#and youre trying to tell me they arent in love?
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kittenfangirl20 · 1 day ago
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Adam still had nightmares about Sera throwing him out of her house. All of that because he fell in love with a man and was attracted to men. The kids had many aunts and uncles because Lucifer had so many siblings. But they didn’t have grandparents because Lucifer’s parents were dead and Sera disowned him.
Adam: I don’t know why she was even there last night, it is like someone is trying to fuck with my life.
Eve: We won’t let that happen.
Angel: If you want to, we can have a spa day.
Adam: That sounds nice and since Luci is off for the day he can take care of the young kids. It would be nice to relax.
After telling Lucifer what they had planned, they went to their favorite spa. Adam picked out a soft shimmery gold nail polish for manicure and pedicure. It was his favorite color for nail polish.
Lilith: I don’t know why he is staying with you when he could have me.
Eve: It probably because Adam supported Lucifer’s dreams while you ran off because you thought it was silly.
Angel: Plus while you do look nice, Adam is drop dead gorgeous. Your good looks also seem the only good thing about you.
Adam got a little smirk, he had very loyal friends who would always be there for him.
Adam: We also have four kids together and more on the way. Luci wanting to have babies with me shows that he is very attracted to me.
Lilith got an offended look on her face and stormed off.
Angel: I see what you mean, at least we can deal with her.
Adam had to figure out why Sera was around there in the first place.
@things-arent-what-they-seem66
Housewife Au
Then
Sera glared at Adam and Lucifer: You get the hell out of my house!
Adam: B-but mama!
Sera: You lied to me! Right to my face! You want to live a life like that you can do it somewhere else!
She gave Adam ten minutes to collect his things, he cried the whole time and Lucifer had to wait in his truck. Sera wouldn’t let the main that corrupted her baby back in.
Adam got in the truck and Lucifer drove away.
Lucifer: I’m sure it’ll be okay dove.
Adam cried: I thought she’d love me no matter what.
Lucifer held his hand: I know it’s not the same, but I will always love you.
Now
Adam got up and ready for the day. He knocked on all the bedroom doors of his and Lucifers children as he made his way to the kitchen.
Adam: Rise and shine!
All the kids got up, Charlie, Abel, Lucas, and Avery came down from breakfast. Adam packed their lunches and got things ready for Avery’s play date.
He grabbed his Louie Vaiton fanny pack and his ray band sunglasses.
Lucifer came down and kissed Adam sweetly.
Adam: Have a good day darling.
Lucifer: I will, I love you.
Adam: I love you too.
Adam grabbed his keys and ushered the kids into his Range Rover to take them to school.
Steve, their neighbour was watering his lawn he couldn’t help but find Adam attractive. Not that he ever looked Steve’s way.
Adam: We’re gonna go see Eve and Jake today Av how’s that sound?
Avery: Yay!
Jake was Eves son and Adam believed that his little girl had a crush on him.
He dropped Charlie, Abel, and Lucas off at school and then he went to Starbucks to get himself and Avery a drink and a snack.
Once at Eve’s home, Adam greeted his friend by kissing her on the cheek. They both talked excitedly about their day and the new fashions out for them to try out.
Eve: Honestly you look amazing in anything with those curves and that ass.
Adam: Thank you, I gotta always keep my husband happy.
In spite of how rough it was at first, Adam was so happy married to Lucifer. He loved Adam so much and their children were so sweet. It was even better when Lucifer’s toy company became such a success. They became rich basically over night. They then moved to a very well off neighborhood which was how Adam and Eve. They were called the top housewives of the neighborhood even though Adam was a man. He didn’t mind, he liked it.
Eve: I heard that the other house next to your house was bought.
Adam: I didn’t realize that, I hope that they are nice. Susan was a nightmare and I know it is wrong to speak ill of the dead, but there is nothing nice to speak of her.
Eve: I can’t blame you.
At the same time Lilith, who was Lucifer’s ex was moving in next door. She didn’t realize she made a mistake in to not stay with Lucifer when he decided to go into toys especially duck themed toys for kids. She didn’t think one would succeed in something so silly, but Lucifer proved her wrong. Even though Lucifer was married, she truly believed that once he saw she was a famous model.
