#and why she and neil originally got together

[all-thestories-aretrue]

Obligatory disclaimer: I am not that familiar with VtM 20th anniversary edition mechanics or the lore so like take some of this with a grain of salt (or several).

TDLR: Nara exploits Neil and his abilities by taking away his ability to consent by getting him high during their time in Baghdad. 

There is the obvious moral quandary of “one guy getting high is worth saving the world,” which may be true. That is not what I am here to discuss. I am much more interested in looking at Neil and Nara’s dynamic during this time and what it says about them. 

It is obvious that Neil cares for Nara; he loves her. It’s stated that he would trust her with his life, and he calls her beloved nearly every chance he gets. I do think Nara does care for Neil in some ways; I just don’t think her feelings outweigh his usefulness to her. She has many reasons to keep Neil close to her, and her care for him is just one. 

Time is running out for Nara and the Assamites; the Herald is rising, and she knows this. She also knows Neil is capable of having visions. These two facts culminate in her using Neil to get what she wants regardless of his own thoughts or feelings. In addition, I would argue that Nara is familiar with Neil on kalif, that she would know how it affects and impairs him given their relationship and proximity to one another, particularly earlier in Neil’s life. I don’t think it’s a stretch to believe she would know any potential dependencies or addictions Neil would have to the substance. 

I posit that kalif does not affect all Kindred the same, and that it has different potencies (smoking vs. ingesting kalif tainted blood) based on how Jubair and Neil both react to smoking in Neil’s solo episode. However, I do recognize that Neil has been on a steady diet of kalif (and who knows what else) for a few weeks at the time of his meeting with Jubair, and it is safe to assume he is not sober when he accepts the joint from Nara as he mentions having trouble focusing earlier in the episode.

Over the course of their conversation, we see Jubair take “a heavy hit” (PoN 1.5-Neil Foster 11:39) off of Neil’s joint, but he does not seem to have any immediate effects. He remains cognizant and able to carry on the conversation with Neil, and he is quick to respond to the attack. Whereas Neil is unable to follow the conversation and repeatedly looks to Nara for guidance since he is unable to make his own determination despite only having accepted the joint moments before Jubair is introduced. 

I also posit that kalif has addictive qualities about it. Whether this is true or not, I honestly don’t know, but there is evidence in PoN indicative that it may be addictive. When Nara offers Neil the joint, the comment is made, “If she gives it to me, I take it. It’s hard to say no” (PoN 1.5-Neil Foster 8:10). Later on, in episode 25, the coterie is hit with a kalif bomb, and Neil is described as an addict (PoN s2ep25 16:15). Though, this could have been a way to explain Neil’s mechanical failure. 

(As a note, I haven’t been able to find much online about kalif and whether or not it is addictive. The source I have read, provided by @peppedstep, compared it to weed and described it as a strong hallucinogen that is used for ritualistic magical purposes (Rites of Blood, pg,72).) 

Whether or not kalif is addictive, Nara knowingly and willingly gave Neil a substance that impairs his cognitive function and lowers his defenses to serve her own ends, and did so to “a dangerous degree” (17:40). I would also argue she would be familiar with the impact kalif and the visions may have on his mental health (panic attacks, dissociation, anxiety, etc.), and she chooses to proceed with offering the drug to him anyway without heed for his wellbeing. In this situation, Neil is incapable of giving informed consent (regarding the conversation, regarding the additional kalif, regarding his next attempt at a vision on her behalf) because he is already dangerously high or because he is addicted, or, realistically, both.  

Nara also preys on Neil’s people-pleasing tendencies and self-esteem issue, intentional or not, by commenting that his visions (and therefore, him) have not been as helpful or useful as she hoped spurring him to try for another vision and ingest more kalif. However, she is supposed to know Neil well, and that would include his inclination to people-please. He loves her deeply and wants to help her; he would not tell her no in this situation, and I believe she knows this.

I talked at length here about how I view Neil’s memory loss, which I won’t rehash, but it is worth noting much of his time with Nara during this stretch is quite hazy or he flat out doesn’t remember. The only other person who can vouch for most of this time is Nara, and she has more than enough reason to deceive, omit, or keep the truth from Neil. He has no way to tell if Nara is further exploiting or manipulating him beyond using him for his visions. If she is willing to take his ability to consent away in one circumstance, I would argue there is not much keeping her from taking it away in any other. It’s clear she does not take his needs or wellbeing into consideration with her choices.

This episode is the only interaction we see between Nara and Neil, excluding Neil’s visions. If these interactions are indicative of the baseline of their relationship, how much does she really care about Neil if she is willing to sacrifice his mental health, overall wellbeing, and ability to consent if she benefits from taking those things away? Is this same dynamic present in their intimacy? If Neil is constantly relying on her judgment because he is high and/or unable to remember, when does he have the opportunity to make his own decisions about what happens to him? What will happen when enabling his addiction is no longer beneficial for her? 

In conclusion, I think Nara is using Neil for his abilities and is exploiting him by taking away his ability to consent to what is done to him. Given this is the only canon interaction we have between the two, I wonder about the dynamic in their relationship as a whole and if it is a healthy one for Neil. It also makes me wonder in what other ways she has exploited Neil since she seems to have little regard for his needs or wellbeing.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[armageddidnt]

Welcome to My Collection of Random Thoughts during my nth* rewatch of Good Omens Season 2

*only amazon prime knows the exact number at this point but I’m fairly certain it’s in the double digits

Episode 1: Gabriel’s fly lurking in the box when Aziraphale first takes it inside 👀

Crowley’s promise of “two minutes” basically means that he’s been homeless and living in his car for the past 4 years strictly so that he can be within 2 driving minutes of Aziraphale at all times in case his angel needs him I’m not crying you are

So here I think the key word is “fragile,” Crowley knows they are ostensibly safe from their respective sides but that could change at any moment so he’s basically spent the last 4 years in anxiety-ridden terror hovering as close to Aziraphale as he can to try and protect him from heaven, hell, and anyone else that would want to bring him harm after all that business they pulled in season 1 with stopping Armageddon

Episode 2: I just happened to pause the episode while Aziraphale is lying to the angels about his miracle and LOL Michael really outdid himself here (Sheen, not the Archangel)

Gabriel trying to swat flies and almost smashing the repository of every single one of his memories

I’m cAckling

So if Good Omens exists in Good Omens, does that mean Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett exist in Good Omens?? Do you think they based their Aziraphale and Crowley characters on Aziraphale and Crowley??

Episode 3: So I’m trying to find any hints or foreshadowing of the Gabriel Beelzebub thing bc tbh I did kind of feel like it came out of nowhere which is really the only issue I have with them. I found this one scene where Beelzebub almost ?? seems to be concerned about Gabriel ?? But it’s blink and you miss it and there could be lots of other reasons why Beelzebub doesn’t want to fail in locating Gabriel (pressure from/leverage over heaven, etc) so idk

More Foreshadowing Fly content 🪰

Episode 4: So here we’ve seen that Shax can just appear inside the Bentley bc she did it earlier to talk to Crowley. Shax only pretended to be a hitchhiker so she could be invited in because Azirpahale was driving so technically she needed permission to cross the threshold of an angel 👀

This scene will never not destroy me the 1941 flashback is the absolute sOFTEST thing ever to happen on this show

We really need more context here I need to see the Crowley-Furfur Monkey Rides

Episode 5: ahahaha thank you google translate for absolutely destroying my sanity this evening

POP goes the Ziraphale

Okay I know you can’t hear it in the gif but just before Nina takes Maggie’s hand, there’s a very quiet miracle noise, like Azirpahale literally MADE Nina dance with Maggie, he said I’m writing a Mina Jane-Austen-Ball-AU and my otp will KISS godDAMMIT

Azirpahale seems lowkey kind of manic this whole scene tho, he’s controlling literally everyone to force Nina and Maggie together and whenever Crowley says anything that pokes holes in Aziraphale’s Magical Jane Austen Ball Fairytale, Aziraphale just straight up denies it. He wants Nina and Maggie to dance and he wants him and Crowley to dance and he refuses to acknowledge anything beyond that.

Is this just Shax insulting Crowley for how much of a nuisance he’s been or a reference to his former status as an angel ???

They’re both completely dismissive of each other when they’re trying to say something important and that’s the main issue they’ve been having this entire season tbh

Episode 6: I think it’s funny that Crowley describes the angels as bees here because in the book, Neil/Terry describe humans the same way. Guess we have more in common than we thought huh?

So the metatron was the one who originally decided Gabriel would be memory wiped and not sent to hell, and he was also the one that decided not to sound an alarm about Gabriel for some reason and said ‘just go find him yourself’ instead. The metatron has definitely got his own agenda and you can bet he doesn’t want Aziraphale up there in heaven because he’s a “leader” and he’s “honest” like that’s exactly what Gabriel was and look where it got him 👀

There’s just something I can’t quite put my finger on about the metatron bringing Aziraphale a coffee from “give me coffee or give me death” and then asking Aziraphale if he’s going to take the coffee he’s giving him…

I have not seen a single person talk about this since s2 came out but Nina literally calls Maggie “angel” because that’s the term of endearment they hear Crowley using for Aziraphale !!!! I’m still going fERAL over this and I can’t believe no one else is eitHER

Something about this part of The Final Fifteen compared to this scene from the first episode is so representative of the entire season. Azirpahale keeps saying “my way or get out” and Crowley finally hits a wall and can follow Aziraphale no further. So he does just that. He goes.

I’m sure a lot of us by now have seen this post that brings up how Aziraphale literally pushes the remains of Crowley into his mouth and swallows and it’s the only thing I see when I watch this now

We still don’t know for certain if Crowley queued up this song to play on their way to the Ritz or if the Bentley started playing it all on its own and it’s driving me insane

Basically how I am doing after my Truly-Alarming-Number-th watch of this traumatizing episode/season. WELP hope you enjoyed this garbage dump of my thoughts and feelings time to go cry for a bit again BYE

[magnetic-rose]

if you loved episode 3 of tlou you really should listen to the official podcast with troy baker, craig mazin and neil druckmann because there’s SO much! here’s some of my favorite things said on the podcast:

- joel stacking rocks was to show that he missed and mourned tess. in that moment he was saying “i’m sorry, i blew it, i lost you.”

- in the beginning of the episode ellie told joel tess’ death wasn’t her fault but deep down she does feel like it was her fault.

- ellie admires joel because he protected her multiple times and as a child she has a desire for a parental figure to protect her.

- frank realized bill was gay pretty much as soon as he got out of the hole and saw how bill was looking at him. bill’s taking in how handsome frank is and “frank’s brain is incredibly attuned to that.” that’s why frank was smiling.

- frank realized bill was gay fast, but he realized he wanted bill when bill was playing the piano and singing linda ronstadt.

- it took them a while to find long long time by linda ronstadt but they always intended the song for bill to sing to be about a long love that was forever unrequited. “it was very important that the lyrics were someone saying ‘everyone tells me that it’s okay, that love will find me [...],’ no it doesn’t, no it’s not, and the person that i long for from afar - i’m gonna love them basically forever in the most unrequited manner.”

- it was important that frank immediately knew bill’s sexuality because frank SAW bill, because bill had completely buried his sexuality but frank saw through him.

- frank originally was trying to see what he could get out of bill (like a free lunch) but the more time they spent together, the more he went “oh, this is a beautiful person.”

- “there is two ways of loving things. frank wants to love outwards - he is sun, he is light. he wants to make things beautiful around him, he wants to care for bill, he wants to revitalize the streets so it’s not just this mausoleum bill lives in, and he wants to have friends. he wants to share what they have. and bill wants to put an electrified fence around them that is guarded by an additional layer of flame-throwing gas pipes and no one can show up ever because he must protect frank from the world... and as it turns out, both of those loved are required but one of those loves is likely to give you in trouble more than the other.”

- when frank put his finger on the furniture piece and saw how dusty it was, he realized what his purpose could be in bill’s life. bill can protect them, but frank can nurture their home.

- when bill apologizes to frank for growing old fast, it’s because he’s afraid of frank being left alone. “look at this beautiful man and the beautiful things that he does, and what is bill’s contribution? bill doesn’t grow strawberries. bill’s contribution is to keep frank alive. but bill is already afraid that he’s going to fail and that is a fear that joel has because he has that fear through experience [of losing his daughter.]“

- bill and joel understand each other and that they’re purpose is to protect others. they don’t care about their own lives.

- on their last day together, bill decided very early that he was going to die as well.

- the gun that ellie takes belonged to frank.

- that letter bill wrote reminded joel that he failed to protect both sarah and tess. the letter underscores for him that no matter how hard he tries, he can’t protect the people that he cares about. but now he has ellie to protect.

[blackynsupremacy]

BEING NEIL FAK’S

GIRLFRIEND

HEADCANONS

pairing: neil fak x blackfem!reader

fandom: the bear (2022—)

i feel like no one really writes for fak and i love him as a character, so why not?

summary: neil fak has a girlfriend, but the guys think he’s bullshitting until she shows up for the opening night of the bear.

contains: lots of words, fluff, richie being richie, cursing, two people who love each other, hating ass motherfuckers, insecurity, fear of rejection.

• it was 2 weeks before the bear’s grand opening.

• neil, carmen, richie, and marcus were all having a smoke break outside in the back just kicking it.

• the guys were talking about various topics until carmy started asking for relationship advice.

• of course richie and marcus are putting in their two cents until they hear….

• “to be honest my girlfriend and i wouldn’t even have to go through that shit. we’d just talk it out and stuff our face afterwards! you and claire bear should do the same.”

• there was a deafening silence from the other men because that came from…fak. neil fak!

• what the guys didn’t know was that neil fak has been in an relationship with you for almost 2 months now. he’s been keeping it under wraps because he knew the guys would shit on him for it, but he had to come clean eventually. you always raved about him to your friends because you’re proud of the adorable, loyal, hilarious neil fak, so why shouldn’t he show the same energy?

• he was still a bit in denial that a woman is actually…attracted to him.

• marcus is like “whoa whoa whoa. hold the fuck up. fak…you got a girl?” he genuinely questioned. now, he was curious!

• carmen was confused as well, but he shrugged it off tbh. as long as fak was happy with someone he genuinely connected with.

• richie doesn’t hesitate to think it’s straight up bullshit. fak can’t talk to a woman without crashing out or making a bumbling fool out of himself. let alone being in a relationship!

• ouch! harsh, richie. fak inwardly cringed because he genuinely thought the same thing. he never really felt like he was good enough for that type of thing, but that sinking feeling disappeared at the thought of you when marcus asked how’d you guys met and got together.

• neil could recount that day a million times if he had to.

• you were living it up in your new apartment until your damn refrigerator broke. you didn’t want to go through the hassle of ordering a whole new one, so before doing that you decided to have someone to fix it.

• the only person you ever make an interaction with is your best friend, sydney adamu. you’ve been hyping her up as she goes through the trials and tribulations of rebranding the former restaurant known as “the original beef” to a new type of place.

• you called her up and explained your dilemma.

• “hey, syd. i got a stupid question.”

• “there are no stupid questions, (n/n).”

• you both chuckle at your inside joke, before informing her about the broken refrigerator and asking if she knew anyone who could fix it without charging an arm and a leg.

• “i might know a guy…he’s a bit of a character, but he’s got a heart of fucking gold and he mainly gets the job done. his name is neil fak, but we just call him fak at the restaurant. i’ll see if i can get him to come by tomorrow to look at it. if not, i’ll beat the shit out of him by denying my best friend’s broken fridge.”

• syd’s dry and chaotic humor never fails to make light of the shittiest situation. you quickly agreed because there’s no way you’re gonna let your food rot.

• the next morning, syd sent you a text that fak has accepted the job. you silently cheered and replied by sending her a time and your address to pass on the message.

• fak had been approached by sydney for a side job in the city. he accepted without any question because he could use the extra cash! he told sydney he could go over to your place asap once he knows the time and place. sydney did just that before he gathered all of the necessary equipment before making his way towards your home.

• he went up the stoop and pressed on the doorbell and waited about 10 seconds before he was beheld a vision. a vision with the most alluring, brown eyes and deep bronze toned skin. your natural hair was in the style you desired to be and it looked amazing! not to mention your inviting smile and melodious voice when you introduced yourself.

• “hey! you must be neil fak, right? i’m f/n l/n, i’m a friend of sydney’s.”

• you held out your hand for him to shake. to say that neil was nervous was an understatement. he stammered a bit before getting himself together, giving you an introduction of himself and shaking your hand. something occurred as you two touched hands. fuck, fuck, fuck! he thought as that touch alone made him feel— warm, tingly, safe? but what had him stressed was that his hands tend to get sweaty as shit when he’s nervous.

• “a-ah, y-yeah! i’m neil fak. just call me fak! um, so, uh, you have a broken fridge. let me say this if my fridge ever broke down like that, i personally think that i would fucking explode.”

• you stood there in silence for a millisecond before you burst out in laughter. fak took the words out of her mouth. you couldn’t deny that it was such a huge inconvenience especially to your love of snacks. “i know that’s right! you’re real for that. sydney has told me some good things about you, neil-er, fak. my bad! but seriously— i believe her when she said you’re a trip, but good people. you’re hilarious! ah, damn, i’m rambling. please come inside.” you stepped back to let him in and lead him to the issue in the kitchen.

• you couldn’t help, but catch a pleasant vibe from the mustached man that was rumbling through the inside and back of your refrigerator. as he was working, you guys just conversed as if you two weren’t strangers. you just clicked instantly!

• to some, fak may have looked like a sleaze with his loud voice, numerous tattoos, interesting fashion choices, short stature, and his bushy stache, but his qualities as a person overshadowed all of those things. deep down he’s caring, sensitive, outgoing, and sometimes he has his moments, but who doesn’t? he also wasn’t making any type of insensitive remarks or jokes (ifykwim).

• once he successfully fixed the fridge, you were so hyped that you gave that man a hug and an enthusiastic handshake thanking him for his help. you asked how much he charged and what payment method worked for him.

• he didn’t want to charge you that much or at all because your constant laughter at his stand up material was filling his heart more than his pocket. he really wanted your number, but he didn’t just want to ask for that without looking stupid, so he suggested apple pay and gave you a discount! smooth move, fak.

•you put your number in his phone, sent him the payment, and let him know that you were saving it because you would like to see him again more often whether it’d be for his services or not, so in a way you urged him to keep yours saved in his phone also.

• fak was crashing out on the inside. did you just say that you want to see him? more often? whether he’s fixing something or not?

•he kept his cool, gathered his equipment, and went on home. from that moment fak felt he found someone and someone found him. not just fixing things or cracking jokes, but for genuine company.

• from that day on, you and fak have been texting each other non-stop. checking in, sending memes, having deep conversations about the most insane topics, and laughing out loud late at night on the phone. sometimes he would come over to play a card game, watch a movie, or just kick it with some good food. you’ve never realized how much in common you and fak share. it was just the chemistry that drawn you too closer.

• ya’ll have been talking for about 3 weeks now and you can’t help but to admit that you care for neil…so much! you two are totally different people and to some, you’re built like you’re out of fak’s league. well, fuck whoever says that! looks doesn’t define who you want to spend your time with. everyone’s got their beauty. you could give 2 fucks if people talked about your connection with neil. you were just wondering if he felt the same.

• you invited him to your place to watch a jim carrey double feature of the mask and ace ventura: pet detective. you and fak have always agreed that jim carrey is a comedic genius.

• as you both sit on your couch and watch the credits roll, fak announces that he’ll leave, so that you can get some rest. you can’t sleep knowing you got these feelings and there’s this opportunity right in front of you. you hold on to his hand before he could take another step out of the door. your eyes not pulling from his. he raises his eyebrows as his pupils glint with expectancy, yet worry. he asks you if everything is okay and you swallow before you make your declaration.

• “fak…i need to ask you something. what do you think of me? do you think of me as just a friend? someone to kick it with? or someone to listen to your jokes, fears, hopes, and insecurities? am i someone that you would be proud of the way i’m proud of you? do you see more than just what’s on the outside?” you squeezed his hand.

• you paused to take a breath before you finish.

