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fiendishartist2 · 1 month ago

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im not fucking around anymore. here's the full "Paul is Care" essay i've been working on:

“Alright. So there's uh, nothing out here, as far as I've seen. But actually, I think there is something out here. I just haven't seen it yet.”

In Petscop, the story is told between the lines. When you feel like you have a grasp on it, a single colour or date throws off everything you’ve built up. That’s why I like to look at Petscop in another way; not as a series of events, but an exploration of a single character: Paul.

Some people like to map everything out in a single timeline; when did Care go missing, when did the family get the game, when did Lina and Mike die. I think that every interpretation of Petscop has its own value, because Petscop means something different to everyone who watches it. But, when I look at Petscop, I don’t just see a series of events wrapped up in the mystery of Care’s disappearance. I see a video game used as a device to explore and understand the connection between the past and the present. I see the ways in which Paul Leskowitz is Carrie Mark.

I know that to some that notion might seem crazy; the broader discussion of Petscop is different to the niche ones held by crazy people in the tags of a Tumblr post . Obviously, this theory is personally significant and I hold it very near and dear to my heart. But, I want to share this theory in a way that makes sense to the general audience of Petscop because I genuinely believe you guys are missing out! So, keep an open mind and enter my Petscop mind-palace…

“...were signs along the way. Um, that I ignored. Because it would have been a completely ridiculous idea to me. Um. But when I found my room, it made, uh, well, I was shocked at first, but it made sense, especially considering where I found the game in the first place, um, that it would be tied, in some way, to me through you. Um. And I'm trying to think, when was the last time I saw any of you at all? It had to have been in like, 1999. I was a kid, I was a small kid. Tiny kid. Um. And after that, just, you know. But, it would make sense in the timeline.” (Petscop 11)

A lot of Petscop theories surround the actual textual proof found in the videos, so that’s where I’ll start. There’s many instances where Paul makes the connection between himself and Care, but one moment continues to stick with me. In Petscop 11, Paul finally enters the house and takes a look around. He’s on the phone with someone, presumably Belle. Paul goes up to the calendars and starts talking about Care, “Yeah, on that topic... I don't remember meeting this girl at all. Um, I don't remember knowing her at any point (…) Um, and I remember you saying that we were, that we, we are, um, exactly the same age.” (Petscop 11). He points out that he and Care share the same birthday, down to the year. We get further confirmation of this in Petscop 14, when Paul’s conversation with Jill that he had on his own birthday is superimposed onto Care’s. The next part though, is what really gets the theory started, “I do agree there's a resemblance. Um. Very strong resemblance between us.” (Petscop 11).

Faces are incredibly important in Petscop. Marvin thought Care and Mike could be rebirthed into Lina because they had similar features, and Care had to be given Mike’s eyebrows specifically to change her room. So, for Paul and Care to have such similar facial features that someone else pointed out the resemblance is significant.

They also happen to share the name “Leskowitz”, which is both Anna and Lina’s last name. We know this because his Reddit account is “p_leskowitz”.

If he’s a Leskowitz, then that explains his complicated feelings towards “the family”. “The family” is a foreboding presence throughout Petscop. Their meddling isn’t outright malicious, but even Paul admits that he’s intimidated by them. And it makes sense, as “the family” (comprised of Anna and Jill) each have a major role in the core mystery of Petscop. Anna is the mother of Care and the wife of Marvin, while Jill is Marvin’s sister and the mother of both Rainer and Mike. To be a Leskowitz, Paul would need to be blood related to Anna or Lina in some way. Paul shows that he has this relation to the family in Petscop 22, when he’s talking to Belle about finding the windmill, “And, I don't th- and you don't have to worry about it, right, 'cause... 'cause you aren't, you aren't family, so you wouldn't... have a room, that's the thing.” (Petscop 22). In this context, Paul is asking Belle whether Jill has contacted her. When he tells her she doesn’t have a room, this is in reference to the Child Library explored in Petscop 3 and 7. This means that in order to be part of the Leskowitz-Mark family (and in our case, related to Care), you have to have a room in the Child Library, something both Paul and Care possess.

Paul being related to the family is also supported by his casual mention of meeting Rainer as a child, “‘Rainer’... I saw him at a birthday party once. All the older kids were down in the basement playing video games, to hide from everyone. He was down there, too. He was older than the rest of them, though.” (Petscop 11), and his confusion of not knowing Care, with the implication that if she was real, he would have met her through the family.

A rarely discussed aspect of Paul’s character is that he can’t tell his left from his right. When he’s doing the disc puzzle in Anna and Marvin’s room is Petscop 11, “Um, we can see what the room looks like in that recording, um, on the uh, right? ... Left? Left? Right ... side.” (Petscop 14) and before he even enters the house, “And, I mean, I still get confused about that. Because, I mean, well, I know it's always the top, but, um, I still have to think. I have to think.” (Petscop 11), we can clearly see that he has trouble with directions. In a similar fashion, Care is described as “dizzy”, most notably in the end credits of Petscop. She is also described as blind by Rainer in Petscop 17, “You were blind. At some point, your movements stopped making sense.” (Petscop 17). In the counsellor’s office, the counsellor says to Paul, “Are you right handed, or left handed? You don't know? Really?” (Petscop 22). I’ll get more into it later, but this sequence is presumably a real conversation that the game is recreating. If this scene is taken from Care’s real childhood, then it confirms that she also had problems with her lefts and rights.

Now, this is the base level of the theory. It’s easy to figure out that Paul is a Leskowitz, he literally calls them “the family”. And while I think the bits about faces and birthdays and directions are significant to this theory, I wanted to get all of the textual evidence out of the way so that I could get into the fun part of this essay: the subtext.

”Some things you can't rewrite.” (Petscop 14)

Petscop is nothing if not a collection of symbols and metaphors. Ask me what Petscop is all about on any given day and there’s a non-zero chance I will start explaining why the car is orange. While it is necessary to analyse Petscop as a real series of events, I think that another approach can be taken; what if we analysed Petscop as a series of events that are happening to Paul specifically? That the game is creating meaning by placing Paul specifically in these snippets of the past. By looking at each moment as “Why did the game make Paul do this?” instead of “What is happening in the game?”, we can see everything through a new lens.

First, I want to discuss colour. Colour plays a huge role in Petscop; almost every character is assigned their own colour. This is most often used to denote who is speaking in text, but it’s also used for other things like the tool. You are probably aware that Care’s colour is yellow, as all of her text is yellow. What you might not know is that Paul’s colour is red. Paul has exactly one instance in all of Petscop where he has coloured text and that is in Petscop 22, when he gives the counsellor his name. The calendars in the house are also colour coded, as the one showing 2017 is red.

One of my favourite moments in all of Petscop uses colour in a way that supports this theory perfectly. When Paul takes Care out of the rebirthing machine, she has been transformed into an Easter egg. A red and yellow striped Easter egg. I will get into this egg later on, but for now, I want to point out how Paul and Care’s colours have been used here. Of course, it’s significant just that they've been put together, but it's more than that. Care’s final form, the egg she has been placed in to keep her safe from all of the trauma she has suffered, that she will spend the rest of the series in, is painted a combination of her and Paul’s colours. In the same sequence, when Paul is playing the Needles Piano for Care B, the “wrong” notes he plays to turn her into the Easter Egg are all red. There’s a joke about eggs and transness in here somewhere.

Right after Care’s rebirth into the egg, Paul places her in the locker with the purple egg and the “new life” letter. If we abide by the established colour theory, this second egg would be Belle’s/Tiara’s egg. By putting them together, alongside the letter, it symbolises Care and Belle’s transfer to Lina’s care; this can also be supported by the ending of Petscop. In the final scene of the soundtrack, Belle recounts when she and Paul were adopted, “There is Boss waiting for her son. Pall do you remember being born. Smuggled away driving to your new house. Boss in driver seat me in back.” (Petscop Soundtrack). “Do you remember being born” is a question posed over and over again throughout Petscop. It’s meant to be a reference to rebirthing, but here it’s Paul being asked if he remembers being born, not Care; you can also connect this to the “new life” letter, making it apparent Belle is asking if he remembers when he was given his “new life” with her and “Boss”. There’s also the implication of the wording “smuggled away”, implying that there was something stopping Paul from being taken to his new home. Paul and Care’s final scenes parallel each other; Care is placed with Belle’s/Tiara’s egg with the “new life” letter, while Paul is taken back to “Boss” by Belle. Care and Paul are both asked if they “remember being born”.

Another, smaller piece of colour theory in Petscop comes from the board games in the counsellor’s office. The board game “Accident” features red and yellow puzzle pieces that fit together, but are broken apart. Remember that Care’s colour is yellow, so assume that she symbolises the yellow piece; Paul’s colour is red, so assume that he symbolises the red piece. The red piece is bigger and fits into the smaller yellow piece, like it’s missing the beginning of it. The yellow piece comes before the red piece, as if it adds context to the red piece. When we think of this in terms of Care and Paul, we can see that Care is the “missing piece” of Paul; the small part of his past that adds the context that completes him. Paul’s piece is bigger because he’s been Paul for so much longer (if we interpret the counsellor’s office as a real event the way it is shown, then that could be the moment he changed. Or, if we consider Care’s rebirth into the egg as the moment Care turned into Paul, then that would be the moment instead), meanwhile Care’s piece is small because she was only a small part of his life.