@things-arent-what-they-seem66
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s0fter-sin · 6 months ago
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god the way ghost’s voice drops when he tells soap, “you’ll need to improvise to survive”
before that, everything he says is steady but when he acknowledges that soap’ll have to do something outside his skill set, something he intimately knows to be difficult, his voice wavers. he does the same when he says, “welcome to guerrilla warfare”; it’s sombre and serious in a way he doesn’t act for the rest of the mission. if you read into it enough, he almost sounds apologetic; like he knows exactly what soap’s about to go through and wishes he didn’t have to
he keeps soap going; poking at him and making jokes, giving him tips and asking about his progress. he never lets him stop and take a second to think bc he knows the moment he does is the moment it'll all hit him; the betrayal, the pain, the fear, the deaths, all of it will drown him and if that happens, soap won't make it
he needs him to be a soldier through and through and he knows this is one of the worst kinds of battlefields you could end up on
and the only times he slips is when he acknowledges that fact
it happens again when he says, "tryin' to get you here alive and in one piece". his jovial dark humour facade drops for just a moment when he has to face the potential reality of losing soap. then he tries to pick it back up again with, "one of us has to survive to tell the tale"; completely discounting himself as a survivor to try and rally soap and make him think it’s all down to him
and soap does the same thing
when he's calling out for ghost on the radio, he's tentative, testing the frequency, then when he doesn’t get a response, he grows desperate; "ghost, this is 7-1, do you copy?"
then when ghost answers, he smooths out his voice; he hides the pain, the fear, and no matter what response you give to ghost asking if he’s injured, soap brushes it off (“i’m good”, “what’s the difference?”, “i’m not a medic”). soap decides it’s in ghost’s best interest to hide the extent of his injuries
he doesn’t know where ghost is, if he’s secure, if he has any weapons; he doesn’t even know if he’s in las almas until he says, “there’s a church, i’m headed to it”. for all he knows, he could’ve run in the complete opposite direction. if ghost knows he’s hurt, then his attention would be split between his own survival and soap’s
and soap, who lets himself be poked and prodded towards the church, needs to hide his own doubts. maybe he needs ghost to believe he'll make it so he himself can believe it ("what are my odds?" "don't make me bet against you", "think i'll live that long?" "probably not")
he all but begs ghost to tell him he'll get through it and if he knows just how bad off he is, maybe he'll change his mind. maybe he'll think he won't make it to the church
maybe he'll leave him alone for good
"you injured?"
"i’m good"
"let's find out how good you are"
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xxplastic-cubexx · 2 months ago
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friend notoriously bad at videogames said shed play marvel rivals with me tomorrow chat if i never post after tomorrow night its because a blood vessel bursted
#marvel rivals#snap chats#AT LEAST WE’LL HAVE OUR OTHER FRIEND THERE BUT god.#she funny as hell she just suddenly called me and was like ‘i saw your twitter. do you wanna play marvel rivals tomorrow’#and then she proceeds to be like ‘wait so who do you main. other than magneto’ Motherfucker with a capital M#NO I SWEAR IM NOT A ONE TRICK i really like wanda hawkeye and jeff….#NO SHE SAID ONE MORE THING SHE WAS LIKE ‘wait are charles and magneto the same guy’ and she tries to Just Kidding her wait outta it#Note whenever she says Just Kidding she’s trying to cover her ass I PROMISE I WAS LIKE /KAYLA. BE SERIOUS./#and then she was like ‘who’s the friendlier one of the two’#and then i had to hit her with the Technically People Think Theyre Both Varying Degrees Of Asshole. however charles probably wont bite you#and THEN SHE WAS LIKE ‘ok well you should draw magneto surprising charles with jollibees’ AND I. NO SHE THINKS MY EXISTENCE SURROUNDS JB#AND THIS GAL HAD THE GAUL TO BE LIKE ‘oh do you know how to make it since its a big part of your culture’#i was flabbergasted frankly. ‘oh you guys really like jollibees so you know how to make it right’ i screamed#LIKE ????ISJAJSJSJSJ i cant stress the anomaly this girl is i wish you all could meet her so you understand me#AND LIKE SURE I LOVE JBS but she only ever mentions puto and jollibees to me like kayla. there is more to PH culture than that sjKakss#its really funny with the ??? shit she says i cant lie#she was all ‘oh is the winter soldier in the game ? you should play him hes cool :) and from jersey :) ok well his actor is but—‘ LIKE DKSKS#‘snap arent you being a little mean’ no trust and believe AND I HAVE WITNESSES#i have stupid amounts of stories with her. like she tried to excuse being dumb by sayin shes a capricorn#we’re literally both capricorns and she was born two days before me I Cannot. Do You Understand Me.#anyways. she said i should stream me playing rivals would anyone care about that#i kinda wanted to …. i think it’d be fun…. plus i miss streaming :(#ok byebye for now my bros almost home and i said id let him play so i could work on comms#i mean thats assuming he wants to play. if not uhhhhhhh#anyways BYE. ill tell yall how the game goes tomorrow night if i dont die of a stroke#again at least our other friend’ll be there so someone can laugh at my pain
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transsexula · 1 month ago
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"Just ignore how every minority man is treated, because talking about it is basically like saying some women don't experience misogyny"
Never the point of this convo. In fact, you're literally making up a guy to be mad at. Why is it that a different minority talking about their own issues in their own space makes you feel this way? Why is it a minority making their own words to explain something they experience now an attack on you? Is it, perhaps, that you don't understand the experience and therefore project your own understanding of it onto everyone who speaks about it regardless of THEIR actual experiences?
