#anyways I’m feeling like shit today so there you go
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tangerineastronaut · 19 hours ago
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hello can I get ateez members as doms? how they act with there subs in these relationship.
Dom!ATEEZ and Sub!Reader individual dynamics | ot8
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Pairing: ot8 and their Dom!style Genre: ot8 reactions Requested: Yes w.c. 2.5k Warnings: BDSM dynamics, mentions of smut/sex/etc, discussion of punishments, dacryphilia A/N: what even is this I am so sorry this is so bad omg Please remember this is just my take. If you disagree, you're more than welcome to make your own! Don't take it personally 🫶🏽 Requests: Open (link below)
Requests | WIPs Masterlists: BTS | ATEEZ | GOT7 | Stray Kids
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Hongjoong
Be afraid
^ When you’re bad (most of the time, u little shit)
Hard!Dom, strictest of the members
Brat tamer 100000% but doesn't want to be
Genuinely gets angry when you’re a brat, would prefer if you’d just listen to him
Punishments are meant to break you emotionally
Worst of all the members in that regard tbh
Will deny you things rather than physical discipline ~ praise, orgasms, affection
Wants you desperate and needy, it gives him control over you
Can forget to give you praise at times, does not get angry if you ask/remind him
“Ah, sorry. I’ve been busy, baby. Yes, I’m proud of you for going out today, I know you’ve been struggling recently. Did you eat at that cafe you liked? Did you remember to use my card? Why not? That's what it's for, love."
Blows money on you
Cannot stop buying you pretty things, especially clothes
Makes you try on the things he's purchased for you - usually ends with you getting fucked in whatever you had on last
Wants you to wear nice things when you go out to fancy dinners
Not very physically affectionate but will be if you need him to be
Will not punish you for being insecure, just wants to reassure you and make you feel beautiful
Sex is either quick and dirty or long and passionate
Fav positions are standing or missionary with your legs over his shoulders
Shower sex >>>
He's so damn busy there's not much other choice
Looks so fucking hot when he's got you pinned to the tile wall
Biting/marking - he loves to use his teeth on you
Don't you dare bite him back
Likes foreplay but prefers sex, is good at eating you out but would rather use his cock than his tongue
Is good at aftercare, though it's more of a standard, doesn't like pillow talk unless you need it
Will still make sure you're safe/comfy/loved and will do anything for you
Is rough, but can turn it off when he knows you need a softer side.
Seonghwa
Soft!dom
Gentle until he isn't
Strict, but not the strictest
Does not enjoy punishments as much as the others, but still wants to make sure you know your place
Does not understand the concept of being a brat, you're so good for him
"What do you mean no? Like no...what? I just asked you to come here, silly."
Rarely has to punish you anyway, he doesn’t have many rules
You break the rules on purpose sometimes
He’ll punish you harder if he thinks that’s the case vs you accidentally breaking a rule
Very snuggly
Will want you to just sit with him while he works with his legos
Loves to be held by you
Asks you for compliments
“Do you like this color on me?”
Will not scold you in public
Expect gentle touches and verbal correction
Hates seeing you cry, even if it's from an intense orgasm
Obsessed with aftercare
Will shower you with praise and tell you how well you did
"I'm sorry baby, I was rough today. Took me so well though, so pretty. Love it when you get on your back for me. Want me to wash your hair?"
Likes taking care of you in general, will mother you like his members (but worse)
"Why didn't you eat today?! C'mon, let's go to that noodle shop you like."
Sex is not super kinky but is almost always emotional
Pretty straightforward, wants you both to feel good and snuggle after
Likes getting head and giving head, but prefers sex over foreplay
Fav positions are spooning and intimate spaces like in a comfy chair with you in his lap
Soft kisses + him stroking your hair + thanking you for always being his good girl
Yunho
Cocky and playful
Neither soft nor hard, just likes to keep you guessing
Is silly unless he's in a bad mood
Likes to make you sit in his lap while he games
You like it too, he knows it
Will get pouty if you don't praise his efforts
Don't tease him while he plays
Fr don't
If you value your cervix, you will not tease this man when he's not in the mood for sex
"What's wrong, baby? You were whining for my attention, now you're whining that it doesn't fit? That's a fucking lie."
Size kink
Likes feeling bigger/taller/stronger than you
Expect to be teased over this, even if you're not that short
Loves taking selfies with you
A big puppy
Can be a big scary puppy
Doesn't scold you in public
Likes it when you know you're in trouble
Sweetheart but will do a 180
When he's stressed or in a bad mood he can be too rough
Sometimes it's hard to tell when it's okay to be silly and not
He will let you know
Breeding kink at its finest
Size kink + breeding kink = RIP ur ability to walk
"I know it's deep baby, shh...almost there..."
Likes making you beg
Loves to degrade you and then praise you in the same breath
Talks you through it
Very sweet, silly aftercare
Sex is not complete until you're a giggling, sleepy mess in his arms
Fav position is anything where he can manhandle you beneath him
Yeosang
Quiet dom
But not soft
Very strict but is not loud about it
Perfect brat tamer, but isn't one (you can't rile him up—most intuitive of the members and rarely rises to the occasion)
Most of his dominant side is only seen when you're alone
Does not scold you in public
Expects you to follow the rules and does not remind you
Goes straight to punishment
You cannot catch him off guard
Knows your moods before you do
Terrifyingly calm
"Is that how we're acting today? Okay."
Likes to edge you
Loves when you orgasm as soon as his cock goes in due to overstimulation
^ will continue fucking you anyway
Thinks you're prettiest when you're crying
"That good, huh? You're blushing baby...such pretty tears."
Fucks you sitting up, likes it when you cling to him and wants to feel your tears on his shoulders
Eye contact >>>
So fucking calm it's scary, truly
Like imagine you've fucked up in public and you know it, this mf just gives you the gentlest of smiles
He likes you anxious
Sex is deceptively rough
You would not expect it but he likes it to hurt
He wants you to fight back
That grip strength is not to be taken lightly
Fav position is missionary or in a car with you in his lap
Aftercare is pretty strict, he has a routine
Bathroom, water, bed, letting him hold you
Prioritizes you afterwards since he knows he can be rough
Wants you to tell him about your day as though he didn't just rail you into next tuesday
San
Very traditional dom vibes
Does not hold back on punishments like hwa
Expect an equal amount of praise and correction, heavily values both
Big on body worship, either you on him or vice versa
Will want you to kiss his chest and shoulders and remind him how safe he makes you feel
Protective, but not possessive
Best dom for daddy issues
Will tell you he's proud of you but fuck you into the mattress a few minutes later
^ while still telling you he's proud of you
Most fair punishments, typically physical but not cruel
Spankings, being made to take it on the floor, being tied down, etc etc
Loooooves tying you up
Huge on boundaries and safewords
All the members are but San prefers constant check ins
"How are we, baby? Can you still take it? Use your words, pretty girl."