Taking colour into account, we can get into the meat of the symbolism in Petscop. When we view the events of Petscop through our new lens, many things become significant. Paul is placed in the role of Care many times throughout the series; on Care’s birthday, in the counsellor's office, and in Rainer’s “you are Carrie Mark” monologue.

During the “strange situation” birthday scene, Paul carries around a yellow balloon, symbolising that he is standing in for Care. This is further cemented by Anna’s dialogue addressing Paul as if he is Care on the day she came home, “You made it. Happy birthday! (...) Why are you covering your face? (...) Of course I recognize you. Those eyes. That nose. That’s still you.” (Petscop 14).

This next dialogue from Anna is particularly interesting to me; she doesn’t just tell Paul that she’s happy Care is home safe or ask him where she’s been, but instead she says this, “I sure hope you’ve realised by now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been gone. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed. You aren’t lost. Stop wandering and come home.” (Petscop 14). When we talk about Petscop, we have the urge to deny any supernatural involvement in the story. Whether through AI or predictive programming or alternate timelines, we want Petscop to be plausible. Understandable. Easy to digest. But, we often forget that Paul poses the question of a literal “ghost in the machine” in the first few episodes. I want to consider this quote– Anna talking to her child who has been “lost” for many years– as an act of this ghost. The game is talking back to Paul, telling him that no matter how much he has changed, he still has the same eyes, the same nose that made him Carrie Mark. And we know how important eyes and noses are in Petscop. Also as a side note, consider how Anna didn’t specify eyebrows; we know that Care’s lack of eyebrows is in some way due to Marvin, but when she tells Paul she recognises his eyes and nose, she doesn’t add on eyebrows. Paul said it himself in Petscop 7, “Um, and why am I doing that? Well, because eyebrows seem to be important.” (Petscop 7). I like to think that she couldn’t have said that Paul has the same eyebrows because, since Marvin isn’t in the picture anymore, he wouldn’t have any reason to pluck them.

Another scene that mixes up Paul and Care is the counsellor's office. When Paul finally enters the “girl wall” in Petscop 22, he is placed into a school’s counsellor’s office. Again, they talk to Paul as if he is Care, apologising for taking him out of class and saying he needs to “catch up”, implying that he’s missed a significant amount of school. As they start to play Graverobber (Jesus Christ, Rainer), the counsellor is confused about Paul’s name; they ask him if they have the wrong name written down, as his save file is currently “Strange Situation” and when they called out the name on file, Paul didn’t respond. Now, the connection here is a little more nuanced, but it still comes to a conclusion that I think greatly supports the theory. “Strange situation” is in reference to the Mary Ainsworth Strange Situation Experiment, a test in which an infant is deliberately separated from their mother to test their level of attachment. This is a very base level understanding of this concept, but when applied to this specific scene, it becomes apparent that this “strange situation” is another reference to Care. Care was separated from her mother for about half a year, only returning during the birthday party scene; the counsellor’s scene was accessible once Paul started using the “Strange Situation” file. Care stopped recognising the name she used before the seperation, considering herself to be “Strange Situation” instead. She has literally stopped recognising the name Care, and picks out her own name (which in the game Paul sets to his own).

Also consider the implication of the “girl wall”. At first, it’s an absurd joke, meant to lighten the mood using the same roundabout humour the rest of the series has. But, the counsellor asking if they have the wrong name, listing Paul as “Strange Situation” instead of his name, combined with the fact that when Paul is placed in front of the girl wall, he can’t walk away from it, it becomes a bit of an analogy; The game keeps forcefully showing Paul the word “GiRL” over and over and when he finally enters the “girl-world” as Strange Situation, he is called the wrong name and once again placed in Care’s shoes.

Let’s revisit the “ghost in the machine” idea. In Petscop 17, we are shown a past recording of Petscop; we never find out who was playing at this time, but it’s easy to assume Paul is the one watching the recording. The footage is less interesting than the dialogue, but it is notable that it’s a recording of the player running backwards in a very deliberate pattern. The actually relevant part of this sequence is Rainer’s monologue; in particular, the way he frames it, “You are a girl named Carrie Mark, and you were born on November 12th, 1992. You have a mommy named Anna, a daddy named Marvin, an auntie named Jill, an uncle named Thomas, a cousin named Daniel, ......I know what you must be thinking. Have these statements always been true? Or have I cursed you? Is there such a thing? A curse that changes your past?” (Petscop 17). There’s something about the forcefulness of this dialogue, “You are Carrie Mark,” as if Rainer is trying to make it so just by saying it. The inclusion of the birthday is also notable; we have been shown time and time again that Paul and Care share a birthday, and that this is an important part of both of their characters. So, when Rainer asks if these statements have always been true, or if it’s “a curse that changes your past”, we’re meant to interpret it as such: some of the statements are true, but the “you” being addressed is not currently “a girl named Carrie Mark”. Rainer casts a spell to make the player retrace their steps and although he might not be playing, the use of the word “you” and present tense language makes the statement pointed towards Paul. There’s something to be said about Rainer’s position in all of this; he isn’t the only tangible “ghost” in Petscop (Marvin and Tiara fit Paul’s definition established in Petscop 6), but he’s the only one to be fully dead. It truly feels, in this moment, like Petscop– like Rainer– is talking directly to Paul. The “curse that changes your past” is the part that ties it all together. This past that Paul doesn’t fully remember, where Anna and Marvin have a daughter named Care, where someone in his family went missing for months– by learning about this through the game, Rainer is essentially changing Paul’s version of the past. Your memory and physical evidence are all you have of the past; when your memory tells you one thing, but physical evidence tells you another, what version of your past is true?

“You’re the Newmaker. You can turn Care NLM into Care A, and close the loop.” (Petscop 9)

Finally, I want to explain why this theory is supportive of the themes of Petscop. Of course, there’s the obvious link between rebirth and the change from Care to Paul. But, there’s also themes of blood family versus chosen family, breaking the cycle of abuse, and of healing from your past. I want to provide an explanation of each of these themes and how the “Paul is Care” theory fits into them.

Let’s begin with the family point, since I already expanded on the family’s role in Petscop earlier. There’s a story behind the scenes in this series; the conflict between the chosen family versus the blood family. Anna and Jill against Belle and Lina. Anna and Jill are restrictive– they take over the channel and block certain things from the audience. Paul admits that he’s intimidated by them, and he’s concerned when he thinks Jill could be in contact with Belle. When we get the only dialogue from Jill, Paul is hostile and aggressive with her, something we don’t see from him otherwise. Alternately, Anna comes off as dismissive in most of her dialogue; when Care shows up at the birthday party, Anna treats her like no time has passed, like they haven’t been searching for her for months. We don’t get direct contact between Anna and Paul (except for a phone call in Petscop 11 that you could interpret as being with Anna), but the way she talks to the player through Care during the birthday party is still dismissive, “I sure hope you’ve realised by now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been gone. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed. You aren’t lost. Stop wandering and come home.” (Petscop 14). There’s a level of distance between Paul and the family, which is evident from the name alone; Paul identifies himself as part of the family, but he still calls them “the family” as opposed to “my family”. When you pair that with the fact that he calls them all by their first names instead of any term of endearment (like how Rainer calls her “Auntie Jill” in his spell), it paints a clear picture: Paul does not want to be part of this family.

In direct contrast, Belle is shown a significant amount of affection from Paul. Not only is he on the phone with her for a good handful of the episodes, but Belle also has a familial connection to Paul. In Petscop 2, Paul is talking to Belle and he says “When you come home next month, and uh, hopefully you're feeling a little more enthusiastic about that now, we can investigate this together, and maybe you'll find stuff that I can't find here.” (Petscop 2). I think the casual use of the word ‘home’ to describe where Belle is staying implies a certain closeness, maybe even that they live in the same household. That’s not the part of this line that is important to me, however. Take a look at Belle’s final speech at the end of Petscop; Belle says “I could not wait too be your friend,” and Paul responds, “Family”, to which Belle says, “We can investigate this together.” (Petscop Soundtrack). After distancing himself from the family, as well as directly telling her she’s not part of the family (following it up with “Uhh... I didn't- I didn't mean it that way,” (Petscop 22), implying they have a similar connection that she’s defending), Paul calls Belle family. She states that they’re friends and Paul corrects her by telling her that they’re not just friends, but family. The most gut wrenching part of this dialogue is the use of ‘we can investigate this together’. It’s like a ward, a promise that Belle is making to Paul. He doesn’t have to go through this alone, she’s promising to be there for him. She’s going to investigate this with him, like he asked her to in the second episode. Paul doesn’t call his blood relatives family, but he tells Belle that they are his family; her and the “Boss”.

How does this connect to Care? It’s not hard evidence, but when you take this theme of family into account, it makes more sense for Paul to have a strained relationship with the family if we apply Care’s story to him. Think about it; Paul was ‘smuggled away driving too [his] new house’ and he hasn’t seen the family since he was a child, and Care’s egg was (metaphorically) placed with Belle’s and the New Life Letter when she would have been around 5, since that’s the age she was when she was kidnapped. Care went through an extremely traumatic event in a toxic environment– why wouldn’t someone step in and take her out of that family? To me, this theory extends the same closure Paul gets at the end of Petscop to Care; it tells us that even after everything she went through, she finds people who love and take care of her.

