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twilight? -bucky barnes
~ bucky barnes x fem!reader ~tags/cw: pre-civil war (bucky is in Romania and finds a friend in the local supermarket girl) they finally have their first coffee date! angst! bucky thinking about his past. honey is a replacement for y/n ~ wc: 2.4k ~ not proofread
For fifty years, the soldier had been the active mind in the body of James Buchanan Barnes. For that half a century, Bucky’s actions had not been his own, which in some aspects soothes the guilt that gnaws at his chest like a raven ravaging a corpse, picking at his decaying organs till his bones shine bright and clean, but in some other regards bolsters the powers of the monster made of shame and regret because he had been there, albeit locked in the deep, deep recesses of the soldier’s mind without any way of breaking free of the prison, but he was still there. James saw everything, felt every wound that tore at his skin, heard every cry and plea, the weight of the knife in his palm as he plunged into the neck of the soldier’s mission. He was there. Was. A key verb Bucky reminds himself of every morning as he spills the contents of his stomach into the sink after a new nightmare wretches him awake. Was. The word he writes in his journal over and over again until the script begins to look like chicken scratching. Was. Written in steam on the mirror as he dresses after a shower. A faint mark on his hand. The slip of paper in his wallet. A consistent reminder of his current reality. It has been working well this far, each time he feels that familiar pull of guilt's spindly fingers gripping his shoulders, he opens his journal or reads the slip of paper, a way to redirect his thoughts away from the feeling in the pit of his stomach that does not conjure any distinct memories, but fills his body with dread.
Was. Was. Was.
The slip of paper sits neatly in the second card slot in the tattered (and stolen) wallet. Beneath it is a metro card (also stolen) and another slip of paper.
If you ever get a phone x
0763 389 295
Your handwriting is neat, slanting slightly to the right as you quickly scrawled the message on a larger piece of paper before ripping it and slipping it into Bucky’s shopping bag. He hadn’t noticed the note until he had gotten home and began to unpack the groceries. Squished between two cans of fruit sat the delicate white piece, the black ink had leaked slightly due to the condensation off the fruit you had ‘sold’ him quickly before you shoved him out the door in case your manager caught on to the suspiciously low sale price and rectified the ‘mistake’.
“I don’t want you to get fired, I can pay for the fruit.” Bucky had whispered as you pushed him out the door, your hands on his backpack shoving him towards the automatic doors. He was letting you push him, allowing you the small victory of feeling as though you had power over him in this moment just because he liked the way you smiled when you noticed his lack of apprehension to the touch.
You shushed him and continued to press forward. “It’s not that expensive, I’ll just label it as a mistake.”
Bucky stopped, rooting his feet to the floor and preventing you from shoving him another inch. He felt your body slam into his back at the sudden halt, a small huff coming from you at the sudden bump. He turned to face you. You looked even cuter as you pouted.
“Exactly, so let me pay for them.” He began to reach for the wallet but your hand on his wrist stopped him.
Panic paralysed the ex-assassin for a moment as your fingers wrapped around his arm, your pinky dangerously low to the edge of his jacket sleeve, to the sliver of metal that sometimes peeked out from under the layers. Bucky’s heart began to race, thudding in his chest and filling his head with loud thumps, his breathing turned shallow, chest heaving rapidly. He should run. Wretch his arm away from you and run the entire way home, then get on a train and move.
Run, you moron! Run!
But he couldn’t. The grip on his wrist softened as you noticed his change in demeanour. You pulled back breaking all contact in a fraction of a second and stepping back, giving him a wide berth to move if need be.
“Are you-?” You asked, face softening in concern.
Bucky nodded, inhaled a short sharp breath and squared his shoulder. “Yeah.” he slipped the wallet into the plastic bag. “I’ve gotta go, see ya.”
And he was out the door. The whooshing in his brain didn’t stop until he was safely inside his apartment, the door barricaded with a plank of wood and the sound of the television playing softly in the background. The metal of his arm flashed in his peripheral vision, and god did he want to rip it from his body. To tear the faux appendage and throw it into a river, off a mountain, in the dump, anywhere that I would not be attached to him. Tears pricked at Bucky’s eyes as he felt his throat tighten with impending tears. He had already cried this morning and had hoped he would not again for the rest of the day but as he slid down the the door, the tears began to flow and Bucky was once again alone.
—---
Bucky’s apology for the abrupt exit came a day later. In the form of a letter left for you at the front desk. A coworker hands it to you, clearly very annoyed that he had been tasked with something other than work.
“Some guy left it for you.” he sighs, shoves his hands into jacket pockets and starts to walk down the aisle.
“Some guy? And you took it?” You shout at him in disbelief. “Did you even ask his name?”
Your co-worker shakes his head, still with his back to you and answers. “Didn’t care enough to.”
The envelope itself is clean. No weird marks or stains, nothing that could indicate that there would be anything creepy or dangerous inside. It isn’t heavy or bulky so no weird gift concealed in it, so maybe it’s safe? You slowly open the paper careful to avoid spilling any powder or whatever may be inside but as you open it and find a note, your fears begin to subside.
Inside there is a handwritten note addressed to you.
Honey,
I’m sorry that I left so quickly the other day. You did nothing wrong, I just got a bit overwhelmed and had to leave. I’ve left extra money in here to pay for the plums so please put it in the register or use it for something you want, I don’t mind, I just don't want you to get fired.
I might not be in for a few days (there is a big job coming up a town away) but I'll see you when I get back. I still don’t have a phone so I’ll come in and see you. I hope you still want to get coffee.
Bucky x
---
"So why are you in Bucharest?”
The question is simple enough that a non-detailed answer could be given, and neither one would be the wiser, Yet you both sit in the booth, eyes trained on the steaming cups of coffee, in complete silence.
You're the first to break the silence.
"Did you get the plums?”
Bucky looks up from his coffee, lines of worry melting. “I did.” he reaches into his backpack, the same one you had seen on him each time he came into the store, and pulls out two perfectly purple plums. His large, gloved hand dwarfs the small fruits, looking like tiny river stones in his palm.
For a moment he is no longer the man who had saved you from certain death. He is a boy you had met long ago in the village square with eyes of endless blue and a smile of summer sunshine, whose hand slipped in yours as you ran through fields of wheat and barley, hiding in empty fox holes and climbing the great oak trees. He is a child, unburdened and carefree, suffering and heartbreak unknown.
You sit straighter, leaning in to get a good look at the fruit before you and match the small smile on his face.
“You want one?” Bucky offers.
The action itself does nothing to shake the aura of innocence surrounding him at that moment. It was too kind, too well-intentioned to reignite that ember of apprehension that lives in each interaction you have, but there is something off about him, not sinister or unpleasant, just something that isn’t quite as obvious as it should be.
You shake your head at the generous act.
“Oh, it's okay. They must been expensive, not being in season. Thank you, though. You’re very sweet.”
Bucky nods and retracts his hand, the fruit disappearing back into the backpack. His cheeks are pinker than before, ears tinting red and you wonder if it's because of your compliment, though not at all your intention, but it has your heart racing a beat faster.
“Have you always lived in Bucharest?” he asks, gloved fingers picking up the mug of steaming coffee.
“Not always.” You trace the lip of your mug with a finger, taking the time to formulate a concise response without trauma dumping. “I lived in a few Yugoslavian countries until I was around five then moved to the US ‘till around a year ago. Travelled around for a bit before finally settling here.”
“Didn’t like any of the other places?” Bucky takes a sip of his coffee.
“London was good, Ireland even better but I missed the feeling of home. I wanted something that made me feel safe and ended up in Serbia for a bit before coming here.”
“What made you choose Romania?” his interest in your story seems sincere.
You look up from the foam of your cappuccino to find Bucky watching you intently.
“Wanna hear the dorky truth or a cooler answer?”
“Dorky truth.”
You sigh and square your shoulders. “Vampires.”
“Vampires?” Bucky laughs, covering his mouth with his hand to stifle the rest of his amusement.
“I know, it’s stupid. I just-” You can't help the laugh that escapes you as you begin to gush over the creatures you had obsessed over as a teen. “I was obsessed with vampires when I was a kid and promised myself I would visit Bran Castle when I got older, which I did see on my first week here, and then ended up finding a really nice apartment and a decent job so here I am.”
“You were obsessed with vampires as a kid?” Bucky fixes you with a look of pure astonishment.
You nod, taking another sip of your coffee to hide the blush creeping over your face.
“You, a child, were obsessed with a terrifying creature of the night?”
“I wasn’t a child. Okay, a kid is an exaggeration, I was, around fourteen, fifteen maybe. And I read this book and the vampire was attractive and it just spiralled from there.”
“The vampire was attractive?”
“Yes, as attractive as words on a page can be.” you shrug,
“Are you admitting to finding old bald men with creepy ears attractive?”
Old bald man? Creepy ears? Oh!
“Bucky no! Not Dracula!” the volume of your exclamation is a tad too loud for the small cafe.
“What other popular novel about vampires is there? He’s the only one I can think of.”
“You’ve never heard of Twilight?”
“As the time of day, yes.” he looks at you as though you're the stupid one for thinking that Twilight could be anything other than that.
“Not the vampire series with the mortal girl and vampire lover?”
Bucky shakes his head.
“You need to watch it.” you rub your temples in mock frustration. “We’re watching it, I’m going to force you to watch it so you can see the appeal that is the modern-day vampire.”
“I’m not going to-” he begins his protest.
“Why are you acting like you have a choice in any of this? As your friend, I must educate you on the wonders of the Twilight Saga, the fate of our friendship depends on it.”
“As my friend?�� the corners of his mouth twitch downwards in a sad smile. “We’re friends?”
“Yeah. What other word would you use to describe two people who are gonna spend the next week watching the best and worst movie franchise in the history of mankind?”
“A kidnapping victim?”
You gasp in shock, hand pressing against your heart in offence. “How dare you? I was about to open my home to you but no longer, Bucky….” You trail off not realising you don’t know his last name.
“Rogers,” he answers and you continue your tirade.
“Bucky Rogers, you are no longer invited to my twilight marathon.” you can’t stop the smile from spreading over your face despite your futile attempts at mock anger.
Bucky just shakes his head and laughs, his eyes crinkling up as he smiles at you. “You’re a weird kid.”
“Kid?” You laugh and pick up the mug you had almost forgotten about. “How old are you?”
“Older than you think.” there is a hint of humour in his answer but you're not sure why. It had not been a funny question or any kind of innuendo yet the glimmer in his eyes alludes to a fact you are not yet privy to.
“That’s ominous,” the cup returns to the table but your fingers do not leave the mug. “Are you secretly a hundred-year-old vampire? Are you here to seduce me into joining your army of the undead?”
“I am but I’m not bald with long ears and creepy nails so I don’t think anything I do is gonna work on you?”
“It wasn’t Dracula!” you throw your hands up exasperated and sigh, your cheeks hurting from the constant smiling.
Bucky hums his refusals to accept your truth. He is prettier now, especially as he relaxes into the soft cushion beneath him, all tension eased as you both laughed at your ridiculous life choices. The blue in his eyes seems brighter and you like the way his lips look as you smile. Fuck, he is beautiful.
“Imagining me bald with pointy ears?” Bucky teases, tucking his hair behind human ears.
You cannot help the rolls of your eyes as you shake your head. “Nope, just thinking about how you don’t really look like a Rogers.”
#http shield ♡ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ౨ৎ ‧₊ .ᐟ#draft dump#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x oc#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x you#bucky x reader#bucky barnes fluff#bucky x you
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I ADORE Treasure Planet and a couple years back I read the Treasure Island book (which, of course, it’s based on). They are a little different (besides the space/sea difference but that’s more aesthetic than anything. Also, there’s more characters in the book which they skilfully condensed in the movie. And Jim’s a kid not a teen in the book) but they end the same with Silver doing the right thing and Jim and the others letting him leave rather than turning him over to the authorities.
It’s a beautiful ending. We have reconciliation and the rough old pirate (who’s done some truly terrible things but we have all come to love him anyway because, in the end, he did the right thing) gets to go off and have more adventures.
If we can rely on Treasure Island as a template for how the finale goes down, one of the kids (probably Wim) will get hurt (possibly by the pirates, possibly by the Supervisor or the droids or just some accident) and then Jod will have his change of heart/redemption, realizing this kid’s life means more than all the treasure in the galaxy
#I don’t think they’re gonna kill jod and I really don’t think they’re gonna make him the big bad villain#I really think this is gonna be the twist of the century#I hope. this show is extremely well written so I have a lot of faith going into the finale#skeleton crew#jod na nawood#I do keep going back to the fact he rescued the kids of his own volition on the other planet. and he didn’t hurt 33’s rat#(and 33 can be repaired. he’s constantly getting repaired.)
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#this is really gross fair warning#i am having SO MANY FUCKING NOSEBLEEDS#so many#they won't stop#its driving me nuts#i just spat out a blood clot! out of my MOUTH#because there is so much nosebleeding happening that it doesn't stay in my nose#ughhhflsiJDGHFI]#it sucks#the worst part is#my windows started fogging up with condensation a few days ago#which means there's too much water in my air#so i started circulating more air#but now....now i think my air is too DRY#but i can't go get a humidifier and use that#because then the condensation will come back#fuck#tmi hour with princesssarcastia#also im on my period now and this just sucks
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things i think buddie would argue about after moving in together: buying organic, the tupperware cabinet, couch throw pillows, the coffee maker
#yes i will elaborate#yk bucks buying all organic and name brand. eddie only buys organic or name brand if buck or chris want it. otherwise its gonna be generic#like if chris wants cheezits then hes getting cheezits if buck wants organic fruit leather then buck is getting his organic fruit leather#but if eddie wants oreos hes getting twist and shouts or sandwich creme cookies or whatever generic brand is available#every grocery trip is like just grab organic lettuce eddie. it doesnt matter buck just cuz theres no dirt on it doesnt mean its not lettuce#and the tupperware cabinet at the diaz (buck changes his last name to diaz okay he told me himself) house is crazy#i just know bucks tupperware cabinet in the loft is organized like crazy prob has labels or something. have you seen his immaculate kitchen#eddies tupperware cabinet is based on vibes. he tries to keep it organized but chris keeps coming home with more for some reason and theyre#all different sizes and theres no good way to condense them so theyre all just kinda in there and the cabinet closes so thats good enough#and that cabinet is the bane of bucks existence bc eddie let him have free rein over organizing everything else in the kitchen except#the tupperware cabinet#seriously eddie why cant we just throw some of these away and make some room in here?#oh suddenly mr we need to buy organic sustainably grown toilet paper wants to throw plastic directly into a landfill? absolutely not buck#and about the throw pillows#i just know mr eddie diaz loves home goods hes prob a member of the finders club or something#that man is decorating for all holidays and changes the pillows every season (canon) and buck well. weve seen the loft its the bare minimum#eddie comes back from home goods with a new pillow set and buck is like. eddie. eddie we have a dozen pillows already why do we need more??#none of the old ones match the new painting.#the new painting?? what new painting???#the coffee maker is a constant battle#because buck has had a hildy coffee maker for years and when he tried to set it up at eddies eddie was like. no. get that out of my house#and bucks like your house?? i thought this was our house 😔😔😔#oh baby i didnt mean that ofc its our house everything of mine is also yours#so i can set up hildy in our house right?#no.#and so buck is always dramatic as hell whenever he makes a pot of coffee.#oh if only i could set the brew cycle to match our work schedule. oh imagine how much we could save on the electric bill if it could put#itself to sleep after brewing. eddie. eds. babe if we could brew coffee from our phones then we could cuddle longer in the mornings#buck no. that thing is not allowed in this house.#me thinks
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Hey since you are back, and absolutely no pressure at all like if you don’t want to, that’s pretty chill too, would you maybe be willing to finish one hundred last chances?
