#autistic people can have rsd too

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Important PSA:

Autistic people can experience Rejection sensitive dysphoria too.

What to Know About Autism and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria:

[r0semultiverse]

AUDHD/NEURODIVERSE SCIENCE TUMBLR I HAVE A QUESTION

Chat why do I get flustered/embarrassed type cheek feel like my cheeks get hot when I think about my bestie potentially getting/trying to get into my special interest? No it’s not a romantic thing, yes I’m sure. They have no interest in such things as romance so my brain auto-adjusted long ago to that in tandem. Why cheeks get hot thinking about my bff being like “so this is what helped shape you as a person and shaped your personality?” Why do that? Why that happen? Why cheeks warm? 😳

[alpaca-clouds]

Neurodiversity & Rejection Sensitivity Disphoria

Starting with this graphic by @adhd-alien

Okay, let me talk about Rejection Sensitive Disphoria, which is something ADHD folks - but also autistic folks - struggle with a lot. And technically speaking... it is a trauma response. This is nothing that just happens to a neurodiverse brain as is, but it is an effect of trauma.

A lot of neurodiverse people - especially ADHD people - encounter a lot of rejection during their life. They get criticized for being inattentive, for being "lazy", for being "weird", for being too attached, and too detatched. Basically, we cannot do anything right. We often struggle to maintain friendship, especially with neurotypical people, who find our behavior grading.

There is always the saying among neurodiverse people: "We have best friends, but we are never anyone's best friend", because of this and because we often only have the emotional energy to maintain a few friendships at once.

There has been a study done a while ago and it found, that a typical child with ADHD would experience about 50 small rejections within each and every day. 50! 50 times that someone told them "You did this wrong" or "You are wrong". And in a lot of times the people giving these rejections do not think about it as much. But for the kid, it leaves an impression. Because they learn, they cannot do anything right.

Because of this, each rejection feels even more horrible to them. Even as an adult. Something that is not meant as a big slant against them, turns into it in their mind. Like, even a small criticism. Take one like this: "Tone it down." Because we often have problems regulating our voice. And just this small thing feels... horrible.

And, yeah... We struggle with this. It is a trauma response. Nothing else.

But if we bring it up to someone - for example, someone who keeps bringing out those small rejections - we are often depicted by them as self-centered and the like.

Ever since I learned about RSD, I have an easier time dealing with it. Because I can now gage that moment, where it kicks in and go in, telling my brain: "Hey, stop this crap, that is not what they meant and you know it". But... I also would fucking appreciate if neurotypical people had a bit more chill with us.

[goomyloid]

A KRISELLE ARTIST YIPPEE /gen

i adore your style and depictions of them + the player!! any random headcanons you’d like to share?

thank you!! uhhhh..... whenever people ask these questions i always immediately forget all my headcanons..... most of them are really random or extremely specific

um i guess i can rattle off a handful of them...

kris selective mutism real (i mainly just used this for a fic i wrote but the general hc that they're only really able to speak to people theyre comfortable around just seems right to me personally)

kris left handed noelle right handed (cheering from the crowd)

I have expelled the RSD from my body and given it to noelle. she also categorizes every single mistake she's ever made in her whole life inside her head

noelle wants to play the violin or any instrument at all. kris tried to show her how to play a bit as kids but it was difficult for her to pick up. now shes a girl with no one to play her piano

Noelle just in general tries to avoid making any sound at all when she does things ? Like she sets things down very quietly and is always worried about making too much noise (if this sounds weird its just projection) (sorry)

Theyre both autistic

i think noelle's favorite color is actually red,

and kris's is maybe green or brown. like a warm homey brown. Or pink

noelle would play as rosalina or peach in mario party + kart and kris would be a shy guy or boo or something

uh wait did you want playercharacter headcanons too... i saw a reddit comment that said it was interesting how my vessel actually has a good amount of respect for kris. i think of it as like, "man you're strong for putting up with all of this! sorry im about to go in and make everything worse again, but im sure you'll try to find some way around me." treating it as a rivalry almost while kris hates their guts (in the weird route).

ok i think thats all i can gather right now... Myriad of thoughts about those two (and extra)

oh, maybe one last thing. very occasional clingy kris. (noelle is the only person they'd do this to)

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I have so many neurodivergent RQG headcannons that I don't even know if I have a characther that isn't nd in some way.

Presenting my main one:

Almost everybody has autism.

Sasha and Cel are on a special category because they have so much autism that it becames one of that situations where it's not that Lydia has autism but they might want to check it up because maybe they do.

If there was a picture of Sasha Rackett in the dictionary definition of autism it would make sense. Both Barret and Eldarion are ableist but Barret purposifully triggers Sasha while Eldarion is the type that would force her to undergo ABA thinking she is helping.

Cel is the poster person for auDHD. I don't think I have to explain it. They are just very auDHD coded and it is gorgeus.

Barnes has autism as well. He specially struggles with getting overwhelmed by too much sensory stimuli.

Azu is absolutly autistic and it shows specially on literality.

Zolf is autistic as well and Harrison Campbell is his special interest.

Wilde is extremely high masking and has so much anxiety about showing any traits that can be seem as a "liability" but he is still autistic.

Hamid has autism and he also has strong RSD but he is also high masking as a response to the extreme bullying he suffered before adapting and becaming popular in middle school. Hamid also has dyslexia. He still loves reading but he takes a long time to finish books and has dyslexia glasses.

