#but also i really think it might help because 1) validation is important

[caffeinatedopossum]

My anxiety is awful, I genuinely don't know how I live like this

[cozycottagetarot]

PAC: How Can You Break The Cycle

Messages From Elle: We did it guys!😮‍💨

Notes:

This PAC Covers:

What is the cycle?

What keeps it going?

What will it take to break it?

What could that look like for you? (Patreon Extended)

‼️ THIS READING IS MEANT FOR SELF-REFLECTION AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY -- While this reading does broach topics relating to mental health & mindset, contain a bit of advice and reflective questions, IT'S IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM MEANT TO REPLACE PROFESSIONAL ADVICE OF ANY KIND. Please use your discretion, think carefully before you act and only take what resonates be it a little, some or none at all. ‼️

Reading Masterlist | Patreon | Paid Readings -- Open 🥂

PILE 1 (Brick Wall)

Current Energy

Cards: 10 of cups, The Empress, The Chariot

I feel as though you’re currently in this energy where things couldn’t be better…. But then why are you here? I know that's my job to figure out but still. I feel like you’ve been making strides to create the life that you want. You’re charging forward, becoming more disciplined and things are starting to feel warm.

The cycle that needs to be broken:

Cards: The Wheel of Fortune, Nine of Wands, Page of Pentacles, Four of Wands

The cycle that needs to be broken is one of constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. You’re tired of fighting or always fending off the downward turn of the wheel of fortune and while you may try to keep your faith that things can get better and stay better, you're always expecting things to get bad again. You could be worried the new beginning won't start, the relationships won't come, or the financial abundance won't find you. I think this fear or vigilance has such a tight hold on you, that you end up not taking action. You may need to readjust your game plan. You don't allow yourself to relax. You don't allow yourself to celebrate your wins… you're always in this state of hyper vigilance.

What keeps the cycle going?

Cards: The Sun, The High Priestess, Two of Pentacles, Seven of Pentacles

I don’t think you really allow yourself to be happy. That may be the current energy I was picking up on as well. When things are going great you don’t really let them go great. I also think you’re neglecting the things that are really important to you inside… maybe so much that you don’t even know what those things are anymore. Not knowing how to navigate this internal world of yours keeps fueling this cycle of 'oh, what bad thing will happen next?' You may also have a hard time making decisions or generally deciding what you want, floating back and forth between options. This back-and-forth stops you from actually putting in the work it takes to succeed and enjoy the FULL results, therefore keeping the cycle going. Another thing I picked up on is maybe the wheel keeps turning back and forth as well because from going back and forth all the time, you’re never really getting to move past the lessons you may need to learn in order for you to reach your desired outcome or abundance.

What will it take to break this cycle:

Cards: Seven of Cups, Five of Cups, Two of Cups, Ace of Pentacles

If you want to break this cycle, you have to make a decision on what exactly it is you want. It might mean leaving behind something, but you have to remember that so much more also awaits you in the process. Stop dwelling on what has gone 'wrong' before, especially if it’s past events that influence your lack of decision. It's okay to have that vigilance and use the past to better navigate the future-- HOWEVER, it's also important to get honest with yourself about whether it's a valid concern or a fear talking. It's time to change your mindset to focus on what can go right. I think also there will be someone available to help you once you make a decision about what you want to pursue. The alternate I'm getting is that you have to allow yourself to lean on others if you want to break the cycle. This could be through personal and professional relationships. But you have to actually decide yes, this is what you want. It doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to change as you grow, but first, you have to plant the seed. Once your seedling sprouts you can cultivate your plant however you’d like. There’s a lot out there available to you but making the decision to move towards it is where it begins.

Want to know what those steps might look like for you? Consider checking out my Patreon for the extended version as well as early access to my next pac!

Regardless, if you'd like a free mini-reading to clarify any part of this PAC, feel free to send me an ask with your initials and pile!

PILE 2 (Statue)

Current Energy:

Cards: King of Wands, The Star, The Tower rev, Queen of Wands

I see you showing up as being in a hopeful energy and that good fortune of some kind is coming your way. A good balance of masculine and feminine energy. There’s a sense of resisting something internally, however. A transition of some kind that you're wanting to make. It seems like it could be good for you and a lot of different areas in your life would improve, but what you know or are accustomed to might clash with what you want. However, you have what it takes to succeed. If you were drawn to pile 1, after reading this pile consider checking it out as well.

The cycle that needs to end:

Cards: Eight of Swords, The Devil, Ten of Swords, Knight of Swords

I feel like you’ve got a gloomy inner world. Very melancholy. You’re turning a blind eye to the things that are holding you back and draining your energy. It feels like you almost escape it but it gets you every time. You might not take the best care of yourself mentally or physically. With all the swords it could be a mental thing too and it’s important that you get (professional) help and take those steps (of taking better care of yourself). The cycle that needs to break is you getting stuck in this energy.

What keeps the cycle going:

Cards: Four of Swords, Eight of Cups rev, Ace of Wands rev, Ace of Cups

You don’t rest. You won’t walk away from the things draining your energy. You won’t open up your heart and you won’t do anything with your creative sparks... more or less.

It’s so important that you take a moment to take a good pause and regroup. You could find yourself turning to poor coping mechanisms and that's not good. You can't try to leave a bad situation either if you don’t know what made it bad. You also have to sometimes stick things out. If you tried breaking a habit and it didn't work, it doesn’t mean you’re doomed to always have that habit. That’s a bad way of looking at things, and while it’s understandable to feel that way, you still need to work on it. You’re allowed to connect with your emotions and create as well... There's a need to review your plans/goals as well. You can be successful, but may lack the resources to easily be so... that’s also understandable but you can still work with what you do have. You may also lack confidence in you abilities to achieve your goals. You can manifest so many things you want but you have to believe in yourself and open your emotions to be able to connect with the feeling of what you want. It’s easy to say I want XYZ, but if you don’t figure out what that’s going to feel like, then how will you know when you’ve got it? It’s easy to get caught up in material things but the last thing you want is to wake up one day to a life that looks exactly like you wanted it to, only to realize it doesn’t FEEL the way you wanted it to.

What will it take to break the cycle:

Cards: Judgement, The Hierophant, Knight of Wands, Page of Cups

It’s time for you to get it together. Get serious about moving on to the next phase. I feel like it’s all going to work out based on the cards but you really do have to stop holding yourself back. Find a support group. Consider finding creative/artistic ways to express yourself. Step into a leadership role because there’s a good chance you can lend the wisdom you’ve acquired to others… This could be through a social media platform, sharing your writing, attending a local community event, etc. Work on making sure how you’re living aligns with your beliefs and vice versa. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Give yourself your all. I also feel like this is one of those situations where you have to remind yourself that sometimes motivation follows action.

Want to know what those steps might look like for you? Consider checking out my Patreon for the extended version as well as early access to my next PAC!

Regardless, if you'd like a free mini-reading to clarify any part of this PAC, feel free to send me an ask with your initials and pile!

PILE 3 (Broken TV)

Current energy:

Cards: Wheel of fortune, Queen of swords, Queen of pentacles, Two of wands

Your current energy is that you've shifted to a 'really good' energy or you're about to shift to a 'really good' energy. The Magician isn't here but that's kind of the energy I'm picking up on here too. Either being very faithful right now that everything is going to work out for you or that's the energy/mindset that you need to tap into. There are options available to you... You need a plan of some kind. You feel unable to move... unequipped even. Thinking about (or needing to) your long-term future. With the two queens, I think you're leaning into one of the two embodiments of the queen, maybe even both. You might have a hard time seeing yourself as either.

The cycle that needs to be broken:

Cards: The Hanged Man, The Tower, The World, Judgement

The other piles were definitely what I would consider a cycle on a loop that needed breaking but yours feels less like a cycle and more like you're just... stuck. You're ready to or have 'level/ed up', but it's as though you're stuck in limbo. This could be because you've gone through a 'tower moment' recently (say within the last year give or take) that's left you stuck in limbo. Or it could be a fear of having a 'tower moment' that is leaving stuck in limbo. Regardless this cycle is one of you needing to bring something to completion.

What keeps the cycle going:

Cards: Knight of Wands, The Emperor, The Sun, Eight of Pentacles, The Fool

You might be rather impatient. When you do things you may expect to see results immediately...that sense of 'oh, I did this tasks once, why don't I feel better 👀'. It could also be that you might not plan out your goals thoroughly or you may not be very clear on what it is that you want to do/achieve. I feel like since you don't take that moment to strategize and figure out what actually needs to be done, this cycle keeps going. You may just charge forth into whatever you think will bring you happiness. However, this means you can't put in the work required which can bring you back to a place of fear and doubt. This can create anxiety and likely catastrophizing which brings us back to that fear of a 'tower moment'. It could also simply be a case of being too laid back? On the flip side, while it's always good to have faith that things will work out, it's important to remember that a lot of times, you still have to play a role in that.

What will it take to break the cycle: Cards: The Star, Justice, Three of Pentacles, Knight of Cups

Have hope, yes. Dream and believe that good things are meant for you and those good things will find you. BUT, balance that with meaningful/conscious action. You must consider the long term. What is the end goal going to look/feel like? What is the journey of getting there going to take? Some of you already have the knowledge you need while others may still need to acquire it. Regardless, learning and implementation will help break the cycle. You have what it takes, but you have to stay the course. It's also important that you use action rather than simply ideas to motivate you. Fall in love with the act of doing.

I also feel like you should make a love list. I initially thought of that while going my first glance at the cards.

Also, do me a favour and take a nap, please! ✋

Want to know what those steps might look like for you? Consider checking out my Patreon for the extended version as well as early access to my next PAC!

Regardless, if you'd like a free mini-reading to clarify any part of this PAC, feel free to send me an ask with your initials and pile!

