#its something i can relate to with my asexuality too

[caffeinatedopossum]

People are so weird to trans people. Like beyond being straight forward dickheads, transphobes are just so weird

[cagandante-communistoide]

Obligatory Why is aphobia A Thing ask

-💜

Get ready, this is my manifesto.

Content warnings for mentions of sexual violence and intimate partner abuse.

Before I can answer why aphobia is a thing, I have to answer what aro and ace phobia are, and for that I have to define amatonormativity and allonormativity. And for that, we need to define romance and sexuality as social constructs.

WHAT IS LOVE (baby don't hurt me):

THINGS I WILL NOT BE ATTEMPTING TO DEFINE FOR MY OWN SANITY:

the emotion of romantic or sexual attraction. the question of what these emotions are like is highly individual, partially socially constructed and entirely irrelevant to asking about the effect of certain positionalities in society related to these concepts.

THINGS I WILL BE DEFINING:

the social construct of romance and sexuality and how the dominant relationship model operates in society. Basically, what is considered romantic and sexual and what romance and sex is "supposed" to be, not what romance and sex actually feel like.

So: what is love? Romance is the whole motley of expectations that come with a romantic relationship- monogamy, priority over platonic relationships such as friendship, cohabitation and sharing of all assets and life decisions, and among most people on earth today, heterosexuality and the bearing of children. Sex in society is a social currency, something that is required to secure romantic relationships and for normal human psychology, but that must only be present in certain amounts in the context of a normative romantic relationship (or normal amount of hookups, in some cases) to be considered moral. It is the automatic placement of these models of romance and sex as universal goods, goals to be strived for as well as the “natural” order of things and lack of adherence as significant of some form of problem a la “maybe you have hangups, maybe you have a medical issue, maybe you’re single because you’re a bad person”.

Too much romance and sex (polyamory) or too little (aspec) both fall outside this norm. To not be asexual in any way is to be ALLOSEXUAL, and to not be aromantic in any way is to be ALLOROMANTIC. The status of being somewhere on the asexuality or aromanticism spectrum will be referred to as ASPEC. ACESPEC is for asexual-spectrum and AROSPEC is for aromantic-spectrum. The social construct of romance + its mandatory nature will henceforth be referred to as AMATONORMATIVITY. The social construct of sexual attraction + its mandatory nature and rules will henceforth be referred to as ALLONORMATIVITY. When a statement applies to both amato and allonormativity, I will simply write allonormativity. When it applies only to aromanticism and amatonormativity, I will write amatonormativity. WAIT, BUT IS ALLONORMATIVITY REAL? (yes):

here's some things people who are in romantic and sexual relationships and experience normative attraction on both counts, especially ones that progress into legal marriage, get most everywhere in the world that people who are not don't - regardless of whether they'd want to or not!

Tax benefits. The government literally gives you free money just for being married.

Lower prices for a lot of things: "family rates" for all forms of insurance, tuition discounts for education you have to pay for. additionally:

Greater financial benefits. It's easier to be approved for rent if you have a partner. it's easier to get bank loans and finance expensive things if you're married. If your spouse dies you automatically get insurance payouts and inheritance by default, without probate or even being taxed. A lot of the time your cohabitating partner or spouse is the automatic beneficiary of your financial services. Informally, everything is priced for couples. When there's economic downturn, the default bourgeois media excuse is "if you don't want to struggle financially, get married". Poor economic conditions are used as a lever with which to push people into amatonormativity. Additionally, the only relationship you are financially punished for for legally leaving is marriage through an expensive court proceeding. If your romantic relationship has been reified enough, the incentive to remain in it is literally that you have to hire a lawyer to leave.

Legal recognition. Your next of kin is automatically your spouse. If you are not a minor child and you want someone to inherit your things, make decisions for you when you can't, or receive say, jubilation or insurance payments on your behalf, the only way you can do that without filing power of attorney documents is marriage. The only relationship you cannot leave without going to court is marriage, and the only other people who are so difficult to leave because of societal and legal pressure to cohabitate and share assets with them is your nuclear family. Want to make sure cutting contact with you is so expensive, exhausting, and difficult for another person that they would never even try it? Be in a relationship. Then get married. Also, if you're asexual but in a marriage, your marriage only counts if you have sex with your partner in a lot of places. Allonormativity is a requirement for amatonormativity- the normal definition of romance makes normative sexuality obligatory.

Social currency. Romance and marriage are considered "essential life stages". People in relationships are automatically seen as more functional, more trustworthy, more mature. if you don't express interest in relationships you are labelled mentally ill or antisocial and if you can't get one by a certain point you're labeled a failure of a human being. There is much invested in the social narrative that "everyone's purpose is to find love", and not finding it results in a perception of having failed said purpose. Leaving a romantic relationship, especially for reasons of incompatibility instead of some kind of wrongdoing, is frowned upon. Most benignly, it's seen as an inherent tragedy to leave a partner you didn't want to begin with or don't want anymore. Often, it marks you as a bad person. Romance carries immense social currency as a universal good that washes any situation or person of their horror. See:

In many parts of the world, marital rape and physical abuse is legal to some extent. If you're partners but not married, or it's illegal, then even so partners are the people least likely to be suspected of abuse right after parents, even with proof. Many an abuser has gotten away with obvious abuse just by saying "it's a lover's spat". many forces like misogyny, homophobia, and racism compound this effect, but ultimately what they reify is a system where romance and family are considered automatic goods that negate or permit abuse. "It's okay because he's your boyfriend" is just as common as "it's okay because he's your father". Again: want to have an unhealthy amount of control over another person with complete social acceptability and cover? Be in a relationship. Then get married.

Psychiatric legitimacy. Again, romance and sex are considered automatic goods. Allonormativity asserts that regular romantic and sexual activity within a monogamous heterosexual relationship especially (but not exclusively, this expectation exists regardless of whether any individual subject is accepting of queerness or nonmonogamy) is universal healthy human behavior and should be strived for. Romance and sex are frequently said to be human "needs" and denial of either to another person is almost always treated as an aggression by the person saying "no". If you fall in love and have sex, you are automatically the "healthy" person next to someone who does not. Your reality is the default life goal for everyone, in both casual and clinical settings - whether they want it or not.

AND NOW FOR THE BENEFITS OF SEXUALITY SPECIFICALLY:

Medical legitimacy. Again, you are the "default" healthy option for human behavior. Development of sexual attraction labels you a normal, untraumatized, healthy person by default and doctors will never use your sexuality to question you about your hormone levels or whether you have an intersex condition to be "fixed". Your sexuality is not a currently diagnosable "condition" internationally and people will not suggest physical therapy, medication, or surgical intervention to "fix" you into having sex. (Of course, people who actually DO have medical or trauma related reasons why they don’t have sex who may or may not want to reduce them have a lot of pressure on them to resume “normalcy” as soon as possible - this is an example of the social asexualization of the otherwise allo subject.)

Legal legitimacy: again, marriages are only valid in several places when sex is involved.

Social legitimacy: same applies as for the latter iteration of this but slightly differently- you can lose sexuality based social currency by being polyamorous or otherwise too promiscuous. However, if you have the "correct" amount of sex with the "right" people, you are by default considered a more mature, correct person. You command more trust and inspire more respect than someone who clearly has not had the "right" amount of sex just by being someone who is presumed to do things "correctly", because you've cleared an "essential life stage". You are natural, you are normal, and those are both very powerful social positions to wield over someone who isn't. Just look at how much social currency cis people have over trans people for an example of the same thing. Your relationship is also not at risk because of "withholding sex" in the vast majority of cases (because you are compliant with your partner's "need", of course).

WHAT ABOUT APHOBIA?: WHAT YOU HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO AS THE POOR BASTARD WHO IS ARO/ACE

On the flip side is arophobia and acephobia, the bigotry and structural injustice that enforces amatonormativity and allonormativity onto those who do not fit. Here's a trying-to-be-comprehensive list of the smorgasbord of indignities, injustices and inhumanities aro/ace people can be and often are subject to on the basis of their orientation:

Pathologization- asexuality. "Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder" is an internationally diagnosable condition in which doctors attempt to "fix" that you don't want sex and are unhappy about it by trying to "fix" the "disordered" sex drive. Because being unhappy about asexuality is something that would only happen because it's wrong, and not because normal sexuality holds immense social, medical, and legal capital, amirite? If you need to be explained why taking a natural harmless variance in sexual orientation and making it a "disease" to be cured is wrong, ask yourself if you think homosexuality should still be a disorder to be "treated" with medications and conversion therapies.

Pathologization- aromanticism. Romance is considered a "need", a universal part of life and achieving a romantic partnership is considered a universal good even in clinical settings. Not desiring romance is considered a sign of antisocial behaviors associated with a range of pathologies, including depression, social anxiety, avoidant personality disorder and conduct disorder/antisocial personality disorder. Every single aromantic person I have ever met, whether personally or in passing, who has set foot in a psychiatric setting has experienced some form of conversion therapy through continued harassment to date or through abuse of medication. ALL OF THEM. It is legitimately unavoidable.

Legal disadvantage: all of the above privileges reserved for romantic partnerships, especially marriages,  are barred from aromantic people either entirely or functionally through the creation of a long, difficult process to achieve the same thing marriage gets by default. If you are alloromantic but asexual, all of the above privileges reserved for marriage can be revoked if your marriage is declared invalid due to lack of sexual activity or your partnership is dissolved because of your asexuality. In addition, while aro/ace people are subject to almost all the same indignities of homophobia + aphobia, we are functionally not considered a protected class anywhere where homosexuals are because allonormativity obscures and denies our very existence. This is the third of many examples of how being aspec is its own positionality which intersects with and worsens other queerphobia, and how allo queer people benefit from specifically not being aspec. I will elaborate on this later.

Financial disadvantage: as opposed to the legal category where if you waste enough time in court you might be able to appoint someone with the same rights and benefits to confer upon you (given that they are not prioritizing their own romantic + sexual relationship), aro/ace people will NEVER benefit financially from the structure of the economy being designed to reward couples. I hope the above list has explained sufficiently why this is significant and that the preference for romantic relationships monetarily is not at all a victimless or neutral happenstance.

Social neglect + abuse due to allonormativity: Do you perhaps enjoy everyone you know and love leaving you behind because they have significant social and financial incentive to prioritize their romantic relationships over you? How about being considered automatically less valuable to your partner because you won't have sex with them, or less valuable to the people you love because your relationship is purely platonic compared to a partner that literally waltzed in a few months ago? Do you salivate at the thought of being bullied everywhere from school to your home to your doctor's office for being a virgin? How about for being single and never dating? Do you derive enjoyment from being called homophobic slurs without, contrary to popular belief, being able to "opt out" of it by saying you're not gay? Do you like seeing every person who is like you treated as a joke, a crazy, presented as an unnatural perversion of human behavior and mocked resoundingly in every public sphere as a human who has failed to mature? Who has failed to develop humanity? Do you enjoy the thought of the definition of what makes people "human" excluding you? No? Too bad. You can look forward to this anyway.

Corrective violence, including sexual harassment, molestation, assault, all forms of abuse and murder, especially for rejecting an allo’s advances and/or in the context of intimate partner violence.

Homophobia from straight people, and aphobia from allosexual queer people as well. Remember, the other marginalized groups still benefit from being more "normal" than you! But you're not oppressed, because you're not gay.

HEY, NONE OF THIS IS EXCLUSIVE TO APHOBIA! IT'S ACTUALLY HOMOPHOBIA/MISOGYNY! (deep sigh) :

You're right, it isn't. But no analysis of bigotry is about having a "unique experience". It's about identifying the ways in which society is designed to hurt you, in which other people have power over you, and who benefits from your suffering.

A gay person and an asexual have the same experience having a slur hurled at them for denying a straight person's advances. But a gay person and an asexual person do not have the same experience going to the doctor and mentioning their sexuality, because it is entirely likely and extremely common that a gay person gets to walk away free and an asexual person is diagnosed with "hypoactive sexuality". An asexual person does not have increased social license by established norms about sexuality and romance to rape their partner for denying them garlic bread, but a gay person wields the power to do so to their asexual partner and have it justified by "they were denying me sex. They’re being cruel to me by denying me this when it means so much to me". A gay person can sexually harass an asexual on the basis of their virginity with "why haven't you had sex? you should really do it. stop being frigid. go to the doctor, that's not normal. maybe it's a hormonal imbalance", or say things like “All these people are virgins now because they’re afraid of sex. All these people are single now because they have bad personalities." without having it questioned. A gay person, in many countries, can reap the benefits of marriage, and aromantic people famously do not often wish to marry. The aspec experience is to have this denied - asexuals and aromantics cannot be victims of the homosexual or heterosexual in the allo imagination because the aro or ace is not real to them. They are always a perpetually shifting list of character defects but never a real class of people. Just a disease to be eradicated. Something wrong with an otherwise allo person - a failed allosexual, but also someone who has deliberately reneged on their humanity and thus forfeited dignity or even existence in the public consciousness. Invisibility for us is not safety. It is our guillotine.