Ugh so like. Yes. Theoretically. But also I simply cannot Stand my old fics and like the only reason I haven’t deleted them off the face of the planet is bc I know other people enjoy them. So it would probably be too agonising for me to actually write up the second half? I wouldn’t get your hopes up I don’t think.
#I think in my head. Steve left and they texted and rang eachother a lot for a few weeks#and Steve annoyed the hell out of the rest of the team by constantly asking them if Tony was doing okay.#until nat showed up at his apartment and told him to get in the car and told him Tony was waiting for him at couples therapy#OH yeah and then I recall. they do therapy for a few months but Steve still won’t come home.#and even though like. on missions Tony still completely trusts Steve to have his back. Steve cant fathom that Tony would ever trust him on a#personal level#but THEN. Steve goes for drinks with a coworker who’s in the area and signals get crossed and she ends up kissing him.#and Tony sees the pap pics and is like. oh.#as soon as steve sees the pics he knows Tony knows. and he’s so anxious that Tony thinks he’s found someone else because HE HASNT HE HASNT#but Tony’s not answering his phone so steve rushes back to the tower and he’s like. fuck. what have I been doing with myself man.#and he has this epiphany that it’s better to be around and heal together. with Tony. than like on the other side of the country#and there’s tears and kissing and emotions and then a resolution#so yeah. that’s part 2 condensed#ask
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@artist-issues - why do you believe the death penalty should be completely and totally abolished? explain?
*cracks knuckles* Justice is one of the things I am most passionate about in the entire world and I am so glad that you asked. So presenting-
Why The Death Penalty Should Be Abolished - from a Christian
[This is a heavily condensed version because Tumblr is mean and deleted the entire thing the first time I wrote it, so, here's the short answer]
There are two different theories of justice that are used in the sphere of law. Retribution and Restitution. Retribution is when you punish someone as vengence for an act that they committed, and restitution is when you establish justice in a way to pay back the wrong that was done in the crime. They are two different schools of thought and there are a lot of arguments each way and the more you learn about it the more fascinating it gets, but I firmly believe that the way that God has created justice and law firmly sits in the way of restitution, and all Christians should come to that conclusion when studying the Bible and advocate for such.
According to its use in the Bible, God instructed the Israelites to use the death penalty in cases of rape and murder. To quote @/artist-issues from the comments-
A lot of God’s commands about civil law and justice seem to have to do with what can be *restored* to the victim of the crime. If the criminal takes something that doesn’t belong to them, for example, Exodus 22 shows the principle of the thief restoring what they took, and giving back double—so they’re restoring, and they’re losing something, themselves, in addition, because of their sin. But when someone rapes another human, they’re taking something they cannot restore to the victim. Ever. Same way when they murder; they’re taking something that can never be restored to the victims (plural, because not only is the murdered party dead, but they’ll never be restored to the other victims: their loved ones.) Plus, human life has inherent value. Which really means something, with real-world consequences when that value is totally defiled and ignored. That’s why Genesis 9:6 says “Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image.” So God commands the death penalty. I think both because it IS the just thing to do, and because, knowing humanity’s sinful nature, God also knows that the death penalty is the only way to get depraved humans’ likelihood to COMMIT those crimes to actually drop in number. But both those things are sort of irrelevant for you and me: the bottom line is, if God says it’s okay, it’s okay.
And she is correct and spot on, I agree with almost every syllable of this dissection of Scripture. God has permitted the death penalty in response to rape and murder.
HOWEVER. I think once you start to add in other factors of historical context and modern day society, if you stick to that conclusion to the same degree you are sorely mistaken.
I believe that as of today, in 21st century America, that the death penalty should be overturned in all cases and that no crime whatsoever justifies its use. While our justice system is a lot better than some countries currently or historically and I am very thankful for the fact, it is still messed up.
People are on death row for years, which utterly destroys them physiologically, there is systemic racism and injustice in the bias against minorites (see the very end of this post), it is incredibly expensive for all parties (most notably taxpayers!), the methods of execution like lethal injection can be cruel and unusual, those with intellectual disability and those living in poverty are targeted, and lengthy trials hurt everyone. And most importantly, the rate of how many of those cases the defendent is actually innocent is incredibly staggering and gut-wrenching. And, there is no reliable evidence that the death penalty deters murder- in today's context.
We live in a different world than the Israelites did, plain and simple. Society's ideas of justice have progressed, and I'm not saying that as a way to crap on the ancient world and how uncivilized it was, far from it, I'm just saying that these values have changed, and most of it due to Christiantiy in fact. So we have to look at things in their historical context.
They lived in a revenge culture! If A stole B's camel, B would go kidnap A's sister, then A would murder B's parents, which would make B go burn down A's house and land with all of their family inside, A would torture B to death which would make B's children take up arms, and it could continue to escalate until there were multi-generation bloody wars going on. And do you know what God did when he introduced the concept of capping punishments to the Israelites? It stopped. Very little at first, just among them, but over time and as the other nations saw the power of the Hebrew God, they listened and changed themselves. And now, because of how God has changed society's concept of justice, there is no more need and very little want for extreme and overbearing punishment.
But, with these developments, the fear of punishment has slipped, undoubtably so. People think a lot less about punishment before commiting a crime unfortunately. Because it isn't as extreme anymore, or if it is its for all the wrong reasons in all the wrong places. And because of this, after decades of research, there is no solid evidence that the death penalty has any influence whatsoever on violent crime. Today, having life in prison is a far better way to correctly punish someone rather than excecute them, because now we're morally imprinted on a society that God has shaped to view punishment differently.
But more so- because there have been so many screw-ups when it comes to this that it makes me weep. Please read Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson. Please go and take a look at that link and think about what you read there. Human error and sin have lead to so much pain and suffering that was totally undeserved and evil. Innocent people are dead, mentally disabled, or physically so. People who were in fact guilty still faced heinous circumstances that outweighed the wrong that they had done by a staggering amount. And both the innocent and guilty have staggered under the weight of injustice that has wrongly convicted them and ruined their lives- if they lived.
Also, we need to remember that our job today with the justice system is not to give out the final punishment that person may or may not deserve in this life. That's Jesus' job on judgement day. The laws that Ancient Israel had back then should be treated differently than 21st century America today. The law is good if used properly- but the death penalty isn't that today. The holy men who used to distribute God's justice in Israel would do so by God's standard, and everyone understood and submitted under His authority willingly. They understood the why behind it. Did those guys who decided on punishment ever screw up like today and commit injustice? I don't know. I'm not going to speculate. But what I do know? According to the way that God outlined what the acceptable use of the death penalty, that is good. That is justice. I completely and totally agree with that.
But that isn't America today. America is not a Christian country. And we don't function as a theocracy. A lot of very powerful people blaspheme God and do not care about the morality He has laid on our hearts. And people are wicked and will do wicked things, not caring for those they have hurt. They have wielded the justice system to hurt people, the innocent yes, but also the guilty more than they deserved. Which is also unjust. And because of people's action, or inaction, so much pain and suffering has manifested in the world.
And look- God can do anything. Absolutely, 100%. The heart of kings is like water in His hand. Even if we screw up, His plan will come through anyway and He'll use it for good. But Scripture makes abundently clear that our actions do indeed have consequences and do have an effect. I'm not God, there is a lot of gray area, I don't fully understand it or how it lines up for or against His plan, but all I do know is that He has set things before us to achieve and it is our duty to carry them out with everything that we've got. All I can see when I look at the justice system today is overwhelming evidence for a need for reform and to protect the incarcerated- those who do in fact deserve to be there, as well as those who are innocent and are suffocating under the weight of injustice.
Unfortunately, the death penalty is not unconstitutional… as of right now. We can amend it to be so however. And same with abolishing it on a state by state level, we could get there. Which is why we sorely need more Christians to go into law, civil rights, and politics, despite how hard and ugly they can be. We need more people to stand up and shout that this is vile and wrong and hurts the world. There have been some huge wins against capital punishment! In Furman v. Georgia it was decided that the death penalty is cruel and unusual punishment when the punishment was not proportional to the crime. This lead 35 states to pass refined death penalty laws and Congress to pass statutory guidelines for death sentences. Praise God and hallelujah! If we can continue this and stregthen it, we very well could be on the way to better justice and abolishment in the not-so-near future.
I doubt that our country will ever reach a place of being able to perfectly align the legal system with Old Testament law and advocate for the death penalty in the cases that the Bible states. Because society and culture today are different. A majority of people in the judicial system are not religious, let alone Christian. So they're not thinking in the way that we think about these things. And I've barely touched on the fact that logistically, the death penalty costs so much money and time that it is literally cheaper to feed and care for someone spending seventy years behind bars than it is to pay for the legal proccess of that person's case, on both the defensive and offensive's accounts, but its true. A HUGE reason to totally abolish the penalty due to our culture today and how its changed. And it is going to be far better to advocate for life in prison rather than death- because that means anytime there is human error, we're looking to release people from jail with a big check rather than mourn over the fact that if we had just been a little bit better at our jobs in the legal system, we wouldn't be leaving flowers at their grave.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is the calling of the faithful to save as many people as we can. That means that we evangelize and preach the Gospel to the world no matter what. While Jesus is the only one who saves, and one only comes to the Father if He has first called him, we’re called in Romans 10 and many other places to tell as many as possible. Because how can they come to God if they never know Him? Which is why Christians are called to preach the Gospel to every tounge, tribe, and nation.
I apply the same philosophy here. I am going to do everything in my power for the rest of my life to save the physical lives of as many people as possible according to my convictions and what I see God calling for us as His children to do to the justice system as it is the way it is today. Because how can I hope to save someone who is dead, or so mentally damaged they may never be able to grasp the Word? Before I can work to save their souls, I have to save their life.
SIDE NOTE: anyone reading this who doesn’t believe in racial injustice needs to wake up and go read some statistics and go look at the EJI website, It is real, it is happening, and it will keep happening until we stop racial inequality. Believe it or not, while there are no laws that spell out racial inequality that are still in force, it is still very much present and active socially, especially in the Deep South. If you do not believe in racial inequality and how its affecting innocent people, either ask me more about it or just unfollow me. I might not post about this topic often but it doesn’t mean I am filled with a fiery passion and conviction to bring forth change every time I think of it.
Reminder that the death penalty is highly unethical and should be completely and totally abolished with no exceptions.
#if this doesnt make full sense I apologize I'm tired and annoyed at this point but it is what it is#I might not have fully explained everything or missed some stuff so if anyone has follow-ups I'm open#sunkissedliterarylightofchrist#justice#ethics#morality#christian#jesus#death penalty#death row#politics#civil rights#law
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Okay crew. I have three hours to get out of my apartment and get going to my parents' house. I don't have to pack my mattress or get rid of my furniture anymore because my strong af girlfriend helped me take care of it. I just have to fit what I can into my van (not a lot) and abandon the rest. Then drive four hours. Wish me luck. I'll need it.
