#but i didn't because i was just so irrationally angry

[spirit-of-a-kiger]

Honestly, I love this!

I mean, I hope we at least get the bare minimum of lore to at least know what's going on and stuff, but not everything needs to have pages upon pages upon pages of lore!

[trans-yllz]

maybe jiang cheng eating his food with upside down chopsticks was a production mistake. or maybe it was a visual metaphor for his complete blind trust in wei wuxian and willingness to take anything his older brother hands him

[moonchild-in-blue]

Can someone please either validate me or send me to the Corner of Shame? This is very silly but I'm wondering.

So. I was talking to my sister the other day about movies and such, and she told me of one she recently watched with this one actor. And I casually mentioned how much I hated him. Not in a "he's a bad actor" or "he's a bad person" way. Nothing to do with whether I find him attractive or not. Just in a "he looks the most punchable guy on earth and I have this irrational rage against him" way, to the point that I just can't watch movies with him without being annoyed.

My sister looked at me like I was crazy because, "what do you mean you hate the guy". And I told her yeah? That's normal? Don't you have at least one person you can't stand for no reason?

Sister was like 😬😬😬 No??? Which is wild to me, because I could easily name 50 (which I did - not 50 but we were getting close to 20 before i got too annoyed lmao).

Now she thinks I'm slightly insane (/j) (I made myself angry and may have referred to a few individuals as "stupid" and "obnoxious"), and I kinda don't believe I am the only person alive who feels this way. But also she's an incredibly empathetic extrovert, while I'm a very low empath socially anxious creechur so. There's that?? I guess ?? Idk.

Can anyone relate to this? Or am I the weird one?

Also wait. Little disclaimer: I am not generally a violent person AT ALL. Do i get annoyed and angry easily? Yeah. Do I feel like bitch slapping someone right across their stupid face? Yeah, sometimes, sure. Do I do something about it? Not really.

I can be real bitchy and extra sarcastic and petty SURE, but that's the most I'll do if I am legitimately angry. Mostly I just go to my room and cry 🥺 (crying when angry yes it me). So yeah. Before yall think I have unsolved anger issues.

[ask-artsy-oncie]

We have shrunk the millenial generation so much now that there are people claiming anyone born in 1995 is a zoomer. Please kill me now before it gets even worse.

[leefi]

the woman sitting next to me at a film screening this sunday was coughing through the entire movie (i couldn't move, the theatre was packed) and today my throat is sore. feeling a teeny weeny bit murderous about it

[foone]

the Brazilian flag makes me irrationally angry.

no, wait, that's incorrect. the brazillian flag makes me rationally angry.

but first let me explain that I have nothing against Brazil or Brazilians. They're cool people in my experience, and I'm sure it's a great country. but that flag has personally victimized me.

Look at this flag. What country has a flag this complicated? VERY FEW, LET ME TELL YOU THAT

and as someone who had to recreate this flag for their VGAPride program, because of the Brazil Gay Flag... ARGH this flag is so complicated.

It's not the case anymore because I reorganized how the program worked, but at one point it had EVERY SINGLE OTHER FLAG in one file, and BRAZIL in another file, because if I put Brazil in with any other flags it would crash the program. I had to modify the max limit on how many graphical commands a given flag could take, because the Gay Flag of Brazil was MORE COMPLICATED THAN AT LEAST HALF THE OTHER FLAGS PUT TOGETHER. I had to add the a new command for drawing different sized stars as otherwise this flag would be way too complicated to implement.

and the worst part? Scroll back up and compare those two flags. I didn't even do that good a job of implementing the flag! Some of it is because I'm limited to 640x480, but some of it is just that this flag was so complicated that it was hurting me too much to create.

And that's after I wrote a secondary application to let me design flags outside my program, because manually designing this thing like I did EVERY SINGLE OTHER PRIDE FLAG I EVER IMPLEMENTED would have been too hard, especially with the text (which is again, isn't done that well. especially that "E", which is way too straight, especially for a gay pride flag).

Like, I'm sorry Brazil. You're cool, but your flag gives me PTSD flashbacks.

[yanmuffins]

how are we feeling about a yandere! platonic! batfamily x neglected! vampire! reader with some heavy v*mpire t*e m*squer*de influece in honor of halloween season?? here's my cringefail concept that i might turn into a fic.

tw: neglect mention, non-con biting, non-con turning since reader isn't given a choice in being a vamp.

you're bruce's firstborn child who's lived in the manor for most of your life, with alfred being your primary caretaker and bruce not giving you much thought throughout your childhood - you're not fit to be robin (though he tried), you're not in the streets of gotham in danger or causing trouble - you're a well-behaved child who never gets in the way and never asks for too much. you understand when he breaks promises, when alfred shows up to special events in his stead because he's too busy with work, too busy being batman, too busy caring for troubled children who need his attention more than you do.

even as you see him make time for his other children, for his romantic affairs - even as the relationships you build with your siblings never goes beyond shallow small-talk and awkward silences, you understand. they have their own lives to worry about, their own issues, so many things they can bond over with each other but not with you. you're not a robin, you're not a vigilante, you're not athetically inclined and even as you do your best to be accomodating and warm, you can never get past their walls.

even when damian arrives and gets more familial bonding with bruce than you ever had, you lower your head and you walk away. you take his berating with a condescending smile and a disappointed sigh that makes him so irrationally angry, because he's a troubled child and he doesn't know any better.

you're ordinary, boring in comparison to them. you fade into the background with and without effort. you're just... easy to forget about. you don't require special care, or guidance, you don't go overboard trying to beat the living shit out of criminals like jason, you don't try to sneak out of the manor like damian. you don't disappoint. you don't impress. you're just... there. when bruce checks up on you, there's a signature smile you've perfected over the years you give him, telling him you're perfectly fine.

and you grow up. you grow distant. a bit of resentment, but you keep it locked deep within your heart. you are a student in gotham university, and you get intern for a big-shot from los angeles who just moved to gotham to expand their business. they shower you with praises and attention, taking you all sorts of places, introducing you to all sorts of people. because your father hid you from the public eye for most your life, the fact you're a wayne goes mostly unnoticed.

there's just one strange detail: it's a full-on night-shift. ironic, you concede, that you couldn't escape the nights of gotham by being a civilian. your family notices it, too: you don't dress like you used to, like you prefer to, there's a waver in your usually composed steps, bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep, an apparent mind-fog whenever someone asks you a question, a certain distance in your gaze. you sleep the days away, and the amount of times they've seen you entering and leaving less-than-ideal places (that one nightclub they have noticed suspicious activity on? just what are you doing there?) for a sheltered young adult to be during their patrols is starting to become concerning.

but you swear it's fine. it's all fine. you're fine. stop meddling.

and then there's the night - before any of the batsiblings start to really get a grip on what's going on with you, before bruce can give you a stern lecture on how you're exposing yourself to danger and how he's so disappointed and didn't expect this from you and force you to quit your job and just go back to how you were before - when that eccentric bigshot you're working for brings you to the VIP room at the nightclub, says you have potential, babbles on and on about how far you're gonna go, making you bubble inside with pride and happiness at finally being fawned over for a change.

and then they kill you.

draining you of all your blood, feeding you a bit of theirs before locking you up in a room where you'll be provided with proper refreshments to keep your hunger at bay until you've become a fully-embraced fledgling ready to learn the ins and outs of your new... unlife. you are a wayne, firstborn child of gotham's local billionaire, the camarilla's golden ticket to taking over gotham. they all expect much of you.

meanwhile, the text in alfred's phone says you'll be gone for a while. business trip to paris, your first ever, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity a rich girl with ample privilege and access to private jets couldn't possibly refuse. he doesn't believe it for a second, not even when you call to assure everything is just fine. he knows you're not, everyone knows you're not. there's a tracer in your phone and guess what, you're not in paris.

there is no comeuppance for your sire when the batfamily breaks you out of captivity, as they are long gone by the time the incident is ruled out as a bunch of goons targeting the wayne family for money (nevermind no ransom was ever requested). they'll come back for you, they swear, plans just got... delayed by this preposterous man wearing a bat-suit. until then, do as they taught you, keep yourself fed, don't break the masquerade.

but your newfound freedom lasts exactly a car ride to the wayne manor before you're prohibited from leaving the house for the foreseeable future. when the hunger comes, you can either tell them what happened or let yourself loose with a risk of hurting someone. when the sun shines through the windows and burns your skin, you won't be able to hide it anymore. the choice between your now overbearing family, still unsure how to help you, and the tutelage of your sire, being subjected to all the plans they have for you. the vampires are slowly crawling their way into gotham, and it's only a matter of time before batman becomes a problem.

you remember looking up at the bat signal shining in the dark skies of gotham city and feel a pang of relief in your chest, knowing it had nothing to do with you. now it just makes you feel anxious.

it's ironic, you concede, that you couldn't escape the nights of gotham by being a civilian.

[v1rtualsalvat10n]

𓆩♡𓆪 how to tell you goodbye

— weeks after his mysterious disappearance, lu shows up at your door with a message for you.

notes :: TW FOR DUBCON. uh yeah I find the idea of him apologizing for doing what he has to do very hot. f!reader sorry guys this is self indulgent

You don't remember how long it's been.

But you know it'd been long enough for you to stop wondering if he was actually coming back or not, and try to cope with that fact. He was gone - there was very little doubt in your mind about that. He'd stopped responding to calls and messages, his socials went cold, his friends, at least the ones you knew, hadn't heard anything either.

He disappeared. And the last thing you ever heard from him was that he was planning on doing something... real. But he never told you what. He could be dead for all you know, and there was nothing you could do about it.