You can be oppressed for your sexuality and still be privileged for NOT being aspec. Being aspec is its own positionality, and our oppression is specifically targeting US. We are not caught in your crossfire, or anyone else’s. You, reader, whether you be a woman or homosexual or transgender or nonwhite, may have similar experiences as described. But if you are allosexual, you will never experience it for BEING aspec. You can opt out of aphobia, you are privileged on the basis of your allosexuality and alloromanticism. I can not "opt out". I will always experience meaningfully different and more social scrutiny on basis of sexuality than you, allosexual reader, ever will, because every single allosexual and alloromantic can wield aphobia towards aros/aces. Yes, even if you're gay. THAT is aphobia. AND NOW ONTO THE HORRORS OF CAPITALISM:

Now it's time to answer the original question: WHY does aphobia exist? Well, let's think about what else romance and sexuality are. They're extremely useful tools. Ever since there has been a class of people who lived off the labor of others and a class who had nothing to sell but their labor, there has been financial incentive for the former to make sure there is a steady supply of the latter. The next generation of serfs, peasants, and later proletariat needed to be secure for an economic model in which a select few live entirely off a many laboring on their private property to survive. And what better way to do that than to enshrine the two emotions most associated with reproduction as mandatory parts of life? To then construct a model of romance and sexuality that rewards those who create an easily traceable geneaology as property for the patriarch and continue producing children to become laborers without creating children that would complicate this process, and punish those who do not?

Tie sex to marriage and that’s more incentive for people to marry just to have sex. Make the process of reproduction a mandatory aspect of life. Make it so that it’s only acceptable with your spouse, who has control over your finances and legal processes to some degree (it was very common in feudalism for the wife to outright be a husband’s property), to tie you to that person forever, and then make it a very socially elevated role to fill and a very hard bond to break to make sure the maximum amount of people keep reproducing with one family patriarch for as long as possible. What’s the end result? A socially engineered values system which serves to ensure that there will always be new laborers in the working class, because every person MUST marry and MUST have sex with their partner and therefore must reproduce. This is the same reason homophobia exists economically, except allo gay people wield additional social capital over aspecs by subverting the direction allonormativity expects you take in terms of partnerships instead of eschewing it. Why? Capitalism can still sell allonormativity back to allo queers with some slight tweaks. That’s not to say that the gains of allo queers are not significant liberation from homophobia, but it’s just that - it creates holes in homophobia. Holes in homophobia for gays that are “close enough” to how things are “supposed” to be done, at that. It does nothing to address the allonormative cisheteropatriarchal superstructure that creates both homophobia and aphobia. For example, it is extremely important for gay people to earn the right to marry, but then the institution of marriage which creates a single standard for a “correct”, respectable relationship and then rewards compliance for it is not questioned at all by that step. It just expands the box you are allowed to be in slightly, and ultimately reifies the same institution from which homophobia stems - allocisheteropatriarchal capitalism and its legal code. Detractors then argue that gay marriage isn’t “real” marriage or isn’t moral, and the purely gay positionality oriented argument against this (that being that attaching morality to gender of partner is a construction of heteronormativity and is artificial), while correct, fails to destroy the angle from which this bigotry continues to emerge repeatedly - that being that ALL the trappings of the “normal, moral, natural” relationship are artificially constructed and oppressive in nature. Including the institution of marriage itself. Aphobia is a thing for the same reason racism, homophobia, and misogyny are a thing: it has made the bourgeoisie money for generations. It is a social invention inherited from feudalism that serves the same purpose as it ever did- population control for the army of laborers.

[ladyloveandjustice]

My Favorite Continuing Manga I Read in 2023

I went into the brand new manga I read in this post, but here's an update on some great continuing series!

Shout out to She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat for having phenomenal storyline about find the courage to cut toxic family members off, which is pretty rare to see (in manga especially)! The story explores how your family can impose a relationship with food that harms you in many different ways, and how finding acceptance of your food habits helps you heal. It also continues to be a lovely exploration of queer adults finding themselves that makes the point that your experiences don't have to fit in a box.  And I appreciate that they included a character who doesn't like eating that much for me to relate to! See my first review here, 

Now for a quick word about the other great continuing manga I read:

- I Want to be a Wall really upped it's game and included a nuanced discussion about asexuality that I loved seeing. See first review here.

- Yuri is My Job is still the best lesbian drama manga around and hits hard. See previous discussion here,

- A Man and His Cat is still the sweetest and Yona of the Dawn is as action packed and intriguing as ever...I feel a climax slowly coming!

- A Bride’s Story is still wonderfully done historical fiction with lush art while How Do We Relationship continues to develop its web of queer relationships nicely.

- Witch Hat Atelier is still a wondrous story of magic, creativity, accessibility, and struggling under unfair systems, all told in a fascinating fantasy setting with loveable, complex characters and incredible art.

A lot of manga I like concluded this year too, so let's take a slightly longer look at the conclusions!

Dungeon Meshi- The conclusion to one of my favorite fantasy manga ever was fittingly bombastically weird and fully satisfying. It filled you up like good food should. Live well instead of being consumed by fear of death and loss. Eat well instead of working yourself to the bone and neglecting your needs. Follow your own path, but cherish your connections and get together for a good meal. This series and its intricate world and wonderful characters will stay with me for a long time.

Catch These Hands- See my first review here. I enjoyed the cute conclusion to this series, and it was nice to see a little ace rep and a message about not conforming to society's expectations of "adulthood". It's an ode to delinquent girls that a sukeban stan like me can get behind! A lot of the stuff that annoyed me in the second volume was mostly dropped for the third and fourth, so that's also nice.

Run Away With Me Girl- See my first review here. I wish this had been a little longer, but the conclusion worked well and was cathartic.

Doughnuts Under a Crescent Moon- See my first review here. A nice conclusion to a cute, slow-paced little romance series, with yet more ace rep!

The Two of Them are Pretty Much Like This- see my first review here. This conclusion felt a bit rushed, with plot lines still dangling, like it was cancelled early or something. But the series is still good overall, and I'll miss it.

My Love Mix Up -This sweet-as-pie series about cute gay misunderstandings leading to romance comes to a fittingly sweet conclusion. It's sad waving goodbye to these silly, good-hearted kids, but I'm satisfied with where they ended up.

[longtallglasses]

it’s very interesting to me amongst the different fandoms i’ve been a part of in regards to their attitudes toward nsfw fanworks bc with the marauders those teens are always wildin’ - smoking, drinking, sleeping together - if they’re not i would even say it would be out of character for them? wolfstar is messy and horny and so in love, even if in a lot of fics they won’t admit it to each other. in atyd everyone is shagging up a storm, the girls, the boys, it’s still juvenile of course the way they discuss it and go about it. very little communication, feelings are hurt, they don’t know what they’re doing all the time. and it makes sense, they’re teenagers!

i have never once heard of discussion around it being ‘wrong’ to write them this way. that it’s ‘objectifying’ and if you’re thinking about it you must be weird or unnecessarily sexualizing characters. sexualizing characters? they’re already sexualized wdym? they have a sexuality, everyone has a sexuality, whatever the author/artist wants to give them, whether that’s a sex crazed maniac or the most sex repulsed asexual, they Have a Sexuality! even before the exact moment they turn 18, they have a sexuality. it’s just another facet to explore character through, to understand them more fully, and also sometimes for the author to help understand themselves.

i’m sorry age doesn’t matter when it comes to fictional characters. it just doesn’t. they’re not real you can’t hurt them. if someone wants to write through trauma, something ‘wrong’ and ‘problematic’ let them use fictional people. it may seem gross and you don’t have to read it, but its existence does not mean promotion of harmful behavior. it can mean so many different things to that author but it doesn’t equate to that.

i say this bc i myself have written some horrid things. i’ve never posted them, was not in a place where i wanted to, i wrote it all in a period of my life where i was seriously hurting, and writing fucked up horrific things stopped me from hurting Myself. i’ve read some ‘problematic’ fics that made me feel better, hurt me in a good way, reading comments of people who related and appreciated what was being explored.

most people who write about fucked up shit, SA, or some form of trauma porn or whatever it is have probably gone through something similar in their life. the people who read it and seek it out are usually drawn to it for a reason but we don’t need to know why. there is also just curiosity. and being curious doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t mean you ‘like’ it. you may like the power dynamics at play, you may be intrigued by desires different than your own, you may… ANYTHING what you enjoy to read or write speaks to nothing regarding who you are in your day to day life. your morals, your beliefs, or what you want sexually or otherwise. i say this to a younger me, there’s nothing wrong with you!

with all that being said… there is also porn that is just porn. and that’s perfectly fine and good too. people have always written porn about whatever and whoever they want and they always will. if you don’t want it, scroll pass. you won’t be given a gold star for announcing you think it’s gross or wrong, you just look silly. i’m not saying that you must like it too, but attacking the moral character of those who do partake, shows an immaturity and lack of tack when it comes to these subjects. go out in the world and you will discover just how ‘abnormal’ and ‘depraved’ sexual desire can manifest itself as.

as someone who grew up a Very sexually confused person. not knowing i was queer or on the ace spectrum exploring sexuality through fiction was like my saving grace. and those books and those fics that made me feel seen, made me go huh! woah! ooooh my god that’s me! or made me go … wait why do i kinda like that? more often than not they were written by adults. bc they had made it through to the other side so to speak. and as An Adult now i find the traditional adolescent experience very intriguing as i did not have that growing up. the sexual experiences i’ve had now have shown me so starkly that that feeling which accompanies a new experience never really goes away. people are fumbling well into their 20s and 30s. reading the plight of a young person discovering who they are sexually i don’t think will ever not be relatable or make someone reflect. that includes the sweet and innocent as well as the ‘gross’/depraved horniness. it is not necessarily enjoyed on a basis of attraction to these characters, it is enjoyed on a basis of ‘i know this feeling’ or ‘i also do and have yearned for this kind of intimacy’. and if who you are isn’t represented in those stories, oh well damn, looks like i have to write it now. that’s how we have Are you there God, it’s me Margaret and the edge of 17 (the ‘98 and ‘16 iterations), all these stories written by Adults! that make us all sigh in relief and laugh and cry and aaahhh

fiction is fiction, idek what anti-ship means, let people be freaks in peace, fandom spaces are created to have fun in, let’s pls have Fun!!! explore and write and draw and fantasize whatever your heart desires bc there can be no right or wrong, it is just discovery.

if you feel kinship with characters and it feels natural to extend yourself to them, to take them and make them your own, amazing, gorgeous, beautiful. play dress up with them in all the ways you can, do whatever You Want!!

[no-passaran]

Happy Pride month! Here are some things I want as an asexual person:

Protect asexuals seeking asylum. Asexual asylum seekers still aren't accepted because asylum laws only include the strict l, g, b and t letters. Many asexual people around the world are forced into marriage, threatened, subjected to corrective rape and pseudoscientific conversion "therapies". Include the A in the acronym and it will save lives.

Affordable housing. Many asexual and aromantic people do not establish romantic relationships with a partner. The current housing model is a disaster for all the working class, but even more so for people who want to (or have to) live alone. People should be able to afford their own housing with 1 person's wages.

Housing for households outside the nuclear family. Many asexual and aromantic people decide to live with friends, QPRs, or other structures outside of the amatonormative nuclear family. Some real estate agencies and residential area regulations don't allow housing to be rented or sold to people who aren't living with a romantic partner who they are married to or intend to get married to, designating certain areas "for families" with a strict definition of what a family is. (The podcast @theacecouple talked about it in this episode)

Asexual people should be included in anti-discrimination laws.

Training for medical professionals should include education on asexuality and its experiences, same way that their training in many countries already must include training on L, G, B and T care. "How often do you want/have sex", "how often do you masturbate", and questions related to libido are routinely used to diagnose patients. This can be a helpful element in some cases for people who aren't asexual, but medical professionals should stop misdiagnosing asexual people out of ignorance or pressuring them for their orientation.

End conversion therapy. When a person explains to a medical professional that they don't get sexually attracted to anyone or that they don't want to have sex, the official course of action in most countries is for the medical professional to tell them they need "treatment". That is conversion therapy and can be extremely traumatising and anti-scientific. Sexual orientation doesn't get changed. If our asexuality causes us distress, it's because of how we are treated by society and made to feel abnormal.

Right to healthcare. We should be able to say the truth to healthcare providers without fear that we'll be put in conversion therapy, misdiagnosed, taken off necessary medication, that the medical staff will try to fix our sexuality instead of whatever problem we actually have, or other forms of discrimination. End the medicalization of asexuality (especially when the medicine given to "cure" women of being asexual is often just making them sleep so their boyfriend/husband can rape them and has been found to have other negative secondary effects).

