#batman and co

[proshipping-kitten]

Antis: You can't ship the former robins together! They're adopted siblings that's incest! Me: God I wish that was true Antis: ...wait what? Me: Do you know how hard it is to find jaydick or jaytim fic that actually treats them like siblings??? Me: I wish I could find batcest fic with incest in them as easily as you seem to think I can :(

[haveihitanerve]

What the Batfam says to the press when they question their injuries-

Press: How did you break your arm? Bruce: *always uses his kids as an excuse. Always. Doesn't matter for what injury. ALWAYS*oh. Well you see dick decided it would be funny to try and do a backflip off of the chandelier…… He didn't succeed.  Press: … okay but how does that explain your arm? Bruce: *shrugs* ~ Press: How did you break your arm? Dick: *kinda tells the truth but always overdramatizes it. The press just accepts this* oh well i was doing parkour over Gotham rooftops when all of a sudden this elephant exploded out of a chimney and challenged me to a duel so i had to fight and i won but it managed to grab my arm and pull with its trunk and yeah. *shrugs* ~ Press: How did you break your arm? Jason: *he says exactly what happens but without any context. Was fighting joker? Oh yeah no* Yeah i was thrown into a wall. Landed on my arm weird. *shrugs* Press: …o-okay. ~ Press: How did you break your arm? Cass: *will just like nod* yes. Press:w-... what? Cass: yes. *smiles and shrugs. Backflips away* ~ Press: How did you break your arm? Barbara: *always has a lie ready* oh, well me and dick did some rollerskating over the weekend as a date night and *laughs a little* it turns out im not the best roller skater *shrugs* (this is such a fucking lie by the way. I don't know why, but part of bruces training is learning how to rollerskate. He wont tell them why but one time when he was starting out one of the silver villains was racing away and he had to chase them on rollerskates. Always be prepared) Press: haha. Okay. ~ Press: How did you break your arm? Tim: *forgets he broke his arm so he forgets to come up with a lie. Just comes up with shit on the spot* oh well you see it was game night yesterday and Jason is kinda competitive and i won so he threw me out the window. *nods confidently* Press: *horrified wide eyed stare* Tim: *smiles, unbothered* yeah. *shrugs, walks away whistling* (also forgets that legally jason is dead) ~ Press: How did you break your arm? Damian: *tells the truth with a completely straight face but no one believes him. Bruce had started to panic though so damian just tells them its his mother* Oh. My arm. Yes Mother visited yesterday.*shrugs* I guess my A+ was not a good enough grade for her. *walks away* Press: *drops pencil. Is horrified.* (clark actually did this interview and demanded bruce tell him the truth later so he doesn't go and kill talia) ~ Press: How did you break your arm? Steph: *just ignores the injury* What? Press: *gestures to cast* how did you break your arm? Steph: what arm?  Press: the- the arm- i- what? Steph: I don't have any arms. Or legs. Press: *is flabbergasted* Steph: *grins* Bye! *cartwheels away* ~ Press: How did you break your arm? Alfred: *completely fucks with the press. He loves it* Oh well as you know my ward is Batman so naturally i have to protect our home. Press: i-what? Alfred: oh you didn't know? *tsks* well that's a shame. I won't be doing your job for you. *walks away with all the power of a british butler*

[ehliena]

Clark: B, why do Kon and Jon have trustfunds?

Bruce: So that they'll have financial support in their lives. Don't they teach that in Kansas?

Clark: I know what a trustfund is, my question is why my kids have it from you?

Bruce: Oh I'm sorry, were you planning to have trusts set up for them with your reporter salary?

