#how do ppl date. and crush on ppl. this happens to me every 5+ years to me going by my few stats

[inkmaze]

being normal [lying] being normal [lying] being normal [lying]

[hxneydreamers]

Hello dear ! I have read your blogs. You are amazing !!!! (10000x 💞 for you ). I wanted to ask a question . Neville goddard said that time doesn't really exist in manifesting . So actually my sp who is celebrity is very very older than me . Like we have a age gap of 12 years. 😥 as said i am minor. I decided to manifest him when i am 18 . But sometimes i get impatient but then i feel a bit upset and it's not legal to date a minor. Plus he lives in korea . As i have indian parents they never will allow me to even fly to korea. And even if we get in a relationship . They will never like him. Tho my mother is into the group (he is in a group ) she won't ever. As being in india , india is pathetic country with bs Trash . They ( the group is seen as bunch of gays) and most hurting thing is lgbtq is not accepted in this fuking country . Ppl tread them as trash not human. They get so much discrimination ( most of them are transgender ) and hate . Like they have to live together because thier parents disown them and stuff. Makeup is gender less. But in this country men have to be men. like all the fking indian celebrity don't ever wear makeup (males) . (Not gonna lie they all don't even have clear skin like korean ) Skin care is not menly . Men shouldn't do it. The mentally in this country is fucked up.

Now back to the topic.

- how my parents will judge him ? (Most my papa because mom knows a lot about korean cultural but she won't stand with me including some mfs relatives who judgemental af . Relatives ohh my these bishs are hella judgement (most the old one) doesn't matter how they themselves look or personality )

- is he gay ? Why he so feminine ? He is uses makeup damn sure he is gay or somthing he is a girl for sure !!

Doesn't matter how successfully he is and his personality . Doesn't matter how much more he is successful more than you. (Relatives and parent) don't matter if loves your beautiful daughter. doesn't fuken matter if he is caring and financial stable.

- as i minor they won't let me go to even study in korea !

- tbh my plans are to skip 12 or 10 grade (i am in 8 th grade now) and study in korean university as it's one of my dream. Then work as cosmologist here . I want to to have family here.

But but but

My parents hahah never i even asked them they even made fun of my dreams and they said it's gonna take 20 years to reach there .

I am extremely discouraged .

Then on the other hand i also want to desire body before everything happens . Like going to korea and stuff.

I suck at affirming and visualizing . I habe never got results from scripting.

Plus i got my school too. Omg also learning korean too.

Omg i am so done !! 😭 please help me and guide me. And advice me ! i am extremely sorry for my bad english . I am not a native.

Everything is so hard

Hey! Thank you so so so much for reaching out to me! I really appreciate you coming to me for advice! Don’t worry, your English was fine!

*I'm going to begin this post by clarifying that whilst it is possible for you to manifest anything in your reality, I do not encourage you manifesting this person if you are underage and they are much older. You have said in your question that you will not manifest them until you are 18, which is good, however I will just make it clear that this post is to help you manifest the other circumstances in your reality, and not the person or the age gap.*

Let me start by telling you I obviously haven’t experienced this as intensely as you have as I live in a country where people are much more open-minded about sexuality and ideas of masculinity, but I have stories to share with you from my own life that are very similar to what you want to manifest! They might encourage you! (PS, these following stories all took place from when I was at the age of 19 and up.)

(This story is before I knew about manifesting). My parents are very strict and traditional and I always wanted to go overseas to study in a specific country for at least a few months. My parents forbid it and I never would have been allowed to go, but I wanted it so badly that it was all I thought about and dreamed about! I started watching a TV show set in that country every single day. I even learned the language for fun. I somehow manifested it, because the next year, I took a semester off university and I went to that country for 3 months to live. So no matter what your parents say, you can 100% manifest this.

I had a celebrity crush in that country and I wanted to meet him and be with him SO BADLY! I didn’t know about manifesting until afterwards unfortunately, but guess what? I manifested seeing him MULTIPLE TIMES on the street, because I constantly thought about seeing him there and bumping into him! I even messaged him once and he responded. I also had one of his best friends on snapchat because I met him when I was there lol. I never got the celebrity crush because I focused too much on negative things. If I knew about manifesting, I would have gotten what I wanted.

My (specific person) SP who I am currently dating is actually someone who my parents also didn’t approve of for a long time because of sexuality and he is not stereotypically masculine! They also kept telling me negative things. The good news is that now my parents accept him and are happy for us!

Thank you for giving me the background information on your circumstances, it helps me understand your situation much better, and it also shows me how you’re thinking about the situation as well, which is the most important thing.

The beliefs you have are these:

Parents and other people not approving of the kind of people you are interested in.

You don’t think you can go to Korea for a long time

I’m happy to tell you that YOU CAN CHANGE THIS SITUATION!

As I said in the beginning, the age gap is illegal and should not be manifested. So as a result, you should begin with your beliefs about your family's negative opinions and your ability to travel in the future.

You need to stop mentally reacting to what they say when it’s negative about men who are not stereotypically masculine etc, and also when they say negative things about you ever traveling. They are only saying these things because in your mind you believe this to be true. Reality is an illusion and you need to know that if you really push through and persist, even if it feels extremely difficult, you can change this!

You should start by affirming your self-concept, something like this (you can also affirm in your own language if you prefer so it's natural to you :) whatever is comfortable for you!)

I am capable of anything!

I am a master at manifesting!

I always get what I want easily and effortlessly!

Everything always works out how I want!

Then I want you to affirm for your circumstances:

My family is always extremely accepting and encouraging!

I’m so happy that I’m going to Korea!

If you find it hard to visualise you can just affirm. I know you may feel like you’re bad at it, but if you practice it will get easier. Set a timer for 5 minutes and say your affirmations over and over! Make sure you don’t have any distractions. Focus on them. Do this several times a day, every day.

Also, if you can get the app ‘ThinkUp’ record yourself saying your strongest affirmations, and listen to them at night when you sleep. Start with your self-concept affirmations only for maybe 2 weeks! Then you can add your other affirmations.

Your goal is to change the way you feel and think about yourself and what you are able to do, your surroundings and your family’s opinions. Start with these things. Really persist in them.

I hope this helps in some way! If you ever need to reach out to anyone, so many people on Tumblr in the manifesting community are here to listen! We all want each other to succeed and I know that if you put the work in to do this, you will too!!

I also recommend you start binge-watching one of these youtube channels:

Sammy Ingram

Manifesting With Kimberly

Manifesting Secrets

Dylan James

Create Your Future

YOU CAN DO THIS <3

[bucksblr]

tagged by @leonzhng​ thanks for making me dig through my most embarrassing crushes 😭✋

i’ll tag @highwarlockkareena​ @yibobibo​ @lan-xichens​ @purplexedhuman​ @aheartfullofjolllly​ @lanzhansmiles​ @nyx4​ i feel like i tag you guys in everything i am so sorry please ignore this if u don’t wanna do it !!

putting this under a read more for reasons

MEN 2010 – 2016

literally nothing more embarrassing than falling on the same type of white man over and over again (with the exception of minho from shinee bless his heart)

tommy joe ratliff → he was the bass player for adam lambert during his glamnation era (think of songs like for your entertainment and if i had you) idk why exactly i liked him so much but i just did.... however i searched him up again quite recently and found out he’s one of those republicans that says the dumbest shit on twitter so Big Yikes

harry styles → “baby you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed, and when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell...” and BOOM 13-year-old me was sold for well over two years

louis tomlinson → basically i liked harry most until around 2013 when for some reason i started to like him a little less, and i got more focused on louis tomlinson, and although i didn’t like one direction anymore louis tomlinson always had a special place in my heart

ashton irwin → so ashton is 5sos’ drummer, i discovered 5sos through one direction & i stanned them until late 2014

harries twins → the harries twins (jack & finn) are basically the reason i started spending a lot of time on youtube, they were funny and pretty and they just had good videos in general, so for almost two years i’d watch their content regularly

choi minho → my first steps into kpop happened bc i was watching videos on youtube (most probably the harries twins) and suddenly i saw the sherlock mv in my recommended videos so i clicked on it and then 14-year-old me proceeded to fall for minho like an idiot

brooks twins → still youtubers, the brooks twins were 3/5 of the janoskians (jai & luke brooks, beau brooks, daniel sahyounie, & james yammouni), an australian youtube comedy group that was active from 2011-2018 though i was only around from 2012-2014 (when jai brooks was dating ariana grande)

jc caylen → surprise! another youtuber! jc caylen was part of o2l (our2ndlife) a youtube collaboration channel on which each of the 6 members posted videos on a certain day in the week (mondays with connor, tuesdays with ricky, wednesdays with sam, thursdays with jc, fridays with trevi (my 2nd favorite member bc she participated on the x factor), saturdays with ricardo, and then they had surprise sundays every week) and i remember how much joy jc & the others always brought me with their silly videos

misha collins → up next, you might know him as the gay angel that was sent to superhell after confessing his love to the homophobic hunter on supernatural, it’s misha collins! basically misha was a huge source of comfort for me, and i even went around calling myself emmisha for almost two full years (cringe)

henrik holm → he played even bech naesheim in skam and my crush on him reached that level of ridiculousness where i actually tried my hand at learning norwegian (i can only remember how to introduce myself and some curse words i would make a great first impression on him)

MEN 2016 – 2021

min yoongi → okay so my baby steps into kpop happened through shinee’s sherlock, but i only got really invested when yoongi dropped agust d 1 because Holy Fuck y’know??

kim namjoon → oh man i remember thinking namjoon was cute and a very good leader and then BAM he dressed like THAT at the 2016 mma’s and i fell in love. hard

park seojoon → i started liking park seojoon whilst i was watching hwarang (you guessed it, i watched it bc of taehyung), although he wasn’t my favorite character by far, but he was very silly off camera & i liked that (i’m not that into him anymore tho </3)

kim seokjin → OH BOY LET ME TELL U i liked seokjin from the very beginning (i got to know bts in late 2014) and i always liked seeing him perform and be himself and god once i realized i had a crush on him it just hit me like a mf truck, and he’s still one of my favorite people to this day

jung hoseok → god fake love era hoseok really hits different.... also yes i know i have all of bts’ hyung line on my list BUT bts was a really big part of my life for almost 6 years soooo honestly they deserve it i still think they’re great guys

choi san → when ateez made their debut in 2018 i immediately fell in love with san, he was such an amazing dancer and he captivated me right from the very beginning, to this day he’s still my bias in ateez uwu

xiao zhan → AND THEN, OCTOBER OF 2019 HAPPENS AND I WATCH CQL AND... i fall in love with xiao zhan, something i’d never expected would happen bc when i watched cql for the first time i wasn’t as invested in the story, but i really really really liked xiao zhan and one thing led to another and now here i am as a xfx

wang yibo → the thing is, i’ve known yibo since eoeo except i didn’t know cql yibo was uniq yibo (bc i’d forgotten his name) and when i looked it up i can tell you my jaw dropped to the floor bc holy shit????? also he is very silly and i love him loads ok

lee minho → ah, the man who has been my skz bias since 2018, not only is minho my bias i also kin him (there’s a lot of aspects of myself that i see in minho and vice versa) and he’s very comforting to me

bang chan → honestly, it was only a matter of time before i’d fall for bang chan, i knew the moment i got into skz again that i’d start biasing him and, well, here i am, double biasing chan & minho

WOMEN

this list is shorter bc i’ve in general always had less crushes on women than on men??? blame society forcing me into thinking i was straight for a LONG time

ariana grande → remember the 2011 layout of twitter?? where u could not only have an icon and a header, but also a background and ur twitter page was smack in the center of ur screen with the big ugly menu bar at the top??? yeah ariana grande was always my background for my l*rr* st*l*n*s*n layouts

perrie edwards → this was right around the time she was dating zayn & little mix was breaking out into the spotlight, yeah i just really loved her

andrea russett → okay so remember o2l?? andrea russett was kian’s girlfriend for a pretty long time and they always did videos together and i always thought she was super pretty

lily collins → maybe i don’t like clary in tmi all that much but i sure liked the way lily collins looked

alona tal → MY BISEXUAL AWAKENING, it’s only when i saw alona tal in spn that i realized, fuck i might be gay

park jihyo → i discovered twice (my 2nd jype group after day6) through the like ooh-ahh mv and red-haired jihyo really did something to my heart (i just rewatched it and god zombie bang chan is so mf cute)

kim jisoo → when bp made their square two comeback i was immediately smitten for red-haired jisoo in playing with fire, it’s also when i realized she was my bias out of the four members

shin ryujin → the reason that i have blue hair is partially bc of ryujin and her amazing intro in wannabe :D

xuan lu → her portrayal of jiang yanli was SO ON POINT and she’s just such a kindhearted wonderful person wow i want her hand in marriage

lee yoobin → god i’ve known dreamcatcher from back when they were still called minx and ever since i’ve always looked at dami that bit more than the rest, i was also able to see dreamcatcher live in october of 2019 and the whole experience was just so amazing !!

