#averys happy space

[wolfythewitch]

wolfy i bought these books today because of your art

Hell yeah hope you enjoy

[trek-tracks]

And if I had to do it all over again...I would.

[filmjunky-99]

h a p p y b i r t h d a y

Avery Brooks

2 October 1948

🎈🎈🎈

[pic: brooks as benjamin sisko, ds9]

[bogwarg]

Homestead Greys In Star Trek DS9

I recently started watching Deep Space 9 and it brought the biggest smile to my face to see Sisko wearing a Homestead Greys hat.

The Homestead Grays were a Pittsburgh-based Negro league baseball team that played in the Negro National League from 1922 to 1948…

The Homestead Grays were one of the most successful Negro league baseball teams, winning multiple championships in the Negro National League. The Homestead Grays weren’t inducted into the National Baseball Hall of Fame UNTIL 2006 (almost 60 years later!). The teams primary owner was inducted 60 years after his death. They were one of the best baseball teams PERIOD… They won nine straight league titles 1937-48. So seeing one of the characters in a show from the 90’s represent this team years before the baseball hall of fame even did made me so happy… The record stats from the Homestead Greys weren’t put into consideration into baseball history until this year! The Homestead Greys had some of the best baseball players of all time on their team.

As someone from Pittsburgh seeing this team represented in something as impactful as Star Trek made me so happy. Whoever did the costuming for Star Trek Deep Space 9, excellent job.

EDIT: I’ve read some of the tags and from my understanding it seems like it was Avery Brooke’s idea to include the Homestead Greys cap in DS9. Atm I am unable to confirm that. Either way, that’s so fucking cool and really has added a lot to the show for me!!

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce goes to meet the other fathers? Have a barbecue with Clark, Oliver, Berry and talk about their kids?

"Damian told me that I was cool, it's been a while since one of my kids told me that" or "Mia is doing so well at school these days"

those moments when they are all (old men) father proud of the mess the kids are?

The dads: *lounging on beach chairs*

Clark: It's nice to finally get a day off. I think Jon needed it more than me. He's still reeling from growing up and suddenly turning back into a kid again.

Ollie: How'd that happen, anyway?

Duke, walking by: That's just this blog.

Clark: What?

Duke: Nothing. Hey, B, can we use the jacuzzi?

Bruce: Sure, go ahead.

Duke: *gives Emiko a thumbs up*

Emiko: *drains the jacuzzi*

Harper and Cullen: *start cleaning the pipes*

Ollie: I know how you feel, Clark. Roy's the happiest I've seen him with Lian back but it's still a big change. We're working on getting her enrolled in school this fall so she can catch up on what she's missed.

Roy: *sprays the tub with disinfectant*

Jason: *dries it with a leaf blower*

Hal: Speaking of changes, Jaime graduated with honors. I know he's not my kid but I can't help but feel like a proud uncle. Kyle got a new concept artist job, by the way, and I think he really likes it.

Jaime: *turns the jacuzzi back on*

Kyle: *sets up folding tables*

Barry, chuckling: Bart tried to enter a marathon the other day.

Clark: Kon wanted to pay money to go skydiving. I don't get it.

Aquaman: I remember when Kaldur joined an amateur scuba class at that age. Perhaps it's an attempt to feel more human.

Bruce: It's easy for us to forget sometimes too.

Kon, carrying a giant pot: Boiling hot soup, coming through!

Kon: *pours it into the jacuzzi*

Cass: *adds spices*

Tim, with a clipboard: One down, eleven more to go. Bart, stop eating the ingredients.

Bart: It's just tofu.

Tim: That's for Damian. What's he gonna do now, starve?

Bruce: Dick's been coming home more often lately. I can tell Alfred's really happy when he sees us all together.

Dick: *drapes tablecloths over the tables*

Wally: *sets up plates*

Steve, walking in: Mind if I join? Diana's running a little late so she sent me and the girls ahead.

Clark: Of course, feel free.

Donna, holding a basket: Where do these vegetables go?

Barbara: I'll take them. Could one of you get some spoons from the kitchen?

Cassie: On it.

Steve: So where are all the ladies?

Bruce: They're in the living room. Selina's showing off her latest... um... collection. Alfred has tea in the kitchen if you want some.

Steve: Don't mind if I do.

Yara: Should I put the meat in now?

Jon: One sec.

Jon: *scoops some soup aside*

Jon: You're good now. I just needed a vegetarian portion for Dami.

Kon: MORE SOUP COMING!

Ollie: Honestly, I'm surprised everyone's doing fairly well given the industry we're in.

Steph, leading a crowd into the yard: And here's where our main event will be.

Bette: *checking names off a guest list*

Bette: That's almost everyone. Wonder Woman and Martian Manhunter are gonna be a little late. Avery's on a mission in Shanghai so she can't make it. Beast Boy and Raven stopped to buy desserts. And the We Are Robin kids just got stuck on a stalled subway train but they should be here pretty soon.

Clark: I think it's a matter of good mentorship and giving them plenty of time and space to get acclimated to the superhero lifestyle.

Jesse: *making lemonade*

Ace: *fills the coolers with ice*

Garth and Kaldur: *handing out drinks*

Barry: And giving them plenty of room to grow at their own pace.

Hal: Very true.

Bruce, sighing contently: You can't help but be proud of them.

The kids, chanting: HOT POT! HOT POT!

[luveline]

hi Jade! Can I make a kbd request of Steve and the girls spoiling r for mothers day?🥹love u!

The spoiling starts early in the morning. Heavy, hot kisses from your husband, his thumb pressed gently to the column of your throat. “Love you,” he’d said. He’d been squeezing your side in his other hand as he said it, like he couldn’t keep the pressure in. 

You shower, and Steve lays out soft loungewear for you to change into. He tends to Wren as you dress, shushing a big cry before it can start and wake her sisters, stooped over her bassinet. “Hello, honey,” he whispers sweetly, giving the bassinet a gentle rock. “Hello. Are you going to be a good girl today for your mommy? I think you are.” 

You sit on the end of the bed, dressed. Mother’s Days are pretty good every year, like a second birthday, and you’re looking forward to a good long day of cuddly girls and kisses. Steve gets crazy acting like you’re the best thing since sliced bread (though he occasionally does it for no reason at all), and tonight you’re promised a hand just under your chest as he tells you how much you’ve given him. 

But for now, you’ve got breakfast to make. 

“Can I ask for something?” 

Steve pulls Wren up into his arms with a self indulgent groan. “Oh, anything.” 

“Can you make me hot chocolate?”

“It’s literally all I want. I need to make that for you right now, or I might die.” He beams and nudges your shoulder. “Come on, let’s go.” 

You trail downstairs with him and Wren where she’s popped on his hip. She’s in the stage of life where she is still wholeheartedly just a baby, but a baby who can smile, and laugh, and communicate with you all and especially Dove. She started crawling just a few days ago, and she’s a happy, smiley girl when she isn’t annoyed at being put down. 

Steve makes you hot chocolate so thick the spoon moves slowly when he puts it in. He kisses behind your ear as he places it in front of you at the table, Wren now safely transferred to a high chair beside you, where you’re feeding her mashed banana on a bendy spoon. 

She smiles at you like you’re the light of her life. 

“Is that nummy?” you ask. 

“She’s getting chubby.” 

“Yes she is,” you croon, giving her cheeks a squeeze with one hand. Her lips shine with banana spit. “She’s my chubby girl, oh, I love her. She’s growing up so fast, my sweet girl.” 

Steve wraps his arms around you from behind. He doesn’t say anything, just hugs you lightly, long minutes of his touch as you feed the baby her breakfast and occasionally take a sip of your specially made drink. 

“Are you saving up all the niceties for tonight?” you ask, tipping your head back to see him. 

“I wrote it all down already on your card.” He speaks in a gentle tone like you had, leaning back to allow you comfortable space. “I’m just trying to get a load of you before Avery comes downstairs.” 

Rousing and footsteps. “That’s sort of freaky.” 

“I have a sixth sense.” He looks over your face with enough longing to feel like a touch, a finger running down your nose and over your mouth. “I’m gonna have to make more hot chocolate.” 

Avery takes her time getting to the kitchen, but when she’s there, she’s quick to throw herself at your legs. “Mom,” she says, grinning at you, “it’s your day!” 

“It is,” you say. 

“Happy Mother’s Day!” She puckers for a big kiss. 

The day is kiss after kiss after kiss. Steve has more than a card, he has a necklace for you with each of the girls initials embedded into small circles, and he has a bag of your favourite candy the size of your head, though he mentions it in private where the girls can’t hear him. Dove, once she and Beth wake up, has made you a drawing with flowers that you pin to the fridge with pride. Beth gives you a bouquet of mildly wilted flowers she and Steve had picked in the garden the night before, as well as some interesting stones, and an empty snail shell. 

Avery, who you’d wondered after a few hours might have forgotten, presents you before dinner with a homemade book. She’s folded a few A4 pages and split the pages in half, topside illustration, and bottom half story. “It’s about you,” she says insistently. 

The story is simple. You eating breakfast with them. You going to work (though what Avery thinks you do at work is a mystery, she draws you at a desk with a notebook and a big smile). You getting home, and kissing each of them, a speech bubble that says, “How are you, baby?” pointed from your mouth. You rub their backs, and sit down on the couch to read with them. You tuck them into bed and kiss them, and then Steve tucks you into bed and kisses you. 

It’s amazingly close to the real deal, and her drawings are lovely. She’s taken so much care to write the story, you hold her for at least ten minutes after reading it. 

“Thank you,” you say, your nose against her cheek. “I love being your mommy. It’s my favourite thing in the whole world.” 

“I love you being my mommy.” 

You squeeze her nice and tight. 

[impish-baby]

Stabbing stars through my back - platonic yandere estranged familly x reader - 🧸

"Hey, cuz!" The intrusion makes you jump, having been quietly waiting for your grandpa to come back after promising to grab you seconds of dinner. "Long time no see."

Avery plops down beside you, apparently having no qualms about invading your space. "Man, how have you been? You're so tall now!" The boy drags his hand from the top of his head to yours, giggling when it turns out he's still taller. "Cute, it would've been annoying to have my baby cousin out grow me."

He hasn't changed much it seems, still all sunshine and rainbows. Avery's smile could always light up a room. You'd probably appreciate his boundless energy more if you weren't already exhausted. "Oh, can I hang out in here? It's so boring waiting to open presents out in the living room." He hums, lacing one of his hands with yours. "Besides, we need to catch up!"

Avery looks so genuinely happy when you agree, however reluctantly, like you've just given him the best gift you could've. "Thank you," he traces his eyes over your face, letting go of your hand after a second. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be all over excited! You must be tired with everything going on."

The older boy only shakes his head when you try to reassure that you can talk, "Nah, we can just chill. Watch a movie maybe, if you want." Avery ruffles your hair, "I just want to spend some time with you, if that's ok."

You can't say no to that, especially when he still remembers your favorite movie after all the years apart.

[batboyblog]

My Super Gay/Queer Reading List

The Long Run by James Acker

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

Another Dimension of Us by Mike Albo

Wonders of the Invisible World by Christopher Barzak

Alan Cole Is Not a Coward by Eric Bell

Alan Cole Doesn’t Dance by Eric Bell

The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan

Felix Yz by Lisa Bunker

Last Bus to Everland by Sophie Cameron

Dragging Mason County by Curtis Campbell

The House of Impossible Beauties by Joseph Cassara

Peter Darling by Austin Chant

Carry the Ocean by Heidi Cullinan

The Love Interest by Cale Dietrich

Half Bad by Sally Green

Half Wild by Sally Green

Half Lost by Sally Green

Heartbreak Boys by Simon James Green

Gay Club by Simon James Green

You’re the One That I Want by Simon James Green

We Contain Multitudes by Sarah Henstra

Totally Joe by James Howe

After School Activities by Dirk Hunter

At the Edge of the Universe by Shaun David Hutchinson

The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried by Shaun David Hutchinson

We Are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson

The Five Stages of Andrew Brawley by Shaun David Hutchinson

A Complicated Love Story Set in Space by Shaun David Hutchinson

The Boy Who Couldn’t Fly Straight by Jeff Jacobson

Haffling by Caleb James

The Lightning-Struck Heart by T.J. Klune

A Destiny of Dragons by T.J. Klune

The Consumption of Magic by T.J. Klune

A Wish Upon the Stars by T.J. Klune

The Extraordinaries by T.J. Klune

Flash Fire by T.J. Klune

Heat Wave by T.J. Klune

The House in the Cerulean Sea by T.J. Klune

Openly Straight by Bill Konigsberg

The Bridge by Bill Konigsberg

Destination Unknown by Bill Konigsberg

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee

Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan

Every Day by David Levithan

Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan

Ryan and Avery by David Levithan

How to Repair a Mechanical Heart by J.C. Lillis

Take a Bow, Noah Mitchell by Tobias Madden

When Ryan Came Back by Devon McCormack

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

Fraternity by Andy Mientus

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

The Art of Starving by Sam J. Miller

Hero by Perry Moore

I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson

More Than This by Patrick Ness

Junior Hero Blues by J.K. Pendragon

The City Beautiful by Aden Polydoros

When Everything Feels Like the Movies by Raziel Reid

Kens by Raziel Reid

Emmett by Lev A.C. Rosen

Jack of Hearts by Lev A.C. Rosen

Camp by Lev A.C. Rosen

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

Wayward Son by Rainbow Rowell

Rainbow Boys by Alex Sanchez

Rainbow High by Alex Sanchez

Rainbow Road by Alex Sanchez

So Hard to Say by Alex Sanchez

The 99 Boyfriends of Micah Summers by Adam Sass

The Darkness Outside Us by Eliot Schrefer

All Kinds of Other by James Sie

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera

History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera

More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera

Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

Freak Show by James St. James

Ray of Sunlight by Brynn Stein

The Dangerous Art of Blending In by Angelo Surmelis

366 Days by Kiyoshi Tanaka

The Language of Seabirds by Will Taylor

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas

Wild and Crooked by Leah Thomas

Because You’ll Never Meet Me by Leah Thomas

Spin Me Right Round by David Valdes

Always the Almost by Edward Underhill

Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White

Tumblr got rid of yellow so I couldn't do pride colors, sorry!

If you want help picking something out just send me an ask with what kind of thing you're looking for and I'll select something for you, and if you end up reading something because you saw this list, please let me know

[ktempestbradford]

A Story for Star Trek Day

I've told this story on Twitter before. I tell it every Star Trek Day and whenever a Deep Space 9 anniversary rolls around. It's about me and Avery Brooks (aka Best ST Captain Benjamin Sisko).

The college my mother went to specifically started recruiting top Black students in the 60s. Due to this, the Black kids all mostly knew each other as they were in that same program. Avery Brooks went to the same college and they were good friends.