• “i don’t care what people say about our connection. i need to know because i can’t fucking take it anymore. neil fak, do you care about me the way i care about you?”

• neil was frozen. he absorbed every single syllable that came out of mouth. he has always had those same exact thoughts whether he’s helping to fix an appliance or you two are out trying a new restaurant that one of you recommended. fak thought he was too much of a chickenshit to even cross that line with you. he wanted so badly to express that you mean everything to him. you’re a fucking goddess to him and he’s just…fak. he can’t help, but get a little envious when richie, nat, and carmen had their respective partners while he was although happy for his friends, he was the 7th wheel.

•he’s calmer. he tries to see things with more of an open mind. hell, because of you he’s got a skincare routine! he feels ♾️ % with you if that makes sense. you don’t try to change him because you don’t need nor want to. you just want neil. that loveable person who doesn’t judge you. not just fak the comedian or the handyman.

• f/n…you’re so, so much more than that and i’m so fucking sorry that i didn’t say any of this sooner because i’ve been feeling like this ever since i’ve fixed that refrigerator. i want you to be happy and i want you to laugh a lot. i’ve never really been into this kind of thing before, so i don’t know what exactly i’ll be able to do for you, but i’ll always be by your side…if-if you want me to—mmph!”

•that was all you needed to hear before you pulled him for a kiss. it took him a moment to melt into it, so you started it off gentle and sweet as you wanted to take this relationship one step at a time, so you and neil would always ride the same wave together.

• after fak finishes retelling his friends how you guys came to be. they started bombarding him with all sorts of questions.

• “is she hot?” “what’s her name again?” “what does she do for a living?” “ have you guys fucked?” “do you have a pic of her?”

• fak was overwhelmed trying to answer each question except that fourth one which earned richie a whack to the head by carmen for asking some personal shit like that. “have some fucking class, will you?”

• fak refused to show any pictures you two share together. it was definitely not because he thought you were unattractive. fuck, no! you’re the most gorgeous woman he’s ever had the pleasure of breathing the same air with. like he thought before, the guys (especially richie) would think he’s got the pictures of the internet or some shit. he had a way better idea than that: he was going to invite you to opening night to watch him work and make these fuckers eat their words. he told them to watch for the girl in the red dress and the name for the table is f/n.

• 2 weeks til open has passed and the bear is now ready to welcome the community with open arms.

•everyone was shitting bricks, but they’ve worked their asses off for this vision and they can’t pussy out now.

• fak had tingles from head to toe.

• you and him usually had casual outings, so it would be the first time you saw him in his brown suit and you in that red dress you ordered from fashion nova for this event. it looked good on the model of the pic you sent, but fak’s round face flushed with red envisioning the clothing on you.

• the doors flipped open and the patrons for the first night of many are greeted by fak or richie then escorted to their tables as their meals are being meticulously prepared.

• richie’s eyes are perusing around the place before they stop on a feminine silhouette and— holy fucking shit. who is she?

• the red satin accentuated her body. highlighting every bump and curve. the dress had spaghetti straps and was low-cut, exposing the shimmering, melanated skin of her arms and chest. her hair was curled and styled to perfection as the amber hue in her pupils are made noticeable by the violet eyeshadow that was applied on the lid as well as her full lips were painted like a red candied apple.

• goddamn, she was like a fucking…real life jessica rabbit, but hotter. if it wasn’t for whoever the lucky bastard is with her, eva would’ve had a new stepmom a-fucking-sap!

• his trance is broken from a female voice. “excuse me, i have a reservation under the name, f/n. my boyfriend works here actually. i think i see him right over there!”

• cue the record scratching. richie may forget alot of things, but he never forgot when fak told him and the guys about this mysterious girlfriend of his named…holy fuck!

• the girl in the red dress. f/n. it’s you! you’re the one who stole neil fak’s heart. richie was feeling like the biggest idiot in the universe as he saw fak catch your glimpse from across the room before excusing himself from a table and power walking in your direction to take you into a loving embrace before you plant your ruby lips on his mustached ones.

• you just couldn’t help yourself! you know he’s at work, but he looks so cute and professional in his brown suit and slicked back low ponytail. he’s also wearing that new cologne you randomly gifted him and now you really don’t want to leave his side. your man, your man, your man.

• neil took it upon himself to escort and seat you at your table. he enthusiastically explains tonight’s menu with such confidence and passion as you peer lovingly at him through your lashes with a palm under your chin. if it were physically possible, you would have literal hearts in your eyes.

• don’t you just love it when your partner is in their element? he was made for this and you were so proud.

• fak excuses himself back to the kitchen to find richie already crashing out to carmy and marcus.

• “guys! it’s fak’s girlfriend. she’s fucking real…and hot as fuck! look out there at table 9, the broad in the red dress. that’s all fucking fak!”

• fak lets out an exclamation for richie to cool that shit down, but deep down he was eating it up as carmy and marcus peered out to see the hype at table 9 and what they saw had them gagged.

• marcus’ jaw dropped and his heart thumped at the sight of you. “oh…”

• carmy’s eyes looked upon you, his eyebrows raised as his cheeks fluttered with red, finishing marcus’ sentence, “shit.”

• he already felt bad considering the fact that he has a girlfriend. (not for long after tonight)

• neil grinned as the guys gave their envious, but sincere congratulations to him before they got too distracted to get back to work.

• neil fak was indeed blessed as he waved at the woman in red at table 9. his abdomen rumbled with butterflies when you waved back and blew a good luck kiss in his direction.

• yes, you were all fak, but fak was all you too.

[jacksjargon]

I'm typically only a reblogger when it comes to AFTG, but I physically couldn't help it when I stumbled across these shirts. So, here are some funny shirts that the Foxes would wear and why:

Aaron, for obvious reasons. Nicky have it to him and he wears it in secret. It's his comfort pajamas.

Renee gave this to Andrew and he wore it one (1) time and it was at an exy banquet while wild and fervent protests about his past were all over.

Any of them, really, but I imagine a three way tie between Wymack (not paid enough for this), Alison (she gives the vibe), and Dan (when anyone talks to her that she doesn't know)

Matt vibes. Dan defffffffinitely pegs that man. He thanks her.

Andrew. Renee gave him this one, too, but it's a common sight.

Aaron. Maybe Katelyn got this for him as a joke and he wears it as some pathetic, wet cat, Minyard way of processing love. They got engaged the same day. It becomes Aaron's lucky shirt.

This is either Nicky or Allison's. I feel like Nicky would wear it ironically, but it could also be one of those lesbian things for Alison

Aaron. Neil gets it for him and it's how they start to bond.

Kevin, little history bitch

Bee. The team gets it for her for her birthday. She wears it religiously every Friday.

Hear me out: Kevin. It starts as a joke because he's the only single fox (in a world where he and Thea aren't together, I'm not particularly fond of that ship), but then he wears it on a date because he's a dumbass at heart and forgot that the team would totally fuck with his closet and he managed to charm and bag the sexiest, most emotionally intelligent woman ever. They last for two years before Kevin finally realized he's gay, but they stay friends and laugh over everything.

Dan. She gives mad homebody vibes outside of exy.

Neil. Self explanatory.

Matt. He's such a wife guy, and honestly, good for him. I know that I would 100% let Danielle Wilds do whatever the hell she decided was best for me. Oh my shit.

Renee. This was from Andrew, as revenge for the other shirts. She treasures it, but only wears it on his birthday.

Alison and Neil buy it for the twins. I'm a strong advocate for bitchy friends. Love that for them

They only manage to evade death via Neil's survival skills, a pair of strappy heels, a spoon, and a small frog. Don't ask.

Matt and Nicky unironically share this shirt.

It was originally Matt's, but Dan claimed it as hers, and now he just sorts it into her clothes pile when it's his turn.

Wymack. I think Kevin would rather die than get this, so Dan (his adoptive sister), Alison (nosy bitch #1), and Neil (nosy bitch #2) tag team and sign his name for him. He goes on to have a mental breakdown, but he and Wymack get closer. Somehow it's revealed that Nicky wins the bet regarding what's going on between Wymack, Abby, and Bee.

Andrew bought this for Kevin.

Alison and Renee have matching shirts exactly like this. In response, Neil and Andrew have matching shirts that say "I like it bushy" with a cat in a bush. It's the first time the upperclassmen see Andrew smile like that without involving Neil.

This is what inspired this, actually. So, Neil. He'd wear this out and in press conferences just to piss Kevin off. Gives Andrew a heart attack every time he sees it, though he'll never admit it. No one's really sure how or where it came from, there's actually a betting pool regarding this. Alison has money on Andrew buying it. Nicky thinks it was Kevin. Renee even joined in by offering Neil.

(in reality, it was Abby. She thinks shit like this is funny. She's a fox, after all)

[s-exy-sapphillean]

Finally coming back to Runaways AU posting. If the original concept interests you but you don't like where i'm taking it, please consider what i said here.

(There's a lot so i included a cut here to not make it fill up your dash too much)

Quick disclaimer: queerplatonic jeaneil is very dear to me. I do not ship them romantically. Their dynamic in this AU is fairly complicated and codependent and the presence of strong emotions & physical affection doesn't mean their bond is romantic. I of course can't stop anyone from interpreting it whichever way they choose but i'd rather people don't insist that what i'm writing must be romantic because that's how they read it.

So. Neil & Jean + Elodie on the run together..

Neil of course is the one to teach Jean and Elodie english. He's an okay teacher, good enough that they get by and they improve fast enough. Neil however is simply not aware of a couple of accented words and anglicisms in his own vocabulary, so the moreau siblings have some random british words in their vocabulary

Physical affection is complicated for the boys. They both initially only know touch as something practical or to hurt. They are touch starved. But elodie is a child who gives and craves physical affection freely, so the boys gradually grow more used to giving and receiving affection through touch. Sleeping curled together becomes a necessity to keep warm wherever they're camping out but they eventually do it even when not necessary because it is comforting to have the other right there

After his mother got got, before joining up with jean, neil felt kinda directionless & defeated because without his mother there to push for it 15 year old neil doesn't really see the point of running forever if the only possible end is eventual death. Then he meets jean & elodie, starts bonding with them & keeping them safe becomes his entire world. Like a "i'll get caught and killed eventually but as long as i'm alive i can at least make sure they're okay & will be fine when i'm gone" mentality because he doesnt understand that jean is equally as fucked if the butcher finds them.

They bicker a LOT, getting into verbal fights over a lot of small things. They are constantly stressed with no outlet except eachother. Neil for a long time is also just not coping well with witnessing elodie receiving such genuine love and care because it makes something in him burn with ugly jealousy. Jean for a while absolutely despises having to rely on essentially a stranger for so much when his own english is way too lacking to get around by himself.

As much as he doesn't cope well at all with his own jealousy and yearning for being cared for, neil does also become fiercely protective of elodie pretty quickly. If she gets to have what he can't have then she needs to be able to keep that and not become like him. His "one of us has to make it" mantra we know from canon becomes entirely focused on her.

They have pretended to be a couple a few times, simply because it is the easiest cover for why a teenager as clearly french as jean would be so close to some very clearly not french teenager

They kissed once or twice as like a "for the sake of the cover" thing, trying out if that works but unanimously decided it wouldn't. It just made neil feel queasy and uncomfortable and bisexual disaster jean is self aware enough to know that risking developing a hopeless onesided crush would be the worst in their situation

Little head kisses have kinda become a thing though. It's something jean did a lot to comfort elodie & once when neil was having a breakdown he did it to him while holding him and it helped so it just stuck

In millport their story is that jean & elodie's father had moved to the US with them for work and had been colleagues with neil's parents. When father moreau turned out to be abusive, neil's parents helped jean emancipate himself and gain custody of elodie, and helped them move away, letting neil go with them.

When they get to palmetto, most of the foxes do assume they're dating and the boys don't directly correct anyone out of worry it will raise too many eyebrows, so neil doesn't get to explain that he doesn't swing any direction until much later

[lichanicksstuff]

I just thought it would be hilarious if comic! Sandman characters would exist in the world where the show also exist. Imagine Hob inviting Dream for a movie marathon.

(There will be some comic spoilers, you've been warned).

In this universe, Dream met Neil Gaiman and inspired him to create a series like this, so nobody will ever know the truth about the Endless. It's pretty clever even for a Matthew's idea.

The thing is: Dream (Daniel; treat him like a second incarnation. Like with the Doctor, since Daniel has all of Dream's memories, powers, etc. But he is softer than Morpheus. It's simmilar to Doctor's incarnations - same person, a bit different personality) did not expect was his human friend to ask him to watch 6th episode together because it's an episode with both of them! Hob knows about the idea of "the sandman", since Dream visits him in his dreams once in a few months. When they first met in person it was very hard for Hob to explain to his girlfriend how his friend who was dead is now alive and well. That's how Daniel became a lost twin brother of "that friend" who Hob somehow knows because yes it makes perfect sense, and no, Hob isn't making this up (his girlfriend does NOT believe him, but she goes with it. She even gave Daniel a cup of tea, made in a kettle. Hob is so sensitive about it as a British guy). But today, his beautiful girlfriend was out with her friends so they could watch without her asking why is the character named just like him.

"It will be fun!" Hob said, sitting down on his couch and handing Dream over some popcorn. Dream knows, more or less, what he should be expecting because it was him who gave the ideas and was present (in the minds of the writers) during production. In the end, Dream agreed and they both started watching.

Hob was very suprised when he saw the actor who plays Morpheus. In some ways he does look very simmilar to the original incarnation but there's something more... human, about him. (Well, maybe because he's a human.) Dream's real face has some weird glow to it that makes him very memorable when he wants to be remembered but also easy to forget if he doesn't. And also his eyes are not normal. Two deep lakes reflecting a night sky. No pupils. Charming but also horrifying, if you ask Hob. Privately. In a dark room. When he's so wasted he would be dead if he could die.

But when he saw the guy who is him on the screen, he gasped.

"He's not ginger!" He yelled and Dream almost choked on his wine, "I'm telling you, mate, they have something to gingers in hollywood. Every bloody character who has red hair somewhere, doesn't have them in the show."

"Hob, you're a person, not a character." Dream corrected him like his friend wasn't just starting a monologue on the topic of red-haired people in movies and TV shows.

"He is pretty good-looking, though," Hob admitted after a longer minute of talking.

"Certainly looks better than you," Dream said and drunk his wine. Hob laughed and this ended the conversation for a moment.

They had been watching for like ten minutes, commenting the clothing, suited to a particular time when suddnely, at the 1789 scene Hob asked:

"Why are they eye-fucking each other the whole time?"

Dream looked at him with a sign of pure disbelief in his non-pupil eyes. Hob just shrugged asking a very impolite "what?" Which Dream decided to ignore.

But then at the 1889 scene, a situation that Hob still remembers and how scared he was he will be mortal from now on, Hob started yelling at the screen:

"Come on Hobbie, get your man!"

"Hob, this is supposed to be you."

"Well, I'm sorry I got invested." he said fussily.

In the end, Hob was very happy with the results of this episode, even if it wasn't really accurate. Dream, on the other hand, drank much more wine than he was planning to.

(And Matthew was laughing in crow the whole time.)

[kaimukiwahine]

Just gonna type my thoughts out based on my notes I wrote while playing the To the Moon Beach Episode. So spoilers/long ramble.

Short things:

They brought back many minor characters from Finding Paradise, thought that was very cute

References: The "Are you winning, son?" in the airport was charming but I did not expect to get a full FNAF section

I love the use of previous games OST: updated versions and the lo-fi versions

Animations were very charming and expressive; they even joke about it ("didn't have a budget for it. The dance lessons")

That inverted/hanging jellyfish planter. I need it. I need it now.

Rob learning what people are up to on the internet these days only to instantly regret it

Willis and Taima still going at it. They are lifelong couple goals: keeping the flame alive while dropping wisdom

I need that soundtrack.

Bigger things:

Johnny and River addressing what most players/general audience found concerning about the original game and overall premise of the series: Altering and overwriting of memories or basically the reality of the dying. While jokingly Johnny says he could never see himself using their services, both conclude it's their choice and they just need to accept it

This was slightly touched on in the Minisode but for it to be brought into attention by the original characters that kicked off this series, it's something.

The three books at the beginning already set forth what this game is gonna be all about: grieving and acceptance of the passing of a loved one. The first run through, Eva completely numbed her memories to enjoy the beach and time with Neil. But there was always something.

Second run, she "confronts" as Faye states the truth: Neil is dead.

It was hinted that Eva started drinking (in the store) and has been repeatedly using the machine Neil left behind that Neil becomes concerned for her. (Similar to Collin in Finding Paradise.) While she wants to stay on the beach and relive the same day over and over, it's not possible.

There was a brief mention of immortality. One being a jellyfish that reverts back to infancy as it reaches the end of their lifespan and questioning if it's still the same jellyfish or not. Then compared to humans how we regenerate new cells except the brain and heart.

Roxie finds it romantic, Eva wishes that those also gets replaced with every pass.

Neil's death was either sudden or his condition was kept secret from Eva? Eva mentioned he didn't give her enough time to prepare and Neil didn't know what to do and I think he said he made the machine just so he just doesn't disappear and to leave something behind for her.

*Edit* I completely forgot about Paper Memories. I'm guessing the phone call Eva got from Roxie was that Neil passed away (given how distressed Roxie was in that one panel). It is possible that that portion was in the machine and that Rob and Roxie were aware. That whole portion is basically like this Beach Episode.

Edit2: thinking again, the call could be him in critical condition since in the comic Neil mentions making that garden. Eva not replying to Neil on how he died makes it sound like it was traumatic. She mentioned something about a surgery when talking to Lynri and Quincy and asking how he is when he visits them but not sure if that's involved or just a throwaway line.

Neil lives on with regrets; mostly wishing Eva was his girlfriend and more. Though he isn't real in the game, he still carries the memories he had. He built her "a garden" (comic reference) but she started spending too much time. And she can't fully enjoy it because he continues to keep her at arms length.

Neil locked himself in his room, much like he did in many instances throughout the series and now canonically, all throughout the life Eva and Neil has been together. Thinking he's doing what's best for her when all she wanted is him to be "here'

He regrets those decisions but it's understandable on why he did it. In Impostor Factory, Lynri's condition was hereditary and is in Neil. Seeing Quincy's face of absolute loneliness knowing he's about to lose his wife and eventually his son, it would devastate anyone. Neil making a machine to make it so that Eva would never have to go through that, while admirable, changed nothing. If not, made things worse.

How they close the game was brutal: The world Neil created for Eva to never be alone after he has passed slowly fading away, concluding with Eva being alone, crying, as she turns the machine off.

You couldn't just leave it like this for them. Together alone on the beach.

No. It's just Eva. Alone.

[nadiajustbe]

Quick question because I don't remember castle in the sky: is it specified that Lettie gave birth to the kid? Or it could be very well some crazy kinda plot in which this random kid appears in the lives of the three (justiman and Lettie) and now they have to navigate raising a kid while defeating all society expectancies of non biological child/Lettie and Ben are not really together/Justin and Ben are so gay/Lettie wants to be an independent witch/ what the hell is going on? Because god I'd read a magic comedy with this plot I love people who are not on love and who were not supposed to be devoting parents suddenly having to raise a child without getting together in the end (+ Justin of course the poor boy)

Thanks for the question, you're always welcome!!

Unfortunately, it was specified, even a bit too much to describe, that Lettie gave birth to a child. In fact, when we first see her and Ben in chapter fifteen, she's pregnant. Wich actually a bit concerning because CITA happened exactly one year after the first book (as Morgan, Howl and Sophie's son, is born somewhere in the middle of CITA and he's known to be two in HoMW, time difference between wich and HMC is stated to be three years) and Lettie was seventeen in HMC as she's stated to be one year younger that Sophie who is most likely eighteen there. And that is... not the best math possible, actually.

(also that's probably my personal preference but this scene is so "not it" to be lmao, like that's probably because of the smallest amount of development their pairing had, but it's just feels unrealistic or staged for unknown reason, for me at least)

This moment is stated in the end of the book and is just...there. The only fun joke it leads to is Sophie saying "she knew she was bound to be an aunt" wich is, she is.