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

there’s a whole lot more than just these 10 but i wanted to fit the evolution into one (1) slide as best as i could lmao

peter pan → this movie came out in 2003 (?) and he’s honestly the first fictional character i remember ever having a crush on

legolas → i was really doubting between placing haldir or legolas here but i only really got a vague haldir obsession when i was like 14

zuko → LOOK. ZUKO IN ATLA? HOT. ZUKO IN LOK? HOT EVEN IF HE’S AN OLD MAN.

will turner → man was annoying sometimes but i really liked him and his relationship with elizabeth was cute

jo harvelle → gosh i can’t believe she’s the only female character in here???? yeah she was one of my two spn faves and i’ll never forgive the screenwriters for the way they killed her off

castiel → does your fave ever get sent to super hell for being gay? no? well. mine did

kili → fili and kili’s storyline tore my heart out, spit on it, and then laughed straight in my face, KILI WAS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE DWARF

howl → i only watched this movie for the first time in 2020 so i kinda fucked up the tl cause i watched cql in 2019 but shh, anyways howl with his blonde hair was good looking but howl with his black hair just hits differently. i want a howl

lan jingyi → MY BABY BOY, TINIE LITTLE BABIE WHOMST I MUST PROTECT ok no but seriously this kid. i love him a lot

mu qing → BARK BARK. that’s all (that’s not all i love him a whole lot and it hurts me to see so many people misunderstand his character and only see the bad parts of him when they can forgive others for fucking up (eg. xie lian himself & feng xin) but bc mu qing doesn’t deal well with emotions suddenly he’s the bad guy??? i s2g if ppl are gonna do to him what they did to jiang cheng in the tgcf la i will RIOT)

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

i don’t get why they made Merula a dating option in romance TLSQs & the dating minigames if she’s still gonna keep treating MC like shit in the main story, i really don’t. if it were me i’d never date anyone who’s horrible towards me most of the time & when we’re in front of others but softens up when we’re alone. i know there’s some people who love that shit & eat it right up but i just can’t get on board with it at all. i just think MC doesn’t deserve that from the person who supposedly loves them. that’s not just her being a “tsundere” like ppl claim she is, it’s worse than that. it’s not even like dating her makes a huge impact in the main story, like it gets brought up now & again & she gets flustered, then she continues treating them poorly as if it never happened. having a sad past isn’t an excuse to treat someone you love this badly so often. how do you Merula x MC shippers put up with it?

There's a very simple reason, and I doubt it will make you happy, but I think it's just how it is. Merula is a dating option because of popular demand. I fully understand why a significant portion of the fandom would miss her one bit if she was cut, but another group of people would miss her terribly. I've speculated in the past that Jam City, or at least a few people on the main team, ship this pairing. Make of this what you will, but the original head writer cited this as his favorite fan made project. Make of that what you will. So I'm afraid the developers may not be on your side for this one, but it's not like you have to date Merula. So luckily, you should be able to avoid that kind of interaction with her in the game. In the fandom...yeah, not as much. A lot of us adore Merula, and love to talk about her character and ship her with our MCs. I suppose you can always filter out tags about her, but that becomes a problem as she is, like you said, a part of the main story.

She's a very major part of the main story, and one of the cornerstones of her character is just how terribly she treats MC. She was the original villain of the game, before we knew about R. She eventually became more of an ally, without losing her prickly nature. And right as it seemed like she was on the verge of real change, of growth as a person, before everything went wrong at the end of Year 5. For most of Year 6, it seemed that we had settled into a permanent dynamic of her being on MC's side, yet being a total jerk about it...but then we had the rug pulled out from under us once again in Y6CH45. Maybe future developments will lead to Merula becoming a better person, whether or not she was romanced, but ultimately this is the reason that it hasn't happened yet. She's like Ben. She's too important to the story for her to change in any meaningful way outside of what the story itself has already planned. This may have been the reason that Ben was cut so long ago. But Merula was so popular that Jam City decided it was worth it to keep her in. Well, either that or they had always written MC x Merula to be the "canon" pairing, but that is still just speculation.

Don't get me wrong, I've been frustrated with Merula before. The crush on Jacob during Year 6 was just needless salt in the wound. Like, barring everything else, I think most MC x Merula shippers have to accept that, if they had their MC dating Merula in Year 5, well...they broke up in Year 6. Things could still change, and I obviously hope that they do. But the reason us MC x Merula fans can stand her is that, for every scene that drives us crazy, we get another wonderful bit like the "Merula Snyde infatuation" scene, which is not only cute ship-tease but also hilarious as all hell. I could bore you wish gushing about moments like those for three more paragraphs, but I won't. What it comes to is that everyone has different tastes.

[flying-elliska]

i didnt rly get time to tell you this after reading chapter 8 last week but ohmygod ellie. you manage to outdo yourself every fucking time im always so blown away by your talent

god i dont even think i can reread it because seeing love portrayed the way you just did makes me cry so bad lmao (the same way i cant reread lucas' pov from diamants with all the sacrifices he made for eli)

it's always so beautiful seeing them nourish each other's souls with the love and warmth they share, and how they treat each other's feelings so delicately (lucas still not admitting to eliott about how his taste buds absolutely dont agree with eliott's and instead seeking out cuisines that'll cater to eli's tastes 🥺 also you have the best date ideas ahhh your mind)

the poetry absolutely broke me tho i teared up so bad sksks youre sickeningly romantic and it hURTS 😭😭 that scene is def in my top 5 romance literatures fr

goddd i love how all versions of Elu in your fics have different love languages and their love is still idk insurmountable(?) like they'll gladly give up everything for each other and still have so much love to give (sorry im a mESS just thinking about it)

also that cliffhanger was so satisfying thank you so much for not letting us experience their heartbreak over separating im so so glad he had the epiphany of this possibility before it was too late ahhhh IM SO HAPPY THEYRE OKAY. yk me being me and generally expecting bad outcomes to get through life, I thought eliott would be snatched away and they'd lose a few years and be reunited later somehow but ofc the pain of loss cant be undone (cause when does life ever work in your favor lol) but im so fucking glad you didn't let that happen omg

sksjsj sorry for this rambling i just wanted you to know what an absolute blessing you are to everyone who gets to read your work (honestly i even recommended this to my friend and would gladly do so to anyone cause i feel bad for whoever hasn't gotten to experience your writing it really is an indulgence 😭 and how you manage to churn out such incredible work in just dAYS?!? is beyond me fr)

also i cant help but envy ppl who have you in their lives cause like omggg this lovely and brilliant person exists amongst you !!! no but rly, this isnt just about your ideas or eloquence, i really love your tumblr (and it feels like a glimpse into your personality) and how well-rounded it is in terms of politics, activism, aesthetic, humour, lol i could go on and on.

thank you so so much for all the efforts you put into your beautiful work and posting your chaps in time (i dont get how you could think we wouldn't follow this fic past winter cause it's literally impossible to abandon your fics in between)

i hope you're doing well and hope you always remember that you're very well-loved by all of us ❤️❤️❤️

🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️ok im just gonna leave sksjd

what a sweet ask anon ^^ haha it also embarassed me a little, but in a good way ^^

the thing about the love languages is very true. i love that they’re so attentive to each other in canon, that being honest with each other is not always easy but even though they struggle, they keep trying to pay attention and to open up. I think this is so important because in romantic stories there is often the first rush of attraction, the crush, where you get an intuition of who this person is and why they would fit well with you, but if you never go beyond that, it feels like a very shallow story.

I love that with Elu there is this attraction at first sight that feels very romantic and ‘meant to be’ but the story doesn’t equate that with them immediately being completely easy or familiar with each other, they’re still strangers that have to get to know each other. and i think that love language develops at that moment, to bridge the gap between this butterflies-in-the-belly feeling of being irresistibly drawn to a stranger ; and falling in love with a person because you’re discovering who they really are - but it’s very scary, because you have to take the risk of being vulnerable and rejected and messing up. it’s like celine sciamma said, about lovers feeling like they’re inventing a new language every time. if there is not an element of that - something made of inner jokes, of unique little moments, of tentative attentions and attempts at connection, of doubt and taking risks, of learning something entirely new and specific, of making something new together - the romance generally bores me very deeply (i hate insta love for this reason, honestly.)

anyway, yes ^^ with knight AU I had thought about either making it like the movie where only Eliott goes back but like...it’s at the core of Lucas’ character that he goes after Eliott to a dark and scary place to let him know he’s not alone so that just needed to happen ^^

thank you for recommending my writing to your friend, that’s so sweet <3 haha and for your compliments, i think i’m absolutely delightful to be around at times but also frequently grumpy and cantankerous and a lil pretentious so you know ^^ it’s easy to present an idealized version of yourself on the internet. But! it’s still lovely to know that what you put out there vibes with another person so much, you know ?

anyway, big love to you, i hope you are having a lovely day and are doing ok ! <3

[bi-dazai]

honestly i think i have a weird anger or cultural confusion where other gay and trans ppl are like much happier and comfortable to come out and shit and be open, but I've always had an extremely complicated relationship with it because it's always made me feel so isolated and lonely, even with other gay ppl around. and younger ppl especially will like go around coming out so frequently and meanwhile if I'm going to even tell you that I'm attracted to women I have to trust you 110% and that isn't something that comes easy.

I'm terrified of like. Wearing even rainbow goddamn socks because I'm scared shitless of getting bullied, or harassed, or even assaulted. Which is ironic considering I try to be quite fashionable in public but with being openly bi (let alone being openly TRANS) it's a complete no-no.

Like I think as much as I love being bi and nb at the same time I still despise it, I still think it's ruined my life. I have gender dysphoria about my chest whereas if I was cis I would be so happy with how feminine my body is. My first ever relationship with another girl at the moment being cut short by abusive homophobia fucked me up in innumerous ways, leading me to like...severe issues with the way i feel about sex and emotional attachment and touch.

And ofc there's the homophobia, like at this moment I'm probably leaning towards getting a fuckbuddy or smth over tinder but like a romantic relationship with another person is terrifying, like I'm insanely private w relationships even w men, I won't let us hold hands if I think too many people might see bc i have this stupid complex

There's more and more but my relationship with being Out is one where it's something that I simultaneously desire and despise, being Out is one of the most terrifying concepts I can think of and to me having someone refer to me as "they" and not as a woman is simply not as important as being safe, as not living in even more fear of assault.

And then all around me ppl my age (although usually younger) are all coming out to anyone and everyone like it's just casual, saying their pronouns like it's nothing. And first it's disbelief and shock because holy fuck, has everyone gone fucking mad?? Are we all so fucking stupid that we just forget the everloving fear homophobia strikes into you?? And then it's the jealousy, that these people have this comfortable relationship with their own gay/transness and enough trust to actually open up and tell a room full of strangers "please call me they not she". It's disappointment and anger in myself that almost 7 years after forcing myself to whisper "I'm bisexual" to the bathroom mirror in the middle of the night and then cry my eyes out because it felt like I'd been cursed, and probably over a decade since I'd started having sexual feelings about all genders, and an entire lifetime of having feelings for men women and others, after so long I'm still just a coward who sits and hates it all, who fears it all.

But then recently I've come to the realisation that the way I realised I was gay was a way that's kind of...dying out. That being the mostly offline way.

Don't take this the wrong way but I've found a lot of people go online and find this overwhelming amount of support and representation for gay and trans identity. You can argue validly this statement, but the context I use this in is comparing it to like. 2013. People were way less online. Being an online celebrity was a novelty.

At school there were dyke, faggot, tranny, etc, thrown around as if they were confetti. Jokes about "lesbos" and "lesbihonest" humiliated any girl who was too close to another girl. I grew up not just in Brisbane Queensland but in a town that was connected to the mainland only by two bridges - a landbridge and a humanmade bridge. The school was overwhelmingly anglo. Overwhelmingly right wing.

I realised I was bi with minimal help from Tumblr. I realised I was bi because I fell, hard, for my best friend. And then she liked me back, and our relationship was amazing. But the school found out. We held hands under the table, we found a quiet moment to kiss and everyone pointed and stared. We made out in the shadow of a building and turned to find twenty people watching gawkeyed, pointing, fascinated.

The entire time her mum was abusive, and massively homophobic. She blamed me for turning her daughter gay. She forced us multiple times to break up at the threat of violence. Eventually we did. We never talked about it. Our friendship never returned like it used to. It was awkward, tinged with sadness, regret, yearning and young love cut short.