Sex lasts a loooooong time from foreplay to aftercare
Like, expect to spend an entire evening in the bedroom
Only because he loves to warm you up beforehand with a few orgasms
Loves it when you orgasm
Edging is not necessary, he wants you to have as many as possible until you're overstimulated
Follows your lead during aftercare, whatever you need
"Did so good for me. What do you need from me, baby? A massage? I can do that. Love you so much. Did so well tonight."
Will let you sit in his lap while he works
Likes it when you tease him, but won't punish you right away
Makes you wait for it
"Hi baby. Remember what you did earlier? Let's figure out how to make you say sorry without words."
Fav positions are you in his lap or lying on the counter/table
Mingi
BRAT TAMER
and loves it
Will encourage you to act out just so he can punish you
Literally begging for a reason
"Please baby. Tell me no one more fucking time. The kitchen table is right there and I'm hard as fuck."
Mean and you love it
Is going to bend you over any surface when you give him the slightest inclination that you're about to act up
Effortlessly attractive, actually unfair
Genuinely does not know how wet you are simply because he's pinning you down
Lives for his own pleasure and you're along for the ride
DO NOT think he doesn't care about you getting off tho—
—and do not let that man's mouth near your pussy if you know what's good for your health
Addicted to eating you out
Mingi demands few things of you as his sub, but allowing him to ravish your pussy is a requirement
You WILL sit on his face and you WILL cry and he WILL hold your hips so you can't squirm away while he sucks your clit and makes you cum for the third time
Uses it as both a reward and punishment
That overstimulation will have you in tears
He does not care
Sex lasts a little longer than average simply because you have to pry him off of you
Impatient when it comes to you and your attitude
Punishment is always physical
Loves to spank you for misbehaving
Not the kinkiest but probably the most hypersexual of the members
LOUD sex
Aftercare is not really organized but still very involved. Expect kisses, a very clingy man, and cuddling
Loves you with your clothes on too
Can forget to give you praise, but shows you he's proud in his own ways
"You made this? Holy shit, it's amazing. My baby can cook??"
Kissing the top of your head, just because he can >>>>
Does not scold you in public—probably has not realized you've done something that warrants scolding
Is possessive and VERY jealous
Like Hongjoong, he knows when to turn it off if you need him to be gentle with you
Wooyoung
A fucking? brat dom?
Will ignore you for attention
You can't outbrat the brat
Big on silent treatment as long as he thinks you can emotionally handle it
Very touchy feely, likes grabbing you and holding you against him
Has a range of looks to give you to tell you when you've fucked up
Hates when other men stare at you, will absolutely stare back
Loves PDA the most out of the members
Does not care if you're in public, will scold you when needed
Will also tease you just to see you squirm
Is not above things like vibrating panties when you've been acting up
Loves to use his hands during punishment or praise
Expect handprints on your ass
May as well get them tattooed on there tbh
Whiny when he wants your attention
Can sometimes be too much
"Are you okay? Was that too hard?"
Likes to make you cry
Enjoys pissing you off since you can't do anything about it
Imagine getting fucked daily by your biggest opp
"Aww, are you mad? Huh? I can tell. Cry me a river while you take this cock, baby."
a menace, tbh
Sex is kinky af
DIRTY TALK mf won't shut up as it is and rambles when he's inside you
"Take it, baby. That's it, just like that. So fucking pretty. You just open those legs when I come near, huh? An obedient little slut when she expects cock."
Not super long sex but can happen multiple times a day
Possessive and jealous
Takes lots of pictures of you
^ Doing anything
"Hold still, I'm taking a pic. Can you tilt your head? Your toothbrush is in the way."
Aftercare is forehead kisses and praise, whining when you have to get up.
Big heart, loves giving you compliments and seeing you shine
Is infinitely proud of you and will not stop telling you so
Likes to do domestic things with you like cooking
Takes you on cute little dates rather than big fancy dinners
Do NOT let him hear you talking bad about yourself
Jongho
Loves being a dom the most
Similar to San, very straightforward, traditional dom
Unlike San, has a cruel streak
Basically a combination of Hongjoong and San
He feels the best when he spoils you
Wants you to buy anything you want
Obsessed with you fr
Wants to make love to you any time he can
Will pin you down but...romantically??
Master of seduction, likes you warm and ready for him
Takes you to fancy dinners and then fucks you in the car on the way home
Loves having his cock worshipped by you
Can eat pussy but prefers seeing your lips wrapped around him
Calls you good girl more than anything
"Did you take your medicine this morning? Good girl."
Isn't jealous at all
Doesn't have to be, he knows you're his
When he catches other men staring at you he feels proud like "yeah, she's mine."
Extremely physically affectionate but only in private
Gentlemanly in public, his hand is usually at the small of your back
In private he just wants to hold you
Loves picking you up
Will pet your hair and pull you in for kisses while he asks about your day
Loves your hair btw
Like, wrapped around his insane grip while he fucks you from behind
Dirty talk
"That's it, baby. Look so pretty like this. You've been wet all day, huh? Just waiting for me to get home and make it better? How many times did you touch that pussy thinking of me?"
Not super kinky, but sex is still intense
Does like to blindfold you occasionally
Likes it when he comes home from work to find you naked in bed, where you're supposed to be
"Is this for me?" he'll ask, sliding his hand over your bare ass.
Doesn't even get fully undressed before he's inside you, he's only impatient when it comes to you
Breeding kink but AUTHENTIC. Like, wants you pregnant (only when you're ready) will probably find you absolutely irresistible when pregnant
Aftercare is whatever you need but will always include water and cuddles
Very protective of you, scolds you for being clueless at times
"Why the hell did you take an uber? You should've just called me. Who knows what kind of people are out there!"
Will get angry with you but you're literally the gem of his life, he treasures you more than anything
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fanbasetwo · 1 day ago
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Ꮺ . , THROUGH UPS & DOWNS , L.CY !
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PAIRING: bf ! anton × gf ! afab reader. SYNOPSIS: you always managed to pull yourself up out of breakdowns or sadder parts of life but you never once imagined someone creating a fuss to take care of you through your downs. [REQUESTED] . . . . . . GENRE: #comfort core, fic. WORD COUNT: 1k [LIBRARY]
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You and Anton have been together for years, long enough to trust him with everything—well, almost everything. Moving in together felt right at the time, but lately, you’ve been questioning whether that was a mistake. Some days are good, some are bad, but the worst ones? The ones like today? Those are the hardest because you don’t even have the energy to pretend you’re okay.
Maybe it’s the fact that no matter how many job applications you send, no one seems to want you. Maybe it’s that sinking feeling that you’re not just struggling—you’re a burden. No, scratch that. You are a burden. Full stop.
Still, you push yourself to keep going. Just one foot in front of the other. You grip the door handle, take a shaky breath, and step inside.
Anton is there, standing in the middle of the living room like he’s been waiting for you. His face lights up when he sees you, but that stupidly proud smile of his only makes everything worse. How the hell can he still look at you like that when you’re contributing nothing?