(Although with Martha wanting ten kinds and Neil and Mari being technically a part of her family it's strangely hilarious she thought she WASN'T bound to be an aunt?)

The child doesn't even have a name, just being called "a girl with no ill effects at all" and, unlike Morgan, born about the same time, doesn't have any other mentions in the series, at all. The reason for her existence is a mystery for me. There's no plot/practical reason except for "they had a child, cool!"/nonneg

AND THE CONCEPT YOU OFFERED IS SO MUCH BETTER!!

This is something really DWJ-like in this absolutely random group of people having to raise a child no one planned would exist. And probably the only way I'd imagine Lettie being a mother or a wife (I should make a separate post about Lettie honestly I love her so much). She didn't want to be there, but that's what happens when you randomly decided to marry a Royal Wizard for a "why not' reason.

And, according to Ukrainian translation of HMC that described Ben and Justin as "inseparable" (in original it just said "great buddies" wich is also funny but not that much😔) you kinda you get Justin complete with Ben. Just like Sophie and Howl, two-in-one exclusive offer!

As I said that's all Hatter sisters do — defeating social expectations.

(Justin and Ben are really gay I guess If you're not random Ingarian citizen you can clearly see it lol)

Also this lines up with my little concept of Justing running from married life (yes he got married in CITA. Don't ask me how, that was... rather odd, especially because he run from the same marriage canonically a couple of weeks before it happened) and just having to stay with Ben because the Kind would have just destroyed him If he'd returned to the palace. And so they have to just... live together even though Lettie is not the part of the club, she just wants to learn witchcraft in peace.

And now there's a child absolutely announced. And no one can explain how. Or why.

Yeah, I would pay to read that. Probably even write myself.

[otdiaftg]

The King's Men - Chapter Eight

Day: Friday, January 19th Time: 10:25 PM EST

"Is that it, Coach?" Neil asked. "No," Allison said. "As enlightening as this little diversion was, it doesn't answer the original question. What does Riko have on you?" Lying at this point wouldn't work, considering Aaron's bold accusations. Neil opted for honesty in its simplest, most unhelpful form: "He knows who I am." It took them a moment to realize that was it, and Matt prompted Neil with, "Uh?" "Neil's family has a reputation," Kevin said, unexpectedly coming to Neil's defense. Neil looked at him, willing him to silence even as he tried to keep his expression as neutral as possible. Kevin didn't return his stare, but all he said was, "Riko is trying to use it against Neil." "Is it going to be a problem?" Dan asked. "No," Neil said. Allison arched a brow at him and gestured over her shoulder, presumably toward the wrecked changing room. "Are you sure about that?" "Yes," Neil said, but no one looked convinced. Neil weighed his words carefully, looking for the right balance between truth and lies that would get them off his back. "Riko knows who I am because our families operate in similar circles, but he is a Moriyama in name only. He doesn't have the resources to do more than threaten me." "Damn, Neil," Matt said. "Your parents must be something else if even Riko's got to follow the rules. Aaron was right, then? This is what you're supposed to look like?" "Yes," Neil said. "But why lie about your age?" Matt asked. "I don't get it." "I don't want anyone tracking me back to my family," Neil said. "The harder it is for people to put two and two together, the better. Being eighteen in Millport meant my teachers and coach didn't have to consult my parents for anything. Telling you the truth meant having to explain why I lied in the first place, and I'm not used to trusting people. I don't want you to judge me for my parents' crimes." "As if we have room to judge anyone," Dan said, and Neil shrugged a silent apology. She looked like there was more she wanted to say, but somehow she stifled her curiosity and let it go. She looked to Allison first, then to Matt and Renee. When no one had anything to add, Dan said, "Yeah, I guess that's it for now, Coach."

Art used with permission by Jeannemaybedarc. Thank you @jeannemaybedarc

[tonydaddingham]

25 lazarii

so ive been thinking on neils ask and answer about the joint miracle crowley and aziraphale performed. now the way it could read is that the two didn't used to have the power of resurrection/power that is capable of resurrection, but now they do. but could also read that they didn't (as is, retrospectively from now) have the power, because it doesn't belong to them. it's this latter possibility that im going to look at because honestly? the whole thing feels to me a bit OP.

so i realise that it's not necessarily about resurrection as an act, but instead the potential to resurrect. regardless, im going to start from key moments of resurrection as a marker for their abilities:

first notion we have in s1, exactly as neil remarks, is aziraphale is able to revive a dove after warlock's birthday party. originally, this was crowley in the book (and was reportedly swapped for blocking reasons), so im going by the show only in this post to keep consistency:

and this is supported by crowley intimating in the resurrectionist minisode that aziraphale was too late to save morag - that he could only have helped when she was still alive but instead she died whilst aziraphale was dithering:

in fact, to me, the only time i can recall in GO (ie shout at me if wrong) we see anyone successfully resurrected is by adam, and this is marked by the reappearance of my beloved lesley, the international express delivery man:

"Adam had rebooted reality... people who were dead were now alive, and things that were broken were miraculously restored."

the only issue appears to be that crowley now seems to be able to exercise a power of resurrection in s2, where he appears to 'bring back' mr brown, and do so rather confidently as if he always had this kind of power...

this confidence would mirror what he says to shax, here:

although, whilst it may be implied that mr brown was killed by the demon, we only truly see him being hurtled through the air. and, whilst crowley appears to bluff that demons can't hurt humans directly, shax appears to believe him.

now, she could have just come to the resolution that they ought to kill mr brown anyway, rules (fake or not) be damned, but the fact that we don't actually see his death intimates that shax might have just toed the line (the demons yeeted him across the street, but was he technically hurt/killed? was shax responding with her own bluff when saying, "civilian casualty"?)

edit 21/08 - IM SMUG

ergo: was mr brown truly killed in the first place, and therefore did crowley truly resurrect him? i think the majority of people are going to say yes, and i would initially agree, but then we come to the below where crowley appears to have riddled it out:

now it could be a case of s2 giving us the 'what' (they are insanely powerful when working together), but the 'why' (eg. power of being essentially soulmates, love, two halves of the same whole etc.) is what is going to be determined in s3.

but the conclusion that crowley came to (and im thinking entirely with critical-noggin-topped-by-tinfoil-hat head on here) feels a bit odd in the sense that it would be that simple, and doubly-odd that at this point narratively - the series that is meant to set up s3 - that the answer would be given here.

it is a parallel to the fact that crowley and aziraphale seem to work best in cohesion - their body swap proved that somewhat - and the miracle is another example of where working together does work, but neither of them are at the character-development point yet of actually recognising it for what it is and means.

it's definitely the romantic, poetic option - that they are powerful because they do it together - and for that reason i definitely think there's some truth to it, but one of the vibes i got from s2 from multiple set pieces is that things are not initially as they seem. a couple of those things appear to have been resolved (gabriel/beelzebub, for example) but there are a load of chekhov's guns left lying around the metaphorical armoury, and i have to wonder if this is one that we all thought was decommissioned.

i want to also add that the gabriel miracle, in terms of set up, directly mirrors the facing down of satan. a key difference is that in s1, they are holding hands with the literal son of satan, whereas in s2, they are holding hands with a former archangel that doesn't appear to have any power whatsoever:

now, a miracle wasn't performed in the airfield scene (as far as we saw anyway, but potentially not counting adam's ability to retcon papa-dear), but this is directly after aziraphale names adam as 'human incarnate.' furthermore, this incredibly astute observation on the power of names by @rudeaziraphale highlights that adam, by definition of his given name, is meant to be human incarnate, and always was. and then we take into account crowley's line at the end of s1:

"For my money, the really big one is all of us, against all of them."

"What? Heaven and hell, against... humanity?"

so actually, is this what the miracle comes down to? that the power they exhibited is not just crowley and aziraphale together, but them, and humanity binding them together? crowley and aziraphale were always meant to be the same character - we know this from when neil has talked about the initial drafts he sent to terry - but actually are they truly whole without the entity that made them, influenced them, into who and what they are now?

the last thing i'll note is neil's earlier march ask here, which indicates that to bring someone back from the dead is a 'heavier weight than they could lift'. that may well just simply reference that together they could do it, absolutely, but i have to wonder if there is a secret third ingredient in the mix as well.

[lesbicosmos]

day 1 of @chrisginnyweek !!

day 1 prompt: flowers

summary: Three weeks before her birthday, Neil gives Ginny an early present - an anthology of Sappho's poetry fragments. One week later, she finds a poem in her locker along with two violets. She wants to believe it's Chris who keeps leaving them for her, but she doesn't even like girls...right?

notes: okay so chris and ginny both go to henley hall in this because of Plot Reasons and also who cares about canon when its one character with about two minutes of screentime and another who's literally only in deleted scenes?

also on ao3!!

the one with violets in her lap

“Hey, Ginny!” Neil called out as Ginny was about to leave the cave.

She had joined the Welton boys for a few of their secret Dead Poets Society meetings by this point and was loving it. No one at Henley Hall had ever thought of anything as unique as this, and it also gave her more chance to practise performing. Sure, performing a poem in front of a group of boys and occasionally Chris wasn’t exactly the same as performing on stage, but both helped her confidence massively. They’d just wrapped up this month’s meeting – ending with Knox reciting an original poem he’d written for the new girl he was head over heels for and receiving an overenthusiastic round of applause and cheering from Charlie followed by barely concealed laughter from everyone else. At the point Ginny was leaving, Neil and Todd were the only ones left in the cave. They were always the last two to leave.

“Yeah?”

Ginny turned around to face him, stepping closer.

“I have something for you.”

“Really?”

Neil turned behind him to get something out of his bag.

“I was going to save it to give to you for your birthday, but it’s only a few weeks so I figured why not give it to you now?”

Neil handed Ginny a brown paper bag. She reached inside, looking quizzically at Neil as she did so. She pulled out a book with an orange cover: Sappho: A New Translation.

“Todd and I found it when we went to that bookshop last week, we thought you’d like it.”

Ginny beamed up at him.

“I didn’t even know there was a new published translation!”

“Neither did we ‘til we saw it,” said Todd, who had stood up from the rock he was sitting on and was now beside Neil.

“Thank you!” Ginny lunged forward, hugging them both.

“We knew you’d like it. Now, you’d better get back before your mom notices you’re not home,” said Neil.

Ginny turned to leave the cave once again. She glanced back as she left, giving the two of them a knowing grin – they’d somehow moved even closer together in the few seconds since she turned her back. They really weren’t as subtle as they thought they were.

She ran home as fast as she could. It was nearly two in the morning when she finally got into bed, but she couldn’t sleep. Instead, she turned on her bedside lamp and began to read.

“Oh Chris, they’re so beautiful! You really should borrow the book!” Ginny enthused as she and Chris walked through the halls at school.

“I’ve never even heard of Sappho!”

“She was an Ancient Greek poet from the Isle of Lesbos, most of her works have been lost over time, only a few fragments written on papyrus rolls survived, and they’ve been translated into English,” Ginny explained.

“What did she write about?”

“Emotions mostly, like all poets. Passion, jealousy, hatred, love.” Ginny lowered her voice, whispering into Chris’s ear. “Specifically love of women. She’s the reason we have the words ‘sapphic’ and ‘lesbian’.”

Chris turned to her, smiling.

“That’s so cool! It’s all because of her?”

“Yeah! I know you’re not…like me…so maybe it doesn’t feel as significant to you but it’s so amazing to me. The fact so many women since Ancient Greece have felt the same, and it’s like those feelings and that solidarity has passed on through generations. Reading these poems, even though they’re just fragments, it’s like…I can’t even explain it. It feels timeless.”

“Wow, that’s…,” Chris began but was interrupted by the school bell.

“Oh shit,” said Ginny. “My next period’s on the other side of the school, I’d better run. See you later!”

Before Chris could say anything else, Ginny was off down the halls.

It was the following week when the mystery began. Ginny got into school that Monday morning and went to her locker like usual, but there was something inside: two violets, tied together at the stem with a small piece of pink ribbon. Ginny picked them up, looking around to see if anyone was looking at her or waiting for any reaction. No one seemed to notice her. Ginny spotted there was a tiny note attached to the ribbon. On one side, it was blank, but there was writing on the other side:

‘girls

all night long

might sing of the love between you and the bride

with violets in her lap’

Ginny recognised it as one of Sappho’s fragments immediately. But there was no other writing on the note, no hint as to who could have left the flowers in her locker. She placed the note between two pages of her chemistry textbook and tucked one of the violets into her hair.

“Pretty flower,” smiled Chris when Ginny sat down beside her in history.

“Thanks! Someone left it in my locker,” she explained, still incredulous.

“Oh? Was it like…a love confession or…?”

“No idea. If they were trying to tell me something I don’t see what they’d want me to do about it, there was no name on the note, just a line of Sappho.”

“Maybe there’ll be another tomorrow.”

“I doubt it.”

There was another in her locker on Tuesday. There was only one flower, this time, but still had a note tied to it with the same pink ribbon.

‘he seems to me equal to gods thar man

whoever he is opposite you

sits and listens close

to your sweet speaking

and lovely laughing – oh it

puts the heart in my chest on wings

for when I look at you, even a moment, no speaking

is left in me’

Another Sappho poem. How did this person know about Ginny’s love for her poetry? The only people who knew were Neil, Todd and Chris and surely this was none of their doing, right? Neil and Todd went to an entirely different school so they wouldn’t have had chance to plant it before 8am. Besides, this gesture had to be romantic, and Ginny knew for a fact neither of them felt that way about her – or about anyone other than each other for that matter. Chris hadn’t seemed too enthused by Ginny’s musings about her anthology the previous week, and she didn’t even like girls, so it couldn’t have been her. Was there another Sappho enthusiast at Henley Hall? Had someone spotted her carrying the book and realised they might have a chance? That would explain the anonymity, she supposed. No one would admit they were sapphic unless they were entirely confident the other person was okay with it.

Ginny tucked the flower into her hair again and shook her head, ignoring the thought. She had exams to worry about now, she couldn’t get caught up about a potential secret admirer. She would just pin the note to the side of the mirror on her dresser and keep the violet in a glass of water, as she had yesterday. Surely, that had to be the end of it, now.

Wednesday. Two more violets. Another note.

‘stars around the beautiful moon

hide back their luminous form

whenever all full she shines

on the earth

silvery’

Still no signature or indication of the sender.

Thursday. Another flower. Another fragment.

‘i long and seek after’

Ginny didn’t even recognise the handwriting. The calligraphy was so precise.

Friday. Three violets. Another poem.

‘not one girl I think

who looks on the light of the sun

will ever

have wisdom

like this’

“So how’s the book, Gin?” Neil asked on Saturday.

She had met up with him and Charlie in town and Charlie had run off to buy ice creams on the park. Technically he was supposed to be studying with Meeks but apparently ice cream was more important than his grades.

“It’s really good! The fragmented translations are so interesting, it’s like you have to imagine what she would have written next.”

“Yeah, that’s the thing with ancient poets, we never really get all their work. It takes a bit more imagination to read.”

Charlie came running up to them, handing them ice creams and sitting beside them on the bench.

“Nice flower.” He pointed at the small purple bloom sticking out by Ginny’s ear.

“Thanks, I keep getting left them in my locker.”

Neil and Charlie looked at one another confused, then back to Ginny.

“I don’t know who’s leaving them,” Ginny anticipated their question. “But every morning this week there has been at least one violet in my locker with a note tied to it, and the note is always one of Sappho’s lines. Never signed, no indication of who left it there, just the poetry.”

“Did you tell anyone else about the book I got you?” Neil asked.

“Only Chris.”

Charlie smirked.

“It’s not her.”

“How do you know?”

“She doesn’t like girls like I do. Believe me, I really wish it was her. But I know it isn’t.”

“Are you sure?” Charlie teased.

Neil shook his head at Charlie, indicating for him to shut up. He’d been the person Ginny had confided in about Chris back when she realised she liked her as more than just a best friend. She’d had overwhelming feelings for her for so long, and every time she’d seen her that past week there’d been a part of her wondering what if it is? What if it is her? But every time the thought crossed her mind, she shook it off. She wouldn’t give herself false hope. No, that would hurt too much.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually.”

“I hope it doesn’t take too long, I’m running out of room on my dresser for these things,” Ginny chuckled, eating her ice cream. ‘Maybe they’ve given up, anyway,’ she thought to herself.

Monday morning. Another violet, another note.

‘my darling one’

“You still getting those?” Chris walked over to Ginny’s locker, peeking over her shoulder at the paper in her hand.

“Apparently,” Ginny said, hoping her voice didn’t give away her nerves at Chris being so close to her. “Why don’t they just sign it or something? Then I wouldn’t have to figure out who it is myself.”

“Maybe they’re waiting to surprise you. It is your birthday this weekend, after all.”

“Do you know something about it? Do you know who it is?”

Chris smiled, raising her eyebrows knowingly and miming zipping her mouth shut. Then, she turned away from the lockers and strode down the hall. Chris knowing who it was somehow made it hurt more. She was helping someone who liked Ginny, completely oblivious to the fact Ginny was head over heels in love with her.

Tuesday. More flowers. More poetry.

‘someone will remember us

I say

even in another time’

Still no signature.

Wednesday.

‘for many crowns of violets and roses

at my side you put on

and many woven garlands

made of flowers

around your soft throat’

Thursday.

‘I conversed with you in a dream

Kyprogeneia’

Friday. Five violets.

‘sweet mother, I cannot weave –

slender Aphrodite has overcome me with longing for a girl.’

“I just don’t get it,” Ginny groaned as she sat beside Chris on the bench at lunch. “Why haven’t they said anything? They just keep leaving the flowers and notes in my locker! It’s been two weeks now!”

“I don’t know, Gin. Have you noticed anyone looking at you differently? Expectantly?”

“No! That’s exactly my point: aside from the poems, they’ve not given any hints, not tried to seek me out or anything! If the goal was to tell me for my birthday, I don’t think they’re gonna reach it.”

“You never know, they might surprise you!”

Ginny turned her head to look at Chris, squinting suspiciously.

“You’re still coming over for my birthday tomorrow, right?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t miss that for the world.”

“We’re not doing that much you know, just having a meal with my family.”

“I know,” Chris replied cheerily.

Ginny squinted at her more.

“You know something, and I don’t like it.”

It was true. She didn’t like it. Chris just didn’t know the exact reason why. Chris just grinned and bit her apple.

Saturday. Ginny sat at her dresser, desperately trying to figure out what to do with her hair. She groaned and dropped her head forwards onto her arms. After a few seconds, she sat up, looking at herself in the mirror. She was wearing her favourite dark purple dress with the white collar. It was almost the same shade as the violets, which were by now spread across three makeshift vases on her dresser. She also wore the small heart pendant necklace Chris had bought her for Christmas. She’d barely taken it off since she’d received it. Ginny sighed, picked up her curlers and got to work.

She’d just positioned one of the violets next to her left ear when the doorbell rang. She all but ran down the stairs, pulled the door open, and was shocked by the sight before her.

Chris stood there in her pink jumper and grey skirt, holding a bunch of violets. The flowers were tied with the same pink ribbon as the ones in her locker had been for the last two weeks – the same pink ribbon Chris now wore in her hair.

“Happy birthday, Gin.”

She held the bunch out to Ginny, and she took them, gently turning over the piece of paper that was tied there alongside them. Sure enough, there were two lines of poetry written in perfect cursive.

‘you came and I was crazy for you

and you cooled my mind that burned with longing.’

Ginny just stared up at Chris for a few seconds, who was smiling expectantly back.

“Come in, let’s go upstairs,” she said, after remembering she needed to breathe, stepping inside to let Chris in. She shut the front door behind them, shouting to her parents that Chris had arrived before dashing upstairs to her room.

“It was you,” Ginny said simply as she and Chris stepped inside her bedroom. Ginny made sure the door was closed so their conversation wouldn’t be overheard.

“It was me,” Chris admitted.

Ginny sat down on her bed, staring directly forward. She was confused and overjoyed at the same time. She felt the weight on the bed shift as Chris sat beside her, their thighs touching just barely.

