#she still comes across as distant but that’s mostly just because she believes it’s important to not influence those around her too much

[arolesbianism]

Some more concept designs for my newest iterator ocs! In order we have Endless Grains of Sand (she/her), Deep Coated Mist (she/her), Purity Preserved (he/they), and Twisted Orbit (he/they/she). This is also in order from oldest to youngest, Sand and Mist are both Very old

(Synchronized Light is also a part of the group, they’re the very youngest)

[hotmonkeelove]

I agree with most of what you've added. My personal headcanon is that both Saionji and Touga are bi/ pansexual, and that technically ALL the characters in the series are bi/ pan (and yes, I include Juri ), as sexuality in Utena comes across as very fluid. It's more about choosing to be with whomever you fall in love with, rather than the person you're expected to be with, regardless of gender. In a society like Japan, where fitting in with others is a major social pressure, and where marriage interviews are still a thing, free love (by its original 19th century definition) is both revolutionary and queer.

And while I agree that the pressure of heteronormative conformity is contributing to the toxic relationship between Saionji and Anthy, I feel the root cause is the abuse both have already been suffering since childhood. Their behaviour reflects societal gender norms and stereotypes, too. These have to do with gender politics just as much, if not more than, sexual orientation. Anthy, who has long been Akio's victim and is completely brainwashed by him, plays the subjugated doormat, while also engaging in covert passive-aggression (mostly in ways that will aid Akio).

Saionji has an extreme sense of inferiority, particularly as it relates to his manhood. He is also battling depression (he's crying in the opening animation), despite being expected to hide his tears as both a man and Japanese. We see in the first arc that this is largely due to having spent his life in Touga's shadow. His best friend is more successful at everything, is wealthy, more popular with girls, appears to have a happy family, and has better control of his emotions. Touga's even better at kendo, which is pretty much all Saionji has. I think it's safe to infer that the only reason Saionji is the kendo capatain is because Touga didn't join the team. This is all in addition to his cruelty, duplicitous treatment, and acting out his sexual abuse on Saionji, (and possibly grooming him for Akio). Personally, I also get the impression that Saionji comes from a very dysfunctional home, where the father is emotionally distant (and possibly abusive to his wife) and the mother is physically/ verbally abusive to her son. This would fit with his being insecure in his masculinity, his attitude towards women, and his latching onto Touga time and again, despite the way Touga treats him, because he feels he has no one else. What's more, it would add to his desperation to get back in Ohtori after his expulsion. When home and family aren't safe, school can take on a much greater importance. (Really, why didn't he go home after being expelled? Was he afraid? Was he estranged from his family? Is he an orphan? Did he return only to be thrown out?)

Furthermore, his rotten self esteem and the mess he's in affects his relationship with Wakaba. We are shown that she holds a special place in his heart. He comes to truly care about her, but he's convinced he's really just a burden to her, especially when he has no position or influence at Ohtori. Saionji doesn't believe Wakaba is really in love with him, or that if she is, he doesn't deserve her, because he thinks he's not good enough, never realising she thinks the same about herself. Plus, I'd argue that the reason we don't see them interact again is because he doesn't want to drag her into his mess, with the duels, Touga, and later with Akio; that he's trying to protect her from becoming another victim.

Another thing I'd like to mention, I think Saionji likely developed romantic feelings for Touga during the Apocalypse arc, as he mistook Touga's abuse of him for genuine affection. When Touga fell in love with Utena (the only time we know Touga actually falls in love with anyone), I think Saionji convinced himself that he could get Anthy back, and maybe continue an affair with Touga on the side. Post Revolution, I believe Touga would come to terms with his abuse by and of others, as well as his sex addiction, and eschew sexual relationships until he can start to recover. As such, I'd like to imagine he'd seek Saionji's forgiveness and try to gradually rebuild their friendship. (And I really hope they both get therapy, despite the stigma it still carries in Japan, among other places.)

We later see variations on this theme of unbalanced friendships with sexual overtones in Shiori and Juri, as well as Wakaba and Utena. Juri's emotional distance, while secretly and unknowingly reciprocating Shiori's romantic feelings, leads to Shiori trying to arouse sexual jealousy in Juri. Utena's disapproval of Saionji and interference with Tatsuya, yet otherwise true friendship, results in Wakaba (who really just pretends to fancy Utena for funsies) hiding her relationship with and lingering feelings for Saionji, till she breaks down and lashes out at Utena. Later, Wakaba tries to make her jealous by flirting with Akio, who goes along with it just to manipulate Utena's feelings. (Wakaba's romantic feelings for Akio are no more serious than her romantic feelings for Utena or Tatsuya.)

Still, I say that it is wrong to claim a man hits his girlfriend or tries to sleep with every woman around him because he's in the closet. In fact, that's kind of the opposite of how they act. It's more common for them to form strong bonds with women, while trying to avoid sex with them as much as they can.

Dear Fellow Utena Fans,

I am really ashamed to be part of the Utena fandom here. Seriously, I can't turn around without seeing people saying, "Saionji and Touga's abusive behaviour is because they were in denial that they're gay for each other." That is not funny, nor insightful, nor realistic. I'll tell you what it is, though. It's fucking homophobic! I am sick of it! RGU's appeal is largely due to its themes of queer acceptance, but you people can't even learn from it! You just promote hateful, dated stereotypes, because "Huh-huh, that's funny!"

The terrible ways Saionji and Touga are shown treating people has nothing to do with their sexual orientations, whatever those may or may not be. It's all to do repeating a cycle of abuse they have both fallen victim to. Touga has been sexually abused most of his life (likely by more than one perpetrator). He copes by acting out this sexual abuse on his best friend, attempting to abuse his sister, and his compulsive promiscuity. Touga also manipulates and back-stabs those around him, thinking it makes him superior to others, i.e. no longer a victim. Saionji copes with Touga sexually abusing him and betraying their friendship by lashing out at anyone who angers him. He is particularly abusive to Anthy, as he thinks that as the Rose Bride, she has no feelings. (In fairness, Anthy has also convinced herself she has no feelings, and actively goads him into hurting her, at Akio's behest, to lure Utena into the duels.)

If you ship Touga and Saionji, fine, that's great! Go right ahead. There is certainly a lot of angst/ tearjerker potential there, with them working to rebuild their broken friendship and overcome the horrible trauma they've been through. They're both in need of a lot of healing, which could develop into romantic feelings for each other, as well as a redemption arc. However, claiming they're abusive because they're gay and trying to downplay the abuse they, themselves, suffered, is just a load of bullshit.

This stupid joke/ theory is insulting to not only the queer community, but also abuse survivors. (And yes, I fall into both those groups.) Being gay doesn't make anyone an abuser, nor does being abused by someone of the same gender make a person gay. I shouldn't even have to say that, let alone twice on my blog, but idiots...

[blossom-hwa]

Stardust - CHANGMIN

So like. This was the first full scenario I wrote for TBZ and I can’t believe I wrote this before actually even STARTING No Air, but whatever! It was cute! I couldn’t help myself but I didn’t want to post this before No Air so that’s why it’s late

Thank you to @deathbykpopboys for helping me put this scenario together! Honestly I don’t think I’d ever write anything without sunny hhhh she’s always so great with ideas <3

Pairing: Changmin x fem!reader

Genre: fluff, a little angst if you squint, teacher!au

Triggers: alcohol, cursing

Word Count: 2.7k

Changmin sometimes thinks you’re a little too perfect to exist.

TBZ Masterlist | No Air | Touching Stars | Breathe, and Live

Friday nights are always fun, for Changmin. Friday’s the last day of the work week and kind of blends into the weekend, and because he’s a schoolteacher, he (sort of) gets the weekend off. Sure, he might be making lesson plans or writing reports or doing other important, not fun things, but he also has his stolen moments for dance or shopping or things that he doesn’t have time to do during the week. He’s free, more or less.

The last Friday night of each month, though, Changmin enjoys the most, when he, Jacob, and Kevin meet up for cheap food and drinks. And as much as Changmin likes to wreak havoc on the lives of his fellow teachers (mostly by scaring the wits out of them with dolphin screams and horror movie masks), he really does enjoy their presence in his life and appreciates them for it.

They haven’t a missed a night so far, not since that time Jacob was out with the flu and Kevin had a family emergency. And even though Changmin’s definitely done and said some stupid (read: really embarrassing) things while under the influence, the pros of each night always end up outweighing the cons. So if Changmin wakes up the next morning with a hangover, well, that’s just a side effect of having some fun.

But sometimes he has thoughts. Thoughts that he’s repressed so well he might not even register them, but that exist nonetheless. And Changmin, sadly, is a truthful drunk. His thoughts come spilling out of his mouth, mostly unfiltered, whenever he’s had enough to drink.

And this week, Changmin has been having thoughts. Thoughts that he isn’t sure he wants to spill.

If he drinks, they’ll flood out. It’s the way Changmin works – he’s had enough experiences with alcohol and his brain that he knows what will happen. As he stares at the soju bottle on the table, he knows that if he drinks, he’ll probably regret it in the morning. Not necessarily because he’ll remember what he says – his memory tends to get a bit spotty even after a round of light drinking – but because Kevin definitely will.

Normally, Changmin would praise God for Kevin's ability to remember drunk things. Coupled with his inability to lie, it makes for so much potent blackmail. Sure, Kevin makes Changmin and Jacob swear not to talk about anything he said under the influence, but Changmin isn't an angel the way Jacob is. If it came down to it, he'd sell Kevin's secrets for a single corn chip and some entertainment.

(Okay, not really. But the point still stands.)

If he complained about this to people, they’d probably just laugh and say something about how Kevin is a precious pure meme, that he’d never sell out Changmin’s deepest thoughts for anything. After several years of working with him, though, Changmin knows better.

(He’ll just say that sometimes, Mr. Kev Kev isn't the happy-go-lucky meme-y little boy that everyone likes to make him out to be.)

So maybe Changmin shouldn't be drinking tonight. There isn’t necessarily a lot on his mind, but he’s been thinking of things that he doesn't want spilled just yet, and drinking will only make that possibility a reality.

Isn’t that what alcohol is for, though? To make those worries disappear, if only for a short while? The soju beckons at Changmin, even more so when Kevin actually opens the bottle. Eventually, he throws caution to the wind and fills his own glass.

It’s a clear night, mostly. A bit cloudy, but no sign of rain, and there’s a pleasant little breeze that feels cool against his cheeks. Sitting at one of the small tables outside of the restaurant, Changmin loses himself in the food and the conversation.

After an hour, Jacob decides he needs to leave because he’s supposed to meet with his family the next day and can’t get too plastered. Kevin calls him a noob while making a face, but Jacob, being the angel he is, just pats him on the head on his way out. Privately, Changmin thinks Kevin is much more of a noob than Jacob, but the alcohol hasn’t addled his mind enough to say that out loud just yet.

At some point, though, the world becomes pleasantly muddy. Changmin can register what’s going on at a distant level and he probably shouldn’t drink too much more, but he takes a last shot anyway, just as Kevin asks a slightly slurred “How’s life with Y/N?”

A stupid smile stretches across Changmin’s lips. “Kevin, oh my God, she’s perfect.” He grins, the breeze cool against his flushed cheeks. "She’s so beautiful, it doesn't make sense that we exist in the same world."

Kevin mutters something that sounds like "whipped" and "so soft."

Changmin is sure that if he were sober, he would've attacked his fellow teacher by now, but his tipsy haze is too pleasant to interrupt. He just wants to keep talking. "Kevin," he whines. "Pay attention."

"Okay." Face flushed, Kevin puts his chin on his fist. "'M listening."

"Y/N’s so beautiful." Dimly, Changmin is aware that he's just repeating himself, but he can't help it. The point needs emphasis. "Kevin, she’s so amazing. So much more amazing than me. So smart. Did you know Y/N knows like ten programming languages?"

Tipsily, Kevin shakes his head. "What... what's a program."

"Computer shit." Changmin plays idly with his shot glass. "Doesn't matter. So smart, so nice, so... lovely, Kevin. Y/N’s good at everything. She cuts fruit for me when I work late and make me go to sleep. She doesn’t know anything about dance and tries to help anyway. She works so hard and never takes anyone’s shit and she always knows when I need time alone or when I need comfort.” His mouth draws down into a slight frown. “She’s like... she’s like..."

Why is it so hard to come up with something to explain you? Your entire existence defies definition. How can he even find something comparable to the way you sparkle in his eyes?

Ignoring Kevin’s gaze trained on him, Changmin slumps over the table, eyes gazing out at the dark night. A few stars manage to glitter past the clouds and the piercing lights of the Seoul skyline.

Stars. Something tugs at the back of Changmin’s brain. Stars. Sparkly.

An image of your smile pops, unbidden, in his mind. Your bright eyes glimmer. Like stars.

Oh.

Stardust.

Yes, stardust.

You're like stardust, warm and gentle and... magical. Magical to the touch.

"She’s like." Changmin hiccups. "She’s like stardust, Kevin. Stardust. Perfect. Warm.”

A tear trickles down Kevin's cheek. Changmin has exactly two seconds to ready himself in his drunken haze before Kevin launches himself at his purple hoodie, loosely grasping at the soft cloth as he fully encases Changmin within his arms. "Ji Changmin," he sobs, muffled, "that is the most adorable thing I've ever heard you say."

Even sober, Changmin doesn't think he'd know what to say in response to that, so he just stays silent. It's not like Kevin would even hear him over the sound of his overemotional crying.

Anyway, Kevin's hug feels nice. Warm. Changmin doesn't think he needs to speak words at the moment, he's too comfortable. It's not the same as being in your arms, but he'll settle for it now. He burrows a little deeper into his friend's hold.

“You little child, you,” Kevin sobs into his shoulder. “You’re so sweet and small and warm, I can’t believe you exist.”

Changmin doesn’t feel like replying. There’s a bubble of something growing in his chest that he can’t entirely decipher right now, and his brain has focused on that. It’s some sort of emotion, he thinks. It doesn’t feel very pleasant.

His head gets pulled out of Kevin’s arms. He whines a little, annoyed by the lack of warmth, but he doesn’t really have the presence of mind to do anything but sit there limply as Kevin starts shaking him back and forth, still wailing about how “adorable his little Ji Changminnie is.”

The bubble keeps growing as Kevin keeps shaking him. It doesn’t feel like vomit – Changmin knows that sensation a bit too well – but it makes him feel a little sick. A little upset. The bubble feels suffocating, cold, but it also burns.

Not vomit. He doesn’t feel nauseous. But still unpleasant.

Kevin goes back to hugging Changmin into his chest, which soothes the bubble a little bit. The soft warmth of Kevin’s sweater smooths the burning and takes away the edge of the cold. But the bubble still stays as Changmin rocks back and forth in his friend’s hold, blankly trying to decipher the stupid emotion growing in his heart.

“There’s a bubble.” The words slip out of his mouth just past Kevin’s ear. “There’s a bubble in my chest.”

“Bubble?” Kevin pulls back slightly, flushed face confused. “What bubble?”

Changmin vaguely gestures at his chest as best he can with Kevin’s arms partially trapping his hands. “Here. Doesn’t feel good.”

Kevin’s eyes squint. “Need to vomit?”

“Nooooo,” Changmin whines. “Kevin, it’s a bubble.” He pauses. “Think it’s an emotion.”

He hears Kevin suck in a breath. “I can’t believe my precious little Scorpio child is finally feeling emotions,” the older boy says in a stage whisper, loud enough for at least the next two tables to hear. Changmin has enough presence of mind to slap him. “Hey!”

“It hurts.” Changmin’s lips pout deeper. “I don’t like it.”

“Aww, no, baby.” Kevin pats his head – a little too hard, but Changmin can deal with that. “Why does it hurt? What emotion is it?”

Changmin racks his brains for the word. It’s not a good feeling, so he tries to eliminate the good words as they pass through his mind. Not pleasant. Definitely not happy. Not calm, either.

Sadness? Maybe that’s part of it, but it’s not specific enough. Anger? Not really.

Fear?

Changmin isn’t scared of many things. He loves horror movies and thinks possessed dolls are cute, and it’s hard for anyone to really startle him. Fear is not an emotion that regularly appears in his repertoire.

But this time…

“I’m scared.” The two words slip out of his mouth, quiet, lonely. “’M scared, Kevin.”

Kevin pulls back again. “Changmin, you’re never scared.”

“I am now.” He purses his lips petulantly.

“Why?”

Unconsciously, the corners of his lips turn down even further into a blank pout. "Sometimes I think Y/N’s gonna leave. Slip through my fingers."

Even tipsy, Changmin can tell there are more tears welling up in Kevin's eyes. "But… you love each other?"

"Y/N’s stardust." Changmin's pout deepens. "Too perfect. She’s gonna realize that, that I'm not... I'm not good enough but she’s too nice to say that so she’ll just slip away." He hiccups again, feeling his cheeks burn with drink, fluttering his fingers loosely to make sure Kevin gets the point. "Like stardust."

Kevin remains silent for one, two, three seconds. Changmin takes that time to drain the last little bit of soju left in his cup.

Then Kevin nearly knocks the cup out of his hand when he literally grabs Changmin and forces him to curl up into his sweater, nose buried in the soft folds of cloth. “You beautiful, pure little child, you,” he coos, patting Changmin’s head (still a little too hard, but Changmin really doesn’t feel the need to deal with it right now). “You small little child. You poor, small child. Y/N is so in love with you, there’s no way she’ll ever leave.”

“Stardust,” Changmin reminds Kevin, words muffled into his sweater.

“Stardust,” Kevin agrees. “But good stardust. Gonna stay with you. Never going to leave.”

Changmin doesn’t remember much of what happens after that. He knows that they eventually pay for everything and Kevin’s partner picks them up (well, they were the one who was supposed to pick the two of them up. He doesn’t actually register the driver’s face, but Changmin hears Kevin calling them “love muffin, better than Beyonce,” so it’s probably them. He refuses to acknowledge any alternatives), but he’s too drunk and too tired to process anything else.

Somehow, he wakes up the next day curled up in his bed, forehead threatening to split from the dull pain. Mentally, he thanks himself for closing the shades before he passed out last night (or was it morning? He isn’t completely sure when he got home) so that the sunlight isn’t adding to his headache.

Get up, Changmin, he tells himself, summoning the strength to swing his legs out of bed. Step by step, he exits his room and slowly brushes his teeth before heading toward the kitchen for a bottle of water or something to get rid of the pounding in his head.

Changmin’s so out of it that he doesn’t register the smell of something cooking wafting out of the kitchen before he’s almost in it. He finally stops, confused, just in time to see your head poke out from the kitchen entrance.

For a second, Changmin just stares at you, brain buffering as he tries to come up with a suitable greeting in his hungover state. There’s this look on your face that Changmin’s muddled mind can’t seem to decipher.

Oh, God.

You look like you’re about to cry. 

He panics. What did he do wrong? Did he say something bad last night? He can’t remember anything – how badly did he screw up, what the hell did he do –

Then you leap at him, much the same way Kevin did last night, and bury your face into his shoulder.

“Ji Changmin,” you say, words muffled into his rumpled shirt, “I love you so much.”

Changmin’s mouth can only come up with a confused “huh?”

You pull back, eyes shining with tears, but mouth stretched into a beautiful, beautiful smile. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember what you told Kevin last night,” you say teasingly, though there’s a hint of uncertainty in your gaze.

Slowly, slowly, the events of last night begin to piece themselves together in Changmin’s brain. Every single stupid word he said to Kevin in his drunken stupor comes flooding back in one massive, jumbled mess.

He blushes.

“Ji Changmin.” You cup his puffy, red cheeks between your hands, voice trembling. “Listen to me. I’m not leaving. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to slip through your fingers and, fucking, I don’t know, fly away. Because I am not perfect, I am not stardust, but god, I – you’re perfect for me. You are good enough for me, more than good enough for me. You are perfect, and I’m staying here forever. You’re not going to be able to get rid of me. Understood?”

“But –”

“Understood?”

Changmin stares into your shining eyes. Even with you standing right here, hands cradling his face with the gentlest touch, he can’t quite believe you’re real and not just some beautiful figment of his imagination. Slowly, slowly, one of his hands rises to touch the fingers resting against his cheek. Just to make sure this isn’t a dream.

Solid. Warm.

Not a dream. 

This is real.

He nods dumbly, a stupid smile spreading across his face. “Okay.”

You crush him close again and this time, Changmin’s arms automatically move to wrap around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. He can feel a few tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt as you hold him tight, so tight, and he smiles, one hand coming up to pat your back.

You’re here. You’re here, alive, solid, real. He can feel your warmth against his body, feel your hair tickling his skin.

You may be ethereal. You may be something completely out of this world, beautiful, divine. You may be sparkling, glimmering, brilliant in the morning sunlight. You may be made of stardust, something too perfect (he’ll fight you on that) to exist on earth.

But now, with you wrapped warmly in his arms, Changmin realizes that even though you may be stardust, that doesn’t mean you’re going anywhere.

A tear slips out of his eye as he smiles.

If you enjoyed, please don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment to tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and have a lovely day <3

(1 reblog = 1 cheek pinch for changmin idk why I just think that’d be fun <3)

[angelssdecay]

Why Zhongli isn’t just a blockhead (though sometimes he is) – another essay by yours truly

Disclaimer beforehand: I am partly Asian, but I am not Chinese and as such don’t have a complete grasp on the richness of Chinese lore and history although I do try to keep on educating myself about it. If you see I made any mistakes, missed out on something very important or accidentally said something I shouldn’t have please don’t hesitate to point it out for me, I’d really appreciate it. This analysis was mostly for myself and because I wanted to set a few things right about some things I’ve seen and encountered about his character in the fandom, that is all. 

This analysis ended up to be quite long (over 1.3k words oops) despite me keeping some points out of it on purpose to make it more compact, but I hope you’ll enjoy my thoughts nonetheless!

-          Zhongli is not, and has never been, simply a brute without a brain despite his undeniable trail of destruction left in the wake of the Archon war – everything he’s done, as immoral as it may seem to humans, has been done with the image of a more peaceful future in mind and the wish to create a better world for those inhabiting it. 

-          And let’s not forget that he is extremely cunning and always waging decisions carefully considering he has planned out such a grand scheme from faking his death to implementing Childe in this game of his, and using everyone in Liyue for his grand, final test 

- though he did not do so without a thinking about the weight such a final decision would hold, but instead hought long and hard about it through observations of Liyue’s people and how they would fare without his divine intervention from now on.

-          Zhongli is without a doubt not a 110% good character, he is indeed manipulative, irrational and inconsiderate of individual human lives to a certain degree and I won’t say that his objectives erase the way of his methods, after all everyone knows that the path to hell is paved by good intentions-

-          but it’s simply impossible to define any character in Genshin in such black and white/ good and bad ways because each and every of his decisions is very nuanced - he is not only selfish, Zhongli is also incredibly selfless at the same time because all that he did was for the people of Liyue, he gains literally nothing from all this apart from his rest from his immortal duties, and he is not heartless either because despite making just yet seemingly cold decisions it also has to be said that such hard decisions cannot be made and set in stone when one let’s themselves swayed by emotions

-          To come to another point: After living so far off from the mortal world for so long – because watching over humans isn’t the same as wandering amongst and living with them – it is no surprise he is quite detached from them, his heart despite his love for Liyue having petrified little by little and he knows it.

-          Yes, Zhongli definitely knows he can’t escape eventual erosion, petrifying little by little, that he will wear away as a river wears away a mountain - but still he lives on to uphold the memory of those that have faded to dust, had sacrificed their very lives to help pave the way for a peaceful and prosperous Liyue and also to carry the weight of sins he has committed in the war – he thinks and he cares so, so much and to conclude this:

-          I literally cannot stress enough how he carries so much responsibility, so much history on his shoulders – he is living history – even more now that he’s the only one left to carry on the hopes and dreams who have long passed and that this is an incredibly lonely task. It’s just heart-breaking to think about what he’s carrying with him day by day.

-          And to come to one of the most important people from his long life and who helped to shape him into who he is now: Guizhong.

-          She was one of the people who taught him that his heart is capable of more than just living for his duty, that he doesn’t only have to live as the God of Martial Arts – they were not just ‘brawns and brain’ – they were a team that complemented and completed each other

-          and Guizhong (and consequently her death as well) pushed him to embracer the other sides of his personality as well. It doesn’t matter whether people see their relationship as platonic or romantic, because the impact she has left on him is the same – as someone who believed in his gentler, more caring side

-          Zhongli is also incredibly thoughtful and perceptive, seen in the way he talks - a very refined and elegant way with every word laced by the wisdom he has accumulated without it being overbearing or coming across as absolute with no room for doubts - about various important characters in Liyue right now – accurately pinpointing their strengths and weakness and how valuable they are to making the land he has protected for so long continue to prosper

-          for example when he talks about the Yuheng and that despite, no, because of her abrasive attitude towards his deeds as a good she is a gem amongst humans and one of the many people he places their trust in to take care of Liyue’s future in his stead. Or Yanfei, the young half-Adepti who despite never having entered a contract with him, or rather doesn’t even know of his true identity upholds order and contracts within Liyue which he praises and values

-          It shows how deeply he cares about this land and its people, believing in their strength to overcome everything even without him – which is one of his most defining traits – seen in the way he has guided humanity all these years and in the way the people of Liyue have faith in him, a faith that isn’t blind or caused by fear like with Decarabian, but true respect for all he has done for the people of this land.

-          to say he’s a blockhead who doesn’t think nor care about humans is completely wrong because his entire rule for the past millennia was centered around protecting mankind – yes, it has to be said that his methods and morals are outside normal human values but it has to be kept in mind that he is an immortal god and gods neither feel nor live like humans, they understand and perceive the world differently than humans

-          gods stand outside out world and that makes it harder for them to truly connect with the way humans live - and it is only after stepping down from his throne that he actually has the chance now to try and experience the life of mortals for himself, to see and live it for himself and not as the distant overseer that Rex Lapis was.