Abuse is a huge focus in Petscop, both as a plot point and a major theme. Rainer’s main motivation is to expose Marvin’s abuse of both Mike and Care to the family– whether or not that’s successful is not important. Because years after Rainer’s attempt, Paul is back doing the exact same; although, his playthrough of Petscop is less of an expose and more of an attempt at solving the mystery. Now, I think it’s a little pedantic, but in this context, I think the “cycle of abuse” in Petscop refers less to a generational cycle, but a continuous cycle that happens every time Petscop is played. Care is stuck in this version of the past that Rainer has created, forced to live through it as many years as Petscop is left on. Paul doesn’t continue this cycle though; as far as we know, Paul is the only person to reach the good ending of the game, where he’s rebirthed Care into the egg and reconnected with Belle and ‘Boss’. Paul is the only person who could understand what Care needed, because it’s exactly what he needed.

Care’s trauma is replayed for us throughout Petscop. Every knowable aspect of it is shown, leaving behind a raw feeling; like somehow, Paul and Rainer have made a spectacle of her abuse. But, I don’t think that’s entirely true. Rainer, although he is bitter and vengeful, is ultimately the person who finds the truth about Care and Mike and (if we are to believe him) is also the one who found Care at the school. In the beginning, it’s obvious that Paul is playing the game to see the mystery and is slowly engulfed by it throughout the rest of the series. When the game tells him that, “Marvin picks up tool hurts me when playstation on,” (Petscop 3), Paul proceeds anyway. The same happens when Care is caught in her room; Paul sees what is obviously a child being kidnapped and continues to solve the puzzle anyway. He picks the flower, catching Care NLM, and leads Marvin to the house. Paul follows through on everything he can to ‘solve’ the mystery of Carrie Mark, but in the end, he defies what the game has told him to do and saves Care. He does what Rainer couldn’t do: he breaks the cycle of abuse in the Mark-Leskowitz family. It’s kind of poetic, the idea that the person Care grew to be is the same person who confronts and lays to rest her trauma. The fact that playing his own theme would be the key to changing Care into the egg (a symbol of birth and potential) is beautiful.

The last thing I want to talk about is the theme of healing. This concept is more nebulous; we don’t see much of Paul post-Petscop, but the final scene does always leave me feeling hopeful for him. I think the reconnection with Belle and ‘Boss’, alongside the reassurance that, “[they] can investigate this together,” shows that Paul is out of the mindset and environment Petscop put him in. I’ve always thought that throughout Petscop, we see a deterioration of Paul; in the beginning, he’s intrigued and confused, but we see him become more and more disturbed, irritable, and frustrated towards the end. This is first evident with the CD puzzle in the house, where Paul is so out of his depth and confused that he stops acting with the same calm rationality shown throughout the earlier episodes. Then, when Paul is messing about with the demo recordings, he stops speaking in the videos entirely. When Paul sees the final blacked out object, which are coordinates to the real life windmill, he is the most stuttery we’ve ever seen, “Hm. Y- y- yep, yep. Yep... yep. N- we would- we would have to find out how big... like, we'd have to find out how big a tile is..? One of the tiles..? Like, if we could- if we could figure out how big... one tile is, in... u- in, umm... Like, feet. Or... Uhh, yeah. Meters.” (Petscop 22). He’s frazzled and excited and a little bit scared, evidenced by how he talks about the family, “They didn't... I don't like talking to them. They intimidate me…” (Petscop 22). All of this changes by the end; Paul is no longer stuck playing the game and he’s free to return to the people who love him most. This freedom is summed up in a single image: the final one we see in Petscop. Paul’s chair is empty and the blue sky beyond the desk is brimming with hope.

All this to say, Paul choosing Belle and ‘Boss’ over the game as well as saving Care by doing what’s best for her instead of finishing the final puzzle, alongside his final scene where he is welcomed home by his real family, shows us an interpretation of Petscop that paints it not as a tragedy, but a story of chosen family, breaking the cycle of abuse, and healing trauma through connection.

Thank you so much for hearing me out.

Bye-bye!

#its been done for ever i just never got around to posting it #i went through and edited it to bw more coherent tho bc this was written in the middle of a petscop fervor lol #petscop #paul leskowitz #carrie mark #im not tagging everyone #essay #petscop theory #i love you paul is care theory forever and ever #its long so you may wanna read in multiple sittings #like 10 pages long ToT #sorry not sorry #lmk if i actually made sense or if im crazy pls i want to know if this is even understandable to ppl who arent me #this was actually originally written as a video essay but idk if ill ever make it

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houseofbrat · 4 months ago

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Have it on good authority that Angelina was known as crazy at the UN by many of the staff members, and the actual reason she left is because she demanded to be made a Diplomat instead of Goodwill Ambassador and gave them an ultimatum, make me a Diplomat or I will leave. They said no, and she left.

Angelina has such a long history of using her children in the press I can't believe more people aren't critical of this.

Not taking away from what a nightmare Brad is, obviously he sucks.

Thank you for bringing this up. I have heard similar things from friends working in international aid organizations often contracted to work with the UN. Also, remember all of the press and accolades she received due to her association with William Hague and how they created an Initiative for violence against women in conflict zones? It was basically abandoned shortly after its creation. Granted Hague retired so she shouldn’t shoulder the entire blame, but considering Angelina continues to receive special treatment as an actress who isn’t like the rest of Hollywood — sHe AcTuAlLy CaReS — I find it astounding that this has had no impact on her. If she needed to take a step back due to family or health issues, that’s okay! It doesn’t take a lot to do a handoff to other (more qualified and capable!) individuals and cut a check and continue to support with fundraising. But to have an independent governmental body say that you’re “letting down survivors” due to your inaction or lack of interest is absolutely something that deserves attention.

Here’s a Guardian article which gives a great summary: https://amp.theguardian.com/global-development/2020/jan/09/letting-survivors-down-criticism-for-william-hague-angelina-jolie-sexual-violence-in-war-zones-scheme

And here’s the report: https://icai.independent.gov.uk/psvi/

Also have it on good will that when she visited the Houses of Parliament she was a diva nightmare from hell, so there’s that too

Her move to the UN was motivated by public relations. She contacted them and pitched that she be a representative for Unicef, the UN agency that provide humanitarian aid children. The UN said no. Her image at that point wasn't what the UN wanted associated with children. So she ended up working for refugees.

Not surprised by this at all. I knew a few people who did international aid work in various places and Jolie was well known as a opportunistic fake who came, took pictures, and then returned to her 5 star hotel.

I know someone who knew Brad and AJ in similar circles and his biggest takeaway is how very “not bright” they both are.

I’ve posted about this before and most people don’t believe me but that’s ok .. Brad wanted the kids to be disciplined, in school, not be spoiled - and Angelina wanted to be their bestie, buying whatever they wanted and letting them do whatever they wanted. Now she just talks shit about him, brainwashing them into to believing he’s the devil. He’s not perfect by any stretch, but from what I know, she’s way worse than what is presented in the media. Very manipulative, calculating and nasty. Source: I’m an almost 60 year old woman who used to work in the entertainment industry and still have many friends in their circle.

Everything you say! I have two solid sources who are a-list and one of them works with her, the other share a team member. Shes a menace. Im team no one but their kids but truly she is dangerously manipulative. Perfect example she paid someone to build her fashion line, promised them co-creator credit and when it was time for it to be debuted in Vogue, called the editor and specifically said don’t name the main designer. The main designer found it and when confronted Angelina continuously denied and eventually pretended it didn’t even happen. Shes not all there. Source: been in industry for two decades and around these two quite a bit

This is essentially what I had heard as well. He had a more traditional approach to parenting, like set bedtimes, cooked family meals together, time-outs when the kids acted up, asking them to do their share of chores, etc. and she just didn’t believe in any of it. It was a constant source of friction. He was supposedly really unhappy that the kids ate a lot of junk and fast food as their meals. And yes, when things tanked between them, she worked on them to alienate them from him.

I used to work in the executive offices at Warner Bros in the late 00’s and this absolutely tracks with everything I heard about them from the other assistants and receptionists.

That seems like her PR spin though. I’ve heard (from reliable sources) that her refusal to set any kind of boundaries or discipline of any kind with the children was the main issue between them and ultimately was the match in the powder keg of the ugly airplane incident. Her older kids especially have no respect for authority. He wanted more structure and discipline. Now they are *gasp “troubled.” Who could have foreseen it? He “lunged at” the oldest kid (who is also “troubled” now) and Angelina jumped on his back. Not his best moment for sure but he doesn’t have a history of violence. Since then he’s been sober for eight years.

#reddit #celebrities #celebrity gossip #rumors...conjecture #my gif

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neko-loogi · 1 year ago

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Heeeyy, I'm back with a new Helluva Boss opinion post thingy

Okay so, the Mammon episode- it was alright I guess? Tbh it didn't strike me as super awesome or anything, it's just kinda there?

Anyway, let's talk about it a little bit!

So I wanted to start off with Mammon himself, I'm gonna be honest I don't hate him but I don't like him either. I'll admit I do actually like his voice, I'm sure y'all might find it annoying but I dunno, I like his accent and the way he talks is kinda funny. His design tho? Eh, it could use some work.

For instance, his eyes are weird, like every time he was on screen my first thought was always: "Wow, he looks like Robin from TTG". I also hate how he's shaped like your typical "fat" character from cartoons. But for some reason they decided to give him skinny arms but a round body. He's weirdly disproportionate, which is disappointing because they definitely could make a better plus sized character design. But oh well, knowing Viv, she wouldn't even try.

