  im  xan  and  ur  watching  d*sney  channel ...  just  kidding  we  do  NOT  support  big  corporations  who  just  wanna  take  ur  money  😔  im  22  ,  from  the  est  timezone  (  even  though  my  sleeping  schedule  ...  does  not  reflect  that  sjbdwjkbdjdw  )  &  i  go  by  she  /  her  pronouns  !  im  gonna  be  honest  this  intro  is  gonna  be  completely  winged  so  buckle  up  ....  and  meet  violet  😋 

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     quick stats + aesthetics  !

full name: violet hwang. 

nickname(s): vee, vivi.

zodiac: tba....

sexuality: bisexual.

birthplace: manhattan, new york.

current residence: toronto, canada.

aesthetics: maraschino cherries at the bottom of a glass, driving with the windows down at night, unanswered text messages, black nail polish, the sound of rain hitting the windowpane, kissing and not telling, smiles that don’t quite reach the eyes.

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     backstory ! 

was born and raised in nyc baby ! she’s a true city girl, grew up in lower manhattan ( the financial district if u wanna get specific ) to a family with lots of $$$$ thanks to her father’s position as a ceo of an investment bank located on wall street 

life was pretty smooth until she was 17 and her father got arrested for embezzlement and fraud </3 it was actually a huge scandal for the investment bank he worked for because it was a whole group of higher ups who had been in on these crimes. basically a bunch of already rich men trying to get richer ... disgusting ik /: 

her life changed pretty drastically after that ! the hwang name was all over the news, their family was pretty much disgraced by high society in nyc, not a very fun time for anyone but especially not for violet’s mom 

after her dad got arrested violet was uhh high key furious with him for ruining their lives with his greed and she wanted nothing to do with him, but her mom couldnt let go. she was still defending him, spending the money they had left on lawyers which included the money the family had set aside for violet’s trust fund that she would have had access to once she was 18 </3

 so her plans for college changed pretty drastically JSDBJWBDJW ( goodbye ivy league education ) she actually ended up getting into the university of toronto for visual studies on an academic scholarship 

so she made the big move all on her own....moved into a tiny dorm...and vowed to reinvent herself. she didnt wanna be labeled as the daughter of a white collar criminal anymore so she just made it a point not to talk to much abt her past to anyone 

her struggles as someone who grew up with $$$$ turning into a broke college student made for some embarrassing but funny moments <3 luckily though everyone else had their own struggles so no one found it suspicious JSBDJWBDJ

when love alarm launched three years ago, violet had just started college so it was really the Big thing anyone and everyone was talking about. since she’d never been a fan of other dating apps, she wasn’t gonna download it but her roommate at the time convinced her ! at first it was fun, just something she didnt take too seriously 

fast forward to graduation and she’s snagged a job as an art director for a little local museum, doing freelance art directing on the side to help pay the bills. low and behold one day a photographer hires her to be the art director to a shoot they’re doing for a badge club member who was in a very high profile and public relationship at the time

violet ended up working with that photographer and badge club member a handful of times, enough for her to catch fee-🤢 catch feelin-🤢 i cant even say it .. she’d never rung anyone’s love alarm before, so of course her first time had to be with someone who was already taken </3 safe to say she ... freaked out 

she was embarrassed above all else, but also heartbroken bc in her head like ... why would someone who literally is part of an exclusive club based on ppl ringing their love alarm care that she rung theirs ? she didnt think it’d be a big deal to them the way it was to her ( but also didn’t stick around long enough to find out jsxbsjbdjw ) 

when she was offered the block she didn’t hesitate to use it figuring it’s better if no one knows her romantic feelings ever again like that /: she’d delete the app but a part of her still likes knowing there are ppl out there who DO like her like that so ... Rip truly 

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     personality + tidbits !