-          and while he may feel sadness over not being needed anymore, giving up his godhood is the freedom he chose for himself, it’s something he deserves after watching over mankind for so long and trying to keep balance between the world or mortals and supernatural being

-          being free, being allowed to be selfish and think of himself outside of being a god is something he’d never done before being so incredibly bound to duty, contracts and traditions as he is; but by now he truly believes that this is the age of men as the end of the age of gods is coming to its end and it’s a beautiful thing to see him grow beyond the boundaries he had set for himself the past thousands of years

-          though in all fairness, sometimes our beloved Ex-Archon can indeed be a little of a blockhead considering he dumped the entire world of Teyvat into a financial crisis by stopping the production of one of the most important catalysts for everyday life – something that may not unfold its consequences immediately of course

-          – and even forgot to lay aside a private fund of mora but that’s because he isn’t accustomed to normal human life at all, he is still learning and more than willing to expand his horizon despite the vast knowledge he’s already accumulated over years of his life – and in the end that’s what makes him such a brilliantly lovable man, am I right?

[rotting-creation]

(also i just realised that the addition from earlier might've come across as rude, sorry about that, and it's not targeted at you or anyone specifically, i just feel like we're left out a lot)

ok so as an ace aro person:

it's different than if a person takes an ace + aro character and makes them allo than if they interpret said character as sex and/or romance positive, because that's including representation of a kind or people who are NEVER shown in media.

are allo people shown? almost exclusively.

are aces and aros shown? very rarely, and they're always romance and/or sex repulsed. and its usually either an aro ace or an allo ace, rarely a allo aro.

for sex and romance neutral ace aros like me its really hard to find representation, especially when ur mostly neutral but really sex and romance ambivilant is a great descriptor as well.

sorry to say, but you're the one being painfully ignorant. if only black people were allowed to write about black experiences and black people, the world would be a lot more segregated. people need to touch on subjects they dont know about to learn about them and represent them. if not, you get the kooleen art drama situation. If you want representation, be prepared to get it from someone who isn't in your community but wanted to include you. are they gonna make mistakes? of course! we all make mistakes and that's important because we learn from them. For people to understand our struggles, they have to be able to put themselves in our shoes and a great way to do that is simply to write about or create characters different than yourself. If every character you create is confined to your experiences, that would mean that everyones characters are just self inserts. There'd be no variation.

also, yes its different than when you take a character thats allo and make them ace and/or aro but i still dont like it. its a cheap and corporate and capitalistic way of getting inclusion with 0 research or changes to characters, story etc.

if i took, idk, michael afton from FNAF and said, 'hey! hes asexual and/or aromantic!' is that really of any value when thats it? it's much more valuable to create a whole new character and add things to their experience to make them more authentic and relatable to said group.

so, as an example, instead of simply changing a character, i will now make a FNAF OC that's aro (this is just for an example but i will prolly end up using it tbh):

he's a new janitor at the pizza place who's been kicked out of a conservative houshold as soon as he's hit 18 because of another arguement with his parents about not wanting to date anyone though they keep pressuring him to. He's struggling to finish highschool to get his diploma and have a place to sleep so he changes from a janitor to a nightguard so he can work longer and still go to school. his friend has a massive crush on him; she's had one for years. he's too scared to keep not dating anyone because there's rumours around the school that he's gay, and he knows that if his brother starts to believe the rumours he'll tell his dad, and his dad will kill him for 'staining the family name'. due to this situation, he ends up dating his friend to save his own skin. He hates it, hates how she looks at him with those lovey-dovey eyes and how everything's changed. Hates how she clings to him still but now her touches have a different meaning. but he loves her as a friend, and he can't break her heart. He won't break her heart. what kind of a friend would he be if he did that? So, he reluctantly stays in the relationship. He uses work and homework to get out of going to dates, hoping that he'll be distant enough for her to break up with him herself. It works. One day, they talk it out and decide that maybe, they're not meant to be (which, of course, he knew from the start) so they go back to being friends, but everything is still weird between them.

there. IMO that's much better than lazily taking a character and changing them to add representation because now its a part of the character. it feels less shallow and like a sticker haphazardly slapped on and like a real character with depth. it's a potentially real experience for many, especially for men who are usually pressured into being always masculine and to who being queer is often shunned much more than it can be for women (not always ofc, but at least in my experience its more acceptable for women to be queer than for men to be queer)

we also get to see how it impacts his life as everyone assumes that he feels attraction, and that if a man doesn't date a woman ever then he must be gay. no one ever considers the possibility of him not even feeling attraction because of amatonormative standards.

of course, he needs a lot more expanding than just 'character who suffers prejudice for being aro' because people are never that shallow. maybe he's allo and aro or maybe he's ace and aro. maybe he's gender non-conforming. what's his mental status? is he disabled? what race is he? has he found a place to stay or is he just going from friend to friend to be able to stay somewhere? i could go on with how much this character would need expanding beyond this situation to make it more believable.

personally, i'd rather have a charcter actually made with the intention of representation in mind rather than a character who had the representation at the back of the creators mind, almost like a last minute decision because they forgot to add any diversity to the cast and remembered that in 2023 they have to have at least one character thats not a cishet allo white person otherwise they likely won't earn as much. I want a character made because someone cares about us and not because they care about the money.

please stop censoring words like horny and smut, this is tumblr not tiktok. We do not say unalive we say kill, we do not say smeggs we say sex. I understand that if you've been taught most of your life that these things are wrong or are personally repulsed by these things, it's uncomfortable to say them or write them out. however, whether you spell them out or name them it doesn't matter to those who get triggered by these things, they mean the same. also, they're not inherently bad things or anything like that. essentially, for whatever reason you're censoring them, please don't. On this webbed site, you don't need to and it doesn't help anyone.

also, please spell correctly. genuine request and not trying to be rude and obviously you're under absolutely no obligation, i just find it extra difficult to read and understand literature when its misspelled. this is, however, just a personal preference so feel free to ignore.

anyways, i hope this doesn't come across as rude or mean or aggressive, this is meant to be completely genuine and a civil discussion or debate and im more than open to hearing other arguements or opinions, etc :)

do people realize that shipping an aro ace character especially one who is shows to have no attraction whatsoever is offensive, it’s like shipping a lesbian with a man it takes away the already very little representation we have. This also includes writing or drawing sm#t about an asexual charecter

[onewithnomightypowers]

clandestine (chapter 1)

PAIRING: Tom Holland x fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Y/N is an up and coming actress, married to a once hotshot actor, Harrison (Haz). What happens when her co-star, Tom, makes her realise that she is stuck in a loveless marriage. A marriage starts crumbling and a new romance stars brewing.

Chapter 1: too wise to trust

A/N: y/n is bisexual but not paired with a women. the characters have been aged up. the characters in no way portray how these ppl are in real life. i do not encourage cheating. i hope you guys like it as much is i do. if you want to be tagged them pls tell me. also comments are appreciated as they motivate me to write more and i love to know how you guys feel about the story.  

warning: cursing, mention of miscarriage, mention of sex, mention of cat calling, angst. fluff? 

word count: 1.4k

important: character thoughts are bold and italic, flashback is in italic

masterlist   series masterlist   chapter 2

She picked up her makeup bag from her vanity and started walking towards her empty suitcase which was wide open on her bed. “What time is your flight?” Haz asked while walking into their bedroom. “I think it’s at 6:30 in the evening but the car will be here to pick me up at 4”, she replied whilst folding her clothes.

“So we have at least an hour to us”; he pulled her by the waist and started kissing her neck. She tried pushing his chest away but failed miserably. “Haz, I’m not in the mood, please stop”

“Fine. But you have been saying that for months now”, he was frustrated.

She ignored his words like always. 

He was right. They hadn’t had sex for at least five months now and it was starting to gain on Harrison. Their marriage, which had been ‘couple goals’ according to the internet, was now slowly falling apart. It was clear that Y/N was falling out of love but she couldn’t find grounds for it. She couldn’t reason it by making him the villain because he was a good man who, in theory, had done nothing wrong. Though, to her, it felt like he had. Maybe he didn’t love her enough or maybe all had gone astray when they had lost their baby last year.

“Will Tom be there?” his words felt like venom, entering her bloodstream.

She placed her hand on her forehead, trying to indicate that she did not want to have this conversation or the inevitable fight, again.

“Of course he will be there, he is my co-star. You should get off the internet, it’s feeding you poison”, she said in an almost nonchalant way. Trying her best not to give him the satisfaction of a reaction to his name. His name, which did not mean anything to her. Tom was her colleague whom the internet liked to ship her with, but he was just a friend. Haz found it hard to believe this because the internet told him so. Their relationship was so far gone that he had no other way of knowing what was going on in her life. 

His wife was so far gone. She was as distant as the sun is from the moon. The distance left coldness between them. The kind of cold that you feel when you pass a stranger. She was a stranger to him and the only reason he could think of was that she and Tom were having an affair. This was not true, but the ache in his soul found comfort in painting Tom as the villain. 

“I don’t believe you”, Haz spat out.

She threw her heels inside the suitcase in anger. “What do you not believe? That Tom is my co-star? Is that what you don’t believe?” her voice was louder than before.

“I don’t trust him.” Haz matched her voice.

“Do you trust me?”

Trust? Her? How can I trust a stranger?

It was his turn to ignore her.

She zipped her bag, put on her shoes, and left the room. “Fuck you”, she cried before slamming their apartment door and leaving for London.

--

Y/N had first met Tom at a cast and crew dinner in New York, six months ago. Greta, the director, had invited both her and Haz but he had decided to opt-out of the ‘fancy’ dinner. Y/N was excited to meet her new co-stars and mark the starting of a new project, a new phase in her life.

It was cold in New York, she figured she shouldn’t wear a dress. She put on black stockings underneath blue bell-bottoms to keep her warm. She wore a dark grey American Eagles t-shirt and over that, a tan leather trench coat. She liked commuting via subway because she believed ‘nobody gives two shits about who is sitting next to them on the train’; and a town car was much slower, especially when it had been snowing. She stuffed her heels in her purse and wore her commuting shoes.

Tribeca to West Village was a good ten minutes train. Her travel was mostly uninterrupted except for the catcalls which felt like the usual to a native. Just before ringing Greta’s doorbell, she got out of her Converse and wore her heels.

Y/N entered a packed house. Almost everyone was there and she was late. But someone was to arrive even later than her. She examined the room, everyone was mingling with each other. She didn’t know anybody there except Noah Baumbach from the time she auditioned for ‘marriage story’. She didn’t get the part but still loved the movie. She realized Tom was missing.  

Greta pulled her into a conversation about when the production of the movie would start or something like that. She wasn’t really paying attention. She was so eager to meet Tom that her eyes couldn’t stop roaming around the room, trying to find him, and just when she thought he wouldn’t show up, he did. 

Everybody’s head turned towards him when he entered the living room. It was as if every person in the room wanted him, including her. His dark brown hair, falling into place like a domino, had snowflakes in them.

“Excuse me”, Greta gave a small smile to Y/N and walked over to Tom. She greeted him and politely touched his back. “Now that everyone is here we should take the party to the dining hall”, she said in a loud and cheerful tone.

Following Greta, everyone started moving towards the dining hall. Tom sat right across Y/N on the grand dining table. “Hi, I’m Tom”, he introduced himself in his thick British accent. “And he’s English”, Y/N said, adding to her list of things she found captivating about Tom.  

“And?” Tom gave her a confused look.

Shit. I said it out loud.

“I-I mean hi, I’m Y/N”, she tried to cover up her mistake.

His dark brown eyes on her, made her thoughts run wild. It was wrong enough to feel right. The dinner was served and small groups of conversations were taking place. Somehow the whole table took on the topic of bisexuality. Y/N felt obligated to take part in the conversation, being part of the community herself. 

“I think bisexuality is a gateway to being gay”, Tom said to the whole table.

“You’re being bi-phobic, Tom”, Y/N called him out. All eyes were on her now.

“And how do you know that?” Tom asked Y/N.

“Because I am bisexual, and any decent human being would know that”

“Are you calling me indecent?”

“No, I’m calling you bi-phobic”

“But aren’t you married to a guy?”

“That doesn’t change my sexual orientation, and you’re being bi-phobic. Again.” There was silence, everyone was listening carefully. 

“Okay, so please explain to me how I’m being bi-phobic?”

“Just the fact that you believe bisexuality is a gateway to being gay and me being married to a guy, means my bisexual card has been revoked, portray your biphobia”

“I am a little confused”, Tom said while reaching for his wine glass. 

“Someone who is bisexual is attracted to both men as well as women. It isn’t a gateway to being gay, it is a legit sexuality of its own”, 

“Hmm, I suppose I stand corrected. I’m sorry if I offended you or anyone. I will go home, do the research and try to be more open-minded”, said Tom, smiling.

“Good”, Y/N said, feeling accomplished and impressed by Tom’s ability to accept his mistake.

Haz would have never accepted that he was wrong.

Y/N felt wonderstruck. Blushing all the way home. She hoped Tom knew how enchanting it was for her to meet him. She wondered if someone was waiting for him at home, like someone was waiting for her. She wasn’t quite sure whether Haz was waiting for her to reach home or not.

She reached home to an empty bed. Not knowing what to make of it, she got ready to sleep. 2 AM and Haz was still not home. She didn’t try to reach him because she knew all phone calls would go straight to voice message and all messages would go unreplied. She closed her eyes, feeling indifferent towards Haz. Even in her sleep, her mind echoed Tom’s name. She was unaware of the treacherous road ahead of her. And that gave her comfort. His thought gave her comfort.

[mssleepy876b]

Family Ties- Chapter 3

Summary: Family can be a positive and negative force in one's life. Detective Jay Halstead knows that personally and he helps a new Intelligence family member through it.

Requested? No. But promised @resanoona that I would post mine once she posted hers.

Word count: 2469

Warnings: domestic violence

A/n: Unedited Sorry for any mistakes

Family Ties Chapter 3

Jay and Hailey took Brielle to her former home first when they left Chicago Med. Hailey and Jay cleared the house using her keys to be sure it was empty before she entered. “Can I have a few minutes in my room to change?” she asked once the officers from the hospital brought her inside.

“Sure, go ahead.” Hailey said following her to the top of the stairs.

While he waited, Jay searched Michael’s study and stationed the officers who had been at the hospital to help guard the house while they were there. Hailey heard Brielle open the bedroom door a little over five minutes later. She walked down the hall and saw Brielle already with a pile of clothes on the bed. Brielle had changed into a pair of blue jeans and a cream short sleeve sweater with tennis shoes on. She had pulled her hair back into a high ponytail moving as she entered a large walk-in closet. She already had a smaller jewelry box on the bed leaving a larger one next to the dresser. Hailey saw her going through her shoes and other accessories next to be sure she had what she needed. Brielle had pulled mostly work style outfits and comfortable clothing that she felt secure in and that she liked. Hailey was surprised at the racks of clothes in the closet still full.

“It isn’t the glamourous life everyone thinks. These were loaned to me by force I would believe. I don’t know how or by whom and I don’t want that burden moving forward. My life has to change if I am to survive. I can’t take that negativity with me into my future.” Brielle said to her quietly her voice tinged with sadness. “Can we pack what is on the bed and these and I will get my bathroom things?”

“Sure, let me get a box from Jay.” Hailey said.

“Here, we can use my luggage set too. It was mine before Michael. It was a splurge when we first started dating. He would jet-set me all over wowing me. I realize how fake that is now. It was all for his work.” Brielle said her voice sounding pained, rolling a suitcase out of the closet at her side.

Jay brought up a box and found Brielle and Hailey gathering up her things from the bedroom. After they secured what Brie wanted from that room, Brielle went into her sitting room as Michael called it leading Jay and Hailey behind her. She pulled photo albums and specific books from the shelves. She also pulled pictures off the wall. “This was the only place I could have my family pictures. Michael demanded his family be center focus in the rest of the house.” Brielle said as Hailey watched recognizing Brie in the pictures.

Once finished there, They followed her to the kitchen where she grabbed a binder of her family recipes and then into Michael’s main office. She opened his wall safe using the combination in his desk and pulled out her wallet and identification papers as well as a trust her parents had for her to access since she was now an adult. Michael had taken the papers years ago and told her he would keep them safe for her. He denied her access to them later as the relationship changed as his control tightened on her life. Brie allowed Jay to search the safe and take whatever documents he chose. While he did that, she moved to a library and pulled several books that had meaning to her as well as pulling files from a desk to take with her. She then moved to a 2nd office to pull more things that she had from her parents’ home that she wanted to be sure she had. Jay had caught up with them and she let him have access to the safes in the library and the 2nd office.

She looked around as they finally prepared to leave. The two officers helped Hailey and Jay remove her belongings from the house that they had staged near the front door. She paused at the door and set down her keys and her engagement ring at a table by the back of the couch in the living room. Jay looked at her concerned. “I don’t want it anymore. It represents lies and a life that was never meant for me. I never plan to return here so I don’t need the keys either. I don’t have a car that is mine anymore. He sold off anything that was just mine so he could isolate me.” She said. She grabbed several jackets from the front closet threw them in to a box, locked the bottom lock of the front door, and closed it behind herself and Jay.

He placed his arm around her waist as they walked to the car, he had driven them in as a shiver rolled across her body. His presence helped her keep her fear down as the reality set in as his arm supported her as she walked. “He’s going to be furious. That or his Uncle Angelo will. They demanded such control and loyalty. I don’t know that I will ever be rid of them.” She whispered to Jay squeezing a coat to her chest as the officer took the box of her coats.

Jay quietly helped her into backseat the car. He then drove to the 21st District office. The officers moved her personal belongings to a storage area in the office as Jay and Hailey went to escort her to the upper stairs’ offices for Intelligence. Her fears rose as she climbed the stairs clutching her jacket to her chest. Jay felt a shiver go down her back as she came to the top of the stairs. Hailey introduced everyone and they moved slowly so that she was not afraid. Voight came up last. Hailey caught a look of recognition flash across Voight’s face as well as anger as he looked over Brielle’s face and bruises that were visible.

“This is Sergeant Voight, Brielle. He runs our Unit.” Hailey said.

Brielle looked him in his eyes and spoke. “You are brave to take on Michael and his family. I know they know of you as I have heard your name before, but they terrify me. Your name sticks in my memory for some other reason, but I can’t think of it right now.”

Hank spoke calmly after nodding his head. “Angelo and I have had dealings before. Michael is not as important to his uncle as Michael thinks. Angelo told us where he was once he saw your pictures. It will be made clear to Michael that you are to be left alone.”

“Michael is chafing under Angelo. Thinks he is old and foolish. Wants control on his own.” Brielle told him.

She shivered again. Jay caught it and spoke to Brielle. “Are you cold?”

“A little but also nervous and sore. A lot of change in less than 24 hours.” Brielle said quietly her voice displaying her exhaustion leaning slightly on Jay’s shoulder.

“We will watch out for you, Brielle. You asked for help and we are here to do that for you.” Jay said as Hank watched them.

Hank immediately led them into the break room where he questioned Brielle about everything she knew about Michael, his work, his colleagues, where he worked, who he met with, how he helped his uncle and then finally about that last argument.

“Brielle, what started the fight last night?” Hank asked.

Tears fell down Brie’s cheeks as the memories flashed back. “It was stupid, petty really. He felt I disrespected him in front his cousin. He felt I was not completing my role as his future wife. Didn’t show enough respect to him as it was his oldest cousin Carlo who was visiting that night. I had a busy day at the Charity Center that day and didn’t know Carlo was coming to visit. I was tired. The charities we work with are mid-funding cycle. They need all the activities they can to get donations. We were coordinating them all day. I came home and was exhausted. I had working non-stop. I hadn’t even stopped for lunch that day. Dinner wasn’t ready when he arrived with Carlo and I hadn’t even changed from my work clothes. He dragged me upstairs, bruising my arm here around my right elbow, and forced me to change into an outfit of his choice. He then threw keys at me to go get carry-out from his distant cousin Alonzo’s restaurant. I returned, my nerves on edge and acted as what I thought was a perfect hostess. Carlo always was one I liked of Michael’s family. He was charming, sweet almost if you didn’t know who his family was or what they do.”

She took a shaky breath and felt Jay’s hand take hers. She sighed trying to calm her fears and continued. “Once Carlo left, I immediately cleaned the kitchen and the dishes and went to prepare for today. Michael called me down from our room and ordered me into the car outside the house. It was unusual for him to do that. He would often head out without me most nights. I could tell he was mad, and I didn’t understand why. I was worried when it was the town car that he had ready. It is heavily tinted, and you can never tell who or what was inside. I jumped in and slid as far from Michael as I could as the fear filled me. I also tried to be sure that I could exit on my own if I chose. Once Freddy closed the door and the car was moving, Michael struck out at me.” She began to shake as the fear set in and felt Jay’s hand on her shoulder.

She looked at him, took a breath and continued. “He grabbed me by my hair. I had it in a ponytail by that point because I had been cleaning and didn’t want to get it dirty. He slapped me as he held me by my hair. I can’t remember what he said, I know he was saying something, but I didn’t hear it. I was in shock as the pain stung my face. He had never come to that point before where he had ever hit me before. I was stunned and confused. He had such a strong grip on my right arm again so I couldn’t stop him. He then took off his belt with one hand and proceeded to use it to hit me all over with it. It felt like he was using the buckle mostly. He focused on my mid-section, I guess from where it hurt. I felt weaker and weaker as he hit me. I begged him to stop. I tried to ask why but he just swung the belt again. He then set the belt aside and backhanded my face at least 4 times before we came to a stop. I was left in the car as he gathered himself and stepped out to enter some building just down the block from here. I heard him order his driver to stand outside the car but not to get back in until he returned. Jesse was driving that night; he was a guard who was kind of protective over me and hated how scared Michael would make me at times. I waited until I had the energy and I heard Jesse get called inside. I used that chance to get out and run. I knew if I stayed Michael would continue to hurt me. His anger could flip like a switch so quickly from one extreme to the next. He would be calm for those he met with but fly off the handle at any moment with me. I remember the fear that I had to get away. I was disoriented and confused about where I was. I just knew I needed help and needed to get to safety. I ran down the dark alley and when I didn’t hear anyone following, I turned up towards the station, I guess. I just saw the lights. Thought I could be safe here. I saw Detective Halstead and just had an instinct that he would help me. It then gets hazy for me other than I remember his green eyes and the sensation of safety once he met me mid-way.” She said as her body shivered again.

She looked up and saw the anger in Jay’s face, the deep set look in Hank’s and the tears in Hailey’s eyes. Hank reached his hand out for her. “I promise you, Brielle. He will never get the chance to do that again. Hailey will put the transcript into the computer and get it typed for you to sign. I am reaching out to some of my contacts to get you a safe place to stay tonight and then we will go from there. Plus, I known you and your parents a long time, Brielle. It has been since before Camille died that we have been together. You look exactly like your mom, but your eyes are your dad’s. You grew up as much with us as Justin did at your house with your parents. Michael will never get close enough to hurt you again, you are my family, Brielle.” He said calmly to her.

Hailey nodded and left, Hank stood and looked to Jay. “Keep an eye on her, Halstead. She is a part of this family. He made a mistake. He just doesn’t know how large yet.”

“Yes, Sarge.” Jay answered. Hank left them sitting quietly as Brie tried to calm her nerves and her body as she was still feeling the fear from the memories causing her to rub at her face. He pulled her close to him under his arm feeling her shiver still. “Hey, I’m right here, Brielle. He can’t hurt you anymore.” Jay whispered to her. She put her head against his shoulder breathing deep before she turned to face him.

She yawned as her body began to relax from the fear. “I’m so sorry. I just feel so exhausted. I feel so drained, weak. Might be the medicine too. Dr. Choi said I might get sleepy from it.” She whispered leaning against him.

“Not surprised. Go ahead and lay down in here while you wait. I will be just outside the door at my desk if you need me, okay.” He said to her. She nodded and he helped her lay down on the couch in the room and left his jacket with her as she allowed her body to slip into calming sleep feeling safe.

[5bi5]

We have known about the vampires in this town for a long time now.

Our whole way of living is sort of built around it, actually. The whole water supply is holy water – the water in our taps, in our pools, in our fire hydrants. I've always thought if I had to kill a vampire I'd want to do it with a fire hydrant. You have to think about these things, you know. They teach you in school: wear a cross, carry a stake, hang garlic over your door. Never invite someone into your home unless you are certain you can trust them. And for God's sake, don't go walking alone after dark without some kind of weapon handy.

Things happen, of course. Things are always happening. People will just quietly disappear – most of the time the bodies are never recovered – and although it can't technically be said for certain just what happened, everyone knows. And then they talk. In hushed voices, in places where the family of the deceased – sorry, the "missing, presumed dead" – can't hear them, they talk. She must have done something wrong, they whisper. If she had just worn a cross like she was supposed to, if she had just stayed inside after dark, this would never have happened. Stupid girl – this was always bound to happen to her.

We all grew up watching those same vampire movies as everyone else. Dracula, Nosferatu, even Twilight. Let me tell you something: vampires don't sparkle. There is no sure way to identify a vampire until it's too late. Until there's no time to reach for that stake that you always keep in your purse, that if you could just get to it, maybe you could save yourself, fuck, where is it, where is your purse – there's no time for that. You're already dead.

Although I grew up knowing about the vampires, constantly hearing warnings and rules and stories, I didn't see one (not knowingly, at least) until I was twenty. At this point, although I knew theoretically that I could be attacked on any given day and it was important to be prepared, subconsciously I had begun to believe that it was never going to happen to me. I'd never so much as glimpsed a vampire in two decades, and everyone just droned about them constantly. Surely, if it were going to happen, it would have happened by now.

So, as I cooked a romantic dinner for myself and my boyfriend of three months, the threat of vampires seemed as distant as the possibility of an anvil falling out of the sky and crushing me to death. I was gearing myself up to tell him I loved him for the first time; I was not a romantic person by nature, but things had been going really well so far, so I wanted to make an effort. That effort also included making coq au vin and, in the interest of staying as kissable as possible, omitting the two cloves of garlic which the recipe called for.

That particular evening was one of the darkest and rainiest I had seen in some time, so when my boyfriend showed up twenty minutes late and apologizing profusely, I just told him not to worry, and ushered him in out of the rain.

"Why don't you take a shower while I get dinner on the table?" I suggested. "I can give you a pair of sweatpants and a t shirt." I wasn't really sure my clothes would fit him, but he was soaking and shivering, and he took me up on my offer right away. At worst, I got to see him in a too-tight shirt, right?