PILE 4 (Hammer)

Note: If you're someone who reads what cards were pulled, I mistyped the Seven suit for Current Energy and The Cycle so now that I'm editing, I realised I have no idea which suit the card belonged to hence the (?). Okay, that's all!

Current energy:

Cards: Seven of Swords(?), Queen of Pentacles, Three of Wands

It's time for you to broaden your horizons, however, you currently have to tread carefully. You could currently be job searching or looking for scholarships etc. There's a lot of opportunities available to you or becoming available to you. But you need to be diligent and read the fine print and get the details to make sure you won't be compromised in the process. It's important though that you be able to maintain a balance between your home/personal and academic/career life. You're in an energy of needing to remember to put yourself first.

The cycle that needs to be broken:

Cards: Two of Swords, The Emperor, Page of Swords, Seven of Wands (?)

The cycle that needs to break is one of constantly being at odds with everyone. I feel like you’re constantly bending over backwards or breaking your neck to try and appease others-- and no matter what you do, it’s not enough. I think this might potentially resonate more with those who are academics. When faced with a decision between what will benefit you vs what will benefit someone else, you have a tendency to either not make a decision of choose the option that will benefit someone else instead. This could be because you either live under someone with authority over you (like a caretaker or family) or you're in a position where you feel like you have to take care of others (siblings/family, partner).

I feel as though for some of you it could also be a romantic relationship? I'm not familiar with 'channeling' through music, but find myself doing it a lot lately. The song 'Lifetime' by Livingston just resonated with part of this pile for some reason. When asking if it’s a romantic situation, I got the cards: Eight of Pentacles, The Devil, and Justice rev. I’m also getting 'the right person, but wrong time'.

I think if it's someone with whom you share romantic feelings for, it's a situation where the relationship likely feels imbalanced and like hard work, but you don't feel like you can step away. If that resonated then that could be it. It could also be any unfair relationship dynamic.

What keeps the cycle going:

Cards: The Hanged Man, Ace of Wands, Death, The Moon, Eight of Swords

I think you’re in a cage of your own making, but not because you can’t see. You can see, but what you’re seeing isn’t clear. Because of this, you tend to end up pressing pause on moving forward. There's a lot of creative energy around you... for some, it's that it's a creative field waiting to accept you. However, you're too afraid to actually go for it and give it your all so I think you keep 'pulling the wool' over your own eyes. I think if there are people around you in opposition to you moving forward, you might see it as a convenient excuse to not move forward and transform into the next stage of your life. It's almost like the cycle doesn't need to be a cycle. You know when you're listening to a song and you keep restarting it 'cause you keep getting interrupted? And sometimes it's just you being extra because it wasn't even your favourite part you're just kind of nitpicking? Yeah, same vibe I'm getting here.

If the relationship resonates: I think you may need to let go of (or loosen your hold on) because they could be holding you back to the point they're dragging you down. Things are shifting for you, especially internally. You could be trying to hold it back though, but in doing so you could burn up and out. You’re seeing what really is and maybe you don’t want to. That’s the part that keeps this cycle going. I see images of a phoenix rising too.

What will it take to break the cycle:

Cards: Queen of Wands, The Chariot rev, Judgement, Three of Pentacles, The World, The Lovers

It’s time to use the things you’ve learned. Let go and let the cycle close. Trust that you’ll find love again or that you’ll find inner harmony. Trust that it will all work out in your favour. Take steps, even if it's baby steps to doing whatever it is you want to do. I feel like I said this already in a different pile, but even if you can't make a complete switch yet, start engaging in the things you want to do or eventually pivot too in small steps. You can always research or engage with it as a hobby for the time being. Also finding balance between who you are and how you show up to the world. Remember you have a lot to offer and it's going to do everyone a whole lot more good in the long run, the more authentically you can show up.

Want to know what those steps might look like for you? Consider checking out my Patreon for the extended version as well as early access to my next PAC!

Regardless, if you'd like a free mini-reading to clarify any part of this PAC, feel free to send me an ask with your initials and pile!

[rainbowchaox]

Why Pissa Works: Qsmp Analysis Essay

This is more of an analysis of the relationship in general and why it’s so important to understanding both Missa and Phil as characters. And it’s a disgrace if you ignore their relationship as it’s very important to their characters. I already delved into them as characters but I miss them and therefore I want to dissect the dynamic in this essay. And why it works so well. This time I am having some help from friends to give me their thoughts on them as well. As they are as “normal” about them like me.

At the start no one really knew what sort of longing and pining and loyalty that would spawn from what is practically a random lottery. Missa and Phil being together was fate. I think no other pairing would have clicked so well for Missa or Phil. They were sorta destined to be together to be husband’s. But no one could have guessed how important they would be to each other. No one would have guessed how important this random lottery would be.

When they were paired. They immediately clicked. They immediately joked and laughed. They had fun together. And that was the spark for their relationship to blossom from. They were THE couple. Everyone was jealous of them. They were disgustingly happy. And there was always a GREAT something between them from Day 1. There’s reasons why Chayanne and eventually Tallulah are so protective over their marriage. But even then, they were just cute. They didn’t have the extra something that changed us for the better and the worse. What really made Pissa so special. Until……

The four months of utter pain. Of yearning. Of everyone accepting that things might be over before things really could blossom. But it wasn’t the end for someone. It never was the end for Phil. Time is different for someone touched by death. “Phil is patient and doesn’t take breaks between meetings as difficulties. Their relationship will never sour. When Missa is there, he picks up where they left off.” an excerpt from my talks with Ash. And she is completely correct. I have mentioned this plenty of times in my previous essays about their characters. But Phil doesn’t mind he has to wait for Missa. Time passes differently for immortals. But also Missa just being Missa has long acquired his loyalty. Something hard to get but harder to lose.

And it’s because of Phil utter loyalty and willingness to wait that their dynamic really was able to bloom. Missa took his heart. The less Phil can do is wait. Because when Missa does Phil always has so much fun with him. Missa always reminds Phil why he stays loyal to him. Missa is JUST so good. Phil can see that.

Phil always had valid reason to move on from Missa especially during the four months. No one knew he would return. And he almost gave up hope by the end. But throughout the four months he mentioned him, he looked at skulls all sad, and he yearned for him. And when he came back? He was so happy. He never blamed Missa but you can tell he wants to spend time with him more. You can tell he missed him. You can miss someone being gone and not hate him. He just missed his husband.

“Missa also rolls with the punches a lot, when Phil says there's a new kid, Missa takes that and immediately bonds with Tallulah, when something crazy happens, Missa is there to eventually bring a smile to his family faces. They both don't get hung up on the craziness in between.” As quoted directly from my friend Ash. She is right. This right here is what changed the pissa dynamic for the better. Phil notices things and he noticed how kind and wonderful Missa is. Phil remembers others kindness.

Missa is always on his family side. Phil can depend on him always. So of course he is also Tallulah father. Missa was happy to take that responsibility. Missa is there to bring a smile to his family even in the rainiest of days. He is there when they need time to just enjoy living instead of surviving. Which is addicting to a man that only knew how to survive. Theres reasons why Phil fell for Missa.

Phil doesn’t verbalize his emotions. He is always a show not tell type of character. But it’s clear to anyone he adores missa. He stares at skulls missing him. He has his obession with giant Missa. He always has a place for Missa in his home. He collects Missa art like shinnies. He is so darn possessive of him. He loves Missa so much and it’s clear through his actions.

Missa also brings him great comfort in general. Missa is similar to him in the ways that matter but his complete opposite in other ways. Phil is emotionally repressed while Missa emotions bleed out like ink. Phil is skilled in fighting and surviving while Missa is best at music and art. Not skills you really need to survive.

So they always had this sweet dynamic and it grew with patience, with love, and a healthy dose of yearning on both sides. Enjoying each other when they are able. Soaking each other affection and love. But then Purgatory happened.

And they got spilt up. And this caused both to realize they just didn’t love each other. But they needed each other. Flaws and all. And that they definitely couldn’t harm each other. That they always been each other homes. They needed to separate to realize how important the other is. They both had their realizations. And post-purgatory we did see an uptick in very affectionate pissa.

And it was beautiful to see how their relationship has grown. But then Prison happened. And they fully showed everyone how much they care about each other. Phil and the kids just soaking Missa being present. Them being so happy despite in actual prison. Phil being possessive over Missa. Phil and Missa finally kissing (numerous times).

Purgatory may have made them realize they needed each other but prison made them realize they wanted each other. They wanted to be a family. They wanted to be happy. And it made both of them selfish. Which was they always sorta wanted.

They say I love you with every glance. They say I love you with every tired cuddle. They say I love you with every smile. They say I love you when they are watching the kids sleep. They say I love you protecting each other. They say I love you finally letting the others see them vulnerable. They don’t need to use words. They know they love each other. And that’s beautiful. No wonder why we are so “normal” about their sweet relationship.

[arabella-s-arts]

I watched the newest 9-1-1 episode this morning. And I am really sad about it.

I honestly didn't see this coming. Tommy was just so different from a lot of Buck's previous love interests. And not just because he is a guy. But for lots of reasons. For one, he was a preexisting character that wasn't just introduced as Buck's love interest. When he was in a relationship with Buck, it was so healthy. He was always there when Buck needed him, and was so thoughtful. Tommy has seen Buck at his worst and didn't run away. He's so understanding, and he is also a firefighter, which means that he gets the job, which is helpful since that was a point of contention for Buck and a couple of his exes. And Buck was clearly so at ease with Tommy. Also, Tommy was already close, or became close with other members of the 118. He and Chim are already friends, and he became quick friends with Eddie, and got along with Christopher. He was just so intertwined with the main cast, it felt unnatural for that to be taken away.

