#bc good things Are Happening but it also sucks bc i feel like the good things r just mid things
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I started in DC by reading fanfics, but as I began to read actual comics, I started to be unable to read the actual fanfic that got me into it in the first place because it's so out of character.
But there are still some stories that I love to read because I love the found family trope so much, even if it isn't really accurate to the source material.
As a comics purist (sometimes), are there tropes that you like enough that you'll still enjoy a fic even if it's not accurate to canon?
oh my god this is SUCH a fun question. bc while i started with the comics, there were certain characters and/or character dynamics where i was exposed to the fanon before the canon (just bc it's hard to read everything when you start out just to read some fanfic) and so i've definitely experienced the fanon to canon transition. (*especially* with Jason Todd. i had only read 80s/90s stuff where he was already dead or the New-52 bc that was on-going when i got into comics and man. the fanon misunderstandings i had about him before i got frustrated and sat down to read all his pre-Flashpoint stuff were absolutely bonkers.) and aside from that, whilst i tend to prefer canon over fanon, i'm not past giving fanon its flowers for occasionally having really interesting insights. occasionally. so some of my fanon "guilty pleasure" tropes would probably be
Morally Grey Tim Drake - this is one where if you try to back it up with canon, i *will* get salty about it. of everyone in the Batfam aside from maybe Bruce and Cass, Tim has the *most* black and white morals. often his internal conflicts are routed in such an inability to compromise his moral views and it can cause him to clash with other characters. he's *very* stiff and rigid in his beliefs and is *rare* to compromise in even the smallest ways. i mean, DC has repeatedly used Tim Drake of Tomorrow/Savior/Gun Batman!Tim for a reason. it's to demonstrate that of everyone, Tim *cannot* have his morals compromised. there's no grey area for him. he's zero or a hundred, so if he tips over the edge of "too far" he tips *all the way*, and doing so is one of his worst fears, how he could go "too far" if he let himself. a couple panels out of context from Red Robin (2009) (which was a grief spiral for Tim to begin with) don't change that. now that said. if it's done *right*, i sort of love Tim being morally grey in fanfic. it takes a specific flavor for me, and it's incredibly important to include that mental spiral along with it, of him struggling to justify it. i don't have any interest in "Tim Drake is loosy goosy with Bruce's morals and has the highest kill count and no one knows teehee" bc it doesn't play with the interesting parts of making Tim morally grey, which are fracturing his psyche. but all in all, i think it's fun to put Tim in a morally grey area and i will read it in fanfic and i enjoy writing it a lot
Joker Junior!Tim Drake - i've not written it on this account (yet) but on my main ao3 account one of my biggest fics surrounds this concept. this is one of those "well *technically* it's canon but only in a specific very divorced from the comics universe and would not work at all in the main timeline" so, i categorize it as fanon in that 95% of fics exploring the concept are not doing so within the Batman Beyond universe, but the main timeline. i just love it. I'll take any excuse to whump Tim, but this concept is so fun. psychologically breaking Tim will always be my favorite pastime. there are so many ways to explore the long-term effects this could have on him, how it could affect the Batfam. i'm not a fan of it being used as a "gotcha" to Jason or Babs' trauma with the Joker to paint Tim as the Ultimate Victim, but it is fun to see how their relationships would be affected by being mutual victims of him. (i have a vague JayTim idea where TIm fully retires from being Robin after being Joker Junior and killing the Joker, making Steph Robin for most of his typical Robin era and Jason still tracks him down out of curiosity bc he wants to know what happened and all. very underbaked but i've got thoughts.)
Renegade/Apprentice of Slade!Dick Grayson - this is another one where yes, this happened *sort of* in canon, but i highly doubt most people writing Renegate!Dick have read or are actually pulling from Nightwing: Renegade. it's just an exploration fo the concept fo Dick being Slade's apprentice and i will always eat it up in any capacity. whether Dick grows up with Slade from a young age, or chooses Slade for whatever reason later in life. it's not anything that works in canon bc it compromises Dick morally (similar to the above with Tim) and therefore will always come across incredibly fanon in most fics. but i can't say i don't enjoy it. it's fun to make Dick a little morally fucked up and see what you can make him under Slade's tutelage.