It took a pretty big toll on you. He was one of the few friends you had, and just like that he was gone. Just when things were looking up for you, your support system just had to vanish into thin air. You missed him, fuck, you missed him more than anything. You missed your little coffee shop dates, the weekend parties, playing games in your apartment when it was lonely, sitting in the park together just talking for hours.

You miss those little looks he gave you when he thought you weren't looking, the way that some of your mannerisms made him smile, the nights where your conversations would get real and you'd cry on his shoulder when it was too much for you. You miss how he'd let you.

You missed the moment when he made you look at him, and wiped your tears with his thumb, letting the tension between you two linger for longer than it should. You missed his warm, shaky breath against your cheek. But you missed the most that moment when you felt his lips on yours, just for that few seconds.

You didn't miss the way he seemed to have regretted it after.

But you remembered that the clearest of all... watching the guilt in his eyes set in as he moved away from you, standing from your couch and rushing for his bags, saying that "it was getting late" or some lie like that. You remembered how he didn't even look back at you as he walked out of your door.

And that was the last day you saw him. He texted you the next morning.

"Hey, I probably won't be able to see you for a while. Working on stuff. Gonna do something real with my life."

What the fuck did that even mean? It made you angry, irrationally so. It probably only made you angry because you thought it was your fault. But god dammit, that felt valid! You felt like you had a fair reason to be pissed. It was no secret you liked him - it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out either! He'd do something like that so carelessly, and then just throw you out?

You hated it. Maybe you'd feel better with an explanation, but the truth of the matter is that he kissed you and then mysteriously disappeared, not to be seen again. And how were you not supposed to make assumptions in that situation?

And so you'd spend your days by yourself. With no more Luigi to rely on to keep you from spiraling, you'd been curled up in your room by yourself, scrolling through his social media posts, rereading your message logs to see if there's something you'd missed.

You had a jacket of his he left at your place, and every night you'd wrap a pillow in it and breathe in the mix of cologne and his natural scent until it lulled you to sleep.

It wasn't enough. You wish he'd come back, but even if he did, what was there to say? Even if he apologized, you didn't know that you'd forgive him.

That is, until he actually did come back.

No, surely that was just wishful thinking - that knock was probably a salesman or someone stupid like that coming to bother you. You dragged yourself up from your bed and slowly approached the door, groaning to yourself before putting on a fake smile to answer it.

And sure enough, there he was. Cold and scruffy looking, his clothes ruffled and his hair matted, bags under his eyes. He pushed you inside, and slammed the door behind himself.

He kissed you again. But this time he didn't hesitate, and he wasn't gentle - he threw himself onto you, your lips messily colliding with his as he leaned into it, diving his tongue into your mouth. His hands slid down to your hips, grabbing the waistband of your sweatpants so tight it was like he might fall off the Earth if he let go.

The kiss was sloppy and desperate, and he hungrily pushed it as far as you'd let it go, which was admittedly pretty far. But then the shock faded, and you pressed your hands to his chest, shoving him back. He was weak enough that he fell back into the door, leaning against it to prevent from fully toppling over.

"What the fuck?!"

You'd never yelled at him before. Never even thought about getting upset with him. His face turned fearful, as he steadied himself and tried to walk forwards again. You took a step back for the one he took forwards.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Who do you think you are, fucking with me like this?!"

His expression shifted. He just stared at you, blankly, either too tired or too numb to show any emotion anymore. And fuck, that only made you angrier. "You think this is funny? I was worried you could be dead, and now you just- show up, months later, looking like this? Why didn't you say something? You just- just-"

"I'll explain everything. Just... I really... missed you."

"Yeah? You didn't miss me enough to at least give me a heads up that you were alive!" You hid your face in your hands, sighing deeply trying to contain yourself. What reasonable explanation could there possibly be? You couldn't reason with him surely.

You hear him step forwards, and he places his hands on your hips again. You reach down to pull him off of you, but the moment you move your hands away from your face, he's pressing more kisses to your lips. He holds you tighter, his arms wrapping around you. "Get off me," you growl, but he doesn't listen.

He kisses your neck, his warm breath shaking profusely. "Luigi," you say, and he can't even look up at you. You yank one of his hands off, only for him to put it back on you with more force than the last time. "I said get off!"

"Let me make it up to you," he begs you, his gaze meeting yours as he walked you forwards, pushing you onto the couch. You try to stand, but he's quicker, and he straddles you, hovering over you and pushing you down by your shoulders. He stops looking you in the eyes, too embarrassed at what he was doing.

"Luigi, stop! I'm trying to talk to you, god dammit!" He doesn't listen. He can't. He's already straining his jeans, grinding his hips into yours. It's warm. He's warm, and fuck, you can't lie to yourself. You missed this feeling. You missed the feeling of something real being there with you. You missed him.

Your body betrays you, and you softly rock your hips forwards into his, swearing under your breath. He smiles softly, cupping one of your hips in his hand. "It's okay. I know you missed this." He looked at you, a weird sincerity in his eyes, considering what he was actually doing.

"I'm not messing around. This- this isn't funny. Let go of me." At some point you had stopped struggling without noticing, and you squirmed again, causing him to push more of his weight down onto you. He spoke softly to you. "Shh, it's okay... It's okay, I promise I won't take long. Promise, promise."

He muttered some words in Italian, something that sounded along the lines of a prayer as he rutted into you, yanking your hips up to get more friction. "Stop it," you say again, covering your face with one of your hands.

The truth is that you'd dreamed of this moment for so long. So very long. You'd dreamed of what it would feel like when he finally touched you, his skin on yours, giving you all he had to give. But fuck, not like this, not like this-

He finished with whatever he was reciting, and slipped his fingers under your waistband, along with the one of your panties and tugged them down. You pressed your thighs together, but he was stronger than you and pushed them apart, leaving you exposed for him.

"You're beautiful..." He stared down at you, leaving a crimson shade on your cheeks. "I'm sorry, I just... I felt like I had to tell you goodbye." Your eyes widened as he said that, and you shook your head. "What are you talking about? Luigi, I'm not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere either. You don't have to do this, please-"

By the time you finished, he was already unbuckling his belt, the sound of the buckle clinking against itself making you shiver. He unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down, rubbing himself against your folds. He was big. Bigger than you expected. Big enough that it looked like this might leave you sore.

You tried to scoot back, but he reached for you and pulled you closer than you were before, gasping at the feeling of your wetness against his cock. He'd longed for this forever, maybe even since the moment he'd first laid eyes on you. It felt like heaven to him, despite how dirty he felt - despite the fact that he knew it was wrong.

Something about you looking down on him for this only made him harder.

He lined himself up with your entrance and parted you with just his tip, his nails sinking into your hips as he did. "Fuck," he whimpered, "I'm so sorry, amore."

And with that, he slid into you slowly. You sighed in relief, only to cry out when he was so overwhelmed by pleasure that he slammed himself into you as deep as he could manage, rolling his hips into you.

Fuck. You could feel him pressing against your cervix. His breath shook as he panted heavily, shutting his eyes tightly as he pulled out nearly all the way, only to slam back into you. He swore, leaving bruises on your sides from how hard he was holding you. It hurt but you didn't care.

He kept up this brutal force, moving all the way out just so he could thrust deep into you again. It took him a while to speed up just because he was so overstimulated by it. But when he did, he fucked you like a wild animal, slamming his hips into yours, the obscene sound of his skin hitting yours filling your apartment.

You looked up at him, who still had his eyes closed out of shame. You couldn't help but imagine what he saw behind his eyelids, what he was imagining as he fucked you in earnest. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes, but he fought against them. "I'm sorry," he muttered, over and over again. He couldn't stop apologizing.

"It's- it's okay, it's okay... fuck-! I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you... oh god..."

That was too much for him. Your acceptance, that unconditional love of yours, the fact that he could do this, and you would still understand, pushed him over, and tears streamed down his cheeks.

His hands frantically slid up your sides as he leaned down onto you, both your chests pressed together, getting as much of his skin on yours as possible. He ran his fingers up and down you, committing every hill and valley to memory. "I'm sorry, I promise I'll make it up to you. I promise you. I promise."

He kept mindlessly apologizing as he used you, controlled by his own need. There was no stopping him now, and you didn't want to. He was beautiful even like this, even at his lowest point. You knew that you loved him in this moment.

"I'm gonna cum, please, please... I'm sorry, I need it, please, baby-" He kept babbling through his tears, which fell onto your cheeks. You closed your eyes softly, leaning into his touch, pressing your lips to his.

He devoured you in an instant, the kiss deeper than before, his thrusts becoming sloppy as he neared his release. "Perdonami, ti prego," he begged, speaking inbetween breaths.

"Lu," you cooed. "Go ahead. It's alright."

As soon as you commanded him, his eyes shot open and he threw his head back as he rammed into your cervix, spilling himself deep inside of you, his body shaking as he did. You tightened around him, the feeling of him finally letting himself go enough to make you cum too, as you called out his name.

He stayed tensed up over you for a moment, his arms struggling to hold his weight as his eyes shut, and he collapsed on top of you, his face in your chest. He started to sob, gripping you tight, one of his hands going down to entangle with yours. "I'm so sorry, amore," he repeated, over and over, "I'm sorry"s falling from his lips.

You pressed him closer, free hand stroking his hair softly as he crumbled in your arms. "It's okay. I forgive you."

"Please don't hold it against me."

"We'll figure it out, okay, Lu? We'll figure it out, together. Me and you. Because I love you."

"I love you too.... No matter what happens, remember that I love you."

[questionablecuttlefish]

I'm pasting this from a reply I made on an Ao3 comment but it originated in a convo with my girlfriend, so here we go...