It also just felt like they were setting a lot of things up to happen. I thought we were going to learn more about Tommy's dad. It also seemed like they were setting up for Tommy to become part of the main group: he expressed his jelousy about the 118 becoming a family and him not being in it, there was also that scene with the group chat and it felt like Tommy was later going to be added to it. So it sucks that that's never going to happen now. He wanted a family, and now we might never see him again. Also, what was the point of Tommy being the only one who calls Buck "Evan," it felt important, but now he's gone, so it doesn't feel like it mattered at all anymore. And Tommy mentioned how nice Buck's place is, so it felt like he was going to move in later (though, can't blame him for saying no, dude's got a car lift, and a muay thai practice area).

The whole episode, Tommy felt kind of off, compared to how he acted the episode before. Just slightly out of character at times. Like, I feel like the way he talked about Abby didn't seem entirely in character. And him getting Buck basketball tickets, even though Buck doesn't like basketball. Tommy was presented as a good listener, and Buck talks a lot, it would have come up at some point that Buck doesn't actually like basketball. And that breakup felt incredibly annoying to me. Because the reasoning was basically since Tommy is Buck's first boyfriend, he's unlikely to be his last. But it's not like Buck has never been in serious relationships before, and I understand being with a guy for the first time might be treated slightly different because it's new and exciting, but I don't think that makes the relationship any less valid. And comparing it with literally the episode before, it seemed to come so out of left field. I'd understand it if this was a plotline where Tommy was scared of getting his heart broken, but later realized that he cares too much about Buck to end things prematurely, and he shouldn't let his fear get in the way. But Lou was saying his goodbyes, so I doubt it's that.

Also, the whole breakup felt like it had this undercurrent of biphobia. But I need to rewatch the scene before I can break that down.

For what this scene means to Buck's bisexuality... not much actually. Besides the biphobic vibe I mentioned earlier, it doesn't change the fact that Buck is bi. I know a lot of people are upset about Oliver's comment. And I completely get why, since there's nothing wrong with sleeping around, but Buck's a character who's arc involved him no longer sleeping around, and now that he's bi, he might be doing that again. I totally understand why that is hurtful. For me, I don't really have a problem with his comment, just because I feel like Buck's not going to be looking for another serious relationship right now, since he just got out of one (and he wasn't the one who ended things). So I get him sleeping around. I don't think he needs to sleep around to "find himself" or whatever. I feel like I should mention that I'm not bisexual, I'm aroace, so my opinion on this isn't as important as actual bi people's. Also, I don't know what Oliver's exact comment was, I just heard second hand, so I might come back and edit this section after actually reading the exact phrasing.

Anyway, the whole thing just makes me really sad for Buck. But mainly sad for Tommy, who had grown to be such as interesting character, with a interesting backstory that we will never fully get to know. Sad for Tommy because he wanted a family, and it seemed like he was going to get one, just for it all to be taken away from him.

[kiragecko]

hi I think that post about the not like other girls thing you reblogged might be a trans-exlusionary radical feminist thing? Not a guilt trip just in case you didn't notice you know

It had occurred to me that TERFs might like that kind of post. I decided to reblog anyways, because:

1. It described an experience that I had, and I'm not going to deny my own experiences out of fear. Sometimes we share experiences with hateful people, and pretending that we don't causes all sorts of problems.

2. I mentioned being nonbinary in the tags, so it seemed unlikely that the post would signal I was unsafe for trans people, even if it did contain dogwhistles I was missing.

3. I reblog posts, not blogs. I would not be able to use Tumblr if I checked the blogs of every post's OP. I can't even keep track of close friends' names! I'm also not using an algorithm that will suggest other posts by this person to me. I am not contaminated by touching a useful post, even IF the person who created it had bad intentions.

4. It was actually important for me to detangle my 'depictions of women in media make me feel GROSS' feelings from my 'the people around me act really differently than I do and that's alienating' feelings. I'm ADHD, aroace, and possibly nonbinary and autistic. I didn't act like allo, neurotypical girls. I also had some internalized sexism from how everything from classic kids' lit up to early 2000s media depicted girls and women. It was important to let go of the sexism AND validate the differences, which meant I had to recognize that they weren't the same thing! I want other people to get that chance, as well.

5. I refuse to contribute to the current culture of attacking other bloggers for thoughtcrimes. Purity culture is not healthy, and harms both the people doing it and its victims.

-

Messaging me about a specific dogwhistle I missed is fine. I will delete posts if I agree after a bit of research. More vague messages like this will be ignored. I don't think they're helpful, and they have the possibility of being extremely harmful. Not an attack on you, Anon. But this is important to me.

We're still allowed to think things, even if hateful people think them as well. Moral contamination is not real.

[actuallyadhd]

I don’t want to self diagnose but I am pretty sure I do have adhd just based on what I know about it and the fact that multiple of my friends with adhd have said it’s likely I do have it

the primary reason I don’t want to self diagnose is because I won’t know if I’m actually correct or not and I don’t think people would take me seriously

Sent October 1, 2024

I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner, but I'm glad I'm here now! :)

First of all, self-diagnosis is absolutely valid. Most of us who get diagnosed as adolescents or adults basically have to do that in order to get a formal diagnosis!

The main practical problem with self-diagnosis is that it doesn't actually grant you any legal protections or supports. You don't qualify for accommodations at work or school, and disability discrimination legislation doesn't really apply.

I always say that if you're going to self-diagnose, try to state it as "I think I might have ADHD" rather than "I have ADHD"; the latter will cause people to assume that you have a formal diagnosis, while the former is more accurate and you can be confident knowing that you haven't accidentally misrepresented yourself.

Thing is, there are loads of reasons why a formal diagnosis isn't an option for you right now, and that is 100% okay! You may also benefit from others taking your ADHD symptoms into account, which is where the self-diagnosis can be helpful.

For example, years and years before I was diagnosed, I would do puzzle books during university lectures. I was listening to the lecture and taking notes, but I was also doing Sudoku (back when it was called Number Place in North American puzzle books). Some other students thought it was really rude of me to do that, but for me it was important to keep part of my brain engaged in the puzzles since otherwise I'd miss half the lecture due to daydreaming. If I'd known then what I know now, I could have explained why I needed to do the puzzle books during class, even without a formal diagnosis.

If you want to feel more confident about your self-diagnosis, check out our post on it as it includes all the info you need to do a good job!

Followers, what do you think about self-diagnosis?

-J

[onigiriforears]

After approx. 2-3 months of studying Japanese I started to read free graded readers online and then graduated to a collection of short stories that I purchased off of Amazon. I thought that the reason I was starting to have trouble understanding sentences was because I didn't know enough vocabulary but it was because I neglected grammar completely. It was sorta drilled into my head off of Youtube creators to just study kanji, vocab and simple sentences as much as possible before even touching grammar. I feel absolutely lost, dude. I am at the 5 month mark now. I can "breeze through" kanji for the most part. (as in, I can actually retain it in a decent amount of time) I decided to study grammar about a week ago. It is SO FREAKING HARD. I don't know if there's something wrong with me or what. I don't know if it's supposed to feel like what I thought I knew is being ripped apart at the seams, stapled together, and then torn apart again....but it does.

Do you have any tips for learning grammar? Is this feeling normal? Can you tell me when the pressure in my skull will subside? I am using Bunpro's free trial but I'm unsure if this tool will actually help me. I write tons of notes to flip through but I still fail to give them the nuanced answer they're looking for. I really enjoy the setup of Bunpro and I want to like it since it's similar to WK but I'm not sure if I'm going too fast or there's a better way to learn. I stopped learning 5 new grammar points a day and started doing only 2. (I also have Genki I and watch GameGengo. He explains things in a way that's easy for my brain to understand.) Sorry for the long post but any insight would be appreciated. I'm a bit nervous asking people in the language learning community for help or insight because a lot of them treat it as a way to show how fast they learned/1-up others. Tumblr's langlearn community is a lot different with what I've seen (or maybe I'm just following the right ppl lol)

Hi! Thank you so much for waiting for this response--I'm sorry it took so long. Your message was one of the ones that popped up when they locked my ask box (they actually still haven't answered me on why it was locked so 🤷‍♀️). To make up for that, I'm gonna be longwinded because I think that this is a super valid and important question that others may also want to know the answer to!!

Pls pls PLEASE DM me if none of this is helpful or if you'd like to talk more about what you think you need help with!!

I think that sometimes when we're learning a new language that we know is so overwhelmingly different from our own language, we focus on the things that we think will be the main hinderance and sometimes we forget the key points. You might be thinking "how did I forget grammar?" but I would say don't beat yourself up about it! Many of us focus on the things that we think are our problems(--the last time I studied for the JLPT, I focused on my weak point too much and then was frustrated with myself during the exam bc I neglected the other areas.)

I don't want to lie to you and say that learning grammar will is going to get easier because that's not the case for everyone. Think of learning grammar vs everything else as learning different types of math or science--have you ever had a friend that was absolutely phenomenal at algebra or calculus but couldn't do geometry? Or a friend that was wonderful lab partner in chemistry but struggled in biology? They're struggling in biology because it requires a ton of rote memorization in comparison to practical application and math that's present in chemistry and rote memorization may not necessarily be their strong point. Personally, I think that's also why a lot of us struggle with certain grammar points. There are some that just click with us immediately and then there are others that we have to see over and over and over and over and over--you get the point--just for us to find a single sentence with it that we understand. If you're math oriented, we need to figure out a way to no longer make grammar points rote memorization for you, but to turn it into a formula of some sort. I actually write my notes out in ways that are like that--I use plus signs (+) in my notes not because the textbooks use them but because my brain genuinely reads it as "noun + particle + grammar point = a sentence that makes sense" because, for me, formulas don't fail. Your weak point doesn't have to be your weakness--you can turn the weakness into a strength that works just for you.