I gave him the biggest t shirt and sweatpants I owned, and I set about pouring wine and dishing up soup. In the interest of both warmth and atmosphere, I dug out just about every candle I owned – which, to be fair, was only a handful – and set them on the coffee table, where we could admire them without the smell mingling with the scent of the food. By the time everything was ready, he was back, wearing my sweats and shirt. They fit him better than I would have guessed, but he was still clearly uncomfortable, frowning and tugging at the shirt hem to stop it from riding up. It wasn't exactly the start I had pictured to our perfect romantic night, but hey, if something had to go wrong, this didn't seem so bad, right?

"You look cute." I said, grabbing his hand away from his hem and squeezing it in both of mine. "Come on, Griff, let's just have some dinner."

Griff gave me what might have been a forced smile, and sat down. "Thanks for making this."

"Happy to." I smiled back and took my seat across from him. I decided to wait until his mood improved a little before I sprang the whole "I love you" thing on him. I didn't want to freak him out.

We ate mostly in silence, and I regretted not thinking of a romantic soundtrack to put on. By the time we finished, I was desperate for some kind of noise – or just something to take the sullen expression off of Griff's face – so I suggested we watch a movie. We settled on The Hangover; again, not exactly how I had hoped the evening would go, but whatever made Griff happy.

It didn't take long for his attention to wander away from watching the movie and towards kissing me, which was all fine as far as I was concerned. Good thing I'd left out that garlic, right? I closed my eyes and leaned into the kiss, trying to parse whether this was the right moment to tell him. Before I could decide, however, he suddenly sprang away from me with a gasp.

When I opened my eyes, it was obvious what had happened, but my brain refused to register it. That burn mark in the shape of a cross had been there before I leaned towards him, hadn't it? It wasn't from my cross, the one I always wore around my neck, was it? It wasn't from any cross, of course not, my eyes were playing tricks on me.

I wish I hadn't wasted precious seconds processing all of this. Maybe I could have done something, said something, at least moved, before he was tearing the cross off of my neck with another pained yelp and leaning back over me. The jig was up now, and it was clear that unlike me, he wasn't wasting any time.

I wish also that I could say I survived through some great, heroic moment, but that's not what happened. I just sat there, shellshocked, until his mouth reached my neck and he began to bite – and then my body seemed to act of its own volition, thrusting him away from me with both hands. This caught him off guard, and he fell backwards, landing directly on top of every candle I owned. His shirt – my shirt – caught fire, and he dashed out the door into the rain.

At the very least, I can say that I made the conscious decision to lock the door, and then barricade it with a table. That's about all I managed to do before collapsing on the couch, back into the same spot I had been just minutes beforehand, and burst into tears. I didn't even bother trying to stop the blood leeching from my neck; I just cried until at some point I eventually fell asleep.

They taught us so much about preventing vampire attacks that it never even occurred to me before that moment that I had never been taught what to do if one did take place. Maybe it was assumed that if you got attacked by a vampire, you weren't surviving. Still, that seemed to nullify the point of carrying stakes and wearing crosses and blessing the water and whatnot. Maybe it was because everyone in this town seemed to believe that if you got attacked by a vampire, it was your fault – if you were smart, you wouldn't be out after dark in the first place, now would you?

Except I wasn't out after dark. I was wearing a cross. I survived. And now I had to continue surviving with no idea how to proceed. I couldn't ask anyone, either – even if they didn't lecture me to my face, surely they would whisper about me behind my back. Stupid girl, didn't even realize her own boyfriend was a vampire. What was she doing, inviting him into the house, when he clearly wasn't trustworthy? She should have known better.

For days, I stayed in my apartment, afraid to go out. I showered, with holy water, of course – except, weeks later, it dawned on me that Griff should have been hurt by the holy water. So, what was the truth? Was holy water not really an effective weapon against vampires, as we had always been taught, or was the water we had always been told was holy not really holy at all?

I did the best to cover the wound on my neck with makeup and collared shirts. There was no one there to see it, but I couldn't bear to look at it, and when it wasn't covered, I couldn't stop. I'd just stand in front of the mirror and stare at my neck, thinking of everything I should have done differently. Still, I was alive, wasn't I?

Wasn't I?

The first time I went out, it was to gather supplies: more stakes, more crosses, more garlic. Matches, bottles, spirits, and rags. Knives, too, although I didn't know if they would help or not. I wasn't really sure what I knew anymore.

The second time I went out, it was to hunt. No more being shocked, no more being attacked in my own home. I was taking the fight to them. After all, what was the point in trying to stay somewhere safe if nowhere was safe? What was the point in following the rules if they weren't going to protect me?

The vampires in this town have known about us for a long time now. What started as a solo effort has now grown into a small movement, which I'm proud to say consists of several people whom I saved from vampires. People who, like me, had no instructions on how to proceed – except for the ones that I gave them.

Of course, they've had time to prepare now. They protect their hearts more carefully, they don't reveal that they're vampires until they're alone with a victim, they even carry what I assume is non-holy water to put out any fires we might start. Often, our efforts feel futile; sometimes I'll go hunting several times and not come across anyone I can say for certain is a vampire. It's hard to know for sure if I'm making the right call. Sometimes it feels as if I am making no difference at all, as if I am still sitting on the couch doing nothing.

Still, things happen.

[ravs6709]

Euneirophrenia- Solinh

Okay, so this is a repost, but only because I was on mobile and tumblr wouldn't let me post the full thing on tumblr (so I just posted a link to ao3), because "there were too many blocks". So this time, I'm posting the actual fic!

Anyways, this fanfic was inspired by A Handmade Scrapbook on ao3 and came across a dreamsharing au. From there I immediately knew I wanted to make a Solinh oneshot

So yeah, you share your dream with someone who will be important to your life. Not necessarily romantic, it can be student and mentor, but in this case it is romantic. Anyways it’s just snapshots of Sophie’s life (mostly of being a child) and interactions with Linh

Warnings- Linh's guilt over the flooding of Atlantis is mentioned a lot, food mention, and I think that's it?

•~•~•~•~•~•

Sophie always loved hearing the stories that her parents told. She was only four years old, but she was able to picture the scenery, she was able to understand some of the things that were discussed. They were soulmates, with a bond that started at fourteen. Sophie wanted to be just like them.

That changed in the next year.

Sophie had hit her head, and then she was hearing voices everywhere. It took weeks to be able to start figuring out where each voice came from, and another to realize that she recognized those voices. They were from people that she knew.

The world as she knew it changed, harsh thoughts constantly hidden behind- fake- smiles. And with her ability to understand things easier, she knew what the people around her thought. She was able to hear their cruel thoughts, when all she wanted was for them to go away.

She kept herself distanced from her friends, because they were thinking so much and so loud she wanted to cry. No matter how much Emma and William tried to get her to go outside and make new friends, it wouldn't work.

Even if people weren't so loud, how was she supposed to deal with knowing how others truly felt about her?

Sophie knew it was an irrational thought- she was only five years old, but hearing the namecalling that was internally directed towards her hurt. Was the person who she would dreamshare with also going to act the same?

•~•~•~•~•~•

Sophie was six years old when she found a giant mansion filled with crystals and other sparkly things. It was like the mansions in the TV shows, except way more fancy. There were paintings lined against the hallway.

"Who are you?" A soft voice asked.

Sophie turned around and saw a person with one of the faces from the paintings. They looked to be around her age, maybe a year older. They had a round face framed with long black hair. They had a soft smile which made their silvery blue eyes gleam. They were pretty.

The person's eyes widened. "You... you're hu-" they pressed their lips together, as if to cut themselves off. "You have brown eyes."

"Of course I do!" She said. "Brown eyes are common!"

She ignored the fact that she was the only one with them in her family.

"But..." they narrowed their eyes. "Where I... come from, we all have blue eyes. But I don't understand what's going on. Are you real?"

"I'm real. My name's Sophie Foster. She and her."

But as she spoke, there was no sound when she said the name Foster.

They nodded, still looking confused. "I'm Linh... she and her. I thought the dreamsharing didn't start until you were fourteen."

That was something that Sophie was confused about too. Some people started as early as nine, but that was incredibly rare. But there was another thing that was off about Linh.

"It's quiet," she whispered.

People within dreams didn’t have thoughts- for obvious reasons, but she was usually still able to hear the distant thoughts and dreams of her family. But at the moment, it was quiet. It was almost unnerving.

"What do you mean?"

This isn't a normal thing. Should I tell her? Would she believe me?

"Your mi-" No, she wasn't going to say anything. "Where are we?"

She knew that the place a dream took place would be somewhere that one of the people within the dream would know. And Sophie definitely had no idea where she was.

"It's my home," Linh replied.

"This mansion is yours?"

Linh blinked. "Where were live, we all have... mansions."

"Where do you live?" Sophie was sure that such a place would be well known. "I live in San Diego."

Once again, the words were omitted.

"Oh. I guess that doesn't work."

"Do you want me to take you around the house? I think we can explore."

Sophie smiled. "That sounds like fun!"

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Mom, how did it feel like when you first met dad in your dream again?"

Even if Emma didn't tell her the answer, Sophie was able to see it within her mind.

"I was in a place that felt unknown, yet also familiar. The place was vivid that I didn't think it would be from my imagination."

Sophie thought about it for a moment. Sometimes, it was hard to figure out whether she had a vivid imagination, or if it was just due to her photographic memory. She'd definitely never set a foot in a mansion, let alone one as big as the one in her dream.

"I think I shared a dream with someone," Sophie admitted.

'I think that we need to let her be outside more often. She doesn't have enough friends, so she's dreaming on imaginary friends.'

The thought was loud and clear, and she winced. It was something she wondered about. But she hadn't met anyone like Linh, and talked about her twin, Tam. There were too many details that there was no way that Sophie would be able to come up with it on her own.

"Sophie, you're only six, that wouldn't be possible."

'Maybe she never recovered from her head injury?'

•~•~•~•~•~•

The next dream didn't happen for a while, which led Sophie to believe that maybe her mom was right. It took over a month for it to happen again.

"Hello Sophie," Linh greeted.

Sophie smiled. "Hey Linh! This isn't me imagining things, am I?"

"I thought the same thing. My mother and father didn't believe me when I said I was sharing a dream. I left out the fact that you're a hu-"

Once again, Linh cut herself off. What was she talking about? This is the second time. For once, she wanted to read Linh's mind. But it was a dream, so even if she tried, it would never work.

So instead, she decided to distract herself. They weren't in the mansions this time, they were outside. It was strange though, the shops were huge and there were crystals and blue fires that burned. Sophie also noticed that there seemed to be no sky, there was something above them that was blue, but there were no clouds nor sun.

"We went shopping here today," Linh explained. She sounded a little happier than before. "I wonder if we can go inside."

It turned out that they could go inside, and Sophie wasn't surprised that it was all empty. She expected to see t-shirts or jeans but what she saw were tunics and dresses. Then again, it seemed that Linh wore a dress too.

She looked down at her own clothes, only now realizing that she wasn't in her pjyamas, but an orange shirt that had a dog on it, plus jeans.

"Can I touch the clothes?" Sophie asked.

She didn't go shopping often, especially after she started hearing the thoughts of others. The big malls were always filled with people, and she couldn't stand to be there for long periods of time. She had to rely on distractions such as music, or focusing on textures. It didn't always work out though, as her parents would always forbid her from poking around.

"I don't think what happens in our dreams will affect the outside world," Linh said, which probably meant a yes.

Slowly, Sophie walked around, trailing her finger across every piece of clothing. Everything was usually soft, she'd never felt anything like it before. She picked up one of the tunics to see what it was made of, but didn't find the material label at the back.

"What are they made of?" She asked.

Linh hummed. "I don't know. They don't tell us."

"Isn't there supposed to be a label that says that?" She checked again, then found something. There were lines joined together, but she couldn't understand any of it.

"It's a different language," Linh explained. "Wait." Her voice took on a different tone. "I'm sorry, I need to leave now, I'll see you later Sophie."

•~•~•~•~•~•

Amy was growing into an age where she was starting to make more sense of things, but was still really hyperactive. It wouldn't have been too bad, if it weren't for the fact that her mind was screaming at all times. And then she would scream too.

She still had no answers as to why Linh had left so abruptly, or why she sounded panicked. Did something happen to her family?

There was another thing that was weird though. Sometimes, she felt like Mr. Forkle- her neighbour- would he watching her. In a way, she understood why, he was the one who had found her when she hit her head. So he probably had some kind of sense of responsibility of looking after her. But his gaze felt like it was piercing her sometimes.

It was during those times when she would start feeling bad. She felt the need to doubt his intentions when she was very much able to read his thoughts.

With the combination of Amy and school, Sophie was starting to get better at ignoring the voices. They were still there, and they still hurt, but if she could just ignore it, it wouldn't hurt as much. It was a good thing she had her photographic memory, otherwise she'd probably struggle at school.

That was another thing. She'd skipped two grades, which was very clearly not normal. Her teacher was both impressed and annoyed by the quality of her work.

It's so tiring having to deal with this.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Sophie woke up and she was in school. The classrooms were empty, the the chalkboard had writing from the math that was being taught in class.

Did I fall asleep during school?

There was no teacher in the room, which only made her panic. Where did everyone go? She looked around again, and saw someone sitting at a desk in the back corner (Sophie sat in the other corner). It took a few moments to realize that it was Linh sitting there.

"This is a dream again, isn't it?" Sophie asked.

Linh nodded, but something about her looked uneasy. "This is a dream."

"Is everything okay?"

She bit her lips, her eyes flicking everywhere, then landing on the chalkboard. "I don't understand. You're not supposed to know my language."

"I don't?" She remembered trying to read the label last time, but it never worked.

"No, I mean speaking. Where we live, we have our own special language. You shouldn't be able to communicate with me."

That was weird. Sophie would have remembered learning another language. "Maybe that's a side effect of the dream? So we can talk to each other?"

"Maybe," Linh didn't sound convinced about it. "But I don't understand why I'm dreamsharing with you. There'd be no reason for me to ever meet you. I'm not leaving where I live, and there would be no way for you to come here."

"Why not?"

It couldn't be that hard to meet Linh. All one of them had to do is be able to dream of an area with a landmark, or something that would reveal the location. Besides, they were still children, they'd have the money to travel around in the future.

"It's... a long explanation," Linh admitted. "How about you tell me about this place?"

"It's my school. Do you not go to school?"

"We get taught at home, and then when we get a little older we go to a school. But I think at the schools here, there's usually one mentor per prodigy."

Prodigy ? Is that what they call students ? And mentors for teachers?

"We definitely don't have enough teachers to do that," Sophie said with a laugh.

Linh laughed too, and her body began to visibly relax. She no longer sat up straight, and the frown that she wore disappeared.

"There's... twenty-five desks in this class? How does a teacher manage to deal with this many children at once?"

Sophie laughed. "I have no idea."

"What have you been learning about in school?"

"We've been learning about multiplying numbers and all that. I wasn't actually supposed to be in this class. I'm supposed to be in the class two grades lower than me, but I'm apparently really good at school."

She wasn't sure of what kind of expression she expected to see on Linh's face, but it wasn't one that was more thoughtful.

"What is it?" Was it one of those things that Linh couldn't bring herself to talk about?

"It's nothing."

Maybe one day, if we meet up early, I could ask her.

•~•~•~•~•~•

They were in Sophie's living room his time, and Sophie was in a good mood. The walls were decorated with streamers and the cake that she'd eaten was sitting on the table in front of her, the candles burning.

She looked around and saw Linh sitting beside her on the couch, staring at the birthday cake in awe.

"What's going on here?" Linh asked.

"It's my birthday. Or, the end of it, I guess."

"You celebrate the date of your birth?"

Sophie blinked. "You don't?"

"I think I'm nine years old, but I'm not really sure."

"I turned seven today."

"Happy... birthday?"

Sophie laughed. "Yeah, that's what you say. Thank you."

To be honest, Linh didn't look like she was nine. She looked der than Sophie, but it didn't feel like she was a whole two years older.

"Did you do anything for your birthday?"

Sophie grinned. "We used to go out, but after I started getting headaches, we've taken to staying inside. We stayed inside and had fun and played games. It was great."

With only the four of them, there weren't as many thoughts to bombard her mind with either.

"That sounds like fun."

There was something off about her tone... envy?

"Is something wrong?"

"I wouldn't want to ruin the mood."

"Linh," she reached over and took her hand. "You can tell me. You don't have to tell me everything, but you can let it out, and then we can do something as a distraction."

"My parents don't like me and my brother. We're twins, and our society doesn't like twins."

"That's stupid!" Sophie exclaimed. "I know a few sets of twins, and they seem great! It's normal!"

"It's tiring," Linh sighed. "It's really tiring."

"I'm sorry you have to go through that. Would you like a distraction? We can try eating the cake."

"What's it made of? Is there any meat?"

"Meat..? My dad's allergic to eggs, so it's completely vegetarian. Is there another concern?"

Linh's eyes widened, but then she seemed to recover. "No, I'm a vegetarian, that's all."

"Okay, I'll be right back."

Sophie went to the kitchen and brought out some plates and cutlery. She came back and saw Linh staring at the cake in awe again.

"You look like you've never seen a birthday cake before," Sophie remarked.

"I haven't," Linh whispered.

"Okay, come sit next to me. You're gonna blow out the candles."

"Isn't that something you would do? Since it's your birthday?" But still, Linh moved to sit next to her.

"I mean, yeah, but I already did it. I don't know if you'll get another chance anytime soon, though when we meet up I'm definitely gonna bake you cakes. So come on, make a wish, then blow out the candles."

"Okay. Do I tell you what I wish for?"

"I think it's better kept a secret."

"Okay."

Linh closed her eyes and Sophie thought that her eyelashes were way too pretty for her own good. When she blew the candles out, she looked so happy, and Sophie wished to see Linh like that more often.

After that, Sophie set the candles aside and then cut the cake. They sat on the couches, and ate.

"Ooh, this is delicious!" Linh exclaimed. "I didn't think this cake would taste so good!"

"Yeah, it's great," Sophie agreed. "Y'know, I didn't even think of whether the dreamsharing would allow for taste, but it does."

"Oh, ew, imagine eating but with no taste at all."

"Ew, gross."

They both laughed at that.

•~•~•~•~•~•

The more and more that Sophie shared her dreams with Linh, the more she thought that Linh wasn't a normal child. Their cultures were so different, it was unlike anything she had ever seen. She tried looking up certain things, but it didn't seem to work.

The things that they did were different too. It seemed like Linh was homeschooled, but while she knew concepts, she didn't know any famous people. The food they ate was different too. They'd done a few taste tests, and Sophie learned that mallowmelt was her new favourite thing to eat. She also learned what eating something with no taste was.

"I've never had it before," Linh had told her. "I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to taste like this."

"Maybe that's why. Maybe like how the environment is somewhere where one of us has gone to, the same applies with taste. So if neither of us have tried something, it doesn't know how to register taste."

"That makes sense."

They also played video games once, and it looked like Linh never even seen an electronic before. They played Mario Kart, a classic, and one that Sophie loved playing with her family.

She knew that Linh seemed to be East Asian, but she had no clue about the specifics. Probably Vietnamese, based on the name. But still, that didn't really help in finding out where exactly Linh was, or why she seemed so out of touch with the world. She lived in a mansion, so it wasn't like money was an issue for her.

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Okay, so..." Sophie began hesitantly. "I haven't told anyone this, but I have a question."

"I'll try my best to be accepting of whatever this is," Linh said.

Sophie sighed in relief. "Okay... so... what are your viewpoints on gender?"

"As in how the society treats people?"

"I mean..." Does she not know what I'm talking about? "Gender identity."

Linh looked confused. "What do you mean? We're both girls, that's our gender?"

At Sophie's dismayed look, she continued. "I genuinely don't understand, do you think you can explain? I'd like to know."

"Do you ever have a moment where you feel like you're not a girl?"

"Do you feel like a boy then?"

"No, not a boy. But not quite a girl either. Sometimes I feel like I'm just... something else. I don't really have words to explain it."

"I've never thought about it before," Linh admitted. "I don't think anyone where I live has ever thought that. But now that I think of it, I did find it... different that you told me your pronouns. I just said the same as I didn't know how to react."

"Oh. I see. You know how my pronouns were she/her before, right?" Sophie asked. "Can you use they/them pronouns for me instead?"

Linh nodded. "I'll do my best!"

They smiled. "That's the best I can ask for."

•~•~•~•~•~•

Sophie remembered the shopping district that Linh had taken them too a while back. It only took a second for them to realize that something was wrong. The shop's were destroyed, and their was water everywhere.

"Linh! Where are you?" Again, Sophie wished that they could sense her with their telepathy.

There was silence, except for the sound of crying.

"Linh!" They followed the sound and saw Linh curled into a ball. "Linh, what happened?"

She turned to them with red eyes. "I did this."

It looked like a flood happened. There was no way a single child would cause a flood. "I'm sure you didn't do this."

There was a sob. "No, I'm not exaggerating. Everything here, the water destroying and ruining everything, I caused it. It was all my fault!"

Something this large didn't seem like it happened due to her, but it seemed like there was no point in trying to convince her otherwise.

"How did it happen?"

"I... it all peaceful... and then- I can't say, I'm sorry."

She's stuck in this place, having to relive her trauma. That can't be good for her mentally.

"It was an accident though, right? Nothing bad will happen to you, right?"

"They won't forgive me. Mh mother and father hate me right now, they think I'm a failure. The... leaders already know, and they're going to have a meeting as to what will happen to me."

Sophie didn't know much about law, but this sounded a lot like a court meeting. "They can't do that! You're what, ten? Eleven? You're just a child!"

"They might kick me out," she whispered. "And Tam..."

"Does he blame you too?" They asked.

She shook her head. "No. But... I fear that if I get kicked out, he'll do something that gets him kicked out with me. He might put himself through lots of unnecessary pain just to stay with me."

"Do you want him to stay with you?"

"I... I do. I love him more than anyone in the world. But I can't have him go through so much pain."

"I wish I could help," they murmured. "I can't do anything physically, but I wish I could change the dream or something, and we can do something as a distraction."

"Can I hold you? I think that would help. Usually when I hold Tam, I'll feel a little better."

They scooted closer to her. She patted her lap, so Sophie moved and sat there. It was nice being held actually, but they wished that this could have happened in a more positive context.

"I don't think you're a bad person, Linh," they told her. It seemed like it was something that needed to be said. "If everyone in the world ends up hating you, I won't."

The arms around them squeezed tightly. "Thank you, Sophie."

•~•~•~•~•~•

The gaps between dreamsharing were often a little long. A few days at minimum, but there have been moments where over a month would pass by. Despite that, Sophie wasn't surprised that they were sharing a a dream the very next day.

The room was large and mostly empty. It reminded them of a movie theater, except all the seats were empty, and everything was bright. Also the seats were long rows of benches. At the centre of it all, Linh was standing there. Her hair now had silver on the tips, but they chose not to mention it.

"This is where the meeting happened," Linh said. "I'm being banished from my home. And well, Tam did what I thought he would. He's letting himself be banished so he could stay with me."

"Will you be okay?" Sophie knew that if they were to get kicked out of the house, it wouldn't go well. They'd have to get a job and find some place to stay. It'd be hard to get food. And someone like Linh- who was rich- wouldn't fare too well.

"We won't actually be all by ourselves," Linh admitted. "Our official 'home' is just for the two of us, but we'll be interacting with people who'll provide us food."

"That's not as bad as it can be, then."

"I wouldn't say that. The... place we go to, it's for people like me who did things that caused harm."

"They know that you weren't being malicious, right?" Sophie asked. "Are all those people innocent? Or are there some that might genuinely be bad?"

"I don't think all of them will be innocent. But the leaders have made their decision, and I can't disobey them. Thank you though, for caring."

"I'll always care."

•~•~•~•~•~•

The dreamsharing began to happen less often, which scared Sophie at first. They also noticed that the scenery was almost always somewhere that they'd gone to, not Linh. But that was fine with them, because it meant that Linh wasn't forced to look at the area that had been flooded.

On days when the dreams were far apart, Sophie wondered if something happened to Linh. This time, they were in Sophie's room. They were more relaxed, and while she didn't look tired, she was out of breath.

"It's tough over there, isn't it?" Sophie asked.

"Yeah, a lot of exercise and training. It's what we do everyday, and its exhausting." She flopped down on to the bed. "Oh, this feels nice."

Sophie vaguely remembered how the beds felt like in Linh's home, and if she was calling their bed nice, it meant that the living conditions wherever Linh was couldn't be that good.

"Also, Sophie?"

"Yeah?"

"What other pronouns are there?"

They hummed. "There's so many, I wouldn't be able to name them all. I can look some up on my phone and we can look at them, if you want."

That's what they ended up doing, Sophie would look at some pronouns and then say them aloud, because Linh couldn't read English.

"Wait, say that one again," Linh said.

"Ve, vem, vis, verself?"

Linh nodded, and was murmuring something under her breath. "Is there a variation of it?"

"Uh. I found ve, ver, vis, verself."

"Hmm, is there one that changes up the vis?"

"Most of them do seem to but... okay, I think I've got one. Ve, ver, ver, vers, verself."

"I like the sound of that one. But also, I still like my current pronouns."

"You don't have to give them up, you know? You could use both she and ver. You could use both at the same time, or use one at a time. It's your pronouns, you get to pick."

"I'll think about it. It's a little sudden, you know?"

"I get how you feel."

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Okay, so I have an answer."

"Ooh, what is it?'

"She/ve. Mix them up. If there's a change, I'll let you know."

"Okay!" Sophie smiled at ver. "You wanna play some video games now?"

She picked up a controller. "Of course."

•~•~•~•~•~•

"So, this is new."

They were outside this time, a large open environment. There were hundreds of trees, some bent over unnaturally. Sophie swore they'd seen something like that on the Internet before, but what was Linh doing there?

"It's been a while since we came somewhere that I was, right?" Ve said. "Just some more training here."

"Is it going okay?" They asked.

She shrugged. "It's alright, most of the time. They tried to get us to swim, but it's not going well."

Sophie remembered the image of the aftermath from that flood. Being surrounded by so much water must be difficult.

"I'm just glad you're doing okay," they murmured.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Sometimes, Sophie wondered if they had a crush on Linh. They were able to admit that ve was pretty, and the silver tipped hair of vers looked really good with her silver-blue eyes. She was also kind too, something that Sophie desperately needed from someone.

But other moments, they wondered if it would have been someone else. If they only liked Linh so much because it was quiet. If it was someone else whose was quiet, would they have crushed on them instead?