I swear being a lightcannon fan is like it's like finding a fucking unicorn, a live fucking unicorn, in your back garden. You scoff at first, that's the silliest thing, there's no way that's a real unicorn, that doesn't make any sense. That can't actually work, right?

But then you squint and nope it's a real unicorn and the more you look at this unicorn the more you realize it's the most beautiful goddamn thing you've ever seen. It's just so perfect, you can't believe you didn't see it before, this unicorn was right there all along.

And then you're babbling at your friends about this unicorn but no-one will believe you and either they roll their eyes at you and call you crazy or awkwardly smile until you shut up about the unicorn, and there's even another subset or two of people who are irrationally angry at you for talking about unicorns, shut the fuck up, that unicorn is not real only my pegasus is real, they just built a monument to it in the town square, and it's better than your unicorn and you should go away and die. And so you're left completely alone, wondering if you're just crazy, if nobody else can see the unicorn, if it's even real or not and even if it is, if you're somehow invalid for liking your unicorn better than that other guy's pegasus because nobody else seems to be able to see it.

Until you find out that wow, there are actually other people out there who not only can see this unicorn, but they've seen it all along. They totally agree with you, that's a real fucking unicorn and it's amazing. And in fact everyone who actually takes the time to check out the unicorn falls in love with it, because it's ridiculous, impossible, but once you know you KNOW how perfect it actually is, how much sense it makes, how RIGHT it feels. It's the best thing ever and once you've seen it, you KNOW, and the only sad thing is that it's so hard to get anyone else to look.

That's kinda the vibe of being team Lightcannon, yanno?

[wee-chlo]

I'm rereading Harry Potter and it's baffling how people just... pretend Snape was a completely different person than who he actually was?

Granted, Alan Rickman's Snape and Book Snape are two genuinely different people, to the point that I think Movie Snape would be mildly disgusted by Book Snape. Movie Snape came off more as someone who was angry and spiteful to a select few for reasons that ranged from Understandable to Irrationally Petty, but generally very grim and stern, with a good heart beneath it all. Book Snape is a piece of shit.

Movie Snape doesn't have the same cruelty as Book Snape: his targeting of anyone other than Harry is framed in a more slapstick way and his teaching isn't neary as abusive. Neville being terrified of him doesn't have the same implicit showcasing of Snape being abusive but rather Snape being stern and unforgiving while Neville is meek and needs positive reinforcement to flourish.

Movie Snape is stoic, deadpan. I saw a clip of Rickman on YouTube and either he, a commenter, or both noted that a touchstone of Rickman's performance for Snape was that he didn't raise his voice. Not so in the books, where Snape's described several times loosing his temper and screaming, even shrieking. Snape is terrifyingly volatile in the books, in contrast to the movies where even at his most furious, most emotional, he remains in control of himself.

Book Snape is, unambiguously, just a bad person. Not just a bad teacher, a bad PERSON. He is a small, bitter, petty bully who shouldn't be anywhere near children, and honestly Dumbledore letting him near children is probably more of an indictment of Dumbledore's character than the fact that he used to be a wizard supremacist.

And to be clear, while teenage Snape isn't AS bad as adult Snape by virtue of being a teenager... he was also just Not Good. He ran around with Wizard Nazis. Lily called him out on that, on the fact that he was clearly ready and rearing to join Voldemort, that he used Dark Magic on other students alongside his death eater buddies, etc.

James and Co were little shits who teased and picked on students. But Remus and Sirius made a point that Snape and James had a uniquely, mutually hostile relationship. Remus and Sirius state directly that ultimately, one of the primary reasons James targeted Snape was because Snape was "up to his eyeballs in the Dark Arts and James hated the Dark Arts".

I've seen people use the fact that James never apologized to Snape as an indictment of James' character but like... when and why would he have apologized?

Genuinely, I think if Snape had made a good faith effort to be a better person BEFORE the death of the Potters, James may have apologized. But Snape at the time of James' death was a literal wizard nazi and honestly? I can't see him feeling terribly bad about bullying him, or at least not feeling obliged to apologize. And even if he had, how would he have done so? Send an owl to wizard nazi HQ?

But I think the thing that made me bristle the most about the books was the gaslighting that happened in book 6.

Remus is... going through it in that book, fair enough, but when Harry is talking to him about his suspicious, he gently accuses Harry of "inheriting James' and Sirius' prejudice" and being "determined to hate [Snape]". Like.... I'm sorry, but did Remus get hit in the head? Are we supposed to just casually forget EVERYTHING SNAPE HAS SAID AND DONE TO HARRY IN THE LAST FIVE BOOKS?!

If anyone came into it with an inherited prejudice and a determination to hate, it was Snape.

Justice for Book 6 Harry, everyone's treating him like he's bonkers but he's right.

[lunar-wandering]

anyways as i mentioned earlier here is my absolutely nuts 'analysis' of Boboiboy having autism, and how each of the seven elementals kinda showcase a heightened version of an autism symptom-

so we're gonna go down in order (of manifestation for the elements)-

Boboiboy himself- he's just got the vibe, y'know? But also; it's been established he had no friends prior to moving in with his grandfather, which, y'know, is quite strange for a "normal" kid his age. He also tends to look at the people around him to know how to react in certain social situations (usually the person he looks to is Gopal which. Isn't always the best choice). Also the strong sense of justice is obvious (including that he goes so far as to help villains as well). (Yes this can be an autism symptom).

Halilintar (Thunderstorm). hear me out. Halilintar manifested due to overstimulation. I mean obviously the phobia of balloons is a huge factor here- but being in distress due to loud sounds is exactly one of the things that causes overstimulation for autistic people (could contribute to why he has this fear in the first place). One of the ways people might react to overstimulation is by becoming irrationally angry. Basically what I'm saying is that Halilintar spends most of his time on the edge of a meltdown-

Taufan (Cyclone). autistic joy. listen LISTEN. it's DIFFERENT from other people's joy, okay? a lot of autistic people experience emotions very intensely, it can full out take over you. also as far as i remember (it's been a while) he was the only one who had such an intense reaction to the mood changing potion- sure, the other people who had it were locked in one emotion, but none of them went as wild as he did- because he felt it a lot more intensely.

Gempa (Earthquake). i will admit, i struggled for a moment with Gempa- but honestly i think it's because he is, in my opinion, the one who's the most similar to OG Boboiboy. other than the heightened need to protect, which likely includes the sense of justice, I think Gempa is the one who masks the most out of all the elements. This is also why he seems to be the most neutral element.

Blaze and Ice. I'm doing these two together, because technically, their origin points are from the same thing: Burnout. It's just two very different responses to it. On the one side, Blaze is trying to, ironically enough considering the name, prevent burnout, by relieving stress (by doing things in the middle of night while no-one is looking and there's no pressure of social interaction). When there is too much stress, he falls into an overstimulated state similar to Halilintar's. On the other side, Ice represents the more depressed side of burnout- aka what happens after you actually burn out. It's why he's tired all the time.

Duri (Thorn). Okay so technically Thorn first manifested in battle but we're ignoring that. His tier 1 manifestation, as we all know, was mainly most definitely because Boboiboy got a concussion- but! Here's the thing; I don't think the concussion is why Thorn acts the way he does (though it's probably a part of it). I think, Thorn is just unmasked. The others all mask on some level, but Thorn just, doesn't. He doesn't really care how others might perceive him if he does 'childish' things or says things that no-one else understands because they didn't make the same connections he did, and he certainly doesn't care that deadpan telling someone their outfit is terrible might hurt their feelings, it doesn't even occur to him. He doesn't mask at all.

Solar. Again, technically manifested during battle. However once again we are ignoring that. It was established that the manifest condition for Solar (as Light), was for the elemental master (Boboiboy) to "expand their knowledge", and "read more". And, well, I know Boboiboy specifically read a bunch of science and history books and stuff, but honestly I don't think it really would've mattered what he chose to use to expand his knowledge, because Solar's main autistic trait is special interest. Because Boboiboy mainly focused on science and stuff, that became Solar's special interest, hence why he rambles off about formulas and stuff, and why he likes doing experiments. He hyperfixates on that stuff.

now. i could do the fusions... but honestly i haven't thought about the fusions enough to draw conclusions, so we're sticking with this

[coff33andb00ks]

20 Oscar

20: pressing the other’s hand against their cheek

warnings: author doesn't understand the meaning of the word "short" and (badly written) descriptions of a wreck during a race (no injuries)

driver + number = drabble/short fic <3

Piastri just doesn't give a fuck.

Oscar is just too chill.

Does he ever show emotion except when he's laughing at Lando?

You try to stay out of comments. Hell, you try to stay off social media, it's nothing but a cesspool of people with too much time on their hands and not enough brain cells to comprehend more than the surface level of what they're shown. But sometimes you like it, because there are creative people who put out beautifully edited videos of your boyfriend. Sometimes you show them to him, enjoying his giggling while he watches and shakes his head over someone finding him attractive enough to warrant a thirty second video set to a Rihanna song.

But the comments about his emotionless black cat behavior hurt. He's so much more than how he portrays himself. He's vibrant and so full of life, and you will forever appreciate the people who see beyond his social anxiety and notice his amazing sense of humor, his passion for racing and life. They'll never know the real him and will probably never understand why you fell in love with him.

Him. The sweet and shy guy who'd come to your defense when a rude customer had been berating you over a wrong order. His voice had cut over her yelling, calm and measured, and after your manager had kicked out the irrationally angry woman it had been Oscar that had approached you to check on you, frowning when he saw your tears. His gentle tone had calmed you, his respectful stance had won your admiration, and his calling the woman a fucking cunt had made you smile.