I've been going at this for years and every single professor or Japanese friend (or even people from the discord server) I have can tell you that I've struggled with pretty much any grammar point that included ~ように--and it wasn't because I wasn't trying, but because I couldn't find myself using any sentences that with those grammar points because I found the alternatives/similar ones to make more sense. Surprisingly, it wasn't until I was reading 夜カフェ for our book club that I was actually able to start grasping the meaning (ngl, I still haven't used it myself--I'm notorious for using alternatives); I was finally witnessing it being used in a way that made sense in my brain.

The frustration you're feeling when you encounter a new grammar point or overload yourself with too many things in one go is completely normal and I promise that a ton of us in the Japanese langblr community have definitely experienced it too! It probably feels like everything you know is being ripped apart because your native language may have a SVO (subject-verb-object) format while Japanese has a SOV (subject-object-verb) format--your 1-to-1 translations for your notes may not be helpful in the beginning because you're still trying to wrap your brain around the fact that your words still need to go in another order than you're used to. And then you add the new grammar points and concepts on top of that (like particles and other things) and it can become overwhelming and frustrating. Sometimes, you're going to find some grammar points just downright annoying--especially when you find that there's no equivalency to it in your own language. But don't give up!

I know this is a super cliché thing to say, but practicing them will help. If you can, I would make note of the grammar points that you're struggling with, try to make sentences with them, and ask somebody to check them and explain exactly why (or why not) they're working and then ask them for examples because they may have an even better way of explaining it to you than what you've come up with for yourself!

I can look back at old notes and see when I wrote a sentence as an example just because a textbook/professor used it but I didn't actually understand why it worked at the time and then I can also find notes where the sentences written as examples were added once I finally found something that clicked for me.

You've already done yourself a favor by learning a lot of vocab, kana, and kanji because now you'll be able to try out an array of ways to pick up grammar instead of just a textbook. (I will make a note that if you're looking to take the JLPT, I would recommend having a list of grammar points that you would need to know for the level that you're planning on sitting for because there's no guarantee of what will or won't pop up on the test.)

Another important thing while you're practicing: be comfortable with making mistakes. We all make them, but when you're learning a new language it's important to be ready to make mistakes and to welcome them with open arms because it gives you a chance to experience and learn in real time.

ALSO: for you specifically--because you're interested in reading, you might enjoy learning grammar through tracking the different grammar points through what you're reading and using the sentences as your examples because they're all going to be cohesive. And if reading books or other things totally turn you off right now, maybe games? Animal Crossing and Pokemon are very nice games to play in Japanese for people that are just starting out! You may also enjoy using Lingo Legend--it's an JRPG language learning app that I beta tested and I think that it's a nice way to review (it has some fun incentives). I'm not a big gamer, so I struggle with learning through games, but I've been picking up a lot of grammar through reading because I focus on finding things that I'm interested in, rather than things that are "at my level." When I start a manga, I will scour a ton of websites and forums and bug a ton of people when I come across a grammar point that I can't wrap my brain around because I want to be able to understand what's going on.

We have book clubs and gamers in my discord server, as well as places for people to post what they're practicing or to ask for help. We have people of all varying levels and different skillsets that love to share their wisdom with others.

I haven't used Bunpro, but I know that @sammilearns has, so she may be able to weigh in on that! And @tokidokitokyo @nihongoseito @chouhatsumimi @kanpeki-bekki @burgeoning-ambition probably also have even more tips that me--I'm trying to tag people that I know we all learn in different ways, so their tips and tricks might be just what you need!

Please weigh in, fellow langblr members! How have you been learning grammar? Are you game-ifying it? Have you turned it into math equations? Have you managed to tie it in with your special interest? I can't wait to see what people add to this post!

[destinyh3art]

Daemon & Viserys + Aemond & Aegon | daylight

Ahh! Finally someone made a edit with this song along with these characters! Cause they are the most 'you and i drink poison from the same vine' core.

I don't like viserys or daemon but one thing i liked about them was how their love for each other was genuine. Especially from daemon's side. Like it has built the very foundation of his character. Their parents died early deaths, so for daemon viserys must have been this elder figure he depended on. Even his relationship with rhaenyra feels like an extension of his relationship with viserys. A way to get closer to his brother, get his validation by getting closer to the person viserys loves the most, the person daemon wishes he was. And like aemond, he has this mask on as well to not show any weakness which we see finally break off when he finally grieves for his brother after the visions. Because that is the only thing he truly cares about in this damned war, the thing that is the most important to him is his brother who has now died. And daemon will never see him again. It is such a poignant end to his harrenhal arc which i loved btw.

And the same goes for viserys too because for all of daemon's flaws, his chaotic nature, his violence, viserys couldn’t help but call his brother back to him. There were times he couldn’t trust him but he still loved him all the same. 'The blood of the dragon runs thick. Then why do you cut me so deeply?' this line will forever get me.

As for aegon and aemond, wow can't be sure with them because of the hotd's unpredictable writers. Because in season 1, it felt like they could stand as an united front against others(blacks here) despite their clear distaste for each other which comes from aemond's side mostly as he can't tolerate aegon being a useless bum and still getting everything that aemond thinks he deserves. But did not think that he would be willing to kill aegon for that. I think the thought came abruptly tho cause aegon wasn’t supposed to be in rook's rest(in the show atleast). Whether or not he would feel guilt for it, can't say cause he has created this cold, uncaring persona for himself which we know is fake cause he definitely feel things even if he is vicious(as proven by the brothel scenes). And if he could feel guilty for killing lucerys then yea its possible he could feel guilty for aegon too but we will never see him express that(or might in his harrenhal arc hehe. I hope burnt aegon haunts his bitchy ass).

I also don't think he will harm aegon anymore or have any interactions after this season cause aemond will go off to harrenhal soon. But gosh i loved that scene when aemond tenderly kisses aegon's forehead. It was a subtle threat to say nothing cause he knows aegon remembers and is now scared of him, but also it felt like he was saying, 'see? I can love you like this. Under my thumb, crippled. As long as your existence doesn’t challenge what i feel like i am owed, i will love you. So do what is expected of you. Nothing. Let me handle everything.' It’s like a toxic parallel to viserys and daemon which is more tragic cause aegon wholeheartedly trusted him. Deep down inside i do believe aemond does love aegon but it is overshadowed by his contempt for his brother's unsavory characteristics and his unwillingness to perform his duties and not because of the bullying cause that was something aegon did as kids but couldn’t really do as adults cause let's be honest aemond can go way brutal(small council scene). And that brothel scene must have been after so long( i don’t think aegon bullied aemond after that driftmark incident and luke and jace, his partners in crime were away at dragonstone too) and as the actors said, an indirect reproach for Jaehaerys's death. Aemond's love just comes out in a more fucked up way like in that scene when he visited aegon. The way he was gentle but cruel. As if he knows aegon wants validation and will eat it up from his hands no matter how he gives it. But he also wants him subdued so he can have power. I do kinda like this dynamic ngl and gosh i will miss their interactions.

Having both aegond and visaemon scenes in ep 6 was such a good parallel to each other.

[allamericansbitch]

How do you reason if taylor doesnt speak up about palestine in the near future? Because there’s an air of finality in her silence about this cause. Especially now that we know an israeli supporter (capital one) sponsored her US leg of tour, even her eras tour seems dirty. She is so quick to release new versions of ttpd (31 versions as of now), after billie indirectly called her out.

(Sidebar— yes billie may be a hypocrite to talk about wasteful variants of albums to be produced one after another to supplement chart topping. BUT she wasn’t wrong and not only was taylor in a position to set an example of reducing waste in music industry because of her titan status, she used that position to punch down further on billie’s release week, despite it not affecting ttpd’s #1 rank. Talk about stepping on her gown and taking her crown. Olivia creating a distance from taylor since the royalties incident has left a bad taste in my mouth.)

Also, its not helpful that she dated and defended a racist last year, wrote an album about him.

small tangent before i get to the main point: i've said this before billie isn't a hypocrite for the vinyl thing. i think y'all really need to start looking into the actual articles instead of just reading headlines or hearing out-of-context quotes. the entire article with billie was about sustainability and how she works hard to make her variants out of 100% recycled material so they're less wasteful. she wasn't saying she was against all vinyl variants in general, she was saying she's against people who make a bunch of variants and not put the effort in to make sure it's not wasteful like she does. she was just asking people to be more sustainable with their variants.

now to the main point: i've already made peace a long time ago that she's not a good person. when she doubled down on dating a vocal bigot who says slurs for fun and gets off to black women getting brutalized and tried to make it look empowering for her, releasing a song about anyone who doesn't like bigotry as 'vipers dressed in empath's clothing', and just becoming the embodiment of true white feminism and being a huge hypocrite, fully abandoning her activism and regressing to the generic apolitical 'remember to register to vote' posts that she made before she promised to do more, all that plus she's also been openly ableist with parts of ttpd in terms of using problematic displays of mental hospitals/breakdowns and using them as an 'aesthetic', mocking/invalidating other peoples addiction/depression but then asking for empathy with her own mental issues, working with and befriending multiple abusers, zionists, etc all while remaining silent on a genocide that is dependent on gaining traction and attention so people can raise money to help (also releasing the eras tour movie in Israel actively during the genocide, then later selling it to disney+ which is on the boycott list) but making sure she's still the biggest star in the world, maintaining her platform but never using it for anything important or good, asking for more money for herself and fully showing that charts are more important to her than injustice or helping fellow humans, and showing all the causes she once said she cared about don't really matter to her.

i've fully accepted that she's not gonna talk about the genocide she can easily help. and if by a shocking turn of events she does, we'll all know it's because she was losing fans not because she actually cares (which i know isn't the point, it's not about her, and her speaking up will help the cause so much so she still should; but i'm speaking in terms of how it reflects on her and her intentions). none of this should be surprising, i've seen a lot of people say this might be their last straw with her and that's completely valid, but my last straw was used up about a year ago. none of her new behavior is causing frustration to me because i was already frustrated to begin with. i don't need to reason with it because i did a long time ago.

