#autism & RSD

[idontknowreallywhy]

Practical Suggestions for supporting people with RSD in the workplace

Am reposting my response to this excellent post because of course tumblr never shows reblogs in the tags view… and I’d really like as many thoughts as possible!

RSD and the Workplace

Been searching for things to help explain this to my new boss without it sounding like “I am a sensitive little flower please don’t ever criticise me.”

It’s tricky… the last thing I want is for people to withhold professional feedback because that just feeds into the fear that “I’m getting it all wrong but they are too polite to tell me.”

But at the same time I need to explain why sometimes I may overreact… why a minor issue might be the end of the world for a while and why I will fixate heavily on correcting a mistake (or, more frequently obsess an unhealthy amount over perfecting something just in case there is a mistake that I have missed because that would trigger aforementioned end of world).

Anyone else have any experience in this area? I can’t find many resources from an occupational health perspective and I have a meeting with HR soon to discuss putting something in place. The last slide talks about understand and acknowledging but how does the supportive environment look?

My ideas so far

- it’s not that we don’t want feedback! It just needs to be done in a way that doesn’t prompt the SHOCK chemical reaction in my nervous system. Perceived negativity arriving out of the blue is like being jumped out on from the shadows by a knife-wielding maniac in a clown mask. Receiving feedback in a predictable and expected way is more like approaching an angry dog (having put on protective clothing and made a plan for how to deal with each of the two or three things it might do)

- If you want to discuss something with me please explain exactly what it’s about in the request. “Can we chat later?” will result in every moment of the time between the request and the actual chat being consumed by me overanalysing my every action of the last 12 months and not actually doing any work in the interim. If I know what it’s about I won’t be as highly reactive when the revelation comes (and I will be more able to focus on what you are actually saying as my brain won’t still be lingering on ALL the other non-issues I have tormented myself about in the intervening time).

- Maybe a regular catch up time for informal feedback would work? Don’t wait for issues to get bad before raising them?

- Please be aware that my initial defensive response isn’t a rejection of the feedback, or stubbornness. I might splurge a list of reasons you are wrong or I might shut down and need to take a while to process it. Either way I will eventually come around and take the constructive bit on board.

- One of the silliest things about RSD is that even neutral feedback can feel highly negative at times. (Sort of like how we all accept dropping from “Kind regards” to “regards” is the ultimate professional burn, even though the it’s not written “with deep antipathy” it reads it!!) This is particularly the case with emails actually. I’m not saying fill your emails with smiley faces but if requesting a change of task / focus / adjustment to something or just giving the next instruction, it’s worth knowing that slipping in the slightest acknowledgement of previous work being satisfactory, even a complement or a brief “thank you for doing the previous thing, I’ll look at it later” changes the entire tone and tells the primitive brain that “this is a positive interaction, dial down the fight or flight”

- Finally - FOMO is a thing. But the fear is that you are not included because THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU / YOU ARE NOT TRUSTED OR VALUED rather than concern at missing out on a pleasurable thing. An easy way to deal is to check with your staff whether they want copying in on things or not - some may find constant emails about things they don’t need to engage with overwhelming. Others may see other team members being included and worry about why they are not and what should they know and what if they miss something that causes them to make a Mistake later?) This was a big deal for me as old boss was very kindly trying to avoid overloading me but I spent months assuming she valued everyone else’s opinion over mine.

Obviously I need to condense these a little to make them HR friendly. But.. what else? Can tumblr RSDers (or anyone who works with them) chip in any more practical suggestions?

[deiim]

casual rsd experience is a friend saying they don’t want to hang out after 4 straight days of hanging out and that means they hate you so you cry so much you puke and pass out like what the fuck. what is that reaction. who does it benefit. what the fuck is wrong with me

[cakhost]

RSD continues to be the worst thing imaginable. Post now.

[aggressive-positivity-network]

When someone gives the advice of “don’t be afraid to disappoint your parents” they don’t just mean taking music theory in college or starting a YouTube channel.

It also means wearing things they might not approve of. Using accommodations that they might not think you need. Not falling for their guilt trips. Eating when you’re hungry, not when it suits them and their idea of your weight or health. Making your own friends instead of seeking the stamp of approval from them.

Of course, some parents are stricter than others, and some use abuse to keep you from expressing yourself. But do what you can, even if it seems small.

Otherwise, when your parents are no longer in the picture, you’ll try to find it somewhere else to get validation. A strict boss, an abusive partner, a selfish friend.