she comes across as ... kind of a bitch SDJBJWBJWBDW it’s truly not on purpose she just has a pretty serious resting expression most of the time ( so she looks mad or annoyed even when she isn’t ) and she’s pretty difficult to get to know ? not to mention the fact that no one has ever witnessed her ring someone’s love alarm .. so all that combined just makes it easy to assume she’s some sort of ice queen when that’s far from the truth /: 

violet really isn’t one to open up too deep to people, but that’s got a lot to do with the past she’s kind of running away from ! so if you’re her friend most of the stuff you know about her is probably surface stuff, but when she’s close to someone she can make that fact hard to realize ? she just has a way with making the people in her life feel important so it’s easy not to be focused on how much you know about her 

never bothers to correct the people that misjudge her. if you don’t like her, if you want to make up assumptions and rumors about her, go ahead like violet really won’t stop you which can sometimes make meeting new people difficult </3 if you’ve seen the dating class webdrama chuu was in she’s kinda like oh seyoung’s chara joowon 🤧

if she wants to, though, she’s pretty good at getting people to like her / trust her ! she does this a lot in professional situations, which is why she’s been doing so well as an art director so far despite being so young 

she’s also very loyal to her friends ! if you can’t ask for extra sauces at mcdonald’s....if you can’t make a phone call to your credit card company explaining that a $3,000 charge to starbucks wasn’t you.....she’s your girl <3 since she’s relatively not bothered by the way people see her ( unless it has to do with her past ) she’s usually the one speaking up if someone she cares about can’t 

after the ... incident ... JSDBWJDBWJ she’s really not a fan of the badge club and everything it stands for ): BUT she continues to do art directing work for a lot of the members when they do photoshoots, or instagram campaigns, or if they have a pop up shop, etc. it’s good money and she needs every penny considering she’s living without support from her family 

cannot cook to save her life so she’s always eating out .. this really is why she’s taking those more high profile jobs she can’t budget .. but it’s better, safety wise at least, that she continues wasting her money on takeout aha <3 

pretends she’s not a romantic and is all about the ~casual flings~ but really she’s just afraid of serious feelings and the idea of a serious relationship ... it’s the trauma 😔 constantly jokes shes gonna bring the tinder whore era back JWDBWJBDJW she is sick of this true love nonsense ! ( the irony of this url ahaha... ) 

she’s the most social after a few drinks, since drunk her isn’t burdened by a mind that overthinks literally everything the way she is sober. if you don’t supervise her though she can get pretty carried away and probably get into some kind of trouble so she’s definitely not the person you want to be in charge on a night out !

really wants a dog but doesn’t think she’s cut out to be a pet parent it feels just as scary as the idea of having an actual kid so ... BDWBDJW if you have a pet ? she’s gonna be living vicariously through you <3 

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     wanted connections !

the photographer that hired her / introduced her to the badge club member she ended up having feelings for 

the badge club remember she had / has feelings for because we love suffering 😈

old roommates from college !! maybe even the one that got her to download love alarm in the first place hehehe

also a current roommate / roommates because your girl can’t afford to live on her own <3

someone she’s confided in about her past ( maybe they judged her for it and had a falling out, or maybe they remain confidants ) 

an ex bf or gf she dated while she was in school ! she never rang their love alarm ( even though this was pre block ) so maybe that’s why things ended between them. or maybe they never rang each others and it was just a mutual thing where they both didn’t really have feelings for each other and tried to date anyway and it didn’t work. or perhaps they dated and when violet realized she was starting to have those feelings she dipped before she ever got a chance to ring their love alarm bc she didn’t want to be exposed like that and commitment is scary ): 

spare best friend ? i’d use a knife emoji to show you how serious i am but i dont wanna scare anyone away aha .. i would just love a best friend plot 🥺

current flings / hookups or past flings / hookups ! i imagine most of them to not be serious but it would be kinda cool if there was someone she’s seeing now that she’s got the love alarm block that she’s actually falling for considering she’s never gonna be able to ring their love alarm hehehehe

people she art directs for !! i imagine she’s got a pretty long list of employers ( from badge club members to regular folk  🤧 ) so it would be cool to have people who hire her for stuff, or who collaborate with her for artistic endeavors since i’ve noticed we have a lot of artsy muses <3 