It was traumatic, to say the least.

Tumblr in 2014, despite the cringe screenshots, wasn't actually mostly about LGBT positivity or whatever. I first saw the term bisexual on, if you can believe me, a quotev story in 2011 about a cheerleader and an emo girl who get together in a secret relationship. You were either gay or straight, or you had an exception. Bisexual felt right, though, for me, felt accurate, was accurate.

It was years of confusion and secrecy and guilt, peeks at other girls in the changing room that I couldn't help and I didn't understand why. Then it was months and months of anger and frustration at myself that I was feeling this way and confused about myself, and then when I said those words it felt like I was being torn apart. It felt like my life had fallen apart. I cried every goddamn night, I felt awful all the time.

At school the kids noticed. They noticed before I started dating my friend, they noticed the way I looked at her and they interrogated me about it. I'd claim up and down I had a crush on another boy - true perhaps, but it was a passing interest - and then they said they told him and analysed how I reacted. And then the interrogations continued for months because the gay girl was entertainment for them. Around me, as I walked between classes, had lunch, walked home, dyke dyke dyke faggot hahaha.

And then the relationship happened and then leelah alcorn happened and I learned what a trans person is. And sometime when I was fifteen I saw nonbinary begin to pop up, terms like genderfluid and nonbinary and they rang true like bisexual did, but the last time I went down a rabbit hole like that it ended in trauma, and another person got hurt. I didn't throw homophobia at her, but I felt and still feel responsible for it. I didn't turn her gay, but I made it obvious. I don't quite know how to say it.

I knew I was nonbinary, deep down. One day I decided to add that to my tumblr bio. Nobody gave a shit, just like nobody gave a shit when I said I was bi. But that was because I wasn't open about it even online. I couldn't talk about that stuff or I'd curse myself.

Time went on, I got more comfortable, collected fresh new traumas. My brother came out as trans. Around me, friends came out as gay and trans. But they kept coming out. They didn't stop at close friends and trusted family, they told teachers, their entire class. I didn't understand. Why the fuck would you put yourself at risk like that?? And I still don't. I said it was jealousy and anger at myself before, and maybe it is still a little bit, but now, it's just concern.

As I said, the way I realised I was gay is the rather old fashioned way - offline, through trauma, and almost entirely unenjoyable and traumatic. A lot of kids still go through that for sure. But the ones I see telling everyone over that they're gay or trans are, in my experience, not those ones. As the internet began to become more of a general use thing and less of a "only recluse weirdos" space, the online LGBT safe space began to expand into an audience bigger than before. Online, you were safe. Nobody knew your name, you were behind a screen. Homophobia was veiled, you could just delete a hateful anon, could just log off. You could put up your pronouns and people would use them because, well, ppl didn't really have any other identifier someone might use for your gender. So this positive uplifting atmosphere spawned for the most part. And instead of learning through confusion and rare chance encounters with random words and crying into the sink every night that you're gay, you much easier come across this content that tells you indepth what this is and that it's okay. And you think, well wow, that's me, and then...you know, I guess. Not denying there's some of the classic self hatred etc but...you have this safe space online to fall back on, and I cannot emphasise how much that has pushed the acceptance and widespread knowledge of lgbt people in the past 5 years. I didn't exactly have that space, and my realisation was through mostly real life channels, which were swamped at all sides by homophobia, at worst, abusive, at kindest, it would treat you like a sideshow attraction.

Being someone who arguably isn't old enough to brush this difference away with being an "older gay" but still having had a gay experience quite different to the majority in my generation (applying this to area as well) I have to say I'm confronted with this comfortableness other days have a lot and it's always jarring. I think also that while it's important and I'm happy that "younger" gays and transes have at least one good support network/space to fall back onto online, I do think it creates this kind of...dangerous other side, especially for those who go to schools that are LGBT positive and have families who are also friendly to that sort of stuff. I find that young gay teens are totally unprepared and unhardened for the fact that most people you run into in real life despise your guts for existing as who you are. And while we can make as many soppy gay narratives as possible about being honest about who you are and losing shame, we need to face the fact and teach young lgbt kids that being Out isn't just something you do as a ritual in being gay or trans, it's a brave thing and it's completely optional. And furthermore, most importantly, it's insanely dangerous.

I don't think that teenage, raw fear of the consequences of even the very concept of being Out has ever left me. Perhaps I have to thank the homophobic 14 yr olds who swamped me in slurs and trauma, because it's given me a survival sense that's kept me closeted so far you'd never get in.

But occasionally I'm tempted, particularly with my transness which I am only out to perhaps 3 people about, to venture into the world of telling people about yourself. I started a new uni semester and in a tutorial, the teacher handed out cards. We were to use it as a placard to write our names on it so the teacher would learn our names over the next few classes. And, if we chose...our pronouns.

I stared at that card for what felt like a million years. This has always been an ordeal. People don't know how to pronounce my name, even though it's a rather simple one. But pronouns? I'd never really told anyone those. Online, yes, and once when I was asked by a friend i was brave enough to say "any will do" but this - this wasn't the curated safe online space, this wasn't a one-time phrase to a friend. This was an open, permanent thing that would sit below me every class, declaring me to 18 other people. I wrote down "NATALYA", then beneath "she/". And then I stared some more. I felt like I was going to die. I felt like I was the biggest fool, because before I could stop myself I wrote "she/they". No "he", not yet. But...it was there.

At the end of the class the teacher collected the placards. I wanted to run back screaming, wanted to ask her for a new card so I could be safe again. But I didn't because I would look like a freak and a coward.

I still think it's stupid. I still think I've put some petty gesture that no one will ever respect (if they can call you she they won't ever call you they) above my own safety. The thing that really struck me was that it didn't feel good. The reason I wrote it like that, I believe in hindsight, is that I was curious what those other kids feel like, because it must feel good to declare that you're a tr*nny d*ke in front of the entire class, good enough to beat the stomach-lurching dread that precedes such an action. But it didn't. It just felt like an unnecessary risk. And it made me feel worse, like there was a target on the back of my head.

I think I could talk about this forever, about how so many kids believe coming out is this thing you're required to do to be a good gay, but it's not. It's stupid stupid reckless, and in my case it ends with you getting fucked over.

But Ive written for ages and gotten prosaic halfway through so I'm gonna shut up. Basically why the fuck do you guys come out to everyone like please stay safe instead of this it isn't worth it.

[synnefo-nefeli]

Hi! I noticed that you’re reblogging a lot of KKM stuff and that you do head cannons. Do you have any for this wonderful show? I’ve been watching since 2005 and it’s good to see the fandom is still alive!

Ommiigod! Hi Anon! I too am a fellow fandom KKM Old- these boys have been living rent free in my brain since 2006!

Before I get into the hcs, my pairings are: Yuuram, Yorad, and Gwenter. Sometimes Yorata happens but I love me some Conrart and Yozak lovin.

Here are my HCS in no particular order or theme:

1. Ppl like to say that the thing the Three Brothers have in common, are their smiles. However, the other thing they have in common is that they’re all pretty jealous/possessive over their significant others.

Majority of people only have observed Wolfram’s more dramatic outbursts and assume it’s him being a spoiled prince. But once Gwendal and Conrart become more open with their relationships at court, people definitely see the commonality.

Wolf’s will always be the more dramatic outbursts, but doesn’t hold a candle to the very real threat that Gwendal and Conrart can muster when they’re finally pushed over the edge.

It’s because of this, that Yozak and Günter are still not sure if being open with their relations was a good decision after many years of being discreet and in an open relationships.

Because on one hand, the Duke of a small township outside of the Human Kingdom, now knows not to flirt with Günter at the diplomat’s ball lest the Duke wants to get into a skirmish with von Walde. On the other hand Yozak doesn’t mind Conrart fucking up a mark who got a little too rough with Yozak (not to mention ruining one of his favorite dresses) during an intel gathering mission. Also, 49% of the time, Günter fawns over Yuuri just to make Gwendal jealous/get back at his grumpy lover for not paying enough attention to him.

Conrart and Gwen are generally better behaved than Wolf, but every now and then the jealousy simmers over in a bad way.

2. Speaking of Cheri’s eldest sons, they’ve kept their relationships discreet because they don’t want to have her fussing over them about marriage, weddings, grandchildren and the like. Gwendal and Conrart aren’t really interested in the big romantic ceremonies and are more into the idea of “love freedom” than their mother. After seeing their mother forced into unhappy relationships at the Maoh’s behest, and the judgement she received about her partners and the pomp and circumstance / inevitable fallout if those relationships, Gwen and Conrart prefer privacy and discretion. Besides, Wolfram is going to give Cheri the big wedding she’s always dreamed of for her children.

3. Günter’s house has a history of bad blood with Gwendal’s ancestors. Kleist and Wald have always held each other as rivals and the previous von Walds have held mistrust of the ruling family of Kleist. Günter’s family is known for their ethereal beauty and were often spymasters / traded in information as their members were skilled diplomats in and out of the sheets, and grew their power in this way.

The Walds have a very prudish view of the Kleists, even though their “scandalous” origins are more a thing of legend. This makes Gwendal and Günter’s relationship a bit rocky- Gwendal’s extended family are angry over the relationship, Günter’s family believe that Gwendal will use Günter in a way that is beneath him to control the Crown’s espionage network.

4. When Günter came to court as an adviser to Cheri during the war, it was at Gwendal’s behest as he was impressed with Conrart’s swords master/teacher...and because he was nursing (as best as one with Gwen’s emotional constipation could) a slight crush. Günter was honored because it was the first time his martial and diplomacy skills were going to be letigimized . He was not going to be seen as a “pretty face” or a member of an infamous famil with shady origins.

Unfortunately, Stofel was all about utilizing Günter in a manner “that his family is known for”. He used Giesella as a threat to force Günter into selling himself for information/resources for the crown.

Fortunately, Gwendal intercepted Günter before he could go through with it, and moved Günter to his current role at court. It took them a while to actually move into a casual relationship, they became more serious during Yuuri’s reign.

5. It takes them a while, but Yuuri and Wolfram eventually become Shin Makoku’s power couple. While Wolfram loved Yurri truly and passionately, once Yuuri matured and realized his feelings for Wolfram- their bond deepened into one of the land’s greatest love stories. Wolfram becomes an amazing Prince-Consort and Yuuri’s most trusted partner during his long reign

6. Wolfram has been learning Japanese in secret with Murata teaching him; he’s also learning how to cook Yuuri’s mother’s curry.

7. Wolfram is terrible at baseball and was dismayed that he couldn’t really connect with Yuuri in this regard. Murata told Wolfram that he’s also really bad at baseball but he enjoys it in different ways (like him managing the baseball team instead of being an active player like Yuuri). So Wolfram studies the baseball books Murata has translated and eventually presents Yuuri with plans and designs right down to the team’s uniforms, for the Demon Kingdom’s baseball league.

8. The Crown’s team is called the “Bearbees”. Wolfram is the team owner and the second chairman of the league after Murata. Yuuri and Conrart are honestly impressed.

9. Yuuri and Wolfram will often escape to Yuuri’s world for a “date weekend”. Wolfram has gotten really good at pachinko and UFO games

10. Günter maintains his contacts at the modeling agency...and will appear for special collaborations. He’s gotten Gwendal to model once. And only once.

11. Anissina was the only person to know about Gwenter and it was because she barged in on them right in the middle of the act. Gwendal threatened that if she told anyone, he would ship her back to her brother’s castle in a carriage full of roosters. It was the only time in all of Gwendal and Anissina’s friendship that she didn’t try to push her luck.

Luckily for her, the maids caught Gwenter kissing in the stables and their gossip spread like wildfire. Gwendal was too busy hiding from his mother’s jubilant fussing about her first baby being in love (“I was afraid you’d die a virgin, Gwen!!!” I don’t care if you’re with someone who is only a few years younger than me!!GÜNTER LET’S VISIT YOUR COUSIN TO PLAN THE MARRIAGE- since you’re the older one, you must take responsibility for Gwen’s honor!”) to even suspect her.

No one noticed Conrart and Yozak slipping out the side gate to head for the northern border. It was only a matter of time before they too were found out and they figured they’d enjoy these last few quiet days before Cheri tracked them down.

Yuuri and Wolf enjoyed their week off from being the center of castle gossip and drama.