You wish you could defend him as he continues to defend you. When a video questioning how a nobody like you had bagged a formula one rookie had gone somewhat viral he'd taken to twitter and unleashed such a beautifully worded rant that people were still quoting it more than a year later.

It's come to my attention that some so-called fans are referring to my girlfriend as a nobody. Allow me to introduce her to you. She's funny, she's brilliant, she's beautiful. She's every word you can think of to describe the perfect person and she's so much more. She shines light in the darkest corners of my soul. Her eyes are a map of my universe. When you look at us together, know that I am constantly trying to be worthy of the love she gives me, and know that if you speak ill of her you will never have my respect but you will have my disgust.

You would never ever doubt his love for you. Not that you ever had but that had cemented it. You could never come to his defense in such a way. If you even tried you'd be sneered at for being a try hard.

And really, you didn't need to. Because the one thing Oscar did not give a fuck about was anyone's opinion. Only a handful of people mattered enough to him for him to care what they thought. You were blessed to be included on that list.

You love him so much that for a while it scared you, having never fallen into the this one person is my moon and stars mindset. But now you understand. He didn't just hang them, he is your moon and stars. Your one and only and if for some reason this doesn't end in forever you'll be ruined for any other man.

It was still a shock, though, when you felt your heart stop beating as you watched his car careen towards the barrier. The front wing clipped Max's rear tire and you can't breathe, watching in slow motion as the brightly colored car tips and lifts into the air. There is nothing but absolute silence around you in the McLaren garage and you're frozen, staring at the monitor while his car flips and rolls, carbon fiber flying in every direction when it lands upside down, his helmet just visible as it slides to a stop at the safety fence.

Silence. Then pandemonium. Your world has just flipped and spun and you can't breathe, ears straining to hear him but you can only hear the crackle of the radio when Zak and Tom try to get him to respond.

Then, finally, his voice. Shaken and scared. "Are they okay? Please tell me they're okay."

Of course he'd ask after the others involved. You can finally breathe but it hurts, not knowing that he's okay. And you can't do anything but wait, heart barely beating until he's finally out, he's moving, he's giving the fans a thumbs up as he's put on the stretcher. You still can't do a thing and you've never felt more useless than you do while you're waiting just inside the medical center with Zak and Lando, who'd come to wait during the red flag.

Then the most beautiful words you've ever heard.

"He's okay."

There's more after that, about him being transported to the local hospital for a complete check, the possibility of a concussion but he's okay. And you're allowed to go see him while the ambulance is readied.

He's sitting up, looking a little pale but he's not hurt, he's in one piece, and when he sees you he gasps. You try to be gentle when you embrace him, but he steals your breath, holding you so tightly it hurts, his face pressed into your neck.

"They won't tell me - are Max and George okay?" His voice is strained and you feel his tears.

"They're fine, my love," you promise.

"I didn't mean for it to happen, I don't know what I did. I was going good and then I was upside down." His voice shakes and cracks and he's trembling, one hand fisting in your shirt. You reach for the other.

"Shh shh... It's okay my love," you whisper, your tears finally spilling when he guides your hand up, holding it to his cheek as he lets out a shaky breath. "Everyone's okay, you're okay."

His eyes meet yours and your world rights itself.

[hungryistrying]

why'd you have to go and make me like you

summary:

Jinx just doesn't know how to behave normally around Ekko anymore; how to stop getting so irrationally angry every time someone else tries to vie for his attention; how to get this feeling out of her system. With a gasp, she shoots upright in her bed. Lightning strikes in the distance as, with sudden clarity, Jinx gets hit with an idea on how to fix this…Alright, so lightning didn't actually strike in the distance but Jinx has such a good idea it might as well have. A plan concocts itself in her brain. One that’s perhaps a little insane, but hey, aren’t her best ideas always?

Or: Jinx gets annoyed (not jealous) when girls try to hit on Ekko. Her solution? Fuck the feeling away.

rating: explicit

word count: 7131

status: ongoing

crossposted to ao3

chapter two

chapter one: denial is a river

Jinx is having a pretty terrible day. She has no classes on Friday, and so she should be enjoying this beautiful afternoon off (well, she has that one eight a.m. lecture on Fridays but who the fuck actually attends those) by lazing the day away in bed watching TikToks on her phone and playing Mario Kart.

Instead, she’s outside sitting in the fucking sun, (like, ew) fighting for her life because her paper’s due in twelve hours and she may or may not have forgotten about it until Vi innocently asked how far along she was last night, giving Jinx a rude awakening.

But really, all of this isn’t even the source of her irritation. No, the actual source of her irritation sits beside her, and helpfully comments, "You're never gonna finish that paper in time," before reaching for a handful of Skittles.

“Oh, shut up,” she snaps, pettily slapping the Skittles out of Ekko’s hand.

He just laughs–bright as the sun stinging in her eyes, with his too-white teeth and those dimples of his that piss her off too–and picks them back up, unfazed by her ire.

“I’m not gonna say I told you so but…” He pauses to chew on the candy. “Yeah, no, I’m saying it. I told you so.”

And sadly, maybe, possibly, just perhaps–he's right. But Jinx is on a high fueled solely by stress, sleep deprivation, caffeine, and adrenaline. And she'll ride it out for as long as she can, dammit.

Does she have any clue what the fuck she’s even writing at this point? No. Does she have enough time to actually read through any of the sources she’s citing in her term paper? Well…also no. But whatever! Beggars and choosers, and all that, right?

"I’m finishing this stupid paper if it’s the last thing I do," she insists, not tearing her eyes away from the screen.

"Alright, let’s bet," he replies, reaching for her drink on the table and dangling it in front of her. "If you don't make the deadline, you can't drink Mountain Dew for a whole month."

Jinx abruptly stops typing, snatching it from his hand so she can down the rest of the drink. She slams the empty can back onto the table with more force than necessary, before turning to him and responding, "One week."

He smirks at that. "So you know you won't make it?"

“I’ll make it, and when I do,” she pauses in consideration before turning her head to him with a grin, “you’ll buy me as much Mountain Dew as I want for a month.”

He raises a skeptical eyebrow, but his voice is amused when he answers, “So let me get this straight, you quit drinking that crap for one week or I have to buy it for you for a whole month?”

“Now you’re getting it, little man!”

“What I’m getting is that you’re a swindler.” He flicks her forehead and starts laughing when she scowls at him. “I’ll meet you halfway, though. If I win, you stop drinking it for two weeks and if you win, I’ll buy you as much gross shit as you want for two weeks.”

Jinx graciously smacks his arm in response. “It’s not gross, you’re just tasteless.” Then she lets out a petulant sigh, and concedes, “...But fine, consider it a deal.”

Ekko smiles at her, warm and sunny. That warmth spreads to her chest, leaving her feeling all weird and fuzzy. Damn it, she’s still supposed to be annoyed with him, but now she can’t stop the corners of her own mouth from rising.

“I can see you smiling, you know.” He pokes at her cheek for emphasis.

“Cut it out,” she grumbles, slapping his hand away, but there’s no real heat behind it and they both know it. “I’m trying to get actual work done here.”

“So let me help,” Ekko insists, scooting closer to her until their shoulders press together. They’re both wearing short sleeves, making his skin press directly against hers. His arm feels broad and solid against hers, warm too. 

The fuzzy feelings are getting worse.

“Oh yeah,” Jinx reaches for a handful of Skittles herself, hoping the burst of artificial sweetness is strong enough to steal her attention instead, “and how exactly are you gonna do that, buster?”

He laughs again. She can feel the vibrations of it traveling from his body through hers. Then he’s slinging his arm over her shoulder, pressing them even closer together, completely foiling Jinx’s attempt without even realizing it.

Honestly, she doesn’t even know what he’s foiling exactly. Because Ekko and her are always close, practically always touching too. Jinx just doesn’t know when it went from something as natural as breathing, to something she’s annoyingly aware of. 

“Well, for starters–”

“Ekko!”

Jinx’s mood plummets at the chipper, teeth-grindingly familiar voice that interrupts him mid-sentence.

Seraphine walks up to their table–looking as bright and sparkly as ever–and it takes everything in Jinx’s power not to chuck the empty Mountain Dew can at her.

“Oh, hey there Jinx!” Seraphine smiles, while Jinx does her very best to glower at her until she hopefully does a one-eighty and leaves. It’s not working but at least Seraphine’s smile becomes more strained, so that ought to count for something.

Jinx can feel the both of them expectantly staring at her, and she’s perfectly content to let them until eventually Ekko subtly shakes her and she begrudgingly spits out, “Hi.”

“What’s up, Sera?” he greets with a nod of his head. Jinx wants to gag at the nickname.

“Oh, I was just…” Seraphine’s eyes briefly flicker toward the arm Ekko still has slung over her shoulder, and Jinx is suddenly filled with the strangest urge to lean deeper into the touch. She pushes the feeling down instead. “Sorry. Am I interrupting something?”

“Nah, I was just–” he abruptly stops when Jinx suddenly pulls away from him, removing his arm from her shoulder. “I was, uh, helping Jinx with her term paper…Why?”

“Oh, it’s nothing!” Seraphine, either oblivious or indifferent to the tension between them, just flutters her eyelashes and smiles at him. "I just recorded some new songs and wanted to see what you think, but it’s no biggie if you don’t have time right now."

Ekko turns to Jinx as he answers, "Yeah, we’re a little busy here. Maybe later?"

Jinx is decidedly not looking at him–at either of them, for that matter. She’s busy focusing on her damn term paper, not on something as stupid as the way Ekko has his arms folded over the table now, showing off his biceps a little too well. 

