#but i need to find a job first
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Julian Blackthorn’s constant awareness of his siblings is both so heartwarming and so heartbreaking to read
#he really is their dad#he thinks the way a parent should think and its amazing#he is always putting them first#checking if they’re okay#making note of what they need#its so sweet knowing how much he cares about them#and how amazing of a job he has done at raising them#but man does it make me sad#because he has done it all at his own expense#the idea of raising FOUR kids from the age of twelve#on top of having your father killed and older brother taken away and sister banished#this poor boy#oh and also secretly and illegally being in love with his parabatai#and secretly running the institute and taking care of his sick uncle without ANYONE finding out#truly one of the strongest and most amazing characters in this franchise#i am always blown away at how much he is constantly taking on#i love julian blackthorn with all my heart#he is just so amazing#julian blackthorn#the dark artifices#lady midnight#the shadowhunter chronicles#shadowhunters#cassandra clare#blackthorns#emma carstairs#ty blackthorn#livvy blackthorn#tavvy blackthorn#kate's post
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Claire: Full on throws herself at Carmy unapologetically and from her perspective, has a perfect relationship with him. / Overhears him say one negative thing about the relationship and has made no attempt to come back into his life.
Sydney: Gives her all to the actual Carmy and the restaurant and has continued to do so, and only walked when he disrespected her a bit more than usual. / Came back after he gifted her a place in a fucked restaurant. / Sydney still deals with the same bs and has a panic attack over leaving Carmy and the restaurant/what she'll choose/the way Carmy has treated her etc etc etc because she cares so much.
#the bear#sydney adamu#claire the bear#carmen berzatto#sydcarmy#the bear fx#honestly good for clairebear#very proud of her#jk jk I don't care because she's barely her own person lol#in s2 I did find it interesting she walked at the first mean thing Carmy said that was not only after talking down on himself but wasn't#really about her#I need Sydney to be honest to herself and Carmy about her feelings s4#I don't want a plot where she doesn't take the job but holds resentment towards Carmy#if there was a ripe time for her to quit it was s1 ep7 and I thought that in s2 tbh#like she needs to ask herself if she's okay with not getting what she wants and needs atp#is caring about carmy worth that to her#*throws up hands in surrender*#sydney x carmy
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I would personally like to inform you (if you didn’t already know) that having watched the Mario movie on Netflix I watched it in Spanish and the fire flower scene where Peach asks if he was thinking about Luigi, Mario says, “Nunca nos habíamos separado”, which I think translates to “We had never been separated” and I don’t know why that makes me want to cry, 😭 I guess it further shows how they’ve NEVER been apart, like ever and further shows how much they really and deeply missed each other
Oh
#THEY'VE NEVER BEEN SEPARATED YOUR HONOR#every day I wake up and think of that ''we've never been apart this long'' line#they sleep in the same bedroom! They went to the same school and worked the same jobs! they're always happiest together!!!#and after they were separated the very first thing they did was try to find each other I'm FINE#great now I need this scene and the reunion scene in every language#askbox#anon
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As someone who's gotten verrry good at the first two PMD games I wanted to give the input that Ingo's strategy is honestly not far off the mark- scanning for items can be very useful, especially if you happen to be a hoarder like I am and pack light for the dungeon ahead. Also yeah, starving tends to happen if you're conservative with your resources, not a big deal though usually.
Sometimes Ingo prepares so much for the dungeon ahead in anticipation of all the items they’ll need to take back with them, that it loops back around to being entirely unprepared for the long haul (<- I do this more often than I should).
Haha I make Ingo a fan of thorough exploration because I’m also a fan of doing it and I’m really the one who insists on scouring every single floor. I love looking for rare items, searching out battles with a specific pokemon to recruit them, farming treasure boxes, and razing monster houses!! So yes among that, I am also a fellow hoarder lol, and I do also pack very light for dungeons to save as much room as possible for whatever I pick up.
Hunger mechanic just really gets in the way sometimes which is why I’m looking hard for the tight belt item right now, it eliminates the hunger points going down entirely (except for a few exceptions I think?) I NEED THAT ITEM!!
