#bipolar is an experience

[togo--mimori]

In my hypomanic state I have turned anons back on. Behave

[ryan-sometimes]

Recently I’ve been getting anons and comments doubting the validity of some of the stories I tell on here. There’s nothing I can do to convince you that the stories I tell on here are completely genuine. All I can say is that they really are. I only post the wackiest, most interesting or funny stories of my life on here. You don’t get much of the boring day to day stuff.

Truth is, I come from a very long line of crazy people. When my dad was in med school he and some friends planted a small homemade bomb in an abandoned bathroom at their university. His roommate stole a pancreas from the corpse lab and put it in a girl’s backpack. The entire med school was suspended because no one owned up to it. My uncle would sneak out at night with my grandma’s car and she’d find out because she’d check the mileage and see it’d gone up, so my uncle started driving her car backwards since that didn’t increase the mileage. He got arrested driving her car backwards on the highway to another town. My uncle would steal my grandpa’s shotgun, tell his friends to jump in the pool, and start firing it randomly at the backyard. My cousin genuinely had two weed smoking girlfriends who were also girlfriends with each other. My great uncle had an affair exposed by having his intimate photos and videos with his mistress sent to the family groupchat by people who stole his phone, all because they were salty that my aunt told them to go fuck themselves when they messaged her asking for money. My aunt took out all her life savings and moved to another state to build a bunker because she believes the apocalypse is coming, and she didn’t even take any of her children. I don’t know how to tell you this, but life is just stranger than fiction sometimes. The sample size of life stories you get on my blog are just the instances in which that’s true.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Having survived abuse from people with mental illnesses, I know the urge to warn others to be wary of those mental illnesses. I know how often it can feel like that is your only power in life…the only action you can take against what you went through. But listen. Just because a mentally ill person caused you complex trauma, doesn’t mean you get to generalize and slander and malign every person with that mental illness.

You do not have to forgive your abusers. but you do have to heal without spreading stigma and misinformation. you do have to heal without antagonizing or dehumanizing others who are also just trying to heal. you have to help break the cycle. because nobody can heal alone.

[ooppo]

Btw for anyone who needs to hear it: thinking that people are reading your mind/your thoughts are being heard by everyone is not normal. It's a symptom of psychosis and could be linked to a psychiatric disorder. This, too, goes with hallucinations.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but to teens who don't know what symptoms look like, they may jog it off for a number of reasons. I did, too, when I was in highschool! As a freshman I was having delusions/hallucinations and I didn't tell anyone because I thought they were cringe and weird. I chalked up my hallucinations to me being "tired". People who have psychosis often don't realize that what they're experiencing IS psychosis. This goes the same with other classmates/friends/loved ones. If someone comes to you with concerning behavior (even if they are joking about it) you should take note of it.

In highschool I remember a kid talking about how he could go into the matrix and he had a whole other world to protect/do missions in. He would also go still for long periods of time randomly. I thought he was weird and didn't think much of it, but those are symptoms of schizophrenia (delusions/catatonia).

I would appreciate it if this got a reblog so it could potentially help those recognize these symptoms in either themselves or others!

I wish I could have seen a post like this when I was younger. Then I could have avoided a lot of hardships and would have gotten treatment a lot sooner

[zivazivc]

Sorry if this has already been asked before but why did the band break up? And did they break up on decent terms? Do they still talk to each other sometime?

It has been asked before, I just never answered jshfbdjcbh I'm still piecing everything together and stuff is changing or getting tweaked all the time, so I'm always super hesitant about answering these types of questions, afraid that people will take whatever I say as the final answer. So basically what I'm going to answer now will already contradict what I told some people already. And maybe in the future the story might go a little differently too (although I'm pretty satisfied with the current events)

Uhhh, get ready for a long info dump. I didn't expect I'd write this much...

Floyd basically stayed with the band for 8 years (from 14 till 22) and got pretty messed up in the process. The rest of the guys are all quite older than him so I guess I could say they were more responsible, or at least had a better understanding of their own limits (also they grew up in this kind of environment or grew up aware of it, while Floyd was oblivious and naive about all of it) and while they do get drunk and do drugs often, none of them are really dependent on them. They are also pretty good judges of character and know how to avoid trouble. Floyd on the other hand drove in with no breaks and constantly got himself in trouble that the rest (mostly Les) had to drag him out of. He also developed bipolar during this time (in my story Floyd constantly fluctuates between being saturated and being desaturated because of this) and his manic and depressive episodes started getting out of hand after his teenage years. (None of them are aware it's a mental disorder that's making him act so out of character.)