ummm maybe an enemy. but where it’s like .. the hate isn’t even that deep it’s just like oh you dislike me ? well i dislike you FIRST 😠 and they insult each other and try and sabotage each other like five year olds fighting on the playground like it seems super serious to them but to everyone watching it’s like ... can you guys just get over it you dumb babies KSDBSDBWD like they could probably be good friends if they just .. stopped 

and you’ve reached the end of this NOVEL of an intro post JDBJWBDJWBDW im literally so sorry i tried not to ramble but ..... its just who i am </3 please come shoot me a message to plot !!! you can use tumblr ims but im way more available / quicker to respond on discord so if u wanna add me there and plot u can find me at junhee mr. soft hands ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172  i also did not check this post for typos so if u find one ... mind ur business 😭😭😭 

[sadprose-auroras]

‘About Time’ - Roger TaylorxFem!Reader (Part 1)

A/N: Hello my darlings! I can’t decide if I hate this or not, and I’m not sure if I’ll continue writing this, depends on the response. Please let me know if you want me to continue it (it would probably require way more parts, like a full on series). Hope you enjoy! - Also, this can apply to Ben Hardy’s portrayal of Roger. Whatever you prefer!

(This was totally inspired by a couple time travel fics I read a few weeks ago, I can’t remember the authors or the names but all credits to them for the time travel idea…. LOVE. IT. I just HAD to write my own, crappier version)

Find my other works here!

 You sunk to the floor, your knees giving out beneath you. You felt ridiculous, curling up in a ball, in your wardrobe, but you had reached your breaking point; everything had suddenly hit you. As you hugged your knees, sobbing, your jeans became tear-soaked. Your mind wandered, as your cheeks flamed in embarrassment and shame about your current state, despite nobody being around. How did you get here? A few months ago, your life was great. You had a great job, a great circle of friends and boyfriend, and you were pursuing your passion; studying fashion design. Then, everything began to crumble around you. All your friends turned on you, you got fired, and your studies began to slip as a result, causing you to fail an exam.  

 If all that wasn’t bad enough, you found out your boyfriend of two years had been cheating on you for a year and 11 months. Go figure. It was as if the universe was playing some long, cruel joke on you, just to see how long before you gave up on trying to pursue any kind of happiness. Just as you came to the conclusion that you really had nothing to fight for, leaning your head back on the wall behind you and closing your eyes, the strangest feeling overcame you. Your head began to spin, and pins and needles covered your entire body. You tried to open your eyes, to move your body, but you were frozen. Your heart rate increased rapidly, and you began to think that this was really it. Whatever was happening, you were going to die. Strangely enough, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.  

 By some miracle, everything stopped. The pins and needles ceased, and, save a throbbing headache, you felt much better. You experimentally wiggled your toes, and you had feeling back again. Hesitantly, you opened your eyes, looking around you. It was dark, but you could make out the shapes of the clothes hanging around you. Oddly, you didn’t recognise any of them. The chair that was next to you when you closed your eyes was gone, replaced by a shoe rack.  

You stood up, closed your eyes again and rubbed your temples, trying to rid of the probable hallucinations. You racked your brain, thinking back to when you studied psychosis in high school. You couldn’t remember a thing. Was temporary paralysis a symptom? 

 You decided you needed to call a doctor. You pulled your iPhone out of your pocket, still in the dark, and opened up safari. You had no wifi, and no reception. Frowning, you opened the wardrobe door, the knob feeling unfamiliar, to be greeted by a figure doing the same. The door swung open suddenly, bouncing on its hinges.

 You both screamed loudly, and, without looking at the figure in front of you, you tried to push past to get away, however, a hand gripped you and pulled you back. 

 Your eyes became fixed on the man in front of you. You frowned, unable to tear your eyes off him. The hallucinations were getting worse; you were conjuring up images of people in your home. Hang on. You knew his face all too well; you had spent hours watching him drum and sing at concerts on YouTube. It couldn’t be, could it?