I will admit his true demon form is kinda cool, except that I actually thought he was going to be a caterpillar or something but he's a spider? I swear, Viv has some weird design choices.

Moving on, the episode was cluttered as hell. It had way too much stuff in it, which made the episode feel eternal. Not only that but the episode has 4 songs.. FOUR FUCKING SONGS- When will Viv realize that not every HB episode needs a song? Like is this shit an animated series or a fucking musical? Make up your mind Viv-

Anyway, I'm glad this episode focuses on Fizz, but his character did feel a bit off in certain scenes, but aside from that everything else was fine. (I found that scene of Fizz talking to the deaf imp child while using sign language to be very endearing).

Alright, I'mma point out a few other things real quick:

Ozzie's relationship with Fizz is absolutely adorable and I love them so much. However I don't understand why they portray their relationship as a bad thing? Like, fucking Queen Bee is dating Vortex (who's a hellhound, and they are a lower class than imps) and nobody says anything and she's a sin- so why can't Ozzie do the same??

I also happen to noticed that Fizz and Mammon's relationship is similar to Angel Dust and Valentino's- I just hope they don't completely butcher my boy Fizz, because he's the ONLY character I genuinely like from this god awful series.

Edit: I find it outrageous that Fizz apologized to Blitzo in the previous episode for the accident and claims that yes, he was affected by it but he's gotten over it. Yet here, he's super insecure about it and seeks approval from Mammon. It doesn't make sense- I swear it's like the characters are evolving backwards (as in the character development just resets and they act like nothing happened).

I also just wanted to say that this character made me feel super uncomfortable throughout the episode (which I guess is the point, but honestly they didn't need to add him.) Like, was it really necessary to include this Reddit mod, Discord user incel with an obsessive personality to the episode? He doesn't really contribute much other than to probably trigger people who have dealt with some form of harassment like this, and to make Fizz look super helpless so that Blitzo can defend him.

Blitzo didn't contribute anything to the episode, they didn't need to add him either. Like we get it he's the main character but that doesn't mean he has to be in every fucking episode doing absolutely nothing other than saying a bunch of curse words or shooting someone.

In conclusion, I didn't like this episode that much. I was expecting more to be completely honest.

Sorry if this post was a little long- I wanted to write more stuff but I don't want to burden y'all with reading a lot of shit lmao. Anyway, that's all, love ya <3

#anti helluva boss #anti vivziepop #helluva boss critique #helluva boss critical #helluva boss criticism #vivziepop critical #vivziepop criticism #vivziepop critique #spindlehorse criticism #spindlehorse critical #///#by neko loogi #do not repost #neko loogi rambles 😬#neko loogi rants😔

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kouyou-arc-when · 6 months ago

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Hey, this is a great ask and I am so sorry for not replying earlier. I am responding like this because I actually broke the character limit since I'm dumb -_- I've written a lot of posts about this on reddit, and many people came up to me and asked me something similar. Your line of thinking is good. Regarding Dazai:

So, the thing is - to properly diagnose any personality disorder, you need to talk to that very person to understand their inner mechanisms. There are certain behavioral traits we can observe from the outside and make some guesses based on that: for example, Dazai's broadly dented empathy and why that's often found in people with ASPD.

However, for many other personality disorders it is very difficult to conclude much without the person saying ~I feel x because of y. I do c because of b.

Why? Personality disorders are internal structures that cause a person's behavior to be challenging to either them or others. To understand these mental processes is much more demanding than seeing a person just feels sad or anxious, to explain it simplistic terms.

The key behind many disorders is to know WHY a person is doing what they're doing. This one thing changes whether a person has x,z,y,t,n or whatever condition.

An example: BPD and CPTSD are often mistaken for one another. Same as with BPD, CPTSD, Autism and ADD in women, but BPD and CPTSD tend to have the largest "overgap", you can even have both at the same time. That's because many of the outside observable symptoms are the same.

An example: unstable relationships are a symptom of ALL of the above, but BPD is sort of...an outdated PD according to many specialists due to the fact that it was used as an "everything" disorder, where people with socially unconventional emotions were dumped. That's why you'll find two people with BPD that are almost nothing alike.

However, even if we hold to classic diagnostic criteria, let me show how the same symptom can be a product of entirely different circumstances.

For example: Someone with BPD will have unstable relationships due to an extreme fear of abandonment. Someone with Autism may have unstable relationships due to differences in communication styles Someone with ADHD will have unstable relationships due to various circumstances: emotional regulation, executive functioning etc.

So really, the outward result may be the same, but the cause is different.

However, now, typically the main reason someone could have BPD is either due to extreme splitting, favorite person behavior, numbness and/or abandonment issues.

Dazai 100% has "favorite person" syndrome going on with Oda - the way he idealized Odasaku and then devalues everyone around him in comparison is pretty clinical - doesn't mean their relationship isn't lovely, but it's certainly something a therapist would take note of.

It's no shocker Dazai has unstable relationships, but we don't 100% know why he does what he does.

That's the whole thing Asagiri said - the character is meant to be like a donnut, where you don't really know what's in the middle - so it's extremely difficult to say which PD fits him for sure, probably even more difficult than the average neurodivergent character. In my opinion, several interpretations of Dazai are simultaneously valid due to the fact that you could assume multiple personal struggles within him, and come to a reasonable conclusion.

Does Dazai have abandonment issues? He says he always loses everything he wants, is EXTREMELY bitter over Ango, and definitely shows some levels of "splitting", especially in how he treats Oda vs Ango, Akutagawa vs Atsushi etc etc.

I'm pretty confident he has PTSD, and everything that comes with that. He certainly has a personality disorder too, due to the fact that a lot of his difficulties stem from his personality, and not just brain chemistry.

Kunikida says that most of his emotions "seem" like an act, which raises a lot of questions to what is even happening on the inside. Asagiri said Dazai is really only himself in front of people like Oda and Fyodor. That version of Dazai is...much less cheerful than with everyone else.

I don't personally think Dazai is autistic since he has a good hang on social cues and overall communication. Mamoru Miyano said PM Dazai was still learning to communicate with others back in his Dark Era days, but it wasn't that he couldn't do it - he was just not interested in learning it.

I feel like Asagiri gave Dazai this "unrealistic" trait of being primarily isolated because he's extraordinarily intelligent (which is not how geniuses tend to feel irl, most of the time) but I always feel like there is something more to it.

There is definitely some /disconnect/ between Dazai and "normal" people, where he doesn't fully seem to understand certain things, he falls short there. As someone who has CPTSD diagnosed, I get the impression he maybe has a similar thing going on as many of us: A extremely traumatic experience disrupted a lot of normal emotional and cognitive processes, and now he's both extremely hypervigilant and unable to snap out of that "shellshocked" state. He needs to "perform" conventionality, and being a normal person.

In one wan chapter, he "made a joke" that you start doing one bad thing after another, and suddenly you feel nothing at all. That's the trademark numbness in both CPTSD and BPD.

There was this TDIPUD moment where he talks about how a personality is just a bunch of unstable premises that survive to uphold the basic instincts of the human mind - but how it's easily destroyed for that reason. This is a scene where he tortures the guy, and I was like "wow, I really get it". Severe trauma can just destroy the very structure of your personality, because extreme pain just numbs everything within you. "You" as a person can't survive.

BPD is also related to an unstable sense of self - which could be connected to the former paragraph. Sometimes lowered empathy is also a byproduct of BPD, in fact, the thing is that both BPD and CPTSD come from trauma 99% of the time. They're shockingly similar disorders.

So, does Dazai have BPD? No idea. He could also be schizoid to some extent, which is funny, because Franz Kafka had this disorder, the author that inspired Asagiri's nickname.

For now, I'd just leave at he has CPTSD for sure

Most of these disorders are very broad descriptors, and it's difficult to label most humans in a way that will genuinely encompass what their experiences are. Most of the time, these diagnostics are used to match a person with the best treatment available, or to explain what they're going through - so I don't think there is a perfect diagnosis for Dazai aside from PTSD, but he's definitely extremely neurodivergent. Thanks for reading <3

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #dazai #ask

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ryuichirou · 4 months ago

Text

Replies

Anonymous asked:

Are there any rare pairs you find yourself enjoying? Or ships you hadn't considered before? I think Ace and Malleus would be funny to entertain if he could get passed the intimidation. Just normal boy and etheral prince (giving Connecticut Clerk and Malfina vibes, lol)

It’s difficult to say, Anon, apparently the majority of our ships are considered rare ships…

Ace and Malleus does have potential, the contrast between a normal boy and ethereal prince is always fun + I still think about that one time when Ace called Malleus out during the Halloween event. The boy is ballsy, and with Malleus this is both a plus and a hazard lol

We actually did this chart not that ago, so might as well post it here! It must have some rare ships lol

Anonymous asked:

Does this mean he’ll kiss inanimate objects too? 🤨

(related to this post (I think))

He might! Rook doesn’t discriminate, and Tettere doesn’t discriminate either, so combined they are unstoppable lol

Anonymous asked:

I’m surprised Ace didn’t just hire Ruggie for the hickeys. He seems to have more experience than Epel who seems to vacuum skin up like french fries

(this is about this sketch from ko-fi)

Ruggie is indeed much more experienced than Epel-the-vacuum-sucker, but Ruggie would take money for that, and Epel was kind enough to help just like that! Plus, Ruggie is a senpai with whom Ace doesn’t talk too often, so it’s probably very awkward for him to ask for something like this…

Anonymous asked:

This is a long ask and about dumb takes so feel free to ignore it, but most made me laugh at how absurd they are so I wanted to share.

