#alloromantic asexual

[en8y]

[IMAGE ID: two horizontal flags with seven evenly-sized stripes each. the first flag's colors, from top to bottom, are as follows: golden yellow, light yellow, medium green, white, warm purple, light red, and bright red. the second flag's colors, from top to bottom, are as follows: golden yellow, light yellow, medium green, dark teal, light purple, pink, and bright pink-red. END ID.]

alloaro4alloace/alloace4alloaro: a term for alloaro people/alloace people who are attracted to, or exclusively date, alloace people/alloaro people.

alloarospec4alloacespec/alloacespec4alloarospec: a term for alloarospec people/alloacespec people who are attracted to, or exclusively date, alloacespec people/alloarospec people.

colors based on the alloaro flag, the alloace flag, and these alloarospec + alloacespec flags.

@radiomogai @liom-archive @obscurian @x4xarchive @orientation-archive

[asexual-sideblog]

Sobre límites y curiosidad

La exploración, suspensión (única o temporal), cambio, modificación o eliminación de un límite es un asunto que concierne a la persona que lo estableció en primer lugar.

La curiosidad es normal, querer hacer algo respecto a ella es diferente y una decisión, que debe tomar la persona curiosa. No es curiosidad ni exploración de un límite si este se transgrede o se accede a ignorarlo a base de presión e insistencia, sino que debe ser iniciativa de quién no participa regularmente en la actividad.

Sí bien algunos asexuales deciden probar o hacer cosas, llegar a acuerdos con una pareja es algo que debe surgir de la autorreflexión sobre la comodidad que la persona asexual sienta de acceder a ciertas cosas, sin que esto le presente molestia, angustia, incomodidad, repulsión, asco y otros sentimientos negativos; si se trata de una discusión que surge a partir de la culpa o el sentimiento de "deber" entonces se trata de sumisión a los deseos del otro y negligencia con las necesidades de la persona asexual.

Cuídense y priorisénse sobre el cuidado de su relación, las relaciones, por triste que suene, van y vienen, y la persona correcta no necesitará cuestionar o presionar sus límites para estar con ustedes y ser feliz.

[leikeliscomet]

Revisiting the term alloace again. I've spoken bout this already but now I think I can put into better words why I don't use it for myself and why discussions by both alloaces and arospecs about alloromantic asexuality is really lacking and underdeveloped (this is gonna be another long one):

First of all, semantics. The term is generally used as nothing more than a dating asexual or 'romantic asexual'. There's a large focus on alloromantic asexuality as the action of dating whilst asexual instead of the experience of romantic attraction with little to no sexual attraction or the experience of having predominantly romantic attraction outside of non-platonic, non-familial relationships. Dating is treated in a vacuum from how romance is represented in society and factors like gender roles, money and desirability. This leads to generalised and frankly incorrect statements like 'alloaces can just date' 'alloaces are seen as pure' 'people see romance without sex are pure' without a single look at how romance is shaped and enforced and the fact it's possible to be 'alloromantic' and still experience romantic based discrimination e.g. interracial couples, the policing of 'homosexual behaviours', the MacKinnon Innis study which showed homophobes admitted to homophobia even if gay people didn't have sex. Basically, it shows the same limitations as 'allosexual' in the sense we've taken the experience of (white) cis straight 'allo allos' and assumed it to be true of all people in the 'allo' category, in this case that the privileges of heteromanticism applies to every alloace regardless of context. It focuses privilege based on how someone is aspec instead of how different factors affect how they're aspec. Gay alloaces won't have privilege over aroaces or aroallos in a homophobic society because gay romance is not the one being enforced and when it's a form of love and romance that's seen as inherently deviant. A Black alloace won't hold privilege over a white aroace or white aroallo and be seen as 'purer' or 'cleaner' because racial sexual purity doesn't apply to Black people and our desires are seen as inherently animalistic. The benefits of alloromanticism are exclusive and instead of unpacking this nuance it's just generalisations about how 'easy' the alloaces get it.

The ace exclusionism movement heavily centred cishet asexuality as all asexuality was or could ever be, that all aces are cishet and so not lgbt and 'invading' the community from 'real' queer people. And whilst there was rightful pushback on it there hasn't really been much done in terms of how cishet asexuality became the face of all alloromantic asexuality. The 'You can't be heterosexual and asexual' rhetoric came from a good place but the repercussion of that was 'You can't be gay and asexual you're a homoromantic asexual actually' and it really isn't non-gay aces place to tell us how to identify and I'll explain later on how this is really backhanded. Whilst there's a large focus on affirming that cishet aces are queer the community hasn't done much for lesbian, gay, bi, pan aces, especially trans alloaces queerness within the community because it's assumed that because ace exclus would parrot 'only LGBT aces are LGBT' that gay and trans alloaces held some form of privilege in the 'ace discourse', even though ace exclus support was conditional and they still targeted LGBT aces anyway. There's loads of 'cishet aces are queer and valid' esque posts but you'll rarely find that for gay, lesbian, bi, pan and/or trans aces even though we're excluded from cishet society x2, from our romantic attraction to the same gender and asexuality. x3 for trans gay aces. Not to say cishet aces don't experience anything but that the rest of us won't ever access straightness or cisness. We'll never be seen as too cishet in any context because transphobic and homophobic society won't let us in in the first place.