[brookefm-a]

( twenty one , cis woman , she/her )  ✉ ― hey babes, have you met BROOKE MORENO. they’re vacationing here, a few villas down from where you’re staying. you might hear COCAINE MODEL BY ZHU playing from their villa, it’s their favourite song. yes, they hear that they look like ISABELLE MATHERS alot, actually - it’s really uncanny. their friends back home in MANHATTAN, NY say that if they were on a tv show, their trope would be THE STEPFORD SNARKER , how funny is that? ✎ ley , nineteen , she/her , est.

hi besties !! it’s ley here with this extremely chaotic  &  unhinged intro ! it’s truly an absolute disaster even after i spent an hour trying to make it better :)) anyways , i’ve decided to drop venice ( rip to real one ) bc i’ve just really lost muse  &  i’ve been so busy recently that i can’t handle two muses !! this is obviously a repost ( with a few very minor updates ) so feel free to completely ignore this .... but if you don’t , proceed with caution bc this is a mess. 

𝐈  . 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬  :

FULL  NAME   :  brooklyn paige guiliana moreno  . NICKNAMES   :  just brooke .... her childhood nickname was peanut but call her that and you will receive a christian louboutin heel to the crotch . AGE  :   twenty - one   .     DATE  OF  BIRTH   :  august 4th  .     ASTROLOGY  SIGN   :  leo   .     GENDER   :  cis  woman   .     SEXUAL  ORIENTATION   :  bisexual  .   PRONOUNS   :  she  /  her  /  hers   .   OCCUPATION  :  socialite , model , influencer . HOMETOWN  :  manhattan , new york  . EYE  COLOR   :  green   .     HAIR   :  brunette , naturally wavy but she straightens or curls it every day. MOTHER  :  nadia moreno . FATHER  :  lorenzo moreno . SIBLINGS  :  caleb moreno . POSITIVE  TRAITS   :  gregarious  ,  freewheeling  ,  intuitive  ,  altruistic  ,  vehement .   NEGATIVE TRAITS  :  irascible , temerarious , capricious , covetous , flighty . AESTHETICS   :   hearts drawn on fogged glass , a golden ring on every finger , sunlight beaming through the curtains in the early morning , ruination spilling from cherry stained lips , lipstick stains on old vanity mirrors , sundays spent entangled within egyptian cotton sheets , overflowing glasses of bubbly , heels clicking against a marble floor , a honey toned voice spewing harsh words , cheeks stained a shade of natural peach , tanned skin against white sheets . CHARACTER INSP  :  idk what it is w me and always picking my childhood icons as inspo.... anyways , brooke is mainly based off of alex russo  &  paris hilton with maybe a dash of brooke davis  &  blair waldorf .

click here to take a lil trip to her pinterest !!

𝐈𝐈 .  𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝  :

tw : revenge porn ( leaking of nudes ) , stalking , ptsd  &  anxiety.

       on august fourth , 1999 , brooklyn paige guiliana moreno was born to nadia  &  lorenzo moreno . she was their second born child , the baby of the family with an older brother by two years. born in milano , italy , but they moved to manhattan before she turned one , so she has no memory of it. as a child , brooke did everything her parents asked of her. she was people pleaser , and she thrived off the attention and validation. one day after seeing toddlers & tiaras on tv , brooke begged her parents to let her do pageants. and she very quickly moved up from just beauty pageants , into the real world of fashion and modeling. she loved the glitz and glam of it , and the way people would praise her for it. by the time she was 18 and finally able to focus full time on modeling , she was one of the top high fashion models in the world.

         brooke met her first boyfriend her junior year of high school , and she fell head over heels for him. in hindsight , she knows it was more puppy love than real true love , but back then she had been so blinded by her feelings for him that she thought it would truly be something that could last. they were together for all of high school , until one party right after they graduated. they were playing spin the bottle ( bc ofc they were ) and brooke ended up having to kiss his best friend. she thought it had all been fun and games , but apparently , he was infuriated by what happened , and they got in a fight and broke up the next day. after their break up , he leaked her nudes to the media for a pretty large check to ‘ get back at her ’. thankfully , he was too much of an idiot to do it anonymously , and it was quickly found out that he was the leak. he was stripped of his college scholarships for football and expelled from princeton before his freshman year of college had even begun.

         unfortunately , brooke’s troubles didn’t end there. that same summer , her two closest friends turned on her as well. they sold lies about her to the media , twisting the story to put the blame on brooke , claiming that she had cheated on her boyfriend by sleeping with his best friend. they were also always giving tips to the paparazzi about her location. and there was one paparazzi that at first , always seemed to linger in the background whenever she was out in public. she would spot him out of the corner of her eye , but she’d hadn’t really though much about it until he started following her to first apartment ( she had been so excited to finally have a place all to herself , and was crushed when it was tainted ). the first time he did it , he just sat outside on the street , watching her enter the building but not going any further than that. things escalated very , very quickly from there. it seemed that every time she would leave the building , he would be there , snapping photos , taking videos  &  hounding her with incredibly personal questions. one night , she had arrived home from a photo shoot , wanting nothing more than to just do her skincare and pass out in bed. there had been nothing off as she had entered her apartment , nothing that could have set off an alarm in her head. but as soon as she entered her room , she found the man that had been harassing her for weeks , looking through her things just hoping to find a story he could sell to the media. she was able to get a restraining order on him after that , but since he hadn’t physically harmed her , no criminal charges stuck.

          she’d felt violated and betrayed , and so , so scared that she was no longer able to live alone. she gets really uncomfortable in large crowds or when she’s alone late at night , because she’s terrified that one day he’ll show back up. for a few months , brooke refused to go therapy because she was insistent that the events had no effect on her , even though it was obvious that she had. she wasn’t sleeping at night ( and still struggles with insomnia to this day ), she was barely leaving the house unless it was for work , and she had pushed away all of her friends. she finally agreed to go after after she had passed out from exhaustion in the middle of a photo shoot, and she’s improved a lot since then , but she does still have some lasting ptsd and anxiety. she also has a really hard time truly trusting people now , because she’s always scared she’ll let someone in just for them to sell out all her secrets.

𝐈𝐈𝐈 .  𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲  :

she can kinda be a tough nut to crack , but underneath the hardcore closed of exterior , she has a very bubbly personality , is very free spirited , she has no filter , and she’s extremely animated . she also cannot stay still for more than 5 minutes. literally the energizer bunny personified

okay .... she is lowkey a huge attention whore. there’s really has no excuse why she is either she just ... sucks lmao. but she really just thrives off of having all eyes on her , and has a naturally alluring energy. also has a major tendency to stir drama , even if it’s unintentional. she’s the type to be like “ i’m not a fan of drama i’ll just stay out of it ” but then is always the FIRST to ask for all the tea whenever shit goes down

she’s also very much a serial dater. in her pea brain attention = love so she’ll flock to wherever she gets that. she likes the validation of relationships but hates the commitment , so pretty much all of her relationships end before they ever really start. it’s something the media has caught onto , and she’s criticized quite a lot for it.

she does a pretty good job at hiding her ptsd , but please just .... don’t sneak up on her or surprise her bc she will freak out ( nd then either get irrationally angry or completely shut down bc she doesn’t know how else to handle these emotions lol )

she is a hardcore adrenaline junkie , she does so much shit just for the thrill. for her eighteenth birthday , she went cliff diving in mexico , then for her twenty first , unlike most ppl who just go to a club  &  get drunk , she went sky diving. she just holds a lot of emotion in , so anything that will release all of that or make her feel anything other than the things she’s avoiding are very much welcomed.

brooke once sent nasa a 6 page persuasive essay trying to convince them to send her to space. included in said essay were multiple images of herself because “ i’m a star and i should be documented as such ” unfortunately for her , they never responded :(

she would not be caught dead looking unpresentable .... she’ll do a full face of make up even if she’s waking up at 4am. and don’t even bother to ask her to go out after she’s done her skin care routine .... there’s no chance

god complex but sometimes it takes the day off  &  she’ll be insecure as fuck. honestly the conceitedness is pretty much just a defense mechanism to hide how much she actually hates herself lmao very “ i feel like i’m the worst so i act like i’m the best ”

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 45

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k // 4.4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- note for this chapter: just extra super fluff for this chapter. soo enjoy? i hope you like it haha! also, i know the song she sings comes out a year later buuuut yea, whatever lol! a few more cute fluff chapters before drama happens sooo yea. i hope you guys like it. i know not many ppl read this anymore and its okay. just know i love you guys for being loyal and reading this story after 45 chapters. your comments and reblogs and likes and asks make me so so so happy i cant explain! keep sending ideas youd like to read too :)

only one request for this chapter but its fluff so :P

Chapter 45 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I felt myself waking up slowly but kept my eyes closed. My lips curled slightly when I heard my boyfriend’s voice from the shower and I forced myself to open my eyes. I sat up in bed and stretched but when I pushed the covers off of me, I felt a shiver run up my spine despite the fact that it was the end of june and that it was most likely very warm outside. I put my feet off the bed and moved my toes on the carpet before breathing in and getting up. The door was ajar and the closer I got, the better I could hear Niall sing. I pushed on the door slightly and leaned against the door frame, listening to his voice as the steam hit my skin and warmed me.

I had never felt so happy in my entire life with someone and even after all these months, I could barely believe we were dating. I crossed my arms on my chest and leaned my head on the frame too, staring at my boyfriend singing and dancing in the shower. After a while he turned to me and saw me staring at him. He smiled back and made a quick head movement but I shook my head slightly. He rolled his eyes with a smile and opened the glass door. His hair was full of foam and he looked cuter than ever, making me nibble on my bottom lip despite myself.

“Please?” he asked, raising his eyebrows and making me roll my eyes.

I took a few steps closer, letting my arms fall on each side of my body, and his lips curled more at my sight. When he was finally able to reach me, he grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me his way, making me chuckle.

“No no, I took a shower last night remember?”

He smirked and raised his eyebrows at me, not letting go. “And then I fucked your brains out, remember?” he replied in a smartass tone. “Come on, you smell like good sex and sweat.”

I laughed at his words and let him pull me with him. He closed the door behind me and I held my breath as the warm water fell on me and soaked my shirt and panties. Niall smiled more and quickly moved his head back right under the stream to rinse his hair. I stared at his naked body as he closed his eyes, running his hand through his hair to make sure all the soap was gone.

Without thinking, I ran my hands on his wet chest and quickly, he moved his head up again and opened his eyes, bending down to reach my smile with his. The kiss was gentle and soft and I felt water drops fall from his hair to my cheek. A wave of well-being washed over me and I pressed my hands more on his chest.

“What were you singing?” I asked, tilting my chin up.

“Something I wrote. I’ll sing it to you when it’s done.”

I smiled and licked my lips, staring at him some more. I felt like Niall hadn’t written anything in months and I knew he was missing it. I loved watching and listening to him when he was playing guitar, or when he was sitting in front of the piano, but it hadn’t happened much until very recently. He was not the type to share and I respected that, but I was curious and interested in everything that made him happy.

“Happy Birthday petal.” he whispered against my mouth. “How does it feel to date a younger man like me?”

I laughed against his mouth and felt his lips curl against mine.

“Feels amazing.” I admitted, still amused. “Better than yesterday, for sure.”

“But not as good as tomorrow, yea, I know.”

I laughed more and felt his hands slip under my drenched shirt, reaching under my breasts slowly. I bit my bottom lip as he stared at me before kissing me again but deeper this time. I could feel my whole body throb until his thumbs brushed under my breasts. I quickly held my breath again, my heartbeats accelerating, but he just slid his hands back down to my waist.

“Mm, come on darling, take a shower, i’ll go prepare something while you do.”

“Nooo!” I complained when he took a step back. “You can’t turn me on and then leave me here alone.”

He laughed and shook his head, pushing the glass door of the shower again and getting out.

“Such a horny girl.” he just let out, clearly amused by my behavior.

I sent him puppy eyes but he just shook his head and closed the door, trapping me in the shower before blowing me a kiss and leaving.

I grimaced but decided to wash my hair and body quickly after getting undressed and when I finally got out of the shower, I grabbed a fluffy towel only to realize it was warm and I quickly wrapped it around me.

“Thanks for putting it in the dryer.” I let out with a smile when I walked back into our bedroom. “You’re perfect.”

He had put sweatpants and a t-shirt back on and I stared at his back as I tried to find a similar outfit in one of his drawers. With a sigh, I took my towel off and dressed up before rubbing the towel in my hair to dry it more. After a few minutes, he turned around and sent me a fond smile and I smiled back until he handed me something.

“This is one of your gifts.” He explained, holding out a box about as large as a book, wrapped in silver and pink paper. “The personal one.”

I felt my heart skip a few beats inside my chest and smiled as big as possible, pressing my lips together. These were the gifts coming from Niall that I preferred. Of course, I enjoyed the trips, the spa days, the jewels and the activities he gave but the gifts with a meaning meant a million times more and Niall always knew exactly what would make me happy. He gave me things I didn’t even know I needed before.

