ryan-sometimes

[ryan-sometimes]

What’s a really unusual skill you have?

I can write with both of my hands at the same time, but forwards with my right hand and backwards with my left. It’s like there’s a mirror down the middle of the page/board. I’m right handed and can’t normally write with my left hand, but if I’m using my right hand at the same time, I can write with my left hand too, but only if I’m mirroring everything I’m doing with my right and it has to be simultaneously. I’ve been able to do this since at least 5th grade. No one taught me and I didn’t deliberately learn it either, I just randomly did it one day.

[ryan-sometimes]

I’ll say that I’m bloody knackered in my fake ass American accent purely to amuse myself. What are they gonna do? Tell me I can’t? I learned English from watching YouTube and listening to music. I live in Brazil. A country where only 3% of the population speaks English. I didn’t pick up any of my slang in English naturally because I didn’t pick up ENGLISH naturally, so…

One thing I like about not being a native English speaker is that I can steal slang from everywhere and no one can judge me. I can use British and American slang in the same sentence and no one can stop me. What are they gonna do? Tell me I’m stealing someone else’s slang? I’m stealing this entire language anyways.

[ryan-sometimes]

One thing I like about not being a native English speaker is that I can steal slang from everywhere and no one can judge me. I can use British and American slang in the same sentence and no one can stop me. What are they gonna do? Tell me I’m stealing someone else’s slang? I’m stealing this entire language anyways.

[ryan-sometimes]

Main characters at my local gym:

Man who is constantly hunting down my dad to make petty football bets (they support rival teams)

Man with the most insane case of ADHD I’ve ever seen (and I have insane ADHD myself). He runs around all the different machines at the gym like a hamster on redbull discovering all the enrichment options in its enclosure. Everyone loves him because he’s incredibly sweet and wholesome. Bro could befriend his own shadow

ADHD man’s elderly mother who worked out on a broken rib for a month before noticing it was broken. My dad (lung surgeon) was actually the one who noticed her rib was broken because of the way it was protruding from her chest

Young woman with Down Syndrome who hates literally everybody except the aforementioned ADHD man. When someone needs a machine she’s using they have the man ask her because otherwise she’ll just glare at you like she wants you to drop dead. People are afraid of her because she’s insanely ripped and strong

My mother, who accidentally hogs the machines with phone holders because she gets distracted watching Lady Gaga videos

[ryan-sometimes]

Wtf they CENSORED ME…. I would never say “frigging.” I’m appalled

Some names just sound so ridiculously fake that had they been fictional, people would’ve rolled their eyes in complete disbelief. Like seriously. Wdym there’s a mf called Galileo Galilei. Stfu. You just made that up

[ryan-sometimes]

I fucking hate identical twin plotlines in movies and shows. If the solution to the mystery is like “oh yeah and they had a secret twin” it pisses me right tf off. Stfu. No they didn’t. Write an actual plot you lazy fuck

[ryan-sometimes]

Our other dog Cooper (purchased) gets violently ill if he eats a single blade of grass. Pipo ate laundry detergent as a puppy and nothing happened. He’s not afraid of anything (perhaps too stupid to know fear) and seems completely immune to any illness or injury a dog could inflict upon itself. He knows his entire existence was an accident and is determined to make it everyone else’s problem

If you have a pet you bought and another you got for free, does your free pet act like they know it? Because we got my dog Pipo for free and he definitely acts like he knows it

[ryan-sometimes]

If you have a pet you bought and another you got for free, does your free pet act like they know it? Because we got my dog Pipo for free and he definitely acts like he knows it

[ryan-sometimes]

What about trans men? Any advice for us?

It’s okay to be a beginner boy and go through all the stuff that beginner boys do. For example, learning the importance of showering and deodorant. Cleaning your room. You have a brief period of time where the people around you will tolerate the beginner boy behavior, like mansplaining and being greasy. Enjoy that period while it lasts. But at one point you’re going to have to pick up the shampoo and the deodorant.

[ryan-sometimes]

Another random af thing about my neighborhood in São Paulo is that when I was in high school, the guy who sold the best weed in the neighborhood was Muslim, and he did not sell anything during the Muslim holidays, including the ENTIRETY OF RAMADAN. Meaning that you had a bunch of stoner teens in my neighborhood who religiously kept up with the Muslim holidays because they affected the flow of marijuana

what’s an incredibly nieche piece of lore you can share about brazil? like something only a local would know?

I’m gonna do you one better and tell you a piece of lore that even most Brazilians don’t know. So I’m from São Paulo, which has a LOT of Asian immigrants. It actually has the world’s largest Japanese population outside of Japan, and there’s an entire city district for Japanese culture/restaurants.

Anyways, I’m from a part of the city where there are a lot of Chinese immigrants in addition to Japanese immigrants. Now, I don’t know why this is the case, but a lot of the Chinese Brazilians in my neighborhood don’t use banks and instead hold their entire wealth in cash. They gut their sofas to stuff them with cash, have “dry” toilets to stock the tank with cash, and even have entire empty mattresses that are filled with cash. They don’t have credit cards and pay everything in cash. Rent, groceries, you name it, and it’s always in cash.