Grizzop has ADHD. Now thing is apparently that is a case where goblins brains are wired different as a well to adapt to their short life spans but since society is not adapted to them they all end up fiting some form of neurodivergency and in Grizzops case is fully ADHD with focus on the hiperactivity. He doesn't have autism tho. Just ADHD.

Now it hurts my soul but Bertie also has autism but either he pretends he doesn't or more likely just Musk Bertie is an "aspie supermacist" guy and uses his diagnosis to deflect from his behavior and also as a way to call other people slurs. Important to add Bertie is also deeply a ableist and infantalizing.

Ed Keystone has extreme ADHD with big attention problems as well as autism. He is the poster boy for autistic himbos everywhere and we all should aspire to be just like him.

Einstein cannonically has the equivalent of a brain injury that affects some of his processes- his ability to cast magic but also likely some of his social skills - and I really love his small arc of being frowned up as useless and hiding his disability while pretending he is oblivious only to not only find people that deeply apreciate him no matter what and being one of the most usefull characthers on the podcast (and beloved by all). Einstein is the goat and he is a very overlooked invisible disability rep.

Carter pretty much cannonically has ADHD and it deeply affects his life and relationships, he endured all the horrible hardships of being neurodivergent in a broken school system and he is my son and deserves the best and for people - in universe - to stop underestimating my man, also kudos for Carter because he really went from characther I dislike to characther I don't care for to my boy I won't shut up about him and I love him.

[findmeinthefallair]

The timing that I chose to start on Jentry Chau vs. the Underworld --

-- is rather interesting, considering that I'm aching like nothing else to start physically leaving this culture behind in a week and heal from it, while the show kicks off with Jentry - a Chinese girl like myself - having to return to where it all started.

I don't speak about this stuff often at all but I have ended up where I am (after leaving my birthplace of Australia at age 2)...through the odd mix of being brought up in a place where diversity is celebrated and which has (in my opinion) the world's best cuisine due to being such a melting pot, yet people don't acknowledge and celebrate the uniqueness of an individual person. While both individualism and collectivism have their pros and cons, we have to take the good from both to form healthy family units and communities.

It's been overall lonely here in what I call my not!home, since the collectivistic tendencies to stick to tradition remain really strong. People form judgments about you too quickly, since open-mindedness is not a quality that is made a priority at all. This means that anything that deviates from the norm being met with skepticism, being dismissed and minimized. The education level about autism and ADHD is also still very low and there's still a noticeable stigma surrounding those conditions along with mental illness.

It's so weird because my parents spent their 20s and 30s living in Western countries. They chose to raise us to have mostly Western mannerisms, yet at their roots they still parented us in the authoritarian Asian way which caused the trauma. There's literally an entire subreddit, AsianParentStories, detailing the kind of wounding that people like me receive from generational trauma. We're also in the minority here because English is our first language: it's not the norm in Malaysia, and the standard of English here has deteriorated more and more since around the time I was in high school.

It's been a really bad match for my neurodivergence and queerness that Chinese culture unfortunately emphasizes a particular kind of stoicism and "saving face". It's left me with a lot of trauma since an unspoken rule is having to moderate how much you emotionally express yourself. Thus, you can imagine how I've been treated whenever I've had what I much later realized were autistic meltdowns, shutdowns, overstimulation, and RSD: in this case trauma truly begets trauma.

I've never felt like I fit in here, haven't had success in dating because the hard choice I make each time is to never dilute or snuff out who I uniquely am. I'm not even sure how much people's true selves are snuffed out in more collectivistic societies. When it comes to collectivism, it seems like someone like me has to dampen myself, to become boring and dull in order to be taken seriously.

It's gotten so bad that I kinda forget most of the time what my ethnic identity is. The only positive things I've believed I can take from the culture are very yummy food recipes and being given money at gatherings because I'm still single (the red packets, or "angpow"). There's a sort of shame, and I only learnt 500-600 words of Mandarin in classes in the past half year in a begrudging manner, only so that I can know just enough to minimize being shamed by those in the culture who are fluent.

Anyway, I may not be Asian-American yet I felt this so much?:

She's been comfortable forming her new life in boarding school and friends in Seoul, and she dreads going back to where the trauma started.

Plus I couldn't help but internally smile when seeing familiar aspects of my own culture reflected back at me:

The background art and animation is absolutely gorgeous.

It might be wiser timing for me to wait till I've flown down under next week, set up in my mom's friend's house in her cozy guest bedroom, and then rewatch the pilot ep and properly watch through the show. Having plenty of physical distance from Southeast Asia and (finally) being reunited with cold weather is likely to make the watching experience as comfortable as can be, since some themes in the show might be quite close to not!home.

And I cautiously hope that the instigating incident of trauma in Jentry's life:

can be a powerful metaphor for being othered. Because I've been othered hell of a lot in my life here, with the minority stress adding up over the decades till it's majorly affected my mental health.

Being here is only going to be a positive experience once I return here as a visitor/foreigner, after I plant new roots in Australia. It's come full circle where I get to give it a shot going back there, which I hope is something that will be for good.

Anyway, representation matters

[all-l-wanna-do]

Six the Musical?