#when i wrote this in my head it konda sounds like a general inspiring his troops#except im both the general and the troops#oh god i have three hours to condense my life into my minivan#i took 70mg of vyvanse and i feel great. i think im gonna take 30 mg more just because i have to get rid of it#see i stole the 30mg from my brother and im about to go see him. i dont want him searching my shit and finding his own meds#its okay he only takes these meds while hes in school. and i stole them over winter break#please only take medicine that is your own. dont fuck with prescriptions that belong to other people. do as i say not as i do#holy shit im not okay#i went to my fav local coffee shop today for the last time and started tearing up while i was there#im gonna miss this place#im moving across the country to live with my sibling#and honestly i dont think its gonna be my forever home. i think this is just a much-needed adventure and change of pace#i can see myself living in this city for years and years. but im still leaving#i know i need to leave. i need to live with someone. be with family. i need to get out of my shit job. i need a new start#so itll be worth it. but i think ill probably come back here eventually. idk. but for now im leaving. i need to go#i need to go in three fucking hours
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i swear i'll pipe down about voicebank things eventually but good news i got to 39% completion today ( n i c e ) but bad news that was all the easy samples (end breaths and VVs) and when i timed myself on a standard CVVC sample it came out to roughly 10 minutes meaning that if i work on oto'ing all the remaining samples without stopping or being distracted, the rest of this library will take me roughly 49 hours of work to complete
#im yelling#thankfully this library doesn't need to be complete for another several months but#i am also very much going to be going back to my internship program in the fall#so i would very much like to have it done in the next two or so months#which currently equals out to about#probably at least 40 minutes of work a day#which while not unbearable for oto work#is definitely less than optimal#though very on brand considering salvador AR took like 10 months of exporting and sample cleaning and oto work to finish sdkjfhlk#i really am just grand at shooting myself in the foot huh#first recording for a voice type i physically can no longer recreate without significant strain#then recording basically two reclists per pitch across 6 pitches of CVVC and refusing to condense it#in between those two i also recorded a massive amount of VCV that needs to be manually cleaned because my VST hates me#and coming up soon i am basically combining all of these for an ultra hell dev moment KJHLKJHLSFKJ#i swear to god though i'm going to get this library done#if nothing else than to lay my poor restless soul to peace skjdfghlkj
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Constantly forget that the ceiling and windows are lower in the upstairs room, and think I finally know what people over six feet feel like
#I'm like a giant#Everything is so far away? The windows are lower? The fireplace is lower? I can't visualise furniture in there because my proportions are of#Not that I could get the furniture up the stairs anyway#Ah well that's the least of my problems currently I have one wall that was almost soaking wet the other night due to condensation#Which considering that that's really the only major issue in a house which dates back 400 years I'm trying to be chill about#But I am not succeeding; I'm just wandering around feeling like an utter failure because *checks notes* there is slight damp#which I already knew about because it was on the home report over a year ago when I moved in#And I had people come out and look at it and they told me exactly why and how and when it would happen#I just haven't been able to try their suggestion of the damp-proofing paint because it's winter#But then I'm also concerned because it may be because of a lack of ventilation in the chimney#But I'm going to have reduce the ventilation further because a slug somehow got in#I'm pretty fine with bugs- thank god I'm not scared of spiders because this house has the biggest I have ever seen in my entire life#And I've been to Australia#And there's the odd case of the wasps that kept coming in JUST to die on my windowsill#But slugs are a huge no; I detest them with all my heart and am only slightly better with them now#Because after a few years of mild gardening I a) know they can't catch me (haha slowcoaches) and b) they are good for compost#But they have no place inside my house LEAST OF ALL in the tiny tiny study room on the fourth floor of the building#I'm very very worried about that chimney but I can't open it up to have a look without opening a gigantic can of worms#So we're just going to have to try some tape and some paint and try not to think about the slugs#That's a long way of saying it's an absolutely darling little room and actually the issues on the chimney wall#are basically the only issues in the entire flat#So I really should NOT be complaining but yeah I still feel like I've failed myself and the house and everyone I know#Because a slug got in#The rest of the house is largely bug-proof and the windows the heating the water all work and I have a cosy bed#The roof I'm panicking about a bit but that's because I need to grow a spine and tackle my neighbours like a grown-up not long-term damage#I'm only responsible for part of the building and almost all of it is in good nick and I intend to keep it that way#But I'm still worried and if that little room falls apart it will be my fault but on the other hand it's been there since 1589 so not all me#But everything has been a failure there- none of the furniture fits up the stairs; the floor took three tries to finish; and now wet wall#First world problems EXTREMELY but also hard not to take it personally and feel like I've failed the house#Earth & Stone
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Some more concept designs for my newest iterator ocs! In order we have Endless Grains of Sand (she/her), Deep Coated Mist (she/her), Purity Preserved (he/they), and Twisted Orbit (he/they/she). This is also in order from oldest to youngest, Sand and Mist are both Very old
(Synchronized Light is also a part of the group, they’re the very youngest)
#keese draws#rain world#rain world oc#iterator oc#rain world iterator#rw iterator#I’m considering adding one more member to the group but I’m not sure yet#I kind of wanna make someone to be the token just some guy of their local group since currently they’re a bunch of freaks and also sand#sand doesn’t count as the normal one though because she’s absolutely ancient and also in old woman love with mist#I need some just completely unremarkable guy to balance out these guys#but yeah real brief summary these guys are unique because they basically all recycle mist’s water output until it makes it’s way back to th#ocean that sand draws from and filters to send back to mist#mist is located on the peak of a very large mountain and is wildly innificent due to her being a rly rly old model so the steam she#produces condenses and flows down the mountainous area she’s located in#and that leaves to there being enough water in the vast rivers and lakes she ended up producing to be used for several other iterators#newer iterators mostly but purity is a gen 2 iterator so he’s not even as efficient as the newer models mist is just that inefficient#mist is also easily the biggest of her local group with synch and light being in second#personality wise sand is very logical and blunt but not mean or aggressive more so just very earnest#she still comes across as distant but that’s mostly just because she believes it’s important to not influence those around her too much#mist on the other hand is a lot lore grumpy and judgementsl#she takes great pride in her history and has very strong beliefs about how things should be gone about and it frustrates her when others#disregard these ideas especially when it comes to her younger neighbors who mostly very much do not respect her#purity is very full of himself and has been obsessed with the idea of being the first to produce a genuine triple affirmative#he ofc was pissed as hell when the sliver incident happened and is desperate to find a way to rewrite that bit of history in his favor#and orbit is very detached and cold towards most of those around her but will love bomb the hell out of anyone she takes a liking to#orbit used to have a sort of girlfriend who was an ancient who she used to watch paint#and eventually said ancient got arrested and sentenced to doing hard labor for a time and orbit pulled some strings to get her stationed to#do cleaning and repairs for their superstructure so that the two could meet in person#but things got real messy and moment (the ancient) ended up incredibly miserable and desperate for an escape before she ended up dying in#a void fluid pipe rupture incident leaving orbit in shambles
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god going on a date with johnny whom you matched on tinder and he's the type of guy you avoid like the plague; jaw-dropping good looks, cheeky ㅤㅤsmiles, hits the gym more in a week than you've done all year and worst of all, could charm the pants off a snake.
so it's truly no wonder that you end up letting him bury his face between your thighs and lap at your glistening sex until your moans almost turn into screams and you haven't even left the bar's driveway, then left to watch johnny wipe the condensation off the windshield with a spare shirt so he can drive you home all the while his chin drips with your slick.
he fucks you against the front door once inside, legs hooked over his arms, then again over your couch, hand curled around your throat, and again, in front of your full length mirror while he tells you how pretty you look taking all of him, to look at how pretty you look, his crystalline eyes latching onto yours through the reflection, pretty as a peach.
then he leaves you with his spend sticking your thighs together, a languid kiss that tastes of you, and with his personal number on a scrap piece of paper.
and that's the last you hear of him. he'd said that he's quite a busy man, military and whatnot, and all in all, while you'd raked your nails down his back on the first date, it had been a date. you require more than good sex to get into a committed relationship.
a swipe of your thumb brings up tinder again, and you match with another bloke not your type. big, broad man, biceps the size of your thighs with a deadpan stare that sees right through false bravado. but he's doesn't seem to care in the slightest that he makes you nervous, doesn't care that you stutter out responses to his rather abnormal questions.
simon takes you home and sits eerily silent with his hands dwarfing the steering wheel as you chew on your lip before tentatively inviting him in for a nightcap, and you must be the luckiest person on the planet because he's just as devoted to your pleasure as your last partner.
he brings you peak after peak with his tongue, his fingers, swirls your pearl with the tip of his misaligned nose. then he lets you be on top first, concentration knitting your brows togethee as you try to fit all of him in and pride warms your cheeks when you can hear his teeth audibly grind as his fingers bite into the soft of your waist once you take him to the root, thighs flush against his hips.
you come undone more times than you can count, the neighbors more than likely knowing his name by the time he walks out the front door (after checking the locks on your windows) and that's that.
until it isn't because a text from johnny awakens your phone screen, an invite to a restaurant downtown next saturday, one you've only ever fancied of eating at and well-
a date is a date, isn't it?
you tell him to pick you up at seven and he tells you to wear something you wouldn't mind letting him keep underneath, preferably something in red. (must've seen that particular number while you looked for some sleeping shorts before he left that night.)
hopefully you won't feel too bad breaking things off with whoever doesn't ask you to be theirs first.
(simon and johnny fuck each other to the thought of you back at base, simon's fist viciously tight around johnny's cock as he's got him drooling into the flattened pillow, almost like she's fucking you too, eh, johnny?)
#the prompt was you having sex with them and worrying about how to keep them unaware of each other#meanwhile they're in cahoots baby#two peas in a pod#ghoap x reader#ghoap x female reader#ghoap x you#cod smut#simon ghost riley x reader#johnny soap mactavish x reader
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ellie, who unexpectedly orgasms as she’s strapping you.
you thought something was off by how sloppy she was handling your hips, her fingers twitching impulsively and the thrusts of the silicone in your cunt is faltering. maybe her stamina is no longer, or maybe she’s just not into you.
but you hear her exhale shakily, her choked up breaths. people usually tried missionary first, but not ellie - she wanted to see you ride it reverse cowgirl, watch your ass from behind in doggy, and she wanted to hear you cry out speed-bump style.
but she’s on top of you now, your lower back angled comfortably on a sweaty pillow, legs hanging off the edge of the mattress.
“fuck.. fuck.. fuck—“ she whimpers silently to herself, and your glossed eyes are fluttering open. you’ll call out her name with difficulty, ellie?
that intangible pleasure in your cunt she used to hit with ease is starting to subside, but it doesn’t matter, because your core is tightening when you see her fucked-out expression. her lids shut, eyebrows arched in ecstasy and my god, williams.. it looks like you’re the one getting fucked.
the constant rocking has been stimulating her poor, swollen clit. and suddenly provoking her orgasm, her hips are twitching like crazy, whimpering exhales sloppily seeping from her lips.
“are you fucking coming?” you gasp jaggedly, feeling the silicone burrow deeply into your hole in these random and unanticipated twitches.
you’ll cup her face, and her skin is piping hot, melting into your sweaty palms. her eyes are closed, and even when they are fluttering, you can only see the pleasured whites of her eyes.
“mm—fuck-‘m sorry, i’m sorry baby-ah—..” she whimpers, too embarrassed to open her eyes fully for you to see her shameful irises, dilated pupils that are so selfish.
she’s using her remaining momentum to sporadically thrust into your soaked slit, encouraging those last ruffles of her rupturing orgasm, humming low and guttural as she does so. “felt so good—fuck, pussy feels so good, baby—“ she exhales breathlessly, her parted lips against your chest.
you can feel the hot air on your skin, condensation melting into the pores.
she tries to continue, for your sake, for your enjoyment. but it’s too much, oversensitivity that has her trembling like a loser; her arms are quivering as they try to hold her up. “i can’t-can’t go anymore—“ she whines, her measly thrusts forcing her clit into overdrive.
just the smallest tap has her overwhelmed. but you’re not satisfied, she knows this.
“keep going.” you demand, determined eyes maintaining a solid gaze at her own, your palms still framing her jaw. “i need to come too.”
and when she pauses, eyes glassy with the overbrimming bliss, you dip her face lower. her ear inches away from your lips, and you whisper with a callous hue. “you talked so much fucking game, so fuck me until i come. is that so much to ask?”
“i can’t-i can’t, it’s too—“ she tries to defend herself, tries to ignore the constant contracting of her hole; the rigorous pulsing of her tormented bud. but you’re quick to deflate it.
“it’s always about you, huh, ellie?” you murmur, slowly rutting your hips against the silicone. she can hear the challenge in your voice, the way you diminish her, the humiliating wetness of her slick.
and she loves it.
“stop being so selfish, and fuck me.” you order, your arms sprawling out to your sides - because you want her to put the work in, make the same mess of you as she did herself.
and she will. she’ll whine, she’ll beg, she’ll plead. can’t go anymore, i can’t, please baby as she fucks into you like you deserve. the veins in her hands prominent as she tries to keep herself steady, the definition in her abdomen from the clenching, and the pitiful way she’s crying out. whimpering for breath, a pleasured tear landing on your collarbone.
but she fucks you good, and you’re grateful for it.
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my dad always sneezes at least twice in a row and i think i inherited the same volume of sneeze condensed into one because im firing shotgun blasts out of my nostrils. one time i asked my doctor if i should be concerned that sometimes i sneeze so hard that my left arm goes numb and she left the room for 5 minutes before coming back like
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𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐚𝐳, 𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐫𝐮𝐛𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐝 | 𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧
Eddie has a staring problem that you barely notice, though you share an aching, awful crush. One of you has to bend first, and it’s not who you’d expect. fem, 5k
ditzy-ish reader, pining eddie, mutual pining, confessions, first kisses, fluff and hugging, idiots in love, mild states of undress
˚‧꒰ა ✮ ໒꒱‧˚
It’s a day fit for a funeral in Hawkins. Rain hammers his bedroom window like hailstones, plinking against the frame, condensation running down the panes in thick rivulets he soaks up with an old t-shirt.
It’s supposed to be spring time. Green grass, flowers, a gentle humming sun to warm the back of his neck while he sits out on the couch on the porch, a hand-rolled cigarette between his fingers, the tip shimmering with heat.
But the rain pours. He’s cleaned his room for the first time in a month, at least, and his back aches in the best way as he lays down amongst fresh sheets. His room feels strange when it’s organised, but he doesn’t mind. He pictures the state of it through a second pair of eyes. This is a boy who cares about things, who takes care of them, who could take care of me, too.
Rain again rackets on the metal roof above. He and Wayne keep a couple hundred bucks stashed for the day the roof flies straight off —they take turns hiding it, because cars break down and groceries get more expensive every year, but god will they need it, and so they safeguard it well.
He syphoned a little of the money recently with Wayne’s support. It was for a good cause.
“Jesus,” Eddie murmurs to himself, not tired but feeling dull as the clouds outside eat the remaining sun.
It’s depressing to be poor, and to lose a day trying to hide the evidence of an entire life in a small room. He could sleep a hundred years.
He’s just finished pulling the sheets over his shoulder when somebody knocks on the front door. Wayne opens it three rooms away, the sound of the rain doubled.
He gives a startling shout, “Ed! Your girl!”
Eddie topples out of bed. Doesn’t mean to, foot caught in the bottom of the sheets and stuck as he scrambles to slide out of the mess. He’s begged Wayne not to call you that when you’re within earshot, but Wayne’s a mean (kind) old bastard (middle aged dad) who wants Eddie dead (happy, and in love).
“Come on in, girl. You’re soaking.”
“It’s raining.”
“It’s pouring down. Did you walk here?”
“Took my bike. Thought I’d get struck by lightning in the car.”
“How’d you figure?”
Eddie goes to grab the door handle and spins on his heel, staggering onto his bed and up against the wall, where a mirrored tray once used by Dio himself for rolling hangs from the wall. He checks his face in the polished surface, his warped mouth and nose, too small eyes, and swears to himself that one day he’ll get a real mirror with a fully-functioning reflective surface.
Then he hops down off of the bed, causing a reverberation he knows traverses the entirety of the trailer floor. Eddie snatches a rare clean towel from his laundry chair and speeds down the hall.
“Hello,” he says, more casual than he feels to find you unexpectedly in his house. “You’re soaked.”
You give a sweet smile. “It’s raining out, did you not know?”
Your hair is dripping, water racing down the curves of your face to collect at your chin. Eddie can see the smudges of your makeup where it’s washing off as he wraps a towel around you, kohl on your cheeks, eyelashes turned to half-diamonds and sticky-looking. You grin at being covered, taking the towel from his fingers before he can dab you dry.
