#(with es still dying in the background)

[good-beanswrites]

Hear me out:

Kotoko adopted Es, and Fuuta went ballistic.

Rip Fuuta... he can never catch a break... Asdfsdf thank you for this, it was a blast thinking of all the ridiculous ways this could have played out! (One possibility I toyed with was Fuuta's competitive instincts take over, he fights her for Es, only to realize too late "*I* don't want to be responsible for a whole child WAIT") It's a similar format to the last one, with a knock-at-the-door reveal, but I still think it works 😂

“Don’t fuck with me, Es.”

“I would never.”

Lying brat. Fuuta knew they would every chance that they got. It was the reason he was so relieved that Es decided to find somewhere else to live after Milgram’s end. Fuuta had nothing left to fear from his former warden, but the others’ suggestions that Es become his new roommate still made him shudder. Three interrogations in a closed space with the rude kid were enough for him, thank you very much.

However, it wasn’t all a relief. He couldn’t help feeling concerned about who they’d gone to live with. Given how cryptic they were being, Fuuta would have been convinced they walked into the woods to find a furry family of Jackalopes or something to raise them –except, they showed up for this walk with clean clothing and internet access. 

“I don’t believe you. You’re fucking with me right now. Why can’t you just tell me who it is?” 

“It isn’t any of your concern. Hey, I thought you swore to stay out of others’ business. You turned over a new leaf and all that?”

“Tch. I meant other people’s business. You’re different.” 

If Es had vanished off the grid like some of the other prisoners, Fuuta wouldn’t have cared. But they were here, near enough to arrange some lame meetup, which meant they were going to remain in his life for a while longer. And that meant, as the model citizen that Fuuta was, he felt responsible for ensuring they didn’t get themselves kidnapped by some creep. 

He asked, “how much do you know about them, anyway? I mean, what kind of person can house a random weird kid on incredibly short notice? That’s definitely suspicious.”

Fuuta pulled the mask up on his face as they turned down a more crowded street. He knew people were going to gawk at his eye anyways, but it still helped him feel like he was blending in. With his thoughts on the injury for a moment, he was glad that bitch Kotoko was one of the prisoners who had gone off the grid. Good riddance.

“I promise, she’s fine. Not weird with children at all. In fact, she’s really good with them, which is why she could help me on such short notice.” They muttered, “but it’s not like I’m that young…”

“That’s still not normal. Is she some old housewife or something?”

“Ah, are you trying to do the interrogation this time? Actually, I’d say she’s around your age.”

“It’s just you two living alone? I’m still worried about Milgram coming looking for us again – can a girl like that really protect you?”

“Is everyone supposed to live with a big, strong man, like you?”

“Wha–!” Fuuta’s cheeks burned red. “That’s not what I –!”

“I’m only teasing. It’s cute that you care about me.”

That only agitated him more. “It’s not cute! I’m being realistic! One of us has to think about your safety while you’re just distracted by some pretty girl.”

“What makes you think she’s pretty?”

“Well, why else would you be so careless in deciding to live with her?”

All of the sudden, he saw it in Es’ eyes: that spark of mischief that Fuuta had come to loathe. He could never tell what they were plotting, but it was never a good sign.

Es held up their hands in mock surrender. They put on a ridiculous, overdramatic voice. “Ah, you caught me, Fuuta! I’m hiding her identity because she’s the most beautiful, capable woman in all of Japan, and I want to keep her all to myself!” 

He groaned, but they weren’t deterred. “She’s got everything, I couldn’t risk you falling for her! She’s quite capable of defending me. She’s very strong, with protective instincts much like your own. She understands our situation like no one else could. She’s got intense eyes, and you wouldn’t believe her singing voice. She enjoys deep conversations, she’s a dog person, she –”

“ – now you’re being the creep! Just shut up, I get it already...”

When they finally had the decency to pull it together, they reassured him. “It’s all true, though. So there’s no need to worry about me. I’m in good hands.”

Good hands, his ass. In only a brief conversation, the caretaker had gone from sounding a little suspicious to sounding way too good to be true… meaning she was extremely suspicious.

“Maybe someday I’ll introduce you, if you’re lucky...”

He turned his eyes away. “At least let me run some background checks on her first.” 

(He would just stalk her on social media, but that still counted.)

“You’re just going to stalk her on social media. That doesn’t count.”

“Eh? I have legit methods!” He hid deeper under his mask.

Even after the topic was dropped, after he and Es parted ways on an awkward goodbye, Fuuta was left thinking about this mystery woman. It took a bit of digging (and maybe a tiny bit of social media stalking) but at last he found where Es lived with this stranger. Contrary to what they may believe, he had turned over a new leaf. There would be no more hiding behind screens or letting others do the confrontation for him. Now that he was a changed person, he’d do the healthy and normal thing with this information: he’d march on down there himself and confront her like a man. 

He made it all the way to the front door with his chin high. He knocked with confidence. 

Then he began to shift nervously. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get the woman’s description out of his head. Sure, he was here to check on Es, but if someone happened to check him out at the same time, it was only right to be prepared… He straightened his shirt collar. He ran his fingers through his hair. He wondered if he should have covered up his eye to look more presentable.

The door swung open. 

The surprise on Kotoko’s face was nowhere near the amount on Fuuta’s.

“Oh, for fucks sake –!”

From somewhere behind her, Es’ laughter rang out.

[harringtons-cupid]

RichMarried!Steve Harrington x Fem!Mistress Reader

w.c: 3.2k

warnings -18+: Thigh-touching, suggestive looks, introductory relationship. Cheek kissing, flirting, alcohol use

Tagged: @bisexual-byers @luna-munson83 @queerpumpkinnn @littlepotatobeansworld @hazzaismyreligion  @littlepotatobeansworld @mikefaistwasinnewsies @urlbitchin @stevestummy @eddiemunsons-missingnipple @munsonsbaby @moonchildquinn @beesoo13 @nojerama1996 @sw34terw34ther

There is French within this chapter, the translations for them are here:

oh, Tu parle Française - oh, do you speak french? Ah oui, je venir du France et toi? - oh, i come from France, and you? Je venir du France et Etas-Uni - I come from France and America. Ah tres gentile, voulez-vous un tea - oh very nice, do you want tea? vous avez une petit ferme dans votre jardin, ma femme n’aime pas les animaux - You have a small farm in your garden, my wife doesn't like animals. oh non, je suis désolé. Eh bien vous pouvez avoir certains de mes oeufs de poulets quand - oh no, i'm sorry. Well you can have some of my chickens eggs whenever. ahah, merci beaucoup - thank you very much -J'aimerais mieux to connaitre - I want to get to know you better, tu es la bienvenue jolie fille - you're welcome pretty girl

Masterlist | KOFI

Money was not something you needed from a man, you were independent and successful in your own right.

Living comfortably on your own in the house between the city and the country, your previous relationships had fallen apart because you didn’t want kids or to get married.

You were fine with that, your small little holding with chickens, dogs and cats was the perfect life for you.

In your solitude on Sunday afternoons was something that you cherished.

Today you were walking through the little village that you lived in, walking your beige and white beagle Petal when a big black BMW slowed down next to you.

Expecting some 60 year old man to peer his head out and ask for direction but you were taken back to see such a pretty young face raise his sunglasses to see you properly.

“Uh, Hi Miss. Could you tell me where number 5 Rosehill house is please?” His voice was calm and patient, as he waited for you to answer.

“Yeah of course” you flushed red, as his stayed on you. Leaning closer to the car as you directed him visually, he winked at with a nod before thanking you.

Stunned at the encounter, you brushed down your dress and cleared your throat. Still watching the road that his car drove down, leading Petal to continue walking.

Rosehill house was 2 doors up for your house, you had heard rumours in the town that a wealthy family had just bought it. Not wanting to assume things you shrugged of those tingly feelings for the stranger and walked home.

Later that evening there was a soft knock on your front door, as you left the rest of your dried cutlery and plates on the side. Too distracted to even look through the peephole, you opened the door.

To your surprise, the handsome stranger from earlier was stood in front of you with some flowers and a smile.

“Oh, hi again. My name is Steve, I live at Rosehill house and I wanted to give you these flowers, me and my wife have been handing them out to our neighbors as a welcoming gift” he stumbled slightly in shock as he looked you up and down.

He wasn’t wearing his sunglasses now, his hair was messy and had fallen across his face. He looked softer and kind as he stood there with the flowers that were slowly dying in his hand.

"Thank you, this is so kind of you" you smiled, taking the flowers off him. Indicating for him to come inside with you.

He admired his new surroundings as he looked around your house, you were loudly filling up the clear vase before placing them on the table. Your radio played quietly in the background, your favourite French show as the evening sun illuminated the room.

"oh, Tu parle Française? his voice was hot and seductive as slipped so naturally into French with a curious smile.

"Ah oui, je venir du France et toi?" you leant against the counter, closer to him as you scanned his face.

"Je venir du France et Etas-Uni" he smiled at you, the light was bouncing off his eyes as his smile spread across his face.

"Ah tres gentile, voulez-vous un tea" you waved the kettle in front of him, raising your eyebrows slightly as he nodded.

Staring at him as you waited for it to boil, it took you off guard that this stranger was speaking French back to you. Pouring the tea into the cups, you slid it in front of him. Watching him gaze between you, the tea and your garden.

''vous avez une mini ferme dans votre jardin, ma femme n’aime pas les animaux'' his voice seemed sadder as he dipped his head to stare at the contents of the mug with a sigh.

''oh non, je suis désolé. Eh bien vous pouvez avoir certains de mes oeufs de poulets quand'' you laughed with him as he raised his head from his mug.

"ahah, merci beaucoup" still laughing into his cup as your eyes locked with his.

You continued talking until he noticed your wall clock behind you that struck 6PM, he threw his coat on quickly and made his way towards the door. Turning to face you in the hallway,

"J'aimerais mieux to connaitre'' his voice was breathless and quick as he dashed out the door into the evening.

Leaving you stunned from your second brief encounter with this handsome stranger called 'Steve'.

You thought about him all night, tossing and turning to the thought of him. Waking up in cold sweat as you imagined what his lips would feel on yours, the way his body would cling to yours from behind.

The next morning you followed your usual routine for work, humming to yourself in the garden when you heard his familiar voice.

“ Morning miss, how are you today?” His voice was cheery as he shouted over the fence towards you.

Your chest fluttered as you found your legs in a pool of dampness, struggling to say anything coherent. Your cheeks flushing red as you clutched onto your egg basket, lifting it up above the fence.

“Uh, yes. Just collecting my eggs, do you want any?” Cursing yourself as you suddenly thought what you just asked.

“Only if you’re offering” he winked at you before making his way inside.

Once alone in your garden, you cursed under your breath at your own annoyance. Bringing the eggs inside, you quickly tidied yourself up but the sound of the bell ring through the house.