Then there's the argument against alloaces 'existing' which came from ace exclus and certain gold-star/black stripe asexuals because asexual originally meant no attraction, so gay, bi and lesbian aces are just spectrums of lesbianism, homosexuality and bisexuality instead of 'true' asexuals but this flattens romantic and sexual attraction as being the same. From certain gold-star/black tripe factions there's the assumption we can just go to lesbian, gay and bi spaces instead of 'stealing' from the ace community with our alleged greediness, despite non-ace queer community helping shape the ace exclusionist movement to begin with. It's a weird and large contradiction in how the ace community is aware the queer allo community helped enable the ace exclsionist movement but then assuming gay alloaces can then go into gay allo spaces without any pushback 'because we're just gay'. It's also another contradiction when ace exclus will claim gay aces are just gays with no sex drive then assert sexless gay people are defanged, repressed and santised and so not 'really' gay anyway. The gap between anti-homoromanticism and anti biromanticism and anti-homosexuality and anti-bisexuality is a footstep. Puritans, queer ace exclusionists and 'anti allo' asexuals' anti-homoromantic stance is rooted in standard homophobia and compulsory sexuality. That attraction to the same gender is inherently sexual. The only difference is *how* this is used to pathologise queer people.

Alloace content almost exclusively focuses on dating but specifically ace-allo relationships and overall centring the needs of non-ace people in romantic pairings are inherently more important than the asexual partner. There's a large focus on how asexuals still have sex in romantic pairings without actually consulting our needs leaving sex-repulsed alloaces with barely anything to work with and sex-indifferent and sex favourable alloaces with the burden of being sexually available to non-ace people regardless of context or individual consent. Whilst the aroallo community seems to center unconventional standards of sex e.g. friends with benefits, non-monogamy, alloace content seems to focus on how asexuals can conform to romantic ones. The conclusion is that either alloaces need to 'compromise' aka participate in sex we don't want to have to be part of conventional romantic society or repress any romantic desires we have because romance 'can't' exist without sex. We're decentred in what was supposed to be for us in the first place.

Lastly, I don't like the idea of my romanticism just being a preference of who I date or an add-on of my asexuality. Speaking as a lesbian there's many parts of lesbianism that don't hinge on dating like how it affects gender. What it means to be butch, femme, stud, stemme etc. whilst asexual, what it means to reclaim masculinity and femininity when they've both been sexualised in specific contexts is a really interesting conversation that 'alloace' doesn't have the range to unpack of this and that's why I find it to be limited. I could also make a similar argument for bear, twink, butch queen, fem queen etc for gay men or bi and pan terms. To repeat the first point, from the stigmatisations of butchfemme, twinks, femboys etc. doesn't magically disappear if you're asexual and the constant giggling about gay love being cringe, amatornormative and essentially wrong from some arospecs in the community isn't gonna help us reach it any sooner.

I'd like to see less focus on dating and better push and support for gay, lesbian, pan and bi aces, especially ones who are trans. I'd like to put the asexual part back into asexual dating and asexual love and focus on what romantic pleasure looks like for alloaces instead of centering non-asexual people, more focus on unconventional romance like ace couples that don't want/have kids, non-monogamous ace couples where all parties are non-monogamous asexuals, aces in QPRs and long-term friendships, aces in platonic marriages, unmarried aces and ace4ace couples, looking at love and romance outside amatonormativity, support systems for alloaces who've experienced DV and SA in ace-allo couples, a strong coalition with the aroallo community on queer attraction and a strong coalition with the aroace community on rejecting conventional romances and love.

TL;DR; I'm alloace in theory but not practice. I'm an asexual lesbian, lesbian asexual, maybe homoromantic asexual but not an alloace, a 'romantic asexual' or 'an asexual that really likes romance and dating'. I am one as in I fit the definition but I have no strong attactment to it and it doesn't fully describe my experiences as a Black lesbian in a society that actively stigmatises and erases lesbian and Black love. There's no universal alloromantic asexual experience because romance just like sex has been/is shaped by various factors. It doesn't hurt to read queer theory on love and romance but also Black feminist and other feminist of colour works of love and romance before making large assumptions about alloaces. Read Michael Paramo!

[ur-localcreature2023]

Alloace meme I’ve been wanting to make all day.

[rotkeres]

Various AlloAce flags!

[fuzziekins]

Alloace Star is having a dance party! Everybody come and be gay!