(She once told me he had a huge crush on her and I was like MOM. MOTHER. WHAT. HOW COULD YOU HE COULD HAVE BEEN MY DAD.)

Anyway, many of the students in this program remained friends long after college. So over the years as Avery was getting TV gigs & such we would all watch cuz he was my mom's friend & I thought that was the coolest. There was one particularly fun night when my best friend's uncle, Frankie Faison, guest starred on A Man Called Hawk. TWO people we know on TV!

When I was in middle school Avery was touring his production of "Paul Robeson" and it came through our town, so I got to see him perform in person (awesooooome) and meet him for the first time since I was a baby (which I did not remember, of course).

Now, backing up a little bit: I am a Star Trek fan because of my mom. She loved the original series and I remember being a wee Tempest in front of the TV watching The Wrath of Khan and us excitedly going to see Star Trek IV together.

I watched TNG from the instant it appeared on TV because of her. I watched all of The Animated Series even though everyone looked "wrong". (Man... it took me 4 months to realize that dude in the red shirt was Scotty cuz I'd only ever seen movie Scotty.)

Then... they announced Deep Space 9.

We heard Avery Brooks would be the commander and there was MUCH rejoicing around our house. DS9 turned out to be the best Trek ever and, of course, Avery was awesome. This was around the time my mom dropped that "he had a crush on me but I wasn't interested" bombshell.

I'm still bitter.

I mean, I love my dad he's great. But SISKO COULD HAVE BEEN MY DAD.

I lost my mom in 1999. She was--and I'm not exaggerating--an extraordinary woman and beloved by many. I received so many beautiful messages of condolence from her friends all the way back to those college years, including Avery. So many people remembered her fondly. <3

I kept watching Star Trek and often talked to her as if she was there during episodes. She would have LOVED Discovery. Especially since she took me to RENT the year I started college. I'm sure she would have shared my opinion of Enterprise as well. But she loved her some Scott Bakula, so she would have watched, anyway.

I got the chance to interview Avery Brooks at DragonCon back in 2013 (jeez, it's been almost 10 years omg). Before the interview, I went up to him on the Walk of Fame and I said:

Hi, I'm (name K stands for) Bradford, I don't know if you remember me...

And he looked up and said: Of course I remember you.

We talked for a bit and I asked if I could come back and interview him later and he said yes (he wasn't supposed to; his handler had A LOOK). I didn't want to hold up his line, so I said I'd see him later.

Before I could go, he reached out for my hand and squeezed it before saying: I loved your mama, you know.

And we just stayed like that for a few seconds, missing her together.

...I might have been trying very hard not to burst into tears.

That DragonCon was the last time I saw Avery. Barring an extraordinary circumstance, that's probably the last time I'll see him in person. I'm glad we got to have that moment together. And we had a great conversation!

His contribution to Trek has meant so much to me. SISKO4EVA

And I'm glad that it's another tie between me, my mom, and Trek. I can't watch DS9 without hearing her voice giving color commentary. Even the episodes she didn't live to see.

I think Star Trek is part of what gave her hope for the future. She passed that on to me. ❤️🖖🏾❤️

Happy Star Trek Day to all who celebrate.

[mellowwillowy]

Forever in love with the shady bastards... Primarily Bailey, Remy, and Briar!

Going to the same school as Bailey, Briar, Eden, and Darryl... and meeting the aristocrat-level Remy every now and then. The thought is very yummy~

The perks of being friends with your fellow orphan Bailey was that he was a delinquent who could bend anyone who dare to lay their hands on you most times. He's like Whitney except that you were his soft spot (or perhaps a weak spot). If he couldn't take them all down, he got friends who were willing to help him, Briar and Eden.

Darryl was just a sweet boy you met in the library every now and then. He looked unnerved every day but your presence always soothed him down.

There were times you'd sneak out of the orphanage without Bailey to explore the whole town. Chilling in the park, you met this one attractive older guy, probably in his late 20s to early 30s and before long, the two of you were friends. He would usually just have your arms slung in his and fuck you for the night but there was this ‘aura’ of yours that made him reconsider how he saw you.

Either way, he was content with the random occasional meeting that ended up in the cute cozy cafe across the park. Bailey didn't seem happy whenever you came home with his expensive car but couldn't say anything because Avery did handle your 'rent' either out of good heart or not.

But visiting the park was getting boring for you and before long, you met the rich preppy boy in the horse riding school. Apparently, Avery planned to spend the day with you riding horses and Remy was just coincidentally there to play around, killing his time with horses.

It wasn't anything special when Remy got closer to you, he was just trying to look closer at you considering how pretty your clothes were, alas a bit inconvenient to be worn as a horse rider. Just as he thought about it, the horse tipped you down and your pristine white clothes were soiled. Avery wasn't necessarily skilled but he seemed to know how to take reign of his horse, trying to approach you. But Remy was faster than Avery and it gave him a chance to play savior while all he wanted was to look at your face.

Your face... beautiful.

Avery's voice snapped Remy out of his daze, he barely helped you with anything and apologized immediately.

The day was spent with Remy staring at you while you and Remy rode around. Just before you could leave, Remy made sure to slip a letter for you unknowingly by Avery. Wren whistled playfully as he watched the flustered Remy.

If you ever want to ride these horses again, you are free to come on your own, at no charge.

And ever since then, you'd frequent the horse riding school when you have your free time, getting to know more about Remy and Wren as time goes by. Aside from Avery's financial support, it seemed that Remy had more influence with the orphanage owner, allowing you to live there rent-free. The money from Avery then went to Bailey, helping him pass the week bruise-free. Remy would also make you play with his 'friends', mainly Harper and Niki. Harper was not hiding his feelings for you at all, always trying to please and win your heart even though he knew it was impossible. Niki on the other hand was content to eternalize your beauty with his camera.

Times passed and Eden dropped out, completely gone from the city and roaming within the forest. Years passed. A long time had passed to the point Briar was the brothel owner. Darryl was then the strip club owner, a space way safer than Briar's brothel could ever be. Niki, Harper, and Wren worked with Remy's underground farm, completely fine with how he trafficked humans to turn them into mindless cattle. Avery started to switch companions whenever he got bored or furious over his current one. And Bailey was the same monstrous orphanage caretaker, somehow even worse than the previous ones. Far from how you would ever expect him to be.

Everyone grew older, but you didn't.

No one knew how you died but Eden mumbled something about the city being dangerous. Everyone knew it was dangerous but this was the first time he took action, to leave the cursed city. Bailey knew you were seeing multiple rich guys but it was his first time to meet Remy. He looked devastated unlike what Bailey expected. He thought Remy wouldn't feel anything should you be in danger or perhaps, the unthinkable death.

Remy seemed genuine in his fondness for you, just like Bailey.

"Your family is loaded and shit, why can't they protect them? They can just load their guns and..." Bailey choked, it had been years since he last cried. Even from how much he shook, his fist remained in Remy's shirt collar.

"Your people could have prevented this."

His implication was to have people stalk you. He would never be against it if it meant he could have you avoid this unthinkable fate.

"Your fucking people could have loaded their fucking guns and shot the bastards who did this!"

Another fight almost broke out if not from Briar and Wren separating them two. Remy who had always been smart with his mouth remained silent, pupils shaking from the tears threatening to spill again. He didn't want to speak as he could feel his throat croaking. Briar and Niki tried to calm everyone down, proving to be the only two people who could keep their emotions in check the best.

Harper was already bawling like a baby, trying to use his limited knowledge as a doctor to perhaps bring a miracle for you. Niki would love to eternalize this moment if not for the fear of his camera's clicking noise. The despair and angel simmering once your 'aura' completely dissipated in thin air, it was a delectable scene for him. Like a painter trying to record the moment as their next masterpiece.

Darry was devastated to be one of the last people to notice your passing. Avery was... inscrutable. Or perhaps Bailey just couldn't pay enough attention to anyone else anymore. The two of you promised a future together. Not entirely in a romantic sense like a marriage or any sort of committed relationship; but Bailey didn't mind that. As long as it was a future for him and you.

You.

-

You tried to ease down your heartbeats, you could have sworn you saw blood. Knife. And a brat around your age. Stabbed like a lump of meat ready to be minced as dinner. You swallowed your vomit back as you scurried out of Remy's estate, fearing for your life.

Bailey wasn't lying.

You wished you were running instead of tip-toeing like you were on an iceberg otherwise, you could have avoided bumping into Remy with his silver antlered mask.

"Why are you walking around without your companion?" Remy questioned you as his eyes observed you. Remy kneeled on one knee, his gloved hand holding you by the ankle, "And bare feet too. Tired of dancing and standing? We can have you resting in one of the guest rooms."

You couldn't refuse him, too scared to be the next fowl. This was way different than the fear you had for Whitney and his friends.

"Be my guest, darling." He kissed your foot with a smile. Undeniably clean despite the dusty carpeted floors.

[inmyheaddd]

flipped - averyjameson

a/n: thank u for the req! i love writing for averyjameson my literal favs wc: 565 masterlist

avery sat in the library, pretending to read, but her attention kept drifting towards her boyfriend sitting across her. he was absorbed in one of his old books, completely unaware of her gaze on him. there was something about the way the sunlight caught his features, and without really thinking, she found herself speaking.

“you’re really pretty, you know that?”

his confident demeanor wavered for a moment as he looked up from his book. “pretty?”

his usual response would be bouncing the compliment back to her, 100x harder, but he was caught way off guard.

“yeah, i don’t know,” avery said, tilting her head slightly, her smile soft. “there’s something about you when you’re all focused like that. you’re also just... nice to look at.” she shrugged at jameson, and he blinked.

she could tell he was trying to form a response, but for once, his usual witty retorts failed him. instead, he just stared at her, completely flustered.

“where’s all this coming from?” he finally managed, his voice a little lower, a little less composed.

avery couldn’t help but laugh, dodging his question. “you know, i don’t think I’ve ever seen you blush, jamie. it’s kind of cute.”

he shook his head, as if trying to regain his composure. “avery kylie grambs, you’re a menace.”

“maybe,” she shrugged, her smile softening. “but you like it.”

she felt a sudden wave of warmth, jameson wasn’t a stranger to compliments at all, but a simple one from her had him blushing.

“dangerously so.” he murmured, his gaze never leaving hers. she held the eye contact, and jameson closed the space between them.

his hand found her cheek, his touch gentle, as he brought his lips to hers. the kiss was soft, tentative at first, as if he was savoring the moment.

when avery responded with her hand slipping up to his shoulder, the kiss deepened. it was filled with the kind of intensity that left them both breathless.

when they finally pulled apart, jameson kept his forehead resting against hers, their breath mingling in the small space between them.

“you have a wild habit of turning my world upside down, heiress.”

avery smiled, “good thing you love trouble.” 

“very good thing indeed,” jameson said before leaning in and kissing her once again. 

when he pulled back, he spoke again, this time with a grin on his face.

“have i told you how utterly stunning, and quite literally breathtaking you are recently?” 

avery rolled her eyes playfully, pushing his face away from her and turning away. of course he found a way to turn the tables. “go back to reading your book.” 

“what, i can’t return the favour?” he quipped back, and now avery was opening her book, pretending to ignore him. her gaze was trained on the pages, but she wasn’t reading a thing. the smile twitching on her lips said it all. 

he sighed dramatically before sitting up and kissing the top of her head, “i love you, heiress.” he said in a sing-song voice as he reclined back.

“yeah yeah, i love you too, jameson.” avery muttered, her eyes flicking up momentarily from the page, only to find jameson still looking at her. 

with the way he was looking at her, she couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her lips. he was simply laughing because she was — seeing her happy was all he needed.

[arcadian-litterateur]

sick of kissing you in my head (when can it be real instead?) | modern au!gally x fem!reader

𝖒𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙

summary: your boyfriend, gally, is across the country, and despite the struggles a long distance relationship can bring, your love is strong enough to carry you through the long distance season of your relationship. but spending your birthday without him is different than spending normal days separated, and you know deep down that nothing will make you happy on your birthday when he’s all you need.

word count: 8k holy—i really didn’t even realize how long this was till i checked the wc omg

warnings: emotional meltdown, mention of anxiety and anxiety meds, brief mention of panic attacks

a/n: hey guys! i love love love the song this is based off of: all i need (the distance song) by avery lynch. it's such a good song. this was supposed to just be fluff about visiting your bf gally, and then it turned into a whole thing lol. so yeah, i hope you guys enjoy this long ass one shot. i really really enjoyed writing it.

“𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘧 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦. 𝘪𝘧 𝘪 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪’𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥. 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥.”

𝗥𝗢𝗟𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥 onto my side, legs brushing against my sheets, I smile at the FaceTime call on my phone, but it's bittersweet. On the other end of the video call sits my boyfriend, the soft smile on his face mirroring my own. From where he sits, I can see the San Francisco skyline out his hotel window, highlighted by the rising sun.

“I miss you,” I mumble, studying the lines and contours of his face and wondering if they've changed since the last time I saw him in person. If I've missed any change; any detail while we've been separated. If anything has changed or tipped the balance since we've been apart. 

I'm not insecure in my relationship with Gally, but be long distance for enough time and everyone gets in their head about it. Catches themselves wondering; doubting.

“I miss you more every time we have to part,” I add, watching the bitter take over the sweet in my boyfriend's eyes for a few seconds before he replies.

“I know, baby, I know.” His gaze wanders into the space between the atoms, his mind leaping forward into the future as he assures both me and himself, “Once my contract with WCKD Enterprises is up, I'll be able to move back to Denver. We'll be back in the same city.”

My smile is tired, only half there, and Gally knows it. It's been months since I've held him in my arms. This long distance routine is wearing us both out. We're both running out of steam—not for each other; not for our relationship, but for the complexity that being long distance has brought to our relationship. Conflicting schedules, spotty internet, the deprivation of physical contact with the person we crave it from the most…it's all beginning to pile up, and we both know it.

In an attempt to change the subject, I ask, “When is your flight back to Chicago again?” I already know, but I'm not sure what else to say, and besides, it's always good to check.

“Your birthday,” comes the cheeky reply, my eyes rolling of their own accord as I secretly admire the handsome grin on my boyfriend's face. But all too soon, his grin fades.

“I'm sorry I can't be there for your birthday,” he says gently. I wave him off, assuring him that I'll be just fine.

“Bren, Tes, and Sony are planning something. Won't tell me what, though.” I sigh before admitting, “It won't be the same without you. But your work's important.” Gally smiles gratefully, but there's cracks in the smile, and my stomach sinks. Guilt over my last comment settles in my digestive tract. “Sorry,” I mumble.