I licked my lips and grabbed it, unwrapping it very slowly as he stared at my fingers. I let the paper fall on the floor when I noticed an old picture of us in a frame. It was the one I told him to bring on his trip and my lips curled more but i noticed something at the bottom and frowned, moving the frame up to have a better look. My lips parted when I noticed what it was and I looked up in his eyes. It was a card that was part of a game Lottie had brought at the lodge. I remembered picking up that card from the “Kiss & Tell” game before rushing to the bathroom and locking myself in it. I hadn’t told anyone what was on the card except Niall. We had been laying in the dark and I had showing him right before telling him it was him I wanted to kiss, but I didn’t have the guts to. I looked down again at the card and read the words. “Kiss the person you love the most in the room.”

“I kept it and I didn’t know why. It was in my wallet all this time. I remember wondering how I would have felt if you had kissed me instead of Harry after picking up that card, you know?” he shrugged and looked down at it. “That night you said you loved me more than anyone else in the world and I said I did too. I didn’t understand back then why it was so important for me but now I do.”

He took a step closer and brought his hands to my waist, waiting until I looked up in his eyes again.

“When we fought a few months ago after my trip, I left you here to get drunk. We both went to bed mad, or at least not on good terms, and I realized how wrong it was. I want to keep this frame in our room, right next to the bed, so every time we fight or argue, we always work things out here before falling asleep. I will always kiss the person I love the most right before I fall asleep. Every single night. I promise.”

I felt myself tear up and swallowed the lump in my throat. I couldn’t talk, I knew that my voice would crack, and without thinking, I crushed my mouth against his, It hurt slightly but he didn’t say anything. He just pulled me closer and deepened the kiss. He tasted so fucking good and I felt tears fall down my face as we kept on kissing for I don’t know how long. When he pulled away, I kept my eyes closed and brushed my lips against his.

“When you said you were romantic I thought you were the type, you know, to give flowers and stuff.”

He laughed and moved his upper body back to look in my eyes.

“There’s a bouquet waiting for you int he kitchen.”

This time, i’m the one who laughed. I turned around and put the frame next to the bed on the small table and sighed as I looked at our younger faces on the picture. I wanted this house to be full of pictures of us, whether they were recent or old.

“Come, let’s go bake that cake of yours.”

I turned back to him with a frown and tilted my head.

“I gotta bake my own birthday cake?”

He laughed and grabbed my hand, pulling me with him until the kitchen and I noticed all the ingredients already out along with a big bouquets of white and purple lilacs placed in the middle of the table.

“The florist said it looked ridiculous and tried to convince me to add other flowers but I knew that’s what you wanted.” he pointed out. “Just in case though, there’s also a bouquet of roses in the living room.”

I smiled more and chuckled, loving the fact that he knew me so well, and took a step closer to him to kiss his lips.

“Aaaand maybe a few tulips next to the piano.” he grimaced before I brushed my lips on his jaw.

“How are you so perfect?”

He searched for my mouth with his and kissed me deeply again. I was not even surprised that his kisses still made butterflies hit the inside of my stomach, even after so many months. I knew it would always be like that.

“Okay, come on now, let’s bake that cake yea?” he said a little louder, getting out of my embrace and turning around to go grab the flour. “We got up late and we have a busy evening and an even busier night!”

“Niall, I said I didn’t want anything big.” I complained with a grimace, letting my head fall back on my shoulders.

“I promise on my life you’re gonna have fun! It’s just a few hours with our friends, and then i’m bringing you somewhere else just the two of us.”

I wanted to be annoyed but the truth was, I was touched and very very curious. I walked up to him as he was cracking an egg, letting it fall in a bowl and I sighed low of happiness.

“Thank you, Niall.”

He turned his head quickly to peck my lips with a light sound and I chuckled.

“Come on, read the recipe out loud will you?”

Quickly, we made the cake mix and ended up having a bit more difficulty working on the icing. I ended up a bit annoyed and searched through his fridge, taking the cream cheese out and putting it on the counter.

“We’ll just prepare the easiest icing ever and pretend we’re amazing bakers, how’s that?”

He laughed and we started working on it in silence right after putting the mix in the oven.

“Just a bit of milk.” I specified. “Do you have vanilla?”

I watched him combine everything in a bowl as I nibbled my bottom lip and added icing sugar slowly to the mix.

“You know, we’re actually a good team.” I pointed out.

I watched him dip his finger in the icing and sticking his tongue out to get a taste.

“Heyy, what about me?” I frowned jokingly before he dipped an other finger in it and wiped the icing on my cheek, making me groan.

“Come here.”

He pulled me closer and licked my cheek, making a shiver run up my spine at the contact of his tongue with my skin.

“You’re right, it tastes amazing, we’re a good team.” he admitted low. “Not just for baking.”

He took the icing again, taking more of it with his finger and putting it on my neck. I held my breath as his tongue ran on my skin and quivered again in his arms.

“I just took a shower, remember?”

“Oh shut up.” he let out, making me laugh, as he grabbed my waist and pulled me closer.

“Can I get a taste, too?”

Without answering, he brought his lips against mine and kissed me deeply but very slowly.  I closed my eyes, running my hand in his hair and letting a moan escape my lips. He swallowed it and I felt his fingers slip slightly under my shirt, on the skin of my back. I laughed against his mouth when he broke the kiss and shook my head.

“I meant you know, really taste.”

“Mmhm.” he shrugged, pulling away and taking the icing bowl. “I know that’s what you meant, but you can’t taste your cake before tonight.”

“But-”

“Don’t argue!” he cut me with a smirk. “Go in the living room, i’ll join you, okay?”

I groaned and let my feet rub on the wood floor in an annoying noise as a sign of protestation. It’s only when I reached the living room that my lips curled back again. There was a literal fort made with blankets and cushions and I let out a chuckle of amazement.

“Niall?” I asked loud enough for him to hear.

“Sit down! I’m coming!”

I chuckled and got on my knees, pushing the blanket that acted as a door only to sit on the tiny mattress. I couldn’t believe he had taken the time to make a fort in his own living room and I started wondering how long it took him to plan that. He had placed his tablet on the side and when he joined me, I frowned slightly.

“Why did you bring this?” I asked, pointing it right before a smile reappeared on my face.

He handed me a bowl of ice cream and I started jumping slightly on my ass while still sitting.

“Don’t move too much, it’s not that solid.” he laughed a bit. “I thought we could watch a movie together?”

I sent him a fond smile and tilted my head again before nodding very slowly.

“Great! So I bought your favorite ice cream but added candies, chocolate syrup and caramel, the way you like it.”

“Thank you, Nee.” I let out as he sat in front of me. I moved my upper body closer to kiss him. “Thank you so fucking much.” I kissed him again. “Thank you.” Again. “Thank you.” And again.

“You also get to pick the movie.” he let out with a smile, kissing me back. “We’ll watch anything you want. It’s your day.”

I sat back and looked at him with a smirk, raising my eyebrows as his face changed.

“Now you’re scaring me.” he admitted as I laughed, grabbing his tablet. “Wait what are you doing? Isn’t the movie you want to watch on netflix?”

I held his tablet against me and raised my eyebrows at him again.

“Do you promise we’ll watch whatever I want?”

It took him a few seconds but he finally nodded.

“I promise.”

                                                     —

The bar was loud and crowed but we quickly found our friends waiting for us, sitting a bit further with beer and sangria pitchers. I smiled more, a bit excited, and everyone greeted us, telling me ‘happy birthday’ for the first time in person on that day. Louis was the last one and he got up to wrap his arms around me before I hugged him back.

“Happy birthday princess.” he whispered after kissing one of my cheeks and pulling me closer. “I hope your day is perfect, that’s what you deserve.”

I laughed when we pulled away and bit on my bottom lip.

“It is, I have the perfect boyfriend and he made this day perfect.”

We sat down and I felt Niall’s hand slide on my thigh. I quickly put my hand over his and intertwined our fingers, squeezing them hard.

“What did she make you watch?” Louis asked with a smirk. “Back To The Future again?”

Niall’s smile fell and he rolled his eyes, making Louis laugh.

“Which one?”

“Louis, don’t even ask.” Niall argued, shaking his head and making me smile more.

“We didn’t watch Back To The Future.” I pointed out, leaning on the table to get closer to Louis. “I made him watch This Is Us.”

Louis’ eyes moved from me to Niall then back at me and finally on Niall before he burst into laughter, making Niall growl next to me. I squeezed his fingers tighter but I couldn’t help the smile that spread on my face.

“How was it, Neil? To watch a movie with you in it with your girlfriend by your side?” Louis teased.

Niall raised his eyebrows and nose up as he leaned one of his elbow on the table, staring in his friend’s eyes.

“The worst was actually looking at you for an hour and a half, Tommo.”

Louis laughed again and shrugged.

“Guess you’re cursed, mate, because here I am again!”

I laughed and rolled my eyes at their banter until Louis grabbed a glass and poured me sangria. Niall did the same for himself with beer and he finally sighed, the left corner of his lips raising up.

“You know, I can’t really blame her though.” Niall joked. “The girl enjoys looking at me, I just give her what she needs.”

“Oh shut up.” I let out, making him laugh more. “Now what’s so special about tonight? Why are we here anyway?”

I glanced around before meeting Louis’ eyes and he smirked, raising his eyebrows. I didn’t like it and frowned, suddenly a bit scared of what was to come. Julie chuckled and it caught my attention, making me look at her.

“It’s karaoke night.” she explained with a sigh but also a smile on her lips. “And apparently, we’re all going to sing.”

I felt suddenly extremely nervous and without realizing it, I squeezed my boyfriend’s fingers hard between mine.

“Ouch, darling, watch the fingers, they’re important.” he chuckled. “For music and for… you know.. pleasure.”

“Niall.” I whispered, looking down at our hands together. “You know I hate being on a scene. I don’t like attention.”

“You did it a few years ago and you had fun.”

I sent him an annoyed look and sighed, raising my nose up in a grimace. He was right, I had sang a song a while ago at a karaoke night and we always had a lot of fun doing those in someone’s living room, but in public it was a bit different. I was already a bit shy around my friends, so to think i would do it in front of a bunch of strangers made it even worse.

“Here.” Louis let out, pushing the sangria pitcher closer. “Drink up. I’ll go first.”

I swallowed the whole glass in front of me and filled it out again as I watched Louis get on stage and grab a microphone.

“Here’s one of the best written songs in the whole world.” he only explained as the music started.

I held my breath and smiled when I recognized the oasis song and mouthed it with him.

“So Sally can wait, she knows it’s too late as she’s walking on by My soul slides away, but don’t look back in anger I heard you say.”

When he was done and the music stopped, we all got up and started clapping. Liam even whistled loud and I let out a ‘woohoo!“ when he got off stage. He hugged me and bent down to whisper in my ear.

“Do it now, it’s worth it.”

I quickly nodded and he moved away. He extended his hand and I slapped in it before bumping my fist against his.

“Come on, you can do it.” he added as I sent him a smile.

I turned to Niall and I smiled without thinking. I watched him push his glasses on his nose and a bunch of memories of us came back to my mind. I felt so lucky to have him in my life and I chuckled.

“Just for you.”

I didn’t wait for his answer and ran up the stairs as a guy walked up to me to ask me which song I wanted to sing. I told him and he chuckled before nodding and finally left after handing me the microphone.

“I dedicate this to my best friend in the whole wide world.”

The first notes started and I kept my gaze on Niall and when I started singing, I saw him start laughing hard, his mouth wide open. He let his head fall back and clapped in his hands a few times to encourage me.

“Right from the start, couldn’t pull us apart, it just works Nobody else ever gets me as well on this earth Like rock and roll, Marshall’s and telly’s Mac and cheese, PB’s and jellies Some things are better together, and that’s you and me-e

Dude, I love you, bro, I love you Man, I love you You’re my brother from another, 'nother mother You are my favorite, I’m not ashamed to admit Cause I do, dude, I do Dude, I love you, bro, I love you Man, I love you You’re my homie, no one knows me like you know me Like the sun and the moon, all the best things comes in two What would I do without a friend like you?

W-w-w-w-what would I do? Without a friend like you W-w-w-w-what would I do? Without a friend like you?”

I smiled as I sang when I noticed all my friends were standing up and dancing together and when the song stopped, I bowed down quickly and ran back to my friends without really giving them any attention. Niall bent down slightly, his arms open, and I ran to him.. He picked me up for a few seconds and put me back down before kissing me hard, laughing against my lips.

“Good song. Thank you.” he whispered, pulling away. “Now listen to mine, yea?”

I nodded and he grabbed my hand before walking to the stage. When he was far enough, my hand slipped out of his and I just stared at him as he grabbed the microphone. He cleared his throat and licked his lips, making my heart melt in my chest. I sat down but remained on the edge of my chair as he talked.

“For the love of my life.”