Swinging the door open with a smile, his sunglasses were perched on the top of his head as it shone behind him. Dazzling his pretty smile at you as you invited him in, the eggs were sat neatly on your kitchen counter.

He examined them as you waved towards the kettle, nodding with a laugh.

“You drink a lot of tea don’t you?” He seemed amused as he picked up the eggs and weighed them in his hands.

“I guess I do” you shrugged not thinking anything of it as you placed his tea down in front of you.

Your hands met as you exchanged the mugs between you, gasping as sparks flew up your arms. Giggling as you tried to distract yourself to avoid any embarrassment but to your surprise, he pulled your hand back on his.

Unable to fight the urge to pull your hand away, in those moments it felt oddly good to have his fingers play with yours.

Forgetting in that moment that he had a life beyond sitting at your kitchen counter.

You spent an hour talking to him with your hands and playing with each other until your work alarm sounded across the house from your bedroom. Gasping in shock, you rushed into the bedroom and slammed it off. Composing yourself slightly before you reentered the kitchen with an embarrassing smile, your cheeks flushed red.

"Sorry! I have to be getting to work now" you sheepishly spoke as you clipped on your bike helmet. Feeling ridiculous as he stood there and watched you.

"Where do you have to go? I can drive you" he asked, without even worrying.

You blinked at him a few time before slowly taking off the helmet and placing it down,

"Are you sure?" you felt bad, making him drive you. But it felt natural as he nodded and led the way outside.

Instructing you to wait on your drive for a moment, the sunlight shining in your eyes as you did as you were told. You heard faint voices over the high hedge rows that separated each house before the loud rumble of his black BMW rolled past your drive.

You took a deep breath in and looked around at your surroundings before climbing inside. His car was clean and smelt good, the seats were cream leather as you sat next to him.

"Thank you again for this, I really appreciate it" you blushed after thanking him profusely.

"tu es la bienvenue jolie fille'' he spoke smoothly, his hand slipping down from the steering wheel and stroking yours for a second.

His eyes drawing you, unable to do anything but stutter. The compliment alone made you flush, but the touch of his hand was stained on yours.

Your eyes followed the curves and features of his body in the sun, the flicks of brown hair that were clearly over-gelled. His faint tan lines reached just up to his short sleeve t-shirt, and his almost non-existent freckles that had just begun appearing on his face.

He was beautiful.

Wanting to continue following his features down his body, you were disappointed when he came to a stop. Turning to face you with a smirk, bringing you out of your trance.

"I think we are here" that smooth calm voice filled your ears once again.  Grinning at you as his hands touched yours again.

"Well thank you again, Mr. Harrington?" you questioned whether you had his surname right as you gathered your belongings in your arms.

"Call me Steve" he smiled at you, catching you off guard as he reached over your body to open the door. His face inches away from yours, his breath tickling your neck, you dared to turn your head.

Mixed feelings of wanting to feel his lips on yours but not wanting to embarrass yourself. Chuckling as the door swung open and you jumped out, hearing him curse under his breath.

You felt silly as you stood and waved him away from the entrance, the rush of adrenaline of being so close to him was flying through your veins. Your legs hot and sticky as you coated your underwear from such a rush.

The morning flew by, after completing the necessary tasks that you were requested to do. You decided to have your break, walking towards the front desk the receptionist Bethany called you over.

"There is a gentleman here for you, he said his name was Steve and he wanted to take you out for lunch'' she giggled, as she subtly pointed to the man sitting on the Karak green chairs.

That rush of feelings built up inside you once again as you straightened out your outfit, checked your makeup in your small compact mirror, and walked toward him. Clearing your throat to get his attention, watching as he jumped at once with that dazzling smile.

Motioning for you to lead first, you noticed that in the glass reflection, he was checking you out. Smirking to yourself as you continued to walk ahead until you reached his car. He once again leaned over you and opened your door, his lips practically grazing your cheek as he smiled.

He extended his free hand out for you and taking it you breathlessly climbed up, his eyes dropped onto your tights just below your skirt before meeting your eyes with a wink and shutting the door behind you.

The drive was silent as he stole glances your way, the radio played quickly in the background as he drove further away from your work. Your curiosity grew and grew until he stopped outside a quaint but fancy looking restaurant.

Helping you down out of his car, you clumsily tripped on the last step and fell into his arms. Breathing in his scent as your face brushed against his chest, his laugh vibrated against yours as you looked up at him.

Staring at each other for a moment, your eyes scanning between your lips and cheeks. After regaining more control, you pulled yourself from under him with embarrassment and stood next to him.

Not wanting to push the boundaries even more, he brushed past your hand as he strode ahead.

The restaurant was dimly lit and cosy, minimal daylight streamed through the small windows. A fireplace roared between two rooms, there was a mixture of comfy chairs, bar stools, and wooden chairs. After debating how far away from the fire to sit, he chose the seating area in the corner.

Pulling out your chair, his breath tickled your hair as he pushed you back underneath the table. His hands slid down the wooden beams reaching the tiny bit of skin that you had exposed, listening to a small gasp fall from your lips.

Smirking as he walked back round the table to face you, his brown eyes stared at back you. Clearing your throat, you grasped onto the menu and hid your face with a smile.

He was polite and kind as you sat at the table making fun of the fake French that was scattered across the menu.

When the waiter arrived, Steve attempted to communicate with the waiter in French much to his avail he was unsuccessful. Rolling his eyes at you before repeating the order in English, just to hear you giggle.

Once the food was eaten and you were significantly late back to work, he paid the bill much to your protests.

The car drive back to your office building was lively and talkative, you enjoyed getting to know your new neighbour. As he pulled over outside the entrance, your hand on the lever as he slipped a white card inside your spare hand with a smile.

Jumping out of the car, you turned to face him through the glass. He motioned the call sign with the words “call me”, making you laugh lightly before turning away.

Your cheeks flushed red as you walked through the office, Bethany the receptionist pulled a teasing face as she pointed at the time. Rolling your eyes with a smile, you continued walking. Not wanting to entertain her anymore than you already have.

The rest of the day went by quickly, glancing endlessly at his pristine business card in your hand. The print of his hands touching your body still tingled as you typed away at your computer.

Not realising until it was too late, that he was your only way home. The office was empty and eerily dark as you punched in the number off his business card, gulping as you anxiously waited for his voice.

It came after a painfully long wait, your hands were slightly shaking as more of the lights had been turned off inside. His reassuring words of “I’m sorry, I forgot that you don’t have a ride home. I will be there as soon as I can”.

He was kind, mysterious, and sexy.

You thought about him as you waited outside in the cold, it was dark on the pavement. The orange glow of a few broken streetlights flickered around you, the hum of his car finally arriving closer and closer.

Leaning forward as the car still ran and shouted “get in”, hurrying to be somewhere warm. You clambered up the steps of his car, shivering on his front seat until he blasted the heating.

Glancing over at you every now and then as he flew down the roads, getting further away from the city and closer to home.

“You called me just at the right time, I was in my office. Would you like to get something to eat?” He turned to look at you, your jacket had fallen down onto the seat.

“What now? You want to eat with me again?” You questioned, trying to hide the slight excitement and exhaustion in your voice.

“I do, of course, I do” He smiled, mumbling the last part. You didn’t hear it as your eyes watched the streetlights fly past.

“Okay then, you’re clearly not bored by me yet” you giggled and blushed meeting his eyes in the reflection.

He drove past the junction to the village, driving you both away from any known civilization. Anxiety and excitement filled your veins, rubbing your legs together in the chair. He sensed your mixed feelings, twitching at the touch of his cool hand on your thigh. 

“We’re nearly there now” his calm and soft voice soothing you, as his thumb rubbed in circular motions on your skin with a smile. 

Your legs were still bouncing as he continued to drive, accidentally causing his hand to slip down to your inner thigh. Your mouth made an ‘’op’’ noise as his hand grazed your underwear, laughing sheepishly as he slowly moved his hand back up to the steering wheel. 

Neither of you spoke after the close incident, your thighs still tingling from the touch of him. Clenching them tight together, you focused your attention on the faint lighting ahead. It began to rain heavily against the front window of the car, resting your head against the passenger window you watched as the building got closer and closer. 

He helped you out of the car, lifting up his heavy brown coat above both of your heads. Forcing you to be close to him, the strong smell of his faint cologne sent you into a trance. Gazing you up at him as the coat began to get drenched from the rain, you giggled as he picked the quick pace into the lobby of the restaurant. 

Sighing with relief at the warm air from inside, hanging up his wet coat on the coat rack that was standing behind you. Wondering if it was an excuse to lean over you again, maybe he had the same feeling as he smelt your faint perfume.  You hoped so. 

The glass double doors were opened to be greeted by the host waiter with a smile. 

“Ah, hello again. Mr. Harrington, would you like your usual table?’’ the host smiled, collecting two menus in his hand. Steve nodded, subtly slipping a note with a wink at you. 

You felt somewhat special as you were led to the table almost instantly, it was secluded similar to the table from lunchtime. His watch flashed in the candlelight that separated you both, as you looked at your surroundings you noticed that this table was the only one with a candle. Maybe there was a reason. 

It got cosy as his legs kicked yours, your famous giggle echoed across to him as he made a joke. His hands reached across the table as he picked up his wine glass, looking at you seductively. 

“So? Where does your wife think you are?” your fingers played with the rim of the glass, swirling 

Saving your questions for later, you began to tuck into your food. His eyes drifted towards you as your sucked in pieces of pasta between your lips, at that same moment his leg slid up your thigh. Slightly ripping a line in your black shein tights, gasping as he kicked your legs apart under the table. 

You ducked your head as your cheeks grew hot. 

“Look at me” his voice was hot and demanding, prying your legs open in the middle of the restaurant. Your eyes met his with a smirk and a red fast. 

You found it hot that you barely knew him but somehow he could make you feel so intense. 

He waved over the waiter, insisting on the bill as you finished up the last of your pasta. His feet were still keeping your legs open underneath the table, waiting patiently until you were able to get some air. 

After he paid once again for the meal, he helped you into your jacket. The rain had stopped as he opened the door for you, watching you elegantly pass by him. 

You drunkenly climbed into the passenger seat, kicking your legs against the fabric playfully. He started the car, his hand automatically slid back to its rightful place on your thigh. Stroking your skin with his thigh, his wrist watch was cool as he squeezed it making you squeal under your breath.

As he drove over the speed bumps of the carpark, his hand slipped closer to your underwear causing your breath to hitch. Suddenly, he removed his hand from your skin making you miss the way his finger felt stroking your underwear. 

You waited for him to place his back on your thigh but it never came, making you pout sadly out the window as he sped through the back lanes. As he pulled up to your house, you began to get nervous not wanting the day to end. 