 “Who are you, and what the hell are you doing in my wardrobe!?” he asked, releasing his grip on you. You winced, rubbing where his fingernails had dug into you. This was all too much.

 “I should be asking you the same thing, why are you in my house? What’s going on?” you looked around the room, expecting to see your familiar bedroom; your posters plastered around the walls, your colourful duvet, and your plush white carpet. Instead, the walls were empty, the duvet was blue, and the carpet was grey.

 “I need to sit down,” you said, overwhelmed, perching on the edge of the unfamiliar bed. You glanced up at the man in front of you, his expression still shocked and wide-eyed, as he looked you up and down, his brows furrowing. 

 “God, you seem so real,” you laughed. “But there’s no way.”“What the fuck do you mean?” he replied. “I know I’m real, but I can’t say the same about you. I’ve never known anyone who can just appear out of thin air,” he shook his head in disbelief. 

 You frowned, rubbing your hands through your hair. “What do you mean, I appeared out of thin air?” your stomach began to sink. For reasons you couldn’t explain, something else was going on. Something much weirder than you initially thought.

 “Well, I don’t see how you could have got into my wardrobe without me seeing. I’ve been in my room for 20 minutes.” You glanced at his legs, frowning. What kind of person wears flared jeans anymore? 

 “I, um,” you began, a laugh escaping your lips despite yourself. This was all too ridiculous. You were actively avoiding eye contact with him. You figured if you acknowledged that it was him, at that age, in front of you, this would all go away. It was impossible. Suddenly, it all came together, as shocking as it was. It wasn’t him that was in the wrong place, it was you. This wasn’t your house. You had no wifi or reception. And, Roger Taylor, looking as he did circa 1972, was right in front of you. Had you time travelled? Your head span at the possibility. What else could explain these strange occurrences? 

 “What year is it?” you asked, this time properly meeting his eyes this time. Photos didn’t do the real thing justice; his baby blue eyes were maintaining steady eye contact with you, his lips were slightly parted, and his hair looked so soft and angelic. He was insanely beautiful. You internally cursed yourself. Now was definitely not the time.  

“1972…” he said, becoming even more confused. Your theory was confirmed. You’d watched all of the Back to the Future movies countless times, but you’d never imagined anything like that could ever really happen. Especially to you; plain, boring, old you. 

 “I know you’re probably not inclined to believe the crazy girl from your wardrobe, but I think,” you bit your lip, concerned at how he would take the news. “I think I’m from the future.” 

----------

 “So, you’re telling me you didn’t do anything for this to actually happen?” Roger asked. After trying to explain to him a million times, that yes, you were in fact just as confused as him, and no, you didn’t climb through his window, you tried to remain patient. He had every right to be confused as hell, you would definitely react the same if you were in his shoes. Despite this though, he was oddly trusting, allowing you to remain in his house and actually giving you the time of day to explain your side of the story. He even offered you a glass of water and something to eat, which you accepted gratefully. You were starving. 

 “Yes, I was literally just in my wardrobe, then the next thing I knew we were screaming in each other’s faces.” 

 “How do I know you’re telling the truth? You don’t seem very sane so far. I’m going to need some proof. You could just be a crazy girl who will do anything to sleep with me,” he smirked. You rolled your eyes. So the stories were true, he really was cocky.

 “Don’t flatter yourself, Taylor,” you retorted. “And no,” you said quickly, as he opened his mouth to speak, “I don’t know your surname because I’m a crazy stalker.” Your mind wandered to your extensive Queen record and CD collection. Okay, so maybe you were a little, but he didn’t need to know that. 

 “I know because Queen makes it big. I mean, massive.” You bit your lip nervously. If Back to the Future taught you anything, nobody should know too much about their own future. For the first time in your life, you had to think about what you said before you said it.

“How can I convince you?” you asked.

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “What year do you claim to come from, anyway?”

“2019,” you bit your lip. 

His eyes widened in disbelief. “Shit,” he mumbled. “Am I….?”