“Hey…” His voice is soft, but his brows pinch together in concern. “You look—uh, kind of out of it. You okay?”
And that’s it. That’s the last fucking straw.
Your bag slips from your fingers, hitting the floor with a dull thud as you practically throw yourself at him. Your arms wrap around his torso, your face burying into his chest as the sobs hit you full force. Ugly, shaking, can’t-breathe kind of crying.
Anton doesn’t even flinch. No awkward hesitation, no stiff pat on the back like he’s comforting a coworker or some shit. His arms immediately close around you, holding you tight like he’s physically trying to keep you from falling apart.
“Hey, hey… Shh, I got you,” he soothes, rubbing slow circles into your back. “It’s okay. I’m here. Everything’s gonna be okay.”
You want to believe him. You really do. But all you can focus on is how your breathing is coming in short, shaky bursts, how your fingers are gripping his shirt like he’s the only thing keeping you tethered to the ground.
What fcks you up the most, though? The fact that he doesn’t care. Not in a bad way, but in a way that makes your chest ache. You’re standing here, falling apart—messy, broken, so not okay—and yet, he’s holding you like you’re still worth something. Like he’d do this a thousand times over if it meant you didn’t have to go through it alone.
And maybe… just maybe… that’s enough for now.
“C’mere, let’s sit and talk, yeah? Nothing’s wrong, especially when I’m here.”
Anton doesn’t wait for you to agree—he just scoops you up like you weigh nothing, and you cling to him like a damn koala, arms wrapped tight around his shoulders. He settles onto the couch, pulling you onto his lap, but before you can bury yourself back into his chest, he gently tilts your face up, wiping away your tears with his thumb. Not that it does much, since they just keep coming.
You sniffle, taking a shaky breath. “I can’t find a job… And I don’t want to stay financially dependent on you. I don’t want to be a burden. Everybody’s so mean. Jiah won’t even talk to me anymore because she thinks it’s embarrassing to be seen with me.” Your voice cracks, but you force the words out anyway. “Are you… Are you embarrassed of me too?”
For a moment, he just looks at you, his hands steady on your waist, his eyes soft but serious. And then, instead of answering, he leans in and kisses you. Slow, deep, like he’s trying to get you to shut up in the most effective way possible. His lips move against yours in a way that makes your heart stumble in your chest, and when he finally pulls back, you’re breathless and blinking at him like an idiot.
Anton smirks a little, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “First of all,” he starts, his voice firm but warm, “just because you aren’t getting a job right now doesn’t mean you’re dumb. It just means there aren’t enough of them. That’s not your fault. Second, you are not a burden to me. But since I know how much this is bothering you, why don’t you look for something temporary? Editing, content writing—there are tons of online jobs that could work until you figure out what you really want to do.”
He pauses, letting that sink in before he continues. “And Jiah? That’s her problem, not yours. She should be embarrassed of herself for acting like that. I’m just proud that my baby spoke up about it.”
It’s a lot. A mix of advice, comfort, and pure tonie logic, but somehow, it actually helps. You feel… lighter. Like maybe the weight on your chest isn’t crushing you as much.
And just when you think you couldn’t feel more relieved, he adds, “Besides, I’m gonna marry you anyway, whether you’re ‘successful’ or not, no matter what other people think.”
You blink at him. “Wait, what?”
Anton just grins, pressing a kiss to the top of your head like he didn’t just casually say something that could actually give you a mini heart attack. “You heard me.”
Your heart is a mess—pounding, fluttering, tripping over itself—but his hands are steady as he cups your face, wiping away the lingering tears with his thumbs. His touch is so gentle, it makes your chest ache in a different way.
“Does it feel better now?” he murmurs. “Now you know… sharing is way better than keeping it all bottled up?”
You sigh, letting your head rest against his chest, listening to the steady, calming rhythm of his heartbeat. “Yeah,” you admit, voice quiet but honest. “I think… I think I’ll share every time I feel sad from now on.”
Anton hums, pressing another kiss to your forehead. “You better,” he mutters. “Because I’ll always be here for my pretty girl.”
He tightens his arms around you, rocking you gently like it’s the easiest thing in the world to hold you together when you feel like falling apart. And for the first time in a while, you actually believe it.
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join my taglist by sending an ask or commenting here <3
SENA’S NOTE : this is the second and third idea mixed together and might not have been a perfect execution of the request.. but I believe it's still better than posting nothing.. so thank you for requesting. ;0;
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© 2025 all rights reserved to fanbasetwo !
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bewaryofpity · 3 days ago
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⋆ ♡ ˚⟡˖ ࣪  VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL !
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deadline: february 13th, 11pm GMT (6pm EST)
i’ve decided to host a small event to celebrate valentine’s day with our favorite nhl players ! i’ve never done one of these before so i decided to start small with just two prompt lists, fluff and smut.
players i will write for: nico hischier, quinn hughes, jack hughes, luke hughes
to request: just send in number, smut or fluff, and your nhler of choice !
i.e: “can i request fluff #14 with luke hughes please?”
easy as that !! remember to please be polite and kind !
you may request on anon or not, it’s up to you !
please don’t combine more than one prompt
i will not accept any requests for the event sent after feb 13th, 11PM GMT
anyways, prompts are after the cut !!
FLUFF PROMPTS
“I think I might need some snuggle time.”
“We should just stay in bed today.”
“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this.”
“I’m gonna kiss it all better.”
“I thought you said you wanted to help me with dinner.”
“How about a kiss before I go?”
“Your heart is beating so fast right now.”
“Let me kiss it better.”
“You're in love with me?!” “You just found out?”
“Sorry I kissed you, that was stupid. Let’s just forget about it.”
“So… is this, like a thing now?”
“If you asked me to marry you tomorrow, I’d say yes.” “What about today?”
“Is that my shirt?”
“Oh you’re jealous!”
“You're cute. And a bit blurry. But definitely always so cute.”
“Move in with me.”
“You just have this glow about you.”
“I do love you, you know. Even if I'm shit at showing it.”
“I think my family/friends really liked you. Maybe more than they like me.”
“I would marry you again in a heartbeat.”
SMUT PROMPTS
“Look at me. I want you to watch you come on my fingers/cock.”
“I bet they can’t fuck you like I can.”
“That’s it, fuck, that’s a good girl/boy.”
“You’re mine.”
“Is this ok?” As they stare up at you from in between your legs.
“Please mark me, I want everyone to know I’m yours.”
“I’m yours. Only yours.”
“Don’t mind me. Just enjoying the view.”
“This is a one time thing.”
“Show me how much you missed me.”
“Let me come in you, please. I want to fill you up.”
“Missed my touch that much, did you?”
“Someone's needy.”
“You taste like heaven.”
“I need to come. Please, I'll do anything.”
“It's my thigh or nothing. I'm not helping you get off. “
“Keep the noise down, baby. You're too loud.”
“Feel this? It's just for you.”
