#anyway the past few days were good
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past 5 days. hmm
#spent it all w my gf. it was nice :)#we did the margiela shirt kiss pattern on her ysl shirt . spent like a significant amt of this time kissing her#literally @ppl w vertical labrets w chains attached. do u know the power u hold. also a bunch of other stuff happened i dont wanna#share too much bc theyre nice private moments but anyway we r both like. dying a bit bc#im leaving in less than 1 week and i may just literally never come back bc of the political situation there#like you have to accept risk of. death. etc. and i literally had to tell her to like not say she loves me not be affectionate etc until#over text until i explicitly tell her to bc ik its safe since im going somewhere where gay ppl are killed for the funsies#but theres a chance i wont get to tell her that at all and also that i will have such horrible Internet#connection that i wont be able to talk to her for a while. anyway we needed to have this convo bc i didnt want her to like#be unaware of certain things bc that would be unfair but also i didnt want her to worry which i think#shes very worried but mostly its like. why now of all times in the world this is so unfair#like i feel like not seeing nor talking much for a month or so is bound to not be very good for us . idk im worried#anyway the past few days were good#[chroma blue]
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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do you think this was gene luen yang making fun of how many people misspell kenan's name as keenan jfsjfdh
#have seen this misspelling several times in the past few days alone. really makes you wonder#i feel like this backup was just them telling mr yang hey. you have to find a reason to separate kenan from the jlc#because the whole thing just is so...#like what's the reason they couldn't just be like hey baixi. there's psychic magic involved so i Can't tell you without your brain exploding#but nooooo. ohh he's too smart he'll figure it out from ANY information so you can't tell him ANYTHING#what a copout?#i trust gene luen yang as a writer so my bet is this is on editorial chsfhzf and like overall the details of this story were good#but the PLOT of it was. well#anyways. i love how he writes kenan As a foreigner who struggles with english and assimilation and culture class#rimi talks#kenan
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yOu'Re gOiNg fOr a LiTeR? | "Habs react to Quebec Maple facts", 10.22.24
#guys this is not becoming a regular thing this is just the mental illinois breaking through but ALSO I SAW THIS AND SCREAMEDDDDD#they did this For Me. those are all my guys. like yes yes we know about xhekovský but that’s my adopted austrian son david reinbacher!!!#that’s my baby goalie carey price time travel cowboy son cayden primeau!!!! and i just LOVE that they were like#‘yeah so one of them is gonna be a bitch in both pairs. & yeah we’re gonna make them lose.’ & i am HERE for it. you know the media day vid#where they asked all of them who was brat on the team and like 75% said slaf which we all KNEW? yes. correct. even more evidence godddd#also empathize so much with him because i hate feeling stupid & he is notably like. a very smart guy w/good awareness of broader society#and sorry to get like this on a silly little post i’m about to fanfiction-ify before i have xhekovský hours but so much of this goes back#to the xenophobia in the nhl and how we treat players (not only that. people in north am/west tbh) whose first language is not english#and degrade/discredit them and their intelligence by virtue of their multilingualism and how we even think about multilingualism as a whole#e.g. the sense that certain languages are perceived as more ‘valuable’ capital/the support that SHOULD be there for language learning simpl#is not from what i can tell in the nhl so even if you wanted to foster an environment of intercultural competency they’re doing nothing to#support it. the stories!! of so many guys! reliant solely upon their teammates for basic necessities! WHERE is your language acquisition#programming. sorry the linguistics language and culture attempted to jump out there & i am not conveying what i want to say at ALL. anyway#juraj's slow descent into madness as u can SEE him visibly getting more & more over it & done is my roman empire. like he's having fun#at first he's laughing 'what is this whiskey?' & i AM thinking that toothy little grin at arber with the jerkoff hand motion about the mapl#syrup only taking a few minutes to come (out) was a dig. lord knows arber deserved it with his shorts pulled all the way up like GOD the me#you put here to wear slutty little 3" shorts live in cold CANADA and have to cover up their thigh tattoos. what a travesty. and the amount#of THIGH in this video i- biting. arber's hairy legs slaf's manspreading more as he gets frustrated & arber teases him i. and DAVID????#on a completely different note cayden with his face covered is giving me INTENSE brainworms i have the most unhinged storylines for him#AND THE BRYNDZOVE HALUSKYYYY everything past 2:00 is gold. david's tired sighs. slaf hating it here. arber having the time of his life#'taste' 'that's not an advantage' DAVID kill him. 'maple syrup specialist... normal guy 🤷' slaf you are the WORST loser and ily for it#arber defending his wife w/his life... juraj's the smartest guy in the room & arber's on his leash about it. it goes both ways (to be cont)#juraj slafkovský#arber xhekaj#david reinbacher#cayden primeau#montreal canadiens#i'm xhekovský posting leave me alone i'm also *****
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Oh.