[lyco-riis]

I've been thinking about it and I think the reason why such a vocal part of the fandom has been twisting the ending of MHA into such a negative thing is because the concept of being content with one's situation is something they don't take into consideration. Or not properly, at least.

The story has always put an emphasis on how much Izuku wanted to be a hero and I guess that's why it's so difficult for people to grasp that... his goals/wishes might have changed. Quite a few years passed between the final war and the end of the manga. It's more than feasible that his wish has changed or adapted in that time. And overall, his desire to help people still remains the core aspect of his goals. Being a teacher is a great way to achieve that—he had the experience, the skills and the personality for it, too. Plus, as someone who had a not so great school experience (middle school), he understands well how to help the students.

That said, the one thing that seems to bother a part of the fandom the most is that they think the manga paints him in a position where he just accepted the teacher position and his life, because of the loss of his quirk and thus is forcing himself to be content with the outcome.

That's honestly a really depressing way to view the ending. It's also wrong.

I'm not going pretend losing OFA didn't make him reconsider things—that's a big, sudden change, after all. But like, Midoriya Izuku is literally written as one of the most stubborn characters ever. He wouldn't have quit and packed it up just because of that. Maybe middle school!Izuku would have, but the final war!Izuku is different, he has a lot more confidence, knowledge and experience. He has grown as person and I doubt losing OFA would have truly stopped him.

I feel like it's wrong to even consider him becoming a teacher as him stoping being a hero. Overall, the Izuku during the finale has one big difference compared to the one from the beginning—he's content/confident about being quirkless. It's not really something that's holding him back anymore, that's making him falter. I don't think people realize it even though Hori kind of spelt it out. But 14-year-old Izuku let his quirklessness hold him back. It's obvious in the way he searched for validation in others (the rooftop scene with All Might). Meanwhile, during the finale chapter, it's very obvious that it's not really something holding him back. He's the one to reassure a kid that he can be a hero—because Izuku has been, still is, a hero. Because now as adult he simply knows it's possible. He doesn't need the validation of others and the lack of a quirk is not something that will hinder him.

I think this is a very important point to understand about his character, because I believe it... puts his job as teacher into a whole new light.

A large part of the fandom read the scenes where he talks about his former classmates and his loneliness with Aizawa and somehow created a misconception about the situation in their head.

They see this scene and so on as proof that Izuku isn't content with his job. As mentioned, I think, people don't really understand what being content with one's situation actually means. Feelings of what-ifs and loneliness and other stuff like that are normal, even if you are truly content with something—as long as they don't appear in an excessive amount. Even if you truly love your current job, there might still be times you're going to think, 'What if I chose that other job...' But as long as you don't think like that constantly, it's not regret. The loneliness comment isn't meant to be proof that he's unhappy with the situation. It's natural to feel lonely once in a while, especially if everyone's busy with packed schedules and you can't meet up until, like, two months pass. Missing people is normal, y'all. That doesn't mean Izuku has been abandoned by anyone.

(That whole debate about 1-A abandoning him is so ridiculous, because anyone who's ever had a job, knows it's damn tough to find time to meet up with people because you can't always have off at the same time and weekends aren't a guarantee either. Plus, that doesn't count how expensive meeting up can get when you don't live near each other. Also, I've seen someone say, Hori should just have not done that part based on reality then because it's a manga about heroes with superpowers—are you serious? If Hori has always done one thing in his writing, it's that he still made the world of MHA somewhat realistic despite the superpowers. The kids school life, the discrimination, the job aspect of the hero industry as well the entertainment aspect—of course, he was going to keep it realistic. Anything else wouldn't even make sense. Being a hero is supposed to be a demanding job. If they all had constantly time to hang, that would be questionable too.)

It's also baffling me that the concept of Izuku shifting his goal from being a hero on-field to training future heroes as teachers is so unbelievable to a part of the fandom. If you ask me it makes perfectly sense. Izuku wants to save people, to help people. Training future heroes is an indirect way to do so... But also a direct way. You can't tell me his whole story with Shigaraki didn't make him think about his situation. You can't tell me, he completely forgot about his time during middle school.

Y'know, considering he had such questionable teachers in middle school and then such great ones in high school (seriously, Aizawa and All Might did a lot), it wouldn't be surprising if he realized that he might be capable of helping the students, even if it's just to reassure them that everything's going to be fine and stuff like that.

I'm not saying he completely gave up on being an on-field hero (the ending with the suit is a clear indicator on where he stands there), but acting like he's miserable as teacher and hates it and is unable to shift his goals and dreams, is a disservice of his character, in my opinion.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, this was building up over the days.

[unknown-drug]

A GUIDE TO SURVIVE

All the things I wish someone would I told me before descending in this Hellhole.

🦋 ️ If you were thinking about diving into the EDs World for the first time, go back and think again (this is not worth it, I swear to every God in this universe. Just run as far as you can from it) But if sadly you are, you have to be completely educated.. Do some research about everything it consists of. Literally get as much information as you can (pros and cons, nutrition, exercises, side effects, long/short terms, overuses of anything, etc). There is so much more than diet and food involved, so just don’t be stupid about it.

🦋 ️EDs DON’T HAVE NUMBERS. Someone who is 200+ pounds is as valid as someone who is 100 and under. Stop bullying people because they are heavier or lighter than you are. Society fucks us enough so no need to add more hate. We are all in the same shit anyways… No one has the same body as you. Your number compared to others might not look the same. So yes, your thinspo is all cute but you have to consider all the criterias. Genetics, overall stats, gender.. Weight is just a number among many other things.

🦋 Weighing yourself every single day is NOT the most effective or accurate way to see/track results. The scale can shift up to 5 lbs a day (minus or plus, I know this is insane). Some specialists recommend doing it 1-3 times a week, always on the same day, so that you can see a more accurate graph of the fluctuation. (Keep in mind that you have to account for any hormonal changes/cycles when it comes to your result, I suggest comparing each week of your cycle with one another.)

🦋 You should consider using other methods to track your progress other than weighing yourself like a tape measurement can be really effective for body dysmorphia and if you have access to a gym ask them to check your body fat percentage. You would be surprised to see just how much it can help. Because at some point, the balance between muscle and fat is so small that physical change won’t be as noticeable. But seeing actual results from other means can really boost your mental state.

🦋 Those who will notice “the problem" won't be the ones you want. And those who are really there for you are not always the one you thought would be.. But do not throw away the help if you need it.

🦋 Do not beat yourself too hard if you slip up. It might get you to binge 10x harder, too. Nobody is perfect. We all binge once in a while. The weight did not appear out of thin air. It is a work in progress..

🦋🦋🦋

I know there is this big debate about the famous “body reset” metabolism day. Some say it helps others would disagree. It's the same thing when I come to fasts and detox/cleanse. At this point, you can follow whoever you wish. All of these help to some degree but aren't necessarily what your body needs. You need to have a good understanding of your system before committing to anything. To each their own.. All studies point to a “sort of reset” but there is not a universal way of doing it. So yes, here are your most common options, but this would depend on too many specifics to have a straight answer. There is no on/off switch when it comes to your body, yes it can feel like it “slowed down” but it is just because your body takes more time to use whatever it has to formulate energy. It takes your organism unequal time to synthesize different food - fat compared to carbs or even muscular tissues. This is why it is not just about the starvation aspect of your ED. It is also important to look at what you're feeding yourself with. Not all diets work the same and provide the same amount of energy. Choose your own path, but just be aware of all the knowledge you can put your hands on.

🦋🦋🦋

✨️✨️✨️ There is no magical pill, no tea bullshit and no fucking food miracle to lose weight. Yes there are some meds that can help (laxative, diuretic and appetite suppressant) but it is mostly out of side effect. Ultimately, your body will get used to them so they will feel like they aren't working anymore and you will feel the need to take more. Do not take more than the recommended amount. Be extremely careful if you are using them and please if you see anything out of the ordinary talk to professionals. Medications without the proper follow up can be horribly harmful in the long run. ✨️✨️✨️

🦋 TAKE YOUR FUCKING VITAMINS. I can't stress that enough but you need them just to make sure your body won’t rupture. It can prevent so many side effects to EDs and even trips to the hospital. Look for multivitamin, biotine, B-complex, folic acid (ladies), iron, potassium and magnesium… See to have some blood work done every year just to see where/or if you are lacking anything crucial.

🦋 DRINK YOUR GODDAMN WATER , BITCH. Your body will give up faster if you don't drink enough water compared to food. If you are fasting or anything, this shit is MANDATORY. And no, coffee, coke zero and teas should not count in your water intakes (sorry). It is so important for weight loss, plateaus and in general. The general rule is about 2L a day but you will need more depending on your lifestyle. There is many any calculators online or you can just go with the basic **1500mL - 20(weight in kg-20)= x**. It is the average amount in mL you should aim for.

🦋 Doing the same exercises over and over again will not help you lose weight. In fact, it is quite the contrary. You will have to switch it up, do cardio (even if it sucks), and try weight lifting (nooo it is not gonna make you look bulky.. Lean muscle burns more calories even though it weighs more.), find a sport that you like, yoga and pilates count, and even dancing is a good way to lose weight. You don’t have to spend endless hours in the gym (if you want to, go for it), 4 exercises is a good workout, and 30 mins a day every day is the bare minimum. Walking is quite underestimated but is actually pretty effective. Have fun with it cause it will be easier to stick to it and not dread it.

🦋 Sleep is MANDATORY. Don't think that staying awake all night doing exercises is helping you. In fact, your metabolism will go down 10 to 20 % if you sleep less than 6 hours a night. Get the rest you need.