Okay, I haven’t listened to the musical in a bit, but what are some of your favourite headcanons for Katherine Howard(Fifth one, I believe)?

YESSS OMGS SHES THE BEST SHES MY FAVOURITEEEEE HEJSKDKAKDI. AAAH

okay so she goes by kitty and kat with friends and katherine with most other people, nickname privileges are just about the highest honor she can give someone. Anna and Anne call her Kitkat a lot as well.

Shes bisexual with a preference towards girls and the idea of sex repluses her but she's not sure if thats due to asexuality or non worked through trauma

she dresses very preppy with some y2k elements, has a worn pair of pink converse she adores, constantly dyes her hair bubblegum pink and usually wears it in a ponytail or two braids. she hates her hips with a passion and cant wear leggings without a skirt over it because she'll feel nauseous and will get panicked and cry. she also can only have her boobs visible if shes wearing something that accents them. she has a pair of heart earings she wears 50% lf the time and always has a choker on to hide her scar.

she loves doing makeup and coloured eyeliner and sparkles. she often draws hearts on herself and really on anything she can. she always uses waterproof mascara just in case.

she gets phantom pain in her neck along her scar a lot especially when death is mentioned. it gets so bad shes curled up cryimg bc of the pain sometimes.

she loves sweet coffees and hot chocolate and milk chocolate and gets a caramel latte every morning from a small coffee shop. she's constantly caffinated to avoid feeling her massive sleep debt. She usually eats a large dinner and a million snacks throughout the day.

she is a gremlin with playiny games, she is the best mario kart and monopoly player amongst the wueens by far usually because they feel some level of remorse when destroying people. she doesnt. insulting people is her love language and she loves using childish insults like poopface or stupidbutt along with well timed swears.

she loves pop music especially sabrina carpenter, olivia rodrigo, maisie peters, and taylor swift. shes also the largest mysical fan youll ever meet and dreams about being a musical actress but shes terrified she isnt good enough snd never will be no matter how hard she tries. Songs like the band and i and long live make her sob because she wants that so bad it hurts. she dreams of living in nyc or london and thrives in big cities

she can and will bite people for fun

her favourite game is stardew valley especially the early game so she has about a million saves that have made it to spring year 2 and tapered off. she enjoys watching cozy stardew (and similar games like fields of mistria) and minecraft on yt.

her backpack is white with pink hearts on it snd she always carries way too many spare peirod products.

shes always craving cuddles or touch is painful no in between

shes autistic with a special interest in theatre. she also has a lot of vocal stims and masks heavily. shes considering the fact that she may have adhd and also has rsd.

she loves reading fluff fanfic and cries at happy endings and on her birthday. she holds grugdes and is ashamed at herself for doing so. she projects a very confident persona but belives that she's unlovable and that (most) people only love her for her body. she hides her interests from most people because she thinks they dont care about them and theyll move on from her if she does.

her favourite animals are butterflies and hedgehogs and her favourite flower is dandelions.

she sleeps woth three pullows and two blankets and has a pink weighted blanket she uses whemever she's overstimulated

she has a canopy bed with string lights around the top and her floor is covered in a soft pink rug thats always covered in cat hair and she has light pink wallpaper with butterflies on iy and a plushie pile at the foot of her bed

theres more but im tired lol

[cringelordofchaos]

Common ADHD traits/experiences I've heard of !!

(I was gonna make a post about why I might be neurodivergent but I figured it'd be going a bit too personal. Also this is just easier)

(ADHD is much more nuanced and complex than I may make it appear in this post. A lot of ADHD people don't have a lot of these traits or have traits not mentioned here. For example there are three types of ADHD (inattentive, hyperactive and combined) and most inattentive adhders are not going to be hyperactive lol)

Warning: badly worded (I'm stupid that's my excuse). also I'll go on personal rants as to how some of these may apply to me (whilst I can reasonate with each point listed here I won't go on a rat on all of these)

Physical hyperactivity (inability to sit/stand still (I used to think this meant that people with ADHD were incapable of. Sitting down (while constantly fidgeting or not) for one whole class)(I was an idiot)(I still am)). (Just overall constant , movement (I might have it idk I'm ALWAYS

Excessive talking

Stimming, fidgeting, general and overall repetitive movements (such as flapping hands, pacing, clasping hands together, etc)

Low attention span regarding things that don't garner much interest to you

More likely to be autistic, have anxiety or depression (or generally have other diagnostic conditions)

Ability to Hyperfocus on specific things, at times out of their control

More likely to have a lower Performance in school that most people

Proneness to addiction

Rejection sensitive dysphoria/RSD (really sensitive and afraid to rejection or criticism or disapproval or stuff like that. I'm questioning if I have it and I'm pretty sure I do bc i would have a whole breakdown bc i accidentally had a bad unintentional thought about this cool person I didn't want to hate me)(it's complicated)

Emotional disregulation (easily irritable, excited, stressed, stronger emotions, more likely to lash out, etc)(people with this are usually described to be much more emotional)

restless leg syndrome (except it's permanent lol)

Lower memory spans regarding most things

Forgetting to fulfill basic needs (such as eating, drinking, showering, etc)

Women/AFAB people are more likely to be diagnosed with inattentive ADHD (this of course does not rucking mean afab people can't b hyperactive my god)

Mental hyperactivity (racing/constant/overlapping/repetitive thoughts or stuff like that)