“Who would have thought that this is something that you’re into?”
“No underwear?”
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thank you for participating 🤍 !
- bewaryofpity
prompts were taken from: 一、二、三、四、五、六、七、八
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bunnysdollette · 22 hours ago
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₊⊹⁀➴ How to get your shit together in a slump: BD’s instant guide to feeling 100% again! ⟡﹒⪩⪨ 🫧🌸🧁
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⋆˚。⋆୨୧ Hi angels :) Thank you so much for the positive reception on my last posts. Anyway, I’ve been super down lately so I’d thought I’d create this post as a bit of a reference point for anyone who feels like their life is going off of the rails these days. This is how I get myself out of a slump. 💬
♫ todays song is…some by SOYOU
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ GET OFF THAT DAMN PHONE.. 📝 ⊹₊⟡⋆
wait! I was just joking. don’t close your phone until you finish reading (haha). anyway, take a look at your screentime for me. you might have been scrolling for hours or trying to distract yourself from how horrible you felt by doomscrolling endlessly…no. we can’t do that.
usually when I’m in a slump I feel damp, it’s not just about laziness. this could also be the result of exhaustion or a number of factors. dampness is an evil condition in chinese medicine where you feel heavy, tired, and dead. scrolling will only make this worse because you’re prolonging the pain. the first thing you should do is get up, stretch, breathe, and maybe crack a window. the airflow will make a big difference, I promise. 🌿
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ CLEAN UP GUIDE. 🌸 ⊹₊⟡⋆
when my room is a mess my state of mind is a mess. I can’t do anything, I’m literally loosing my marbles bc all I can see is a messy space. if your brain is in shambles rn, the smallest amount of organization you can do right now is tidy up your room a little bit.
this doesn’t even have to be a big clean, but small steps make a big impact!… remember your space is sacred. 🧘🏾‍♀️
make the bed. doesn’t have to be fancy, just make sure everything is where it needs to be.
wipe down surfaces like desks, mirrors, and vanities. you can even include a scented spray whilst doing this to make your space smell much cleaner and nicer!! I literally cannot function when my room smells like asscheeks.
remove any old cups, or food waste that you were procrastinating from doing so. don’t want to attract any bugs.
Sweep the floor. You probably don’t notice how many crumbs are on the ground, but please just do it.
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˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ RECHARGE YOUR “STATS”. 🛁 ⊹₊⟡⋆
honestly the best way to get out of a slump is self care. neglecting your needs and body can often lead to things going downhill, depressive episodes, etc. We all forget to take care of ourselves properly sometimes, but it’s important to pay attention to our needs and personal wellness.
Ask yourself.
“Did I shower today?” ➜ Take yourself a nice, warm shower and stay in as long as you want.
Take some time to reflect on your day or anything that’s been on your mind. And be sure to wash up well, so you can feel really nice after and tap into your feminine energy. You can even add bath salts, milk, or bubble bath. It will literally make you feel like a princess. . . 👑
“Did I eat/drink today?” ➜ Go eat something.
I prefer light meals or snacks that are cold like fruit, water, or a juice when I’m feeling dead but you can also eat whatever you want. Just think about what will make you feel good and reduce the dampness as much as possible, and will prevent brain fog. Heavier meals aren’t the best for that though.
I bet you feel better already after doing these things! Remember that taking care of yourself is the most important and you are a priority.
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ REFLECTING AND MAKING A GAME PLAN 🧁 ⊹₊⟡⋆
Lastly after you feel a little bit better now and you took care of yourself, I would really suggest reflecting either through journaling or shadow work questions. They’re the easiest way to just brain dump all of the crap you’ve been thinking about lately and get it out of your system in a healthy and helpful way.
You can write about things like “how have I been feeling lately?” “What’s one way I can improve in xyz” and so on. This is a mundane activity you can do at the end to organize your thoughts. Mental health is a huge thing after your physical health, as it literally not only affects your world but the world around us. Especially if you are trying to achieve your dream life/dream self, manifest anything, etc. you will need to take care of your mental health to not be consumed by your emotions and keep your mind in check.
Also something that is crucial is practicing gratitude and mentally grounding yourself. You can list things your grateful for, mediate, or exercise. Anything to get yourself into that mindset you need going forward. I personally love to listen to the wizard liz’s podcast in times like these, it’s a great motivation for me.
Remember that slumps, dampness, depressive episodes, all of it, is normal. We are just humans at the end of the day. Be a little nicer to yourself today and take some small active steps towards your goals. ✨🫶🏽
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✧ thanks for reading beautiful !! ; so basically I’m thinking of maybe making a community here on tumblr for the girl bloggers that share dream girl content and stuff like that? idk let me know what u think. inbox is always open, stay hydrated and cute, buh bye 👋🏾
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tojisprettylittlething · 3 days ago
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Chapter Twenty Six: Jealousy is a Sharp Blade
Pairing: Assassin!Toji Fushiguro x Assassin!Reader
Warnings: Jealousy, possessiveness, tension, flirting, threats, and a whole lot of mutual territorial behavior.
Masterlist
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
You were expecting the neighbors.
So when you swung the door open, casually prepared to feign interest in whatever small talk they had in store, the last thing you anticipated was a man in a mask.
Black suit, gloves, silent as the night itself.
The air shifted instantly, your muscles tensing as the figure extended a single, pristine white envelope toward you.
Not a word.
Not a single breath of explanation.
Just an offering.
Your fingers hesitated before plucking it from his grasp.
By the time you glanced up, he was already walking away, disappearing down the dimly lit street without a sound.
You stepped back inside, shutting the door behind you, turning the envelope over in your fingers, feeling the thick weight of whatever message had just been delivered.
Toji was in the kitchen, cracking open a bottle of beer when you walked in, tossing the envelope onto the counter.
"That’s never a good sign." He eyed it, then you. "Who the fuck left that?"
"Some guy. Didn’t say a word. Just handed it to me and left."
Toji’s face darkened. He set his beer down with a soft clink before plucking up the envelope, ripping it open without a second thought.
Inside, there was nothing but an invitation.
Elegant, expensive cardstock, deep crimson wax seal pressing down a golden emblem.
A masquerade ball.
Hosted by a faction that—for once—wasn't actively trying to kill either of you.
Toji clicked his tongue. "Tch. Waste of time."
You arched a brow. "You scared, old man?"
His green eyes flicked to yours, unimpressed. "I just don’t see the point in putting on a fuckin’ mask when I can kill the same people without the theatrics."
"Well," you mused, plucking the invitation from his grip, "I think it sounds fun. Besides, when’s the last time we went out together? Properly?"
Toji scoffed. "Last week. We shot two guys and went to that ramen place after."
"That’s not a date, Toji."
"Was for me."
You rolled your eyes. "We’re going."
"And what if I say no?"
You smirked, tilting your head. "Then I’m going without you."
His jaw flexed. That possessive glint darkened in his gaze before he exhaled sharply through his nose.
"Fine."