Tumblr does have some odd takes but I think Pinterest/Reddit has more...not bright people. NSFW ship art of the 1st and 2nd years always has some people upset that there's kids in sexual situations cause they think you can't have or know about sex till you're 18. SFW ships between 3rd years and not 3rd years have people saying it's illegal cause adults dating minors is always wrong (people seriously think the only stages of life are legal adult and legal minor. I never thought saying someone younger than 10 is different than someone going through puberty was mindblowing... So happy I found an adblocker that hides comments). Reddit had someone freaking out that Yuu stayed in Leona's room even though Leona's 20 and Yuu could be 16 (existing in the same space as someone a different age than you is wrong now I guess), people taking Malleus' age literally and thinking this non-human fantasy species ages the same as humans so since he's older than 18 he's an adult like the staff are (which had gems such as people saying thinking he's a teen/not an adult is infantizing him and that he may be not an adult in fae years but he's a tax-paying adult in human years), and my favorite, people seriously debating who's on the inter-school spelldrive team and how could they lose with Malleus cause even though he's not in the club there's still a chance to be on the team since one person from every dorm has to join it... (I...I guess they don't know what a sports club is...)

But my top favorite take is from Tumblr:

Someone said they like that TWST's fanservice is always tasteful and NEVER suggestive. (???)

Anonymous asked:

An amendment to my ask about dumb Pinterest/Reddit takes. People think 18 years old dating 16 and 17 years olds is illegal cause the 18 years old is a legal adult and the others aren't

Anon, I am super late with my reply, sorry for that, but honestly this topic is unfortunately evergreen… I wanted to add both of these ask to our replies from yesterday since the topic is similar, but unfortunately ran out of time. I’ll reply to you properly now though~ Thank you so much for your ask!

I am trying my hardest not to start yelling about forced purity again and how it ruins everything for everyone lol At this point it just makes me sound like a broken record, so I’ll try to word it in a slightly different way this time: people (the type that you’ve talked about) reeeeally love using the “this is inappropriate” excuse to police others, and it always freaks me out just how similar it is to a certain other category of people. You know, the type to boils everything down to “I don’t like it, therefore it’s illegal or at least immoral”. I don’t like them using illegal and immoral interchangeably in general because ultimately it’s just them going “this shouldn’t exist because I say so”.

I genuinely think that all those people don’t give a shit about sexy art of the 1st and 2nd years’ characters, they don’t actually give a shit about the 17 y.o. characters being shipped with 18 y.o. characters either, this is just such a convenient excuse to use when attacking someone. It isn’t consistent at all, they ship whoever they want if they really want to, or try to find a way around their own logic.

You mentioned Malleus (that poor thing), and he is actually a great example of that: is he too old to be shipped with other characters? Is he too young to be shipped with Lilia or too old (or too young because “mentally!” he’s 17 or whatever the fuck that means) to be with Yuusona of someone who is over 20? Who knows and who cares, but with these folk you have to care, and don’t you dare to assume that maybe fae’s maturity (mental + sexual) doesn’t relate to their age in a way that human’s does. Or maybe it actually does, so it makes him a 170+ year old senior citizen in our eyes, and us literal 50 year old children in his eyes. God forbid we treat anything with a fun and fantasy approach, god forbid we use TWST as a dollhouse it was intended to be lol No one should give a fuck about any of this.

I don’t think minors should date 18 year olds if that makes them uncomfortable, I don’t think anyone should date anyone if they’re uncomfortable, but those of us who were dating as teenagers once know how weird this whole thing is and how for a lot of people this isn’t a big deal. This transition from minor to non-minor feels very “on paper”, that’s why a lot of teenagers joke around as they turn 18: yesterday I was a kid and today I am an adult. Does it make sense legally? Yes, it is a very important distinction, and a very important turning point. But mental maturity doesn’t work like that: if all of your friends are 17 and you turn 18, you are still of the same age group. Even if they are one school class younger. Katsu and I have a little less than 2 years of difference, but since I started going to school when I was 6, there was a period of time when Katsu was still in middle school and I was already a university student. We made tons of jokes about it back then, and this was exactly what it was: jokes. Because we knew that both of us are kids, and we were even younger kids when we first met and started dating. And this is just one example, tons of people have examples like that.

There are some aspects of life where putting a hard “NO” in terms of allowing people of certain age to interact with people of younger age is a good and very necessary thing, we have this minor/adult differentiation for a good reason. But character shipping just isn’t this kind of aspect: it doesn’t exist. All shipping is fiction. And I refuse to believe that the type of people that you mentioned don’t think so, the more I look at them, the more I genuinely think that they are intentionally lying to cause trouble. People can’t be this dumb (although after reading what you said about the Spelldrive thing I started to doubt that lol they really don’t know how sports clubs work huh).

Some of them also love to use made-up stuff in an argument lol Like people who think that Ortho is 8… or was it 6? Honestly, he ages down every single time the antis try to bring up how wrong it is to ship him with anyone.

Well, at least I can’t say anything about twst fanservice. Can’t argue with that, it is indeed very pure and almost nonexistent… especially this Riddle card <3

#replies

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genericpuff · 1 year ago

Note

https://www.instagram.com/p/CvO2Fo1vbJU/?igshid=NjZiM2M3MzIxNA==

I don't know if you have seen the last thing RS posted on instagram, and I don't wanna sound mean or like I'm criticizing every single thing she does, but, why does this feels a bit off? Like, I know every author needs money, and that's why they sell books, special editions and merch from those books. But seeing how some people who went to that last "book signing" now want to order or buy ANOTHER lo book just to get an autograph or that "exclusive doodle" feels a bit... Idk, bad? Like, the fans have to spend more money than other fans just to get this stuff? It feels a bit like what happened with that Persephone + Ares book that had a special edition that was all black, but costed more than the regular edition so the fans had to spend more money if they wanted their lo novels to look good together. Idk, maybe i'm just seeing too much into it, but I still wanted to ask your opinion on the matter.

Love your work, btw. Lo rekindled is so good, and your art is beautiful!

OKAY SO

I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS INSTAGRAM POST LOL

so I looked into it and yeah! it's off! it's super off!

story time, but there's this band I'm really into where, 1-2 years ago, they had released two new separate EP's, and they were selling them individually as special editions, only for them to then SELL THEM ALL OVER AGAIN AS BUNDLED VERSIONS AND THIS JUST LIKE

IT FEELS VERY SIMILAR LOL

there was also a time where this Youtuber musician my husband was really into was selling vinyls, and we managed to snag a copy in the hour that they were available, only for them to start selling SIGNED copies the week after they had sold out of the original prints

it's just an overall "ech" move because it really screws over your audience for paying attention/getting in first, y'know? That's what's such a big deal about being in a fandom, a lot of people like being "first" so to sell something under the precedent that it's "limited edition" just to print more with an even COOLER thing attached feels like such a fuck you. They're literally just trying to gouge more money out of people who have already bought the thing and "need" the exclusive copy.

This just goes to show btw there was nothing stopping her from signing books personally at SDCC. That feels like such a middle finger to the people who paid money to go to and be at SDCC (travel costs AND attendance costs) esp the people who cosplayed as LO characters and were clearly specifically there for Rachel just to be given a stamp and shooed away with zero conversation (as I talked about in a previous post) and then find out later after you've already gone home days later that you can get a PERSONALLY SIGNED AND DOODLED COPY if you go and buy a brand new book in one specific bookstore. That's so lame man, I can't even.

Just to add btw, not related to your ask really, but it really goes in conjunction with it, there was a tweet recently from Rachel advertising some new t-shirts.

But people who bought the shirts reported that they're INCREDIBLY cheaply made and don't look anything like the products listed. You can even see the low ratings on them but when you actually view them-

I do not feel the need to say it any louder for the people in the back, it's being spoken clearly at this point - WT and Rachel are cashing out on what little merit they have left, they do not care.

AND Y'KNOW WHAT I FOUND OUT WHILE WRITING THIS POST ????

THEY CHANGED THE FUCKING THUMBNAIL!!!

THAT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE 2 DAYS AGO, I CHECKED IT MYSELF BACK WHEN IT WAS FIRST POSTED TO REDDIT AND IT WAS THE GREEN VERSION.

THEY'RE LITERALLY CHANGING THE THUMBNAILS AND ADS TO DISCREDIT THE REVIEWS BEING LEFT.

DO NOT FALL FOR IT. BUYER BEWARE.