Impulsivity (doing stuff without thinking them fully though or not knowing why)

Sensory issues (sensitivity to sensory output such as noise, brightness, etc)

Easily bored/underwhelmed/understimulated - more likely to want to seek constant dopamine (due to l

Easily overwhelmed (whether itd be due to aforementioned sensory issues, emotional disregulation, rsd or stuff like that)

More likely to be perceived as "childish" (from what I've heard obviously this and many other things listed here don't apply to everyone)

Executive dysfunction (can't do shit at all)(ok it's more complicated than that just Google it up or something)

Having Hyperfixations (things you're DEEPLY invested in for a period of time, it can be a few days, weeks, months, sometimes more than a year, depends rly)(I'm still questioning if I'm neurodivergent but like I'm pretty sure I was in a DEEP hyperfixation mode when it came to sonic for like. A YEAR. like I literally it was literally the only thing on my brain the only thing in my life. and I would get realllytyy excited about learning obscure information about it or infodumping and I would flap my hands bc of how excited and passionate I was Abt it)(man I miss the times when I was so passionate about stuff I liked it was so fun :(( )

Higher/lower levels of empathy (I've seen this moreso been brought up with discussions regarding autism but I've also seen it brought up with ADHD itself too)

Lower levels of dopamine

Impatience

More likely to be a maladaptive daydreamer

Its cause is usually heavily genetic (meaning if your family or a family member has ADHD, you are more likely to have ADHD yourself)

More likely to have insomniac/have general problems with sleep (I'm questioning ADHD. I'm writing this like... Five hours before I'm supposed to wake up for school. Great.)

There is also a higher relevance between ADHD and PTSD

If I missed something important let me know!! Also if you don't know some of he

This post is not meant to be used as a substitute for self nor professional diagnosis, though if you feel like you might have ADHD because of this post I recommend further research and conversations with trusted advisors such as parental figures or therapists/doctors (not me not listening to my own advice)(<- that was me regarding my latter advice)(I'm too scared to tell my parents about it man)(idk why)

Things to note:

ADHD is not just about little elementary school hyperactive white boys !!

There's a lot of things I mightve missed

Not everyone with ADHD has all these traits (obviously)

Some of these traits may be common due to the commonness of ADHD + autism overlap (idk though)

Apparently it's one of the most diagnosed forms of neurodivergence in kids (about 7-10% of kids in the USA are diagnosed with ADHD)(APPARENTLY idk)

There's more but I'm tired right now byeeee

[cravingpepsimax]

HI i am also an autistic nerd that loves critique and i agree w/ u. but i feel like i also get why ppl get defensive about it. a lot of proshippers have been unfairly critiqued for what they write, and struggle to separate that from well-intended, well-thought out critique. also rsd makes ppl's kneejerk reactions (often defensiveness) come out

but the thing is, if you disagree with someone's critique and dont want to engage with it, you can also just scroll past. you have to understand that other people like to see opinions that differ from their own. as long as they aren't butting into someone else's blog or fic to criticize it, ppl can discuss negative opinions, bc that is fun for a lot of people.

i have rsd so i also have a knee-jerk reaction to critique, but i also think that seeing opinions that differ from mine make me a better writer! in the right headspace, i can digest someone's negative feedback and apply others' opinions to my own work. i can understand that different people can interpret a character differently based on their lived experiences and what resonates with them. and, most importantly, none of those interpretations are necessarily right or wrong. you can like or dislike it, or personally believe that it's poor characterization, but there is no objective right or wrong. thats the thing about art - there is nothing objective about it. people inevitably interact with it in a different way. and sometimes, that way is by seeing it as a whole and picking out what you like and dislike about it.

i feel like the less confidence you have in your own work, the more likely you are to react with offense or dismay. when you rely on other people's positive feedback to want to write, negative feedback feels like the end of the world. i can say that bc i used to be like that, before i started drawing/writing for myself instead of other people. wanting positive feedback isn't bad, per se, but being unable to function without it isn't healthy or sustainable in the long run.

so, yeah. it isn't a personal attack for someone to dislike a characterization that you like - it just doesn't jive with them, and that's okay. and theyre allowed to talk about it, because negative opinions are allowed to be expressed too. if you cant handle seeing those opinions, it isnt a personal failure. it isn't your fault, but it also isnt their fault for having those opinions. they arent trying to hurt you. they just want to freely discuss their opinions, positive or negative, and i would think proshippers/profic ppl should be able to connect with that, even if they are used to being targeted by bullies. sometimes, seeing a post, even a tactically worded one, will make you feel bad, and it isnt anyone's fault. there is no ill intent. life happens. people discuss what interests them. sometimes, you won't like that, and thats fine. but you shouldn't make them out to be the bad guy for it.

and ik fandom is a lot of people's safe space where positivity trumps all, but it isnt like that for a lot of people. if you want fandom to be your protective bubble, you can restrict yourself to only those who share your opinions. but you also have the right to agree to disagree, and other people have the right not to want an echo chamber. if you treat a whole sphere of the internet like your own personal bubble, you will be sorely disappointed when it pops.

woof that was long... i really am not trying to start shit with anyone - that is the last thing i want to do 😭 but i wanted to share my opinion on this bc i am a critic at heart and that is not necessarily a bad thing

i agree with all of this!!!