Sex ed in schools should take asexuality into account. This doesn't only mean mentioning that asexuality exists (which already isn't being taught, leading asexual young people to feel pressured, out-of-place, alone, and can lead to putting themselves in dangerous situations), but including asexuals in the creation process of these curricula, too. Sex ed must take into account all its students to offer enough information for their safety, health, and well-being. For example, including asexuals in the creation of the course will mean stop assuming that there are things that don't need saying because "everyone knows". In my case, I would most importantly have liked to be taught that having sex is something people should do because they and the other person(s) involved want to, not because it's mandatory. It's not "everyone knows that", because it never crossed my mind that it's something people want, and I've read many others share the same experience.

Acceptance from family. Many asexual people, myself included, get forced to come out to their families because of their families' obsession with the asexual person's lack of sexual and/or romantic interest. The answer to coming out is often insulting and humiliating. I was told that if I don't like people it must mean I'm a zoophile and sexually attracted to objects, I was repeatedly called a liar and brainwashed by Catholic moral (I'm an atheist), I was pressured into going to a psychologist to fix my sexuality, that it's unnatural and unhealthy, that I'm repressing myself, and I was told that I must go out to party and let any young man have sex with me "doesn't matter who it is". When I answered that I don't want to and that to me it would be rape, I was told it would be worth it to fix me. Judging by what other asexual people explain online, and what other non-asexual friends who weren't interested in doing it were told by their parents, this is not uncommon.

Being believed by friends. Many asexual people explain their friends don't believe them when they say they don't find anyone attractive like that. This can go from openly direct hate speech to little things such as teen games like asking everyone who they like or have a crush on and not accepting "I don't like anyone" as an answer, accusing the person of lying, of not trusting the other friends, "everyone said it so you must too", often pressuring the asexual person until they end up making it up and lying to their friends by picking someone they're not actually interested in, making the asexual person feel like there's something wrong with themself and that they must hide in order to be accepted.

Acceptance and support from social movements. For example, sex positive movement further stigmatises us when it says things like "there's two kinds of people: those who say they masturbate and those who lie", or base acceptance of sexuality on arguments of "everyone does it". Subsets of the LGBTQ movement often also engage in hate campaigns against asexual people online, from spreading false rumours that asexuality is fake and it's straight people trying to infiltrate the community, to spamming asexual tags with porn to cause distress to asexuals and make the tags useless so we can't find each other and have spaces to talk about our experiences —in conclusion, so we can't have an online community.

Get rid of consummation laws. Most legislations say that for a marriage to be valid, there must be consummation, meaning that the couple must have had sex. This discriminates asexual people in their marriages, which are considered invalid. (Again, @theacecouple covered this very well in this episode).

Consent for being exposed to sexual material. It shouldn't be considered childish to not want to watch certain material or hear about certain topics because it's explicit. Events like Pride should explain what is going to happen and what the expectations are, so people can freely take an informed decision on whether that event is for them or not. Social media should have labels or tags that individual users can choose to blacklist. Tumblr users should actually tag the nsfw posts as such and use the mature community label. This way, everyone can still post what they want without censorship but we're not forced to see it or can choose when to see it.

End objectification and over-sexualization, particularly of girls and women who are most affected by this. End cat calling!!!

Educate on a more developed concept of consent. Make everyone understand that consent is a must, and that pressuring someone into saying yes, making someone feel like saying no isn't an option, or like having said yes to one thing also includes other things or the same thing other times, is not consent. Marriage or being in a romantic relationship also doesn't equate consent for sexual acts (end marital rape).

Stop making fun of people for not having sex. Stop using "virgin" as an insult. Stop spreading the idea that being a "virgin" means being a loser, ridiculous, childish, or a failure in life. Stop using the "virgin vs chad" meme. Stop insulting someone saying "this is what someone who doesn't have sex sounds like". Stop equating the number of sexual partners with success, particularly for men. This only pressures people against their will or possibilities, creates mental problems and incel mentality for people who want to desperately get out of the "loser" category that leads to rape, causes other people such as asexuals to self-hate and putting themselves in dangerous situations, and makes other people associate asexuality and not having sex in general with negative characteristics (aka bigotry).

Public libraries and library apps including books about queerness and asexuality. For many people, particularly young people and other people who live with their families, it can be difficult to buy books on asexuality, since they're often not found in physical libraries and must be ordered online. Living with possibly aphobic parents or flatmates, libraries and library apps are an important resource. A small percentage of population is asexual and asexual people often don't come out, so the internet and literature are often among the few ways we can feel like we're not alone and learn how to navigate a life outside the norm from other asexual people.

Feel free to add more if you want!

[leikeliscomet]

The reason I feel disconnected from the term alloace and its tag is bc it's just not specific enough and bc of that a lot of commentary on alloaces falls flat to me. The specific gender(s) you have romantic attraction for greatly determine what type of experience you will have. There are so many straight ace experiences I can't relate to. Can you safely express romantic attraction in public? Are depictions of your romantic attraction banned in books and TV/film? Then there's race too. When your race is sexualised and your asexuality is denied, how can you then express romantic attraction freely? When your race is simultaneously desexualised, are you even allowed conventional romance to begin with? When you are seen as a sexual being against your will how can you decentre sexual attraction when no one has ever believed you?

Aroallo on the other hand is used to describe the collective experience of aromanticism without asexuality so there's a consistent community for that that's grown but go to alloace and its less active and a series of random posts, not really 'collective community' stuff. Most alloace content isn't called alloace like aroallo content is called aroallo, but just asexual. There's many ace posts that would fit the label but aren't under the tag. Not sure why but I don't think it's that deep. A lot alloace posts aren't even about alloaces specifically, they're posts about arospec experiences either comparing alloaces implying there's a type of privilege or actively blaming us for arospec erasure. The erasure is real and their anger is justified but again it's assumed under the banner of alloace that having romantic attraction automatically guarantees a certain experience when it doesn't, historically or systemically. The most visible alloaces are predominantly white and cishet. The 'allo asexuality' they have is one a lot of alloaces are actively denied and so we actually have more in common with arospecs bc we both have relationship models and exploration of romance that goes against what is societally expected of us. I relate to Black arospecs bc we share the history of how Black people are sexualised and desexualised. I relate to lesbian arospecs bc our attraction to women is unconventional, experiencing 'half' and not the other.

I'm then left scratching my head being asked to use the privilege I don't have and use the visibility I don't get. Does the aspec community ask aspecs to stand with gay, bi, pan and lesbian aces? Do they make posts on how biphobia and acephobia overlap to protect bi aces? Do they ask aspecs to learn the history of how gay romantic lit was censored? Do they ask aspecs to support alloace victims/survivors with the sexual violence they experience from non-ace partners? Do they ask aspecs to unpack compulsory sexuality? Do they do the community support they wish to see themselves?

So yeah, I'm frustrated. With other parts if my identity and if I don't see certain posts about it I'd be like 'well stop complaining and be the one to say something then'. I could do up 'allo aces are valid' content but again, who would I be referring to? Would anyone care? Is it even possible to make a catchall post that fits the whole experience? It's looking like no. Again I need this community to start to looking outside the scope of their own personal aspec experience cus community is in the name but it doesn't feel like it.

[sunthyme]

Sorry for this being a day late, I last second decided I hated how the og designs turned out so I redid them lmaooo. Whoops! Tyty sm for the support though, I love y'all! 🩷🩷🩷

💐Ignihyde💐

I cleared the tail end of Book 4 and all of Book 5 two days ago so fair warning, I'm still not completely aware of all the ins and outs of Ortho and Idia. And I might have to redo some of my Pomefiore headcanons with Book 5 in mind, namely Rook??? Whose apparently from Sunset Savanna??? Anyways, onto the designs...

🎮Idia Shroud🎮

(he/it) Unlabelled Gender - Achillic Asexual

Ah, the most relatable character in Twisted Wonderland...

- I don't think I really changed a whole lot about him physically, tbh. Gave him slightly bluer skin and dark makeup. I figured he's kinda one of the closest characters to like alt fashion and stuff so I slapped some piercings on him.

- You can't see them with his GIANT MESS OF HAIR but I gave him some piercings. I'll just grab a pic of them rq.

No bald Idia today guys.

- He's autistic. Is that even up for debate at this point? Either way, I feel like he'd actually hate having hair against his neck and typically put it into a ponytail or something. That shit would be hella warm otherwise, fire or no.

- He plays dating sims religiously but god forbid someone ACTUALLY flirts with him. In the unlikely scenario that he actually realises they're hitting on it, he just freaks out and runs, physically if possible. I think he's unintentionally shut people down hard because he cannot fathom why anyone would like it.

- He has to fight his demons whenever he see any of the people with cat ears which me too me too. Ignihyde actually has a bit of a stray cats issue, namely because Idia sets out food and water for them and refuses to let anyone take them away. They never get into the workshops or anywhere dangerous and Idia has named all of them.

- He has unique names not only for the stray cats of Ignihyde but also for all of the ones in his games, in specific his Minecraft cats.

- It's actually in the process of making a robotic cat as a sort of emotional support animal since a live cat isn't allowed in classes due to allergies (which Grim is exempt from due to him not technically being a cat and not producing allergens, fun fact).

- Oh! And I headcanon him as Greek and Japanese. Forgot that oops. Nationality-wise he'd be Australian though.

I was struggling to think of things that were just canon facts of his character already, which, to be fair, some of this could be but moving onto...

🦾Ortho Shroud🦾

(they/it/he) Nonbinary???

I actually adore how they came out omg. I have no really experience with robot/cyborg character design so I gave myself some liberties.

- First and for most, I made a lot of its robot features more obvious with panelling that would make it easy for Idia to access any brain or vocal mechanics. You cannot convince me that Idia, known for liking video games and anime, would pass up an opportunity to make Ortho look cool asf. Or maybe Book 6 can but for now, panels.

- I don't know if it's ever brought up in detail Ortho's like material components and stuff but I think they're made with the anti-magic stuff Charon's ferrymen have, further enhanced and durable. His freckles help with sensing particularly smell and temperature.

- His eyes took a bit of inspiration from Genoa, I just though a black sclera would look super cool tbh.

- It's hair is a bit crazier and I wanted to lowkey emulate Medusa vibes with it and the soulless eyes lol.

Not much else right now but I know damn well Book 6 will make me cry... Time for the ocs!

🪻Fuji Izanami🪻

Third Year - (she/he) Bigender - Bisexual

- So, a bit of a disclaimer, I've never actually seen Hercules because I was a Greek mythology nerd and was offended by the inaccuracies lol so keep that in mind with the ocs for this dorm. Fuji is my Cerberus character!

- He's the vice-housewarden of Ignihyde and tends to help out with Ortho's upgrades by moving the heavier parts that Idia can't lift.

- Since I believe, and correct me if I'm wrong, Cerberus means 'spots', I wanted her to have a ton of freckles as an omage.

- She's fully Japanese and has been a childhood friend of the Shrouds, with both families going way back. He was kind of Idia's emotional support before Ortho was allowed as well as a bit of a bodyguard. She and Ortho were the reason Idia didn't have to attend with a mass guard force.

- Quiet and seems quite menacing at first but is a huge softie and loves to be around other people. She and Jack are workout buddies and bond over common music tastes in the J-Pop and K-Pop genres.

- When she's talking to Idia or Ortho, it tends to be in Japanese (neglecting that the game is set to Japanese, imagine the default is like a common tongue or something lol).

- He specialises in heavier mech tech, developing protective wear and other durable things to work with. She hopes to intern with Charon eventually and work to study the containment of blot.

Now for another set of triplets, these ones all in Ignihyde...

🕰️Ye-Jin Ryu🕰️

Second Year - (she/her) - Sapphic

So these next three characters are representative of the Fates, they're Korean.

- Ye-Jin is my 'past' character. I styled her hair is an older-fashioned wavy cut and gave her some classy pearl earrings to give that 🌸vintage aesthetic🌸.

- Her primary skill set and interest is in re-purposing older things and upgrading them i.e. keeping the older aesthetic but making the mechanisms modern and remove the fear that it'll break down from overuse and whatnot.

- As such, she's a sucker for antiques and older fashion trends, mostly consisting of long skirts and formal wear. That being said, she still wears properly protective gear w an working on one of her projects.

- A hobby of hers is photography and she loves both actually taking photos as well as experimenting with different kinds of old cameras. She's a part of a photography club and also has a photo wall in her room.

- Never one to slack, she enjoys journalling and writing letters in her pass time as well. A hopeless romantic, she and Chanda share a class and Ye-Jin writes little posty notes for her.

Now for the present..

🛰️Ji-Ho Ryu🛰️

Second Year - (she/they) - Heteroromantic Bisexual

- Ji-Ho is the present and reflects a more modern Korean makeup style and haircut. I think she'd have reading glasses but only wear them when necessary.

- She has an interest in modern technology and pushing its limits. Adding more storage to a computer than typically offered, making a car even more gas efficient, that kind of stuff.