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Of all the things you thought you’d be doing today, dragging Toji through an upscale boutique definitely wasn’t on the list.
"The hell is this?" he grumbled, lifting a black velvet blazer as if it physically offended him.
"It’s called fashion, baby," you teased, flicking through racks of gowns. "Try it sometime."
He scowled. "Gonna be covered in blood by the end of the night anyway."
"Then at least bleed in style."
You could hear him muttering under his breath, but he still begrudgingly tried on the clothes you shoved into his arms.
You, on the other hand, had a more important mission—finding the perfect dress.
And oh, did you find one.
Deep, decadent black, smooth satin that cascaded over your curves, a slit up the thigh that was just the right amount of dangerous. It clung to you like it was made for you, and when you stepped out of the dressing room, Toji—who had been waiting by the counter, dressed in his tailored black suit—went still.
His gaze raked over you, dark, heavy.
"Shit." His voice was low. "You look like trouble."
You smirked. "You like it?"
Toji didn’t answer at first. He just stepped forward, fingers hooking around your waist, dragging you closer.
"Yeah," he murmured against your ear. "Too much."
Your lips curled. "Good."
The masks were the last touch.
Toji picked a sleek, black one with sharp angles, something that made him look even more dangerous than he already did.
Yours was more intricate—lace patterns, delicate silver filigree that glowed against your skin.
You caught him staring as you adjusted it in the mirror.
"You keep lookin’ at me like that, we’re not making it to the party."
His fingers flexed at his sides.
"Then hurry the fuck up before I change my mind."
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
The ballroom was a symphony of decadence.
Gold-trimmed chandeliers dripped from the ceiling, casting flickering shadows across the sea of masked figures dressed in the kind o88f wealth that could buy lives—or end them.
You felt the weight of their gazes the second you stepped inside. Some were wary. Some were intrigued. But all of them knew one thing.
You and Toji weren’t the kind of people you invited unless you had a death wish.
Toji had one hand in his pocket, the other resting loosely at your lower back. His mask obscured most of his face, but the glint in his sharp green eyes told you everything you needed to know.
He was watching. Calculating. Deciding which one of these rich bastards would be the first to piss him off.
"Relax," you murmured, taking a champagne flute from a passing server. "Try to have a little fun."
"I don’t do fun."
"You did fun in the dressing room before we got here."
His lip twitched. "That wasn’t fun. That was me keeping you from being a menace to society."
"Uh-huh." You took a slow sip, glancing around the room. "So, who’s the host of this little circus?"
"Satoru Gojo."
The name alone was enough to make your lips curl.
"The Gojo? The untouchable one?"
"Tch. He ain't that untouchable."
You arched a brow. "You sure? I’ve heard stories. They say he can see through anything, read people like a book. That he's got no weaknesses."
"Then he ain't met you yet."
You laughed softly, swirling the champagne in your glass. "You flatter me, Mr. Fushiguro."
Toji smirked, leaning in slightly, voice dropping to that dangerous, hushed tone. "I’m just stating facts, Mrs. Fushiguro."
The title sent a shiver down your spine. You would never get used to that.
And then—
"Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to show up."
The voice was smooth, cocky, full of amusement.
You turned just as a tall figure emerged from the crowd—white hair, blue eyes that practically glowed beneath the low light.
Satoru Gojo.
The infamous, the arrogant, the annoyingly charming.
And the second he got close, his gaze raked over you like he was committing every detail to memory.
"Damn." He whistled, grinning. "You didn’t tell me your wife was this stunning, Fushiguro."
Toji's hand flexed at your back.
"Didn’t think it was any of your business, Gojo."
"Oh, but it is." Gojo’s grin widened. "You see, when a woman this beautiful walks into my event, I think it’s only fair I get to admire her a little."
Toji’s entire body tensed.
And you? You just smirked.
"Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Gojo."
Toji’s fingers dug into your hip.
"But," you continued, tilting your head. "I have to wonder...are you admiring me, or are you trying to piss off my husband?"
Gojo’s eyes flicked to Toji, and the air between them shifted—like two predators sizing each other up.
"Can’t it be both?" Gojo mused.
Toji rolled his shoulders. "You got about three seconds to find someone else to piss off before I take that mask and shove it so far up your ass, you’ll be coughing lace for a week."
Gojo chuckled, lifting his hands in surrender. "Relax, Fushiguro. I’m just having a little fun."
"You won’t be laughing when your teeth are scattered across the floor, Satoru."
The tension was palpable now, the kind that made the surrounding guests take a step back, sensing the storm brewing.
You just sighed, reaching up to adjust Toji’s mask slightly.
"Toji, darling," you said sweetly, "no murder before dessert, remember?"
Toji grunted.
Gojo smirked, tipping his head toward you. "Smart woman."
"I try." You turned to Toji, brushing your fingers against his jaw. "Come on. Let’s go dance before you break something."
Toji exhaled sharply, glaring at Gojo for a moment longer before letting you pull him away.
But the moment you turned, Gojo leaned in slightly, voice just low enough for Toji to hear—
"You better hold onto her tight, Fushiguro. Women like that don’t stay with men like you forever."
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
The dance floor was bathed in golden light, couples moving in slow, practiced steps to the melody of a live orchestra.
Toji didn’t dance.
He killed people.
But tonight, with your body pressed against his, he made an exception.
"You’re tense," you murmured, fingers trailing up his neck.
"He pissed me off."
"I noticed."
His hand at your waist tightened. "Think he’s cute, do ya?"
You smiled against his jaw. "I think he’s an idiot."
"Damn right."
You chuckled, tilting your head. "You jealous?"
Toji scoffed. "Please. Like I got any reason to be."
You leaned in, lips brushing against the shell of his ear. "Then why are you holding me so tight?"
He exhaled sharply. "Because I can."
You grinned. "Mm. That’s what I thought."
Toji’s fingers slid lower, pressing into the curve of your spine, keeping you flush against him as he led you effortlessly across the floor.
"I could fuck you right here," he murmured. "Make Gojo regret ever lookin’ at you."
Heat curled in your stomach.
"Tempting," you whispered. "But let’s not give the old-money bastards a heart attack just yet."
Toji smirked. "Later, then."
"Later," you promised.
And in that moment, with the world watching, the two of you moved like shadows in the candlelight.
Dangerous.
Unstoppable.
And completely, utterly untouchable.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Gojo approached just as the song was ending, his signature cocky grin plastered on his face. He clapped Toji on the shoulder, way too familiar for someone who was actively trying to piss him off.
"Mind if I steal your wife for a dance?" Gojo asked, eyes flicking toward you.
Toji’s jaw tensed. "Yeah, actually, I do."
Gojo chuckled. "Come on, Fushiguro, don't be like that. It's just a dance."
Toji didn’t move.
You glanced between the two, then let out a slow breath. "Fine."
Toji’s fingers tightened around your waist before he finally let go. "Watch yourself, Gojo."