He turned to you with a smirk, his wrist watch twinkled in the light of your house. Maybe it was the wine but you wanted to take him inside and have him manhandle you. 

“I had a wonderful night with you, I’m sad that has come to an end” his voice was lower as he leaned closer to you, his hands took a piece of your hair and twirled it between his fingers. 

“Me too, maybe we should do it again” you stuttered as his lips touched your cheek, kissing your skin for as long as he could before hovering over your face. 

You wanted to stay with him for longer but you decided to get out of the car, your cheek was still tingling from where his lips had been. The cool air hit your face as you wandered around the car, pausing at the drivers side. His window was down waiting for you, his hand was dangling against the metal with his pinky finger extended. You searched around before latching your fingers together, he pulled you closer so your faces were almost touching again. 

“I’ll be outside tomorrow to take you to work” he whispered in your ear watching your face flushed, meeting his eyes as he nodded. 

Letting you go, he winked at you before you bounced off inside. He stayed outside until you paused at the front door and waved with a smile. The sound of his car humming next door was heard as you wandered upstairs, your dogs were asleep at the edge of the bed peacefully. You sighed and collapsed onto your bed, he never left your mind. 

[inkwell-and-dagger]

I am so interested in the rayan lore feel free to use this ask to infodump :3

eeee okay thank you so much I love infodumping and I'm so glad you're enjoying Rayan's lore and Forsaken Souls!! /gen

okay a thing I find most interesting about Rayan's character design is the ties / references it has to the story, or his background, etc etc! for example, his hair (bangs swept over one eye, mostly to hide a large scar there. also kinda long at the back my man has no time to cut his hair in foster's basement) is strikingly similar to his previous partner, Sage's, aside from the colour since Sage's hair was dyed blue most of the time, and Rayan's got brown hair! I won't go too far into it, since Sage did commit suicide, but Rayan has a lot of things in his room / Madison's house that reminds him of Sage! this also applies to his clothing style: Sage used to wear skirts and dresses and whatnot, whereas Cora (past Rayan) was the exact opposite, but did wish to dress just a little more androgyne (at the time Cora was living with their parents). but now, more than a decade later probably, and now that Rayan has cut ties with his parents, he tends to dress in a more feminine manner most of the time! his regular clothing style is inspired by Caroline Carr's!

and also his surname, Hyacinth! in floriography (and thank you very much to Eros for reminding me of this 😭) commonly symbolizes asking for forgiveness! what does this have to do with Rayan? Rayan wants TS, and basically anyone Cora wronged, to y'know- forgive him. he's already served his time in prison for many moons, which should mean he's probably a liittlllee older than 35 (40 genuinely, though, since his physical body stopped aging*) but shh, and now he has to deal with a band of his previous, surviving victims — except for Es and Zayn, and also the Living Weapon Trio™ if we include them in their AU — tormenting and kidnapping him for a very long time, threatening and hurting the people he holds dear to him just in an attempt to make him more vulnerable and figure out a way to kill this immortal man. talk about high expectations /j

anyhow! Rayan keeps trying to ask for forgiveness, and although some of them have (Zayn has from the start practically, and Ezra (overtime, despite Cora literally killing his bloody brother) has forgave him more recently in canonical lore since he's also Vee's boyfriend. we love gays!!) that doesn't necessarily mean that they'll ever stop, until Rayan outlives them. but luckily, in canonical terms, most of The Survivors have been arrested, but Esrana is still out and about doing her girlboss shenanigans.

*and about this! when Ezra was still agreeing with TS' actions and whatnot, they tried killing Rayan by cutting his throat. that, of course, only knocked him unconscious for a couple hours before he Came Back Alive Ig™, but at least now they've found a weak spot. after many hours and days of routinely cutting Rayan's throat, his physical body just. couldn't handle it and sorta like- how do I describe this- like took a screenshot yk? and since then Rayan's physical body stopped aging past 35 (the age he was when they constantly did this). he's much older, maybe early to mid 40's, but idk. he also gained a fear of the dark cuz. yk. Void™

uhh I think that's all!! there're many other things, from symbolic scars like a rather deep one on his wrist and obviously his prosthetic leg, among many others, but hey! either way, give this sopping wet cat of a man a hug

[xaracosmia]

ꕥ — WELCOME TO NEFE COSMIA, JOTARO KUJO. 🌓

ꕥ  — OOC INFORMATION;

name / alias: erika age: 26 pronouns: she / her ooc contact: fugionaras @ twitter + tumblr other characters in xc: michael afton, ena shinonome, es & euphemia li britannia

ꕥ  — IC INFORMATION;

name: jotaro kujo age: 19 pronouns: he / him series: jojo’s bizarre adventure canon point: two years post-stardust crusaders app triggers: brief mention of death and parental abandonment

personality:

almost a typical delinquent, jotaro has a knack for violence in situations where it’s more of a potential answer as opposed to the only answer. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t it for fun though, far from it: he just knows he’s really good at kicking the shit out of people that deserve it and makes use of that.

he comes off as aloof due to keeping things short and is generally seen as a bit callous because of it. jotaro’s sure whatever expressions and words he gives are enough to read him entirely and thinks it’s a waste to put more effort in it.

beneath that though is someone who has a gentler approach with those he cares about and has a deep sense of loyalty when it comes to them. he’s perceptive and intelligent, able to get the drop on his enemies whether it’s through a regular method or by managing a slightly off-the-walls plan with his quick wit.

something your muse struggles with: letting others help him.

your muse’s greatest strength: ability to appear calm and collected in the most dire of circumstances.

history / background:

jotaro was raised like any normal child in 1970s japan would be. he was a polite boy, did plenty of activities, completed his classes…

… until he took a left turn into delinquency. it’s unclear when he suddenly gained an attitude that made it look like he hates the world and everyone around him, but it came as a pretty big shock to his mother. people could theorize all they want about him; that his father never being around led to a lack of discipline, that his mother was a delinquent as a teenager and that passed on to her son, that he’s a spoiled brat, any sort of things.

jotaro never puts any stock in it. who cares, really? it’s none of their damn business why he is the way he is. that’s not what he gives a shit about.

he does give an immense amount of fucks about the evil spirit haunting him now. menacing and at his beck and call, jotaro isolates himself in a jail cell and–

… that’s the beginning of an incredibly bizarre adventure. a family curse, stands, some fucker named DIO, and his mother has fallen ill–

jotaro would love to not give a shit. it’s hard not to when the only consistent person in your life is at risk of dying from something you barely understand. without hesitation, and with multiple new companions along for the ride, the group makes their way to egypt to vanquish DIO once and for all.

naturally this comes with its own set of issues. traveling there is a nightmare (what with a stand user deciding to mess with them almost every day) but eventually they make it! the prize at the end of the battle?

three dead friends and a lifetime of trauma that he isn’t in the mood to unpack.

so he doesn’t.

it’s been a couple of years now since the 50 day trip to egypt happened. jotaro’s graduated from high school, his mother is in perfect health, he gets phone calls from his grandpa and postcards from polnareff, and life could be worse.

( but when he closes his eyes and can picture cairo perfectly still, can he truly say that he’s moved on? )

powers / abilities:

STAND. the term in the jjba universe for the manifestation of one’s “life energy” or the individual’s innate fighting spirit that can extend to representing the user’s psyche. the range of abilities and appearances is wide, allowing for all stand users to be unique in how they work.

star platinum. a close-range power type stand. one of the most powerful in the series to date, it has exceptional speed, strength, and precision. while its general range is about 2 meters from jotaro, some attacks can extend further. 

the world. upon the realization that his stand is similar to DIO’s, star platinum gained the ability to stop time for up to five seconds. extremely helpful in some situations but the mental toll of this is uh… hm.

inherent abilities:

maybe a stand would in theory be inherent because it’s in his bloodline now but. whatever. i’m leaving it like that because i wanted to take it from him briefly i hope that helps.

items / weapons:

photo of the crusaders. the last physical memento he has of his lost friends. dearly important to him.

pack of cigarettes. he isn’t underage smoking anymore at least but… still smoking.

1990s edition of a marine life textbook. he’s studying okay. it makes him happy.

one toshinobu kubota cassette. a lifeline almost. has some of his greatest hits.

one book about boats and one about airplanes. i’m adding this random shit because he needs joy in his life.

starting ability: none. smiles starting item: photo of the crusaders

extra:

“mr. autistic himself” - artemis 2024 . they’re right 

bi ace he told me himself

i really want him to get therapy but god is he stubborn

sorry if you fight him. he’s kind of crazy

i have too many thoughts but none are relevant to part 3 him in a way where i can write it here without rambling . fuck

discord id: shoulderstar passcode: i lost the impulse war guys (rip)

[blackjackkent]

💘 heart with arrow and Matty for the ask meme!

(oc ask meme :D )

💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them? - for Matthias Shepard

Hmm. Bit of a tough question cos Matty feels very Responsible for a lot of different people over the course of his life. The most obvious answers are:

His family - his parents, Eric and Hannah, and brother Simon. Unlike Philip (and I think unlike many Spacer Sheps), Matty was really close to his family growing up and stayed in close touch with them throughout the war, and they instilled a really strong sense of duty in him from a very young age. So even after he has become a hero in the eyes of the galaxy, their opinion of him is still really of very strong importance.

Ashley - Because love interest, obviously, but also because she is a real stabilizing influence for him in the late war. She's a badass soldier with the same Alliance background as him, but she can also match him intellectually with her love for poetry and literature, and it makes him feel like he can turn off being the commander sometimes and just be Matty, which becomes really important by the end of ME3.

I'll also go ahead and add a third item:

Mordin Solus - Matty's best friend, another person who lets him exercise the nerdy brain side of his personality and doesn't expect him to be "on" as the commander at all times. Mordin is also, I think, one of the first people who opens Matty's thought process up to the more nuanced nature of what "doing the right thing" can entail, which is an important growth step for him in ME2 given the transition from pure Alliance man to Cerberus recruit. (And, ultimately, the fact that Mordin survives Tuchanka is probably significant in terms of Matty's mental health in the late game; had things been different in terms of Eve/Wrex being alive, Matty wouldn't have stood in his way, but I think Mordin dying would have made Matty a lot less stable in the latter half of ME3 than he ended up being.)