“So you…like me?” Ginny asked, just to be sure.

Chris giggled. Ginny wanted to listen to that sound forever.

“Yes.”

“I didn’t even know you felt that way about girls.”

“Neither did I until you told me you did. I’d never really considered it an option but then after you told me, I started thinking about it and, yeah. I think it’s the reason dating Chet never felt…right. I hadn’t realised I was with the wrong Danburry,” Chris explained.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried to hint at things, even before the violets and poems. It wasn’t a coincidence that I broke up with Chet only a week after you came out to me, you know?” She paused before continuing. “Also, I wasn’t entirely sure whether or not you felt the same about me. Both of us being like this didn’t necessarily mean that we also both had feelings for one another. That’s assuming…you do feel the same way?”

Ginny scoffed as if Chris had just asked her if the sky was blue.

“Of course I do! I thought I made that fairly obvious. You were the person that made me realise I liked girls in the first place – I mean, you and Audrey Hepburn, but still. I’ve been dreaming for months that you liked me back, that we could be together, but I always woke up thinking it was impossible.”

“I can assure you it is very much possible. What happened in the dreams?”

“Sometimes we’d go out to the park, sometimes you’d come over here, but every time, we’d just be sitting there, holding hands.”

Chris took Ginny’s hand in her own.

“Then you’d lean in and kiss me,” Ginny continued, really hoping the shaking she was feeling was just in her mind and not her body.

“I think we can make that happen,” she said softly, her other hand moving around them to cup Ginny’s cheek and bring their faces closer together.

When their lips met, it was so soft, but it was like an electric shock passed between them. Ginny’s eyes were closed but she swore she could see fireworks; an explosion of flush pinks and bright violets erupting in her mind, and all her senses were heightened. Chris pulled away after a couple of seconds, but Ginny held her face and pulled her back. They giggled as their noses bumped into each other, but soon settled into a rhythm, Chris’s hand moving up into Ginny’s hair. Ginny could taste the lip balm on Chris’s lips – strawberry? No – cherry. She tasted so sweet, exactly as she had in Ginny’s dreams. She knew it was cliché as soon as the thought came to her, but she didn’t care; she wanted to stay in the moment forever.

They only moved apart when both physically needed to breathe. They smiled at one another, then Ginny moved sideways, laying her head in Chris’s lap. Chris carried on messing with her hair.

“Sorry,” she giggled, “I think I messed your hair up.”

“Chris, believe me when I tell you I do not care. Mess it up all you like.”

“Want me to re-do it? I have an idea.”

Ginny nodded, sitting back up. Chris reached over to the other side of the bed and took the bunch of violets that had been discarded when they sat down.

“Ah, we might not have enough here.”

“I have them all.”

Ginny indicated towards her dresser, where the glasses stood housing every one of the violets Chris had left in her locker over the past two weeks. Some were more damaged than others, but she’d kept them alive for the most part.

“You kept them?” Chris was touched. She stood up and walked over to the dresser, reaching out to stroke one of the ten pieces of paper taped around the mirror. “And all the notes, too?”

“I think part of me had some hope that it was you who was leaving them, so I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of any.”

Chris smiled at her.

“You’re so cute.”

Chris took the hairbrush and the glasses of flowers and brought them over to Ginny’s bedside table, before sitting back on the bed. She moved her feet apart so there was space on the floor in front of her.

“You okay sitting on the floor?”

“Of course,” Ginny said, sitting down.

She tried not to think too much about the fact she was sitting in between Chris’s legs. That image had also appeared in her dreams more than a few times. But she had time to talk about those dreams later on. She relaxed immediately when Chris began gently pulling the brush through her hair.

“Your hair’s so soft,” she said.

“Thanks,” Ginny was unsure how else to reply.

When Chris didn’t say anything else for a few minutes, Ginny let herself close her eyes and zone out, the gentle tugging on her hair keeping her from falling asleep.

She pictured herself, only a few months ago, not long after she realised the truth of her feelings for Chris. She’d been at theatre rehearsals, practising a monologue on stage, and Chris had tagged along to watch her. She was the only person in the whole auditorium, and Ginny couldn’t concentrate on anything other than her. It distracted her from her lines, staring at the way one corner of Chris’s mouth moved up into a smile; the way her hair sat so perfectly behind her ear, glowing in the harsh light of the theatre; how pretty her hand looked propping her chin up as she leaned forwards onto the chair in front; the way her eyes never left Ginny’s performance. In that moment, Ginny wanted nothing more than to jump off the stage, run over to her and kiss her all over her pretty face. She’d gone home and cried that night. She hated the way she felt about her, hated that she knew nothing could ever happen between them.

Well, she thought she knew. Now she knew she was wrong. She had kissed Chris and was going to make it her mission to kiss every part of her face as soon as she could.

Ginny was broken out of her daydreaming by Chris’s silky voice.

“I think you’re done, Gin.”

Ginny stood up, brushed her dress down and walked over to the mirror. Her hair was in a beautiful up-do, several braids twisted together to form a bun on the back of her head. The violets were threaded throughout, matching her dress perfectly. She saw Chris walk up behind her in the mirror, a huge smile on her face.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it.”

Ginny pulled Chris into a tight hug before kissing her once again, the fireworks from earlier returning and brighter than before. Chris stood on her tiptoes to deepen the kiss, and Ginny pulled her impossibly closer to deepen the kiss.

“My darling one,” Ginny muttered as they broke apart, quoting one of the Sappho lines Chris had left in her locker.

“Girl sweetvoiced,” Chris replied. “Kind of sad I didn’t get to use that one, it’s one of my favourites.”

“You can quote Sappho to me whenever you want, Chris.”

Suddenly Ginny’s mother called from downstairs.

“Girls! Dinner!”

The two instinctively jumped apart, then both laughed.

“You ready?” Chris asked, holding out her hand.

“Yeah,” Ginny replied, taking it.

But as Chris started for the door, Ginny stopped.

“Wait!”

She dashed over to the bedside table, where one flower was left in the glass. She took it and walked back over to Chris before tucking it into her hair, moving a lock behind her ear as she did so. The dark purple contrasted beautifully with her bright blonde hair.

“There. Perfect,” she whispered.

Ginny leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Chris’s nose before taking her hand once more and leaving the bedroom.

And if Chris kept leaving flowers and poems in Ginny’s locker the next week? Well, at least Ginny could be sure who they were from now, and not only because of the pink lipstick mark on one side of the paper that perfectly matched the ribbon.

[deadsnothere]

Spin the bottle O'Clock

Synopsis - Spin the bottle! Spin the bottle at dots party, after the T-birds and us crash a party, Me and Nancy are ready to get it started but we're stopped by a game on spin the bottle, why does it keep getting worse after?

Masterlist

WARNINGS! - VAUGE DESCRIPTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSULT.

Request - Nope

Word Count - 4.1k (4'111 angel number :D)

Speak Ali! - please be careful reading this, don't trigger yourself. (The gif got me on my knees-)

Olivia, Nancy, Jane and I stood by the fireplace of the Dot household.

“This party is a drag,” Nancy spoke in a bored tone, her shoulder to mine as we lent against the pillar. “I hear that-'' She grabbed my forearm, pulling me to stand up straight. “What do you want to get up to?” interlacing her arm with mine, both of us perked up. We knew we had the same idea. “We could snoop in the medicine cabinet-” But as we started to walk away, we got pulled back by Olivia. “Nancy, Alias, we're here on a mission.”

Jane was looking nervous beside her, fidgeting with her fingers while trying to build up the guts to blackmail Buddy. “Maybe I should talk to him tomorrow-” Olivia interrupted her immediately, making Nancy and I wait, begrudgingly we went back to our original position. “Don't chicken out now! Come on, go get him alone, go!” She pushed her into the crowd softly with a smile.

Meanwhile, Nancy and I finally took our chance to escape. “We're gonna go find the fuse box, just in case we need to cut the power and cause some chaos.” We heard Olivia trying to stop us, but she can blame us? This is boring. We needed something fun to do!

“Gather round party people!” Me and Nancy stopped our short search to look at each other with annoyed faces. “It’s spin the bottle O’clock!” We both sighed and made our way to the circle that was starting to form where the couch previously was. I saw my brother - Shy Guy try to urge Cynthia to come and play as she was standing in the cut off of the circle but she made a big motion with her head as if calling him stupid for even suggesting it.

I knew he wanted to kiss her, he didn't know we were together yet, so I couldn't blame him for thinking he still had a chance, but she's my girlfriend so he doesn't. We made a deal that is was fair game since we liked the same girl. Her eyes darted to me after and a smug smile curled on her face, and I just knew it was ‘cause I was already looking at her.

“LISTEN UP! Foe’s I want a good, Clean game. keep your hands to yourself,” She patted her hands on her knees. “your lips pursed” She squished her cheeks together, it was absolutely adorable. “and if you land on someone ugly- just close your eyes and think of abe lincoln.” That made some people laugh, myself included.

She kneeled down to Jane, having a one sided conversation with her before popping right back up. “LET THE DEPRAVITY’S COMMENCE!” and set the bottle in the middle of the circle.

It started with Neil who got the girl in the white and red dress with a thin black belt. They made out for a minute, he grabbed her boob like the disgusting ass pervert he is. Dot went after, spinning the bottle and it landed on herself. Someone else spun they kissed, Richie spun he kissed the same girl as Neil, buddy spun and got Susan of course, Nancy spun and landed on Neil which I think almost made her throw up, especially when she looked back and Neil was doing kissy faces. “Pass.” Cynthia looked at her like she was crazy, standing up. “Pass?! You can’t pass!” Nancy shrugged, sitting back down. “STRIKEEE ONE!” Cynthia said like a baseball announcer.

Dot spun once again, again landing on herself. “This bottle is broken.” She sighed sorrowfully. Cynthia quickly moved on, trying to get Jane an in. “Ain't that a bite! Ok Jane, batter up!” Neil interrupted before Jane could even reach to get up to spin the bottle the bottle. “Wait wait- Alias over there hasn't gone yet.” I looked around like I was clueless. “Alias has gone- She uhh- Kissed Richie-” Cynthia looked aggravated that her plan to just skip over me wasn't working. She was trying to make an excuse that was definitely falling through.

I could see Olivia smirking at me from the corner of my eye, she knew what Cynthia was avoiding. Anyone could tell Cynthia was avoiding it. Richie shrugged with a smug smile, obviously fucking with Cynthia. “I don't remember it-” That aggravated attitude got Richie a glare. “It's fine Cyn, I can spin.”

She was glaring at me now, her hands in her pockets, and a pout on her face. I could tell she really didn't want to watch me kiss anyone else. “Fine! Alias, batter up.” But unlike the batter up Jane got mine was a lot less excited. And more aggressive not towards me but definitely to the bottle. I could feel her staring at me, It sent a chill down my back.

I spun the bottle, watched it spin twice and prayed to god it wouldn't land on a T-bird, then it landed on Buddy, someone even worse. “I hate this game.” I rolled my eyes and crawled over to Buddy, closing my eyes and giving him a quick peck and pulling back immediately.

“Hey! That doesn't count, it has to last longer than three seconds.” Neil practically yelled. I sighed and put my hand out in front of Cynthia because I could see her going to lunge at him, she was getting angrier by the seconds. I waited a second to see if Buddy was ok with it and kissed him again. Cynthia now stood in between us counting each second, sounding more and more aggravated with each number. I was pulling back as soon as she got to three.

The second I pulled away from the kiss, I spit into Buddy's cup and wiped my mouth, turning to Niel with a scowl. “You wanted a show, there's your show, slut.” Gaspes went around the circle, Some of them were from the ladies and T-birds who were proud, others were from the Socs who were offended. Niel looked pissed but I just ignored it.

I simply rolled my eyes and sat back down on the floor, next to where Nancy was supposed to be sitting but she seems to have disappeared. Cynthia looked SO pissed, down right ready to murder. She pulled me up and out of my spot in the circle to sit next to her on the couch.

“Finally! Jane batter up!” Jane grabbed the bottle spinning it, it spun twice and landed in between Richie and Buddy. Both Susan and Cynthia got on the floor to see which one but of course Cynthia went for the save. “It's a dead-heat.” She stood back up and went back to her spot behind Jane and infront of me.

“Chef's choice.” The boys started Oooh’ing, I already knew Jane was going to pick Buddy, but I can hope she’d pick Richie instead. “Buddy! And I want to do seven minutes in heaven.” Niel patted Buddy on the shoulder. “Attaboy!” Again, disgusting ass pervert. “A lot you politicians can get done in Seven minutes.”

Susan the fucking kill joy, picked the bottle up pointing it at Jane. “We can't just go changing the rules!” Cynthia, again came to the rescue. “Sure we can!” She set the bottle back in the middle. “Seven minutes in heaven is now on the table.” Jane and Buddy got up and walked to the closet getting whistles as they left.

Everyone sat back down waiting for Jane and Buddy so we continued the game. “Alright! Gilly, it's all yours.” Gil popped his collar and spun the bottle, it landed on Olivia, and as he crawled over to her, Cynthia pantsed him. Everyone was laughing and just to rub it in, Cynthia said. “Ha! Nice skid marks.” Making Gil pop.

“What the hell, Cynthia.” He was talking angry but quiet at first which isn't a good sign, I stood up to try and maybe get a hold of this before it got bad but it kept going before I could do anything. “Don't get mad, it was just a goof, I'm sure Olivia’s seen worse undies right?” She looked around the circle like she was asking. Then Gil exploded, and said it.

“Why can’t you act like a normal girl.” Cynthia's face dropped and so did mine. Olivia stood up right as Cyn was leaving, she went to go after her but I stopped it. Turning to Gil I spoke in the calmest voice I could. “I understand your angry but I swear to the heavens above Gil the next time you say some shit to her, It better be a fucking apology.” I kicked the back of his knee and ran off after Cynthia.

When I found Cynthia, she was in a dark hallway curled up on herself, I didn't hesitate to sit beside her, grab her hand and pull her into me. Letting her cry into my chest. “I'm so sorry Cyn, but it's not true..you're not, not a normal girl? But you're also not a normal girl! You're you! and that's all-” Jane came down the hallway so we had to separate a bit, Cynthia wiped her tears and I wiped the wet stains from the tears on my shirt. She put her comb back in her sock making me giggle at how stupid it looked. We both stood up walking towards Jane. “So did you do it? Did you expose that lying bastard?”

Olivia and Nancy followed a bit after Jane came in. “I couldn't!” Jane let out an exhausted sigh and Nancy looked pissed. “Why not!” When Buddy walked past the hallway to grab his keys he looked at all of us and we glared back. “He deserves to go down!” Nancy whispered as soon as he was out of view. “Which is it! It wouldn't be him who goes down..” Jane looked tired, we all looked tired honestly. But Olivia spoke what we couldn't say. “It’d be Susan.”

Jane started pacing up and down a small portion of the hallway. “He cheats on tests, he's cool! He smokes reefer, He's cool. He goes all the way with Susan..” She looked defeated. “He's cool.” Olivia finished it off. “And she's a slut.” She looked back at Me, and then to the girls in front of her. “Just like us.” Cynthia finally spoke up. “I don't understand girls.” - “What?!” Jane was confused but I knew exactly what she was talking about.

“If Buddy did to me what he did to you? He’d be at home right now crying to his mommy with a fat lip!” She made an uppercut motion with her hand. “What do you think happened to the guy who started that rumor about Alias? He sure as hell ain't at this school anymore!” I snapped my head over to Cynthia confused. “You did that!”

She looked away from me guiltily. Olivia spoke up before I could say anything else. “I should probably get home before my mom finds out I snuck out.” Nancy and me both sighed, looking at each other exhausted. “But it's barely 11!”

Cynthia grabbed my hand dragging me down the hallway with her. “Let's make it like a tree and leaf.” I almost snorted at her joke if it weren't for the fact I almost hit my hand on the table from her recklessness when dragging me. “And I don't wanna see Gil's rat face either!” I took my hand back from Cynthia and walked over to Nancy. We both let out these long, exaggerated, frustrated groans. I let her speak first. “Ya know I was excited about coming to this party tonight, because I thought we would all have fun.” Then I continued. “But instead all ANY of you have done all night is obsess over stupid.” I let her finish off the sentence. “Boys.”

Cynthia looked offended, “Don't look at me.” Nancy snapped right back. “Here's looking right at ya kid!” I rolled my eyes and took a step closer to Cyn. “You spent the whole night obsessing over impressing the T-Birds!” Nancy gave me an appreciative look. “Boys!” She finished for me again.

“Yeah! Because none of you laugh at my jokes and I'm hilarious!” I looked around at the other three a bit offended, because I do in fact, laugh at her jokes! “But I guess I'm too girl to be one of the boys, and too boy to be one of the girls.” I sighed and nodded understanding where she's coming from. “I give up, I’m going there-” When she started walking away, Jane went after her, comforting her in the mantle space.

Olivia blocked my view of the two but I tried to keep an eye out. “Alias, Nancy I think you’re both just a little upset over, spin the bottle.” We both laughed. “Why would ‘spin the bottle’ upset us?” I answered for us both, looking at Nancy confused. Olivia moved circles with her hands. “'cause you two, never kissed a boy before.” I started laughing, and Nancy just looked Gobsmacked. “Are you kidding? We’ve kissed every boy at this party.” She made a motion going back and forth from us.

Olivia's mouth dropped, Cynthia's head practically spun off its axis to look at me, and Jane looked confused. “huh?-” - “What?” - “What!” All of them looked surprised.

Nancy used the chair to get onto the table and I sat in the chair itself. “Back in junior high, we had these parties all the time.” - “She went with Edith and Ellen, I went with Maria and Kt- All the Soc guys were there.” - “Kissing is fine! It's a Lark.” and I started giggling looking at how surprised they were at me. Cynthia looked down at me with a raised eyebrow. “I was an in denial Lesbian who had a massive crush on her best friend, I kissed to take the pain away!” I dramatically laid a hand on my forehead leaning back onto Nancy's legs, who started laughing at how stupid I looked.

“But the best part is creating a brutal rating system with your friends afterwards!” I leaned my head back to give her a high five, both of us laughing. Jane spoke up. “So…you two kissed Buddy?” Nancy nodded. “Like 15 times.” I started laughing thinking back to spin the bottle. “16 times for me now.” Cynthia did not look happy at that reference, maybe a little jealous (a lot a jealous). “Solid B..minus.” Jane looked a little upset. “just being honest..” I looked up to her with my eyebrow furrowed. “Really? I gave him a C..”

She looked down to me unsurprised. “Alias you never gave anyone over a C.” I put my hands up in defeat. “And that's why you all weren't surprised when I said I was a lesbian!” - Nancy sighed from above me. “Now everyone takes boys so seriously” She dragged out her words, obviously using it to tell us she finds it stupid.

I stood up from the chair. Letting my hand out dramatically, bowing so Nancy could get up. “Just imagine how fun this party would be, if we could go backwards! do it all, without boys.” She said boys like it was venom in her mouth. The four of us followed after her, looking into the glass doors.

– I can't do this song. I'm sorry but it's too much to explain and I don't wanna do it dirty. –

While they were daydreaming about a world without boys I was going to find the fun!

If I knew the fun meant getting assaulted, I don't think I would’ve left.

I found the boys spiking the punch so I said something and then they got angry, and I tried to fight back but it was three against one, and they can do a lot in a minute. Like grope you in places you don't want to be touched by anyone other than your girlfriend…and they definitely are not Cynthia.

Cynthia –

I leaned against the table Nancy sat on at one point continuing to think about how amazing it would be without boys. So many women, So many pretty, pretty women. “Yeah that sounds nice.” Olivia leaned against the wall at the front of the hallway. I stood up straight and had to do a double take to look at the glass doors, spotting Neil and his friends spiking the punch.

“Hey come look at this-” I whispered, using my fingers to motion them over. looking inside there were three boys spiking the punch, and if you stood up just a bit more, you could see MY girlfriend, sitting on the floor, shaking. Her button up shirt was opened and a bra strap pulled down, she had scratch marks on her arm and looked so dead inside. “I'm going to fucking murder them-” I was beyond angry, i'm going to put my foot so far up their asses it’ll come out of their fucking mouths and then put them in jail for the most disgusting fucking crime!