Jason & Damian Meeting in the League -there's no world where i believe this could work in the canon comics. (maybe in the Young Justice cartoon i suppose, but even then i think it's iffy) i would go as far to say it's wildly unrealistic. i don't see a world where Ra's would let Jason anywhere *near* Damian, bc Jason was Talia's pet project that he didn't approve of. that all said, there's something very interesting about how they *could've* met and them potentially bonding during that timeframe. them being somewhat brotherly during this time because Jason sees Bruce in Damian and sort of latches onto the kid and Damian is full of wonder hearing real stories about Batman and Robin, then that getting violently ripped away by Jason leaving the League is fun to me. it's fun how that could affect them within the Batfam and all. it's super fanon to me, but i do not care. i will eat it up
Bad Dad Clark Kent/Good Dad Lex Luthor - i will admit as a late, i've been less and less kind to this particular fanon bc of everything i've argued with people about, *this* one seems the most pervasive as misunderstood fanon. i don't mind when fanon exists, my gripe is when ppl try to claim it's canon. and the *arguments* i've had over this with people who can never seem to cite an actual comic are... frustrating. but that said, i think there is something fun to this strictly in fanon. the duality of who you expect to accept Kon and who you expect to hurt him being flipped is just sort of fun for the occasional guilty pleasure fic. it can make Kon's internal conflict a bit more interesting. the same goes for the Jon favoritism from Clark, it's not a canon thing (and i rlly wish ppl understood how complicated the timeline of Kon and Jon is and any distance from Clark toward Kon isn't malice, it's that Kon is from a timeline that Clark does not remember in the current canon so Clark just straight up doesn't know the poor kid.) but it's sort of fun to give Kon that complex of being overlooked and forgotten sometimes. making Kon just a *bit* more Luthor than Kent will *always* appeal to me in fanfic, especially if he *knows* it's wrong but craves approval from anyone who will give it.
Good Dad Bruce Wayne - i'll die on the hill Bruce is canonically a shitty father. maybe not to the extreme some people write him as, but he's not great at it. that said, i enjoy it in fanfiction. sometimes, i just want silly fluff or hurt/comfort where Bruce finally gets it right and manages to comfort whatever Batkid is in the fic. one of my favorite fics of all time is hinged on Bruce being a good dad, so i think it's just fun to explore how good the relationships *could* be, if Bruce was slightly less of an asshole. i usually prefer him as an asshole, but there are times i want low stakes nonsense.
Gotham Rogues Having Soft Spots for Robin(s) - just about every Rogue in Gotham has done something absolutely irredeemable, and most of them don't like or care about anyone in the Batfamily. but if there's a fic where one of the Robins inexplicably is sort of close with a Rogue and they have a cute silly relationship out of it? I'll eat it up i fear. Steph and the Riddler are besties? I'll believe it. Tim and Scarecrow get along pretty well? give me ten of these. Rogues protecting Robins just hits a spot. the unexpected nature of the relationship, as well as the fact they see each other regularly, can make a lot of good fodder.
#necrotic answerings#canon vs fanon#batfanon#batfamily#I was *going* to include “Janet and Jack Drake are bad parents”#then realized I don't really like that fanon anymore.#but I used to go *hard* for it even knowing it wasn't canon. it was all projection but still#nowadays I think the tragedy of Tim losing his parents the way he did is *far* worse if they loved him and were good to him.#I'm so serious about the Kon thing i've had *nasty* arguments where ppl got so rude to me telling me to “Google it”#like listen I get it. kon's canon backstory is currently difficult to understand#the timeline of the superboy mantle is a little confusing and most people have not read young justice (2019)#so for fanon it's far easier to simplify it as “clark just kinda sucks to kon” and i enjoy that#but the canon is also fun. it's fun when you consider how fucked up it is most people don't remember kon#and the timeline he remembers doesn't exist anymore.#also technically since they never killed off new-52!superboy on page there could be two superboys/kon-els running around rn. who knows.#i like to believe there is bc it's funny.#i have wanted to write a new-52!konkon/tim/kon sandwich#with the “is it selfcest or not” question#bc new-52!kon wasn't a clone of clark and lex.#so like. he's arguably a different character just sharing the name kon-el for some reason#also on the nightwing: renegade thing i know *damn* well most fanon-only fans haven't read it (no shade in that)#bc the fanon crowd despises devin grayson and she wrote it.#one day i'll write a meta about fandom treatment of devin grayson trust me.#this question was SO fun#i feel like i should have more answers?#if you'd asked me like six months ago this list would be three times as long#but the more i exist in this fandom somehow the saltier i get idk what's happening#so now i'm more and more attached to canon#but i will never begrudge someone for liking fanon#like i said my issue with it is the confusion of what is canon