[agentravensong]

no, no, i need to talk about this actually.

before we get to the obvious thing, first, i have to say: i can't help but wonder how hermes felt about aphrodite's party --- the first of hers they would have been around for, remember --- as the only person present who knows that a part of her won't be passed on to venus. that a part of her will be truly dead if the ritual goes through.

i'm not sure if that means that part of her would have to be brought to hades. note that calliope was killed by the furies, and it's apparently one of the Old Laws that anyone killed by them goes to hades, so she could be a special case.

and, you know, if all the idols go to hades after passing on... wouldn't the past hermes be there? our hermes misses him, deeply, but couldn't they visit him there (assuming shades don't eventually fade / lose their memories and personality)?

do they deny themself that?

or maybe, that hermes's post-life "journey" is of a different nature.

i could get into what feelings and Opinions hermes must have had about the party once they learned about it --- whether they knew in advance and made the choice to Not Go, or whether they only knew once they sensed aphrodite had passed on (you think they showed up to take venus to athena?) --- considering the parallels between what aphordite is doing and how the last hermes passed on... but that's a tangent for another time.

let's get to the other set of Implications of the eidolon thing:

hermes knew from the start, as the trial drew closer day by day, that there was one almost surefire way to find out who killed calliope. asking her.

but they don't tell grace that that's an option. because the last hermes told them, for whatever unknown reason, that this eidolon knowledge is only for hermes-es. and the current hermes, for their usual casual attitude, takes their job very seriously.

consider that they've started going by "hermes" only a year after the transition, when they haven't even begun regaining the past hermes' memories (as far as we know). whoever they were before doesn't matter. they're The Next Hermes now.

consider that they never considered the question of whether they actually enjoy running all these errands until grace voiced the question for them, and their answer was that "it's nice to have a purpose".

consider that they were homeless (likely relating to them coming out) and were taken in by the previous hermes. everything they have now is thanks to that hermes. and, now, athena.

athena, who told them not to let anyone into hades. so they don't.

and they don't share their secret knowledge, with her, or with grace. because "it's a hermes thing".

and because they don't, grace, eventually, when every other lead in her investigation runs dry, resorts to trying to trigger calliope's memories of how she died. which leads to her being attacked by the furies in the reliquary. which leads to freddie dying for her.

which, of course, leads grace to ask hermes to let her into hades.

she can tell them that the last piece of the puzzle can be found there. hermes knows that, knew it already, better than she does. and if this is truly the only way for her to win her trial and live...

or, grace can tell them about freddie. freddie, who hermes briefly met and seemingly got along well with. freddie, who would very likely still be alive if hermes had told grace about this option and let her go find calliope earlier.

in the face of either of those... there's no excuse left. nothing that outweighs the clear fact that this is the right thing to do, for grace (and freddie)'s sake.

we can only imagine what hermes thinks and says when grace returns --- either still without freddie, or, somehow, miraculously, with her.

and then, when hermes next sees grace, when they appear with athena to bring her to her trial...

they can't look her in the eye.

...this is one of those things where it's tough for me to tell how much of this background angst was something the developers thought of as they were writing the story. there's no confrontation over it, no real acknowledgment of any kind of what hermes must have known, even as grace makes it public at the trial. and neither they nor athena can even be asked about aphrodite.

but it fascinates me nonetheless. just, hermes. hermes hermes hermes.

thinking about the events of stray gods from hermes' perspective is actually driving me insane

like. spoilers (pretty big ones at that), but.

in your first real conversation with them, in the club, they say they know whenever an idol dies, because it's a "hermes thing". if you ask why, they say they need to be there "to take them where they need to go", with the specifics being a secret to be kept between hermes-es. if instead you say it "sounds grim", they respond, "it's not so bad. charon could be less creepy though."

there's only one answer that makes sense of those two statements, right? hermes had to take calliope's spirit to charon. to hades.

which means. hermes knew, the whole time, that there's more to an idol than just their eidolon (because they know grace has calliope's). they knew what even athena didn't.

just. think about that, and all the implications.

[missionkitty]

[Image ID: three digital drawings, the first one in full color on a light pink background and terrain, the next two in black and white.

the first image is of a sphinx, nicholas, with grayish-tan fur and short, dark black-brown hair styled with a side part and a short mane-like collar that covers his neck. his head is turned to the front with his body shielding someone and his expression is urgent, with one paw raised like he's ready to run. he is shouting,

"jazmin! we've got to get out of here!"

the second image is of jazmin, the woman the sphinx is addressing and her long black hair is messy and disheveled, along with the rest of her. she appears to be praying and is speaking spanish, saying:

"ay abuela...estoy sonando de verdad...mi vision final es ese bibliotecario guapo con el cuerpo de un leon musculoso..."

the third image is of nicholas looking somewhat annoyed and flustered, his eyes squinting as he points at jazmin, saying:

"your abuela would tell you to get on my back so we can escape!"

jazmin has her back turned to nicholas as she is shakily releasing her hands and crying, saying:

"y se entiende espanol...i'll see you soon, abuela."

nicholas responds,

"and you're not dying!" /End ID.]

a silly thing i did late the other night and then colored the first sketch cause i liked nicholas' pose...jazmin's first encounter with nicholas in his sphinx form is...weird, to say the least. the lion body wouldn't even be a turn off if she didn't think she was dying lol

i would like these two to have their own webcomic someday, but they're still in the heavy story planning stage, especially because i want to keep moonlight valley moving along for the next (brace yourselves) 30+ chapters

[wereshrew-admirer]

i'm dying, thinking again about duvall in denial in SF50. how he's ready to just say 'chine gave it to me and i left' (hard stop) until the baby cries for chine and he's forced to finally ask lyke (but not even directly) what happened

(lyke, who went an entire day without mentioning it to anyone. it's been a whole day and nobody knows chine died yet?? it takes pickman asking about It before either of them crack... and that's why they couldn't deescalate the situation with chine lol)

(transcript under the cut)

JACK (as PICKMAN): Oh, you’ve got another one of those Chine things.

ART (as DUVALL): [SOLEMN] No… No, I don’t.

JANINE (as ES): Why is it with you?

ART (as DUVALL): Lyke and I went to try and make Chine see reason, and it didn’t go well.

JACK (as PICKMAN): Ah.

ART (as DUVALL): Chine made it clear that destruction was the only end.

JACK (as PICKMAN): Sounds about right.

JANINE (as ES): Does it?

ART (as DUVALL): Well, you didn’t interact with Chine very much at the end there.

JANINE (as ES): No, I was quite busy.

[1:10:00]

ART (as DUVALL): Yeah. I think we all had a rough day yesterday.

AUSTIN: Lyke is here, right?

KEITH: Yeah, I’m here. I’m, you know. Having breakfast or something.

AUSTIN: I just wanted to make sure that—okay.

[ALI CHUCKLES]

AUSTIN: Yeah, quietly.

JANINE: Just eating in the background.

JANINE (as ES): So the little one’s just with you, now?

ART (as DUVALL): Yeah, Chine gave It to me, and then I left.

JACK (as PICKMAN): You didn’t—

JANINE (as ES): Is it okay?

ART (as DUVALL): It’s really hard to say.

AUSTIN (as IT): Mrah?

ART (as DUVALL): Seems it.

AUSTIN (as IT): Chrah?

KEITH (as LYKE): What did it say?

JANINE (as ES): Did it say trot?

AUSTIN (as IT): Chrah?

KEITH (as LYKE): Trot? Trot.

AUSTIN (as IT): Chine?

KEITH (as LYKE): What?

JACK (as PICKMAN): Oh, god.

AUSTIN (as IT): Chine?

JANINE (as ES): I thought it was doing some trotters.

KEITH (as LYKE): Okay, hands up if you knew this thing talked.

AUSTIN (as IT): Chi-i-ine?

ART (as DUVALL): Chine’s not coming, buddy.

AUSTIN (as IT): [SADLY] Mrah.

AUSTIN: It kind of, like—

ART (as DUVALL): Chine’s not coming, right?

KEITH (as LYKE): Uh, no. Chine is dead.

JACK (as PICKMAN): What happened?

JANINE (as ES): Do we know what—

AUSTIN: It just lays down next to you, Duvall, and like—you know, paws out, head flat down against the ground. Then turns its heads sideways.

ART: Yeah, I think Duvall tries to comfort—you know. Pets, scritches, I’m still working it out. Encouraging words.

KEITH (as LYKE): That’s not how you do—

JANINE (as ES): Which chin do you scratch, you know?

ART (as DUVALL): I’ve been focusing on the peripheral ones, kind of like… like ears.

JANINE (as ES): Pickman, you had a question, didn’t you?

[bagelboys-withcreamcheese]

Modern!Reader + VDL Gang but it’s Just Trixie and Kayta Quotes from UNHhhh

~~

Lenny: Have you ever had like a pet run away and find it or anything?

Reader: I had a lizard that I burnt.

Lenny:

—

Reader, to Javier wearing Arthur’s skunk shoes: Why are you even wearing those?

Javier, still upset that his shoes were ruined during a job and Arthur’s shoes were the only extra: It’s a long. Story. Bitch.

—

Reader: What is your ultimate Christmas wish? No jokes.

Hosea: Being happy abou-

Reader: I wanna fuck a sexy priest.

Hosea:

Hosea: *gets up to walk away*

Reader, pulling him back, dead serious: I’m- no- I’m not joking, bitch.

—

Reader: I make loneliness work for me :)

Arthur: My best accessory? Loneliness :)

Reader: The crippling fear of dying alone!

Arthur: Maybe we’re born with it, maybe it’s clinical depression.

Reader: Depression isn’t just for the rich and famous, it’s also for you poor sluts out there too!

—

Javier, giving ‘Spanish lessons’: What do you say when you see someone that doesn’t look like you? Like they don’t look like a fried chicken.

Reader: I say, ‘¿Que es? No comprendo.’

Charles: *laughing in the background*

—

Miss Grimshaw, talking to Hosea at the table: Should we do thanksgiving?

Reader, appearing out of nowhere: Oh honey, thanksgiving?

Reader, climbing on top of the table: Oh honey-

Reader: THANKS LIVING!!

Reader: *death drops*

Lenny & Sean, in the background:

*W H E E Z E*

—

Reader, riding a horse for the first time: Wooo, I’m a horse-back riding vampire witch from the future!

Reader: Fuck my pussy with a rake, mom.

Reader, pointing over at Kieran with a pitch fork: OH!

Arthur, who’s leading Reader’s horse: ..?

Reader, still pointing: That looks like a rake!

Arthur: *snorts*

[vicecityhq]

██████████████]99% LOADING...SUSPECT INTO THE APD DATABASE...

WITNESS(ES) SAY THEY REMIND THEM OF: goth, metal, dark . With a slight resemblance to KIM AREUM of/the ROLLING QUARTZ.

CLICK BELOW TO VIEW ENTIRE FILE.