[yanmuffins]

... on a more light-hearted note, imagine a phineas and ferb scenario except neglected! reader is the gifted child that is overlooked by platonic! batfamily, building all sorts of insane contraptions mysteriously disappear for unknown reasons and damian is the only one in the family seeing this shit happen, slowly losing his mind trying to bust his sibling to bruce or his siblings (etc.) only to find that giant robot/waterpark/space rollecoaster is no longer there. once again he looks like a resentful brother trying to incriminate his only blood sibling, whom he seems to have a vendetta against.

i mean, can you blame them? you're just sorta there. just doing your own thing, going to school, hanging out with friends, keeping to yourself. it's embarrassing to admit, but they often forget you live at the manor. you're one of the teenagers to exist. so when damian comes running to dick, saying "look! look! i finally busted them. the cameras caught-" only for the magically corrupted footage to show him 3 minutes of you hanging out under a tree, cut, hanging out under a tree again, let's say dick is... confused.

or when he removed jason from a mission, guiding him at full speed back to the manor, where you were home alone and working on a weather-changing machine because you wanted to have winter snow during summer, except they arrive to find you eating cereal on the kitchen counter. no machine to be seen.

eventually they just dismiss it as damian being petty and acting his age for once. it's the whole being bruce wayne's only blood child and heir to the wayne legacy that you kinda got in the middle of by existing and stuff, they're sure. i mean, you? doing all that? the very idea is so absurd it doesn't even trigger their suspicions. you're the civilian among civilians, every time they look your way you're doing homework or watching funny orange cat compilation videos on youtube.

whether damian's failures to expose you are absurdly coincidental or you just know how to avoid the batfamily's watchful eye is up for debate. well, it's for the best, either way. there’s a 104 days of summer vacation and you're basking in being left alone by the family, and bruce would be livid if he found out about the things you've been doing behind his back, so...

just... hope they don't find out, okay?

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

There weren't a lot of Rogues that Damian approved of. Some were correct in their assessment, like Poison Ivy , who pointed out that people were destroying the planet, but she went about changing things in all the wrong ways.

But this one, a practical phantom, had caught his interest. None of his family have managed to catch him, and aside from attacking people found abusing animals or other civilians, he had committed no violent crimes.

No, this person's MO was to break into abandoned homes, factories, businesses, and "areas of notice" to turn them into animal sanctuaries overnight. That or he would build odd structures in random places for stray animals or homeless people to crawl into for safety and warmth.No one knew how he did it as it seemed many of these structures were fused together to build them in the absence of nails or adhesives.

Whats more is that these creations were large and incredibly durable, making them a nightmare to remove or take apart.

As an artist himself, he didn't exactly see the abstract formations as an eyesore, but was instead intrigued by them, regardless of what he told the others.

Honestly, he thinks father is after this person not for justice but for the need to know.

Especially after one of the largest of these installations popped up inside Wayne Enterprises own lobby without a trace or hint of how it got there.

As Danny is rummaging through a heap of scraps disguised as a homeless man, he wonders what he should make next and where to put it

[snufkins-boot]

Dc x Do prompt: co-parenting but one party doesn’t know it’s co-parenting

So when Damian first became Robin he would purposefully hide injuries, thinking it was a sign of weakness. So he was bleeding out and then just some… guy?? Walks up and is like ‘hey kid you’re bleeding, you want me to bandage that?’ And at first Damian says no but then the guy says that he won’t tell anyone… and well.

So Danny moved to Gotham with a de-aged Dan and Ellie and just found some kid bleeding on his roof. So he bandaged the kid up and keeps the door unlocked so he can leave when he wants.

Side effect: this kid will also come through the open door. Even when Bruce returns Damian will go to Danny when he’s injured or upset because unlike Drake and Grayson, Danny has no judgement to anything he says. You could tell Danny you killed someone and he’d just say ‘real’.

Dan and Ellie also love him and have been attempting to learn to sword fight from Damian with those styrofoam swords you get out of flying tiger for a fiver.

Does Bruce know? Probably not at first. And then he finds out, and then it’s the grumpy grunts because his son trusts this guy more than him and he’s a little butt hurt. So he tried to replace Danny and Damian isn’t having it and will still go to Danny.

Anyway this is just a long way to say Danny and Bruce kiss 👍

[ditzybat]

Jason: am I tweaking or is that Dick, dabbing up Simone Biles, before getting ready to perform high beam?

Tim: I dunno, but is that Roy for team USA in the archery category?