“No, no, don't apologize,’’ Gally says quickly. “You're allowed to be sad that I can't be there.” His amiable grin morphs into a scowl, “Tried to get Janson to give me the time off, I really did. But that rat wouldn't do it.” I give Gally what I hope is a reassuring smile.

“It's okay, babe.” We fall into silence, not necessarily comfortable, but not bad either, before Gally interjects,

“It'll be nice to be in my own apartment, though. I'm getting sick of all these Californian hotels. I'll be glad to be home, smog and noisy L-trains galore.” I chuckle, knowing that Gally loves Chicago because of its quirks, not in spite of them.

Still, Denver has always been home to me. But Gally and I've decided to cross that bridge when we get to it. We've got enough to think about as it is.

I'm trying to come up with another conversation topic, since I don't have work until later today, but unfortunately, Gally isn't so lucky. It’s the perks of working from home as a crisis hotline counselor, I guess. The hours aren’t as demanding, since the work itself is.

“Shoot, I have to go,” he hisses. “I'm sorry, princess. I'll call you tonight?” I nod, forcing myself to look forward to tonight's call, rather than be sad that this one is ending. “Alright, good that,” Gally grins. “I love you, babe!”

“I love you, Gal,” I smile and wave goodbye. The half-baked grin melts right off my face once he's hung up. Gosh, I miss him so much. 

There's only so much comfort a video call can give.

Teresa calls me soon after Gally hangs up, blabbering on and on about a date she'd had with some guy named Ben, but I can't focus on her stories like I normally would. Usually, I'm all in to hear my friend's tales, but my mind is still fixated on the miles separating Gally and I. Something in me wonders how much longer we'll be able to go without holding each other. How much longer we can stand to be separated.

When we first started dating, I could have gone months, as long as we were still interacting. But as my love for Gally increased, the length of time I could stand to be without him decreased. 

I'm fully, unashamedly in love with Gally now, and part of me wonders what I would do to be living in the same place as him. To be in his arms for good. The easy answer—the most raw answer—is anything. I'd do anything for him.

“(Y/N)?” Teresa's voice brings me out of my thoughts, her suspicious tone confirming that she's noticed my lack of focus today. “You weren't listening, were you?” To an outsider, her tone might sound harsh; reproachful, even, but I know her too well. She's not mad. Just annoyed she'll have to repeat her story if she wants me to hear it.

“I'm sorry,” I mumble, and it's sincere. I am sorry that I lost focus. But I don't apologize for pining after my faraway boyfriend. There's no reason to, for one, and two, I won't ever apologize for thinking of him. For missing him. 

Teresa is grinning at my distracted tone, I can tell. Even through the phone, I can tell. “You're good. Dreaming about your bae, aren't you?” 

I don't hesitate to admit, “Yes. I miss him more than I thought was even possible.” I hear Teresa's hum from the other end of the phone.

“You need to see him,” she declares. I scoff.

“Believe me, I know, and we're trying to figure out when he can next visit, but we're both just so busy.” Teresa clucks her tongue, the sound distorting oddly through the phone speaker. I imagine it running across the telephone poles, through the wires, twisting and bending and knotting out of shape as it flies all the way to me.

“I didn't mean like that, (Y/N). You need to go see him.” I chuckle, I wish I could.

“He's busy, Tes. Besides, he isn't even in Chicago right now,” I reason. This doesn't deter her.

“Well, when will he next be in Chicago?”

“His flight's on my birthday.” 

“That's perfect!” Teresa squeals. 

“How is that perfect?” I huff.

“You can fly out and spend your birthday with him! Surprise him!” 

I actually laugh at this. “Um, no, I can't. I don't have the kind of money to just throw down for plane tickets. Besides, weren't you, Brenda, and Sonya planning something?” 

“Well, yeah, but we could always change plans if we needed to,” Teresa says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. On any other day, I would entertain this kind of silly daydreaming, but today, I already felt lonely enough.

“Sorry, Tes. Those spontaneous decisions are not my cup of tea,” I sigh, and I think she can tell I'm shutting the conversation down. She lets it go, and I thank her silently, forcing the ache in my heart left by Gally's absence to venture to the back of my mind. If I waste the day away, it'll be evening again, and then he'll call, just like he said. 

And so despite the fact that I know wasting the days away is bad for me, I do it anyway. Just today, I tell myself. Just today.

Of course, I know I'll do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and all the hours in between my calls with Gally. It's ridiculous, how they all say having space helps one think clearer, when having space just distracts me by making me miss him that much more.

When he's gone, I'm reminded that much more that he's all I need.

_______________________________

𝗜𝗧’𝗦 𝗦𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡 p.m. by the time Gally calls, his eyes lighting up when he sees me despite the exhausted, burnt out look on his face. I'm equally as ecstatic as he is to revel in the gaze of my lover, both of us simply brushing every inch of each other's faces with our eyes, memorizing each other for the millionth time. It won't be the last time, either. I could never get tired of scanning my gaze across his skin, memorizing every inch of his beautiful face. 

In our current situation, it's the closest I can get to kissing every inch of his beautiful face.

Gally is the first to break the silence, and I'm okay with it. He's the one who's had a long day. He knows what he needs to talk or not talk about. I just love hearing his voice. 

“How was your day, baby?” he asks, a tired sort of happiness seeping into his voice. Like I'm giving him some kind of rest just by smiling at him.

“It was good. Uneventful.” I shrug, knowing that I'd barely moved from the chair I occupied now. “The real question is, how was your day, my love?” 

Gally grins at the pet name. He always does. It's the same reaction that I have whenever he uses terms of endearment on me. It's our own personal love language of sorts. How many different ways can I call you mine?

“My day was okay,” Gally says quietly, sighing when he sees the look on my face. The one that tells him to lay it on me; rant if it'll make him sleep better tonight. “Well, it was…mediocre,” he amends, running a hand through his short hair. “Tim was being an ass. As always.” I nod sympathetically, understanding the deep hatred he harbors for his coworker.

Why Gally doesn't like Tim, I'm not exactly sure, but I know it has something to do with taking credit for a project that Gally did all the work on. It resulted in a harsh lecture from their boss for Gally, who was presumed to have slacked off, and a promotion for Tim. 

Anyone who knows Gally knows that he would never slack off. He takes duty and work seriously; more seriously than anyone else I've met, in fact. I know my boy. He wouldn't hurt his company's productivity, even if his boss is an asshole like Janson.

“I'm sorry Tim was giving you trouble, baby,” I croon, watching the aches and tension of the day seeping out of his stiff shoulders at the sound of my voice. His smile weaves its way back onto his face. It's a soft, vulnerable smile, the one that makes me want to take him in my arms and just hold him like the precious treasure he is.

“I wish I could hug you,” Gally groans, rubbing his chin with his fingers before trying to regain his composure. “Sorry…I don't mean to bring everything up again. I just…I just miss you.” My comforting smile wobbles, knowing that those same thoughts are eating away at me inside, but I bring the happy thoughts back to the surface and my grin rights itself.

“Soon, love, soon,” I murmur, knowing I can't truly promise anything with how busy our lives have become. But soon doesn't have a time slot or expiration date. I can promise soon and define it later. All I know is that it brings a smile to my boy's face, and that's what I need right now. 

We spend the rest of the night talking, lifted by the promise of Soon, love, soon, knowing that it could very well mean a long, long time. 

_______________________________

𝗦𝗨𝗡𝗟𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗦𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗠𝗦 in my bedroom window, blinding me when my eyes flicker open. But once I blink away the black spots in my vision, I see that the sunlight isn't the only reason I was pulled from the comforting arms of sleep. 

Brenda, Teresa, and Sonya are standing at my bedside, my sheets in a bunched up ball in Sonya's hands. I groan, trying to roll away, but Bren, ever the fearless one, grabs my shoulder and pulls me back to face them.

“Get up, (Y/N). No spending the day moping,” she orders. I heave out an exaggerated sigh, making my body intentionally limp as Brenda and Teresa each grab one of my arms, pulling me upright until I have to support my own weight. 

“Sometimes I really regret giving you guys my apartment passcode,” I comment, leading Sonya to pinch my arm. I yelp, rubbing the red mark as I get manhandled out of my pajamas and into a new outfit by my best friends. “What—what are you crazies doing?” I splutter, quickly taking the pair of jeans from Teresa's hands before she can try to shove them on my legs, opting to put them on myself. 

“We aren't letting you mope around until Gally visits. Who knows how long that would be? It's not healthy,” Sonya explains, linking an arm through mine as the three girls drag me to the bathroom. Brenda shoves my toothpaste-loaded toothbrush into my hand as Tes starts pulling my hair brush through my hair.

“Ow,” I complain around a mouthful of toothpaste suds, pulling away from Teresa's assault on my tender scalp momentarily to spit. She and Sonya make quick work of my slightly frizzy hair, tag teaming it to create a fun yet elegant braid. 

“Beautiful,” Sonya sighs, leaning back to admire her handiwork. Brenda, on the other hand, seems to have some kind of mental checklist, full of all the tasks she must see me complete.

“Breakfast is next,” she commands, and I find myself being pulled into my kitchen, watching helplessly as my friends dive into making us a scrumptious, sugary feast.

I have to admit, the fluffy blueberry pancakes filling my stomach certainly make venturing out into the world much easier than I expected. I only feel the need to text Gally three times before leaving my apartment with my friends, rather than the usual five to ten. Whether these texts are to let him know I'm fine or to make sure he's fine, I've never been able to figure out. Maybe they're both. Either way, it's a good thing Brenda shoved my meds into my hand before breakfast. 

When I'm here alone, I don't take them. Sometimes I skip them on purpose, sometimes I just forget. But either way, I don't take my anxiety meds unless Brenda is there to shove them down my throat. Thinking about it, I'm grateful she's here to force me to take them today. With all of these mixed up feelings about being separated from Gally for so long, having more control over my anxiety will be good.

A day shopping with my best friends is a good distraction from the painful loneliness I've been feeling without Gally. It's not exactly a cure, but it's close. My friends know this; know their own limitations, and so they do the best they can.

And I'm so grateful that they've put in the time. Put in the effort. All for me.

“Thank you,” I whisper to them as we sit in our favorite coffee shop, sipping oat milk lattes. 

“Of course,” Brenda immediately responds.

“We love you,” Sonya adds.

“We know we aren't your boy,” Teresa chimes in, “but we're your best friends, and that means we stick by you. No matter what.” She leans over to rub my arm. “When you're down, I'm down. We wanted to help pick you back up.”

The smile on my face is genuine for the first time in a long time, knowing that my friends love me enough to support me despite having the knowledge that they can't give me everything I need. They give what they can, and accept me when it doesn't fix everything.

I haven't always had friends this good, and I look up at the sky, thanking the heavens that I've been blessed with such good friends now.

_______________________________

𝗧𝗪𝗢 𝗗𝗔𝗬𝗦 before my birthday, I can’t get Teresa’s half-joking, hare-brained idea out of my head. Realistically, I know that the likelihood that I could find a flight on my birthday to Chicago that isn’t full (or way too expensive) is slim. Realistically, I know that I don’t have the money for plane tickets right now. Realistically, I know that flying halfway across the country on a whim to see my boyfriend is ridiculous. 

But when Gally sends me his flight information, knowing I like to watch his progress and get confirmation when he lands safely, I find myself checking flights from Denver to Chicago, telling myself it’s just out of curiosity. Because what if there is a flight to Denver from Chicago on my birthday? What if there is a possibility that I could see Gally on my birthday? What if there is a chance that I could have this gift; the only one I truly want?

If there’s even a chance to see Gally on my birthday, I want to know. 

Gally’s flight information is pulled up on my phone, which is next to me on my desk as I scroll through flights on my laptop. My right thumbnail is between my teeth, bitten down to the quick and then some. It seems that flying is a popular travel option right now, as flights are filled even into places like Dawson County, Montana. Every flight I find from Denver to Chicago is either full or too expensive for someone just out of college, like me. The cheapest is $374, and I know rationally that blowing through that much money would be devastating for my finances. 

I swear under my breath, angry at myself for even getting my hopes up. It was a stupid idea to check the flights, and I find myself wishing I could go back in time to stop myself from looking. The disappointment grows even larger knowing that there would be a way to get to him if I wasn’t a broke post-college student making minimum wage in the Mile-High City. Then the disappointment and anger melt away, leaving me with a heart wrenching sadness that feels so empty and yet so all-consuming that I can’t help but break down into tears.

I don’t want to let myself cry about a silly daydream that was unlikely to happen anyway, but I’d let myself entertain the thought of seeing Gally soon; of holding him close and kissing him until we couldn’t breathe, and now everything else seemed pale in comparison. It wasn’t that my life had no purpose outside of him—I’d made it very clear when we started dating that the two of us needed to make sure we had lives outside of our relationship, too. But Gally had become a part of me; my favorite part of me, in fact. I was perfectly happy with the life I had, but Gally made it even sweeter. And knowing that sweetness was mine but was inaccessible made the absence of it even more palpable. Even more unbearable.

Crumpled into a heap on my floor with tears slowly leaking from my eyes is how Teresa finds me when she opens my door fifteen minutes later. “Hey, girl—” she calls before seeing me, rushing to my side with a worried, “Oh, my gosh, what’s wrong, (Y/N)?” I just shake my head, the waterworks turning back up to full blast.

“I miss him so much,” I sob as she gathers me in her arms, unable to care that I sound pathetic. 

“Oh, I know, darling, I know,” Teresa coos, rocking back and forth with my shaking body, whispering comforting words into my ears just like she always does when I get so worked up. My chest heaves as I try to catch my breath, hand flying up to wipe the snot from my nose, but of course, the minute it’s gone, more replaces it. I’m past the point of an easy calm-down, instead finding myself close to the edge of hyperventilating. Thankfully, Teresa isn’t a stranger to my emotional meltdowns, and she isn’t afraid of them, either. Instead, she’s the kind of friend who will take my hand and guide me through it.

“Did you take your meds this morning?” she asks cautiously, to which I shake my head in embarrassment. Tears are still pooling in the corners of my eyes as I manage to get out,

“I’m sorry.” 

Teresa just shushes me calmly. “Don’t apologize. It’s in the past now. I just wanted to know.” I nod shakily, the soothing pressure of her hand rubbing my arm helping me steady my breaths slightly. “What set you off?” she queries, squeezing me a bit tighter when the tears speed up again.

“I—I decided to check the flights for my birthday,” I answer, sniffling as my best friend strokes my hair lovingly. “It was stupid, because it just made me upset. They’re all too expensive, and I knew they would be, and it just made me miss him so much more.” Admitting it out loud makes me feel even dumber, the guilt creeping into my stomach. “I did this to myself,” I mumble. Subconsciously, my nails find their way to my arms, digging into the delicate skin and leaving pink crescents behind. Teresa pulls my hands away from my arms quickly.