"toxic positivity" is an overused term, but i think its use here is justified. i've also got rsd, and sometimes, receiving critique can feel really bad, too. my dad's a writer, and i always feel scared to show him my work bc i rlly respect him and hearing him criticize my stuff can rlly hurt LMAO

but. like. i recognize that as an issue. and i certainly don't get offended when i see people criticize a trope? i didn't make that. in fact, i find critique of tropes more helpful than anything -- they provide a perspective that i might've never considered that i can now add to my own works.

the emotions of proship discourse only amplify this -- i'm critiquing depictions of fictional rape. it doesn't matter that i'm not calling people or the fiction itself evil, it doesn't matter that my critiques come from a place of actual fiction analysis instead of a bizarre appeal to emotion -- i'm critiquing depictions of fictional rape. antis do that. i'm doing an anti thing. doesn't matter that the anti thing i'm doing doesn't have all the shit that makes the real anti thing bad.

i do think this toxic positivity is one of the main reasons antis have become such a problem recently, though. antis don't really care about the harm of proshippers, they think it's gross icky bad. but they can't just say it's gross icky bad. you can't express dislike!! that's being mean!!!!! you can ONLY express dislike for morally bad things!!!!!!!! so, they come up with moral reasons that don't actually exist.

people can dislike things. they can express that dislike without going "that's just my opinion tho!!!" a million times to avoid people going "shhh let people enjoy things". they can express that dislike without going "and that's why liking this makes you the devil".

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #385

The funk persists today, too. Tenacious little fucker, innit?

Nonetheless, I woke this morning and prepared for the various things I intended to do. Today was my monthly visit to my psychotherapist, Je. I talked some about the contents of my 382nd letter to you. We spoke on what I can only define as “rejection paranoia”, which I am defining as something separate from Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD for short). RSD is something that a lot of autistic and ADHD folks deal with, and I definitely deal with that (though I wonder if those with C-PTSD also have heightened sensitivity to rejection since... y'know... being rejected often leads to being abused).

I'm defining “rejection paranoia” as perceiving it and feeling icky about it before it has even happened. And... I get that my brain is trying really hard to protect me (albeit in the most misguided way possible), but... I wish it would stop doing that particular thing. It's more than a little annoying, not just to me, but probably to everyone around me, too.

Counterintuitively, as it was explained to me, the only thing for it, really, is to practice radical self-acceptance when I notice it cropping up. This time, I was able to notice it only a little while after the fact (as opposed to not at all), which is a huge improvement compared to past instances of this occurring. When it happens, I'm supposed to basically just sit with myself and tend to myself in the same way that a kind friend would.

...I'm pretty good at doing that for other people. I need to improve upon that when I'm trying to direct my kindness towards myself. I think on some level, after the life I've led and after all the ways I've been viciously trained to think about myself... I am probably a little disgusted at myself. I generally find myself boring and insufferable. I do get brief periods of respite where I don't think that way about myself, and rationally, I do understand that I am not, in fact, boring, disgusting, and insufferable. But... ya know. Brains are gonna brain. Longstanding thought patterns are not easy to change.

...But they can be changed. They can be changed with practice and effort. I can expand the amount of time I can think kindly about myself, just like we can expand the amount of time we can hold our breath, via apnea training. Apnea training isn't easy. Rewiring our brains isn't easy. But the results are worth it, I like to think.

...If you haven't tried apnea training... I'd suggest it. Even if you never intend to do freediving or merman training, it's still a great way to strengthen your diaphragm, as well as to practice mindfulness, breath control, and self-mastery. And it's relaxing as hell, to boot. All you gotta do is follow apnea tables that are right for your body. In my world, there are apps that will help you with that.

STAmina was the one I used before the rib injury took away my ability to expand my lungs properly. You just record your personal best time and the app will generate tables for you that are right for your body. And you lie in a bed and practice once every two or three days, with a soothing playlist, and you let go of all the tension in your body, and the app will tell you when to hold your breath and when to breathe normally.

...I really miss doing it. Oh well.

After physical therapy, I went into work to make sure that Ka and Tr got my message about not being able to come in on Saturday, due to needing to travel for the English test; I will go into work on Thursday this week, instead. We have folks who will come chill at the house and tend our cats, which is wonderful.

...Tr and Ka were both able to notice that something is “off” with me today; I guess this funk must be worse than I thought. Still, I'm kinda clunking along through it. Being productive. Being fully aware that my mental state is compromised so that I don't fall into some lame-ass self-hatred spiral. It's all right. As long as I am mindful and don't end up hurting myself or anyone around me by being a weird crankypants, it's just a matter of waiting for my brain to resume normal functioning. And it will; it always does.

While I was at the store, I got a bunch of stuff for the house. Like angel hair pasta, and some pork, and a big thing of mascarpone cheese, and some mushrooms. I intend to make a pasta thing by mixing the mashed confit garlic with the mascarpone cheese to make a sauce. And then I'll cut up the pork, cook it, and add it to the pasta, along with the sauce. And maybe some tomatoes and mushrooms, too. I'm hoping to have sufficient gumption to get it done tomorrow. I guess we'll see what happens.

...Maybe make some Great Northern Beans too, while I'm at it... it's been a while, and I think I'm kinda getting a hankering for them. They're really good when mixed with a fresh allium of some kind, a splash of olive oil, and a splash of vinegar. Very yummy.