“Holy shit, is that Alias?” - “They’ve gone way too low, even for those bottom feeders.” Nancy looked murderous too. “Boys will be boys.” Olivia said sarcastically, mocking the people who defended this shit. “I'm not sitting here-” When I went to run to get Alias, Jane stopped me by grabbing my arm. “Cynthia, wait!- If they try anything else we’ll go get her, but for right now we’ll wait for them to leave and then you can be her knight in shining armor, it's safer for us all.” I moved her hand off my shoulder and corrected her. “I'm her stable girl.” I got looks but just shrugged it off pissed that I was stopped in the first place.

Jane moved over to the other side of the doors. “Maybe we can't prove that Buddy's not a good guy..But we can do something about these jerks..right now.” I couldn't take my eyes away from the glass door, I had to make sure she was ok, or that at least they wouldn't do anything else. “What do you have in mind?” I spoke, never looking away. Nancy spoke up next, talking to me. “You had a pretty good idea earlier.” I still didn't look away from Alias on the other side who had closed her eyes at this point. But I was thoroughly confused

Alias –

I did not expect to see Olivia walk into the room, I was so hopeful. But then she started flirting with the boys? She walked in, said follow me to the boys in a seductive tone and winked at me as she left. A few seconds later though, The one person I wanted to see walked in. “Alias! Are you ok? Oh my god- I'm gonna fucking kill them, if they ever lay another hand on you I will find the most painful way for them to crash and burn in hell!”

Cynthia grabbed my hand and kissed it softly, she was so gentle with me, making sure to be careful where she touched. We spoke with our eyes for the rest of the time. When she looked down at my shirt, I nodded saying it was ok if she rebuttoned it. When she kept staring at me, I kissed her softly, enjoying the feeling of her against me. No one but her, Only. Her.

She took her flannel off, and put it on me. Kissed my cheek softly and asked with her eyes before hugging me tightly. “I'm so sorry- I should’ve been there- I should-” I put a hand over her mouth. “I'm not your responsibility, I'm my own responsibility. I shouldn't have left you guys anyways-”

She sighed, hugging me again. “Do you wanna do anything? Go to the police-” - “No!- They will never believe me if I do- especially since i’m a mexican, they’ll probably just think i'm high on coke or something..” Cynthia sighed and I did too. Leaning my head against her chest, she ran her hands through my hair. We kissed one more time. It was closed mouth and gentle, her hands held my waist and our bodies were pulled together, my hands were in her hair and she pulled me so close I was sitting on her lap.

In the moment I felt as light as a feather, like I was soaring in the sky because of how good I felt compared to minutes ago where I felt like I would rather be dead than be in that situation again.

Nancy walked in making a face at the fact we were sucking face in the middle of a room. “Hey!” Finally noticing Nancy walk in the room we pulled away from each other. “Princess, stable girl! We have people to fuck up.” I looked at them both confused. “You’ll see.” I stood up, pulling Cynthia’s flannel around me a little more to get comfortable walking again.

When we walked out the room, Nancy, Olivia, and Jane were all by Dots dad’s study, Tying the door locked. Olivia doing a stupidly complicated knot very fast. When she turned around and saw shocked faces, she said - “What, I was a girl scout.” She shrugged her shoulders. “You're something special, you know that?” Jane spoke surprised, making Olivia smile.

There were a few tugs on the door handle, and one of the boys was speaking. “Hey let us out of here, what's the big idea?” Jane spoke first. “The idea is that you spiked the punch with alcohol and assaulted our friend.” Olivia next. “So we spiked your alcohol with Caster Oli!” - “What?!”

I started laughing leaning on Cynthia. “I love you guys.” They all smiled at me. “Don't worry! It's a safe and effective dose!” Nancy pulled me up and we both spoke at the same time in the same voice, doing the same over dramatic motions. “It's no big deal!” Cynthia behind me tried not to laugh as she spoke. “Just something to loosen you up!” The boys were begging to get out.

“You're right it's not funny to put something in somebody's drink to make them out of control of their body!” Cynthia put her elbows on me and Nancy's shoulders. “Thank god you two snooped in those medicine cabinets.”

Me and Nancy both looked at each other concerned. “Dot's mom has a lot of pills.” I nodded in agreement. The three started to bang on the door violently, All three of them started yelling. “Let us out you Pink-O tramps!” We all grabbed someone's hand and ran out of the house laughing our asses off.

“Added to the list, Pink-O Tramps!” Nancy yelled walking down the street. “The Pink-O Tramps, now that is a jacket!” Jane added on. “Why not! Everyone already thinks we're such bad girls!” She spoke in an accent. Cynthia put her arm around my shoulders as we walked, pulling me closer into her. “We're not girls, we're Ladies.”

While Nancy swished her ‘hair’ behind her back I did a few steps and curtsied to them all as they walked before getting back into rhythm with them, or with Cynthia at least when she put her arm around my shoulders again. “The pink ladies.” Jane said from a few feet behind us. Cynthia looked skeptical at first but when I started giggling at the name with a smile, she gave in. “Fine! I'll consider it!- on a trial basis!” I let myself break out in full laughter and kissed her cheek a few times. Soon she was laughing along with me and the other girls.

“So Jane? You think a Pink lady can become president?” Jane looked exhausted at the reminder. “I've spent so much time just trying to prove that I'm the good guy, and Buddys the bad guy! And I'm realizing that sometimes, you gotta be bad to do good.” I nodded at her with a smile making Jane smile back.

“That is not a bad campaign slogan, for the leader of a girl gang!” Nancy did this excited little dance, and Jane took out a bobby pin from her hair. “Anyone up for..stopping by the school?” All of us were smiling. “Let's go.”

I put my hands in the back pocket of Cynthia's jeans smiling and twirled her around to face me, pulling her into a kiss. “We're gonna rule the school this year, Cyn.” She smiled, pulling me in again. “Fuck yeah we are.” By the time we were done, the girls were calling us. “COME ON LOVE BIRDS!” - “YEAH STOP KISSING” - “WERE GONNA START WITHOUT YOU!” We were both laughing at that point, running after the girls who were walking off without us.

It's going to be hard to go to school tomorrow, or get home and explain to my siblings why I have red hand marks on me when i give them baths, or why I flinch away from my "dad"s touch. But I have my girls, and thats all I need to walk into school with my head high tomorrow.

[apupp3tw0-strings]

Haunted House, Haunted Mind

Date: November 1st, 2131

After a few hours of trick-or-treating and shortly after hitting the Church, CK stopped the group as we were preparing to hit the Police Station next. Right in front of a path through the trees.

"MWEH HEH HEH... HEY GUYS, I'VE GOT AN IDEA FOR WHERE TO HEAD NEXT."

"I thought the next stop was the police station?" Neil asked as the rest of the group stopped.

"IT WAS, BUT...!" CK stepped in front of the path "THIS MIGHT BE BETTER THAN CANDY."

"CK, what are you-?" Kris asked before CK cut them off by continuing, gesturing down the path while talking to the rest of us kids.

"SO THERE'S THIS SUPER CREEPY BUNKER SOMEWHERE DOWN IN THE WOODS. I'VE NEVER BEEN BUT I'VE HEARD PEOPLE LIKE KRIS AND ASRIEL TALK ABOUT IT ALL SECRET LIKE AND EVERYONE SEEMS TO AVOID IT."

"Ooo, spooky!" Blane noted.

"SO, YOU KNOW. WHAT BETTER HALLOWEEN ACTIVITY THAN-" CK started again before... Kris cut them off.

"No." Kris firmly cut them off. Even though CK continued to protest that Kris hadn't even let him finish, they stood firm in their statement. The bunker was off limits for a reason and there was no way any of us were going there.

Eventually CK yielded (though not without calling Kris a boring buzzkill) and we continued towards the Police Station.

... The bunker. Its something I've only heard about in whispered passings between some of the adults yet know little about. Given CK lives in Hometown and is related to both Asriel and Kris, it'd make sense for him to have a little more knowledge than me, but it seems that neither of us can really learn anything about it other than it's off limits and "don't we even dare go near it". Personally I'm content listening to the warnings to stay clear, (if Kris is THIS insistent that it's bad and dangerous, I'm inclined to believe that at the least, whatever's in there isn't something I want to see) but I can't help but be a bit curious.

One time, I asked my aunt about what was in the bunker. She might not have any personal experience with it (to my knowledge) but she has lived in Hometown almost as long as Kris or Asriel. Even still, her answer confused me. (I still half believe she was just trying to scare me.)

"What's in the bunker? Why do you need to know that old thing, Chi?" My aunt responded after I'd asked while she was making us some milk tea in between watching some episodes of the latest anime we were watching together.

"I don't know. I mean, I know not to go near it but... I guess I'm curious. No one else really talks about it."

"No kidding! Since the Mayor's daughter went missing, people have been avoiding that thing like the plague."

"Ms. Noelle? When did she go missing?"

"No, no. Not Noelle." My aunt sat down after handing me my milk tea. "Let's see, I don't know about it's origin, but if you just want to know what's inside it, I guess I could tell you that."

I scooted my chair in closer to listen.

"Some say that there's nothing in there but some shelves of canned food and supplies for surviving some sort of disaster. Others might say it's some mad scientists lab. Still others say there's nothing in there, and it's just an empty bunker in the middle of the woods," my aunt leaned in closer, "but I know... They're all wrong."

"You want to know what's in the bunker? The only thing in there is darkness. Darkness that's even darker than dark. Darkness that holds a dark underground city that holds an even darker dark beneath it's depths. A deep, deep darkness that contains a vast nothingness, yet contains everything that ever was and ever will be. The nowhere and everywhere, the empty space in which realities are formed. A place where time and space reside, extending on almost as far out as the nothingness, yet never work or function in. A darkness..." My aunt leaned in even closer... before booping me on the nose. "Whiiiich you're far too little to fully understand."

After that, she brushed the topic off and we went to go watch the next episode.

... I wonder if I'm old enough now to understand what she was talking about... Or if I only think I understand somewhat because of my experience in the Dark Worlds.

______________________________________________________________

After a run in with Kris's friend, Suzy, and hitting some more places, we made a quick stop near the Fun Center to say hi to mine and CK's aunt, but sadly she was busy. Since that plan was a bust, CK dragged us off to the haunted house at the old fair grounds and declared it as our last stop for the night. (He made sure to only dramatically announce it once we arrived, making for an awkward pause in his sentence as he just, stopped mid-sentence and walked all the way to the grounds, expecting the rest of us to follow.)

After Blane was the first to run into the house, exclaiming "No regrets no fears!!!!" and the rest of us followed shortly behind, we sort of managed to get separated from Kris, Spamton and Jevil, as well as from each other. I'm not sure when CK and I lost the rest of my friends, but one minute I thought they were with us and the next I turned around and they weren't. CK led us through one of the many doors to try and catch up with the others. (Probably not the best idea, but also I was on edge at the time).

That haunted house was creepy. I didn't see an actor insight and there weren't any jump scares just... dolls. So, many, dolls. It was freaky. The only time I DID get jump scared was when Kris showed up behind us after a few minutes. They explained that they, Jevil, and Spamton had split up to find us once they realized we had gotten separated which. I get the idea Kris but also why would you do that? (They also mentioned it likely wasn't the brightest idea.) After that we kept going through the haunted house to search for the others. That went on for a while...

At some point later on, Jevil seemed to appear out of no where, mentioning something about leaving Spamton with the other HotSpots (Oh boy, that... That probably didn't go well, did it?) and some time after that, the Askers spoke up to ty and warn me that Spamton was not having a good time and that Taffy wasn't helping the issue at all. Which... Gyeh. Oh boy. That opened a WHOLE can of worms. Taffy might always act very sweet and kind but... He's not really. Have I already compared him to Click before? The more I think about it, the two are very alike in their behaviors. (Honestly the same with the rest of my friends and the Addisons I've been finding). The thing with thinking about that though is... It brings up all sorts of thoughts. Thoughts that Jevil seemed to have no problem feeding.

"OH WOAH OF WOAHS, QUITE THE MORAL CONUNDRUM, CONUDRUM, LITTLE PUPPET BOY. YOU THINK SO HIGHLY, HIGHLY OF YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS, YET DO THEIR ACTIONS JUSTIFY THEIR ENDS? PERHAPS, HAPS THEY ARE AS FAKE AT THE SALESMAN CLAIMED, CLAIMED!"

"N-no they aren't! They, they can't be, alright!" I tried to shoo Jevil (and perhaps the thoughts) away.

"ARE YOU SO SURE, SURE, LITTLE PUPPET?"

"Okay, Like, yeah, sure, I have anxiety about them really just hanging around me for clout but, that's just anxiety, alright! They're my friends, sure they have their flaws but that doesn't mean they aren't actually my friends, okay!" ... "They... They've been my friends since kindergarten. There's no way they'd ever leave me..." Honestly at this point I think I was just denying it. I mean, who WOULD want to just, accept that their long term friends weren't really their friends?

"LEAVE, LEAVE YOU SAY? MY, SINCE WHEN DID I EVER IMPLY THAT NOTION, NOTION? SEEMS YOUR LOGIC, LOGIC IS RULED BY EMOTION."

At that point I was fidgeting with my knuckles, trying to calm down as my anxiety spiraled. "I-i... They wouldn't leave me... Right? ... But what if something happens between us? What if we get into some argument like Spamton and his friends did? What if... what if..."

"WHAT IF YOU END UP, UP LIKE THE SALESMAN? WHAT IF YOU FALL FROM GRACE, GRACE WITH NO ONE TO CATCH YOU? WHAT IF YOU CRY, CRY OUT FOR HELP AND NO ONE ANSWERS? WHAT IF-" Jevil got cut off by CK yanking his tail and pulling him back down to the ground.

"ALRIGHT, ENOUGH OF THAT! " After that, CK quite literally handing Jevil over to Kris before coming back to calm me down.

... I think that was the first time I ever verbalized those fears. Even if I've been (perhaps a bit too) open with Spamton about my feels towards my friends, I've never really said the rest of that stuff out loud to him. I mean, why would I? It'd be rude to tell someone who you've still relatively recently meet basically "Since meeting you I've noticed a concerning similarity between me and my friends and you and your old friends and knowing the downward trend your life took, and I don't want to end up like that." Like???

... I wonder if my meeting Spamton was the universe's way of giving me some sort of messed up cautionary tale for my future. ... I don't want to think about that.

At least even if the Hotspots aren't really my friends, I do still have CK. And Kris, and even Spamton. ... According to both Kris and Jevil, Spamton has the same fears about my future as me... Gyeh heh. Isn't that ironic?

To Be Continued

[theluminoussunflower]

hi

I always felt kinda weird about the dps 'novel' and thought it was so strange how many people seemed to love it. (And how often nancy kleinbaum was credited for quotes she had no involvement in..)

Like.. i'm glad if people enjoyed it. But at the same time i was crushed that i couldn't form a connection with it? Because all i yearned for was a long and detailed book of dps, but the book we've got is just a (worse) version of the script, where all the characters feel off.. finally someone put into words what i had trouble articulating.

So... thanks!

(And if i may ask: what do you think of the 'deleted scene' where mr. keating comes to the cave? It obviously doesn't have much to do with the book (just like everything else it was part of the script), but for me personally it was the first time i had encountered it.. do you think it adds to the story or not?)

Anonymous because i have a horrid fear of being misunderstood :) have a nice day

anon you and i are on the exact same page. i think within the fandom it's generally disliked on some level, but i see a lot of people who aren't in the trenches with us who praise it. and it's like, i think they just like the movie, but quoting from a movie isn't aesthetic enough or something? so they quote from the book? idk i have never liked the book, i don't understand the appeal of it at all.

there is another universe where the dps book is what you want: thorough, detailed, maybe even expands on the characters in minor ways (like we finally find out what clubs meeks and pitts are in). unfortunately, we live in the darkest timeline

i have quite mixed feelings about that deleted scene tbh. there is some context to it and i even see the vision that schulman was going for when he wrote it. to my understanding, that scene where todd reads out his poem was supposed to be intercut with the scene of neil going into his father's office. it's a pretty sick juxtaposition: todd, the character who could barely form a sentence at the beginning of the film, is reading out his own poem to his friends! and neil, who started all his friends on the dps path after being inspired by keating, isn't there because he's committing suicide at home, ending his life because there is nothing to live for if he can't seize the day. the thing is, in the original script, todd's character arc was a bit more complete in my opinion. he stands up to mr nolan and his parents and he doesn't sign the contract which terminates mr keating. he see him put keating's advice into practice and the effects/consequences of that (for some reason, todd does not get kicked out of welton in the og script, not sure why). but in the film, he is presented with the reality of not being able to follow mr keating's advice (yet), so he has to sign the contract. thus leading to the epic finale of the film where he thanks mr keating for his lessons and then we just presume they all put those lessons into practice. (dps 2 me thinks). now, for the film, weir wanted that grim/tragedy ending, so he cut a lot of that stuff with todd out. it still works, just not in the traditional way.

in terms of the rest of that, like everyone singing and dancing together... doesn't really do much. again, it was supposed to be intercut with neil's suicide, but neil's scene is harrowing enough without seeing his friends not know what's going on with him.

so there is a world where that deleted scene works, but they deleted it for a reason.

if i could for a moment talk about knox's storyline relating to that scene. i hate that his relationship with chris comes to a screeching halt when neil commits suicide. literally, after the play, we don't see or hear from her again. in that deleted scene, they kiss or whatever. still doesn't really wrap it up. now i'm not saying i'm rooting for them, because i'm not. but i think it would have been interesting like.

okay imagine chris' boyfriend chet finds out that she went to the play with knox (or kissed him). and chet is furious so he marches up to welton, set on punching knox into the ground. only to be confronted with a guy whose friend just killed himself. and what if knox, much like todd in the film, relents. and says "you can have chris, i can't seize the day anymore, my friend is dead" and we see him lose. knox, who has been pining after chris the whole movie, has to give up. i think that may have just reiterated the point, so maybe that's why it's not addressed. idk it was just always odd that knox didn't get a proper ending. not that he deserves it.

i don't know if that actually answers your question or not. i guess in short, i don't really think it should have stayed in the film as it was, but i see how it could have worked.

end post lol

[astragreenwoode]

The Spitfire Curse - Chapter Six

Previous: Chapter Five • Next: Chapter Seven • Masterlist • AO3 Version 

Rating: Explicit(18+ ONLY)

Pairings:  Billy Hargrove x Fem!OC, Steve Harrington x Fem!OC, Eddie Munson x Fem!OC

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-Con, Canon-Typical Violence, Graphic Descriptions of Violence, Non-specified Mental Illness, Self-Harm, Drug Use, Hypersexuality, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Genre: Adventure, Thriller, Horror, Slow-Burn Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort. Smut, Fluff, Slight Canon-Divergence, Fix-it fic

And a special thanks to my beta-reader @take-everything-you-can! Thank you so much for all your feedback and ideas, love!

Chapter Six: Red Means "I Love You"

Word Count: 12,861

Chapter Warnings: Sexual Assault, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Non-Consensual Drugging, Disembodied Voices, Self-Deprecating Talk, Hypersexual Behaviors and Thoughts, Language, Confusion, Hallucinations, General Angst

Chapter Summary: Billy had been Maeven's classmate since Middle School but only got to know her at a party at the end of their sophomore year. As treasured as that night was to them both, the current state of their relationship isn't as pretty.

THERE'S A HUGE SHIFT IN TONE IN THE STORY FROM HERE ON OUT. REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES. IF ANY OF THE WARNINGS CONTAIN TOPICS THAT ARE TRIGGERING FOR YOU, PROCEED WITH CAUTION OR FEEL FREE TO NOT READ PAST THIS SYMBOL: !*!*!

I feel super nervous publishing this, as it's one of the darkest things I've ever written. This fic is my main outlet for processing all my trauma, so I hope others can understand and appreciate that. Remember to be kind to yourself and do what you need for self-care.