Surprisingly, they got an answer to that (the answer being no). Sophie was on a field trip at a museum when someone came up to them and was confused that they had brown eyes.

"You have brown eyes." Linh had told them, one of the very first things that she'd ever said to them.

"Well... I do. Also, the news article misgenders me, I use they/them pronouns."

They weren't sure why they felt the need to say that, especially since they were likely never going to see that person again.

"Oh," they said. "Interesting. I'm just a boy."

Then he went and pointed towards the figure of the Albertosaurus and said some weird things. He turned to leave, but then a group of kindergarteners came screaming, their mental voices even louder.

It was weird to see him with the same pained expression they bore. He must have noticed it too. Then Sophie realized something. His mind was silent. And somehow, he knew that they were a telepath. Because Fitz- that was the boy's name- was too.

It was a blur after that, they panicked and a lantern almost killed them, and then there was the revelation that Sophie wasn't human.

"Where I... come from, we all have blue eyes." Linh had said.

There was something strange, but Sophie wasn't able to put it together.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Sophie was given some time to think thing over. They weren't surprised to see that another shared dream was happening. They were considering the idea of telling Linh this, seeing how someone else would react. It would be a good way to figure out their own feelings towards all of what was going on.

"Okay, so..." Sophie began, because how did you tell someone that you weren't human?

"You look nervous, did something happen?"

"Okay, how familiar are you with... more unnatural things?"

Linh blinked, but her face was carefully blank. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, if I said that it's not just humans out there, would you believe me?"

"I believe you, but can you explain some more?"

All the tension was just coming from them, Sophie knew it. Just say it!

"So I'm a telepath, and well, I have been for years, since before we met and all. But today I met someone else who was one and he told me that I'm an elf. This sounds ridiculous, right?"

To their surprise, Linh shook their head. "You're not the only one who kept secrets."

And then ver hands were moving, and there was water swirling in the air. "I'm one too. But I'm a hydrokinetic."

"Wait... you're an elf too?"

There were so many questions, like why didn't you tell me?, but they'd be a hypocrite if they actually asked that. But also, it made sense. The blue eyes. The giant crystals and mansions.

"Yeah, I am. You said you were a telepath since you were five?"

"Fitz was surprised too."

"Fitz?"

"He's the one who found me. The telepath. Do you know him?"

"No, I don't. Kind of got banished for years, remember?"

That was another thing. Fitz mentioned how Tribunals didn't happen often, because the laws weren't broken often. But Linh, ve was banished, a decision made by the leaders. The elvin leaders. And that, with the image of the flood...

It always did seem weird that there seemed to be no sky. What if it wasn't a sky? What if it was water? And Linh said that she had caused it...

"You lost control in that place, didn't you." It wasn't a question, it was a confirmation.

"You figured that out faster than I thought. So what are you going to do now? You're an elf now."

"I don't know," they whispered. "I don't know."

"I can answer more questions about you being an elf, if you'd like?"

"That would be nice."

•~•~•~•~•~•

Adjusting to Elvin life wasn't as hard as Sophie thought it was going to be. Maybe it was because they had friends, Dex, Fitz, Biana and Keefe. And not to mention Linh.

But then there were the secret organizations, and Sophie's life was quickly becoming more and more unusual. There were the kidnappings, there was Exile and the Everblaze fires. Getting through all those ordeals was a disaster, especially when things would go wrong, when people would get hurt or even killed.

Sophie was starting to realize just how flawed the Lost Cities could be, the subtle discrimination that went on, despite the claims of being inclusive. Innocents were being harmed. Seeing how the world worked made Sophie feel even more angry for what Linh was going through.

When they got a chance to join the Black Swan, they took it. They gladly took the chance to rescue Prentice. It didn't go how it was expected, and now Sophie was going to Exillium.

There was something about the area that seemed familiar. The trees were bent over. Where did I see this before? The Internet?

The test to be divided into the hemispheres was difficult, and Sophie resorted to using fire to get out. It could have gone worse, except a hydrokinetic had saved them.

I wonder how Linh will react knowing that I'm at Exillium. Training.

•~•~•~•~•~•

The activities that needed to be done were awful. Appetite suppression was by far one of the harder ones.

There was a shade who kept talking to them, he was wondering who Sophie was exactly. And why they'd thank the hydrokinetic. There wasn't anything to it though, Sophie just wanted to thank her.

Then there was the activity for swimming. The water was a cold torrent, and it was difficult. There was someone else who was struggling- the hydrokinetic. Sophie went up to her, they wanted to help, but it was best to ask for permission first.

The hydrokinetic seemed strangely relaxed after that, as if overcoming that trial was that important to her.

The shade went up to them, asking if they wanted to know what he knew about the woods. Sophie took that chance and leapt with them.

"And you're sure I can trust you, right?" He asked, once they were alone.

"Tam... I know we can trust them."

The hydrokinetic had been silent, but then she took a step forward.

... Tam?

The hydrokinetic took off her mask. "Sophie, it's me, Linh."

Linh. Linh!

Tam turned towards ver. "That's Sophie? The person you're sharing your dream with?"

Ve nodded. "I didn't realize until they were transmitting and helping me with the water."

Sophie stood for a few more seconds, shocked. Once their brain finally processed everything, they went in and gave her a hug.

"I knew that we would meet one day," they whispered. "I'm here now."

They could see Tam looking at them with a thoughtful expression. "You helped Linh during ver toughest times. I don't know how I could thank you."

"You can help me... us."

"I can trust you," he replied. "But can I trust your friends?"

"We'll see," Linh said, finally pulling away from the hug. "What I do know is that they're going to be a big part of our lives. We've gone though a lot now, but we'll go through more together. We'll tell you what we know."

Sophie nodded. "Thank you."

•~•~•~•~•~•

"You met with the two of them by yourself?" Keefe asked.

"I needed to get the information."

"But how did you know they could he tru-"

"Keefe... I've known Linh for almost eight years, I know for a fact that I can trust her."

"Linh," Mr Forkle questioned. "Linh Song?"

They turned towards him. "How do you know who that is?"

"It's hard not to have heard of the one who accidentally flooded Atlantis," he said. "She's the one you dreamshare with, right?"

"Wait," Fitz said. "You've been dreamsharing? For eight years? How come we never knew about this?"

Sophie shrugged. "I guess I just never bothered mentioning it."

"It changes a lot," Mr Forkle added. "If ve wasn't someone trustworthy, they'd be able to utilize a lot of information about Sophie, and possible harm them more. But I also know she can be trusted."

"Did you look into my dreams?"

The dreams they shared was a private space for Sophie. For it to be intruded upon-

"I had no intention. But you do know that I was the one who would teach you things in your sleep. I wasn't able to do it during the days you dreamshared."

Oh, that made more sense.

"Linh's just like us. Children who had wrong things done to them. Ve's just trying to survive."

"If you trust ver, so do I," Biana declared.

The others nodded. "Us too."

•~•~•~•~•~•

Not once did Sophie ever think it was a mistake to trust Linh. They worked together and saved the gnomes. Ve comforted them when Keefe left for the Neverseen. They helped each other. They helped her gain better control over ver hydrokinesis, and saved Atlantis in the process. They comforted her when Tam was taken by the Neverseen.

They interacted with the natural ease that came from knowing someone for a long period of time. And Sophie knew for sure that they had a crush on Linh, and they wouldn't want to have it any other way.

Together, they all managed to defeat the Neverseen, and restore some normality to the world. With a lot of the stress gone, they found it easier to think about their feelings.

"Hey Linh?"

"Yeah?"

"I like you romantically."

She scooted closer to them, then wrapped an arm around them. "I like you too. Does that mean we date now?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

And just because Sophie felt like it, they leaned in, and smiled when ve closed the gap between them. It took all of those years for things to get this far, and Sophie knew that there were only more things in store. But for now, they revelled in the moment.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Not adding a taglist because I did already post this before, but if you wanna be added/removed, just let me know!

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

Motion Sickness Chapter 85

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"What can you give me about Hill and her huntresses?" Ironwood asked me as we walked briskly up to his office.

"Fiona has some sort of matter absorption semblance. Evidently she can put a plane in her pocket and walk away. It's Striker ranged and probably limited to non-living things, I'm speculating on that bit. Still, it's supposed to be fairly wicked. May has the invisibility field. It's got a decent radius and it's mobile. It fucked with one of my own operations once. Sabotaged me. Then there's Joanna. She's got super strength, classic Brute," I informed him. "You want me here for this? I've had a run one with them before."

"You'll be with me," he affirmed. He swung the doors open to his office and he sat down at his desk.

I took to a corner by the window. I folded my arms. My sword hilt extended over my head.

"Their weapons?" Ironwood asked me.

"These crossbow staves. Probably modifiable with dust rounds. Except Hill. She's got a crossbow with blades on either side. My man described it as like a fan or an accordian."

"Your man?"

"A union leader down in Mantle. That's how he worked with Hill. You want the details?"

He shook his head. He steepled his hands before him and we waited. Penny came skipping into the room. She saw me, smiled, and waved at me. I grinned back at her and nodded.

"Oh are we acting brooding? I'll do my best." She imitated me by the far side of the long window.

"I don't need to act. I am brooding," I laughed back. "But yeah. A little."

"Hill should be up any minute."

"Good. I was getting tired of looking relaxed."

"I'm glad you two get along," Ironwood mumbled. "It bodes well. For you in particular, Strife."

"Eh, it's mostly Ruby." I kicked my foot around, rolling out my left ankle.

"Don't say that. I thought we were friends."

"We are, Penny. I'm trying to brood, though."

"I see…"

Hill pushed her way into the room with a small smile. She took me and Penny in. She had Fiona with her and another woman I recognized as Joanna Greenleaf from a photo.

Fiona nudged Hill. "That's him. Cloud Strife. The killer mercenary."

Hill glanced at me. "I've heard a bit about you, done some nasty business in my town. What? You working for Ironwood now?"

"For the foreseeable future. Judge ordered. You could probably find out about it. Given your seat," Ironwood returned from behind his steepled fingers.

"You give up the merc life?" She asked. Her question directed at me.

"For now," I answered.

"You're a dangerous man, Strife, I'd be glad to hear you're playing for the good guys. If that's what's going on here."

"It sort of is. You fucked with my operation. Don't think I don't know."

"I did nothing illegal. Nothing anybody could prove at any rate." She showed her teeth. I liked her. "Not like you and Taurus."

"You heard anything about him?" I wondered. "I have a blood score to settle with the bastard."

"Not a peep. He's been laying low. Like I thought you and your illusionist were. Color me surprised to find you standing beside the General. Right beside the protector of Mantle after the shit you pulled."

Maybe this was why Ironwood wanted me here. To divert her focus. I doubted he wanted me for moral support. He wanted me on as a distraction. So I'd be as distracting as possible.

"Those charges were dropped," Penny said.

"You hear that?" I asked. "It's like I never did it."

"But you did do it," Fiona spat. "You killed people."

"Interesting way you phrased that," Hill said with a hand raised at Fiona beside her.

"I only killed other criminals." I shrugged. "And I got time served with a hefty fine."

"Meaningless to someone like you," Hill countered.

"Not meaningless. Just the best I could have hoped for."

"But are you reformed? Do you serve Atlas and Mantle well?" Robyn wondered.

"To the very best of my ability, I protect the people now."

"Will you swear by it?" Hill held out her hand.

"Sure. I'll promise." I took her hand. Purple flowed over my hand as I took hers and it wreathed both of us.  "What do you want me to say?" I asked. Words could be very particular.

"That you serve as a guardian to the people, now."

"I serve as a guardian to the people now." I echoed. I technically did before too. Her aura flashed green. It must have registered as true because she reclined looking satisfied.

"Now that that's settled we can get down to business. When will the new tower be ready for launch?"

"Classified. You shouldn't even know about the tower," Ironwood returned.

"But I do. And this will go smoother if we work together, General. I can vote in your favor or I can vote against you at every turn. I can even raise a vote of no confidence."

The General grimaced. I think that he hoped I'd buy him more time before the nitty-gritty.

Robyn leaned over his desk and spread her palms on it. Hunching over on him.

"What's it gonna be, General? I can do worse besides. I can petition to have your council seat taken away. How long will your precious tower take to get completed then. Work with me. I just want to talk."

"You want to talk for now."

"That's right," Hill returned. "I might change my mind based on what I hear, too." At least she was open and clear about it. The value of her prizing honesty.

"The launch is two months out." Ironwood stated.

He stood up and towered over Hill with her slumping over the desk. She recoiled back and stretched to her full height. It was still nowhere near the General and closer to me though she was tall for a woman.

"All of our attention has been on raising the tower and restoring communications between the kingdoms."

"Even though Mantle suffers," she murmured.

I thought about saying something like 'Mantle always suffers' but I kept my mouth shut. It wasn't the time. Never let be said I couldn't be diplomatic.

"Some sacrifices have had to be made to get things done but we're in the final stretch now. No going back."

"I want things to get better for Mantle, General. And fast."

"I'm working as fast as I can," Ironwood vowed.

"I want you to slow down the launch of it means things can get better for Mantle. Diverting both supplies and huntsmen."

"That isn't practical."

"Practical be damned. Mantle always bears the lion's share of the suffering for Atlas. All for it's floating neighbor. You want me to not vote against you at every turn so this project gets completed? You're going to have to make concessions. That means voting my way on minimum wage increases and miner safety standards. Even if those safety standards set back your little project."

Ironwood sighed. It sounded like she had him in a corner.

"We are so close." He grunted. He sounded frustrated and exasperated. "So close to getting this project done. For everybody's benefit."

"Well it just got further away. One way or another. Not one more miner will die for this or anything else. They matter to me. What's it gonna be, James?"

"Friends call me James. You can call me Ironwood or General."

"Petty," she clicked her tongue. She had him in a vice though. She'd be petty and slow down the project too. She was a woman of her word. No one with a semblance like that wouldn't be.

"It sounds like I've got little choice. Just know that once my project is complete I won't back down so easily anymore."

"I'm counting on it, General," she turned on a clicking heel and left. Her tour de force departed with her.

"Sorry. I tried but she wasn't going to be distracted. Not by me and not by Penny."

Ironwood groaned. "The launch just got set back a month. Minimum. And if I start capitulating now who knows when it will end."

"She's a woman of her word. So you've got that going for you."

"At least it wasn't Jacque Schnee," Penny chipped in brightly. "This election could have gone much worse. She's willing to work with you if you work with her."

My scroll chirped. I pulled it out of my pocket.

"Strife. Who’s this?"

"Aurum. I've got a hit on your lady friend. She's here. She's threatening me. She demanded my information. She was asking the same sort of questions you were. I need to know what that's about now."

"You don't. I'll be there."

"My life is on the line! She immolated my men!"

"Try and hold her there. I'm coming. Let's get lucky and kill her."

"Sorry Cloud but I have got to do what I got to do to protect my business."

"Just hold her. I'm on my way."

I cut the connection.

"Something important?" Ironwood asked.

"I got a hit on Cinder. She's about to burn one of my contacts to death. I need to get there."

Ironwood nodded. "Do you need reinforcements? I'll call Ace Ops."

"Better call Team RWBY too and put them on standby with Qrow. She's at The Den."

"I'm sending Penny with you."

"Let's go Penny." I said with a nod by the door. "You and I will fly there."

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Penny and I swooped down on The Den. "You take her accomplices. Let me worry about Cinder."

"Do you believe that you can defeat her?"

"We're about to find out." Let’s hope that sounded confident.

I bust in the door to find the club empty and quiet. The lack of music and the distant smell of inhalants gave the place a void like feeling. It was strangely empty and lacking.

"Sorry Cloud. It's nothing personal. Just business, you understand." It was Aurum's voice coming from the top floor above me. "She forced me. You get it."

There was the clink of glass heels on the floor above us and Cinder Fall came into view.

"You," she purred. "Jaune Arc was it? I owe you for when last we met." Her one eye glowed like embers.

"It was. Not anymore. It's Cloud now."

"A change in name will mean little to my mistress. You're her son."

"Hardly. She didn't raise me," I shot back. I drew the broadsword from over my shoulder. I gripped the enormous handle beneath the titanic cross guard the shield helped form.

"She has bade me not kill you and your sisters have a certain fury I would dread but whatever happens happens," she sung. She spread her fingers and a flame grew across them. "You would have had me last time if not for my maiden powers. Powers which have doubled. I'm sure you are aware. And you've been spying for me. Through this rabble but you've been on the look out nonetheless."

She made Aurum call me, then. Aurum dashed out the exit, trying to keep his life intact and escaping while we were both distracted. Cinder set a trap for me. Sustrai stepped out from behind Cinder with Black in tow. I watched and my vision faded as Sustrai narrowed her eyes at me. She was trying to use her semblance on me.

I shouted at Penny and I watched a blurring kaleidoscope fly up to them and slash out at Emerald with ten floating blades appendages. My vision snapped back into focus and in perfect time for me to see Cinder descending on me with flames pouring from her feet to aid her assault. As she flew she left fire behind on the glass dance floor. I met a strike from her similarly glass weapons and stuttered back a step on the dance floor.

I activated my semblance and brought my weapon around to match her. I drew an electric crystal from my pocket. I crushed it in my palm and sent a thunderbolt at her. She blocked it by crossing her weapons and her one eye flared at me with the power of the maidens. She gestured and a half dozen fireballs floated into place before her. She blew gently. Like she was blowing a kiss at me, I didn’t catch it, and I was forced to dance out of the way of the fireballs.

I went through them. I rolled and floated towards her through the conflagration. I stabbed my sword downward and tore up glass as I pushed it screeching across the dance floor towards her. She met my strike with both her weapons crossed.

Then she struck out at me in high, low, high fashion, alternating each blade. She twirled with the motion and I was forced on the defensive, blocking each one of her attacks. I never let her truly get close to me with the enormous blade between us.

She waved her palm and a flare shot up inside the tight room towards me. I couldn't be sure how Penny was doing against her two opponents because I was too focused on Cinder.

I blocked her and seesawed my weapon down on her. Sparks flew from her glass weapons from where my Titania edge but down into them.

"I'm going to kill you this time. We'll see how my Mother takes that," I whispered. I spoke softly as I threatened her. As I made my vow.

Lightning ran up her weapons and into my arms. It made me tremble in pain for a moment before she pushed me off of her and kicked me in my exposed chest. Then she flew at me.

"Aren't you quite the little rebel. Doing what makes mommy mad?" She laughed at that.

"Oh I'll piss her right the fuck off. Can't imagine she was happy I didn't bring the relic to her."

She pointed her sword at me and there was a kazzap of lightning. I blocked it on the edge of my weapon but she just swung her weapon around her body again. A trail of fire emanating from it and growing larger until she whipped a lash of red hot blaze right at my head.

I rolled again and came up thrusting at her, forcing her to block. She swung at me with one of her glass weapons but at the far range of my weapon I was too distant and she miscalculated.

She dropped into a crouch and pointed both her weapons at me and there was another mighty kazizzle of electricity.  I jumped over it and brought my weapon down on her head in a move that forced her to block with both of her own. It shattered the dance floor around us for yards and yards. All the way to the edge near the bar.

"You're right of course. She was most displeased. She will punish you for it given the opportunity. I think not, however. You will die here."

She waved her hand and a gale picked up. All the glass from the once smooth and now shattered dance floor flew up from it. She gestured at me and I hunkered behind the wide edge of my weapon and weathered the storm of glass pellets. Some struck into my aura and chipped it away. I held firm against the wind.

Blue light still licked at my body but it seemed like my semblance would not be enough. I couldn't imagine spending it and then being forced to fight her without it. If I spent it, when I spent it, it would have to be for the kill. I could use it for no other purpose. And it would probably have to be the Octa slash. No other attack would do enough damage in a single go to take her down except maybe a Finishing Touch.

I'd hardly touched her. Hadn't touched her, I realized.

When the gale broke down she hit me hard with both flaming feet. Not as hard as Penny had with a similar move but hard enough to send me stumbling back. Next she delivered three lighting fast diagonal slashes to my torso. She ripped away massive chunks of my aura.

Then she thrust forward and I blocked to the side. Her weapon buried in my personal soul based force field to the hilt right next to my head. She still managed to rip away a chunk of blue light from my body.

Things were seriously not good. Her magic was too much for me and her competence with a blade in each hand was nothing to scoff at.

I kicked her back. A move that caught her in the gut. Then I swung my blade towards her head in a massive strike that she caught with both her weapons. Making yet another 'x' shape. It seemed to be her go to in order to block against my titanic sword.

I screamed and flew at her. Closing the little distance between us with a shoulder check that knocked her to the ground.

I danced at her, flowing like water as she caught herself on one hand and tried to cartwheel back but I chased her roll now that she was out of position. Now that she was in serious disadvantage and close to me I made to capitalize on it.

I caught up to her and hit her once vertically diagonally downward and to the right. Then I reversed and came diagonally up and to the left. Then I can back down on her diagonally and from the right once more in a staggering triple hit. The kind I'd seen do twenty-five percent or more of Ruby's aura when I wasn't Limit Broken. When I wasn't Limitless.

I didn't spend the charge on it but I did shout, a scream left my lips as I performed the move with exertion. It flung her back and into one of the bars and into the wall in a shattering of glass and bottles.

She flew out of the hole in the wall and through the crevice her body had left in the bar. A trail of flame coming behind her and at her feet. I flew to meet her and where we struck the ground rippled like it was made of liquid for a moment before elasticity caught up with it and it shattered.

I was taller than her. I was conventionally stronger, too. Especially while Limit Break was active and I slowly lowered my weapon down onto her while her back twisted from trying to match me in the crater on the floor.

She kicked my leg at the hip but I only grunted and took it. I took one hand off my blade and backhanded her hard with my knuckles. Then I slid forward a step and reversed my hand and grabbed her by the throat and picked her up into the air. I pulled her in and kneed her in the stomach hard enough to make spittle fly from her lips.

Then Mercury came flying and kicked me in the back. Then he shot me in the back with both of his boot guns.

I twisted to my feet again on a pocket of air. He was breathing hard. So was Cinder where I'd knocked the wind out of her.

I wasn't much better and now that they were alone Emerald let out a scream where Penny slammed her hard into a wall.

"Ma'am…" Mercury trailed.

"Save Emerald," Cinder hissed.

Then I gambled. I dashed forward like I was going to hit Cinder. Then I spent Limit on a thrust but not at her. I thrust up and into Mercury's aura and then into his chest in a crackle of violet energy.

Blood flew from his lips as I speared him. Penny had done enough work for this to pay off and from the sounds of things she'd defeat Emerald too.

"No," Cinder whispered. The battle was out of her favor.

"Yes!" I roared. The edge was ours now.

I watched as Emerald plucked herself from the wall and fell to her knees. A tear on her face as we all saw Mercury slide onto my six foot blade.

"Emerald! Get us out of here!" Cinder called.

I swung my sword and Mercury flopped off the blade. He was already dead. I flexed and started charging my next semblance. With slow promise I stood and began the charge. Soon.

"Emerald!" Cinder barked. I was assaulted with a massive illusion. Penny was too from the way she stepped back in shock on the second floor. A gigantic image of my Mother rose from the twisted glass and roared.

Cinder burned a hole in the wall and grabbed Emerald's sobbing form and fled. I was too shocked by the cyclopean vision of my Mother to move.

"Cloud!" Penny called to me distantly. I fell to my knees before the image of my Mother and held my hands up like I was expecting an attack, I fumbled my sword with dumb hands. My brain burned and my mind was ajar.

Mother…

I thought. And despite that I knew it was an illusion. Despite the distance between us I heard her answer.

“My son…”

"No…" I whimpered.

“Yes…”  

The voice seethed.

“Yes… you belong to me… I am your mistress…”

I could feel her shadow on the corner of my mind. She twisted into me and trapped me between agonies I knew weren't true.

"Cloud are you alright?"

The massive image of my Mother faded. But she lingered on my brain. A growing pressure. I howled in pain. She raked at my body and I convulsed.

"Cloud, it wasn't real."

"She's in my… my… my…" I stuttered like a broken record player. Then I started to froth at the mouth. I seized on the broken dance floor.

“My son… my precious son…”

"Oh my gods!" I heard Penny cry. "Don't worry, Cloud, help is on the way!"

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-WG

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “Saint.”

This is a bit short today, but we were also short-staffed at work so I didn’t have a lot of time. I hope you like it anyway

Sunny sat beside the pool of water, her spear resting across her knees watching the strange Drev as he knelt by the pool staring at the water below him. She still couldn’t tell how old he was. He could have been as young as she or older than her father had been when he passed, but either way she couldn’t tell.

The dark black of his carapace undulated so black it reflected blue.

They didn’t speak for a very long time, and she closed her eyes thinking quietly to herself as the sun rose overhead.

With the way the mountain encroached in around them, they didn’t see the sun for more than an hour or so before it sunk below the high cliff face once again. Moss was soft below her, and when the sun hit it it burned white hot, but she closed her eyes and relaxed taking long, slow deep breaths through the breathing holes at her neck. In for several seconds and out for several seconds until the world around her seemed to fade away.

In her mind it felt as if she could hear the thrumming of an engine, the Omen whirring above her in the darkness, comforting and warm like the arms of a parent. She missed its warm darkness…. Or did she just miss Adam who she associated to heavily with that place, with the ship.

It occurred to her just then that…. Well she didn’t really associate him with anything else.

The thought gave her a wave of displeasure as she realized.

His identity had been so tied up in his job and ho he was that she…. Well she wasn’t entirely sure if she had ever known him otherwise. Had she just been in love with an idea, had she just loved him simply because no one else had ever seemed willing to try. He was.... The captain of a spaceship, and that was simply everything.

It made her sad sadder than she would have liked to admit.

He had seemed so much more to her then that, so much more than just his job, but th more she thought about him the more she realised she couldn’t rationalize why she had thought that, and what sort of logic had brought her to that original conclusion. He was hollow, a representation of something amazing on the outside but filled with sawdust in the middle.

It wasn’t commentary on him of course. These thoughts weren’t here to make her regret or even to convince herself that he hadn’t been worth it because he had.

He was just…. So lost.

The past few days had convinced her not to feel sorry for herself. That wasn’t the way of the Drev.

But thinking about him, lost and alone, a gossamer through of a person with an identity not his own. She wanted to weep for him, feeling more sorry for the man than she ever had for herself. She thought she understood him now.