 “Still alive? Yeah.” Suddenly, you had an idea. You pulled your phone out of your pocket, thankful it was still charged. You turned it on, the time and date you had left still displayed on the screen (18th January 2019, 11:00), in front of a picture of Queen from 1975. You turned the screen towards him. 

 “Holy shit, is that me?” he gasped, leaning forward. “2019.” He looked up at you, and you shrugged and nodded. You were thankful he didn’t know the implications of having a picture of somebody as your lockscreen. 

 “There’s something else,” you unlocked your phone, opening music and searching for ‘Doing Alright.’ You pressed play, the song pouring out of the speakers.

Yesterday, my life was in ruin

Now today, I know what I’m doing… 

“Oh my god, that’s our song! We haven’t even released it yet.” He chuckled. You couldn’t help but grin at his excitement, encapsulated by his gorgeous smile. 

 “Wanna hear more?” you smirked. It’s funny, you had never felt so comfortable around somebody so quickly. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but something about him relaxed you. 

----------

 “Have you noticed I haven’t asked about that thing you’re holding, ‘cause I’m too scared to?”

 You laughed, covering your mouth with your hand. You’d spent the last half an hour playing Roger a few more Queen songs. A small nagging voice in the back of your mind was telling you to stop, to not reveal anything about his future, no matter how small. But Roger’s pleading to hear more won.

 “It’s actually a phone,” you said, to answer his question. “Well, that’s its main purpose anyway. You can use it to take and store pictures, play music, and use the internet. Which, well, you’ll find out about in approximately 18 years.”

 “I’m intrigued, what’s the internet?” he asked. You thought of all the unspeakable things you had come across on social media, and shook your head.“You don’t want to know.” He raised an eyebrow at you, and you tried to suppress a blush.  

You cleared your throat, averting your eyes from him as you straightened up in your seat. “What’s the time?” you asked. He glanced down at his watch. “3am,” he laughed in disbelief. “We should probably get some sleep. I’ll sleep on the couch.” 

 You shook your head rapidly, taken aback by his utter kindness. “Oh my god no, please, I will. It’s your house,” you said, getting up from the chair you were sitting on. He did the same. You both stood awkwardly, basically staring at each other. You couldn’t help but think of the times you watched a Queen documentary on TV, with the Roger of your time’s commentary. It was hard to believe the man in front of you was the same person.  

 He cleared his throat, tearing his eyes off you, and going into his bedroom, mumbling something about getting something for you to sleep in.  

 As you awaited his return, you couldn’t help but wonder why you were so focused on how flustered you were around Roger, and not worried about the fact that you were literally stuck in the wrong year, and had no idea how to get back. The funny thing was, you had no desire to. You hadn’t felt so at home in a long time, than when you were laughing and talking with Roger. He made you feel so safe, so quickly. And that feeling would only grow stronger when you both gave up on convincing the other to sleep on the couch, and ended up sharing his bed. 

PART 2: BONUS CONTENT THAT I WROTE THE SAME DAY AS PART ONE. I’M NOT GOING TO CONTINUE IT BUT WHAT’S THE POINT OF HAVING IT IN A WORD DOC N NOT POSTING IT?

When I was writing this, I couldn’t stop imagining rom-com moments. Like, the outfit section? A cute montage with a cute song. Damn I wish I could express the images in my head more clearly, in words. My writing sucks. 

“Y/N, wake up. Y/N!!” A familiar, yet foreign, voice startled you. As you came to your senses, you realised your usual soft, silky sheets were replaced with cotton ones, and an unusual smell wafted around you. You slowly opened your eyes, to be greeted by Roger leaning over you, a slightly annoyed look on his face. Fuck. It was real. He must’ve read your disappointment on your face, and he smiled sympathetically and nodded.

“Yep, you’re still here,” he mumbled. You couldn’t help but sigh; you’d hoped it was a really long, unusual dream.

“I have to go to rehearsal for a gig tonight. Do you wanna come?” Of course you didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to meet the rest of the band, and literally see the magic happen, you couldn’t help but feel like you were invading. But then again, who could say they had the chance to sit in on an early Queen rehearsal, especially knowing how successful and impactful they were going to become?