Nope. She doesn’t even notice it. Instead, she completely ignores that she can still see him from the periphery of her vision, and continues to glare at her laptop screen.

And a treacherous voice in her mind whispers that he's blowing off Seraphine because he pities Jinx; because he feels some stupid sense of obligation to stick by her when she's struggling with something. Even when he’s clearly showing off his arms to Seraphine in some weird peacock-like mating ritual because he wants to date her. Seraphine must want to date him too, if her coy looks and saccharine smiles are anything to go off of.

…Yeah, she remembers why she was annoyed with him now.

Jinx can’t stand the sight of it–her own train of thought adding to her irritation–so she scoffs and turns back to him. “Not like you're much help, anyway. Last I checked, you don’t even think I’ll make the deadline."

"Hey, spite is a good motivator.” He shrugs, his demeanor much too easy-going when Jinx feels herself becoming more razor-edged by the second. “Maybe I’m just helping you out in my own way.”

“Why don’t you help me out some more by leaving so I can concentrate?” she snaps.

His brow twitches at her tone. “What’s with you all of a sudden?”

Jinx can see Seraphine’s eyes nervously darting between them. Ha, as if she wasn’t just looking at Ekko like some lovesick, moon-eyed village maiden. “Look, it’s really not a problem if–”

“It’s fine, just go!” she interrupts.

“Hey,” Ekko puts a hand on her arm and frowns when she pulls away from him, “seriously, what’s up?”

Her stomach twists uncomfortably at the look on his face–his expression troubled at her sudden outburst. Jinx forces herself to take a deep breath through her nose, trying to push down the festering bitterness that’s desperately clawing its way up her throat.

She has a habit of putting her foot in her mouth when she gets upset; a habit her therapist (weekly appointments at Vi’s insistence) has made her painfully and embarrassingly aware of. And she’s trying very hard not to say something that will most likely cause a fight. Because fighting with Ekko sucks, even if pissing him off is rather tempting at the moment.

“Nothing,” she says with more restraint than she feels. “This paper is just…stressing me out a lot. Go. Have fun with Seraphine and leave me alone.”

Jinx turns from him–from them both because she might actually bite someone’s head off if she has to look at their faces right now–frowning at her laptop with feigned concentration, despite her current inability to register any of the words on the page.

A beat of silence. 

“Do you really want me to leave?” he quietly asks.

“Yes.” She sighs, still not looking at him. “I just wanna focus, so go.”

For a moment he doesn’t say or do anything. Jinx is still adamantly staring at her laptop, and honestly, she deserves a fucking medal for not giving in to the urge to face him so she can snap at him and Seraphine.

“Alright,” he says after a while, gathering his things and getting up from their table. “Just hit me up when you wanna hang out again.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she dismissively waves her hand at him, “I’ll be fine. Go have fun yapping about sheet music, you nerds.”

Ekko snorts but doesn’t say anything after that, she briefly feels his hand squeeze her shoulder–the touch warm and steady, just like him–before he asks Seraphine if she wants to go somewhere else.

Seraphine turns back to Jinx to say, “Bye Jinx, good luck on your term paper!” before walking off with Ekko.

Jinx glares daggers at their retreating backs, quickly whipping her head back to her laptop screen when she sees Ekko turn to look back at her. She groans in frustration. This is so damn annoying. Jinx hates acting like this, feels pathetic when she does, but the fact remains that Ekko is popular. Too popular.

And for some reason (that she’s boiled down to forces of the universe hating her guts) he’s always getting hit on when she’s in the vicinity. Ever since he decided to take an elective in musical theory his string of…admirers has grown. Seraphine is only the latest addition to that list. 

Aside from her, Ekko has been getting rather buddy-buddy with the TA too. Sona or something? She always finds an excuse to pull him aside to give him some extra advice because he's "so talented" and "such a promising artist". Whatever that actually means. Jinx is pretty sure that Sona-chick is at least five years older than them too. Ugh. What a cougar.

Then there's Taliyah, an exchange student from…a place Jinx can't be bothered to remember, she was too busy glaring at Ekko to listen to his explanation–

Anyways, Professor Heimerdinger–who must've been dying to give her another reason to hate him–pulled Ekko aside after his lecture and asked if he would be kind enough to show their new student around campus to help her adjust. 

Being the paragon of virtue that he apparently is, Ekko agreed, and so their plans to eat lunch together were canceled. Instead, Jinx ate alone (willingly, at least, Dustin tried to sit with her but he was obviously hungover and stunk of sex and liquor, so she told him to piss off) while watching a moon-eyed Taliyah trail after him. 

And sitting next to him in every class they shared. 

And shyly asking for his number. 

Jinx wasn't sure who she wanted to kill more, herself or Taliyah.

Lastly, the one and only time Jinx let Ekko convince her to go to the gym together, he got hit on rather boldly by some girl, Rell, who had no reservations about letting Ekko know how much she enjoyed the view of him doing pull-ups. Then again, Rell also proceeded to eye up Jinx and asked if she planned to come around more often, so maybe she was just like that with everyone.

The point is, whenever she's hanging out with Ekko someone will inevitably try to make a move on him. And he always just smiles and lets them.

It's disgusting, frankly speaking. 

Jinx doesn't want to witness any of it. She and Ekko are friends for crying out loud, the best of friends, even. Who he's bumping uglies with is none of her business, and she'd love to keep it that way if life would stop screwing with her already.

So the best and only thing she can think of doing is leaving and avoiding him whenever it happens. Because the only alternative is getting mad at him (which ends up happening anyway, so she probably just sucks at that ‘removing yourself from the situation’ thing, sorry doctor Medarda) and okay, maybe that's not fair or rational or whatever but if she's pissed, she's pissed, alright?

Jinx peeks up from her laptop. Once she’s certain they're both gone, she packs all her stuff and gets up and ready to leave.

Knowing Ekko, he'll just come back sooner rather than later, insisting on talking out whatever their problem is–even when Jinx insists there is no problem. God knows it wouldn't be the first time. She's boiled it down to that stupid savior complex of his. Not that he’ll hear of it, stubborn as he is.

When she looks down at the table, she realizes Ekko left behind his bag of Skittles. They're her favorite candy, but not even that can save her horrific mood right now. She glares daggers at the bag, a rather pathetic alternative to glaring at Ekko.

With a frustrated groan, she snatches the candy off the table and stuffs it in her bag too, before she escapes to the one place Ekko wouldn't think to look for her: Zeri's dorm room.

-

Jinx knocks on the door. From the other side, she hears rustling and frantic footsteps. She frowns and knocks again. What the hell is Zeri doing in there?

Calling Zeri and Jinx friends would be the overstatement of the century. It’s more a simple case of: they both grew up in the same neighborhood and have a bunch of mutual friends, so it’s impossible not to know each other. And Jinx occasionally takes advantage of this weird dynamic when she needs to avoid Ekko. Zeri, for all her bitching and moaning, never turns her away. Hey, Zaunites oughta stick together, right?

Time passes and still no one opens the door. The long wait is doing nothing for her already horrid mood. She impatiently bangs on the door again and complains, “Stop dicking around, Zeri, I can hear you!”

A beat of silence. Then the sound of footsteps again, followed by the turning of a lock. Turns out it wasn't Zeri, after all.

“Akali?” she questions, taking in the grumpy, disheveled appearance of Zeri's roommate from where she's peeked her head out the door.

“What the fuck, Jinx?” Akali groans, blocking the view of her room with her body. "Zeri’s not even here."

"Well, I told her I was coming and she said it was cool, so…" She shrugs. Akali doesn’t move. Jinx raises an inquisitive eyebrow and asks, “Are you gonna let me in or what?”

Akali sighs but swings the door open entirely and doesn’t bother waiting for Jinx to follow as she spins on her heel and walks further into the room.

Jinx closes the door behind her, noting the contrast between Zeri’s relatively neat side of the room, opposed to the mess on Akali’s side with a curious frown. It's not as if Jinx herself is the tidiest person in the world, but usually, when she comes here, both girls seem to keep their dorm relatively neat.

Currently, Akali's sheets are completely askew, her duvet half hanging off the bed and pillows littering the floor. A shirt and boots, much too large to be her own, look like they’ve been hastily kicked underneath the bed...Jinx has a feeling she knows why Akali needed so long to open the damn door.

“Were you fucking someone before I got here or something?” she only half-jokes, grabbing one of the bean bags and dragging it to the empty spot between Zeri’s bed and the doorway.

"Don't be ridiculous, you just woke me up,” Akali scoffs, standing in front of her mirror as she straightens out her mussed-up hair. “Why are you even here?”

Jinx rolls her eyes at Akali’s unsubtle attempt to change the topic, but answers nonetheless, "I gotta finish my paper and I got nowhere else to go."

Because Ekko might find Jinx if she goes to the library instead. That's none of Akali's business, though.

Akali hums at her answer. Seemingly satisfied with her hair–not that Jinx can see a difference–she sits down on her bed, tapping her fingers against the bed frame and staring Jinx down before she asks, “So…how long are you staying?”

Jinx suspiciously squints at her. Oh, she was definitely fucking someone before she got here. That or she’s hiding a body somewhere in here. Either way, this is set up to be prime entertainment for Jinx. “I hang out here all the time. What's your issue all of a sudden?"

"Nothing," Akali says, but her shifty gaze and the nervous taps of her foot on the hardwood floor say otherwise. "Just curious.”

A muffled bang startles them both, their heads whipping toward the source of the noise: Akali’s closet. 

Their eyes meet. Jinx gives her a knowing look while Akali buries her head in her hands and groans.