Going against your parent’s wishes is developmentally healthy. Not doing so stunts your independence and self-regulation. You shouldn’t be living to constantly please others, even the people who love you.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

It is estimated those with ADHD receive 20,000 corrective or negative messages by age 10

Neurodivergent_lou

[theteleportingtransfem]

Reblog if you’re a transfem who is shy and you fear abandonment, even when you know that your friends are amazing and would never leave you.

Or if you like pizza.

[swiftiesbuddie]

STOP

i’m gonna have feelings

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

EDIT

and Eddie’s voice would’ve been the one HURTING him then

i’m gonna kms

[clown-around-and-find-out]

is this a safe space for me to admit that i absolutely hate the term "neurospicy." is it just me or do other neurodivergents agree

[angelsonthesideline]

[twelfth-dykector]

AuDHD decided to be really funny when it made me really annoying (adhd), absolutely terrified of being perceived as annoying (rsd) and having no idea what people find annoying (autism)

[deiim]

rejection sensitivity is so fucking lame. like boo hoo look at me i felt mildly ignored for 30 seconds and already started planning my own funeral liKE BITCH CHILL it was never that serious

[magentasnail]

new creature just dropped: RSD CREATURE I wasn't planning on making more creature art but I am also insane and feral so I had no choice

also transparent version if you'd like:

[cakhost]

Click the "keep reading" if you want the long version on why I deleted several of my discord entries:

What lead me to doing a deletion was one big ball of RSD events that just cascaded into too many feels for me to manage and deleting/purging nearly all my posts minus the ones in https://discord.com/channels/288920509272555520/681637456331669669 seemed like the only way to make the pain finally stop. Getting to my posts around 6/11 quickly made me reconsider my decisions because my autism can't handle itself, which is neat but a bizarre thought to be met with. So that plus me starting to calm down was what eventually allowed me to stop deleting my posts; though not before my brain set a goal of at least getting rid of all of June's posts at the time, which was dumb but it also made my brain happy. Brains are dumb. -n-

And I guess that ball-o-RSD also made me realize that I unfortunately have trauma mixed in when I have RSD! I don't want to go back to when I was in denial of my autism but I kinda wish it will stop with the Everything for a second. >n<

And also made me realize I gave the keys to the LRRord to someone who I'm terrified of and would very, very like to put some distance between myself and them as much as possible. Now the chance of said scary person actually doing anything to me though LRRord is unrealistic, if we ignore how much fear loves to ignore logic for a chance. It does make me uncomfortable if that person is lurking and possibly reading my posts on here, gathering intel to use to try and further manipulate me. Of course, I am aware of them trying to manipulate me now so the chance of them being able to do that is slim. But the damage has been done and I have unintentionally made LRRord unsafe for me a tiny bit. :c

What changes does this mean from me on this? I'm not going to go to a lurker-only. I'm going to respect the mods because hey, I know now that my wall-o-texts can get pretty bad. So if I catch myself doing one, I'll do something similar to this post: make the main of it on my tumblr and then post a link to that tumblr post back to discord, hopefully remembering a brief description on what the tumblr post will be on. I'll get some practice on this with the posts I have deleted because I didn't back up any of those and while I remember some of what I posted, I don't remember everything so maybe something will fall through the cracks.

I will cut back on being personal, mostly stick to video game games maybe touching on different posts as the mood strike me.

For what it is worth, I am sorry for doing the deletion at all. I sort of was getting in my own head on how that might look to outsiders and how that might suck seeing me get rid of what I did. Maybe I really should invest in a burrito blanket so if I do have any more RSD episodes I can just "Go to your burrito" myself and that will stop me from doing this again. I hope.

Thank you for your time! Have a great time and stay safe! Xxx

[desultory-suggestions]

Sending love to those with RSD who struggle with criticism at work/in school. It took me a long time to understand why it felt like a gut punch when my boss told me to tweak a design I made or a professor left critiques (even on an A+ paper.) I automatically felt I had failed if there was something to critique. If I didn't fail everything would be perfect, right? Well no! Everything can be changed or improved. It takes practice to start seeing these critiques as rewards that help make you stronger, but once you do a whole new world of confidence opens up.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

ADHD Signs of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Extremely defensive

mind replays upsetting events

Severely hurt when they feel abandoned

Often has low self esteem and is socially anxious

Never feels like they did a good enough job

Often believes that people are disappointed in them

Positively DBT - BPD, Autism, ADHD Peer Support

[demonlineswhore]

Yeah dopamine highs from infodumping are great but the dopamine crash afterwards and the fear that you were annoying and are a burden is agonising