It took me literally one note to recognize the song and I held my breath as I felt myself tense. I tried to remember all the words of the song and something twisted in my stomach.

“You’re a falling star, you’re the get away car You’re the line in the sand when I go too far You’re the swimming pool on an August day And you’re the perfect thing to see

And you play it coy, but it’s kinda cute Oh, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do Baby, don’t pretend that you don’t know it’s true 'Cause you can see it when I look at you

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It’s you, it’s you; you make me sing You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything”

I don’t know why but slowly, I got up and walked closer to the scene as we stared at each other. Was it possible for this love story to last forever? Could this love we felt for each other never fade away or die?

“You’re a carousel, you’re a wishing well And you light me up when you ring my bell You’re a mystery, you’re from outer space You’re my every minute of my everyday

And I can’t believe, uh, that I’m your man And I get to kiss you, baby, just because I can Whatever comes our way, oh, we’ll see it through And you know that’s what our love can do

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It’s you, it’s you; you make me sing You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It’s you, it’s you; you make me sing You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything You’re every song, and I sing along Cause you’re my everything Yeah, yeah

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la So, la, la, la, la, la, la-la-la, la-la-la”

I didn’t scream when he was done but I heard all our friends do it. He jumped off the stage and cupped my face the way he had done it after playing the song he had written for me and when his wet lips met mine, my eyes fluttered close.

“It’s been six moths but I love you as much as I did back then, maybe even more.” he whispered, kissing me deeply again. “Definitely more.”

“Thank you, Niall.” I breathed out, swallowing hard as I felt myself tear up for the second time that day. “This day is perfect.”

“This day is not over.” he added, smiling more, the palms of his hands warming my already burning cheeks. “Happy birthday Olivia, I love you.”

[pharahlesbian]

What are your opinions on aromantic folks?

well, its kind of complicated. on the one hand, i dont rly feel like u guys r doing anything wrong per se, like none of u ever seem to do any of the harmful shit that aces do. and aro is an identity i used to hold really closely. roughly 4-5 years ago, i was on here identifying as aroace.

my personal experience with both labels is that they did measurable harm to my perception of myself and my sexuality. when i did eventually realize i was a lesbian, i didn’t immediately suspect those labels had done me any harm. not until i read several other accounts of ppl who went through a near identical experience as me

see, the answer to your question is complicated bc i first have to address split attraction. its one of my main gripes with asexuality. its my firm belief that romantic and sexual attraction should not be so neatly sequestered the way many people describe them to be. the reality of attraction is that every single person experiences it uniquely and defines it for themselves and themselves alone. i genuinely think the labels “aromantic” and “asexual” and all their variants shouldnt exist at all. and i think they are REGRESSIVE. i really do. they impede progress in a society that desperately needs it. we NEED a more healthy view of sex in our society. we NEED people to understand that its normal and ok to not want sex, or to experience varying degrees of attraction. not wanting sex or romance should be as normal as not wanting your ears pierced. and it should be something you discuss with your partner and your partner alone. having labels for this very normal experience is honestly just setting us back. we dont need to get caught up in a hundred micro labels to describe the ways we have sex. we can just have sex, or dont! or have sex once a month, once a year! or never! and thats your choice and you shouldnt be made to feel like u need to have 5 labels for what should just be how youre feeling. attraction is so nebulous, theres no way we could ever pin it down with labels and we should really stop trying

so. how do i feel about aromantic ppl. well, how do i feel about aromanticism? its a tough conversation to have, because of how personal it is, and its why ive put off this ask for a really long time. i was aroace, yeah, but aro was the label i was really passionate about. im gonna tell you some stuff u might not want to hear, but its my experience.

i was aro because i was lonely, and i was aro because i was scared. i knew i had feelings for girls, but i didnt know how to reconcile them, especially with my burgeoning gender qualms i was also having (which was also happening bc of the aforementioned attraction to girls, but thats another conversation entirely). it was scary, trying to pin down the fact that i was only attracted to girls. and i mightve come to that conclusion a lot sooner if it werent for tumblr telling me about asexuality/aromanticism/split attraction. suddenly i had a copout. cant be attracted to girls if im attracted to no one, right? that plus the fact that when youre lonely and havent experimented with dating, when everything is in hypotheticals, then anything is possible (“well i guess i COULD be attracted to men... but id never have sex with them! so i guess im panro-ace” <-an actual identity i had at age 19. comp het feeds on these micro labels and split attraction)

please keep in mind none of this is directed at you or even aromantics as a whole, im still just talking about my own experience. and my experience was that the aroace label was definitely just a convenient place to hide from being a lesbian. and i know others have had similar experiences.

so...once again. how DO i feel about aromantics? i feel as though we live in a very romance-forward world. romance is everywhere, once youre looking for it. i think i was rather bitter, and preferred pretending that not dating was an identity, rather than the painful reality of firstly not knowing what i wanted, and secondly not even knowing if id BE wanted. i think we all have varying degrees of attraction, both romantic and sexual, and i think for many the two kind of exist in tandem. and again for many, these feelings can exist a lot stronger for them than they do for others. so it leaves a lot of ppl feeling like they MUST be different. i think it makes a lot of sense that i identified strongly with aromanticism, even aside from me using it as something to hide behind. ive never really been much of a romantic. i never had too many crushes, and i only ever imagined romantic scenarios if it were fictional characters i shipped.

of course once i saw someone list these types of things out as evidence of being aro, i was like oh thats me! and latched onto it. and never did anymore introspection. the label was a copout. now, i could tell u that being aroace was a product of knowing i wasnt attracted to men yet not being able to face being attracted to women, so i was like “oh ok guess i have No attraction!” and i can tell u that since ive been with my girlfriend, ive become the sappiest romantic ever.

im not gonna tell you “you just havent found the right person yet :)” but i will say that if you have even the slightest doubt or uncertainty, to go out and experiment! date around and see how you feel. no one can tell you who u are or how u feel except u. u wont be a hypocrite for experimenting. but if youre already sure u dont really feel romantic attraction, then more power to you. not everyone on this earth needs to get married or date. i do think our society needs to normalize just being happy with who you are, and not see it as pitiful. thats an opinion that is so hard to have when youre single, bc u cant help but feel like youre pathetically trying to justify being alone, so im doubling down now that im in a relationship. its fucking ok to not be in a relationship!! if theres one thing that’s stayed the same since i was aro its my assertion that ppl need to fucking chill about orher peoples relationship status

i feel like this answer went in one THOUSAND different directions, but ive been thinking about how to answer this for a while and decided to just word vomit

TL;DR: aromantics are fine, not as harmful as asexuality, you do you, make sure you examime yourself and how you feel often, dont just take the word of ppl on tumblr (me included), everyone experiences attraction differently, i just wish split attraction model didnt exist because its perfectly fine to not want sex/romance or to have low/nonexistent attraction, i just dont believe in the labels/identities.

[szopenhauer]

Think of a movie and now give me that movie title: random Elvira: Mistress of the Dark 

Quote a line from that movie:

Name a song: random MARUV & Boosin — I Want You 

What’s a line from that song? Baby turn me, turn me on All night long What’s the last word spelled backwords of that line? GNOL XD Whats the relationship between you and the last person you texted? my fiancee What would your name be if you replaced T’s with S’s & A’s with E’s? Zuzenne Would you ever legally change you name to that? nah Your boyfriend/girlfriend say they can’t hang out & it’s been two weeks. You? ok How often do you think about death? all the time Where were you when you had your first sleepover? Your house or a friends’? friend’s - P.W.

Are you hungry?: thirsty

What did you buy last time you went to the store?: food? bread not food? trinkets - for example - two books and a tiny stuffed dog

Do you think stained glass windows are pretty?: I don’t know tbh

Are you a chocoholic?: not at all

Have you ever been carded when buying something? : not even when I was buying cigarettes

Do you have a favorite highlighter color?: yellow

Do you have a flashlight?: I do

Do you like watermelon?: nah

Has anyone ever walked in on you while you were on the toilet?: obvi, many times but usually just family members

Do you like a lot of ice in your drinks?: noooo

Have you ever painted a room?: bathroom Have you ever petted a donkey? from what I remember

Out of all 24 hours, which one is your favourite? hmm... Have you ever been in a lighthouse? nope

What time are you planning on going to bed tonight? no idea Have you ever been bit by an animal? yeah Did it rain today? kinda What was the name of the last dog you pet? it was my dog - Łasuch Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants? sure Are you constantly judging people? could say so Have you ever had anything stolen from you? sorta Which would you rather, a snowy day, sunny day, rainy day or cloudy day?: cloudy or sunny maybe rainy but definitely not snowy How long have you ever spent away from home? month? Has your luggage ever been lost at the airport? Did you get it back? - About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep? few Are there any air fresheners in your house? What kinds? no What scent of candle do you burn the most? we don’t For what reason did you last cry? ugh... What kind of surveys do you wish there were more of? deep

Last time you were attacked by an animal? this summer? Are you paranoid all the time or just during the night? more often during the day actually  Have you ever dated someone without knowing their name? last name, not first, I was a stupid kid and was dating a guy online once and several boys at camp just to show off somebody likes me that way even tho I wasn’t really interested nor knew anything about those matters

If you go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, how much do you really eat? a tiny bit If you need to ask a question in class do you raise your hand? of course How many times have you been engaged (if any at all)? once, currently Do you have to see something to really believe it? jak niewierny Tomasz - często Have you ever gotten so dehydrated that you passed out? I’m surprised that I didn’t :x If your friend was being cheated on, would you tell them? absolutely Do you always assume the worst? that me indeed Are you sick and tired of life? sadly Have you ever been busted for under age drinking? I wasn’t drinking underage, I still don’t drink  Do you have a picture of you and your lover kissing? 1 and a tik tok Have you witnessed a fight at school? bunch

What is your favorite time of day to run? when I’m late for the bus lmfao

When was the last time you talked to your mom? recently Do your parents crush your dreams? sometimes Did you sleep in today? I didn’t Do you hate sleeping in? I love sleeping in  How late do you consider too late to sleep in? noon, 11am is already late  How long have you had a smartphone? less than 5 years Do you keep lists of names that you like? even tho I don’t want kids :P Have you ever butt-dialed someone? it happened

First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed, like *that*; M.

Do you like going to school sports games? eww, boring Have you ever worn your boyfriend’s clothes? guy from camp gave me his cap for a day Have you ever stolen your sibling’s clothes? I had to wear them when she was growing up, gross Have you ever loved someone and HATED it? later? Do you like Starbucks or would you rather just have water or something? just water lol Have you ever walked into a door before? po maturze zapomniałam, że woźny zamknął drzwi, które się same otwierały i walnęłam w nie, raz przytrzepałam sie w futrynę bo za szybko skręciłam w nocy do pokoju, mama uderzyła mnie drzwiami jak byłam mała i stałam za blisko wejścia dzwoniąc do domu więc spadłam ze schodów, a ojciec stuknął mnie tymi dworcowymi przy wiadukcie i wylałam na siebie sok - to chyba wszystkie przypadki Do you know anyone who’s like, psycho-religious? fanatic? my uncle is one of those Have you ever been stuck on a ski lift? luckily never been there to begin with Do you know who Nancy Sinatra is? ain’t this the gal who sings “those boots were made for walking” or smth like that? Have you ever bought anything from an airport? I wasn’t there so... If I asked you who you were gonna marry a year ago, you would say; omg Do you snore, talk, sleepwalk, or drool? drool at times, sorry also roll/kick around and fart ^^” When you woke up this morning, what was your first thought? I was wondering why Nat fronted If you could start completely over knowing what you do now, would you? possibly

If you drink coffee, do you have a favorite flavor & brand? If so, what? not applicable Have you ever personally known a pair of Conjoined twins? woah What is your first thought when you see people kissing in public? "get a room” Would you ever consider being a professional stunt-person? I have no abilities/skills/health etc for that kind of job and it’s really sad actors get prizes for stunt-ppl’s work

How about a Mailman? my father was and that ruined his body so I doubt it (Besides Hello kitty) Do you have a favorite Sanrio character? If so, Who? Hello Kitty is evil Do you flinch when strangers touch you? don’t touch me! Can you remember the first time you went to a movie theater? I believe Is there something in particular you like to look at photos of? What is it? I have strange interests... Do you actually like the taste of Diet Soda? didn’t try and don’t plan to What brand of toliet paper do you normally use? I don’t give a shit ;) Do the Charmin bears make you feel uncomfortable? xD fact that they’re red makes me uneasy On average, how many cans of soda would you say you drink daily? zero Did/do you ever stick your chewed -up gum under tables? I spat it on grass when I was younger and had stuck it in my hair years before as well but every other gum I trashed properly Can you remember the last thing you watched on the news that upset you? that’s why I avoid news How do you feel about red lipstick, is it whorish? it’s my fav but I no longer use makeup What is your definition of feminism? fighting for equal rights between women and men like pay in workplaces Are you comfortable in shorts? am not So, have you watched that Bob’s Burgers show? Do you like it? fragments 

Do you ever get the feeling you dont belong? always Do you believe actions speak louder than words? good actors will use both ways to lie

If your friend tried to commit suicide infront of you how would you react? how, why, who, when etc. Ever had a rumour spread about you? plenty Have you ever tried to impress someone before? majority of my life and I hate myself for that If someone jumped on your back what would you do? die? If you had a child and they turned out just like you would you be happy? poor kid... If you could choose the gender of your child what gender would you choose? not that I want kids but girl

Name three people you want to meet in Heaven. from those who died or are alive rn?