“Why didn’t you just call me?”’
“I can never remember if your phone number ends in three or four.”
“Seven. I wrote it down for you a hundred times.”
You rub your eyes and spread all manner of glitter and shadow over your skin. You wipe your neck and the glitter spreads like an alien rash.
When you talk next, you shiver, “I lost it a hundred times, sorry. Is it okay that I'm here?”
Wayne, who’s been watching with a distinct sense of amusement from the couch, lets out a chesty laugh. “Honey, it’s always okay that you’re here on my account. And it’s my house.”
“It’s fine.” Eddie turns your shoulder so he can mouth over it without being caught. Asshole.
Another laugh follows. Eddie would cut each of his fingers from his hand and then his hand from his wrist if it were something Wayne needed him to do, but that doesn’t make him any less of an opportunistic asshole. If there’s a way to fuck with Eddie, he tends to try it. He loves Eddie with all the tenacity of a father who loves his son, but Wayne got infected with little bitch disease or something and Eddie can’t cure it.
“Can I please wash my face? I didn’t expect to get soaked.”
“Didn’t you?” He regrets his flippancy quickly, leading you down the hall. “You could take a shower. What do you think?”
You’ve never showered here, but Eddie’s trying to, you know, date you. Romance you, get to cherish you, however anyone wants to say it. And it’s not a war of attrition, just a natural escalation of sharing, or a minimising of boundaries.
No, that’s pervy, isn’t it?
“I mean–” He starts to correct himself.
You interrupt with your answer, “Yes, please, do you think I could? But I don’t have anything to wear.”
“I have your purple hoodie in my room, and there’s gotta be a pair of sweatpants here that fit you,” he says.
They’ve got a whole bunch of clothes here that floated in from somewhere else, Eddie’s other friends or stuff they’ve bought by mistake. He’s sure he can find something.
“You have my hoodie?” you ask, black kohl spreading across the towel as you wipe your cheek.
Eddie only smelled it one time. When he’d realised you left it in his van he brought it in and folded it, waiting for the next time he’d see you to give it back, but that night he’d been getting out of the shower wondering if he could call you or if that was too soon, and your hoodie had been right there. So he stood there in his pyjama pants with his wet hair and he didn’t think about picking your hoodie up, he just did, and when he pressed it to his face it still smelled of your perfume.
He put it back and felt like a loser for days.
“It’s in my closet, you left it in the van Monday,” he explains quickly, nudging you through the doorway of the bathroom.
The Munson bathroom is teeny tiny but not unnavigable. There’s a shower pressed to the far wall that could squeeze in two people, their toilet to the right, a sink basin opposite that with a medicine cabinet and just enough room for a dirty laundry box that’s always, always full.
Eddie opens the shower and turns it on. “It takes a while to get really hot but then it’s not hot for long, sorry. There’s my shampoo if you want it, and soap, and body wash. Sorry, none of it is super girly.”
“Sorry sorry,” you say, pretending to hit him in the stomach. “What’s with all the sorries, handsome? I can’t wait to smell like a boy.”
The way you say it. Eddie doesn’t know what it is, but it’s why he’s crazy about you.
Probably shouldn’t tell you that as you're taking off your jacket, though.
“I’ll be right back,” he says.
Eddie heads out of the bathroom to their skinny linen cabinet hidden in the hallway. He grabs the last two towels from the middle shelf and takes pause, fabric starchy in his hands. Just be normal, he thinks, a pep talk from Eddie to Eddie. She hangs out with you all the time for a reason. She held your hand at the movies.
Eddie’s in better spirits when he remembers that. Your hand in his, your ring pushing his ring further down his finger, your cheek touching his shoulder as you’d leaned in and asked if he wanted some of your popcorn.
He opens the door without thinking, shower pattering against the perspex wall, your legs crossing tightly as he enters, turning yourself away from him.
“Woah!” you say, laughing.
“Holy crap.” The image of your red underwear immediately stamps itself into his mind as he pulls the door shut between you. They were really cute, red and white gingham, showcasing just the slightest curve of your– “I told you I was coming back!”
“I thought you’d knock!” you laugh. “Sorry I flashed you. At least I had my shirt on.”
At least, he thinks wryly, shoving his arm through the gap in the door, heavy towels pulling at his fingers. His head’s about to snap off, it's turned so far away from the door’s opening. “Here.”
“If you wanna see me naked so bad you can just ask,” you tease.
“Take the towels, loser.”
You take the towels and he closes the door, preventing any more accidental creeping, and giving himself a reprieve. Gingham underwear. Wavy lettuce edgings kissing your skin.
Holy fuck. Being a person is so lame, Eddie thinks. He wants to have a crush on you purely, and yet seeing the way you’d crossed your legs to hide from him, smiling, he can’t not think about kissing you —touching you. If he doesn’t get you laid out in his bed soon for some slow kissing he’s not gonna make it.
Eddie opens the strip vent above his window and prays it doesn’t flood his whole room. Clean, it doesn’t look half bad, he could bring you in here respectfully, you could stay the night without fearing for your life.
You take a quick shower. He’s barely gotten over his nerves when you’re walking into his room, a towel around you, not a hint of shyness about you.
“You didn’t bring me anything to wear,” you explain.
Eddie just stares at you.
“Eddie?” You wrap the towel tighter. “Come on, you’re staring at me.”
“Sorry.” His mouth is bone dry.
“You have my hoodie, right? Just need some pants.” You cross your arm tightly across your chest. “I don’t usually notice when people are staring at me.”
“You aren’t usually naked in my room,” he says, genuinely and embarrassingly apologetic.
“I’m not naked. Come on, please? Do I have to wait outside the door?” you ask with a laugh.
Eddie stands up. Shakes his head hard, almost trips over himself trying to get to his dresser. He decides honesty will be best at this point, lest you think he has only one thing on his mind, “Listen, I’m sorry. I’m just in my head about something and I wasn’t expecting you to come out like that. It’s not right. You’re just… you’re really pretty.”
“Thank you.” He can’t see you, sorting quickly through his middle drawer and all his miscellaneous pants for a pair he’s sure would fit, if he could just remember where it was. “What are you in your head about?”
“What?”
“Eddie, are you okay?”
“No, no,” he moans, rubbing his face with his hand, ring scratching the bridge of his nose, “I’m not okay, princess, I’m overheating or something, Jesus Christ.” He finally lays eyes on the sweatpants he’d been thinking of, grabs your hoodie from the top shelf and drops them both at the end of the bed. “I’ll give you some privacy.”
“I don’t have any underwear.”
“And that’s something I can’t fix,” he says, leaving the room in a hurry.
Eddie gets to the living room and keels over. His hair falls in his face, his shirt slides down his back. What the fuck is wrong with him?
Wayne, sliding his shoes on in the recliner, gives a start. “What’s wrong?”
Eddie lifts his head, yanking hair from his face, the skin of his under eyes pulled down harshly. “Oh my god.”
Wayne wrinkles his nose.
“No ones ever been such a pathetic excuse for a man before,” Eddie says.
“Your dad’s in jail,” Wayne points out. “And not for the impressive stuff.”
“I’m pathetic.”
“You’re fine. You’re not supposed to be not pathetic, you’re twenty.”
“I’m twenty one.”
“The extra year doesn’t mean much. I know you think you’re all grown up, but you’re still an idiot.”
Wayne stands and shrugs on the jacket laying over the armrest.
“Wait, where are you going?”
“I thought you were definitely gonna ask her?” Wayne asks knowingly. That’s what Eddie told him, after all. “Next time I see her, Wayne, I’m asking her to go steady.”
Eddie shakes his head. “You can’t leave.”
“Eddie.” Wayne gestures for Eddie to stop slouching like some fiend from a bad horror. “Listen. I get that you’ve always been sort of… behind everyone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. She likes you. She biked here in a hurricane.”
“What if she says no?” he asks.
Truthfully, Eddie’s more scared of you saying yes.
Wayne shrugs. “Girl like that’ll still be your friend after. It’ll be fine, okay? Do you need a hug before I go?”
“No.” Eddie rubs his eyes some more, sore now from being touched. “Maybe.”
Wayne crosses the room to give his shoulder a squeeze. “It will be fine. You’re great with rejection, Eds, but I have a good feeling about this one.”
Eddie felt better about it, before he embarrassed himself staring at you. But Wayne’s right, even if Eddie’s read things wrong between you, he’s sure you’ll still want to be his friend. You and Eddie are the same kind of weird, though he’s more angry where you’re carefree. If everything goes wrong, you’ll probably just give an unnecessary apology and offer to braid his hair. Which will be torture, but Eddie’ll still say yes.
Wayne calls goodbye, and you shout, “Bye, Mr. Munson!” to which Wayne wiggles his eyebrows.
“Get lost,” Eddie says.
“Go make her a drink. I’ll see you later.”
That’s not a bad idea. Eddie makes you a mix of orange and grapefruit juice with a couple of ice cubes and a plastic straw, your reaction predicted and then proved.
“It’s a cocktail,” you say, pleased, sitting on the side of his bed.
“It’s not a cocktail, just juice.”
“Can I have some socks, please, Eddie?”
Eddie passes you your drink, fingertips brushing. “Yeah. Anything else?” He pretends to be exhausted as he trudges back over to his dresser.
You laugh and sip your drink. “No, I think you’re treating me quite well.”
Eddie grabs a random pair and finally gets to sit down beside you, the dresser drawer left out, a spare sock fallen to the floor. You shuffle back into his pillows, propping your juice on his side table, and holding your hands out for the socks. Again, your fingertips touch his as he passes them to you. You seem to enjoy it, a smile lighting your face as you pull your knees up to put the socks on.
“Thank you for waiting on me,” you say quietly. Not shyly, just quiet.
“You’re welcome. Came all this way to see me, didn’t you?” He gives you a shove. You shuffle back further. “In the pouring rain.”
“It felt important at the time.”
“Yeah?”
You get the socks on and don’t care about them once they're past your heels. Eddie does the honour of smoothing out the bands so that the elastic won’t dig into your skin, and when he’s done he can feel you looking at him heavily. You’re not one for continued eye contact, but you smile like you were waiting for it all day, like it’s a relief to see him.
“Bad weather,” you say, slouching down. “I think I’m still wet on the inside.”
“Gross,” Eddie says, pushing you over bodily to sit beside you. This isn’t new, he doesn’t need any nerves, and he’s grateful when they don’t come. “Here, I’ll pull the blanket over you.”
“Can’t move,” you say, leaning back against the pillows.
Eddie stretches his legs out. You keep yours up, but you turn to his side, and before he can really make any sense of you, you’re dropping your face into his shoulder.
“Are you still cold?” he asks, searching for the truth in your strange comment.
You nod into his shoulder. “I’m freezing. The shower didn’t get very hot.”
“Sorry,” he says, letting his cheek rest on your head.
You lift your chin as he does it, his lashes pressed to your forehead, the two of you stuck together like two warped jigsaw pieces. You probably weren’t made to be together, but you make a nice picture, and you fit snugly now. That’s what Eddie thinks.
This is the sort of moment that makes Eddie wanna ask you out. Maybe you’re just the best friend he’s ever had, but something about this closeness feels different. You wrap your arm around his stomach in a hug and he knows this is different.
“It’s okay,” you say finally, sighing as you shift downward into his side, getting comfortable.
“Please don’t bike here in the rain. It’s, like, torrential. You could actually get sick.”
You feel warm where your body presses against his, but Eddie doubts that’ll make a difference if the cold already made you sick. The bike ride from your place to his isn't short. He covers your arm with his and tries to be your space heater, cheek sliding over your forehead.
“Eddie…” You hug him with tenderness. Eddie’s reluctant to say cuddle, but it’s close. “This might be a surprise to you, but I think it’s worth the rain and the cold to see you. Especially when you do this.”
“What am I doing?”
“You’re rubbing my arm.”
He hadn’t noticed his hand caressing up and down your arm where it rests on his stomach.
“You make me feel amazing,” you say, dropping your face into his chest.
That’s his last straw. Eddie gets both arms around you and cuddles you (it’s a cuddle, okay! he’s a loser!) to him, arms tight but not cruel. All this fuss and you’re finally laying on top of him. He decides he won’t ask you after all. He’s not that brave, and he doesn’t want this to end.
Your legs fall onto him. You relax completely. Even after you shower he can smell your perfume.
“You smell nice,” he murmurs.
“It’s on my hoodie,” you murmur back.
Right. Eddie should remember.
“You make everything smell like you.” Even his van keeps your scent most days.
“Too much?”
“The right amount,” he says firmly.
You lay on his chest for a while, just breathing. Eddie rubs your back, tells himself he will ask, actually, because he can’t imagine not getting to do this again. You might even stay over. He could live hours of this. He didn’t know having you lay on him could make him feel like this.
He can’t believe you’ve never done it before.
Rain pounds the window. Condensation drips down onto the sill. You let your legs stretch out flat and then manoeuvre to be laying half atop him, hoodie riding up your back.
“Any warmer now?” he asks.
“Yeah, you’re warming me up.” You lavish in his arms for a moment, and then lift your face. “Oh, this is a bad angle.”
“For me or you?”
“For me, duh.”
Eddie doesn’t think you could have a bad angle. He rubs at your upper arm as you start to shift. “You know, your bike has just as big a chance of getting hit by lightning as your car does. More, probably.”
“You think so?”
“It’s physics. So, please don’t do it again.”
You hum. “Hm, should I risk getting struck by lightning, or spend the evening without you?” you murmur, your arm moving, moving slowly, your hand resting gently on the column of his neck. There’s something ironic in your voice, wry, but your eyes are warm. He’s paralysed. No one has ever spoken to him like you. “I think I’d rather get struck by lightning.”
You stare at one another. He laughs. You join in, your thumb a pressure at his neck, and when you move up his chest to lean in, he isn’t expecting it.
“We’re very close together,” you whisper.
“Super close,” he whispers back.
“…Eddie, can I ask you something?” Your eyes slip shut, your lips so close that something in him aches, just enough wit about him to cup your shoulders in his forearm.
“Yeah.”
He doesn’t sound half as calm as you do.
“Would you… Do you think we could be official? Would you want that?” You tilt your head to the side. “Is that stupid?”
“Official?” he asks, panicked, his eyes squeezed shut hard enough for a moment that they ache.
“Like, you’d be my boyfriend. I’d be your girlfriend. We’d be close like this all the time.”
Eddie panics so hard he just says the first thing that comes into his head, “Like, we’d kiss?”