- They like a combination of things but are actually a part of the Spelldrive Club. She wanted to try something new and expand their bases. It gave her some insight for a recent interest in prosthetics she's developed.

For the final Fate,

���Dae Ryu👾

Second Year - (she/they/it) Agender - Pansexual

- Dae is the future! I gave her more sci-fi-y makeup and a bit more flare in its hairstyle. Some piercings and ta dah!

- They specialise in bio-tech. Looking at nature to modify scientific approaches and being more environmentally friendly. Sustainability is a top priority for Dae.

- She wants to eventually make basic resources easily accessible to all and is doing its best to work out a solution. They're connecting the dots lol.

- Dae is a part of the hiking club and loves being around nature as much if not more than being in her lab. They often go hiking with Chunying on weekends.

For the last Ignihyde student and the final Benoit...

💀Cooper Benoit💀

First Year - (they/he) Nonbinary - Queer

- Cooper is twisted from Barrel and is the last of the Benoit family to be introduced. They are a very booksmart person and a math nerd.

- He's also disabled and typically uses a wheelchair. As such, they have been working on trying to improve the school's general accessibility as even with magic, NRC's campus can be difficult to navigate in a wheelchair.

- Similarly to Idia, Cooper is a total cat person and he and Idia take care of the strays together. Cooper's slowly memorising the names lmao.

That's all for Ignihyde! Diasomnia will be out tomorrow, promise! Tyty 🩷🩷🩷

[mitamicah]

Its actually funny for me to see that so many asexual people are Käärijä fans now 😆

I'm ace too

you're right: we are interestingly many aces that has fallen head over heals for him x'D I mean how could we not yet it is still quite interesting and something that could be fun researching a bit further why we gravitate towards him 🤔

Writing this I actually got a few theories in my head (I can only speak for myself of course so take this with as much salt you find nesescary)

For me Käärijä represents an authenticity that is outside of that linked to sexual attraction - he is just fully his own goofy self and that makes people love him. I think he also might be one of the most loved contestant BY the other contestants this year but I could be biased having mostly seen preparty and backstage clips relating to Käärijä and Joker Out.

That is the other thing I really love seeing as an aroace person: that Käärijä just got to be friends with everybody and created very strong bonds with pretty much everybody to the point that half the contestants went to him when the winner was announced instead of congratulating Loreen (no shade on her).

I love that Käärijä shows how important and pure platonic relationships can be and that not everything in the world has to be about romantic chemistry or sex appeal (those two things to me are more of a bonus so I am so not saying that he doesn't have or deserve to have either).

As a sidenote I adore that Käärijä seemingly got adopted by the Joker Out guys from the moment he and Bojan bonded and to me at least the relationship the guys have read very queerplatonic, which again is very ace coded if you ask me.

It doesn't help either that his outfit is very aro coded and the fact he has stated he doesn't really enjoy writing love songs (and has only written 2 himself) 🤣💚

So in short- he is just out here being his authentic self and I love that for him 🥺💚

Also hi fellow ace person, you seem so cool 🤗

(Sorry this reply got so long x'D)

[our-aroace-experience]

Hi! I was on the asexual tag saw this blog and just wanted to see if anyone else who is aspec can relate to my ramblings. Rambling tldr: not claiming a label despite that label actually relating to my experiences because it just doesn't fit perfect enough and because it doesn't fit perfect enough in my mind I don't think I want to use it.

Now, back in 2020 I claimed being 'asexual' by name and then a couple of months later claimed being aroflux which eventually changed to 'greyaro' over a year later. And those two terms fit me the best, grey aro ace is me. However, because I'm greyaro I still feel romantic attraction though it is rare but its still present enough in my mind to continually be wondering about what label to put it as. For the most part, I don't have a label even when the attraction - romantic/sensual/alterous/aesthetic - arises. Which again doesn't rise often, but I daydream about it a lot or reminisce about old crushes - particularly the one about a girl way back in high school days. (Let me tell you that was a wild time in my mind). Back then I was thinking I was bisexual only to cancel it out because I didn't want to have sex with her. However I never questioned if I wanted to have sex with boys (I just assumed I would, thanks heteroallonormativity). But the romantic feelings I had for her were the same like the boy crushes (which came up every few years). And for a timeline purposes, before her my last crush (boy) was in the 7th grade, she was the 11th grade, and my last crush currently was senior year of undergrad college (the best one honestly I could actually talk to him and not be overly ridden with anxiety and embarrassment). And despite so many years passing I always wonder - does the bi label fit? Was that with her an bi experience? I know its whatever I feel like it was but also I'm wondering if my hesitation is because deep down having that bi label attached makes the 'im not straight' thought more permanent? If that makes sense? Like 'im not straight' in any way, not even hetero aro/ace? And maybe that thought just makes my head spin a little. I thought about the pan label too; but when I read the definition to see the differences between bi and pan I realized that pan definition doesn't connect the closest but bi does. However I still can't always make it fit. It's like when I was going by aroflux despite the fact it did not fit for me, it was clunky in my brain calling myself that. But then I read about grey-aromantic and it fit perfect! But not my romantic orientation is still in murky waters; I ID as a girl so for the most part of my life boys have been what I've been romantically attracted to, however hetero isn't me. I usually just go as fluid for all my attraction titles which I do like but that opens up more discussion of "okay, but who, what gender?" So in that case I guess bi would be the correct answer...despite the fact gender doesn't play a part (hence fluid label I go with and or queer) but it isn't all genders I fall for, I lean in some directions more than others. So it kind of does, doesn't it? But again I'm like "....meh it just doesn't fit/doesn't fit the way I want." And I am one of those people who agree that you don't have to use every label or any label including micro (for example, aegosexual I can relate to but I don't feel the need to have two microlabels) however, once I start thinking in depth I start to question myself as I do because I'm a thinker. And I think a lot because in real life I'm not in the space where I can speak about this openly with the people in my life.

Wonder if anyone else has had something like this on and off throughout their life too?

Thanks for listening~

you can be bi and greyromantic at the same time, if that helps! but not wanting labels is totally valid and if that feels best then go for it!

[theodoraflowerday]

heartstopper s3e1 live episode reaction

alright everybody I am *so* ready

did y'all know I'm so deeply in love with tori spring? because I love her. Ilyvs I love you victoria spring

god I love everyone

TAO I SWEAR omg he's so CUTE

bro taoelle are everything that's good in the WORLD

oh darcy my love my darling

bro THEYRE SO CUTEEEEEE

GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW *SO MUCH* SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEEEEE

omg imogen is here I LOVE YOU IMOGEN

WAS THAT A SPLIT SECOND NICKTAO HUG OHHHHH OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH

god I want a group of friends

I love everyone in this show so muuuuch

so you told imogen not to bring all that??? so you're COMMUNICATING???? IMOGEN/SAHAR?????

that shot was SO CUTE nobody touch me I love the paris squad so much

oh okay I see u charlie

oh.... the sparks.... I see you Both

oh NO NOT AN IMAGINE SPOT I CANT DO THOSE I'LL DIE

OH NO THE SUNSCREEN BIT WAS *SO CUTE* WJAKFJSKGJDKGJDKG

OH NYOGJDLGKDLFKDLGKDL I LOVE THEM

NICK STOP KISSING YOUR BOYFRIEND AND HURRY UP

poor isaac next to them, I'm sure he must've been like "oh.... not again"

tao is so obsessed with elle he's so relatable i

god they're SO CUTE

I DONT CARE I HATE GENDER AAAHAJDHSJFHSKFJSKFJSK NONBINARY DARCY LETS FUCKIN *GO*

also that dap between nick and darcy..... chaos siblings incoming let's fuckin go

truly nothing like the camaraderie between a bisexual and a nonbinary. nothing but contempt for the concept of gender.

"charlie, you're already dating" god im SO isaac lmao

"I think I'm immune" OH ISAAC

SO YOU THINK YOU'RE ASEXUAL THEN

SCREAMS AND CRIES AND THROWS UP

PROBABLY AROMANTIC TOO AI CANNOT *BELIEVE* TBISJFKDJGKDJG

I can't believe I just heard the word "aromantic" in a mainstream Netflix series I'm gonna start crying lmao

"just can't be bothered to give everyone a vocab lesson" wow isaac is so extremely fuckin relatable

by the end of these 8 episodes I probably will end up finally committing to the aroace label just wait

I LOVE YOU - AW I LOVE YOU TOO MY BABIEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS

bro that was...... so gentle. that kiss. the voice. oh my god. that was so gentle. im in tears

"what came first, the fish or the chips?" somehow the fact that darcy wasn't the one asking this is the best part

but also god.... charlie...... oh I'm suffering (and so is nick)

they better keep this nicktara energy going, I love their friendship so MUCH

god nick is such a worrier too bye

"she's so much safer living with me" bro :(

WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU'D DO ANYTHING TO HELP THEM oh Tara you have no idea

oh. nick's youtube rabbit hole, the sad remix

"you're doing your best" "so are you" nobody even BREATHE in my DIRECTION oh my god

sidenote I wonder if the girls feel so much safer going in the sea just by their scary dog* privilege (*nick just looks scary tho he's a baby)

oh i will cry

oh I can't wait for the parallel gifsets with their first beach scene

WHAT? IN PUBLIC??? NICHOLAS???????

oh

well, that was surprising. charlie def didn't downplay that in the book

"I don't think they do" yeah well your brain lies to you, charlie

OH HE'S CRYING

ARE YOU ANGRY AT ME NICK BABY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

bro I'm in shambles

if I see the word "aromanticism" again I might genuinely burst into tears bro

charlie's such a good friend. and boyfriend. and everything. charlie can we have this energy for yourself too

nick's such a cuddly baby bear idk how charlie can stand it

ONLY IF ITS NOT MARVEL - OH YEAH FORGOT YOU HAVE NO TASTE AKFJSLGJDLGJDLGKDLGGJDLGJDLGKD

oh my god I forgot about agatha I have to watch after I'm done here

oh fuck oh godn

oh I was so stressed I forgot I've been waiting for this for OVER A YEAR oh my GOD I don't wanna watch

oh, there's other stuff first thank god

bro darcy ily but what the FUCK is up with the mess oh my god

I hope darcy's grandma is nice :(

PLEASE DON'T BURN DOWN MY HOUSE oh my god yan you are a SAINT and a DELIGHT

AND YOU'RE THE BEST THING THATS EVER HAPPENED TO ME I DONT WANNA LOSE YOU oh my god tao baby

NOT THE PICTURE MONTAGE I'M GONNA KICK SOMETHING

sidenote nick's lil bi flag, me too

oh good lord jesus christ I can't take this

oh my god

oh my hod

oh my gifb

oh my god og my god oh my god

ohmymgod

CHARLIE'S TEARY EYES NO

CLOTHES

OHMG

OH NO

IM

WHY'S HE RUNNING LIKE TJATJSKGJSLFKSLGJDLGKDLFKF

oh my hod

oh m yog

bro im literally in tears that was a thousand times softer than i thought it was gonna be

oh. my hod

god

i don't know how to react bro there's literal tears running down my face

hold on I'm watching again

new favorite narlie scene? probably yea

SO IN LOVE YOU'D WALKNTO MY HOUSE WITH NO SHOES ON - YEAH THATS HOW IN LOVE I AM

IM NOTD

copingggggg

YOU'D DO THE SAME FOR ME - YEAH I WOULD

IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO RIP MY HAIR OFF

bro nick and charlie...... top 5 fictional characters of all time no question no doubt I love them so much idk what to do

oh man that was so fucking much

[anangelforsure]

I am asexual. Many of my favorite fictional characters and robots or inhuman. What do those things have in common? I’m glad you asked.

In this essay I aim to highlight some connections between inhuman characters and the ace community, largely based off of my own experiences and the experiences of others I have read on the internet. This is going to be a niche and personal piece, as sexuality is a unique experience for every individual.

Some of the characters and media I will touch upon include Mettaton from Undertale, the animatronics from the Five Nights at Freddy’s series, Crowley from Good Omens (tv), AM from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream (radio show), and the dolls from the Barbie movie.

(*gentle CW for a bit of a vent about personal experiences in paragraph 6- after the FNAF bit. As much as I’d like to have a professional analysis style, this is an art piece)

Asexuality is a difficult topic due to its complicated and varying nature. Identifying as asexual does not mean one straightforward thing, and it can be hard to explain what it means without being too narrow in the definition. So, to briefly explain for anyone who does not know: to be asexual generally means a person does not experience sexual attraction towards others. There are people who identify as being under the ace umbrella who do experience some sort of limited or condition-dependant sexual attraction. An ace person can experience romantic attraction, or maybe they don’t, and are aromantic as well as ace (research the Split Attraction Model for more detail. Aromanticism and asexuality can overlap in many areas, but I will be focusing on asexuality). An asexual person may have sex with others for various reasons, or they may not. Libido and sexual attraction are separate entities.

Now that we have a basic understanding of asexuality, let me get into the fun part, character analysis!