The local criminals have learned this, and so they have started targeting houses and buildings with a lot of Chinese immigrants. Keep in mind that most Asian Brazilians are of Japanese descent, and my neighborhood also has a lot of Japanese Brazilians. A lot of these families have been in Brazil for multiple generations and don’t speak Japanese/Chinese anymore. But the Japanese immigrant families in my neighborhood use banks. This means that the criminals have been keeping track of anyone remotely Asian, and then watching them at local drug and grocery stores to see if they pay with cash or card. If they pay in cash, the criminals deduce that they must be Chinese and have furniture in their apartments stuffed with cash.

[ryan-sometimes]

There’s a specific apartment building on my block that is almost entirely Chinese immigrants, and they get break ins all the fucking time. They had to change their entire security system because of it.

There is exactly one apartment in my building that has a Chinese family, and they used to live in the apartment above ours.

When our building got broken into, they were the ONLY APARTMENT that got targeted. The criminals broke in through the lobby and went straight to the Chinese family’s apartment. No other apartments were affected. The criminals somehow knew about the only Chinese family in my building and targeted them exclusively. Once they robbed their apartment they left without robbing any other apartments in the building.

The profiling is THAT good.

what’s an incredibly nieche piece of lore you can share about brazil? like something only a local would know?

I’m gonna do you one better and tell you a piece of lore that even most Brazilians don’t know. So I’m from São Paulo, which has a LOT of Asian immigrants. It actually has the world’s largest Japanese population outside of Japan, and there’s an entire city district for Japanese culture/restaurants.

Anyways, I’m from a part of the city where there are a lot of Chinese immigrants in addition to Japanese immigrants. Now, I don’t know why this is the case, but a lot of the Chinese Brazilians in my neighborhood don’t use banks and instead hold their entire wealth in cash. They gut their sofas to stuff them with cash, have “dry” toilets to stock the tank with cash, and even have entire empty mattresses that are filled with cash. They don’t have credit cards and pay everything in cash. Rent, groceries, you name it, and it’s always in cash.

The local criminals have learned this, and so they have started targeting houses and buildings with a lot of Chinese immigrants. Keep in mind that most Asian Brazilians are of Japanese descent, and my neighborhood also has a lot of Japanese Brazilians. A lot of these families have been in Brazil for multiple generations and don’t speak Japanese/Chinese anymore. But the Japanese immigrant families in my neighborhood use banks. This means that the criminals have been keeping track of anyone remotely Asian, and then watching them at local drug and grocery stores to see if they pay with cash or card. If they pay in cash, the criminals deduce that they must be Chinese and have furniture in their apartments stuffed with cash.

[ryan-sometimes]

what’s an incredibly nieche piece of lore you can share about brazil? like something only a local would know?

I’m gonna do you one better and tell you a piece of lore that even most Brazilians don’t know. So I’m from São Paulo, which has a LOT of Asian immigrants. It actually has the world’s largest Japanese population outside of Japan, and there’s an entire city district for Japanese culture/restaurants.

Anyways, I’m from a part of the city where there are a lot of Chinese immigrants in addition to Japanese immigrants. Now, I don’t know why this is the case, but a lot of the Chinese Brazilians in my neighborhood don’t use banks and instead hold their entire wealth in cash. They gut their sofas to stuff them with cash, have “dry” toilets to stock the tank with cash, and even have entire empty mattresses that are filled with cash. They don’t have credit cards and pay everything in cash. Rent, groceries, you name it, and it’s always in cash.

The local criminals have learned this, and so they have started targeting houses and buildings with a lot of Chinese immigrants. Keep in mind that most Asian Brazilians are of Japanese descent, and my neighborhood also has a lot of Japanese Brazilians. A lot of these families have been in Brazil for multiple generations and don’t speak Japanese/Chinese anymore. But the Japanese immigrant families in my neighborhood use banks. This means that the criminals have been keeping track of anyone remotely Asian, and then watching them at local drug and grocery stores to see if they pay with cash or card. If they pay in cash, the criminals deduce that they must be Chinese and have furniture in their apartments stuffed with cash.

[ryan-sometimes]

POV you are a Brazilian football player:

As a Brazilian, watching the club world cup is always so funny because this year a game got cancelled due to RAIN. In Brazil, the lights in the stadium need to go out, the pitch needs to flood, and a minimum of 3 players need to get struck by lightning, only for the game to be delayed by like 20 minutes. Once a football game gets scheduled in Brazil there is no weather that can stop it. Zeus himself needs to come down to smite the players one by one

[ryan-sometimes]

Game in New York: gets cancelled due to slightly gray cloud in the sky

Meanwhile in Brazil:

As a Brazilian, watching the club world cup is always so funny because this year a game got cancelled due to RAIN. In Brazil, the lights in the stadium need to go out, the pitch needs to flood, and a minimum of 3 players need to get struck by lightning, only for the game to be delayed by like 20 minutes. Once a football game gets scheduled in Brazil there is no weather that can stop it. Zeus himself needs to come down to smite the players one by one

[ryan-sometimes]

As a Brazilian, watching the club world cup is always so funny because this year a game got cancelled due to RAIN. In Brazil, the lights in the stadium need to go out, the pitch needs to flood, and a minimum of 3 players need to get struck by lightning, only for the game to be delayed by like 20 minutes. Once a football game gets scheduled in Brazil there is no weather that can stop it. Zeus himself needs to come down to smite the players one by one

[ryan-sometimes]

what are your thoughts on the word bussy? some afab people don’t like it when gay men use a derivative of the word pussy for their own buttholes

I’m afraid I’m not online enough for this discussion. I don’t care about whatever word people use to describe their own bodies. Gay men can call their assholes the chamber of secrets for all I care