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #antiloreolympus #anti lore olympus #ama #ask me anything #anon ask me anything #anon ama

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possiblylando · 7 months ago

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Some of my HTP theories

(Mostly about future plotpoints) 1. Big D looking so young is a plot point and not just a reference to TTS. You probably get what I'm going to say so let's just do some math. We know Markus is at least 30. We'll lowball and say he's 32 since birthday remarks make it sound like it wasn't recent. We know Door is older than Markus. Boy is 11 (as of current) and if we Lowball door's age again (35, 3 year age gap which I doubt is correct) he could've had boy when he was around 24. Then if we assume D had Door in this early 20s, We'll say 20 exactly as another lowball. That would place D at bare minimum 55 years old. My actual estimate is somewhere between 60-70. Yet he has no notable greying hair (ignoring lighting highlights) and is built like a brick shithouse who's able to manhandle brock of all people. As such it makes logical sense to assume there's some fuckery going on with how D ages (or doesn't). I doubt D is a vampire- or was a vampire I saw that theory awhile ago on reddit. What I think is more likely is that he gained immortality through mage fuckery. There's a character in Dorohedoro who's an old man but he got hit by age reduction magic so he's stuck being physically like 14. I think D has something similar going on. 2. Door is going to leave the family. I was thinking of saying "Door will betray the family" but that doesn't really fit. D's biggest flaw is that he's too secretive. There's currently no evidence that he's even told the rest of the family about Kevin being alive. Markus has some inkling of it because of the cop but I doubt he's put anything together. We all of course know Kevin is genuinely on D's side now, but Kevin can't be kept a secret forever. Eventually his existence is going to come out and when it does, I can not foresee a future where Door is happy about it. Door was willing to forgive D's secrets because they were to protect the family. But if he finds out D has been keeping a vampire alive and as an ALLY no less I can see that trust crumble down. Door has of course made his opinions on vampires VERY clear. As such if he finds out about Kevin not from D but from another incident he's going to have to make a choice. -Either stick to his morals and leave the family to hunt vampires on his own (maybe taking boy with him). -Or accept that his entire worldview on vampires is flawed and some of them can be saved. 3. Grimal is the ghoul, But she won't die. This kind of ties into the previous one as well. I went over a good chunk of the evidence surrounding Grimal being the ghoul in another post. I'll quickly summarize it here; -Grimal is known to crawl through the vents -She was in the security room when Occam was attack and the only way to get into the vault is through the door or air vents. -If she has vampire magic it could explain why brock's knives all broke when he tried to use them. -She has attachments to the people at the arcanum so wouldn't want to kill them. Which is why Occam didn't die. There's of course more evidence but this is all just summary. Now my actual theory is that Grimal is going to be found out and either D, Markus, or Kitten will go up to bat for her and this is when D will reveal he has a way to deal with ghouls. We know from Kevin that being a ghoul is similar to the blood pact where you're basically completely fucked and under control of your superior. Which is why I could see them trying to help her. Now think back to Guy Chapman, he hasn't actually served much purpose in the story being a ghoul. His existence is world building. It shows that ghouls can be anyone and anywhere. He also shows that ghouls can switch masters like he switched to Kevin. The idea is that Guy is set up so that when Grimal eventually undergoes the same thing it won't be an asspull/reveal it'll be an extension of pre-established mechanics. Door will of course NOT be happy about this.

#hunter: the parenting #htp

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anarchistartistvt · 8 months ago

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honestly I think it’s pretty fucked up how much shit I got over my post.

“hey wait a second these Reddit discussions might be onto something-“ “YOU PEDO DEFENDER DELETE THE POST KILL YOURSELF GRAHHHHHH”

The shitty part is that I didn’t even actively seek out this info. my now ex was posting the Reddit shit in a discord server I owned, and I was like “wait whoa they might be onto something here”. Given it was already on Reddit I figured more people knew but god damn it was like I opened Pandora’s box.

Won’t say I didn’t fuck things up for myself and my friends. Someone tried to doxx my friend daenumao (unsuccessfully thank fuckin god), and I was too stubborn to delete the posts the minute things blew out of proportion. I thought I could handle it. I had gone through shit similar to this before, what with StickyBM trying to accuse me of a parasocial freak and Jordy claiming I doxxed them(only to find out it was their discord tag that got leaked). I thought I was doing the right thing. I knew how detrimentally destructive allegations could be, fake or not.

I sort of named my ex in there because I didn’t want to claim credit for what I had found. It wasn’t to throw her under the bus, and as soon as she asked me to delete the credit part, I did.

In a friend server I was in, I was being pinged about the situation nonstop. People were telling me to delete it, and it just felt like silencing me. I was getting harassed left and right. Someone started threatening me on tumblr(a platform I rarely used until now), people started bringing up fake or already resolved shit about me(had to clear that up on a fuckin Reddit thread), and basically everything started crumbling and falling apart.

Finally one of my friends pinged me and was like “delete the posts or I’m blocking you, don’t make me do this”. I had already set dms to friends only by that point, after hearing daenumao was being threatened. I got angry, unfriended her, and left the server. Shortly after, a couple friends sent messages saying they were cutting ties and to never contact them again. Then my girlfriend messaged me saying she was leaving me.

Right now I’m sort of trapped on what I can say without breaking boundaries of anyone. I never meant to invalidate the victims. At the time, my only intention was to raise awareness of “hey this is kinda inconclusive, you might wanna take a look at this”. I didn’t think it would blow up to the point I would get death threats and death wishes.

In a court of law, both sides are to share their experiences. The experience really just told me that the justice system of twitter is fucked beyond comprehension. The victims were quick to attack anyone who doubted their claims, and had no problem siccing their supporters onto anyone who didn’t fall in line. It honestly felt like I was being told, “SUPPORT THE VICTIMS OR DIE”. People are allowed to have doubts, and while I can understand where the victims were coming from, they didn’t care to show much proof denying some claims. One of the alleged victims even said “so many big names are supporting me so I’m right.” Bro what?

When I attempted suicide, it was for a lot of reasons. I have bad anxiety and getting attacked the way I was back there sent everything into overdrive. Not to mention losing about 95% of my friends over this crap. I was only on twitter mainly because I had friends there and would chat with them regularly. I don’t have many friends in real life and I’ve always been kind of a loner. So to see my support system fall apart over this, especially because I have HORRIBLE abandonment issues, fucked with my head.

I’m not happy as a person. I’ve been depressed for years and I’m not proud of it. I’ve been through more fucked up shit in my life than I can even begin to process. Growing up in a broken family, being treated like shit by my stepmother and put through so much abuse, flunking out of high school and falling through the cracks, running away at 19 and immediately being raped and molested by someone I saw like an older brother, being sexually and emotionally abused by an ex who blamed me for being raped, moving out of my aunts house only to be institutionalized from a suicide attempt 4 months later, being in the homeless system, being treated like shit by the government programs, being doxxed and swatted and harassed and had deepfakes made of me, possibly having a condition that means I’m likely to be dead from suicide by the age of 34, etc. Like, I’ve genuinely been through hell and back and a lot of people know it. Maybe more people than I should be telling.

I tend to over share, I vent too much, I go into slumps quickly, and overall I’m a fucking mess mentally. I had gone into a bad psychotic breakdown last week due to trauma and a bad reaction to new meds, so my mental state wasn’t exactly the best when this shit even started. By this point I was already having a sinking feeling that my girlfriend was planning on leaving me, and then a few days later she hit her breaking point.

When I typed up that final post, I genuinely didn’t know if I wanted to keep living. Hearing someone I was close to saying “you better stay alive because you deserve to live with what you did” was horrifying.

I’m a coward, without a doubt. I wanted out. But not from just this. I wanted out from everything. The few people who I was close to, or even people who had tolerated me to an extent, had basically told me to go fuck myself. It quite literally felt like I had lost everything.

I got ahold of some Tylenol and started filling up the bathtub. I had planned to overdose in the tub, hoping that if I went into a seizure from the medication, being submerged in water would limit the chances of me pulling out of said seizure. I’ve only attempted a few times in my life, so you can’t bash me too hard for not knowing how to do it.

As I started undressing, my iPad started ringing with a FaceTime audio call. It was my dad.

Somehow the situation found its way to him and he reached out to check on me. I don’t know if one of my friends contacted him, if he was already monitoring my accounts, or if it had just blown up that badly that even he(someone who doesn’t use twitter or own an account) had seen it. I tried to sound normal because it’s pretty rare for him to call me, but when he started bringing up what he saw, I broke down sobbing.

I explained everything to him, that I just wanted to help, and that I thought I was doing the right thing, and he told me to limit my social media exposure, because of how unhealthy it was becoming for me. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone with my actions. I worded things wrong and handled it badly, and I will wholeheartedly apologize for that. He explained to me that it was good that I wanted to do the right thing, but it wasn’t good to screw over my own mental health over this shit. He advised me to limit my social media usage to only those I could trust.(scary thing is, I didn’t know who all I COULD trust)While on call, I tried to deactivate my account but couldn’t because I forgot my fuckin password. All I could do is private my account and go dormant.

A few people reached out in Twitter dms and I spoke with many of them. They were extremely kind and supportive, and redirected me to the Mandela Catalogue Reddit forum, where I was welcomed in. I’ve been staying there, as well as occasionally posting on Tumblr. I’m scared to even touch my Twitter account with a 10 ft pole, and discord interactions have been next to none. I considered rebranding but I didn’t want to feel like I was trying to sneak my way out of accountability. I was just threatened and bashed so fuckin much that I didn’t feel safe interacting as myself, Anarchist Artist.

A bunch of people were screaming at me for linking Reddit threads and saying “YOU CANT TRUST REDDIT ITS FULL OF LIES” you’re literally using twitter which is probably WORSE when it comes to misinformation.

I never intended to fall down this rabbit hole of who’s right or who’s wrong. I will apologize for how I handled things and how I worded my post, but I will not apologize for speaking up about a story full of holes. For the victims to bully someone into submission is not mature or appropriate, and they should be held accountable as such. I have no intention of clearing my name, I have no intention to regain my friends or close ones, and I have no intention of saying “HA HA I TOLD YOU SO”. I just want shit to go back to even a slight semblance of normalcy.