Sunny knew she understood.

He was a man who knew he was broken, a half man constructed from one thought. He didn’t believe himself worthy of someone’s attention and so had let her go to save her the hurt of bein with someone like him. He was wrong, of course, but she understood the logic.

In the same way that she would rather take any physical punishment so he would never have to experience it is the same way he would take any emotional punishment to protect her. Inside her chest her heart slowed and her body grew still under the sun, growing warm and then cool as the shadows passed over her.

Until there was nothing.

“It is good to see that drev of your generation have mastered such mental discipline and patience.”

She opened her eyes looking in consternation at the dark Drev who now sat before her, not feet away, and facing her.

She thought she would have noticed him approach, but evidently had been too caught up in her own musings to notice.

On his lap, the Drev held a decorative silver spear with intricate carvings up the side, and the blade sharpened to deadly cutting points by the most artfully crafted Drev obsidian under which would have been a steel and iron cutting edge for when the obsidian was likely to break. It was the most beautiful weapon Sunny had ever seen and she stared at it in awe.

“In past epochs many foolish and impatient Drev have been weeded out by this one simple test.”

Se frowned, “What test.”

He hummed in amusement, “Patience. They storm in here spears bristling and demand I teach them the way of the saints. They threaten and hey rage, and sometimes they would demand I duel them, those that demanded a duel never left this place. But patience is a thing not many Drev understand, for striking first may be advantageous, but the ability to wait for the perfect moment, is a skill not many acquire. Before that there were others, those who would almost have the patience but then would break the silence too early. Sometimes it took them weaks to pass the test with their incessant questions , you're not the first who has come to me, bu you are the first to pass this simple test.”

Sunny looked down at her feet, “I am afraid it is not patience so much as… preoccupation with other things.”

The other Drev seemed to be pleased with this revelation, “Using silent meditation to sort your thoughts is a worthy endeavor, and shows someone with an active mind. Tell me…. Did you find any peace in your thoughts.”

Sunny looked up at the distant blue sky and the clouds that rolled down from above, “I think I did.”

He seemed pleased.

“That’s good, you are further along than most of the Saints were when they came to my mountain.”

Sunny stared at him, “You talk as if you were there, but you can’t be that old.”

He chuckled, “Perhaps I was, perhaps I wasn’t. It's hard to remember with a life like mine. Maybe I was an extension of someone else, maybe I was told the stories as a child as if they were my own. Who can say. Regardless, you have already mastered the skills of patience and careful thought, which is not something that is often common in those who come to my mountain.” 

“What IS common.”

He sighed, “Impatience mostly, a lust for power, greed. They don’t usually last long.” 

There was silence between them for a long moment, “What’s your name/”

“Naktan Chal but Naktan will do, and yours?”

“Chalan.”

“The name seems like a stranger on your lips.”

She shrugged sheepishly, “I am not used to hearing my name spoken in my own tongue.”

He tilted his head in curiosity, “And what tongue do you hear you name in.”

“The tongue of humans.”

“Humans.” he seemed surprised, “I have never seen a human. I have heard their ships, and their war machines, but have never ventured down from my mountain.”

“Sunny is what they call me.”

“What strange sounds, but surprisingly melodic.” he tilted his head, “tell me, Sunny, why are you here and what do you hope to achieve while on my mountain.”

“It is complicated.”

“The whole story then.”

She sighed, “I assume you can see that I am…. I am….”

“I see that you are short, is that what we are getting at?”

She looked down at the turquoise water, “yes.”

“And?’

He didn’t seem to care and she looked up at him in surprise.”

“Everything, everything about you is an opportunity to take an advantage on the battlefield. Some of our traditions are steeped in lies and the misconstrued words of a few confused prophets. Traditions often become twisted and as times go on. The important part of that particular piece of spiritual doctrine is if you can lift a spear. If you cannot lift a spear is when the original wording of the original doctoring takes effect. Though you are small, you can lift a spear, if you only have one hand, you can lift a spear. The tradition of the recycling only comes when the Kit being born has defects so severe they cannot lift a spear.”

“If a kit were born blind?”

“The kit can still lift a spear, can still smell and feel the currents of wind, can still hear the thundering of feet on the ground and the spear whistling through the air.”

Sunny stared at him in awe, “I had…. No idea that's what the…. Original doctrine said..”

“No one remembers. There is a certain air of elitism in the new drev tradition.”

Sunny paused and nodded, “I think that is what I wish to change.” he listened intently, “I fought the humans, during the Drev war…. Do you know of it?”

“I am kept appraised, yes.”

“Well no one expected me to be good at fighting because of my…. Disfigurement. When the Drev war came along I finally found a foe, I thought I could beat, but when we ripped them apart they came back later with synthetic limbs and we lost the war. In an effort to fight against a mother who never approved of me, I went to learn from the humans, thinking that maybe they could help me. I learned in that time that…. The way we have been doing things, may be done better. That we could learn from them, and in my travels across the universe, that assurance has only grown. I wish to bring the Drev into a new age of martial doctrine, one that matches with the universe we have found ourselves a part of. I want to keep the old tradition alive, and by doing that I know that it has to change.”

Naktan stared at her his fance unreadable for a long moment, but then he bowed his head, and when he looked up again his yellow eyes were twinkling with some sort of…. Merriment, or perhaps excitement.

Either way she couldn’t tell, but supposed the expression was a good one.

“The saints smiled down upon you, wanderer.” 

He stood, and with the tip of his spear, he reached out and touched the surface of the water causing a delicate wave of ripples to roll out over the pool, “I will guide you in the right of creation.” he rolled the ip of the spear in the other direction, “I will guide you on a journey to bring the martial doctrine of the Drev into a new age. I cannot tell you how long it will take, and I cannot guarantee you will leave as the same Drev who came here. But I can promise you, that I am glad to see you, and I am pleased to help in your honorable efforts.”

He kicked up a wave of water into the air, and when he did shining sparks of clear seemed to refract rainbows against the sky.

“Sleep, and tomorrow we begin.”

“And may you begin your journey unto sainthood.”

[lavenderek]

Why were you disappointed by the Howl's Moving Castle movie? I think I read the book years ago, but I don't remember much about it

i'm gonna critique the gibbly movie and it's my understanding that it's a special movie for a lot of people so if that's you feel free to skip this one

so i was delighted and enchanted by the book, which has only twice to date not made the movie a devastating letdown, so my dear friend sending me this book was pretty much signing a contract in her own blood accepting that i would be cranky about the movie. i'm not really a ghibli person either, like i can appreciate the artistry and value in them, and i'll watch it if the people i'm with really need to watch princess mononoke or whatever, but i just don't go out of my way to watch them. (i like reading meta about spirited away, though.)

i did go out of my way to watch this one because i loved the book so much.

it's important to remember the culture in which the movie was made as opposed to the culture in which the book was made. howl is welsh, if that says anything to you. (his name is howell, and he adopted the name howl to run from himself and seem more magical. i love him and movie howl had none of those elements except for when he told us he was a coward and i was like. ok lol, i'll jot that down because i didn't see it in the text)

so i'm not necessarily surprised by the creative changes they made, but i am confused, because those changes drastically affect the characterization, the character motivations, and the pacing of the story.

(i also was only able to get my hands on the dub and i loathe and detest christian bale as howl lmfao but that's subjective)

so first of all, does movie sophie, like, want anything? she's flawless as a character. even though she has a completely different personality as an old lady than she does as a young lady, there's nothing wrong with her. everybody is fond of her, she's shy, she's gentle, she's beautiful, and she's kind, and her only motivation in the whole movie is this vague desire to cure the curse, but even then she doesn't work on it much at all. her life before howl is about being buffeted around like a leaf in the wind, and her life after howl is about being buffeted around like a cow in a twister. sophie in the movie is a blank slate. she is insecure about her looks (seriously, they couldn't even give her like a crooked nose or something, only doll-faced, thin, pale women over here), and her confessing this and crying about it for about four seconds was the first truly deep emotional response i had seen of her. i cried when she cried, who doesn't grapple with feelings of inadequacy? then the kid came out and she was like, okay, i'm done being upset now :)

second of all, howl is a little eccentric, but mostly he's just a glorious gentleman who has a messy room and one (1) overly dramatic depressive episode. it was disturbing to me as a viewer because it was violent and came out of nowhere, and it never comes back again lmao. it was so bizarre, he's introduced as this suave, debonair man in a cape, and he stays that way the entire movie, except for a weird moment in the middle where he screams at sophie naked and then lists the character flaws that we the viewers have never witnessed. why does he like sophie? why does sophie like him?

why did they turn michael into a child? i just don't see what that added to the story lmao. i get them taking out the complexity of secrets involving sophie's decidedly interchangeable sisters and their mystery beaus, it's a lot to fit into a little movie; but like, why did they turn him into a child though lmao

there's a lot of fatphobia in the movie too.

the change that upset me the most, though, was that the element of sophie having the ability to influence things without her knowledge was totally abandoned. like i said, things just sort of happen to her. in the book, her hats are the most lovely because she's inadvertently cast spells on them to make whoever wears them seem alluring or mysterious to people. the witch curses her because she recognizes these little spells and believes sophie's trying and failing to trick her (and also because sophie snaps at her lmao, why is movie sophie only an asshole when she's old? leave my daughter alone).

book sophie unknowingly protects howl by worrying over his cape (which she previously shredded because she got mad at him, i love her), she unknowingly enchants the scarecrow by helping it stand and complimenting it. she does that the entire book. she also starts the book already feeling sort of dull and trapped, and spends the story trying desperately to solve mysteries and protect loved ones. movie sophie doesn't like, sit around and knit demurely, don't get me wrong; but all the major plot points are things that howl makes happen to her lol.

i think the scarecrow is an excellent representation of book sophie's inner struggles. it's something she inadvertently enchanted, and she doesn't understand it, so she runs from it. she's terrified of the thing. in that way it kind of stands in for her own agency: only when she was forcibly in disguise did she feel free to find out what she wants her life to look like, and that kind of power is foreign and frightening to her. i loved that for her.

and very late in the book, howl reveals that he knew all along she was under a spell, that he tried to get rid of it out of curiosity (book howl doesn't seem to notice that he's just as imperious and nosy as sophie is), but she resisted it. he couldn't get the spell off. so he assumed she wanted to stay that way and let her be about it. so basically it's very huck finn on the raft, she realizes that in running to get away, she was already away. she had that agency all along.

all of that was missing from movie sophie. the idea of her inadvertently hanging on to the curse is still there, we see that she sort of fades back to her young self while she's asleep (not the case in the book, we know this because howl doesn't know what she looks like until she turns back in the end); but she doesn't seem to gain any knowledge about herself because of this. the only time she seems to have any personal drive, it's to learn about and help howl. her inner struggles are about howl. and i hated movie howl lmao, i hated his design and i hated his voice and i hated how like, patronizing he was to everyone around him. book howl was a condescending dick at times and just weird and distant at others, but he never came across like he was absolutely positive he was seducing sophie at any given moment. it was clear that he was the star of the movie and sophie was just the audience stand in to be like 🤩🥸🧐

the scarecrow who is a prince was the most hilariously egregious moment in the entire movie. in the book, the missing prince is introduced as a plot in the beginning and is referenced repeatedly throughout. and he's a major player in the climax. in the movie, it's the last like five minutes of the film and the scarecrow turns into a dapper boy with bread for hair and is like, "you've cured me! i'm a prince who went missing from a nearby kingdom and i was cursed but now i'm free." and i was like NICE, so we just found out there's a nearby kingdom that has a prince who's been missing. love that for us

the book had a lot of themes that i don't often encounter in fantasy novels - themes of female agency, of disguise, and of chaos. the chaos is my favorite part, every chapter is equally chaotic at various levels. you'll have michael fretting over some spell, sophie fretting over her own spell, howl trying to get someone in disguise to fall in love with him, THAT someone pining over michael, and all the while sophie and howl are bickering because she is cleaning (it seems like she cleans to clean up her mind) and he doesnt want her to (he is afraid of change and of reality), and he needs a huge favor of her, and she needs to wheedle out of it, and she promised calcifer she would free him, and calcifer is repeatedly promising to die of not being appreciated enough, and everybody is having three arguments at once. it's like that in every chapter, culminating in the moment howl and sophie realize they're in love, and they stand clasping hands and sort of smiling at each other in the middle of a room full of panicking and perplexed people just yelling over each other lmfao. surrounded by chaos and no longer thrown by it, rooted there in the middle of it, stabilizing each other in a way. i loved that. i actually flipped back a few pages so i could read that moment again.

and it seemed to me that the movie tried to imply that with visual chaos, but everything else was really quite linear and simple. everything was very airy. and since the conflama and the general atmosphere and character dynamics of the book is what made me fall in love with it, the movie didn't work for me.

tumblr user door pointed out that the book and the movie are extremely different and she appreciates them both as separate entities, and she's wise and correct; i knew this and i tried so hard to engage with the movie on its own terms. but i couldn't divorce them in my mind. i felt the same way about ella enchanted and practical magic. i cant stop thinking like, i wish they hadn't gotten rid of x, i wish they hadn't added this weird element of y.

also it was boring. i checked to see how much more was left three times. sorry. i can't express enough how little i cared about the plot with the witch and somebody's secretly evil boss and time traveling to yell at howl or something, because i didn't connect with the characters. and the feathers growing out of howl triggered my weird phobia about things being embedded in skin. i'm skeeved just remembering it.

anyway, yeah. the movie was beautifully animated and whatever atmosphere they were going for was pretty consistent throughout. oh and i LOVED calcifer. he was my favorite in both the book and the movie. in fact, he was the only character in the movie who they didn't really change, he was petty and bitchy in both versions. i loved him. he's like, "SHE FED ME SOMETHING YUCKY" my perfect, horrible boy.

oh and. book sophie was a redhead. that's all.

after i finished the book i tried to draw how imagined them:

couldn't finish it though, i wasn't super jazzed about how it was coming out.

she's sitting in like, a window well altering a coat of his without permission. and he's like, i guess i'll have to wear this one instead, and she's like, i guess you will

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

Useless warning pt. 2|2 [Sirius Black x Reader] - Challenge

Title: Useless warning pt. 2  ➔ Useless warning pt. 1, Here! Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader Word count: 3.5k Published: 2 August, 2020 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Challenge: [x] [x] Notes: This is the second part for Amelia's Writing Challenge [ @hufflefluff-writer​ ], where I had to use the prompt - I would like to state once again that I have nothing against Marlene. I just needed her to be in a negative spotlight for the story.

"I told you not to fall in love with me!"

Summary: Sirius is one of your best friends who happens to be dating Marlene. She isn’t particularly a good friend of yours, but you do get along. She agrees to go out with Sirius, all the while she is aware of your feelings. Things get complicated as you are unable to keep your feelings to yourself anymore.

Harry Potter Characters Masterlist | Masterlists

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Weeks passed by slower than ever, but Sirius was unable to make a decision. You kept stealing playful glances, occasional touches as your hands not-so accidentally brushed together, whilst walking past each other on the corridor. You met up to talk a couple of times, but nothing happened other than the one kiss on the day of your confession.

You started becoming impatient.

You watched as he kissed Marlene daily, making you feel even more pained than before. You finally knew that he was feeling something for you, but he was still with Marlene to your dismay. You were terrified of the thought that he would choose her. You knew he was debating what to do, but while you where sidelined, Marlene had the upper hand of being by his side.

Remus was very well informed on everything that happened between you and Sirius. He did give you some information on him when you felt lost in your feelings, but mostly kept Sirius' words to himself. He was a loyal friend after all and didn't want to betray his friend's trust. Of course, you accepted it without hesitation.

By this time though, you were at a tipping point, feeling helpless. It's been about five weeks since you have opened up to Sirius and your hope was almost completely destroyed. Your thoughts on being rejected once again have returned and you slowly started to accept that Sirius wouldn't chose you. The way he wrapped his arms around Marlene, the loving glances he has shared with her, confirmed your suspicions.

You sat at one of the windows of the Owlery, one leg on the ledge, the other hanging off from the inside. You were looking at the scene in front of you, watching as the sky changed colour from its original blue shade to a dark orange colour while the sun was slowly disappearing on the horizon.

You didn't even know when your tears started slowly falling, you only realised it when you felt the slightly salty taste in your mouth, whilst running your tongue across your lips.

"What are you doing here?" You heard a voice, but you didn't have to turn to know your visitor. Remus stepped closer to you, joining you in watching the view with an amused look across his face.

"Just thinking." You replied. Remus leaned closer and removed the tear drops from your cheek with his thumb.

"They don't seem like happy thoughts." He stated and you shook your head in confirmation. "What are you thinking about?" He asked curiously.

"Nothing much." You replied nonchalantly.

"Come on, Y/N, you can talk to me." He tried to encourage you. In return you let out a deep sigh, trying to collect your thoughts.

"I'm... I'm giving up Remus. I just can't do this anymore." You spoke weakly, your eyes still watching over the Hogwarts grounds. From your peripheral vision you barely caught a frown appear across his brows.

"Y/N, don't do this. Just give him a bit of time." He tried to convince you.

"How much time, Remus? It's been over a month. I can not to keep watching him embrace her every single day. I can not handle the pain I feel when he kisses her right in front of me. I can't deal with this anymore." You shook your head, defeat falling upon you.

"Look, I am not asking you to wait another month, just maybe a couple of days." He tried again, unsuccessfully.

"I can't, Remus. It's too painful. If I knew he didn't have feelings for me, just like how I thought it was before, I could deal with it. But this feeling of not knowing what he wants and waiting for something to happen is killing me. Believe me, I wish I could give him more time, but I can not. I'm exhausted." Your voice was weak and beat. You never felt worse in your life. Your emotions have taken you on a rollercoaster, which never really took you high, but mostly fell endlessly.

You climbed off the window seal and faced Remus, giving him a painful smile, before you walked around him and left him alone, heading to your dormitory to sleep away your sorrow.

The following day you woke up late, feeling relived that it was a Saturday. You rolled around in your bed lazily, wishing this day to be just over. You already planned out the monologue you were to give Sirius, although you knew you wouldn't say it. It was always like that. You planned what you wanted to say, but when it came to the situation, you could never get yourself to repeat your well thought out words.

There was no hesitation in you when you got out of your bed. You had to end feeling sorry for yourself and waiting for him to make a decision, which he clearly couldn't. It just proved to you that he didn't appreciate you as much as he cared for Marlene. Although it was tearing your heart apart, you somehow expected it. You simply thought of yourself as a stupid naive little teenager, who shouldn't have believed in a fairytale happy ending. They were fairytales for a reason. They had no basis for reality.

You walked down to the Great Hall to grab your breakfast. The first sight you caught was Marlene running her hands through Sirius' lush locks, forming a lump to appear in your throat. That was exactly the feeling you have been trying to avoid for the longest time, unsuccessfully.

You walked over to the table, not even taking a seat, grabbing two pieces of croissants. As soon as you had your breakfast in your hands you were about to leave, but Remus' voice stopped you.

"Where are you going?" He asked suspiciously.

"I have a few things to take care of." You replied and turned on your heels, leaving the others behind.

You walked down to the Lake and sat down at the trunk of a gigantic Willow, its branches covering you from the bright sun shining your way. You bit into the croissant you hid in the pocket of your hoodie and watched the silent waves of the water as they moved along with the chilly wind.

Your thoughts wondered back to the scenario you witnessed in the Great Hall. You could feel as the lump returned in your throat. You fought hard against the little pricks in your eyes, trying to stop your tears from leaving their place. Sirius was not worth your tears anymore. He knew how you felt and he still hurt you. His logic was beyond you, but you didn't even want to understand him anymore.

You could hear silent footsteps getting closer to you and a form sitting down beside you. You didn't have to think about your visitor's identity, his cologne gave him away immediately.

"Hey." Sirius greeted you.

"Hey." You replied, not even taking your eyes off the water. You didn't even want to look at his face anymore.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, curiosity clear in his voice.

"Peachy." You replied firmly.

"Just talk to me please, without all this hard exterior." He tried in a softer tone, hoping to get to a better part of you.

"Why would I want to talk to you?" You asked, face emotionless, eyes still fixed on the waves.

"What do you mean?" He asked, his head tilted sideways.

"I have nothing to talk to you about." You said harshly.

"Why are you being so distant?" He questioned your though behaviour.

"I am not." You shrugged casually.

"Okay, something is wrong with you." He furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Nothing is wrong with me. Finally after a month I am feeling content again." You stated, your voice nonchalant.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice shaky as if he knew already. You turned your head to be able to look into his grey orbs.

"I finally decided, that I am done waiting for you to make a decision, that you clearly already made, but forgot to inform me about." You spoke in a laid-back manner, his surprised expression leaving you unfazed.

"Wait, what? I didn't decide anything." His speech was rushed out of panic.

"Well, I guess than I did. Now you don't have to make a decision." You shrugged.

"Y/N, don't do this. Just give me a bit of time." He was almost begging you, but you stayed composed.

"I am not going to be dragged around. My feelings are not a playground, Sirius. I'm fed up of waiting for you, watching you enjoy yourself with Marlene. Screw this situation, screw my feelings, screw your feelings. I really can not be bothered to care about any of this anymore." You shrugged with a detached expression across your face.

"You can't do this. I know you still love me." He tried to convince you which made you let out an annoyed scoff.

"Noone said I didn't. Feelings don't just disappear, because you want them to. I am simply saying, that I do not care anymore. You had a month to make a decision, but you are still unable to do it. I clearly am not important enough for you to leave Marlene, which I accepted. I just wish you had the courage to say it to my face." You concluded the conversation and stood up from your place.

"Y/N, wait." He called after you, but you just turned around and gave him a sceptical look.

"Do not ever dare to tell me to wait." You replied and turned back towards the castle, leaving Sirius to process your words.

You didn't have energy to care about anything anymore. You just went up to your room and gazed at the wooden ceiling, lost in your self-destructive thoughts. You wanted nothing but Sirius to be yours, but you knew that you couldn't have dealt with his indecisive behaviour any longer. You might have been a bit naive, but you did have your pride, which didn't let you swoon over him anymore. You deserved better and you finally realised it.

A couple of hours later you went down to the common room, where a rather resentful look welcomed you from Marlene. You didn't have time to take the last step off the stairs, she stood in front of you with an irate expression. You raised a brow at her behaviour, crossing your arms in front of your chest, feeling attacked by the look on her face.

"Are you happy now?" She raised her voice louder than you would have liked.

"I'm sorry, what?" You asked, not being able to follow her train of thoughts.

"You must be glad." She stated in a hateful manner.

"I wish I knew what you are talking about, but I haven't the slightest clue." You replied in surprise. You had your fair share of welcomes in your life, but hers had to top it all.

"Don't act innocent. He broke up with me. And I know it's all your fault." She pointed her finger at your chest, pocking into your skin firmly.

"What?" You asked in the shock of realisation. He has left her indeed. He finally left her. But he was nowhere near you. He made a decision which didn't involve you, nor Marlene. If anything, it hurt even more to know that you weren't even an option after all. It was Marlene or noone.

"He left me for you, you dumb woman." She screeched, making your eardrums painfully pulse. You scoffed at her reply, before voicing your opinion.

"If he left you for me, then where is he? Because I am quite certain he is not here. So before you go around and accuse people, check your facts." You stated and pushed past her, knocking your shoulder against hers as you left her in a shocked state.

"I hate you." She screamed after you. You turned around and gave her a sceptical look.

"Anything new?" You asked, your voice beyond annoyed "You hated me from the moment you realised, that I loved him." You shrugged.

"No. I hated you from the moment I realised he loved you." She hissed through gritted teeth.

"You what?" Your eyes grew wide at her statement. "You knew?" You asked in disbelief. "You knew all along?" You repeated yourself in astonishment.

"Of course, I did." She crossed her arms in front of her chest, lifting his head higher proudly. "I overheard a conversation between Sirius and Remus way before we got together. I didn't want to let you have him, so I didn't say a word." She let out a devilish chuckle, forcing goosebumps to appear on your skin.

"You knew that I loved him and you knew that he loved me. Still you decided to meddle." You scoffed at her despicable behaviour. "You know what? You actually deserve each other more than you think." You hissed as you were about to leave, but another voice stopped you.

"Y/N, wait." He called after you. You turned around to meet his grey orbs only for a mere second, before he turned to Marlene. "Why didn't you say anything?" He asked, his tone beyond irritated.

"As I said, I wanted you for myself." She spoke firmly, placing her hand on his biceps. "If you knew the truth, you would have ran into her arms. I couldn't let that happen." She shrugged nonchalantly.

"You are disgusting." Sirius spit his words, making Marlene stunned. Your eyes wondered between the two, before you decided that you have had enough of them. You walked out of the common room, leaving their bickering behind. You didn't need their negative energy, you were a walking bomb ready to explode, on your own.

You barely walked a couple of meters, when a hand grabbed your wrist and pulled you back, swiftly turning you around.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked, his grip still strong against your skin.

"Away." You shrugged nonchalantly. "I didn't want to listen to you anymore." You stated firmly, trying to get out of his hold.

"You know I broke up with her, right?" He asked, a small glint of hope in his eyes.

"So? You are just as bad as her. She knew we had feelings for each other and she decided to get involved with you anyway. You knew I loved you and you were still unable to make a decision, knowing very well that it was hurting me. You are actually the perfect couple. Go back to her." You heaved a sigh as you finally managed to get out of his hold.

However your attempt to walk away was unsuccessful. He grabbed your wrist stronger than before and pushed you against the corridor wall, caging you in with his arms.

"I am sorry. I really am. I didn't know how I felt and it just seemed comfortable the way things were. That is until you told me that you have had enough. That you didn't want me anymore. That you have given up. It just all downed on me. I didn't want to lose you." He tried to explain his feelings in the softest manner he could manage, but you have made up your mind already.

"Well, it's too late. You should have thought about it before. You had more than a month to do so." You shrugged dismissively.

"I know and believe me, I regret letting it go this far." He sighed deeply, his grey orbs full of guilt.

"At least you learned from it." You replied, your though demeanour unmoved. You tried to get out of his boxing arms as he ran his fingers through his hair but he caught you just in time.

"I will not let you go this time." He stated firmly.

"You can't keep me here forever." You offered him a sceptical look, but instead of a genuine thought, a mischievous smirk appeared on his face.