“I hope so,” you say, your nose pressing against his, the tip to the side of his, and then against his nostril. The heat of your breath is hard to ignore. “What do you think?”
What does Eddie think about it?
He catches your lips in a slow kiss. Achingly slow, not even sure it’s a kiss until you reciprocate, and your fingers dig behind his neck to tease his hair. Your lips part against his, the heat of your tongue sudden and undeniable —Eddie didn’t know you had it in you. He squeezes you to him, attempting to crane his neck downward, reliant on your enthusiasm as you move up, as you use his neck to pull yourself closer.
Your noses crush together, and it actually hurts. “Sorry,” he says, easing you back, “you okay?”
“‘Nother kiss,” you say hopefully, distractedly.
He can’t not give it to you.
Your hand spreads flat against his chest and you kiss, you kiss, long and slow movements against him before turning your head to take it again. Eddie doesn’t always know what to do with himself, but he knows kissing, no matter what anybody might think about him, and he takes the lead.
His hand screws into a fist against your hoodie, the slip of your back further exposed as you shiver into his mouth, a sound you shouldn’t make sweet on his tongue.
You pull away, breath on his lips. “Wanted you to kiss me for so long,” you murmur.
Eddie knows you’re not saying it to flirt, and that makes it worse.
“I should’ve kissed you a long time ago,” he says roughly.
“You wanted to?”
“Yeah. Yeah, so much, I’m a loser about you–”
“I’m always a loser,” you interrupt, “but especially about you.”
You scratch your fingers through his hair, encouraging his head down for another kiss. This one rougher but not rough, his arm slips finally behind your head where he’d needed it to be, hooking you in his elbow to keep you in one place. To kiss you soundly, without interruption. Your almost feverish ebbing inward is a dream, your nose rubbing up against his is a fantasy.
His heart hammers and hammers at his ribs.
You pull away to let him breathe. “You’re very excited,” you tease lightly.
Eddie kisses you, breathless. He kisses you so much he’s surprised you allow it, but your thumb rubs his cheek, and he knows he’d been right all along. You want him like he wants you, with startling, mildly pathetic urgency.
He feels like a fucking prince. Girl of his dreams in his lap, everything he wants, and he didn’t even have to ask.
—
Eddie spends a week in bliss. You’re suddenly everywhere, all the time, attached to his hip or some other part of him, and he forgets for seven whole days that he bought you a ring.
The rain dries up, the Munson emergency fund lives to die another day, and he remembers the ring only minutes before you’re knocking at his door.
He trips over himself trying to answer it before Wayne, who’s taken to being as painfully embarrassing as is possible for one human being, can get it for him.
“One day you’re gonna eat shit and break your nose,” Wayne says.
Eddie yanks open the door. “Yeah, thanks. Hey, beautiful, what’s with the sunglasses?”
You slide them down your nose. You’re a vision on his front step, not that you’d ever notice your own intrigue. “The sunglasses?” you ask, tucking them away. “What do you think they’re for? Three guesses.”
He grabs your waist, leaning down out of the doorway so as to save Wayne the agony. “That’s smart,” he says, kissing you quickly in hello. “You’re funny. Need anything before we go?”
“No, I’m okay. Hi, Mr. Munson!” you add.
“Hey, honey! How are you?” Wayne calls.
You look up into Eddie’s face with an obvious delight. “I’ve never been better.”
Eddie grins back.
He waves a quick goodbye to Wayne and then he’s out the door. You grab his wrist and practically dance him to the car, where you offer your keys, and he deigns to drive. From there it’s smooth sailing, familiarity with a better twist, Eddie driving with the windows down and your hands twined on your thigh. Things haven’t changed much since you asked him to go steady, there’s just a whole lot more of this. Touching, kissing, no weird guilt about staring.
As it turns out, you’re as eager to be laid out in his bed as he is to lay you out. He’s never wanted to kiss you more, and now he’s allowed.
“Eyes on the road.”
He leans over to kiss your cheek. The sun has warmed your skin, and his kiss makes you smile. You look pretty no matter the weather.
“Before we get there, I have something to give you.” He takes his hand from yours to slide the box from his pocket. He holds it up. “But you can only have it if you swear you’ll call me tonight before bed. No excuses. You know exactly what number to call.”
“Ends with a three,” you say, nodding.
He sighs. “No, it does not.”
“I’m kidding! Two one nine seven, I have now committed it to memory.”
Eddie pays attention to the road, though it’s clear and long heading out of the trailer park and into town. “That deserves a gift.”
You’re back in your glitters today, a skirt to enjoy the fine weather, a button shirt with a cute triangle collar, you’re lovely as ever, if a tad much for some. Not Eddie. He loves the dark clothes, the tinkling bracelets, the fun way you smile like everything he says is a secret between him and you. People stare wherever you and Eddie go, but as long your arm is sewn through his he couldn’t care less.
“A gift,” you say, smiling in your way, and taking the box politely. “I don’t think I deserve it for just remembering your number.”
“You deserved it for less. It’s not much. You can pay me back in three or four amazing kisses. Right here.” He points to the tight juncture beneath his jaw.
You attempt to lean over and kiss him immediately. He pushes you back, laughing, worsened by your own breathless laughter as you steal one exactly where he’d tapped.
You settle back down, Eddie’s hand dropping kindly to your knee. “I wonder what it is,” you say.
“Then open it.”
“I am!” You pop the box open, it’s springing hinge snapping into place. “Oh, woah. Woah. Where did you get this?”
It’s a slim ring, with a weirdly shaped band of quality metal around some cheaper but not totally worthless gemstones, of which there are three different colours: a topaz orange, a lime green, and a pinky-red ruby colour centre stage. They have nice cuts. It’s strange as you are, and he knew when he saw it you’d have to have it.
“If I put it on my marriage finger, are we engaged?” you tease.
“That one would be way heavier,” he says, giving you a squeeze.
You slide it onto your middle finger and hold your hand up in the sunshine. It fits in with your other ring nicely, though it is, to Eddie’s pride, far prettier.
He has half a mind to pull over and kiss each knuckle, but he’s trying to be less dramatic about you. It’s not working.
“Thank you, Eddie. I love it.”
“Best boyfriend ever?” he asks hopefully.
To his mild fear but better pleasure, you climb up onto the console to press three quick kisses to his cheek and jaw, your hand under his ear holding him in tender place. “Best boyfriend ever. Even if you stare too much.”
“How am I supposed to not?” he asks, with more weight than he’s intended.
You speak matter of factly for the first time in your life. “I am going to cause an accident,” you promise, attempting to kiss his nose. “A bad one.”
“Sit down, please.” He lets you kiss his nose, and then jabs you in the side. “Sit down, oh my god! That’s not funny, you’re so pretty I will total your car.”
“Now who’s not funny?”
You both laugh at the same time, the unfiltered, un-cute cackling of two idiots with the same sense of humour, and the same wealth of ridiculous honeymoon love.
˚‧꒰ა ✮ ໒꒱‧˚
thank you so much for reading!! I hope you enjoyed. if you did, please consider reblogging or commenting!! thanks very much <3
#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson oneshot#eddie munson scenario#eddie munson drabble#eddie munson fic#eddie munson fanfiction#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things#stranger things fic#stranger things x reader
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Sittin'
Joel Miller x F!Babysitter Reader No outbreak Joel Miller AU - Words: 10k
Rating: Explicit, Minors DNI
You're working your way through medical school, supporting yourself by taking the occasional babysitting gig. One local single Dad needs someone to look after his 10 year old daughter Sarah on nights when he's late back from the jobsite. And it's all fine and good until your neglectful boyfriend decides to crash the party. Warnings: small age gap (Joel is 32, reader is in medical school), reader is babysitting Sarah as a side hustle to support her studies, Sarah is cute, reader has a shit boyfriend, Joel is trying really hard to resist, exhibitionism, thigh-riding, praise, dirty talk, thigh-humping, oral (f receiving), fingering, general defiling of a perfectly good granite countertop, Joel has opinions about how a woman should be treated as is not afraid to demonstrate them.
A/N: My attempts at writing PWP almost always end up like 10k lol. Whatever, I like a good slow burn. If you enjoy, comments and reblogs are always appreciated. Thank you - Freddie x
It was a hot night, the latest in a long line. You knew you were lucky getting to spend some of your evenings over at the Millers, simply because it meant you got to sit under Mr Miller’s air conditioner, the box wedged firm into the window in the living room, little droplets of water condensing and running down the pane of glass underneath it. You’d put a dishtowel down to protect the carpet.
You knew you were lucky, too, because once Sarah went off to bed you could spread your books over Mr Miller’s kitchen table, listening to the buzzing of the fridge as you tried to memorise the functions of the lobes in the brain. In class, your biomedicine professor had blown up balloons and handed out sharpies, inviting her students to draw the lobes in the right place, and yours had popped when you pressed too hard on the occipital lobe, and your lab partner had laughed and said that it was ironic, but you couldn’t figure it: the motor cortex would have been ironic, this was just startling.
You cracked your neck, rolling your shoulders and looking over to the clock on the wall. Nearly 10:30 PM. Mr Miller would be coming back soon.
Sarah was a good kid, and some nights she stayed up to ‘help’ you study, mostly by pointing to pictures in your textbooks and asking you to explain them to her. She’d hated the full-page coloured illustration of the eye, but had been fascinated by the heart, trailing her finger along the arteries, into the chambers, tracing the pathway in and out again. You’d make a cardiologist of her, yet.
Tonight, she’d only made it to twenty minutes past eight, her eyes growing heavy as she turned the pages of your book. This one didn’t have as many pictures, and you could sense her fatigue in the stuffy air.
‘What kind of doctor do you want to be?’ she’d asked, and you’d pulled your hair up off your neck to try and get some air on your skin. You weren’t sure how to explain it without sounding gruesome, without giving her nightmares. She was only 10.
‘When people have emergencies and they have to go to the hospital right away, they need to see a doctor to patch them back up again…’ you’d said, and she’d stared at you with a tiresome expression on her face.
‘I’m not a baby,’ she said, disapproving. You smiled at her.
‘Trauma surgeon,’ you replied. She nodded her head, deeming your answer satisfactory, and taking herself up the stairs to bed.
She was one of the easiest kids you’d ever babysat for, and over the years you’d racked up quite a roster. You’d started in high school, first saving up enough for the prom dress right in the storefront window, and then later keeping yourself fed during your undergrad. When you’d moved to Austin you’d rented a studio apartment in the back garden of a little old lady, a woman who had revealed herself to be an excellent cook if militant about her hydrangeas. You’d letterboxed the neighbourhood and picked up a few odd jobs but nothing lasting, until the evening you’d got a call from a very frantic Mr Miller, who was so beside himself he only asked how quick you could get there and didn’t even ask about your rates.
It turned out Mr Miller got caught up at the jobsite some nights, staying back later than he expected with his little brother to finish framing, or guttering, or wiring. He was running out of favours with his neighbours, he’d explained, and Sarah was still too little to feed herself. You hadn’t minded, his deep southern drawl doing something to you even over the phone, such that you found yourself cancelling plans just to go and sit on his couch that very evening, textbook over your knees.
Some nights with Sarah tucked up fast asleep you’d stand and stare at the pictures of the two of them, her holding up a soccer trophy nearly twice her size, him standing with his hand in his pocket, his other over the shoulders of a younger man you assumed was Tommy. If you were feeling particularly bold, or were procrastinating especially hard, you’d extend a finger and run them up and down the strings of Joel’s guitar, resting sentinel against the windowsill. You imagined his fingers pushing into the fretboard, the strings indenting the flesh.
It wasn’t even that he was handsome, although he definitely was. He was a young father, doing it almost entirely alone, and on any other man that would have made for grumpy, for overly tired, for entitled. On Mr Miller it made for kindness, for a nurturing type of strength, corded tight under his skin. For a single dad always thinking about his daughter, only ever wanting the best for her. For a man focussed on doing right for his family, small as it was.
You rolled your shoulders, the pre-frontal cortex just about beating you for the night. Just as you were wondering if the Millers kept any ice cream in the freezer, you heard the key in the front door. You listened as Joel followed the same routine, first toeing off his boots, letting out a little grunt as the second one hit the floor. You heard him huff as he stretched his back, rolling his hips in a little circle to try and get some stretch into them, before dropping his keys on the table and padding, surprisingly light on his socked feet, into the kitchen.
‘Hey, Sweetheart,’ he said, his pet name for you emerging on only the second time you’d sat for him and still, even after this many months, causing your stomach to do a little flipper.
‘Evening, Mr Miller,’ you said, and he tutted at you, moving over to the fridge and extracting a beer.
‘Told ya not to call me that,’ he muttered, but you could see the grin behind it. ‘How was my girl tonight?’
‘Perfect, as always,’ you said, smiling at him as he poured you a glass of sweet tea from the jug in the fridge without bothering to ask if you wanted any. You accepted it gratefully, suddenly noticing how dry your throat had become.
‘She’s a good kid,’ he said. He sat down, heavy, in the chair opposite you. The ceiling lamp buzzed above you both, and the light bounced off the fine sheen of sweat accumulating on his arms, on his cheeks. He glowed, even if it was under a layer of exhaustion.
‘You look tired, Mr Miller,’ you said, and he cocked a little grin.
‘You sayin’ I look like shit, Sweetheart?’ he asked.
‘No, never,’ you said, instantly regretting how quickly, how fervently, you had responded. He continued to grin at you, lopsided, the dimple on his right cheek popping out to greet you.
‘What is it tonight?’ he asked, and you held up your book to him. ‘The bio-mech-an-ics-of-thought: phys-ee-ol-o-gee of the brain,’ he intoned, before letting out a low whistle. ‘I don’t know how you do it,’ he said.
‘It’s interesting,’ you defended, unsure why. ‘So long as there are diagrams,’ you added.
‘So that’s where the magic happens?’ he asked, gesturing to the illustrated image of the brain in the centre of the page you had been working from.
‘This is where thought happens,’ you nodded. ‘Kind of like…where decisions are made.’
‘Must be a woman’s brain,’ Joel deadpanned, taking a swig of his beer. ‘Can guarantee men make their decisions someplace else.’
You caught a glimpse of something dark in his eyes as he glanced over you. You blushed, swearing it was just the heat, and furious with yourself. This wasn’t like you; you weren’t some shrinking violet type. You’d had boyfriends, you’d had fun in college. You had no idea what it was about Mr Miller that made you immediately go all giggly, all girly, but whatever it was you wished it would fuck off.