#wayward’s asks#HISUI PMD AU#I always make a point to go into dungeons with only two held items and two big apples if I can help it#will bring a stun/sleep seed or petrify orb if I’m taking on a job to bring in another pokemon though but THATS IT#that is it#nothing I hate more than running out of space in my bag like ten floors in#and I NEED to find every single Gummi and take them all back to make into drinks at Spinda’s to get all my points up#can’t do that just by eating the Gummis on their own!! it’s tedious at first but it’s great when it starts#piling up the extra points on attack and defense and such
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The way this job randomly took away one of our breaks and told us we have to work 6 days a week for the next month kjhjkhkhjhj y'all are so silly we aren't doing that ♥️
#i think most of us are just finding something different#on one hand this is basically the first job i've had that hasn't made me wanna kms on the other hand 6 days a week is a lot for any job#and it's like 9 or 10 hour days...girl...#there are times when i need to cook and clean...
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higuchi thoughts of the day: as much as i love the idea of her having some devastatingly destructive ability… her having a healing/support ability would explain so much of her character. like. her high ranking in the mafia despite (as far as we know) not being extraordinarily strong. her assignment to akutagawa + his resentment of her + her being so overprotective of him. the irl author’s connection to mori and yosano. dw about it
#what if it’s something like alleviating pain or slowing disease progression. a palliative care thing#if that’s the case then it would explain why it’s been a mystery for so long. asgr would've had to reveal akutagawa’s illness first#which only just happened timeline-wise#ik aku said he hasn’t told anyone about it but. i find it very hard to believe he could hide it from mori of all people. the literal doctor#but GOD it would just make so much sense.#i always thought it was weird that he has these ultra specific plot reasons for why he treats/treated atsushi and kyouka so badly#but for higuchi it’s just. unprovoked malice??? idk. i don’t buy it#and why does he even need an assistant. there are other mafiosi weaker/less loyal/more of a loose cannon than he is that don’t have one#but if she was assigned to him bc of his illness… him not being able to stand her bc her presence is indicative of his own weakness#her being overbearing bc she knows it’s entirely her responsibility to stop him from succumbing to his poor health#much more satisfying than the ‘he’s just an asshole’/‘she’s just a obsessed stalker’ idea that a lot of people believe#and it would add a whole new layer of context to that chapter of her saving his life and saying it’s her job to do so. hrmmmm.#i can invent an akutagawa and higuchi lore that’s sooooo copium#bsd#higuchi
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I'm once again thinking about the missed opportunities to have Klaus and Kol bond more. Part of Klaus' whole motivation as a vampire is to get his werewolf part back and to finally be stronger than Mikael (sort of, I'm simplifying) both of which can be obtained by breaking his curse. But Kol? Kol is the only other original that can relate to having a fundamental part of themself ripped away from them. Klaus might not have known he was a werewolf until he killed, but he likely still had a connection he couldn't explain, as evident by him going to watch the wolves transform. And something he'd never been able to explain was now gone. He might only be able to realise the connection afterwards through its absence.
Kol though. Kol had grown up with magic, a connection to nature and the world around him in a way the rest of his siblings supposedly didn't have. And then he gets turned. And not only has his baby brother died, his father has just murdered him and the rest of his siblings after forcing them to drink human blood, which he'll later learn. Now, not only does he have to deal with the grief of Henrik's death and also his own but also the loss of his magic. A loss that's likely only worsened by Kol being a self-proclaimed child prodigy.
Kol is pretty much the only one who could understand what Klaus is going through with the binding of his wolf. We know Kol searched for ways to get his magic back/carry on practicing magic in the same way that Klaus was looking for ways to break his curse. While Klaus likely could still feel his wolf there despite being bound, Kol has no access to his magic anymore. I just think they should've been able to bond or connect over their shared loss of an intrinsic aspect of their selves at the hands of their parents
#TVD#The Mikaelsons#Kol Mikaelson#Klaus Mikaelson#briefly back on my the originals shouldve gotten to be a family goddammit and as someone from a big family im personally offended bs#i did right a lil snippet about them bonding over this that i havent posted yet for the joml verse but still think its an unexplored concep#need more witch!kol acknowledgement honestly. just need more content of my boy#anyway. klaus having a fascination with the moon and kol telling him about celestial events and how it affects his magic when theyre boys#klaus losing that connection to the moon feeling lost & extra tempermental feeling his wolf claw at its binds and vowing to break his curse#kol determined to get his magic back at any cost relating to that devasting loss and promising to help him find a loophole for his curse#kol who becomes extra reckless and determined when he learns that theres a way to break klaus' curse so maybe he can get his magic back too#that knowledge and recklessness combined with his loss of magic driving him to become the volatile vampire that we see#that leads to him being daggered repeatedly but that first time breaks something in that bond between him & klaus that never fully recovers#it makes him bitter and resentful only fueling his reckless behaviour particularly when there seems to be no leads on reclaiming his magic#that he becomes distant from his siblings in the process especially with finn still daggered but that distance only cements the idea#to his siblings that hes a danger and cant be trusted that he needs to be daggered if theyre to stay safe from mikael#the loss of his magic leading to his spiral as a vampire and him being ostracised by his family > actual tvdu kol canon#klaus being trapped in a room staring at the corpse of his little brother knowing he never repaired that relationship with him#and now he never can so he refuses to look away as penance and a reminder of his failings to his little brother#*edit: one of the reblogs on this post is the author of big bad wolf and honestly she does an amazing job at portraying the mikaelsons#as actual siblings if you havent read it its one of my favourites for characterisations but we need more 😭 i want it to be the norm
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Arlecchino's whole deal is unbelievable
Arlecchino: Huh I wonder what's causing my weird powers? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta become King and then kill my "Mother".