"Just curious, huh?" Jinx rushes to open the closet door before Akali can stop her.

The guy hiding inside startles, hastily pulling his pants up, before whipping his head in Jinx’s direction, staring at her like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Uh, hi–" he blurts, stumbling out of the closet, "I'm Kayn?"

Jinx raises an unimpressed eyebrow, eyeing the Kayn-fellow up and down from his long black hair to his very exposed and chiseled torso. 

She shrugs, and says to Akali, “Least he's hot.” 

Kayn opens his mouth to retort, but before he can, Akali cuts through, "Thanks, I know. Now you,” she reaches for the shirt and boots underneath her bed and tosses them to him, “can go.”

He barely catches both before Akali has the door open and is pushing him out. Before she can close it, Kayn turns to her with a hopeful gleam in his eyes and says, “I’ll call you.”

Akali huffs an amused breath, shaking her head. “Why don’t you put on a shirt first?”

He grins at her, the both of them seemingly forgetting about Jinx. “See you around, Akali.”

“Yeah. Bye, Kayn,” Akali replies, her voice softening to a tone entirely foreign to Jinx, before she closes the door and turns back to her.

Jinx raises an amused eyebrow at Akali, who just rolls her eyes and grumbles, "Save it," before flopping back down on her bed. “Damn cockblocker…”

"Cockblocker, huh? So you knew about the guy hiding in your closet while you were sleeping or…?" Jinx teases, because, come on, how can she not?

"Haha, yeah, fine. I wasn't asleep. Happy now?" Akali groans.

"Extremely," she confirms, sitting down and reaching for her laptop. "So, that your man?"

Akali scoffs. "Who? Kayn? Don't be ridiculous.”

Jinx raises a skeptical eyebrow at her response. After that little Romeo and Juliet show by the door? Yeah, she's not buying it. Then again, she couldn't care less either way, so with a shrug, she turns her laptop on. "Whatever you say, toots."

Akali rolls her eyes but doesn't deign to respond. She simply moves to lie on her stomach and takes her phone from the nightstand.

Silence falls over the room–only broken up by the occasional tapping of Jinx's keyboard–and neither Jinx nor Akali seems inclined to break it. It's not as if they have anything to talk about. Their acquaintance is limited to the fact that they both know Zeri.

…But goddammit, Jinx is curious and there's an elephant in the room begging to be addressed.

"Oh come on, there's no way that's not your boyfriend," she insists, snapping her laptop shut.

"And yet," Akali counters, not even looking away from her phone, "he isn't."

"Really now?" Jinx says. "You're unusually nice to someone who’s just a fuck-buddy."

"And you're unusually nosy," Akali snaps, finally turning her head to glare at her.

They say curiosity killed the cat, and there must be some truth behind that because Akali certainly looks ready to kill. Jinx just gives her a sunny smile and opens her laptop again.

She’s already made peace with the fact that she'll never know what's up with Akali and her….whatever he is. Then Akali suddenly clears her throat and says, “It wouldn't work out anyway.” A beat of silence. "But he is hot so I'm just…getting him out of my system, I guess."

“Oh,” Jinx eloquently responds. Look, she was just being a little shit, alright? She hadn't actually expected Akali to open up about the thing.

"Well, I told you mine so tell me yours," she continues. "What's going on with you and your boyfriend?"

Jinx blinks, puzzled. “My who?”

“Your boyfriend? Zeri's always bitching about you two.” Akali looks nonplussed, like Jinx is the crazy one here for not knowing about her nonexistent boyfriend. “What’s his name again? Something with an E, right?”

Jinx gapes. Wait, is…is she talking about Ekko? Before she can retort, however, the door slams open.

"Oh my god, Kali, why did you let me take an elective in statistics?" Zeri groans in lieu of a greeting, unceremoniously dropping her backpack by the entrance. She only seems to notice Jinx after shutting the door. With a frown, she asks, “Wait– Jinx? What did Ekko do now?”

“Nothing!” Jinx insists, perhaps a little too intently for it to sound casual, before pointing an accusatory finger at Akali. “Why does she think we’re dating?”

Zeri turns to Akali, offended. “You think I would date this lunatic?!”

“Not you, dumbass!” Jinx reaches up to grab one of the Poro plushies at the foot of Zeri’s bed–nearly dropping her laptop in the process–before tossing one at her head. “I mean Ekko and me!”

The plushie bounces off Zeri’s head, who just scowls and argues, “Then you should’ve worded it better!” She picks the plushie off the floor and hurls it back at Jinx, who takes it straight to the face with an indignant squawk. “And don’t throw shit at me!”

Still lounging on her bed, Akali raises a curious eyebrow. “Wait. So they’re not dating? Seriously?”

Zeri scoffs, kicking off her shoes before moving to sit down on her own bed, opposite Akali’s. “If only! Maybe they’d finally stop being so annoying if they were.”

Jinx flushes–whether of anger or embarrassment, she isn’t sure. “You assholes know I can hear you, right?”

“We know,” they respond in unison. Jinx hopes they both trip over a ledge and twist their ankle.

“Okay, so go ahead and explain why you’re here then,” Zeri challenges. “Definitely has nothing to do with you avoiding Ekko for the billionth time this month, right?”

“I’m not avoiding Ekko!” Jinx insists, pointing down at her laptop screen. “I’m trying to finish my term paper, actually.”

“And you have to do that in our room because…?” Zeri trails off, seemingly unbothered by Jinx's obvious irritation.

Well, Jinx isn't unbothered. In fact, she's extremely bothered. And she doesn't exactly get why she's bothered, which just bothers her more.

“Because–” She blanks. Fuck. Stupid Zeri with her stupid fucking questions. Then, with utmost seriousness, she continues, “Because this room has a great aura…for studying.”

They're not wrong when they say one look can speak a thousand words because the skeptical yet amused looks she gets from both Zeri and Akali are honestly worse than any rebuttal they could’ve come up with.

“Oh, fuck you guys.” Jinx turns to her laptop again, the screen having gone dark after she's neglected it for so long.

God, she really does need to work on that term paper or she's screwed. If Jinx misses this deadline she'll have to suffer through Heimerdinger's lectures for another semester. And even worse, Ekko would be right. Which is already bad enough in itself, but also means she can't drink Mountain Dew for two whole weeks.

Of course, she can’t even attempt to do that, because from the bed, Zeri frowns at her phone and says, “Yup, now Ekko's texting me if I know where Jinx is. Who would've thunk it, right?”

Panic grips her, and before she can think better of it, she blurts, “Don't tell him!” 

Zeri and Akali both turn to look at her incredulously. Oh fuck. 

Jinx shuts her laptop with a long-suffering sigh. “...Okay, fine, I'm avoiding Ekko. Big deal! You guys never need space from your friends or something?”

In a disgusting turn of events, it's Akali who responds, “Whatever you say, toots,” because she’s evil and Zeri is a snitch who Jinx never should’ve trusted with any sort of personal information. 

She should’ve just done the reasonable thing: steal Caitlyn’s credit card and stay at various cheap motels over the course of the school year until everyone hopefully forgets about her existence (or until Caitlyn blocks the credit card).

“Susmaryosep,” Zeri groans, climbing off the bed to stand in front of Jinx, “I swear it's always the same shit with you two…”

Jinx's brow twitches in irritation. She stuffs her laptop into her bag before rising to her feet, and arguing, “Well, why do you care?!”

“I don't!” Zeri rebukes, frustration twisting her expression. “You guys just keep making your problems my problem! I swear…I should just lock you two in a supply closet somewhere. Maybe you'd stop being so annoying if you just boned it out like normal people.”

Jinx is not entirely sure the sound that leaves her throat is human. “I– Wha–” She spins on her heel to face Akali, face hot with indignation. “Are you hearing this right now?!”

“I have no stakes in this,” Akali shrugs, “I'm just here for the free entertainment.”

“Oh come on.” Zeri puts her hand on Jinx’s shoulder–rolling her eyes when Jinx immediately slaps it away–and sighs. “Look. Jinx. Friend-but-not-really-friend. Whatever’s going on with you and Ekko, you gotta fix it–”

“There’s nothing to fix!”

“–I’m being serious here!” Zeri grabs her shoulders so tightly it startles Jinx into silence. “Ekko’s not gonna say anything because he’s just as stubborn as you, but something’s gotta give! You get upset and avoid him, and then he gets upset that you’re avoiding him, and then I’m the one who’s gotta deal with you both!”

Zeri stops to take a deep breath and gather herself, before she finishes, “Now go fix it yourselves or…or I won’t let you into my room anymore, kuha mo?”

Don’t put your foot in your mouth, she desperately thinks, digging her nails into her fist, hard enough to sting–a last-ditch effort to keep herself from snapping. But it’s not working. The irritation that’s been simmering in her chest, boils over into pure rage. Because, seriously, who the fuck does Zeri think she is?

Jinx can’t deal with this right now. Any of it. She can’t deal with Zeri’s tired interrogations; with both her and Akali’s eyes on her like pinpricks on her skin; with that stupid deadline looming over her head; with all these shiny-eyed, pretty girls drooling after Ekko.

“Let me make it easier for you then,” Jinx eventually grinds out, yanking herself free of Zeri’s grip and grabbing her bag before she storms out of the room.

“Seriously?!” she hears Zeri yell from the doorway. 

Without turning back around, Jinx flips her off and keeps walking.

-

So Jinx’s prospects of successfully finishing that term paper in time are looking pretty damn bleak. After Zeri pissed her off, she’d taken the bus home (putting her phone on silent because Zeri wouldn’t stop fucking calling) stomped straight into her bedroom, slammed the door shut, and tried to channel that anger into productivity somehow.