Even if the victims’ stories are truthful to an extent, they way they have approached all of this is horrible and I’m upset that they endorsed harassing anyone who didn’t fall in line.

I’ll be here for now, but won’t post much. Everything is still a mess and I’m still concerned for my safety.

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inthefilingcabinet · 10 months ago

Text

𝓜anifestation - using your 𝒾magination to embody a state

This post is heavily inspired by Edward Art’s compilation of 2022 Talks.

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Are you struggling to manifest your desires, dreams, or reality?

If so, you may be persisting your desires in a state of lack. Being in a state of lack could look like this:

1. You repeat those affirmations with your whole heart, but react to the 3D.

While scrolling through a subreddit, I found this person who asked, “How do you remain in a State for long periods of time?”

They were answered with, “You do not react to the outside world.”

the post:

“…outside world is just a shadow.”

Many fail to realize that or word is just a shadow, or like Edward Art puts it, a dream. YOUR outside world is like a mirror. It reflects your imagination. So if you’re saying one thing—those affirmations, and ACTING another way—looking for your desires, then you’re not going to get anywhere. (ib heavily by Neville Goddard)

Dare to change the way you perceive certain things! Those wishes may be false, but if you consistently persist in the state of HAVING, you will have those wishes and desires. They will not fail to harden into FACT.

You may feel uncomfortable or anxious with being a certain state—the state of having. But once you’re able to get over that hurdle of fear, the possibilities are endless.

But that’s only if you’re willing to alter the way you think—how you know the law operates.

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2. You conceive a desire, and decide it’s yours, but rationalize on whether your desire is possible or not.

I myself have fallen victim to this way of thinking. But just know, you can have ANYTHING you wish for when you bend your reality to your imagination. After all, the world is a reflection of you and your way of thinking.

Decide, and persist in a state. Do not think about how, when, why, who, where, what, whom will let your desire become a reality. Think about the feeling! Feeling is much more important than having. If you FEEL like you have that chateau in Greenwich, then you will have the chateau in Greenwich simply because you decided to. You persisted in that state of having—never did you rationalize it. Now, you truly do feel the fulfillment that comes with actually having your wish.

Once you can sustain a state, and feel comfort in your imagination to the point where thinking of your dreams being yours brings a smile to your face, you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment, relief, and elation.

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3. You’re not realizing that everything is done.

I once realized that this takes patience. It takes patience to let a state resonate. However, once you’re able to hold onto the state of having, it can be pretty hard to sustain that state of having. The doubt that comes with the law of assumption is thinking that your manifestation will come, though you already have it. That’s why you’re in a constant state of having!

But, you must remember one crucial fact of the law (law of assumption). If you were to be in a state of having, you wouldn’t be questioning where your desires are. This may sound contradictory to being in a state of having, but push yourself within your desired state, your assumption, your manifestation until you have it.

You must be “delusional,” in a sense. Persist your assumption until it hardens into a fact. (Neville Goddard inspired.)

“If you assume success and persist in that assumption, you cannot fail.” - Neville Goddard

_______________________________

4. Extra assurance for the skeptics

Think of the placebo effect. More specifically, the scientific studies where there are two groups of people, one who takes the real medication and one who takes the placebo.

Those who take the placebo still get the same benefits of those who took the real pill.

youtube

The placebo effect is similar to assuming. Assume you have something to cure your symptoms, reap the benefits of that assumption.

_________________

That is all I have for now. I hope this does you guys well! Good luck in your persistence.

٩( 'ω' )و

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sophieinwonderland · 9 months ago

Note

The word "tulpa" is used first by Alexandra-David Néel (Belgian-French buddhist anarchist) and phoneticized from "sprul-pa" (also rendered as "trulpa"). You can also trace the term back to sanskrit as "Nirmita".

The concept of an apparition is Buddhism can be attributed to aṣṭamāyopamā (sanskrit) or the 8 similes of illusion, which are basically metaphors for explaining how something can be perceived without it actually existing in the physical world. Apparitions (Nirmita) is the 8th simile.

She visited Lhasa in Tibet, a place which was inaccessible to foreigners at the time, and wrote the books "My Journey to Lhasa" and "Magic and Mystery in Tibet", where she explains what she learned in het journey. She then coined the term "tulpa", which spread to westerners of New Age practices as a type of thought-form.

Thought-forms in mysticism are attested by the book "Thought-Forms: A Record of Clairvoyant Investigation", which explains how many theosophists believe that thoughts are not simply a subjective thing that is confined in the human mind, but that they are "things" which have intrinsic properties. These thought-forms have principles (colour, form and clearness are determined by the type of thought) and classes (thought-forms can have certain forms which express the thought's inherent properties).

Tulpamancy today is not related to thought-forms.

Tulpamancy as it is today started, funnily enough, on 4chan - specifically in the paranormal board /x/ and subsequently the My Little Pony board /mlp/. Before that, the process of creating a tulpa was not known to people, and it generally involved ritualistic or metaphysical practices.

In /x/, some people began (in my opinion kind of haphazardly) making tulpas, and they reported their success. They then began writing guides which were freely shared in the community.

The real "explosion" in popularity started in the /mlp/ board, where topics of tulpamancy started popping up, which interested a lot of users. This snowballed into the creation of a forum ane a subreddit for the community (which were founded only after a Tulpamancy IRC was created, mostly made up of /x/ board users).

The approach to tulpamancy at this time was mostly psychological, instead of the previously metaphysical view of the practice.

The practice of tulpamancy and the practice of creating emanations are very different from each other, with the only similarity being the name (with "tulpa" only being a phoneticization of the tibetan term).

With the argument of cultural appropriation in the tulpamancy community, we need to first define what cultural appropriation is in the context of word usage.

Cultural appropriation in the context of word usage refers to the adoption or use of words from another culture without understanding or respecting their cultural significance, often resulting in the trivialization, misrepresentation, or exploitation of the originating culture.

Is the usage of the word "tulpa" mocking the original practice? Not really I don't think. The word "tulpa", while it was coined by a buddhist is generally not used when referring to emanations. (What I am about to say is personal experience, keep that in mind) Most buddhists I have spoken to at most will have a fear of non-buddhist practices and ideas being wrongfully thought of as being buddhist, which may have been a problem in the past when tulpamancy was indeed though of as a buddhist practice, but now the community fully separates itself from any religion or spiritual practice.

Here's a link to a post on /r/Tulpas on reddit from a Tibetan Buddhist with an emanation:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Tulpas/comments/unt6h7/i_am_a_tibetan_buddhist_with_an_emanation_tulpa/

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What do you think about this, Sophie? I found it as a kind of copypasta to explain how tulpamancy is not cultural appropriation.

It's a pretty good overview! 😁

Appropriation topics are always tricky, but to me this conversation comes down to two question. The first is if the original tulpa from Alexandra David-Neel was appropriative. In my opinion, while it may have veered away from the Tibetan sprul-pa in some ways, it was created by a Buddhist convert with the aid of Tibetan translators like Lama Kazi Dawa Samdup. For this reason, the original ADN tulpa is generally considered more a result of cultural exchange.

I do think treating the ADN tulpa as an authentic Buddhist practice might be harmful, but it would be unfair to say it was made without regard to the original culture. (I would also say that it's hard to judge how much of this was indeed an authentic Tibetan Buddhist practice or not. Most people who have said it isn't are looking at current Buddhist practices 100 years later after an invasion by China destroyed many religious texts and records and heavily suppressed the religion.)

The second question is if modern versions of the tulpa are appropriative. And I don't consider this to be the case. Modern tulpamancy, while born from ADN tulpa, mostly just uses the words and general concept. As you say, the big problem within Buddhist circles is certain practices being falsely presented as Buddhist, muddying the waters. Over the last decade, the tulpamancy community has made a strong effort in distancing themselves from Tibetan Buddhism and tulpa's etymology.

...

Here's the direct link to the Reddit post from the Tibetan Buddhist with the emanation:

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takkapakka · 24 days ago

Text

Cassandra (Tangled) and queercoding

Interacting with the TTS fandom, everyone (including myself honestly) seems to agree that Cass is a lesbian. It’s not canon, because Disney sucks, but the coding is generally viewed to be pretty strong to the point that it’s taken to be canon in every way but on paper. Despite being such a popular view though there was absolutely nothing online that I could find (apart from a deleted tumblr post linked on reddit) that actually specified the exact coding that lead people to think this??? So, I decided that I would myself try to compile some of the reasons that might lead people to view her as a lesbian. This might be complete nonsense, but I am a huge fan of Cass and the show in general, and I just wanted to think a bit deeper about what it is, exactly, about her character that made so many lgbtq+ folks latch onto her as representation within the show. Also on top of already being extremely technologically illiterate this is my first ever post on here so excuse any issues on that part.