Gojo just winked before offering you his hand. You took it, allowing him to lead you a few steps away onto the dance floor.
"You really like pissing him off, don’t you?" you murmured as he placed a light hand at your back, the other loosely holding yours.
"Comes naturally," he replied with a smirk. "But don’t worry, sweetheart. I’m here for business, not just to rile up your husband."
"Could’ve fooled me."
Gojo twirled you smoothly before pulling you back in. "I have a proposition for you both."
"Oh?"
"You’re aware of the bounty on your heads, right?"
Your body tensed slightly. "Hard to miss."
Gojo tilted his head. "I could make that disappear."
You narrowed your eyes. "And why would you do that?"
"Because I could use people like you." His voice dropped slightly, no longer playful but calculated. "I have resources, connections, and money. A lot of money. You and Toji? You’re good. Very good. But right now, you’re being hunted. That kind of lifestyle catches up to you fast."
You didn’t respond, letting the words settle.
"So here’s the deal," he continued. "You work for me, and in return, I make sure no one touches you. No more running, no more watching your backs every second of the day. Just a simple exchange of skills for security."
You exhaled slowly. "And what kind of work would we be doing?"
Gojo’s lips twitched. "The kind you’re best at."
"Assassinations."
"Bingo."
You glanced over Gojo’s shoulder, catching sight of Toji across the room, leaning against the bar with a whiskey in hand, watching the two of you like a predator waiting to strike.
"And what if we say no?" you asked.
Gojo hummed. "Then I suppose you keep running until someone finally catches up to you." He leaned in slightly. "And let’s be real, sweetheart, even someone as good as you can’t outrun death forever."
You held his gaze for a long moment. "I’ll talk to Toji."
"Good girl," he murmured, spinning you one last time before the song ended.
When he let you go, you turned on your heel and walked straight toward Toji, ignoring the way Gojo’s eyes followed you.
Toji was already standing by the time you reached him, placing his glass on the bar.
"What did he want?"
You sighed. "An offer."
Toji scoffed. "Bet I ain’t gonna like it."
"Probably not," you admitted. "But we should at least hear him out."
Toji exhaled, jaw clenched, then turned his gaze toward Gojo, who was already watching with that same knowing smirk.
Toji rolled his shoulders. "Fine."
But something in his expression told you that whatever happened next, Gojo wasn’t going to get the last laugh.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Gojo’s office was bigger than expected—modern, sleek, with floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the city skyline. He leaned back in his chair, feet casually kicked up onto his desk, like a man who had never once worried about being killed in his life.
Toji, on the other hand, looked two seconds away from putting a bullet between Gojo’s stupidly blue eyes. His jaw was tight, arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the wall, silent.
You sat across from Gojo, exhaling slowly. "So, let’s be clear. You’ll wipe the bounty clean?"
Gojo nodded. "No one would dare touch you if you work for me. You two are good, but you don’t have an army at your disposal. I do."
Toji let out a sharp breath. "Tch. You think I’m gonna be your damn lapdog?"
Gojo smirked. "No, I think you’ll be an asset. But hey, if you’d rather keep running, that’s your choice."
You turned to Toji. "Toji, this is our chance. No more looking over our shoulders every second of the day. No more cheap motel rooms, no more worrying if the next knock on the door is a bullet with our name on it."
Toji clenched his fists. "You don’t think I know that?" His voice was low, dangerous. "But I ain’t about to put our lives in Gojo’s hands. The second we’re not useful, we’re dead."
You exhaled sharply. "And if we don’t take the offer, we’re dead anyway. The bounty doesn’t disappear unless we do."
Toji’s eyes burned into you. "So what? You wanna be his dog? Jump when he says jump? Kill whoever he points at?"
You stood, the chair scraping against the floor. "I wanna live, Toji. I’m fucking tired. Aren’t you?"
His jaw flexed. His breathing was slow, measured, like he was trying to rein himself in.
Gojo hummed. "Lovers’ quarrel? Should I step out?"
Toji shot him a glare so sharp it could kill. "Shut the fuck up, Gojo."
Gojo only grinned, entirely unbothered.
You turned back to Toji. "I don’t want to keep running. I don’t want to wake up every day wondering if it’s my last."
Toji ran a hand down his face. "Fuck, woman…" He turned away for a second, shaking his head. "You trust him?"
"No," you admitted. "But I trust that he values talent. We’re worth more alive than dead."
Toji was silent for a long moment. Then, finally, he exhaled, running a hand through his hair before looking at Gojo.
"You fuck us over, I’ll kill you myself."
Gojo chuckled. "Noted."
Gojo slid a thick envelope across the desk, the weight of it ominous. "Standard contract. Nothing too crazy. You work for me, I wipe the bounty, and in return, you get all the resources you need to stop running and start living."
You opened it, scanning the contents. The words blurred together, exhaustion pressing at the edges of your vision, but the meaning was clear: loyalty in exchange for protection. It was a deal with the devil, but at least this devil had an army.
You grabbed the pen, flipping to the last page without hesitation.
"Wait—"
Too late. You signed your name in smooth, steady strokes.
Toji let out a sharp breath, then snatched the pen from your fingers before you could set it down.
You frowned, yanking your hand back. "The hell is your problem?"
Toji didn’t answer. His jaw was tight, his shoulders tense as he signed his own name beside yours, pressing the pen into the paper with more force than necessary. When he finished, he practically threw the pen onto Gojo’s desk and pushed himself up from the chair.
You exhaled through your nose. Oh, so he was still mad.
Gojo, as always, looked amused. "A pleasure doing business."
Neither of you responded. You stood, following Toji out of the office and down the hall in tense silence.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
The drive home was worse.
Toji’s grip on the wheel was borderline aggressive, his knuckles white. His jaw was clenched so tightly you were surprised his teeth hadn’t cracked.
You watched him out of the corner of your eye before finally breaking the silence. "You gonna be pissed the whole way home?"
No answer.
You sighed, shifting in your seat. "Toji, talk to me."
Nothing.
You dragged a hand down your face, frustration creeping into your voice. "I swear to god, if you’re gonna sit here and sulk—"
"I’m not sulking," he snapped.
You scoffed. "Oh? So what do you call this then?"
His hands flexed around the steering wheel. "I call it not fucking pretending like we didn’t just sign our lives away."
You rolled your eyes. "Right. Because running forever was the better plan."
His voice sharpened. "It was better than being owned by Gojo."
"We’re not owned—"
"Aren’t we?" He let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "Fuck, woman, you really don’t get it, do you?"
Your temper flared. "No, Toji. I get it. I just don’t want to fucking die."
His fingers tightened around the wheel, and for a second, you thought he might slam his fist into the dashboard. Instead, he let out a sharp breath and muttered something under his breath.
You crossed your arms. "What?"
"Nothing."
"No, say it."
He didn’t.
The rest of the drive was silent.
When you got home, Toji was out of the car before the engine fully shut off. He slammed the door behind him and stalked toward the house.