FULL FILE:

last name, first name: von Beethoven, Idril alias: Areum realm of birth(if earth, nationality): German age: 27 gender: female preferred pronouns: she/her species: cyborg (lvl 3) occupation: G.H.O.S.T/ hacker for higher sexual orientation: pansexual, polyamorous any associated/owned businesses: tech repair store ‘RePear’

VISUAL FILE:  (please match the listed visual descriptions on the species page)

skin color: white, pale eye color: lilac scars: - piercings: multiple piercings on her ears, a septum, nipple piercings, tongue piercing tattoos: multiple tattoos all over her body, gang tattoo is on her left rib under her left breast hair color: naturally black, 20 cm at the end is dyed blue abnormalities: she is a stage 3 cyborg horns/ wings/ etc: robotic replacements at various stages throughout her body. Her inner organs are yet to be replaced.

RELIGIOUS BELIEF:  atheist

SINS:  lust /  gluttony  /  greed /  sloth /  envy /  wrath /  pride

VIRTUES: chastity   /   temperance /   charity  /  diligence   /  kindness /   patience  /   humility  

KNOWN LANGUAGES:    English, German, French, Spanish, Korean, Mandarin

SECRETS:   she loves coming of age movies and romcom

SAVVIES:   Playing various instruments (bass, kalimba, guitar)

Powers & Abilities:bionic physiology, data manipulation, Programming, Enhanced strength and speed

Traits: laid back, in general peaceful, reserved, quiet, awkward

BACKGROUND CHECK:

Date of Birth:   27.09.1995

Date of Death:   [ if applying for an undead character ]

Crime Record:   cyber-attacks, thefts, etc

Background/Biography:

Idril never knew her birth parents. Her earliest memory was playing in the snow with her siblings in a remote part of Switzerland, a memory that she had cherished for a long time and still did despite her parting ways with her family, if you could call it that. But if you didn’t know any better and had been fed that lie for your whole life, then it was your reality, your truth.

Their parents were a couple of scientists at the top of their expertise. The Swiss couple had adopted six children of different ethnicities and Idril was the youngest of them all. Their usual day would start early at 5 am with breakfast and a briefing about the following activities of the day. It was always a tight schedule between educational classes and physical training. Quarterly there would be multiple tests for them to pass. As the years passed, their training had become more specific to their strength, so Idril started her training in computer science and programming.

When Idril was around 15 years old, her siblings and she were set to go on their first mission. In retrospective, it was quite trivial and banal, but she still recalled the rush of it all. Everything had to be precise and there were little to no room for errors. They were supposed to stage a robbery at a millionaire's mansion for insurance fraud. A piece of cake, she would say now, but that night was their first exam to show that the training in the past years were not in vain. The rush that went through her body while she was typing codes to disable the complex security system to allow her siblings to enter without setting off any alarm, she would never forget that. But as it was with everything in life, the thrill wore off and it just became a mundane task week after week, day after day.

Then the first operation took place. Her siblings, who had passed puberty, all had their first few operations already and it was now her turn. The operation was done by their parents. For her siblings, their first operation was to replace their limbs. But for her, they chose to replace her eyes first. Her new lilac eyes should support her in data analysis and scanning of information. Perhaps for the rest of her life, her eyes would be the reminder of her process of bionic replacement.

During her last mission with her sibling, an unexpected message popped up on her screen, a crypted message from an organization called G.H.O.S.T. She was recruited to become part of the underground gang. It was her chance to finally figure out who she wanted to be outside of her family, to be free from the strings of their parents and maybe find her birth parents.

INTERVIEW QUESTION (para sample): “Just run us through what happened that night”. - Officer

Idril made a casual gesture, asking the officer if she could light her cigarette before answering the question. As the older man nodded to give her permission, she took her time to think about what had happened that night indeed. In that short time, her eyes had finished a full data analyse of the officer. There were some juicy details that she could toy around. But that would perhaps freak him out and kick off a chain reaction that was not worth the entertainment. There was no need to draw any unwanted attention to her.

“What happened that night was quite fuzzy to me”, she said slowly as she watched the smoke fading. Of course, she remembered the event quite clearly. The cyborg was out partying after being dragged to a club by her friend. It wasn’t much of her scene, but she tried to salvage the situation. A beautiful brunette caught her attention. After a drink and a few shots together, they were dancing together on the dance floor. Her hands were gently cuffing the firm waist of the brunette. She gently pulled the other against her own body as she leaned in to brush her lips against the other’s. The sweet kiss abruptly put to an end when the boyfriend of the brunette pulled her away and shouted at Idril to get away from her. One thing led to another and Idril was in a fist fight with the man.

“I remember getting into an argument with that guy. But that’s about it. I don’t remember getting into an actual fist fight with the man. I mean...”, she raised the cigarette to her lips again then blew the smoke into the chilly air, “Look at me! I’m a frail computer geek. Do you really think I could throw a punch?” It was a cheap lie, but might be enough to satisfy the officer to leave her alone.

[elysiangroom]

Okay but give me the first and last ten for cath because??? I love him

The things i do for u

why did they choose their class(es)? their subclass(es)?

Cath didn’t so much as pick his class (paladin) himself nor his subclass (Oathbreaker but with a vague reskin basically since he never technically broke an original oath). All things considered he was “born” into his role and class, and these are the skills that were given to him by Crom Dubh.

before they met their party, what was their main goal?

To follow Crom Dubh’s direction and hunt down sinners to kill and snackerfice :)

what is their goal right now?

Similar, but more so now he has a sort of. Purpose to be doing it outside of just what Crom Dubh tells him to?

if they could learn one spell that isn’t available to them at present, which spell would it be?

Gotta be honest I’m not really sure what a good answer would be? Maybe Foresight so he could always be on top of combat.

do they follow a higher power? what are their thoughts on divinity?

Cathalain follows Crom Dubh! He is very respectful of all types of divinity, even if he doesn’t care much for others.

which party member do they relate to the most?

Honestly probably Sirtalis, being a fellow person that is bringing justice, but for completely different reasons.

which party member do they understand the least?

Pppprobably both Tarana and Juniper. Cathalain doesn’t understand their indulgences, in terms of expensive things or alcohol. He’s a very simple man.

What are three songs that suit them?

I know I said I’d start a playlist for Cathalain but I haven’t yet so these are three songs off the top of my head. Not Human by Elegant Slims; I Am A Stone by Demon Hunter; World Ender by Lord Huron.

do they care about their appearance? how much effort do they put into presentation?

Yes and no? Cathalain cares that he looks in proper shape and well groomed at all times, but beyond that he doesn’t super care how he appears.

how often do they lie? what situations cause them to be dishonest?

Cathalain is a very honest person, although that doesn’t mean he tells the Whole truth. He prefers to not directly lie, but also he’s very deadpan, so it’s hard to tell when he is anyway.

do they whisper or yell more often?

Cath is more of a soft spoken person :)

what kind of flower would they choose to pick from a meadow?

Genuinely? I think he’d rather leave the flowers there, but he’d likely pick a clover.

outside of otherworldly forces, what do they believe in?

Most likely the concept of just. A dark emptiness beyond life and death because (in his point of view) that’s all he remembered (prior to losing this memory) after dying and coming back. He still believes this, but with less reason why.

what fight has scared them the most?

Honestly?? Maybe the Saturna fight. Been a while since he’s met someone he hasn’t been able to take down.

do they value mercy or justice more?

Justice.

what is holding them back?

There’s not a lot. Right now, what holds him back is the idea of disappointment from Crom Dubh, or the disappointment of the people around him.

who makes them feel warm?

Mavourneen. Next question

what makes them laugh?

Honestly despite him not Physically looking like he’s having fun he laughs really easy

what was the best moment of their life?

Meeting Mav 🥺 but also I think meeting Nutmeg and the Winter Knight :3

how would they describe their party members?

“Sirtalis is an honorable man, even if his… compassion can leave a lot to be desired. He’s naive, but I wouldn’t consider that a downside. His heart is often in the right place. Tarana is… a treat. I do not understand her, why she does the things she does, why she seems so unhonorable. We come from very different backgrounds. But she has passion and strength, and for that I respect her and consider her a friend. Juniper certainly has much to learn. I don’t exactly know what makes him tick - what his motivations and passions lay. Or why he wears so many wigs?”

[jennystahl]

Background + Relationships for Mia & Olive 🔫

sorry this got really long because i’m deranged but anyway here you go =_=

— BACKGROUND

Where were they born? What was their childhood like?

She was born in Empire Bay! She was raised by her aunt (father’s sister) and uncle as opposed to either of her parents because her father was cheating on his wife with her (then single) mother to produce her. She had a good childhood; she was rich of course, but aside from the material and being raised well she was kind of a lonely kid and had a distinct sense of abandonment issues because of her status in life :/ Which is probably why she was so wild as a teenager but y’know

What’s their family like?

A mess! At least in regards to her. There’s her dad, a rich as fuck magnate who died on the Titanic and left her a lesser but still large inheritance; her three siblings (two older, one younger) on her father’s side, who she actually got on pretty well with; her mother, who never had anything to do with her; and her three (all younger) siblings on her mother’s side, who she became close to in the late 30s. From there we have Juliet, the daughter of one of the brothers on her mom’s side, who Olive lavishes as an aunt smh... she has a number of other nieces and nephews but they don’t matter. I’m sure they do to her but not to me.

What factions or organizations are they a part of? What ranks and titles do they hold?

Nothing really! She’s associated with the Salieris and lends money but beyond that she’s just a socialite.

How do they fit into their “story”?

Well! Back in 1926 she ran off to Lost Heaven with a man she met, determined to marry him because she was young and dumb. Turns out this guy was not so nice and Olive regretted this shit immediately… but she was too stubborn and proud to ask her family for help. It all came to a head in a really heated argument in late 1927 and she ended up shooting him with his own gun. It was an accident and a surprise to both of them but shit happens. Turns out he was a Morello soldato and Olive (by searching the house) found out all about the shady shit he was doing and some MESSED up stuff she could’ve turned in to police… instead she found out about the Salieris and went to THEM, saying that she had valuable information so long as they promised to protect her…=_= So they “protected” her and nowadays she’s a part of the family in earnest because she 1.) is funny and they all like her 2.) can be a good distraction on runs, depending 3.) works as a money lender in the family. Also there’s all the stuff with her and Paulie but y’all know that already. The Salieris are more of a family to her than her real one is tbh

Where do they currently live? What’s their place like?

She lives in Oakwood in a nice townhome! It’s really stupidly expensively furnished, especially with nautical decorations.

How do they eventually die?

In “canon”, where Paulie d*es, she ends back up in Empire Bay so that she doesn’t have to get fucked over when Tommy is ratting on the Salieris. She probably ends up dying married to some random she doesn’t love or more likely alone :/ probably from idk liver failure from drinking. In the superior AU and true canon where her and Paulie continue living in LH and he opens his pizzeria, she probably just dies of old age :^)

— RELATIONSHIPS

Do they have any friends? Would they consider anyone to be their best friend?