“I don’t – I don’t want to intrude,” you mumbled, sitting up in the bed and clutching the duvet around you, suddenly feeling exposed in Roger’s white shirt.

“Well it’s your choice, I understand that you probably don’t want to sit around with us when you could be finding a way back home or finding your parents or something,” he said.

Although you would never admit it, you wanted nothing more than to go with him. Not only was it literally history in the making, but the absence of your birth parents in your life, leading to a childhood of foster families who couldn’t care less about you, gave you a sense of independence at a young age. You knew how to be alone, seeking solace in music. Music created by the greats like Queen made you feel less alone, as silly as it sounded. It was your escape from the struggles in your real life.

“Wait, no. I want to come. If you don’t mind. But I need something 70s appropriate to wear,” you chuckled, glancing over at your high-waisted skinny jeans and cropped knit jumper folded neatly on a chair.

“I think that can be arranged.” Roger grinned at you, and you were struck with yet another wave of disbelief. Roger Taylor was going to lend you come of his iconic clothes.

After spending a couple of hours going through Roger’s clothes, which was your absolute dream, you finally settled on a pair of pants that were a little too short, and a shirt that was slightly too tight across the chest. You tried to spice up the outfit with a few of Roger’s necklaces, much to his dismay.

“Do I look okay?” you asked when you stepped out, twirling around with your arms out.

Roger, standing with a pile of clothes in his arms that you had rejected, furrowed his brows and looked you up and down. You couldn’t help but stifle a giggle at the sight; he was taking his job as your stylist very seriously.

“You’ll almost fit in,” he said, “although, the shirt is too tight,” he finished bluntly, gesturing to your chest. You folded your arms instinctively.

“Don’t worry, I won’t look at your boobs.” You frowned at this. Was that meant to make you feel better? Why did you feel slightly disappointed?

“Um, thanks?” you scoffed. “What should I do with my hair?” you tugged on each of your French braids. Roger walked towards you without warning, and pulled out your hair ties, running his fingers through your hair.

“Just leave it loose.” He said hoarsely, his face dangerously close to yours. Your heart was beating rapidly, and you couldn’t take your eyes off him. He was biting his lip in concentration, his eyes squinting as he adjusted your hair. It took everything in you to not lean into his touch; his fingers were so delicate. As he pushed a strand of hair out of your face, his eyes met yours.

“Perfect,” he almost whispered, his breath sending shivers down your spine. You knew you should pull away. You knew this would get way too complicated. Your rationality was telling you to snap out of it. But as his hands smoothly came to rest around your neck, bringing you closer, something else entirely was driving your actions.  Just as you began to lean in, he pulled away, clearing his throat loudly.

“Let me get you a coat,” he said, quickly rushing away from you. You bit your lip, cheeks flaming. You were humiliated. What were you thinking, trying to kiss him? He obviously wasn’t attracted to you; the weird, pathetic crazy time-traveller. You didn’t even belong here anyway, how could you possibly think he would want you? Your eyes began to well up, you just had to get out of there.

As you quickly began to gather your clothes and phone, furiously wiping the tears from your eyes, Roger returned with a fur coat in his arms.

“Here, this should fit – wait, what’s wrong?” he asked, realising your state.

“I’m just gonna go. I’m so sorry to have invaded your life like this, you shouldn’t have to deal with my weird ass problems. Thank you for everything. It was nice meeting you, I guess. I’ll never forget you,” you rambled, becoming increasingly embarrassed, trying to walk past him. He gently placed his hands on your upper arms, turning you to face him.

“Hey, hey, I don’t have to help you, okay? I want to. If you’ll let me.” he said, a surprisingly vulnerable look on his face.

“But, I’m burdening you too much! You can’t have me holding you back from living your normal life. You don’t want me clinging to your side like some kind of….” You paused, struggling to find the right words in your frazzled state. “Some kind of leech. I mean, I’m just annoying. For God’s sake, we have nothing in common! I’m technically young enough to be your daughter!”