*Originally posted on AO3 on December 20th, 2023

May 1983

The love Billy Hargrove felt for Maeven Mayfield bordered on obsessive.

Growing up, he didn’t exactly have the best example of what real love looks like. One could barely even list his parents as an example. He knew how much his dad loved his mom, even if the way he showed it confused him from time to time. He had pieced it together in his mind that his mom left because she couldn’t handle Dad’s beatings anymore. Neil drove her away from them. It wasn’t Billy’s fault, it was Neil’s.

He wasn’t sure if this made it better or worse, but he sometimes pretended that his mother never loved him at all. At least then, he would have a simple answer for why she left him behind. Knowing how much she cared for him meant she left her little boy with a despicable man, but just didn’t care enough to bring him with her. And he suddenly understood why his dad grabbed women and pulled them back to him; to make them stay.

Eventually, Billy learned to grieve and cope the same way his dad did. He had taken enough beatings from his old man in his short life that the anger and pain that grew inside him only went away when he was inflicting it upon others. He passed his father’s abuse through his heart and soul before forcing that pain upon someone else. And even though Neil refused to show it, Billy knew he missed her as much as he did. Over time, his demeanor grew more cocky and his sense of humor dimmed darker. But he never dared to bring up his mother, lest he get another black eye from his dad that he’d be forced to blame on a sports accident once he stepped inside the school.

Like most High School jocks, sports was a way for Billy to channel all his aggression in a way that no one questioned. Each game played is fueled by rage, aggression, and excitement from both players and spectators. It gave him an excuse; a way out of being seen as a bully. He was well aware that he was a bully, of course. If he could be a different person, he would. But these were the cards he was dealt with by whatever bullshit, narcissistic higher power was in charge. He couldn’t just trade them in for something new. Billy knew he was tainted; born broken. There was no cure for what he was.

And then, Maeven walked into his life, with her long, fiery hair and adorable gap-toothed smile. Billy had seen her around before, of course. She made an impression by being one of the most intelligent kids in their grade once she entered middle school. There were even whispers that she would go on to become Valedictorian once they all entered High School together. But she was also that weird girl who collected animal bones and drew patterns on her arms with sparkly gel pens in class. She was a smartass and a showoff, always the first to volunteer to help the teachers; a goody-two-shoes, someone Billy would never hang out with in a million years. Until she suddenly became a badass out of nowhere. 

In June of 1982, before school was let out for the year, rumors spread that Maeven was arrested for beating the ever-loving shit out of her now ex-boyfriend, Jordan Bernard. Billy wasn’t surprised by this. Jordan always talked big in the locker room about how tight he had two girls wrapped around his fingers, and sometimes his cock. Of course, he stayed quiet about the whole thing, not wanting to admit to his teammates that his broken nose was from a 5’4 freshman girl. But he also seemed ashamed that the situation happened at all, and ended up convincing the police and his father to drop all the charges against her. 

Neither he nor Maeven spoke a word about it, leaving Emily Bernard, his sister,  to spill the beans. Not only did the peace-and-love preaching hippie freak punch someone, but she was arrested as a result.

So maybe Maeven wasn’t a complete nerd or loser like Billy initially thought. That didn’t mean he liked her now. She’d get a free pass from him, sure; maybe even a compliment or two if he happened to catch her in a fight. She ended up getting noticed for being the most aggressive player on the girl’s soccer team, but that was really it. He never thought he’d have to care about her until Susan somehow wandered her way into his dad’s heart.

The following October, after starting his Sophomore Year, Billy noticed his dad was acting differently. Normally, he wouldn’t give a shit about Neil or how he was doing as long as he left him alone and kept the beatings to a minimum. But he seemed suspiciously pleasant when he came home from his job as a security guard at a bank in downtown San Diego. Billy could’ve also sworn he saw him smile, something he had to sit down and process for a moment. He still didn’t dare to ask him what had him so damn happy all of a sudden, as he knew he would probably receive a “mind your own damn business, boy” as a result.

Billy’s only real option to get answers without fueling the fire of his father’s rage was to investigate himself. He drove by the bank, dressed in sunglasses, a baseball cap, and a jacket he otherwise wouldn’t be caught dead in. His dad wasn’t by the front doors like he was supposed to be, but instead chatting up an older redhead woman behind the counter. At first, Billy didn’t really care. His dad fucked around with a different woman every other week, so it wasn’t a surprise to see him sweetening up his next meal before he would eventually toss out the leftovers.

But this was different than all the other women. Neil seemed constantly fixed on her, acting too sweet and sappy for this to just be another booty call. A month after catching a glimpse of her, he came home late one Friday night to see another car parked in the driveway next to his dad’s station wagon. Billy had to park on the street that night as he crashed into his bed, trying his best to drown out the cringe-worthy sex noises coming from the other room.

The next morning, he found himself face-to-face with Susan Mayfield making his dad breakfast, as she awkwardly introduced herself to him. Billy paid her no mind except a quick nod before going back to eat the eggs and bacon he begrudgingly took from her. He didn’t have it in him to admit that her cooking was actually delicious.

For three months, Billy avoided his father and his new shtup like the plague. Neil didn’t ask much of his son, just to acknowledge Susan when she hung out there and not mention her outside of their house. Billy was okay with that. In fact, he could care less. Until he spotted her outside of the regular booty calls and secret date nights with his dad, that is. The worst part? It was at school. Three months after their first, awkward meeting in his kitchen, he finally knew why Susan seemed so familiar. He had seen that shade of red hair on a particular strange classmate of his.

It was only then that Billy took a sudden interest in Maeven. He took a moment to wrap his head around the mere idea that Susan the Buzzkill and Maeven the Freak were mother and daughter. But the more he thought about it, the more it made perfect sense. Both Mayfield women shared the same annoyingly bubbly personality and stubbornness. 

He considered telling her about her mom’s little affair; how the seemingly perfect housewife with the perfect family was sneaking with his revolting carpet stain of a father. Before he got the chance, rumors circulated in school that Mr. and Mrs. Mayfield were getting divorced. Maeven was visibly sour for weeks that the entire grade now knew the details and circumstances of her family drama.

It pissed him off a little bit, sure. Billy would’ve liked to play a part in shattering Susan’s life after she had the nerve to crawl into his. It didn’t matter, though. Somehow, she managed to shatter her life and her marriage without any help. And he had to admit, it made Maeven more interesting. He tried all different flavors of girls; smart, dense, pretty, sporty, bad, good, sluts, and virgins. But nothing caught Billy Hargrove’s attention quite like a good girl gone bad. 

She had always stood out among their peers, of course. Maeven was constantly fidgeting in her seat, drawing on whatever surface she could find, and using every chance she got to talk about animals. She was in waaayy too many after-school clubs, always raised her hand first in class, and was way too proud of herself. Maeven was always such a show-off, a try-hard, a good girl. 

All these years, she was just a familiar stranger. Billy noticed her around and heard about her, but now that he’s seen her in a different light, a flattering light, it was like he was properly noticing her for the first time. He hadn’t expected someone so nerdy and dorky to suddenly be so naturally pretty, as well. The night he formally introduced himself to her ended up being one of the best nights of Billy’s life. And she didn’t know it yet, but it would end up being one of Maeven’s, too.

Melody Chandler always threw the best parties. Her parents were never home; sort of rich nomads, always on trips for both business and pleasure. They just never bothered to include their daughter in any of them. Every week, they’d have her aunt come in and check on her, but for the most part, Melody had free reign to do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted to do it. It was a monthly ritual amongst the Newport Student Body to drown themselves in their drink or drug of choice at Melody’s place. It was the place to be.

In the months following her parents’ separation, Maeven had gained a reputation as quite the fox. Billy wasn’t that surprised that she grew up to be a horny little freak, something he discovered she and her mother had in common. He still remembers when she the hottest topic for weeks in seventh grade after their class trip to the aquarium. That night was still so vivid in his head. He wasn’t sure he could forget about it even if he wanted to. 

The night of the field trip, Maeven went to sleep earlier than their other classmates, tired after a day of running around and telling everyone random facts about the fish and aquatic animals. He remembered that her favorite was the sea otter. When the rest of the grade returned to the auditorium to sleep, everyone was shell-shocked to find her humping the stuffed otter she had gotten that day at the gift shop while in her sleep. She was so mortified she ended up crying herself to sleep in front of the fish tanks with her gang of girlfriends who joined to comfort her. While Billy felt incredibly bad seeing her embarrassed like that, he couldn’t deny that the whole experience left him walking away with something new awakened in him. He still thought about it from time to time; remembering that he had never blushed so hard in his life than he did watching her accidentally humiliating herself. Maybe he liked Maeven for longer than he wanted to admit. He wondered f she still had that otter, and if she still used it the same way she had that night.

Melody’s parties eventually became her favorite place to hunt for people to play with. According to most of the jocks, she was a tease; she liked playing with her food and rarely ever took a bite. She enjoyed taking control, pleasing them with her hands and mouth, often leaving them desperate for her to touch them again. If they were really lucky, she’d grind her clothed sex on their laps until they begged her to stop. Only maybe two or three of them could claim that she let them inside her, including Jordan Bernard.

Apparently, she liked messing around with girls, too, but no girl in school was brave enough to admit that. So the rumor remained unconfirmed. That didn’t stop boys from trying to convince her into a threesome with her and their girlfriends. Most of these attempts were followed by a surprise groping of her ass and ended with her throwing them against the lockers and collapsing their urethras when she kicked them where it hurt most. Maeven the science nerd was now bolder, stronger, sluttier, but definitely not as easy as some of the boys she hooked up with claimed.

All this and more were the reasons that Billy now understood why she gained so many nicknames for herself; Iron Maeven, Metal Maeven, Spitfire. That last one was his personal favorite, as it was criminally underused. It was what her Dad called her, something Billy discovered while spying on Susan.

The second to last of Melody Chandler’s monthly parties for their sophomore year ended up being memorable, indeed. After humiliating yet another sleazeball who tried to grab her without her permission, Maeven retired to the poolside lounge chair where she lit up a freshly-rolled joint she got from Madison Gray. You could always tell when it was hers because of how lush and thick they were.

Most people partied inside towards the second half of the night, the wallflowers chilling outside in the quiet of the night by the now calm pool. Melody’s place wasn’t isolated, per se. It was, however, far away enough from town that the stars could be viewed in all their glory. Maeven even caught a glimpse of the Milky Way, naming the constellations the way her dad used to do with her and Max on clear summer nights just like this.

She missed all the tiny beautiful moments that made up the love she shared with her family. Living without it as a constant reminder every day left her feeling hollow. It may not have been the healthiest coping mechanism, but the only things that made her feel whole again were weed and random makeout sessions. Maeven couldn’t just bury herself in her clubs and projects the way she used to. Of course, she still went on regular hiking trips to sketch the flora and fauna of California and find more animal bones, but it just wasn’t doing the trick, anymore.

Occasionally, Maeven would get this feeling whenever she was sad, scared, or worried, that made her feel like gravity no longer applied to her body and that she was being pulled away from the safety of the planet and drifting off into the abyss. It worsened when her parents started fighting, and only grew and grew after their divorce. But the night she finally lit up one of Madison’s legendary blunts, she finally felt safe in her own head, her own body for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.

As she inhaled another hit from the blunt, Maeven sunk back into the lounge chair. The warm bliss delightfully fogged up her senses and grounded her to the earth. Everything felt so warm and fluffy, and it still tasted like Heaven despite the grassy, sour flavor of the weed. She giggled to herself.

“Maybe space isn’t so big and scary, after all,” the voice said to her. Maeven silently agreed. It was nice when they found neutral ground even if those times were hard to come by. She furrowed her eyebrows in curiosity and found herself raising her hand.

“What if we could touch it? It’s worth a try.”

Her eyesight blurred the bright constellations and clusters in the sky, almost the same way a blob in a lava lamp would. She wanted to dip her fingers into the Milky Way and use it to paint. But alas, she could only do that once she inquired Madison for some psychedelics. So, Maeven settled for tracing the patterns amongst the stars. Some were the real kind her dad showed to her and Max one night last summer. The others popped into her head with no warning or prompt as her mind wondered if there was more hidden between all the lines that the ancient astronomers already charted.

“Hey there, Iron Maeve-”

Startled by Billy’s sudden appearance, Maeven’s heart nearly leapt out of her chest as she tumbled off the lounge chair.

“AAAH! What the fuck, man?!” she exclaimed, brushing her hair out of her face as she put her half-finished blunt in the ashtray. “You can’t just sneak up on somebody like that!”

“Awww. Are you scared of me, Mayfield?” Billy fake-pouted as he mocked her, leaning down to face her with his hands on his knees. Maeven gracelessly pulled herself back to her feet as she snarled back at him.

“I don’t know. Should I be?”

“. . .maybe,” Billy answered. He honestly had no clue. That all depended on her and how the rest of the night went. Maeven looked him up and down. She wasn’t sure if it was just her or the effects of the weed, but, Goddamnit, was he better looking up close.

“Eh, I think I can handle it.” she shrugged, taking her joint from the ashtray before walking over to the bar by the pool to raid the snacks, thinking the conversation had ended. Billy trailed behind her, observing and sizing her up like a predator as she foraged around the table for leftovers.

“You seem awfully confident for someone getting high at a party alone,” he noticed aloud. By then, Maeven had grabbed the last piece of large, double chocolate cake and ate it shamelessly. Whenever she had the munchies, chocolate was always her go-to snack. As she gulped down another bite, her eyes threateningly narrowed, gently pressing the sharp end of her silver fork right below Billy’s collarbone. Now, he was the one a little bit afraid.

“Do I come over to you while you’re having fun with your keg boys and shame you for the way you choose to party?” she blankly asked, playfully tapping it each time she emphasized her words.

“No?” he laughed in an attempt to lighten the mood while his breath hitched in his throat. God, this girl really was a fucking unreadable freak. But maybe Billy liked that. He wasn’t completely sure, yet.

“Yeah, well, I’d appreciate it if you did the same,” Maeven pulled her fork back, returning to her slice of cake as if what just happened didn’t at all.

Billy relaxed once he no longer felt the metal against his skin, letting the air back into his lungs. Although he knew he could’ve smacked her hand away at any time, he didn’t want to. He enjoyed the thrill in his body he got from her empty threats. It all felt so dangerous, so hot; maybe he had finally met his match.

“Now that that’s established, will you at least let me introduce myself?” Billy asked as if he was doing her a kindness by waiting for her permission.

“Alright, then, Pretty Boy. What’s your name?” Maeven laughed as she shrugged, taking a seat at the pool bar.

“It’s Billy. Billy Hargrove,” he answered, holding out his hand for her to shake as he sat on the bar stool next to hers.

She hesitated before cautiously reaching for his hand as she tilted her head to the side, her brain still foggy and warm from her buzz. A gasp caught in her throat as Billy tugged on her wrist to brush a soft kiss against the back of her hand, followed by his trademark smile and sly wink. His sudden forwardness sent an electric shock through Maeven’s bones and tickled her spine. Again, was this guy actually coming on to her, or was she too under the influence of Madison’s blunt that reality began to blend with her mind? She hadn’t been properly asked out on a date since Jordan broke up with her.

It took a moment for both her body and mind to catch up when Maeven realized she had been too silent and too still for too long. She still had a role to play. If she jumped in too fast and this guy turned out too good to be true, she’d regret it later. Re-masking herself, she playfully wiped the back of her hand on her dress, faking repulsion before she continued.

“Margaret. I mean Maeven. Mayfield,” she stumbled on her words, her hands moving in many different directions as she talked.. “Well, 'Margaret' is my first name, but I go by my middle name because I'm named after my aunt and two Maggies are confusing. So, I go by 'Maeven.' 'Mayfield' is my last name,”

“Yeah. I know who you are, Iron Maeven,” Billy chuckled.

“Oh. . .okay. . .” she awkwardly trailed off at the sound of her other nickname, going back to her slice of cake as her mind wandered. She didn’t hate the name. On the contrary, it was actually quite an improvement after years of being called a nerd or teacher’s pet. However, it originated from her breakup with Jordan. Every time it was used, she couldn’t help but be haunted by the awful memories that day left her with.

Billy noticed Maeven’s face drop when he used it, Maybe she didn’t like being called that? He didn’t understand why. It was good; it was badass. She always seemed to like it when people called her that when she got into a fight or scored a goal in soccer.

“How’d you get a name like ‘Maeven’ anyway?” he commented, just now realizing that he didn’t really know her; he just knew the version of herself she presented to the world. Billy wanted to know Maeven; her secrets, the parts of her no one else knew about. He had to know exactly why just the thought of her was driving him insane.

“‘Makes it sound like you’re some. . .mythical creature, or whatever the fuck. . .” he trailed off, catching her attention with just a few weird words.

The last hit she took was a while ago, but Maeven could’ve sworn the world had suddenly gone crazy. Never in her wildest dreams could she imagine a jock like Billy using the term ‘mythical creature.’ But she rolled with it. Her mind could never really stay on topic for too long, anyway.

“My dad picked it, initially. It kinda. . .has multiple meanings for both him and my mom,” she told him, grabbing the blunt that rested on her plate. She felt she was going to need it if she was going to survive a long conversation with a jock that hopefully didn’t end in a fight. . .this time.

“Oh, really? Care to explain?”

Maeven inhaled, tilting her head up to the sky as she breathed out the cannabis through her nose and mouth. As she opened her eyes, the stars in the sky brightened up like a black light poster amidst her cannabis and chocolate-drunk vision. Her hand tilted to the side, offering the blunt to Billy, which he accepted gratefully.

“My dad was raised Celtic Pagan and my mom’s Scottish Catholic. In the bible, in Hebrew, it means ‘one who understands.’ But in Irish Gaelic, it means ‘sage.’ Which, of course, means the plant, but it also means someone who is a spiritual expert or just very smart in general. And. . .” she trailed off, taking a few seconds to get her train of thought back to its main rail. “. . .it comes from the Gaelic word ‘Meave,’ meaning ‘she who rules,’ or ‘intoxicating.’ In Irish Mythology, Mebh is the Goddess of Love and Desire.”

It took her a while until Maeven realized it was completely silent. Did he leave? She turned her head to the side where Billy was, still sitting as his face twisted to a half-confused, half-curious combo. By now, he had taken another hit. Maeven felt her cheeks light up once it dawned on her that this jock probably didn’t want to listen to her ramble, and the voice crept back in behind her.

“Oh, shit. Oh, shit. You talked too much. He even had to take another hit to process all your stupid and insane words. That’s it. This is the end of your social life, Maeven. Get ready, because this guy is about to ruin everything once another rumor starts. You should just kill yourself. Right here, right now. You can use the fork! Go on! Do it!”

Once her brain was no longer attacking itself, she broke the silence.

“Sorry. I’m a bit talkative when I get high. I’ll shut up now.” she fake-laughed, turning away to shove the last few bites of cake in her mouth as if it would finally keep her from talking.

Billy laughed, knowing too well that she was talkative even when she wasn’t high. It wasn’t exactly a secret amongst the other kids in their grade that she was the one who participated the most. 

“Holy shit, Mayfield,” he coughed out. “I didn’t ask for a lecture.”

“Really? That’s your takeaway?” Maeven laughed.

“No offense, but that's. . .a lot of information to process in 30 seconds, dollface.” he joked, unsure if it would be a compliment or an insult in her eyes. She just smiled as she rolled her eyes, leaning over to give him a playful shove.

“You signed up for this, Billy. You asked me about my name and I delivered, didn’t I?” Maeven pointed out, swiping back her joint and taking another hit.

“That you did. It’s definitely a lot better than ‘Margaret,’ that’s for sure,” he observed, not bothering to hide the way he was looking her up and down, anymore. It was a good name; it suited her.

“So. . .I was right, then?” he asked.

Maeven rapidly blinked, bringing herself back from zoning out before taking a sip from her bottle of coke.

“About what?”

“About you being a mythical creature,” Billy clarified. “I feel like you just pitched me a fantasy movie or the back cover of that Tocain book or some shit.”