*Kills Clervie and "Mother"*
Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I was able to defeat a Fatui Harbinger when I'm like 17 or so? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta be in jail and become a Harbinger.
*Is in jail for a while and becomes a Harbinger*
Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I am-
Pierro: Hey what's up hello, anyways you're descended from the Crimson Moon Dynasty of Khaenri'ah. I'm sure that this is a lot for you to take in so-
Arlecchino: Ok.
Pierro: ...You're just cool with that?
Arlecchino: IDK maybe? I can't really worry about that at the moment, I'm a father now. This orphanage full of children I love (who also are child soldiers and are not allowed to leave or else I'll execute them except maybe now I'm just gonna wipe their memories IDK I'm morally complex) isn't gonna run itself.
*Runs the orphanage/spy recruitment initiative*
Me, the fucking player: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE KHAENRI'AN? WHY WASN'T THIS BROUGHT UP IN YOUR FUCKING QUEST?? OR ANYTHING ELSE????
Arlecchino, talking to me through my phone: I honestly don't know why you care, I'm too busy to give a shit. Anyways, I'm gonna go fight fate itself I guess. I'm sure that I don't share any thematic parallels with any other Khaenri'an characters (particularly as it relates to acting and family angst) and that I haven't made the idea of 'curses' on Khaenri'ans and what they entail even more complicated than they already were. See ya.
#arlecchino#genshin impact#pierro#WHY IS THE GAME FUCKING GLOSSING OVER THE FACT THAT SHE IS KHAENRI'AN?!#Not only that but she is the first Khaenri'an we've met (that we know of) who's from the Crimson Moon Dynasty#I'm so fucking confused#Did Celestia place a DIFFERENT curse on members of the Crimson Moon Dynasty?? Or is this stuff all of them can do???#HELP#She also seems almost...uninterested in the fact that she's descended from Khaenri'ah. Which honestly I think is interesting.#I don't know if I like it yet but when every other Khaenri'ah character has one of their major traits being that they super fucking#care that they are Khaenri'an (whether that be Kaeya with his paranoia/destiny/duty or Dain with his guilt over his failure/desire to#prevent our sibling from fucking with anything too much or whatever the fuck is going on with Pierro)#having a character who is Khaenri'an but doesn't seem to particularly be invested in that part of themself is different#she cares more about the curse and its effects on her then she ever really cares about the Crimson Moon Dynasty or the cataclysm#IDK I think it's neat from a character writing angle. or at least it has the potential to be if the writers do a good job.#But from a 'I like maybe 3 things in this game and one of them is Khaenri'ah' perspective it SUCKSSSSS#That part of the plot is already suffering from chronic live-service storytelling disease where people just straight up don't tell you#shit that they logically SHOULD BE TELLING YOU because the game needs to save plot points to build hype around#so for one of like 4-ish (depending on how much we count Albedo) Khaenri'an major characters to give us literally 1 and 1/2 voicelines#kinda sucks ngl. but again it's also interesting and realistic for Arlecchino and from that angle I like it#she doesn't care about what fate says her place in the world is. she's gonna carve her own and being Khaenri'an isn't relevant to#the life and identity she has built for herself. she isn't the type to look for answers she doesn't need. she's practical and efficient.#at the very least it's better than when Albedo 'I want to find all the world's truths' Kreideprinz doesn't let the audience in on his stuff
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sheet for kian
victor's sheet
#oc: kian micelli#ts4#I feel the need to bring out some backstory#Kian leaves his house early because he planned to start a career in a big city and he worked hard to make that happen.#He got a position where he may be promoted after getting a degree and achieving his dream job#but he didn't enjoy it as much as he was expecting which broke him#He returned home and soon discovered that he supposed to stay there#Victor however would work in his parents' business for the rest of his life but he found it difficult to adapt to adulthood#He dropped out of college moved out with his parents and is now attempting to figure out his future steps#and they first met at this point#Kian gave himself time to work with his parents all summer before beginning looking for a job#Victor wants to begin a new life.#Before Victor’s family lived there but after several problems that include his brother they left#and now that he’s returned rumors about his family keep being spread so he needs to find a strength#oc stuff#my sims
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Hear me out:
Kotoko adopted Es, and Fuuta went ballistic.