She’s friends with everyone (mostly) in the Salieris, and depending on the timeline either Julia (Mona :)) or Charles (Sam’s OC :>) is a good pal. She would probably consider either Julia, Charles, Sarah, or Carlo her best friend tbh?? Sorry I got addicted to the Olive + Carlo friendship and I can’t stop thinking about them :/ 

The gag is though that she wouldn’t consider Paulie her “best friend” but she talks to him like...the most out of anybody and probably unwittingly tells him more shit too because he’s always driving her home. After they get together though it’s :^) you know

What’s their love life like? Do they have any kids?

You all know all about this I don’t wanna make this shit too long bc I will not shut up about them... her and Paulie get together in 1934 and in the AU get ~married~ in the early 40s. No kids!

Who do they look up to? Who do they trust?

She’s very easily trusting so she trusts all her friends of course. She really looks up to Salieri himself because he helped her out when she was in trouble, and so when he starts going crazy it really sucks for her :( She ofc looks up greatly to her aunt and uncle too because they took her in.

Who do they hate? Do they have any enemies?

She doesn’t really hate anyone tbh. By association she “hates” the Morellos but she couldn’t be bothered really.

Do they have any pets?

Nah she doesn’t really like animals, but she would get a bird if she could :( Maybe someday her and Paulie get some :)

Are they good with kids? Animals?

Kids yes, animals no. Animals just don’t really like her for some reason :/ she thinks they’re dirty so whatever. As for kids, she’s definitely a wine aunt figure; would never have her own but she likes playing with them and buying them gifts.

— BACKGROUND

answered here!

— RELATIONSHIPS

Do they have any friends? Would they consider anyone to be their best friend?

Her childhood friend group was Vito, Lucia, and Joe! Lucia is definitely her best friend, they stuck together when Mia came to America and Lucia helped her out in school. They’re also the only ones who stay in touch after high school because she’s the only one her mom liked.

What’s their friend group like? What role do they play in it?

During their early teen years she was the one who tried to talk them out of dumb stuff because she has older sister disease and always feels like she HAS to be responsible and prevent disaster. But between the ages of like...15-18 she’s just off the rails. Started dating Joe and truly released her inhibitions and shoplifts with the best of them <3

What’s their love life like? Do they have any kids?

God well...she dated Joe between the ages of 15 and 18 and then broke up with him before graduation because her mom made her and forced her into Real Life. She probably dated a few guys casually before 1951 when she starts dating him again :// We have no AU for Mafia II really at least not for Joe so...he literally just disappears (AKA the ending of the game grrr) and she ?? I’m not sure yet how she reacts or what happens with her after that honestly. But she would not have kids no, she’s done enough parenting in her life.

Who do they look up to? Who do they trust?

She trusts her friends and used to look up to her mom but the older she gets the more she kinda resents the roles her mom forced her into.

Who do they hate? Do they have any enemies?

She’s petty and hates a lot of people for whatever reasons :/ But no actual enemies except the smalltime Irish gang that extorted her mom that she is now extorting loool

Do they have any pets?

Nah, she’s too busy and her apartment sucks

Are they good with kids? Animals?

She had to help out with her siblings her whole life so theoretically she’s good with kids, but honestly she’s just awkward with them now that she’s an adult. As for animals she’s neutral; she likes dogs but she won’t be getting one any time soon.

[thewebcomicsreview]

What’s that? I’m talking about Homestuck too much lately? Well, too bad, it updated and I’m-a livebloggin’ it. This chapter contains a content warning for child abuse and I’m thus putting the rest of this post below a Read More, though I’m live blogging and don’t know what the child abuse content actually is. 

Looks like we’re with Jane, so this might be the chapter with Yiffy in it! But probably not, because they’re gonna drag it out. Incidentally, since the rebellion consists of two max-level characters, four god tiers (John, Jake, Rose, and Jade), and now Vriska who is the 8est fighter 8y far, how does Jane even stand a chance? Good thing for her that she pre-emptively took a hostage! 

JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.) JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?) JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.) JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)

I do like that Jane, a genocidal human-supremacist dictator, is worried about being “inclusive” in her propaganda. I wonder if she’s starting to drift from Trumphitler into Nancy Pelosi, now. Also interesting: She’s apparently using Gamzee’s death for propaganda value, cool and all, but her superpower is literally raising the dead. I can buy that Jane would rather use her ex-boyfriend for propaganda than revive him, but won’t the people of Earth C have questions? 

DIRK: Dude, the bowl. JAKE: Hm? JAKE: Oh, right. JANE: What is it now, Jake. JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well. JANE: You mean the prisoner. JAKE: Y...es.

I realize that Yiffygate made the patreon rocket to the stratosphere, but I hope we’re not actually getting to see her so soon. It’s more fun to speculate. For instance, she’s apparently getting meals in a dog bowl. Is that because she’s literally half dog, moreso than Jade, and is feral in some way? That’s been hinted at a little, but it’s also possible Jane’s just tormenting her to be a bitch. As we saw when she was Crockerfied in Act 6, Jane’s got a bit of a sadistic streak in her.

Well, that was answered pretty fucking fast! Okay, let’s not click next just yet. If we’re only getting one panel to speculate, let’s milk it like a dying webcomic franchise: Preppy bording school outfit, but with cleats, so she’s apparently an athlete. Lots of pink highlights on her outfit (shoes/socks/tie). She’s got a black dog tail, but appears to have light hair? I like this design, actually, or what little of it we’re seeing. I was half-expecting Yiffy to be a full-on Deviantart parody, but I think the angle we’re going here is “a mostly normal girl, besides being part dog, who’s just been absolutely shit on by life and every adult she’s ever encountered”. It’s not her fault her name is Yiffany, y’know? She didn’t ask for this. 

Let’s see how right I am.

JANE: Well, go on then. JANE: She's over in the corner. JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite. JANE: I've seen to that already.

The fact that this chapter had a content warning for child abuse makes this read a lot more “Yikes” than it might’ve otherwise.

DIRK: Jake. DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl. JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???)

I feel like this is actually worse than if Jane put the food in a dog bowl to torment Yiffy.

I told you we’d fall in love with her. I told you dog.

....I don’t know if the MSPA art style lends itself to slightly raised camera angles like this, it looks like Yiffy’s face is 50% forehead. 

*Lore hat on*

Okay, first off, dick move electrocuting a child. That out of the way. Yiffy is communicating in wolf howls (she must be a big fan of Toast, from my webcomic Saffron and Sage!), but she’s also literally being electrocuted so lets cut her some slack. What’s more interesting is that her Awoos are in red. 

Vrissy shares a font color with Vriska, who she’s trying to emulate. They even use the same CSS class in the site code. Tavros shares his with Gamzee, his abusive uncle (and doesn’t have the same CSS class). Harry Anderson has a unique font color that’s pretty close to his dad’s, but isn’t quite the same (possible to make Harry/John chats more readable, whereas Vriska and Vrissy being hard to distinguish is the joke?). Yiffy, however, does not speak in either Jade’s green or Rose’s purple, she speaks in red. It’s a unique shade of red, I checked, and while it could potentially be in reference to Dave, let’s get real

Obviously, she’s the new Handmaid. This was obvious enough that I was making that comparison even before we learned her red text and rebellious personality. So I’m starting to see what they’re going for here (and, god help me, I’m starting to come around to Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley as a concept). She’s not a one-dimensional joke of a character, she’s just a normal girl having a fucking rough time of it right now and also always. Speaking of time, red is connected to the Time aspect, which isn’t confirmation of anything but a little note to put in the back of your pocket.

Also to put in your back pocket, Jane’s the new Condesce and Yiffy’s the new Handmaid. The Condesce killed the Handmaid. 

JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam. JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake. JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however. JANE: That truce is over.

That’s some efficient expositing! 

Man, I really am coming around to this Yiffy thing, holy shit. I actually think her reveal last chapter was actively designed to get fans to hate the concept as much as possible, and not just from a Controversy Creates Ca$h kind of way (though that didn’t hurt).The entire fandom has been calling Yiffy a disgusting mistake for three weeks, and now here’s Jane doing it, and we’re being asked to consider this from Yiffy’s perspective: Given a stupid name as a joke, shunted off to boarding school by parents who were ashamed of her existence, repeatedly told she’s a disgusting mistake and tortured, even the fans all hate her on sight, and she literally hasn’t said a word yet! That’s....legitimately pretty cool writing, right there. A deft and entirely intentional juking of the fandom’s emotional state to get us to hate a character conceptually so that now when the comic’s trying to get us to sympathize with her it’s an easier sell because we feel a bit guilty. I dig it. Shit like this is why I still read Homestuck, it can be very clever at times, even now.

(Pierced ears, in case the punky aesthetic wasn’t obvious). Also, the page with a gif of everything going dark as Yiffy passes out has a black background, which is a nice touch.

TG: but seriously, do you? AG: Not really. TG: not even about... you know? TG: her? AG: No. TG: ... are you sure? AG: A8solutely. AG: What are you, my moirail? AG: Just leave it, Harry. TG: ok.

Then we cut to a chatlog (with the all-black background, which is just really nice here at selling the mood), and even Vrissy doesn’t want to talk about Yiffany.

AG: It was Cute, 8lright???????? AG: Or, at the very least, a 8*cketload less vomit worthy than everything else that Went Down with our parents.

She’s “vomit-worthy”

I think the update that introduced the Candy Kids was the most enjoyable, but this was, by miles, the best thing to come out of the Homestuck EU. It completely redeemed everything this comic did with Yiffy so far and made it all work. And this black-background-no-image gimmick, while simple, was shockingly effective at conveying the lonely empty mood they were going for (admittedly it probably helped that I was already listening to spooky music), and it’s something Homestuck had never done. This was....

This chapter was great. This was Act 5 great. Like, it’s literally just beating up a child for a whole chapter, but in terms of getting the emotional response they wanted, this is Homestuck at its absolute best. It wasn’t just “here’s a cute girl, let’s beat her up a bit for sympathy”, all the stuff in the last chapter, infuriating the fandom like nothing I’ve seen in webcomics in years, Jade’s dog dick, it was all for this. It was all to get us predisposed to fucking hate Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley so that they could flip the switch and make us love her, make the very fact that we hated her so much part of the reason we love her now. No other webcomic would do that, no other webcomic would have the balls to do that. This is why I read Homestuck, this is why I’m still hanging on to this rock has the wave of cheating dog dicks keeps smacking me in the face. This is avant-fucking-garde, man. I’ve done a full 180 on Homestuck 2. I’m sold. I stan. I’m Homestuck trash again. 

EDIT

Oh, and Vrissy suddenly passed out mid-sentence right around the same time Yiffy passed out (hmmm!), and apparently she’s narcoleptic like Jade (hmmm!)