🦋Food is not the enemy. When it becomes your aly it’s going to be a blessing. At the end of the day, you need the nutrients, So stop working against it and make it a tool for you to reach all your goals. It can get you the body that you want without too much work tbh.

🦋 ️ You guys have to stop with the famous “breakfast is the most important meal of the day”. If you were to look deeper into things you would know that the word originates from “breaking a fast” because it is the first meal after a long period of fast (when you sleep) depending on how long and everything but technically it still applies. So yes, it does help to kick start your metabolism, but there are many other ways to do so. Do what works for your lifestyle. Intuitive eating can really help with the disorder.

🦋Not all diets are going to work for you. Don't get discouraged. Try a few and see what works. Keep in mind to incorporate a little bit of every food group (if possible) to make sure you won't lack any crucial nutrients. Again, do your research.

🦋When reaching your GW or UGW, you may still feel unhappy. Yes, it feels like if you were skinnier, the world would turn around and become a wonderful place to be, but it’s not necessarily the case. It is not a magical way to solve all your problems, so be aware of possible disappointments.

🦋Keep yourself accountable. Stop blaming others or your life for things you have done. At the end of the day, you are the one doing everything. Excuses are not gonna help you achieve anything.

🦋The saddest part about this is that the sense of control is only temporary... If you have any other mental illnesses, it can mess you up so bad.. Mixing everything can be a lot at times, and I know how overwhelming it is to do all that by yourself. But, one way or another, you will have to go up against your demon and fight them or die trying.. Literally.

🦋This is not all rainbows and unicorn illnesses. It is hard to live through and even harder to witness it on someone else. You will cry, you will scream, and you will feel depressed and hopeless at times. Try to get someone you can talk to or vent to. This is why the online community is a huge part of EDs. Don't keep it all inside. It will break you.

🦋If you ever relapse after more than a year of recovery, you have to keep in mind that your body has changed. Especially if it went through puberty or if it is somewhere in your adulthood. If you plan on using the same old tricks you did as a teenager, I am sorry to announce to you that it might not work. Your relapse is like a whole new ED. You have to relearn everything about your body. It has adjusted to your harsh treatment and will definitely not cooperate the way it did before.

🦋If you are not ready mentally for recovery, it will NEVER happen. It cannot be forced. Recovery is the hardest part of the illness, but it is doable. And it takes time. It is not something that can be done overnight. Be patient, and at the end of the day, love yourself. But keep in mind that even fully recovered, the numbers won't magically stop in your mind. It will stay there as an afterthought. Some can live with it, and some can’t. If you need help, go get some.

🦋Calorie Counting🦋

So this is the most controversial topic of all but fuck it. This is my blog anyway I do what I want. Do with this information as you please. I am no doctor, just a bitch with a pharmacy and nutrition background.

🦋If you are to calculate calories, there are two crucial details you have to account for; your BMR (basal metabolic rate) and macronutriments.

🦋For macros, learn what they are and how to use them. It’s not just a question of fat, carbs, and protein. Look into understanding food labels and portion size and the percentages it represents in your daily food.. Especially when it comes to dry and wet food (ex: food labels on pasta and rice are for quantity when it is dry). It can really make a difference at the end of the day to have a good ratio of each group.

Most diets given by your trainers or dieticians are based on your BMR. Depending on how they calculated it, your exercise is already accounted for. So, in that case, you can not add your “active calories burned” from your smartwatch or whatever in your own calculations, thinking you can eat more or lose more. If you do so it’s going to nullify your progress for the day.

First, calculate your BMR (and no I’m not going to get involved in the gender debate, so use what you want).

Men= 66 + (6.23 x weight lbs) + (12.7 x height inch) - (6.8 x age in years)

Women= 655 + (4.35 x weight lbs) + (4.7 x height inch) - (4.7 x age in years)

Then multiplyz it by your activity level, and you will get your calories to maintain your actual weight. (1.2 = nothing, 1.375 = lightly, 1.55 = moderate). **I recommend just sticking with the lowest activity level possible since you want to know the minimum deficit of calories you can consume. So either do the 1.2 or not.

Now look into your goal. How much weight do you want to lose and by when ? The rough estimate is that 1 lbs = 3500 cals.

Let’s say you want to lose 10 lbs in 6 weeks. You will need to burn about 35,000 cal total in 6 weeks = 5,834 cal / week = 834 cal / day. (This is your deficit). Take your BMR again and subtract the last number to see how much your allowance is (ex: a BMR of 1800 means that your diet would be 1800 - 834 = 966 cal a day) It’s only a rough estimate. Because your BMR changes from day to day depending on the amount of stuff you do. If your deficit ends up negative, you need to revise your goal because on paper, it is unachievable and highly dangerous.

✨️✨️ Like I said , everything is just an estimate. Water weight and hormonal cycle are not included in this little math. ✨️✨️

🦋Purging🦋

You have to understand a few things before even thinking about doing it

🦋The biggest thing about purging is the long-lasting consequences. The acid in your stomach is extremely harmful. Think about it. It literally dissolves organic stuff to virtually nothing. There are a lot of medical problems that are linked to purging.

🦋The calorie absorption starts as soon as you begin chewing your food. There is acid that is released through your spit (yes, even if it is less acidic than your stomach, it is still there). So the famous method “chew and spit” is not the best because it is still harmful to your mouth health.

🦋 Purging is not a miracle erase switch. There is no Uno Reverse here. Even if you were to purge the entirety of your stomach, and that only a mere second after finishing eating, your body has already absorbed a portion of the calories ! A general rule is that about 1/3 to 2/3 of the calories will be left behind.

🦋 Now, even after all that you do purge, DO NOT BRUSH YOUR TEETH RIGHT AFTER. I swear to God that this is the worst thing you could do. 🦋

🦋If you were to ask the dentist when is the best time to brush your teeth in the morning, they would all agree that you can do it right after you wake up or 30-60 minutes after consuming food because of the acid mentioned earlier. Imagine how bad it would be after vomiting. So after a purge, you should try to swish some bicarbonate and water to bring the pH down and swallow half a glass to ease up your mouth, esophagus, and stomach. (I do 1 tbsp for 1 cup of water).

🦋Also, DO NOT PURGE if you don't drink enough liquid in your stomach. It is easier to do it when you do not only have solid shit in and less gross. Also it helps to reduce the acidity when it comes out.

🦋 Unfortunately, not all people have a gag reflex. Some studies show that nearly ⅓ of the population claim to feel it. Furthermore, it is shown that people who use any tobacco substance or other smoking substitute may be more prone to experience the lack of it. But it might also be that your body got used to your “mia” methods, thus being more resistant to where and how you are doing it. In that case, specialists point to other factors that can trigger it. So people will have a reaction caused by smell, others would find it with different stimulus points such as the roof of the mouth, back of the throat, tongue and near the tonsils. Moreover it can help to change the “tool” you are using (like going with something with a different texture like a cotton swab or the dental wood stick since it might help to trigger the reaction).

With that being said, if there is one thing you should remember about this whole thing is to be careful and aware.

Stay safe lovies. 🦋

[officialgleamstar]

Personal DnDads Pride Headcanons

some of these are simple but most are paragraphs long because of who I am as a person (incapable of saying things concisely), so they're going under a readmore. vaguely organized by age group.

one quick note: feel free to cheer on or rag on any of these that you please, variety in opinion is the spice of fandom life! everyone's headcanons are so real and valid to me, i am a strong believer in having as many contradicting fandom opinions as you want. for this list, i just went with everything that is "default" to my fan content. others' transfem sparrow is shaking hands with my gnc sparrow and yes, i'm listing that one on purpose, because if you make fun of transfem sparrow, you are getting hit by my bat. be fucking nice.

please enjoy!

Season 1 Dads and Spouses

Carol is a lesbian. This is simply canon to me. It’s important that this is first and visible to everyone.

Bi/pan polyamorous Henry and Mercedes is also simply canon to me. Honestly that one might be fully canon based on some of the things that happen in Odyssey

Henry is unlabeled but in the sense that he calls himself ‘queer’, ‘bisexual’, ‘gay’, or ‘pansexual’, fully depending on his mood and the conversation happening

Ron is also unlabeled but in the sense that he has never thought about it in his life and isn’t intending to now

Glenn is bisexual but never talks about it unless someone else mentions it first, and he tries really really hard to never think about his gender once in his life. The queer angst I give Glenn could be a whole post of its own but just know he has issues. He does fuck men though

Darryl still isn’t really sure on his sexuality and probably never will be, but he’s actually explored it a bit, so that’s better than whatever the fuck was going on with him before the show started. Henry likes giving him subtle bear pride flag accessories because Darryl actually wears them a lot. His favorite color is brown, after all.

Jodie, Nicky, and Taylor all are bisexual with a preference for women. Sexuality isn’t genetic but it is for them specifically.

Morgan is also bisexual. Literally none of the season 1 parents are straight except maybe Samantha and even with her, my opinion fully matters on the day and how I’m feeling.

Henry and Lark have definitely had an exchange at some point where Lark asked him how it was to ‘experience twink death’, to which Henry just went ‘get back to me in a few years on that, kid.’ and Lark spent the rest of the week furiously moping because clearly, he’s a twunk, Father- (words of a man who did not take care of himself well enough from the ages of 18-25 to ever be a twunk)

This is my little shipper brain but Jodie only realized he liked men after being stuffed into the Odyssey and being around Ron 24/7 for months on end (and the demon stuff, but he didn’t know that yet for obvious reasons). In his timeline, he had a whole arc about it and now he’s persistently attracted to strange men who don’t make sense as well as women light-years out of his league. He’s still a little miffed that Henry doesn’t remember the very long conversations they had about it, but him and Nicky get to wear matching bi pride bracelets now, so he guesses it’s fine.

Kiddads and Spouses

Lark is bisexual. He has known this since kindergarten when his parents explained what the flag all over their house was and has never thought about it since.