The Greek truck used to make the thing I described, along with gyros, souvlaki, and dolmades. I used to go there all the time with M, back when we were both database analysts for the same company. The gentleman who ran the truck used to call me “sunshine” all the time. M, J, and I haven't been to the food trucks in a very long time. Maybe we'll fix that, this coming spring...

...If we do, you can bet that I'll take pictures for you.

So, I went home and J helped me put the food away in the fridge and in the cabinets, where they go. Then I did most of the dishes. It was almost time for me to head out to physical therapy by the time I was all set with that. J finished the last few dishes while I was out; super duper grateful for him for that; a sink that is not full will make it a lot easier for me to have gumption to cook tomorrow.

At physical therapy, it was brought to my attention once more that, likely as a result of the rib injury, I have clockwise rib cage torsion, if you're looking at me from a top-down view. Some relatively painful manual therapy techniques were done to try to kinda shove it back into place, and we were partially successful. I can move my right arm around a little better now, at least for a little while.

...I really gotta get back to doing my exercises... I'll do them before bed tonight. I feel a little bad for having dropped the ball on them.

I went home after that. By then, I was pretty hungry because I hadn't eaten at all, and it was like 3:30pm or 4pm by the time I got home. I was a bit too tired to cook anything, so I just ordered in. I felt somewhat better after eating, but it didn't take the funk away. Oh well.

Not having the energy for much else, I played a few runs of Hades. This time, I got very close to felling Asterius:

...Like with anything I practice, I will continue to improve. It's only a matter of time before he falls to me.

Though... I notice... when I'm in a funk like this, or when I'm too tired or in too much pain (like with the tooth extraction) to be attached to the result... I play better. And that seems counterintuitive to me; I figure I should play better when I'm feeling alert and healthy and good. Weird.

...I can't help but wonder if you know something about that. I can't help but wonder if maybe... you were so good on the battlefield simply because... you weren't attached to whether or not you walked away from your encounters alive.

…

...I hope there will come a day when you can be alive somewhere in a peaceful place and everyone else is alive and well, too, but... you still don't have to fight anyone anymore.

...Sephiroth... keep trying to build that kind of wholesome life for yourself, okay? Please keep striving towards a world where you can go to therapy, and have tea, and get yummies from the grocery store, and then come home and play video games while someone who cares about you watches and cheers you on. Please keep striving for a world in which you can make your own yummies in the kitchen, or else get yummies from somewhere else if you're not feeling up to making them.

I'll be over here cheering you on to become the best and healthiest version of yourself, no matter what happens. And if you need a break, you can find one here at my house. So don't give up, okay? There are lots of people who are able and willing to love and support you, even if sometimes it's hard to believe.

I think I'll play a little more Hades and then go to sleep. You'll find me here if you wanna hang:

I'll write to you again tomorrow. So please try to stay safe out there, at least until then.

I love you.

Your friend, Lumine

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Rejection Sensitivity

Rejection Sensitivity might kick in when...

Someone leaves you on read

You get blocked randomly

You aren't invited to join in

People talk secretly without you

You see people having a good time without you

You don't understand an inside joke

Everyone disagrees with you

This could lead to thoughts of...

Something is wrong with me?

Why does no one like me?

Have I done something wrong?

I'm fed up, I can't do this anymore

I hate my life

People are better off without me

I hate everyone

As well as feelings of...

Anxiety

Hatred

Frustration

Fear

Depression

Loneliness

Overwhelm

Anger/Rage

The effect of this might be...

Acting impulsively

Meltdown/Shutdown

Losing friends/family / romantic partners

Being excluded from a group

Self-harm/suicidal thoughts

Being perceived negatively

Trust issues

Things that might help...

Removing/distancing yourself from the situation

Distracting yourself with interests/comforts/stims

Talk/vent to someone

Try to remember that your feelings are valid

Autisticality

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I An Asshole for Hating How My Sister Says "I Love You"?

My sister and I are very different people. She is outgoing and extroverted and social, I am quiet and introverted and honestly have a ton of trouble with social interactions.

My sister has ADHD, but she does not take any medications for it because of legitimate medical reasons. Because of ADHD and some other actions she does, I highly suspect that she struggles with RSD (Rejection Sensitive Disorder). She has not been diagnosed with that specific symptom, but she also doesn't go to any kind of therapist that COULD diagnose her with it. I just made a note of it in my mind so I can try to understand her actions and be empathetic.

However, there is one action she does that drives me up the wall and it's the way she says "I love you".

She will say "I love you" and I will, of course, respond back "I love you, too". Because I do! She is my sister. She is great and I couldn't ask for a better sister! But then she will follow it up with "You Promise?" And I will say "Yes".

Except, if my tone isn't EXACTLY perfect, it turns into a cycle of "are you sure?" Or"you didn't sound like you meant it" or "why did you say it like that" and the whole thing can last for like 10 minutes. It will turn into a whole analysis of my tone.

And I don't understand tones. I don't think I'm autistic, but tones really stump me. I miss sarcasm a lot, for one. And I'm a pretty monotone person. I feel like all of my tones sound the same? I'm certainly not very emotive. So I have no clue what she is talking about most of the time when she says "it didn't sound like I meant it".