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#not to be a broken lil man on main#but I was on the phone with my dad for 30 minutes just now (that's a lot for a phone call with him) and like.... damn. yeah. i do have one#parent who's not horrible huh#we talked a lot about my plans for the future...... which I only now told him bcs scary and bcs........ I never ever during my 25 years of#being alive got the impression from my parents that something like this would be an acceptable career choice or something they'd support#and I mean. my [redacted] of a mother is the best example for how. not alright it is with her that I'm doing something that's not very...#traditional for this family#but anyways. my dad was absolutely fucking lovely#to the point that I get getting teary eyed and felt my throat closing up cause. huh. i guess in his own way he does love me and believe in#he asked me to send him a link or a pdf of my first conference report because he wants to keep it somewhere 😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm....... ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch#you know the ghosting I am really good at with tumblr chats (sorry guys. ilu. I just suck at communication)???? i'm also extremely good at#that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones#so idk. hearing him say he understands and just wanted to make sure I wasn't upset with him and like. wanted to know if I was doing okay.#damn. okay. damn#idk#this was such a good talk and he was so suppertive and non-judgemental and I actually told him about my birthday and how my mother's call#upset me and he was like. yeah. same. and like... he's basically gone no contact with her as well as it turns out#idk. I really should give him more credit and like... I feel like there's so much shifting and change and development happening while I'm n#not there and sometimes it's hard to remember that he actually /could/ understand some things. just cause I've always been so used to not#sharing anything about myself because it wasn't safe when I was younger and... idk........ lots of emotions going on rn#so glad we talked though. so glad#simon.out.#if you read all this.... idk man.... sorry for oversharing but thanks for caring ig <3
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my opinion on the Blake lively situation
#okay so I never HATED Blake lively#but I did have a feeling about her#so I’d always like purposely not interact or view any interview or anything of hers that came up on my feed#I DON’T like Ryan Reynolds and never have#I just find him a try hard and annoying#and I did not like the couple of Blake and Ryan#they just seemed soooo pick me#so yeah I tried to just ignore the whole downfall of Blake lively that’s been happening#bc sometimes I just don’t care to comment or learn about celeb drama#BUTTTT ofc i got sucked into it#and not Blake tryna have a Margot Robbie in Barbie moment 😂😂#‘bring your girlfriends and wear florals!1!1’ GIRL MARGOT NEVER TOLD ANYONE TO WEAR PINK TO BARBIE IT WAS A NATURAL THING#not to mention I didn’t even realise this movie was about domestic violence as I’ve never read the book#and it was NOT being marketed as one thanks to Blake and Ryan#also why did Ryan have to get involve#ALSO this morning I saw the interview from 2016 where Blake is being rude to the interview#and oh my god it’s awful like SHE FIRSTLY FAT SHAMES HER OFF THE BAT NO HESITATION#then proceeds to ignore the poor interviewer#like doesn’t give her eye contact AT ALL#which I felt so bad for the interview bc I’ve BEEN THERE#this is why I’d hate to be a celeb interview bc imagine getting treated like a third rate individual by these big headed LOSERS who think#they’re better than you just bc they’re famous#I could NOT#anyways also Blake tried to have a whole feminist moment when the interviewer asked her about the clothes she wears in the movie#‘would anyone ask the men about the clothes’#UM BITCH YES??? COSTUMES??? IN FILM?? IS A THING ???#also can I just say Blake has always had the worst hair ever and the fact she has a hair care line is insane bc SHE IS KNOWN TO HAVE BAD HAI#and I never thought her fashion was good like even when people were simping over her met gala outfits I NEVER EVER SAW THE VISION#anyways yeah lol#the interviewer thing triggered me lowkey like HOW RUDEEEE
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Sorry for disappearing again. I’m popping back on here to give a little update on my life for anyone who cares. August was a really really reallyyy awful month for me. First I was spiraling abt my ex situationship and then the first wk of the semester I started dealing w a lot of harassment from classmates and I realized it was my own “friends” that started it and spread a bunch of awful untrue rumors abt me as well as my private text conversations w them 😃 And the stress from all of that literally caused me to have a psychotic episode and spiral even more so that was fun. I actually came close to ending my life bc it was so bad. I think that was the first time I’ve ever had a full blown psychotic episode and it was absolute hell, like I’ve never been so fucking terrified in my life. I didn’t even know it was possible to have thoughts as dark as the ones I was having. This caused me to fall really behind in my classes so now I’m having to catch up while also being very scatterbrained. And this WAS going to be my last semester but now I’m gonna have to graduate later bc of all of this 🥰 It literally feels like they sabotaged me right before the finish line like I’ve never been so pissed off in my life. But one good thing that came out of it is I’ve now figured out I probably have schizotypal personality disorder or sth similar which would explain why I have such a hard time making friends and maintaining relationships. I think I come off a lot colder than I mean to and so I give ppl mixed signals on accident. It’s kind of awful knowing I’M actually the one that’s caused some of my relationships to implode without