[krislammsidbtjournal]

Creative-Problem Interviews

INTERVIEW 1

About Jay Josue.  Jay Josue is Sr. Art Director in Los Angeles and currently works at Arcana Academy, an Ad Agency located in Venice. Jay is also a freelance concept and title designer. His selected work can be seen in The Current War (2019), Citizen (2016), Me and Earl and The Dying Girl (2015).

How do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you?)

Jay is a big believer in completely submerging yourself in the world of your project. For example, when Jay was working on The Current War (2019), he engulfed himself in learning everything about the Industrial Age. He gained every bit of knowledge about the electricity titans that were Thomas Edison, George Westinghouse, and Nikola Tesla. Although Jay’s role in the project was more aligned with typography, he stressed that you need to dive into the world and sit with it. “Find an entry-level way to enter the world in any way, shape, or form. From there, you will begin to see the narrative pulled from the styles, history, and aesthetics of your research”.

When asked what inspires him, Jay answered, “Everything. Everywhere. Anytime.” Jay finds beauty in everything and draws on the emotional presence of his surroundings. He stresses that we often find ourselves strenuously seeking inspiration versus letting our subconscious do the work – it is why our greatest ideas come from the shower. An example of this is when Jay looks at a building, he not only sees the building holistically, but he draws his attention to the inner workings of the multiple layers that make up the building.  

What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea, and how do you overcome them?

Due to the fast-paced nature of his work, Jay often finds himself challenged with what he calls “Trend Traps.” There is a time and place where a project can take the likings of the newest design trends. However, Jay always strives to come up with something more meaningful in his work.

When asked about overcoming challenges, Jay answered, “As cliché, as it sounds, thinking outside the box helps me combat trend traps.” He encourages always looking at the problem from different angles and allowing yourself to zoom out of the logical problem and think more emotionally. Jay concludes, “By giving yourself a broad perspective in problem-solving and sitting in the world, you will produce more meaningful work.”

What process(es) do you use to solve problems? 


Identify the task at hand.

Be comfortable with the information and sit with it.  

Research and place yourself within that world.

Begin ideating through sketching, mood boards, scanning books, etc.

Start experimenting through mock-ups and prototypes.

Distill your best ideas and see what works (perhaps ideas 1 and 3 can be the immediate solution).

Execute and continue polishing your final piece.

Finally, deploy.

Jay shared that his process is akin to a fine-artist discipline. Sometimes, the process can hinder his creativity, so he seeks the delicate balance of building parameters broad enough where he can still play without limitations.

INTERVIEW 2

About Blake Hill-Saya.  Blake Hill-Saya is a published author and is the founder of Tenacity Communications, a verbal branding agency in Los Angeles. Blake is also a professional opera singer and licensed physical therapist. Blake brings a unique perspective in her writing with her multifaceted career background.  

How do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you?)

As a verbal coach, Blake is inspired largely by the conversations she has with her clients. One of her foundational questions is, "Tell me about a time with your job where everything just went incredible and tell me how you were feeling." Blake explains that such questions do not often get posed on clients when attempting to find their brand. What she finds from that question is an interesting language where the brand's true essence comes out.

Blake's original work is inspired by the entire literary landscape and the panoramic view it offers. She habitually reads all day and spends her time listening to podcasts about writing, seeking inspiration by writing down new phrases she has not tried out before or looking to see where she could insert herself into the story. Essentially, Blake enjoys and is inspired by the journey in which it took the author to get to where they are and finds a way to find her journey.  

What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea, and how do you overcome them?

When it comes to obstacles, "writer's block is a real thing," and for Blake, it manifests when she is either overwhelmed or burnt out. For Blake, it means it is time to get active. She goes on what she calls "writers walk," where she puts on an audiobook of some of her favorite authors or writers. "I like to restore my faith in good writing and feeling like I have a companionship." She can also be found with a notepad on these walks to help with her writer's block. Blake has also adapted the advice by the late author Ray Bradbury which is to read two short stories and one poem.

As a musician, Blake has found that one way to combat being overwhelmed is with a few minor mental tricks which can be applied to any problem. When she needs to learn a new music piece, she breaks them out into portions and gets to rehearsing. Similarly, she finds herself repeating to herself, "just write X number of pages" to get the juices flowing with writing. "You have to find a system that works for you and stick to that system."

What process(es) do you use to solve problems?

Listen and sit with your client. Do it gracefully and inquisitively. Make them feel cared for. Often with businesses, you can get bogged down with business jargon, but as a consultant, you're able to harness the power of listening.

Build a structure but remember to remain flexible. For example, come to a meeting with prepared questions, but don't structure yourself so much that you can still react at the moment. You want your client the walk away to feel like they've been seen and heard.

Always follow up with a thank you email and a personal touch to know that "Hey! I see and hear you, and I'm on your side!"

INTERVIEW 3

About Jourel Baello. Jourel Baello is a Site Merchandiser at MeUndies where he oversees the digital storefront of MeUndies.com, CA-based underwear, and loungewear company. Jourel brings a broad perspective on fast fashion with his unique career journey from traditional brick and mortar retail to eCommerce. Before MeUndies, Jourel worked at Guitar Center as their eCommerce Specialist and spent seven years at Cotton On climbing the corporate ladder from Sales Associate in-store to eCommerce Merchandise Analyst at their LA headquarters.  

How do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you?)

MeUndies is a key player in the subscription-based business model, so in order to stay ahead, Jourel looks to the industry for emerging trends to elevate their customer experience. He reviews the competitive landscape and finds opportunities other brands may have that MeUndies could bring to the table.

What inspires Jourel is that eCommerce is still relatively in its infancy compared to the larger scope of retail. “Being at the forefront of what eCommerce can become excites me as an early pioneer in the space.” Jourel is also inspired by the ever-changing playing field eCommerce brings. He concludes, “There is no wrong answer, just lots of testing and different ways to approach problems. Finding the piece of the puzzle that no one else can provide is such a fun challenge.”  


What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea, and how do you overcome them?

The biggest challenge Jourel faces is centered around bandwidth with the Developers and Engineers. MeUndies, like any eComm retailer, runs 24/7, 365 days of the year, which is great when collecting feedback on how to make the user experience better, but difficult when all of those changes become overlapping projects. Additionally, more pressure is added around seasonal promotions such as Black Friday where a set of new ideas are introduced. Jourel overcomes these challenges with transparent communication with his team. He reviews the project pipeline and identifies areas where things can be moved around. Then, with the blessings from his senior management, he optimizes new deadlines and manages deliverables. “I constantly revisit our roadmap because of how fast things are changing.” Jourel expresses that it is imperative to see the view of each project and its relation to how it may impact other projects.

What process(es) do you use to solve problems?

Ideating – What is the problem at hand? Are we able to come up with a hypothesis? What questions can we ask?

Cross Functional Discussions – Align with outside departments to ensure goals they have in mind are being addressed.

Internal Team Discussion – Discuss with the internal team about research and findings. Discussing what next steps are if it’s needed to go back to ideating phase.

Test. Test. Test. – Aggressively testing to see what options work and narrowing down solutions.

Analyzing Results – Reviewing test results and make implementation decision. At this stage, it can become iterative which helps drive clarity.

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia, I hope you’re well. Please feel free to ignore this if it’s too personal... but how do you deal with death as a concept when you have the chronic illnesses that you do? Are you afraid to die, and if you are, how do you keep from constantly thinking about how you could die early (so to speak) if your health takes a turn? I’ve had a lot of health scares recently and it’s getting harder and harder to just live without feeling constantly afraid. Thank you for everything you do.

Hi anon!

Firstly, I am very sorry to hear about your health scares. They suuuuuck. They really suck. I’m replying partly out of solidarity, but I don’t know if I have anything that will really work for you, because sometimes I really struggle to find things that work for me, but I’m happy to share what I’ve picked up along the way. <3 And I hope in the meantime that things pick up for you.

The timing of this is pretty spot on, in that I’m going through pretty serious scanxiety at the moment (what we call ‘anxiety around getting scans for cancer’ in my cancer support group that I’m a member of). I had a full body PET scan two weeks ago (no results yet), and I have a head/neck MRI on Friday, for which I can hopefully get the results Mon/Tuesday. But I don’t have my follow up with my Endocrinologist until late July, so I won’t know for about 6 weeks if I have any new tumours in my abdomen.

I definitely don’t want to die from this disease, and it will probably be the thing that kills me. Not any time soon, that’s less likely, but it’s just...likely overall. A lot of the statistics are stacked against me, I have three primary tumours in my head/neck, and there’s no indication that my body is going to stop growing them, and there’s no cure and likely to be no cure in my lifetime.

So yeah, I get anxious. I am afraid to die (I mean in general, unless I’m suicidal, but also specifically the way this disease is likely to kill me: progressively taking my hearing, my ability to swallow and talk, my ability to move my arms and my head and my neck, my sense of balance and ability to walk upright without collapsing, and more - which doesn’t even count metastatic disease - is a horrible way to die). And I live with the knowledge that like, it literally takes one scan result to change my entire life all over again (hence, scanxiety).

BUT, living in constant fear is just...not helpful. It’s understandable, it is an understandable emotional response, but it’s not a helpful response. Because what matters most in these scenarios is quality of life; and you get quality of life (in chronic illness and acute disease) by managing emotional outcomes as vigilantly and with as much self-compassion (and patience) as possible. So these are the things that work for me, if they don’t work for you, that’s fine, some might even feel completely wrong for you, that’s also fine and normal. The things we tell ourselves to cope in this are deeply personal. I hate the phrase ‘fuck cancer’ for example, other people who have cancer use it as a battle cry and feel strong because of it.

***

* ‘Can I literally do anything more than I’m doing to change the outcomes of my illness without hurting myself? No? Then admit you have no control over this and let it go.’ This is something I tell myself when I start panicking. ‘But what if I get this result what if this happens what if this tumour starts growing again what if.’ I just look at myself sternly and say: ‘HOW is this helpful?’ It’s NOT. Knowing the answers to any of those what ifs changes nothing in the moment except my anxiety, distress and fear levels. And then I say ‘so WHAT would be helpful? What do you have control over?’ And then I might wait and think... ‘well...I really like that Youtube channel One Meal A Day I might watch one of those videos’ or ‘well...I might journal about my feelings and give them some space (see further down) and then try and let them go because just cycling around them isn’t productive.’ Sometimes we hang onto anxiety because our brain convinces us it will somehow be helpful. With this stuff it rarely is.