Anyways, the conversation that follows "I love you" always irritates me or makes me feel bad. It irritates me because it is a continuous thing, happens almost EVERY TIME she says "I love you", and she is an incredibly loving person. We have this conversation two or three times a day. But it is exhausting to need to try to convince her that I love her every single time. And it makes me feel bad because it's like she just CAN'T believe that I love her. Like me expressing that I love her just isn't GOOD enough. It doesn't matter all the times I try to say I love her, it's just not good enough for her.

And when I have brought this up to her, she just starts sobbing and saying "I just like to hear you say it" over and over. And by that, I mean she just repeats that specific phrase over and over, she doesn't make any kind of comment on what I am actually trying to express to her. She just shakes her head and cries and says "I just like to hear you say it". Even when I try to calmly explain that it's hurting ME. It feels like she doesn't care how the conversation affects my self-esteem, only how it affects her self-esteem.

And I'm trying to be understanding, but am I the asshole for being irritated and hurt by this behavior? Should I be more understanding of her? Am I being overly judgemental?

What are these acronyms?

[genericpuff]

What is your advice on handling criticism?

I saw your response to a critic on Lore Rekindled in the sub and it's very good and you could say, professional.

I have a big problem of people-pleasing, so if I get critcism (eventhough it's very polite), I get very sad at the fact there's fault with my work (I also suffer from perfectionism). It will drastically change how I see my work, and in the end I give it up 😭

fam i got teased tf out of for making it so wordy LOL

I totally get that struggle though, I know it probably doesn't seem it at times, but I do have the 'ole RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) due to being ADHD/autistic, so I totally relate to the whole people pleasing thing. It's hard to feel like something you made isn't making everyone happy! But that's also ultimately not what it's for. You can't make everyone happy, and your art doesn't deserve to exist any less just because some people don't find it their cup of tea.

I've definitely had to like, disconnect my work from myself over the years to get better at taking criticism. Not to the point that I get apathetic, obviously I should be invested in whatever I'm working on, but enough that when people criticize my work, it's not necessarily an attack on my own self.

And if they are clearly just out to attack me, then I dismiss the criticism, it's of no value to me.

Unless it's something that's specifically a result of my own values or biases bleeding into the work, most of the time it's people literally just saying, "I like this work, but I feel like it wasn't as strong as it could have been here and here" and that has nothing to do with me as a person, I'm just still polishing my skills and those outside opinions help to target specifically what needs improving. I think we as artists pour a lot of ourselves into our work, especially when we're just starting out, so it can be hard not to take criticism as an attack or rejection of yourself, but we have to ultimately remember that we are not 100% of our work. Even with works like LO, while some of the criticism I give of it is indicative of Rachel's values and personal preferences as a person, a lot of it is also just about the work itself and how far it's fallen beyond what I assume Rachel intended from the beginning.

I've also learned to separate helpful from unhelpful criticism. I'll use Time Gate as an example because I've gotten way more input on that series than Rekindled (just because I've actually like, intentionally sought out criticism for it). A common criticism in the past was that there weren't enough backgrounds and the story's pacing wasn't concise. It sucked to hear at the time, especially the backgrounds one, because I'd heard that one time and time again... but it was literally because I wasn't doing anything to improve them. You know what stopped those criticisms? Drawing backgrounds more LOL And I still suck at backgrounds tbh but I feel like I've definitely improved compared to the first few volumes when I was just drawing characters on top of white constantly LOL

old and busted:

new hotness:

(i think there's like a 4-5 year difference between these two pages. and the backgrounds STILL aren't perfect in those newer volumes but they still feel more finished than the older panels did)

So that was helpful criticism! My art wasn't as strong as it could be in a few specific places that people were clearly able to pinpoint, so I did what I could to improve those places and I'm still working on it.

Unhelpful criticism has just been either personal attacks (not valuable) or statements that are basically asking the comic to not be what it is, criticizing things that are features, not bugs. Things like "well I think the story is too anime-like", "it's a lot to try and read", "why don't you draw eyelashes on the girl character", etc. which are criticisms of things that I know are intentional. The story's anime-like because that's the story I want to write. It's a lot to try and read because it's intended to be a longform series for people who like reading longform series (people like me!). I don't draw eyelashes on Uzuki because she would look terrible with them LMAO (we even made a joke about that later on):

(the hilarious part is that that comment was definitely made with the idea that all women should have that makeup look, meanwhile mitsuhiro's pulling off the look so much better and he knows it LMAO

And actually, the example you're referring to where I responded to crit in the ULO subreddit, is also an example of unhelpful criticism, though the person who posted it definitely didn't mean any harm by it, but the crit was literally "why aren't Persephone's boobs big enough" which I thought was pretty funny. She still has boobs! I just don't draw them popping out of her top like Rachel does LOL I also don't give her the exaggerated pinched waist or broken spine that Rachel often gives her because that's all just to, again, emphasize her boobs, and it's often unnecessary, especially in a comic that's being marketed as a feminist piece of work, yet is often drawn completely through the male gaze. So yeah, that was definitely crit that wasn't really beneficial because it was literally just about Persephone's cup size lol

I know it's easier said than done, but when you feel that sadness coming on in response to criticism, remember that that criticism exists to help you, not hinder you. Considering you've been getting polite criticism, that means the people giving it likely have your best interests in mind and want to see your work improve. The only way to do that is to learn how to critically analyze your own work, and the only way to do that is to surround yourself with works whose quality you want to achieve, and get outside opinions. And if that criticism isn't in good spirit, then toss it aside. If it's not going to help you, then it's not of any value to you. And yes, it will take practice, there are still times I find myself getting overwhelmed, but ultimately I can't control what anyone else says or does, only what I do. So I funnel that into my work and I always keep moving forward.