I will start with Mettaton. Mettaton is a hugely popular character in the trans community due to his backstory being an obvious allegory for transitioning. Hundreds of people have written about it better than I ever could, and so I will not waste my time trying to add something new to the discussion. My take on his hypothetical sexuality is what I think sets my views apart. Now, I adore all interpretations of this character, the delightful thing about headcanons is that as many versions of a character as you want can exist simultaneously. Due to his flirty personality, Mettaton is very commonly sexualized (and we do! Wholeheartedly! /ref). But in order to make everything about me, I take it upon myself to headcanon his robotic existence as a metaphor for asexuality. Think about it, a character who so desperately wanted to become something more, to take a form that will make him more relatable and palatable to the masses. The possibilities for gender/ sexuality headcanons are endless. To get more literal, he is a robot. And robots do not generally contain the hardware required for human procreation, you know? So his attitude can be seen as an overcompensation for that void, the lack of true understanding of human sexuality. Or rather, an attempt to cover the unavoidable truth that he will never be truly human. Avoiding alienation is a task many ace people perform in their daily lives, as it is frowned upon by some to be uncomfortable with sex, as the topic of discussion or jokes, not to mention the issues it raises in potential romantic relationships. Sometimes ace people will take part in uncomfortable conversations, or even perform sexual actions they don’t want to, simply to fit in. For example, many of us have a history of making up crushes to relate to our peers at school, rather than admit we didn’t feel that way about anyone. The fear of being unable to relate is an ever present and strong one.

Another example of robots representing asexuality is FNAF. This stems mainly from the many amazing fan works that have come from this fandom, giving the animatronics distinct personalities seperate from the canon possession from the games. As much as I adore the messy franchise, I am partial to the idea of sentient robots, rather than haunted. It is a fascinating idea, the animatronics having artificial intelligence so advanced that they are self aware, they know that they were used in the missing child incidents but were powerless to stop anything. The few canon instances of sentient AI that I cling to come from Security Breach, once is when Freddy is brought into a room with spare endoskeletons he has a moment of panic where he questions his creation and the nature of his existence. The other is when Gregory asks Freddy why he is helping him rather than hunting him like the other bots, and Freddy struggles to answer. The other robots are his friends, and yet they are monsters. My heart aches for him in those brief moments, his touchingly human feelings are distinct from our own because of their roots in artificiality. A sort of isolation, as asexuality can be. Knowing there is something slightly off about yourself, a barrier that prevents you from fully understanding others.

You can come to feel like a monster, when you’ve tried so hard yet failed to feel the way you’re supposed to in a relationship. When you end up hurting the person you were supposed to love, because you’re not the person you thought you could be. You go through the motions, hoping that something changes, maybe once you get comfortable things will click and you’ll be normal.

The realization that those feelings are not going to happen is sickening. You’ve strung them along, wasted their time trying to fix a broken machine. And the worst part is that underneath it all you knew. You knew it was never going to work, and you selfishly tried it anyways. Even more selfishly, you know in your heart that their injury is not what is causing the pain gripping your chest. It’s the cold weight of your darkest fear coming true. You are broken. You’re incomplete. Unforgivable…

Which brings me to my next character. The demon Crowley from the Good Omens TV series. While he is not a robot, Crowley is certainly not human. And despite living on earth for thousands of years, as an immortal being he struggles to totally understand human existence, the power of free will. His experience with free will is that it turns you into a monster. “I won’t be forgiven. Not ever. It’s in the demon job description. Unforgivable, that’s what I am”. It applies to all queer people, because it really is just… part of our job description. There will always be people who see something wrong with you. Crowley’s relationship with Aziraphale drives the point home even harder. Aziraphale, as Crowley’s closest companion, cannot understand him either. The line between them, Aziraphale believing in the existence of a ‘right’ side, while Crowley knows there is no such thing, means he ultimately walks alone. It can be difficult to connect with other asexual people, I have always been the only one in my friend groups. As much as I know I am loved and accepted by my friends, they can’t understand this aspect of me.

I do not have a strong lead in for my next character, but I feel so strongly about them considering the source material is only half an hour long. AM, from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream, specifically the radio show. This character is a horrifically evil totalitarian AI, created by the very species he despised so much he wiped them from the planet. How exactly could a villain like AM tie into this? Well, I fully believed he was going to be completely cold and unlikeable, up until this one line: “Because in all this wonderful, beautiful, miraculous world, I alone had no BODY, no SENSES, no feelings. Never for me to plunge my hands in cool water on a hot day. Never for me to play Mozart on the ivory keys of a forte piano. Never for ME to MAKE LOVE. I was in hell, looking at heaven. I was machine and you- Were flesh.” This says it all, literally. I would highly recommend listening to the radio drama, the written lines don’t do it justice. The wavering in AM’s bitter, hatred-soaked voice struck me right in my core as I went ‘oh’… and all of a sudden he wasn’t quite as much of a tyrannical evil as before. AM has no physical form, and that is the cause of his endless suffering. More than anything, he wants to be the very thing he hates so much. Human. To experience corporeal existence in all its limited glory. As heavy handed as it sounds, yes, this really hits hard as an ace person. The emptiness, once you recognize it, is incredible.

Another form of the no-body/ no genitals thing we have going on with AM and the robots comes from the Barbie movie. They flat out state that the dolls have no genitalia. Again, I will admit that is a heavy handed way to present an ace allegory, especially considering the nuance that goes into ace identities, remember that it’s not all about the act of sex. But the thing about art is that it doesn’t have to be taken literally. A lack of genitals can be more of a metaphor for lacking what they represent. I also want to draw from the music in this movie. ‘I’m Just Ken’ sung by Ryan Gosling, as silly and fun as it is, contains the line “I want to know what it’s like to love, to be the real thing” which is surprisingly impactful. Coming from an inhuman character, wanting to experience the real thing.. I fear I’m getting a little repetitive here as I try to come up with unique ways to drive my points home. Barbie and Ken each struggle with their existence, and wanting to be more than they are. The song ‘What Was I Made For?’ by Billie Eilish Is another really good piece of this movie. Ace people often have the titular question on their mind. Without attraction driving us to procreate, what is the purpose of our lives? Obviously it is ridiculous to reduce humanity down to that in this day and age, but it is subtly ingrained into society so much so that it can be shocking to family members and friends when an individual is not looking to start a family. There is also a common misconception that sex/love are what define us as human. We are so much more than that.

Now that I mention music, I have a small selection of songs that encompass some of the feelings I am trying to convey, sticking to the theme of asexuality and otherness with the robotic/inhuman metaphor as best I can.

‘A Human’s Touch’ by TWRP is the first song on my list. I have seen this song used by many of the fandoms I have referenced above, which really fuels the personal connection here. The song is, a lament of technology past that doubles as a metaphor for a broken relationship. Things we used to adore but no longer have a use for, yearning for someone to pick them back up and make them useable again. From an ace perspective, the notion of being replaced or discarded when a newer, better version shows up is all too real. Sometimes ace people are treated by allosexual people as a last resort, or a placeholder until the other person finds someone more compatible, more willing to do or able to feel the things ‘normal’ people should. “Am I just a toy to you, my love?” Is a question I have asked myself when someone I used to know would come back to me whenever their ‘real’ relationships ended badly.

Steam Powered Giraffe is a really cool band, I love that almost every song is about being a robot. “Brass Goggles” was the song that put me onto them. There’s a lot going on in this song, but there are some really hard lines lamenting robotic life. “Will I ever be something with feelings to hide? Or am I just a boiler with nothing inside?” Wondering why they are alive, what constitutes being alive and human. I think I’ve said as much as I can say about the connection between robots wondering why they exist and can’t feel what a human does, and an ace person wondering why they can’t feel what others do, and why they were born that way.

‘Cabinet Man’ by Lemon Demon is such a cool song for the robotic metaphor. It is about a person who is somehow reanimated as an arcade machine, and is no longer quite human. In particular I like this line- about having people come from all over to see and to play this machine- “this must be what love would have felt like”. It can weigh on you sometimes, thinking that maybe something else is the closest you will ever get to ‘true’ love. Maybe you can’t feel what the humans feel, but isn’t it nice to know that maybe this is what it would have been like…

‘Fake Plastic Trees’ by Radiohead is a little more abstract, as is classic Radiohead fashion. But the general theme is the fakeness of society. To me, this resonates with the way society imposes itself upon asexual people. A culture steeped in sex, where everything is catered towards allosexual people. Simply put,“It wears me out”. Another notable line “she looks like the real thing, she tastes like the real thing, my fake plastic love” I see as coming from the partner of an ace person, resigned to loving a shallow imitation of a human. It’s how I fear I will be seen by a partner, not quite the real thing, but close enough for now.

Now to end on a lighter note, I do love being ace. As much as it can be difficult to navigate the world as an under-acknowledged queer identity, it is beautiful. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. We are an integral piece of the infinite variety that comes from humans. If you are ace, I love you. If you can relate to my experiences, we’re gonna figure it all out someday, I promise.

So, in summary, I really enjoy an inhuman character’s inability to totally grasp humanity as an allegory for queerness, asexuality in particular. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading!

[musicoftheheart]

Heyy!

I just had a question, but no pressure to answer! What do the 2 flags on your profile picture mean/represent?

Have a good day!! <33

hi!! thank you so much for asking! i love talking about it so id be happy to explain!

the flag on the right is the genderfluid flag! for me, this means that my preferred pronouns and gender changes and fluctuates a lot. online, i tend to use all pronouns all the time as thats easier for me, but in person my friends will usually ask what my preferred pronouns are at that moment/day and use those! typically i wont entirely use she/her or he/him at any time — ill tend to cycle through either she/they, they/them, or he/they. some days, though, a mix of all of them (or use of conflicting pronouns and honorifics, i.e. shes my boyfriend/hes my girlfriend) are more comfortable, especially if im struggling to pin down what feels right that day. (one of my friends recently told me that theyve noticed little things i do when my gender shifts while we're hanging out, like changing the way im sat or pitching my voice differently, which is something i hadnt even realised, but that always makes me feel so seen when they start using whichever pronouns fit with what they noticed <3)

the flag on the left is the abrosexual flag! its a much lesser known and represented identity from what i can tell, unfortunately, but hopefully the more i (and others) talk about it, the more people will learn about it :) abrosexuality means that my sexuality is fluid and will change a lot too. ive found that most of the shifts in my sexuality happen to align with changes in my gender identity too (for example, i have a much stronger attraction to men when im using he/they pronouns compared to she/they) but thats not the same for everyone! some shifts in my sexuality, especially regarding where i sit on the asexuality spectrum, arent related to my gender identity at all. you also dont have to be genderfluid to be abrosexual, ive just noticed that they seem to sync and line up well in my case.

to summarise: ive never made a damn decision in my life 😂😂

thanks again for asking! i hope that all made sense, or if you have any other questions id be more than happy to answer them! 🥰

have a good day! <3

[toffeebrews]

Time has come. So what do you think about Cross x Nightmare, Killer x Nightmare and Error x Nightmare? (yeah, 3 in one hehe)

I kinda understand first 2 but the third one was always questionable for me

I realize now an ask like this is probably asking for my opinions on the ship rather than yapping about hcs.... Personally not a big fan of nightmare ships! Just because of how I see nightmare I'm just not sure if he could? Even if my version of him is different then canon (you'll see him...someday). Idk my view of him is weird. For this, I'll just go with assumption Nightmare can love unlike the canon. For fun of course! I'm a canon bender what can I say.

Crossmare I personally have never really gotten. Their relationship is? Not good in anyway and I don't?? really see cross actually liking nightmare? Perhaps I just missed something but I believe Cross saw their relationship as transactional. Same goes for nightmare of course. I don't see it going beyond that. But like go off bro ✨

(more yapping under the cut)

this one image by @/jakei95 is funny though (I'm only posting the first part LMAOO)

Killermare however I can see the appeal. As I said, don't really know much about killer. However, the head and the henchmen? Yeah, I like that trope lol. I like to think they have a sort push and pull dynamic that while yes Killer have a sorta...dependent relationship killer isn't like?? trusting of nightmare at first?? Eugh its hard for me to word but like... killer has a bit of pull back and isn't just... an softie i suppose? I see Nightmare actually enjoying the presence of Killer over other characters. They would have a spicy (not as in sexual though I love the hc that killer is asexual LMAO) dynamic though. There's probably a better word but I can't think of it rn. Unlike cross killer has more... uh? feistiness to him ig. Not that cross wouldn't have but I suppose I mean killer's words could actually have an impact on nightmare while I don't think cross could ever effect nightmare. Hopefully I worded that correctly. Also like... killer enjoys killing and cross doesn't? I find from what I've found (which is like two comics so far I'll finish it all someday...) of their canonical dynamic quite fascinating.

I'll be honest I just like this ship because of this. one image I found drawn by @/rahafwabas . A joke post obviously but it's so silly I said "yeah I kinda get it." That and you killer fans posting about it converted me.