“Stop blaming yourself. You did nothing wrong. I would’ve done the same, (Y/N).” I know she’s trying to comfort me, but I just squeeze my eyes shut.

“Yeah, and it wouldn’t have caused you to end up on the floor like a pathetic child.”

“(Y/N)! Stop!” Teresa scolds me. “Stop with the negative self-talk.” I try to protest, but she fixes me with that no-nonsense look that can get anyone to agree to anything, and I find myself nodding meekly. “None of this is your fault. You’re in a difficult situation, being separated from your boyfriend, and your heart isn’t sure how to handle it. That’s okay. You don’t have to know how to handle it perfectly yet.” I sigh, leaning into my best friend’s shoulder, feeling slightly calmer now. She always knows the right words to say when I’m in too deep to think straight. 

Teresa coaxes me into the kitchen to drink hot chocolate once my breathing has steadied somewhat. She’s looking at me with an odd look that I can’t quite place, as if she’s…proud of me?

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask warily over the top of my steaming mug. My best friend grins, staring at me for a couple more seconds before replying,

“You’re just, like, the strongest person I know.” My face turns what I assume is beet red at the compliment, not expecting such high praise from the woman who just held me in her arms as I sobbed like a baby. But then again, Teresa is special. She doesn’t judge based on outward appearances or impressions. She can see right into the heart of people, as if she can sense their goodness; their potential, and then she nudges them down that path. Helping them choose the sunshine. The good side. The light.

Knowing her compliment is slightly overwhelming, Teresa shrugs and changes the subject so fast I think I get whiplash. “You should call Gally,” she suggests. “Tell him that you were missing him and ask him for some love.” I cringe, turning away from her.

“I don’t want to make him feel bad that he isn’t here. I think I’ve already done that too much this week.” 

Teresa scoffs, “That’s nonsense. He’ll be happy that you reached out to him after your meltdown. He’ll be touched that you wanted to let him know how you’re doing. He’ll feel honored that you’re willing to be vulnerable with him.” I know deep down that she’s right; that the only thing he’d do is make me feel better. Never after calling Gally do I feel worse. I know I’m just scared to hurt him, but he always assures me that I don’t need to harbor that fear. I don’t need to hold onto that anxious voice in my head that whispers, You don’t deserve him.

I can even imagine him next to me if I try hard enough, murmuring, “You’re perfect, baby,” when I grow insecure. Whispering, “I’m so lucky to have you” in my ear when I doubt myself.

“Okay,” I agree, letting Teresa take my phone and FaceTime him. Despite the fact that it’s the middle of the work day, Gally picks up on the first ring, a concerned look decorating his handsome face.

“Teresa? Wha—” 

“She’s fine!” Teresa rushes to assure him, motioning for me to join her on the couch. I pop my head into the frame, wincing as I see how swollen and puffy my face is. Gally’s forehead immediately creases upon seeing me, obviously still worried when he sees the tear stains on my cheeks.

“Babe, are you okay?” he asks. Teresa silently asks if I want to take the phone, but I shake my head. My hands are still slightly shaky, and holding the phone is an added stressor. Teresa understands and angles the phone towards me.

“Yeah, I’m okay, don’t worry,” I whisper, my boyfriend’s shoulders relaxing only slightly. “I just had a bit of a meltdown. Teresa found me and helped me calm down.” Gally’s eyebrows soften, his mouth tilting down in a sympathetic frown.

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “What happened?”

“I just miss you,” I mumble sheepishly after a second’s pause. It seems kind of silly once I admit it out loud, and I start to duck my face away when Gally gets my attention.

“Hey, (Y/N), (Y/N),” he says, waiting until I’ve turned back to him before continuing, “You don’t need to feel embarrassed. I miss you, too, okay? I miss you so much. You don’t need to feel ashamed for struggling.” He waits for me to respond, and I nod slightly. Truth be told, just hearing his voice has made me feel better; stronger. There’s something about his comforting, strong tone that soothes me. Just his voice can make me truly believe in myself. I swear, this man could make me believe anything as long as he says it aloud. 

“Thank you for picking up,” I smile, finding my mood lightening as a grin finds its way back onto his face. “Seeing you helped.” Gally blushes slightly, rubbing a hand along his chin.

“I’m glad I could help, baby.” Offscreen, someone gruffly commands him to get back to work, and he mutters an apology before turning back to the screen. “I’m sorry, but I have to go. But call me if you need anything, okay?” I nod, trailing my eyes over his freckles one more time as he thanks Teresa for taking care of me and then hangs up.

“It helped?” she asks, as if double-checking to make sure I truly am feeling better.

“Yeah,” I grin sheepishly. “You know what you’re talking about.” With a roll of my eyes, I joke, “You should be a counselor for a living. At this rate, you’re better than me at my own job!” Teresa just laughs.

“Well, now that you’ve cracked a joke, I know you’re feeling better.” She pulls me into a hug, and I gladly return it, silently wondering how I got blessed with such an amazing best friend.

“Hey, I’m here for you,” she reminds me one more time as she leaves, her meticulous check-ins a promise for the next few days.

“I know,” I assure her. “I promise I’ll call if I need to.”

“Good,” she says, smiling as she waves. “I love you, babes!” 

“I love you, too, Tes!” Feeling a bit lighter, I wave back as I close my front door.

_______________________________

“𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡’𝗧—I can’t take this,” I stutter the next day, wide-eyed at the wad of cash Teresa is currently shoving into my hands. Brenda and Sonya are flanking her on either side with looks that imply they’re attempting to telepathically convince me to take the money. 

“Don’t be sorry!” Brenda sighs. “Just take the money! It’s our birthday present for you!” I look back and forth between my three best friends, realizing that there is no way they’re letting me reject the money. But it feels so weird having this many fifties weighing heavily in my grasp. 

“Yes, you can,” Teresa sighs exasperatedly. “Like I already told you, it’s the money we were going to spend on your celebration pooled together. But we all know you’d rather spend your birthday with Gally, and we want you to be able to, so we’re giving you the money for that plane ticket you couldn’t afford. It would be a waste to throw you a party you don’t want to be at. Helping you see your boyfriend is a much better use of that money. We all agreed.” Brenda and Sonya both nod, Teresa shoving the cash even further into my palms. I take it shakily, counting silently as I gape at them.

“But—but this is nine hundred bucks! I can’t—I can’t take this, I’m sorry!” 

“Please take it,” Sonya says softly, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. “We want you to be able to go see Gally. We want you to enjoy this birthday. You’ll be giving a gift to us by making this impulsive choice to do what makes you happy.” My resistance gets melted away by her words, knowing that this was their tactic all along. Get (Y/N) all toughened up to the ‘just take it’ ruse and then let Sonya slip under her defenses when she least expects it. But I’m not annoyed by it. Instead, I let Teresa close my fist over the cash.

Immediately, the three start cheering, but before I can even blink, they’ve moved on from celebrating and are pushing me towards my laptop where, just as I’m sure Teresa suspected, the flights from Denver to Chicago are still pulled up. Teresa obviously asked Gally to share his flight information with her, because she seems to have it memorized as she scans the flights. 

“Alright, here’s the best one,” she announces after a few minutes of looking. “United, nonstop, leaving at 9:30 a.m. MT and arriving at 12:56 p.m. CT. It’s in the same terminal as Gally’s flight, and he lands at 2:23 p.m. CT, so that gives you a little over an hour to get to his gate and wait for him. Sounds good?” I nod wordlessly, still slightly in shock over the way my best friends have handled this so nonchalantly, as if their friend flying across the country on a day’s notice is just a normal part of their lives. 

Sonya pulls me towards my room as Brenda takes the stack of cash back from me, mumbling that Teresa insisted they have it for show but was just planning on Venmoing the cash to me. I laugh at our friend’s antics before following an impatient Sonya, who grabs my suitcase from my closet and starts making a list of what I should pack.

“We’re not buying you a return flight,” she explains, “because we didn’t know how long you’d want to stay, and we figured you didn’t know either. Just bring your work stuff and you can work from Gally’s apartment, and use the rest of the money to buy a return ticket when you decide to come back.” I shake my head in awe at the schemes of my friends, who have obviously thought of every single anxiety I could have because of this plan and have set out to refute them. 

With Sonya helping me pack, a task that would usually take me at least three hours, two cups of coffee, and a panic attack is done in under one hour, no coffee or panic attacks in sight. While I wouldn’t have minded the coffee, the no panic attack part is nice, and I decide I can live without those two cups of coffee if it means my peace of mind is intact. 

And the next morning when Teresa drops me off at the airport, my medicine taken and an ample breakfast eaten, the nervous butterflies in my stomach don’t feel scary. In fact, they feel almost…exciting. And I feel crazy for doing this; for flying halfway across the country to surprise my boyfriend so I can kiss him on my birthday, but I also feel so alive.

And today, the idea of living doesn’t seem as scary anymore.

_______________________________

𝗔𝗦 𝗜 wait at my gate and sip my Starbucks latte, I answer the countless birthday texts I have already received, smiling at the overflow of love from people I talk to everyday and people I barely even know. It’s funny, knowing that there are people out there who remember my birthday but don’t talk to me otherwise. Some might feel disheartened at the idea, but I just giggle quietly to myself, wondering if I’m going crazy for feeling so lighthearted. 

Maybe it’s the adrenaline, I think to myself. The adrenaline from doing something so stupid and yet so exciting. Shrugging to myself, I take another large gulp of coffee, finally getting to the text from Gally. I saved it for last, knowing it would be the best one. And sure enough, as I read the message, I feel happy tears pricking my eyes. As always, he’s sweet; sappy, even, but his message also holds the serious intensity that he always has around him. It’s like an aura, telling those around him that he does everything fully and completely, never giving only half of his effort. That intensity is probably why I love reading texts from him over and over. Even if it’s a simple good morning, his texts always seem to scream I love you from between the lines.

I text Gally back, thanking him for the love he’s sent zipping along telephone lines, across the country and all the way to me. I suck the last dregs of liquid from my Starbucks cup, finally accepting that the beverage is gone as the gate attendant calls for Boarding Group 1. I find myself bouncing from foot to foot, realizing once again that I’m really doing this. I can’t bring myself to sit down as I wait for my group to be called, instead standing by the gate’s charging station, fidgeting like I’m about to run the 100 meter dash. By the time I’m boarding, I’m breathing heavily like I just sprinted up Pikes Peak. Whether from nerves or excitement, I can’t really tell, but it’s enough that the flight attendant touches my arm as she checks the cabin. 

“Ma’am, are you okay?” I look up in surprise before giving her a quick grin. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just nervous.” 

She smiles empathetically. “Is it your first time flying?”

“No. I’m flying out to surprise my boyfriend, and I guess I’m just hoping it all works out like I planned,” I explain. 

At this, I receive an even bigger grin from the flight attendant, who thinks that is just—“the most adorable thing ever!” I nod along, unsure whether I’m actually smiling or just masking my anxiety. Either one is a plausible explanation, and I’m pumped so full of adrenaline that all of my emotions currently feel interchangeable. 

I spend the entirety of take-off nervously fiddling with the little screen in front of me, trying to distract myself. Once we’re at a constant altitude, the flight attendants offer drinks, and I ask for a ginger ale, my go-to drink on airplanes. It calms me down, the comforting security of it helping me stay rational. Unfortunately, the ginger ale combined with my anxious thoughts cause my bladder to reach its limit quite quickly. 

I hate the little bathrooms on airplanes. So loud, so claustrophobic, so turbulent. It’s like trying to pee while in the middle of an earthquake. But my bladder isn’t playing games today, and the last thing I want to do is ignore it and then pee myself. The intrusive thoughts fight to take over as I rush through the motions, washing my hands as quickly as possible, but I stave them off and make it back to my seat in one piece.

The remaining hour until landing is the longest hour of my life.

When we finally touch down and taxi to our gate, all of the tension that has built up inside me feels ready to explode, but I hold it in, knowing that I can let it all out once I see Gally. It’s barely even occurred to me that I’m a year older now—that it’s my birthday—because all I can think about is getting to hold my boy. 

I almost trip getting off the plane, too busy checking his flight’s progress and landing gate. His flight is still an hour and thirty minutes out, giving me more than enough time to go to the bathroom, get some food, and wait for him. I pull my suitcase behind me, so glad I decided to take everything in my carry-on, as I’m now realizing that baggage claim is outside the secure area of the airport. I break free from the flow of traffic heading in that direction, redirecting towards the bathroom.

One bathroom trip, makeup refresher, and food court scavenger hunt later, I’m standing against a column at Gally’s gate, drinking my second Starbucks latte of the day. Normally, I wouldn’t let myself indulge like this, but it’s my birthday, so I feel justified. I even treat myself to a slice of sweet bread, too. I’m too anxious to eat a full lunch. Besides, I’m sure Gally will be happy to get lunch on our way back to his apartment. He’s always willing to eat, no matter the time of day.

I’m trying my best not to look suspicious. There’s a flight leaving from this gate after Gally’s flight arrives, so I blend in, but my leg is bouncing nervously and my hands are shaking slightly. I’m a naturally energetic person, but the fidgeting increases exponentially when I’m either excited or nervous. Right now, I’m both.

Thankfully, no one seems to notice me or think I’m behaving weirdly. I’m simply overthinking, like I often do. At least it passes the time. I only have thirty minutes left to wait.

I run back to Starbucks and buy another latte. It’s gone within ten minutes, my anxious energy prompting me to gulp it down like I’m dying of thirst. Then I’m running to the bathroom again, bladder shouting angrily at me for the caffeine abuse I’ve been subjecting it to. It’s unpleasant, but it kills more time. 

Ten minutes to go. I’m staring at my phone, Gally’s flight details pulled up, reloading the page over and over in hopes that magically, they’ll teleport and be here instantly. With anyone else, I wouldn’t be this obsessive; impatient, but it’s Gally. I could obsess over Gally for days on end with all the love overflowing from my heart. So I pass three minutes refreshing the page persistently, watching the minutes countdown.

I let out a quiet, barely there gasp when my phone screen tells me he’s landed. I can barely contain my excitement, nervous energy causing me to wiggle my hips like a rhythmically challenged dancer. His plane is on the ground, taxiing over, right to where I’m waiting. He’s going to walk through that gate, and I’m going to see his beautiful face, and I’m going to run and jump into my boyfriend’s arms.

All of a sudden, doubt crashes into me like a fucking tidal wave. What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if this is weird, and he’s going to be all awkward about it? What if this was one huge fuck-up? I can feel myself starting to spiral, starting to lose touch with the confidence I’ve been channeling all day. The panic has started to grow, and it surges through my veins, reaching to the tip-top of the cliff that is followed by a plunge off the deep end. Thankfully, though, with only a few minutes to spare before my boyfriend gets off his plane, a little girl in a princess dress bumps into me, hard, causing my knees to buckle and my head to snap out of the spiral it’s in. 