Jason: fuck I should’ve competed for shooting

Tim: I should’ve competed for judo, boo 🍅

[lightshiningforth]

”Wayne Family Adventures isn’t accurate to the other comics!” I literally do not care. I’m obsessed with Batfamily: Healthy Relationships Edition and you can pry it out of my cold dead hands

[mammutblog]

i’ve been thinking a lot about batkid outfits so i drew as many as i can in one go

[celaenaeiln]

Jason: *barging into the cave* What the hell are you doing?! The little brat said Dick’s been kidnapped, so why are you just sitting here?!

Tim: *taking a slow sip of coffee* he hasn’t been kidnapped.

Jason: What do you mean? Where is he then?

Tim: He’s hanging out with the Titans

Jason: *putting down his helmet and grabbing a cookie off Tim’s plate* Then why’d the toddler say he’s been kidnapped.

Tim: *glaring at him for stealing his precious cookie* He learned that if Dick couldn’t spend time with him he could just say that Dick’s been kidnapped so that the rest of us would crash the place to “rescue” him.

Jason: That’s…that’s actually pretty smart. I wonder where he learned that.

Tim: *side-eyeing a hunched and scowling Bruce over the rim of his coffee mug*

Jason:

[miramelo]

A friendly encounter

While the others are dealing with their latest rogue, Damian investigates(in secret) the old Ace Waste Disposal Plant.

[puppetmaster13u]

Meme Prompts 14

[azulhood]

John Constantine had a habit of picking up strays.

From half demons (like Raven) to demigods (like Billy Batson) to other extremely powerful magical children.

It was rumored among Justice League Dark that Batman's adopting problem had rubbed off on John.

So, it came a surprise to absolutely nobody, when John brought two tiny half ghosts to the next Justice league dark meeting and introduced them as his wards. The two could be seen flying around cities with Shazam and practicing magic with Raven. And John was also talking with Boston about Ghost culture.

But then Batman showed up on the house of mysteries doorstep and wanting to talk about Danny being his biological child.

Well, one thing was for sure..

Batman was not making the kid leave if he didn't want to, and if John had to fight the richest man on earth in a custody battle, then so be it.

He might have to cash in a few favors though.

[gotham-snark]

Batman - One Bad Day -Ra's Al Ghul

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Ghost King Phantom answers a summons to a new dimension to find a sacrificial offering in three magic circles. One, holding Bizarro, another holding Artimus and the one in front holding Red Hood.

Phantom has no idea who these people are, but he knows the people in charge must be powerful mages or whatever. Doesn't matter. None of the mages hes ever had to face had known about his Halfa status so naturally thier wards and protections wouldn't work on him. He captures the kid with a naselly voice and his orange cat in a force field to give to Jazz later. She had been talking about wanting to study the psychology of a supernatural being for a while now so he'd help her out.

He made quick work of the other mages before turning around and facing the "sacrifices" the two in the back were still out cold but the one in front, the one in the red helm was radiating terror and rage. He was shaking even though Phantom hadn't done anything to him and had no intentions to. Danny landed outside the circle, trying to whisper something conforting as he stepped closer.

The moment he stepped into the ring however, the red runes turned into a bright green and the three circles disappeared. Danny didn't feel any different so he assumed it was nothing and he freed the captives before disappearing, none the wiser that Klarion the Witchboy had made a few translation mistakes in the slave contract and accidentally married a terrified Red Hood to Phantom, the High King of the Undead and King of the Lazarus dimension, also known as the Infinite Realms.

Danny probably learns he married that guy at some point but just kinda shrugs it off. Polygamy is legal in the realms and thier marriage doesn't change much. Sure, Danny is practically contractually obligated to save this guy if he's ever in mortal peril but Danny has no problems with that. He'd do it anyway.

So he just ignores the situation hoping it doesn't come up again.

It does.

Repeatedly.

I'm so surprised we don't have more Dead on Main ghost king marriage aus where Jason/the pit inside of him is terrified of Phantom. Let's change that