What a goofball huh? Anyway.

Errormare I can't really see either. I could maybe see them working together if they had too but only then. Especially since Error would be a PAIN to work with. Unlike someone like Ink, Nightmare wouldn't allow himself to be friends/in relations with someone if he was constantly interrupting his plans or interceding his goals. Error would do that since he destroys aus and Nightmare wants to keep these aus around to feed off their negativity. Idk I feel like Error wouldn't listen to nightmare and that would annoy the hell out him LMAO! Maybe if they both went on a ✨ self care ✨ journey they could be like redemption bros or something

To you shippers out there though love you all anyway even if I can't see it!

[synonymroll648]

no hummingbirds, no butterflies (just soft whirrs & peaceful daylight)

pairings/relationships: queerplatonic keefex, minor mentions of dex’s dynamics with his parents, + referenced dadwin (keefe & elwin as a parent-son duo of sorts)

tws: minor (autistic) overstimulation, anxiety, touch starvation, swearing, implied sexual humor (keefe’s here, what’d you expect), and i think that’s it - but please let me know if there’s more that should be added! 

summary: “I—okay, fine. You’re not patient with gadgets or alchemy or anything that’s a project,” Keefe laughs, and then his voice goes…gentle. Like midnight rain. “But you’re patient with people. You’re patient with me.”

You’re patient with me, Keefe says, and Dex thinks, What an interesting way to say ‘I love you’. 

-

OR: An exploration of what Keefe and Dex’s dynamic could’ve been if Keefe hadn’t run off to the forbidden cities.

additional notes: happy final day of @keefex-week 2023, even if this is for the day 1 prompt queerplatonic! i started this fic back in feburary as an ayyam-i-ha gift for the one and only wonderful @bookwyrminspiration​, but didn’t finish in time, and then i tried finishing it in time for its tumblr bday, and didn’t finish in time for that either. but at least i finished in time for this! i hope you enjoy the third draft of keefex being queerplatonic and neurodivergent (i wrote this with autistic!dex in the front of my mind. also, this entire fic was inspired by this keefex shitpost i made [and the really gay eckodon scene in book 4].) comments and constructive criticism are appreciated!

word count: 6.4k

ao3 link (recommended)

taglist: @gay-otlc @purplesoup-lad-le @when-wax-wings-melt @asexual-juliet @cowboypossume @xanadaus 

fic under the cut :)

Out of all the things that can surprise Dex Dizznee at 12:21am, getting hailed by Keefe Sencen isn’t one of them. 

The buzzing of his imparter laying on his bed cuts through the quiet ambiance of the noisemakers carefully placed in his room. The gadget Dex has mindlessly fidgeted with for minutes on end gets set down on his desk, and he carefully steps through the mess on his floor to pick up the hail. 

(After turning the volume down, because Keefe has accidentally woken up Dex’s parents from laughing too loud on more than one night like this.)

“Heeeey, Dexy,” Keefe deliriously croons across the line. 

Deliriously is the correct description, Dex knows, because Keefe only ever uses that tone when his guard is down—and after Loamnore, lowered guards only ever occur after a mental breakdown or from serious sleep deprivation. 

Or both.

“Hello to you too, at this totally reasonable hour for the two of us to be awake,” Dex sits down on the edge of his bed, tucking his feet up onto the mattress. 

A snicker. “Tooooootally.” 

Dex does a brief internal analysis of his face—he doesn’t have enough time to be thorough without being awkward, but no mental notes at all is bound to leave him floundering later on in the conversation. 

Dark circles → Keefe is probably at least halfway out of his mind.

Bedhead → Keefe is definitely at least halfway out of his mind.

Lots of blankets and pillows → Keefe is either content or in the middle of an existential crisis. 

Slightly more prominent freckles across the bridge of his nose than usual →  Congratulate Keefe on getting some sunshine. 

Keefe starts talking again, and Dex is glad that he doesn’t have to be the one to resume conversation. “What’d I interrupt?” 

“Me trying to get work done for the Black Swan or school but being too tired to think properly.” 

“I’m guessing you’re also too awake to go to sleep.” 

“Bingo,” Dull exasperation on Dex’s end. 

“Relatable.” Fatigue softens the ‘t’ so much that it’s only implied at best. Relatable is surrender wearing a humorous mask; Keefe’s favorite shield.

You need to say something. It’s the start to an all-too familiar chain reaction. He almost lists out all the ways You need to say something evolves into something much more panic-inducing, since lists usually help, but this is one of those few exceptions where listing it all out will screw him over. 

So Dex starts on the steps to prevent that, with an inhale quiet enough that Keefe hopefully doesn’t think he’s sighing. Next is grasping for something to contribute. Something silly, preferably. 

Dex is a second slower to reply than he’d like, but he finds something that works. His headspace relaxes once he asks, “Is the bingo card or the bingo pieces or the bingo itself relatable?” 

“Hmmmmm, good question…” Keefe tilts his gaze up to the ceiling of his starry bedroom at Splendor Plains. 

Dex takes his thoughtful pause as an opportunity to study Keefe further. He notes gulon pajamas, and eyelashes that are long and dark and confusingly nice to look at—which makes him think of the eckodon ride to Alluveterre, the first time he’d really noticed them—which makes heat begin to fester under his skin, because that was a lot of physical contact and—

—Keefe starts talking again, and it’s enough to get his brain to shut up. “Bingo pieces, probably. Sometimes I get put in situations where things work out, and sometimes I get put in situations where they don’t. Comes down to everyone else’s luck.” 

The Keefe is either content or in the middle of an existential crisis part of Dex’s mental notes from earlier resurfaces at the front of his mind, and he leans a little more towards preparing for helping Keefe through an existential crisis. 

Then Dex leans a few degrees back into the or part of the note, once Keefe cracks, “Kinda like all the backstories we came up with for Keebler elves.” 

Laughter, fast and loose and loud, threatens to explode out of Dex’s chest. He quickly covers his mouth, unable to help looking away and throwing his head back while he tries to not disturb the sleepy nighttime air that blankets Rimeshire. 

When Dex looks back down at Keefe, there’s a proud grin crinkling the corners of his eyes, smushed up against the cozy mess of his bedding. Keefe wrestles a hand out from under the blankets it was trapped under, and points directly at his imparter camera. “You thought it was funny, don’t deny it,” 

“I won’t,” Dex relents. A wistful sigh almost turns into snickers, since he’s apparently spent way too many nights talking with Keefe over the past few months. “That was probably the funnest reason for pulling an all-nighter.” 

A giggle. More than one giggle, actually. A whole stream of them, like a human song kids would get hooked on. (Giggles. Keefe is undoubtedly delirious, guaranteed to be more than halfway out of his mind. There’s no other explanation for him being so light and sunny at 12:26 in the morning.) “Best all-nighter eeee-ver! No school, just the silly.” 

Dex arcs an eyebrow like the sunrise that’s hours away. “The silly?” 

“The silly!” Beaming a childish grin, Keefe’s fist punches out of his heap of blankets and up into the air, almost as if he’s cheering for something. 

The force of it sends Keefe’s imparter—wherever it’s propped up on—toppling over. The view on Dex’s imparter shifts to close-up constellations behind glass. He hasn’t done well enough in his Universe class to be able to identify anything before Keefe cries, “Dex! Mrs. Stinkbottom! My dearest companions! Noooooooo!” 

This time, Dex has to gently bite down on his knuckles to keep himself from laughing too loud. 

(Dex has to stop himself from wondering too much about the depth behind My dearest companions too. Because he’s gone down far too many rabbit holes about whether or not he’s romantically attracted to Keefe and been left with a confusing answer of no, but also not being satisfied with the label platonic either. He just focuses on the joy of someone finding him valuable outside of his tech and alchemy skillsets.) 

There’s a smile on Dex’s face so wide it makes him feel dumb as he watches Keefe lean over his bed to try and grab at his imparter. Awkwardly angled footage goes a little fuzzy as Mrs. Stinkbottom gets pulled up before Dex. Well, not Dex, the imparter, since Dex is leaned back against his pillow and headboard and not collapsed on Keefe’s bedroom floor, but no one cares about technicalities like that other than Dex. 

Finally, Keefe’s hand presumably wraps around his imparter, and Dex’s screen is a blur as Keefe hauls ‘him’ up. “I got a little too silly for the world to handle,” he pouts. 

“The world? I don’t think me and Mrs. Stinkbottom count as the world. Pretty sure there’s a lot more to the world than that.” 

“Well, that’s the only part of the world I care about right now.” 

Don’t read into it, don’t read into it, don’t read into it— 

Dex doesn’t read into it. Because he’s a master at this seemingly mythical thing called self-restraint, if his friends are anything to go by. “I dunno, I’m pretty sure you care about your blankets and pillows right now,” 

Keefe’s lips thin into a disconcerted line. “...Yeah, I do. Caught me red-handed,” he mumbles, relaxing further into the comfortable disaster he’s wrapped himself in. “But that’s it.” 

You sure about that? he wants to ask, but takes the few seconds of silence to consider his options and turn the conversation towards something else instead. “How much have you slept?” 

Things That Would Replicate Keefe’s Hysterical Laughter at That Question When Mixed Together Properly:

Tea kettles when their contents are boiling. 

Monkeys screeching. 

Gasps from someone who almost drowned. Or ran a long distance at a high speed and finally got to stop. Or something like that. 

A recording of someone’s sobbing or laughing that could pass as both to unaware listeners.

It’s a little startling—startling enough that he jumps at the unexpected change in sound. Frantically, he turns down his imparter volume. And then Dex tries to climb under his covers as quietly as he can and curls up on his side, so he can fake being asleep if his mom pops in to check on him. (She’s a light sleeper, which she’s jokingly coined as her proof that she married into the Dizznee family instead of being born into it.) 

Keefe wipes at his eyes. “You gotta specify a time frame, Dex. Tonight? The last twenty four hours? The last week? Etcetera,” 

It takes a blip of time to remember what they’re talking about. “Last twenty four hours.” 

“I took a nap after lunch. Ro woke me up for dinner. After that, I painted until I spilled my water jar on accident. Cleaning up made me realize how tired I was, so I tried to sleep. Buuuuut…” Something about the way Keefe’s facial expression just barely shifts makes Dex suspect that he’s either gonna cough up a hard truth or lie to cover it up. “my brain wouldn’t shut off. And now we’re here.” 

Dex takes a shot in the dark—literally. The only thing lighting up his room is his open curtains. Moonlight washes the room in pale silvers and a whole scale of blues. “Was it that you couldn’t stop thinking period, or you couldn’t stop thinking about the wrong things?” 

The steady, easy rise and fall of Keefe’s form stills. It resumes when Keefe sighs and says, “Does anything get past you?” 

I’ve spent my whole life analyzing everything to the best of my ability, because I’ve spent my whole life out of the loop and fighting to get in it. It’s late at night, and your guard’s down. Of course nothing you do gets past me. Too serious, too blunt. Killjoy of a response. Dex condenses it into something lighter, but still truthful. “When it comes to you, no, not that I know of.” 

“I feel like that’s a sign that I’ve overshared on one too many nightly hails over the past few months,” Keefe tries to laugh it off, but Dex can sense the nervous undertone. 

“I mean, if it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop you next time you try to open up,” Dex offers. He hopes Keefe doesn’t take him up on it. 

Dread begins to stir in his stomach as Keefe pauses to consider. It dissipates when Keefe says, “Nahhh, I trust you to not take advantage of me being stupid. Also, like—actually, you know what? Can I ramble about something? The only way my brain can make points is through stories right now. But if you want me to shut up, that’s fine.” 

“Ramble away,” Dex says. It’s nice being your number one person to talk to, even if I’m sure it won’t last forever. 

“Okay, so, earlier today—well, technically yesterday now, but no one cares—anyways. Anyways.” Keefe clears his throat, fist in front of his mouth. Eyebrows downturn in a way that’s either ironically or unironically serious; Dex can’t tell. 

Dex poorly suppresses a smile. Turns up the volume again to hear him better, and resolves to just remind Keefe, No sudden noises please, if he gets too loud again. 

“So basically, after Ro woke me up, Elwin knocked on my doorway today and told me dinner was ready if I was hungry. It was in the usual spot he leaves it for me since being in the same room as people is hard and he’s cool about me eating alone, y’know? I feel like I told you about that already, but whatever.” (Keefe has indeed told Dex about this routine. On multiple occasions.) “I hear his footsteps walking away, and I open the door and I say ‘Elwin?’”

“Out loud, or using signs?”

“Out loud,” Keefe confirms.

It’s been a month or two since Keefe managed to start saying short phrases to people aloud again, but it’s still difficult enough—especially without preparation beforehand—that it’s always a surprise to hear him mention talking out loud face-to-face recently. Dex’s eyebrows nearly touch his hairline. He holds back the Wow, Keefe, incredible job—genuinely, ready to jump off the cliff’s edge of his tongue. Lets Keefe keep talking. 