Floyd was becoming miserable because of this and all of his problems pilling up, and started blaming Les for the way he was. Les never argued this which only fueled Floyd to blame him more. In the end he was getting so frustrated and irritable that Floyd constantly tried starting arguments with him, even putting him down and getting aggressive at times because Les gets very unresponsive and closed off during personal conversations (guy is a giant onion of suppressed trauma that Floyd is hellbent on peeling open).

Eventually there was one fight too many, terrible things were said, some objects flew through the air, and Floyd walked out (or Hed kicked him out, I haven't decided yet) with the promise of going home and never seeing them again.

So, yeah, it was very messy and Floyd was the primary asshole, even though he's not really to blame either...

But Floyd didn't make it home (was too scared to sneak through Bergen Town to get to the tree (i don't think i can judge him for that either)) and he just returned to the reckless lifestyle, this time without anyone being there to keep him safe. So if he was messed up before, this is the time period where he got absolutely fucked up. This is also when he got heavily addicted to sour worms. And when he chronically slept around (half the time just to get offered free worms or have somewhere to sleep, other times because he was having manic episodes and was feeling hypersexual). (This is also potentially the period when he had the two eggs with that techno troll, but I'm still thinking if I want that to be canon to the story or not.) During this time he also grew to become very anxious and his self-confidence went to shit when he was being himself.

Then after about three years of that, he bumped into Les at some party. He wanted to dodge him out of shame but Les grabbed his arm and manhandled him outside to talk. Floyd felt like shit about the way they had split up and tried apologizing for all the stuff he had said and done to Les, but Les wasn't having any of that because he wasn't angry at Floyd, he was just worried about him. Les is also insanely empathetic like Floyd, and he knew that Floyd never really meant any of it, and that he was just looking for an outlet when he was hurting. Also he does think he is to blame for the way Floyd ended up.

Les wanted to know why he didn't go home like he had said (because that was the only reason Les had even let him walk out in the first place). A few exchanged words later and Floyd broke down telling him all the awful things he'd done, and Les promised to help him, feeling insanely guilty. Floyd wondered if he was allowed back in the band but Les made it clear that the band wasn't good for him and that he was never taking him back. Instead Les helped him go though rehab. I don't think trolls have those institutions (or at least not many are aware of them or how they work (I'm sorry but I refuse to believe the Trolls world has internet and cellphones, Mountrageons can keep that for themselves lol)), so it was more or less just Les finding Floyd a job and his own place to stay in the middle of bumfuck nowhere where he had no option but to detox, and constantly checking up on him to make sure he was doing okay. During this time they grew pretty close again. Or maybe the better term would be that Les slowly started putting his walls down again.

Hed needed a while to warm up to Floyd again. He's almost as protective of Les as Les is of him, and he resented Floyd for the way he had treated him.

Flea is pretty phlegmatic when it comes to any sort of arguing or drama. He was casual about seeing Floyd again, they were never super close anyway.

And Liv, she left the band when she and Hed broke up (haven't decided if that happened before or after Floyd left), so Floyd didn't get to see her again after bumping into Les at the party. And I haven't thought yet if they'd ever meet again somewhere later in life. But if they did, I think they'd both be happy to see each other.

Anyway...

Floyd managed to detox and successfully kept the job for about a year, but then he became manic again and messed it all up. After that he returned to his nomadic lifestyle, but he never fell as hard as those three years again. In my story Floyd's life is a constant cycle of getting his life together and fucking it up and booking to the next place. And he and Les are trapped in a never-ending cat and mouse game where they're both trying to fix each other.

So, uh, Les and Floyd are still very close and see each other somewhat often...

(sometimes monthly, sometimes yearly)

Yeah...

I am so fucking obsessed with them I'm gonna hurl. Please take this song before I combust:

[480pfootage]

clearpilled and mentally sane

hey there ;)

[lyrakanefanatic]

i saw somebody say that tobias hawthorne tortured his family from the dead based on who he liked the least that day and i literally could not agree more.

[kittykatninja321]

Jason: so yeah I’m on mood stabilizers now

Tim: for the pit madness?

Jason: 🤨 no it’s cause I’m bipolar. What the fuck is pit madness?

[deadwhispering]

There is a galaxy existing inside of my mind. I wish I could express what I feel in a way that could be easily understood. No matter how much I speak or how much I write, I fear no one will ever know what I experience inside my own head.