Roger laughed softly. “Okay, first of all, you’re not a leech. And yes, it’s weird that you’re from the future, and I’ll probably never wrap my head around it, but so what? We shouldn’t get along, but we do.” You hoped he couldn’t notice your blush at this.

“And, lastly,” he said, a cheeky smirk on his face, “the thought of you being my daughter is gross, but me being your daddy on the other hand…”

“Oh my god, Roger! No!” you couldn’t help but laugh, as you rapidly shook your head. You couldn’t tell if he was joking or not; you secretly hoped he wasn’t.

“So, do you still wanna come to rehearsal?” he asked, all joking aside.

You sighed, hoping you weren’t being a burden. “Okay, give me that then,” you grabbed the coat off him, pulling it on.

“Do I look normal?” you asked.

“No,” he smirked, and you raised your eyebrows at him. “In a good way, though. Come on,” he said, grabbing your hand. You tried to ignore the jolts of electricity you felt from this sweet gesture. You never thought simply holding hands with someone would give you so many butterflies.

[longhairfreakypeople]

It bothers me so so much when someone takes my idea (or anyone else’s idea) and “makes it their own”, or takes credit for it. Granted if I never saw someone copy these glasses, #kyramade from 2012, I probably would have never gotten around to making a good quality version like I intended. So there are more reasons for these events to occur, I understand. The unaccountable part of me is really tired of feeling like I’m competing with myself. On the other hand I’m also a little suprised it doesn’t happen more often honestly. I almost constantly have been carrying around the belief/ fear that “people aren’t original and steal ideas”, or something to that extent, since I was a child. Which I know isn’t true, there are so many people in the world who create unbelievable art, from a place of complete authenticity. This belief is probably karmic and is also one of the reasons I am afraid to shine. It has always bothered me passionately watching people copy anyone else’s ideas, not even just my own. So I know that it is much more than just the fear that someone will steal my ideas too, it bothers me to my core when someone isn’t being themselves. I believe that a big part of my purpose as a human is to influence others/ the collective conciousness, to become their most authentic self as I become mine. Of course I understand the mirroring aspect as well. Am I always my authentic self? Lol no. I hide so much of myself from the world. I know one thing that I’m good at and I hide behind it. Probably so that I have an excuse to not grow (in progress), but I know it isn’t authentic. I do things even with Kyramade that aren’t in alignment with myself. It kills my true self to duplicate pieces that I’ve already created, my art and inspiration is in the one of a kinds. Don’t even get me started on showing authentic feelings lmao, working on it. But I totally have been noticing that I attract people and situations to reconfirm my fear/ belief that nobody is original/ nobody is themselves. Although i am so grateful for my talents, part of me feels guilty, like it is kind of easy for me to say.. I realized (accepted) my talents and passions pretty early on in life, and they are also so SO SOCIETAL. Which doesn’t actually necessarily mean easier… My soul chose a path that was meant to have extreme mental and emotional challenges, for my learning. My soul chose a path where right now I am not valued for what I am. In this mass producing, commercial state we are in. For example, the fashion industry, which I “unfortunately” seem to fall the closest under the category of - is literally based on copying, following trends, repeating trends, changing up others ideas to make their own, etc.. I am “competing” with unauthenticity. Even if my work doesn’t seem like the most original work ever, because of this world of commercialism that we live in, where it’s been made totally acceptable to use others ideas. It is to me. I know that my ideas mostly come straight from within me. I do not “inspire” myself with photos, other people’s work, magazines, the Internet, searching ‘inspo’…. I make an effort to be influenced by others as little as possible. I know this as my truth. Sometimes I get uncomfortable when I don’t have a title for myself. I don’t resonate with being a fashion designer obviously, and even artist doesn’t feel suiting to me. This part of me, what I do, what I create, is literally just who I am. Such a confusing path for my soul to choose, but makes painful sense to me. I have had a few people challenging my beliefs. They believe that good things come from copying others, they view it as inspiration. But these people have not been people I view as artists (lack of better word) or original, or authentic. A lot of people don’t understand. How could you really? If you don’t know what it feels like to have original ideas and