I catch myself against the trusty column I’m leaning against, looking down to find a young girl, maybe six, wearing an Elena of Avalor dress-up costume with a stuffed animal that looks like some kind of leopard with bird wings. 

“Amity!” her mother scolds her, ordering her to apologize for bumping into me. Amity looks up at me with big, brown doe eyes and a huge, genuine grin.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am,” she chirps. I smile back, making eye contact with her mom, before crouching down to her level and holding out a hand to shake.

“I forgive you. I’m (Y/N). Want to know something?” Amity shakes my hand, grinning widely, before looking at her mom as if to make sure it’s okay to talk to me. Her mom gives a gentle nod, a kindness in her eyes as they meet mine. “Well, Amity, you actually helped me just now. I was feeling super duper nervous and it was making me get shaky and worried. But then you bumped into me, and I saw your smile, and it made me feel a lot better!” 

I can tell Amity’s mother is touched, and I make sure to assure her that I’m doing better. That Amity’s little scuffle with my legs was truly helpful. And then Amity and her mom are on their way, Amity’s tight hug and whisper of “You look like a princess” giving me the last boost of confidence I need.

Right as I finish waving goodbye to the adorable little girl, I hear the sounds of passengers starting to come down the jetway. I suck in a sharp breath, making sure my small suitcase and jacket are safe by the column before stepping closer to the junction between gate and jetway, watching passengers closely as they start to trickle into the airport. 

It’s no surprise that I can pick Gally out of the crowd immediately after he walks out of the jetway, his head easily peeking over every other passenger. He doesn’t see me at first, focused on trying not to trample the small toddler whose family is trying desperately to get him to behave as they walk in front of my boyfriend.

I wait until he’s right there, just the toddler’s family in front of him, to call his name. “Gally!” His head snaps up, eyes scanning the surrounding area before settling on me, his jaw going slack, falling open in surprise as the toddler’s family quickly moves out of the way. 

It’s like we’re living in slow motion, the way I watch Gally’s backpack slide out of his hand and hit the floor with a thump, his look of shock morphing into a state of joyous disbelief, as if he’s not sure he’s truly seeing me. He looks frozen in this state, unable to move towards me, but I don’t care. I’m already running up to him, happy tears gathering in my eyes as I jump into Gally’s arms, my head burying itself in his neck before I lean up to kiss him with all the pent-up love, tension, and nerves that have been coursing through my body all day.

His lips are warm just like they always are, soft and full and inviting as we kiss passionately; shamelessly, right in front of everyone waiting to board their flight. I can’t bring myself to care, anxiety nowhere to be found now that I’m here. In his arms. Held tightly, kept safe, flooded with warmth, just like I’m supposed to be. 

He pulls away first, still in shock as he scans my face, as if expecting to find some imperfection that reveals me as a doppelganger. “Baby—” he chokes out, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes, my own tears rolling down my cheeks. “Baby, you’re here.” He lets out a giddy, confused laugh, cupping my cheek with his hand as he wipes the remnant saltwater away with his thumb. 

“You’re—you’re here. In Chicago,” he repeats, putting my feet back on the floor so I can stand there with my arms around his neck, his other hand coming up to cup my other cheek. “You’re—it’s your birthday!” he says, and I can’t tell if it’s another reason he’s confused I’m here, or if it’s just an observation. Well, probably both, so I just giggle.

“Yes, Gally, it’s my birthday.” 

“But—did you—when did you get here?” he asked, bewildered, a lovestruck, excited smile lighting up his whole face. I run my hands through his hair, admiring his gentleness as he cradles my face in his palms.

“An hour and a half ago, I think. I’m not sure the exact timing,” I shrug. He gasps.

“You flew on your birthday?” I give him an odd look. 

“Yes…why? Is that illegal or something?” Gally chuckles through the joy-filled tears still drifting down his face every once in a while.

“No, baby. I just thought—most people wouldn’t be willing to fly or even be at an airport on their birthdays. Don’t you have cool stuff to do? Fun people to see?” I shake my head, pulling him as close as I can, our lips hovering inches apart. 

“You’re the only person I wanted to see. This is my birthday present.”

Gally’s eyes water even more as he presses his forehead to mine, running his hands through my hair. “Baby, I—” He pulls away to wipe a tear from his eye and then leans back down, pressing a gentle peck to my forehead, “I love you so much.” 

“I love you even more, Gally,” I whisper back, staring into his teary eyes with my watery own. He chuckles, shaking his head.

“Not possible.”

“It is, too,” I giggle, still whispering as I press a kiss to his lips, “and I’m the birthday girl, so you have to let me win the arguments today.” 

“Oh, that’s how that works,” Gally laughed, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Well, I suppose I can let you win this one, since you did fly all the way to Chicago on your birthday.”

“Oh, but that was selfish,” I smiled. “I wanted to see you. I needed to see you. It was purely selfish.” Gally just hugged me tighter, pressing kisses to the top of my hair as he admitted quietly,

“Well, I needed to see you, too. I needed to have you in my arms.” I relax into the warmth of my boyfriend’s chest, the material of his hoodie tickling my nose. I endure it because it smells like him, and that makes it the most calming aroma in the world. 

“Being in your arms is all I need. You are all I need,” I whisper. 

I kiss him again, a loving, sweet kiss, reveling in the presence and taste of my boyfriend, a sense of peace and safety wrapping its warm arms around me. 

Nothing else matters in this moment. Not my job, or my life in Denver, or my birthday. All that matters is that I am here, in my boyfriend’s arms. In Gally’s arms.

Right where I’m supposed to be.

the end

[guppygiggles]

Short hurt/comfort fic below. Lots of angst and crying, cheer-up tickles, ler!Avery, a ton of teasing, and even some fourth-wall-breaking? Very personal, and a bit weird, but.. it was meant to be cathartic and I do feel better, so I think that's good enough right now. 💙

“Avery… What am I doing here?” 

I was seated on an old, green corduroy couch, which I instantly recognized as the first couch I’d ever bought. How he'd managed to get it here – wherever here was – baffled me; it had been years since I donated that ratty thing to Goodwill. 

Apart from myself, the couch, Avery, and the armchair he was seated in, everything as far as I could see was white, even the floor. I was reminded of “The Construct” scene from The Matrix. 

“You're always here… this is your mind. I merely constructed this space so that we could talk,” he explained. 

“Uhm, okay… Suspending my disbelief, for a moment… What do you want to talk about?” 

Avery's long legs were crossed, his arms folded over his chest. He did not look happy, but despite his stern expression, I couldn't help but admire him; clad in a lavender button down and khaki pants, he looked as soft and sweet as cotton candy. 

“I hear you, you know… all these self deprecating thoughts you have.” 

I fidgeted, already getting an inkling of where this was going. I studied the featureless white floor, lips pursed.

Avery continued, “I try not to invade your privacy by listening, but… I live here, and you can be quite loud. Generally, you make me proud by quieting those criticisms… But, sometimes, you indulge thoughts I cannot abide. I think you know what I'm referring to, don't you?” 

I didn't meet Avery's gaze. 

“Casper? Shall I repeat it?” 

I whimpered, my head snapping forward. 

“No! No, please don't.”

“Why not? Is it because you don't want your friends to read the absolutely ridiculous thought you had about your art, because you already know what they'd say?” 

I tried to resist it, but a warm flush colored my cheeks. I looked away from him, again. 

Avery sighed, shook his head, and smiled in exasperation. 

“Alright, dewdrop. If you won't talk to me, let's have it out.” He stood, rolling up his sleeves. 

“N-No, I just… I can't!” I squeaked, hiding my face in my hands. “I can't talk about it, I just… Nobody understands. I just try so hard, and…” I was starting to choke up. My brow furrowed in frustration – why did he have to put me through this? 

“Now, you know that's not true. You think you're the only artist who has ever struggled? Come, now.” 

“I’m just so late to the game… And, I should be further along than this. I've been drawing for six months now, and I still can't get proportions right… I still can't draw with depth… I still can't shade… My friends deserve better than what I can make… ”

I felt the couch move beside me, and then two huge arms encircled my body. I leaned weakly into his chest, his skin providing cool relief for my emotional flush. He was as soft as ever.

“Casper… You can't hang your self worth on the opinions of others. I know you love your friends – and, for the record, they obviously love your art – but you can't allow what anyone else thinks to determine whether you continue this journey or not.” 

He shifted, crooking a finger under my chin and tilting my head up. Two hot tears streamed down my face as I stared into his clear, gentle eyes. 

“I've heard you say these words, yourself: ‘You do not need to create to be worthy of love’. Why don't you believe that, when it's you? Why do you think other people inherently deserve kindness, patience, and love, but that you have to earn it?”

He studied my face as I tried, and failed, to control my sobbing. An answer was shared wordlessly through a series of mental images – we did inhabit the same mind, after all. 

“Oh, Casper…” He tugged my trembling body into his huge embrace once again. “I know, I know… It's okay.” 

“I'm trying,” I sniffled. 

“You’ve come so far, dewdrop… You've wanted this for so long. I've seen the joy that art brings you, and I’ll be damned if I'm going to let you lose one more thing that’s precious to you. Not if I can help it.”

“Avery,” I looked up at him, slowly, a puzzled expression on my tear-stained face, “did you just swear?”

He grinned. “Did I finally get your attention, then?” 

I turned my head into his arm, concealing my reaction. 

“Ah, ah! Don't you dare hide that smile I just worked so hard for…” 

He tried to tilt my head back up, but I turned away swiftly, shifting to face away from him. 

I heard a snicker from behind me. 

“Wrong move.” 

I gasped, leaping from the couch and breaking into a sprint. The boundless white space was so vast, I felt as though I could run forever; like I was a little kid again, energy nigh infinite, chasing a soccer ball on the playground field of my youth. 

When was the last time I had run like this? 

As my imagination blossomed, the space around me began to transform. Placid white ceiling became sunny sky, painted delicately with rolling cumulus clouds. Soft grass pushed up through the sterile floor until my pounding footsteps became muffled thuds, yellow woodsorrel sprouting like jewels in a sea of green. Warm sunshine told me it was spring, but the breeze whistled cool against my skin, quickly drying the tears from my face and clothes. 

I stood no chance of resisting; my weak smile broke into a huge grin, and finally a giggly laugh. 

Outrunning Avery, I knew, was a pipe dream… but I'd run for longer than I expected. Did I dare glance backwards…?

No sooner had the thought entered my mind than my ankles were ensnared by an unseen force. I yelped, eyes squeezing closed as I threw my hands out to brace my fall into the grass. I landed in something much softer. I opened my eyes. A beanbag? I rolled over. 

Avery was standing over me, grinning with delight. He didn't look even the least bit winded, that cheeky shit. I could see now that my ankles were wrapped in a boa of clouds. 

“Well, aren't you proud of yourself,” I quipped, a giggle rendering my sarcasm toothless. 

Avery made a gesture with his hand, and I jumped as a large shade tree appeared over us. “Hey! Jesus, warn me first… How did you even do that? How do you keep making things appear like that?” I was only delaying the inevitable. I shuffled my feet, but there was no breaking free from Avery's cloud cuff. 

“You can do it, too,” he replied, taking a seat in the grass as he began to unlance my Vans, “you made this entire field appear, just now – not even I can conjure something that big. That's the thing, Casper… You can't help but create, even when you're not trying to. It just pours out of you, which is why it's simply ridiculous that you'd give credence to a thought like ‘giving up on art’. Come on, now. Do you really think you could do that? Do you really think it would be fair to relinquish such a special and integral part of you?” 

I looked away, sheepishly. Avery continued. 

“I think we need to do some positive affirmations.” He set my shoes aside, and then unceremoniously pulled off each of my socks, stuffing them into my shoes. 

“Avery! Can't we talk about this?” I whined. The gentle breeze caressed the soft undersides of my bare feet, causing my toes to twitch. I took a deep breath, trying to keep from blushing. 

“I have been trying to talk about this! You are the one who keeps clamming up when I try to get you to come around. I think some gentle persuasion is in order, at this point.” He winked, wiggling his fingers in my direction. My stomach filled with butterflies; there was no stopping my blush, now. I shifted on the beanbag, but Avery's hands clasped my legs, keeping me still. 

“Ah, ah! You stay right there. I was kind enough to only bind your ankles, but we'll go for more, if you fight me.” 

I sunk back into the beanbag, folding my arms across my chest in a flustered pout. I avoided Avery's gaze. 

“Now, then… Let's start with this. I want you to say ‘I am a good artist’.” 

“I'm not going to say something I don't believe is true!” I bit, curling my toes in defiance. 

“Double nickels on my dime… Very well. Let's see if a little tickling can change your tune, hm?” With that, Avery’s plush fingertips began moving in an undulating ‘come hither’ motion along the soles of my feet. 

My face scrunched as I worked to resist it, squirming in the beanbag as I clamped my lips together, my trapped feet wriggling as much as their restraints allowed. 

“Oh, Casper, come on. Are you really going to make me be mean? Do I need to break out my worst teases already?”

Avery changed his tactic, abandoning my left foot so that he could hold my right toes back, using his free hand to scribble quickly along the sole. 

A surprised squeak turned into a series of titters that leaked from my sealed lips, and I covered my face with my hands. 

“Arrgh… A-Avery… C-come ohohohon!” 

I gasped as I felt my wrists captured by soft cuffs, which pulled my hands down and placed them neatly in my lap. He really was going to be mean about this!

“Say it, Casper… or else.” 

I stole a glance down at him – I might as well, since he wasn't going to let me cover my face, anyway – just to see him smirking challengingly up at me, his face a mask of determination. 

“God dahaahahahamn yohohohou!” I cried, my suppressed tittering breaking into a steady stream of helpless giggles. 

“Casper! Is that any way to speak to me? Alright, then… You asked for it. Coochie coochie coo~” he teased. “Awww, does someone have ticklish feet? I think they doooo~” Avery swished his hand again, conjuring a pair of ghost hands to hold each set of my toes back, while he tickled and scritched merrily along both of my soles. 

I squealed in frustration as I felt my blush immediately spread to my ears. He was really pulling out all the stops for this… How long could I resist, realistically? Perhaps it would be easier to give him an inch… Maybe he'd be satisfied, then? My brain was already growing fuzzy from his teasing. 

“Fihine! I'm a goohoohohood artihihist!” I laughed, arching my back as I endured the torturously gentle tickling. 

Avery stopped, grinning triumphantly. 

“There, now! Was that so hard? Let's move onto the next one!”

“Next one!? Oh, hell no! I am not doing any more of these!” 