#according to facebook memories (why do i even have that still??) 12 years ago today i saw Linkin Park for the first time 🥺#in a few days it'll be 10 years since the last time i saw them#and. hm. there's a lot that surfaced this days since clancy dropped and i'm a bit more emotional / sensitive than usual#and this is. well. making me extremely sad.#12 years ago. i remember as if it was yesterday. i cling to that day so much and i'm scared of forgetting about it#i wonder how 14 yo me would've reacted if she knew.#they were my first gig ever! i remember the 2nd song was given up and the people around us started moshing pretty hard.#so much that my shoe came off and my dad had to shield me while i crawled and looked for it hahaha#it was so fun! i didn't really know that was a thing#that day was the first time they played Lies Greed Misery - it had been released just the day before#my videos are SO blurry but i still have them all saved 🥹#idk i've been in some typa mood these past days. not necessarily bad at all but.#me and a couple friends had a very important conversation 2 nights ago which was GOOD but. the bad thing about letting everything bottle up#is that once you spill it's hard to deal with. and yeah this is. idk. i'm just venting here like. ignore me.#it's just really hard for me. i miss him terribly and i'm really scared for myself because i *know* i'm back in the loop#and it feels so hopeless sometimes. maybe this is super silly but i'm so thankful that Clancy came out now because OH BOY i need it#maybe it's not the best strategy to put so much faith? importance? in like. music and other people but#man. i genuinely don't know if i'd be here if not for certain songs/artists etc#idk I'm rambling lol. i might delete this later#probably. maybe. i try not to talk too much about this here because i tend to deal alone but. sometimes it's nice to send things to the void#anyways. support your favs. talk to your friends - even if you much rather not. don't be like me and let things rot inside.#🤍#darya talks to herself
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New wig who dis
#got this for a Lucien cosplay#I’ve spent so much money on cosplay stuff the past few days 💀💀💀#bought a black wig for a Dorian cosplay#the whole book club is doing femme versions of SJM characters#I also got 11 pairs of contacts 😅😅#in my defense they were on sale#also got a ring light and a color light 💀#i had no desire to cosplay like 3 weeks ago 🤣🤣#and here I am now#gonna have to get some fang eventually#maybe next month#I’m definitely tapped out for June now#good thing all my bills are already paid ✊🏽#anyways I’m gonna go to bed before I spent more money lmfaoooo#shut up rian#me#self#face
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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I personally am so happy that the episode was all a dream because I’m okay with there not being macdennis but if they had confirmed Dennis as a killer i would have been devastated. I do wish they’d explore more of his emotions tho- especially since Glenn has said he misses playing those colors. Like he’s got Big Feelings! This was more of his rage- but it’s a step up that he was able to curb that rage I guess?
Also people are saying it’s joever for macdennis but like… they didn’t fight or anything right? They’re still super close- and remember Frank vs Russia? That’s still a thing
Disclaimer I’ve just been seeing people’s post about it I haven’t watched this ep but I do wish it wasn’t the finale or they’d at least end it with a scene of the gang together
#also disclaimer I haven’t seen a full Iasip episode#thank GOD it was all in Dennis’ head like I know he’s a terrible person but having him be a serial killer is too far#and not the way his character’s been heading at all#it was just a coping technique for him#a messed up one but a coping technique nonetheless#also guys. macdennis could still happen it’s not like this episode disproved it at all#maybe s17 will be macdennis season but I hope it’s more of the gang as pals#anyway I heard the first half of this episode was funny and that Glenn shines so there’s that#but again missed opportunity for a real Dennis development episode#not even macdennis just exploring Dennis’s nuances and his place in the group#post ddl you know like he really belongs to the gang#and he’s trying to express himself better#(macden moment but no callback to do you want a tissue but whatever)#so yeah I’m more chill about it than I was but we were all so hyped for this Wo#they can’t all be bangers#but overall s16 seemed to be a marked improvement compared to the past few seasons so that’s good#according to the fandom on multiple sites#anyway This Is A Comedy#Iasip#dtamhd#dennis takes a mental health day#dennis reynolds#Iasip spoilers#yapping in the tags
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I wonder if I could develop a fetish for being the sheltered loser kid who needs to be taught to live a little in a teen movie.