The two of you lapsed into a comfortable silence. You were used to this from him, the way his mind seemed to drift, the way he seemed content enough to let it. Gently, so as not to jolt him out of his thoughts, you closed your book, gathered your pens together. Everything tucked away in your bag you were surprised when you looked up to see he was watching you.
‘Apparently Sarah’s taken an interest in science,’ he said after a moment, his warm eyes watching yours for a second. You felt a tingle of pride in your chest.
‘Oh yeah?’ you asked.
‘Mmhmm, apparently after she pushed Simon Strzelecki off the monkey bars, she offered to patch him up again.’
You grinned before you were able to catch yourself.
‘That’s…very, umm…’ you trailed off and he huffed out a little laugh.
‘It’s very Sarah,’ he agreed.
‘M’sorry, Mr Miller…’ you started, but Joel stood up, waving you off.
‘Don’t be, Strzelecki’s a little shit’f the highest order,’ he said. ‘You gonna let me give ya a lift this time?’ he asked, and this time you shook your head at him.
‘No, I can walk it.’
‘Y’know I don’t like ya walkin’ around out there on yer’own,’ he grumbled, and you felt the insane urge to reach your hand out to rest on his bicep, to ease his evident discomfort.
‘I can handle it,’ you said, instead.
Something stole over his face for a moment, a sharpness in his eyes. For a moment you gazed up at him, the furrow in his brow deepening, the muscles in his jaw twitching as his eyes roamed over your face. Standing this close to him you were reminded how tall, how broad he really was. You dropped your eyes to his arms, crossed over his chest, and imagined him holding you with them, circling them around your back as you leant, safe, into his skin. You blinked yourself back to reality, worried for a second he could read your thoughts.
‘Know you can handle it,’ he said, his voice low, ‘just don’t like it, is all.’
You did this every time, this stand-off. You worried one night you would waver.
‘G’night, Mr Miller,’ you said, over dry lips. He nodded, once, at you, still evidently displeased something dark, something haunted, passing over his features before he brought them back into line.
He stood on the front porch, light still on, until you rounded his driveway and disappeared past the oak tree by the front lawn.
--
Mick was a guy from your Tuesday morning bio class, and you only realised he was your boyfriend when he introduced you to a few of his friends that way. You’d just gone with it, because it had seemed easier, and he was nice if a little full of himself at times. He was the son of the one the big ranching families, had been almost guaranteed a position at whatever college he chose on the day of his birth, hadn’t ever really considered that money was something you saved, something you worked for.
But he would never let you pay for dinner, and often he showed up to class holding a coffee just for you. You’d been on your own for a long time, had been self-sufficient well before you had any business to, and it was kind of nice to let yourself be cared for, if that’s what this was.
On nights when you had to work he would pout and complain, and you told yourself it was because he cared about you, because he wanted you around, even if some part of you knew he just didn’t like to be alone. Every once and while he would ask if he could come with you, ‘feel you up on the couch like it’s eighth grade’, and it made you feel exactly fourteen years old, like this was a summer job you had failed to grow out of. It didn’t help that he more than once referred to your sitting job as ‘cute’. His mother had stayed at home the moment she fell pregnant with Mick’s older brother, and as far as you could tell was yet to leave. You never asked about a future with Mick, terrified of what kind of picture he would paint.
On one such evening, after he’d been particularly insistent that you blow off your job and come and hang out with him and his friends, he’d starting blowing up your phone just as Mr Miller sat down beside you, weary-boned and sleepy-eyed, at his kitchen table.
You ignored the calls, tried to carry on reading even as Mr Miller arched his brow at your insistently vibrating device. You huffed, knowing at some point Mick would get bored.
‘You’re popular tonight?’ Joel prompted after a while, making you lose your place in the paragraph you’d read over at least ten times already.
You huffed out a sigh, reaching out and scrolling through the stream of notifications. He’d started texting, sometimes just sending a single emoji, sometimes entire paragraphs about how badly you were letting him down. You felt an ache bloom behind your right eye socket, and you reached up to your temple to try and massage it away.
‘It’s my boyfriend,’ you told him, and with your eyes still closed you didn’t see him scowl. ‘He wants me to come out to some bar with him and his drunk friends.’
Joel considered this for a long moment. When you opened your eyes they blurred under the sudden light, and you blinked away sleep to see him clearly again.
‘You should be out with your friends, it’s a Friday night…’ he said, almost looking guilty for a moment, and you rushed to reassure him.
‘No, no trust me…this is better. They’re boring when they’re drunk. And also when they’re sober.’
Joel smiled, straining just slightly, at this.
‘He a good man?’ he asked, and you scoffed a little.
‘He’s barely a man at all,’ you said, automatically. Later you’d reflect on this moment, feel it turn you inside out and scold your skin with the heat of your own shame. For now, though, you were too tired, and it was too hot in the kitchen, for you to catch it.
Joel caught it, though. He cleared his throat.
‘We met at college, and he’s…well, he’s kind of set up for life. He doesn’t have to worry about grades, or proving himself. He’s almost guaranteed his residency.’ You were aware you were starting to sound bitter, and maybe you were just a little. Something about Mr Miller, sitting at his kitchen table late in the evening with a beer, muscles wrapped in a plaid, his soft brown eyes watching you carefully, made you think he’d understand.
‘He doesn’t make you feel good enough for him?’ he asked, after a while.
You considered this, eventually shrugging your shoulders. ‘I don’t know if he makes me feel anything,’ you said, truthfully.
Joel leaned forward, elbows on the table, his chin resting in his hand as he watched you, gazed at your face.
‘What do you want him to make you feel?’ he asked.
‘Seen,’ you said, without hesitation.
‘Just seen?’ he asked. His voice was deathly quiet now, almost entirely gravel. His eyes were burning, sharp. You watched as they darkened, stealing your breath out from under you.
‘Desired,’ you almost whispered. He dropped a hand to the table, his fingertips only inches from yours, resting casual on your textbook.
‘What man’s out there runnin’ round this town not desirin’ you?’ he asked, almost as though he couldn’t believe it, and you felt scorching heat on your cheeks, rushing down your sternum, pooling heavy in your core.
You blinked, terrified to move in case you broke whatever spell had befallen him. He turned thoughtful, his eyes dropping to the woodgrain of the table.
‘Y’been working a lot here…can’t imagine hanging out with me and a ten-year-old girl is the same as bein’ out there, living your youth…’
You felt something heavy shift in your belly, something essential curdle and erode.
‘I like it here, Mr Miller,’ you said, all big eyes and almost quivering lower lip. Joel moved away, sitting up straight and peeling the label off his beer.
‘Pretty thing like you, shouldn’t be spendin’ all night waitin’ on us,’ he said, almost to himself. You shook your head again, but he was closing off on you, you could see it in the way his shoulders were folding, the way his mouth was tugging down at the corners.
Without even considering it, operating almost entirely on instinct, you reached your hand out to rest on his bicep. You watched as his eyes drifted close, a long exhale through his nose. He grimaced, almost like you were hurting him, until he lifted his hand and held yours fast to him, wrapping his paw around you.
‘I really love spending time with Sarah,’ you said, just over a whisper, as he stared hard at the table. You could sense he was avoiding your gaze, and you wanted to say something to draw him to you, wanted to give him a little nugget of truth that he could take into himself, hold deep and quiet in his depths. ‘I love spending time with you,’ you said.
He raised his eyes to yours. His hand was so warm over yours, your cheeks so pink in the sleepless heat of the late evening. You saw his eyes fall to your lips and you slipped your hand from under his, reaching up to trace the contours of his jaw with your fingertips.
‘Baby…’ he whispered, ‘I been’ resistin’ you so long, don’t know if I can…’ and you pushed a finger to his lips. You didn’t want him to break whatever spell you were both suddenly under. Didn’t want him to take this from you both, whatever it was turning out to be.
‘Don’t argue,’ you instructed, quietly. With brows saddled, he nodded his head.
And he didn’t argue. Not when you moved your finger from his lips and traced it down over the hollow of his neck, over to his pulse where it thundered under your tough.
Didn’t argue when you leant forward, pressing your nose to his, giving him time to pull away, to move from your lips.
Didn’t argue when you pressed them to his, a little soft and quiet thing, earning you a wanting gasp from him, a prize you would hold in the cavity of your chest so long as your heart stayed beating.
Later, when you had gathered yourselves, when he had gazed at you and you had felt the want in him mixing with the regret, with the necessity of the un-having corrupting the want to take and take and take, you had simply gathered your books, tucking them quiet and neat into the bag at your feet. He didn’t argue with you about driving you home that night, suddenly quiet in a way that set your teeth on edge, and you felt an ache in your belly you couldn’t account for when he closed the door. You waited behind the trunk of the tree at the end of his driveway, counting the minutes he left the light on for you after you’d slipped from view, giving up when you got past 15.
--
You were unsettled. Joel hadn’t called for two weeks, and you were starting to worry that you’d ruined things, your silly little kiss bubbling corrosive at the base of your spine. You couldn’t help going over the whole evening again and again in your head.
You should have told him you preferred spending the nights at his house, that the way it smelt like play-dough and sometimes sawdust, sometimes pine, was so unique to the both of them that you felt your nerves settle the moment you stepped over the threshold. That the house was warm and quiet, that you could spread out your books and something essential to you, that in this space with them you felt more yourself than anywhere else on the planet, even locked away in your little studio apartment, even just you and your reflection in the bathroom mirror.
You wanted to tell him Sarah was funny, and smart, and kind, and being around her made you nostalgic for the childhood you never had but ached for, that you felt all that time with her she was giving you something precious and absent, something simple and something sweet. That there were nights you weren’t sure who was sitting who.
You wanted to tell him you didn’t expect anything from him, that it didn’t matter to you if nothing ever happened, if he regretted letting you kiss him, if it had just been that it was too awkward in the moment to say no. Just that you wanted to keep sitting for him, just that if all you got was a casual conversation at the end of the evening and an argument about driving home that would be enough for you, because it would have to be, and so you could make it so.
You begged off seeing Mick for the second Friday night in a row, wanting to be available in case Joel called. You felt silly but you could use the cash. Your textbooks were $400 a piece, and next semester you were taking three classes. Just feeding yourself was enough to stop your studies in their tracks.
Two things happened in the span of ten minutes. A knock at your door stirred you from your lecture notes, and your phone rang. By the time you had it in your hand you were holding Mick back from your face, your palm to his chest, as you craned your neck away from him to speak.
‘M’sorry, Sweetheart, it’s just…I know, it’s a Friday…’
‘It’s fine, Mr Miller,’ you said, ignoring the way Mick was making smoochy faces over your shoulder. ‘I don’t have any plans.’
When you got off the phone Mick was pouting again, and you sighed.
‘I thought I was your plans?’ he said, and you shrugged at him.
‘It’s good money for easy work, babe,’ you said, the nickname sitting heavy on your tongue.
‘I can give you money,’ he said, pulling you towards him by your belt loops and nipping at your jaw. You cringed away from him.
‘That would make me your whore, right?’ you said, and he grinned at you, wiggling his eyebrows.
‘Never seemed to bother you before…’ he said, and you bristled against him.
‘The fuck does that mean?’
“Oh, fuck me, babe, make me yours…” he imitated, his voice high in a general approximation of yours. You blushed, furiously. ‘You think good girls beg like little whores?’ he asked, and you knew he was kidding around, knew that he wasn’t smart enough to do it without outright insulting you, knew that you’d put up with this shit before so there was no reason why he wouldn’t assume he couldn’t get away with it now. You knew the way he spoke to you was basically your fault, and you couldn’t yell at him now that the precedent had been set. You felt yourself crumple, landing with a thump on the edge of your bed.
‘I’ll tell you what,’ he was saying, grinning at you like he’d won his prize. ‘You put the kid to bed, and I’ll come by and keep you happy ‘til Dad gets home.’
You hated the idea, the thought of Mick in that space you’d almost come to think of sacred making your stomach churn.
‘No,’ you said, and you watched as he arched his eyebrows in surprise. ‘You can’t come in…’
‘Say no more,’ he said, grinning again, and for whatever reason, you didn’t.
--
He arrived, just after 9 PM, already drunk. You winced as he parked his car in the driveway, right in Mr Miller’s spot, worried for a moment he was going to swipe the mailbox when he took the angle too fast. He skidded to a stop mere inches from Mr Miller’s garage door and you exhaled, realising you were bracing for the sound of splintering wood. He ambled over to where you stood on the front porch, tugging at your shirt sleeves in the cool night air.
‘Babe!’ he called, and you shushed him almost instantly. He was carrying a sixpack of beers, three of them already gone. His breath reeked and you wrinkled up your nose when he slung his arm over the back of your neck and pulled you in for a sloppy kiss.
‘This feels like high school,’ he said, and giggled.
‘This is my job, y’know,’ you corrected him, but he wasn’t hearing you, backing you up against the side of the house. You thumped into the brick, wind temporarily knocked from your lungs before he was on you, slipping his entire tongue into your ear in a way that made your skin crawl.
‘Easy…’ you said, and he ignored you, his hand not holding the beers rising up to paw at your breast over your shirt.
‘Mmm…such a tasty little slut,’ he said, and you closed your eyes. ‘Little naughty baby-sitter.’
‘Keep your voice down,’ you stage-whispered, not sure how well your voices wouldn’t carry over the breeze in Mr Miller’s cul-de-sac. He leant down, resting the beers on the front porch so that he could grope you with both hands.
He groaned as he rubbed his cock at your clothed centre. You moved your face to the side, letting your eyes slide closed again.
You tried to think of a romantic movie. Tried to remember some of the fragments of the romance novels your mother had kept stowed under the bed and that you snuck into the den to read to your giggling friends. Tried to imagine a different man, a stranger’s hands on your chest, a stranger’s fingers pinching at your nipples. Tried to imagine what it would feel like if they found the sweet spot, if they sent electric shocks into your belly, into your cunt. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to push the sound of Mick’s heavy breathing out of your mind, focusing instead on rough and calloused fingers, the scruff of a beard teasing along your skin. Heavy accent and sweet pine, a groaned little ‘Sweetheart…’ as he slipped your shirt up over your shoulders.
‘The fuck’s going on here?’ you heard a gruff voice as your eyes sprang open, pushing Mick from you hard enough that he stumbled, backwards, landing on the grass.
‘Mr Miller!’ you exclaimed, shame burning bright on your cheeks as you righted your clothes. ‘M’so sorry, he just dropped by…’ you started but Joel was striding up his driveway, as you realised with a new flash of guilt he’d had to park on the street.