"You want to bet?" He asked playfully, making you frown as you were having trouble in comprehending what was going on.

"It's not a game, Sirius. I told you my opinion and with that I have concluded whatever it was between us. I do not care about you anymore." You tried to finally get out of this weird situation, however Sirius had different ideas. He took a step closer to you, his breath fanning your face lightly, forcing you to inhale his mixed scent of menthol and woody cologne.

"That's a lie and you know it. You love me and your feelings didn't change a bit. I understand that you are pissed off, hell you can hate on me as long as you want, but it doesn't change the fact that you love me." His tone was confident, borderline cocky.

"You really have the nerves to talk about my feelings, whilst you don't even know what you want? You must be kidding me." You scoffed at his assertive behaviour.

"I know what I want. I want you!" He stated, unfazed.

"Right." You rolled your eyes, annoyed. You didn't have any energy left in you to play his stupid little games anymore. You were emotionally burned out, exhausted. You just wanted out.

"I'm being genuine. I want you, Y/N." He lifted his hand to caress your cheek with his thumb, but you harshly pushed it away.

"That ship has sailed." You replied.

"What do you want me to do to make you believe me?" He raised his voice, throwing his hands in the air in agitation.

"Nothing. Just leave me alone. Please." You were almost begging him.

"No." He shook his head in disagreement. "I will not. I finally realised that I want you and I know that you want me too. I will not give up." He continued, his tone harsh, but still somehow caring. "I have made a mistake, perhaps more than one, but I will not make the same mistake again. I will not let you go." He stated decisively, leaving a couple of seconds for you to process, before he continued. "I love you and I want you to be with me!" He declared his feelings. Your heart skipped a beat at his words, his words seeming ever so genuine to your ears. You wanted to believe him, you wanted to think he was speaking the truth, but you were still hurting. "Please say something." His tone was begging, making you feel guilty all of a sudden. You heaved a deep sigh, before you found your voice.

"How do I know that you won't hurt me again?" You spoke weakly.

"You don't. That's why I am asking you to just give me a chance to prove you how much I love you. Just one chance. I promise, you will not regret it. Just trust me, please." He got hold of your hands, pulling them into his strong grasp, squeezing them gently. You leaned forward, placing your forehead against his chest as you heaved a deep sigh. "Just one chance." He whispered into your ear. You leaned back, looking up into his grey orbs, unable to avoid to see his hope-filled expression.

"Only one." You replied hesitantly, but before you knew it, a huge grin appeared across his face and in no time his hands were on your cheeks and his lips were attached to yours, lovingly capturing your heart once again. You could feel all the feelings he has poured into the kiss. He wasn't just kissing you for the pleasure of it. He tried to convey how much you meant to him and you could have not missed his need for you.

You returned the kiss just as passionately, running your fingers through his rich hair, lightly tugging at the end, making him lightly growl at your actions. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you even closer to his warm body.

"Thank you." He whispered as he pulled away, his smile even bigger than before. You knew you shouldn't have given in so easily, but you just couldn't deny how much you needed him too. You were craving for his presence, even when you didn't know about his feelings. But knowing that he wanted you just as much as you wanted him, made you realise that you would have been stupid not to give in. "I love you so much." He whispered into your ear unexpectedly.

"I love you too, you idiot." You replied with a gigantic grin across you face, before you met his lips once again.

Tags: @inkhearthes​ @bonziandfonzi​ @hufflefluff-writer​ @haphazardhufflepuff​

Notes: If you enjoyed it, don't forget to like and/or reblog the chapter. Thank you :)

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[sxveme-2]

blueberry pancakes // bucky barnes

MASTERLIST

Description: A single mother. Juggling being a mom, a full time pediatrician, and a difficult ex who believed now would be the best time to finally be a father. A soldier ripped out of time. Ex-assassin turned superhero. Learning how to balance a new domestic life with handling demons of his past, while facing the trials of the future. a love story began over something as simple as chocolate chip pancakes with hidden blueberries. 

Disclaimer: I do not own any original Marvel characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else

Status: Edited

Note: Takes place after endgame. I have elected to ignore Tony's death and Steve's leaving. Did not happen. Quick Reminder! My works are only published here, AO3 and on Wattpad, thank you.

Chapter One: The One Where it Starts

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 1615

Being an adult in general is a wild roller coaster. Whether it be balancing bills, expenses, keeping a proper career, all together it was a stressful period. Going to the bank or answering phone calls was difficult enough. Seriously, what is with people and constantly calling? It’s so much easier to just text. Not to mention it keeps the incredibly anxiety ridden people at bay, and leaves them in a sane state of mind without worrying about anything. 

     That brings us to the protagonist of our story. Lily Briar Osborne. The 33 year old child of Abel and Alicia Osborne. She was the sister to two younger siblings, Rose and Cedar. Can you sense a theme with the children's names? Even Lily herself seemed to carry on that legacy with her own son. While balancing her busy work and just life in general, Lily mothered a young boy named Hunter. Hunter Osborne-Harvey. The eleven year old boy that was the result of a much too early marriage of two young kids who believed this was it, they had found the one. Well, that was not exactly the ending of their fairy tale. It instead involved a mistress, many trips to Grandma and Grandpa's, and a few too many shots in order to handle one another.

     Lily was more-so a quiet girl. Definitely more of the silent type in comparison to the majority of people in her profession. She was a pediatrician, and the only time you really see her talk or even crack a smile, is when she was with the kids. She was always found making sure they felt comfortable. When the young ones were gone, she seemed to shut down. Giving straight and to the point answers. Not elaborating unless asked, and strictly sticking to just the facts.

     Lily and Hunter had found home in a small colonial home in the suburbs of Manhattan, New York. There, they can be found in the company of a German Shepard named Joey, after the beloved sitcom, Friends. You could always find the small family laying in Lily's bed with the comedy illuminating the room around them. Every other Sunday and Saturday before Hunter's father came to pick him up for the weekend, they'd lay in bed before going out for brunch at Lily's best friends cafe further into the city.

     Which is where the story began. a sunny Saturday morning in September.

-----

     "If he doesn't like you, it's a moo point."

     The two Osborne's laughed softly at the comment made by their favourite sitcom character. Lily's fingers gently ran across the arm of her son, creating a soothing rhythm as they watched the sitcom, his head laid comfortably against the pillows. The large dog laid spread down at the edge of the duvet where his breathing radiated gently through the room.

     "Alright why don't you head in to get dressed and we'll go to Aunt Gen's cafe, hm? Sound like a plan kiddo?'' Lily's feather light voice cooed as her hazel eyes moved to glance over at her son.

     "But I wanna stay home all day and watch friends." Hunter whined as he nuzzled further into his mom's bed.

     "No love, I'm sure your dad has lots of things planned for the weekend. And we can watch more episodes when you're back tomorrow, okay? I promise." Lily sighed while lifting her pointer finger to her son.

     The pointer finger promise was Lily and Hunter’s signature thing. Instead of making a pinky promise, which was the weakest finger, they used one of the strongest. to make the strongest promises. That is exactly what they would do. And they'd know that if they broke it, trust would be something that had to be earned back. And luckily for Lily, she trusted her son with her whole being. He told her everything, as far as she knew. Seeing as she wasn't in his head, who knew? Though he was very vocal about his distaste for visiting his father, and it did hurt Lily to hear the pain he felt. The separation agreement allowed Scott Harvey, Hunter's father, to have the young boy every other weekend.

     Lily was lucky enough to have primary custody. Mostly because Scott was never a fully invested father before the divorce, so the court had no issue granting Lily the majority of the custody. But of course, Scott could come by whenever to see Hunter, as well as if he had something planned, he could pick up his son. But...Hunter wasn't the biggest fan of his father.

     Neither was Lily.

     Lily and Scott got divorced a few years ago when Hunter was a ripe 7 years old, and now he was 11, and still lacked the father figure he longed for. In those 7 years, Scott never really put an effort in. and hunter was a smart kid, and already harbored a distaste for the distant nature of his father. and it annoyed him, and Lily, that all of the sudden, after the divorce, Scott wished to be the great father he never was before. Despite his many attempts, it never worked out well for him.

     "Promise." Hunter smiled gently and wrapped his pointer finger around Lily's, before sliding out from underneath the white duvet that covered the two of them, startling the dog that laid at the end of the bed.

     As Hunter left the room, a small sigh escaped the blonde doctor's lips. She hated these days, when Hunter had to go visit his father. But she knew it was important for a child's psyche to have at least a relationship with their father. Picking herself up as well, Lily heaved herself into her closet. She picked out a white spring dress with blue baby's breath designs splayed across the entire piece of clothing. It was a tank top strap, and it was the end of summer and a small breeze danced through her window. She slid a blue jean jacket over her arms before stepping into her bathroom to complete her basic routine.

     After she pulled her hair into a pony, lily stepped out of her room after calling Joey out and down the wooden stairs to the main floor, where Hunter sat at the front door with his backpack and Converse on. Lily couldn't help but smile gently at her punctual son and felt proud of how she had raised him. And how he had grown to be a self-sufficient boy who was also able to ask for help when need be.

     "You gonna get the pancakes again today kiddo?" Lily wondered while stepping into her ballet flats and ruffling  the fur on Joey's back before opening the white door for her son.

     "Aunt Gen keeps putting secret blueberries in them and acting as though they're chocolate chips. I don't trust her anymore."

-----

     Lily and Hunter stepped out of the silver 2019 Honda passport, the two Osborne's took a deep breath of the muggy New York air. Hunter stood by Lily's side as she paid for the parking spot they were lucky enough to grab in the busy streets. She slid her arm around the boy's shoulders, before leading the two towards the fairly busy cafe her best friend owned.

     Genevive Fairchild. Lily's best friend for close to 20 years now. The two had met during their highschool orientation back in 2005. Gen was the extroverted hippy with conservative parents who disagreed with their child's decisions and mannerisms. She was always wearing what was to become her signature dreadlocks with golden decals littering her hair. Baggy shirts with fishnet cardigans and ripped jeans, the necessities to embody Gen. She entered the school loud and unbothered by others opinions or thoughts on how she acted or what she wore. But somehow, she was taken with the quiet blonde who kept her opinions to herself, hands tucked behind her back.

     Lily hadn't changed much in these twenty years, much to her parents dismay. Her parents were elated when their timid daughter brought home the boisterous and carefree Genevieve. Lily's parents were the same as Gen, unbothered and one with the Earth, no real care about people's opinions. Her father was a botanist and her mother a conversationalist. Plants and crystals littered the eco friendly home of Lily's childhood in the rural area of Long Island, New York. To see their studious, goody-good, daughter who wore knee length dresses everyday and cardigans, to bring home such a carefree spirit, was a breath of long needed fresh air for them.

     Ever since then, the two were inseparable. Lily even made her the godmother of Hunter. They both had keys to each others places, and nothing ever seemed to get in between the two of them. Other than those many years Scott wreaked havoc on their friendship. He kept Lily under some sort of spell, no matter how many times Gen attempted to convince her of the terrible manner of their relationship. Eventually, Gen gave up on the fight. until the young chocolate skin girl caught her best friend's husband getting it on with some girl at a party Gen was invited to.

     And that was the end of that marriage. Gen stayed with lily almost every night while everything was happening. And when her or Scott couldn't get Hunter up to Lily's parents, Gen would take him. Make sure he wasn't too focused on the broken state of his mother.

     As the two pushed open the door to the cafe, they were greeted with the fresh smell of coffee and pastries. That is, before they were practically being tackled by the woman earlier mentioned.

     "You two will NOT believe who is here right now."

[f-117-nighthawk]

Playlist Update? From MY Brain? More Likely Than You Think

can't remember the last time I posted these all together but I just put a few new songs in. I've been playing Arknights bc STARSET songs keep being used in the trailers, and then I was listening to Transmissions while making dinner, and uhhhhh there's two new Transmissions songs on the playlists, plus whatever else the spotify links needed to update to my ever-changing apple versions.

This is just the main playlist, because this one is now 3h 40m, and the other three playlists are about an hour each. I’ll give them their own post tomorrow. Under the cut, because it's also Write Random Snippits and Include Important Lyrics time

Dark Matter

Surprise surprise, this one’s got probably the most work done on it. A lot of that is moving things around, a few deletions, and the additions.

DM now starts with Your World Will Fail, Dark Matter, and Eater of Worlds. Turn the Lights Out still kinda applies, but I stopped vibing with it starting everything, and wasn’t really sure where else it should go so it got dropped. It’s role is sort of picked up by a UtA song later? Anyway, the opening three are still very much about not only the birth of [REDACTED], but the birth of the universe itself. And that’s why it feels better to start out with YWWF. Because it is the start.

(Your world will fail my love/It’s far beyond repair/Your world will fail my love/It is already there)

(Bring me your soul/Bring me your hate/In my name you will create/Bring me your fear/Bring me your pain/You will destroy in my name)

(Can’t imagine the violence/The rage and the love in my madness/I am the eater of worlds and I’m looking for someone to feed me)

Remnants of Stars is a hook to Filaments at this point, but stays way up here because the thing it’s about connects back up to those three ^ and is something slowly realized by the Paladins throughout the series. There’s kinda three different points that they realize something new about this (at the moment, I Am the One, Cosmic Vertigo, and Centigrade).

(Shed all you know and make way for a galaxy of light/Answers found hidden inside the smallest stone/Bringing forth a new way of life/Open your heart to the sky)

Apocalypse 1992 hasn’t changed. Still about The Fall, still the turning point for the entire damn war. Still about poor Krolia. Still the Rogue One of DM. It happens between parts of Awakenings, detailing the rise of [REDACTED] and the final hours before the destruction of everything sentient species knew beforehand.

(Fly high through apocalypse skies/Fight for the world we must save/Like tears of a unicorn lost in the rain/Chaos will triumph this day)

Apex is the final moments of Apocalypse 1992 from the Red Lion’s perspective, and connects nicely (just as in the albums lol) to the next UtA songs. Which we’ll get to in a bit.

(Brother mountain/Now we sleep/For a thousand years/I will see you again/Something is coming/Coming for me)

You Keep What You Kill covers the slow degeneration of the Empire between The Fall and the Battle of Arus. The knowledge harshly taught by the Thuanial War is forgotten under the influence of Zarkon, Haggar, and [REDACTED]. Marzin and Galraasa quickly rise the ranks as the Empire’s left and right hands, like omens of destruction before them. The four are the ‘holy half-dead,’ the ones who shape the devouring of the universe before them.

(Defying dimensions/These ruthless creatures will steal your soul/Breaking away from the chains of mortality/They won’t be taken down/Bow now to the holy half dead/The master to death mongers calls)

The Glory and the Scum is partially here bc I missed having Delain, I’ll freely admit that. (Delain split up! Like six months ago! I’m still sad!) Here, it’s (most) of the reason why Krolia isn’t around until MGHM. Think Winter Soldier-ish. It’s also from Krolia’s perspective as she’s talking to Kolivan in a conversation I implied in Shatterpoint. Perhaps it shall see the light of day.

(Look at what we've done/Take a step back/Shake your head at what we have become/We're the glory and the scum)

The Seven Sisters is about Keith, mostly, and connected to Closure via its influence on Child From the Stars (Lost in the Dark) and also to Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met. Also the thing about the Pleiades has kinda become A Thing associated with my two favorite halfbloods.

(I cast my hope upon The Pleiades/The Seven Sisters who would come for me/They’d fall to Earth to grant a child’s dream/But I’m still waiting)

Starlight is the Adashi song. Here, it’s the sad part, based around the time that the SFSS Genesis launches for Kerberos. It also is sort of about Shiro’s thoughts throughout the war as he watches ‘from distant skies’ (and influences String Theory kinda)

(At night the earth will rise/And I’ll think of you each time I watch from distant skies/Whenever stars go down and galaxies ignite/I’ll think of you each time they wash me in their light/And I’ll fall in love with you again)

Waking Dream and Abyss are Awakenings. They’re specifically the Red Lion waking up on Sendak’s ship to her new Paladin, but also sort of the rest of the Lions as they find new Paladins for the first time since The Fall (and, also, an accidental hook to the end of Filaments just by virtue of being on the same UtA album…)

(Centuries like flowing streams as years go rushing by/Waiting in the dark for afterlife)

(Open my eyes in a daze/How long has it been? Am I so out of place?/Warmth I can no longer feel/My mountain is gone, I’m surrounded by steel/The strangest of structures arises ahead/Seems to be held up by nothing/Where have I gone, do I dream?/How can the stars be all I can see?)

Who Will Save You Now is about the Paladins in First Contact. It’s the video messages they send to their families, the warning that Something Is Out Here that they need to prepare for. It’s a declaration of protection for Earth, but a recognition that the Paladins may not be able to do what they say.

(I will not take from you and you will not owe/I will protect you from the fire below/It’s not in my mind/It’s here at my side/Go tell the world that I’m still alive)

Then there’s The End of the Beginning. Which is, well, the eponymous fic. And don’t forget the String Theory connection! Fun fact: part of the last chapter leads directly into part of String Theory at the moment.

(Every night I die just a little/All this time, I’m caught in the middle/All your life, you fought with no winning/This is just the end of the beginning)

A Simple Plan is about anything but a simple plan. Lotor is making his secret bid for the construction of the Sinkline ships, but there’s one more thing he needs before it can come to fruition. Haggar has suspicions, and knows one thing that she needs to keep from both him and Voltron. Team Voltron is still struggling to fit into their new roles, especially with a Black Paladin who adamantly does not want to be Black Paladin, and is in desperate need of one thing to fix the last of the damage done during the Battle of the Sarnan Nebula.

(How long can we hold off ending?/How long can we pretend we’re ok?/No one goes on fighting it forever/I know I’m better this way)

Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met. Such a short song for such an important fic. It skips all the way over Naxzela to the Mission to the Baaria Shipyards, the first major offensive that isn’t somehow connected to canon (even if only a very very small part of it is actually at the shipyards lol). This is also the song that solidified Keith’s very queer identity in Dark Matter. And more Pleiades stuff!

(In this lonely place, bathed in silence and thoughts of you/I can’t see your face but I’m trying to envision you/So are you really out there? Are you awake with memories/Of a boy you haven’t met yet who’s wished upon the Pleiades?)

There’s another fic in here that I’m still waiting for a song to catch my ear, but it’s pretty big so I’m putting it in here. For the moment, it’s called MGHM 2.0: Electric Paladinloo. Featuring the Whispers, Voltron, and a few mullets.

And then. Hoh boy. The beast of beats. TRIALS (reimagine), Dark On Me, String Theory, and I Am the One. We’ve got [REDACTED], we’ve got [spoiler], we’ve got the first major turning point in the entire war, and the first revelation of the true nature of [REDACTED]. Hence the honor of being the separation point of my two main DM folders. TRIALS is the first part, the horrifying realization. Dark On Me and String Theory itself are from Shiro’s perspective. I Am the One is… an image song? I guess? That’s all I’ll say on that. (I would like to note that the STARSET songs bar OWtT tend to be about the Shiroganes…)

(Hear me from the bottom/Forged in regret, I'm the silversmith/Doomsday, you we had it coming/Marching the streets with an iron fist/Obey no more in silence/The steel in our hearts will be monuments/Today, they'll hear the violence/We'll rise from the dark like Lazarus)

(You're the cause/The antidote/The sinking ship that I could not let go/You led my way, then disappeared/How could you just walk away and leave me here?/Light the night up, you're my dark star/And now you're falling away)

(You don’t believe in space/You don’t believe in light/You don’t believe that anything is well beyond your might/We walk across the sky and beneath the ocean floor/We’re never going anywhere we’ve never been before)

(I am the one/I am the architect to rule your fate)

House on Fire is the aftermath of String Theory, and a large vibe of We ARE Struggling Together! It’s about family, never letting go of something you care about, and the slow act of trusting.

(So I’ll just hold you like a hand grenade/You touch me like a razor blade/I wish there was some other way right now/Like a house on fire we’re up in flames/I’d burn here if that’s what it takes/To let you know I won’t let go of you)

Belgrade is The klance song! It is a) a bop b) always stuck in my head because it is That Good. The line in the chorus about ‘sweet songs of seduction’ is eternally funny to me bc a)they’re both ace and b)QPR’s don’t usually involve seduction. Belgrade also leads almost directly into…

(We pretend in the darkness/We pretend the night won’t steal our youth/Singing me the sweet songs of seduction/Let me be the fool, fool, fool/Who will live and die for you)

Here to Save You is about Sam. Mostly. It’s also about Pidge. And Zaivorge cannons.

(A slave for humankind/I made sure I would survive/To stay alive/Now it’s time to move on/When there’s nothing left to prove/I’m coming to get you)

Iron is the third Closure fic (the second is End of the Beginning, forgot to mention that. They’ve slowly moved away from actually being related to it in anything but name and general idea). It’s about Keith coming to terms with parts of himself, and learning how to use them to great effect. Also has a huge info dump about the Blade.

(You can’t live without the fire/It’s the heat that makes you strong/‘Cause you’re born to live/And fight it all the way/You can’t hide what lies inside you/It’s the only thing you know/You’re embracing that, never walk away)

The second major turning point in the war is Monarch, Birthright, and Firewall. I really recommend reading the whole lyrics for Monarch, because the entire thing is very much a Lotor song. I had a bit of trouble picking a lyric to use here. Monarch is here because Lotor is also the ‘singer’ of Birthright, and both songs are to a very specific high-level target of the Coalition. Firewall is a little different as it’s a Team Voltron song not a Lotor song, but happens because of the same thing the other two do. They’re all not exactly a direct result of Iron, but they wouldn’t happen how they do without it, and then [REDACTED] swings back into the fray and things learned in String Theory/the framing story for Through Apocalypse Skies hit in full force.

(I am not the person you remember from before/The one you patronized and stepped on, the one you hurt/And I have pulled the arrows, now my skin has become stone/No longer am I prisoner to your empty fucking words)

(The voices in my head have all begun to sing/(The voices in your head have all begun to sing)/And they sure as hell hope I am listening/(I sure as hell hope you are listening!))

(They come to your dreams with illusion/They come to bring shape to your mind/You know how to stop the intrusion/We all have to fight for our lives)

and then, The Day the Earth Collapsed

(How much time has been elapsed/Since the day the earth collapsed?)

Here Comes the Reign doesn’t come into full effect until several months after Birthright/Firewall, but starts with The Day the Earth Collapsed. It’s largely about Haggar and [REDACTED]

(You made something they can’t take away/Now bring the fire of the burning sun on everyone)

Supersonic is here… kinda as a placeholder? Things have shifted around since its original purpose, and frankly it’s here still as a framework for what I like to call The Meme Battle. It’s generally about the increase in Coalition support and general winning as they go after warlords in the aftermath of Feyiv, culminating in I Need a Hero which is, of course, The Meme Battle.

Yes, it’s the Shrek version. It’s the Meme Battle.

(Supersonic, polyphonic, this is our war/Mustering the armies, marching faster than before)

(I need a hero/I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night/He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast/And he's gotta be fresh from the fight)

But Tonight We Dance isn’t exactly a klance song, but it’s here for them. On a diplomatic mission gone wrong, the Red and Blue Paladins of Voltron uncover a literally-buried government conspiracy, a rebel cell, and nearly die. A normal days work for the two of them. But they’ve really gotta stop having relationship milestones in the middle of a warzone.

Another reason it’s here is Tonight We Dance is a very aro song to me. “A language universal, but I speak not its tongue” hits hard. I felt like I needed a bit in here to remind listeners/readers that romance isn’t a language Keith speaks. And it becomes very explicit in this fic, just like Belgrade.

(Tomorrow we might wake in servitude and silence/I will give you everything if only you would have me/Tomorrow we will sweat and toil/Our hands will quiver, caked with soil/Tomorrow we'll give it one last chance/But tonight we dance/But tonight we dance!)

But Tonight We Dance is the last of the Closure fics, which is why it’s here. Closure in general is a lot of Keith’s character development and some of the struggles he goes through to accept his place in the universe and the fact that yes, he does have people that care about him. The last fic is me shining a brighter light on Closure’s chorus and taking a ‘last goodbye’ as never needing to say it again

(I am the child from the stars/That got lost in the dark/Between heaven and hell/I am forced to live on/I am the cause when you sin/I am the demon you skin/But there is no more tears to beautify/This is my last goodbye)

Then we step back into the universe-level action with Soulbound. Revelations from String Theory and Firewall swing back in with a vengeance on a joint Whispers-Voltron mission, leaving them reeling and Krolia questioning her very identity.

(Soulbound, endlessly forever/Locked between the darkness and the light/Don’t drown in the swarming, blackened rising/Hold on to humanity and fight)

About three months after that is My Darkest Hour and Faster Than Light. Haggar realizes something and goes searching for her fifth [spoiler], sending the Blade and the rest of the Coalition scrambling. These also lead directly, and I mean directly, into…

(When the sun comes crashing down/When the world is spinning round and round/I will face what must be my darkest hour)

(Once more we’re flying fast as light/Dark matter passing in the night/Pursued by a force we can’t outrun/As we hurtle towards a dying sun/We maneuver through the remnants of a moon/On the solar winds of supernovas/There is not a place to hide, the Matriarch is close behind/It’s plain to see she’s coming for us all)

Cosmic Vertigo and Other Worlds Than These. Together they are the second of two revelations in what, exactly, is [REDACTED]

(Banish me like burned down planets/Write my fate with sparkling lies/I am the universe; you're just one sky)

(Pull the wool out from your eyes/It won’t shade your frail belief/In the end we cannot hide/There are other worlds than these)

Godhunter is Team Voltron, well, hunting for gods, even as one of them disappears.

(She’s been watching for a century/With hatred, and with scorn/If you know the hunter’s coming/Then you hide or keep on running/'Cause she’s slain the gods before)

Trophy Hunter, Ember, and Redemption are the culmination of Godhunter. I’ve been thinking of them as akin to the suicide mission in Mass Effect 2, if that gives you an idea of what the hell they run into. Also I switched which specific Redemption is on the playlist, because I was listening to Red Handed Denial again and their Redemption was vibing way more than the Hammerfall one. They link up to Godhunter and Soulbound in subject matter, and lead directly into…

(You, you won’t escape me, I’ll rise from the deep/In this final moment, no words left to say/I can’t let you be when a life fades away/You, you won’t escape me ‘cause I’ll set you free)

(Dark matter falling from the sky/Dancing flames reflecting in your eyes as you watch them burn/Watching all your riches witches burn)

(Remember me not for the mess I’ve made/But who I could have been/Finally I’m going home)

World On Fire, This is a Call, The Reckoning, The Wind That Shapes the Land, and Louder Than Words. Switched the order up a bit so it makes more sense chronologically, because the message ‘sent by forces beyond salvation’ has to get there before the reckoning can begin.