Rip Fuuta... he can never catch a break... Asdfsdf thank you for this, it was a blast thinking of all the ridiculous ways this could have played out! (One possibility I toyed with was Fuuta's competitive instincts take over, he fights her for Es, only to realize too late "*I* don't want to be responsible for a whole child WAIT") It's a similar format to the last one, with a knock-at-the-door reveal, but I still think it works 😂
“Don’t fuck with me, Es.”
“I would never.”
Lying brat. Fuuta knew they would every chance that they got. It was the reason he was so relieved that Es decided to find somewhere else to live after Milgram’s end. Fuuta had nothing left to fear from his former warden, but the others’ suggestions that Es become his new roommate still made him shudder. Three interrogations in a closed space with the rude kid were enough for him, thank you very much.
However, it wasn’t all a relief. He couldn’t help feeling concerned about who they’d gone to live with. Given how cryptic they were being, Fuuta would have been convinced they walked into the woods to find a furry family of Jackalopes or something to raise them –except, they showed up for this walk with clean clothing and internet access.
“I don’t believe you. You’re fucking with me right now. Why can’t you just tell me who it is?”
“It isn’t any of your concern. Hey, I thought you swore to stay out of others’ business. You turned over a new leaf and all that?”
“Tch. I meant other people’s business. You’re different.”
If Es had vanished off the grid like some of the other prisoners, Fuuta wouldn’t have cared. But they were here, near enough to arrange some lame meetup, which meant they were going to remain in his life for a while longer. And that meant, as the model citizen that Fuuta was, he felt responsible for ensuring they didn’t get themselves kidnapped by some creep.
He asked, “how much do you know about them, anyway? I mean, what kind of person can house a random weird kid on incredibly short notice? That’s definitely suspicious.”
Fuuta pulled the mask up on his face as they turned down a more crowded street. He knew people were going to gawk at his eye anyways, but it still helped him feel like he was blending in. With his thoughts on the injury for a moment, he was glad that bitch Kotoko was one of the prisoners who had gone off the grid. Good riddance.
“I promise, she’s fine. Not weird with children at all. In fact, she’s really good with them, which is why she could help me on such short notice.” They muttered, “but it’s not like I’m that young…”
“That’s still not normal. Is she some old housewife or something?”
“Ah, are you trying to do the interrogation this time? Actually, I’d say she’s around your age.”
“It’s just you two living alone? I’m still worried about Milgram coming looking for us again – can a girl like that really protect you?”
“Is everyone supposed to live with a big, strong man, like you?”
“Wha–!” Fuuta’s cheeks burned red. “That’s not what I –!”
“I’m only teasing. It’s cute that you care about me.”
That only agitated him more. “It’s not cute! I’m being realistic! One of us has to think about your safety while you’re just distracted by some pretty girl.”
“What makes you think she’s pretty?”
“Well, why else would you be so careless in deciding to live with her?”
All of the sudden, he saw it in Es’ eyes: that spark of mischief that Fuuta had come to loathe. He could never tell what they were plotting, but it was never a good sign.
Es held up their hands in mock surrender. They put on a ridiculous, overdramatic voice. “Ah, you caught me, Fuuta! I’m hiding her identity because she’s the most beautiful, capable woman in all of Japan, and I want to keep her all to myself!”
He groaned, but they weren’t deterred. “She’s got everything, I couldn’t risk you falling for her! She’s quite capable of defending me. She’s very strong, with protective instincts much like your own. She understands our situation like no one else could. She’s got intense eyes, and you wouldn’t believe her singing voice. She enjoys deep conversations, she’s a dog person, she –”
“ – now you’re being the creep! Just shut up, I get it already...”