#this is what i get for looking at a forced masc tumblr#just wondered if i can have ANY fun with this weird trigger that i have#because as if often the case what triggers you/upsets you also has the potential to arouse you...maybe idk#truth is the above scenario actually is a trigger of mine. the idea of being shamed for being sheltered#and a prude who is seen as judgemental of others so needs to be fucking destroyed in an unsafe way#like i'm not even that sheltered on the scale of shelteredness! i wasn't raised fundie or anything.#but still i kind of self identify with the loser who 'needs to live a little'- i watch anything with that trope and i'm always like#'god leave them be' you know?!#i think the principle comes from the idea that anyone not partaking must be judging#(i get that because i also feel judged constantly for no reason but it's not something i can force others to change about)#recently a netflix comedy-drama called white lines was the trigger for this- i recommend it overall but there were a few too many moments#another thing is the main character constantly having to prove she had 'had fun' in the past to be worthy and valid#it's a good drama i'm not exactly selling it but yeah watch it just beware of this if it's a trigger for you too.#anyway fuck me can i get one good brain day around here.
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now why do the notes from my last obgyn appointment say i'm "sweet" yes obviously i'm nice to you i want you to perform a major elective surgery on me. can you actually take me seriously instead of uhh commentating on my personality
#i like her a lot and i think she's an excellent physician but this + “wants a hysterectomy but i talked her into trying the iud first” idk#i hate being perceived as cute and i KNOW that would not be the case if i were a few inches taller and/or skinny lol#but i got this stupid fucking round ass face i Hate it so much. sorry feminism#and not to get into it but i know from past experience that i literally cannot lose weight unless i eat like less than 1000 calories a day#which is obviously miserable and unsustainable. not that this knowledge stops me from daydreaming about the level of willpower i had then#anyway the point is idk if there's anything i can do about this perception i just look round and cute no matter what i do and it's bad#I HAVE GOOD CHEEKBONES YOU JUST CAN'T SEE THEM RN!!! 😞#me#ed tw#?
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every day i spend on twitter, because that's where most of the starmin are, is a day i wish most of that community would move to tumblr just because the way this site works in comparison would be so much better for it. the ability to tag art and be able to find it later on your own blog no matter how far back it was posted. the way you can add on to each others posts. and also i just like tumblers post format much better. especially for making a vague / simple post and then going into more detail in the tags cuz you don't wanna put all that in the main post but like it's there for anyone that wants to read it. on twitter you gotta put it all in the main body of the post and i. do not want to do that
#and rn it's mostly because i am only on twitter mainly for holostars content#and the vtubing community puts a lot of emphasis on keeping things about the vtuber 's main persona#and their alternate / past persona very separate not only out of respect for the person themselves#but also for the other fans that are JUST there for one or the other (usually it's the vtuber persona)#and there's a few people that are like ''hey by the way ill interact with both accounts so heads up'' and that's fine#but i guess i'm still like ''hmmm do i want to have all this stars fanart retweeted#followed by me vaguing about hiraga planning on streaming and then he doesn't (good because he'd JUST fixed his sleep sched)''#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#all in all it doesn't REALLY matter i can put what i want on my twitter but still i wish it were more like tumblr#or everyone could just move to tumblr please#anyway i WAS gonna go to bed at a descent time for a friday night then lizard man said he was gonna stream#but it's been like 2 hours so i think he probably conked out lmao which is good cuz he needs it i think#anyway every day i mourn for all the cool art i retweet that will be lost to the void in a few weeks because twitter sucks ass#i should go to sleep now in case he does stream in the morning after all. plus tavi's doing a music making menshi at like#8am i should try not to miss that too. fucking time zones TTATT#are you fucking kidding me i made this post and like 5 minutes later he went live bRO
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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭
I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO
#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl#i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads#but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl#it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits#and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot#but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road#i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit#and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl#and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper#its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town#and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times#MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL#im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord#IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING#i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think#so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly#during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone#but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us#so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl#AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM#driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl#after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad#but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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also disregard the fact that I accidentally openly spoke about something I’ve been staying reeeeeaaal quiet about for months no I didn’t ^_^