You followed, locking the car and stepping inside just as he threw his keys onto the table.
The moment the door shut behind you, he turned on you.
"You don’t fucking think," he growled, voice sharp with frustration.
Your brow furrowed. "Excuse me?"
He stepped closer, towering over you, the heat in his gaze smoldering with anger. "You signed that contract like it was nothing."
"Because it was nothing," you snapped back. "It was survival."
He scoffed. "Survival? You don’t even know what you just agreed to."
You threw your arms up. "Oh, and you do? Because last I checked, you were just as clueless as me!"
His nostrils flared, chest rising and falling with deep, slow breaths. "You should’ve let me read it first."
"Oh, so now you’re mad that I didn’t let you go first?" You let out a sharp laugh. "News flash, Toji—I don’t need you to babysit me."
"Then stop making reckless fucking choices!"
"Reckless?!" You stared at him in disbelief. "Toji, we were running out of options!"
"That doesn’t mean signing our fucking lives over!"
"Then what does it mean?!" Your voice rose, frustration bubbling over. "You would rather us keep running? Keep moving from place to place, waiting for someone to catch up? You think that’s a better plan?"
"Better than owing him."
You exhaled sharply, dragging a hand through your hair. "You need to calm down—"
He laughed, the sound humorless. "Calm down? You want me to calm down?"
"Yes!"
His hands flexed at his sides like he was holding himself back. "You don’t get to fucking tell me to calm down when you—"
"When I what?" You stepped closer, not backing down.
His lips pressed into a thin line, nostrils flaring.
You shook your head, lowering your voice. "Toji, I get it. You don’t trust him. I don’t trust him. But this is the best option we have. I made that choice. You made that choice. So stop acting like it was just me. You didn't have to sign the fucking contract. I didn't make you do shit!"
His jaw ticked, his breath steady but tense.
You exhaled, voice softer. "I know you’re mad. But don’t be mad at me."
For a long moment, he didn’t move. His eyes burned into yours, searching, measuring, something stormy and unreadable in their depths. Then, finally, he let out a breath and looked away, dragging a hand through his hair.
"…Tch."
The fight drained from him in slow increments. He didn’t apologize—he never did—but his shoulders lost some of their tension.
You let out a breath of your own. "We’ll figure it out. Together."
He didn’t answer, but when he turned back to you, something in his gaze had shifted.
Frustrated. Annoyed. But still yours.
And that was enough.
My lil taglist ₍₍ ◝( ゚∀ ゚ )◟ ⁾⁾ : @t4naiis - @crimsonxm00n -
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apostaterevolutionary · 2 months ago
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Okay can I be a bitter Anders fan for like. Just 2 minutes here lmao
Cause bioware released some game stats for veilguard and apparently 72% of players redeemed Solas which is like. Okay yeah the game kinda pushes you towards that. But when I think of all the shit I used to have to put up with just for enjoying Anders like at all and…
(This is not me being anti-Solas, I do not care if you love or hate him, but I am gonna say what he’s done is like. Objectively worse than literally every other companion so lmao. And that’s fine! You can still enjoy him! I’m not saying you can’t and it’s important to me that people understand that! I’m just saying he did in fact do objectively morally worse things in game than Anders did and I don’t think that’s really debatable. And I can’t really make my point here without saying that but I do want to make it clear this is not some moral condemnation of Solas enjoyers cause it’s not)
Getting anon hate on the regular, being told “oh you’re allowed to like Anders as long as you regularly talk about how much he sucks”, people gleefully describing how much fun they have killing him ON your posts about the fact that you like him, the devs making jokes about shitty fates for him when fans asked innocent questions about him, the absolute audacity of his writer to say half the shit she did in interviews (about bisexuality and mental illness, most critically), and then being beaten over the head again in inquisition about how Anders is the worst character to ever exist and there’s no redemption for terrorists who lie to you one time in the entire game and he deserves death or worse and that’s it
And now… 72% of people are down to redeem the guy who lies to you for 2 games straight and who did a lot of questionable things that includes creating the fucking blight and. Like. I guess I’m glad that Solas fans can live in a world where they aren’t constantly harassed and can give their ship like. A pretty damn good ending all things considered. And that the devs love Solas and actually give the option for that happy ending and have characters go to bat for Solas throughout the game and the most annoying thing they have to see are people making scrambled egg memes. I would not wish anyone to have to deal with the shit Anders fans had to put up with back then cause it sucked. It really sucked. And I’m glad it’s not being repeated with a different character, if nothing else
But like. Man there really is a difference when the writers actually like the character who does the thing, huh
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hplonesomeart · 3 months ago
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#hplonesome art#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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littlcdarlin · 18 days ago
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One more news article and I’m writing some shit like dbf!joel comforts reader after Donald Trump and his advisers keep spewing bullshit out of their mouths
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krash-8 · 2 months ago
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save me fukase and piko, i’m rotating your dynamic around my head ……… like …….. enter the prettiest boy you’ve ever met who happens to have been doomed from the start, and then you as one of the lucky ones. you can probably save him a little while. (he’s slowly falling behind, falling behind.) you can pretend it’s not the case. (if you don’t look back, you can both make it out.) this is a post about computer software someone needs to put me down
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floral-hex · 11 months ago
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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edge-oftheworld · 1 month ago
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when I was in high school there was a tendency whenever there was an attractive boy to simply fan over him. in a way that talked over everything he might say for himself and created a narrative that completely ignored, the fact in some cases, that he was really struggling—or if he was struggling, to pin all the blame on the girl he’s dating and completely ignore the thousands of other factors (no it can’t be mental illness or unaccommodated disability or systemic abuse or exploitation and if he is in an abusive relationship we won’t ever consider the factors that put him at risk for that)
and I’m not saying this fandom is like that. I get the need for privacy around some things and how in public conversations sometimes it’s a lot more respectful to stick to the positives (everyone who does that, I admire you) or even the struggles that are talked about publicly, show respect by not reading too far into them. there’s a time and place for that. but sometimes I feel like our only options are shitty and ableist gossip or totally ignoring the systemic and structural issues we know exist in something like the music industry until someone dies and then we’re looking for someone to blame. friends, there is a point where the respectful thing is to listen to what someone says and come together to make things better. and you can learn how to have that conversation respectfully. please do
#forever haunted by ‘I wasn’t always a cynic it’s just I’ve been bought and sold’#and actually this highlights my whole frustration with the conversation around mental health just about anywhere#like you tell people something sucks and they’re completely unwilling to even try to challenge the status quo in order to help#and idk. I tell myself they’re going to be fine. they’re so resilient. I’m doing all I can; I’m not on the ground there I’m at a distance#but at the same time is it not bittersweet sometimes to enjoy music born from trauma? to be at a live show knowing they shouldn’t be?#to me these stories have to be told for the reason that yes so people relate but also so we can do better for the next generation#anyway I’ve gotten deep into inxs lore lately and I can say. yes it is better for 5sos simply for the fact men can talk about emotions#but that didn’t come without a MASSIVE fight don’t you ever forget that. it’s gonna still carry shame. they’re choosing to fight that#but the sad songs we got as a result?? idk they’re the thing that turned me parasocial because there’s rarely absolutely nothing you can do#like if we’re ever gonna give them a gold star for talking about this stuff as early as sgfg til today we gotta ask ourselves to look at#larger systemic issues and stuff that we ARE a part of and while we can’t be there for them when they have a bad day. we can work on#anyway the high school example still haunts me. still drives some of what I do now. we were just kids. but most of us here aren’t anymore#and the newbrokenscene is grown up now and tbh the status quo should be TERRIFIED#so idk. at the very least sign the petition for liams law. advocate for better. address local issues of injustice and addiction etc#which in some ways I’m lucky that I get to do that in sydney so it feels connected but this is just as valuable anywhere#tbh the 2010s era of bubblegum pop and ignoring all our problems is over. you’re punk now. even katy released chained to the rhythm#thinking about the nfp I’m trying to start and how to start small. for disadvantaged kids maybe? intervening via urban design?#(don’t you ever forget 5sos WERE disadvantaged kids not even 20 years ago. that shit sticks to you no matter how much you achieve)#albums and activism#anyway it fascinates me to see how differently people do this kind of thing to each band member. like the vibe is different but still track#for this whole phenomenon like whether they’re seen as pretty or strong or cute or smth else that becomes the main thing not their words#and I say that but tumblr is pretty good overall. I just wish sometimes we could have a more active conversation before any tragedy#so gosh I’m ranting so much but PLEASE talk about this with me. I notice far too much and I can’t say any of it publicly#so occasionally I come out with a rant like this
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clowningcrows · 2 months ago
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accidentally took a fairly objective step away from myself today and went. oh shit. i’m like REALLY hard on myself aren’t i?