“So he turns around and he tilts his head in this way that’s like, hey, keep going. My nerves started acting up, but I managed to ask if we could eat at the table together. I had to clear my throat and clarify—well, I was really just rambling, but whatever—that sitting, like, right next to him would be too much. And I’d probably have to sit on the opposite end of the table, but he told me that was totally fine. No disappointment or anything. And we—we actually had a conversation. Not just a few sentences. I could keep up with talking back and forth for longer than a few minutes. And there was this point where he said…” Keefe stops. “He said, um. Hang on.” 

Keefe flops his face into his pillow. Dex suppresses an instinctual smile at the unintelligible noises that come out of Keefe’s throat, because he doesn’t know if they’re positive or negative. Yet. 

So he asks. “Is this good or bad?” 

Keefe nods. Confusion forms in a crease between Dex’s eyebrows. Some absurd part of Dex suspects Keefe can sense it through the screen, because he turns his face towards his imparter and clarifies, “Good. I think. I’ve just forgotten how to handle affection in general. And I’ve never known how to handle it from parental figures.” 

Parental figures has delighted surprise lighting up Dex’s face for a split second before he smooths his expression out into something neutral again. Elwin’s always been a lot better than Cassius. Keefe maybe, just maybe, finding someone else to call ‘dad’ or something like it would be good for him. 

Dex hopes they get there. Eventually. 

Dex also doesn’t know if it’s too early to tell Keefe that, so he errs on the side of caution. “From what I’ve heard you tell me, I don’t think Elwin minds that you don’t really know what you’re doing. But what did Elwin say to you? You cut yourself off.”

Keefe blinks, a bit slow to respond. “Sorry, I was processing that first sentence. Uh. He said that he was really proud of me. For,” —Keefe’s laugh in between words is bittersweet— “being so brave about all of this. And I thought he was playing up how he felt to make me feel better, so I told him that he didn’t have to lie to me. Then he told me that he was being dead serious, and he was sorry he didn’t say it more often. And he tried complimenting me more, but, um, I—I told him to stop because I didn’t want to start crying, y’know? Especially since I couldn’t—can’t hug him. Or anything like that,” 

Dex doesn’t really know how this relates to whatever point(s?) Keefe was trying to make earlier about trusting Dex, but he’ll roll with the punches. “I’m not a professional on emotions or anything, but I think it’s okay to get overwhelmed by someone being nice to you when you’re used to literally nothing at best.” 

“That’s…” Keefe goes quiet. Dex wonders if he said the right or wrong thing. Hopefully it was right. It feels right, at least. “That’s good to hear. Thanks.” 

“No problem,” Dex says, and gives him a tired smile. Not because he’s tired of Keefe, but because it’s who knows what hour in the morning now and Dex has been on a losing streak with his sleep schedule for roughly a week now. 

Keefe sighs. “I wish I could hug you,” he whines. “You’re always so nice about putting up with my bullshit, and you’re cute when you’re tired, and I call you all the time but I still miss you because it’s not the same as when I could wrap my arm around you and say I’ve got you, Dexy, without physical consequences.” 

There are many, many things that Dex could think in response to that. There are many, many things that Dex does think in response to that. But the first thing that comes to mind is if this conversation had been a string of imparter texts, Keefe would have written something along the lines of “:(((“ at least once just now. 

Keefe bulldozes on. “Like, you’re so…patient,” 

And then Dex cuts him off with a snort. “You are the first person I have ever heard call me patient. Ever.” 

“I—okay, fine. You’re not patient with gadgets or alchemy or anything that’s a project,” Keefe laughs, and then his voice goes…gentle. Like midnight rain. “But you’re patient with people. You’re patient with me.”

You’re patient with me, Keefe says, and Dex thinks, What an interesting way to say ‘I love you’. 

It’s an observation. Not a revelation, because Dex has known for months now that his dynamic with Keefe is defined by oddities. They are misfits on the outskirts of everything they know. They are two boys that don’t fit neatly into any boxes—one with a genetically modified ability that’s drastically altered his life in ways no one knows how to fix, and the other the son of a bad match that’s become a regent at 15 and a Black Swan technopath even younger. They are more than that, too, and they see all of that more in each other. They see all the mundane more and the wild more and all the more in between that doesn’t fit into any box society likes. They’ve been seeing more of all the more in one another over these past few months, and scrapping their discoveries together like spare parts into something that’s probably confusing and worthless to the rest of the world, but it works for them.

Progressing without refining, coloring outside the lines—it’s not what mechanics or artists are supposed to do, but for this piece, for their style, for their invention, it works for them.

This weird version of love that they have, that seems to permanently float either between or outside platonic and romantic binaries (Dex is too sleepy to tell): it works for them.

It works for them.

“You make being patient worth it, Keefe. You always do, in the long run.”

Half-lidded eyes shoot wide, and Dex can’t tell if the glaze over icy irises is due to tears or lighting until Keefe’s turning away and whining, “Dex, what the fuck did I say about not wanting to cry?” 

Dex is glad that his words touched Keefe, since his hands can’t. Appreciation presents itself through amused exhales at the smile on Keefe’s face that won’t go away. “I thought you liked honesty, though?” he teases. 

Keefe rolls back over in his twist of bedding to glare at his imparter, but it looks more like a pout. “Yeah, but I also like not having a crisis over whether or not—I’m pretending I live in an ideal world that doesn’t hate me, by the way—I want to draw you a bajillion times or paint you a bajillion times or tickle fight you until you’re in hysterics because I like the way your laugh sounds or hug you for an eon normally or hug you for an eon the way we did on the eckodon or if I want to kiss you. And I know that last part’s probably overreacting, but also, I can’t tell if it’s wanting to, like, kiss you on the cheek? Or more than that? Or less? Which makes things harder and way more confusing,” 

Dex’s eyebrows aren’t practically touching his hairline, they are touching his hairline. (In spirit. Because eyebrow muscles don’t work like that in the real world. He thinks.) Dex adds You want a REPEAT of the eckodon ride? onto his mental list of conversation topics, then asks the slightly more pressing question he got from Keefe’s rambling: “You want to kiss me?” 

Because Keefe Sencen? Renowned heartthrob that had half the girls at Foxfire wrapped around his finger without even trying that hard? Wanting to kiss him? Him? Dex Dizznee? The sheer notion was fucking absurd. Bonkers. Ridiculous.

“I mean—like—listen—okay, just, just let me explain before your brain runs wild, I know how you are,” Keefe splutters.

Dex suppresses a grin at Keefe being the flustered one for once. “Oh, I’m definitely listening.” 

“Okay, so, first off, kissing was a brief idea that popped into my head when I thought, How do I show Dex how much I care about him? Kind of like an afterthought. And the original afterthought was, like, impulsively kissing your cheek. In a goofy way. Not full-on making out with you or anything.” Keefe pauses, and two things shift in the meantime: Keefe’s facial expression tipping off of panic into thoughtfulness, and Dex’s facial color gradually sliding from its pale base color to a blush that only gets more vivid as Keefe talks. “Though I probably wouldn’t complain if we made out, but it’s not something I’m yearning for every second of every day or anything. The possibility only just hit me, after all. I want it if you want it, I mean. But if you don’t, I’m all good. We’re all good.” 

Dex blinks. Throws all caution to the wind, and thinks about it. Thinks about whether or not he’d like that kind of kissing from Keefe. Keefe would most likely start slow, because that feels like a Keefe thing to do, so Dex imagines that. Imagines how he might feel if they were whispering to directly into each other’s ears instead of each other’s imparters, if Keefe pulled him in for a kiss instead of keeping his distance without compromising himself—

—and almost immediately thinks No thanks. Which is a little odd, since he likes the way Keefe looks and acts, but his stomach hollows out at the idea of another mouth moving over his, no matter how kind the intention. Mashing two mouths together is an overrated display of affection hyped up too much by mom’s romcoms and other romance enthusiasts is the explanation for it that pops up into Dex’s head. The lack of spark or pull that Dex feels towards kissing in general plus the weirdness of textures and germs interacting through mouth to mouth contact probably factors into his opinion too.

Overriding that kind of mind and body instinct feels wrong, so Dex offers up more honesty to Keefe. “I think I’ll pass on the kissing. Making-out kissing, at least. Kissing anyone makes me feel weird—a bad kind of weird, if you get what I mean.” 

“Sir yes sir!” Keefe barks out, giving him a cheesy salute, and Dex giggles. “Thank you for making it easier to make my brain shut up about kissing you. The identity crisis prevention is appreciated.” 

“Of course, of course,” Dex jests. “But for the record, I don’t think you potentially wanting to kiss boys in general is a bad thing. As long as they’re good for you, y’know?” 

Quiet overlays Keefe’s demeanor, and Dex can practically hear the gears in his brain turning. Processing. Then Keefe gives a small smile and says, “Thanks, Dex. I’ll keep it in mind. Buuuuuut,” Keefe claps his hands suddenly, and Dex nearly jumps out of his skin. “I’m not in the mood for heavy introspection right now! Soooo…maybe you could tell me about the things I said that you’d be okay and not okay with instead? For the sake of, like, boundaries and stuff.” 

“Ah, yes. Discussing boundaries when we’re both sleep deprived and not thinking straight. Incredibly intelligent move.” 

Dex apparently didn’t put enough lightheartedness into his deadpan, because Keefe scrambles to backtrack. “I mean, yeah, you have a point, we can do that sometime later in daylight, or later, or never. Whatever you feel like. No worries.” 

“I was joking. We can and probably should talk about it now, even if we’re not 100% functioning,” Dex reassures. 

“Okay. Um. Where do you want to start?” 

Dex references his mental conversation prep list, and plucks out a relevant item he hasn’t used yet. (He will use the sunshine comment before the end of this hail, or so help him.) “Can we talk about the whole ‘basically wanting a repeat of the eckodon ride’ thing? Because in the moment you seemed pretty eager to end that, and I’m simultaneously confused and curious at your…change of heart, so to speak.” 

A hypothesis Dex will never be able to test the accuracy of: If Keefe weren’t under the weak starlight of his bedroom walls and somewhere brighter in this moment, Dex would be able to see a flush crawling over Keefe’s ears. Perhaps even over his cheeks, too. The musing is based on evidence—the hand running through Keefe’s bedhead, the loaded exhale, the averted gaze, the upper teeth worrying his lower lip. 

Anxiously, Keefe chants strings of swears under his breath before composing himself a little. “First things first, just to know how much of my dignity I’m losing here at whatever time of night it is right now, can you tell me how often you think about the eckodon ride? And what you think of it, if you do think of it at all?” 

Oh god. Dex had not prepped for actually talking about that. At all. 

So much for not floundering later on in the conversation, he curses his past self. 

“Do you want me to start right now and then just pause and backtrack when I word things wrong, or do you want me to try and get things sorted out before I talk?” Clarification and a counterattack, a delay of the inevitable. 

“Take your time,” Keefe murmurs. 

Dex does. While Keefe breathes in a purposeful pattern he messes up every now and then, Dex rearranges the scramble of thoughts in his head until every piece is in the right place. And then he double checks to make sure it’s right. And when he thinks Maybe I should triple check, he forces the words out into a freefall and hopes that when they collide into the connection between him and Keefe, it won’t hurt. “Before I get into emotional vulnerability, I would like to say that I still stand by my opinion that your breath stunk. You need to invest in having carry-on breath mints at all times, dude.” 

Keefe bursts out laughing, and it’s everything from playful ocean waves curling and splashing at his lower legs on a shoreline walk to distant melodies whispered in the wind. “I’ll do that, next time I go out,” Keefe promises, and for now, only Dex will ever know how big it is to hear Keefe make plans for a more social future he said he’d given up on at the beginning of these nighttime hails. “But only if you do too. Because I swear, your breath rivaled gulon farts, my guy.” 

But only if you do too. My guy. It softens Dex like the glow of the stars outside his window. His smile is a crescent in the dark. “Fine, fine, I will. Maybe I’ll make my own and hail you so you can watch alchemy antics.” 

“Please do. But finish talking first.” 

Dex takes a deep breath. “Okay. Uh. Where was I?” 

“Emotional vulnerability, I think?” 

Exhale, trace back to which thought he left off on, and go. Hurtle out of comfort and into the brilliantly terrifying unknown. Speak before the end of the fall. “Right, emotional vulnerability time. I don’t think of the eckodon ride every second of every day or anything. But it pops up from time to time. More often when I’m talking to you, of course, but it’s not like I can hear whale songs or see Z-shaped objects without at least briefly thinking about it. As for what I think of the eckodon ride, I think…” Dex falters. Stumbles. His carefully constructed thoughts flutter just out of reach. 