#/hj i did but idrc too much#Not enough to take it down#It was me explaining how Cyber and 313 are a metaphor for myself and lowkey accidentally said something that’s been in my head since all th#Way back when.When we were a good few months into things and like a twisted prophet I am started to think “this won’t last forever you know#And it didn’t…it changed into something new#But that’s okay..cuz I realized forcing myself to stick with something that at times would quite literally drive me into short episodes#Probably ISNT good for my mental health#Do I miss the thrills? The rush of adrenaline? Yes. Do I wish I could go back? Absolutely. Will I? Probably not anytime soon#Anyways yeah…..my cjrp days are long past gone#It also might just be the long imprinted sense of fear that remains because of my relationship with Eloise#That is also part of this#I just don’t like talking abt kt#S.K thinks
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Drawing animation meme YouTubers is healing my inner child fr
#didn’t draw e#them back in the day very much#bc ya know#they were better than me and I was a beginner so I felt bad if my art wasn’t as good as theirs#I did draw a few but only two drawings have survived over the several phone changes and moved I’ve done#in the past 8 years :p#anyway wish I could show these to lil me and go#‘you see this? well only get here if you keep drawing every day don’t give up#and draw those peeps that inspire you more’
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every time i feel like im ready to explode i am granted a new horror to my shit sandwich
#lost in the sauce but its me drowning in every new layer of things happening in my life rn#at first it was a bachelorette on my birthday that i cannot afford. and then we were told it was one night. it was originally all weekend#then i got told we're moving#ok. i already have time off for my birthday. so i guess i have time for all this now.#now the new apt has water damage and i cannot move into it on my long weekend. i do not have the pto to get another long weekend.#ok. fine. i will pack on my birthday.#no. you have jury duty that week. you COULD'VE got pto for that but you have too many important things to miss.#ok.#ur jury duty would've rlly helped your moving btw. if that was happening anymore.#ok thanks.#like anything else? genuinely? anyone else have something they need me for this month before i spontaneously combust?#anyway im going to make dinner#so i can go to my cousins baby shower.#so i can go see my in laws#when i haven't seen my own family in like a month but ive spent the past few weekends with them.#and will continue to spend my weekends with them for this wedding my partner is in.#which im not but since we're engaged im expected to help without any of the recognition of being in a wedding. its cool.#like 3 of my precious pto days were used for this but its good.#i just am not allowed to take unpaid days off without a writeup.#even if i feel like i wanna die i am out of time off.#its soooo good im sooooo in a great place.#biting and biting and biting and biting the pto system at my work
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me gearing up to hate my Fucking life as i work to finish this damned texting bitch of a program due tomorrow, logging into the school website to get the lab info page... only to see the due date's been pushed back a week. probably bc many people, like me, are really... not close to done with it lol
i wouldve known this if id gone to class today probs lol, but i was too busy being gay. so uh. yay? this is a genuine relief lol i was feeling Particularly destructive about it all.
#speculation nation#ive been increasingly irritated today bc of the knowledge that this was waiting for me at home#i knew i wasnt going to finish it in a way that was favorable to me. i was going to need to sacrifice sleep.#but it seems like i wont have to. thank fucking god.#anyways yea my girlfriend was visiting for the past few days (aka why ive been largely absent from here) but she's left again#i only had a few more hours with her so i decided to skip class and be gay instead of going. Lol#and then i had to go to work to do some stuff but i procrastinated leaving bc i was watching critical role#and then the stuff took longer than expected bc i had to make creme brulee bc we were completely out but got more powder for it#did inventory. prepped my notes for the meeting (that is starting. soon.)#then came home. prepared myself for Shit Night. got started looking into shit#and then found this thing. so like lmfao like Hell im going to work on this bitch tonight. fuck that.#uhmmm sorry professor for not going to class for two consecutive class periods i was busy prepping for being gay and then being gay#Finger Guns. lmao#anyways yeah life resumes as normal. im not really getting a day off this week.#WELL depending on things maybe i could get away with not coming in on thursday#i was only scheduled an hour today but it turned into 3.5hr. im not scheduled tomorrow but it's payroll week so i'll go in to do tips#then thursday im scheduled 2 hours for recipe restocking but if no recipes need restocked then like. no need & all#the other days r proper shifts. Though if they dont give us our tapioca by the weekend i'll end up not having a sunday shift#bc BOBA MAKING IS BACKKKKKKKKK (crying tears of joy and pain)#but we're getting a new machine for it so it'll hopefully be Much easier than it used to be. which is good! i fucking hated my Life with it#anyways i know i need to sleep after the manager meeting bc lol. lmao even. staying awake any longer in this kind of mood isnt gonna help
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