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#i’m so hard on myself that it’s maybe single handledly causing at least 80% of my problems#and the crowd goes…. well yeah no shit#and like i knew/know that im hard on myself#but it’s just like. honestly am so convinced i deserve it that most of the time i don’t even think im being hard enough on myself#but then i’ll finally vocalize one of my thoughts out loud in front of someone and they’re like dude What the fuck are u good??#and i’m left sitting there like 🫥#i literally got a grade back on a final today that was not only higher than i expected#but it meant that i passed a class id convinced myself i was gonna fail#and the first and only real thing i could feel was so much guilt bc i didn’t think i deserve that grade#(still don’t but eh)#but it’s like bro you passed a class unexpectedly#got proof that your prof clearly doesn’t think you’re doing as bad as you are#or at least has empathy for the fact that it’s clearly been a bad semester#and now you also get to take that worry off the list and STILL#my brain finds a way to ensure i can still only feel bad about it#it’s like i feel like i deserve bad things so much that ill find any way to twist things around to make me feel bad#i really go ‘is nobody gonna torture the living hell out of this white boy?’ and then DONT wait for an answer#ugh anyway#i need to go to therapy#silas speaks#anyway my tip for the day is maybe try being nicer to yourself and giving yourself more grace and understanding#at the very least try to be more aware of how mean your thoughts get bc sometimes u get so so used to it u don’t realize ur doing it#or how bad it’s getting#mental health#mental illness#self hate
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seventh-district · 3 months ago
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#vent#vent post#cw negative#Seven’s Public Diary#wish i wasn’t so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean#i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change#i’m so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i don’t like being like this#my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle#this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine#all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule#i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but it’s like my body was fucking built for that or something#i don’t like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didn’t need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots#fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didn’t get up when i was woken up at 11#a 2hr nap would’ve been fine and i would’ve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight#but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours#now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again#and i’ll either give in and attempt to take a ‘nap’ and it’ll turn into a 12hr sleep again#or i’ll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day#and i’ll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too#but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way#god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today#i don’t know how much longer they’re gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat#you think that’d like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. i’m addicted to being unconscious i guess#sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc it’s all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping#i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnesses’ symptoms#like a soft reset.#and it’s the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day#anyways! :) that’s enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive
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v8mpvrse · 9 months ago
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girl help my sense of justice won’t let me move on from this game ‼️
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hobisexually · 10 months ago
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long winded rant in the tags coming that’s partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on
#on holiday I was like oHHHHH this is what living in the moment is! What listening to your body is! what not worrying about how you look is#but doing what makes you happy#and then …… I came home and got sent the pictures#+ my friend being. unintentionally fatphobic as fuck#while hurtful as fuck too#and it’s all just been piling up too since I got home because I’ve been having a lot of conversations and seeing a lot of people that#confront me with who I used to be and who I am now and how I’m really not happy with that#and it feels like it’s not gonna get better#like I’m destined to be in a job I like but isn’t what I want because I’m not capable enough and I’ll never know what romantic requited love#feels like. I’ll never cure my vaginismus I’ll never be able to let someone in or they won’t want me this is just it for me#and SOMEHOW the way I look has become the ultimate culmination of all those things?#my face is suddenly a woman in her thirties face#I keep gaining weight despite not even eating all that much because FUCKING PCOS makes it impossible#my hair in my face grew back. my stomach is hairy and that plus the added beer belly just makes it look like I’m a 50 year old man#I am soooooooo tired of the dysphoria#and the way pcos ruins fucking everything because I can restrict calories all I want and move all I want but will it help ? No !#and of the fact that it impacts the way I feel about myself so much because I’m convinced now I’ll never find anyone#should have tried harder when I was 21 because that was the only time in my life I reasonably fit society’s standards like That was my shot#I’ve been taking supplements everyone says will help but I’m not sure I noticed anything in the past six months and I can’t take berberine#because it fucks with my heart medication. which. That too. I have that too#and I’m in pain! All the time now! ALL THE TIME so I can’t even work out to keep the weight stable because guess what ?#just after a normal day at the office I come home and have to lie down because everhthing hurts so much !#today I got an impromptu massage in an attempt to feel better but it didn’t fix shit and I had to buy clothes for kings day after#and I didn’t try them on just quickly grabbed some orange shit to try on at home and at what I saw in the mirror I genuinely got nauseous#I just don’t know who that is in the mirror but it’s not me and I can’t accept it. I’ve been trying so hard but I can’t#it genuinely makes me so sad and I keep telling myself that a reduction will help in feeling more like myself and it will help with the pain#but what if it doesn’t? what if my pain doesn’t go away after af all and my stomach just juts out and I feel like a gremlin all the time#what then. what the fuck do we do then. also I’m so fucking scared of that surgery anyway that I don’t fucking want to do it anymore#I want so many things and all of them feel out of reach and I know my own brain is my worst enemy and it’s not rooted in anything real but.#Isn’t it? really — isn’t it???????
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sourkitsch · 2 years ago
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Do you ever think you’re not meant for this world and would fit so much more easily into the depraved sex horror mutilation novels you’re so fond of
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