Maeven narrowed her eyes and tilted her head as she almost choked on her soda. She definitely couldn’t recall seeing that name in the Dewey decimal system or any of her English classes.

“What the fuck’s a ‘tocain?’”

“Y’know, that. . .the guy that. . .wrote the books about magic rings and shit. . .”

It took a moment for the gears to turn in Maeven’s head before she finally connected the dots. She couldn’t help but start laughing.

“Oh, my God. . .are you trying to say ‘Tolkien?’”

“Don’t patronize me, Mayfield! I’m not the fucking nerd, here!”

Maeven started laughing harder, holding her head in her hands as she balanced herself with her elbows on the counter.

“Oh, please! If anyone’s a nerd, it’s the guy who doesn’t know how to pronounce the name of one of the most popular writers of our generation!”

Billy would’ve been offended if anyone else had said that to him. But for some reason, it was different with Maeven. Maybe it was because of how endearing and contagious her laugh was.

“I’m not a nerd, you little freak!” he audaciously chuckled as he jokingly shoved her shoulder, not caring who might be listening for once. “Everyone wants to fuck me ‘cause I know nothing about this Tolkein dude you’re so obsessed with!”

“And yet, I’m the one with the slutty reputation?” Maeven pointed at herself, finally getting a chance to catch her breath as she rubbed the tears of laughter from her eyes.

“There’s just no winning with you, is there, Maeven?” Billy rolled his eyes.

“Oh? I’m sorry. I didn’t realize we were playing,” she laughed, letting gravity take over her body as she melted off the chair and onto the ground. Her legs felt like jelly. At this point in her high, Maeven couldn’t find it in herself to care. Billy, however, practically jumped from his bar stool to grab her arm.

“Woah there, hey. You doing okay?” he asked, not noticing until now how fast his heartbeat was racing. The last time he saw a woman fall like that, it was his mother. Neil had gotten her way too drunk, resulting in her slipping out of her chair and leaving her with her head bleeding on the kitchen tile.

But Maeven wasn’t passed out and bleeding. She was fine, just drunk. Or high? At this point, Billy was certain it was both. She may have fallen to her knees on the stone flooring, but she didn’t seem too upset about it. She was giggling, and her skin was warm. She was fine; everything was fine. Billy needed to remind himself of that.

“You wanna go lie down or something?”

Maeven softly nodded, leaning against the pole of the pavilion covering the pool bar. She spread her legs apart to keep herself balanced in her black leather boots, drowsily grabbing onto the pole like she was hugging it, catching her breath.

Billy almost let his intrusive thoughts win but resisted the urge to grab her butt. Even if she looked a bit ridiculous right now, accidentally displaying herself like she was ready to be taken from behind, she was drunk. Billy was just glad he was here with her instead of some other dirtbag guy who would’ve probably taken what he wanted from her while she was drunk.

For what was probably the first time ever, Billy ignored the primal instincts to seek sex from this girl. She deserved better than that. He approached her slowly, putting a hand on her shoulder just to let her know he was there. Before he could lead her back to the lounge chair where he originally found her, Maeven stumbled back to the bar to grab her blunt from the edge of her now-empty plate.

Rolling his eyes at her vivacious nature, Billy made sure she had regained her balance before leading her by her wrist.

“Get that pretty ass back in that chair before you hurt yourself, you little animal,” he impishly asserted, prepared to have her lean on him in support if she needed. Surprisingly, Maeven didn’t waste a second flopping back down into the longue chair as if her body melted.

“No arguments here,” she groaned, unpromptedly stretching her body; she stretched her back by keeping her shoulder on the chair and shamelessly lifting her hips up as far as they could go. She also couldn’t deny the fluttering feeling in her stomach at the word ‘pretty.’

Did she seriously not notice how lewd she was being right now? Maybe the weed gave her the extra courage? Billy couldn’t tell anymore. All he could really do was lay down in the chair next to her, cross his legs, and try to conceal how aroused she was making him.

“Isn’t sage that weird plant that witches use in potions or some shit like that?” he asked, suddenly remembering one of the many meanings of her name. If only he could remember math equations this easily, maybe Neil would finally get off his ass about it.

It was quiet for a moment. Maeven had to silently process Billy’s question as she continued to zone out looking at the night sky.

“What? Oh. No. We burn it. For cleansing rituals and to clear the air,” she clarified.

“Like weed?” he questioned, tilting his head to the side. Maeven rolled her eyes as she scoffed.

“No, dipshit. Not like weed,” she laughed, thinking of the right way to explain this to him without sounding like a total freak. “ More just. . .like, to smell good. Like a candle. You can’t get high off it. . .or maybe you can? I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it,” Maeven wondered aloud. Maybe that was something she and Madison could try experimenting with. Would that even work? Either way, there was only one way to find out.

Billy, meanwhile, didn’t feel like he got a definitive answer.  She already seemed pretty damn magical.“So. . .you are a witch?”

Maeven just shrugged, taking another hit of her blunt.

“That’s what people are saying,” she replied, offering her blunt to Billy, which he willingly accepted. This was her favorite aspect of these parties; playing with her food. But tonight, she didn’t want to stop. Maeven couldn’t remember the last time she had such a casual conversation with someone. Even if she was always on edge and suspicious of the guys she met at parties, Billy was the first one in a while that didn’t seem. . .malicious.

“They’re saying other things, y’know?” he breathed out, recalling the many rumors he heard through the Newport High Grapevine. He turned his head to Maeven, handing her blunt back to her as he eyed her up and down “That you go around seducing guys with your magic touch and mysterious powers.”

There it was. Maybe she had gotten her hopes up about this guy too quickly.

Maeven tilted her head to the side and playfully raised her eyebrows, still refusing to give him a definitive answer.“I can neither confirm nor deny any of these rumors, Billy.”

“They also say that you beat the shit out of Jordan Bernard last year. He still denies it to this day,” he mentioned, remembering the day everyone in the locker room teased Jordan for his black eye.

Maeven’s eyes widened as she fought herself from laughing. She knew that their breakup wasn’t exactly a secret, but to say she ‘beat the shit out of him’ was a little much. However, she was pleasantly surprised that Billy seemed to drop the subject once she refused to answer his questions about her. . .body count.

“Oh, no. That’s definitely true,” she laughed, not seeing the point in being in denying any more questions. “I have the burn to prove it.”

“Burn?” Billy cocked his head to the side in confusion.

Maeven tilted her arm and rolled her short sleeve up her arm to expose her shoulder, leaning in to give Billy a closer look. Even if it was coming close to a year of healing, it was still noticeable. The burn mark was about the size of a baseball, maybe even the size of his fist. It was way pinker than the rest of her skin, but it was recovering fairly well; freckles had even started to come back.

“Asshole thought it was a good idea to throw a log from his fire pit at me,” Maeven explained.

When he was younger, Neil often threatened to put out his cigars on his son’s skin. His mother always ended up taking it in his place.  Billy had lost count of how many times his Dad left lash marks from his belt on his back, but he had yet to experience a burn. He was hoping it would stay that way. But he had never met someone else who also had evidence on their body like that until now.

“Shit,” he laughed in disbelief. “Bet you gave his ass the beating it deserved, right?”

Maeven looked back at Billy, noticing the supposed fascination his eyes held, before looking back at her scar. Billy Hargrove was the first boy she met who wasn’t repulsed by the mark when she let it show. He really was full of surprises. She pulled her sleeve back down before getting comfortable in the longue chair again, turning her attention back to the night sky as she continued the conversation.

“I don’t know about that,” Maeven sighed. “It was really just a. . .’heat-of-the-moment’ rash impulse I didn’t think through. I guess I was just. . .mad at him,” she shrugged, tracing the constellations with her fingers again.

“As you should be,” Billy agreed. He had yet to be cheated on. If he was anything like his father, he would be the first one to cheat. He prayed he wouldn’t end up like him, but the whole concept always lingered in his head.

“We both said and did some things that day we regret. But. . .he does seem really sorry, y’know? That he hurt me like that,” Maeven observed, turning to lay down her head toward Billy. She hadn’t had a real conversation with Jordan since their breakup; she didn’t know what to say to him. Every time she tried, nothing came out. All Jordan had to say was how sorry he was and she was sick of it. The memory haunted her every day when they crossed paths in the hallway at school

“You thinking about forgiving him?” he asked her, more curious than anything. Still, he crossed his fingers and hoped she wouldn’t. She was too good for Jordan Bernard, anyway.

“Kinda? Sorta? I dunno,” Maeven shrugged, moving around in the longue so that she was curled up on her side, now fully facing Billy before taking another hit. “Maybe he just feels guilty? Is that really the same thing as being sorry?”

“I don’t think so. Guilt isn’t the same as remorse,” he replied.

Billy Hargrove witnessed the difference between the two in his own parents. His Dad wasn’t sorry that he cheated; he was sorry that he was caught. If he was really sorry, he wouldn’t have cheated, punched, and driven his mother away in the first place.

“I’d forget about him if I were you. Cheaters are the worst. They don’t deserve to be forgiven. . .they don’t deserve love,” he said suddenly, taking Maeven by surprise. She wondered what happened to make Billy so passionate about this, handing out her blunt once more as her way of saying ‘Chill Out, Dude.’

“If I’m being honest?” she trailed off, her buzz making the stars brighter and more mesmerizing than they were before.“Even if I did forgive him, I wouldn’t wanna get back together with him. Not a chance.”

Billy took that as a good sign for himself. He swiped away her blunt from between her fingers for another hit. Maeven didn’t even flinch, too high and too talkative to notice; in her own little world.

“He’s a bit of a douche, anyway. Even if he has changed, you shouldn’t waste your time on him.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I had a good time with him and he, uhmm. . .he taught me a lot. But he’s just. . .not my person.”

All Maeven wanted was to not feel terrible every time she saw him again. Maybe they could even go back to being friends again. Was that really too much to ask?

“Well. . .you’re a pretty interesting person, Iron Maeven. I’m sure you’ll find someone good enough for you.”

“My aunt Maggie said being interesting is all you really need in life.”

Billy always wondered if she was just so self-centered that she liked to hear the sound of her own voice. But watching how she froze up in embarrassment once she realized she was rambling about her name gave Billy a new perspective. Maeven Mayfield had so much going on in her head. She had no choice but to talk until it was no longer crowded in there.

“She’s not wrong,” he laughed along with her as her high was clearly starting to grow to its peak. Billy had to admit that the way she giggled was downright adorable. Seeing the infamous Iron Maeven zone out from her joint was a sight he never thought he’d see, much less enjoy. In all honesty, all the things he found annoying about her suddenly turned adorable.

There was something about Maeven’s voice that suddenly made him want to keep on listening to her ramble. He suddenly realized that her voice sounded so much better when she was high. Melodic and Beautiful.

“When you do find the right person, make sure to hold them real tight and never let them go. You got that?” He was surprised he held her attention for this long with her being so easily distracted. It felt almost like he had hypnotized her or something. Or maybe she was the one who hypnotized him.

Billy became absolutely obsessed with the way she was looking at him, unsure if it was from the high or something else. He had completely forgotten all about the stars at that moment. Maybe she was some sort of mythical creature after all. He was almost mesmerized by it. He hadn’t ever been this distracted by someone before. “Okay. I promise.”

. . .

By the time the sisters had finished unpacking all of Maeven’s books, the sun was now setting over the western horizon. The girls stretched as they stepped out of her room and made their way to the bathroom to brush their teeth.

“Thanks for helping me unpack Squirt,” Maeven said after spitting out her toothpaste and rinsing her mouth. “We can start yours tomorrow,” she promised, patting Max on her head. As she yawned and rubbed her eyes walking out of the bathroom, her little sister pulled her arm to stop her.

“By the way, here’s your night light,” she said, handing her big sister a bundled-up bath towel. “It was in the trash in the bathroom.”

Maeven took the towel from Max, unwrapping it to find her beloved token from her childhood now shattered to bits. It was in the shape of the sun surrounded by a couple of clouds. Susan and Neil made it together when they first found out they were pregnant with Maeven.

“What?” she asked allowed. It didn’t make any sense. Even if she was sleepwalking, why would she throw it away?

“That’s where I found it,” Max clarified, just as confused as her sister. “Did you sleepwalk again last night?” she asked.

Maeven debated on lying, but that wouldn’t help anything. Max would eventually find out, anyway, if she did.

“Yeah. I blacked out,” she softly admitted, trying to hold back her tears. 

Max said nothing back, only walking forward to wrap her sister in a hug. No words were needed to describe how either of them felt about the situation.

“G’Night, Sis.”

“Goodnight, Max.”

As she watched her little sister turn the corner of the hallway to her room, Maeven’s smile dropped before she walked back into her room and shut the door behind her. She collapsed backward onto her bed with a bounce and stared blankly up at the ceiling as her heartbeat quickened.

“Fuck,” she breathed out, shaky and laced with panic. 

Maeven silently cursed herself for leaving Nutmeg behind so easily. Whenever she felt herself panicking at home, she would immediately come sprinting over from whatever room she was in to crawl into her lap. She’d often stand on her hind legs and lean herself into her person’s chest. The sense of deep pressure she applied usually calmed her down. She was their kitty, both to Maeven and Max. Every night as they went to bed, Nutmeg would curl up on top of the blankets with either of the sisters.

Max was insistent that she was safer with Dad in California. The incident where Billy nearly caused a fire after he burnt a stray cat’s corpse played a big factor in that decision. Maeven didn’t blame her in the least. She would be lying if she said witnessing Billy showing no remorse as he set the decaying dead body aflame didn’t put her on edge. Most importantly, Nutmeg would be safe from her.

“You can’t be trusted with another life, anyway. You should call that woman from the store and tell her you’re too insane to watch her son.”

Maeven abruptly sat up, her legs shaking as her toes curled in a rapid wave of spine-chilling, fear-fueled pain. She pressed the heel of her palms against her ears in an attempt to drown out how loud the world became all of a sudden. Her sharp nails sat atop her head and pulled at the roots of her hair, threatening to dig them into her scalp as they pulsed with a terrifying bloodlust to tear into her flesh; maybe if she could do it, she could finally stop overthinking.

“Please. . .don’t ruin this for me,” she begged the dark voice.

“I don’t need to. You’ll ruin it all by yourself,” it laughed at her.

Maeven slapped her own cheek to silence it, even if just for a minute. As she found her bearings and looked around her room, her eye caught the now-shattered night light atop her desk. She could faintly identify splatters of dried blood; an explanation for her bandaged palm.

“Billy was right. You did throw it away,” the voice said as it returned to her side.

“Yeah. . .I guess I did,” Maeven still hesitated, even if the evidence was right in front of her face. It was so hard to look at it. She thought she was getting better. Billy wasn’t lying. He wouldn’t do that. She really did black out and sleepwalk last night. And that only meant one thing; she was getting bad again.

“Too bad it’s broken. Just like you.”

“No, I’m not,” she shook her head, reaching for her water bottle on her table and gulping down half of the sugary strawberry-flavored water that Billy mixed for her. It had more to do with the act somehow calming her anxiety than it did with being thirsty.

“Yeah. . .you just keep telling yourself that.”

Maeven groaned in annoyance as she flopped down aggressively onto her bed. Underneath the soft glow of the Indiana sun, she curiously examined her own hands the way a newborn would. As she fiddled around, running her fingers over the calluses and scratches and weaving her digits together, she didn’t feel like a person at that moment. She sinks down into her mattress as she starts feeling numb. It was as if nothing else existed outside her room painted in the soft glow of the sun.

Maeven eyed her nails, growing just barely past her fingertips. She liked to file them down to make them pointed and sharp, like an animal’s claws. It was another one of those little things that helped her feel safer. She also made sure never to let them grow too long, lest she end up hurting herself when rubbing out an orgasm. The other downside was when she would clench her fists in frustration or anxiety, they would literally cut into the palms of her hands. Having people ask why she was wearing bandages on her palms was an incredibly awkward conversation.

She liked to imagine what it would be like to use claws. She often pictured herself using her sharp nails to cut into herself; to reach deep inside her body, turn herself inside out, and become something else. Something better. It didn’t matter what she would find in there. All that mattered to Maeven was that she was no longer herself, and life would suddenly be so much easier. She wouldn’t mind being a monster, even; anything to be relieved from the pain she endured from just existing, from being human.

This feeling wasn’t new. It started in childhood and only grew the more she ignored it. And this feeling only grew in the last nine months. She wouldn’t admit this to herself, but it made her feel good. The foreboding need to brutally destroy those who hurt her made the pain disappear, even if only for a moment. At the same time, she was scared; she was terrified of losing her mind even further than she already did, and what exactly that meant for her in the not-so-distant future.

As Maeven’s breath started to quicken, she could feel her body getting warmer; it began as a soft flame below her belly, slowly heating up her body so deliciously. It made her squeeze her thighs together for relief, as she curled up on her side and began rolling her hips. The warmth manifested from her womb and spread like wildfire blissfully throughout her torso and limbs. 

On instinct, as if her body was being controlled, Maeven crawled underneath her covers in a blissful haze. Peaking her head out to feel the chilling breeze from the open window, she grabbed her extra pillow from the other side of the bed and shoved it in between her legs as she squeezed it with her plush thighs. The way the skin of her inner legs stuck and touched together always bothered her, but she couldn’t properly say why.

It was a weird occurrence, as she felt as relaxed and dazed whenever she smoked a joint before bed. But she hadn’t even gotten the chance to do it, yet. Maybe she was just tired. That was it. Between checking out her new school, meeting some of her new classmates, having to check in with the Chief of Police, and being berated by her mom at the store, Maeven had a busy day. Then again, if her body was winding down naturally without the extra assistance of drugs, recreational or otherwise, who was she to complain? 

She closed her eyes and willed her brain to sleep, afraid her busy mind would blink it way if she didn’t. After a few moments of fidgeting as she curled up like an animal underneath the oasis of comfort and warmth of her blankets, Maeven’s mind finally allowed her body to lose all feeling and sink deeper into her mattress without a care in the world; slowly, and then all at once. Everything was warm and quiet for her first few minutes of rest, the dark nothingness cradling her in it’s embrace. More often than she’d like to admit, she found herself never wanting to wake up. It was just something to add to the list of things to tell the school counselor. Said list was locked away in her head, and seemed to get longer and longer each day.

“Go on. Do it. You deserve it,” the voice came up from behind her, now turning sultry and inviting. Maeven felt a familiar pulse of arousal between her legs as her cheeks tinted red.

“Mmm-hmm. . .” she whined, subconsciously burying her face into the sheets as she rolled her body to lay on her stomach with her hips elevated by the extra pillow between her legs. She preferred having Oscar the Otter, her favorite toy to “play” with, as opposed to a pillow. But Oscar was still in a box and Maeven's body was so comfortably numb. The pillow would have to do for the night.

“That’s right. Get into your favorite position, you little nympho,” it continued to encourage her.

The feeling of the blankets on Maeven’s bare, sensitive flesh imitated the feeling of a warm hug from behind her from what she could only describe as a monster. It was something she could never tell if it was really there or not; another frustrating side effect of her damaged psyche. But this was one of the only times she welcomed the voice with open arms. 

It wasn’t scary during the intimate moments she shared with herself in the dark of her room. It became seductive and comforting; something that she never really understood, but always relied on at the end of a long, hard day. And when she was asleep, she found that having orgasms came to her easier.  Her record was having five different orgasms throughout the night wash over her with little to no effort.

“So. . .that guy you and Billy met, today? Steve?” the voice reminded Maeven, who felt its looming, heavy presence press its weight against her back.

“Yes?” she suddenly gasped

“He was pretty cute, right?” it purred in her ear, “Tall. I bet he has soft hands. The guy looks like he takes care of himself.”

Steve reminded Maeven of Jordan Bernard before he turned on her; sassy and confident, while also somehow being awkward and shy depending on the day. She noticed the two boys even shared the same eye color. Her hips began slowly grinding against her pillow.

“He was asking you all kinds of questions. He’s totally into you,” the voice teased her, but Maeven wasn’t so easily persuaded tonight. Nancy was also very pretty. Too pretty not to notice. She didn’t have bags under her eyes or bite her lips to the point of bleeding. A girl like Nancy was perfect for a guy like Steve, unlike Maeven.