Sadly, Jinx’s strategy had been woefully ineffective because her temperamental mood just gave her brain fog instead. Which left her staring at the page rather unproductively for much longer than she’d like to admit.

In a stroke of genius and exhaustion, she decided to corrupt the file instead and send it as is. There, by the time the old coot realizes he can’t open the document, she’d have plenty of time to actually finish her paper (hopefully).

Her anger eventually begins to set like the late evening sun, leaving her staring at the ceiling–painted in hazy hues of reds and oranges from the light spilling in through the windows–while she contemplates everything Zeri had said to her.

Now that her anger has waned, Jinx can begrudgingly admit (at least in her head) that Zeri might be onto something…She’s still going to ignore her texts and calls, though. Because even if she has a point, she’s still a nosy traitor who had no reason to air out Jinx’s business like that.

Jinx buries her face in her hands, smothering a cry of frustration. Seriously, what the fuck is she even supposed to do about this situation? She’s ignored one too many of Ekko’s texts to pretend everything is still normal. Not to mention, not talking to him just plain sucks.

With a sigh, Jinx pats the side of her bed until she eventually grasps her phone, turning the sound back on, opening the messenger app to see what he has sent her (still dutifully ignoring Zeri's messages at the very top of her notifications).

SAVIOR BOY  Hey i came back after i was done helping Sera but u werent around? U in the library? Ok i dont see you in the library either… Are u busy? Hmu when u wanna hang

Guilt squeezes at her heart until it hurts, but unfortunately feeling bad hasn't done her any favors. Because she knows that whatever she's feeling isn't rational, knows that she's being unfair – but what is she supposed to do with knowing? It hasn't stopped her from feeling the way she does every time she's around Ekko. 

He's still her best friend, though, and...Jinx honestly wouldn't know what to do with herself if he ever stopped being her best friend. Maybe the way she’s acting will prove to be the final straw, that which finally makes him tire of and give up on her.

Jinx just doesn't know how to behave normally around him anymore; how to stop getting so irrationally angry every time someone else tries to vie for his attention; how to get this feeling out of her system.

With a gasp, she shoots upright in her bed. Lightning strikes in the distance as, with sudden clarity, Jinx gets hit with an idea on how to fix this…Alright, so lightning didn't actually strike in the distance but Jinx has such a good idea it might as well have.

A plan concocts itself in her brain. One that’s perhaps a little insane, but hey, aren’t her best ideas always? Jinx bites her lip and turns the idea over in her head. Zeri might be an idiot but…that stupid joke she made about “boning it out” hadn’t been too off-track.

Besides, isn’t Akali doing something similar? Something something about getting it– him (Kayle or whatever his name was, not important anyway) out of her system. 

Maybe that's what she needs. Maybe she should just take a page out of Akali's book and try…to get Ekko out of her system, so to speak, so she can start acting normal around him again instead of ruining their friendship.

….No. That's ridiculous. Sacrilegious even. Ekko's her friend, her best friend at that. They can't, they shouldn't–

Jinx collapses back on the bed, lifting up her pillow and smothering her face in it so she can scream into the void.

As if tuned into her misery, her phone vibrates beside her. Curiosity gets the better of her and Jinx decides to take a momentary pause from self-strangulation to check what it is. It better not be Zeri again.

SAVIOR BOY ? U know your read notifs are on right? Are you mad at me?

…Maybe it would've been better if it was Zeri. She locks her phone again and sighs in frustration.

Alright relax Jinx, what could one hook-up between friends really hurt? 

The thought makes her think back on her first hook-up, nose wrinkling at the memory. Born mostly out of curiosity–and a desperation to just lose her damn virginity already after high school graduation–Jinx thought it was awful. She washed her hands off the experience and concluded the whole sex and dating thing just wasn't for her, ‘cause she sure didn't get the hype behind it all.

…Okay, well, she reached that conclusion after trying a few more times, just in case. Her ideas just seem much better when she’s drunk, alright? And though the encounters weren’t as disastrous as her first time, she still didn’t get it.

But, hey, say she and Ekko hook up (which still feels blasphemous to even consider) and the sex is bad, wouldn't that be better? Surely a bad hook-up would get this weird and uncomfortable feeling out of her system, right? Somehow, that thought makes her feel vaguely disconcerted– 

But that’s not important right now, she's getting ahead of herself. Jinx can go back and forth on this all she wants, but unfortunately, it takes two to tango. So the most important step in getting Ekko to sleep with her is probably getting him to want to sleep with her. 

Then again, that couldn't be so hard, could it? He’s still just a man at the end of the day. Sure, she doesn't have a figure like Sona's, a face like Rell's, or Taliyah's height, for that matter. And she may have freckles and dark circles compared to Seraphine's clear, unblemished skin but–

Okay, that actually made her feel way worse but the point is, it can't be that hard to seduce a guy, right? Even if it's Ekko.

…Fuck it.

Frustrated, Jinx reaches for her phone and shoots Ekko rapid-fire replies before she can think better of it.

You ok 1 im NOT mad i was working on my paper dur 2 stop stalking my read notifs 🔫🔫 and 3 lets hang tmrw  afternoon @ my place wanna study chem together?

Alright, that’s one thing out of the way. She breathes a sigh of relief, a weight lifting off her shoulders, and tosses her phone back down beside her.

There’s no point in checking her texts again. She knows Ekko and knows there's no way he’ll decline her proposition. It's the other proposition she intends to give him on the day itself that has her worried.

Jinx rolls around to lie on her side, sighing as she hugs her pillow to her chest for a semblance of comfort that she’s too embarrassed to seek out from Vi or, god forbid, Caitlyn.

…Oh shit, she needs to get Vi and Caitlyn out of the house tomorrow.

-

"Sooo," Jinx starts as nonchalantly as she can, while heating hot chocolate in a pan, "finally Saturday, am I right? You lovebirds got any exciting plans for today?”

Vi frowns in consideration as she chews on her pancakes, not bothering to swallow the food down before she replies, "Not really, why?"

"Oh, no reason, really," Jinx says super casually. Just as she very casually pours the hot chocolate into two cups, one for her sister and the other for her dumb girlfriend. She’s even made sure not to put whipped cream on Caitlyn's drink because she doesn't like the taste.

When she sets them down on the counter, they both eye the cups incredulously. Caitlyn even sniffs the drink, as if–somewhere between the journey from the stove to the kitchen island–Jinx had somehow laced it with poison. 

She rolls her eyes at the dramatics. Okay, at some point she may have totally considered poisoning Caitlyn. But as it currently stands, if Jinx wanted the woman to drop dead, she wouldn't have moved in with her and Vi, for crying out loud.

Vi moves her suspicious gaze from the hot chocolate to Jinx. "What are you up to, Pow?"

"Nothing," Jinx innocently assures, avoiding eye contact as she plays with one of her braids, "it's just that I was gonna invite Ekko over for a study session, and I was worried it might be…distracting if you guys are around."

"Oh, okay.” Vi shrugs, going for another bite of her pancakes. 

Then her head whips back up to look at Jinx, so fast it’s a miracle it didn’t go flying off her neck. 

“Oh– Oh my god, Jinx," Jinx flinches as Vi's utensils hit the counter with a clang and squirms under her sister’s heavy, concerned gaze, "please tell me you have condoms."

"Ew, what the hell, Violet?!" Jinx flushes at her sister's assumption. Even if she has, embarrassingly enough, reached the right conclusion.

"Don’t ‘Violet’ me!” she argues, her hands flying as she talks, the way they always do when she gets upset. “This is important! If you’re old enough to have sex, you gotta be old enough to use a condom too because I am not about to become an aunt at the ripe age of twenty-four. Does Ekko–"

"Vi!" she interrupts, burying her head in her hands. God, this is so fucking mortifying. "We're just studying."

Vi gives her a pointed look that makes Jinx nervously bite down on her lower lip. Vi just insistently keeps staring her down, raising a single, disbelieving eyebrow. The silence feels heavy, and eventually, Jinx breaks under the pressure.

With a groan, she reluctantly supplies, "...Yes, I have condoms. And I’m on birth control! Which you know."

Vi sighs in relief, picking up her knife and fork again, and casually slicing into her pancakes as she says, "Good, we'll be out of your hair, then."

Seated beside her, Caitlyn simply groans as she sets down her now-empty cup of hot chocolate, and says, "I really did not want to witness this conversation first thing in the morning."

-

It’s already well past noon when Vi and Caitlyn finally make their way out of the house (with Vi making assured proclamations that they won’t return until very late, making Jinx want to scream). Once she recovers from the mortification of having an older sister who knows she’s about to (attempt to) have sex, Jinx rushes to her bedroom and considers what her next step should be. 

Because it occurred to her, perhaps belatedly, that she has no fucking clue how to actually seduce someone. In her defense, this isn’t something she actively has to worry about whenever she’s drunk. She considers, momentarily, whether or not a little liquid courage would do her any favors.

Then she remembers that just last week Ekko had found her shit-faced and passed out at some dingy frat party with her cheek glued to a toilet seat (which she knows happened because the fucker texted her a picture of it the next day when she refused to believe him) before he had to haul her ass home, and thinks better of it.

She decides to start simple by taking a shower, during which she spends an embarrassingly long time scrubbing her skin raw and shaves more thoroughly than she ever has in her entire life.

Once she’s out of the shower, insecurity creeps its way into her mind as she does her skincare routine. She doesn’t want to do it, but still can’t stop herself from critically assessing her body during the process. Something sinks in her chest when she finds it lacking.