Lark also helped Rebecca realize she was bisexual because she would ask him about it in a class they shared in high school

This is utterly unrelated to LGBT headcanons but I think Veronica and Rebecca grew up in San Dimas with the kiddads, and were friends with them in high school. It just makes sense to me

Unlabeled Terry Junior is something that can be so personal to me. In a general sense, he likes everyone romantically, and identifies enough with the asexual spectrum to wear an ace ring, but he doesn’t really see the point in putting a name on it. He’s just Terry Junior and he’s happy with that.

Him, Lark, and Nicky did have a group chat called ‘bisexuals with an agenda’ in high school though, where they would make plans for pranking or otherwise harassing their fathers during group outings. Terry loves Ron but that does not mean he is above ruining his day. It’s done with affection.

My thoughts on Sparrow could be a full fanfiction but gonna try to keep it simple (retroactive edit: did not keep it simple). Sparrow is the token cishet of the kiddads, but in the queerest way possible. He’s an Oak-Garcia, of course he’s explored himself very thoroughly. At current, he identifies as gender non-confirming cis man, but he has had periods of his life where he transitioned and then detransitioned. In early high school, he identified as non-binary. From senior year up until just before Hero was born, he lived as a trans lesbian. He doesn’t see these periods as phases, just as his identity changing over time. Currently he’s perfectly happy identifying as a man, but wouldn’t be wholly shocked if he transitioned again. Calls himself “cis but gender is obviously, massively, a social construct and so it feels unfair to expect myself to fit into these boxes when identity can be so fluid and-”

Rebecca still calls him her wife, and also a granola lesbian or MILF from time to time because it makes him laugh, and while Nicky was still in his life, he would send Sparrow trans memes a lot. Sparrow also has always liked being seen as non-binary, he sees it as ‘winning at being androgynous’. Competitive to the sense of nonsensical Sparrow my beloved

Sparrow always wears women’s clothing but that’s for autistic reasons. They just fit nicer for his brain. It helps the gender(tm) thing though, he near exclusively wore hand-me-downs from Mercedes throughout all of high school

Sorry for talking so much about Sparrow. He’s my favorite character so he is the focus of many of my thoughts. Anyways

Never been a huge fan of the ‘Grant was outed by his crush in the Forgotten Realms’ headcanon, I think Grant came out about a year beforehand. Long enough where everything about it has settled but it’s still new enough that Darryl forgot for a split second and thought Grant might have a crush on Killa during the Four Knight arc. He’d known he liked boys a while before that, and also his parents kind of figured he was gay most of his life since he had 95% girl friends

Marco is pansexual! He met Grant in college because he worked the front desk of their dorm building and would always wear a bunch of pride pins

Nicky was Grant’s first good friend who was a boy, I like to think that they were childhood friends. Grant announced this to his dad at the age of 10 by going “Nick Close is transgender now, so that means you don’t have to worry about me only talking to girls because he’s a boy.” and Darryl went “…Alright?” and then googled what ‘transgender’ means

Speaking of, Nicky realized he was trans because of Mulan. Both Glenn and Jodie, in their respective timelines, googled ‘How do I know if my daughter is a lesbian’ before he came out because Nicky would rewatch the reflection song so often and also the tomboy-isms. Everyone felt very stupid for being surprised when he cut all of his hair off, cried, and asked to change his name

T4T Nicky and Cassandra is canon and they rubbed it into everyone's faces when they were together, Anthony is just afraid of the truth

Cassandra is trans het. I love trans het people more than anything and I love her so this makes sense to me.

Veronica is non-binary, in the sense of “girl but to the left”. They/she pronouns, calls themself a girlie and a mom but not a woman, dresses in a kickass pantsuit at formal events. I’m also in love with her

Season 2 Teens and Friends

Hero and Normal are both trans. When Hero came out, Sparrow sat Normal down to explain why Hero was now a sister instead of a brother and Normal responded with “Well, that’s not fair. How come Hero can be a girl but I can’t be a boy?!” and Sparrow just stared at him for a really long time before going “You can be a boy, honey.” and they went thrift shopping as a family for new clothes the next day

Normal is stealth trans, mostly because Hero is the same way and he copies her, but also because it doesn’t really occur to him that he passes. He just figures that people knows even though he is on testosterone and binds and presents masculine. It helps that his family presents pretty gender-neutral as a whole, so most people assume he had long hair as a kid because his parents are hippies. They had a son and daughter, both with long hair. They now have a daughter and a son, both with short hair. To the general populace, nothing has changed, they just misremembered which kid was older.

Taylor is a demi-boy and spends every year growing more and more feminine. Definitely calls their gender something like ‘boy with a dash of girl on the side’ with their friends. Growing out his hair was a newer thing and he regrets cutting it, even if it was a super cool sequence and he looked like an anime protagonist, because he liked how it framed his face.

Cassandra has always maintained an openness about her trans identity, so Taylor’s the same way. He’s always got the he/they pronoun pin on (I figure this is normalized by the time of season 2, but he’s just very pleased about it), he has a variety of trans and non-binary pride pins that he cycles through, and they like painting their nails because it’s an easy way for them to feel a little more feminine.

Cassandra’s living room is decorated with a massive trans pride flag and LED lights. The first time the teens walk into Taylor’s home, Scary says “it looks like a Twitch stream in here” at the same time that Normal says “it looks like my sister’s room in here” and they high-five while Taylor yells at them to be nice.

Hermie is genderfluid and uses any pronouns. This is real to me. He has my own teenage trait of gender shifting every three hours and never knowing what to do about it and he will be suffering with this until he exits puberty, at which point he gives up and just sees what gender other people choose for him.

Hermie is also pan/ace! No further thoughts here. She just is.

Erica just goes by queer because she doesn’t think the common passerby deserves to know her rich inner life and she’s right, they don’t

I tend to say a lot that all of the S2 kids are bisexual, and I represent them as such, but I truly believe that Lincoln and Normal both have no idea what’s going on with their sexualities. They say they’re bisexual for bisexual teen squad reasons but Normal is going through a constant crisis of “Am I gay or bisexual?” and Lincoln looks up the definition of aro/ace on a weekly basis. Neither of them will ever express this until Scary goes “maybe I’m not bisexual, actually.”

On that note, Scary is a lesbian but she’s not going to realize that until college. For now, she’s rocking with the bisexuality and pretends it’s not weird that her ‘crushes’ on boys feel wildly different than her crushes on girls. Yes I am projecting. This is not a secret. We project onto Scary here.

[sevicia]

My mom's started to notice how obedient I am to my sister and it's humiliating. "Why do you let her speak to you like that? You always listen to her instead of me" it's obvious now because that day they thought I was dying I only moved once my sister yelled at me, and I barely remember any of it.

It's humiliating because it's a reflex. It's not like I don't have my own will, it's not like it's weak, it's just that I can't go against her without feeling like I'll be punished for throwing a tantrum. That feeling overrides everything else.

I have no idea what I'd do if my mom ever asked me directly about it, because I know she'd blame her. I guess it started because of her, but that means they'd start fighting like crazy again and my sister would start feeling like our parents don't care about her again. Maybe telling my mom would help me feel better somehow, maybe it'd help start fixing things even though it seems impossible, but the possibility of both her and our dad turning against my sister is more than enough for me to avoid talking about it as much as possible.

There's also the fact that everyone's just gonna call me a coward and a pushover for never being able to stand up to her. I guess that's true, but it's still awful to think about being seen for what I am in such an explicit way.

Frustrating because I know for a fact it's my fault I still feel like this today. I mean, I'm better than I was 1 or 2 years ago, back then I agreed with everything she said and hid anything I thought might make her dislike me because I felt like the scum of the earth every time she got annoyed or called me stupid. I couldn't help bawling my eyes out, which I've never been able to do properly since we've always shared a room, I'm always quiet. I really wish I could just cry like a kid even just once, but I don't think I'll ever be able to.

It's my fault that I'm still like this because changing is on me. It's something no one else can ever do for me, but I'm so deep in it I know I'll die like this. I know other people have had way worse relationships with their siblings when they were kids, and they're nowhere near this level of messed up about it. I don't think "I didn't have it THAT bad" is a valid excuse, but I do think I should've gotten over it already. I just never noticed how sensitive I was because I've always had to be so quiet.

I hate that I'm like this because of something I should've gotten over by now. I hate that I can't tell anyone, but most of all I hate that I can't say it to her face because I love her so much. She's cried while telling me about how sorry she is and how guilty she feels for messing up my childhood like that, so I tell her it's okay. I don't feel okay about it, but I can't ever blame her for any of it since we were both kids. She doesn't know just how much it's affected me, whatever effect she thinks she had on me is not nearly comparable to how I've felt my whole life.

I tell her it's fine. What else am I gonna tell her? I've seen her cry out of guilt. I couldn't live with myself if I ever made her cry like that again. I resent her so much, I can't help it. It's so ugly. I have these moments where I wish she'd just die, that she'd just disappear from my life and my head one day, then I'd be free to act on my own, but thinking that way just makes me hate myself even more. It's just so disgusting, I can't stand it.

I'm going to die feeling like this. It will never leave me. I can't let it go, I don't know what'd happen if I tried. I don't want her to ever worry about anything. The way people treat her sometimes makes me sick. The way she talks to me most of the time makes me wanna vomit.

She loves me, I don't doubt this for a second. If she ever found out I feel like this, she'd call me an idiot for not telling her sooner. I can't stand the thought of that. I hate it when people do that, I don't understand it and I doubt I ever will. I don't understand why it's so important that I report on what I'm feeling whenever someone wants to "help" me, based on their own metrics. It doesn't do any good. If I said any of this out loud, I'd just start crying and make it look like it's the most horrible thing to ever happen to anyone, I just don't see the point. It achieves nothing. Feeling better is not guaranteed, and even if it was it would still amount to nothing.