“It doesn’t matter. He has a girlfriend. And even if he didn’t, he still wouldn’t fuck me,” she said, verbally fighting off the beast’s words before it spoke again.

“You don’t know that,” it argued, not willing to drop it and determined to get Maeven warmer and wetter. “He probably would if you gave him the chance.”

Maeven would be lying if she said she hadn’t been thinking about Steve roughly taking her against the locker-lined halls of Hawkins High School. The beast on her back constantly reminded her for the rest of the tour.

“Billy would get too jealous,” she ventured a guess. He tended to be possessive, the reason behind all the bites and bruises she accumulated after they started dating.

“Don’t be so sure, Maeven. You two have fucked around with other people before. You like being passed around, don’t you?”

Maeven quivered at the mere idea of being used as a toy, rolling her hips faster against her pillow and adding fuel to the fire soaking beneath the thin cotton of her underwear. There must’ve been something seriously wrong with her to be into having her body used like that, especially after everything she went through. But that didn’t stop her from fantasizing about it.

“Aw. . .fuck. . .” Maeven gasped out as she rolled her hips, the blood rushing down and sending ever-building waves of pleasure to her clit.

“What about that other guy you saw today? The one coming out of detention?”

“The guy who sells drugs behind the school?” Her breathing was heavy now, whining in frustration as she attempted to visualize. It did have a point; that Munson guy, she thinks that’s right, was pretty fucking gorgeous. Anyone who would dare to say otherwise was dead wrong.

“Yeah. That guy’s definitely into some kinky shit. He had a pair of handcuffs for a belt.”

“He’s a metalhead. It’s part of the fashion.”

“Maybe. But did you see that black bandana in his pocket?”

“Either way, I think he’d definitely be into tying you up,” The beast laughed wickedly, seductively, bringing her deeper into her fantasy and sending her body on autopilot as her brain continued to drift. Again, this was something she absolutely shouldn’t get drenched from. She was disgusted with herself that her mind and body ached for the things she should be afraid of. Nevertheless, she leaned into it; she always did.

“Oh, God, fuck. That’s it. . .that’s it,” she whined out, finally able to paint the perfect picture in her head as she continued shamelessly grinding her clit against her pillow.

“I bet if you let him hit you raw, he’d give you free weed.”

. . .

!*!*!

It had been about an hour since Billy had refilled Maeven’s water bottle. And if he planned the timing and the dosage correctly, which he always did, she should be under her covers humping a pillow or a stuffed animal by now. He wouldn’t dare make the same mistake twice. To be fair, he didn’t think he’d still be doing this almost a year after he first thought of it. Now, it had just become a part of his normal routine. 

Of course, it was no secret that Maeven Mayfield was a horny little spazz. Hell, Billy was living evidence of that; they both wore the bruises and love bites to prove it. But if he thought she was spastic without these drugs mixed into her drinks, he was in for the ride of his life. And this wasn’t just for his benefit. It was for Maeven’s, too.

Maeven didn’t always know what was best for her. As much as she loved making precise plans and carefully following lists of steps, she was equally impulsive and stubborn. In the months following what happened to her last New Year’s, it was like she was a completely different person; angry, self-loathing, irrational. And Billy knew he was partially to blame for that. He over-indulged and enabled her during those months. 

It was fun at first. He thought taking her out to parties and encouraging her reckless behavior helped her grieve what she lost that night. He now knew that if he enabled her any further, it would most likely end in her death. Billy was just glad he was able to stop her and that she got the proper professional help she needed before it was too late.

Who knows? Maybe if he had measured the dose correctly that night, none of this would have happened. Billy wouldn’t have had to put her back together again. He wouldn’t have to slip drugs into her water multiple times a week just to keep her calm. She wouldn’t be a shell of her former self. They would still be in California. Maeven would still be on the honor roll and not expelled. She wouldn’t have to repeat her Junior Year. 

Would his dad and her mom still have gotten married? Maybe if those guys hadn’t been so rough with her, Jordan would still be alive. Maeven wouldn’t have to live with the extreme guilt he knew haunted her every day. She wouldn’t be crippled by the pain of her injuries. But none of that mattered now, anyway. At least one silver lining came out of that horrible night; it brought Billy and Maeven together again, and closer than they had ever been.

As he approached her bedroom, he could already hear her hushed gasps for air and needy whines. Silently pushing the door open, Billy palmed himself through his sweatpants in anticipation. Just as he had planned, Maeven was already under her comforter, blissfully unaware of her surroundings as she ground her hips against her extra pillow. He loved it when he was right.

. . .

In her mind’s eye, Maeven was back in Hawkins High School, being carried like a freshly hunted animal. Steve was holding her wrists so tightly in his grasp that they hurt. Munson held her ankles together as they both carried her down the hallway. Maeven twisted and struggled her body in protest with all the strength she could gather from within, but their hold never loosened. Walking backward, Steve opened the lever handle on the door to the Janitor’s closet with his elbow. Once they were all inside, the boys let the door slam shut. They were planning on letting it stay that way for a while.

Steve was now holding Maeven’s wrists together with just one hand, sliding the other down her body to grope at her breasts through her sweater. She liked to imagine that Steve had strong hands like Billy’s, but possibly had softer palms than him. Nothing about Steve Harrington was threatening. He was definitely intimidating in terms of his size and muscle mass, but his eyes held a sense of vulnerability and tenderness. He’d never touch a girl in anger, unlike others. She could tell.

“What do you think she’s hiding underneath all those layers, Harrington?” Munson laughed, tugging at Maeven’s long skirt as he continued holding her ankles together.

“Only one way to find out,” Steve slyly replied, pointing to the set of handcuffs weaved through the metalhead’s belt loops. “Gimme those.”

Munson didn’t need to be told twice, immediately dropping Maeven’s ankles and hastily removing his makeshift belt. Seeing an opportunity to fight back, she started clumsily kicking into the air as she tried to catch her balance. Steve then forced her down on her knees onto the cold floor, sending a sharp pain through her legs. He firmly, yet gently, trapped her in his arms, pinning hers to the sides of her torso and not giving her a chance to struggle.

Once Munson successfully removed the cuffs, he playfully swung them around in a circular motion, signaling Steve to bring Maeven over. Her continuing struggle did nothing to draw the boys off course; they were on a mission and nothing could get in their way. Steve picked her up like she weighed nothing, forcing his arms underneath hers to raise them up high. Once they were able to cuff one wrist, Munson through the other end up, looping it over a large pipe above them before cuffing her other wrist.

The cold metal bit at Maeven’s skin, forcing her up so that the tips of her boots were just barely touching the floor. Her raised arms made her sweater ride up her stomach and left her freckle-kissed hips and navel bare to them; a sneak peek of what they were in for. Maeven grunted as she dangled from the ceiling, unable to regain her footing as her face flushed an even darker shade of red if that was even possible. The best she could do to fight this was clench her thighs together.

“There we go. All bound up the way you belong,” Billy’s sultry voice echoed throughout the closet as he emerged from the shadows, sending a shiver down her spine.

. . .

After over a year of knowing someone up close and personally, you tend to pick up on a few things. You start to notice the little things in their behavior that make them who they are. If you pay close enough attention, you notice the physical changes in their body when their mood changes. Whenever Maeven became anxious, her shoulders would tense up as she crossed her arms to hug herself. She would curl into herself and keep her head held low instead of tall and proud the way she used to; these mannerisms had become more common since she was released from that treatment center, to be fair.

Seeing these little changes in her demeanor throughout the day, Billy knew Maeven could benefit from an orgasm or two after a long hard, day; and he wouldn’t mind taking at least one for himself. She had practically been begging for him all day with the way she moved her body as she walked. And she also should’ve known by now that he couldn’t exactly control himself whenever a girl wore fishnets.

Time and time again, she kept proving him to be correct. The drugs Billy slipped into her water bottle may have. . .enhanced Maeven’s libido, but it simply revealed to him what he already knew she kept hidden inside. These days, she was anxious all the time; shaking like a leaf at the smallest things. He was helping her; that’s what he told himself. Eventually, he believed it without question.

Stepping inside Maeven’s bedroom, he shut the door slowly to not wake up Susan or Neil. Leaning his hand on the surface of her desk, he quickly pulled it back at the sharpness piercing his palm. Looking down, Billy recognized the remnants of what he threw away last night; Maeven’s nightlight. It didn’t stay that way, obviously. Damn Maxine. She was too old to still have something like that, anyway. Besides, she didn’t deserve it after defying him last night; those cuts he gave her weren’t enough. He’d deal with it later. This wasn’t what he came for.

Focusing his attention back to the task at hand, Billy tiptoed to Maeven’s bed, spreading his weight out to make sure it wouldn’t creak too loudly. Eyeing her figure under the covers up and down, he gently tugged the comforter to reveal her bare flesh, hot to the touch from her arousal and constant movement. She squeezed the pillow tightly between her legs as she continued to roll her hips, already soaking down the pillowcase and dripping onto the sheets.

Maeven was still in her lucid state, unaware of what was happening in the world outside her dreams. Billy always wondered what sort of dreams she had when she was on the aphrodisiacs. Then again, it didn’t matter. As long as he could take what he needed from her and she was lubed up and submissive enough, he didn’t care what went on in there. Still, Billy wanted to pick her brain; dissect her beautiful, crazed mind, and discover her deepest secrets like an archeologist unearthing a treasure. And each time he slipped another dosage into her water bottle, he came closer and closer to the whole truth.

Positioning himself behind her and pulling her waist into his lap, Billy picked up the pace and guided Maeven to rub her soaking heat away from her wrinkled pillow and against his clothed cock, tenderly massaging her ass. She let out a hushed gasp at the soft sensation of her pillow being replaced with something harder.

. . .

Back inside her head, Maeven shivered in suspense as the boys tore her long skirt off her waist. She stumbled in place as she squeezed her net-covered legs together. Steve came up behind her, one hand squeezing her ass while the other softly danced its fingers along her thigh, attempting to find her ticklish spot and coax her legs open.

“So, what kind of girl hides her legs all day, but wears fishnets?” he laughed in her ear, delivering a sharp slap to her butt, causing her to shriek and flinch away. But Steve held her in place, continuing his torment on the sensitive flesh below her waist.

Munson walked over, helping Steve try and pry her legs open. Maeven let out weak whimpers of protest, quickly turning into whines of desperation when the metalhead forcefully shoved his hand between her thighs. He laughed at the way she somehow got even more hot and bothered by the way he rubbed his ringed fingers against her heatsource covered by the soaked fabric of her panties.

“I knew I saw these, earlier,” he smirked, snapping the fishnet stocking against her thigh before fishing a pocket knife from behind his back.“She’s just a little freak, isn’t she?”

Maeven eyes widened in fear at the sight of the knife, her blood racing as she tried to wriggle from their grasp. Steve shoved his fingers inside her mouth before any more cries could escape.

“You have no idea, Munson,” Billy practically cackled, walking closer to help the boys keep her legs steady as he pulled at the waistband of her black panties before letting it snap.

“C’mon, let’s get these off her. You don’t need them, anyway. Do you, Maeven?” he asked, grabbing her by her cheeks and forcing her to look straight at him.

Swallowing her pride to keep herself safe, Maeven agreed, shaking her head. From the look at that knife, she had no choice. At least she put up a good fight until the end. It was only when she agreed did Steve take away his fingers, causing her to choke and gasp for air as she prepared herself for what was to come.

Munson’s one hand kept her legs steady as he dragged the cold metal across her skin, the mixture of fear and arousal growing as he brought it closer to her heat. He continued to leave her in anticipation, letting her guess when and where he would cut before carefully slicing the net atop her panties. Her heart was beating so fast she felt like it would burst out of her chest as the evidence of her lust dripped onto the blade. This was so wrong. So why did it feel so hot?

Tired of the teasing, Munson slid the knife beneath the drenched fabric, carefully pressing the metal against her wet lips which made her whine and shiver before cutting through the cloth of the crotch and accidentally knicking her thigh.

“Be a good girl and spread your legs, dollface,” Billy purred in her ear, tearing her stockings from her legs with no effort. “I told them what a cute little cunt you have. You don’t wanna disappoint them, do you? So. . .are you gonna be a good girl for us?”

. . .

“Ahhh, fuck, yeah. . .just like that,” Billy moaned out, grabbing Maeven’s hips tighter as she matched his pace on her own. He bit his lip to keep his volume down as his cock twitched beneath his thin sweatpants, reacting to her needy pussy already soaking through her panties.

Whatever was happening in Maeven’s dream must’ve been hot, because the way she was writhing against Billy made him wonder if he was the one dreaming. It didn’t matter how many times they had fucked beforehand; every new time was better than the last. Her body always left him crawling back and wanting her again and again. 

There were many good things about this girl, but Billy still couldn’t figure out what it was. Maybe she really was a witch who lured guys to her bed, and he was just really lucky that she decided he was worth keeping. Even when she called it off, she didn’t mean it. He knew that she didn’t. Did she? His memory was fuzzy. Regardless, Billy got what he wanted, what he craved, needed; Maeven by his side. Maeven Mayfield was much more addictive than any cigarette, drink or drug Billy Hargrove could ever find and he never wanted to sober up.

Tired of teasing both her and himself, he roughly tugged her hips to meet his, always mesmerized how her needy little pussy swallowed his fingers. She now lay flat on her mattress, her back arched as she buried her face in the pillow she was previously writhing against, too powerless to stop his love-drunk-disguised assault.

. . .

Maeven said nothing as Billy held her face tightly in his hand, the adrenaline in her body and the intense anticipation causing her eyes to water. She silently nodded with a look in her eyes that told Billy, “I’ll be Good.”

Steve wasted no time using his now saliva-soaked fingers to test the waters, experimentally massaging the lips of her pussy perfectly framed by soft ginger fuzz. Maeven imagined that he’d take his time warming up a girl, passionate and gentle like he was; taking his time to learn about his partner’s body instead of just diving head-first into the deep end like other guys.

“Nancy’s one lucky girl. . .” Maeven’s inner voice echoing inside her head.

“Holy. . .shit. . .” Steve quietly exclaimed, pleasantly surprised that she did his job for him. She didn’t need any warming up

Munson roughly nudged Harrington to the sidelines like an excited kid cutting the line to get the first pick of the candy bowl on Halloween, aggressively spreading Maeven’s legs. He hooked her left one back to wrap around his hips. She was definitely more flexible than she appeared. Munson snaked his hand around her and cruelly trailed from her navel down to her pelvis, eager to finally discover her nooks and crannies.

“What the fuck? She’s already soaking wet!” he laughed in disbelief.

Maeven shrieked again at the contrast from the cold metal of his rings against her painfully desperate pussy. She could see Munson being a generous lover; something about his abundant amount of energy allowed her to picture him reducing a girl, or maybe another guy, to tears with his aggressive tongue and hands.

“Yeah, that’s the thing about little Maeven, here; she’s always turned on,” Billy growled in her ear, watching eagerly as the bound girl’s whines and moans became more frequent. He could watch her fall apart forever. Munson kept relentlessly thrusting his fingers in and out of Maeven’s aching heat-source as he teased her clit with his other hand. 

“Always waiting for her pussy to be filled like the greedy little whore she is,” Billy finished.

. . .

Maeven could feel herself getting closer and closer to the edge of ecstasy when her heart suddenly dropped into her stomach. The mystery presence she usually seeked comfort in had twisted into something sinister that aggressively trapped her body in it’s invisible grip, crushing her underneath it’s weight. It felt so familiar, but also so. . .foreign. 

This wasn’t right.

What was this feeling? Why did Maeven recognize it? What was happening to her body? Why couldn’t she stop herself? Why couldn’t she move anymore?

The heavy breathing and moans against the back of her neck accompanied with the hot weight on top of her was enough to bring her somewhat out of her haze. If it were possible for her heart to drop any deeper, it would’ve, because she knew that musky scent.

“Billy?” she gasped out, her heart immediately starting to race so fast it hurt.

“Shhh, babydoll. ‘Gotta be quiet, remember?” He said it as if it was the most casual situation in the world. What the hell was happening?

“What’re you doing. . .aah!” Maeven choked on a silent scream as Billy wrapped his bicep around her neck to shut her up, cutting off both her voice and her air before he slipped his fingers inside her quivering cunt.

“Just be still and keep your mouth, Maeven. Be a good girl and let me take care of you,” he whispered, biting her earlobe following his last words as he removed his bicep from around her throat and kneeled straight up. Once Maeven briefly celebrated with a long inhale of air, she then involuntarily clenched her pussy around Billy’s thick fingers as he violently massaged her moist walls and prepared her for what would come next. Drawing them from her core, he delivered a sharp slap against her aching pussy before lining himself up.

Why couldn’t she move? Why was she so wet? Had it really come down to this; her own body betraying her?

Her mind became even more fuzzy from the lack of air, the veil between the fantasy inside her head and the world outside it where she was supposed to be sleeping had blended until she couldn’t tell which was which, anymore. And when something so passionately aggressive was shoved deep inside her without warning, Maeven couldn’t even comprehend the difference between unbearable pain and mind-numbing pleasure. She had cried from both before, but the tears falling from her now was something entirely new, and she didn’t like it.

“Fuuuuck, you feel so good. . .” Billy shamelessly moaned out, ramming all of himself into Maeven, from the tip to the base in one thrust. Pressing his chest against her back as her buried his face in her hair and inhaled her scent like his life depended on it, Billy’s sharp thrusts continued. He never wanted to let her go. He couldn’t let her leave him like his Mother did. Maeven was the only ray of light he had left.

“Billy, please wait,” she sobbed out, finally regaining control of her limbs as she attempted to fight her way out from under him. “Let’s just-”

“Shh, we’re just having a little fun. That’s all. We’ll go nice and slow, okay?” he promised, his thrusts then turning harder and quicker as he succumbed to how heavenly Maeven felt around him.

“You don’t want me to reopen that cut, do you, dollface?” Billy took his bicep off from around her throat and trailed his fingers down beneath her to pinch her swollen clit. His other hand traced along the bandaged cuts along her arms and chest; his fresh handiwork from the night before. 

The sudden harsh rubs on her clit forced Maeven’s back to arch, giving Billy the perfect opportunity to grab her hair. She stopped breathing and her world stood still as she realized how close he was bringing her to the edge. Maeven panicked. She didn’t want to cum. Not like this, at least. It was fine when it was only her and the vivid scenes she around played with in her head. But she didn’t ask for this. Billy’s pace picked up and Maeven could tell he was close by the way he was growling; desperately hungry for release. 

Images of the night her life was ruined then intruded her mind; the party and the woods, and what they did to her. How betrayed she felt. How much the knife carving into her flesh hurt. The knife in her hands and how monstrous and free it made her feel. Her blood-drenched, naked body shining underneath the glow of the winter moon.

Maeven squeezed her eyes shut and tried to will all these bad feelings away, attempting to ground herself by focusing on how nice the cold autumn wind felt in contrast to how heated her cheeks were. She wanted to go back to that fantasy. She was safe in there, so that’s where she went.

Billy chuckled to himself as Maeven drifted away once again, knowing that by the next morning, she wouldn’t remember a thing.

. . .

Stay Wild and Safe, my dears!

A/N: ♫♫ I'm sorry I was gone, but look, I made you some content!♫♫

♫ Mommy made you your favorite! Open Wide!♫

♫♫ Here comes the content!♫♫

♫It's a beautiful day to stay inside!♫

Also, Happy Birthday to Me!! I turned 23 on the Solstice! Working my full-time retail job has left me burnt out without any time or energy to create, and my huge family is going through some hardships right now. I'm grateful that I was able to get family leave and it's going to last until February! Hopefully, that'll give me time to rest and put my life together while my family and I heal.

It felt really weird but somehow fitting that I finished this chapter on my last day being 22. Despite the Angst and Heartbreak this held, I really hope you enjoyed this one. I ran into a few roadblocks trying to get it just right. It's my longest one yet. A lot of you wanted some lore dumps and I hope I delivered well. As always, please let me know your thoughts and theories; they really help motivate me.

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