Jinx knows she’s not a supermodel by any means. She’s short and skinny, with pallid skin littered with so many scars that they disrupt the ink of her tattoos–but she generally doesn’t give a shit about any of that. In fact, most days she thinks she’s pretty damn hot.

So why is it that now of all times her body is making her doubt her own attractiveness?

…Why is it now that she’s worried whether or not Ekko even finds her attractive?

Fuck, this is so annoying. Can’t her brain just work with her when she needs it to? Jinx futilely tries to push these feelings down, instead, she rakes both her closet and brain over what to wear.

Should she try to dress cute? What if she does and Ekko thinks she’s weird? But what if she’s dressed too casually and he won’t even consider sleeping with her? …Then again, has he ever considered it?

Okay, shit, she has to focus.

She closes her now nearly empty closet and turns back to her room with a frustrated sigh. Her bedroom looks like it survived an explosion, a wreckage of clothing everywhere, from her desk to her bed to…the bookshelf…somehow?

Jinx petulantly kicks at one of her jeans on the floor and redirects her efforts to drying her hair instead. God knows that’s already a chore and a half. She hasn’t cut her hair since middle school and it shows. The full length of it reaches her thighs and gets in the way of practically everything if she doesn’t dutifully braid it.

When it’s finally all dry, Jinx is in the midst of putting her hair in a simple, thick braid when her phone vibrates beside her. She taps the screen to read the message and nearly has a heart attack when she does.

SAVIOR BOY Hey  Be there in 30 min

[vampirtulpe]

I don't know why, but I have the headcanon that Don was literally the biggest fan of Bald Bull as a child. So, here are some wholesome headcanons for it:

(This is long, sorry about that 😅)

-Just imagine 10 year old Don, alone at home one day and channel surfing and stopping at boxing and deciding to watch out of curiosity. He was instantly hooked when he saw Bald Bull doing one of his rushes and knocking his opponent out, it was the coolest thing ever for him -Back then he didn't really know any english. He only knew that Bull meant Toro, so he would call him that until he was old enough to be a little better at speaking english

-Wasn't watching the match unless Bull was one of the fighters and would get irrationally angry if he lost the fight, would throw actual mini tantrums and scream at the TV until his Dad yelled at him to shut up

-Actually started boxing because Bull inspired him. His family was pretty happy about it, Don had been struggling to find a sport to really get into and they were elated he finally found something he was so passionate about

-His mom was indulging his fixation so much, she even saved up money to go with Don to america to watch the final Match between Doc Louis and Bald Bull for Don's birthday

-Bull lost that match and Don was crushed, but to Don's absolute delight, Bull actually heard him calling out to him again and again and actually approached him. Bull towered over him, but Don wasn't afraid, he was so over the moon, he almost passed out.

-There was a huge language barrier between them, all Bull could really gather from that kid was that he was supposed to be Toro and that he seemed to be a fan. Luckily for Don, he was absolutely adorable and endearing as all hell, so he did not only get an autograph and a picture, but also a permanent spot in Bull's memory

-That incident was also one of the reasons paparazzi began getting much more aggressive with him, not caring that it was a one-time thing for a young fan

-Don framed that autograph and the picture, he even still has them and always takes them with him when he travels somewhere

-Unfortunately he never had the opportunity to watch one of Bull's fights live again, but it strenghtened his resolve to become a professional boxer to maybe one day face him himself

-And well, he was successful, getting into the WVBA at a very young age and once again getting to meet his idol. You cannot believe how giddy he was, he didn't sleep for like 2 days-

-Believe it or not, Bull recognized him almost right away, even if they hadn't seen each other in like a decade. He had watched Don's first fight out of sheer curiosity and the memories came flooding back when he watched Don fight and heard him provoke his opponent with a "Toro!" the first time. Sure, Don‘s voice got deeper, but the way he said it was the exact same. And once he recognized the voice, he also recognized the face -Don was absolutely elated when he found out that Bull remembered their encounter, recalling how it was one of his key motivators to become a professional boxer and even showing him that he still had the picture and autograph.

-Bull had teased him that he still looked like that little kid that got his attention back then (But he's secretly so proud and moved that he was one of the key motivators for Don to start his career. It’s just a special feeling to know you had such an impact on someone’s life)

-Despite them now being on almost the same level, Don is often seen trailing after Bull like a puppy, always looking for guidance and advice or just a small conversation. Bull would be annoyed if it was anyone else, especially with Paparazzi and reporters constantly chasing after him, but there was just something endearing about Don doing it that made him a lot more patient and tolerant towards him.

-And now that they are both a little better at english they can actually have proper conversations (or rather Don yapping at him and Bull responding sometimes)

-Bull became almost a mentor figure for Don, a lot more than his actual coach ever was (who Bull would find out actually sucked real bad, but this is a wholesome hc dump, so maybe I’ll talk about that the next time)

-Don comes to him regularly for guidance or just to talk and they would sit in one of their rooms, share some food and a drink and just talk. Sometimes not even that, they would just sit silently and enjoy the others company.

-They sometimes train together, but not as often as they would like to

-Bull is the hard but fair type, he doesn’t handle Don with kid gloves and can be pretty hard on the guy. But it’s only because he knows how much potential Don has and doesn’t want him to squander it from him turning into an arrogant little shit, he tries to keep him down to earth. (Or at least as down to earth as Don is capable of)

-Don still really likes watching Bull's fights, he never misses a match (unless he is in one, but then he goes over right after and asks Bull how the match went)

-Despite them being friends now and Don having gotten on Bull's good side, he trains hard every day in hopes of being able to face off against him one day, he wants to live up to the legend. (He already does, but Bull doesn't outright tell him that, can't have Don stopping his efforts after all. He kinda hopes Don succeeds one day, but he won’t make it easy for him)

[lets-try-some-writing]

Hi, I'm the anon that ask about the belief thing, I'm truly sorry unwarrant hostility, I was tense and I'm just going say it, that post has a lot of things that I have seen before use to ease people into Terf rhetoric and it striked a nerve and I took out my ajitation on you simply because your one of my favorite author and you reblogged and I felt irrationally angry, I shouldn't have done and again I'm very sorry, that was a shitty thing to do

Anon I'm not upset in the slightest! I've been mulling over it and talking to others and I get why you and others are upset with me.

Originally when I came across the post, I ignored the controversial terms and buzzwords, instead looking at the sheer analysis portion. I should have taken the OP's terms into consideration when reblogging and noted that others probably wouldn't take it well. I forget I'm being observed online more than I should. And I've long since grown numb to such rhetoric and looked solely at the commentary on how Elita-One and Airachnid have become rather bland as characters when compared to prior iterations.

I meant no disrespect and I do not agree with all the terms applied and commentary from the OP. I do not support all the points made within the OP's post, nor to I agree with the way human concepts were so harshly applied to aliens of all things. I simply found there to be a good point within the rant and focused down on that portion without much regard for the rest. I didn't look all that deeply into the use of language.

I apologize for any miscommunication. I was a tad aggressive myself in prior responses and was not fond of being critiqued when I didn't see myself as having done anything wrong. Thank you for reaching out! I will try keep in mind the perceptions of others when I interact with more sensitive subjects.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for refusing to argue with my boyfriend?

Alright, so.

My (25F) bf (27M) loves arguing and discussing. I appreciate discussions as long as we're both being respectful and we're actually talking towards something, when it gets to discussing for the sake of it (and I can tell it's happening when he starts attacking all of my points of view and I start getting confused about what we are actually disagreeing on) I just can't. I start shaking and I have to take a break before I get mean or irrationally defensive.

Last time we fought it was about "standing up" for oneself. He got really unpleasant with a clerk at the bank because his computer wasn't working, made a scene in the bank and a woman even told him that if he didn't stop she wouId stop being a civilian and become a police officer, and he'll have to deal with offense to a public officer (we live in france, if it matters).

I hated every second but I just tried to ask if there was anything to do about the computer, and when the poor clerk told me no I thanked him and told him (and my bf) that it wasn't the clerk's fault at all, it's something that happens and we couldn't do anything about it.

When we were out of the bank, I confronted him about it, telling him that I found it unpleasant and he had been really disrespectful, and he told me that I always do this, always stay too calm and accomodating even when I shouldn't be, that when he requires a service he needs it done, I reminded him that human beings can't be machines and always "function perfectly" (and well, not even the machines can), we argued a bit, he refused to have lunch with me and we parted ways (we don't live together).

We talked again about it a couple of days later, and he told me that he gets this need to argue with me every now and then and when he can't provoke a reaction in me he starts losing it.

The thing is that I'm really hard to rile up, and I like this about myself, also because I don't really like who I become when I get angry and I'm not given the chance to calm down by myself for a while ( I get really defensive and never admit I'm wrong, sarcastic and cold).

He loves the provoking part of it, saying things just to make me mad and get an angry reaction out of me, it's how he argues with his family and he seems to need it.

I know this, we have been together for nine years now, and when I was younger (especially at 17-22) I was much more hot headed, but now I don't really see the point honestly.

We couldn't reach a definite agreement about how to handle this, even though we talked about it for literal hours, we both agree that it's not a deal breaker but we didn't get much past this.

So, AITA for refusing to argue with him when he seems to need it? He told me again and again that he never means to get disrespectful towards me during those discussions and that they never change his opinion of me (yeah, I'm a bit anxious), so it's not like he's insulting me? Should I just play along a bit and let that part of me loose for a while? I'm really not sure, and again, we already eviscerated this from every point of view and didn't get a conclusion, so I need an outside perspective.

(english isn't my first or second language so if anything isn't clear I'll be happy to explain!)

What are these acronyms?