First off, just to preface this I think I want to outline my thoughts about coding in general. I think the line can often blur between stereotyping and queercoding, but I think queercoding is different to stereotyping because coding generally happens when someone creating an lgbtq+ character is physically not allowed or unable to say the character is queer. Obviously stereotyping is a pretty major problem within portrayal of marginalised groups in the media, but for gay characters (who are more often that not created by people who are lgbtq+ themselves) it can sometimes be the only way to actually express to your audience that you did intend for the character to be interpreted as gay without outright saying it because, as I said before, this may be something you are just unable to do. Tangled is a Disney property, which is known for being pretty homophobic and overall just majorly limiting gay characters in their media, which means that it must be hard for someone wishing to portray a queer character to do so. Having to lean into stereotypes to express a character as being queer sucks, but I personally think there’s a big difference between using stereotypes on a canonically queer character and one that you can’t actually say is queer. There’s still a loooot of progress to be made with queer representation in the media, but when you cant even outright say that a character is queer, coding is the next best thing because often queer people in the audience will pick up on this and interpret that character as lgbtq+ because they can recognise the intentions and want to believe the creators meant it because there’s so little queer media elsewhere compared to straight media. In addition to this, it can be comforting to think of your favourite character as similar to you in a way that you may have suffered for before.

Now to the actual purpose of writing this. One big thing I see people talking about is the fact that actual story board artists of the show have said they intended Cassandra to be interpreted as a lesbian. This is obviously huge because it leads on to all the other elements of her coding that I’ll discuss because this is coming from someone who actually worked to create the show. I’ve never been apart of a creative team so I don’t know how much actual control a story board artist has on the content of a show, but they still helped make it, so it has to count for something right?? I found a link to a tweet off Cass’ page on the lgbtq+ characters wiki (this is actually REALLY sparse for some reason and it basically just states her sexual orientation to be lesbian without very much evidence to back it up apart from the tweets, which even then seemed to only be one tweet, and her apparent feeling for Rapunzel (double bracket will get onto this later) so honestly this wasn’t as much help as I hoped it would be) which basically stated that Cass was fully intended to be interpreted as queer. Linked here: amboo 👻 on X: "@MegLegbird im glad the gays can recognize how gay cass is like, that's the only job we wanted to be successful" / X . The creator of the show, Chris Sonnenberg, actually joined a Right-Wing news company around 2022 and has been working for their children’s streaming platform which aims to “rival the output of “woke” media companies” which is incredibly sad and might be why the idea of Cass being a lesbian remained just within the artists, because it may be very likely that Sonnenberg himself is homophobic. He was also known to be incredibly salty towards the fan base for Tangled which I can’t comment on because I have zero solid explanation as to why this might be.

In the replies underneath the linked tweet there was some more discussion between the artist and another user. There’s discussions of the female artists agreeing to throw in “sapphic looks” because outright saying she’s gay was impossible, so it’s very clear that any coding was intentional and should be taken as valid. Some people may say that she has not been explicitly said to be a lesbian so saying she is one holds absolutely no validity, but I disagree with this because things in media do not have to be stated outright in the text for it to be taken as true. That’s what literacy analysis is for. Things carry denotations, its literal meaning, but there are also connotations, which is what the writer was trying to convey without explicitly stating it. So, by this reasoning, to say Cass isn’t a lesbian just because it was never stated in the show isn’t completely true, because the subtext is literally overflowing with hints, and subtext is a completely valid thing to talk about and to ignore would be failing in the role of a consumer. Text is meant to be interpreted in different ways, but when you are literally ignoring things the writers have put in on purpose in order to twist a piece of media’s meaning to what you want it to be, it just turns into ignorance. Interpretations of coding is heavily down to a person’s personal experiences and ideas, but it gets to a point where people can just blatantly ignore certain elements of media, and in this case I believe the coding is pretty strong because someone working on the show has actually confirmed that, in at least a portion of the show, Cassandra was fully intended to be understood as being a lesbian.

In terms of how she was actually coded within the show, one episode that springs to mind immediately in particular is the episode where Andrew (my biggest opp) is introduced. This episode is called “Under Raps” but I can’t tell you what episode number it is because I don’t have Disney plus anymore. If you don’t remember what happened basically Cass introduces mr ugly bugly himself to Rapunzel and Eugene as her boyfriend or whatever but it turns out he was trying to manipulate her to be able to steal this ancient book in order to overthrow Corona. In the end, it’s revealed Cass was only pretending to like him because she knew his plan all along and defended the book from him. They have a swordfight and its insane 10/10 no notes there. The reason I think of this as an example of queercoding is because it’s the only instance in the whole show where a male love interest is even referenced surrounding her (apart from Varian having a crush on her but I’m not even gonna mention this apart from now because of course she wouldn’t have any interest in him because he’s a literal child and she’s early to mid-twenties) and the fact that it’s shown she was just putting an act on the whole time makes me think this was intentional to show she would never have romantic relations with a man. Some of this might sound pretty speculative or far-fetched, but I think it’s valid to mention since I’ve already established that it was intentional from some of the creators to have her be interpreted as a lesbian in the first place. Any indication of her being interested in men ends after this episode, which I believe is significant because the concept was introduced for a short time until the reveal of her faking it when it is completely disregarded and never brought up again. I think this may be the creators indicating that attraction to men was never in the cards for her.

Another thing that may be taken (this is getting into the territory of being stereotypical which is why I mentioned it at the beginning) is lesbians in media are often depicted in such a way that they are cold, critical and even aggressive towards male characters. Think Santana Lopez from Glee, Vaggie from Hazbin Hotel, and Villanelle from Killing Eve. I believe this is shown in the way Cass interacts with Eugene, which is in sharp contrast to her much gentler demeanour with Rapunzel. She is extremely quick to bicker with and insult him, and will miss no opportunity to pick a fight with him. From the very first episode, this is shown in the way she repeatedly insists that Rapunzel cannot tell Eugene the true story behind her hair reappearing, due to the fact that Cass doesn’t trust him. She eventually tells him anyway, but Cass isn’t happy about it. Even off the top of my head, there are many, many, more examples of Cass instigating arguments between them, this is just an example of one very plot-relevant occasion of her appearing to dislike him. While it is of course not true in real life that lesbians dislike all men just because they are men, I believe this is used to code Cassandra because it is used directly to emphasise her softer, sweeter attitude towards Rapunzel, along with the fact that the “man hating lesbian” is already a common trope used to depict lesbians. Stereotypes are not a good thing, but they are often a device used by writers to indicate a character as possessing specific traits or mannerisms. In this case it’s used to convey a characters’ sexuality when you are unable to say it outright.

Furthering from Eugene being used to contrast Rapunzel in relation to Cassandra, another massive thing that signals Cass as a lesbian in my opinion is the way she interacts with Rapunzel. Some of the screenshots of Cass looking at her are extremely and undeniably fruity, and if I was more technologically competent I might be able to insert some of them here, but her expressions are often filled with longing and admiration. This can be directly attributed to the story boarders, which was mentioned prior in replies to the tweet. I know that Rapunzel had just eaten incredibly spicy fruit, but I refuse to believe that Cassandra flirtily tucking her hair behind her ear while Rapunzel was bright red and choking on her breath wasn’t intended to be at least a little bit gay.

In addition to all the fruity looks that Cass gives Rapunzel like I just mentioned, there is a whole episode where Rapunzel loses her memory, and guess who is in Eugene (her canon love interest)’s place? Cassandra! Whether this was intentional or just because Cass was the closest one there is, I suppose, up to you, but a great many scenes in that episode directly mirror those in the movie, including Cass gazing lovingly at Rapunzel while she uses her hair to swing around a tree for the first time. In my humble opinion, this is extremely gay. I don’t personally think this is a coincidence, but even if it was, it still contributes to my belief that Cass is a lesbian.

The actual ship of Cassandra x Rapunzel is something I don’t personally enjoy, mainly because I love Raps and Eugene too much to even consider thinking about them with anyone else, but I do believe that Cass was in love with Rapunzel, who just viewed her as a best friend. This is due to the aforementioned evidence of the abundance of examples of fondness she displays towards her, and also the fact that this is used in very obvious contrast to how she interacts with Eugene. I think this contrast was either on purpose or enhanced by people on the team who intended for Cassandra to be interpreted as a lesbian, because it is VERY obvious how different she is with Rapunzel and Eugene. She is also very close with Rapunzel in general, showing her to be the only person she accepts hugs from, and also spending a lot of time with her and clearly caring for her greatly. I know some people dislike this ship because they interpret their relationship as sisterly, but I don’t personally view it as such because Gothel was extremely abusive towards Rapunzel and was barely in Cass’ life at all so I don’t think they have relation on that front, as well as the fact that the way their relationship began doesn’t, in my opinion, lead naturally into a view of each other as being similar to siblings. The dynamic between them is more best friends I think.

I’m not an expert on coding in fiction by any means to it’s very possible I may have gotten things wrong within this, but from evidence from the show mentioned within I think it is fair to say that this is at least a little bit indicative of some of the reasons why so many people so strongly believe Cass to be a lesbian. As I mentioned before, it’s a very nice feeling to see elements of yourself that you may have suffered for before represented within characters you love, which is why I believe people are so enthusiastic about Cass’ sexuality, not to mention the fact that it has been confirmed to be intentional by actual creators within the show. Queer characters, especially in children’s media, are so few and far between that it can be really lovely to see even a little bit of yourself depicted in a character you really like in a show you really enjoy. All in all, I know characters’ sexualities can be a very heavily debated topic within fandom spaces, but the idea of Cass being a lesbian seems to be pretty unanimous so the purpose of writing this was just to put into words exactly why I think this is such a widely held belief. There are no rules around how you choose to interact with characters within fandoms, and everything is up to complete personal interpretation, so just have fun and remember to be respectful of others who may have different opinions to you!!

#tangled the series #cassandra tangled #tts #tts cassandra #rapunzels tangled adventure

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