‘Hey, man…’ Mick was saying, his hands up in front of his face. ‘Just checkin’ in on my girl…’
You cringed, this particular pet name always feeling more like ownership when it came from him.
Joel looked up at you, his brows saddled. ‘You OK, Sweetheart?’ he asked you, and you realised for the first time he wasn’t angry but concerned, his fists balled up like he was ready to spring to your defence.
‘It’s Mick,’ you explained, glancing down at him as he tried to climb to his feet, getting as far as his knees and settling there for a second to plan his next move. ‘He…he wanted to…’
‘Yeah, I saw what he wanted to,’ Joel huffed out, reaching down to pull Mick upright by the back of his shirt. ‘Saw the way you were bracing away from it too,’ he said, looking directly into Mick’s grinning face.
‘What else you see, old man?’ he asked, and Joel dropped him back onto his knees.
‘You got your keys?’ he asked him, and waiting for the younger man to root around in his pockets.
‘Don’t steal my ride,’ he said, handing them over and not noticing when Joel slipped them into his pocket.
‘M’going inside, and I’m gonna call you a taxi, and you’re getting in. She can drive your car back to you tomorrow mornin’…if she doesn’t decide to drive it off a cliff,’ he said, abandoning Mick on the front lawn and coming towards you, grabbing your wrist gentle but firm in his hand and pulling you inside. ‘C’mon, darlin’,’ he said, and you followed, almost entirely on autopilot.
‘I’m so sorry, Mr Miller,’ you started but he waved you away, placing a call for the taxi while keeping you fixed in your spot with his glare. When he was done, he rolled his shoulders, sighing.
‘You sit,’ he said, striding into the kitchen and emerging moments later with two glasses of sweet tea. You realised, as you lifted your hands to take your glass from him, that you were shivering.
‘I didn’t know he was going to do that,’ you said, and Joel shook his head. You felt the waves of disappointment rolling off him and you worried for a moment you might cry.
‘He always touch ya like that?’ he asked, palming at the back of his neck.
‘Like what?’ you asked, your cheeks burning again.
‘All…clumsy and…disrespectful,’ he said, quiet. He stared at the floor between you while you perched on the edge of the couch.
‘Well…’ you started, but you weren’t sure how you wanted to finish that sentence. Sometimes he doesn’t even bother to touch me at all, you thought.
Joel scoffed, his jaw squeezed tight. ‘Guys like that are all the same, Sweetheart, just…selfish. Even in the bedroom. No lady should be touched like she’s a piece of meat.’
You considered, for one crazy moment, if Joel wasn’t so much disappointed in you as he was in Mick’s prowess. Suddenly you had to stifle a giggle.
‘What’s so funny?’ Joel asked you, surprised.
‘Just…I mean, they all go to such fancy schools, get all that college for basically free…’ you started, trailing off when you saw him starting to smile. ‘He can’t even boil an egg, and I don’t mean mine,’ you said, and he laughed then, free and loud, and the sound of it made a little fizzle of joy spark up your spine.
This was fun, you realised, shitting on your terrible boyfriend with the most handsome single Dad you’d ever laid your eyes on. This was really, really fun.
‘So, I take it he don’t make you breakfast in the mornin’,’ Joel joked, and you snorted. ‘What you eat for breakfast, anyway?’ he asked, turning to you now, his eyes crinkling at the corners. You swallowed. ‘No, wait,’ he said, ‘let me guess.’ He pretended to look you up and down, his brow arching as he considered. ‘You’re not a waffles kinda girl,’ he said, thoughtfully. You grinned and shook your head. You’d never liked the sponginess. ‘But you’re too fun for plain old oatmeal,’ he said, and you felt a blush crawling across your chest. ‘You’re a pancake princess,’ he decided, finally. ‘Am I right?’
You pretended to consider it for a second before nodding happily at him. ‘Maple syrup and berries,’ you agreed.
‘Maple syrup and berries,’ he said, grinning in his victory. He paused, something passing between you. Suddenly he shifted forward, his knees just barely brushing yours. You found yourself mirroring him, leaning in enough that you had to put your hand out to steady you, landing it on the cushion only inches from his thigh. You could feel his warm breath on your cheek when he whispered in your ear, ‘tart…but a little bit of sweet for m’sweetheart.’
You felt heat scorch its way up your chest, reduced to kindling beside him.
‘Bet he don’t kiss ya like ya should be,’ he said, and you thought for a second of Mick, grinning and drunk out of his mind on the front lawn. You wondered if the taxi had come for him yet, and had absolutely no interest in going out to check on him.
‘Mr Miller…’ you whispered, and he groaned, then, his eyes rolling back in his head.
‘Please, baby, when you call me that…’ he trailed off, eyes blown wide and you felt, then, the thundering in your chest. From this distance you could see his racing pulse in his neck, the same pace as yours.
‘Mr Miller…’ you said, again, staring now at his lips. You wanted to reach out and just take a little nibble.
And he was on you, grasping the back of your head and bringing it down to him, crashing his lips into yours as you gasped, swallowing the echo down into his throat. His tongue, scorching hot, exploring your mouth as he teased it open, the scruff of his beard tickling your cheeks.
‘Thought about you…’ you said, without even thinking, and Joel pulled back a second to appraise you; your swollen lips, your doe-eyes gazing up at him.
‘Say that again,’ he mumbled.
‘When he’d take me, I’d think about you,’ you said, and you watched as his eyes fell shut, taking the moment to glance down at his heaving chest, the aching bulge between his legs. ‘Thought about your hands on me, Mr Miller, about your mouth.’
‘Fuck, Sweetheart…’ he said, almost as if it pained him, before his eyes snapped back open to gaze at you.
‘Kiss me?’ you asked, sweet as you could for him while you tried with both hands to hang on to the moment, to stay here in it with him. You would need to remember this, every corner of the room, every detail. Would spend nights reconstructing his face in your mind, the way he was looking at you now, wanting and red-cheeked, dark eyes and a hot little huff as your words landed their blows on him.
‘Canna touch you, baby?’ he asked, and you were nodding, pulling him towards you as he slid his hands over your waist. Threading your hands through his hair he brought you over him, straddling him on the couch as he stared up at you, brows arching high, as if he couldn’t quite believe it was happening. You smiled at him, feeling like his prize, as you brought your hips down on him and watched his eyes ease shut, heard his breath stutter. He was big, you could feel it even as the seam of his jeans rubbed at your core. You could feel yourself aching for him, hot and pounding where you ground yourself down.
‘Fuck, Mr Miller…’ you gasped as you felt him push his cock up into you, his hands on your hips and pulling you down.
‘So beautiful, baby,’ he whispered, reaching up with one hand to cup your breast, squeezing the nipple between his fingers that, even through your shirt, shot lightning bolts to your cunt. You gasped, a high-pitched little sound you were sure you’d never made before, and he soaked it down into his skin, kept it held tight and precious in the core of him, to keep him warm on cold evenings.
You felt yourself shivering, even as his warm fingertips dropped to lift the hem of your tee and trace their way back up to your tits along the skin. His enormous hands almost completely captured it, and you felt small, then, and shy, but when you looked down into his warm, brown eyes you saw only safety there, only naked desire for your pleasure.
You let your hips roll, that building ache in your core. You’d only ever felt this alone, had never had another person bring it out of you, and you felt the sharp edges of it as you felt a shard of panic slice through your gut. No one had ever done this for you, before. You weren’t sure if your body would allow it, weren’t sure if you could let go enough to fall.
‘Hey…’ Joel said beneath you, his eyes roaming your face. ‘Relax, Sweetheart,’ he whispered, reaching his hand from your hip to your jaw, pulling you down to rest your forehead on his. ‘Just you n’me, baby,’ he whispered as you rocked on top of him. ‘You can take what you need,’ he promised. ‘I got you.’
‘Joel!’ you gasped, the shiver in your body now ratcheting up your spine, your thighs burning as you rolled your hips on his lap, his cock still tucked away in his jeans. ‘I don’t know if I…’
‘Sssh…’ he cooed, raising a thumb to your lips and slipping it between your teeth. You sucked instinctually, swirling your tongue over the tip and letting your eyes drift closed. ‘Just feel it, baby,’ he said, ‘don’t force it. Let it grow.’
Never in your life had you felt like this. You took his thumb between your teeth as you ground, the spark of fear in your belly engulfed by the roar of your desire. You could feel your hips stuttering, could hear yourself starting to pant.
‘Good girl…’ Joel encouraged, slipping his thumb from your mouth now and smearing it across your lips. ‘Right here for ya, baby,’ he said. ‘Wantchya to feel so good.’
You cried out, smacking your hand over your mouth to stifle your cries. He was going to kill you, and you would let him again and again, let him bring you back to life just to kill you this way all over again. You had no idea bodies were made to feel this good.
‘Oh!’ you gasped, all the warning you could muster as he grabbed your hips with both hands, slamming his bulge up into you as he pulled you down, the seam of his jeans rubbing hard into your clit. ‘Yes!’ you whispered, your body shuddering as you felt yourself crest, the pleasure roaring from your cunt to your chest, exploding out of your skin as you rolled, roiled, boiled on top of Mr Miller.
‘Jesus, there she is…’ he whispered, and you opened your eyes to gaze down at him, your breath still coming in gasps as he watched you, awe and desire on his face. ‘There she is,’ he said again, like a prayer, a benediction.
--
You woke slowly, the dappled light streaming in through the oak tree beside Joel’s window. It took you a moment to orient yourself, to remember that you were in his bed because he’d considered it too late for you to take yourself home, even if you had Mick’s car. Because the pleasure he’d wrung out of you on his couch had left you boneless, because the idea of ripping yourself from his smell, from his heat, was unthinkable in that moment.
You stretched, noting that the other side of the bed remained made, that he had spent the night on the couch. You remembered that you had wanted to ask him to stay, that the words had formed on your lips, and that in that moment you saw the regret on his face, the longing to tuck himself in beside you and pull you into his chest, let the weight of the night take him and you with him, but that he wouldn’t allow it, that he was holding back. You weren’t sure why, but you assumed out of decency, out of respect. Out of some vague employee-boss professionalism you would both cling to in an attempt to paper over the grasping maw of desire opening up between you.
You had wanted him, and you had denied him, allowed him to deny you. You rolled to your back in a frustrated huff, surrounded by the scent of him, of his cologne and the scent of his skin imbued in the sheets beneath you.
After a while you heard noises in the kitchen and you left your cocoon, pulling your clothes on and padding down the stairs constructing a cover story for Sarah as to why you were still there. When you rounded the corner, though, you saw only Joel –in a pair of sweatpants and nothing else, standing at the stove.
‘Hey, Sweetheart,’ he said casually, as if you hadn’t come on his lap less than twelve hours before, ‘Sarah’s headed off to soccer practice, so you and me’ll have to take care of all these.’
He gestured over his shoulder to the kitchen table, where a stack of cooling pancakes stood proud. You felt a shiver of shock run though you at the sight of them, turning to Joel with the curl of tears tickling the back of your eyes. ‘No berries, sorry darlin’,’ he said, without looking up. ‘But we got enough syrup to make it up to ya, I hope.’
You weren’t sure anyone had ever done anything like this for you. You wanted to sob, wanted to walk over to the table and pick up the pancakes in your fists and mash them into your skin, wanted to drown them in syrup and eat until your belly distended, wanted to force feed them into Joel. Instead, you stepped forward, your arms opening all of their own accord, wrapping yourself around his back like a Koala. He huffed out a surprised laugh, growing serious when he turned you in his arms to face him, seeing the gathering tears at your waterline.
‘Hey, what’s this?’ he asked, and you grinned, watery, up at him.
‘No-one has ever…’ you started, catching your words before they spilled too much of the truth. Understanding passed over Joel’s face.
‘Oh, my sweet girl…’ he said, and you glowed for a minute, the words reaching down into your chest and igniting something long extinguished.
He leaned down towards you, pressed his nose to yours, his forehead resting gently on yours. You inhaled him, his scent and the sweet smell of the pancakes on the stove, tried to imprint the memory deep in your DNA.
‘What the fuck is this?’ an angry voice sounded from behind you, and you snapped away from Joel, taking several steps back. Mick, still in his same clothes from the night before, stood furious in Joel’s kitchen.
‘The fuck, you let yourself in?’ Joel asked, matching Mick’s anger with his own. ‘This is a private residence, man.’
‘That’s my girlfriend, man,’ Mick spat, his face twisting into an ugly mask you weren’t sure you’d ever noticed on him before. ‘The fuck you doing feeling her up? You stealin’ my car and my girl?’
‘Mick…’ you started but he was ignoring you, advancing on Joel. You stepped towards him, hands up to placate, but Joel was suddenly beside you, tucking you behind him and shielding you with his broad chest.
‘Back up, buddy,’ Joel said, a whispered warning.
‘Me, back up?’ Mick seethed, about to go on before Joel interrupted him.
‘Yeah, you back up. You need to sit your arse down and learn yourself somethin’,’ he said, advancing on Mick so that the younger man took several steps backwards, heading towards the kitchen table. You wondered if anyone had ever actually stood up to him, if usually his wealth was enough to make people cower. He backed into a kitchen chair, slamming down into it with a thud as he stared up at Joel, the older man red faced and pointing a finger at his chest. ‘You think that little display last night was any way to treat a woman?’ he grit out. You watched as Mick shook his head no. ‘You think she enjoyed that, being pawed at in the dark like a fuckin’ street walker?’ he asked.
‘She looked pretty whorish a few seconds ago,’ Mick responded, petulant and stupid. You could see by the way Joel braced his shoulders, his back expanding in resplendent fury, that Mick had made the wrong fucking choice.
‘Ya little shit,’ Joel said, stepping back from Mick and towards you. He held his arm to you, beckoning you into his chest and you went to him, tucking yourself against his side.
‘You have a woman like this, you fuckin’ cherish her,’ Joel muttered, tracing his fingertips along your side and making you shiver. ‘Look at these pretty little tits,’ he said, moving to cup them as you blushed, tucking your face into his neck. You heard Mick’s sharp intake of breath, mirroring your own as Joel rolled your nipples through your shirt. ‘The way you were grabbin’ at ‘em last night, you think that felt good? You make her groan like this?’ he asked, applying just the right amount of pressure on the sensitive nubs, eliciting a moan from you, unbidden.
‘Listen, man, this is…’ Mick started but Joel cut him off with just a look, stern and disapproving, before his face shifted back to adoration when he turned to you.