[squeakadeeks]

microdosing on posting more serious transient stuff with this goof on sulu and alpha's friendship bc at first it just looks like surface coworker besties but what they got going on is gets very bonkers very fast

[skelespidey]

"mental health matters" until someone who has a suspected but not diagnosed disorder shows signs of the disorder.

[mountainhaunt]

forever envious of the bipolar types that have euphoric mania. what do you mean you don't purely feel irate and paranoid and restless the whole time? what do you mean it feels good and you long for it when it's away?? where is ur rage? where is ur depersonalization?? what is this natural high of which u speak

[bipolaritysucksbutslaps]

being bipolar means not knowing whether the way you're feeling is because of the menstrual cycle, today simply being a bad day, or if your episode is about to hit

[finedinereception]

i think simon does end up physically back to where he started, mostly because i really want to explore the idea of simon emotionally hurting himself by trying to draw a line between himself and ice king. because the thing is that even if hes physically back to normal, he still is mentally afflicted by the remains of magic insanity and all the memories of those 900 years. hes extremely forgetful. he loses his temper more easily than before, or will start crying for reasons beyond his understanding. his physical coordination isnt as good as it was before. he feels godawful when magic queen puts the daily checklist back on the wall, because hes normal now, why cant he just remember to eat every morning? why is he getting lost 2 blocks away from his own home? why is he losing his temper over incredibly mild things?

its about the internalized hatred for himself. cutting a piece of his own identity away because hes not as well as he once was. he was ice king for longer than he was simon, but he doesnt want to acknowledge that it is part of his history and identity. itd be easier if ice king was a stranger who took control of his body for a while.

and he really needs to come to terms with the fact that he IS ice king, ice king IS him, just a different phase of his life, because pushing that fact away is only hindering his recovery.

[faithfromanewperspective]

what’s there not to understand about hypomania? you know when you get overtired, and like a toddler, you get all hyperactive and also want to cry or do Every Fun Thing you can think of and it actually becomes harder to sleep? like as a result of too much overwhelm or being so emotionally exhausted that’s how your body makes you able to cope, the aftereffects of too much adrenaline? just imagine being stuck like that. and every day it triggers itself more, overload of emotional whiplash and energy and you’ve lost all ability to think rationally and you can do anything at this point, because why not? you’ve got nothing left in you to hold back on any idea that could be exciting and stop you from falling into the void where the wiredness you feel has nothing to latch onto to burn off that nervous energy in a positive way, emotionally. for days or weeks or months on end. you don’t need to have ever experienced this fully to extrapolate and be like. yeah. I can see how it would suck eventually to get stuck like that

[gardenerian]

I have to say something and I am really sorry. But I hate Ian in season 5 😭 I know he was sick but he hurt my baby girl Mick so bad 💔 is there anything you'd like to say to me so I don't hate season 5-6 Ian? I wanna be better

oh my fucking god. yeah, i've got something i'd like to say. you wanna be better? then be better. that's it, that's all there is. i cannot believe you'd think that i should have to say anything to you about hating a fictional teenage boy suffering through the worst tragedy of his life. if you can't handle it, you shouldn't be watching this show.

because guess what? mickey isn't fucking real. he doesn't need this from you. feel for his hurting, sure. feel upset or confused, sure. but your baby girl is just fine without this energy. not only does this attitude trivialize ian, it infantilizes mickey.

have we really forgotten one of the core tenets of this show: that people fuck up and hurt each other, but we can choose to salvage the relationships that are worth it to us? yes, people that are sick can hurt people, even if they love them. it's a real thing. but every single one of these characters is flawed. baby girl hurt plenty of people as well, and we love him still.

and putting aside this show for a goddamn moment, you know what is real? this illness. i'm fucking real. i'm sick. and i'm so fucking tired of seeing what i go through trivialized here. so for you to not only feel this way, but to think that i need to know about it - and that i should have to hold your hand through it??? it's bullshit. this mindset totally glosses over what mania and hypersexuality actually are, and "i know he's sick but..." doesn't mean anything if you don't think about it.

i've seen too many posts on the dash lately forgetting about the tragedy of ian's illness - the illness that many of us deal with daily. let's talk about it; let's find moments of lightness where we can, sure, but the moment you think "oh this is funny" or "oh i need help with this" - fucking think about it first. think about how you're saying it and WHY.

you didn't have to say this and i don't think you're sorry. if you really wanted to talk this through, there are a million different ways to start the conversation. if i thought you really wanted to talk about ian, that might be different. but i think you knew what you were doing here, and if i didn't think the dash needed to hear this, i'd have deleted and blocked you immediately. be fucking better.