(World on fire with a smoking sun/Stops everything and everyone/Brace yourself for all will pay/Help is on the way)

(This is a call to action/This is a call to arms/All lives for one, together/There are no false alarms)

(I see your face, find peace of mind/Between the madness and the sadness and the fire burning/The end of war, the great divine/We’ll see the day of reckoning)

(Search within/Uncover the will to win/Turn against the tide that washes o'er/Find the strength to fall and rise again/Open up the gates, unleash the force/I am the wind that shapes the land/Old as time and twice as strong/Oceans arise at my command/I alone can carry on)

(We have the force to fight/We have the blinding light/A war is more than heard/Coming in louder than words)

[nelllraiser]

when you wake | cutler, dakota, & nell

LOCATION: the catacombs. PARTIES: @clarkesconvenience, dakota, & @nelllraiser. SUMMARY: the key to waking the dreamers is revealed, but cutler, dakota, and nell are unlikely to succeed without first giving something up of their own.  CONTAINS: sibling death, torture mention, self-harm, gore

Cutler’s hands were aching. It had started in the morning as a dull, persistent twinge between the joints and had only intensified as the day went on, morphing into a sharp pain. It refused to leave with knuckle cracking and finger-splayed stretches, tendons only seeming to tighten and pull the bones of his fingers further into themselves. The half dozen advil hadn't helped, nor had the stiff drink he had downed before taking to the crisp winter air as a last resort. 

He hadn’t intended to go to the catacombs. In fact, he would normally avoid the labyrinthine stone pathway system that ran below the city at all costs. It was for this reason that he was shocked to find himself standing on the stairs at the entrance, fire licking up his hands as he descended. He grimaced as he crossed the threshold of the stone entrance, puffs of dirt and dust settling around his feet. The pain rippled across the back of his hands, as if leading him forward. 

“Bad idea.” He said aloud, even as his feet took him further into the depths. As if in response, the muscles in his hands spasmed painfully. Pulsing deep below the criss crossed lines of his palms was the knowledge that the cause of this sudden affliction was ahead of him, not behind. “Guess we’re doing this.” He spoke into the cool shadows, hoping no one was there to hear it.

Dakota had been having dreams for weeks now – although she didn’t know if they were just part of some bizarre fantasy slipping out in her slumber or if they were truly nightmares. Regardless, each time she laid down or rested in the slightest, she saw fleeting images of a cave-like place, low lighting, darkness… All flashing before her eyes too quickly for her to make too much sense of it all, but each time she woke up she comforted herself with a cigarette and a mug filled with coffee. Probably wasn’t the best idea for someone who, as of late, kept having a racing heart and acid reflux. But none of that really mattered, because at present she was standing at the entrance of a place she’d never been before – a place she was pretty sure she hadn’t ever noticed on a map of White Crest. 

Her memory was… Fuzzy, at best. She remembered grabbing a jacket, but not getting out of bed. She remembered moving through the underbrush in the middle of the night, and she remembered thinking it was strange that she was walking through tree branches in the darkness, but she couldn’t for the life of her remember walking out the front door. What scared her, though – aside from not being able to recall how she got to where she was standing – was that she didn’t even know why she stood at an entrance to what she could only assume were the catacombs of White Crest. You can wake up any time now, you know. But to her horror, she realized that perhaps she wasn’t dreaming, because she’d heard a voice that helped to snap  her back into reality, not too far away, amidst the shadows in the night. What the hell? “…Doing what?” 

The smell of blood was what Nell awoke to, though she couldn’t be all that sure of the difference between the real world and unconsciousness when White Crest had begun it’s steady descent into the collected subconscious of its citizens. Had she even been asleep when the tangy and salty scent of blood had alerted her? Ever since people had been falling into unwilling and unwelcome slumbers, the witch had done her best to sleep as little as possible, not wanting to be the next victim in a string of people that were something deeper than comatose. It wasn’t all that hard considering the fact that sleep hadn’t been easy since May of last year, the month that her sister had been struck down before her very eyes in Nell’s stead. But Nell couldn’t afford to fall into a sleep that she wouldn’t awake from. There were far too many things in her life that needed constant attention, obligations that refused to be silent in the form of a demon cult needing downing, a family whose father had been eaten by a demon shark, and her summoning magic that seemed to have grown a mind of its own at times. 

While she blinked bleary eyes open wider, her heart began to race, Nell’s mind picking up pace to match the beating in her chest as she recalled the last time she’d risen to the smell of blood. It had been the sticky redness of her sister’s beheading that had covered her face, arms, legs— and panic rose in her chest while she wondered if she’d soon find Bea’s headless body on the floor next to her. Thankfully there was no decapitated body in sight, though Nell couldn’t shake the feeling of wrongness the scent of blood was bringing to her head. Where was it coming from? There was something deeper in her gut, a pulling and yearning that seemed to yell until she was forced to listen, and follow the metallic smell of blood. She walked until she came upon a familiar sight, the very entrance she and her sisters had used when they’d hunted Montgomery, Bea’s killer, down into the catacombs, capturing and torturing him so that they might earn their final retribution. She hadn’t dove back into the catacombs shadowy bowels since that day, almost worried that if Montgomery had a ghost, it would be down there in the belly of the town, still being digested, not yet truly gone. Was he the one who had brought her here? 

Nell didn’t know how long she tread the empty halls of the cavernous catacombs before hearing a voice, and in an instant she was drawing a knife from its hiding place, brandishing it before her. Following the sound, it didn’t take long until she found the source of it— a man who looked as lost as a lamb without it’s shepherd, and the woman she’d traded fierce words with outside The Stacked Deck. “Were you both brought here too?” Nell asked, familiar enough with mysticism by now to recognize that no natural force had placed her here. Was it the same for them? The tail end of her words was caught up in the howl of a wolf, a long and mournful sound that turned her head down the most narrow tunnel to the left of the party. “Did you hear that?”

“Oh, fuck. Jesus.” Cutler’s knees bent instinctively and his entire body lowered into a defensive stance at the reply in the darkness. It took him a moment to recover from the shock, leg still bobbing shakily with hopped-up nerves, even as the decidedly not-scary woman became visible in the darkness. Smooth, Cut. “Going into the creepy catacombs alone. Suppose this solves half that problem. I’m Cutler.” He began to lift his hand to shake and immediately dropped it again as his knuckles screamed and scraped against themselves. He tried on a reassuring smile instead, manifesting as more of a pained wince. 

It was then that a second voice breached the dim, settling heavy in the mildewed corners and damp brick. Anxiety and tender pain fluttered in his chest. “Brought here? I wouldn’t say-” A dry cough stuck in his throat, rasping behind his words and cutting off the statement that he didn’t quite believe. “Were you?” His hands clenched and unclenched at his side nervously as he fumbled for a way to lighten the conversation. “This isn’t how I usually meet people, but if this is the new spot maybe I should come down here more often.”

Dakota vaguely remembered him, but everything around her seemed like a distant memory at the moment. Was it that online forum? Did she see him at a grocery store? It was starting to irritate her just how confused she felt. “Cutler,” she heard herself say, though her gaze drifted more so back to the catacombs. “Do you know why –” she trailed off, mostly due to the fact that yet another voice was thrown into the mix. However, this girl was more than just a vague memory – she was more than even just familiar, because she was that girl from The Stacked Deck who burst through her poker game, though she never caught her name. The two exchanged words, something about being “brought” here. That was enough to finally snap her out of her dream-like trance.

“I was, yeah. I don’t remember getting out of bed. I don’t remember walking out the door. But somehow I’m standing here in the middle of the night with you fine people—” she paused to toss Nell a look. She wasn’t still angry about The Stacked Deck… per se. A howl in the distance, though, did in fact shut Dakota up quite quickly. Someone had told her to watch out for wolves. “Does anyone know why the hell we’re here?”

Nell’s dagger had dropped to her side into a more relaxed position, though she made no move to stow the weapon back from whence it had come. Giving the man named Cutler a nod, her lips pursed while she took in her surroundings, trying to remember how long she’d already been walking the craggy walls of the catacombs. Ten minutes? Thirty? A few hours, maybe? She couldn’t remember, and that only added to the stone of dread pooling in her gut, an unsteadiness that always formed these days whenever she could feel control slipping through her fingers. “I’m Nell,” she told the man before narrowing her eyes towards the other woman, barely resisting the urge to offer more sharp words. But she could feel that there were more important things at hand than a petty feud over some flipped tables and spilled cards. “You didn’t say your name.” By the way the dark-haired woman cut her words in the midst of another howl, Nell took it as confirmation that she wasn’t the only one hearing things. “I don’t know- but it’s probably for some bullshit reason.” That’s what had happened at the lake all those months ago, wasn’t it? People had come to Nell for the demon banishing ceremony, pulled by some otherworldly force to the right place at the right time. Another call of the wolf had Nell staring down the tunnel in question, a desperate need to answer it seeming to pull her towards it. “I think...we should follow that howl, though. Do you feel it?” The need that was seated in her mind’s eye, like an itch she couldn’t quite reach.

There was something in the air between the two women. Cutler was scared, not stupid. The tension was thick, billowing around hanging spider web scraps and floating dust specks. He could cut it with a knife. That is, if his quivering hands could even hold one in their current state. As Nell spoke, his fingers were reaching down the hallway even as his mouth protested. “Follow it?” His voice was high in his register, squeakier than it had been in several years. 

Something in him shifted as the young woman’s voice spoke once more. Calmer than she had any right to be. Grounding him. Can you feel it? Whatever “it” was throbbed in his hands and tugged at his gut, pulling him forward. “Yeah.” He found himself saying, “I can.” He turned back, making eye contact with both of his newfound companions. “We don’t have a choice, do we?”

By the second howl, Dakota couldn’t have given a rat’s ass about exchanging names and pleasantries, because she was about ready to turn around and head home. But… The moment she thought about retreating, there was a sickening, sinking feeling in her gut that made her stay. She felt it in her bones, she felt it in her chest – a knot tying itself tighter in her stomach that pleaded only one request: stay. “Dakota,” she muttered a few moments later, eyes looking askance towards the entrance of the catacombs. She wasn’t sure what the hell was about to be down there, but she was sure as shit not about to risk her life for some adventure.

… Except that she was, because a third howl began to make her think that being inside the catacombs was a lot safer than being out here. “We don’t. I feel it, too – whatever ‘it’ is. Let’s just.. Follow the howl and hope we don’t end up fucking mauled.”

Nell knew that a wolf howl was more often dangerous than not in a town like White Crest, a place so steeped in the supernatural that it had almost become...natural. She couldn’t begin to explain it, just as she couldn’t entirely explain why she’d come here in the first place, but the howl of the wolf didn’t seem threatening. It was a long, searching sound, as if calling out to someone for help. The subject of whether or not they had a choice was a touchy one for Nell, always balking at being forced into anything, but she couldn't’ help but feel that Cutler’s words were true. Steeling her shoulders into a determined and hard stance, she took the little height she possessed and made the most of it as she began to lead that way into the tunnel, doing her best to ignore all former thoughts of Montgomery as she began to descend. “Let’s get going, then.” While she walked the path, the scent of blood grew stronger, so much so that she swore she could nearly taste it on her tongue, thick and sharp. All the while the wolf’s howls led the way, showing which path to take when they came to forks or a circle of tunnels. “I think we’re almost there.” She could feel the magic in the air now, a shimmering that she’d known since a young age that was shining brighter in her head the closer they got.

Cutler fell in step behind the girl in front of him instinctively. She operated with a natural leadership and seemed to possess some hidden knowledge as she looked around the tunnels where he only saw shadowy recesses in grimy brick. In the low light, he spread his hands in front of him, looking for some medical explanation for the tingly-sharp pain that only grew stronger the deeper they went. At the back of his tongue, the familiar, coppery taste of blood brought back memories of the surgeries he had performed with these same hands; once valuable enough to be insured, now primarily used for punching prices behind a cash register. “Almost where?” He had almost run into Nell when she stopped, and scuffled backward a few steps. He looked to his left, making sure Dakota was with them. Whatever was around the sharp bend ahead, he didn’t want to face it alone. 

The thick, cloying scent of blood hit him like a wall, meaty and organic. Blinding pain seared through his hands and he expelled a soft sound, halfway between a moan and a cry. His eyes screwed shut instinctively, willing the static from the edges of his vision. “You guys don’t feel that?” He stared at his feet, sharp, jagged breaths hampering his attempts to get the words out. “Tell me you feel that.”

As they submerged themselves deeper into the damp, dank tunnel, Dakota could smell the presence of some sort of blood – fresh, most likely. It reminded her of hunting with her uncle when she was a kid – that smell of blood, human or animal, was almost universal.. And it was present down in the halls of the tomb that they walked. The phrase almost there was something she didn’t want to hear, but Cutler summed it up when he’d asked the question she was already forming in her own mind – almost where? 

The deeper they went, the stronger the scent grew – like a thick curtain or a shroud hanging around the three of them, metallic in its fragrance. Deeper into the tomb they walked, and the stronger it grew. Dakota’s heart hammered in her chest, not knowing exactly what lay ahead for them. Cutler had said something, and though she was fit to answer, she caught a glimpse of an object on the floor, farther ahead than she cared to go, that seemed to resemble something far too close to human remains.

“Hey, guys…? What the fuck is that?” 

Cutler remained bent over, hands on knees. “No.” The word tumbled out of his mouth, quietly and aimed at the floor. He barely heard it himself over the sound of blood rushing in his ears. Dakota was speaking, Nell was ahead, but his gaze remained trained steadfast on the floor below him and the centuries of dirt and whatever else filled the gaps between the ancient brickwork below them. 

When he finally summoned the courage to stand back up, both of the women were looking at something ahead of them. It was dark, and he didn’t have his glasses on him, but he knew what it was, the same way he had known to come to the catacombs in the first place. What little light there was in the tunnels bounced off pale skin in the shadows. “It’s a-” Cadaver was the word at the front of his mind; the only other time he had been privy to the sickly white tones of bloodless flesh. “-a body. I think. Or part of one.” He drew air into his chest, forcing it to expand and contract, reminding himself to breathe. He could handle this. He’d seen dead bodies, operated on them. This was nothing he hadn’t faced before.

And then it moved. It jumped forward, movements quick and erratic. Spidery limbs crawled across the floor as it came into focus in sharp terror under the lamp light. It was a hand, isolated from the rest of its body, moving independently with jerky, inhuman motions. Cutler was already reaching for the Swiss army knife in his pocket; numb, throbbing fingers jammed themselves into his too-small jean pockets. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He barely managed to retrieve the multitool in time to stab the knife squarely into the hand in front of him. As it collapsed to the ground, he looked around frantically. “There’s got to be two, right? Two of them?” 

A soft scraping below him snapped his gaze back to the floor. It was moving. Again. 

Somehow Nell had walked right past the hand that had scuttled towards Cutler, and his string of curses made her head turn backwards over her shoulder, a frown of concern firmly in place. How the hell had she missed a living hand? Either her senses were growing duller, or the thing hadn’t spawned until after she’d passed it. Whatever the answer may be, the appendage certainly shouldn’t have been inching all over the ground like some fleshy crab. At least Cutler had managed to stab the hand, though it soon became apparent that the abandoned body part had made a steady and full recovery, dancing around the man’s feet as if it were auditioning for some grotesque rendition of The Addams family and the role of ‘Thing’. “Two would make sense.” After all, hands came in pairs, didn’t they? “So where the hell is the other one?” she muttered, sharp eyes scanning the shadows that seemed to be looming closer by the second as the walls of catacombs blurred and twisted into shapes she could almost make sense of. Squinting into the darkness, she searched for movement that she could track and caught a glint of silver instead. The moment she took notice of the abnormality, an enormous injection needle shot through the darkness, the three foot long steel tip of it aiming for Nell with deadly accuracy. “Holy shit!” she called out as she rolled and dodged, never having been a fan of any shot, let alone one that looked as if it’d been created for giants. 

Quick movements caught her attention, but Dakota wanted to haul ass in the opposite direction the moment she saw a fucking hand scurrying near their feet, like some sort of spider. Moments ago she was trying to decide if she were in a dream or walking along in the realm of reality, and now she was wishing to open her eyes and see that this was all an illusion. Cutler’s curses and quickness, though, reassured her that this wasn’t something she was going to wake up from anytime soon. “Stab it again!” Dakota exclaimed, hopping on the bandwagon of belief that there must be a second one walking around – another hand that needed to be destroyed. 

Her eyes searched the darkness hurriedly, hoping it would appear out of the blue so that she could stomp on the damned thing and get this hellish night over with. However, that wasn’t the case. Nell’s scream was a distant cry at this point – she’d felt herself wander into a spiderweb of some sort while looking for the other hand. Instantly she began to brush off, muttering little curses to herself, anxious hands running over her limbs. She couldn’t see a thing, but it was like she felt them all over. “Fucking Christ!” she shouted in disgust, obsessively sweeping her hands over herself only to stumble over another object on the floor – the second hand? -- hitting the ground with a thud.

To Dakota’s absolute horror, in the dimness of the catacombs she saw what looked like hundreds of spiders crawling towards her, some small and some large, others akin to tarantula size while some were beastly, at least as large as a dog with legs as long as she was tall. Letting out a string of curses – “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” – along with a cry of disgust as the small arachnids crawled over her legs. Finally, she had managed to scramble herself to her feet, now noticing the giant needle as the swarm of spiders seemed to follow every which way she ventured. She didn’t know how these nightmarish visions were spawning, but she had one idea that might put an end to them.

“Cutler, stab the goddamned hand!”

Cutler didn’t see the needle, or the spiders, or the fear in his companions’ eyes. He didn’t hear the persistent calling of his name over the chaos. He saw the scene as if from outside himself. Disaster arced outward, nightmare spawn barreling toward him and the hand at ground zero. The hand twitched, rising from the floor on clicking joints and he just stared, glassy eyed. This isn’t real. This can’t be real. 

The pain in his own hands brought him back to his body with a sickening jolt. Hot saliva pooled at the back of his tongue and pearls of sweat began to dampen his collar. The pain had changed. What was now a dull throb became a stabbing agony; converging at the centre of his palms where his life and love lines intersected. He knew what he had to do. The round, clean-cut fingernails of his left hand scraped nervously at the faux-mahogany handle of his multi-tool for a moment, seemingly impervious to the events unfolding around him. A series of moments flashed before his eyes. His first surgery in the OR. His last one. The good, the bad, and the ugly: all perpetrated with these hands. 

When the blade of his knife pierced the skin of his palm, there was no hesitation. It was a smooth cut. His professors would have been proud. An excruciating scream filled the tunnel. At first, he thought it was coming from him, but his teeth were clenched together over his locked jaw. Below him, an identical wound had appeared on the pale hand on the floor, viscous liquid seeping from it and into the sandy tile below. 

“I got it.” The words were spoken at regular volume, overwhelmed the shrieking from the hand below. The same inherent knowledge that had led him here told him it wasn’t long for this world. “I got it.” He said again, louder this time. Stronger. One down, one to go. 

The moment Cutler made his incisions was the same instant the enormous needle faltered mid-trajectory, dropping to the ground as if it too had been defeated. It gave a long enough pause for Nell to look past her attempted impaling for a moment to see the scene that lay before Cutler. His blood dripping from one hand onto the one below him, the ruby red droplets staining its ghastly skin red. Of course. Nell had been foolish not to realize it earlier. Between the plethora of magic swirling in the air, and the blood that the hand had demanded, it was becoming clearer by the second exactly what it was that was going on here. “It wants a sacrifice,” she said slowly, knowingly as she continued to glance warily towards the giant needle that lay still on the catacomb floor. “It needs payment in exchange for…” In exchange for what? They still didn’t have the faintest idea of what it was they were trying to accomplish here beyond making sure they didn’t get murdered by their worst nightmares. Suddenly, a voice seemed the echo through the cavern, raw and rough but full of determination and confidence. “We need to get the parts to the pedestal. We need to use the rest of our energy to get these parts to the real world. Like the skeleton said...they need to be made real so that they can be destroyed.”

Make them real so they can be destroyed. Based on the nightmare-ish visions they were experiencing and the voice’s mentions of the ‘real world’, Nell could only guess as to why the parts had to be done away with. This was what needed to be done to bring back those that had fallen prey to whatever sleeping curse had taken White Crest as its prisoner. Those like...Bex? Iron determination was quick to find its way back into Nell’s gaze as she thought of her slumbering pupil, an innocent girl caught between things she didn’t yet understand along with the rest of the town. “Where’s the other fucking hand?” she hissed, intent on stabbing the thing herself if she could find it. She’d do whatever it took to ensure her town was happy, that her little witch was safe. But whatever antidote Cutler had worked seemed to be wearing off, the needle rattling from its resting place to rise once more while the other hand roamed free. “Find the damn hand!” Nell yelled as she dodged another stab of the needle, narrowly escaping impalement. 

Amidst the darkness scattered hundreds of spiders, all that seemed on a manhunt for Dakota. The beastly ones reared up on hind legs, towering over her, latching on to her fear of them as if they fed off of it, the smaller ones closing in while crimson red dripped from Cutler’s palm to the single hand below. Sacrifice. The word rang in her ears as she dodged the spiders, though the moment his blood dripped they held themselves at bay, a few vanishing into thin air. Just that the few drops weren’t enough, apparently, because as the needle trying to impale Nell began to bring itself to life once again, aiming straight for her. 

All she knew was that if they didn’t find the other hand, and quick, she’d run out of energy and succumb to being eaten alive by a bunch of snarling tarantulas and Nell would be given a hefty dose of dead, God only knowing what would happen to Cutler. Dakota, though still panicked by both the spiders she was frantically kicking away from herself, hoping against hope the giant ones, as well as the giant needle chasing Nell, would vanish the moment Cutler destroyed the hands. It was painfully clear, though, that they all only had one option: face their manifested fears. You can do this. They’re just spiders. It’s just a dream. 

The spiders continued to rear up on hind legs, Dakota continually dodging left and right in order to miss the others when she noticed something large and ghastly scurrying through once again. The same object she must have tripped on in the first place. The second hand.  Adrenaline flooded her veins, knowing damn well that if she didn’t make her next move and follow that hand, the risk of all three of them not making it out of the catacombs alive would be much higher than she cared to gamble for. They’re just spiders. It’s just a dream. 

Taking a few steps back, Dakota braced herself before sprinting forward, dropping her right knee just in time to slide across the floor, right between the legs of the beast before her, only to chase down the hand she’d spotted moments before. “There!” she tried desperately to communicate with the others as the swarm of spiders began their chase, the hand speeding between Cutler’s legs and hoping to retreat to safety. “Do something!”

Cutler wasn’t worried about the other hand. The moment that Nell had said the word sacrifice, he had understood that proximity wasn’t the issue. It was the sacrifice in the action. The final relinquishing of his surgical career in a single choice, offered up to the dark mirror of what were once his most valuable assets. He was surprised to find that he felt lighter knowing he would never again hold someone’s life in his hands. Dark life force seeped down the grooves in his skin, tiny rivers running back to the sea. At this rate, he may never hold anything at all.

The tendons in his hand jumped and rippled around the wound. He looked at it clinically, like the cutaway diagrams in his anatomy textbooks, bridging the gap between his limbs and what every person was underneath. Meat. Flesh. As corporeal and precariously mortal as any other animal. Bone, muscle, and tendon scraped together as he switched the knife to his still-bleeding hand. Strangely, he felt no pain. It was what allowed him to repeat the action once more, stabbing the blade into his uninjured palm. Another scream from below him: the second hand meeting its end.

At once, sights and sounds began to seep back into his peripheral. Yelling from his companions, impossible visuals bombarding him. The hands were gone, but this was far from over. “We have to move.” Ahead of them, he felt the pull of a greater force drawing them forward. He had just made the greatest sacrifice of his life, and it was only a taste of what was to come. An appetizer for the great, slavering hunger that was closing its’ jaws around them. “Now. We have to move, now. I’ll cover you. Run.” 

Dakota didn’t know Cutler. His aspirations, his dreams, his pain, his guilt – it was all lost on her, but it didn’t take much to realize that what he’d just done was the sacrifice of his life. She stopped running from the spiders long enough to look upon the scene in both awe and admiration. There wasn’t time to unpack that, though, because while the bloodthirsty needle had dissolved into thin air and the crawlers she’d been dodging had suddenly vanished, she felt the pull – a foreboding sense of ruin lying ahead. We have to move, now.

Only one word made sense to her: run. It was something she’d done her whole life – something she practiced often and knew all too intimately how to do. It was a knee-jerk reaction that came with a side of always having an escape route in her back pocket. Dakota was hesitant about a lot of things in life, but one thing she’d never think twice about was disappearing without a trace… Until now. Breaking into a sprint, she knew there were more things than just two hands to destroy, and the faster they could find them, the faster she could retreat back to safety, burrow herself back into her own little world where shit like this could only ever exist in horror films. 

Her gut was never to be trusted, but something told her to hang a left as she was running through the tunnels, splotches of red catching her eyes, beckoning her to follow. The sense that she was growing closer grew stronger, her heart pounding wildly in her chest, blood rushing in her ears. She could feel it like it was burning a hole straight through her, whatever this force wanted her to find just at her fingertips, so close she could almost taste it – a few more feet and… Dakota slowed to a stop, the splotches of blood she’d been following leading her to this: 

A still beating heart lying balefully at her feet. 

Nell couldn’t begin to guess at what exactly Cutler had given up. After all, she’d only met the man some twenty minutes ago. Nevertheless it was apparent that his sacrifice had been more than enough, the stabbing of his hands paying the debt that had been demanded. Once they were out of here, she’d ask to take a look at his hands. Healing wasn’t her forte, but she could do enough to at least stop the bleeding and make sure he didn’t keel over from blood loss. She would have taken a look at his injuries now if another organ hadn’t spawned in the midst of them, the thumping of the bloody organ louder than any tell-tale heartbeat the witch had heard before. It seemed to bounce off the walls of the catacombs, until it echoed in her ears, drowning out her own thoughts as she watched Dakota approach the heart. 