* WORRY TIME. Yay worry time! Set aside 5-20 minutes a day (or every three days, or once a week, but you might need to start with once a day when things are really bad) to write down ALL of your worries about your illnesses. All the irrational things, the logical things, ALL of it, no matter how embarrassing. And omg, chase those worries down. Really sit and be with your worry. Give it space. Let it speak! But do it with the intention that once those 5-20 minutes are over, that’s it. You’re done. If your worries start up again, say gently to yourself: ‘You told me all of this during Worry Time, but if this is new, please save it for tomorrow, I will give you space to share with me then!’ Treat your worry like a little animal that doesn’t know any better, and has to be taught some boundaries. Worry Time becomes the boundary. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel anxious the rest of the time, just if you do, it’s easier to step back mindfully and go ‘huh, I’m anxious right now, that’s really interesting, but I’m going to do something about that tomorrow, and so for now I’m just going to acknowledge it but I’m going to try not to let it ruin my day.’

* ‘Everything right now, this moment, this second is exactly the way it should be.’ This is Taoism, and some people hate it. I use this most often when I’m in excruciating pain, or terrified, or literally in a panic attack. I don’t know why it helps so much, but it does. And I think it’s because it works like this: ‘Everything right now, this moment, this second is exactly the way it should be. Terrible things are happening all over the world. Other people are feeling pain like I am. Animals and plants go on living and dying. Right now everything in this moment is perfect messy imperfection and I am a part of that, a small cog in a huge ecosystem. I am a part of something, I belong in this, and I hate it - I really hate it - but even that is part of that messy imperfection. It just is. And therefore, I can release any attachment or urgency to change the things that I cannot change.’ And then...I will still be in pain, or having a panic attack, or terrified, but it will feel integrated and connected to me. It will feel like it’s a part of something. Still, ultimately, sometimes useless but...even useless excesses of terror are a part of the messy imperfection of life.

This leads onto the second:

* ‘In this moment, I am okay.’ Not like, literally 100% healthy. I’ll never be that. But I’m okay. I’m okay as a person and a human being who deserves love and comfort, and I’m okay to just grab another minute to feel okay. You can pair this with mindfulness meditation, and Smiling Mind has a great free app, and most of the meditations are between 5-8 minutes long. Sometimes ‘I’m okay’ doesn’t mean ‘I feel okay’ - and that’s okay too! I’m not trying to erase my emotions, I’m not trying to make myself never feel afraid of dying, that is an appropriate response to something that literally threatens my life but isn’t doing it urgently right this second. And because it’s not doing it right this second, well, right this second, I’m okay.

* Goals that have nothing to do with your health. For me, probably pretty obviously, it’s my writing and my art and similar. I have responsibilities towards my loved ones and my animal companions. Sometimes just...putting my head down and getting stuff done helps take my mind off things, and that also makes me feel productive and like I’m more than my illnesses. Socialising is a part of this. You are so much more than your illnesses, but you have to live that way too, that’s your responsibility to yourself, to remember that you are more, and then to embrace that in your actions (I mean, keeping in mind spoons/energy levels), even when you’re not always feeling it.

* Look at the things you can control and shore them up where you can. Like, consider writing a will. One of the things I’ve had to do is consider what I’ll do if I get sick so quickly I can never finish Fae Tales or never write anything again. These practical steps can be distressing, but sometimes they can answer background anxieties you didn’t know you had, and put them to bed. ‘I don’t need to worry about this, I’ve already done this part.’ Sometimes it’s just knowing that every time you see a specialist, you’re going to write down your questions, so you no longer need to worry about forgetting them. Things like that seem little, but they add up as background anxieties we do have control over.

* If you can afford it; Therapy. Depending on your illness/es, there may be support groups. Some are dodgy as shit (Fibromyalgia groups have categorically been the worst spaces I’ve ever encountered for genuine support), but generally speaking for serious illnesses, there are support groups. They can be an incredible resource. I help moderate the Australian/New Zealand Para/Pheo Support Group (there’s only one, lol), and like sometimes it’s depressing (people I care about do, on occasion, die), but knowing I’m not alone, knowing I can get advice about what to ask my surgeons or my Endocrinologists or Oncologists, especially for a rare disease? Fuck that’s so invaluable. And being able to help other people advocate for themselves has been really empowering for me.

* Don’t expect to get rid of your fear or anxiety entirely. If you’re alive and you’re human and you like life, you just can’t do that. So remember that when you’re feeling those things, you’re being a normal human being, and you are not alone (even when you feel like the loneliest person in the world, even that’s a part of it). It won’t fix those things, sometimes you can’t. Some days I just give as like, shit days, it happens. June I’ve given up as kind of a shit month honestly. Am I having good moments? Yes. Am I stressed every day about this disease? YES! Fun times. (I won’t be stressed every day if the scan results show that everything is the same tbh, like, then I’ll go back to ‘normal’ where I rarely think about it).

* Don’t write off the day until the day is over. I used to have this habit (and still can sometimes) of writing off the day as being ‘a bad day’ because of a terrible morning. I actually started this habit as a child, because of trauma and abuse, and it was something I kept doing because of mental illness. So this is something I was doing long before cancer came along and additionally kicked my ass. These days, even though I feel so bad sometimes I feel like hell, my entire life is a write off, I try and keep in mind that one thing can change the tone of the day and make it better. And that ‘thing’ can be me and my choices. And the fact is, even if I try some Youtube videos, or to pet my cats, or talk to friends, or whatever and it doesn’t work, at least I can look back and reassure myself: ‘You’re trying so hard, you’re really trying your best’ and also ‘you know this never lasts, it never has, you still have moments where you feel good, which means you’ll have a moment where you’ll feel good again. It’s okay. I’m okay.’

* Dark humour can be a saviour. Oh boy, can it ever. But be careful who you share it with.

* Gratitude for what you have now, and not what you might not in the future, because the future is an illusion, it’s not here now. But you are. I have a journal where I write down something I’m grateful for every day. Even if I’m feeling cynical and hateful and anxious and bitter. And then I might just say ‘I’m grateful for chips’ or ‘I’m grateful for that nice leaf I saw but nothing else’ lol. Just something. I’m grateful I can still hear, I might not hear one day, but I’m listening to a song right now. That matters. I’m grateful I can walk. I’m grateful I can read this post. I’m grateful I can still write my books despite the mild cognitive brain damage I got from radiation. My gratitude doesn’t always feel warm or nice, but I am still, somewhere, deep down, glad I haven’t lost those things.

***

It’s hard, and many of these things take time to learn, and repetition, and getting back on the wagon when you forget. Some days they won’t help, and some days you’ll be so glad of one 5 minute mindfulness meditation it saves the whole rest of the day for you. Sometimes sleeping is a really good reset tool for the brain.

Some people find Buddhism helpful (all life is suffering can become pretty zen when you’re suffering), I found the philosophy of Taoism helpful on top of my regular paganism.

ANYWAY this post is now...2,200 words long fuck that’s longer than some of my university essays I’M SO SORRY so I’m going to stop. Just, please anon, from the bottom of my heart, be gentle with yourself. It’s hard. This stuff is hard. It requires an unfair amount of effort to make it less hard, but that’s all life gives us, because life never promised to be fair or just or compassionate to us. So we must be fair and just and compassionate to ourselves. And that, in its messy imperfection, is all we can do to be a perfect part of this world. <3

[contemplatingoutlander]

More ES Cait and Tony hate 🙄

This post was submitted by an anon calling herself “ES”:

“Today, the topic of hate among ES is why would T be in attendance at an Outlander panel. The name calling for him is merciless and now C has revealed herself as a non-feminist, because she’s proving that she’s incapable of being alone anywhere without a man supporting her. This about a woman who has been on her own since 18, travelled the world alone for work, has been successful in 2 separate careers and did it without the support of any man. If he attends, he’s either working for her or creepy, because he’s not part of the show, therefore, he doesn’t belong there. And now, this from another hater doing the rounds on all of the same - hate for C&T blogs.”

“ES anon” also submitted a copy of an ES blogger’s rant about this. You can read it HERE. Below, in my commentary, I will post some excerpts from the rant.

____________________________

CO’s response:

Thanks for submitting this post “ES anon”!

The ES blogger wrote:

“When we first layed eyes on Ms. Balfe’s ‘loved one’ we assumed he was her assistant. We thought this because he was always on the fringes and acted like an assistant. What made this obvious (we thought) at the time was how she was acting with her co-star. Because who in their right mind would treat their “loved one” with so much disregard even when they worked for you? She has never treated him as her equal 🤔 While treating your co-star who you have off the charts chemistry with 😍😍”.

Sorry, these arguments are not only middle school nasty but they also seem willfully obtuse. The rest of the fandom figured out years ago that Sam and Cait weren’t a couple (and that their flirty banter was played up to sell the show). We also realized that Tony was Cait’s romantic partner--we didn’t think that he was her personal assistant. How come these women didn’t get the memo? Maybe because they didn’t want to get it? 🤦‍♀️

“We find out that C had him sit in the audience last night surrounded by shippers. I am dying to see video or pictures of this ridiculous moment. Was he on his phone the whole time? Did he take pics when C was trying to flirt with S. This blows her shy narrative out the window. In fact, that narrative was blown out the water a long time ago.”

In terms of this blogger’s outrage about Tony sitting in the audience “surrounded by shippers” during the BUILD Outlander panel, how on earth could Cait have known that section of the audience would be full of shippers? Are there special “shipper tickets”? 😳 😉

Some of these ES seem to become willfully simplistic in their thinking when it comes to Cait and Tony. They don’t seem to realize that Tony is a complex human being who can be shy and still choose to attend Cait’s public events. That’s what a caring spouse does–they put aside their discomfort to support their spouse.

“Fast forward to her engagement. She didn’t supposedly announce it (cough cough) because he is so shy. Like we have said a million times. She could have posted a pic and thanked all of her fans. End of discussion! She did not. She kept saying how shy he is and never mentioned his name. Does she even know his name? She is the Queen of Innuendos!”

Cait did “announce” her engagement. Why are ES always so willfully obtuse when it comes to this? Cait gave an exclusive interview to People. She was quoted, suggesting that she spoke to them directly. She or her representative must have mentioned Tony’s name, because he is listed as her fiance. Cait never asked People to make a correction, so obviously she approved of what they wrote. (Duh! 🙄) And of course these women remain just as willfully obtuse about the wedding. 🤦‍♀️🙄🤦‍♀️

“He gets his picture taken with C on the fringes at the Oscars. As C is giving interviews you see him looking like a lost puppy in the background. Why not take him with you? Hell, the lovely Keanu Reeves brought his mom and she stood by him the whole time. Most couple did that.”

Some of these women have criticized Cait for years for never walking with Tony on the red carpet. Well, she finally did–at the Oscars! And now they criticize her for not making him stand there while she was being interviewed. Well, did it ever occur to them that maybe she asked Tony if he wanted to stand with her during interviews and he said he’d rather not? The important thing is he was with her on the red carpet.

I just can’t anymore with these women. My assumption is they just like to be angry and complain because they’ve been doing so for years now. 😳🙄

[edited]