meaning to. Like I try soooo hard to be as nice as possible and to listen and be patient w ppl but it’s still somehow never enough bc I’m kinda stoic and am not good at expressing my love for ppl. Like I feel so many things internally but it’s hard for me to show them externally. And I also figured out that I experience apophenia (which can be related to psychosis and schizophrenia) and so I sometimes read way too much into things and see signs and patterns that aren’t there. On one hand it’s great bc it allows me to learn difficult concepts really fast and spot patterns and connections other ppl might not see, but on the other hand it can also cause me to experience psychosis. I’m trying to be more careful now w how delusional I let myself be but I’m not gonna stop analyzing music and I’ll let myself be delulu sometimes as a treat bc life is more fun that way :)) I’ve made several playlists that kind of serve as journal entries since I don’t really journal and that’s the closest thing I have to journaling. These songs are like the soundtrack of my life at the moment
#alone by halsey brutal by olivia and games by lennon stella are also in there#decode and read your mind by sabrina as well#thank you aimee and mean are really hitting different now#istg i just try to mind my own business but i still somehow manage to get sucked into drama#‘i swear i don’t love the drama it loves me’#a likely thing to happen to me#i shouldn’t even be surprised atp#i’ve figured out that a lot of my classmates and friends only do or say nice things bc they want to use me to get good grades and#connections w professors so that hurts#i consistently get the highest grades in my classes so i feel like the timing of all this was intentional and was partially due to jealousy🙃#i think i get now why stem students get such a bad rap lol#the environment in an engineering college is ridiculously cutthroat and competitive#a lot of ppl are social climbers who will use ppl like tools and doormats to get what they want and i was one of those unfortunate ppl#personal#Spotify
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#oh lads. lads. lads. lads. im being sucked back into the world of academia#i dont even kno what happened. a week ago i was crying bc i was like: this is impossible. i simply cannot do this.#and then i went into the lab sunday and miraculously i was able to easily read some papers. like i dont kno how to discribe how baffling it#was. like reading papers is like pulling teeth and this was somehow easy. i think maybe it was bc i let myself get distracted and wander#thru it. and then after that i got so much done this week and i was tired but having fun. and like the thing is: i fucking love evolution#it's like puzzling out the code for life in both a metaphical and literal sense. its fucking incredible. and my project is also very#interesting. if a bit intimidating in its scope. ya kno. just in the way photosynthesis is generally intimidating#but i think i have a strain thats lost chlf which is really interesting and my advisor said we might have the money to try some crispr for#my cyano children. hypothetically. maybe. and i get to do some poking around in genomes. theres so so much to love there#how could i possibly want to do anything else? and yet. and yet. here at the end of the week im so wrung out and i kno i just have to start#again on sunday and i kno im gonna have to step it up in terms of reading if i want to make it through a committee meeting and proposal#defense. not to even mention a comprehensive exam. and what do i get at the end of all this? a lifetime of academia draining my life away.#bc what i do is so academic. so whats the point? its just so frustrating.#and on top of that ive got all this data from my old lab that i kno i have to work on. and i will. i will. but with what time?#anyway the point is. i can see a path forward now where i stay here and decide the pain will be worth it despite not knowing where im going#after that. im just so tried#but right now it feels like im gonna stay until someone kicks me out#but that doesnt exactly make me feel happy. ugh. but if i stay i want to get my old pi to come here and give a seminar. ill warn her how#intimidating the department is tho. we've had 2 talks in the last 2 weeks that were... not good. particularly the one this week#like she couldnt answer a single question they thru at her and didnt seem to kno her data sets. it was hard to watch. anyway. i just want#to see my academic mother again. send me back to the desert! let me rot in a field full of sage#but send me back to the hills of an older mountain range. where i can climb sandstone cliffs and lay in carpets of moss. except i wouldnt do#that bc of all the ticks and threat of lyme disease...#anyway. im still tired. still sad. and there doesnt seem to b a way out#unrelated
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being normal [lying] being normal [lying] being normal [lying]
#txt#listen. dealing w feelings n whatever is normal but im also like ghhh.#how do ppl date. and crush on ppl. this happens to me every 5+ years to me going by my few stats#ghh#just going thru it it fine its fine#it being reciprocated but just doesnt work current life timing wise. sucks.#tbh.#id almost prefer it if it was a one sided thing. then id deal w it like i have b4#but knowing theres some feelings its just life stuff/etc getting in the way.... hh. sigh.#yeah still best for him absolutely to not get into a relationship rn bc good god hes got so much on his plate#but also. hh#ill get over it itll be fine itll be fine i need to stop listening to my like 3 ethel cain tracks#legit tho the fact that ppl date diff ppl semi regularly like. huh? huh???