‘Let’s show him, baby?’ he asked, his brows saddled high. You knew you were safe with him, that at any moment you could call it off, but you wanted this. You wanted Mick to see what Joel could do to you, the sounds you could make. Wanted him to feel small and insignificant in the presence of a real man, of real pleasure. Wanting him to see what money couldn’t buy.
You nodded your head at Joel and watched as the grin bloomed over his face. ‘M’good girl,’ he said, quiet enough that only you could hear it, and you felt the bolt of want shoot down into your core. Your cunt already aching, already dripping for him.
‘Show me where,’ he said, stepping back as you surveyed the space. You nodded towards the kitchen island, the bench just above your hip height. Joel nodded, lifting you up easily to perch on the edge, your body facing Mick as he sat, frozen, at the table in front of you.
‘Slip these off, baby,’ Joel said, tugging at your sweatpants and you lifted your hips as he slipped them, your panties along with them, out from underneath you. The granite countertop cold on the top of your thighs you revelled in the sensation of it, the hard, cold surface so different to Joel’s hot body as he hovered at your side.
‘Show him,’ he said, tapping you on the knee. You spread your legs, hooking one thigh over the edge of the counter and the other widening out to your side, your cunt unfolding before the two men in front of you. You watched as Mick’s face turned pink, sweat appearing on his brow. You turned to look at Joel, the hunger in his eyes as he devoured every inch of your skin. He reached over, running his fingertips over the inside of your thigh, moving closer to you, leaning over your body to whisper into your ear.
‘You’re dripping onto my countertop, baby,’ he said, and you could hear the glee in it, the wanting.
‘For you, Joel,’ you clarified. ‘Not him.’
‘Nah, never for him, I reckon,’ Joel agreed, his fingers slipping further towards your slit. You felt totally exposed and wanton, whorish, as Mick had put it, and your cunt was pulsing, aching from the desire of it. You felt like a priceless piece of art admired in a big city museum, like a stripper opening up her legs for hoards of braying men, like a girlfriend letting her disappointing boyfriend know in no uncertain terms he would no longer neglect her. You felt power coursing through your veins and into your cunt, your slick pooling on the top of your thighs as the most beautiful man you had ever seen stood beside you and teased the pleasure from every nerve.
‘Fuck…’ you whimpered as Joel’s fingers landed light and dexterous on your clit, the little bundle of nerves sending the pleasure roaring through your core and into your chest. You bucked your hips, nearly slipping from the countertop, Joel coming forward again to brace you against his chest.
‘God, look how much she wants it,’ Joel said over your head to Mick. ‘Bet you’ve never made her jump like that.’ You opened your eyes, not even having realised they’d closed, to watch Mick swallow hard and heavy. You beamed back at Joel, letting the pride in his face radiate warmth down upon you.
‘So good f’me, so good t’me,’ he said, spreading your lips apart with his fingers and pushing a fingertip inside. You gasped, shock on your face at the intensity of the need for him burning where he touched.
‘Please…’ you whimpered, just wanting more and just wanting him to never stop, just wanting him to reach inside you, to wring the pleasure out of you, to make you come so hard you forgot your own name.
‘Sshh…’ he cooed to you, ‘your boyfriend needs to concentrate so he can learn.’
You emitted a squeal of frustration, bucking your hips on his hand to try and draw him in, earning you only a chuckle from Joel.
‘Ok baby, m’sorry. Just like teasin’ ya,’ he grinned at you, before sliding two fat, rough fingers hard into your cunt.
For a second you lost touch with reality, your head flying back to the ceiling as sensations strong enough to take your breath roared from your cunt. The stretch was delicious, the heel of Joel’s hand rubbing hard at your clit as his fingers reached deep inside you, opening you up for him, your slick gathering in his palm.
‘Look how wet she gets,’ Joel noted, over his shoulder to Mick. ‘Such a shiny little cunt when she’s drippin’ like this. You ever work her up like this?’
You heard Mick grunt, a pleading note of displeasure, and you sighed as Joel started pumping, stoking the fire in your cunt that threatened to eviscerate you and everyone within the vicinity.
‘Joel!’ you gasped, rolling your hips again, trying to shove him deeper into your greedy little cunt as it grasped at him.
‘Could lick ‘er up, whatchyu reckon?’ Joel asked, already getting down on his knees as you groaned, certain now he was going to send you into the stratosphere. ‘Can I, baby?’ he asked, and you nodded, frantic, unable to form words.
‘Bet she tastes sweet,’ Joel said to Mick, who was inching closer in his chair, peering over Joel’s shoulder as your cunt swallowed his thick fingers. ‘Like watermelon on a hot summer day. You ever taste her, Mick?’ he asked. You watched as the shame bloomed over Mick’s face. Joel scoffed. ‘Course not, ya fuckin piss weak little prick,’ he spat before turning, diving in to lick a fat stripe at your folds, settling in to lap at your clit as his fingers worked you.
You screamed, sucking in huge lung-fulls of breath just to let them keen out of you, your hips slamming shut on Joel’s head as he sucked at you, every nerve ending screaming now as you felt the blooming heat of release.
‘Oh, he’s gonna make me…’ you said to Mick over Joel’s shoulder, watching you with owlish eyes.
‘Don’t talk to him,’ Joel admonished you, pulling your focus down to him as he perched between your legs, ‘you talk to me,’ he said.
‘Sorry, Mr Miller,’ you said, watching as his eyes rolled shut, a shiver passing over his shoulders.
‘Be the death of me…’ he muttered, returning his attentions to your pulsing cunt. You gripped his hair, rolling your hips on his face and rocking into him, chasing the release now gathering at the base of your spine.
‘Jesus…oh, fuck…’ you cried, trying desperately to warn him, your eyes slamming shut only to open in shock as he found new ways to wring the pleasure from you.
Joel worked you up, his tongue never fatiguing, setting up the perfect rhythm to hold you just on the edge. You could feel your sweat pooling on your skin, the heat in your cunt spreading down your legs, the pull of the knot in your belly.
To your utter dismay Joel stopped, lifting his face to address Mick at his shoulder. ‘You ever make her squirm like this?’ he asked, and you cried for him, then, scrabbling to grip his shoulders, his chin, to push him back to your desperate cunt. He laughed, nipping at your fingertips as they passed by. ‘Look at her graspin’ for me. You seein’ this? This is what real pleasure looks like.’
You cracked open an eye, the room spinning around you as you fought to regain control of your limbs. You saw the look of shame embedded deep into Mick’s face now, the sight of it somehow intensifying your pleasure, the building pressure in your cunt.
‘Fuck me,’ you gasped, turning your attention back to Joel, his eyebrows shooting up. ‘Show him how to fuck,’ you groaned, pushing off the countertop and spinning up onto your toes, laying chest down on the granite now hot to the touch from your writhing body on top of it. You spread your legs a little, knowing that your puffy little cunt lips would be revealed to them both, and you heard them both groan, Joel’s chesty moan full of grit, Mick’s high pitched and brimming with regret.
‘Don’t do this, man…’ he pleaded, and you heard Joel’s little scoff.
‘That’s the thing, buddy, the lady always gets what she wants.’
You felt him come to stand behind you, heard the rustle of his sweats as he pulled his cock over the waistband. It took everything in you not to turn and admire it, knowing in that moment you would have plenty of opportunity.
‘Fuck, she’s got me weepin’,’ Joel said, and you heard the unmistakable sound of skin on skin as he wrapped his hand around himself and tugged. ‘Got me harder than a railroad spike, this little cunt…’ he muttered. You whined, swivelling your hips to try and entice him, begging him to move faster as the walls of your cunt fluttered for him. You heard him sigh, a happy little sound. ‘Ok, baby, I’m here,’ he said, running a hand up your spine to hold you gentle and firm at the back of your neck, the head of his cock nudging at your cunt. ‘Gotta be gentle with my sweet little pussy,’ he said to you, leaning over you to place a chaste kiss in the cup of your shoulder blade.
‘Please, let him see it stretch me,’ you said, and you felt Joel shudder, notching himself at your entrance.
‘Keep talkin’ like that and I’ll chain him up in the basement, make him watch me fuck you every day,’ he muttered, pushing gently at first, the tip enough to make you gasp.
He was big, you realised. All of this time working you up he’d been leading to his moment, preparing to tease you open. ‘Oh, shit…’ you gasped as he pushed.
‘You ok, baby?’ he asked, pausing until you nodded, frantic, hands gripping at the edge of the counter for purchase as you pushed back into him, sliding in a few extra inches, as Joel moaned.
You were dimly aware that Mick was moving, coming to stand in front of you, a look of sorrow and unabashed heat on his face.
‘Please, can I?’ he asked, rubbing himself through his pants and you swatted him away.
‘No, fuck you,’ you said, emboldened by Joel’s desire for you, by his cock currently splitting your folds. ‘You never get this pussy again,’ you hissed at him, and you felt a bloom of pride at the look of hurt crossing his face just as Joel cheered from behind you.
‘That’s my beautiful girl!’ he gasped, bringing a finger to your clit and rubbing tight circles into it, making you gasp as you let your head fall, resting on the countertop. ‘So good f’me.’
The burn in your cunt from the way he stretched you abated, the pleasure Joel was giving you from your clit causing more slick to gather, your cunt grasping him again, your walls fluttering as you felt the ache turn to sweet pleasure, to a blooming rapture.
You lost touch with the ground, Joel’s harsh thrusts pushing you further up the counter, completely at his mercy as your legs hung useless beneath you, hands braced against the granite to give him purchase. In this moment, spread out on his cock, your cunt open and dripping for him, the pleasure ripping the words from your brain, gasps racking your throat, you felt completely under Joel’s spell, his touch, his heat. Mind-numb, thoroughly fucked out, gripped in this moment between the build up and the threshold of release.
‘Oh, you’re gonna make me…’ you warned but Joel had you, was there already with you.
‘I know, baby, I know,’ he grunted between thrusts. ‘Can feel it, can feel that sweet little cunt grippin’ me.’
You cried out, nodding your head furiously, entirely at his mercy now. ‘Yes, yes…Joel, it’s gonna…’
‘Let it go, baby,’ he moaned, and you felt none of the panic, none of the terror at your impending release, wrapped up safe in Joel’s body, in his groans of rapture, in the pull of the knot as it threatened to snap entirely.
‘Watch me make her come,’ he spat out over your head, and you were only dimly aware of what he was saying as your release sped towards you.
You writhed, your breath stolen from you by the roar of the wildfire across your chest. The push of your orgasm slipping you under, crashing your body into the shore, rolling and quaking underneath it as indescribable lust coursed through your veins.
‘Oh, fuck, there she goes,’ Joel spluttered, his hips stuttering as he started to deepen his thrusts. ‘Gonna fill up ya girl,’ he grit out, his final movements sloppy and desperate as he approached the edge.
‘Do it, baby,’ you whimpered beneath him, words finally able to escape the cage of your throat. ‘Need you.’
He did, then, his come exploding into you and washing you clean, cleansing you of Mick, of all your disappointments, of all your fears. You looked back over your shoulder at him as he crested, his eyebrows saddled and his eyes trained on you, a look of reverence and hunger, of sweet shock, as though he couldn’t believe how good it felt either, as if everything for him was also slotting into place, as if he knew in this moment he would never let anyone separate you, would never let anyone take you from his side, that in his moment you were his just as much as he was yours, that this was a forging of something solid and essential, something vital and something precious, something that was just for you.
--
You didn’t remember Mick leaving. Didn’t care to say goodbye.
Joel had peeled you off the counter and carried you upstairs, drawn you a bath and lowered you gently into the water, sat beside you and washed your body as you lulled in and out of a light sleep.
Drying you off he wrapped you up in his clothes, swamping you in cotton and his scent, before promising to make you a fresh batch of pancakes. You hadn’t let him, whimpering when he tried to leave your side, pulling him down beside you on the bed and wrapping his arms around you.
Later you would figure out lunch, and then Sarah, and then the rest of your lives. For now, you had each other, and cool sheets, and the light patter of rain as a welcome cool breeze blew new life over the garden beneath Joel’s window.
#joel miller x reader#joel miller#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal#joel miller x you#joel miller fanfic#joel miller smut#pedro pascal characters fanfiction#pedro pascal fic#the last of us fanfiction#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller one shot#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x female reader#tlou fanfiction#tlou fic
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Danny has been out of the hero game for a while now.
You see, when clockwork reset the timeline to one where the disastroid didn't happen Danny made it his mission to quit the job for good. This involved forming an actual defense from Ghost invasions (though he's sure his parents loved testing out what the magic community likes to call "An awful combination of sentience and technology.") and also giving rights to ghosts. Hell, even Vlad's started to come around. The old fruit loop actually changed his ways and is setting him up to the heir to DALV.co while trying to fix the shit they did to the environment when doing trial runs of Val's suit.
(Mostly because sam threatened to break Vlad's knees, both of the halfas think she could do it.)
He finally do what wants with his life and satisfy his obsessions with space and protection. Danny's got all sorts of projects he's tinkering on like air purifiers and growing food in space. He's been just, doing his thing for so long that his powers had gone into a kind of reserve mode. Danny's strength and speed are back to just above average, his ice only good for ice cubes and being a human AC, can't even feel ghostly presence if it's not right on top of him.
But Danny is actually happy.
Or he would be if not for Lex Luthor. He hates that vindictive, capitalist egg. The male pattern baldness horror story managed to weasel his way into a partnership with Vlad when he was still trying to put the (now reformed) GIW on his leash.
The first time Danny met the man his hair nearly turned all white, literally. He's lucky Lex was more interested in Vlad, his investment partner than him otherwise he'd have seen. He wouldn't have been that mad if not for Lex's pocket full of (condensed mass of kryptoian suffering.) kryptonite, and his kryptonian clone? who kept eyeing that pocket. Kon was the kids name BTW, also he DEFINITELY saw Danny's hair change.
Now he has to deal with the pair every other week, one reason being Lex is not so subtly trying to get his hands on some ectoplasmic generator schematics. The other is that Kon is helping him catch Luthor before he does.
#dp x dc#dpxdc#danny phantom#danny is not a fan of lex luthor#kon-el is pretty cool though#kon isnt trying to recruit danny to yj#he just wants his new friend's inventions not to get stollen by an egg#danny is smart#post: A glitch in time#lex thinks he's being sneaky but Danny's security system is alive#kon watching danny mearly transform: hmm~tim did say i needed non-hero friends#danny after touching lex's kryptonite laced hands: eeewwwwwwww
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