[transcendragon]

“Alloace Sunrise” and “Alloace Potion”, my two Alloace contributions to my watery pride collection. Both are very different, but each very lovely in its own way.

My original art made in Procreate, image description in alt text. Stay tuned for my new Alloace dragon later today!

[angieblogging]

being a bi woman with a preference for men, while being asexual feels like a punishment sometimes.

[yourfavealbumisgender]

Biuro planowania ucieczek by Paweł Kieler is Alloromantic Asexual!

requested by @charlieeedieded

[asexual-sideblog]

Para les asexuales en una relación

primero que nada, puedes cambiar tu forma de sentir hacia algunas cosas y situaciones, sin que eso signifique que ya no eres asexual. También recuerda que si bien la asexualidad muchas veces se representa como la falta total de atracción sexual, hay asexuales que aún son capaces de sentir atracción sexual, esto puede ser en circunstancias específicas o hacia individuos no reales, etc. el hecho de que seas asexual simplemente significa que no experimentas atracción sexual como lo hace la mayoría de las personas, y totalmente podrías estar confundido por un tiempo y eventualmente darte cuenta de que en realidad no es lo tuyo, ¡y eso está bien! No le debes a nadie una explicación sobre por qué o cómo eres o no asexual, es algo que debe tener sentido para ti, así que si sientes que describe de alguna manera cómo te sientes la mayor parte del tiempo o incluso a veces, puedes usarlo.

Por cierto, debes considerar que existen otras formas de atracción además de la sexual, que incluyen la atracción estética (pensar que alguien es lindo) y la atracción sensual (el deseo de ser físico con una persona mediante mimos, abrazos, besos, etc., podrías incluir aquí algunas cosas que pueden verse como sexuales o ligeramente sexuales sin que lo sean realmente, tú decides), así que nuevos sentimientos por nuevas cosas no aignifican que de pronto las cosas que sabes certeza no te gustan vayan a comenzar a gustarte, y el estar bien con alguna no significa que vayas o tengas que estar bien con todas solo porque así lo parece.

Esto me lleva a mi segundo punto, aunque tu identidad es independiente de tu relación, en la práctica, puede verse afectada mientras estás en una, es muy común entre los asexuales hacer algunas concesiones por sus parejas si sienten que pueden manejarlas, y el hecho de que de alguna manera acabes disfrutando de alguna de esas cosas en cualquier forma, no te hace menos asexual, porque es un caso muy específico, y no sabes cómo podría ser fuera del contexto de tu relación actual, porque hay una razón por la cual cuestionaste y te diste cuenta de que eres asexual en primer lugar. Sé que la atracción es algo engañosa y a veces nos pone en encrucijadas y crisis que nos hacen dudar de las cosas, pero tú conoces tu identidad y es algo que debe tener sentido para ti, así que si de pronto pasa algo que te hace tener tutdas no te preocupes (tanto), lo resolverás y (si aún se siente correcto) seguirás siendo asexual! Espero que esto te ayude :)

[cumpliendo una afirmación al aire que hice en internet] ¿Qué pasa si soy asexual pero me gustó ver a mi novio/novia/pareja sin playera/en ropa interior? 😲🤯

[leikeliscomet]

Inside me there are two wolves (divesting from the term alloace cus it doesn't have the range to cover my lesbianism or how lesbian, Black and various other forms of romance and love don't exist in a vacuum from what is acceptable 'alloromanticism' and wanting to create more alloace based posts to respond to that type of misinfo plus see if it could actually be a useful framework and label like aroallo is)

[bvmbl3b0x]

i dont personally ship alastor with anyone but istg if i see anyone yell at others for shipping him with people i will throw someone. from every reliable source that ive seen alastor is confirmed asexual but no one aside from non ace fans have said that hes aromantic. i personally love this because pretty much all of the ace rep that ive seen in media is also aro. aroace rep is very important but alloromantic ace rep is too. if i find absolute confirmation that he is aro ill shut up but for now let the alloaces have this

[averinna]

Other alloace feeling like giving up on dating altogether because the pressure of having sex and not wanting to get into the mess it will be to not want to do it?

[esli-art]

[alloacefolkscompetition]

FINALS

Jonathan's art made by cleonaturin on Artstation.

Propaganda under the cut

Why vote Tori Spring:

(by @secretlyafrog7)

Propaganda

Why vote Jonathan Sims:

(by @twinkle-twinklesilmaril)

He's confirmed biromantic ace by the creator

He loves cats

He's too curious for his own good

He reads statements about supernatural occurrences as if he's living them himself then dismisses them (to convince himself he doesn't believe them)

He is both intelligent and an idiot

His voice is amazing

His hair is prematurely greying (probably due to stress)

He has nice character development (in my opinion)

I'm currently enjoying The Magnus Archives (I'm in the 9th story right now), this contest made me discover it! He's the most submitted character and he gets a boyfriend. So yeah, that's what I wanted to add!