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idk i think my bf might be developing a drinking problem and i just don’t know what to do…..
#it’s been going on for a couple of months now but he promised he would stop and he had been doing well until today….#and it’s like. on one hand i never wanted to be w an alcoholic and i told him straight so he promised it would stop#but on the other hand i can’t just abandon him#and it’s like we used to go out a lot and party but like. that was it but ever since he met this guy he just gets lost when he drinks w him#and the thing was he got like aggressive like he didn’t do anything to me and i can’t really explain it but he just wasn’t himself#and like. we talked about it a million times and it’s not like it happens every week#it’s been like 5 times since december#but 3 have been on the past month alone#and two weeks ago it got bad like he almost got into an accident#and like i’m not even physically w him anymore like we really only see each other once a week since i moved#and from the very first time it happened i told him i couldn’t be w him if it kept happening#and after that incident two weeks ago he swore it was the last time but it just happened again#by the way he and that guy get wasted it really is a miracle they get home alive#and like. idk what to do#i really don’t want to be w someone like this#and i hate feeling like this like if i were to think only about myself i don’t want this i hate feeling like this#but i also can’t abandon him#like not even bc i would miss him or whatever i just wouldn’t feel good leaving him alone#but like i don’t want to live like this#maybe i’ll ask for some time to just figure things out#but it’s gonna suck so bad bc we were supposed to see kendrick lamar next week and then we already had plans for his bday and omfg#i don’t wanna leave but i don’t want things to be like this either#and i asked him to stop and gave him multiple chances but idk#i just don’t know what to do#i love him endlessly but i need to put myself first but i can’t abandon him:(#and our 1.5 anniversary was also next week…..#but i think time is the sanest and safest thing right now
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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need at least 1 person to be mentally ill with in the dms about my own writing perhaps then ill be able to publish something
#its sooooo pathetique but unfortunately being that im in a 2 year ongoing Rut i kind of uh. need the external stimuli here.#plus its nice to have someone to bounce ideas with & also just care in general yk. ive got whole fics that basically just happened bc i had#a conversation w someone who could 'yes and' with me for a bit#2019 was a good year for this for me personally#very productive i had so much fun#losing it sucked lmao i just dont feel as comfortable speaking my ideas anymore#i still think theyre good. i keep plotting things in my head but they never make it past the draft#IF we get to a concrete draft at all lbr#idk how to explain it. i enjoy what i make i find it interesting but sharing has kind of lost its shine.#a lot of the people i was hanging with then moved on which is what it is + i dont think we were as close as we were in my head anyway#but ive become way more conscious of dominating spaces#idk i just miss it. i feel like everything im doing is a solo project these days#its very lonely#easy to lose steam also when i dont have much energy to start with#but mostly just very lonely.#playing dolls with myself etc etc etc its fine when its voluntary but when its not.#well. its Not.#lol.