What could be the theme song of your life? I was taking a quiz today and they gave me Kero Kero Bonito - I'd Rather Sleep

Do you have any embarrassing health issues? :( Who do you wish you could talk to? grandma and/or brother Do you lose or misplace things a lot? very rarely lose, misplace more often but still usually same item like my scissors What was the name of the street you grew up on (if you don’t live there now) I live here! Does it still feel like summer where you live? it’s too cold for that Do you have a Paypal account? I wish Have you ever had a brand or company reach out to you on Instagram? polyvore What is the last thing you purchased from Etsy? I have no bank account to be able to buy stuff there Do you sell on Etsy? I’d like to someday Do you have a favorite aunt, and if so, who is it? aunt Alice Who is your favorite cousin? no one Have you bought next year’s calendar yet? yup What year did/will you turn 30? 2022 What’s a food that you like, but it makes you feel sick? no comment Do you like the name Addison? sounds like a shoe Is there anything that you regret getting rid of? ... Have you ever stood up to a bully? couple of times Do you own striped tights? nude and transparent Have you ever made your own Halloween costume out of clothes from ur closet? yep When was the last time you received a hug? this day Do you have anyone who hugs you regularly? dad? Would you rather have the bottom bunk or top bunk? bottom Window seat or aisle seat? window, aisle if in church  Have you ever thrown up on an airplane? that’s one of the reasons I won’t fly Have you ever seen anyone else throw up on an airplane? that’s another... Have you ever gotten sick in the car? almost Do you still wear clothes from the children’s section? whoops you got me What color is your watch? I need to buy watch for Nat... What color was the last pair of flip-flops you wore? last time I was wearing flip flops was before middle school and they were pink I suppose Were you born in your favorite season? in the worst! Have you eaten oatmeal lately? regularly... Do you enjoy editing photos? if not a snapchat filter selfie then I prefer them “natural” What is your favorite app on your phone? Choices forever! lately I begun playing The arcana and it’s pretty good, Lisa downloaded Addams family mystery mansion or smth but it’s not that cool and I used to play the detective story which was awesome <3  Do you answer your phone every time it rings? hell no Do you like to decoupage things? scrapbooks/collages are way better How many tabs are open on your browser right now? 9 with this one but I forgot to close the background music 

How many times have you had sex within the past two years? Guesstimate? personal How many times in a month do you go to the movies? How much do you spend? not at all

When was the last time you heard thunder? Where were you at anyway? this month? home When was the last time you were in trouble with your parents? If so. it’s complicated Do you know anyone who claims to have the ability to see the future? I have dreams that come true and my parents do, also my gf When you go to the movies, do you actually watch the movies or not? ... what else would I do in the cinema? oh, you mean kiss and such? waste of money Do you love or loathe the Eurovision? I don’t mind it Have you ever wielded a sword? wanna try :D If you were famous would you want a statue or a building names after you? what for Can you erect a tent? hope I didn’t forgot How tall is the tallest person you know? didn’t ask Have you ever ridden a camel? might try What’s your opinion on rats? cute

[inthestars011]

My Opinion On The Venus Signs From A Pisces Venus Pt 2

*you guys seemed to enjoy my moon sign post so i thought i’d do a venus sign one! just a friendly reminder that i haven’t loved or dated all of these signs, but some will be from romantic experience some will be from friends and me observing how my friends act in romantic experiences but this is totally from personal observations, so if you don’t relate there’s probably another influence in your 7th house or something, don’t take it on 2 much pls this is all fun! also diff opinions might come from diff venus signs, i myself am a pisces venus in case u were wondering!*

Cancer Venus

so so so caring! will be vulnerable with you and wants u to do the same as sharing of emotions is important to them in a relationship. Treat them gently as they can be sensitive to even the smallest of remarks or criticisms, generally knows they have to learn to grow through this and accept that that’s how people grow, but still prefers a more comforting encouraging lover. Loving them feels like home. You can drop ur guard down arnd them. They’re shy and won’t flirt much till comfortable generally. This is only for some of them but HOLY SHIT some of them can be TOO possesive, and i’m a stage 5 clinger so take it from me, they can be overly untrustworthy abt someone being unfaithful or sometimes if they’re rlly weird can get angry when you’re having fun out with friends while they’re not there, this is a toxic energy ofc and not all cancer venus’s will have it but make sure u watch out for that. Again if manifested toxically or is immature, can play the victim card if they feel guilty for something they’ve done to u. Guilt tripping rlly can happen w these ppl if not manifested right which is sad because some ppl fall for it instantaneously. Always a rlly good mother or father i find and/or is attracted to people good with kids. Always wants u to be safe and happy, will stick by ur side and take care of u when ur sick, can be absolutely angelic in that manner. If you want a love that makes u feel a steady warmth from the inside out, go for a cancer venus.

Leo Venus

Treats u like a king/queen. but also expects the same in return. V showy with their love, the type to wanna wear it on their t shirt because they don’t date ppl they aren’t proud to be with. Feels like love should be like hollywood, but it’s not always glitz and glamour. The dramatics can get a little exhausting. Really fun! If they like u tho everyone knows and u probably know too cause they just can’t keep that excitement locked up. Firey Passionate love. Loyalty is important as hell to them. Their love is great but so is there anger so just don’t piss them off. They find you really special if they’re interested in u, so be flattered. if you try to hide a relationship or are that typa person it will not bode well, these people want romance to be out in the open otherwise they are insecure that you are ashamed of them. The type to kiss you right in the middle of an argument. Fireworks typa love. Might act like they don’t give a fuck after u break their heart to save their embarrassment but chances are they give a whole lotta fucks and are royally crushed, theyll either do this or they will openly express a huge scene of tears in front of others to gain some sympathy as they have to feel like they haven’t lost everyone (even tho they lost u) for them to snap back.

Virgo Venus

cute n soft. over analyzes every fucking flirtatious convo and ruins the fun they are supposed to be having. So busy figuring out the pros and cons of a persons traits and deciding whether they wanna go for it, other ppl are making moves. it is ruff out here for a virgo venus my sympathy goes out to u. They aren’t super flirty, tho some might try to be and it may come out awkward and strange (some people actually find this awkwardness charming though). Not super showy with love like the leo in fact quite private. Is a good gift giver as they remember little details about you and get u the most thoughtful things. Just wants to care for you at the end of the day, pure souls. Not attracted to show offs or people who are arrogant. has an angelic almost saviour like energy surrounding their love. Might parent you or nag you which can piss a partner off real quick, but this is their personal way of showing immense care. If u like one ur gonna have to make the first move because chances r if they like u it’s been 10 years of them trying to figure out the so called ‘perfect’ way to approach u, so for fuck sakes, lift the burden off their shoulders will ya?

[blissfullyinfatuated]

1-85 😈

You’re a real one who understands the quarantine struggles so Thank youuu 😰🥰🥰

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

“Looks” = subjective. So go off! Attraction is important for me. For some, that may be directly proportional to looks, or some attributes - attributes for me + VIBES

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

I want a break but yes, for development

3. Virgin?

No

4. Relationship?

Single, but seeing someone

5. In love?

Pass

6. Single this year?

The year just started so as of right now, yes

7. Can you commit to one person?

I’m open to open relationships and polygamy, but my core is monogamy b/c I want one equal ultimately

8. Answered

9. Answered

10. Love at first sight?

Only passionate love

11. Want to get married?

Yes

12. Answered

13. Answered

14. Crush on anyone?

I like but nothing like a “exciting crush”. I’ve lost a lot of my passion idkkkk

1. Piercings?

Yes

15. Tattoos?

Yes

16. Do you like kissing in public?

Not really but depends

20. Do you shower everyday?

Yes. Privilege! It’s refreshing and a reason to get me out of bed on low days

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Yes

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Sure? No? I don’t think these things 🥴

23. Do you think you can last a relationship of 6 months and not cheat?

Yes

24. Do you think that you’ll be married in the next 5 years?

At 27? Hopefully dating someone

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

Right now, the answer is no

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

27. Has anyone ever written a song or a poem about you?

A very honest poem. Shoutout to one of my exes who’s in a beautiful relationship today <3

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

None that I know of

29. Have you ever cheated?

Yes

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

No. I grew up really insecure but I knew that I wouldn’t have the means to change everything about my physicality, and now idk I just accept them - God made me this way!

32. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Both, yes. I’m tired of crying 😅

33. Sex with a man?

Yes

34. Sex with a woman?

Oh yes

35. Kissed someone older than you?

Yes

36. Liked on of your best friends?

When I was younger. Idk it’s kinda always been my friends are my friends

37. Like someone your friends hated?

Yes. My relationships are separate from theirs and they trusted me to have integrity towards them

38. Liked someone you didn’t expect to?

All the time!

39. Wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Often :/ I feel like life never aligns

40. Written a song or poem about someone?

That’s how I’ve gotten over my exes. I have

41. Sex this year So far?

Si

42. How long can you just kiss until your head starts to wonder?

Depends hahaha

43. Longest relationship?

Couple of months to a year. I count one as a year

44. How many bfs/gfs have you had?

I count 2

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

One. I was dating someone during that time

46. How many times have you had sex last year?

Pass

47. Age?

21

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

“Okay. I hope that they are a good person who treats you well. Thank you for your honesty”. Gotta be happy for others! It’s life

49. If you have bf/gf...?

N/A

50. If your true love knocked on your door with apologies and presents, would you accept?

I kinda already forgave/accepted. Idk if I’ll accept presents though. But I’d rather just talk it out, like every moment

51. Is there a boy/girl that you’d do absolutely everything for?

As much as I have love, no. I have to do that for myself first :/

52. Anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

I guess & because I cannot go through hurting anymore

53. Is someone mad bc of the person that you are with?

Nope but I’ve had that happen before and the people who love me (friends & fam) are right

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Of course

55. Share a relationship story.

I can’t think of any :/ but some of my fave things to do are car rides on the freeway with great music

56. 8 facts about your body

Tattoos, piercings, melanin, beauty marks, soft, toe surgery, leg hair, double jointed

57. Things you want to say to your ex?

I can just DM her 😅

58. 5 ways to win your heart?

Be a gentleman. Be passionate/strive to be better and be ambitious. Do your own thing/be your own person. Food. Good qualities (honesty). Listen to me

59. What do you look like?



Yikes haha

60. Biggest age gap between me and any partners?

Lol probably 3 years

61. First thing you notice in someone?

Their hair and eyebrows

62. sexiest thing someone could ever do for you?

Dress up 😅😍

63. Your definition of having sex?

Any basic definition. Making love is different

64. Definition of cheating?

From Entertaining to physical/emotional betrayal

65. Favourite foreplay routine?

On me? Chest kisses

66. favourite role play?

Depends on the person 🤓😎

67. Idea of a perfect date?

Idk why I always imagine a beach when I get asked this

68. Sexual orientation?

No labels but if I had to, queer/pansexual. Preference towards women

69. Turn offs?

I mean hygiene is a big one when the person has the means, but also people who loaf. Also boring ppl (who don’t have an outlet or a hobby)

70. Turn ons?

Qualities. Someone who takes care of themselves in and out. Who does their own thing and who owns who they are

71. Kinkiest wet dream?

I actually don’t have wet dreams 🥴

72. Words you like to hear during sex?

I like dirty talk and degrading

73. Something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Acts of service help me so much, such as bringing me lunch for instance or picking me up. Super sweet

74. Most superficial characteristic you look for?

Curly hair lol

75. Sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Either won me my fave stuffed animal at the cne, Valentine’s Day: I missed Chinese New Years so she made a whole menu & brought recipes for us to make the food on vday!! && sending me earrings that I’ve wanted through the mail, && lavender through the mail bc i couldn’t sleep. && gotten a diffuser and some oils. I’ve dated really great girls & have great friends

76. Sweetest thing you’ve ever done for anyone?

Probably drive miles for them or picked them up or something. I feel like I’m so bland ahh

77. Opinion on age differences in relationships?

As long as it isn’t predatory (like the older person always seeks the same young thing) and they’re at least in their twenties, go off

78. Your dirtiest secret?

Probably #8 answered the first time. Everything is in the grey area

79. Last time you felt jealous?

Omg it was crazy!! And I felt threatened but in January 😅

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

My friend last night <3

81. 5 people you find attractive?