My eyes widened as, in an instant, Avery was on top of me. He straddled my hips, lifting my restrained wrists over my head and invisibly pinning them there. Then he took my chin in his hand, forcing me to look into his fierce eyes. A chill ran down my spine as I felt his unwavering resolve.

“We're going to do as many as it takes for you to show yourself the same care that you show others. We're going to do these until you believe in yourself and your art. I have to live in your head, and I do not want to live in a place where I have to hear negative things like this said about my fellow. Am I making myself clear?”

I swallowed hard, but somehow, still mustered the nerve to argue. 

“Please, Avery…” 

“The next thing I want you to say is ‘I am worthy of love and friendship’, and when you say it, I want you to know that it includes when you're not doing things for other people. Not helping them, not creating for them, none of it. You are worthy just on your own, just for being you.”

“I can't…” 

Avery lifted his hands to my armpits, hovering mere inches from my short-sleeve t-shirt. 

“I know how you feel about being tickled here, and if you don't say it, right now, I'm going to tease you within an inch of your life until you do.” His eyes were ever kind, but they were serious, too. 

I whimpered, clicking my teeth together. There was no hiding in this position… All I could do was close my eyes, so I did. Feelings of disappointment, inadequacy, and loneliness washed over me. Could I ever really measure up to those I respected? Me, a person so damaged, and so many years behind? Could I really expect anyone to care about me when I wasn't doing something to make myself useful to them, or to make them happy? 

“Casper, look at me.” 

I complied, frowning. 

“If anyone else asked you these questions, what would you say? Would you really tell someone they're too late to be good at something? Would you look someone in the eye and tell them that they only have worth when they're doing something for you?” 

“No…” 

“Of course not. You deserve that compassion, too. Now, I want you to prove that you believe that. Say it for me, dewdrop.” 

“I… am worthy…” 

“Of…?” 

“...” 

“Come on, you're so close…”

“...” 

“I'll make you sing, then. Tickle, tickle, tickle! Coochie coochie coooo~! Awww, poor ticklish boy… Are you ticklish under your arms, right here? Let's see!” 

I had no strength left to resist – as Avery lowered his whirling fingertips to my pits, I howled with laughter, my blush flooding all over my face and neck. My hands twisted uselessly in their bonds as I squirmed beneath him, my heart fluttering as he gently tickled over my thin shirt. 

“AHAHAHAHhahavery! Plehehehehease NOHOHOT THEHEHEHERE!!” 

“I've given you plenty of warnings, I've been patient… now the kid gloves are off. Say it, Casper. Say it!” 

“I’M WOHOHORTHY OF LOHOHOVE!” 

“And…?” He slipped his fingers into the sleeves of my shirt, gently scribbling my bare underarms. 

My stomach did somersaults as I squealed with laughter so forceful, I could barely get the words out. 

“AHAHAHAND FRIENDSHIHIHIP!” 

“There we gooo~! Ohh, I am so proud…” He finally relented, wrapping his arms around my torso and pulling me into his softness. 

My cuffs dissipated, and I instantly wrapped my arms and legs around him, clutching him to me as I buried my face in his shoulder. He stroked my shock of blue hair, comforting me as I caught my breath. 

A warmth spread through my chest – while it certainly wasn't a cure-all, I had to admit… I did feel better. Perhaps some of the affirmations really did seep in, at least a bit. 

“I won't make you say any more, today… I think you've had enough. But we will be repeating this exercise, if I start hearing all that unkind self-talk again. Clear?” 

“Crystal,” I whispered after a moment, leaning my cheek against his cloudy head. 

[yallthemwitches]

Catch the Wind Chapter 17: Threefold Law

A flicker of pain flashed past Snape’s eyes, mouth twisting into a grimace. “Look what he’s done to you—how could you let him—” “Would you even believe that I asked him to? Or are you too pathetic and in denial to see that maybe, just maybe, I could want something that doesn’t revolve around you.” She watched as his expression went from triumph, to anger, to complete hollow sadness. There was no going back now—if he wanted to hear the worst of his fears, she was willing to give it.  “I love him ,” she choked out. “I love him with a kind of love you will never get—not from me. You forfeited that chance the day you chose dark magic.”

Smut, fluff, angst, plot...the gang's all here!

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It’s hard to ignore whispers when they are about you. 

“Alright—explain.”

 Lily kept her eyes on her toast, too tired and sore to put any energy into Marlene’s interrogation. 

“What, we’re just going to ignore that the whole bloody school is talking about how your precious boyfriend went absolutely nutter at Sluggy’s last night?”

Of course the news would get out. Anyone who had half a brain would have jumped at the chance to talk about it. What was more juicy than the head students deciding to have a raging meltdown at a professor. 

“He was angry, there’s not much to say.” She murmured, head still bowed. A dull ache reverberated from between her legs, reminding her of the only part of last night she wished to remember. 

“Not much to say? Babe, I heard you two stormed out of there–heard you were right pissed too.”

Was she? At this point she hardly even knew. She didn’t like that James had the tendency to be impulsive, and in hindsight she should have shown a bit more tact when trying to remove them from the party— but hadn’t he been right? She placed her mind’s eye back in the room, picturing the faces of Regulus and Avery, coming up short once she tried to recall how James looked when staring down at a very frazzled Slughorn. 

“I’m not saying Slughorn deserved it, but James did have a point. What they wrote about us was awful and they shouldn’t have gotten away with it.” She took a large bite of her toast, punctuating her statement.

“And it doesn’t occur to you that now you will be even more of a target? Think about it Lils, you poked a sleeping dragon with this move. Maybe James was trying to be Mr. protective but–”

A surge of anger bubbled up. The only explanation was that it had been trapped inside her all evening, repurposed at the time in the form of lust, but now spilling forth unfiltered. 

“But what, Marlene? They are going to attack me whether someone says something or not. At least I have one person who isn’t willing to pretend like it isn’t bloody happening.”

Marlene shrunk back, eyes darting wildly over her friend's face. 

“Christ Lily, I didn’t mean it like that,” Marlene whispered, sounding smaller than she had ever heard, “You know that I want the best for you. I’m just worried is all—those blokes who hang around Slytherin are evil—even Snape.”

“Trust me, I know that.”

Lily stood up, feeling less hungry than when she came down. She was aware that the anger was irrational, but it coursed through her nonetheless. She wished she had never left James’ arms that morning, wished they could be in that limitless space where all that existed was their bodies intertwined and the heavy scent of sex. At least there the anger was transformed into something more self-serving.

As she retreated from the hall with Marlene’s stare boring into her back, she promised herself she would apologize later for her overreaction, not having the energy in her now to repair things. She headed for the stairs, hoping to find a solitary place where she could calm herself down and hide from the whispers that continued to plague her since she stepped out of bed. 

As she turned the corner, James came bounding down the steps. He hadn’t even bothered to comb his hair and the strands still had memories of her fingers sliding through them. She rushed towards him, reaching up to throw her arms around his neck.

“I was a fool this morning to get out of bed—let's skip potions.” James froze as her lips skimmed against his pulse point, her tongue flicking out for good measure. 

“I just want you again– please.”  

She moved her hand to pull at his belt, but a calloused one wrapped around her fingers, stilling her urgency. 

“Lily–-wait. We need to talk.”

Eyes flashing up to meet his, she could see something harboring in his usual cool gaze. 

“What. What happened?” 

“Let's just—yeah, let's skip potions and we can go to the office.”

He took her hand in his, pulling her back up the steps. He didn’t look back at her, shoulders set as though heavy boulders were pressing them into a straight line. When they reached the office, James motioned for her to sit and she obliged, watching him pace back and forth in front of her, face twisted up in pain. 

“James, if this is about me being upset about what you said to Slughorn last night, I’m not —-”

“Snape saw us.” His voice cut through hers, clear and simple. “He saw us in the corridor—and I let him. Merlin Lily, I’m such a bloody fucking piece of shit.”

“What?” She stood up, fingers grabbing at the sides of her skirt for something to stave off the growing anxiety. 

“When we were shagging. He just appeared…and I didn’t stop it—he couldn’t have been there more than a few seconds but—”

She took another cautious step forward, eyes unfocused, trying to track his erratic movements. She opened her mouth to speak but he lifted a hand for silence, misery pouring out of his mouth. 

“Godric, I’m just as bad as him. Even Sirius practically agrees and you know you’ve fucked up when Sirius chastises you.” His reserve was crumbling, completely unraveling right in front of her like a loose spool. 

“You deserve better. I should have stopped, should have stopped him, should have told you when it was all happening— ah Lily. ”

He was barely keeping it together, cracking under the weight of his own remorse. Tears were springing up into his eyes and he knocked his glasses askew trying to wipe them away. 

“I’m shit—I haven’t changed at all. I’m still that arrogant, ego driven ass from fifth year who just wants everyone to see that I am better than them—that I have you.”

She was close enough to touch him now. He kept turning his head, trying to simultaneously wipe away tears while averting her gaze.

“James—” She reached a hand out for his chest, but he recoiled from it. 

“No, I don’t deserve it, Lily. Do you understand? I broke your trust. I broke it.”

“James.” She tried again, her voice now strong and demanding. “No you didn’t—I don’t care.”

He stalled, tears still gathering under the rim of his glasses. A small part of her wished she could take a photo to remember his vulnerability forever. 

“Did you hear me? I don’t care.” She repeated, her voice stern. “Fuck Snape, and fuck all those people at the party while we are at it.”

“But Lily, he saw us,” he said, voice pained.

“Good–maybe now he will leave me the fuck alone.”

They stared at each other for a while, sizing each other up. It felt like a strange impasse of emotion, one wanting to repent and the other not willing to accept it, somehow seeing no fault in the misdeeds. 

“You’re being serious?” 

Lily reached out a hand, wiping the salt streaks that marked their way down his cheeks. 

“James—no one has stood up for me like you did that night. No one—and especially not Snape,” she let her hand trace its way down to his chest, toying with the buttons of his collar. 

“I know I’m mental, but it actually meant a lot to me what you said to Slughorn. I’ve always been too afraid to tell him off for his house and you did that for me.”

She reached a hand to cup the back of his neck, twisting the strands of his hair lightly with her fingers. 

“Also—technically I did invite anyone to walk up on us—sort of shit karma that it was Snape but what are you going to—”

“I really love you, you know.” He cut her off again, but this time it was heavy and pure.

“I mean it. This isn’t just some teenage fancy that I’ll shrug off after school. I love you and if I ever lose you because I did something stupid, I’d never forgive myself.”

He pressed his forehead to hers, his breath hot and sweetly familiar on her face. 

“You aren’t losing me—especially because of Snape. I love you too.”

They stood like that for a while, arms around each other with their faces pressed together. After months of clawing for carnal physical touch, the quiet swaying together felt right, a reminder that love could take many different forms, each just as powerful as the next. 

After a while they curled up on the couch, James placing her on his lap so she could lean her head against his chest, combing his hand through her hair. Lily tilted her head upwards, humming at the sensation of his fingers on her scalp. 

“I can’t believe you told Sirius,” she murmured, still leaning in to let his fingers reach around and tangle through the other side of her hair. 

“You can’t? I tell that bloke everything—well almost everything.”

She snorted. “Yeah, apparently even the naughty details of our sex life.”

“Hey! I was in crisis mode! What was I supposed to do?” James whined, giving a strand of hair a little tug. 

“Whatever Potter, but if he starts making sly remarks, I will actually be angry.”

James leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her nose, a mischievous glint in his eye. 

“Well, good for me you're very sexy when you are mad.”

********

She knew she didn’t have much time before one of the boys would catch on. She ran down the dark corridors of the dungeons, wand raised in case someone lurked in the shadows, waiting for exactly someone like her to be found alone and unguarded. 

She couldn’t pinpoint how she knew he’d be there, but she was right: Snape stood behind the empty teacher’s desk they had always used together, looking down at a closed potions kit that he clearly had no intention of opening. Her divination had always been terrible, but when it came to him, she was a prophet. He was easier to read than tea leaves. 

At her entrance, he looked up, eyes expanding before lowering into slits, a twisted scowl forming on his lips. It hit her suddenly that he was probably replaying whatever he saw that night—no doubt some moment of carnal lust that was never meant for him. She didn’t want to linger on the thought of what state she was in when he last looked at her. 

“We need to talk.”

His mouth pulled into something of a smile, more sinister than she was used to seeing directed at her. 

“Was it you?” Her voice bounced off the thick stone, making it seem booming in comparison to how she felt. “Was it you who wrote those things on the pitch?”

He kept his mouth tight, lips nothing but a straight thin line. 

“If it wasn’t you then it was one of your mates—don’t deny it.”

He picked up the knife that was laying on the table and turned it gently in his hand, eyes fixated on the gleaming silver. He spoke slow, seething. 

“I didn’t want to believe it—but what they say in my house is true. You let him fuck you like some kind of animal–.” 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lily cut in, her face twisted with anger. She knew he was saying it to deflect, to get some upperhand from his witness. 

“He let me watch it, Lily.” The knife clattered back on the table and he looked up at her. His voice was edging on hysterics.

 “He wanted me to see you begging for him because as much as you lie to yourself, he treats you no better than any of the Slytherins do.”

Lily took quick strides forward, eyes blazing into his. “And what if I wanted it, hm? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I want him to fuck me like that? Because I trust him enough not to think like you. ” 

Snape looked like he had been slapped, face cocked to the side.

“James told me you saw. So quit acting like you have some high ground.”

A flicker of pain flashed past Snape’s eyes, mouth twisting into a grimace. “Look what he’s done to you—how could you let him—”

“Would you even believe that I asked him to? Or are you too pathetic and in denial to see that maybe, just maybe, I could want something that doesn’t revolve around you.”

She watched as his expression went from triumph, to anger, to complete hollow sadness. There was no going back now—if he wanted to hear the worst of his fears, she was willing to give them. 

“I love him ,” she choked out. “I love him with a kind of love you will never get—not from me. You forfeited that chance the day you chose dark magic.”

Severus’ jaw clenched, eyes now glassy. He stepped away from the desk, rounding so he could get closer. She took a step back, realizing her wand was still tight in her hand.

“They are planning to eradicate all muggleborns from the wizarding world.” His voice was low and cold, coming down like a hammer. “Voldemort is gaining footing in the Ministry–it won’t happen fast but it’s what they are working towards, and when they do all opposing parties will be exterminated.”

Lily could feel the blood in her veins congeal, the room getting fuzzy at the edges. 

“Do you think Potter is going to lay down his family’s life and power because he wants to fuck some muggleborn in the corridor?”

“Stop it.” She took out her wand and pointed it at him but he didn’t flinch, staring down at it like she was brandishing a tree branch like they did as children.

“Potter’s family has already chosen their side and they will lose. I’ve spoken to the proper channels—told them how brilliant you are. He’s said he’d be interested—”

“He who? He as in Voldemort?”