I hate crying because it just feels so pathetic. I don't think it makes me weak or anything like that, it's just embarrassing to act so dramatic, especially when I'm known to never cry unless it's from laughing or watching a movie or a show or something like that. It's shallow, but I'm also aware of how much more repulsive I look when I cry. I looked in the mirror once while I cried, and the disgust made me stop, wash my face and go back to being a normal person immediately. It was different to how my stomach usually drops when I see my face. It felt like something was actually wrong with my body.

[lunar-years]

Ngl when I see ppl shipping Jamie and Dr. O'Sullivan I think they're at least a little homophobic and very straight.

well, i disagree with a blanket accusation of homophobia, but I do think it's an opinion that holds a very ~straight appeal~, definitely, lol.

there are honestly a boat load of reasons i hate it but they boil down to:

i kind of get why people (esp. a segment of the general audience) might be attracted to it because it's soooo something (bad) shows/sitcoms would do. Like, my god is it TRITE. Predictable, formulaic...boring as all hell! Of course he's going to get with the nameless sister who has less than five minutes total of screen time, just for a little added spice and drama, sure. That's what happens in (bad) shows. But luckily for the rest of us, Ted Lasso even at its worst is not that brand of bad, lol.

it's completely baseless? Nothing wrong with a baseless ship i guess, but at the same time...literally why this one? lol. Like, Jamie and Roy's sister share one scene together in which I don't believe they even say anything to one another directly? There is no chemistry, no...anything? The entire premise for the ship seems to be Jamie telling Roy his sister is hot. Which was very clearly intended as a way for Jamie to get under Roy's skin. Nothing about the scene makes me want to see those two dating.

the big proponents of it i've seen (often, definitely not always) seem to fit into one of two categories 1) people who don't really like Jamie and/or are upset Jamie "got in the way" of their ship, and thus want him to be written into a corner that pulls him away from their preferred couple/inherently shuffles up their dynamic. they don't actually care to watch a plot between Jamie & Roy's sister, they just want Jamie firmly categorized as Taken and thus Not Interested in Roy and/or Keeley, and this is a convenient and predictable(y stupid) way to do it. lol.

OR 2) people who DO really like Jamie and in fact really like Roy & Jamie, but in a very "no homo" way, who want to see more of their dynamic and have a way to define/further explore their closeness, whilst also justifying their own enjoyment of it, that's well set apart from "they have homoerotic tension." Jamie & Roy's sister dating holds an appeal because it more explicitly puts their relationship into firm "brotherly" territory. And I unabashedly loathe that for the same reason i loathe "Roy is Jamie's father figure!" ...foremost because no really, they can just be best friends!! Even if you do not want to ship roy-jamie romantically, you do not need to slap different familial labels on them (or put them into random other pairings) to make their relationship "more." Their relationship is already "more"...they are canonically best friends!! idk if I'm explaining this in the best way but the mindset behind it often feels very rooted in ~the nuclear family is the most important relationship a person can achieve~ and thus a need to fit everyone into traditional family roles (and in some cases that PLUS blatant homophobia) and it gives me a personal ick. Ew.

If you want to see quirky jamie & phoebe antics or roy and jamie bickering, Jamie x Roy's sister getting it on is in fact not actually necessary for any of that? (and imo doesn't add anything to anyone's arc) Going back to point one...using that pairing to get there feels TO ME very boring and sitcom cartoony.

(i also obviously dislike it for my personal shippy reasons and must acknowledge my bias. 🫡 Jamie dating his best friend's sister when he clearly has a crush on said best friend is a relationship-based mental low point/cry for help i do not actually want him to go through as my fav character, LOL.)

(disclaimer: people can of course feel differently and are entitled to ship whoever they want without even needing a clear reason or explanation! that's totally valid! i want to reiterate I don't think it's inherently problematic as a ship. I just personally think it's a rotten tomato of a plot point and i'm so beyond glad the show didn't waste time entertaining it.)

[sonicasura]

Not sure if the Kaiju number 8 world is escapism for the characters, or me. Probably both. Somehow I always bring KNACK around to sad/weird.

Lucas looks up to Reno, who is older than him but has similar traits. Lucas is too young to join the Defense Force, but in the meantime, he's likely to hang out more and more in that universe and hear the stories. Reno is kind of like an older brother, which is a role Knack can occupy only sometimes.

Once Reno impresses on Lucas how dangerous Kaiju are and why Kafka's secret is so important to keep, poor Kafka feels teamed on when he gets two earfuls about being reckless instead of one.

Knack gets chewed out, too, because Lucas wants to keep him safe. Though Knack may at some point tell him to 'zip it!' When priorities change.

The safety of his friends and family is more important than Knack's own protection. In that respect, him and Kafka's tendencies align.

He burns through Sunstone energy like fire through gasoline, however, those times he gets involved in battle. Kaiju are *nothing* like humans and goblins. I wonder how he might mess with Kaiju sensors, if at all.

Kafka's fatherly tendencies have interesting effects on the KNACK boys. Lucas finally feels listened-to and valued by an adult, and after the boys figure out how Knack's portals work, Lucas feels less and less inclined to return home every visit. Especially after getting into arguments with the Doctor. I think Kafka recognizes this as a problem, but I'm not sure how he approaches it.

The weirder part might be Knack's temperament. Knack's been alive for less than a few years, and I headcanon that this is his only go around with the whole existing thing. So Knack has always been as he is. Kafka has only been half-kaiju for less than a year, but is in his thirties, as we know.

Knack asks Kafka how he handles being different, mistreated for his looks even though he's human. Knack probably made an assumption that Kafka has had his kaiju powers for longer than he really did. Lucas points out that Knack seemingly implied that Knack is human when he isn't. And Knack shuts down after that, only giving one-word answers or silence for the rest of the talk. That's why it's kinda weird and I'm not sure how to explain Knack's feelings. He likes how he is and the way he looks, so he's not ashamed of himself in that way. But he called himself human for some reason.

This just makes me think back to Knack 1 where the Doctor says that Charlotte was his better half alongside Lucas genuinely being an orphan(lost his mother and no father in the picture). He genuinely cares for the two but sometimes his interests get the better of him. I think that's why Knack alongside Lucas have been exploring on their own while Doctor and Charlotte were at the Monk Temple in Knack 2.

A massive argument which makes the older man realize both his assistants need time to grow as their own individuals while he needs to reflect on himself. They do separate on better terms though when Lucas' group ends up seeking the Doctor for help in Knack 2. Both our younger heroes definitely flourished during their personal journey.

It also makes senses why Lucas ends up losing it later on in Knack 2, he doesn't want to be pushed to the wayside and ignored again especially for his blocky brother figure. An irrational fear as Knack would never dare replace Lucas something reaffirmed once the two are stranded on that island together.

Reno and Kafka sorta just speed up the process of the eventual separation. Both give the younger boys that needed reassurance but also validation. Kafka and Knack cope with not being human alongside learning about themselves better. Lucas gets to really show off his ideas but actually feels seen due to Reno than just our favorite himbo. Both people allow our boys to truly grow into their own individuals.

You can say exploring the world of Kaiju No. 8 is like finally being able to leave the nest in my opinion.

[sophieinwonderland]

It's weird being schizophrenic and plural (with some of that plurality being affected by both the schizophrenia and by trauma) and Also Traumatized all the same time because like.

CDD disorders, (c-)PTSD, and schizophrenia can have symptoms in common. Including dissociation, sometimes amnesia, hallucinations, etc, and often have similar comorbidities. Hell, schizophrenia can even cause trauma, which could lead to (c-)PTSD or traumagenic CDD disorders.

And, for a long ass time, before I knew I was schizophrenic, I thought I had OSDD-1 or mild DID with some added psychosis (yknow, for flavor). But then I started doing some research. And as it turned out, a lot of symptoms that I had that I thought were exclusive to CDDs... were just as easily caused by schizophrenia. Any other symptoms that were common in CDDs but weren't part of schizophrenia were quickly covered by c-PTSD. And I had a lot of symptoms of schizophrenia that could not be filled in by either.

Obv this is all just my experience, ymmv, yadda yadda. But it often leads me to a weird place when it comes to being part of plural communities. My experiences ride the line of being too close to CDDs to relate properly to nondisordered/non-CDD plurals, but because of where those experiences come from, I can't really relate to folks with CDDs either beyond superficial similarities. I'm kind of stuck in the middle.

Anyways. I dunno. It's just interesting for me to think about.

People in the community don't like talking about it, but there really is a serious problem in how these disorders are defined where a diagnosis of DID isn't allowed if symptoms can be explained by other disorders, and there's a huge overlap in symptoms to the point that all of symptoms of DID could be argued to be symptoms of Schizophrenia.

This is something Ross has criticized a lot and tried to rectify. But change is an uphill battle.

If you haven't read it yet (which you might have since I reference it a lot,) there's a paper exploring the differences in voice hearing between people with DID and people Schizophrenia. Maybe this can help you distinguish your experiences a bit.

Here's the DOI: 10.1097/NMD.0b013e3181c299ea

It's Sci-hub compatible if you want to access it easily. I thought maybe the data could be helpful to your journey.

The biggest differences I found there are that DID is far more likely to start in childhood, to include child voices, to include more than 2 voices, to talk among themselves without reference to the host, and (contrary to conventional wisdom) to include other sorts of hallucinatory experiences.

(It's unclear in the study if these hallucinations are as vivid as those typically associated with hallucinations in Schizophrenia.)

And it's definitely possible and valid to have both disorders, so I would be hesitant to rule out CDDs just because you also have symptoms that CDDs don't account for.

Anyway, thank you so much for sharing your experiences! This is a really important topic that I wish could get more of a spotlight in the plural community.