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puppet combo when there is woman
#decided to watch a playthru of murder house bc it had been awhile since id given puppet combo yet another chance#but man#they rly just dont have many interesting ideas and mostly rely on shock#oh but phuz u say thats what slashers are like#not the good ones! not ones that actually have something somewhat creative and entertaining!#honestly the only good thing i can rly recommend from murder house is clement panchout's great music#been listening to the end credits track a lot#but phuz the main char is wonan thats a diversity win#i guess!!!!#but also as a main char emma gets killed over and over and o#lol im just bitching bc for once the setup was promising and i was hooked... then the rest of the game happened🦆#idk it got lazy it didnt pay off all the things it set up that could have been interesting and it makes me feel bad for even caring?#idk man theres only so far u can take the same gimmicks for so long. esp when it was stale the first time u tried it in night of the ripper#i feel like the ending was so wtf random that they thought it would make up for their unfocused storytelling. but alas it just sucked#are there other endings? did pc even care enough to go thru that kinda effort? i dunno but i kinda am done w puppet combos shit lol#phuz rambles
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ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i think i'm going to go. Actually insane
my brother's gf's parents just put in an offer on a house for them today and it was accepted! and anyone who is not deeply mentally ill and traumatized and disabled and stuck living with their shitty fucking parents in their shitty fucking moldy decrepit hoarder's house would be happy for them! and i'm Soooooooo not! i fear i need to be kept 1,000 feet away from their happy celebratory housewarming shit bc it makes me want to kill everyone and then myself! like my mom texted me that they got the house and i immediately just started having a mental fucking breakdown and laughing and crying hysterically!!!!!!!!
like wow that's awesome!!!!! that's so awesome that you have rich parents who can just. randomly decide to buy you a house!!!!! that's so cool and good for you!!!! it would be so cool if my parents even had a decent house that isn't full of mold and bugs and mice and probably asbestos and has no usable dining or living room because they're piled with random fucking shit!!!! it would be so cool if some evil rotting smell didn't waft through the vents regularly!!!! it would be so cool if they were functional and capable of cleaning!!!!! it would be so cool if they were able or willing to help me live literally anywhere else, or GOD forbid realize that maybe living here isn't good for me!!!! that would be SO awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but it's So cool that your parents bought you a 3 bedroom house on a whim 👍 it's so cool that my brother gets to live there without having to go through any of the barriers that come with buying a house. it's so cool that people are just able to make money and live in safe and comfortable places and both of those things feel entirely impossible for me to the point where i truly just feel like i'm not meant to be happy or even just safe and sane. it's so cool that people just magically get their basic needs met and i'm just over here like ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i'll never have that! that's awesome 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
#i know that like. they are in The Most privileged situation Ever and that i also have a Great amount of privilege to just be able to have#a roof over my head and food to eat and a fucking Car#like i hate coming across like i have No privilege and i'm The Most oppressed person to ever exist#it just. Really sucks to see other people just Magically get their needs met when i am fighting So fucking hard#and it just feels like it's Never going to happen and i'm just going to nerf myself before i get to access safe and sane housing#i think i do truly need to set a boundary about not being involved w any of this for the time being. which is going to be a whole Thing#bc my mom will be like Why??? Why can't you just be happy for them??? if you were a Good Sibling you would celebrate#and i can't really just be like Well actually living here makes me want to nerf myself every day and hearing abt them getting#this house makes me want to nerf myself x1000 and also take you with me 👍 Hope this helps!#Whatever ig i just need to be extra careful w myself. and my therapist is out of the office this week :)))))))))))))#That's Awesome!!!!!#no shade to jaxson u do u boo. i just require your support and services#ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if anyone can relate hmu bc i feel like i'm Actually insane#ventnote
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Ok so Buddy works in space McDonalds right? Does that mean others have a job somewhere as well?
ill admit that in the comic i used space mcdonalds mostly for comedic effect........ i mean they propably worked at a space fast food restaurant at some point, but it definetely wasnt their only job!
okay so after eeneks unexpected family reunion the clones, eenek and zora all decide to stay on znahors ship for the time being(it gets a little cramped but its bearable), and they just kinda start going from place to place after that?? before picking them all up znahor already was doing essentialy that, anyway- he traveled from planet to planet, occasionally helping the locals and then fucking off elsewhere. so thats what they do! they jump from one star system to the next, never staying anywhere for long, trying to not bring any unwanted attention to themselves, and they get by mostly by doing random odd jobs(some more legal than others..) and stuff.
they all(ecept for taka bc hes like 10) get their fair share of shitty jobs, but they dont really have a choice, do they? the war is over, sure, but obviously such a long conflict leaves an impact on the world. the chaos is on one hand a blessing, bc an odd bunch like three galrans and a gaggle of humans dont bring much attention in a sea of refugees, but it also means that sometimes things get messy, and making ends meet is difficult.