D & Ummm I guess the coat check girl at lavish LOL. I can’t think of any. I’m v not passionate lately

82. Last person you hugged?

D 🥰

83. Who was your first kiss with?

Stephanie

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

If I get into this I might cry, but it was for the better!

85. Would you ever date someone off the internet?

I mean isn’t this how dating works these days?

Successfully done before my online philosophy lecture 🥰🥰🥰😘

[bec-da-horse-rider]

Hmu! Let’s be friends!

So basically I have one friend...though I only see her once a month, once every two months. I love her and she’s my best friend but she soooo busy(all the time!)! I feel so alone all the time! I’m extraordinarily shy and I don’t know how to make friends or talk to people. She says I’m her best friend to but I wish she’d rely on me a bit more. She NEVER talks to me when she’s sad or just calls me when she’s lonely, or talks to me when something bad has happened (examples; she got bullied, lost a game in her sport, etc. Not talking about crazy bad like someone died). I want (and kinda need) to feel needed and wanted. I’m the type of friend where if it’s 3am and you can’t sleep, your feeling lonely/sad, call me. I’m the type of friend that is always there for you. The type of friend where you can tell me anything and no one will ever know. You can talk to me about anything. But here’s the thing, no one ever does...I just wanna feel wanted and needed.

Heres some stuff abt me:

1. I love animals.

2. Horses most of all

3. I own two horses, a dog, and six cats.

4. I hate school.

4.2: So I hate talking about (my) school/school work. However I’m more then happy to talk about yours!

5. I’m a huge cowgirl

6. I love anime

7. I hate reading

8. But I somehow enjoy writing stories

10. I can’t seem to put them down in book form though :(

11. I’m christian (doesn’t mean you have to be! :) I’m cool with anything!)

11.2: I don’t like religion talk(it’s fine if your in the same religion). It just ends up in fights and stuff. I try to steer away from this subject because I know some people are uncomfortable with it and I’d rather not end my friendship(or whatever we are) over the fact I’m Christian and stuffs. I won’t talk about it to you unless you want to.

12. Not gonna lie here: I do NOT support LGBTQ I do however support you. I won’t judge you for being gay(etc). You can be apart of the LGBTQ community. I may not support what you are doing or the decision you made but I do support you and I will NEVER make you feel like being gay(etc) is wrong or bad. I just feel like y’all should know that ❤️

13: pm/dm/message me any time! 24/7

14: I am SUPER self conscious about the way I look. I don’t like the way I look either so I’m sorry but I won’t FaceTime or send pics with my face in it >~<

15: as I have christian parents and I am christian if a show is rated any higher then tv-14 (rarely 14a is ok) I will not/won’t watch it

16: I like shows like; miraculous, voltron, dragon prince, etc. But I also like shows like; greys anatomy, skyscraper(that’s a movie lol), *insert another action movie/show here*, etc. I like kid shows (obviously not for like 3 year olds and stuff; tru, paw patrol, etc) but I also like more adult ish type stuffs (not any higher rating then tv-14 and not talking about s*x stuffs). I love action movies blood and gore doesn’t bother me!

17: my favourite show is “RWBY”

18: I’m indecisive.

19: my favourite colour is; black, blue, and a royal purple. I can’t choose!

20: I’m 15! (2004 is meh birth date. My birthday is sometime in April)

21: I’m Canadian! I actually do get lots of “oh so that’s why your so nice”s (yes people online have told me that after they found out I was Canadian lol) and it is funny.

22: My name is “Rebecca” I don’t like it though...I prefer to be called ”Bec”. Though I’m not picky and I won’t get mad if you call me by my full name or anything else! Call me whatever you want!

23: I’m homeschooled!

24: I have weird taste in music :)

25: I’m single, Iv never had a boyfriend...or even a crush! (Just to be clear I’m just saying that so you know me better, I’m not looking for a boyfriend or anything)

26: my parents are strict(ish). My parents don’t like/allow me to talk to ppl online I don’t know irl. But I am literally going insane from loneliness. I NEED someone to talk to. The loneliness is quite literally swallowing me whole.

That’s all! Hmu! (Boy or girl!)

Two of my favourite songs rn 😊😋❤️

[rap-liine]

50 questions tag

tagged by: @nervousatthenightclub omg sorry this took so long but thank you!!!

1. What takes up too much of your time? prolly tumblr tbh

2. What makes your day better? just getting time to myself to chill and watch stuff

3. What’s the best thing that happened you today? a bunch of stuff actually!! i got a bunch of compliments on my outfit + hair, maintained first place in my gymnastic competition in gym, got my daily approval from my favorite teacher, finished the oreo ripple icecream i didn’t know we had until my sister told me and i discovered red oranges are a thing apparently 

4. What fictional place would you like to go? oooohhhh maybe Alagaësia (the place where the Inheritance Cycle is)

5. Are you good at giving advice? yupp

6. Do you have any mental illness? nope

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no

8. What musician inspired you the most? honestly i think the entirety of bts was really a big inspiration for me to get deeper into dancing and other things but hobi especially motivated me, and even though hyunjin’s backstory is super inspiring i don’t know how it helped me personally yet

9. Have you ever fallen in love? huh even 9 year crush don’t count as love imo

10. What’s your dream date? i’ve never really thought about it but probably a fancy dinner and a walk through the city at night after 🌌

11. What do others notice about you? i try to be optimistic and upbeat 24/7 so I really hate being around negative ppl, even tho ppl hate me for my smarts idgaf about them and genuinely care about my education, although im v confident im also v grateful for everything, and can cut people down but im really caring (mom friend literally everywhere) and i know what i want and i get it done

12. What is the annoying habit you have? ok my mom can fight me on this but burping isn’t that bad ok

13. Do you still talk to your first love? no? he moved but even before not really

14. How many ex’s do you have? 0️⃣

15. How many songs are on your playlist? pandora ain’t letting me see the full list but either way a lot of what i listen to isn’t on there, so im gonna take a guess and go at 500? it’s different for each playlist tho

16. What instruments can you play? i’m relearning piano and i want to pick up guitar

17. Who do you have the most pictures of? lmao one of my best friends and trust me they’re all ugly

18. Where would you like to go before you die? either mecca for religious purposes or greece/rome/brasil

19. What is your zodiac? virgo ♍

20. Do you relate to it? yES omg it’s like a 98% match

21. What is happiness to you? the emotional, physical, and spiritual contentment of a person OR (bc i think i understood this wrong) being with people i love, the feeling of accomplishment / pride, reading books that take you away from reality, debates and physical exercise

22. Are you going through anything right now? only high school my dude 🤙

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? even though this technically wasn’t my choice but eating nutella sandwiches for lunch every day and not getting into team sports as a kids 😭

24. What’s your favorite store? MARSHALLS, HANDS DOWN

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? women are absolutely entitled to the rights to their bodies and men should have no say whatsoever in this aspect, but at the same time don’t use it as an excuse to hoe around and constantly get pregnant

26. Do you keep a bucket list? not really, but i have an idea of some things i want to do in life

27. Do you have a favorite album at the moment? stray kids’ miroh (liSTEN TO IT)

28. What do you want for your birthday? silver/grey adidas soccer sweats, a new pair of black sneakers, and a permanent ps account

29. What are most peoples first impressions of you? 1) looks bc (majority of) ppl aint blind and 2) im super energetic and outgoing and just really friendly in general, 3) confident and a bunch of other things

30. What age do you seem according to most people? okkk literally all adults think im 5 years older than i am but?? i’m not 20 believe it or not

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? on my dresser next to my bed or charging on my cabinet

32. What word do you say the most? the duh lmao prolly bruh or either of the second two words

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? no one older than me but maaaaaybe sixteen

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? no on younger than me past a few months

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? teaching but HUH i do not have to patience to teach kids

36. What’s your favorite music genre? pop (more specifically the kind with a k before it)

37. If you could live in any country in the world where would it be? i’d stay in the US

38. What is your current favorite song? hmmmm beside the ones that will always be my favs then maze of memories by stray kids

39. How long have you had this blog for? only a few months but i made so many amazing mutuals already!! 💫

40. What are you excited for? my april trip to spain & morocco with my best friend and my move into my new private school in late august

41. Are you a better talker or listener? uhhh both?? i love talking but i’ve always been a human diary so i can't really chose

42. What is the last productive thing you did? finish four pages of my history hw 🙃🙃🙃

43. What do you want for Christmas? nothing bc i ain’t christian

44. What class do you get the best grades in? omg my grades are lowkey sad rn they’re all a minuses but!! i do really well in p much everything but us history honors, bio honors, and spanish ii are two classes i love and excel in

45. On a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? gotta say a 9.3 bc im regretting all the sugar i ate today

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years? working in a lab in boston

47. When did you get your first heart break? if you don’t fall in love you can’t get hurt :0

48. At what age do you want to get married? hmmmmmm i don’t wanna have a huge gap between me and my children but i also want to have a stable successful career first, so i’ll say before 30 ig

49. What career did you want to have as a child? veterinarian but then i realized that meant looking at sick animals all day and i went n o p e

50. What do you crave now? a gym bc i wanna exercise

tagging: @sonqmingi @parkseonghwa (whenever she comes back from hiatus), @lqhhj, @forhyunsuk, @ultvisual, @cuteez, @ateezsbitch @taengyo @astarlightmonbebe and ofc anyone who wants to!!

[theleastcarefulofgamedevs]

whole "talk abt ___" meme. go off. (answer privately if u like.)

ham time

1. First time you watched your favorite movie

I’ve only seen Spiderverse once! I went and saw it with my mom at the theater over by our place. I loved it!!

2. Talk about your first kiss

I don’t really know how to put this one, to be honest. It was like something out of a fanfic lmao

3. Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for

Two people qualify for this, I’d say. The person I had a crush on before my current girlfriend just... up and vanished one day, without a trace. Nobody’s seen them since. My current girlfriend is amazing tho and i could never ever ask for anyone better because nobody better exists,,,, uwu

4. thing you regret most so far

oh christ okay. this ISN’T about the stalker, for those in the know, this is abt someone else who only i’ve encountered. there was this person who was interested in me but i was already dating someone else so i couldn’t let them down softly, and instead of doing the smart thing and explaining the situation i just cut off all contact with them,,,,

5 + 6: i don’t rlly remember much abt em, sorry,,,

7. biggest insecurity 

i hate feeling like i’m not enough for someone or that they’ll find someone better than me and only keep me around because they’re afraid of hurting me.

8. thing you’re most proud of

my writing!!!! i think i’m good at it, at least. it makes me rlly happy when people critique it and engage with it, and it makes me a little :||| when people don’t,,

9. little things you’re proud of

di- *i am shot and killed*

10. talk about your biggest fight

i don’t have any real fights

11. Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

bein with my geef

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

there was this weird string of nightmares i had over 3 days two years ago that were all about this one weird girl ive never seen before dying over and over?? i think it was supposed to be my gf in the dream but i didn’t have a relationship at that time??

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

14: Talk about a vacation.

i’ve always wanted to visit japan!!! i might choose to live there too at some point but that’d have to be an agreement between the ppl i care abt

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

rn tbh

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

i don’t go to parties

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

All Of My Mutuals 

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

i dont remember anything from elementary school except for the time one kid got called an ass by the substitute once in 5th grade

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

my class made a teacher run out of the room crying

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

I Am There Now

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

ive had two stalkers

22: Talk about your worst fear.

See Question 7

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

the only time ive been turned down relationship wise really is in elementary school which i mean *shrug* whatever

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

all of danganronpa 2 chapter 5 and 6

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

theyre racist and homophobic now :\

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

i sit in bed. i sleep. i sit again

and then i puke

27-30: 

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

I like to believe in an afterlife where you get to be with those you care about most. 

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

My old apartment my parents used to live in was really cozy and small! 

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

i cry and talk to my geef abt it

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

i woke up one day when i was like 7 and couldnt use either of my legs. i woke up the next day perfectly healthy. this is not a joke 

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

being sad

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

I like shitty anime rpgs and dating games owebgaewugbaeiwugb

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

See Question 4

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

Every love song makes me think of my geef,,,,, uwu

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

it’s alright my man. you’re good. you’re chill. i’m you from the future, little homie. it’s all cool. put the axe down. you are swinging an axe at me now

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

a lot of people have died in my life,,,,, wish they didn’t.