I'll be the first to admit I don't know every fucking experience out there. I gotta trust my trans sisters when they talk about their experiences- same with any other identity I don't understand. Why are trans men not afforded this? We are literally an oppressed minority. Our bodies are constantly regulated and cracked down on and treated as freakshows. I feel like on some level, as trans people, others have to feel it and see it. Right?
Or are we just supposed to stay invisible?
#transandrophobia#like i love the logic leaps made by these people who are SO mad about this...#its just more and more clear you just want us to shut up and stop talking and taking up space. we get it. you dont care about our issues.#at least give us space to talk about it????#like man id like to talk about my reproductive rights and my bodily autonomy and how im affected by shit but thats kinda hard to do when#everyone just wants you to shut up#like im sorry ???? im not a cis man. i have like. actual issues im dealing with? even though i am a man myself? that doesnt negate my#experiences LITERALLY FUCKING BEING HATECRIMED ????????#i would like to control the language i use to explain my experiences. im not gonna tell you how to tell your story. why the fuck would you#try to do that to me???#also like even cis men suffer under the patriarchy this shit sucks for everyone. theres very few people who actually thrive under this shit#it hurts a lot more people than it props up#some people have access to privledges. doesnt mean that. EVERYONE has access to those privledges.#quit being nasty. quit trying to divide the community. you arent helping anyone by projecting your trauma on EVERYONE.#“just ignore peoples talking about their issues because (strawman pulled out of ass)” maybe talk about shit you understand#and go get a breath of fresh air or something. look at something pretty. do literally anything productive and/or relaxing. because this isnt#doing shit for you or anyone else
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mrmeepsmadmind · 4 months ago
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thunderhowl doesn't even like to lick mechs (he'll sometimes lick rocks or random objects to help decipher what it is if his smells can't help with its history) because he likes to keep up his elegant knightly air but. also. he likes seeing that seemingly impenetrable wall of soundwave's superiority complex Crack a little with the impudence of Utter Disgust
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fellhellion · 2 years ago
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Something something both A and N engage in self alienation (from one's nature/past) to cope with trauma
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puppppppppy · 9 months ago
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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faaun · 11 months ago
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idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do
#listen. take a deep breath. i know your bpm is high but you need to think with me for a second.#remember that you are paper thin. all your facets are sheets of paper and what you gave her is just another one.#make a new one. you dont need it. you dont need her to see you. i know you think you need her but you will be okay. i know its hard.#you wish you could have shown her how you loved her. listen to yourself. you are made of paper.#she might be concrete or maybe wood or maybe gold. you need to start laying your roots elsewhere. shut that thought down#and blink and listen. the parts you keep thinking of arent lost. they still happened and they are yours to keep.#there is beauty in this loss. tell me about the beauty in this loss. its okay to think about it. you got to see it all and nothing more#and this is great because it would have been bad. you know it would be violent in a way you dont need. you know this to be true.#you are going to look at that empty space in her shape and youre going to fill it with everything that happened when you knew her.#the memories with her but then also the the way your friends talked you through it. the game with the clovers.#your first allergic reaction you almost died and you couldnt stop laughing and you were held so close to their hearts.#learning the names for all the floursecent gene tracking dyes that everyone else knows already. about the exam - listen again.#i know you think if you fail your life is over but you need to try your best. youre not going to get a good grade in a uni test for the fir#youre going to make up for it. youre going to make sure you make up for it. do you understand? i love you. you have to do this.#right now you need to sit up. breathe. i know your heart hurts. go to the living room. grab something to eat. i dont care if you feel full.#youre going to clean your mattress heater. youre going to study a bit longer and then youre going to sleep. youre going to tell your mother#im sorry and i might genuinely fail a test. shes going to tell you its okay. if you do badly in this course you can just become a neurosurg#just agree. dont argue right now. its okay. youre okay. you are paper thin. i know any puncture hurts.#breathe. think of your friends. think of their hands in yours. it isnt eternal.youve lived through worse. the empty sky is still beautiful.#the lack of her is still beautiful