out of the clones, buddy has the most experience and knowledge about how alien worlds function, so they often end up with jobs that require communication and frequent interaction with other people- basically what im trying to say is that they work customer service. a lot. they survive it by remembering how infiuriating diplomacy was and telling themselves that hey! at least them fucking something up wont put the fate of the universe into jeopardy this time!! stickbug often works alongside them, but he hates interacting with customers even more that buddy does and tries to avoid this kind of job as much as he can(my man spent too much time trying to please everyone in his childhood and is OVER IT). i mean all of them get a customer service job from time to time but bud is the one whos least terrible at it
im not sure if the others have any preferred jobs tbh, but the idea of soup trying competetive fighting at some point would be interesting to explore i think........
#ask#my funky guys#thanks for asking<33#also man poor taka. he spent like half of his life without interacting with kids his age........#hes the most socially awkward ten year old in the universe. meets a kid his age for the first time and has no idea how to act:(#and the worst part is that even when he manages to form a connection w someone#his family leaves the area pretty soon after that and in most cases he loses contact with that person after a while#so yeah.. hes not doing great#i really dont talk about this kid enough........ i love him hes my special little guy#(i say as i make his life even more difficult for some reason)#anyway#for buddy working in cusomer service or doing not-so-legal odd jobs is STILL better than their voltron days#whenever they look back at that period of their life they cant help but physically recoil#helping some random guy in the asscrack of the universe smuggle some shit for a bit of cash#is in their mind 10 times better than their time as the black paladin#basically their way of coping with their situation is to just. slowly convince themself that being w voltron was The Worst Thing Ever#i mean yeah it wasnt GREAT#but they willfuly ignore every good thing that also happened back then to make themself feel better lol#bc there are moments where living on a relatively small space ship with like 8 other people is stressful and kinda sucks sometimes#even if you deeply love and care about 6 of them#the transition from living on a deserted planet in complete isolation from ppl outside of your weird little maybe-family#to being constantly tossed around the whole universe#was a jarring and difficult transiton for everyone#(eeneks weird family drama didnt help)#the first few months were hard for everyone#it got better over time tho#life is unpredictable and people are unpredictable and shit is gonna get messy#but despite it all love still presists.
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One of those nights again where I try to remember things and gets facts in order while my brain hurts because of how much it wants me to stop
#cant sleep 👎#also im googeling the same symptoms over and over again even tho i know its gonna be the same results every time#like doing more research will somehow magically change anything#i think the most frustrating part is the not knowing#bc that means im not really entitled to anything im feeling ? and that im basically just overreacting for fun#i was very upset for a moment bc my parents neglected me growing up but i mean..#if i dont remember or know that anything bad happened bc of that neglect. well then do i even have the right to be upset ?#it feels like accusing them of a crime i was never witness to. just to create drama or something#but from the bottom of my heart! its not like that at all! i truly feel very bad and im just trying to make sense of that feeling#i used to say it was a good thing that i cant remember so much of my past. bc you know. the brain protects u for a reason#but now i don't know ?#not knowing if there are legitimate reasons for my weirdness or if im just being crazy sucks ass#feeling like i can't trust my own reality always has me unnerved#i miss being happy and carefree🥲 i think deep down i knew something like this might happen. i should have never compromised my peace#but now here we are 🤷♀️
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i know aging isn't the end of the world and 24 isn't that old and life isn't a race etc etc etc. however,
#i think a big reason i feel so bad abt being this age is ppl told me this is when things start to get better#and i still feel the same way i did as a teenager so. well. is it really 😐#(being on t probably isn't helping but it's been over 3 years already so... not an excuse i think)#but I'm also physically aging like the reason i barely upload selfies anymore is i see myself getting uglier every day#despite fighting for my life to at least take care of my face and hair...... can't fight the passage of time 😔#+ ofc. my (younger) friends being way more sorted out than i am on every level#again ik life isn't a race but. it can't help but hurt to know I'm still behind literally everyone i know#and my excuses for that aren't even good. bc other disabled ppl my age are also more sorted out than i am#other depressed ppl other borderlines other autistics etc etc. hell these are also my irl friends 😭#and it's dumb. bc feeling like i wasted my life isn't really pushing me to change that now. just makes me want to die even more#(bc i mean what's the point. i will never catch up. I'm still at the starting line AND i move so slow it doesn't even count)#(i don't have a single milestone ppl my age have