What was I thinking earlier? What have I thought about it before? “I think it was nice. Confusingly nice, but nice. I felt—it felt—it was different. A lot more physical contact than I was used to. And I guess I liked looking at you close up more than I was willing to admit before. Noticing little details was interesting—like how long your eyelashes are, since I didn’t really have anywhere to look but your eyes and I usually try to look close to people’s eyes but not quite since I get distracted by their eyes when they talk if I make eye contact, but we weren’t talking, and I just got to look, and—ugh, I’m rambling. That sounds weird. My words aren’t, I dunno what the word is—wording? Right? That’s wrong, but whatever. My words aren’t wording. You get what I mean.” 

Dex drags his hands down his face, and grimaces at the light layer of sweat that’s built up there in such a small amount of time. Has the freefall ended yet? Will his stomach please stop hollowing out? 

The freefall crashes to an end, and Dex slips out of the wind into into safe waters when Keefe asks, “So you didn’t mind how close we were the whole time?” 

With only the moon as a witness, the timidness in Keefe’s voice is clear. With only the moon as a witness, all the air empties out of Dex’s lungs when he says “I didn’t really mind, but I thought you did,” into what feels like six feet underneath the sky. 

Thuds pulse loudly in his veins and ears in the real silence. Every gentle slide of fabric moving with the crests and troughs of Dex’s breathing feels like the edge of too much, but Dex doesn’t know which side of the edge it falls onto. Staring at his imparter is too much now, too, so he turns his face into his pillow and swipes his thumb back and forth across his sheets as a nearly futile distraction from his frazzled senses. 

Keefe reels him out of it, out of the increasingly weird stimulation levels and the imaginary water. “I didn’t really mind either, and I didn’t know what to do with that, so I shoved you away and jumped to something that I understood. And then I tried not to think about it. Which worked for a while, but then Loamnore happened, and now it’s really hard to not think about how much I miss being close to people, which makes it extra hard to not think about the eckodon ride when I’m around you, and now we’re here.”

A hum vibrates in Dex’s throat; it resonates with all the gadgets scattered around his room on sleep mode. “So originally, you didn’t want to fully process the eckodon ride, but now that you have, you miss that kind of proximity?” 

“Yes,” Keefe breathes out a syllable and longing. 

“That makes sense,” Dex nods to himself. 

Contemplation lulls talking from either end of the line to sleep for a little while, but not Dex. Yet. At some point, Dex’s imparter slipped so that he couldn’t see Keefe and Keefe couldn’t see him. Not focusing on the changes in his expressions and environment, when it’s so late and quiet and Dex woke up at 2am yesterday and hasn’t slept since, makes it a little difficult to stay awake. 

“So if I end up being able to handle touching people at some point in the future,” Keefe starts, and Dex starts at the sudden verbalism and the hope in his voice that they both thought he’d lost, “kissing you is a no, but hugs are a yes?” 

“Hugs are a yes,” Dex agrees. 

“What about, um—” Keefe stops short. 

Laziness compels Dex to flick his imparter upright with telekinesis instead of just reaching over and grabbing it. He raises an eyebrow at Keefe. “What about what?” 

Dex is the furthest thing the elvin world knows to an empath, and yet. And yet. He can feel Keefe’s embarrassment through the countless miles separating Rimeshire and Splendor Plains. Keefe’s almost completely buried beneath blankets, pressed deep enough into his pillow that only some messy blond tufts are visible. 

“This is so stupid,” Keefe grumbles into fabric. 

“I think this is rather funny, actually. Hilarious, even,” Keefe can’t see Dex’s shit-eating grin. “Share with the class, Keefe. How were you gonna finish that sentence? Be honest,” 

(Dex turns down his imparter volume to the lowest setting. Just in case a certain froster is wandering around the halls with those silent mom feet of hers and walks in at the worst time possible.) 

Dex thinks he hears Keefe mumble holding hands, but that seems far too innocent to be correct, so he asks, “What?” 

Keefe pops up out of his cocoon. He looks like he wants to shrivel up and disappear to somewhere that’s anywhere but near his imparter. “Holding hands. That’s how I was going to end the sentence.” 

Suspicion narrows Dex’s eyes. “Considering the kind of jokes you like to make, I feel like it takes more than the idea of holding hands to get you flustered,” 

“Not anymore,” 

Dex can’t tell if Keefe is whining or scraping the surface of loneliness that he’s shoved aside for tonight, and decides it’s a good idea to pull him away from that. He can lament his losses when the sun’s there to smatter more freckles along the bridge of his nose. “Getting back to the point—you wanted to know how I felt about you wanting to hold my hand?” 

Slowly, Keefe nods. 

“I don’t see why it’d be anything to get flustered about. We used to hold hands for light leaping all the time. Extending that doesn’t seem like a huge deal, in this hypothetical.” 

“How the fuck are you so chill about this but I’m not,” Keefe says, and yeah, he’s definitely whining now. 

Dex laughs. “My serious answer is because 1) I’m not touch starved and 2) we’re talking theoreticals, and my emotions kind of take a backseat during conversations like these so my critical thinking skills can take the wheel, since it feels like there’s no stakes since it’s all, as I said, theoretical. My joking answer, on the other hand, is because I’m cooler than you.” 

Keefe cracks a smile. “True, true,” 

“Anything else you wanted to talk about?” 

“Is there anything else I said earlier that you’re not cool with?” Keefe returns. 

“List it off again?” 

“Uhhhh…” What some humans would call Keefe’s ‘Adam’s apple’ bobs as he tips his head back and thinks. He raises one hand and flips up a finger for each item he rattles off. “Stuff we haven’t talked about yet: Me wanting to draw you a bajillion times, me wanting to paint you a bajillion times, me wanting to get into a tickle fight with you just because I like how your laugh sounds, and teeeechnically cuddling?” 

This is the kind of thing that Dex should probably have to mull over for a while, but answers come to him oddly easily. “All of those are fine, but I will warn you that I might kick you on instinct if you tickle me too much. Which isn’t that hard. My dad makes fun of me all the time for still being ticklish. He said that Dizznees usually have built up immunity to tickles by my age.” 

Keefe blinks. Numerous times. Exaggeratedly. “Normally I’d be losing my mind at you being cool with me using you as a pillow for no reason, but I’m way too stuck on tickle immunity being a thing you can build up.” 

Dex forgets to be quiet with his wheezing. “Dude, I have so many whack stories about things me and my family have done that have to do with tickling. Like, my dad said that when he was a level two he’d make elixirs specifically to give him vampire fangs so he could bite his siblings harder when they tried to tickle him,” 

The tea kettle monkey screeching hysterical laughter from before comes back with a vengeance, and Dex is very glad his imparter is as quiet as it can be without deafening Keefe out entirely. “I need the full story now,” he gasps out. 

“You’re in for a ride,” Dex says, settling into a more comfortable position on his bed. But then he remembers one thing he swore he’d say before this hail ended, and makes sure to look the camera head on when he comments, “Oh, by the way, before I don’t shut up for another three hours, good job getting some sunshine. The freckles look nice on you.” 

Horror rounds Keefe’s eyes comically. He frantically runs his fingers along his cheeks as if his aforementioned freckles were braille spelling out some awful message on his face. “You can see them?” 

“How else would I know they look nice on you?” 

Keefe groans and curls up like the roly poly bugs Dex loved to pick up as a kid. Keefe’s imparter falls forward, and the imparter screen thumps into fuzzy blackness. “I chase Bullhorn around the property so Elwin can have a break for a day one time, and this is how the world rewards me,” 

“As I basically told you already: I think it’s a great reward. Anyway. Wanna hear about just how petty my family gets or not?” 

“I’m 100% down, Dexy. Hit me with good old storytime.” 

Storytelling hasn’t ever really been Dex’s thing, but Keefe doesn’t seem to have high standards, which is nice. (The other explanation is that Dex is better at storytelling than he thinks, which he refuses to believe because he hates being wrong about anything ever.) He laughs more than Dex expected, and insists on getting his sketchbook at one point to draw out certain parts, and then they both giggle so hard they can’t breathe. They gesture and talk and talk and talk until Keefe says his throat and ribs hurt, and Dex agrees on that last part. 

Dex’s last thought before his breathing slows and evens out is some hazy musing of how nice it is that he can be Keefe’s person without having to feel hummingbirds or butterflies to get there. 

Both of their imparters are on when they fall asleep to soft whirrs and wake up to peaceful daylight.

[agender-witchery]

im dropping this game

PM clearly doesnt know how gacha work. All those early system related blunders made me still believe, but releasing the alt. form of the main girl being obsessed with another guy? Yeah, i have seen where this goes. I wont pay any more money for garbage like this. You better believe me you will get an influx of all the scum of various communities flocking into your fanbase and draw as much cuckold porn of Faust and Sinclair in any version of themselves and Dante watching in the corner.

FGO people unironically tried to warn us that we will get lion'd and it actually happened. Dropped. I am what some would consider a whale (or leviathan depending on your definition) that spend 700 bucks on this game and even if its not much money for me, i actually regret it.

To anyone want to play this game and thought its a safe thing because Dante looks like a self-insert and the voicelines resemble waifu/husband material, dont get baited.

Edit: all i see in the comments are a bunch of white men not having a problem with their girlfriend doing onlyfans. This game is already dead.

Edit2: To anyone making fun of this and calling this bait, let me tell you something. I work at an IT job, i make relatively good money and i have an apartment with a great view. But what i dont have, are many human connections besides my family. I dont like real women either, i never felt attracted to anyone, and no, im not gay. Maybe im asexual or something i dont know and i dont care. But i can connect to ficticious characters, mostly in anime. And i connected with Faust, specifically with her in her room-sitting, little crazy version of her. I really love everything about her.

I waited for this game for more than a year, maybe two. i was always a PM fan. But i also am who i am. And i just felt betrayed by them. Making me believe many things through the 000 voicelines, that its going to be a gacha in that sense. That it is fine to connect to the character and that they will allow it and not hurt you. But they decided its not that kind of gacha game.

And i dont care anymore. But to see how people react to someone who is different than them, has different values than them...i know im not normal but i am not crazy and i do have a heart, just like you do too. But nobody of you showed it here today. I hope that you wont feel what i had to feel these past days, secretly knowing in which direction Fausts release will go and how that made my stomach turn for days. But if you one day do have a situation that resembles mine in real life or wherever, i hope you will remember this idiot from the internet and maybe will understand people like me a little better. Goodbye.

[kang-yina]

You can call me Raven and my pronouns are she/they/it. I am an adult and though I dont post explicit nsfw content and tag as "nsfw" whenever I reblog a meme thats is slightly nsfw, I do not recomend to very young people see my tumblr.

I am an ADHDer (late diagnosed, but i have severe adhd and its combined type lol) and i have an anxiety diagnosis, though i suspect of some other thingies.

I am a lesbian and although I mostly use the word lesbian to describe my identity, I am also asexual, demiaro and nonbinary (tme), I'm one of the people that would describe my gender as lesbian, in my case I'm totally okay with being refered as a girl but i know not everyone is okay with that so please don't do this with others!

As some would've noticed my english is not the best, my first language is brazilian portuguese (ela/elu) and i can communicate in english and spanish (ella/elle). I'm currently studying korean an plan to be a polyglot at some point, I'm also constantly exercising my english and spanish cause i really want to be fluent someday.

My tumblr account is mostly dedicated to my hiperfixations, current or not, I'm also always reblogging posts and sometimes saying bullshit. My fandoms are: eah, mh (any gen), paperteeth, amphibia, toh, su, sci, bottoms, tlok and atla, rwby, she-ra, mean girls, wicked, heathers (other musicals too), the green manga and datm. And i probably read or watched anything sapphic so if you like something sapphic and needs to talk about it, you can totally use an ask, i accept recommendations too.

Something that i really enjoy is music, so I might post something music related once in a while, I'm a kpopper since i was a pre teen and I talk a lot about the girlgroup Loona and its extensions (units, solos (ofc this includes artms, loosemble, chuu and yves)). I am also a new bat (goth), so I'm really invested in rock music, my other fav music genres are eletronic and pagode (brazilian genre). Something that i deeply love are solo acts made by women, my fave singers are always women, my faves are, in that order: Mitski, Fiona Apple and Solange Knowles. Coming back to the kpop talk, i love girlgroups and woman soloists, my utt groups are loona, exo and 2ne1, and my utt bias are Choerry, Hyunjin and Suho.

My other interests are biology (which im majoring to), and literature (which i plan to major someday lmao), i love some good old classics, I'm studying to be a teacher so this might be considered an interest i guess (?). I love queer and goth media in general. Other subjects that i enjoyed in school were sociology, history, portuguese, english and spanish, oh and I'm an artist and often post fanart, i plan to make comics someday. I also enjoy a lot of craft related things, my adhd makes me want to learn everything lol... Oh and I'm a poor eah collector that have 2 monster highs and im very normal about the things that i ship.

My curious cat: https://href.li/?https://curiouscat.live/to-com-fome?fbclid=IwAR2c6W6pzcv7BAx1EO9_QYt8mgVkV_irMyPtAeD91vCAAKi9fFKJ64C472A