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timeisacephalopod · 2 years ago
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Why do right wingers go on and ON about "father's in the home" when fathers are basically useless in the home? Like every year I see posts that go around about "dad finding out about what I got for Christmas" and it's like if fathers are so uninvolved they don't even know what Christmas gifts their kids are getting I don't think them being gone does much?? Like of course there's good and bad parents of all genders, but traditional gender roles- which the aforementioned right wingers ascribe to- mean men do jack fucking squat in the house OR anything with their kids so what the hell do right wingers think men are doing that's so important in the home if it's none of the childrearing or house work??
All I've got in this framework is a paycheque and these days women work so men wouldn't even be contributing something women DON'T, so I have no idea what these people think men are doing that it's so irreplaceable that being gone is damaging to children when by all means under their ideas of gender and family men are less than useless to their family. Women do all that work (and barring that, DAUGHTERS do more parental work than fathers so them being gone does what, exactly, except maybe rid the family of an overgrown child? Men who actually contribute are the ones families would be damaged without, not traditional men who probably don't even know how to do their own laundry OR cook or have any life skills because women have done everything for them their whole lives so???)
#winters ramblings#'no fathers in the home is what leads to gangs!' they cry while they do nothing with their kids make their wives do all the housework#and theur DAUGHTERS parent more often than THEY do. TELL ME what use you are in the house Giant Man Baby#tell me what thing you do thats of the Utmost Importance that being done causes irreversible damage to your kids#surely you being THERE isnt causing them damage right? RIGHT???? because this brand of dude being HOME#sounds worse than this brand of dude being GONE because these dudes and the women who marry them are HORRIBLE tyrants#who deserve each other but sure shit DONT deserve the kids they have then force into their lifestyle then abuse all their lives#like serioualy what the FUCK do they think men are doing thats so important in the home when their own beliefs state men do SQUAT#in the home??? do tou seriously think your PRESENCE is what does it?? pretty grandiose sense of self there huh#assuming just EXISTING beside your kids lives means youre literally holding everything together lmao like no#your wife does all that and if she isnt your KIDS do it buddy you dont do fuck all to consider yourself that important i dont get this#like literally men in traditional gender shit dont do ANYTHING outside of a job amd getting waited in hand amd foot#do you think having a personal slave you occasionally fuck is what makes you this important??#i mean the mormins say yes so hard they think a billion wives gives you a better planet in the afterlife but like come on#at least ATTEMPT to have common sense when recruiting to your nonsense beliefs#then turn around and claim GAY PEOPLE are recruiting people to their 'lifestyle' like that isnt LITERALLY THE DESCRIPTION OF MISSIONARY WORK#gays arent CHRISTIANS guys. (some are but they arent recruiting to GAYNESS even if they may try to convert you religious wise-#although i suspect a great many WOULDNT do that on account of the history between the church and gay people#so probably they just are gay and love jesus but still yall get it)
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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years ago
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People are so weird to trans people. Like beyond being straight forward dickheads, transphobes are just so weird
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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‘is there yaoi in the arakawa family’ is an incredibly funny question because it’s infinitely funnier if there isn’t yk what i mean. theyre just like that
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xxplastic-cubexx · 4 months ago
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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
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autisticlee · 2 years ago
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it always pisses me off when people start ghosting me and completely cut me off and think i'm annoying because I didn't ~get the hint~ all because they're too much of a coward to be straightforward and honest with me!!!!