not even finishing high school which is like. the bare minimum)#(and it sucks bc i also know i have potential i KNOW i can do shit in theory i know I'm smart and got skills. but i can't put it to use)#(and now this is turning into less of a thing abt age and just generally me talking abt how i wasted the last 24 years)#this was more of a stressed rant abt how I'm turning ugly and feeling super old but well. it all boils down to self loathing at the end 👍#vent#negative //#ask to tag#sorry for being so depressing all day oof ik i already said it before but it's been a rough couple of months#(nothing happened my brain just needs to get flushed down the toilet ^_^)#edit: i think. part of my panic about aging. is bc as a kid i was used to being the youngest everywhere#i was the youngest in my class bc i started school a year early. i was the youngest in acting school bc they don't normally accept teenagers#and in addition to that as an adult but before starting t i was always told that i LOOK young too#but now ik i look like I'm in my 20s. and it's killing me that i aged this much in so little#i wonder if shaving my beard will help but i don't wanna get misgendered 😐😐😐 and rn it's the only thing guarding me from that
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i'm not saying "i saw this coming" in an "i told you so" way but more than i happened to remake my account earlier this year so i ended up getting the "new user" experience and it seems pretty clear they were using new users as guinea pigs for their non-chronological following dashboard. and it sucks. you have to switch your dashboard over to "following" every time you refresh and there's no way to change the default to following. they said they were working on adding a way to change your default dashboard but i was always pretty damn skeptical of that given they went to the effort to making things DIFFERENT for newer accounts like, that does not show good intentions that shows going after people who don't know that they could have a better experience. and now they're trying to push it onto older users too, which was clearly always the plan. maybe i should've made more of a fuss but... honestly.... I am not a blogging warrior i am a sleepy insect. i just want to use tumblr to talk to friends and look at cool art and the weird dashboard stuff on my new account definitely gets in the way of that. basically the main feature that still makes tumblr worthwhile is our desktop blogs and the ability to sort and search posts using tags through someone's archive. but they're probably going to want to take that away too.
#Unfortunately i find cohost kind of obnoxious it feels like people press this idea of like ''responsibility to make a site better than twitt#er'' like culturally but i never used twitter much and it just feels weird and kind of oppressive atmosphere that everyone needs to post#''in good faith'' and i just think maybe i get different things out of websites than the crowd over there bc i really don't get it.#i don't really feel like i join websites to be part of a collective culture im just there for my interests and friends and i have like mayb#three friends on there so i just feel like i'm standing in the corner and sort of gave up on posting because i wasn't seeing much of what i#was interested in happening there. But i guess it could still make a good gallery website it would just suck to reupload everything i've#posted to my tumblr art blog on there especially the older stuff that doesn't feel representative of me but still like to have because it's#nice to be able to trace back my artistic development#ALSO their post backgrounds are bright white with no way to change it as far as i've seen so that's also a big minus
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Nothing will make me angrier than most takes on Gale from the hunger games. He is not my favorite character but always seeing the takes of oh yeah hate him horrible person nothing more or the opposite just irritates me bc there is so much you could unpack here and to dismiss his character is to miss out on some vital themes of the trilogy. The whole thing shows how his desperation and his (rightful) anger were used as tools by the adults around him to manipulate him. And people love to forget that he is also a traumatized child yeah he was a bit older than katniss but he has just hit 18 after already having to spend years in the father role having to take care of a whole family and having no one but himself to lean on. Was the actions he took right? No but it's almost like we are reading a fictional story from an outside perspective and his mistakes are meant to convey something. Also I believe he is needed to show the comparisons between him and katniss two people with very similar backgrounds and the different paths they can still take even with the similarities
#kayla rambles#thg#the hunger games#i just want to see some good analysis about him and his contributions to the story that dont just boil down to boooo man made bad decision#also booo cause not chosen love interest#also i personally feel like the love triangle stuff is in there in the first place to really hone in on the fact that these are children!#these are children who are living through horrible conditions still trying to navigate human feelings in general while surviving#things get complicated and messy and feelings get hurt bc they are literal teenagers and shit like that happens even in shitty situations#sorry seeing people give great takes and analysis on snow but then seeing how they cant even mention gale in a serious manner sucks
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