Nell took a confident step in the direction of the heart, only to be met with iron bars shooting up from the ground mere inches from her nose. The message was clear enough. This was Dakota’s sacrifice to make. “Looks like it’s your turn,” she said none too begrudgingly, knowing her time would most likely be coming sooner rather than later. “It’s your sacrifice to make now.” As soon as she’d said the words, the bars that had kept her from the heart began to move towards her, as if trying to pin her against the rock of the catacombs. Taking a stuttering step back, Nell tried to quell the anxiety that was pooling in her chest as imprisonment looked unavoidable. This was too much like the underground jail of the Ring, and the place she’d been trapped for an entire week, continuously drained of her magic and barely fed until she’d finally managed to break free. The only thing it was missing was… Before she could even finish the thought a familiar voice was worming its way into her ear, silky, smooth, and commanding as Jax’s silver tongue made its demands. “Fuck off,” she growled despite knowing the man was dead, rising dread making it difficult to remind herself of logic.

The wet pumping of the heart matched the rapid thrum of Cutler’s own in his ears. Thud-thud. Steel bars shot up between himself and Nell. Thud-thud. The sharp smell of hospital antiseptic at the back of his throat. Thud-thud. The cracking of whisky over ice. Thud-thud. The cavernous walls of the catacombs swam under half closed lids as his brows furrowed together. Thud-thud. Around his neck, the crinkly plastic collar of a surgery gown began to tighten. 

Drawstring dug into the jumping tendons leading to his collarbone as he scrabbled at his jugular with red-ringed fingernails. With each breath he took, the string tightened further. His lungs burned with the effort of pulling air into them; black constellations spotting across his vision. Desperately, he kicked forward. The rubber sole of his work boots connected hard with the bars in front of him, sending reverberating shockwaves up his knee. 

“It’s not real!” The words hissed through his bared teeth as he lifted a knee once more. “Close your eyes if you have to, Nell! None of it is real!” This time, he felt the bar give under his foot just a little. On the third kick it bent inward with a dull clang and he felt the pressure on his neck release all at once at the string snapped. Coughs ripped painfully through him as he leaned against the bars. He thrust an arm through the newly widened gap, blood-slicked hand reaching for the young woman inside. “See this? Flesh and blood.” His voice was smoky and hoarse. “I’m as real as it gets. Climb through.” 

Something was wrong. It had started small, a little irritation, a headache beginning to form just behind her eyes. But Kevin had not had a headache in over a thousand years. She had felt them before, the dreamers, poking and prodding and sticking their minds where they didn’t belong. At the moment, she had paid it little mind. There was a spell to weave and a town in desperate need of dreams. But those pesky dreamers kept poking and prodding, meddling and touching. They scraped inside her chest and dug about inside her mind and spread a dreadful itch down her arms. They meant to tear her apart. Still, there was only so much there could do. Then she felt it. White hot, burning through her hands. Her scream tore through the air, a thunderclap echoing. Even as her fingers cracked and shriveled, she sought the source. There. The catacombs.

Kevin appeared with a burning flash of light. The air around her sizzled, her eyes blazing as she searched for the meddlers. Ah. There. Her eyes burned as she lifted a broken, burnt hand. The fingers were charred, black like charcoal creeping up her arm. “You. You will stop. Dream now, and forever more.” Her hands may have been ruined, but some of her power remained. It took only a jerk of her head to throw Dakota against the wall, leaving her unconscious, dreaming sweetly on the floor. She turned slowly toward the other two. “And you. Unless you wish to join her, you will leave. You will go and forget all that has transpired. I will not tell you again.”

“I know- I know!” Nell gasped as the bars scraped against her ribs while she grabbed hold of Cutler’s wrist, trying to avoid the self-sustained injury of his hands while he helped pull her out of the metal maw of the jail cell. “Thank you,” she breathed in gratitude. But just because things weren’t real didn’t mean that they didn’t set her heart to pounding. Her brain knew that the voice of Jax tickling her mind couldn’t be possible, but the rest of her body didn’t seem to understand, responding with rampant fight or flight to the sound of a man who’d cause her and Remmy unmeasurable despair. Thankfully— she’d always been the one to choose to fight. And it seemed the world had answered that need with a clear target in the form of the woman who’d appeared before her and Cutler, sending Dakota flying. “Shit,” the witch cursed underneath her breath, hoping Dakota was alright but knowing this wasn’t the time to check on the woman. “You’re the one doing this?” Nell demanded angrily, it being less of a question and more of an enraged accusation. This was the bitch that was keeping Bex asleep- that was keeping all those other innocent citizens in a hopeless slumber. “Fat fucking chance,” was her only reply to the other woman before she began to charge, a knife appearing in her hand from its hiding place as she ran towards the one responsible for the sleeping town. “Cutler- get the heart, and I can keep her busy!”

Sand and grit stuck to his hands as he dropped to the ground, patting his way forward. Cutler had thought he had last seen the heart here, by their feet - by Dakota’s feet, actually - but his frame of reference was now lying unconscious across the cavern. Sweat pearled at the back of his neck as he moved forward, feeling the centuries of dirt rise, puff and cling to his forearms and legs. He had seen the flashing glint of a weapon in Nell’s white knuckle grip just before she had hurtled herself toward their now-revealed foe. She was risking everything. He couldn’t let her down. What he would give to have his glasses now. 

He closed his eyes, lashes light with settled dust. He heard his own heart first; thudding fast and irregular against his breastbone. Then, slowly, he heard the other. Calm and steady. Confidently marking the offbeat. Got you. His knees scraped stone as he moved toward the sound, growing steadily louder. Finally, he was on top of it. His stomach turned over as he felt the heat radiating off of the muscular, pumping organ in front of him. 

The meaty-red smell of blood washed over him as he pulled the sticky blade away from its multi-tooled brethren in his swiss army knife. It wavered in the air above the throbbing mass in his shaking hands. Last time, stabbing the hands hadn’t worked, but he was out of sacrifices. There was nothing else to give but a prayer. His lips moved, silently voicing the words in his own heart. 

“God, please let this work. I’ll do anything. No, I’ll do everything. No more taking things for granted. I want to live.” 

They were close, too close to ruining everything. Kevin could feel her head swimming. Her hands still burned. Even if she were to cut them away, the searing pain would remain. And now they were aiming for her heart. If she could simply bring into focus, drive them away, force them into sleep like all the others, it would be fine. She could start again, rebuild, put herself back together. But their meddling had already taken its toll. The world was slipping in and out around her, her vision blurring, thoughts slipping like water through her fingers. 

She turned toward Nell. The witch had to go. Her power was bright, intense. If she could be eliminated, the other one would be easy. Kevin moved in a blink, appearing inches from Nell’s nose. “What is your aim? Why do you fight? Rest. Don’t you want to? Your dreams are so dark, little witch. I can see them all, I can feel them. You’ve lost so much, haven’t you? Would it not be easier to slip into a dream? I could take it. Your pain. Let me take it all away. It would take only a moment. Your dreams would be peaceful, you could have all that you want. Let me set you free.”

Even without the power to drive her words, Kevin’s questions seemed to pull at a part of Nell that so desperately longed for rest. Her words were soft in the witch’s ear, speaking to a tender place in the brunette that was simply tired. Tired of losing family and friends. Tired of losing literal and figurative pieces of herself. Tired of living on edge, wondering where the next blade or punch or bite would come from at all hours of the day. If she let herself slip into the peaceful slumber that Kevin promised, it would all be over. Kevin was right. Nell was barely twenty-four and she couldn’t help but feel as if she’d lived multiple lifetimes since her return to White Crest a year or so ago. This town was draining her, sapping the energy from her limbs even as she stood here with her knife still poised- frozen somewhere between herself and Kevin. Just let it end. Let it be over. She was more shell than human these days between infiltrating a demon cult, dealing with the aftermath of her accidental demon-shark summoning, and Bex falling into a deep sleep. Bex. The girl’s face rose to meet the eye of Nell’s mind, sweet and peaceful as she lay trapped in Kevin’s dreamscape. Nell seemed to jolt awake as she thought of her student, another sacrifice that would be made if Nell let Kevin take her. It wasn’t a sacrifice that Nell was willing to make. 

The ever-present fire that seemed to live within Nell’s belly was quick to reignite as she reminded herself of all the harm had done- the lives she’d be taking if Nell let herself go. Kevin had moved unnaturally fast in her approach on Nell, but she could be quick too. Uttering a spell meant to grant her speed beneath her breath, Nell’s knife was quick to flash through the air, mindlessly aiming for where Kevin’s heart should beat. It wasn’t until the blade had buried itself deep into Kevin’s chest that Nell realized how futile the action was. She could see the heart underneath Cutler just a few paces away— see his own knife stabbing into it over and over again. There was nothing beneath Nell’s dagger to stab. “I won’t leave them behind.” Nell promised as she savagely dug the knife deeper, anger and bloodlust making the decision for her despite the knowledge that there was no point. She wanted to make it hurt, to make Kevin feel even a flicker of the pain she’d unleashed on the town. “I’ll never leave my friends behind. Or people that don’t deserve to die. So you can fuck right off, you piece of shit.”

The first hit slipped off of the tubular structure of the heart like squeaky wet rubber. It continued to beat, even as the sharp edge of the blade tore through tough ventricles and into the spongy tissue underneath. Cutler could taste the warm, coppery liquid that sprayed from it, only realizing after his third hit that his teeth had bit into the soft skin of his bottom lip. A shaky inhale whistled through his fast closing windpipe, hot tears building in the back of his throat. This had to work. There was nothing else. 

Several feet away, Nell spoke. Her voice was soft and level, but he heard it in his own ears as clear as day. Another scream rang through the cavern; this time from the heart as he drove the blade toward the ground once more. His eyes flicked upward just in time to see Nell’s mirroring action, digging the blade into the soft tissue of their tormentor. He didn’t feel the quick-coagulating drip of blood at the corner of his mouth or the spill of tears washing tracks down his cheek. 

“We’re almost done.” As soon as he said it, he knew it to be true. He coughed into the crook of his elbow, covering a throaty sniffle. The steel toe of his boot connected with the now-shrivelled remains of the heart at his feet. “This is it.” 

Pain. It was still so foreign, so wrong. Kevin had cast it off long ago, the parts of her that were able to hurt. Or so she had thought. They were supposed to be gone. She was beyond this, between petty human aches and blows. But Nell’s knife cut as deep as her words. Her heart wasn’t home, the bloody, pulsating piece trapped in Cutler’s grip. Still, blood flowed from the wound. It drifted up, out, around them as if they were underwater, the blood moving as though to attract circling sharks. Kevin found herself stunned. It had been so long. Large, salty tears rolled down her face as she grabbed Nell’s shoulders with her withered hands. “I could have given you all so much. I wanted to share my dreams with you. I could have brought you peace.”

Kevin staggered back, hands clutching at her empty, heaving chest. This world, this sad, wretched world. It was wrong. It was broken. Perhaps it had always been too much for her to fix. Not even her most wonderful dreams could have set it right. Her entire body began to shake as she sunk to her knees. The air around her swirled, heavy, charged, heated sparks flitting through the air. They burst, flickering, snapping, brighter and brighter as a low cry spilled from her lips. The sound grew, filling the catacombs. It echoed, louder and louder, the force of it pulling the wind, shaping the air itself. With a force strong enough to whip up rocks, to tear deep gouges into the earth beneath her, Kevin let out her final cry. 

The wind rushed and roared, buffeting the walls of the catacombs, flecking them with blood so dark it was nearly black. But it slowly began to fade. Rocks fell back to the floor as the dust settled and Kevin lay motionless amidst the rubble, her eyes shut, as if asleep in one final dream. 

Nell watched Kevin fall with not nearly as much satisfaction as she would have wanted. The mysterious woman was down, and seemingly it was going to be for the count as she didn’t stir. Nell turned at the sound of Cutler’s voice, eyes resting on the shriveled heart that lay at the man’s feet as she wondered what would be the last of the parts they needed to destroy. Hands, Heart, and...what? Rocks began to tumble, and Nell spoke another spell, her hand raising towards the ceiling as a shield began to form above herself and Cutler. Unfortunately, a lack of sleep had made her reaction times slower than usual, and a boulder the size of her head slipped through before the magical shield was fully in place. It struck her shoulder just perfectly, a loud crunch echoing through the cavern as the witch gasped in pain, instantly recognizing the sensation of something being dislocated. “Fuck,” Nell cursed, glancing back to Cutler to make sure he hadn’t been hit as well. The rocks tumbled harmlessly off an invisible dome stationed a few feet above his head, the magic doing its job well-enough. 

It seemed that even though Kevin was incapacitated, her magic had no intention of stopping. Perhaps it had gotten away from her, metastasized until it functioned under a mind of its own- continuing to bring the dream world into the reality of White Crest. Or maybe this was just the design of the spell, a fail-safe self destruct button that would keep going even after Kevin was unconscious on the floor. “Yeah- we gotta keep moving,” Nell grunted through gritted teeth, her arm hanging uselessly by her side. The time for fixing it would come later. She didn’t trust that the momentary rockslide hadn’t jeopardized the structural integrity of the catacombs. Who knew if the rest of the underground tunnels were just waiting to collapse? Glancing back at the body of Dakota, Nell flexed her magic once more until the woman’s form floated alongside the witch, trailing after her like some morbid and hovering duckling. Nell was past the point of wondering what Cutler would make of her abilities, knowing that could be dealt with when White Crest didn’t hang in the balance. She advanced to the next chamber, stopping short as she heard a familiar voice. “Are you sure you want to play this game little girl?” 

The stuttering step of her gait jerked her arm uncomfortably, but she barely noticed as fear-blown pupils began to comb every corner of the new room. “Did you hear that?” she asked Cutler, her voice barely above a whisper while she gripped her knife even tighter.

Cutler watched the rocks tumble around him, landing off of him in a perfect circle and leaving him unharmed. Nell’s movements made two things clear to her immediately. First, that the impossible protective forces around Dakota and himself were a result of her. Second, her shoulder was dislocated. It hung loose and dead by her side, swinging as she continued to move forward.

“I didn’t hear anything.” He turned professional, examining her for signs of delirium or head injury. All he saw in her face was pale, unfiltered fear. It made her look younger. No, it made her look her age. She was young. Too young for whatever this was. “I can fix that shoulder.” He stepped close, hand hovering above her arm, mouth running as a distraction. “If I wasn’t already losing my mind, I think tonight’ll do it. How do I explain this to people?” 

His injured hands settled on her arm. He could feel his own distress; texturally, his skin was torn and bleeding, but there was no pain. For him, that is. Nell was putting on a brave face, but even the small movements from the last chamber to this one must have been excruciating. “Alright. This is gonna hurt, but just for a second. Like ripping off a band-aid. Ready? I’m gonna go on three. One. Two-” His fingers tensed, and he shifted her arm in the socket to hit the right angle in one swift movement. A single push upward returned her arm to the correct orientation with a sickening pop. A mixture of pride and relief washed across his face as he stepped away. “Sorry, that was a dirty trick.” 

Cutler wanted nothing more than to stop. To sleep, or to wake from this nightmare. He could feel heavy fog clouding his brain, telling him to relax and recover. He blinked slowly, the dark seal of his eyelids warm and tempting, willing his breath to a relaxed rhythm. It was Nell who kept him from succumbing, piercing eyes and bright determination tearing through his supernatural lethargy. It was her sharp gaze that tapered the last of his focus into a coherent thought: I’m losing my mind. My mind. 

“It’s the brain.” 

A coiled pink organ was there, right in front of them. It always had been, only now visible by his verbal acknowledgement; like invisible ink under blacklight, revealed by exposure. 

“Let’s finish this.” 

Cutler’s confirmation that he hadn’t heard anything did little to quell Nell’s mind, certain she'd heard the words echoing through the cavern clear as day. “You’re sure?” The owner of the voice couldn’t be present. It was impossible. She’d seen the life bleed out of him with her own eyes as she gave him his penance along with her sisters. A more fearful voice in her own head reminded her that the dead didn’t always stay dead. Be had come back, hadn’t she? Who was to say that some other necromancer hadn’t found the hunter’s bones and raised him back to the living? Maybe he’d been bitten by the undead before his death, and the sisters simply hadn’t known. Her racing thoughts were brought to a halt as she felt Cutler grip her arm, just barely hearing his assurance that he could fix it.

“What? No- no, just leave it,” Nell began, having no reason to trust that the random man she’d met in the catacombs knew anything about popping a dislocated limb back into place. “Don’t count- I’ll just get someone to fix it once we’re out of-” Her words were cut off by a painful grunt as the arm was put back into its rightful socket, a wince flashing over her features as she once again thanked the fact that she was used to pain. Begrudgingly, she offered him a “Thank you,” while also deciding to ask him about his apparent first aid knowledge once they got out of this place.

Having lost his distracting question in her attempts to keep him from fixing her arm, Nell’s brows knit closer together as she found an answer. “Easy- you don’t tell anyone about it. Then there’s no explaining needed. Especially about anything you’ve seen me do,” she added with the smallest hint of a threat. After all, there was still a confirmed witch hunter in town. “Unless you ask me first,” the witch compromised. “And if you need any explanations for yourself...you can talk to me after all this is over.” Her focus shifted to the brain on the ground, kneeling before it as she took a closer look. No doubt it would fight back just as the hands and heart had. “Alright...the sacrifice-” Without further delay, she took a new, clean knife from another hiding place before drawing it carefully down the bottom of her forearm and letting the ruby red of her blood gather neatly. Blood was always the standard for payment in her practices, certainly it would serve her here as well? 

Nell held her arm above the brain as the blood began to fall, and the witch willed it to place itself neatly on top of the last organ they were meant to destroy. Tiny rivers of red began to flow, filling the rivlets of the trenches and dips of the fleshy pink thing until they pooled along the floor. “That should do it.” She raised her knife- poised to finish the job before thrusting it towards the brain. But at the last moment a hand gripped her wrist in a vice-like grip, the blade still dangling above the brain. “Cutler, what the fuck-” She looked up expecting to find the face of the doctor looking back at her, preventing her from finishing the job. Instead she found the grin of the man who tread her nightmares far too often, a ghost that wouldn’t let her be despite her constant attempts to shake him. Again his voice sounded through the catacombs, one that sent shivers up her spine as he echoed the words he’d spoken that day in the forest where her sister’s life had been taken. 

“Are you sure you want to play this game little girl?” Montgomery was here, and looking as real as the day he’d lopped Bea’s head from her shoulders. “Get the fuck out of my head,” Nell growled despite her shaking hand, heart beating a frantic rhythm in her chest as she looked upon the person who’d brought fear into her life. Nell had always been reckless, one who constantly jumped without looking to see where she might land. She still was to an extent. But Montgomery was the reason for her newfound caution, and the feeling that she constantly needed to look over her shoulder in case someone new was lurking around the corner with the desire to kill those she cared about. Growing up, she’d been the fearless little girl- the one who was never shaken no matter what it was she encountered. She’d carried that into her young adult life, the confidence of youth and the sense of indestructibility that came with it giving her the strength to never falter in the face of danger. But then had come a danger she couldn’t stop, couldn’t fight against as it claimed the life of the person who’d died to protect her. The life of her oldest sister.

Nell hated it. Hated that Montgomery had made her this way. Hated that he’d taken one of her strongest attributes and turned it against her, making her heart race whenever someone crossed the property line of her home uninvited. Hated that he’d made her weak. Hated that he made her afraid. But she’d been unwilling to admit it, believing that looking it in the face would give it power— and power was the last thing she would be willing to forfeit. Not when it had been so forcefully stolen from her via the man whose hand was still holding her wrist captive above the pulsing brain. “Just admit it,” his voice came again, though these were words she’d never heard him speak before. 

“I’m not doing anything you want,” Nell spat back, seeming to forget that this was all simply a figment of whatever magic Kevin had conjured. “I’ll kill you ten times over before I do anything for you.” She tried to pull her wrist away from the cold of Montgomery’s hand, nerves still making the tightness of her throat nearly unbearable as panic continued to rise. Not here. Not now. Please- not in front of Montgomery. If he saw her fear, he’d know she was weak, know the power he held over her. He’d know that she'd begun taking the stairs over elevators because it felt like the walls of them would close in on her ever since she’d been kept holed up as a prisoner by the Ring. He’d know she had to sleep in her greenhouse when Bea wasn’t home, unable to rest in a home that reminded her of the time her sister had died. He’d know that she spent far too long looking for the escape route of any room she found herself in— that she wasn’t strong enough to protect all the people she loved. 

Again his coarse voice made demands of her. “Admit it!” Nell’s head shook silently as her bottom lip began to tremble, thinking of all the people that would stay asleep and lose the rest of their lives because she couldn’t utter one little truth. “No,” she protested once again, the singular word weaker as a tear slipped down her cheek. “I don’t want to. I can’t.” Montgomery shrugged, looking down at her as if he already knew her secret, a wide smirk playing across his lips. “Then you know what the price is.” Nell stared at the brain, remembering her promise that she’d made not five minutes ago about leaving no one behind. About always helping those in need. Was she so selfish as to go back on her word this soon? But admitting it felt like giving up, letting Montgomery win a fight that had started months ago and managed to live past his own expiration date. And what else did she have left to cling to if she let this go?

For one last time, the murderer’s voice rang out. “I knew you couldn’t do it.” And he was right. Hadn’t Nell proven that by staying silent? The desire to fight rose in her ever so briefly, the need to prove him wrong finally giving the push she needed to admit the truth. “Fine!” she snarled, still hateful that she’d have to admit it in the first place. “Fine,” came her voice a little softer this time, her arm going limp in his wrist. Her last defense had tumbled, forcing her to lay a truth that she hadn’t even begun to admit to herself bare before the man who was the root of it. “I’m afraid.” The words were quiet as they could come, but as she released them her wrist was freed, the apparition of Montgomery disappearing before her eyes while her blade finally fell onto the brain, piercing it deep as she admitted to the prisoner she’d become when it came to fear and her own mind. 

Cutler watched the kinks of the brain slowly fill with red, tracking the infinite curls and dips. The only brain he had ever seen up close had been off colour and logged with preservatives; undeniably dead. This one was swollen with life, sinapses presumably still firing through it despite it’s disconnection, seemingly uninterrupted by the splashing of Nell’s blood onto the surface.

When Nell raised her arm to strike it, her aim was true and he was just as surprised as she when her hand stopped before delivering the final strike. He heard own name sprung from her lips, venom in her voice. 

“What? I’m sorry, I-” He was cut off by her next words, delivered in his direction but not to him. Her eyes were glazed and unfocused, clearly seeing someone else in his place. “Who’s in your head?” A million expressions flickered across her face. There was a battle going on behind her shaking lip and desperate protests. A battle for control of her mind, and one that she had to fight alone. When she finally voiced her fear, he recognized it for what it was: an offering. A display of strength, masquerading as an act of weakness. The effects were immediately palpable as the manufactured dreamscape around them dissipated. The rumbling of the cavern stopped and the fog in his mind began to clear. Every sensation returned tenfold. Sand, grit, and blood sealed the dry cracking edge of his lips. Sweat and cool humidity stuck his shirt to his back as he turned, looking for confirmation in Nell’s face. 

Then he felt the pain. It manifested itself as simple whiteness that blocked everything out, shielding him from the agony. His vision became a blazing void of nothingness, accompanied by a high whine in his ears. It was all he could do to remain standing in the face of his temporary blindness. When the cavern faded back, the pain was no longer blocked out, the muscles in his arms lit aflame by the wound in his palms. 

“I have to go. I have to get out of here.” He willed himself to take a step toward the doorway. “My hands.” The words sounded distant and strange, as if spoken by someone else with his voice. The early morning light haloed his heavy frame as he stood in the stone archway, looking up. They had walked through what felt like miles of hallways to get to the inner chambers and yet...he could feel fresh air from above ground and a misting of fresh dew on his cheek. It smelled like freedom. Like life. “You coming?” 

It was a long moment before Nell rose from her kneeling spot before the now shriveled brain, the previously pink tissue blacked and cracked. It was over. Finally it was done, and she knew as much when the air returned back to its normal density, the thickness of magic no longer pervading the stillness of the catacombs. Her gaze stayed on the broken brain for too many seconds, and somewhere an insidious thought began to form within her mind. Was this what her brain would look like one day? Rotted and burned out from one too many hits— turned into something she barely recognized? And then there was the revelation of her admission. She was afraid. Afraid because Montgomery, Jax, and countless others had shown her just how much she had to lose ever since the witch had returned to White Crest from a five-year travelling stint. It’d been easier when she was distanced from this place, friends and family out of mind’s eye and arm’s reach, their pain and suffering out of sight as well. Her shoulders remained weak while she stared into space, a few trailing tears still finishing their descent down her cheeks while she sat shell-shocked. Now what? What was she meant to do with this newfound fear? 

Again she thought of Kevin’s words, and the promise the mysterious woman had made to take all the pain away. To set her free. Would Kevin have taken the fear, too? It was too late to find the answer with no way of going back. Still— now that Nell knew the truth...how was she meant to live with it?

Nell’s reverie was broken by Cutler’s question, haunted eyes turning back to the man as she looked to his hands. She’d be able to see to them now- at least make sure that he didn’t lose any more blood than he already had due to the sizable injury. And Bex. Bex should be awake now, shouldn’t see? Nell wanted to be there when she woke up, or at least soon after. To tell Bex that she’d kept her promise. To prove that Nell had come back for her, and found a way to wake the girl from her neverending sleep. So despite the feeling of hollowness in her gut, and the dread forming in her chest she rose slowly from her knees, wiping them with tired and still shaking hands. The world was waiting for them out there, whether they were ready for it or not. It would be changed, the victims of sleep and nightmares unable to go back from what they’d seen and felt. Or perhaps it was simply the victims who would be different, and in turn they would change the world to fit their new selves. Cutler and Nell were different, too. That much was obvious as they made their way towards the rising sun, eyes blinking in the harshness of a new morning and new reality. They’d be left to find their own new way in the world, just as the sleepers would as well. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m coming.” Whether or not they’d be successful at such a feat was unknowable as they left the catacombs behind, but at least they wouldn’t be the only ones opening their eyes anew to the day’s dawn.