i'll keep asking about a thing or when we are hanging out or try to converse with them, because their response is always excuses and not straight up "no" so how am I supposed to know?! either short responses of 1-5 words that I can't really respond to or things like "I'm busy this weekend/I'm too tired today/I forgot about it/we can try next time/I'll get back to you and le you know" are apparently all hints and lies to hide the truth. what they really mean when they tell me this is "no, stop asking. stop talking to me. I do not want to hang out with you or talk to you anymore"
why can't you just say that?! it will save you the annoyance of me asking you 20 times because i took your words at face value. your excuses sound temporary and you didn't get back to me so maybe you forgot. there are rare times people say these things and it's the truth or they really did forget!!!! when I say it, it's the truth. I also have a bad memory. you can't just suddenly ghost me for that! it's on you if you aren't being honest with me. it's up to you to be straightforward and tell the truth so you don't waste both our time. (what's worse is this is usually one of the first things I tell people when we meet. that I need then to be straightforward and honest. they promise they will but that's also a lie)
ghosting is so cruel (when the other person has no bad intentions/isnt causing harm). more cruel than telling me to my face you hate me and never want to speak again! i actually prefer that, so i at least know and can give up on your useless ass and stop wasting my time. don't give me false hope when i'm really excited to be friends and hang out, don't waste my time and energy and efforts, and don't lead me on with lies only to crush my entire soul when I find the truth much later. just say it and get it over with!!!! it's your fault if I annoy you by "not taking the hint" because there was no hint, lying isn't a hint. spill the truth and don't blame me for it!!!!!!
this is why i've given up with people and now only give attention to the ones who contact me first every time continuously, and I put little effort into anything anymore. I know that will end up making some people give up on me by thinking i dont care. but I'm tired of wasting my time and energy on the people who put no effort into me. you must prove yourself and keep doing it or I won't try at all. the people who ghost me and hurt me are to blame. yes, I live a very lonely existence with maybe one friend I talk to once every week or two for a total of 5 minutes at most. yes I wish I had more connections or closer ones. but i'm SO FUCKING TIRED. i'm tired of trying so much and so hard just for people to shit on my efforts and disrespect my needs and boundaries!!!!!!
why should I keep trying when it always ends bad and adds yet another layer to my trauma.
#it happens every time!!!!!!!! i dont havw the spoons amd energy to keep giving these people every piece of me. theres nothing left!!!!!#people always tell me keep trying dont give up dont cut yourself off from everyone etc#but everyone cuts ME off so wtf am i supposed to do????? keep wasting energy and brain power just to let them keep doing it?!#its like if you spend a year carefully crafting a custom blanket for someone. putting in all your love and time and energy. give it to them#AND THEY SER IT ON FIRE AND WALK AWAY. NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING HOW HARD YOU WORKED OR ANYTHING#that's what its like every time i try with people. it's a waste and i never get anything good out of it 😭#so why would it be wrong to protect myself by taking the part of the cold and unresponsive one for once? act like them instead?#no try or give someone much attention until they do like i always did and put in a ton of effort and keep it going?#if someone tries as hard as i always did then they must be good and worthy of keeping around and putting some effort into myself right?#ugh idk. i hate all of this and humans arent good at being good friends and im tired of trying to be one too#perhaps me not trying will make people think i dont care about them so they give up still anyway. well oh well#that means they didnt try gard enough and would have given up anyway. if i dont get attached or care much first then it hurts less#i know everyone tries to make me feel better by saying stuff like the right ones exist and my people are out there or whatever#but i will not believe it until i see it. because it's possible that is not true. it's possible i'll never have real/close friends#what then????? what do i do about that?? people love telling me i'll find the right people but no one steps up to try being that one#this all sounds doom and gloom but I'm just venting. in reality i just give it 3 tries.#if a person makes excuses or doesnt respond or doesnt carry the conversation 3 times on a row i will give up and it's their move.#if they dont come forward at all then we are done and i will never reach out to or speak to them again. if they want me they can prove it#lee rambles#autistic#autism#actually autistic#autism things#autistic friendship#friendship problems#loneliness#communication#cptsd#rsd#the fun thing about the cptsd and rsd combo is when people do these things i get hit with a wave if every past experience and relive it 🙃
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jrueships · 2 years ago
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YAHOO!!!
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WEEE !!!
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yah 🥰 !