When they finally had the decency to pull it together, they reassured him. “It’s all true, though. So there’s no need to worry about me. I’m in good hands.”
Good hands, his ass. In only a brief conversation, the caretaker had gone from sounding a little suspicious to sounding way too good to be true… meaning she was extremely suspicious.
“Maybe someday I’ll introduce you, if you’re lucky...”
He turned his eyes away. “At least let me run some background checks on her first.”
(He would just stalk her on social media, but that still counted.)
“You’re just going to stalk her on social media. That doesn’t count.”
“Eh? I have legit methods!” He hid deeper under his mask.
Even after the topic was dropped, after he and Es parted ways on an awkward goodbye, Fuuta was left thinking about this mystery woman. It took a bit of digging (and maybe a tiny bit of social media stalking) but at last he found where Es lived with this stranger. Contrary to what they may believe, he had turned over a new leaf. There would be no more hiding behind screens or letting others do the confrontation for him. Now that he was a changed person, he’d do the healthy and normal thing with this information: he’d march on down there himself and confront her like a man.
He made it all the way to the front door with his chin high. He knocked with confidence.
Then he began to shift nervously. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get the woman’s description out of his head. Sure, he was here to check on Es, but if someone happened to check him out at the same time, it was only right to be prepared… He straightened his shirt collar. He ran his fingers through his hair. He wondered if he should have covered up his eye to look more presentable.
The door swung open.
The surprise on Kotoko’s face was nowhere near the amount on Fuuta’s.
“Oh, for fucks sake –!”
From somewhere behind her, Es’ laughter rang out.
#milgram#fuuta kajiyama#es#kotoko yuzuriha#the informal narration voice was a bit more than i usually do - i hope it wasnt too cheesy because i thought it was a ton of fun aasdfsdfs#in the first one it was cool to write kazui as avoiding naming shidou for pretty good reasons (he doesnt want to make amane upset and he#genuinely has a hard time talking about liking men after so many years of secrecy)#however. es has no such reasons. they are a little troll and their favorite activity is messing with fuuta. this is the most fun theyve#had all week. they actually hoped they could keep the lie up for a little longer.#i picture kotoko has chilled out a lot post-milgram BUT upon finding out fuuta once again tracked down a childs address she chases him off#(with es still dying in the background)#i firmly believe that bisexual fuuta my beloved would Not be immune to the idea of kotoko......#thank you for the request!!! adfsdf i hope you enjoyed#it took a hot second to write down but i was cracking up thinking about it the whole time#for the other adoption idea i figured i could spin it so fuutas government-job father had connections to help him get custody paperwork#but he doesnt come out and say what he needs it for so his dad just thinks his son is finally getting his life together and helping#someone else in need -- and fuuta himself doesnt realize right away that he just adopted a whole ass kid out of spite 💀#drabbles
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And here she actually is
*jazz hands*
an actual sprite for Emi, if you can believe it
Smushed together from different bits and pieces thanks to @alchemivich's assets. Hair is from pngimg with a CC BY-NC 4.0 license, I'll put the link in the replies.
Thanks to Deuce, random dormless background student, Cater, Azul and random Styx scientist for their contributions for making this happen.
Tagging @scint1llat3 @diodellet @moonyasnow @bibi-cha
If anyone else would like to tagged for Emi stuff, please let me know!
You can find more information on my yuusona Emi here on the masterlist.
#ner talks#ner makes#twisted wonderland#twst oc#twst yuusona#emi lind#ngl I'm really proud of this one#like sure I'm sure there would've been easier ways to do some of the things I did#considering the amount of time I spent on this#(I mean also like the fact that she's got ears in there which I didn't even need in the end oof)#(but guess she's ready for if I ever fiddle with her in the future?)#and yeah sure the hair doesn't match twst's style#and sure I could change the shoes and fiddle with a few other details but honestly#this most certainly does the job#(plus like beggars can't be choosers so this well represents what she might be wearing when first arriving)#this kinda makes me wanna pick up some photo manip course or something ngl#also I really hope I managed to make the birth marks look like birthmarks instead of pimples oof#look forward to finding random stray pixels and other nonsense once I post this#but looking at the physical description post I did of her earlier I *think* I got all the major things
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ooc. honks to let you know i am alive but trying to find the right balance in life to get back into writing sobs. it aint working so far but will see.