really create? I hope everyone chooses to experience the feeling of creation. I believe that everyone is an artist of life. I think anything can be an art. We went from people being oppressed to express themselves to everyone in 2016 being like “I’m an artist”. Which is totally true, just not in the way that we think. We are just staying in societies box one way or another. We are locked in this idea of what art is. We think being an artist only means being a painter, writer, musician, poet, photographer, etc. We think these are the only ways to be creative or create. But to me it’s so much more. Dont limit yourself to societies standard of art or talent. Everyone wants to be an artist but they don’t except themselves or their artform. I see too many people making mediocre “art” influenced/ watered down from others work. But what is art to me truly!?!? It’s simply something that INSPIRES us. ANYTHING. Our souls crave to be inspired. The most creative you feel is when you’re using someone else’s idea, putting your own spin on it? :-( Breaks my heart. That is not inspiration that is copying. And your poor lil soul. It craves awe (mums realization hehe) we crave to be in AWE. to feel!!! Not to live life getting temporary validation for something we didn’t create. Life is art, art is creation, life is creation. The word “artist” is either becoming so overused and meaningless to me, or it is becoming so meaningful and vast. Like why couldnt science be an art!? Sometimes i think about something like scared geometry and think to myself there is a freaking beauty to the universe that i cannot even fathom. Endless possibilities. And thats math! Why cant math be art? I think about how beautiful the universe is and how these incredible souls chose their path to bring this info to the world. I also think about how this is not my path. My path is to influence the mass conciousness to remind us why we are here as individuals. There is a reason we are human, and a reason we chose the exact body and experience that we did. You are so much bigger than you realize. Let your light shine. Dont hide behind someone elses ideas, someone elses light. I think about the what ifs: what if all the game changers throughout history hadn’t shown their lil lights. I truly believe every single human has been given (chosen by their soul) specific, unique talents. Some people (most?) will never realize their true talent/ purpose. Maybe because they are afraid to shine, accept who they are, or maybe their role in society isn’t typical, or better yet hasn’t even been created yet!?! (Isn’t that an exciting thought).. Their are so many people being mediocre at something in society. Or being “crafty” copying someone else’s art. And those are just cheating themselves out of becoming their most authentic self. But that is when the world changes. When each of us as individuals do what we were made to do. I sincerley doubt your highest purpose is to be “crafty” and copy others. Please dont cheat yourself. Accept who you are, it will be the greatest gift you give to yourself/ the world. I have friends who literally only play dress-up, every single day. Dressing up as something else is honestly fun once in a while, but there's a point where it becomes dangerous. When you stand there and say "this is who I am". This is why trends can be dangerous. It's naive to think the way we dress isn't important or just surface. Of course it isn't all that we are, but it's totally an extension of ourselves. I often feel like the only person who can see how much pain my friends and people around me are in. It is so painful to reject your true self. Each day they pretend this new mask they put on is "who they are" they become further and further away from seeing them self, loving them self. It makes me really sad because I personally don't think they would be trying so hard to stand out if they were put on the earth just to be another follower. So here I get to the part where I know that the way I react to people stealing ideas, usually by ignoring it or getting upset, is not working for me anymore. I am usually so passive in life, so speaking my truth right now is really making my authentic self happy. I am in the process of changing my belief to “everyone is their most authentic self”. In the meantime to keep myself sane, I know I cannot change others. I also know that each time you copy someone else you become further and further from your authentic self. And I will not take that on anymore. All I can do is focus on myself and continue to accept who I am, until I figure out exactly what I am to learn from these experiences. Does all this mean that i have become completely authentic and now im perfect? No. It means I am completely open to seeing myself and loving who i am. Authenticity has got to be the truest form of self love. Also if anyone has experienced these challenges and successfully reframed it for themselves pls pls talk to meee 🙏