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itsalwaysdark · 27 days ago
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wait i just realized i dont have to spend my money on a recreational thing if i dont want to . brooo
#IK THIS SOUNDS LIKE BACKWARDS PROGRESS and eventually i do want to buy recreational things but rn i feel bad abt buying a big recreational#thing like new clothes or something when i have basic stuff i need to get (like my own shower stuff and like a few other things that i#forgot as soon as i started writing this but they were right here a second ago) but i feel bad NOT getting a recreational thing bc then#everybody will be like awwww connor doesnt even want anything for himself 💔💔but the practical things Are for myself you know . they will#make me happy and i will get use out of them and they will help me get better . and im not saying None of it will go to something just for#fun im saying rather than getting 1 big thing that while nice will make me feel guilty i can get like. a Lot of things that i will use often#and will feel less guilty abt and some recreational things that Bc theyre less expensive and bc i have the other things i will feel less#guitly abt. + i wanna be able to buy annie and Phoebe and maybe my dad gifts but im rly bad at shopping for gifts for my dad#and also hes not a big gift guy but i still feel guilty abt it ....#sry. i just thought about that like christmas shopping charity thing i did that one time as a kid where they got irritated with me for#wanting to buy food or gifts for my family and i was like . well hold on . its my money now so i can buy what i avtually want instead of#trying to figure iut what other people want me to buy so that i appear the happiest to them#did u guys do that a lot as a kid. doing things that adults wanted you to do so that you appeared to be happy Rather than doing things that#made you happy. if this makes sense at all .or rly just in general performing happiness Even when it isnt actually fully fake like your#actual emotions arent Convincing or real enough so you have to perform them so that everybody is satisfied with you. like opening presents#and stuff even when i love a present i tend to just say oh nice :] and ive gotten better about it now but i still do like. kind of#over perform happiness because as a kid everybody would judt seem kind of disappointed by my actual reaction. it doesnt matter that i Am#happy and enjoy the gift and am telling them that it only matters that i didnt react the way that They want a happy person to react. ETC.#DID THIS HAPPEN TO YOU whatever. its not rly that big of a deal i just got on a tangent I NEED TO GO SHOWER legit stopped eriting in my#journal To go shower and then got distracted on here. okay bye :]
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pezpenser205 · 3 months ago
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me being largely nonhuman/antihuman and a lesbian, therefore being forced by my brain to be attracted to humans has actually allowed me to fully understand how men attracted women who say they wish they were lesbians are real and based and do not deserve the hate they get. like girl i get it thats literally how i feel about you.
no offense to the good humans out there #notallhumans <3
#i dont actually like or trust women either. bc theyre humans. im just kind of forced into this i think...?#theres only one race: the human race#and im lowkey really really REALLY racist#/hj#the only people who dont annoy me in That One Way eventually are nonhuman or at the very least humans who believe they arent human#or are super autistic and love beasts and creatures#pretty much everyone who recognizes themselves as human unquestioningly and takes a complete all encompassing pride in it#or spews like. ''power of humanity <3'' & sucks off the human spirit casually or loves human centered themes at all is inevitably annoying#like no actually humans arent special in the slightest and if any other animal species had hands theyd probably do a lot better#AND theyd be less entitled about it. humans should stop killing everyone and maybe then ill listen to them about how cool they are.#every problem humans have ever solved was caused by humans in the first place how do you expect me to bow down and praise them#just on the basis that they were born human & therefore everything they do for anything else is heartwarming & merciful & divine in some wa#when theyre just cleaning up their species' own mess#humans are a lot like men in that they want to cry and whine about the problems theyre facing when their own people did that#and then expect a pat on the back for doing the bare minimum to pick up the mess they were complicit in making for centuries.#which is why i completely understand those man attracted women. the problem is basically the same one but its all inclusive this time#youre allowed to feel attacked for any of this but literally nobody can convince me it isnt the exact same thing bc it is.#and if you want to ''not all humans'' me. then tell me exactly what that sounds like and try to draw parallels as to why thats stupid. ty#humans that struggle still deserve sympathy just like men who struggle under patriarchy#but i dont have to take shit from them when theyre being weird or think theyre better or more deserving of life either.#no one ''deserves'' anything idiot thats just some bs your psyche is telling you to make you feel better#we're all just here to survive. play and have fun. and ideally. minimize suffering when we can. then die. thats like. all of it. thats life#nonhuman#op#my human mutuals are ''some of the good ones'' as they say lmao#sorry about my quirky ramble i just hope some more nonhuman people find this posts tags and Get It
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