#ooc.| faty speaks#[be a teacher they say...it is an easy job they say....sobs..#[is there a job that requires working the work because you need the work done before you go to work so you need to work extra work for the#[eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuughhh#[anyway im trying to find a way to stay sane...it is not working#[i come home. sleep. wake up. eat food. work until it is time for food and then sleep then wakes up for work... what the heck man#[this is hell.#[they keep telling me it is because i got 12th grades and they require all my attention since 'last year of school' shenanigans and all..#[first year at any work is tough...ihope.#[because of this continues i will be...dead out of boredom and lack of excitement in my life#[anyway hope everyone is ok
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Today I bring you month-old doodles of Hallowrove having a rough day at work. Tomorrow? Who knows?
#Hallowrove tag#fallen london#i need to do a good day at work doodle sheet one of these days to make it up to them lol#yes sometimes a bad day monster hunting can look a lot worse than this re: Almost Getting Eaten#but I've always loved how many of the activities the game describes are just sort of mundane or could become so#the necessity of slogging through the swamp for a few hours to find anything in the first place#or regularly scheduled jobs like collecting poisons for the Detective
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Some mild existential dread in the house today
#im just feeling reeeeally really drained#works taking a LOT out of me#like. it feels less intense day to day? or maybe im reacting less? but its still very much piling up#and im just feeling very...idk. like im still waiting for permission to live my life#except now the permission osnt coming from any one person its. having the money to docit#and the time and the energy#and i guess thats just what adult life is? waiting#and hoping#and along the way losing sight of what i even wanted in the first place because im so *tired*#idk. i definitely need a project of some kind but im struggling to settle on something and then organise it#i have stuff to do today anyway. alfie had a lil bit of emergency cash saved so i need to go shopping#and i need to tidy the kitchen and do some dishes#and have a bath and shave at some point#i also want to draw but again. struggling ti pick something and idk if ill have the executive function spare#AND i want to try and be more social and talk to folks but thats its own kind of difficult#part of me would like a disc server that just has all of my friends in it bc i find it easier to dip in and out of conversarions#but i imagine that would be weird for folks who dont know each other#idk. lot goin through my mind when all i really want is sleep#which also hasnt been...greeeeat lately#mainly because Alfie wakes me up in the mornings bc they dont like being alone but also have a very different sleep schedule to me#and can take multiple smaller naps over a day whereas i really need a solid 8 or so hours or i just. dont fully switch on#but theyre also struggling atm (mentally and also they got an injury at work AND seperately broke their foot ffs)#so they need me more and its just#this never ending cycle of SOMETHING needs my attention#and its fucking exhausting asfghfkd#but!!! we keep goin!!!!! been applying for a bunch of jobs and havent heard anything positive yet but. we keep tryin huh
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I feel like the adaptogens made me a little more adhd. I'm extra stimmy. I'm still struggling to get things done, but it's more like I'm just tired than like a fight with myself. It's still a fight, but I'm fighting a lot less.
I would be doing so badly right now if I hadn't found these. I feel almost inappropriately chipper. I'm also playing and singing Labour by Paris Paloma on repeat.
I'm not doing much, but i FEEL galvanized. I hope I can keep going.
#also i want to say dude a lot more#personal#at first i thought i was just nervous cuz i was flapping while talking on the phone#but then i did it on a walk and i wasn't shper nervous then#I'm going to bed and it's not 1 am yet#i still need to clean and get a job or find out a way to make what I'm doing work for me#but I'm not in pain while I'm doing it#whyyy did this not happen last time#what happened
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I hate it here sm
#i have a scheduled phone call with my employment agency person later this afternoon#and i already know i'm going to cry#not because of the phone call per se but just the fact that i have to do business with them in the first place#i don't care if someone else is unemployed or why they are unemployed. it is not my place to judge anyone for not working#but for me myself and i personally? it is so humiliating. the ultimate personal failure#i am so ashamed for not being good enough to have a job#even if i know i'm not being fair on myself bc the reason my contract will not be renewed isn't bc i wasn't doing my job well enoug#it's just that they literally don't have work for me to do when the other person returns 🤷♀️#in any case i find it so unfair from the universe that i was working so hard all winter and then the reward i get is full-time unemployment#again!!!!!!!#there's so much more that i could say about this but i don't need y'all to know just how pathetic i really am
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