Severus shifted a little, shoulders squaring backwards. “Yes.”

Lily’s hand shook, her wand still pointed at his face. 

“He’s willing to meet with you if you accept. He will protect you, Lily. We can be together— safe. We can—”

The room was no longer fuzzy, it was over-saturated, a brilliant blinding sharpness of color. 

Stupefy

She saw Severus’ eyes grow wide as the spell hit him square in the chest. He lay motionless on the ground, gazing at a fixed point upwards. She let out a scream and it echoed through the corridor, sounding like thunder the farther it traveled. 

“You disgust me.”

She turned around without giving him a second glance. She didn’t know where to go but she needed to leave, making it only around the corner before shrinking onto the ground, the world going dim and claustrophobic. 

It felt like she was watching herself hyperventilate in real time, sucking in air rapidly and then forgetting how to expel it. Her fingers clawed at her knees, trying to gain purchase on anything to ground her. 

Lily—

He was there, miraculously, like a spectral vision. His head appeared first before his whole body flashed into the foreground. Throwing off his invisibility cloak to dive towards her, she made a whimpering sound as he wedged both forearms under her backside, lifting her up against his body like one would a wounded animal. 

“Lily–Lily. What happened? Breath, baby. You aren’t breathing.”

The distance of his voice didn’t match the feel of his body. She tried sucking in another breath, then another, realizing that the choking sounds were coming from her. 

James placed her back down against the wall in a seated position. Her hands sandwiched between his, he hooked his thumbs around so he could guide her palms together, then slowly drift them apart while counting slowly: one, “two, three, four…. . “ He repeated, opening and shutting their hands together until she no longer heard the horrible choking sound and her lungs were able to fill with air.

“He’s already one of them...” She murmured out, dropping their hands and lunging forward against his chest. Usually the smell of him against her made the rest of the world disappear, but the floor was still cold beneath and the smell of molded stone warped her scent. 

“Already what? Who is?” James spoke slowly, cradling her head against his heart and caressing her back. 

“Sev—Snape. He told me—He’s met Voldemort.”

James' body stiffened under her, fingers clenching to the point of causing pain. 

“Where is he—Lily did he touch you?”

He was pulling out his wand, looking down the corridor to see if any movement would appear out of the shadows. 

“No—but he said—he spoke to Voldemort, about me…about sparing me if I—if I .”

James reared back. She could see the fire in his eyes, a murderous gaze. 

“Where is he, Lily. I need you to tell me.”

“No, There’s no use doing anything.”

James let out a cathartic cry, swishing a hand through the air. 

“Fuck off with that Lily—stop protecting him. I’m going to kill him–really kill him.”

He was getting to his feet, wand still in hand. She had never seen him like this, not even when he would get in stupid duels with Slytherins. It was an anger that well surpassed what he had shown at Slughorn’s party. It was palpable and deadly. 

“I need you with me James. Please don’t leave me here.” She knew it was the only way to get him to listen. Any other reason and he would have stalked off, gone to get his map and hunted down Severus like a pig for slaughter. But she wasn’t lying either, she did need him. He was the only thing grounding her away from the complete void. 

He ran a hand through his hair and let out a strangled cry, turning to crouch back to her. It was the second time she had ever seen tears in his eyes. This time he let them run freely.

“Voldemort—-Snape, fuck he’s an idiot…” James fell into a series of babbles, trying to string together a cohesive thought but was coming up short. It was Lily’s turn to console, lurching toward him and grabbing his face to wipe away the tears with her thumbs. 

“Shh--I’m right here with you. Look at me.” 

James placed his hands on top of hers, pressing her hands against his cheeks. 

“Nothing is going to happen to you, Lily. I will not let anything happen.”

“I know.”

She didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but by the time they picked themselves up and walked back to the Gryffindor tower, the sun was peeking out from the mountains. They slipped into the boys dorms then behind the safety of his bed curtains, shucking off their clothes so they could tangle as close as possible. A fleeting sense of safety.

******

Lily didn’t know what time it was when she woke but she could sense that all of the other boys had left for their classes. Her face pressed into James’ bare chest, warm and reassuring breaths rose steady like a wave against her. She could tell he was asleep by the way he hummed softly, sounds stolen from a place far within his mind. 

 Their legs tangled together out of familiarity. One of her thighs was hitched up against his hip and she could feel a heavy arm wrapped around her in a protective hold. Against her pelvic bone, a hardness pressed against her, causing something in her body to stir. She instinctively wiggled against it, and he gave a soft moan, before drifting back off.

It felt good to be held like this, to be wanted by him even in the deep recesses of his sleep. As she continued to rouse from her haze, she realized that it was something she wanted more now than ever: to be as close to him as possible. War was no longer coming, it was there–and they were about to lose precious time where they could be wrapped together like this so often.

She waved her hips in a circular motion, brushing her pelvis back up against him. He responded again, this time with a hand reaching down to her bum, giving it a soft squeeze. His eyes were still closed but his body worked on muscle memory. 

Uncurling a hand from against his chest, she started to make the passage down, her fingertips skimming over his taut chest muscles until it found the small path of hair that led down to his groin. Passing through the black curls, she reached her objective, palming his erection with a warm, lulling hand. 

“ Lily.”  His eyes blinked open, still blurred from dreams. 

“Ah, sorry—” He was still too delirious to realize that his cock was pressing into her willing hand and he tried to shuffle back. In response, she curled her fingers around him, watching as the realization flooded his face.

“Lily—ah Merlin .” That woke him– the feel of her fingers yanking him completely out of any subconscious still lingering. The hand that had grabbed her arse now contracted against her, fingers pressing deeper, roaming around to kneed at soft skin.

“I want to feel you baby,” She murmured and he responded with a noise that blended between a squeak and a growl.

“Lily–you’re so lovely. How do I deserve to wake up like this…. Shit.” He reached his other hand around to cup one of her breasts and her tit hardened under his touch, yearning for him to keep swiping a thumb over its flat center. 

Lily moaned into his chest, arching her back to press her breast farther into him. The hand around his cock started to slowly tug from the base up, reaching his tip and finding that some of his come was already dripping. She smeared her thumb through the liquid, using it as lubricant to slide her hand back down. A rumbling groan quivered their connected bodies.

“ Ah Merlin–oh shit—”

She hitched her leg up higher onto his thigh, pressing her body forward so her center leaned against where her hand worked him. His tongue moved erratically, switching to her other tit and swirling into his open mouth. With every stroke of her hand his eyes fluttered, fighting to stay open.

“Lily, my darling, my life, my love—oh fuck Lils.” 

She gripped him again at the base and guided his tip to the top of her clit, massaging his cock against her for stimulation. Her head tilted back with a guttural moan and he released her tit to catch it, his tongue slow and soft as it started to tangle around hers. 

“I want you inside me. I want to feel you deep. I need you every moment I possibly can.”

He panted out a noise against her lips and she lapped it up with her tongue, skimming it across his lower lip until his mouth welcomed her in again. Tilting her hips forward, she rubbed his cock through her arousal until she reached her opening, letting his tip slide in just enough to feel the tug of her muscles expanding to accommodate him.

“Lily baby, I won’t last long. You are so tight–so beautiful, you have no idea how good you feel—.”

She pushed him in a bit farther and the words cut in his throat. Pulling her leg to hook against his waist, he rutted his hips forward until their hip bones met and he filled her completely.

They rocked like that for a while, him helping her body move back and forth on him by pushing and pulling on her ass. She threaded her fingers through his hair and panted on his neck, stopping only to give small nips and licks to his pulse point.

Unlike the last time where their lust was rabid and frantic, they meld together in a calm serenity. She could feel every rotation of his hips as he pushed himself farther inside, letting every delicious moment of friction be savored. His voice was a whispered mantra, her name falling out of his mouth like whips of smoke that wafted away as soon as they left him. 

“Baby, I’m going to come–” he breathed. She could already feel him shaking under her, his body preparing for climax. 

Grabbing his face with her hands, she forced him to look at her, his eyes round and clear without the hindrance of his glasses. 

“Come for me baby. I love you, I want you always. Always.”

She watched as his eyes dilated in release, mouth falling open like holding a long rapturous note. She caught it in her own, letting him sing it into her throat. She wanted to drink up every moment of his pleasure and feel it coarse through her. 

Coming down, he rolled to the side, falling onto his back as though his soul was now depleted. Eyes closed, a shadow of a smile pulled at his lips. He reached over and pinched at her hip, beckoning her to be close again. 

“C’mere.”

She could feel the sticky evidence of his climax between her legs as she complied, curling into the crook of his shoulder. He grumbled, dissatisfied, and reached to pinch her hip again.

“No, on top of me.”

His eyes were now open, flooding again with the desire that had pushed him into a blinding ecstasy moments before. She swung a leg over his waist and hoisted herself atop him, her moist thighs pressing against his already re-hardening erection.

“Higher.” 

She arched an eyebrow, but he didn't give an explanation. Grabbing onto her thighs he slid himself downward until she could feel his breath drifting into her center, mixing with both of their slick arousal. 

“ Oh gods– oh fuck James–” Her mind caught up slower than the pleasure his tongue made as it darted up into her, causing all vision to go white. She could feel her hands digging into his hair, tilting his head as she mewled for more. 

“Let me take care of you.”

His mouth closed in again, and with every kitten lick a new universe was born. The world fell away, hot and spiraling through a dimension she didn’t care to know and hoped to never come back from. 

******

In the laws of muggle created magic, there is the fundamental belief that any energy you put out will return to you threefold. Of course, Lily didn’t believe in false magic systems, but she was starting to feel like maybe they were onto something. 

She wasn’t sure what kind of karmic energy she had sent into the world to cause such a visceral reaction, but the effects were certainly coming back to her. Looking down at the note in her lap, she hoped this was the final blow.

Lily,

Vernon wants to propose to me but his family has requested that they meet ours before we become officially engaged. I expect you to attend. 

It will be a dinner at Vernon’s sisters (address below) on November 4th, 19:00

Petunia

She sat on the top of the astronomy tower and reread it multiple times, memorizing each curve of her sister’s handwriting. It looked messy to her and she wondered if she had been physically pained to write it. Something told her she wasn’t too far off. 

She fished into her bag, found an old cigarette that Remus had offered her one drunken evening and used her wand to light it. To watch the smoke waft towards the Scottish mountainside felt as close to serenity as she was going to achieve. 

If dealing with the fallout with Snape wasn’t enough, she hadn’t had the heart to go back to potions since the party, presumably failing the one thing she had a shot of doing occupationally when she got out of school. As much as it haunted her, she couldn’t let her mind linger on what Snape had said—that somewhere out beyond those mountains the most powerful wizard in the world knew her name and was interested .

“Oh no! Our valiant Head Girl! Fallen from grace!” Sirius loped into view, followed by Remus who squinted at his mate before offering her a soft smile. 

“Bad day, huh.” Remus and Sirius flanked her, the former doling both of them smokes from his trouser pocket. 

“What gave it away?”

“You don’t smoke unless you're drunk or stressed—it’s kind of your tell.”

Of course Remus picked up a pattern she hadn’t even realized herself  and of course he was right. 

“Care to elaborate on your woes.”

Lily held the note straight out in front of her so both boys could lean in to read. In such close proximity, she could tell that Sirius and James used the same shampoo. 

After a few moments of quiet reading, Sirius’ face scrunched up into a scowl. “What? Is his family sizing up yours like some sort of dog breeding set-up.” 

“I mean his sister is a dog breeder so—that’s not too far off base actually.” 

“Fuckin’ hell—these muggles man.”

Remus took a drag of his cigarette and reread the letter. “Alright, so don’t go. Simple as that.” 

“But she expects me to.”

“Yeah and my parents expected me to be a Slytherin prick who wanks blood purity, but we can’t always get what we want.” Sirius retorted, forming his mouth into an o to blow out an impressive smoke circle. 

Lily looked at the letter again. Something tugged at the deep part of her subconscious, something that related to Snape and what he had said about the potential future if Voldemort rose further up the ranks. If wizard families were going to be exterminated, what did that mean for muggles?

“Ask James to go—-Merlin knows his sappy arse will sit straight in the line of fire if that means making you happy.”

She struggled to picture it, James at a table with the Dursleys while her sister loomed over them all like some vulture waiting for the kill. To the boys’ point, even the James in her imaginary scenario looked happier just to be beside her.

“I dunno—I’d need to ask permission to leave grounds for it and having both Heads out of school would be a bit much.”

“Bollocks—Remus here can keep the school afloat while you're gone!” Sirius gave Remus a hearty smack on the back and he retaliated by shoving him until he tumbled over. 

“Fine fine. I’ll ask for myself but I’m not going to make any waves getting James to come too. We are already in hot water as it is after Slughorn's party—we can’t be the first Head Students in history to lose complete credibility.”

She said her goodbyes to the boys and slumped her way towards the clock tower on the south side of the castle. The note firmly clenched in her palm, she found the owl scepter and whispered Gum Drops into its ear, making it screech to life.

She watched as the owl unfurled its wings and rose into the air, bringing her with it. A hollow feeling thumped into her chest, not because of her stupid sister but because being in this close proximity to Dumbledore meant there was a good chance she wouldn’t be able to control her fear anymore. 

Since the morning, she had mostly been able to pretend like it had been a nightmare: just a delirious dream that could easily be waved away by the streaking sunlight of morning and the feel of James’ pulse against hers. She wasn’t ready to reckon with it, the idea that the boy who she had once laughed and played with was now close enough to someone so despicable ...and had put her name into his mind.

She didn’t want to fathom what Voldemort found interesting in her. She was a mudblood, worse than dirt in his eyes, a pawn at most. James had been right: Snape was a fool to believe that he would want anything to do with her besides to see her dead.

The owl halted in front of a brightly lit archway that led into a study. A phoenix slept on its pedestal while Dumbledore sat looking over some parchment while a quill scribbled on a journal next to him. 

“Miss Evans, was I expecting you today? Surely if I was I would have put a kettle on–”

He stood up with a smile, opening his arms as a gesture of welcome before nodding towards the ornate wooden chair across from the desk. As she sat, a bowl of gum drops floated in her direction and she nudged it a way with a quiet no thanks.

“Is this about what happened at Professor Slughorn’s party? Because I would just like to assure you that Horace is not upset, though perhaps a little startled—he says he really misses you in class, do return to it. He won’t bite.”

Lily’s cheeks bloomed red. It hadn’t occurred to her that their stunt at the party would make it all the way to Dumbledore’s ears.

“No actually—though I am sorry about that—I’m afraid it’s quite silly actually but—”

All of the sudden, she felt like she was back in first year, being spoon fed even the most basic understanding of magic. She took the note and reached it over the table, letting Dumbledore take it to skim himself, his mouth moving silently as he read the words. 