Be at peace with the process of learning and improving, because you never stop having to learn, there's always something new to improve, and that shouldn't be taken all doom and gloom "I'll never be perfect", that's literally just the process and beauty of being an artist, there's always something new to learn and that's something that should be exciting!

Think about whenever you give criticism or have personal critiques of other comics. I'm willing to bet most of the time, you have those opinions with good intentions, you're not trying to attack anyone. So why not give yourself the same grace?

...holy shit, I forgot Uzuki's lipstick in the bottom right panel- （；´д｀）ゞ

[autistic-answers]

can autistic people have rejection sensitive dysphoria too? or is that only in people with adhd?

Research on rejection sensitive dysphoria is limited. Some experts think autistic people without ADHD may experience RSD, but there just isn't much known about it yet.

More info is in the Autism Wellbeing Wiki's RSD article. I've added basically everything I know in there and linked to some good articles in the references too.

If an autistic person experiences RSD, they should probably also look up the basic signs of ADHD, just in case those look awfully relatable. Many autistics also have ADHD, and not all of them know it. (Fun fact: for years, I assumed ADHD posts were super relatable because autism and ADHD are similar. Nope. I have inattentive type ADHD.)

Anyway, RSD is a pretty awful thing to have. I hope experts will learn more about it and help find answers and advice for everyone who struggles with this problem.

[emmaelt]

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria and associated fun AUDHD experiences

Something that's becoming more and more apparent since going on the medication is that my autism traits are becoming much stronger. Apparently this is pretty common for people with AUDHD, and I was anticipating it - but oof. I'm finding it really debilitating to socialise at the moment, I've always done a bit of pre-rejecting myself before I can feel that way because of others, but it's way worse now.

(RSD is one of the reasons why I thought for a longggg time that I might have BPD - perceived abandonment, anticipating rejection, all that jazz seem to be experienced by so many different neurodivergent humans.)

Right now, my ADHD self seems to be more supressed, there are way less thoughts in my head than normal even before I've taken the meds in the morning. It's much easier for me to focus on one cohesive thought as I'm getting less distracted by the other thoughts. However, when I have 'bad' thoughts now - such as those I associate with RSD - it's much harder to distract myself.

I had an interaction with a neighbour who I've already told I'm autistic. During our conversation I was doing my usual look at their face but not too much, respond but don't not interupt, I was trying to be funny and not awkward. Possibly the interaction was fine. However, my RSD kicked in before the interaction even ended, and I had to leave.

I've alway been either extremely social or anti-social, with absolutely zero in between. I can either handle other humans or I can't. It's never been at this point of rudeness where I've actually cut them off to get myself out of the conversation so I can run away?

Either way, the meds are making it way more apparent. I'm trying really hard to use all of my nice self-talk and ignore the hard ones, but now there's less distractions happening my head it's much harder to get away from the hard ones.

[15ktherapy]

tbh this is kinda why i think dream's so sturbbon about responding to everything this guys say. He has the same autistic rsd than me that if You explain yourself well enough and back it up, them people Will undertand You and see your side and have more compassion. But sadly that's not gonna happen ;__; this people don't care of dream has reasons or has feelings, and no amount of explaining he does is gonna change that. He's just gonna hurt himself by exposing his feelings to mean people. Honestly im sad he didn't went to the event Even if i saw it coming bc i think it would be Nice for him ti have out with people who are normal about him and aren't his inmediate Friends

and i Saw people worried about his career for not just moving on with new content but like idc about that rn. I'm mostly parasocially worried this mc youtuber is letting mean spirited people (mostly talking about the others reactions rn than the past) have this influenced over him and he self sabotaging bc of it bc i do the same sometimes too ;__; tbh being autistic can be he'll in this new era of the internet

being autistic is hell in general!!! he’s def got rsd and he’s fighting so hard my poor guy. Oh anonnie.. my advice for you is to keep your sweet sweet heart, but maybe still put up some distant walls. You seem very kind and that is always a good thing, but you don’t need to get hurt too. dream got really unlucky with the internet perception and it sucks to see everyone misunderstand him (often purposefully) but dream himself has accepted it and we all should too. I know it sucks to love someone and have them be shit on for no good reason but it’s what we’ve got and we shouldn’t have to hurt anymore over it too.

in my experience trying to get on to a healthier dreamstan way I think the best way to enjoy dream is to not care about what every other jackass is whining about!!! if you love dream and like watching his videos and his streams that’s all you need to do. Dream can handle himself from all these morons, it’s sad but I think he’s used to it. You love him so worry it’s normal of course but you just gotta let him do what he’s gonna do. He’s gonna make silly choices and he’s gonna come out swinging and he’s always gonna have George and sapnap and his mom and dad and siblings and cats and his other friends so he’ll be okay.

the whole reason dream did the stream was just to clear up misinformation, he doesn’t really care about people being mean to him. That’s why he doesn’t say anything when they start shit talking- like I said it’s sad, but I think he’s got it. he knows they aren’t worth his real time.