“It’s my sister—she’s getting engaged and uhm–”

“Congratulations to your sister!” Dumbledore clips in, giving her an approving nod.

“Er, thanks. Well, as you read, she expects me to be there and I feel a sense of obligation–”

“Miss Evans, you know full well that I always put family before anything else. I’ll give you permission to leave the grounds as long as you return within the same day. I’ll alert Hagrid of your departure so he can unlock the gate for you.”

She didn’t know whether she should feel relief or dread. No matter what, there was no going back now. 

Dumbledore turned to look out the window, arms folded behind his back. A silence descended on the space and Lily felt the distinct feeling of energies shifting. 

“Wonderful season, Autumn. It is the most beautiful part of the year, yet it is the closest nature is to dying.” He didn’t turn around, standing as though turned to stone.

“We live our lives so terrified of death that we sometimes forget the beauty in the process of living.”

She didn’t respond, unclear if he was inviting a conversation or just ruminating. 

“I hope you know you can share anything with me, Miss Evans.”

He didn’t turn back to her but she could feel it, feel that he had already looked deep inside her and sensed her fear. Perhaps he already knew, heard it from a secret source well beyond the confines of the castle. There was no possible way he wasn’t aware of the tensions building within his own student body and suddenly it felt awfully ignorant of him to have done nothing all this time. 

Still, if anyone could do something, it was him. She could rat Severus out, tell him about the plan with the ministry—everything. It was vital information for a man with the power to wield it, yet there he still stood, watching the leaves fall to the deaths at the window. 

Her response sounded far away from her. “Yes, I know, thank you Professor.”

He turned back to her, a curious glint in his eye. “Very well—you enjoy yourself and give your sister my congratulations—but when you come back, could you come visit me again? I have a particular proposition I would like to share with you.” 

The hairs on her arms bristled, but she didn’t respond. Rising to leave, the weight of what had been left unsaid globbed like tar in her chest.

“Oh and Miss Evans?” Dumbledore sat back in his chair and leaned with his elbows on the tabletop. 

“Bring Mr. Potter on both occasions–the dinner and the next time you visit—something tells me he will find a way to include himself anyhow. Better we save him the trouble.”

[theresattrpgforthat]

THEME: Biblically Accurate Angels

@wokewerewolfagainstcapitalism I am not re-blogging the original post because I don't want to subject my followers involuntarily to the whole thing

although for the exceptionally curious I will still link to the post so they know the context.

BUT, I was surprised (and delighted) to find that there's actually a number of games that kind of fall into this wheelhouse!

I’m considering fallen angels as biblically accurate angels for this request; and there are certainly angels on this list that aren’t really biblically accurate, although there are some fun vibes.

Demon: The Descent, by Onyx Path.

Angels are everywhere. They are under the everyday world, behind it, beyond it. They are sent by the God-Machine to enact its will through time and space, delivering messages, building infrastructure, protecting some people, killing others. You were one of those angels… But not anymore. Now you are one of the Unchained, a fallen angel who defected to the human race. Yours is a world of false identities and clockwork conspiracies, stolen faces and hidden works of the Machine. 

Demon: The Descent is set in a world where God is a machine, and Its goals are inscrutable and yet definitely not good for mankind. You have chosen to side with humans - and have therefore lost your angelic status, although you still maintain powers beyond human comprehension. If you’re looking for characters that can strike the fear of… well something into the hearts of those who see them, this is a game that you might want to check out - because your demonic forms in Demon: The Descent have the potential to be truly horrifying if you’re willing to look beyond the veil.

Also, if you want more “biblical” demons, Demon: The Fallen is the old-school parent of this game, about Christian angels being cursed and deciding to fight back.

Feathers, by Thursday Garreau.

Feathers is a game about fallen angels looking for meaning and comfort in our world, using Avery Alder's Belonging Outside Belonging system. It's diceless, GMless, intimate, and very, very queer, for 2-3 players, designed to be played in a single session.

Much of the setting of this game is left up to the table that you play with; did you land in a small town? Did you know each-other before you fell? What time of year is it? The characters have all experienced different forms of heartbreak, but each archetype is provided with tools to help you get the happy ending that you hope for. Because the game is inspired by Belonging outside Belonging, you also each play as an element of the the world or the story, such as the Vibrant Flock, The Imperfect Vessel, or Handmade Deities.

This game is very poetic and evocative, and it’s also currently part of the TTRPG’s for Palestine bundle that’s going on right now. I definitely think that you should check it out.

His Red Hand, by Carrie Imago.

HIS RED HAND is a 3-player tragedy about fallen angels, built on Jay Dragon's Nameless Engine. 

This game was designed for the Trans Fucking Rage Jam, a game jam for trans creators back in 2022. It's specifically for three players, so I think it's a good game for three friends who know each-other well.

In this game, you are each characters but also threats. Your characters are doomed; you decide exactly how they die. You will watch as the things that you love, the things that keep you safe, are ripped away from you. You will be asked to turn on the pieces of your very soul, so if you want a game that is all about sticking the knife in and twisting as hard as you can, this is the game for you.

Angels and Devils, by Sascha Pogacar.

It is the eternal struggle of angels and devils for souls. Everything is placed on one sheet to experience endless stories together with a few friends.

This is a competitive game, with half of the players being angels, and the other half being demons. It reminds me a little bit of the Screwtape Letters and a little bit of Good Omens; the demons tempt mortals using the 7 Mortal Sins, while the Angels rely on the 7 Cardinal Virtues. This is a short game; it requires a regular deck of playing cards and a few hours, and that’s about it!

Halos & Hellfire, by Jason Tocci.

THEY HAVE BEEN CALLED ANGELS & DEMONS, the Heavenly Host and the Fallen Legions, the holy and unholy armies secretly locked for eons in THE WAR over the fate of humanity. These days, though, they mostly just call themselves messengers. It draws less attention when complaining about work over beers.

Halos & Hellfire is a hack of Lasers & Feelings and inspired by In Nomine, fitting on two sides of a single letter-size page. It includes rules for creating celestial beings, handling divine interventions, buying advancements with superiors' favor, and performing ever-risky miracles (adapted from the magic rules from Sorcerers & Sellswords). 

I’m really enjoying some of the character aspects you can choose for your heavenly form in this one; some of your options include many-eyed, Formless, and Leonine. Sometimes I forget that biblically accurate angels can be furries too.

Anyways, this is another Lasers & Feelings hack, with a single number representing both your strengths and your weaknesses, with a setting that can be twisted or changed in order to fit the kind of story you want to tell. There’s a little more to play with in this game than a typical Lasers & Feelings hack, with special rules about miracles, doing battle, and other character options that you can choose to add in order to give you more tools to play around with, including a method for character advancement if you want to play this for more than one session.

Relics: A Game of Angels, by Tin Star Games.

Trapped on Earth. Surrounded by Enemies. Desperate for Answers.

God has gone and the Gates of Heaven have slammed shut, leaving angels and demons abandoned on the mortal world. Their powers, long trapped in physical objects, now begin to awaken and the cold war between the two sides erupts into a arms race to control all of creation. A desperate, brutal battle will be waged in the present on the secrets of the past. 

Relics: A Game of Angels is a roleplaying game in a world inspired by Wings of Desire, Dogma and The Prophecy. Players take the role of angels who have lived on earth for hundreds or thousands of years. The unique memory system allows you to build an ever-growing backstory as you play, making you the unreliable narrator of your own past. Plus the simple Tarot-card system makes gameplay simple and fast, with characters made in just minutes.

The angels in this game aren’t necessarily biblically accurate, but it does focus on the conflict between heaven and hell. The game uses a deck of tarot cards for resolutions, and your character backstories are written as you play. The setting is heavily urban fantasy, so I think if you like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or perhaps Dresden Files, you might like this game.

War in Heaven, by milo v3.

One page rpg where you play a constellation of angels that are trading stories among each other about the rebellion that is brewing in Heaven. Requires at least 3 six sided dice to play.

This game actually uses scriptural references to describe parts of your angels! Character creation includes determining your Eye, your Gate, and your Wings, each of which determines something about your character’s secret desires and hopes. The game takes place over a series of turns, where rumours about a rebellion grow, while your Angels talk to each-other about what they think of the conflict, and confront & comfort each-other over the upset that might result in Paradise Lost for them all.

Also…

If you want to be alien and unknowable, and possibly even strike fear in the hearts of those who lay their eyes upon you, even if you’re not really an angel, may I suggest: Star-Spawned, by @prokopetz?

[idontplaytrack]

can you do another one with regina’s sister X janis. Them and cady all kind of just have a cute night in and we can see the dynamics between the various pairs!

✧ Sugar cookies & horror movies

Janis ‘Imi’ike x fem! reader(+Cadina)

Warnings: coarse language, fluff, mentions of sex, Regina and reader quarrel

Halloween weekend! The gang’s all here for a movie night

Hearing the knocks on the door, Janis scurries to go answer it. “Gretchen! Hey.” Janis stood to the side to let her enter. “Hi, Karen.”

"Hi, Janis!" The dark-haired girl chuckled, "Happy Halloween!"

"Happy Halloween." Janis forced a smile, then her gaze panned over to Gretchen, who was holding onto a box. "Ooh, what's that?”

"I made everyone some cookies." She beamed, setting the box down on the coffee table. "Nice." Janis shrugged, "Thanks."

You peered at the box, excited. "Can I take a look?"

"Of course!" She opened it up, revealing a bunch of Halloween themed sugar cookies.

You gasped, "Oh, my God. These are so adorable, Gretchen!"

Gretchen smiled brightly, "Aw, thank you. I'm glad you like 'em. Help yourself." She sits down, Karen does the same. Janis returns to the dining table to work on an art piece. "It's about to get a little cramped here tonight. We don't have a lotta space for seven."

"Oh, don't worry about it. It's not bad at all." Gretchen assured., grabbing a cookie from the box. You surveyed your options before grabbing one yourself.

‘Oh, these are too cute to eat…’ You thought to yourself.

“Hey, you.” You heard your sister’s voice, which pulled you out of your thoughts. Then, Cady’s. You didn’t respond though.

“How you doing?” She asks, you blink profusely, looking at her puzzled.

“Yes, you.” Regina bites back a laugh, “What’s up?”

“What’s up? I just saw you two days ago.”

“And?” She asks in her usual fashion, “Nothing happened in the two days you were here?”

“Nothing.” You answered with a shrug.

Her gaze then panned over to the cookies, “Well, these are so fucking cute.”

“Made them for us to share.” Gretchen told her with a small smile.

Your sister returned the smile and said, “Well, they look amazing. Thanks, Gretchen.”

It shocked you, and Janis. Well, okay, it shocked everyone. Janis’ paintbrushes fell to the floor with a clatter upon hearing that, that’s how you knew. You nearly stared at your sister in shock.

“Avery.” The guy with him, introduced himself.

“Nice to meet you, Avery.”

“Sorry I'm late, y'all.” Damian says, “Brought some drinks to make up for that.”

By now, everyone was looking at you, standing next to Damian and Avery. Noticing their gazes all being on the three of you, you froze. Janis had to drag you back to the couch. She sits down first though, then you sat in her lap.

A gasp, from Gretchen, “Aah! is this the guy you’ve been talking about?”

“Yes, this is Avery.” Damian introduces him and sat down on the floor, a

Avery followed suit.

“Okay, let’s begin the movie marathon.” Janis declared, “Who wants to pick the first one?”

“Uh, how about we each name one and whichever gets the most votes, we watch that one?” Cady suggests.

————

Well, Train to Busan won that round. You’ve seen it before so you knew what to expect, but you were still scared. You could watch horror movies, but you shouldn’t. And it wasn’t your favourite genre, too so there’s that. You shared the couch with Regina and Cady. Damian and Avery were on the floor while Karen and Gretchen have moved to the armchair. While you were curled up in Janis’ lap, you had your head nuzzled in her neck in some scenes to avoid looking at them. And then…you felt a hand reach over to your back to tickle you. Obviously startled, you screamed and your head whipped around to see Regina looking at you with a smug look on her face. “Fuck! Stop that!”

Janis bites back a sigh, displeased with your older sister’s antic. Rubbing your back comfortingly, she pressed a kiss to your cheek. “Ugh, you two are so cute together, it’s annoying.”

“Really?” You snarked, “This is annoying? You wanna talk annoying? That would be you— two days ago. When you said you wouldn’t be home all day but you ended up being home, knocking my damn door down. I thought it was mom! But no, we made one noise, it was like you retaliated by going louder like it was a damn competition. What the hell was that about? Why did you have to knock? You scared the shit out of me, you could’ve just left us alone. You wanted me to shut up? Fine, tell us to keep it down but when you were doing exactly the same thing we were, you really shouldn’t have pulled that crap, Reg.”

“It wasn’t— okay, you wanna know, you ask her what she was doing to me.”

“Stop.” You huffed, “I already know too much about what you two do to each other. I cannot believe you did that, it was so stupid. Childish. What’s the big deal anyway? We’ve been together forever.”

Cady facepalmed, “y/n, I’m so sorry. I told her not to do that, I told her not to disturb you two.”

“Should we just stop the movie completely at this point?” Gretchen interjected.

Regina took a deep breath and said, “You’re right. That was really stupid and childish. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Thanks.” You muttered, your anger calming down significantly. That’s all you wanted, an honest, sincere apology. Which she didn’t give in the first place— she just laughed it off.

Cady offers you her bag of Skittles. You grabbed a handful. “Thanks.” You gave her a crooked smiled. “Can I have one?” Janis asked. You held your hand closer to her and she grabs a few pieces, popping them in her mouth. “Thanks, lovey.” She says, chewing the candy.

The rest of the evening went by without a hitch. But by the middle of the third movie, you were done with watching horror and decided to leave the garage for a bit to walk and stretch your legs.

“Hey.”

“Yeah, Reg?”

“You okay?” She asks softly.

“Yes.” You turned around to look at her.

“I thought it’d do that to mess with you, but it was terrible way to do so. And, I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

“Just don’t do that again and that’s a good enough apology.” You told her.

“Swear.” She held out her pinkie, you hooked yours with hers. “Holding you to that.”

“You sure you wanna be out here alone?”

“Reg.” You sigh, “You know I’m scared, please don’t mess with me that way too.”

“Sorry. Bad habit.” Regina gives you a sheepish grin, pulling you in for a hug, “Wanna go back inside? I’m sure Janis will change the movies for you in a heartbeat.”

🏷️Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartandstuff @pda128

💭A/N:

This one took way longer that I wanted to, drafts haven’t been saving right so I had to rewrite most of this fic. Also probably shorter than what I originally wrote but I can’t remember, I’m sorry.😭 hope you enjoyed :’)